This Classic Toast post originally ran on April 23, 2015.
(Costumes notwithstanding)
- That scene where the unpredictable king or mob boss looks really angry at whatever the brash young protagonist has just said and everyone’s super nervous because whatever this guy’s response will be is what will set the tone for the remainder of the scene and he could kill our audacious young protagonist except we’re only like twenty minutes in so instead after a really long beat he smiles and starts laughing unexpectedly, because he’s surrounded by so many desperate yes-men that he’s relieved to hear from someone who’s willing to give him a little shit, and you’re like hell yes this collaboration is going to be awesome, until it goes sour in the penultimate installment/final forty minutes of the movie
- That scene where someone demonstrates a technology or way of doing things that is now totally integral to how we live our lives and a bunch of people wave their arms around and say things like “THIS WILL NEVER CATCH ON, THIS IS THE MOST PASSING OF FADS, LOOK IT HAS ALREADY PASSED” but at least one guy, who is already pretty progressive and has probably said something anachronistically positive about women or gay people (not that NO one said nice things about women or gay people in the past but you know what I mean), gets this look in his eye as if to say my friends in the future will be super into this, whatever it is, and you feel smart for recognizing what they’re talking about even though it doesn’t mean you’re smart at all
- That scene where people are doing a fancy dance, like with steps, and someone swings around and all of a sudden they’re dancing with the main girl and they have to have a conversation that’s totally incongruous with the tone of the party, so things are super whispered and tense but she has to keep smiling and doing the little claps and dips or whatever kind of dance they’re doing because in whatever time this is they can cut your head off for ruining a dance
- Also when people are whispering on boats
- When the protagonist basically invents social mobility and you’re like YEAH and everyone in the past is like THIS IS COMPLETELY AT ODDS WITH ALL OF OUR WORLDVIEWS BUT OKAY YA SCRAPPER
- When there’s a scene in a church that’s mostly just a bunch of old stone and there’s always an invisible choir singing that kind of music that’s just “EEH OOOH AYYY OOOH EEH AAAYY DAYYY TUUU” and they only have EVIL conversations about POWER in the church and then they dip their hands in the holy water to cross themselves or whatever to really highlight how corrupt this era is
- When a lady is playing a piano and someone is just straight-up staring at her like “oh my GOD this woman is playing the PIANO I wish I could use my dick to send her money and treasures but I CAN’T because it’s bound by layers of convention and also BREECHES”
- That’s all I can think of for now
A Knight’s Tale both embodies this entire list AND is being pulled from Netflix next month, just fyi
A Knight’s Tale was ON NETFLIX, and I DIDN’T KNOW?????
Be right back, clearing my schedule to get in some quality Health Ledger/Paul Bettany time (Alan Tudyk’s accent gets a nod too).
Happy to be of assistance.
A Knight’s Tale was the first thing I ever saw Alan Tudyk in and I had no idea he wasn’t British. And I AM British. So respectful fistbump to Alan Tudyk’s accent.
Plus there is nothing sexier than Heath Ledger dancing to Golden Years. *sigh*
I’m British too and thought Alan Tudyk was British! I watched other films where he plays Americans and was impressed by his *American accent* and then watched ‘Death at a Funeral’ and thought he seemed so much more natural with his *original accent* and looked up where he was from in England and was like WTF? Texas is not in England!
I’m so glad he’s got the British seal of approval, because I was convinced he was British until I watched Firefly! I have to say, I was kind of let down…he sounds a bit geekier with an American accent (not bad neccessarily, just different)
I think his Firefly accent is also not his real accent — who knows, he’s an excellent chameleon! Fist-bump to him indeed.
Oh, Heath Ledger. My once and only celebrity dream crush.
best medieval court dance/David Bowie mashup OF ALL TIME
According to the DVD commentary (which is the best way to watch this movie and a thing I do at least once a year, as Brian Helgeland and Paul Bettany are charming and funny), David Bowie himself gave them permission to alter the first couple of chords of Golden Years to weave it into the soundtrack.
Is there any way this comments section could now just turn into a OH MY GOD DAVID BOWIE conversation? Because I feel like there MUST be some Toastie DB love. And also because I want all conversations to be about how awesome David Bowie is.
That movie has the best “Holy shit THAT GUY?!” cast.
they only have EVIL conversations about POWER in the church and then they dip their hands in the holy water to cross themselves
are you saying that’s not what you’re supposed to do at church? crap
also I COULD BE wrong, but I am pretty sure Andrew Davies, who adapted the screenplay for the Firth/Ehle Pride & Prejudice, wrote “total dickfest” somewhere in the stage directions for that pianoforte scene at Pemberley
Also, in the scene that follows, where Darcy is wandering about Pemberly putting out candles and thinking of Elizabeth, either the stage directions said “totally going to bed to masturbate about this.” or Firth just added that himself.
I mean, the phallic imagery was just there, all waxen and stuff.
This is everything. Also, they clearly take direction well because that scene was definitely a total dickfest.
Also I thought that at the scene where he’s just getting out the lake and meets her while all disheveled — that Davies specified that Darcy has an erection? And so I watch his discomfort more closely know, though I can’t work out if Elizabeth/Ehle *knows* or not.
I read her as totally unaware – he thinks she looks delightfully mussed, she thinks he thinks she looks like a disaster, he thinks she KNOWS he has an erection.
Then when Caroline Bingley is like “Hey, tots walk around with me, let’s see if he has a crush on YOU.”, Darcy thinks they are being both “haha, here is how to seduce the Darcy yes.” and also “OMG, we look so AMAZING, let’s just parade how pretty Elizabeth is all over.”
Later on, there’s the pianoforte scene, she’s like “Hey you should be less of a dick, you could totally practice not being a dick the way I practice pianoing.” and he interprets it as “elaborate dick metaphor, if you don’t propose soon I’ma fuck your cousin.”
So when he proposes and she’s like “WHAT.”, it is THE WORST for him, because he realizes how ridiculously self-centered he’s been.
I was thinking of the scene where he’s getting out the lake at Pemberley, b/c I think it would be more obvious there (he’s not wearing a coat, his clothes are wet). But maybe I’m mixing that up with the scene where she’s arrived on foot to visit Jane. Both would work — his expression is so pained/thirsty in both.
Excellent analysis of the dick metaphors and how Darcy’s self-centred lust leads to his first proposal. Really A+, I 100% agree.
When he gets out of the lake, HE looks delightfully mussed, and SHE gets a ladyboner, and then he thinks she thinks he looks like crap. Excellent referencing, scriptwriter! Please do more soaking wet Colin Firth callbacks!
Also thanks!
We do the holy water thing while our minions cold-bloodedly murder our rivals remember?
Don’t forget Sex Without Sex
Oh Ben Whishaw. I just…
Oh, Ben Whishaw.
I understand your very sentiment.
oh my ben wishaw
He’s in Suffragette, so we’ll get to see him some more in period costume. And Lilting is on Netflix, just fyi.
I prefer his Q look, but I’m a straight guy, I’m not gonna split hairs with you. Nice looking kid. (Hey, I like mods and Graham Coxon)
I’m a sucker for his look as Freddie in The Hour or Q–basically, that magnificent fluffy hair with minimal facial hair (maybe a little scruff).
Right on.
This will forever be my favorite romantic period movie.
(Until I, or someone else, turn my Elizabeth Bennett/ Emma Woodhouse alt-universe love story where they’re each other’s Mr Darcy/ Mr Knightley into a film.)
I am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
“EHHH-HEH-HEEEEEEEH-HEEEEEVVVVVVSSSS” –Lord Byron
Best Sex Without Sex scene ever: Daniel Day-Lewis and Michelle Pfeiffer in The Age of Innocence, alone together in a carriage. He takes off one glove, unbuttons her glove, and kisses the inside of her now bared wrist. They move on to some heavy kissing, but it’s a disappointment, after the excruciating intensity of the glove action.
It is possible I may start sobbing opening at work simply from seeing this picture.
BBC P&P forever!
Ok but, are there parts of the Knightley version you like better or is it 100% the BBC version? I mean, I’m not saying I’ve had (mutliple, repeated) discussions about which pieces/characters of which I like better. ALSO maybe sometimes I like pieces/parts of some better than the book. But I mean, which pieces and parts I prefer also depends on my mood because they all do different things, right?
So…yeah…not like I’ve EVER done that.
I am allll about the BBC version, but the scene I loooove in the Knightley version is the first proposal scene where it’s all fast talking and raining and right at the end he totally looks like he’s just going to throw caution to the wind and kiss her and she totally wants him to and then he doesn’t and leaves and she’s all, shit, what just happened. Um. It’s possible I have rewound and watched that scene a few too many times. Also, I have a deep love for Keira Knightley. Perhaps BECAUSE of her jaw-acting.
I also kind of appreciate that they had Charlotte wig out and tell Elizabeth exactly why she’s marrying Mr Collins, but something like that would never have worked in the BBC version. I feel like they dumbed-down the story a little, but that one change I don’t mind. But I DO ABSOLUTELY HATE the North American ending (I heard they cut it from the UK release because the test audience laughed uproariously at it?) where they’re making out at Pemberley and talking pet names. And the crossing the moor all shirt open at dawn is ridiculous as well. I love the part where Colin Firth is all properly dressed and top-hatted when he proposes a second time and you can tell he wants to fling the hat in the air and sweep her off her feet but he is all RESTRAINED and BRITISH but JOYFUL.
So I guess what I’m saying is that the BBC wins overall, but I do love the Knightley version as well.
The Knightley version is the version close to my heart that I have watched an infinite number of times, and I’ve only seen the BBC version once. Most of the time, in these discussions, I concede to the BBC version fans, because I figure I am biased towards the one I have seen most often, and because many of the pro-BBC arguments are ones that I know I should logically support.
But that proposal scene in the rain is AMAZING and I will defend it til my dying breath.
I *may* have the twinkle in Colin Firth’s eyes in that scene indelibly imprinted upon my soul. And I’m a straight guy.
I have it well-timed so that I’m usually pretty buzzed by the time I get to “The Rain Scene.” This means I’m usually yelling “OH MY GOD JUST DO IT. RIGHT THERE.” and texting “OMG the rain scene!!!!” to my friend who maybe hasn’t heard from me in days but she doesn’t need anymore context than that.
i acquired the movie through illegal means, and I had no idea that ending even existed. Loooooooord it makes me SO UNCOMFORTABLE. Blech.
But I will forever stan for the movie over the BbC mini series for many reasons, one of them being Mrs Bennet in the series sounds like one of the old ladies in Monty Python sketches and I can’t stay in the scene because of it. And it’s so…..Fussy. I think it was someone on her who said that the movie is a Brontefied Austen, which might be why I like it more.
“Sir, you forget your place!”
What about the conversation or fashion that seems really anachronistic and then you look it up and a similar one really happened in a real life event in the same era? I like that.
I also like when the love interests first meet each other in a really beautifully shot scene and one of them makes a terrible first impression on the other because of something. See North and South, perfect example, utterly wonderful.
MR. THORTONNNNNNNN
I am at my straightest when watching romantic period drama.
The rest of the time I’m queer as hell. It’s like they press the ‘heterosexual’ button.
Anachronism over-diagnosis! I had that with the Rupert Everett version of An Ideal Husband — Mrs Cheveley says ‘thanks’ at one point and I was like ‘no way, this is the 1890s people!’ but it’s in the original play so I guess I was wrong.
Also if you read too much Tudor history, it’s very noticeable when watching ‘The Tudors’ when they dip into quoted language, as they do quite frequently.
When we did square dancing in 7th grade gym class (ground zero of PERIOD DRAMAS fyi, also historic because I am quite old), I had MANY heated (actually more like sweaty), arch, and wittily double entendred exchanges that both clarified and complicated dramatic action yet to come.
Someone write me a 7th-grade period drama right now!
Don’t make me spit my wine.
I would even accept an already-written period drama retold in a junior-high setting. So just like Clueless, but different in significant ways.
Square dancing! My grandparents did this and I want to learn to do this and want it to become a THING!
I attended seven different schools from kindergarten through high school, and EVERY SINGLE ONE taught square dancing in gym class in November and December. Right after the assembly on the last day before winter break, the whole school (teachers included) would all join in for one enormous square dance, with music piped in over the PA.
More material for your period drama.
Contra dancing is already a Thing and will fill the gaping hole in your life that can only be filled by a form of dancing which offers brief, highly regimented opportunities for conversation with your partner/random other people in the room.
To be fair, I hear that Modern Western Square Dancing is also a Thing, but it doesn’t sound like a very fun one to me. More emphasis on knowing what you’re doing, less emphasis on just showing up and dancing.
Mysteries of Lisbon for anybody who likes 4.5 hrs of Portuguese murdery + glittery melodrama!
YEEESSSSS!!!
Thank goodness somebody was finally like: “We’re just gonna make this movie as long as we feel like it should be, conventions be damned!”
Coulda used a formal intermission, though, Spartacus-style. Actually a lot of movies would benefit from that.
Intermissions are whatever. I saw it in the theater and did not take a SINGLE bathroom break. It’s probably my greatest accomplishment to date.
Oh also, me and the person I went with were the only ones who made it through the entire screening. The only other person there fell asleep after a while and left maybe 2 hrs in.
Also Gran Hotel, for the same thing, but in Spain.
Mysteries of Lisbon is PERFECTION. Thank you for mentioning it.
Plotting while dancing = in every period drama ever, including Wishbone’s version of Pride and Prejudice
Speaking of period dramas, I saw the new Far From the Madding Crowd last night. It is perfect and everyone needs to see it. Carey Mulligan is a dang treasure, Michael Sheen is incredible, and Matthias Schoenaerts is my new favorite. I’m still swooning a little bit over the whole thing, not going to lie. (Also, hopefully you see it with a theater full of people who have definitely not read the book, because everybody freaked out a bunch of times and it was super fun.)
Also, the picture on this article means I have to watch Belle today, even though I watched it like two weeks ago. I can’t help it, it’s my favorite.
“But, but, you’re …”
“WHAT.”
“Illegitimate!”
I love Belle so much.
Wait wait wait I forgot that that was happening and that Carey Mulligan was in it aaahhhh I need to see it
TELL ME does the sheep/cliff scene still exist?
Ah, Gabriel Oaks, the only Hardy protagonist I will ever love <3
ETA: MALE protagonist.
Eustacia Vye, I will take you away from the heath to Paris, where you will live happily ever after!
That scene is in the movie still (and I had to look away, because it’s so damn sad!). And yeah, Gabriel Oaks is amazing. He’s always there for her without being a creepy Nice Guy about it. He’s so wonderful! Plus, he looks like this in the movie, which is a definite bonus:
https://s.yimg.com/cd/resizer/2.0/FIT_TO_WIDTH-w5…
OH GOD I’d forgotten that. My parents let me watch the Julie Christie / Alan Bates version when I was FAR too young for it (because CLASSICS MUST BE EDUCATIONAL) and I am still scarred by the coffin scene. I’d forgotten that I was also scarred by the sheep/cliff scene.
OMG I am so excited! Had never even imagined this on film, and cannot wait. Thank you for the mini-review!
I’m fond of the whist or bridge games with at least one person who can’t play but they had to ask because no one else would make the 4th.
Also in watching a certain sub genre of costume dramas with my daughter, I realized there’s an awful lot of long walks through the countryside for ruminating or getting yourself sick during. It’s led my daughter to believe that that is all there was to do before TV.
How else is a lady supposed to get a dramatic illness that causes her to mature and her admirer to declare himself if she doesn’t go for a long walk and get caught in the rain?
Before ‘engagement chicken’ was invented, we had to rely on pneumonia.
I was always confused about getting caught in the rain automatically leading to dramatic fever. Because I get caught in the rain sometimes, and I just get all wet. I must be doing it wrong.
The dudes-only version of Heated Dance Conversation: Heated Fencing Conversation
I SHALL CONQUER THIS
EXACTLY WHAT I WAS THINKING.
Using a manly physical activity to deal with your broody manfeelings is an Andrew Davies’ hallmark. See also: Dan Stevens as Edward Ferrars chopping wood while trying to decide if he should tell Elinor about Lucy Steele.
I’m trying & failing to think of the ladies-only version??? Intense instrument-playing? A progressively more argumentative stroll in the garden? Maybe tending to an acquaintance during childbirth and when the midwife ushers you out of the room you plot and scheme over the pots of boiling water?
“Shall we take a turn about the room?” – Miss Bingley to Elizabeth Bennet
Fairly certain the ladies-only version is that West Wing-esque “walk and whisper over whatever bonnets or things we’re carrying, even though everyone can probably hear us right now, but let’s definitely talk about which man is eligible and how awful our poor relation’s skirts are.”
Embroidery? Though that’s not exactly active.
Isn’t there usually some scene where a lady plots with her sympathetic and/or devious lady’s maid while the latter is shoehorning the former into some sort of ridiculously uncomfortable period undergarments?
Oh. Oh yes.
See Charles II: The Power and the Passion, episode 2 where Charles and Buckingham fence. The music is perfect.
You all can keep the lake scene, THIS is the P&P scene I rewind over and over.
See also: Coming to America! (totally period at this point, right?)
I rewatched it recently and had forgotten how hot/great that scene is of Eddie Murphy and Arsenio Hall shirtless and stick-fighting while they argue whether a wife should just be hot or have a mind of her own.
“Come again!”
Wait…..
Mr. Collins in 1995 P&P is the perfect “this guy doesn’t know how to play whist but we have to ask him anyway” example. “Hearts, Mr. Collins! Hearts!”
Ugh, meant to be a reply to latenac above.
After the unpredictable king or mob boss is done laughing he says, “I admire your audacity, young squire!”
This is pretty much happening all the time in the BBC Wolf Hall right now – except that Mark Rylance is older than Damian Lewis.
Every single time I scroll past this comment, I read it as “young squirrel.” I thought you should know.
BREECHES
Best part: figuring out which other period dramas small supporting characters were in, as they all seemingly use the same small pool of British actors.
And then period dramas do fun callbacks, like when Fanny and Edmund from the 1980s Mansfield Park are cast as an older couple in Amazing Grace.
Spot The Who/Potter/Downton Actor is one of my favo(u)rite games to play when watching period drama! I was staying with my parents not long ago and caught *two* *separate* episodes of some kind of Roaring Twenties-set mystery drama where Peter Davison had the main guest role. (And no, it wasn’t “Campion”.)
Old Who can really get fun because you see someone being VERY English to Jon Pertwee but they had a minor American role in a movie. eg. the cook Patton scolds in “Patton” “Leggings?! I’m a cook!”
But yeah, at any given time the British talent pool is so incestuous it’s like bands in Athens.
My favorite part of watching the Emma Thompson Sense and Sensibility for the first time was when Emma Thompson told Hugh Laurie, “My sister needs a doctor!”
Alas, no anime-style transformation sequence of Mr. Palmer into Dr. House was forthcoming.
There was a period of time when Poirot and Marple were running simultaneously, probably getting on for a decade ago, where basically ALL the actors from one episode of Poirot would turn up in an episode of Marple. It is VERY disconcerting.
The best example I can think of is Five Little Pigs (Poirot, the actual best Poirot episode ever) and Murder at the Vicarage (Marple).
Alan Rickman’s Colonel Brandon makes my favorite “OMG THE PIANO HNNNGH I NEED LOOSER PANTALOONS” face.
A butler is more proper and snobby than the noble he works for.
A dowager is arch.
A young lady scandalously RUNS in PUBLIC, possibly while slightly hoisting her skirts and petticoats up by several inches.
A servant connives.
A beautifully dressed child is paraded around by nanny, then led away without ever speaking a word.
I’m pretty into the last one to apply in modern times.
Every day I pray for silent children.
The answer is always “NO”.
I think it was in Persuasion when the girl runs out of the house without her bonnet and I was just so annoyed. She wouldn’t have done so any more than you or I would run out in only a brassiere.
Was it Persuasion which had Anne and Frederick kissing in the street?
Yeah, right. What they really did was walk sedately up that street with their hats on, arm in arm, with “a most obliging compliance for public view; and smiles reined in and spirits dancing in private rapture.”
Now that’s period romance.
You’ve basically just described Downton Abbey.
Once in my life I’d like to say “I’m gasping for a fag!” But I’m an American and stopped smoking. At least I can say “I’m hot from running now!”
Basically I’m saying I want to be Richard E. Grant, whether as butler or not.
(except in “Henry & June”, he’s the character I identified with. I wasn’t gonna be no Henry Miller, I knew that early on.) (that movie terrifies me as much as “The Last Seduction”)
In fairness, the butler has much more to prove than his employer, and much more to lose if he fails to adequately enforce the social hierarchy. Rich people can slum as much as they like.
From the latest episode of Poldark-
The wild animal has been turned into a pet and robbed of it’s wildness by society, and is now lost and useless.
“at least one guy, who is already pretty progressive” He’s probably played by David Strathairn.
The mob boss in P&P is Lady Catherine de Bourgh. She is a very conscientious gangster, “shelves in the closet, happy thought indeed”
I just watched the first episode of Wolf Hall and almost everything above is in there except for the piano playing. I really don’t get all the fuss about Wolf Hall based on the first episode alone. Anyone care to explain it to me (not the plot, the appeal)?
I HATE to be that person, but you need to keep watching. Episode 1 is all set-up, and so is a fair amount of Episode 2. If you get to the end of Episode 3 and you still don’t like it, then go ahead and stop.
It’s all about the acting. Tiny, tiny things in a number of cases (ALWAYS keep an eye on Mark Gatiss, he’s freaking hilarious even when he doesn’t have a line). Mark Rylance amazes me – what he can do with a supposedly expressionless face, and the way he grows into authority and becomes actively scary, over the course of the series, almost without raising his voice. And you haven’t seen Damian Lewis’s Henry VIII yet. As for the supporting cast … the actors playing Anne Boleyn, Thomas More, Lady Rochfold, Johane (Cromwell’s sister-in-law), and on and on just show so much depth on the bench.
The pace seems slow until you realize just how much has happened. By the end I was gasping for breath. Plus crying (and I don’t really cry much at these things).
Anne Boleyn’s angry dance with her uncle in episode 3 (I think?) is a perfect example of no. 3 on this list.
It was funny. I keep comparing the actress to Natalie Dormer, though, and compared to Dormer she just…isn’t Dormer. She often comes off as cranky, but without a lot of depth? I don’t know, is it me?
I’m watching because I loved the books more than anything else I remember reading ever, so in the way these things always work, the show is a bit of a let down, but still great. Apparently they refused to shoot with modern lighting, used only candles, but their candle budget was like, enormous. I have to respect that verisimilitude even when it swallows the details in moody darkness. I also cried at Episode 1, when Cromwell’s family (Spoiler!) died.
When people wear clothes, I mean isn’t that basically the whole point?
Younger women are always shadowed by older women, whose job it is to step in and rein back the younger woman before she attempts to do something scandalously ordinary by modern standards. “Certainly not!” the older woman recites. “A proper lady does not [speak to a gentleman, play cards, smoke a pipe, speak to one’s betters, ride a bicycle, study engineering, speak to one’s social inferiors, remove one’s hat, question the authority of the Church, touch unfamiliar pangolins, speak to anyone at all ever]. What you need is another corset around your head.”
Once the younger woman’s spirit has been thoroughly crushed, she becomes an apprentice older woman and is assigned to an even younger woman, thus the circle of life continues. If not for the constant vigilance of older women, younger women would spontaneously explode into vociferous freewheeling libertines at the merest hint of anachronism. One time an older woman slept in by accident, and by the time she woke, the younger woman had already built a jetpack powered by casual sex and was never seen again.
So – Maggie Smith and Helena Bonham-Carter in A Room With a View. Except the movie gives Smith’s character much more agency than the book – in which the loss of vigilance is a “muddle” rather than deliberate.
And they didn’t find a way to work in my favorite lines from the book: “Miss Bartlett was unequal to the bath. All her barbed civilities came forth wrong end first.”
I KNOW!
Also, at the end – it’s Mr. Emerson’s kiss, in place of the absent George’s, that gives Lucy strength. But did Merchant/Ivory put it in the movie? They did not. I agree the visual might have been disturbing, but damn, filmmakers, that was important. You could have figured it out.
But what about touching familiar pangolins? Is that permissable?
Once you have been properly introduced, yes. Foreclaws only, of course. And solely in the presence of chaperones.
(An older woman and an older pangolin both sit staring at you in silent judgment.)
This conversation reminds me that the book Tooth and Claw exists (a fantasy solely about dragons, where their society and morals are very similar to Victorian society. all about class and gender oppression, and if a female dragon even brushes against a male non-family member, she “blushes” and changes color permanently, which means her reputation can be ruined if not married).
Jeez, if freaking DRAGONS are not immune to stultifying sexual inhibitions, what chance do the rest of us have?!
Tooth and Claw was great. Jo Walton is great.
“Unfamiliar Pangolins” is now my latest imaginary band name.
Our first album will be called “Corset Around Your Head.”
With “Casual Sex Jetpack” as the stirring finale.
I love how in period dramas, there is always a cat-eyed demon crouching in darkness behind the main characters.
WHAT IS THAT
The blood-eyed cat of security, and his manservant whore Dazzler.
Yeah okay but are we seriously just ignoring the fact that there is a demon in that picture??! Like, “Oh hi here we are at the opera or whatever, in our giant cake dresses as usual, and oh darling have I mentioned that is a lovely SATANIC FAMILIAR you have with you, I can tell you can’t hear me right now because you are in psychic communion with Baphomet, but I simply had to tell you that I just adore your shadow-spawned hellbeast.”
I mean that’s not just my screen playing tricks is it? It’s not just me?! Are we not supposed to talk about it, for some reason? What happens if it sees us noticing it? WHAT HAPPENS IF IT NOTICES US
I have a feeling Christopher Kimball knows a good deal about such eldritch things.
it sees us
dont look
so cold
There’s always that gratuitous scene out in the street (or maybe in a brothel) showing just how gross the past was, especially for poor people. Everyone is filthy and covered in sores and they’re picking the rats out of their fish-head gruel and the women are just leaving a trail of malnourished babies everywhere they go.
Later, some rich person delicately coughs his or her lungs into a silk hanky.
Mother’s Ruin and “Dennis, there’s some lovely filth over here!”
Far back enough and the rich people arrrrre really gross too. I look like a greasy bastard after like a day and a half of not bathing. I wasn’t made for those times.
Buildings loom threateningly and precariously inward over narrow, urchin-filled streets, and everyone who passes the camera leers out of the darkness.
How about the fact that everyone is all covered up everywhere except boobs which always look like a nipple is about to come out, especially when our heroine is passionately declaiming something, and how the men are the ones in tight stuff and they’re often shown washing or doing something else in a wet white shirt? That’s nice, because there’s fancy clothing but it stays interesting by hinting that you might see something.
Also the hair, everyone has great elaborate hair dealies. in a contemporary set movie all the ladies will basically be in long hair worn down. But up to 1910 you get all kinds of braids, wigs, braided wigs, etc. I love that stuff, and then the long hair only shows up when it’s nighttime.
Also sleepovers- there’s always a sleepover scene where two ladies get together and whisper in bed and feel SO Daring for being like, “did you talk to so and so? OMG” its very middle school with fancy language.
You just described my three favorite parts of costume dramas. I always love the “brushing long hair at night” scenes and the “giggly sleepovers in ankle-length nightgowns” scenes. Those were also my fav scenes in the Little House on the Prairie TV show so I’m nothing if not consistent, I guess.
I love Deadwood, but I can’t help but notice that in the pilot the Gem girls are all wearing fairly standard pioneer-woman garb, only probably looser than usual for ease of removal, and then some HBO executive must have said “That’s not sexy enough” because in all subsequent episodes everyone but Trixie and Jewel walks around in as little as possible.
For point two about technology: (Mitchell and Webb sketch) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oa_hiLXLbTc
You can continue posting Mitchell and Webb links if I have anything to say about it.
I was watching that TV show Copper, and it made me realize that 100% my favorite characters in period dramas are wealthy, dissaggefted noblemen who also have their hearts in exactly the right places and then the main character is like, “oh but we’ll never be able to do this,” and then the nobleman is like, “we’ll think of something” and then he uses his vast wealth which is otherwise meaningless to him for good.
And people think Batman doesn’t make sense.
Oh, also: hell of swordfights.
the only thing I like more than swordfights in a period drama is when swordfights occur anachronistically in a contemporary drama.
The bit where no one understands the hero with the floppy dark hair and they think he did something bad but really he didn’t or he thinks his girlfriend doesn’t love him but really she does and he gets on his horse and GALLOPS OFF SUPER FAST, like maybe he will fall off and he does not even care, that’s how emo he is, and the horse is really pretty.
(“Sir, where are you going?” “TO THE DEVIL.”)
Horses as extensions of emotions, generally.
This allegedly happened in real life to a married couple who hated each other, when they were taking a carriage ride together.
He: Suddenly starts to drive horses into the lake.
She: Where are you going?
He: To HELL, madam.
She: Drive on. Anything is better than Arlington.
I got hella lost trying to drive back to Arlington late at night. I’ll take her word on it.
I was playing this song over and over, the night was hot and black https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GWsdqCYvgw
“Horses as extensions of emotions, generally. ”
Or tauntauns.
See you in HELL!
(Han Solo’s not a scoundrel….he’s a RAKE. TAMED BY THE PRINCESS) (It wasn’t until Christmas Day 1994 with a shit-helling [Ortberg] sinus infection and I’m 19 watching the old VHS Star Wars box my dad had just given me and I realize “Oh shit, Empire is a beautiful love story”) (It had been the one without a space battle) (see: Sulagna’s articles about Life Between Wartimes)
Let’s not forget Scenes of Excruciating Sexual Tension brought on by intense eye-fucking and the merest whiff of physical contact.
See: every interpretation of Pride & Prejudice to date
https://www.youtube.com/SOerFYfdMTY
The Pirates Of The Caribbean movies taught me that Keira Knightley has FANTASTIC legs. That type of woman who seems slight at first if she’s covered up but there’s more than appearances suggest. She looks good in male drag too.
Also, I’ve found that touching or being touched on the upper arm is underrated but still subtle. “Hi, I wish to convey some casual LONGING.” http://grooveshark.com/s/I+Want+To+Touch+You/17DG…
Kiera Knightley is just gorgeous and fantastic, full stop. She is definitely one of the reasons I can’t consider myself 100% straight. Her melt-into-me brown eyes during the P&P scene where he first proposed? GUH.
She is, she is. My conscious mind just doesn’t think I’m drawn to slender women…but it can happen anyway (my sister can point out my real tastes better than I can).
I’m still mourning Kate Beckinsale turning in her Englishness. “Cold Comfort Farm” was the bomb. (the Diet Coke commercial, that was the line and where it was crossed)
Everyone looks good in male drag and it needs to be done more frequently.
Okay, fine, I’ll be the dude to say it since I know most of us are likely thinking it.
The displayed décolletage.
*faints dead away*
I was playing this song over and over, the night was hot and black https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1GWsdqCYvgw
You just described my three favorite parts of costume dramas. I always love the "brushing long hair at night" scenes and the "giggly sleepovers in ankle-length nightgowns" scenes. Those were also my fav scenes in the Little House on the Prairie TV show so I'm nothing if not consistent, I guess.
The excruciating scene where the matronly figure who, until this moment, has been a hinderance to the young woman protagonist’s plight gives way or secretly watches as their ward runs away or gets married to a peasant or publishes her novel and smiles a small, sad smile as if to say, “I know…I know…little one.”
That thing where someone is straight up dying and the doctors don’t tell them because it’ll make them sad or something and so they have to FIGURE IT OUT THEMSELVES AND STOICALLY BRING IT UP TO A FAMILY MEMBER ON THEIR DEATH BED.
Sorry I’m like half a bottle of wine and a few episodes of Call the Midwife into my evening it’s been a rough one.
No one warned me that watching Bright Star would prompt me to listen to this on loop for 24 nearly uninterrupted hours. not that I’m complaining… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eHsy2qRPzlY&l…
Oh, that's a very fun game. I don't think I've found in an actor in all three yet, but I'm holding out hope. Game of Thrones is also another fun addition, because my God the level of actor crossovers on that level is ridiculous.
My favorite examples are the ones where I don't know they're coming. My mom and I were watching Death Comes to Pemberly on Netflix once and I screamed a lot louder than I meant to when Jenna Coleman suddenly walked on screen and stared bossing everyone else around. Only took me a few scenes to stop calling her Clara.
Aww, but that's my favorite part of Les Mis! 🙁
Another great thing about Copper (a show which I ADORE, so forgive me for mocking the daylights out of here) is that you can pull all the main characters from vastly different social circles together through some great event allowing them to form close friendships with each other that will come in handy later.