This piece really broke my heart:
Everything at Rutgers felt upside-down, off. In a meeting with the black faculty, they offered two suggestions: forget it, or throw a party where the black students would invite the white students and stage a race dialogue. Just, like, over a few beers, say, “Hey, do you know what you did was racist? What do you think about that?” A beer summit. That was the suggestion. Grad school is apparently supposed to be isolating, but in that moment, I felt well and truly alone.
And it’s impossible for me, really, to describe the space of that loneliness, to map out its contours. I felt a lot of abject fear— fear that I was already known as the sensitive/hostile black person, a dichotomy that would follow me for the rest of my time at Rutgers. I deeply feared the other white students in the program. Not one of them, even those in the class who had received the email, or knew of it through the apology, approached me to say something like, “Hey, that was pretty messed up. What’s going on?” Outside of the class, narratives of “blown out of proportion,” “too sensitive,” “doesn’t like white people,” etc. had already begun to reach me. As a result, I felt more alone, and thoroughly unwelcome. At this point I assumed it would all fade away, that the white student’s non-apology would be the last word on the subject.
El Chapo has escaped again! I have been OBSESSED with El Chapo since the New Yorker ran this super-fascinating piece about him a few years back, and I want you all to sit down and read it at once:
Just before dawn, the marines arrived at a cream-colored two-story house on Río Humaya Street, in the middle-class neighborhood of Libertad. There were bars on the windows, but that was standard in Culiacán. The marines readied their weapons and produced a battering ram, but when they moved to breach the front door it didn’t budge. A wooden door would have splintered off its hinges, but this door was a marvel of reinforced steel—some of the marines later likened it to an airlock on a submarine. For all the noise that their efforts made, the door seemed indestructible. Normally, the friction of a battering ram would heat the steel, rendering it more pliable. But the door was custom-made: inside the steel skin, it was filled with water, so that if anyone tried to break it down the heat from the impact would not spread. The marines hammered the door again and again, until the ram buckled and had to be replaced. It took ten minutes to gain entry to the house.
The marines streamed through a modest kitchen and into a series of windowless rooms. They noticed surveillance cameras and monitors everywhere. A gaudy oil painting of a bucking bull, stuck full of swords but still defiant, hung on one wall. But there was nobody in the house. In a bathroom on the ground floor, they discovered a bathtub that had been raised from its base, on hydraulic lifts, at a forty-five-degree angle, revealing a dark opening leading to a steep set of stairs: a tunnel.
Shani Hilton on TNC’s new book, and the ways in which it did and did not speak to her:
Though my time at Howard was a few years after his, the same types (and maybe some of the same actual people) were there when I was at the Mecca, too. I was a California girl who — if not born anew — at least learned how to be black at Howard University. When I say black, I mean that I learned to understand the deep DNA of a blackness that Coates invokes so beautifully when he rhetorically asks his son to consider the question “How do I live free in this black body?”
But what I didn’t know then — what I’ve only recently understood — is that I was learning blackness, this specific, thrumming, lung-filling, American blackness, from women. My mother isn’t American; she taught me how to cook amazing Jamaican food and how to sew and quizzed me on math and praised my middle school newspaper movie reviews and told me stories of her mother killing chickens in di ya’d and late-night crab boils on the beach and writes “Many Happy Returns” on my birthday card every year. But she didn’t and couldn’t teach me the trappings of American blackness.
I saw Magic Mike. It changed me. I am going back tomorrow.
Anne Helen on the heartbreaking story of Loretta Young:
Young loved to watch Larry King Live, which is most likely what prompted her to first ask her friend, frequent houseguest, and would-be biographer, Edward Funk, and then her daughter-in-law, Linda Lewis, to explain the term “date rape.” As Lewis recalled from her Jensen Beach, Florida, home this April, sitting next to her husband, Chris — Young’s second born — and flanked by Young’s Oscar and Golden Globe, it took a tact to explain, in language that an 85-year-old could understand, what “date rape” meant. “I did the best I could to make her understand,” Lewis said. “You have to remember, this was a very proper lady.”
When Lewis was finished describing the act, Young’s response was a revelation: “That’s what happened between me and Clark.”
Kirchmann and her six teammates won a total $2,680 for their efforts, part of the race’s $30,000 payout. Race organizers, promoting equal pay for women, had said La Course’s prize money was equal to the men’s purse during each stage of the Tour de France. Even Optum’s small takeaway was substantial in a sport where prize purses often amount to not much more than dinner money. What they didn’t realize is that the payout would be a long time in coming. In fact, Optum has still not received its prize money from last year’s race.
The Homophobia Problem In Tennis Is Its Race and Gender Problem Too:
King and Navratilova survived, but barely. King lost her clothing contracts (she made a point of wearing some old sequined numbers her mother had made for her in the pre-sponsorship days until she got her contracts back, which I thought was cool.) Navratilova also lost sponsorships, but became so dominant because of a fitness, weight lifting and nutrition program that Chris Evert (a friend, rival and femme crowd favorite) was never able to knock her out of the number 1 spot again. Instead of praise, Navratilova’s success triggered shameful attacks on her gender presentation and sexuality. Players, their parents and coaches complained, often anonymously, to reporters that Navratilova ought not to be permitted to play women any more because real women weren’t that strong. Navratilova was also informally shunned. Only the classy Evert, who also publicly apologized for homophobic statements she had made earlier, would play women’s doubles with Navratilova for a number of years. This nasty form of gender policing has also been aimed at U.S. Olympic rower Chris Ernst, South African track star Caster Semenya, and basketball phenom Brittney Griner. Many other lesser known athletes are routinely asked to take chromosome tests and/or strip to prove that their biological sex matches their stated gender.
no:
BART: Anyone out there notice the reverse sexism that’s afflicting Hollywood? I’m glad women are getting most of the juicy roles these days, but I’m surprised that the guys have all but shriveled and disappeared. And the phenomenon is being well documented.
Mallory and I just bought Joe Manganiello’s book EVOLUTION: THE CUTTING EDGE GUIDE TO BREAKING DOWN MENTAL WALLS AND BUILDING THE BODY YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED, so that’s going to be good.
I have been twice to see Magic Mike, and I only went the first time because of Roxane’s review. It was a religious experience!
People are entertained by my enthusiastic recommendations for Magic Mike because I’m “not the target audience” (cause of my XTREME GAYNESS), but I’m pretty sure its target audience is anyone with a soul and sense of humor who wants to have a couple hours of pure, giddy delight.
I’m going to see it with my best friend tomorrow night! We saw the first one 3 years ago when it came out, and that occasion is fondly remembered as the night our friendship levelled up (it was the first time we hung out solo), so this is going to be a celebration of our friendship as well as a rip-roaring good time.
I saw Magic Mike too. I now want to write two dozen essays about how wonderful it is.
One thing I’ve been musing about on twitter this morning: what do you think MRA’s would make of it? I mean, I think the whole alpha/beta categorization is utter bullshit, but if you adhere to it, the men of Magic Mike are clearly “betas”: they literally don’t get money unless they please women, a wealthy woman lends them a fancy car, and they constantly frame themselves as subservient to “queens”. And yet… women love them. That HAS to be a serious shock to the belief system of MRA’s, right?
Then again, they probably didn’t go see it because #nohomo (something the movie itself was blissfully free of).
Anyhow: loved it, loved Roxane’s piece, saved all the .gifs to the folder on my computer named “yum”.
I read that Deadline piece hoping it was a joke and NOPE it really isn’t.
Also, I am NOT HERE for people hating on Comic-Con. Just sick of people talking about how it’s all so fake and stupid and why can’t all those sheeple see what they’re wasting their money on. I met a bunch of new friends and my idols there this weekend, so go fuck yourselves, assholes. And that’s not even touching the “reverse sexism” and “these morons wouldn’t recognize a REAL star like Michael Douglas” bits (seriously, you went with Michael Douglas for that one?).
I can’t even with that piece about racism in graduate school. I just…holy fuck.
Re: Rutgers, I tried not to read the comments but I did, like three of them, and by the end, I was yelling at how much this is why we can’t have nice things.
Yeah, I made that mistake too and I seriously regret it.
On the whole I think the comments are good– there are two to three people who don’t get/are defending the racism, but everyone else is shouting them down (politely).
There is so much wrong with that Deadline piece. I mean, take this aside about Affleck “who by the way is no metrosexual at 6’4” ” (please) – had no idea length had anything to do with whether or not you’d be qualified as a metrosexual, which btw is a bad thing apparently? “I always admire filmmakers, all artists, who stick their necks out.” in a piece that also tut-tuts about the track record of women as action stars? And the piece later mentions Lucy, but that one obviously succeeded because of the “brilliant conceit”, nothing to do with Scarlett Johansson, obvs, ‘cos women not named Jolie can’t be action stars.
Basically: ugh.
I WAS SO CONFUSED by the height/metrosexual comment. Metrosexual: I do not think it means what he thinks it means.
oh so I’m 7 inches less metrosexual than Ben Affleck, I guess that makes total sense and I don’t have any questions about this measurement system
“Where are all the MEN in Hollywood? There are no more male movie stars and these damn women keep asking them to be responsible and not misogynistic dillholes!” “Well, have you checked for the men in directing, producing, studio exec positions, writing rooms, backstage work, and camera departments? They might be there!””NO HOLLYWOOD IS POPULATED EXCLUSIVELY BY WOMEN. And metrosexuals. I know because I saw Magic Mike, which starred exclusively women, and also Mad Max, which featured nothing but women feasting on male flesh for two hours!!!!”
I saw Magic Mike XXL on Friday and it was a goddamn spiritual experience. That convenience store scene elevated my soul to dazzling new heights.
Joe stole that movie from Channing, which is something I never thought possible. I eagerly look forward to Nicole and Mallory’s reviews of his book, especially if he suggests working out in a quarry.
My friend and I were talking about that scene over a bottle of wine, and we concluded that one of the reasons it was such a delight was that BDR was making the clerk smile, yes, but he was doing it by getting in touch with what he truly loved (BOYBANDS YEY). In any other movie, the friends cheering him on from outside would have been just gross and slimy; instead, they were there supporting his epiphany and it was beautiful.
The phenomenon is being well documented = It’s convenient for me to believe this is a thing despite statistical evidence to the contrary
Every. Fucking. Time.
Yeah, please, I would love to see these “documents.” Is one an MRA hot-take on Mad Max? A “when did THIS become more beautiful than THIS” meme with photos of Justin Bieber juxtaposed with Ronald Reagan? A tear-stained Taco Bell napkin on which you’ve written “Entourage cdn’t b made in 2015 🙁 “?
“The phenomenon is being well documented” =
This is being well documented = a recursive series of citations ultimately originating in an anonymous post on Reddit or 4chan.
The piece on photo manipulation! Wow!
I distinctly remember the uproar about the OJ Simpson mug shot, and I think it was my first introduction to the idea that culturally, darker = worse.
ALSO, on a much MUCH funnier note, I pulled up behind this guy in traffic yesterday and thought, “Welp, that just proves the point now DOESN’T IT”
*note: photo not manipulated
Oh my god, of course.
Can I make a polite but also incredibly desperate request for a Feel the burn review of Joe’s book?
Also I saw the first 3 episodes of Sherlock for the first time over the weekend and my world has been rocked!
I saw Magic Mike yesterday with a couple other DC Toasties! It was fucking great, obviously. Damn and also dayum.
That article on La Course makes me so mad, especially since the TDF is going on right now and I love watching it, but also hate how it’s only men. Ughhhhhh sports why.
Saw Magic Mike at at late Saturday night showing, assuming the theater might be empty. NOPE.
Never have I been in a movie before where people had obviously been PRE-GAMING. During the opening shot of Channing’s face, and an older lady from the tipsy “girl’s night out” row in front of me yelled “Take it off!” and the entire theater laughed.
It was amazing. I came by myself, and by the end was trading comment with the pair of girls next to me. So much sisterhood. And whooping.
My screening was unfortunately quite empty (I think there were less than a dozen women there aside from my friend and me), which means that my laugh at how Channing Tatum delivered the “yes, my god is a she” line (believably! Without condescension! That man is a miracle) was VERY noticeable. No regrets.
I was the only person at all in the cinema last Sunday morning! So I laughed my ass off unapologetically and loudly the entire time.
My bff and I are finally getting to go this week!! Not sure how full the theater will still be – but you best believe we’re pre-gaming! (aaaaaand bringing tiny wineys in our purses)
I saw it on Saturday! Am I the only one who half-expected every good-looking guy I encountered on the way home to start stripping and dancing for my personal pleasure?
Occasionally, I must admit
defeat, because I am not fit
to write a poem concerning rape
and in no way, and in no shape
should any male of working class
show himself a clueless ass
by writing of the sexist jibes
that women of all types describe
that they suffer every day
and of course there is no way
for a guy of Scottish whiteness
even with extreme forthrightness
to comment on the racist way
that blacks are treated every day
So I fear I must recuse
myself, from writing of the news
listed today in the Toast
the website we all love the most.
Well done, well done!
That Deadline piece is a hot piece of garbage. I can’t even:
Affleck (who by the way is no metrosexual at 6’4” and, unlike the actors playing a few superheroes, could probably kick both our asses)
What the holy fuck is this? Who says “metrosexual” anymore? And why is it determined by height?
A couple of blowhards talking to themselves in a circle in a small room, and nobody cares.
also his whole point of “Hollywood’s leading men” are all now wimps or something, is supported by the fact that lots of starring roles are taken by, not women or POC’s, but by *British* or *Australian* men. STILL MEN. ALSO STILL WHITE.
So, it’s just him whining, “why aren’t American white males every superhero ever?” Which is just *incoherent hot jumble of profanity*.
oh god, i have WORK to do today, so i refuse to let myself read that piece, because i would lose HOURS, but, i mean, yes to all of your comments, but also….. which actors playing superheros is this writer even referring to??? Not, I think the MCU, where even RDJ bulks up in a way that sort of makes me worry about him (seriously, people, he’s not as young as the collection of Chrises…. etc etc) …. so… various Spidermen? X-Men? Isn’t the point of those superheroes that they’re often NOT using brute strength? Isn’t that…. a good thing?
oh, you may not be aware, but it is a hot metrosexual trend to shrink 1-3 inches every year through sheer force of trendy well-coifed will.
anti-metrosexuals, like afflek, actually get a couple centimeters taller every few months.
if you’re unsure which you’re dealing with, cutting one open to observe the size and spacing of growth rings can be very helpful.
THAT explains it, thank you.
Oof, that first link. Ironic racism = still just racism.
I read the comments. While there are a ton of positive, supportive, thoughtful comments, there are also a bunch of “she doesn’t mean to be racist, it was a joke!” comments (some veiled in lots of high-brow analysis of the email). I want to pound my head on my keyboard repeatedly. Irony does not absolve you from the effects of your actions.
Anyway, I kind of got the impression from both the email itself and the sender’s friend “Clara’s” behavior afterwards that no, she did not in fact not mean to be racist.
I can’t even bring myself to read the whole thing because of how pissed off I get just thinking about it. I hope the woman who suggested the party regrets that invite now, and has spent the past few years cringing so damn hard that her shoulders are now permanently by her ears.
I also hope Robert Palmer is in a much better, happier place doing whatever he professionally wants to do.
jesus christ, that article
I hope Robert Palmer is doing well now, in the world, outside of Rutgers and good god the initial email pissed me off but the overall terrible response from the university…
a couple commenters were all “i’m jewish and a rude schindler’s list party, i would see it’s just a joke, lol”
1. I am Jewish and if you pulled that shit I would be offended and would confront and hold you accountable.
2. INTERSECTIONALITY it is easier for a white american yid to brush things off because we occupy a more priviliged relative position
sorry for long response/sweary response but…this situation was so wrong. especially on the academic/professional end, and i’ve been in winky nudgey anti-semitic joke situations where no one spoke up for me and, while a different story and not wanting to hijack Robert’s story, :/
Yeah, we’re not exactly under-represented in the nation’s graduate and professional schools…
It’s a far cry from being one of a tiny handful of people and being made to feel like you don’t belong there.
Yes, OMG, it’s like people believe that if you laugh when you’re being racist, it doesn’t count. Racism only counts if you’re having a frowny facial expression.
Also, people who can’t or won’t tell the difference between “ironic racism” (trying to make an anti-racist point by using racism) or “joking about racism” vs “racist joke” and “treating racism like a laughing matter”.
Also also, people who can’t or won’t tell the difference between “making a mistake” (aiming for something good but accidentally failing) and “doing a bad thing” (aiming for something bad). Junie’s email wasn’t a mistake! She didn’t write it by falling asleep on the keyboard or by accidentally pasting in someone else’s horrifically racist email she was going to report to the administration.
She consciously chose to type up a racist email, actually say in plain text that she planned to behave in a racist way and chose the recipients to only be white-appearing people. That’s not a mistake, that’s a planned action that was carried out according to plan. She just didn’t think there’d be any negative consequences AFTERWARDS, but that’s certainly not the same thing as having made a mistake WHILE carrying out the steps. The letter was exactly the letter it was supposed to be. But what it was was extremely racist.
I thought the teaser picture was of Rick from The Walking Dead and I was like OH YES I’M HERE FOR THIS but it’s not, and I am pretty sure I’m not here for Joe Manganiello.
Is there anything more tired than this “real” nonsense? You’re only a real woman if you look like/do/think X, only a real American if you live here, a real man if whatever. It’s so boring and annoying and just lacks any actual thought or imagination. Serena Williams is a real woman. So is Martina Navratilova and fucking anyone else who identifies as a woman.
Any man who says Serena Williams looks like a man needs to get out more. A lot more.
It pisses me off so much that Sharapova makes so much more than Serena Williams just because she’s more conventionally beautiful, when Serena’s athletic accomplishments are so more inspiring. I mean, lots of women are thin and blonde and pretty. Only three women have ever gotten 21 or more Grand Slam titles.
I also like the point that Lainey makes: people are so focused on Serena’s muscles that they seem unwilling to grant that there may be more to her accomplishments than that http://www.laineygossip.com/Intro-for-July-13–20…
I have so many thoughts about this as a tennis player and ardent fan, but I will stick to one: I am also bothered by the way that Sharapova is constantly lauded for her mental strength, while Serena is undoubtedly the mentally strongest player of this generation, and maybe the mentally toughest athlete in the entire world. She can literally will her way to victory (see: French Open final last month, which she played with the flu). Sharapova wilted immediately against Serena in the semifinals; there’s just no comparison between the two, or with anyone else.
Serena is tough as hell. Seeing her at the French Open, where in between sets (games? I know nothing about tennis) you could tell she kind of wanted to die a little and then playing like a Tennis Valkyrie or something was amazing.
Maria Sharapova is also white. That’s very likely the biggest factor.
Someone on Tumblr said something about how they thought the tennis world (and, I think, the sports media en masse?) is looking for its Great White Hope to finally best Serena. But Serena’s barely had a challenger for a long time, and right now no one’s come close to being one. IMO, the only time another woman will ascend to the top of the ranks will be after Serena retires, and even then, whoever she is may never achieve that level of greatness.
Before Sharapova it was Anna Kournikova.
Yep! And in Anna’s case, she never won a major tournament in singles and only reached #8 in the rankings. (She did better in doubles.)
First, JK Rowling fuck yeah.
And I figure that Serena has to show a considerable amount of mental toughness to keep from killing about every other person she meets by crushing their larynx.
all the way to the sun, in fact
YES. This is why I never got into the “real women have curves” stuff even though I supported the general intent of body positivity and inclusivity 🙁
Agreed. I kind of want to kick Lane Bryant to the curb for their “Real Women Dollars” nonsense, but there aren’t a lot of options locally for plus-size clothing.
Any claim of being a ‘real’ something (real feminist, real woman, real fan of such and such band) is inherently implying that someone else is not a ‘real’ version of this thing because of some fact/action on their behalf, i.e. its their fault.
I;ve seen it since the days of emo-Bandom, and its probably been around long before then; its just a way for people to prove that they are better than other people (I’ve liked this band since they were playing in a garage and had a myspace, you only found them after they had a really successful album, therefore I am a better fan than you)
It also hinges on a perceived scarcity of whatever the quality is; there can only be so many feminists in the world, and by being a vegan, lesbian, hairy legged, 300-pound feminist, I am more deserving of the title that you are because you shave your legs, or some other bullshit.
Also see, catholics, mothers, modern day martyrs etc
That’s what bothered me about J. K. Rowling’s “clapback” about Serena Williams looking like a man. She posted a photo of Serena looking very beautiful and femme in a red dress, but a better response to “she looks like a man” is not “no she doesn’t” (even though Serena really doesn’t) but “who cares if she does?”
Sure, that would be a better response, but I think what really got to her is how outright ridiculous that accusation was. There are lots of female athletes who genuinely do look androgynous; Serena is not one of them.
But I do agree with the article in the roundup that the gender policing and focus on body shape needs to stop.
tbh, JKR seems to have great intentions, but a lot of the times when she speaks about sexism, she kind of bothers me. I remember she did a couple of posts on her website that seemed to be coming from a great place (weight isn’t as important as character, etc.) but just seemed surrounded by a bunch of gender crap accompanying it (e.g. girls are bitchy to each other and call each other fat, even when they’re not! horrors!, while boys look on, adorably bemused by cattiness.)
Update: The New York Times’ public editor sort-of-not-really apologized for their article about Serena’s “masculine” body:
http://publiceditor.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/07/13/…
ah, remember when the NYT public editor sort-of-not-really-apologized for the time Alessandra Stanley called Shonda Rhimes an angry black woman? meeeemories
They have it down to an art form…
I’m almost in physical pain imagining the psychological degradation involved in blaming yourself for sixty-some years for your own rape, not to mention keeping it a secret from your own daughter at the cost of your relationship with her even after you realize it may not have been your fault after all.
This. And of course, never read the comments, but this time REALLY don’t, unless you like your anger with a side of rage first thing Monday morning.
The best thing about the movie article is possibly the URL, which is a string of male actors’ names, I guess heroically rescued from obscurity.
You guys, I had not anticipated that there would be that one annoying dude who always talks too much and mansplains everything in CHILDBIRTH CLASS.
And then I posted about it on FB and multiple other friends chimed in to say that there was That Guy in their birth classes too. I am amazed. If there was one place in the world where you’d think even the most annoying of mansplainers would not behave as though he were the most important and knowledgeable person in the room, it would be childbirth class!!!
yeah but he’s not the one carrying the child to term or squeezing it out or enduring birth surgery so he’s detached from the experience and objective or something
We hate that guy too. And I work with him EVERY FREAKING DAY. Aaaaargh.
Do you make an effort, as a fellow man, to correct his behavior for the sake of the rest of humanity?
That Guy was in our childbirth class five years ago, too! He was a physical trainer, obviously, and had a deep distrust of modern medicine.
On the plus side, he did give everyone a recipe for almond-encrusted chicken that we still make today.
Well, that’s something, at least! This guy is a software engineer. I do not anticipate he will make any useful contributions to the group/my life.
The Mansplainer Who Married Into My Social Circle once started an argument at a small, low-key party at a friend’s house over whether women’s bodies change permanently as a result of pregnancy. His position: they don’t, that’s a myth, his sisters have had kids and they didn’t have permanent changes, also there was an article in the, uh, Journal of mmphumum, that said so, stop trying to give me your misinformed opinion that suggests otherwise. His opponent: literally everybody else in the room, including both his wife and another friend who was CURRENTLY PREGNANT WITH HER FOURTH CHILD.
His opponent: medical science. I do not understand how people can behave like that.
Now I want to read the Journal of mmphumum.
“Effects Of [Unintelligible] On Patients With [Waves Hands Vaguely]: A Double-Blinded Randomized Trial”
Given that he was trying to mansplain to his own wife, I’m guessing that the proper title was Journal of Dudes Who Are Sleeping On the Couch Tonight.
Are you sure he didn’t read it in Modern Jackass?
I mean, unless he saw his sisters naked before AND after pregnancy, and inspected their innards somehow, his argument is (surprise, surprise!) invalid.
OMG, we had that guy, Anti-Vax Version. I almost burst into a thousand tiny pieces biting my tongue.
Oh lord. The anti-vax movement is not strong in my area, thankfully, so I will hold out hope that will NOT feature prominently in his Helpful Comments to the Class.
That Loretta Young article…so sad. I had a conversation with that kind of aha moment with my 83 year old grandma recently (not her experience but someone she knew), and it’s terrifying to consider how men just…did horrible things to women, and how women were just expected to take the blame, be silent, and deal with it. And I think women are STILL expected to take the blame and be silent, which is one of the biggest beefs I have with my religion. Christian culture is still so complicit with sexual violence.
I was raised Catholic, like Young, and my heart just aches for her, for how that upbringing could have made it easy for Gable to prey on her without repercussions. I’m glad she didn’t die before she had the language not to blame herself for what happened. One forgets (I forget) how important having the right language for something makes it possible to process it well.
Nicole has been talking on twitter about this terrifying article about the likelihood of a devastatingly large earthquake and tsunami in the Pacific Northwest, http://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/07/20/the-….
It is too much to take on a Monday morning.
Just skimming that article with my fingers in front of my face was too nerve-wracking for me to deal with. Does it really just conclude with “welp, a lot of people are going to die and/or be homeless”? I mean, WHAT.
Reading the New Yorker El Chapo piece a few years ago remains my most enthralling experience on a gym recumbent stationary bike. I could not tear myself away from it.
I don’t want to idolize a druglord monster, but at the same time, I want that movie yesterday. Mayhaps Hollywood’s “reverse sexism” can be mitigated by casting an aging man as El Chapo and a nubile 17-year-old as his bride.
The whole bathtub-rising-on-hydraulic-lifts-to-reveal-the-staircase-underneath is very Breaking Bad.
🙁 *(a multitude of sad faces) that Olympic sex test piece, the way Caster Semenya has been treated is the worst
Shani’s review of TNC’s book (which I agree does sound amazing) was also amazing. I really appreciate her description of Howard, since I had no idea the student body has such a high proportion of women, as well as her centering her experiences of blackness with black women. Really powerful stuff. Does anyone know if TNC has responded to this particular review (since they are relatively close) at all?
Boston Toasties are going to Magic Mike XXL tonight y’all! And I’m bringing my mom!! Her look of sheer delight when I invited her was just the best thing. So excited!
Is this a “more-the-merrier” kind of event? Because I am Boston local and have yet to see it, and seeing it with Toasties sounds super-fun…
Of course! Somerville Theater, 7:20 showing!
And join the Boston Toastpin group, lady!
I did not know that was a thing, thank you!
I attempted to see magic mike yesterday, solely influenced by the toast (and the lure of air conditioning) but the theater was showing it with open captions. So I passerd. I feel like clear dialogue would not improve the male strippers road trip movie
(Also, I am on the tweeter now, same handle)
Ugh Scott Walker just announced his official candidacy and as a former Wisconsinite who voted to recall… crossing my fingers that he chokes on his own foot sooner rather than later, and in a spectacular enough fashion that it ruins his political career forever.
How many clowns can they fit in the electoral clown car?
ugh no no no ugh. This is why I can’t laugh at Trump and the other more ridiculous candidates, because they’re making him look reasonable (that, and they reveal how many Americans totally agree with them). He’s just such a slimily, blandly, professional candidate, like, this is what he’s good at. I hate thinking how much of the damage he’s done to Wisconsin looks like progress to his party. Fingers very much crossed for a spectacular failure…
I just can’t imagine such a blatant anti-unionist making a plausible claim that he can carry Pennsylvania and Ohio.
From your lips to god’s ears. But my own state let me down by reelecting the scab, so… may all other swing states do better.
I loved AFL-CIO’s succinct but accurate statement on the issue:
“Scott Walker is a national disgrace.”
El Chapo! I mean, how surprised are we that he was allowed to escape, on a scale from “not at all, anyone could see that coming” to “not at all, except I’m surprised it took a whole year”?
Maybe a little bit, since the “retired to prison” thing seemed like a slightly plausible explanation (at least, in a world as insane as the one described in that article, it seems plausible). But not really.
It must have taken more time than expected to build the escape tunnel (out of “high quality construction materials”), light it, implement an HVAC system, and grade it for motorcycle use.
It does sound like an awfully nice tunnel!
That Loretta Young piece makes me so sad and angry. I had always heard that Clark Gable was an asshole, but now I want to go back in time and beat him to death with a sock full of nickels.
Apropos of nothing, but I started a major fitness kick recently and it’s great! But omg BARRE CLASSES WILL (literally) KICK YOUR ASS. My butt literally feels like someone took a meat tenderizer to it and muscles I DIDNT KNOW EXISTED now ache.
I was never in better shape than when I was dancing, from the warm-ups alone. I wish barre classes were more affordable (although right now affordable exercise=free) so I could go
I don’t know if it’s available in your city, but classpass is amazing. It’s more expensive than gold’s/LA fitness, but a heck of a lot cheaper than a fancy gym or studio. I’ve been able to hit up a lot of barre, ballet, and Pilates classes that would have been laughably out of my budget otherwise.
oh my gosh, I went to a few of those classes a while back and had a similar response. I had bought, like, 4 classes as part of a promotional deal and used them all, but I didn’t go back after that. I didn’t know I could sweat so much. Out of my face. All at once. It was ridiculous.
ALERT ALERT
Stanley Tucci describes his hypothetical last meal in loving detail to the Guardian, complete with his recipe for branzino:
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/jul/…
Feel free to drink in his words, while ignoring the very sad idea that the Toosh might not be around forever.
So the Loretta Young article;
Am I the only one who see’s what happened as a full on rape? Someone comes into your bedroom, without invitation, and has sex with you without your consent, yeah that about as rapey as rape gets. Just because you know the person doesn’t make it less of a rape.
I always thought ‘date rape’ was more, when you’re with someone, and have maybe gone to bed with them, but they take it further than you wanted, or continue past any boundary you may have set.
But this reminds me of an article I read years ago about ‘when its not rape’, with these girls all telling their stories of sexual assault, and how they weren’t sure what happened to them was actually rape. The authors example was the time a friend of hers came to her house, she didn’t want to let him in, so he jammed his foot in the door, threw her to the ground and had sex with her, without asking. And she said, I didn’t want it, but it wasn’t rape. YEAH NO, TOTAL RAPE RIGHT THERE.
Seriously, rape isn’t to ‘strong’ of a word for when someone forces you to have sex with them against your will. Call it what it is.
I think the term was originally just meant to distinguish stranger rape vs. acquaintance rape. Back when people associated rape with (say) a stranger jumping out of the bushes, and it was a novel idea that *most* rapes are perpetrated by someone the victim knows.
It was apparently a new concept to Loretta Young (and probably a LOT of people of her generation) that you could actually be raped by someone you knew and trusted, and that that didn’t mean that you “provoked” it somehow. She blamed herself for what happened for most of her life, sadly.
I don’t think it’s a useful term at all these days, because it’s much more accepted now that “ of course that’s rape”.
I don’t think date rape is a less serious category than “full on rape.” It’s just rape that happens within a dating scenario, whether that’s “boundaries existed but the perpetrator surpassed them” or “no consent of any kind was given and the perpetrator drugged the victim” or something else. That’s just coming from my personal perceptions but I don’t think it’s a term with a legal definition.
I don’t think that ‘date rape’ is any less serious or is excusable in any way, but I think when we use date rape to describe a forceful rape that happens to have been done by an acquaintance of the victim, we are perpetuation the myth that ‘real rape’ is stranger rape.
I understand where the term came from, and why it was developed, but it’s is still a layover from a culture that believed that women were only raped by strangers, and still lets rapists off the hook somewhat.
I’m more annoyed by the ‘when its not rape’ article I read,I really wish I could find it again; because each story was a girl in her teens who was forcefully, and mostly violently raped; but none of them were sure that they could call it rape, partly because no one had told them they were allowed to
I’ve had sexual situations when I was younger where i wasn’t too happy with what was going on,but I kind of went along with it anyway; I wouldn’t be sure I could call it rape/sexual assault. But if someone held me down and had sex with me when I had said no, sure as shit I’d call that rape!
I guess that my point is, by using the term date rape we are still saying that there are different kids of rape and that ‘Rape’ is a big bad thing only done my men in bushes, not by someone you know
I guess it seems to me like the term is a response to that belief about what “real rape” is, more than something that perpetuates that belief. I’d object pretty strongly to substituting in a different name entirely–“that’s not rape, that’s [x].” But the name “date rape” still seems like a tool to help survivors & others identify those experiences in a way that includes the word “rape.” Like maybe it could serve as the permission that the girls in that article needed. So much depends on usage, though, I don’t feel confident making broad-ranging statements about the term.
I agree with you, although I think the term “date rape” serves a specific purpose in the article, in that Loretta Young wasn’t able to view what happened to her as rape until she was presented with a similar but distinct term.
I think the Rutgers piece and the Loretta young piece have a thread in common about basically everything that is wrong with the world – that basically, women, black people, and marginalized people of all types are made to feel like they are the ones who must be responsible for speaking up when someone does something awful to them and if and when they do, they will be punished for speaking up, they will be silenced and ignored and it will be possible because they are marginalized – and, in addition, will be made to feel like they are responsible for what people have done to them, that they could have in some way managed the interaction so that it would not have happened, or at least would have ended with the (awful, racist, misogynistic) person nodding politely and saying how deeply sorry they are, and everyone supporting the victim, the police, HR, the university, etc – if only, you know, they had done it the right way. It just fucks me up to see how goddamn effective it is. How flawlessly it works.
A lot of the threads of the Rutgers piece I was able to connect to how I felt when I was harassed – It was a whole muddle of anger and guilt and fear and regret and frustration – anger that someone did this and got away with it, a lot of anger that I was even affected by this, that he could make me feel bad, that somehow as pathetic and terrible as he was, that it was like he was taking away my ability to choose my own life and who is in it and how I feel about them, like that somehow by reporting it I was making him important, but also a lot of taking as much responsibility as I could – when she talked about yes, I said that, or I went to these people first instead of these people, etc. and that I think is the stuff that traps you – you are being reasonable, taking responsibility, which should bolster your reputation – saying no, I didn’t know how to handle this – I was young, naïve, maybe there was a better way, maybe if I had just done this and this in this way, it would have been easier for people to understand, they wouldn’t have said this thing to me, they would’ve understood when I replied immediately, articulately, perfectly, why it was a terrible thing to say. But you start those thoughts bouncing around in your head, because it is all you can control and you just want there to be a way to do this where it doesn’t end up that you just have to give up on life being fair and people being reasonable. But it’s so much that feeling of responsibility – the “don’t want to get someone fired” feeling – combined with anger, loss, disappointment when it turns out you don’t have any power – that that person got away with it, was always going to get away with it, and that doing what you know is right isn’t enough, or anything at all, really, that doing the right thing will be punished in innumerable small ways that make you regret having the audacity to say something. I just…I’m tired, you guys. It’s awful. Why are we so invested in allowing behaviors like this to go unchecked?
Food is GREAT. Some nipple cream (lanolin). 🙂
I had a baby 3 weeks ago and found that the best gifts were food, hands down. A couple friends brought over full meals at dinnertime, already hot and ready to eat, including a main dish and a veggie and a fruit salad and a dessert. One of those friends also brought some snacks and a frozen lasagna. It was awesome! I know you mentioned you aren't much of a cook, so I will reiterate what someone else said – sometimes the best food is snack stuff, easy to eat one-handed, needing no prep, enticing when you are hungry but too tired to contemplate a full meal. My godmother sent an Edible Arrangement, which was AMAZING. Those are pretty pricey, but some washed and sliced fruits and veggies would be a cheap way to duplicate it.
Another gift I really appreciated was a selection of Lush bath bombs and some See's truffles that a friend gave me just the other day. The bath products are delightful because (for me at least) they are an indulgence, and also an indulgence that is meant to be enjoyed ALONE, just me and the hot water and nice smells! Alone time is pretty tough to come by with a new baby, especially when you are breast-feeding, so having a gift to enjoy helps me justify carving the time out.
Best of luck to your friend, and thanks for being so thoughtful to a new mom!
Thank you! The sliced fruit is definitely now on the list along with the bath products. I hope everything is going well with your own new little person!
Hey, I wrote the Rutgers thing. The connections you've drawn here are so apt — you've captured how frustrating and crazy-making these experiences are in a beautiful way. I wish you the best. I hope we both can find some peace.