My puppy is named Sansa, but I’m sure you can make the necessary edits to include your own dog or cat’s name.
By fourteen weeks, they placed her in charge of a
Snuggling charter
Inside, she was longing for something to be a part of
The puppy was ready to beg, steal, shake, or roll over
The world is gonna know your name. What’s your name, pup?
[key change is important here]
Sansa-Sansa Stark-y Stark
My name is Sansa-Sansa Stark-y Stark
And there’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait, just you wait…
What time is it? Show time! Show time! Yo!
I’m Sansa Stark in the place to be!
Two bowls of Taste of the Wild, but I’m workin’ on three, uh!
Those redcoats don’t want it with me!
Cuz I will chase chick-a chase these cats till I’m free!
I am not throwing away my ball!
I am not throwing away my ball!
Hey yo, I’m just like my country
I’m young, scrappy and hungry
And I’m not throwing away my ball!
I’m ‘a get a scholarship to puppy obedience classes
I prob’ly shouldn’t brag, but dag, I amaze and astonish
The problem is I got a lot of fur but no polish
I gotta bark just to be heard
With every yip, I drop knowledge!
I’m a diamond in the rough, a shiny piece of fuzz
Tryin’ to reach my goal. My power of speech: limited
Only ten weeks but my mind is older
Oh, am I woofin’ too loud?
Sometimes I get over excited, pee in the house
I never had a human family before
I promise that I’ll make y’all proud
LET’S GET THIS PUPPY IN FRONT OF A CROWD!
Eliza, I’m lookin’ for a pup to kiss
I’m lookin’ for a pup to kiss
I’m lookin’ for a pup to kiss
Whooaaaaa!
Whooaaaaa!
KISS!
I’ve been reading a puppy book by The Monks of New Skete
So men say that I’m intense or I’m insane
You want a revolution? I want a revelation
So listen to my declaration:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident
That all dogs are created equal”
And when I meet Thomas Jefferson
Unh!
I’m ‘a compel him to include BITCHES/KITTIES* in the sequel!
Kiss!
*singer’s choice
History is happening in Manhattan and you just happen to be
The cutest puppy in the world!
The cutest puppy in the world!
You say our walk is draining and you can’t go on
You’ll be the one complaining when I am gone…
And no, don’t be sad, lil puppy
Cuz you’re my favorite puppy
My sweet, submissive puppy
My loyal, royal puppy
Forever and ever and ever and ever and ever…
You’ll be back
Like before
I will fight the fight and win the war
For your love
For your praise
And I’ll love you till my dying days
When you’re gone
I’ll go mad
So don’t throw away this thing we had
Cuz when push comes to shove
I will cuddle other puppies in front of you
To remind you of my love
(every single word of Helpless with no edits whatsoever)
I remember that dreamlike candlelight
Like a dream that you can’t quite place
But Sansa, I’ll never forget the first
Time I saw your face
I have never been the same
Little brown eyes in a fuzzy-gray frame
And when you said “yip,” I forgot my dang name
Set my heart aflame, nothing was the same
Let’s play a gaaaame
Handsome, girl, does she know it!
Peach fuzz, and watch her grow it!
I wanna take her far away from this place
Then I turn and see my kitty-cat’s face and she is…
Super-pissed…
And I know she is…
Super-pissed…
And her eyes are just…
SUPER-PISSED…
Sansa gives me kisses everyday
She’s keeping the bed warm while my husband is away
He’s sleeping in the guest room
He’s got a terrible, contagious head cold
But he can keep all of the guest room
Sansa, she’s mine
Five!
Walk before the sun is in the sky
Pick a place to pee where it’s high and dry
Number six!
Leave a note for your next of kin
Tell ‘em where you’re going. Pray to heaven it stops snowing.
Dear Sansa-Sansa, what to say to you?
You have your mother’s eyes. You have a fictional character’s name
When you came into the house, you yipped and it broke my heart
I’m dedicating every day to you
Domestic life was never quite my style
When you wag, you knock me out, I fall apart
And I thought I was so smart
Oh Sansa, when you smile I am undone
My pup
Look at my pup! Pride is not the word I’m looking for
There is so much more inside me now
Oh Sansa, you outshine the morning sun
My pup
When you smile, I fall apart
And I thought I was so smart
Your father wasn’t around
Your father wasn’t around
I swear that
I’ll be around for you.
I’ll do whatever it takes
I’ll make a million mistakes
I’ll make the world safe and sound for you…
Why do you assume you’re the cutest in the room?
Why do you assume you’re the cutest in the room?
Why do you assume you’re the cutest in the room?
Soon that attitude may be your doom!
Why do you eat like you’re running out of food?
Eat day and night like you’re running out of food?
Ev’ry day you eat, like you’re running out of food
NICOLE
brb writing an adaptation for my pups to sing when I see them over Christmas
our old dog loved having “Mr Brightside” sung to him so I can’t listen to that song anymore because it makes me cry and look like a lunatic because WHO CRIES AT THAT SONG
i used to sing my dog an adapted version of Tammy Wynette’s “Bedtime Story,” which is a very strange choice for a child, as it is an allegorical song about wanting to take back your cheating husband.
(every single word of Helpless with no edits whatsoever)
Actually snorted out loud in the office.
It must be nice, it must be nice, to have Sansa Stark by your side.
“Super-pissed” is so accurate. I don’t even have a dog, but if I show affection or interest toward anything that isn’t my cat, she gets SO. Upset.
We finally got Fallout 4 and my cat has been so jealous of the dog in the game, alternating between batting at the screen when she sees him and staring balefully at me.
I mean, I guess I have been paying more attention to Dogmeat than her it’s only temporary i swear
If my boyfriend starts cuddling me, my cat will hiss, jump off the bed, and glare intensely at him. It’s kind of hilarious, but also I feel bad.
Me: *singing Hamilton lyrics to the cat*
Boyfriend (from the other room): “…did you just call her “Thomas Kittyson?”
Me: …
My friend has not let me forget the time I sang ‘Best of cats and best of kittens’ to my cat.
i do that too!!! (Except I go for “best of kitties”)
My roommate does this to her cat as well.
I cannot make fun of her because I have waltzed around the living room, cradling him in my arms and singing “Dear Theodosia” at him.
i love that you do this to your roommate’s cat!
I am the Drunk Aunt to all my friends’ pets. This means that I get to indulge in cuddling and general spoiling without having to deal with the puke and litterboxing, barring emergencies.
I would totally do that if my cat tolerated being held, but if I tried that she’d just wait until I was asleep and then break something I love.
SAME
Reading through these (i.e. Singing along under my breath) I was thinking ‘where’s Dear Theodosia?’ and then you did that. Thanks Nicole.
NICOLE I AM DYING.
Oh, am I woofin’ too loud?
Sometimes I get over excited, pee in the house
I never had a human family before
I promise that I’ll make y’all proud
LET’S GET THIS PUPPY IN FRONT OF A CROWD!
:O how do you do the indented quote thingy?
That is your friend, the blockquote tag. Use < blockquote > quote here < /blockquote> with the spaces removed.
Also, if you right click on anything and select “Inspect” (in Chrome) it’ll let you look at the code. If you click on the blockquoted comment above, it shows that I used the blockquote tags.
Oh my dog, tear this food apart.
LET’S GET THIS PUPPY IN FRONT OF A CROWD! indeed
Last night I found out that my dog really hates when I sing her the spider man theme song. (Puppy dog, puppy dog, does not like that I sing this song. Is she fluff? Listen bud, she’s got radioactive blood.)
I will never see Hamilton because I live in rural nothingness BUT THIS WAS AMAZEBALLS.
I had the Monks of New Skete books (and a trillion others when I super into Schutzund, competitive CKC obedience, tracking)…if you are ever looking for more dog obedience books, I’ll happily wrap them up and send them your way!
Lastly, I just f***ing love Sansa’s wee face and fuzzy butt, she reminds me of my (RIP) long-haired GSD “Ripley”. She was the most beautiful dog, inside and out.
(when dog is trying to lick your face after having eaten something disgusting)
Hey, pup, I gotta say no to this
I’ve no idea what’s in that kiss
But I fucking hate that smell, yes
And those germs will will leave me helpless
I enjoyed this way more than I had any right to.
BUT STRANGELY YOUR MAAAAANGE IS THE SAAAAAAME
I have been known to sing “you don’t have the votes” to my cranky old lady cat who yells at me if I’m not fast enough with breakfast.
I just had two foster kitties for a while until they got fat enough to be fixed, and I made up endless kitty songs. There was one in particular about Little Kitties sung to the tune of Little Girls from Annie that they found particularly terrible and would flee when I started.
I would love to know what it is about the human brain that compels us not only to sing to our dogs, but to change the lyrics to include them. I never felt this urge with our cats growing up.
Oh, I do it with my cat, but then I didn’t have a dog growing up. (My parents have one now but I had lived out of the house for like 7 years before that happened.)
I am smiling almost as much as when I first read this: https://twitter.com/adam807/status/65031095918621…
My favorite part is that Dear Theodosia was literally written after Lin-Manuel Miranda got his dog, so the fit is even more perfect. https://twitter.com/lin_manuel/status/64999198940…
this is the BEST Hamilton Fun Fact!!
Oh my god. Did you see this reply to that tweet?
Tobillo when you bark, I am agog, my dog. !!!!
To the tune of Davy Crockett:
Born on the mean streets of Indiana.
The best cat who won’t wear a bandana.
Raised in the woods so she knew every tree
Killed her a barrrr when she was only three.
SADIEEEEEEEE SADIE THUNDERCAT
Cat of the wild frontier.
etc.
Look around, look around, at how lucky we are to be alive right now
On Dog Toast, Sansa is publishing “I will stalk the birds and rabbits to remind you of my love.”
This is Tia:
This is my song for Tia:
Dear Tia-dosia, what to say to you?
You have brown eyes
You make my mother smile
When you…um…[trail off]
…AND I AM NOT THROWING AWAY YOUR SPOTS!
Amka does not get his own Hamilkitty song, he just gets told “Puke less, smile more.”
also, “Why do you eat like you’re running out of food” is so perfect.
Also also, I wonder how many newly adopted cats are being named Aaron Purr at this very moment.
I named my charr in Guild Wars 2 “Alexander Hamewlton” and I pray to find an Aaron Burr in game someday.
Um I really hope you put this on Twitter and mentioned Lin-Manuel? You prob’ly shouldn’t brag but dawg, you’d amaze and astonish.
I am off Twitter! YOU MUST ALL DO IT FOR ME.
*when the cat prances into the room to get us to play:
Here comes the kitty cat, tail up!
*when the cat monopolizes my sweaters:
There’s nothing cute cats like more
than sleeping on some cashmere, nestled in a drawer.
Take Miss Luna: the cat is spoiled.
Uh oh, but little does she know that
her people, her mama and her papa,
are on their way over just to scoop her for a —
SNUGGLE! SNUGGLE!
This is not the content the world needs. Yes please.
SANSAAA
IS DED.
Dear Timettdosia, what to say to you?
You have my name, you only have one eye
I just realized my cat’s full name has the same number of syllables as Theodosia. This is excellent news for me; terrible news for her.
Dear Musichetta, what to say to you?
You have such paws, you have a silly name…
I sing Hambillton to my dog Bill all the time. I really love “Hambillton doesn’t hesitate, he exhibits no restraint, he takes and he takes and he takes,” which is applicable about 175,000 times a day, but there’s infinite room for elaboration in every song!
I do have a line though. I found it when I got to “I relish being *Bill’s* wif–NOPE.”
Being Bill’s skin wife, maybe.
When I first got my cat, I definitely sang “In Praise of Women” from A Little Night Music to her every day.
Durable, sensible
kittens.
Kittens.
Very nearly indispensable
creatures of grace.
everyone give up for the internet’s favorite fluffy puppy
SANSA STARK
i’m taking this bone by the end, gonna lick it, gonna share it with my friend i’m
SANSA STARK
and i’m never gonna stop until i eat it up, and dig a hole and that’ll be the end
SANSA STARK
watch me engaging, i’m enraging, i’m escaping those cats
i go to mom for more hugs
i come back and chase bugs
BRAVO
hey our pup is pretty great!
Just out of curiosity, NIcole how many different versions of “If [Hamilton character/cast member] was your [boyfriend/girlfriend]”, or Dirtbag [Hamilton character] do you have sitting in your submission box?
I’m just liking the crap out of all of the pet Hamilton lyrics right now.
If George Washington Were Your Mentor
omg
should I write it
If Chris Jackson was your boyfriend … You would sit together under your own vine and fig tree …
I often refer to my cat as “dumb, stanky and hungry” (and he’s not throwin away his treats!)
I was singing to Garrus yesterday that in New York, he can be a new cat. Just you wait.
How does a barn cat, orphan, covered in fleas with a runny nose
Dropped in the middle of Ohio, by providence impoverished, in squalor,
Grow up to be a lap cat and a purrer?
The 10 pounder, furry cat wearing a collar,
Got a lot fatter by stealing from my larder.
By being a lot cuter
By being a lot nicer
By 8 weeks, they’d placed her inside of my apartment.
And every day while she was being brushed and petted
Away inside the house, she played, but kept her guard up
Inside, she was longing for something to be a part of
The kitten was ready to beg, steal, borrow, or vomit.
Then wet food came, and celebrations reigned
Our cat saw her future grow, growing friendlier every day
Chased bottlecaps and rubberbands, brought them back to throw again
And she played her first games, a testament to her brain
Well, the word got around, they said, “This cat is insane, man”
Watch her run to where you are every time you open a catfood can!
“Stop your crazy yodeling, don’t attack the other cats, and
The world is gonna know your name. What’s your name, cat?”
Triceratops the ca-a-a-t.
My name is Triceratops the ca-a-a-t
And there’s a million things I haven’t done
But just you wait, just you wait…
I mean, I think this about The Toast’s existence a lot, but…Nicole,
how lucky we are to be alive right now
No pets at the moment, but I frequently sing this to the babies:
You don’t have the votes
You don’t have the votes
You’re gonna need mom & dad’s approval
and you don’t have the votes!
Yes they appreciate their lot in life, why do you ask
We ALSO got a dog last weekend, and yesterday partner was singing to Dog “Oh, Scoot/you chase away the morning fog…/look at my dog!” so I feel like the Toast Speaks To My Interests particularly well today.
Me to Charlie Potato Hashbrowns: Licking is easy, young man. Biting is harder.
Also, after he is naughty: You forfeit all rights to my heart! You forfeit a place in the bed! You’ll sleep in your kennel instead!
(It’s not true, he will never lose his place in my heart. But he did have to stop sleeping in my bed because he pees in his sleep)
Off topic, but do you ever call her Sansa Bark? Because you totally should.
I have still not listened to Hamilton because I am seeing it in TWO WEEKS and I decided to hold off to see it fresh (which is getting harder and harder the closer it gets), but I look forward to singing these to the shelter pups in the future since I already sing showtunes to them all the time.
I gave in and listened to the soundtrack two weeks ago because the odds that Hamilton will come to Australia any tim soon? Not good.
SANSA MOTHERF*CKIN DEMOCUTIE REPUPPERSON
Bark less.
Wag more!
Don’t let them know you peed the carpet by the door.
This was the worst day I can possibly remember (found out I’m miscarrying) and this made me smile. So thank you, I needed this so very much.
I’m so sorry.
Thinking of you. (And your choice in usernames is great).
BEST OF CATS AND BEST OF KITTENS
I actually just got my cat in october and so her name is Lafayette.
This is everything.
I didn’t know that I could love you more, but I totally do. (As my blog is also filled with embarrassing songs I’ve adapted for canine purposes.)
Listen. I am SO HAPPY that the internet has reassured me that lots of people sing songs to their pets. SO. HAPPY.
There’s nothing like summer in the city, someone under stress meets a very fluffy kitty. Excuse me miss I know it’s not funny but your tail makes me think that you’ve got a fluffy tummy.
(I’m a fluffy cat, baby, you can fluff me)
(You’re the cutest kitty in the world, the cutest kitty in the world!)
“my power of speech: limited” is the best joke, I was almost choking with laughter. Brilliant.
Dear Nicole –
I unfollowed you on twitter and have skipped a lot of things on the toast that are Hamilton-related. It wasn’t because I wasn’t interested, but I bought my tickets four months out so I could afford them and I’ve been trying in vain to avoid spoilers. Then yesterday I finally saw Hamilton and it was maybe better than I was lead to believe? I had to go straight back to work the next day and haven’t been able to talk to anyone about it, so now I’m going back and reading every word you or anyone else has written about the show. It is very rewarding.
I like to sing "not throwing away my chat" to my kitty.
WEEPING over the fact that my beloved pug died before he could hear these songs. He had to make do with that “Gay Bar” song but with “dog park” substituted for “gay bar”.
WEEPING over the fact that my beloved pug died before he could hear these songs. He had to make do with that "Gay Bar" song but with "dog park" substituted for "gay bar".
Why have I never considered this crossover possibility????
Fav:
“I have never been the same
Little brown eyes in a fuzzy-gray frame”
I’m inexplicably relieved to find out I’m not the only one who does this. I often take my cat’s POV, though, to sing about.
“I always been the type to try to grab the spotlight
I was at the shelter with some kittens on a cold night
Laughing at my mousie as I scoot it round the room
then you walked in and my heart went boom
Trying to catch your eye from the side of the kennel
Everybody’s meowing at their own top volume
Purr to the rhythm as they whine and cry
I grab my vet tech and whisper ‘hey those are mine'”
Or, as my other cat likes to say to my brother, who is both dearly loved and clearly at fault for everything bad that happens to her.
“Uncle Sandy, someone ought to remind you . . . you’re NOTHING without mommies behind you.”
My l’il cat is named after the actress who plays Daphne on Nashville, but now her name is also Hercules Mulligan!!!
I am coming to this article late because I literally begin my days singing to my dog:
“Your name is Fitzy Puppy Little Dog; Fitzy Puppy Little Dog!
And there’s a million things you haven’t sniffed, but just you wait!”
I think you have struck a cord with all “crazy” pet lovers. You will find me often serenading my pooch with tv theme songs (Daisy is a suprisingly easy name to place in to just about any song).
Also, ofcourse, “Daisy, Daisy give me your answer true”