“Sorry, folks, there’s no wi-fi on-board this California Zephyr train…the only WWW you need is the Wide World outside your Window.”

“What you’re seeing right now is America’s backyard.”

“Folks, here in the snack car I’ve got hot coffee, I’ve got tea and beverages, I’ve got beer and wine available for purchase, I’ve got all kinds of snacks available…the snack car is now open, and I’m ready for ya.”

“You know, the Republicans, they wanted to get rid of Amtrak. Zero funding. But you can’t get rid of us.”

“Folks, there’s no smoking on this train. There’s never been smoking allowed on this train, but now there’s a federal law with some real teeth to it.”

[To me, who is obviously too excited to be on a train for an adult woman] “This your first time on a sleeper train?”

“So the rule was, whoever had a baby girl first got the doll-house. It’s a replica of the original house, too, with full electrical…electricity wiring. And they kept having boys. Until she got pregnant with me and I won it for her.”

“My ex-wife works for the railroad too. Lucky it’s a big country.”