Please enjoy our conversation about episodes 1-4. We are now ready to take on 5-8. We have loved you truly. This post is sponsored by Gloria, who is proud to be a Toast.
Nicole: Well, I hope y’all enjoy DREAM SEQUENCES, because we’ve got ’em all! Peter Russo? CHECK. Zoe Barnes? CHECK. Civil War ancestor? CHECK. Eye-gouging? CHECK. I mean, I get it, he’s haunted by the ghosts of his past, I’ve seen Crimson Peak, I know how it works.
These post-assassination attempt episodes for me are divided neatly in two: the ones where Frank is unconscious and Claire is wrapping herself around Donald Blythe’s pant leg like a friggin’ boa constrictor, and the ones where Frank is back in business and we suddenly care about this shiny Instagram family, the Conways. Where did THEY come from?
Before we get to InstaFam, though, let’s talk about Doug Stamper.
We’re just starting to see Doug get squeamish about the maneuver he pulled with the organ recipient list (which is TINY potatoes in the scheme of Doug’s sins! he moved THE PRESIDENT up ONE SPOT, like, this is no killing-Rachel-and-dumping-her-body-in-the-desert) and I do not like it when Doug gets wobbly, a wobbly Doug is only a few steps away from a drinking Doug. But Doug’s real problem is that he doesn’t want to share Frank, and LeAnn and Slippery Seth and he are all warily circling each other like a group of feral streetcats.
Seth is…the least trustworthy person in the world. Why would you let THIS face run your press conferences? He’s straight out of central casting: Deceitful Washingtonian Insider.
Nikki: Can I just say that watching Claire twist Donald Blythe around her little finger was an absolute joy? “I trust you with my goddamn life, Claire.” I HOWLED.
I have been ill this week and watching House of Cards with one eye closed, through the literal mist produced by my humidifier, so I very well may have missed this entirely, but — is Doug feeling remotely squeamish about bumping the organ recipient who was ahead of Frank on the list? When the poor, bullied Secretary of HHS sends Doug the photo of the guy with his family, he looks at it for like a second and then closes it — back to business. I can’t quite believe that DOUG I-let-a-woman-I-was-in-love-with-think-I-was-going-to-spare-her-life-then-drove-BACK-to-murder-her Stamper is capable of regret over effectively killing a stranger. Then again, while Doug has been an absolute mess every time he’s been separated from Frank for any reason, those are also the times when he’s been closest to turning into a Real Boy again (remember how he came so close to letting his brother in, and being like, a normal person with one semi-healthy familial relationship when the Underwoods froze him out following Rachel’s escape?). And as you point out, he’s got to share his toys with LeAnn and Seth now — so maybe that does throw him off to the point where he might question the occasional murder or two.
As for The Selfie Candidate™, Conway, everything about him unsettles me. The performative making out with his wife! The dead look in his eyes, like he’s an Evil Politician Ken Doll! Enlisting right after 9/11 because of his political aspirations! He’s got this creepy Grown-Up Hitler Youth vibe going on (AM I WRONG? I’M NOT WRONG) and as a rival, he’s definitely got something Heather Dunbar didn’t — the ability to try and be as ruthless as Frank, even if remains largely unrealized potential since I don’t believe the show will let Frank lose yet. But Conway’s wife is no Claire, and that’ll be the difference.
In the vast and beautiful universe of nefarious scheming open to exploration, I have to say that the candidates’ warring top-secret internets manipulation is pretty snoozeworthy. I do not care one bit about Pollyhop or “transparency” or leveraging metadata for political means. We all know about our government by now (“We Listen Because We Care”); no one has any privacy; we’ll all die one day. Moving on.
Can we talk about Jackie and Remy again? Are we ever going to find out what’s going on there? It’s never been made clear exactly why they are together, or what either of them really wants. Given what the two of them have learned from past dealings with the Underwoods, I think it was awfully naive of them to believe for a second they could hide their relationship — honestly, how do you think you have an affair in DC without the Underwoods getting it on film? And why can’t they give Jackie more to do than skulk around having a clandestine romance?
Nicole: UGH POLLYHOP IS SO BORING. I think I’m just jaded about the NSA, but I absolutely assume someone is looking at everything I do, 24/7, and it’s inevitable, so lol nothing matters. Also, they keep trying to talk about it in hushed tones to convince us that USING THIS DATA might be a “step too far,” like, guy, you’re so past this. I’ve seen you wake up the Chief of Police at 2am to haul someone out of jail and make the arrest disappear.
Jackie is criminally underused in this season. I LOVE Molly Parker so much (she’s kind of a big deal to my people, the Canadians) and she really hasn’t had anything meaty to do. Does she even have a job? Remember when she sold out her family friend and had lunch with him and was just “this is how it’s gonna be”? I miss that Jackie! I keep waiting for her and Frank to have an incredible scene together like they used to, but I guess there are just too many irons in the fire for that.
NOW, let’s talk about the persistence of Tom Hammerschmidt, who is doggedly picking up the blood-soaked breadcrumbs that Lucas left behind. Is he going to pull it off? I love the idea that the show will toodle along with all of its shiny battles, and then it’ll ultimately be brought low by the Washington Herald.
Here’s the thing, though: I don’t buy that Tom would keep pushing. EVERYONE INVOLVED IN THE STORY IS DEAD or as-good-as (poor Janine!) and if I were in his shoes, I would accept that the Underwoods are the Borgias and move on with my life. Take your dogs for a walk, Tom!
Nikki: Every time I see that dog of Tom’s I have this terrible sense of foreboding, like they’re setting us up for something to happen to Tom AND ALSO HIS DOG, which I will be in no way okay with. I agree with you: Let the Underwoods do what they’re gonna do, Tom; you have a dog to live for and a shitty novel to write, remember?
And speaking of kinda shitty novels, Tom Yates is back — more about him next week, when we wrap up House of Cards Season 4. In the meantime let’s chat in the comments, Toasties!
YATES SEEMS LIKE A TERRIBLE WRITER
HE’S SOOO BAAAAD
He’s obviously been hired for his body, not his mind.
We’re supposed to think he’s terrible, right?
Right?
I do. I can tell where they’re going with this and I feel he is unworthy of sex w/ Claire.
Who isn’t, though?
FAIR
when they said “No one got us like Meechum…except for Yates” I was immediately expecting another threesome scene
HOW DID THAT NOT HAPPEN THOUGH
He is my least favorite thing about the entire series. I don’t know if its the actor, the script, the directing or WHAT but I do not like it when he shows up.
he seems to irk my partner the most, who keeps yelling about yates being emotionless and monotone (“what would he even write about he’s just FLAT”)
The most likable thing that Conway has done at all is be like, “That guy is a shitty writer, anyway.”
I disagree with his reasoning (“what kind of pussy doesn’t keep his friend from suicide” is such a shitty thing to say) but, i mean, HE IS RIGHT.
Ugh Petrov. I like how Claire handled him this time, that was satisfying. The whole “you should apologize” malarky. HA.
I like how this season there is more noise going off about who will/won’t talk to whom, and about addressing people a certain way. “You wouldn’t negotiate with anyone but me.”
Conway reminds me of that politician that Ben and April worked for on Parks and Rec.
Have we discussed the frequency with which Frank has broken the fourth wall this season? Seemed pretty infrequent the first half, then much more the second half.
Yes! He’s a creepy bot. But a creepy bot played by Joel Kinnaman, who I loooovvvveeeeeee. (I think Kinnaman as Conway is great casting, and can’t get over how well he does that shiny-façade-that-you-know-hides-something-TERRIBLE act.)
Yes! “I could eat some batteries, I mean human food”
Yes! I spent a good while wondering if it was the same actor.
I think its the dead eye smile.
I hope I’m not the only one who hasn’t yet watched this season but is still reading these posts with delight. (spoilers? WHO CARES)
Right there with you! I was so annoyed they didn’t end Season 3 the way the BBC original did, and swore I wouldn’t watch this season at all if they continued not doing that, so am reading ALLLL the spoilers before I commit.
OMG. I can’t even allow myself to reminisce about the BBC series; how do you cope?
I think the difference now with them talking about “is this too far” is that as President, Frank is under FAR more scrutiny than he ever was before and they know that they can’t get away with as much. He’s got an entourage everywhere he goes, every location he steps in has to be cleared by the Secret Service, and a press corp travels with him. Never mind that at every appearance he makes, public or private, everyone in attendance has a recording device that can take photos, video, and audio with no obvious bulk or noise. They are far less likely to get away with their usual shady shit and I think that knowledge has everyone jumpy, and makes them feel off their game.
Yeah, all of this seemed less, “This is a betrayal of the public trust for which I will never be forgiven” and more “Oh, this will probably no stay secret because we will leave a data trail and those are less easily killed than human sacks of flesh which can be so easily murdered.”
Can someone remind me why it would be a HUGE TERRIBLE SCANDAL if news of Remy and Jackie’s relationship were public? I know that when he was chief of staff it was a little bit taboo, but when he was “retired”? Who cares? They are single adults who are both hot as all get out running around in the same social and work circles.
Single politicians date and marry other people in the political world (reporters, lobbyists, staffers, etc.) all the time in the real world and no one cares. Am I forgetting something?
Jackie is married (to a…doctor?) and has some (two?) stepkids!
Oh, I thought they just dated. She married that dude? I kind of don’t remember that. But, of course I don’t because he is SO BLAND.
Yeah, totally forgot about him too
Ugh the Pollyhop stuff is so boring. Or maybe I just don’t understand it? Of course the campaign is data-mining. And rearranging web hits to make your guy look his best is basic SEO, right? So maybe I’m just too jaded by real life to be shocked?
Also, am I the only person who thought Doug was going to kill 1) himself or 2) another person (as in, physically murder with his own hands) to get Frank a liver? The moving the President up one spot on the registry was dirty, but not as dirty as what I was expecting.
Also the whole storyline about switching nos. 1 & 2 on the recipient list is ridiculous since it presumes any ole donor liver will just match both of them.
I really dislike the Conways. I know I’m supposed to, but they’re such weird creeps in nice people clothing. They are wearing the skin of nice people. They don’t have the dignity (as Claire does) to become an ice queen through sale of soul or (as Frank does) accept that white males can look however and still be president. No, they bought Barbie bodies. And Instagram’d them.
That is all.
Anyone should feel free to correct me on this because I was like, tweeting and painting my nails while watching, but isn’t the deal with Pollyhop (and the other data guy? Frank’s data guy? Aidan or something?) the fact that it’s sort of a legal grey area wrt campaign finance? Like as an in-kind contribution, it might exceed the limits or something?
am I the only one who ships Jackie & Remy?? They both need more to do but they are both beautiful people and I want them to be happy together!
I absolutely NEED Remy to be happy. If it’s with her, I’m good, but I’m not choosy.
So much ugh at Pollyhop… not only at that plot in general but also name sounding like a children’s playground game.
Also, SETH, why did you not gtfo of your job & the city the moment Doug tried to snuff you out with a glass slammed onto your face?! (Also, now I think all Washington insiders need a gtfo bank account.)
It doesn’t sound like a search engine at all, it sounds like a dating website where everyone is specifically looking for open relationships. Or a website where you’re looking to trade in your parrot for a different parrot. It’s SUCH A BAD NAME for a Google-esque tool.
I don’t understand Seth or why he didn’t run, either, but then idc about him very much!
“It doesn’t sound like a search engine at all, it sounds like a dating website where everyone is specifically looking for open relationships.” ———> THAT IS WHAT IT SHOULD BE.
To me it sounds like a Stars Hollow event — it’s Pollyhop Weekend! It’s a sock hop where everyone dresses like pirates and Kirk is in a pirate costume.
Every time Seth turns up onscreen I think he looks like he wandered in there by mistake. I was so sure we had seen the last of him when Doug pulled that stunt.
Can we talk about the offhand conversation about “replacing a supreme court justice during an election”? Could they have feasibly re-shot that scene after Scalia died? Or are they just creepily prophetic?
I liked Molly Parker in Deadwood, not so much in Underwood.
I’m still processing this season. So many questions. Also the fact that I have to wait a year to watch the next season. Why?!
This was already set up in S3 when Underwood tried to convince Dunbar to accept the Supreme Court nomination.
Did anyone else notice how, when Doug volunteered his liver to Frank’s doctor, the doctor just looked at him and went “You can’t, you’re a recovering alcoholic.” Was Doug’s alcoholism like, an INCREDIBLY public event in the show, to the point where doctors, who presumably don’t actually care about insider washington political gossip or the medical history of the presidents staff, know that he has a drinking problem? ALSO, HIPAA!? A doctor can’t just like announce YOU’RE AN ALCOHOLIC!!!! in a hallway. (My husband is an MD and we were watching together and just, like, died about that entire exchange).
YES Fausto is TOTALLY going to die. The dog NEVER survives.