Previously, we the Nicoles talked about Episodes 1-4 and 5-8. We are now here to discuss the final five episodes of Season 4. Spoilers abound.
Nicole: THIS WAS NOT ENOUGH ENDING FOR ME. What kind of ending is this? I think the problem is that we pay no attention to the foreign policy stuff on this show, so even though it’s obviously supposed to be a big deal that the Underwoods are starting a literal war for political reasons, I’m just “ho-hum.” But objectively, starting a war to distract people from a newspaper article is bad. I get that.
I wish we’d gotten to see a little more about what the article entailed, though. I felt the same way about Lucas’ suicide note? WE know all the terrible things Frank has done, but it seems like Lucas mentioned the murders and Tom hasn’t wrapped his brain around the Underwoods as actual murderers yet.
Now, let’s give it up for Freddy, the MVP of the season/world/my life. Did you love it more when Freddy called Frank a motherfucker, or did you love it more when he beat up Tom Hammerschmidt because he’s not going to be a snitch?
Nikki: The first one, for sure. It’s beautiful that Freddy is so unafraid of Frank and I love that he kicked in Frank’s whole weird fantasy of them being bros. I truly hope Freddy is allowed to move on and enjoy his new Georgetown flower shop job, but I’d feel better about his future if he no longer shared a city with the Underwoods, who destroy everything and everyone eventually.
I want to be sure we REJOICE for Jackie and Remy, who are finally free of Frank after going on the record in an attempt to destroy him. (At least, I hope they are free — unlike everyone else, they at least had the sense to get out of DC.) Remy and Jackie, takin’ their show on the road! I could not be happier for these two beautiful people:
Didn’t you think it was weird that Doug had essentially no reaction (at least that we really saw) to the Herald story? He has made the Underwoods his entire life/religious affiliation, and now a potentially career-ending story drops and he’s just like “well, I got a widow to romance, gotta bounce!”? Now I have to spend a solid year until season 5 living in mortal terror for Lauren Moretti. Do you think it’s remotely plausible she wouldn’t suspect anything, given that Doug gave all that money to her late husband’s memorial fund and works at the White House and her husband died from not getting a transplant right around the time the President got a life-saving transplant? LAUREN. WHY ARE YOU SO OPEN AND TRUSTING, I TRULY FEAR FOR YOU. All you have to do is spend, like, half a minute with Doug to realize that the man likely has no reflection and would totally hijack a donor list for his boss’s gain.
I also felt kind of cheated by the way Tom Hammerschmidt’s big story unfolded. We see Seth in a daze, trapped in his office and unable to pick up his ringing phone and offer any spin; we see the Underwoods floundering for all of one minute before Claire tells Frank to go put on his power suit and find his steel. And that’s really kind of it! We did not get to see the article reverberating through the halls of power, which is really what I wanted after all those people died and various careers were sacrificed to bring just some of the Underwoods’ crimes to light. And why, given everything he knows, does Tom believe Frank would stop just short of murder??
Nicole: I almost forgot to reply to this because my husband and I are watching The Blacklist, which is BONKERS and not really good but we keep watching it? Anyway, Donald Blythe plays a competent mean person instead of an incompetent nice person in it, and it throws me EVERY TIME. I keep waiting for him to say “now, Frank, you’re terrible, you’re a ghoulish hellbeast!” for three seconds and then forget everything that’s ever happened and be grateful to the Underwoods for giving him a new pair of cufflinks or something.
That was a sidebar.
JACKIE AND REMY! Driving in a car! Smiling with their faces! Maybe they’ll wear t-shirts or order a drink with an umbrella in it!
Lauren Lauren Lauren Lauren go to a widow’s book club, get a sliding-scale therapist! Do not go sit in a car with Doug! No one is going to fix Doug. Doug is not going to be healed by the love of a good woman. Doug knew a good woman, and he made her break up with her sweet girlfriend and then killed her!
Yeah, this is the ultimate “not with a bang but a whimper” season ending. Okay, shall we wrap up with our wishlist for season five?
Claire Wears One Peplum Skirt
Donald Blythe Turns to the Dark Side
Tom Hammerschmidt Throws Up His Hands And Goes to Work For TMZ
Frank Takes Yoga And Practices Mindfulness
Jackie and Remy Go To Bali
You?
Nikki:
Seth Flees Town and Literally No One Notices
Janine Wins a Faculty Teaching Award and Takes a Long Vacation
Frank Has No More Dreams, At Least Not Ones We Have to See
Tom Yates is So Crushed When Claire Dumps Him He Never Writes Another Word
A Newly Woke Lauren Moretti Commits the Perfect Murder
Yes! That ending felt like it should be the end of episode 6, not 13.
Maybe it’s cause the forgiven policy stuff is so boring (and trying to be serious when in fact it’s bonkers (we don’t …import ..gas ..from Russia?) but it felt like this season, while better than 3, still had a lot of unnecessary filler and dramatic pauses? There’s a lot of wordless staring, is what I’m saying.
Also I feel like Tom Yates is an unfired gun? He goes off so creepily passive and threatening, I keep expecting a reveal that’s he’s been keeping his victim’s bodies stocked in lye in his closet or something.
That or I want him sleeping with both of them and trying to orchestrate thier fall like he’s some bizarre child of divorced parents playing them off each other.
Suuuuuuuper late, but I finally finished the season, w/e. I also want him to be sleeping with both of them. He can orchestrate their fall or not, I don’t really care. But then I want to watch them team up to destroy him. He’s just so bland.
I have also been programmed to respond with complete terror to the Mikkelsen cheekbones, apparently.
THE LETTER-OPENER SCENE OMG. I was ready for Cathy to take a shit on the oval office floor after that, but no, ha ha Frank, I get it! o.m.g.
Also we didn’t talk about it but DOUG WANTING TO DONATE A PIECE OF HIS LIVER. That made me guffaw. Of course he would say that. Please, let me be a part of Frank’s body, I am WILLING. All the ugh’s. Ugh.
Wish list for next season:
1. For Remy and Jackie to lead a Bourne Supremacy style sub-plot, wherein they don’t so much run around in a half-fugue state but they do so much run around kicking ass and staying under the radar from Stamper and Mr. Big Nose.
2. For the InstaFam to divorce and the ex-wife becomes a lifestyle brand and interviews Claire for a piece and then summarily uses the interview to drag Claire through the mud but Claire does the equivalent “Do you ever regret having them?” treatment to her.
3. Seth will need some lifesaving transplant and after a thorough search Doug Stamper is the perfect match and he has to give Seth a piece of his whatever. Bwahahaha!
4. Something with Dunbar and Tom…
I personally believe that Hannah Conway ran a very popular, now defunct lifestyle blog for years (in addition to whatever she was doing, career-wise) and had to stop when she got too busy supporting her husband’s rising political career. When he is put in his rightful place I hope she leaves him and all of #2 comes to pass, except I would actually like to think Claire wouldn’t bother crushing Hannah like a bug once InstaFam is no longer a credible threat to her.
Agree with you on the first point, disagree on the second. She would totally go for a low blow insult Claire-style. “You must have so much free time now, and it looks like you’re keeping rather busy,” then crossing the legs at the ankles and that little “I’m listening” head tilt.
oh sure, I just can’t see her needing to do anything truly destructive to Hannah, who really seems like she’s not made for the big leagues.
I felt bad for Hannah stepping on that landmine with the children comment. And I loved that little part where her son said “But you said he was a vampire!” No, she’s definitely not ready for the big leagues.
I suspect Hannah Conway is going to be crushed by her husband (as has already started), and when she realizes how much of a dick her husband truly is, she’s going to look for sympathy/solidarity from Claire… which she’ll get in exchange for selling out her husband so HE can be crushed like a tiny little bug.
I would be here for this. Like, so much.
1. I was really disappointed- wait, now that I think about it, I’m disappointed in this every season- that we don’t get to see the true disarray the country is in, whether it’s a result of Underwood fuckery or not. Like, gas was almost $7 a gallon??! And all we see is one two-minute scene of a long line at the pump? Where is the chaos? Characters keep telling us in offhand remarks that the country is melting down but we never actually -see- any of it.
2. I want Jackie and Remy to retire and have houses in Napa and Miami.
3. The takedown of InstaFam will be at the hands of Claire, who will rope Tom into doing the actual dirty work. After they succeed, she will dump him, then preemptively leak that he did not write his magnum opus in order to keep him quiet. Claire will then smoke a cigarette in a belted dress.
4. Doug will continue to be a monster I am inexplicably attracted to idk idk idk it’s the grizzled dad/tailored suit lookWHATEVER
#4 – yup
#1: I kept rewinding and rewatching, convinced I’d missed something, because that long line couldn’t have been IT…
My whole wishlist for next season involves Claire revealing a super long game to kill Frank and take over the presidency, although I also like the idea of Tom Yates slowly dissolving into a mist and the InstaFamily imploding.
I think it would be wonderful if Tom Yates the person simply ceased to be the instant Claire stopped thinking about him, which I hope will be soon.
I would believe it.
Claire is a 4th-wall-breaking character now! She has powers!
My biggest disappointment is seeing Heather Dunbar cast aside so quickly this season. Not that I ever think she had a chance against the Machiavellian schemings of the Underwoods, but it’d be nice to see her go toe-to-toe with them a little more. Now, we’re just left we two awful people in the general election.
Also, I fear the doe-eyed Ms. Conway will be a political casualty (or perhaps – literal casualty) next season.
Yeah she’s toast.
I was so annoyed by the last line. Direct Breaking Bad crib, yes? I mean, come on.
I have so many heart-eyes for Jackie and Remy driving off into the sunset together but also fear because this means at least one of them will probably be gruesomely murdered by Doug Stamper next season.
I was so excited to watch the landslide win for Team Underwood when it was revealed that the “kidnapping” was entirely arranged by Conway in some bush league move to make himself look good on a national stage. HUGE MISSED OPPORTUNITY. Everything else could have been the same, but I’m VERY disappointed that we’ve now had basically two season of campaigning without an election and the timeline has been very difficult to piece together. I’m about to go full Hammerschmidt on this season and last season to figure out how Frank managed to get shot, have major organ transplant surgery, and be basically back to normal in ~6 ish months.
But watching Team Underwood firing on all cylinders in the back half of this season was pretty great. Doug’s creepy love keeps threatening to tip the apple cart (yes, let’s dig up dirt on the campaign manager IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CAMPAIGN, mom and dad can love their other kids too, weirdo) and now I’m very scared for that nice widow he’s into. Bad things happen to nice brunette ladies he focuses his affections on.
My wishlist:
Freddie Becomes DC’s Finest Provider of Floral Arrangements and Delivers a Perfectly Styled Middle Finger Arrangement Made of Daisies to the Funeral of Francis.
Doug is Dumped by Lauren Who Surely Knows her Hubby was Bumped Off the List (and Thus Bumped Off Generally) and is Merely Stringing Him Along™
InstaFam Vanish Entirely With the Exception of a Single Scene Where we Watch Them Watch Their Social Meeeeja Numbers Plummet so that we may Enjoy Maximum Schadenfreude.
Tom Yates Dissolves in his Own Oleagiousness. He is Not Missed. By Anyone.
There is a Single Scene of a Starkly Beautiful Claire in a Splendid Outfit Vigorously Washing her Hands Lady Macbeth-ishly but it is Short and so We Can Indulge it.
Yessssssssssssssss to the last one.
“Freddie Becomes DC’s Finest Provider of Floral Arrangements and Delivers a Perfectly Styled Middle Finger Arrangement Made of Daisies to the Funeral of Francis.”
Would pay all my money for this scene to happen.
Anytime Doug Stamper is asked a question in a scene, my Stamper response in my head (okay, I tend to say it out loud too) is usually along the lines of “I’m plotting a murder/I’m about to go murder/I’m murdering right now, but I’ll call you back”.
I straight-up stood up and cheered when Freddie told Frank off. YEAH.
I also cheered at Claire’s line about being tired of trying to make people like her. I mean, she’s a sociopath and a very scary person, but also, right there with you, lady.
My sole remaining wish for this show is for Tom’s dog to make it out alive.
Further thanks for the spoilery spoilers – I needed someone to tell me whether it was worth watching this season. I think not – 10 years as a bureaucrat means I Cannot suspend disbelief re the technicalities of governing to the extent required. I spent most of S3 having to pause and tell my husband, ‘But if a sitting President did a press conference where he shouted, *You are entitled to NOTHING!* at people, surely that would tank the stockmarket immediately? Followed by the real economy shortly after? These things are finely balanced, and rely on confidence! Gah!!!’
Anyway, The Toast doing the lord’s work, as ever.
His right hand annoys me more than his accent. Her accent grates on me though, she's mostly neutral and then goes super English, its weird and inconsistent.
His hand though. It needs to stop with that weird non-pointing while he's talking.
“Nicole: I almost forgot to reply to this because my husband and I are watching The Blacklist, which is BONKERS and not really good but we keep watching it?”
Nearly off topic, but THIS EXACTLY THIS re: The Blacklist (and also Leverage, if you want to look way back.)
I find I can’t stop watching anything involving James Spader, because he’s magnetically creepy.
Oh yeah, my sister in DC highly recommends Veep over House of Cards as a slice of govt. life.
Every time the dog made a sound, I explained to Tom – in a loud voice, so he could hear me – that the dog had to be barking BECAUSE SOMEONE WAS THERE TO KILL IT. The fact that that didn't happen means they're trying to lull us into a false sense of dog security, only to kill it off "unexpectedly" in the next season.