Refreshing Alternatives to #longhairdontcare

by Christina Lee · March 17, 2016

#neckweardontcare
For flaunting your scarves, subtly.

#aurevoirdontcare
For when you’re saying goodbye to someone you didn’t like anyway and also you don’t really remember much about French pronunciation.

#bartletpeardontcare
For when you’re starting to eat healthier but don’t want to seem braggy.

#privateerdontcare
For trying to be brave in front of pirates.

#fanfaredontcare
For when everyone else is making a huge deal about shit and you are keeping your cool, like at parades.

#aupairdontcare
For brooding selfies at French parks, or for alerting your absent parents that your nanny isn’t doing her job.

#bookofcommonprayerdontcare
For losing your religion. Or for Episcopalians who want to share their morning devotions in a jaunty way.

#frankoharadontcare
For when you grow disenchanted with the New York School or when you’re unabashedly enjoying a poem about sandwiches.

#bevelsquaredontcare
For woodworkers who want a new hobby, or woodworking mishaps that aren’t life-threatening.

#pandabeardontcare
For a zoo visit you’re not that into.

#atthePitiéSalpêtrièredontcare
When illness strikes during your French vacation but it’s not life-threatening or anything.

#midairdontcare
For burnt-out acrobats.

#socialwelfaredontcare
For Republicans.

#voltairedontcare
For when you forgot to study for your philosophy final, or for expressing how upset you are when you learn Voltaire might have supported slave trade.

#laissezfairedontcare
For high school seniors failing government, or for being intentionally redundant for laughs.

#simondebeauviordontcare
For men’s rights groups.

#americanblackbeardontcare
For wildlife encounters that don’t frighten you, or for when you’re trying to unsubscribe from the Sierra Club email list.

#namedBlairdontcare
When girls named Blair really don’t have an opinion about it.

#racketeerdontcare
For trying to be brave in front of the mob.

Christina Lee is a poet and public school teacher who lives just outside Los Angeles.

40 Comments

  1. tabbylavalamp +52

    #thischairdontcare

    Because this chair I’m sitting on can be an uncomfortable jerk sometimes.

  4. RudyRed +115

    #RenFairedontcare

    Because sometimes you want to wear a bodice that turns your boobs into a shelf, damn the haters.

  5. irreverantontheinternet +46

    Having stood on porches and yelled at black bears to just leave the effing bird feeder alone and go back to sleep… truly they don’t care (unless you throw boots at them, apparently they really dislike projectile shoes).

    All these animal encounter stories on the toast and people probably think I live somewhere way off the grid, but it’s all suburban NH/urban MA. New England animals are ballsy.

    1. treereenee +68

      this reminds me of the time my sister tried to scare a flock of ducks off the back lawn by spraying them with the hose. Turns out ducks like water, who knew?

      1. irreverantontheinternet +22

        Ha!

        One time I decided to drive my car through a flock of seagulls because I wanted to watch them all take flight.

        Turns out grocery store seagulls aren’t afraid of vehicles and they just sauntered slowly in front of me and around me.

    2. m98widow +27

      The giant roving pack of wild turkeys in my neighborhood agree. If they had fingers, they would be snapping them a la West Side Story.

      1. grace_adieu +13

        no animal has ever looked at me quite as disdainfully as the pair of wild turkeys crossing the street in front of my car managed to

  6. grumblyqueer +61

    #longhaircareverymuchactually
    #longhairisalwaysgettingtuckedinmyjeans
    #longhairholdsexactlyonestylewhichisFlatRootsAndSomeWaves
    #longhairisstilldryandfrizzyendedwhentherootshaveenoughoiltheUSwantstoinvademyscalp
    #longhairmystylistattackedWITHAFUCKINGROUNDBRUSHWHODOESTHAT

    1. typewriterandgramophone +30

      #longhairgotshortenedbyeightincheslastSunday
      #longhairwasNOTcausingtheheadachesapparently
      #longhairismissed

  8. houblonchouffe +34

    The Buffy pic and Jonathan article are reinforcing my belief that I need to watch more Buffy.

    2. MunchletteBelle +23

      Buffy’s pink leather pants are one of the most Buffy things that she has ever worn.

    3. Hillabee +3

      I FINALLY finished season 7 after procrastinating for a decade and then started reading the comics. Do you know there are THREE MORE SEASONS?! They’re in comic form but the same writers and it carries on the plot and characters and I love them and it has been wonderful. Also, I got them all from my library. Yay.

  9. LacaunaKale +8

    #soremouthdontcare
    Because apparently lemonade is now too much for my delicate constitution, but I love it so

  10. Pola_Negroni +31

    Will someone explain the longhairdontcare meme to me? Is having long hair rebellious now? Because I’ve had an Eton crop (think of a stylized 20’s of a pixie) for almost a decade now and have gotten plenty of the “Oh you’re SO BRAVE to have such short hair, I could NEVER do that” backhanded compliments, but I’ve never heard that sort of thing applied to women with long hair.

        1. andiebiagini +17

          I’ve seen #shorthairdontcare much more frequently I think. It’s very confusing. When am I supposed to care?

          1. Heathered +21

            Only when it is growing out from a short cut but not yet long. #midlengthhairsomanyfeelings

    2. irreverantontheinternet +30

      Yes! Once I got my shoulder-length hair cut into a pixie I had SO MANY MEN tell me “well I don’t usually like short hair but that looks good.”

      THANKS BUT I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR PREFERENCES (also “but what does your boyfriend think????” he thinks I whine less. He likes it when I whine less.)

      1. Pola_Negroni +59

        Hello are you me? I got that exact same thing from dudes, and from women –and I was living in Texas, land of Giant Pageant Hair– I got the passive-aggressive backhanded compliments. Eventually I just got fed up with the “Oh you’re so brave, I could NEVER do that” and started answering “well not everyone has the bone structure to pull it off.”

    3. lbolesta +7

      I always assumed it was in reference to a pop song I’ve never heard, but the internet is not helping me out either. Nothing on Know Your Meme. Now I feel even more uneducated.

  11. bethcorriveau +16

    #sunglaredontcare

    When it’s spring again and all the pairs of sunglasses you used to have somehow disappeared over the winter.

  12. alula_auburn +28

    #piRsquaredontcare
    When you’re just done with geometry

    #lionlairdontcare

    A lion who needs an interior design makeover

    #itsnicetosharedontcare

    But sometimes it’s nice to have it all to yourself.

    #Chicagomayordontcare

    Ugh, Rahm.

  13. Ross Thompson +13

    Voltaire once gamed the French lottery, earning himself about half a million livres (about infinity dollars in today’s money), so yeah; #VoltaireDontCare

  14. Alpine, RN +17

    #maidenhairdontcare- for when i kill my ferns

    #freshairdontcare- for when i’m not that into NPR

    #savoirfairedontcare- when you’re just OVER it

  15. sadreceptionist +10

    As a resident Toastie Alopecian – #NOhairdontcare (just kidding I do care I would like to not be bald but WHATEVER)

  17. Coco +4

    #aurevoirdontcare

    For when you’re a colonial-era Frenchman departing for the new world and that’s how you’d say au revoir, little did you know your noble pronunciation would eventually be known as modern rural québécois French… And you aren’t that concerned about it I guess.

  18. Household_Opera +4

    #FrankOHaradontcare may be my new refrain, at least for those days when all I want to do is take an extra-long walk on my lunch hour among the hum-colored cabs.