Refreshing Alternatives to #longhairdontcare -The Toast

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For flaunting your scarves, subtly.

For when you’re saying goodbye to someone you didn’t like anyway and also you don’t really remember much about French pronunciation.

For when you’re starting to eat healthier but don’t want to seem braggy.

For trying to be brave in front of pirates.

For when everyone else is making a huge deal about shit and you are keeping your cool, like at parades.

For brooding selfies at French parks, or for alerting your absent parents that your nanny isn’t doing her job.

For losing your religion. Or for Episcopalians who want to share their morning devotions in a jaunty way.

For when you grow disenchanted with the New York School or when you’re unabashedly enjoying a poem about sandwiches.

For woodworkers who want a new hobby, or woodworking mishaps that aren’t life-threatening.

For a zoo visit you’re not that into.

When illness strikes during your French vacation but it’s not life-threatening or anything.

For burnt-out acrobats.

For Republicans.

For when you forgot to study for your philosophy final, or for expressing how upset you are when you learn Voltaire might have supported slave trade.

For high school seniors failing government, or for being intentionally redundant for laughs.

For men’s rights groups.

For wildlife encounters that don’t frighten you, or for when you’re trying to unsubscribe from the Sierra Club email list.

When girls named Blair really don’t have an opinion about it.

For trying to be brave in front of the mob.

Christina Lee is a poet and public school teacher who lives just outside Los Angeles.

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