CIRCLE OF FRIENDS, Minnie Driver, Saffron Burrows, 1995, putting on lipstick
The first thing I learned when I started writing about lingerie full time was that I was never going to be able to have a normal social life again. Telling people you’re a freelance writer is one thing, but telling people you write about lingerie all the time makes them look at you like you’re some kind of alien freak. You get all kinds of looks, like people can easily imagine the life you must lead at home: some jealously think of glamorous marabou robes and high-heeled boudoir slippers while others disapprovingly picture some kind of softcore porn video. The reality is that most days it’s usually sweatpants and at least six hours in front of my laptop.
The second thing no one tells you when you start writing about lingerie full time is that everyone has questions about it, even the people who think you might be softcore porn-adjacent. Women quietly sidle up to me to beg for recommendations about sports bras, about sexy lingerie to save their marriages, and more. Strangers ask me about mastectomy bras while I try to eat appetizers at art openings. People want to tell me their secrets so I can tell them how the right lingerie will solve their problems.
Lingerie is something that is both common and mysterious at the same time. Lingerie can be complex. Lingerie can be sentimental. Lingerie can be functional. But the most common experience women have with lingerie is usually horrible, with a nice big side of humiliating. I felt it the first time I ever walked into a lingerie boutique in my early twenties, when the fitter grabbed my stomach and asked if I was pregnant (I was not). I feel it when people tell me about how some strange fitter physically shoved them into a bra in a boutique and how it made them feel violated and scared. I sense it when women quietly whisper to me at parties about how their breasts aren’t the same size, so they must be freaks (asymmetry is both common and normal!). Learning to love lingerie generally means showing some stranger your body with no idea how they’re going to react. When you think about it that way, it’s no wonder most women don’t get fitted for bras on a regular basis.
There are lots of articles out there about how the internet has changed the way we shop for lingerie, but I’d argue that it’s done something more meaningful: it’s made lingerie of all styles and types available without the potentially intimidating and embarrassing boutique experience. It’s given us permission to experience lingerie in our own way, whether that’s superhero-themed garter belts or ruffled burlesque-style pieces. Internet shopping has given us the tools to find lingerie that means something to us, without getting a middleman like a boutique involved. In the last few years indie designers have taken up the challenge wholeheartedly, creating everything from rainbow unicorn panties to elaborate bondage style designs that walk the line between underwear and outerwear.
Unless you’re lucky enough to live near a really great boutique (and most of us are not) then your best bet to start getting to know the fun side of lingerie is to start with an online size calculator. Arm yourself with a soft tape measure and take each measurement twice. Then plug the numbers into the calculator and you’re ready to go! A good calculator will give you results in both UK and US bra sizes, which are actually different. You can also find charts with bra “sister sizes”, which basically translates as bras you can squeeze into and still have them fit reasonably well. You can use this when you find the bra of your dreams but it doesn’t quite come in your size range.
If you do want to go the old-fashioned boutique route, I’d still recommend starting with the calculator. Many people actually wear a bigger cup size than they think, so it’s good to know what your size might be so you can see if your local boutique carries it. Don’t forget to check out Yelp reviews as well: people are generally pretty upfront if their boobs were unexpectedly grabbed or if they felt judged. This lets you get all of the information you need upfront and figure out what your comfort level is when it comes to strangers and your breasts.
Once you do figure out your bra size, try not to think about it too much. There’s a huge stigma in this country when it comes to women who have D cup and above breasts, which unfortunately spills over into how we feel about our own bodies when we discover our actual bra size. The industry has expanded a lot, which means that there is truly a piece of lingerie out there for everyone. There is a bra for you whether you’re a K cup, have a large band size and a small cup, are plus-size or are petite. If you do go to a boutique and they tell you that no one makes your size, then that’s your cue to walk out. All that means is that they don’t carry your size and that they’re too proud to send you to someplace that does.
Many women hate lingerie shopping, and I get why: we get so focused on functional beige bras and what we need that it’s easy to ignore or to just miss what we want. While everyone probably needs a beige bra or two, I advocate filling in the rest of your drawer with pieces that actually speak to you. With some savvy Google skills and some basic knowledge, you can put together a lingerie collection that can take you from Wonder Woman to a fairy elf princess in zero time at all.
Once you’ve gotten your size down, you can start exploring the giant landscape of lingerie online. The big sites can be great for standard brands and frequently have great sales, which makes them ideal for buying basics and for trying a new brand without spending half your paycheck on a bra. I’m an especially big fan of some of the house brand lines that sites like Figleaves are trying, which feature everything from affordable stretch lace pieces to bras that look like showgirl inspired.
If you really want to find all the potential treasures that the lingerie world has to offer, then it’s time to check out independent designers. Etsy is a hub for them, but many also have separate websites. Independent designers are what make the lingerie industry work. Trends that show up in independent lines filter down to mainstream brands a year or two later. Ever wondered why all the bras at Target use the same kind of styling and who comes up with it? You can probably thank an independent designer who came up with the idea previously.
Indie lingerie has a reputation for being inaccessible and expensive. But while some luxury brands are open only to those with trust funds, many indie brands are designed for everyday women in a wide variety of sizes. Custom panties can start as low as $20 a pair, which is a treat that can fit into lots of budgets. But mostly what independent designers specialize in is variety. Want a swimsuit that can make you feel like a mermaid? It’s out there. Want a vintage style garter belt with donuts on it? An indie designer makes that too. It’s all out there on Etsy, from stockings that feature lists of the seven deadly sins to Harley Quinn-inspired plus-size babydolls.
The best part about independent lingerie is that most of it relies on measurements rather than pre-determined sizing. So many of the body anxieties that we carry around are related to specific size ranges, whether it’s having D cup breasts or having to shop in the plus-size lingerie section instead of the regular one. Before I got into the lingerie industry as a career, I had a ton of anxiety whenever I had to buy bras. As an extremely busty size 14, boutiques were full of potential landmines. Would they carry my size? Would they call me fat? Did I even deserve nice lingerie – wasn’t it for other people? The Internet has allowed me to opt out of all of these stress-inducing situations and just enjoy lingerie that works for me.
At the end of the day, everyone’s body is just a set of basic measurements. Indie designers prioritize your set of measurements over standard sizing, which means that you get to be you in a judgment-free zone. I’ve worked with astounding amounts of indie designers over the years, both as a customer and as a consultant, and I’ve never heard them express an opinion about anyone’s body. They care about making art and they care about doing it accurately: their worst nightmare is generally that one of their pieces might not work for someone or might accidentally make them feel bad about themselves. These people love lingerie, but they’re mostly caring human beings that want other people to feel good. If they didn’t they’d all be doing something that paid a lot better than being an independent lingerie designer.
The value of searching out lingerie that speaks to you is immense. I never feel as much like myself as I do when I’m wearing lingerie that I adore. While it sounds basic, finding lingerie that makes you feel good about yourself can truly change your whole outlook on life, or at least your outlook on the average Tuesday. The best part is that lingerie can reflect a part of yourself that you don’t need anyone else to see. You can dress for the person in your head and your heart, without worrying about what anyone else might think.
Lingerie has always been marketed as something you do for someone else, which couldn’t be further from the truth. Many of the women I know who are lingerie-holics have partners who have no interest in bras or panties, no matter how sexy they may be. These are women buy for themselves, as another act of self-expression and self-care. If you want one there’s a lingerie set out there that fits your moods and your emotions, whether you hope to be a (secret) badass in the boardroom in a pinstripe set or channel your inner Hollywood starlet. All you have to do is be willing to look.
As much as I love the idea of lounging around in silky, lacey, possibly Slytherin-looking lingerie it is 1. hard to find near me, and online is always a crapshoot, and 2. rarely can be worn under the basic t-shirts I wear without showing through, and 3. are usually made of some monstrous synthetic blend that irritates my skin.
Hence I own 5 Gap Body basic t-shirt bras in a “range” of “colors” (black, white, beige). Every once in a while I will find a designer that sells something pretty in natural fabrics, but it is hard!
Yesss let’s talk about breathable cotton options! Where can I find cotton underwear that isn’t dowdy?
Honestly, I just found a boyfriend who really, really liked Ripley in Alien and so thinks my white, cotton, 6-in-a-pack undies from Target are hot. I recommend this method to everyone.
That said, I would love to know if such things actually exist (I would even take bamboo! As long as it breathes!). I really don’t know why it is so hard to find, or why so many stores seem to think that polyester underwear is a good idea.
Clever! Target 6-packs are my deal, too, and I do appreciate that there are cute, non-granny-panty cuts. But they’re still pretty dull, and I too would love some sort of breathable fancy underwear.
To follow-up to the Gap Body t-shirt bra, about 95% of my underpants are also from Gap Body and they’re like 98% cotton I think. They have a few cuts and lots of cute colours/patterns! They usually have some kind of “5 for $30” type sale too.
I dunno if we actually have Gap Body in Canada, so if you’re here you might need to order online or stock up next time you’re in the states, which is what I do.
Another 3% are American Eagle Aerie or whatever that twee-ass store is. I can’t buy anything else there, because it’s made for 14-year-old girls and I am grown-ass woman, but their underpants aren’t half bad.
The other 2% are non-cotton other-brand ones that I don’t like as much.
I personally like the Aerie boybriefs. I don’t think they look dowdy, but perhaps not everyone thinks so. I l like that they don’t give me a huuuuge wedgie. Look here’s some with giraffes on them – https://www.ae.com/undies-aerie-boybrief-true-bla…
Fun fact: Jenette Goldstein (aka Vasquez in Aliens) has a lingerie shop for large-bosomed women.
Victoria’s Secret has cute cotton ones with a lacy band along the top. I have so many pairs of them. So many.
I really like Sandmaiden for great basic and organic fabrics. https://www.etsy.com/shop/sandmaidensleepwear
signal-boosting Sandmaiden — she makes beautiful beautiful things !!
Yes, hello, it’s me, wearing the same beige Gap Body t-shirt bra as I wear most days (I ‘switch it up’ by wearing the purple one sometimes).
“At the end of the day, everyone’s body is just a set of basic measurements.” <- This is very good.
I started my adult life as a 30A. The process by which I figured out that I had ended up around a 30/32D by 22 was a long and difficult one, thanks to a prominent sternum, boobs that didn’t like each other, and a misunderstanding of what D cup boobs are “supposed” to look like. And my mom is a seamstress so I’ve had my measurements taken regularly since childhood. I still don’t “look” particularly busty. But the bras fit, and that’s what’s important.
Hey there fellow non busty 32D! I have even been described as flat chested by many not nice people, but that is indeed the bra that fits. It took my a long time to even try a bra that size because of notions of what a D cup looks like.
Every so often I’ll wear something that accentuates them just right, or there will be a picture of me standing in a way that they’re shown to their best and people will be like “where did THOSE come from?!?” THEY WERE THERE ALL ALONG, they’re ninja boobs.
ME ALSO. It’s truly amazing how “flat” I am vs what people think D boobies are like.
Almost nobody in the USA realizes that the letter size is meaningless without the number, and that a 32D is the same cup size as a 34C or 36B.
Coming here to highlight the same quote. So incredibly profound.
Yuuup. I’m currently rocking a US 34H (UK 34FF) and when I tell people my size their eyes bug out like I just told them I ate a puppy for lunch. I am obviously busty “but not THAT busty!!!” (I often hear) and it is very clear that almost nobody actually understands what different cup sizes really look like, especially in proportion to different body frames. A D cup may look really big on a very petite person, but on me a D cup would look pretty flat (I am not petite, haha).
I legit take a lot of pleasure in pointing out to cishet men that, for all they claim to love and adore breasts, they clearly don’t know shit about them, especially in terms of how they’re supposed* to look.
*Breasts aren’t “supposed” to look any one way. They look a lot of ways!
Bra size sister! Hi!!
I juuust had the eyes-popping-out moment while shopping with a less-busty friend, who had just bought a bunch of bras at a lingerie boutique in our town. While in a fitting room for non-bra things, she tried on one of the 36B (lol) bras that she’d been (obviously poorly) sized into. When I told her that her band was much too loose and she’d have to size down while accordingly sizing up in a cup, I could SEE her questioning my sanity/credibility when I suggested she was probably more of a 32D. I tried to put things into perspective by informing her that at that very moment, I was wearing a 34FF, and that was when she REALLY looked at me like I’d grown another head. Bra miseducation is real!
*whisper* D cup isn’t actually that big, its probably the ‘average’ size in the UK. Its only because mainstream media glorifies very petite/slim women that we think a D is ‘huge’.
I have big boobs, and I work a 38D for a long time (which is pretty much the largest bra you can get in a high street shop). Recently I got fitted and discovered I’m actually a 36F/H and my mind is blown. No wonder the 36D’s are always sold out, if every woman thinks that that is their size because its the only available option that fits!
“No wonder the 36D’s are always sold out, if every woman thinks that that is their size because its the only available option that fits!”
YES THIS EXACTLY! F U, capitalism. 38ff UK here thoroughly irritated with DD being the end of the alphabet. It’s not. Once I figured out my actual size, I’ve splurged plenty on higher-end bras (Empreinte, Prima Donna) as well as more budget-friendly finds from Zulily (Cleo, Fantasie) and NONE of them are fucking beige. There is a lot of pink in my bra drawer though. And VS has received precisely none of the small fortune I have spent on fun undercrackers since I worked out what my best-fitting size was a few years back. Screw them for perpetuating the ‘DD is huge’ myth, along with a host of other bullshit.
Even before I discovered a bra that fits, the D=huge thing really frustrated me. If a B cup is small and a D is huge, what the hell kind of weird-ass cup math is going on in the C cup to make that (erroneously) massive size jump?
Life’s too short to wear shitty bras.
After learning how bra sizes work, and going with a lot of my friends to be properly sized (and hearing their shocked sounds at finding out their actual size), I’ve come to the point where if a woman tells me “I’m a 36C” I tend to blurt out, “Bullshit.”
*whispers* I thought I was a 36c… I may not have believed the nice lingerie lady who said otherwise, because I’m “flat”. Brb need to get a tape measure. I have been in denial for 10 years of little bruises on the side of my boobs. Oh.
Rigby and Peller (formerly My Intimacy) literally changed my life. I thought I was a 34D but it turns out I’m a DD or E. I started wearing bras that fit and it looked like I lost 15 pounds.
Victoria’s Secret has no idea what to do with large boobs. Their bigger bras are built exactly the same as the smaller ones, and don’t do shit if your boobs aren’t silicone.
Omg yes!!! I had a very similar experience. Was confused/surprised when measured by a bra fitter and told I was a D cos I always assumed I was a B (even lots of online calculators will take my measurements & say A/B). Bra-life changed immediately for the better!
I just hate it when supposed professionals make assumptions too tho! Shortly after my proper fitting, I went bra shopping again. Taking Ds into the changing room, this woman working there looked at me, said “are you sure? I’m pretty sure you’d be a B!” (WTF??!!!! Like your quick look counts as a proper measuring/fitting?!)
I also went from B to D, and had a small identity crisis over it. But now I can raise my arms without having my bra slide halfway up my tits! It’s amazing.
Me too! When the nice lady in the bra shop told me I should be wearing a D I had to have a little sit down.
No one believes me when I tell them I am a 32 C, because everyone expects C cups to be fairly sizeable, but yeah the bras fit perfectly. They always look at me like I’m crazy until I explain that as you go down in band size, the same exact cup goes up in size.
My first job was working in the lingerie department of a locally-owned department store (which seems entirely wasted on someone who really, honestly, does not care about her underwear). I had no idea about such horror stories being fitted for bras. I’ve heard about people just flat doing it wrong (VS, hello) but groping, grabbing, and judging? Terrible! I wish everyone could be measured by the charming old lady who trained me how to do it. Pretty sure her mission in life was to find everyone a bra that made them feel good physically and psychologically.
A. That is a very comforting image.
B. You sell BLOOMERS. You care about period costume underwear.
GOOD POINT
Bless that charming old lady and her mission. I had my first real bra fitting (not counting the 28AA training bra my mother bought me when I was in seventh grade) when I was twelve and came home from camp having sprouted breasts. My mother took me to the Corsetorium (long-defunct mini-chain of lingerie stores in Brooklyn and Queens), where the saleswoman looked me up and down and said, “Hmm, she’s very big on top for such a little girl.”
That was the first of many miserable bra-shopping experiences. In fact, I’m long overdue for some new bras, but I can’t stand the thought of buying them.
Can we get some favorite indie designer rec’s in the comments? I live and breathe for lingerie–it speaks to my soul. And I would love to support indie designers.
My two favorites are Under the Root and Serpent & Bow!
There are so many indie brands that I love! Buttress & Snatch is my favorite, but there’s a wealth of options out there. Check out Dottie’s Delights and Angela Friedman’s Fairy Tales line as well. RavenDreams is really great for plus size ladies.
Buttress & Snatch, omg.
i have to admit, i’m skeptical of a small designer’s ability to properly fit a 30F and stay in my price range.
this is topical, because i was just thinking of diving back into the lingerie trenches, because i’ve lost a little weight and i’ve got to admit, my 30F isn’t fitting anymore. i think i might have to size down to a 28, and keep the F instead of upping the cup. it was already so difficult to find a 30 band! now nordstrom doesn’t even carry 28 bands. i know the internet makes things easier and i can always buy and try and return, but ughhhhhh.
my go-to in my current size is the freya deco. thankfully, they also make 28 bands. but do any toasties have recommendations for that size?
If you like Freya, then try Fantasie and Fauve, which are basically all the same brand with slightly different aesthetics. The fit is the same across the board, as far as I can tell.
awesome, thanks for the tip!
FYI, the Fauve line has been discontinued. 🙁
Just when I was ready to shell out the cash on their gorgeous stuff, too…
I wear 28F with some brands, including Freya, and 30E in others, which (I think) is the same thing as a DD because suffering. Also even in the same brand my size varies depending on the style so I have no idea if my experiences will be relevant to yours. FWIW I generally have good luck with Panache and Le Mystere, plus Shock Absorber sports bras have changed my life. Rigby and Peller have great sales albeit infrequently, and Figleaves has always been great about returns.
thanks for the advice!
28F high five! The only one I’ve found is Freya; I had a Curvy Kate that fit really well (although made me look at least a cup size bigger, which was…yeah, not entirely positive when already packing Fs) but went underwire-stabby in months. My Freyas last years.
But they DISCONTINUED my beloved longline that is the best thing my boobs have ever known, and I am still inconsolable. Even though I bought three more when I suspected this might be the case. It doesn’t matter. Someday they will all wear out and the struggle will begin all over again.
I just wanted to cry about that and this seemed like a safe place to do it.
god, if they discontinue the freya deco i WILL cry. big huge sobbing tears. that bra is a lifesaver, i swear.
Hey there former-bra-size-sister. For 30Fs, I like Freya, Fantasie, and Panache (particularly the Chloe by Panache line). Maybe check those out? Curvy Kate for something with more bells and whistles. A bunch of these brands show up regularly on that Zulily discount site for moms. I tend to pick them up cheap there – look for “full-fit” in the sale description.
thanks for the information! i’m always down for a bra sale!
MY TRIBE OF 30F HEYOOOO
Hey, at least in the interim you can get a Rixie Clip to tighten the band on your current bras. That could help you get through until you can work out your new size/pick up new bras.
I’ve never heard of these before! thanks for the tip!
I’m totally buying one, for all those bras I could only find in a 32 band that would just be so much nicer if I could get the band that one size shorter, dammit!
Freya is pretty much always the wrong shape for me, but on average I’ve found their bands tend to fit loose in comparison to other brands, so you might be able to get away with a 30 in non-freya options.
thanks for the tip! do you have any recommendations for brands with stiffer/tighter bands? my underbust measurement is 27.5, so…investigating a 28 band would only be prudent, but seriously, whatever FITS.
I think panache and Cleo both run stiffer than Freya. I like B.tempt’d by wacoal but those are almost certainly the wrong shape for you if the Deco is working well (they run more shallow/ wide).
Honestly, I measure at 29 inches (when not pregnant) and I find 32s to be more comfortable most of the time- if you don’t have much squish in your ribcage it’s not uncommon to size up a bit in the band.
thanks for the recommendations! when i was a 32, wacoal was my go-to. but yes, the shallower the fit, the more likely i get the dreaded quadra-boob. and yes, it’s so bizarre how a seemingly standard measurement like inches=band size varies from brand to brand. i definitely have a pretty bra from chantelle that’s a 32 and fits okay. it’s not amazing as far as support goes, but it’s not an everyday bra, so that’s alright.
currently, mostly i’m just struggling with my band pulling up in the back, and then having to tighten the straps, achy neck, the whole usual mess.
You should try Fortnight! They make great wireless bras that actually provide support in your size.
Yesss to all of this: I love that “fancy” feeling from wearing my favorite bra: for shopping, I really like Bra Stop dot com: it’s a UK store (I’m in the US, but shipping isn’t too horrendous) with some really good clearance sales and a lot of options.
I’ve had really good luck with bra stop as well. The only downside is having to pay for returns if something doesn’t fit. I’ve just sort of dealt with the one or two bras that weren’t perfect because of that. But it’s pretty fantastic to actually find bras in my size that aren’t white/black/beige. Fun colors FTW!
Aaaahhhh, I have just been grumbling about lingerie! De-lurking (sorta) after all these years to ask this question: How come I ALWAYS have a panty line? Always. No matter the cut/style/material of underwear, you can always always always see my underwear line. Unless I’m wearing a thong, which I don’t want to do everyday, or ever really. Does this ever happen to anyone else? What am I doing wrong?
It definitely does happen to me. I have found underwear that shows them slightly less, but it definitely still shows fairly often. For me and my butt I have found that underwear where the seam sits under the curve of the butt reduces it a bit, but it probably depends on the shape of ones rear. Mostly I have given up caring. I know that’s not always easy/possible for many people, but it was something I have become comfortable with. But yeah, I have mostly just decided I don’t give a crap if people see my under wear lines. I’m wearing underwear and I don’t need to take great lengths to hide that fact.
This is what I’ve done–just stopped caring. Nobody is surprised to know I’m wearing underwear. I try to avoid ones that leave a huge line and cut my butt cheeks in half, but other than that I just don’t care.
I gave up caring about VPL a hella long time ago. I pretty much only wear boy shorts, they’re loose enough around the bum cheek that I don’t get quadar-butt, but other than that, they probably do show through sometime but meh, who cares?
(Thongs are the devil, I tried it maybe 3 times and everytime I had to go and change after 5 minutes.)
Same here, I am at one with people knowing i am wearing knickers.
I wear men’s briefs. It’s the only underwear I can find that doesn’t ride up. Plus they’re super comfortable. If it confuses people (I’m a straight gal), all the better.
the closest that I have found to non-line panties are the Laceys from victoria’s secret. They’re all that stretchy-lace stuff, so there’s no well-defined line.
I don’t always have this problem, but when I do it’s either (1) the underwear is too tight and creating a visible dip in my skin even when I haven’t put my pants on yet, (2) the underwear fits right but has a line of elastic around the leg opening and therefore same problem, or (3) the pants are too tight and cause a phantom panty line due to fabric pulling across my butt even when I go commando. For me, it’s usually #2 or #3; I generally won’t wear too-tight underwear more than once because ow. But I go for stretchy underwear and skinny jeans, so I’m already priming myself for those problems, haha.
My only solution to this so far is to spend too much money on expensive seamless cotton underwear – I buy commando cotton (http://www.wearcommando.com/collections/bottoms/products/cotton-bikini) and they are super comfortable (even through pregnancy, hooray) and come in cute colours (or they did – not sure about the current selection – what happened to the fun colours??) and never show so I’ve made my peace with the fact that they cost about three times what I would prefer to pay 😉
Highly recommend http://www.reddit.com/r/abrathatfits for all kinds of lingerie and bra recommendations and sizing. I’ve just gone from a 36DD to a 32FF based on their help and look like I’ve lost at least 10 lbs. And my breasts actually look smaller and perkier in a better-fitting bra! Plus I can now find sexy bras and not just the same old plain black and beige grandma bras.
I just got on there and it’s amazing!!! I did their calculator thing and apparently I’ve been wearing way too small of a bra for years. With that and this fabulous article combined, all I want to do is spend all my money replacing my horrible years old Victoria’s Secret bra collection with fabulous, well fitting indie bras!
Wearing the right size is so amazing! I can now lift my arms above my head, and not have my bra slide halfway up my boobs.
Y’know what’s sad? How few women know that that’s NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN.
I got really good at subtly scooping my breasts back into place. Although it’s possible that I was never subtle about it, and everybody was politely not noticing.
YES YES YES! Reddit is frustrating but that sub is gold and full of supportive (lol) ladies.
This is something I will really miss The Toast for: feeling like I can really trust the advice of women/writers here for everything from puns to underwear, since I know you are all a part of my tribe.
Yes, this.
*eyes light up* punderwear
MY EYES JUST LIT UP TOO!!
Someday I will find bras that A. make me feel fancy, B. support and fit my frame, and C. don’t show through tees or peek out of low cut shirts or have straps too wide for tanks and sundresses or whatever. Or even just two out of those three. Sigh. Someday.
Truly, when this happens, we will know that God’s kingdom is at hand.
Panache Andorra (plunge or full cup) is the only lace bra I’ve found that on average tends not to show through clothes. Big size range and pretty forgiving fit, too.
I still remember the joy of being fitted for a bra the first time- lovely old lady in a department store who just wanted to get me in the right size bra. My quest is to find comfortable plain bras in fun fabrics with NO PADDING. I don’t care if people can see my nipples! I just want comfortable pretty and fun!
I don’t like padding either!! ARGH WHY ARE SO MANY BRAS PADDED.
1. Because Americans are terrified of nipples.
2. Because they can provide more support/shape without seams
But there are so many seamed padded bras, too! And I don’t live in the US!
(Feel free to ignore me, I’m clearly just whining by now)
Yes! I do not want to present molded foam shapes to the world. My breasts are nice, they don’t need to be armored.
Me toooooooo!
between padding and wires… I’m pretty sure that my eventual cause of death will be “stabbed in the heart with underwire”.
Coming here to highlight the same quote. So incredibly profound.
I feel like I’ve pretty much nailed my bra size by now, thanks to the bra size calculator linked in this piece and the ABraThatFits subreddit. The issue I’m having now has more to do with shape and cut. I have super, um, not-firm boobs that pretty much lie flat on their own, and it’s so hard finding something that will give me the shape I want. I’ve been doing a lot of trial and error with Brastop and basically what I’ve figured out so far is: a) I don’t like padded bras, which apparently sets me apart from about 85% of the bra-buying population; b) almost anything that’s described as a “balconette” will look like crap on me — either it’ll give me quadraboob or it won’t give enough support; c) the best cut I’ve found so far is a three-piece full cup where the “horizontal” stitch is actually more like a diagonal line, starting high around the armpit area and ending low around the sternum. (See this beautiful thing, now sadly discontinued: http://www.undercoverexperience.co.uk/images/cha1…
The thing is… doing the whole trial-and-error thing, trying to figure out the shapes that work best, all of that stuff… it takes so much time, and money, and energy that I could frankly be spending elsewhere. But I’m shy enough that going to a boutique doesn’t feel that appealing either.
Basically I don’t have anything to contribute to this conversation except “I’m stuck”, but I wanted to vent. Does anyone here have a magical solution, or just want to commiserate?
(Edited to correct the link)
I don’t know about a magical solution but I can tell you that the seam structure on the bra you linked looks just like my Primadonna brand bras. Maybe they have the shape you’re looking for?
Oh, I did a Google image search and they do look promising! Thank you!!
Depending on your size range, if the Prima Donna works out for you, you might also check out Elomi, particularly the Betty.
I don’t think Elomi covers my size range, sadly! (I currently wear a 32G.)
I hear you on three-piece bras. I have boobs that like to be flat on top and round on bottom (if that makes sense?) and those things make them look so good. But I wish they didn’t encourage quite as much nipple visibility.
I’ve had some good luck buying new or gently-used Chantelle bras on eBay – they make a couple styles I really like:
http://us.chantelle.com/idole-2-part-underwire-br…
http://us.chantelle.com/c-chic-sexy-unlined-plung…
http://us.chantelle.com/merci-2-part-cup-underwir…
They’re pricey if you buy from a regular retailer, but if you want to try them on first, Nordstrom carries the brand and I’ve also (shamefully) ordered one of their full-price bras from Bare Necessities just to try it on in the comfort of my home and then return it.
Hopefully this won’t get caught in the linkspam trap.
No shame in ordering something just to try it on! I’m sure online stores take it into account.
I live on the EU side of the pond, so I don’t have access to a Nordstrom, alas! But I’m sure I can find Chantelle somewhere else. I used to have a Chantelle bra when I was a smaller-bodied person and loved it, thanks for reminding me! The Merci and Idole look like they could work for me.
Three-piece bras are the way to go for me, for sure, except for this magical bra I found once called the Ballet Rose which managed to be super supportive despite being two-piece and made entirely out of lace (it also gave me Super Pointy Boobs which I personally love, but YMMV). It felt like wearing a piece of armor, seriously, nothing moved from its place in there. The company closed shortly after I found out about it, but you can still find some pieces on eBay. Anyway, my boobs sound like they’re the same shape as yours, except they have some extra poofiness on top that makes low-cut bras (like balconettes) a bad choice.
And then there is the hell that is skinny-busty-grad-student-paycheck swimwear.
Asos clearance sometimes has Panache and Freya swimwear for less obscene prices, especially if you pair a top with, say, target bottoms
Thanks! I finally chucked the project and got a swim tank I can wear over a sports bra and shorts. It’ll be a little weird, but I just want to paddle around for cardio at my campus pool, wasn’t willing go without more than those weird little elastic “support” bands, and my rack will turn even a just-cute swimsuit into Baywatch. Not at the campus pool, thanks!
YES. I spent hours this week trying to find someone that would ship a bathing suit in my cup size (32 G) to where I live (Japan). The struggle is real and I paid a small fortune.
Yes on the indie designers! Love Sophie Hines (http://shop.sophiehines.com) for comfortable but sexy androgynous underwear.
Nitpicky, but I do wish the article didn’t say “While everyone probably needs a beige bra or two” — beige bras are not so useful for darker skin tones.
It’s not nitpicky! There’s actually been a huge debate about the way beige and nude are used in the industry over the past few years, as writers and consumers push for more diverse options. Luckily, companies are actually trying to produce a better range of flesh tones. Try Nubian Skin or Naja’s “Nude for All” lines if you’re you looking for better flesh tone alternatives.
scrolled down in the comments hoping someone would mention that. Honestly, as an awkward black teen, the “beige fits all” mentality caused me just as much stress as finding a bra that fit. It’s pretty sad to read otherwise empowering articles, and then realize the author doesn’t consider dark-skinned women as “everyone.”
Sounds like many of you ladies’ woes would be banished with Marks and Spencer (or M et S, as Fry and Laurie like to call them). You can filter for shape, cotton and non padded, and lots of other criteria. Several have extra-cool fabric, there’s a nice range of looks, and all are machine washable. Different styles can come up slightly different sizes, but you just order lots, thereby getting free delivery. They now have US, Canada and Australia sites where you only have to pay for returns to a local address.
Thanks for the tip! I’ll take a look as soon as I feel like entering the fray again.
Clarifying, just for myself (since I’m treating this comment section like a personal therapy session anyway): the reason I personally feel frustrated with bras isn’t just that I don’t know where to find them — I’ve actually had some very good luck with Brastop in the past. (Then my size changed, so I had to start all over again.) It’s that I want to know WHY bras work a certain way. Why do balconettes not work with my figure? Why do seamless, non-padded bras shift my breasts to the sides of my ribcage? I want to understand the logic underneath it.
I am also interested in this. The last time I went for a fitting, the fitter told me that the seams would dictate the direction of your bust — so if you want uplift, for example, look for vertical seams going up the cup.
Oh, interesting! Like this one? http://www.brastop.com/cleo-by-panache-juna-bra-n…
Yes, exactly!
i typed with my iThumbs
Study up on some anatomy (get a really huge and flat book so the pictures are large enough). I can’t reccommend this enough, it really helps with understanding all kinds of things about your body.
Also, do you know your breast shape? This is super important. It sounds like your roots are farther out than normal if some bra types shift them father out maybe? IDK what about balconettes don’t work, but it could be that your breasts are more padded either the top or the bottom and so the balconette either makes them too poofy or they don’t poof enough.
To give you some ideas about how shape impacts bras, I figured out I am:
*wide at the root (which is why lots of bras dig into my underarm area), this is solved by alterations to remove wire at the side but made me feel like a lot of bras were too small when they weren’t
*kind of long/pointy, which meant that rounder bras would squash uncomfortably even in the correct size, so I need long/pointy bras
*the bottom of my boobs were kinda flat (I don’t know how else to describe this), so they didn’t meet the curved cup-bottoms of bras like I expected, which was why I have trouble keeping my breasts ‘perky’ and kept feeling like bras didn’t fit
*the top of my boobs is way more rounded, so I get quadboob very easily especially if the bra doesn’t have a lacy top or something to gradually transition to breast tissue
Sorting this all out took a lot of looking in the mirror and poking around in my bras while wearing them to see what was going on, but it really helped me figure out what was going on and how to find bras that fit better. Before I know what my boobs were like I had a terrible time finding good bras and didn’t understand anything about how my chest and clothes interacted.
This is all very useful, thank you!
Re: breast shape, I tried looking at some tutorials online, but the ones I found tended to be very… normative, I guess? Like, “this is a NORMAL/GOOD breast. It will look good with any kind of bra. Other, DEFECTIVE types of breasts have to wear X kind of bra otherwise they’ll look like crap.” Plus it’s harder to figure out shape when your boobs are very droopy (especially since the diagrams are more on the rounded side). Do you have any suggestions for tutorials that just talk about shape, without attaching judgments to the way your boobs look?
Ooh, I would also be interested in this. My boobs are not shaped like the “pretty” boobs that are usually pictured in bra-buying guides. They are not shaped like many bra cups, and I have struggled to find bras that flatter their shape but don’t cause other problems (quad boob, etc.). I found one bra that seems to have cups that fit correctly and just have three of those. . . but it isn’t a cute, pretty bra, and I would like to have more options for bras that fit and still work under my clothes for longer than the few moments after I stick my boobs in them but before I actually start moving around.
I’m just going to copy this: Hey, this might be helpful for you: http://i.imgur.com/VPH5K0E.png
There are also ‘diagnostic’ bras. The Cleo Lucy generally works better if you are fuller on bottom, and the Cleo Marcie generally works better if you are fuller on top.
Hey, this might be helpful for you: http://i.imgur.com/VPH5K0E.png
There are also ‘diagnostic’ bras. The Cleo Lucy generally works better if you are fuller on bottom, and the Cleo Marcie generally works better if you are fuller on top.
If your in the UK/Europe, try Bravissimo. They have a lot of 'fancy' stuff, but also a lot of cottony 't-shirt' bras with seam free cups (Who puts seems on cups! Why? If I wanted cone boobs I'd get a cone bra.).
Plus their website is great for reviews/fitting guides and there's free returns!
*Looks at the pile of identical black cotton boy shorts I own* … *feels inadequate*
Comfy will always come before scratchy, non breathable, sexy.
No shame! Feeling comfortable is extremely sexy, right?
i seriously own 14 pairs of the identical black cotton thong from aerie. day in, day out, the same unders. SHRUG!
all other underwear is fancy-time underwear. but when it comes to day-to-day, i like simple options.
Not all sexy underwear is scratchy or non-breathable. A lot of it feels just fine to me. But everyone’s bodies are so different.
*Looks at the pile of identical black cotton boy shorts I own* … *feels inadequate*
Comfy will always come before scratchy, non breathable, sexy.
I am, depending on the individual style, either a 30J or a 30JJ UK size and I cannot buy a bra on the high street ANYWHERE except Bravissimo. Like, literally anyway. I haven’t bought a bra anywhere other than Bravissimo since I was approximately fourteen years old, and even their styles don’t always come in those sizes. I also have a very narrow cleavage, so plunge bras are much more comfortable than full cups, which tend to rub.
When I find a pretty, flattering bra in an attractive and practical material, which fits comfortably in my size and doesn’t look likely to cause any problems or discomfort, the urge to buy fifty-seven of them and patiently ration them out for the next decade is a strong and powerful one.
I feel you! I am a 30H with a narrow cleavage and not that firm boobs. I found solace with the cleo collection by panache (which has some cool designs!)
Boyshorts forever!! Super comfy, and I also think they look great.
Most boyshorts are wedgie central for me and cut my ass cheeks in half. Or they’re saggy. Or they bunch up at the crotch, which is miserable on a bicycle.
IF anyone wants some great indie designers, I have an obsession, sooo, here you go!
Hopeless Lingerie! Lonely Lingerie! Aimee Cherie Intimates! Toru and Naoko! Alexandre Anissa Lingerie! Flash You and Me!
Plug: The only sort of sexy bras I own are Marlies Dekkers , fit great (I’m a small band/big cup kind of boob haver) are very comfortable, interesting to look at and can be worn normally under clothes for the most part.
There’s an etsy shop called econica that has cashmere panties, and I totally intend to treat myself to some come fall.
These are on my list for fall as well. They look so cozy!
I’d love to hear what everyone does bra-wise when they get home! Do you wear your regular bra until bed time? Change into a sports bra? Go with nothing?
i take it off almost right away, definitely.
I have less-beloved bras which I wear at home – mostly bras which are kinda old and not so nice but still feel comfy. I have never subscribed to the idea of taking off your bra and going around braless; I just feel so…loose.
If it’s an underwire or one of the more hardcore sports bras I take it off when I get home. But my over-the-head stretchy bras that barely support can stay on. And I nearly always have SOMETHING bra-like on because my nipples are so, so sensitive–even my rayon sundress can cause me pain.
Unless I’m PMSing and they hurt like hell, in which case I wear one of my better sports bras around the house because jiggling = ow ow ow ow ow.
I keep it on because my puppies are not allowed off-leash, ever, to the point where I wear a relatively-loose fitting sports bra at night. Made possible by Madame Right Bra For Me, thank you, underwear gods.
I leave mine on until bedtime usually, unless for some reason it’s bothering me (it is the middle of summer and it’s too hot, etc.). The exception to this rule is my full torso corset thingy that I wear when I need something strapless (cause strapless bras inevitably spend the day falling down every 10 minutes). My current one is a teensy bit tight. I can still wear it and all, but my goodness, it feels great to get it off.
What an absolutely lovely article! And here I am, thinking I don’t have enough actual underwear so I just subcribed to a $14 monthly panty box from Splendies. This post is motivating me to expand my closet! Anyone else do any monthly lingerie or panty/bra boxes?
Sister sizes are A GODDAMN LIE.
– signed, a woman who is a 44B and is currently wearing a 38DD bra with the band digging into her back and collapsing cups.
PS if someone can find me a decent strapless bra in 44B I will send you it’s weight in gold.
Decent strapless bras are a filthy, filthy lie.
I live in fear that I will be asked to be a bridesmaid and wear a strapless dress with my tiny-ass ribcage and ridiculous rack. I see three options: Duct tape (used in beauty pageants, and they should know), stripping out what will in all likelihood be bullshit boning in the bodice and rebuilding it with proper boning and a lot o fit (essentially building a corset into the dress), or an actual corset. My boobs are not there to hold up the dress; the dress is there to hold up my boobs.
I gave up on strapless bras long ago and now wear full-torso corset thingies when I need to be strapless. Not the most comfortable feeling, but definitely doesn’t slip down.
And yeah, sister sizes are a bit of a lie. My sister sizes are okay, but nowhere near the perfect fit my actual size is. The cups just always seem a little off, even if the band fits.
I suspect they don’t work past one band size’s difference either way unless you have very narrow-and-close-set or wide-and-wide-set breasts. For you, a 42C *might* work, especially with an extender, but the cups would probably be a little too close together.
Signed, someone with a side gig at a plus size store that sells bras.
As where many things are concerned, I have a Franciscan streak (that favors practical, inexpensive underwear– all the better if it comes in packs of five!) and a magpie streak (that has varied and expensive tastes, and that yearns after a Dark Garden corset).
The Franciscan is winning, because broke, but the magpie grows ever more peevish and resentful.
“Trusst is a team of women – engineers and designers – who have been working around the clock to design and build a new system of bra support, catered towards larger busted women. In the fall of 2014, we entered AlphaLab Gear, a nationally ranked hardware accelerator in Pittsburgh, PA. We removed underwire from the equation, bought a 3D printer, and started prototyping. After about 300 prototypes, we found our answer. Our new design supports the weight of your bust from underneath, removing the burden on your shoulder straps and refocusing the support around the core of your body where your strongest muscles are. In it’s simplest form, we’ve developed a system (a truss – get it?) that creates lift. We’ve had hundreds of women test and try out our new system and we’re getting rave reviews.” So far nothing smaller than a 32 band, so small-ribcaged ladies, PLEASE let them know you’re interested. And smaller-busted ladies, too, this kind of support should be available to all, so show them there’s a market for it! http://www.trusstlingerie.com/
I seem to have the opposite problem to many commenters: where can I find tiny lingerie?? 34 barely-A. Especially velvet!!!
I love lingerie but honestly most of what I have is thrifted (if it looks new enough, ok!!!!) or handmade by me. Perk of being tiny on top: barely any fabric is used. I recommend bralettes as a project to anyone who sews even just a little! Also, embellishing bras is easier than you would think, and a great way to use trims and scraps.
Unlurking to say that intimates-sewing seems to be a bit of A Thing in the sewing blogger community right now. Two good places to start are Cloth Habit (http://clothhabit.com, sewing blogger & pattern designer) and Orange Lingerie (http://www.orange-lingerie.com, bespoke bra-maker turned pattern designer).
Hope this helps!