Turns out my flight was twelve hours before I thought it was! WHOOPS. Hope you’re all having a great time, on the ground. What do you want to talk about? That thing, from the show, this weekend? The fight the celebrity had? That thing she said? That bonkers article about Richard Simmons? The Twitter thing? Players’ choice. See you soon.
Can we talk about how I just learned that there might be a Xena remake in which the Gabrielle/Xena relationship is going to explicit??? WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME THIS
The news headline I saw about it used the exact phrase “glorious homoerotic overtones.” I concurred.
I am so excited it is difficult to explain.
ALSO in April Genevieve Valentine is going to be writing a Xena comic book and I don’t know how homoerotic she plans to make it, but she definitely was pro-bisexuality in her Catwoman run, so you could be optimistic about this as well.
The writer (one of the writers? a main writer, anyway) of the new Xena series is the one currently getting dragged over coals by the Tumblr populace for writing the episode of The 100 that has prompted so much backlash from the LGBT community (I’m being kind of vague to avoid spoilers, in case that’s a thing). He is handling it pretty well and has assured people that he understands the responsibility of rebooting a show of such importance to lesbian/bi fans. If anything, I’d imagine his experience with The 100 will help him make Xena even gayer!
SHIT YES now i’m just curious re: casting i hope at the very least lucy lawless shows up like leonard nimoy did in the nutrek movie.
I’m still angry about all of Neil DeGrasse Tyson’s trolling this weekend (especially that fucking tweet about Trump) and none of my irl friends get my anger so here we are
“Well, the tweet was right!”
THAT IS NOT THE POINT, HE’S BEING AN ASSHOLE
Also one of them keeps trying to convince me to see “both sides” on the Chicago rally shutdown and I categorically refuse to do so. I don’t give a shit if you believe that that woman was throwing the Nazi salute “ironically”, you can’t do shit like that and expect me not to be furious
I…missed this? Will head to the Google…
Well the sentiment (that anyone should be able to go to any political event without fear of violence) is correct but the implication that the protesters are the instigators of violence is HORRIBLY incorrect and TERRIBLE and I feel very sad about the whole affair.
YES. She kept implying that the protestors were the ones being violent and I was like “…have you seen the shit people have been pulling at these rallies?” Plus, given the very obvious anti-semitism that’s been going down at these things, I’m more inclined to believe the testimony of the dude standing next to that woman than what she told the NYTimes she was doing.
Oh is there antisemitism as well? My understanding was that there was overt racism towards Hispanics and Muslims and covert, dog-whistle racism towards African-Americans. I assumed with all the obvious nazi parallels he’s stay away from antisemitism.
If by “dog-whistle racism” you mean “anti-black slurs shouted at black protesters,” then yes.
I think the whole Nazi thing is pretty overt anti-Semitism.
I read that someone yelled “go to Auschwitz,” so, yeah, I think so.
yeeeeesh
Moments ago: https://twitter.com/RyanLizza/status/709393554443…
Pretty sure Bernie, the angry socialist Jew, “gets” Jesus 1000% more than any of these assholes.
“Angry socialist Jew” being a perfectly accurate description of Jesus
I wish I could thumbs-up this one million times.
Exactly.
Just like the racism towards all other groups, antisemitism has been everywhere in republican election politics too. I got in a big argument with someone about Cruz saying Trump had “New York values”. They refused to understand this phrase as relating to Judaism and not liberal urban politics.
Really? I heard “New York Values” as specifically “not homophobic” or maybe “insufficiently homophobic” but definitely about hating gay people.
The pictures very clearly show young people opening a path for her. My favorite is the man to her right–in the shadow of the salute–giving her a courteous ‘after you’ wave along the path.
There is no such thing as an ironic Nazi salute, except as performed by Charlie Chaplin or in The Producers.
I missed the Trump tweet but yeah I nearly yelled at my phone when I saw his tweets about sex. It’s not only a horrible thing to say, it’s not scientifically correct. Stick to astrophysics, Neil.
It’s especially disappointing because one of my favorite things about Neil DeGrasse Tyson is that he’s generally is so careful and considerate.
Going off on a topic he doesn’t know much about (and being way wrong) is so discordant with the ideal Tyson I love.
🙁
Yeah, following him on Twitter has been a mistake. He unfortunately comes off as Toxic Nerd Bro more often than cool science friend.
I used to like him a lot but he’s been increasingly “well, actually…” lately and it’s very off-putting.
It’s hard for me to follow celebrity scientists because even the cool ones tend to be hostile towards faith. And like, ok, I get that you have some issues with church suppression of science, etc. But I am a member of an indigenous polytheistic religion that can’t be held responsible for that crap! Over in monotheism-land, the Islamic world was generally pretty supportive of science! It’s hurtful and alienating to see them dismissing all religion as “lol stupid sky fairies, how irrational of you to believe that” when they mainly have a problem with the historical politics of a few certain faiths.
I am here to say, yay polytheism!
I have not really forgiven NdGT for that whole “philosophy is for people too dumb for real science” mess. Not sure I want to know about the sex thing?
I stopped listening to Star Talk quite a while back when he was talking about the Mayan calendar and Indigenous belief systems and a) made fun of them and b) consistently used the past tense. Anti-indigeneity is not a flavor I like with my science. (And I thought maybe we might be a little more free of it in this century…)
He tweeted: “If there were ever a species for whom sex hurt, it surely went extinct long ago.” It’s wildly untrue. He also tweeted that “if you have a gene for celibacy, you didn’t inherit it,” which, also untrue. Uninformed speculation isn’t a good look on anyone, Neil DeGrasse Tyson!
WHAT. He needs to take a biology class, regarding the first point. Also aaaaugh.
Also, I have been quite put off by the fact that he is hosting an evening at my university, and tickets were averaging over $50!!! That is just so inaccessible for so many people. I thought it would be a great thing to take some high school students to who I tutor, but it was way too out of my price range.
I’m sad to hear my initial impression of Neil DeGrasse Tyson (formed when he claimed Maya people were “extinct” because of their religion) is apparently more correct than all the people who wanted me to give him a break for one messed-up, blatantly and factually incorrect statement would acknowledge.
One good thing to come of his sex tweet is this amazing hash tag: #BiologistSpaceFacts https://twitter.com/hashtag/BiologistSpaceFacts?s…
Aahahaha!
“The dwarf planet Haumea is oblong, and in the early stages of planetary mitosis.” https://twitter.com/hormiga/status/70846052635167…
These are the best.
These are marvelous! I think I’m going to avoid searching for whatever the original tweet was and just bask in the glory of these.
I saw a rundown of this at Buzzfeed and saw that a lot of the pushback is using non-human animals, and was wondering if anyone pushed back about actual human people who find sex painful? Because that’s also hugely important and doesn’t get very much attention, and is routinely dismissed by doctors.
I saw Mara Wilson tweeted about that and a few people jumped into her mentions to point out that vaginismus is also a thing, etc. Not that NdGT responded.
Thanks for the update! I’m not on the twitters because I am An Old and I genuinely can’t follow the conversation (it is all backwards?) so I’m glad to hear someone was pushing back on that.
SHE’S GERMAN. SHE SHOULDN’T BE DOING THAT IRONICALLY. SHE KNOWS BETTER.
OBVIOUSLY NOT
IT ISN’T POSSIBLE TO DO IRONICALLY
Yeah – to the extent that his tweet was “right” it’s essentially a tautology. You can’t have elections without “opposing free citizens voting for _____” or whatever.
Yeah, I was not ready for NDGT and Julie Klausner to just randomly be awful for no particular reason on twitter this weekend. What the hell, people? (Julie, Julie, when Roxane is nicely pointing out how you’re fucking up, you best listen)
Can anyone regale me with stories about the time they were co-habitating with someone who had the flu, but never came down with the flu themselves?? Give me hope.
Yup, my roommate got swine flu my senior year of college and I never got it from her. She had it for like three days before I had to help her walk to the health center and her mom came to take her home.
Husband totally got the flu last year. I did not get flu. Children also did not get flu. Everyone, including husband, got a flu shot, so obviously I and our spawn are superheros.
My husband just got over a bad flu (really sick for about a week, lingering illness for weeks) and I didn’t even get a sniffle. But I did get a flu vaccine back in November. I was picking up a prescription at the pharmacy and they asked if I wanted a free flu vaccine, so I figured “what the hell?” Flu shot: free. Smugness: priceless.
I did not get a flu shot and am currently not feeling very smug! Partner has had a fever for 2 days now, extreme fatigue and soreness, blistering headache. Started Tamiflu yesterday.
We are supposed to go on vacation next week and I am debating if I should just start taking shots of his saliva, lest I get sick later in the week (our last vacation was cancelled due to a bad head injury of mine), but I will stay the course with my hand washing and glimmer of hope I will make it through.
If it makes you feel better, even if you had had it, it might not have helped – when working out what the flu vaccine should protect against, the people responsibile make an informed prediction as to what the most common strains of the virus will be in the coming winter and make a vaccine against them, but there are always other strains out there which you might get (and sometimes the strains predicted to be the most common aren’t). (I am sure you know this! This is just a leftover from working at my mum’s GP surgery and phoning people up to invite them to get a free vaccination. “Last time I had it I caught flu from it, so I’m never having it again!” NO YOU DIDN’T, IT IS NOT A LIVE VACCINE AND SO THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE.)
One year while working in a medical office, several coworkers had never worked in a medical office before and were wary of the flu shot. I talked them into it (“we work with homeless people and people in early addictions recovery, the flu would be deadly to some of them”), and it turned out to be a shit year for colds (and a bad guess on the vaccine) and so all of us had bad colds more than once.
Of course my coworkers blamed the vaccine. Sigh. THAT’S NOT HOW IT WORKS. That’s not physically possible. Aaaugh.
Edit: Also! A bad cold is NOT THE FLU. I have had both. The worst cold of my life was still quantitatively and qualitatively different than the actual flu. No matter how sore and tired I am with a cold, I’m not lying in bed wondering if it’s worth the effort and pain to roll over.
I will tell you an altogether unreassuring story about the flu before a vacation.
Picture it: DC, 2012. My girlfriend, with whom I did not then cohabitate, gets the flu. I avoid it for about a week, and then I get it too. I am so weak that I cannot go up stairs–I had to rest halfway up, and I had to take the stairs because my bedroom was on another floor. My girlfriend, love of my life, orders me Seamless IHOP chocolate chip pancakes from her own apartment.
I somewhat recover and fly to Italy (sans girlfriend–solo trip). Somewhere between Italy and Germany, I, with my weakened immune system, contract strep throat and a double ear infection. When it comes time to leave Germany and fly to Egypt, I instead try to fly home and am forced to the Krankenhaus, where I am pumped full of three bags of saline because I am so dehydrated. Paying 100€ for the doctor visit and the approval to board the next day, I am forced to stay the night at an airport hotel before I can fly home the next day. I am so sick I cannot lie down. I miserably pass the night before getting on the flight home. The flight is awful, and my father picks me up at the airport, where I make him carry my bags because I was too weak to push the luggage cart.
He immediately takes me to Patient First, cancelling the doctor’s appointment scheduled for the next day, and the doctor there says it’s the worst case of strep he’s ever seen. He gives me antibiotics, I sleep on my mother’s couch, and I wake up the next day like 75% better.
There’s not really anything here that helps you other than SEE A DOCTOR if you become sick, because antibiotics might help, and if not, at least you will know what kind of sick you are. Do not resign yourself to your partner’s flu–you may be able to avoid it.
I can’t speak to an intimate partner, but once I was deathly ill and neither of my roommates got sick.
It’s a miserable story. I was working as a low-level manager at a miserable chain which I will refer to as Mold Slavey (I think I got that from someone on Jez years ago). I was a great employee — always on time, stayed for my full shifts, etc. And one day, my two favorite managers were working and I was coming down with a vicious flu. I was folding toddler denim (an odious chore) and had that miserable tunnel vision where your brain simply cannot expand vision. I had to sit down on the benches scattered throughout the barren wasteland every couple of minutes. I had 30 minutes left in my shift and I finally went to my managers and asked them if I could leave because I thought I might pass out.
They responded, “can you stay until the end of your shift? We’re really short-staffed and we need bodies on the floor.” Me, being a woman trapped by never wanting to displease people, nodded miserably and shuffled painfully around the store for another 30 minutes, probably breathing my germs onto every surface, particularly toddler denim.
I then went home and slept for 13 hours, waking up once to watch my roommates make costumes for our Anything But Clothes party. I was curled up on the chair closest to the stairs shivering uncontrollably so they finally ordered me back to my room. Neither one of them got sick.
TL;DR version: sometimes I haven’t gotten my friends sick and retail is a terrible place to work.
That’s one of the differences between a cold and a flu that I wish more people knew–a cold usually comes on gradually, that whole “am I coming down with something? is this just allergies?” thing that lasts a day or so.
Meanwhile the one time I had the flu, within a span of half an hour I went from “la la I feel fine” to “oh my god I’ve been hit by a truck, I’m going to die.” I was also at work. On a day I’d asked off for a friend’s party. I begged and begged my manager to let me go home but there was no one to cover my cash register. When I went on lunch I called a nurse friend, and on her advice I told my manager I was going home, period.
I got a doctor’s note (and some tamiflu). The department manager, the next day, had asked my roommate sarcastically, “Did April enjoy the party?” and my roommate responded, “What? She wasn’t there, she was home with THE FLU.” Seeing me later with a doctor’s note in my hand saying I wasn’t able to work the rest of the week, and looking like actual death warmed over, made him look pretty bashful, and I cherish that to this day. Asshole.
FLU SHOTS ARE YOUR FRIEND!! #provaxtothemax
Three people in my house got swine flu when i was at university; I did not. (I had initially thought I might be coming down with it and got myself some of the disposable thermometers my college was handing out so anyone with a high temperature could sequester themselves immediately. Turned out my temperature was lower than standard normal human body temperature is meant to be, and so the person on the other end of the NHS flu helpline just said that no, if I did not have a fever I did not have flu.) There were 11 people in the house in total and I think only three came down with it.
Ditto; I have very fuzzy memories of college roomie entering my room every 8ish hours or so for a 48 hour perid with NeoCitron to ensure I was not dead. She was fine. And GentlemanX gets sick all of the time without me getting sick (hypothesis: he is the Weak). There is hope!
I’m living this right now! There’s absolutely hope for you to stay the smug, healthy one.
Ooh yes. MrChouffe got H1N1 two winters ago and was down for a week. I was fine. The neighbors helped with snowblowing, we ate a lot of soup and pizza, all was well. The end!
When I was twelve I was mysteriously spared by a flu that took both of my parents and my little sister out of commission for over a week. My dog and I spent seven days perfecting a too-tough swagger while roaming the streets like we were the lone survivors of a movie apocalypse and eating cinnamon toast three times a day because I wasn’t allowed to use the stove until I started high school. I suspect it was rather a more magical time for me than it was for anyone else in the house.
I love this story! When I was twelve I 100% wished something like this would happen to me, so I am living vicariously through your past self. Also, cinnamon toast is the best.
I am delighted by the mental image of your dog swaggering
I had the flu in 2008 and in 2012 and neither time did a gentleman sharing my living quarters come down with it. (I also started popping Tamiflu ASAP in both instances.)
Last month my roommate caught something going around at her job that I very thankfully did not catch. For her and at least one other coworker it involved some strange chest pain for several days. She took off work for a good portion of one week even though she felt mostly ok, because moving too much was really painful. That was followed up by a standard cold, which I DID end up catching, but its very much the lesser of two evils so I’ll take it.
Intense Debate got me and posted a totally different THING as a reply to you. But YES IT IS POSSIBLE! I’ve avoided catching things from roommates with very vigilant handwashing, washing of common spaces (especially in the kitchen), and drinking a more than normal amount of orange juice. Sending healthy vibes your way!
This is 100% possible, although I’m speaking from the other side of the equation. A few years ago I got a nasty flu (and I had even gotten the shot!) with a 103.9 fever and I could feel every hair on my body and they all hurt. The husband continued life as normal on his end and slept in the same bed with me and didn’t get even a little sick without having gotten a flu shot. Of course, he doesn’t get sick in general (this year he had a sore throat for almost a week and that’s the closest he’s ever gotten in our almost 10 years together), but still!
Use Lysol/disinfecant when and where you can, keep your distance from the sick person when not actively caring for them/sleeping (same room is fine, just different areas of the room), and if you’re super paranoid you can get a mask from a drug store.
My partner literally had swine flu when it went around some years ago and I never got it, and he never got my flu when I had it thrice over the past, say, ten years. Just wash hands, Lysol things, and don’t let them cough on your face 🙂
All through college most of my friends, roommates and suite mates included, got the end of semester Plague at least once a year, but I only ever got it once and even then only as an irritating summer cold.
I spent all of my 20s in a house share with half a dozen other people and we had procedures for this
I could tell you the story if I remembered it, but my staying-healthy coping strategy is mug after mug of hot lemonade with whiskey in it. It works, though!
My love and I both had nasty bugs this winter that failed to transmit between us despite being That Couple who spend 90% of their time together snuggling. There’s hope.
My husband gets the flu every year (regardless of flu shot status) and I never get it, despite having only had the flu shot once because I am a lazy bastard. So yay for naturally strong immune systems! (And, in more practical advice, wash your hands every five minutes and for the love of god don’t touch your face until your environment is disease-free.)
I had THE GODDAMNED SWINE FLU during and after PAX 2009. My partner took basically no precautions while bringing me soup and tissues for a week while I played very simple video games and he never caught it, the bastard.
I mean I didn’t want him to catch it but it’s so unfair that he never gets sick when I get sick.
My bf caught a flu that gave him pneumonia and I just got a sore throat and sniffles.
i was dating a woman with mono, much kissing was happening, and i DID NOT GET MONO. i want this to be on my tombstone.
I am one of those people who tends not to get sick when cohabitants are sick. Whenever anyone had a stomach bug in my house growing up I washed my hands even more than I normally do and simply started a diet of toast, water, and tea anyway. I successfully avoided throwing up for about ten years because of this.
My sister and I were also the only two people (if memory serves) who did NOT get lice at summer camp.
All in all, I do pretty well until I myself get exhausted and more susceptible to things like pneumonia ugh.
It’s totally possible! My husband got a horrible flu-type thing a couple of months ago, with the full fever-chills and everything. I quarantined him in a different room on the sofa bed (since our baby daughter was sleeping in our room then) and both baby and I were fine! Lots of hand washing and spraying common areas with disinfectant.
Yup. A roommate and an ex-boyfriend, different years. I washed my hands a lot, disinfected all the shared surfaces (door knobs etc) once a day, and mostly tried to stay out of the house unless I was needed.
My husband is gone for another couple of months and I’ve officially reached the point in my loneliness at home that I wander around the house talking to the cats and asking them if they like what I have on the TV. “Do you guys like Southland? Or too many loud noises for you? It’s okay, only one season left, then I’ll see what to watch next.”
I also finished my jigsaw puzzle and wrote myself out a schedule of household chores for each day so I can look forward to, for example, trash night on Wednesday.
Jigsaw puzzles and cats sound like a soothing combination tbh, but I hope you find some exciting things to look forward to in the near future.
It is pretty soothing! But by the end of April my husband will have been around for one month out of four in 2016, so I’m already a bit tired of the quiet at home.
That sounds so hard. I used to have to travel a lot for work and it’s just the worst and I hated it and so did my partner. Hang in there.
I am very jealous that your cats allow you to finish a jigsaw puzzle! The moment I open the box, mine instantly assumes “OOOOOH TOYS!” and proceeds to bat the pieces everywhere 🙂
Solidarity, sister. GentlemanX used to work loooooooooong stints away with limited Internets, and i finally had to be like “you need to come home or you might find me broken and wandering the house in an old wedding dress that does not do up in the back, carrying a candle and gasping in inappropriate places in the middle of sentences”. Perhaps a book club to while away the hours and provide guided social interaction? I really liked mine when I was so alone.
I still talk to my cats, tho. They are the perfect conversationalists.
Omg, I so badly want a normal book club to be part of! The first and last time I went to a book club meeting, there were three other women and one of them brought her toddler and everyone spent the whole time talking about kids and keeping the (unexpected) baby away from everything in the non-child-proofed home. What a disaster that was. At least my cats are interested in all of my books.
I found mine through local lesbian-run sex education shop Venus Envy, and it was made out of magic (and we often read smut and I miss it).
If you cannot _find_ a book club, perhaps you would like to start one? Depending on where you are, there might even be enough Toasties to make one up ^_^ Protip: if you meet at a pub, babies Cannot Come. Otherwise: do you have a local bookstore? They might be able to help? And that meetup.com site seems to be a decent place for finding this kind of thing. Also. Is sometimes hilarious, as you get people being like “This is a book club for people who want to THINK and DISCUSS Literature” and i am like hahahahahaha, nope, can we please talk about butt touching and where it should be happening and why it is not happening in those places?
Unexpected babies are the worst, tho. I considered getting one of these, but ppl get really worked up when non-child having ppl aggressively don’t want to talk about babies, so i never did. But it is nice to know it still exists, if ever i did want to splurge.
I would! But I live in a really small town without meetup (or local bookstores, friendly sex shops, etc) and also I’m moving in a few months so I’m just grousing and waiting for that so I can make friends in my new place.
Depending on where you are moving, you may want to check and see if there’s an FYA (Forever Young Adult) book club there. That book club was/is my saving grace and helped me really adjust to my new city when I moved here a few years ago. (I saw you had a YA blog and instantly thought of it).
My dog and I discuss the news every morning, so I GET YOU.
Ugh. Internet sympathy hugs coming your way, if you want them.
Was in a long distance engagement and then marriage for two and a half years and it doesn’t matter how awesome solitude can seem and how much you crave it when you can’t have it- required solitude is the worst.
Also, also, also, I saw your post down thread about blogging even when people don’t read and I just want you to know I clicked on your blog at work last Thursday and was not able to extricate myself for several hours. Vividly revisiting old friends from ages 9-16 was amazing; I think I read almost every single one of those books! So. Thanks.
Thank you for reading! It’s been eye opening, some of the books hold up well and some are BANANAS.
I feel the same way! I used to just devour everything from the pen of Ann Rinaldi and I still like some of her stuff but I re-read one of them recently and just rolled my eyes a lot.
I still worship at the feet of Kathryn Lasky and nothing will ever sway my utter devotion to her.
I have another Rinaldi post going up tomorrow. Spoiler: I hated it like every other book of hers I’ve reviewed! Why on earth did I find these so addictive???
I loved Rinaldi so much growing up! I’m looking forward to your review tomorrow.
I read your blog frequently too! Have bookmarked several of the books to reread. Thank you for writing!
Thank you! That is so great to hear!
What is your blog? Would you mind posting the name or link again?
It’s linked in my username, but here also
http://www.yahistoricalvault.com
I cried when my husband left for work yesterday, and he was home by 10:30 PM so you have my utmost sympathies occupying yourself until he gets back!
(I’m also pregnant, but still. It’s hard when your partner is gone!)
Oh, I feel you so much! We’re moving back to the east coast, but my husband moved in January whereas I, due to the vagaries of Academic Scheduling, can’t move until the summer. I talk to the dogs, I talk to the cat, I talk to inanimate objects. I also forget to eat, because I have no one to interrupt me when I’m Involved in something and gently remind me that, while humans may not live by bread alone, bread can in fact be pretty damn useful.
tl;dr I miss my husband and Skype only makes up for it a little bit.
I’ve never asked my cats how they feel about what I have on TV, and now I feel that I am insufficiently catering to their little furry desires.
My cats get really freaked out at the sound of doorbells on the TV. Nothing else–not dogs barking, not cat noises, just doorbells. Why, cats? That isn’t even the sound our ACTUAL doorbell makes!
OOF, Southland. I love that show so much, but my heart cannot withstand a rewatch.
I am getting better at cutting Mr.Table’s hair, but I also cut my fingers in about 6 different spots, so.
I don’t know what texture of hair Mr. Table has, but I have better luck keeping my fingers safe with thinning shears. The cut will take longer, but it can look a lot softer and it’s way harder the stab yourself with.
Full disclosure, I have much more experience grooming dogs than cutting human hair.
A large part of the work on the top is thinning shears, but in the sides and back, it’s either normal shears or razor cutting. *shrug*
Last night Louie was sitting in this box on a table, and then he managed to roll himself and the box off the table. He spent ten minutes being very suspicious of everything, but emerged trauma-free.
CATS *jazz hand finish*
Louie is a cutie and I am glad he is not unduly traumatised.
Hey, there’s a cat in your stuff! I approve.
Asa and Oliver shared a sill in front of an open window yesterday. It was not a comfortable sharing and many flattened ears were seen.
Yesterday, I foolishly left a) the couch to get homemade apple pancakes, and b) a cushy blanket on said couch. Musichetta took full advantage:
Freya always looks a little startled. Also, I made that little yellow pillow and bought some super pungent dried catnip to stuff it with. The cats currently spend about 99% of their time just chilling in the basket:
Teekl can quit the ‘nip at any time, for real:
My cat went through a gap between two fences, and got stuck in the neighbor’s yard. She was meowing pitifully for me to come get her, but then freaked out and ran when I tried to approach her for rescuing. Fortunately, she ran towards the yard with the gap in the fence, and eventually figured out how to get back. I spent some time yesterday filling those fence gaps with lumber and large branches.
In these days of dark despair, I would like to offer the official Archetype of Kittenly Cuteness (courtesy of a friend who volunteers at a rescue organization). Honestly, it’s like someone went out to create The. Cutest. Kitten. Ever:
Legit just gasped at the cuteness
A SMOL
I hope someone adopts this darling immediately and provides her with all she could ever dream of having.
This rescue organization has a great track record of adoptions, so I am sure she will be soon in a happy home, having been adored as she deserves by everyone who comes in contact with her along the way.
Today I found out I had two different IntenseDebate accounts! Both with the same name and same avatar, and linked to the same e-mail address, so no wonder I never noticed. Turns out that when I log into WordPress I automatically log into one of them.
Anyway, that brings me to my (WordPress) blog. I set myself a goal 1.5 years ago to write a blog post every Sunday. I’ve kept to that quite well, but lately pretty much nobody reads them (well, ~15 people per post). Now, the purpose of these pieces was mostly because I wanted to make sure I kept my writing muscles in shape, but it still stings a little. Should I keep on writing? Should I maybe switch from Dutch to English? Should I resign myself to the fact that people aren’t all that interested in what I have to say?
Well, it depends. Do you want to write for the sake of writing? If yes, then carry on and who cares. If you want plenty of views, then it may be time to consider switching languages or focus or advertising your blog.
It can be painful, though, you’re right. I’ve been blogging weekly for about 15 months and have a very very low average of daily views, but I am really writing because I find it interesting and satisfying. I LOVE when other people enjoy it too, but it’s most satisfying for me. Otherwise I wouldn’t keep up with it.
I do write for the sake of writing, mostly. I mean, I’ve always written, and it almost feels like self-care: taking the time to organize my thoughts and spend some time looking inward. The reason I chose the strict once-a-week schedule is because I have a busy job and lots to do outside of that, so it forces me to free up some time for it. But outside validation (in the form of clicks or compliments) is very helpful to stay motivated.
As for the choice to write in Dutch: it’s partly because the (little) assigned work I get is in Dutch too, so that’s the skill that’s most useful to practice. Also, while I think my English is reasonable, and I feel comfortable writing in English, I do often notice weird turns of phrase after the fact (I do write a very occasional newsletter in English, in case anyone’s curious – it’s at tinyletter.com/hedwig). Writing in English would increase the possible reach, but at the same time it increases the competition. I don’t know many Dutch-language blogs occupying my particular niche, but I think there are plenty of English ones.
Well well, I was going to ask for a link, but I do not read Dutch. Perhaps this answers some of your other questions?
Oh hey – I’m trying to learn Dutch, sort of. I am temporarily in the Netherlands. I would like to try to read your blog, if you’d like to share the link!
Here you go!
Ooooooooh a pop culture blog, definitely relevant to my interests! Dank je wel 🙂
Hoera! I am going to sign up right now. Ik ben maar half Nederlands – dus zal jou blog goed oefenen zijn (sp?).
So I am definitely going to keep reading your blog if you keep writing it – I’ve decided to use the articles as Dutch -> English translation exercises (I did “Nog lang en gelukkig?” today! Loved the post). Really, I should have done this when I first moved to NL but pop culture is so much more interesting than whatever the PVV is doing today. Thanks again!
Awh, thank you 😀 Glad you like it! And good luck with the learning Dutch.
BTW: we recently had a Toasties-in-the-Netherlands meetup, and we’re planning to have one again at the end of April. No pressure if you don’t feel like merging the internet and real life, but if you’d maybe like to join just let me know 🙂
Oooooooooooooh. Maybe? I’m a bit shy/anxious and might be going away for a few days just prior to Koningsdag, but if times align and I can get over the jitters that might be really cool! Toasties seem like the best people. Thank you 🙂
Are you on twitter? If so, I’m hedinthecloud. If not: my yahoo e-mail is hedwigvd.
I have just rejoined Twitter after a short (~5 year) break and have no idea how to use it sensibly or productively, but I will follow you!
Some tasks offer no reward beyond the tranquility that arises from the doing of the thing.
Now that deserved to be cross-stitched on a pillow. In the meantime, might just write it on a post-it note and stick it to my monitor as a reminder.
When I used to blog (in a language with less native-speakers than Dutch), commenting on other blogs that I liked using my (linked) blogname helped. The people whose blogs I commented on started reading and commenting on my blog as well.
I visisted the National Zoo yesterday for the first time, and had the distinct pleasure of spending about 3 hours watching the redtailed guenons and Allen’s swamp monkeys, including a 4-day old Allen’s swamp monkey of undetermined sex who spent the whole time clinging to their momma’s belly and nursing and occasionally being groomed by enthusiastic females who wanted nothing more than to have this baby for their very own. Momma was having none of it, but did let this female groom the baby with her. You can see the flailing baby tail!
Momma and another admiring female groom a 4-day old Allen’s swamp monkey!
Given your commenting name, the specificity of your monkey talk, and the amount of time you spent watching them is there any chance you work with primates professionally? If so I’d love to hear more about what you do! I took a few classes in primate psych late in college, loved it, and have always regretted a little that I didn’t take those classes earlier and maybe pursue that field.
(Or maybe I’m totally off base and you’re just a well spoken person who appreciates a good monkey!)
You’ve found me out! I’m a grad student in anthropology studying Diana monkey behavior, ecology, and endocrinology! I do research in a forest in Cote d’Ivoire – I’m trying to understand how Diana monkeys deal with changes in food availability, and what effect it has on their stress, reproduction, and behavior 🙂
I freaking love this place and all the people in it.
That sounds fascinating! Any time you have stories/pictures/facts to share in an open thread I’d love to hear about it!
Just thought I should say hello – I comment occasionally on link roundups but I tend to be a lurker in any online community. I’m trying to de-lurk!
I’m strayan. I enjoy books, sci-fi, cats, tea and coffee (no, I won’t pick a side in your hot beverage wars, particularly as I also make the world’s best italian hot chocolate). I also like cooking (mostly for other people, having been brought up with a totally healthy food = love perspective), science, the idea of yarn crafts and RPGs. I cry at the drop of a hat. I try to believe that people are mostly good.
My important people are my parents, sister, niblings and my partner, and a few close friends for whom I would do anything.
Hi!
*waves*
I am entirely with you on the beverage wars. Love coffee. Love tea. Wouldn’t want to live without either.
SAME to everything from the currently-de-lurking to coffee and tea. Hi!
That’s how I feel about cat v. dog wars. I love both! I am bipetual.
Howdy and welcome! I enjoy all those things and am curious about your RPGing. A few months ago I started RPGing with a wonderful group and it’s been So. Much. Fun. I was nervous at first, but it’s been a great way to relieve stress and play “make believe” as a grown up.
Me too! I am HERE for the RPGing. I just started getting into it this summer, but now I DM my own campaign with a group of friends. It’s awesome: a few sessions ago they tried to get some information out of a squirrel, and ended up getting majorly swindled. Then this last one they did some top-notch bribery. The Players: they’re learning!
I’m sorry! I misled you. I meant video game RPGs BUT I have wanted to get into tabletops for years and years. I have had this habit of dating dudes who are super into them or who have RPGing friends and then I go “yeah, this is my in” and then we break up and I’m sad about lost love but also about lost tabletop opportunities 🙁
When I move back to Aus I intend to start having a monthly board games night at my place and hopefully will be able to nudge the group (or a subgroup) towards an RPG.
No worries! I found that when I started talking about wanting to DM/GM a group, a lot of people I didn’t know/think were interested in it wanted to play. YMMV, but asking around at work/school/whatever can help! Roll20 (this free online thing) is also good to find groups, if you can’t find a Real Life group.
Thank you for the tips! My workplace… is probably not even nerdy enough to get a book club out of, but Roll20 sounds like an awesome resource.
If you have friends who are maybe on the fence about playing, may I humbly suggest showing them Titansgrave (magic+sci-fi tech, shorter episodes, a bit more edited) or Critical Role (fantasy, D&D, live streaming, longer-I really enjoy the Trial of the Take episodes as a good introduction). Bad*ss ladies and dudes playing and having fun, and all on youtube. Basically, these are what made me want to try out RPGs after spending way too long thinking it “wasn’t my thing.”
Hi hi hi! I love Australia and am married to an Australian and I think you are some of the chillest people in the world and would deeply love to implement your voting and campaigning system in this country, nice to meet you!!
Hello! It’s nice to meet you too. We have some terrible politicians though D:
Sitting over here pretending Tony Abbott was some sort of collective fever dream
I feel like Aus/U.S. leaders have been in a oneupmanship (onedownmanship?) competition in the last 20 years. We get Howard so they get Bush. They get Bush, so we get Abbott. We get Abbott so they get… Trump?? 🙁
Also, we also have to consider our minor leagues. Katter, Joyce, Hanson (thanks QLD!), Nile etc. What are we even doing. I think the U.S. might beat us on those ones though, and they’d only need to field their state governors.
God it’s so depressing, but I think they’ve hit the nadir with Trump (surely? Please?)
Hello! I too at attempting to de-lurk, and also I’m thrilled by your casual use of “niblings.” If/when my sister has kids I’ll be using it constantly.
Nice to meet you!
I wanted to be non-gender-specific because she told me that she wasn’t telling anyone whether the first one would be assigned male or female before it was born. She lied, but “nibling” stuck as a nickname.
It’s an excellent and useful word.
Oh good, I have an AAM-ish question that I didn’t want to wait until open thread to ask. I’m essentially a contractor and would love to be hired on permanently. I know that position is coming but I have to wait for someone to retire. Another permanent position just opened up but 1. It’s at a satellite location where I’m not willing to move. 2. I’m only 80%ish qualified. And 3. The job is being opened with someone in mind already. My gut says not to apply for the job because I neither want it nor will get it. A couple of coworkers have told me I should apply so that I push HR/management into recognizing I want to stick around and I have skillz. What say you, toasties??
If you wouldn’t take the job if offered, then I don’t think you should apply.
I’m pretty sure that AAM would tell you nooooooooooooooo. Largely because you’re not prepared to take the job, even if it’s offered. The best way to let HR/management know you want to stick around is to actually talk to them and be explicit, or to do so to the person highest up who you have a good relationship with.
It doesn’t sound like you should apply to this immediately-available job… having to turn it down would be way more awkward than not applying. Bide your time until someone retires, spread the word that you want to stay on, and hope for the best!
Don’t apply to the position if you don’t want to take it– if they offered you the job and you turned it down, they might think you aren’t serious when you apply for a position there that you actually want. I’d just bring it up with management informally– say “I noticed you’re hiring and I like your company and would love to be brought on full time; however, I’m not in a position to move right now. Would you let me know if any openings come up at X location?” Companies really do like hiring known quantities.
^ This. Plus, depending on your organization/field/etc, the location may not be critical and they may be happy to consider you for either this position or another one that is in the works. I know that at my organization, we would much rather hold on to a contract worker who is doing well than have to bring in someone new, but that doesn’t always get communicated to the contract worker in as timely a fashion as would be ideal, so it can be a great thing to bring up casually and make sure that your immediate management is aware that you’re happy and would like to stay.
Also seconding this. It sucks to go through the interviewing process, select a candidate, and then learn upon making them an offer that they’ve wasted your time and theirs thinking they could negotiate non-negotiable aspects of the position like location, telecommuting, asking for $20k over the stated top salary range…
(No, I’m not speaking of real life experience, why do you ask?)
I wouldn’t apply for a job you don’t want, because what if they did make an offer? Turning it down could make stuff weird.
I see no downside to applying. It makes you look good. It could lead to that job, or something else entirely. Applying is not a commitment. I say, do it.
Apply. It gives interview practice (should it come down to that) and you can always say no, if it is offered and you 100% don’t want to move. And having others apply gives a competition process the semblance of open-ness, which management loves.
I’m leaning towards this, for these exact reasons, although I’d suggest talking to someone internal first.
In my current workplace, applying for a not-perfect stretch position they already had someone in mind for would be either acceptable or a positive, but not every work place would agree. If you can find someone who has recently been internally promoted/transferred, or a hiring manager of someone who has been internally promoted/transferred, and/or your manager, and/or whoever would be your manager with the type of position you actually want, that would be the best bet for good advice.
Noooooo never never never! If you *know* you wouldn’t take the job, you should not apply.
Things are clearly different when you do not work for a Large National Unionized Workplace.
And besides, management will never know what you know beforehand. What if there is something about the job that makes it great, only you didna know before the application process? I am very confused by this whole thread, which makes a lot of sense given my career trajectory, really.
If you aren’t sure, there are times where it’s appropriate to apply. But in this case it’s very clearcut. When you know something that means that under no circumstances would you accept the job: for example, as in this case, that you aren’t willing to move to the location of the job, applying is wrong. It’s dishonest to put yourself forward for a job that you know you won’t take. It’s a waste of your time, and it’s disrespectful of the people you’re interviewing with, who usually can only take the time to do extensive interviewing for, say, 3-5 candidates. You’re actively making it less likely that they can find the best candidate.
Hunh. You learn something new every day. ty!
To be clear – job hunting gives me hives, and I would never, personally, apply for a job that i don’t actively want. But this is in direct contrast to what i have been told to do by my supervisors.
Thanks for all your input! It’s a small office so literally everyone here knows me and knows that I want to convert to permanent. Also the job is posted on usajobs so they’ll have hundreds of candidates to sort through already. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to apply but I’ll stop in and chat with HR so see what she suggests!
Yay! My chance to ask whether any of you lovely toasties will perchance be attending the London Book Fair next month? I’m going all alone and would love to grab a tea or a beer with someone.
Also, I’ll never get around to posting this in an open thread, so here’s a pixelly picture of a triceratops mask I made for a costume party some time ago and was quite proud of. Perhaps it will render me more alluring as a tea partner?
#goals
Well, shit, I’d have tea with you! That’s amazing! Dress and necklace are also fabulous. All-around A+++ look!
AMAZING AND I LOVE YOU
THAT IS SO COOL
I will be at the London Book Fair and would love to grab a beer with any other Toasties who will be there! It would probably have to be in the evening though as I am there in a work capacity and will be busy from 9 to 5 each day.
Hey! I completely forgot this thread and am so, so sorry. But I’d still love to meet Toasties! I’m there in a work capacity too, but maybe we could enjoy a nice afternoon beverage after fair closing time? I’m flying home Thursday, but Tuesday or Wednesday would be lovely. If you’re still interested, you can drop me a line on [email protected]. If not, that is completely understandable, and I will just wish you a lovely book fair. 🙂
NICE
1. your mask is fab 2. where did you get your dress??
I am there! Drinks welcome whether coffee or alcohol but not on the Tuesday if possible. I’m not fully booked on Wednesday and Thursday is always dead so whenever is best
Hi! Super sorry for forgetting about this comment. If you’re still interested in meeting, you can drop me a line at [email protected]. 🙂
That mask is fabulous! Have fun in London, I hope that one’s less terrible than the Frankfurt one.
I love your mask
Toast friends, I ended a two-year relationship (the longest I have ever had) last week and am feeling WEIRD about it. Please tell me that people have done this and come out happier on the other end? I’m not cruel for ending something that was a solid “meh” in hopes that there’s something better, right?
You are definitely not cruel. Not ending a relationship you’re feeling pretty meh about would be far worse in the long run, and I think a lot of people get “stuck” because they go with the flow, don’t want to upset the apple cart, all the cliches.
You were right to end it. You both deserve better than “meh”. Think about it. How many people are there in the world? How many of them have regretted ending a relationship, that is, regretted it for more than a few months? Very few. Now, how many have regretted not ending one sooner? So very many.
Done this! Came out happier! A “meh” is not good enough and that’s plenty of reason. Good for you. In my case I managed to remain friends with the guy with whom the 2-year romantic relationship was “meh” (but with whom the 10 year friendship is awesome), and 2 years later started dating my now-husband, who is extremely not “meh”, and the first guy was in our wedding 🙂
It will feel weird and you’ll grieve it for a while, but that doesn’t mean you made the wrong decision. It means you made a big decision.
Yes. I have done exactly this and it absolutely paid off. There is better than “meh” in the world and you deserve it! It’s not cruel to end a relationship you’re not that into, it’s thoughtful and self-aware.
(That said, it does make it hard when you can’t tell the other person some big, concrete thing that means you have to end it. “I like you, but not enough,” can be a hard breakup speech to hear or give.)
Yes, that was the hardest part. It got so messy. I kept apologizing for not having a better reason.
That is pretty much the BEST reason. I say that having been on the receiving end of that reason before.
It blewwwww to hear, but damn if I didn’t want to be with that person anymore after hearing it. There’s no ambiguity to it. I was upset and hurt and sad and wished things were different, but hell no, I didn’t want to arrange my life around somebody who wasn’t in love with me.
It made for, in the long run, a very clean break. High fives to you for not saying something wishy-washy about “uhhh, it’s just not the right time…”
The worst breakup I have ever gone through was one where the “reason” was “it’s just not the right time.” I held out hope that once he got over his stuff we’d get back together and live happily ever after, and it made what would have been a short period of misery into months of misery.
Major kudos to everyone who does the hard thing and tells their person they don’t like/love them — it is absolutely the kinder, wiser choice even though it sucks at the time.
Not cruel in the slightest. Quite the opposite! It is much kinder to cut the other person loose to find someone who is thrilled to be with them than to stay with them feeling meh about them.
1000 thumbs up. Breaking up with someone because you don’t like them enough SEEMS like a dick move, but it’s really not. Staying with someone you don’t like is the actual dick move.
Having pulled that very dick move and allowing a relationship to devolve into a horror show before it ended, I can absolutely agree. It was a dick move.
Chiming in to co-sign that it’s not cruel at all, and is ultimately kinder to both you and your ex! You both deserve more than a “meh” relationship. I had something similar when I was much younger and I didn’t make an initial break up stick and instead dragged it out for another two years.
Speaking from the other side, 2 years on after my last breakup I can see that my ex was ‘meh’ about me by the end, and I am glad he ended it because (again, with hindsight) I could obviously feel his ‘meh’ and it was making me feel shitty, and now we are still good friends and I’m pleased about that.
Not cruel! I was on the receiving end of a two+ year relationship breakup, and while I was upset at the time, I’m now very happy it ended when it did. If my ex-dude hadn’t ended it, I would have stuck with him for far too long and would have had way less fun in my first year of grad school. I also wouldn’t have gotten together with my awesome husband. Breakups are so hard, but they’re almost always for the best. Hang tight.
I was broken up with and was devastated at the time, and now I am so, so happy that it happened. We were not in a good place and not right for each other! If you felt the need to do it and you felt it was meh, then you are doing the best thing for BOTH of you.
Also ended a multi-year relationship due to ‘meh’ on both sides. 2 years later I found ‘Yay!’
You deserve so much more than “meh” and you need to give yourself space to figure out what makes a “Yay!” so that you recognize it when it comes along. You made the right choice.
It’s not cruel, it is brave and necessary and absolutely the right thing!
I ended a four-year relationship that was comfortable, but still somehow indefineably not what I wanted my future to look like. I grieved the loss of the comfortableness, but absolutely don’t regret relinquishing a relationship that no longer quite fit.
Oh this is so comforting to hear.
Chiming in to the chorus, here, to say you absolutely did the right thing.
I married my “meh,” it went steadily downhill for a more-than-two amount of years, then we got divorced and I haven’t heard from him in an also-more-than-two amount of years. Perhaps we would have stayed friends if we (I) hadn’t let the relationship deteriorate so badly beforehand.
But. From the ashes of a Meh Left Behind rose a New And Glorious Hooray! I am more myself than I ever have been, which I could not have achieved had I stayed in Mehs-ville.
There is definitely something better in store for you, bundtpan. You deserve better than “I guess it’s not bad.” You deserve the thing that makes your heart sing.
Happy Pi Day everyone!!!! I got a cannoli pie to celebrate and it is the most delicious thing I have ever eaten!!!!!
I made 2 apple pies and a rosemary honey shoo fly pie last night to bring in to work today.
They look so lovely and delicious!!!!
I knew I was not going to have time to craft pies in time for pie day, so i purchased a frozen pizza pie, shepherds pie, and apple crumb pie for dinner tonight. #pi(e)goals.
Tell me more about cannoli pie. Is it a pie with the sweet cheesy stuff in it? I mean, Ilike cannoli, I like pie, I guarantee I would like this, but I’ve never seen such a thing.
I just checked the description – so it is the vanilla cream mixed with cream cheese and mini chocolate chips and sliced toasted almonds. I love it so much!!!!!
That sounds delicious and amazing! I got up early this morning with the specific intention of having pie for breakfast in honor of Pi Day, but then the sausage rolls looked way more appetizing than any of the pies the bakery had, so *shrug*
My intentions were good.
Happy Pi Day! I’m turning leftover roast chicken into chicken pot pie tonight.
Target is not a good job.
That said I have eaten chocolate cream, Dutch Apple and key lime pie. There’s a coconut cream pie that isn’t quite defrosted yet.
Key Lime fo lyfe tho.
I would love to make a pie, but alas the kiddo woke up sick this morning and now I am stuck in the house without the necessary ingredients.
This is my favorite graffiti ever, and also, Hamilton is everywhere:
My mother lectured me on Sunday when I visited because my youngest brother (he is in highschool) is obsessed with Hamilton and plays it all day every day.
Proudest moment.
You are older-sibling-ing it correctly, A+.
WERK
Ohh, perfect. Was coming here to suggest this Hamilton AU fanfic that just seems so relevant to the Hamilton Toast’s interests. Ah, basically… it’s all our boys and gals from the musical. Except in England. And it’s a Regency-style fic, quite thoroughly from what I can gather (I’m not the most experienced reader of the genre), from the setting to the plot to the narrator to the descriptions of the characters. And… it’s a matriarchy. (Yes, Angelica and Eliza are major characters.) Hamilton does start out on St. Croix, like canon, except things are a bit ~different, and so instead of a free educated man in the colonies he ends up the ward of distant relations in England, with exactly the options and prospects of a woman in that circumstance in our history. I LOVE IT.
It’s funny and horrifying and satisfying and just, really delightful. Like this wonderful blend of Austen, etc., Atwood, and really delightful fanfic Alexander. Anyway, here is the author’s summary and I think some of y’all might REALLY enjoy it, so I hope maybe you check it out. *hopeful, self-effacing grin*
By Providence Impoverished
by Poose
A Regency-flavoured, arranged-marriage Washington/Hamilton slow burn AU born out of an extended thought experiment about kinship and matriarchy. Yeah, I don’t know either. But please remember why we’re here: Washington in a frock coat, on a giant white horse, sexually charged waltzes, and sniping!
I’ve been reading through a LOT of Hamilton fic recently so thanks for the rec. I think my favourite so far is the Scandal crossover which features a random Franklin cameo.
I’ll have to look at that! I don’t even know Scandal, but I just keep coming across things I like that I never would have thought I’d even be interested in. Hamilton… it’s a gift that keeps on giving. (Um, if you are at all amenable to rpf, I have a few recommendations in that area as well. Some great writers. Also, not quite all the way that naughty, is rillrill’s Quid Pro Quo modern AU.)
I was taking the cat to the vet on Wednesday and I walked past a college-age girl (nanny?) with two little boys who were all chanting the opening song together. It truly is everywhere.
a) I love that. I want to find whoever did it and high five them.
b) literally e v e r y w h e r e. I’m an English language assistant in Italy, and I accidentally got one of the students into Hamilton. He asked what music I like, and I glossed it – “a rap musical about the American Revolution”. He came in the next day listening to Satisfied.
Hello everyone! I’m back from Iceland and the trip was amazing!! We even saw the Northern Lights on our second-to-last night there, which was a highlight not only of the trip, but of my LIFE. Thank you all for your wonderful recommendations!!
OMG so glad you saw the Northern Lights. That is definitely something I want to see, and it would probably be in Iceland, so you lived my dream.
Congratulations on your Northern-Light-viewing!! And welcome back. 🙂
Thank you!!! Being back at work is not so fun of course, but at least I am back in Toastland once again!
I am also back! We did not see any lights though. 🙁 Glad you had better luck, I am really pleased for you! I got back yesterday and am going through my 800 photos… We did the golden circle, aaaaaallllll the museums, whale watching was also cancelled due to monster winds, and we did one of the geothermal municipal pools since it was free with our city card. We are already planning a return!
I was thinking about you as I was walking through the airport to come home – I knew you were just getting started with your adventure!! We also have a million zillion photos, though my Dad requested “12 to 15” in typical Dad fashion. The golden circle was awesome, and not even that crowded!! Did Geysir erupt for you? It didn’t for us, but the smaller one went off like four times while we were there. I wish we’d done some swimming!! The Blue Lagoon was booked solid and we just kinda ran out of time to find an alternative 🙁
No, Geysir itself hasn’t gone since 2005 or something? Strokkur did three for us, it was pelting with snow for there and Gulfoss, I have some dramatic snowy pics that will probably be in this week’s open thread on Friday! We arrived on Weds, no lights so went into town on the bus as we were in Hafnarfjordur, got soaked, golden circle Thursday, then got a city card for Fri/Sat and ‘did’ Reykjavik. It was too stormy to go whalewatching too which was disappointing, we did aaaaaaallllll the museums (I am debating whether the internet needs to see the penis museum ones), back to the hotel to see whether the lights were cancelled again, back into town for dinner, then Sunday morning before we went we walked down to the pool and went in a variety of hot tubs!
Ohhh man the Penis museum. It was a lot different than I was expecting? But I still enjoyed it, though it’s not something to plan a trip around. We really liked the Settlement and Saga museums. I wish we’d had time to do the art museum! We were only in Reykjavik for 3.5 days I think, and the rest of the week we were out on the Snaefellsnes Peninsula nearly dying while driving through the mountains. All in good fun though! That’s where we saw the aurora, too. I’ll admit that all that time driving next to the ocean I thought I’d see a whale pop up, but no such luck! I guess they all boycotted Iceland this month. Did you do any adventurous eating? My partner and I had reindeer, puffin, and whale, of which puffin was surprisingly my favorite.
Yes – I mean, you know in your mind it’s going to be a room full of cocks in jars, but you don’t really believe it. And then there they all were. In jars. Floating.
We avoided whale as I’d rather not support it, but I’ve had reindeer before – I mostly went for catch of the day local fresh fish.
Ahhhh I’m quitting my toxic, underpaid, not in line with my career goals or passion, 60+ hour a week job in 4.5 hours! To recover my health from this work-induced depression/anxiety and maybe bike the Pacific Coast. But without a new job lined up. I AM SO NERVOUS (about the quitting, mostly, today). Send good thoughts, please?!
Congratulations and super good luck with everything! I hope you get to do the biking bit.
Wow, congratulations! You are doing such a good thing for yourself, go you!
Good for you! I biked the coast (from Florence to San Francisco) and it was glorious and amazing and more rainy than I had expected. I’m here if you have any questions about planning and I HIGHLY recommend the trip.
I have so many questions! Were you alone, what time of year, what gear, what maps, how long did it take, how much training, what bike, etc etc?!
Congratulations!!
Good for you!! I did this last year and can tell you that it will be OK! And you WILL be able to get a job again (if you want one, of course — you may discover something better), despite what everyone else seems to believe.
So comforting to hear that, thank you! I made the mistake of reading Ask A Manager advice this weekend about resigning, and she is not encouraging of doing so without something else already lined up. Would you mind telling me more about your experiences?!
Of course! I quit my job last March because of toxic work environment + wanting to start changing careers + terminal illness in my family. The main things that helped me out with job hunting were:
1) Create a compelling story of why you left your job, and insert that into every cover letter you write for future jobs. Recruiters obviously looked at my family situation and gave me a good amount of leeway, but you can spin nearly anything into a legit reason for the resume gap.
2) Fill in your resume gap as much as possibly can. Can you consult for people? Can you help a family member with their business? Do your friends have any leads? Can you volunteer in your field? When I left my job, a colleague from a different team reached out with a contracting opportunity and that carried me through to fall — are there opportunities to work with people at your same company that you get along well with?
3) I did yoga teacher training. Obviously this is not for everyone! But it helped me deal with the emotional stress of everything, gave me away to make some pocket money, and opened up my career options because then I could apply to positions relating to health and teaching/education. (Plus I do eventually want to go full-time into wellness work, but one step at a time.)
Between #1 and #2, I had a resume that still made sense and a respectable-looking-enough freelance portfolio. And #3 actually calmed me down so much that it’s one of the reasons I got my new job — my interviewers sold me to the CMO based on my newfound zen, haha!
So do whatever you can do to stay relevant and employable, but really make sure you’re doing lots of self-care so you can move through the emotional side and heal. Wishing you all the best — definitely feel free to reach out with anything else!
Congratulations! I hope everything comes out shiny and chrome for you!
Seems like you have a wonderful plan for moving forward, I will definitely keep a good thought for safe biking, beautiful vistas and a new and vastly improved job.
Yay so much love and light! I can’t wait to turn in my notice at some point this year. You deserve to be happy… and hopefully now that it’s been about 4.5 hours since you posted this, you are feeling a tremendous amount of relief and happiness. <3
I did this in December and it was the very best decision I could have made! Starting to look for jobs again, now that i am not bitter and anxious and I know I will be a much better employee once I land something. You can do it, it will be great. Enjoy the riding.
Right?! I can just imagine myself trying to apply for new jobs, exhausted and anxious and constantly interrupted by random work chaos. Without a break, I worry I wouldn’t have the opportunity to recalibrate my toxicity meter and I’d miss the red flags during the interview stage. Thank you for the encouragement!
Congratulations!!! I have done this and it turned out OK! You will be fine! <3
Did you do it??? Do you fell better already??
Thank you, thank you for all of your support! I did do it. It was oddly surreal, and I’m switching back and forth between giddy and sad. Our current nonprofit structure is a management team (which I’m on and in place of an executive director), with a volunteer staff/board liaison who reports to the board. So today I talked to the Board President, and he was very understanding and appreciative of my time here. I actually respect and enjoy working with him, as he’s one of the more positive people associated with this organization. Tomorrow I’ll tell the volunteer staff/board liaison, which will probably be a very different conversation as she’s very much part of the problem and highly likely to guilt trip me. And then the cat will be fully out of the bag.
I do have some regret though. I tried very hard to deal with the shit, to work with others to find solutions, to have professional conversations about restructuring my workload, and yet here we are. I’m a loyal, responsible person by nature, and I wanted to make this work, dammit. (Is anyone surprised that I tend to stay in romantic relationships way too long too?!)
April 22 is so soon. And now I’m rewarding/consoling myself with Hamilton and a lemon meringue tart, and my boyfriend is making me a fancy cocktail and bath when I get home.
Life is a bit exciting right now, Toasties. My lease ends May 31 and I start grad school in a different state in late August and want to continue working at my job through that time (because paychecks) so I found a sublet for the summer. I’m a little nervous– it’s been years since I lived with strangers– but they’re all cool nerdy ladies in grad school and I think it’s going to be fine? (I’m still nervous.There’s a lot of change coming up.)
Today, why don’t you tell me about your everyday wear? A ponytail, a particular brand of socks, a piece of jewelry, a scent?
I do rings– I recently upped the game from 3 to 4, adding a ring I inherited from my grandma that is either two diamonds and an aquamarine or the quartz/paste equivalents. The other three are a silver and rose gold signet, a patterned silver band, and a thin silver band that says “BABE.”
My earrings! I have had the same ones for nigh on 20 years. They are small, simple silver hoops–two in my right ear and one in my left, although I was up to five in my right ear for a long time. I take them out when stage performances require it and no other time.
I need to find a solid pair of basic hoops for my mom, since she just got her ears repierced. Those sound so nice.
Check for huggie hoops on etsy! Huggies/sleepers are super comfortable for long-term wear.
My bee. It’s a gold honeybee charm with a little yellow sapphire droplet, from Alex Monroe, and the chain broke a few months ago. I was devastated, but it’s finally fixed and we are reunited! https://www.instagram.com/p/BClqzsEIf6U/?taken-by…
I also have a late 1910s marcasite and “Peking glass” (glass imitating jade) ring – probably English make, the shank was adjusted so the hallmarks are gone – that I wear a lot. It’s big and gorgeous but in a lovely early art deco kind of way so it’s not too outrageous
Ahh that charm is amazing! I love that it’s a kind of fuzzy bee. So cute.
I love bees as a motif– I don’t know how to explain it except that I find them so regal yet so humble.
Besides my wedding and engagement rings: I JUST got back my favourite pair of earrings EVER. They’re plain sterling silver hoops, but the perfect size and feel. I wore them almost every single day for six or seven years and then I had to stop because the clasp on one of them broke. But I got it fixed! Now they’re back and I have worn them happily every day since! Probably the best gift my parents ever gave me. (Tied with the diamond studs I have in my second holes and don’t ever take out. My parents just have good taste in earrings, I guess.) Actually, if you look at photos of me from the past several years, I’m wearing these earrings in almost every picture. They are just perfect.
Also in high school I wore a delicate silver choker every single day. It was from Delia’s, of all places, and I cried when it broke.
Yess to the delicate silver choker! I’m loving that chokers are suddenly back in vogue and considering buying a nice one– I love the look of tiny metal ones, but I have a lot of metal sensitivities so for something that close to the skin it’s probably gold or bust :\
I WISH I did rings! They always seem like an extra accessory I’ll get when I have a bit more money. I recently moved to the US from tropical Singapore so I’ve gone kind of crazy on coats, knits, turtlenecks. Having much wider access to online shopping and an Amazon Prime student trial doesn’t help.
I definitely recommend garage sales for rings– the patterned sterling silver band is a gift from my mom, who got it at a church sale for $0.25. You can find a lot of real silver for cheap!
And yes, for all the craziness going on in the US right now, the existence of sweater weather is an unalloyed good 🙂 glad you’re enjoying it!
Your rings sound amazing, and I would love to see pictures. I’ve worn the same two rings every day for more than a decade; a thin silver knot ring my mom got for her 15th birthday and one with a tiny diamond that my aunt got me. My aunt died last year, and I exchanged the diamond ring for one with a green stone that I inherited from her. I’ve worn it for months now and still think it looks super odd on my hand.
It’s nice to have something to remind you of your aunt. Diamonds are classic and also my birthstone, but I just love the way colored stones catch the light– they kind of glow more than sparkle.
The rings sound gorgeous! Aside from my engagement ring, I have an extremely delicate rose gold chain with a tiny pave pendant that I wear all the time. The chain is so thin that it can only be seen from certain angles, which makes me feel like it’s part of my body/blends into my skin.
Here’s a fun fact about me/my wardrobe: I own no solid color socks. The closest I come is one pair thats mostly blue with small embroidered penguins at the top, and another similar in red but with cows instead. Other than that they are all patterned/multi-colored in some way. It all started when I was in 6th grade and my mom got me a pair with cows on them. I could only wear them on casual days until I got to high school and no longer had a uniform and then it was game over. Haven’t owned a “normal” pair of socks since. I’m not even sure how many I own at this point. A majority of them are back home, most of the ones with holes or worn out elastic that I couldn’t bear to part with, but I took a significant portion with me when I moved. Today’s pair is brown with purple hearts on the side and purple and tan lines around the top. I might have to retire them after today, though, since there is a pretty big toe hole.
I am currently wearing one Fair-Isle-style Halloween sock, and one gray with jack-o-lanters sock (pure coincidence that they are both Halloween, I assure you).
Fun socks are the best.
I wear a gold locket that my parents gave me when I was little every day. It has nothing inside it because I always forget to take it off in the shower/pool. When people ask me whose picture is in there, I tell them it’s empty like my soul. This joke does not always land well but I keep making it.
The joke would have landed with me!
(I used to wear a bracelet with silver teeth dangling from it, similar to the Kesha Rose ones. I found many times that when someone asks “what are those charms?”, “human teeth!” may be the factually correct answer, but it is not the right one.)
I just got an amazing ring! I went to NYC for the weekend and picked this up at MOMA. I love non-traditional rings (and cats.)
OMG that’s amazing! Love that the cat is perma-chasing the pearl.
It makes me a little sad that the cat will never catch it 🙁
But the fun is in the chase
I wear my high school ring every day–it’s not a traditional high school ring–it’s an octagonal garnet, and it’s gorgeous. I also wear a miniature hammer necklace from my girlfriend every day, though it’s likely that I’ll wear it less often (not great for exercising) when I start wearing my (antique engraved white gold) wedding band when we marry in three weeks.
I am a cartoon character who opens her closet and it is full of the same thing. I only wear black dresses and black leggs opaque tights. I hate pants/skirts/tops because it requires matching. And getting pants that fit + shirts that are in proportion to said pants is the worst. Also, when you wear black dresses, you always kind of look nice, no matter what, even though is it totally simple/thoughtless & doesn’t show when I invariably spill coffee on my lap. My fave dress at the moment is a black crepe shapeless shift that has leather cuffs on 3/4 sleeves. I get compliments about how nice I look every time I wear it, but it fits like a baggy, extra long t-shirt.
I love your philosophy! I kind of collect various gray dresses for the same reason. (I have a couple black ones, but the gray is so good for when I need to channel my inner Adora Belle Dearheart.)
Thick cat-eye eyeliner. It’s my warpaint and I feel weirdly naked without it.
I wear a necklace pretty much 24/7, to the point that if I take it off for whatever reason, I feel off-kilter until I’m wearing one again (I also have a tendency to fidget with whatever necklace I’m wearing, so if I don’t have one on, I’m constantly lifting my hand up to my neck and only finding empty air).
Usually, I’m wearing the Courage Sans Peur pendant I got as a high school graduation gift (http://pyrrha.com/collections/talismans/products/dagger?variant=1096117637)–it’s my good luck charm and the only necklace I ever wear to job interviews or other important events. I also have a couple wirework pendants from Wyrding Studios, a tiny meat cleaver charm, and a microscope charm that I swap out occasionally when I want something different.
My fiancee also got me an engagement necklace (a brass locket with our initials engraved inside) that matches the brass compass ring I got her when I proposed. Neither of us wear our respective engagement jewelries as often as we maybe ought to, as we discovered they both turn our skin green. Not wearing mine makes me feel terrible, since it’s such a beautiful locket, but it’s also kind of hilarious.
a titanium ring (i don’t do well with most metals, this one has been okay), glasses (won’t get surgery, my eyes aren’t symmetric, my prescription isn’t symmetric, and it conveniently works out that they work together to make me look more symmetric), almost every day my oxblood Docs with my custom orthotics in them.
I had done ponytails every day (with the goody stayput elastics, always, after once finding them on sale, trying them out, and finding them far superior), but now that my hair is pixie short, it’s easier AND looks more the way I want it to.
My big thing is my glasses, I think. I only wear contacts to play soccer, and by that I mean, from the locker room before the game to the locker room after the game. My face is not my face without glasses! It’s kind of crazy now to think that I wore contacts all through high school.
Also, maybe this is an overshare, but I tend to match my underwear to my outfit, even though no one will see it. It’s not even fancy underwear!
Mother always used to tell me to wear matching underwear in case one got hit by a car.
(I have always been horrified by the thought that if I get hit by a car, the underwear will be ruined–if not in the accident, by the paramedics cutting them off. Matching sets are expensive!)
I resisted contacts for a long time, from when I got glasses at age 10 until around 20 or 21. Then partway through college I started wearing contacts regularly for about 2 or 3 years. Then one day my eyes just decided no, we will start being IRRITATED every time you wear them more than a couple hours. I’ve been back to glasses full time for a while now and it’s strange to think I was ever without them, they are so much a part of me. (I really need a new pair though, these are probably 5 or 6 years old and very scratched up.)
Current everyday wear: tiny thin gold toe ring (instead of my wedding and engagement rings, which I suppose I just need to buckled down and have sized, since my fingers have gone up 2.5 sizes (babies man. ug.)), FItbit in semi-adorable chevron band (sometimes I remember to swap the band; I have lots from Amazon), glasses (I need a new prescription, but the next lenses aren’t going to fit in these frames, and I can’t stand the thought of trying to find new ones), and almost always a bun or ponytail held on by those thick silicone ponytail holders (that cause my sister to ask, why are you wearing a nuva ring on your head?) (but today for some reason my hair has made it almost to lunch time without annoying me enough to be confined). That’s it. Oh, and generally some sort of toddler-smear. Boogers, chewed-up crackers, who knows.
I have three silver rings stacked on my left middle finger–they’re a matched set to the ones my older brother wears, so I never take them off for anything. When doctors have asked me to remove them before surgery I give them a futile wiggle and then the doctor sighs and wraps my finger in masking tape after warning me, “if we have to defibrillate you, those can leave scars.”
I also wear the same earrings every day–silver hoops with amethyst. On days I leave the house, I stack my Kate Spade watch and my tennis bracelet together. Funnily enough, I don’t often wear necklaces; I have some particular favorites, but they never look right with the necklines of my shirts.
I wear perfume every day, usually the same one for a period of months and then I’ll switch it up – right now it’s Byredo Rose of No Man’s Land, which is both pretty and edgy but not too sweet or floral. I am digging it.
I also usually wear a pair of gold and diamond studs that are sort of a round-edged bezel setting. They were given to my mom by her ex-husband and then she gave them to me because she no longer cared to wear them and I ADORE them. Which reminds me…time to clean them. Anyone have any favorite methods for at-home jewelry cleaning?
I have a Star of David and a silver disk with a quote from Proverbs in Hebrew about friendship that I wear every day. My two best friends have matching friendship charms; they’re basically the classiest friendship necklaces ever.
My only everyday thing is my tiny crystal conch piercing. I’ve had it for about 5 years now and it still surprises at least one person a week.
I’m hearing back from a job I really want this week and i don’t know what day and it might be pushed to next week but I’m nonetheless freaking out and checking my email constantly.
Also my office is freezing cold. It was so hot last week that we asked them to turn it down and now they’re freezing us out.
That is all.
ME TOO.
And now my jerkbrain is telling me a million reasons why even though the interviewers were enthusiastic and chill and I initially though it went well I just misinterpreted their positive body language and they actually hated me and I am a total idiot.
So, I am sure none of that makes you feel any better but… Agonizing overthinking and compulsively refreshing email in solidarity?
Yes! Yes please! The worst part is that mine is an internal move within my current company, so all of my interviews were over the phone so I have NO IDEA if their body language was good/bad. I had 4 interviews in two weeks, and I think half of them went really well, 1 went okay, and the other one went good/fine.
If I don’t get this job I’m going to start looking at positions elsewhere and ughhhhhhhhh. Doing the job search again is so daunting and I just hateeeeee it.
Good luck with yours though!! Do you know when you’ll hear?
Wow FOUR INTERVIEWS is so many. I had two plus a long list of take home one-page essay questions which was good because writing is my strong suit, but still, the more time and work I spend on this the more I feel like they OWE me the job and the more grumpy I will be if I don’t get it. They told me they would let me know no later than Friday but I feel like the longer I wait the less likely it is that they will pick me- which is probably just jerkbrain but who knows?
I hope you get it and don’t have to job search. Job searching is the most depressing and demoralizing thing I have every had to do in my (admittedly very sheltered) young life.
Good luck!!
Thanks! Have a meeting set up for tomorrow! My fingers are crossed! Sending good vibes your way!!!
This weekend we had a surprise going away party for my roommate. It was very nice except for the part where two people sat/leaned on our radiator and broke it. My roommate told the landlord it just fell. I’m crossing my fingers that I’ll still get my security deposit back later on.
Any Boston area Toasties also get a chance to attend beer and cheese fest this weekend? I’m not sure my body has recovered yet from unlimited samples of both, but it’s convinced me that allocating much more money towards buying small batch local cheese is absolutely necessary.
Oooh I’m a Boston area Toast, tell me what your favorites were so I can give them all my money.
Oh, so many. Vermont Farmstead had a Wensleydale type cheese called WindsorDale that was delicious in that crumbly, crystal-y way. Cricket Creek Farm was a new one for me, and all of their options were good. Jasper Hill’s Bayley Hazen Blue is one I’d had before but is always lovely.
Useful for cheese fans everywhere – one of the cheesemakers (Crystal Brook Farm) had a a goat cheese with crystallized ginger. It was a surprisingly delicious combination and I think you could mix something similar up yourself.
Those types of events are not my cup of… beer… but I hope it was fun!
When Notch finally opens its biergarten in Salem (summer?) do you wanna come up and try it with me?
Absolutely I do, since I love pretty much all their beers. (Notch aside, I volunteered at one of these fests a few years ago and learned that they’re one of the most enthusiastic brewers when it comes to making sure tasting cups get rinsed before pouring samples, which I respect.) Of course I’m Boston area only if you use a, err, loose definition – I live in Vermont now, but have friends in Boston from going to school there. But Notch is worth a road trip!
awesome!
Hiiiiiii I am in a grump and it’s such lovely weather here that I’m taking it as a personal insult, I have essays to write but it’s an actual spring day hrrrmph. My bed is in full afternoon sun and I just want to lie there like a lizard and be happy but instead I’m going to go to the library and try to shame myself into working…
I have two weeks of uni left and then I’m done with classes F O R E V E R and part of me thinks if I don’t write the papers I won’t have to graduate…? I am an idiot.
In other news I just did a tarot reading for myself and it was so HILARIOUSLY melodramatic that it has actually kind of cheered me up (nine, five AND seven of swords hahahaaaaa oh no)
Talk to me about how grumpy you are/tarot please and if you can explain why desire to drop out seems to increase as I get closer to the end that’s good too
My mom apparently cast the i ching right before her dissertation defense and it told her she was going to FAIL DRAMATICALLY. So I’m here for melodramatic prognostication.
(She did not fail.)
Ha, wow, I posted my comment below before my browser had loaded yours, looks like we’re both grumps. High five!
I have no real insight to offer, but am here in solidarity with “Hmm, only four pieces of work and an exam left: dropping out of this degree seems very tempting right now”. IT MAKES NO SENSE.
Also, the clear sky and bright sunlight outside is paying literally no attention to my accusing glares. It’s like it doesn’t even care.
Solidarity! I am here killing time before I buckle down on my last two essays before graduation.
I am in the grumpy zone so I’m going to whine about it on the internet I guess. My family is a mess and it is really putting a damper on my wedding planning (I anticipated this and planned around it and it’s all working out exactly the way I thought but it’s still getting me down). Also it’s raining and I’m sleepy because of daylight savings time.
Who else wants to have a grumpy party with me?
I will join in the daylight savings time grumpiness. It was dark when the alarm went off this morning. Dark! This is just not okay.
YAY GRUMP PALS
i was BORN in the grumps zone TBH.
I think i’m more grumps / whine cusp
Waking up in the dark this morning because of daylight savings totally threw me off and I slept through all 3 of my alarms and woke up 15 minutes late!!! I magically made my train but I am definitely joining your grumpy party today.
I’m pretty sure I lost several minutes this morning. I was getting ready, had my usual Pandora comedy stuff on, came out of the bathroom thinking the clock would say about 8:10 and it was 8:18 and I have no idea how. None. Complete twilight zone moment.
I’m also in mild grump territory. I’m in the midst of changing meds, so that’s making me feel a little off in general, plus the whole end-of-winter-to-beginning-of-spring thing is adding to that not-quite-right feeling, AND it was pouring this morning. Plus DST. MEH.
I too am grumpy, for many of the same reasons. Wedding planning = ugh. Weather = ugh. Daylight savings = ugh. I got stuck behind a stalled train so I spend 90 minutes (90 effing minutes!) waiting in a tunnel = ugh. Tired, hormonal, cranky, ennui = ugh. Can’t think straight so being at work is actually completely useless = ugh.
let’s grump away.
I do I do! My period is four days early and I have gnarly cramps and my partner’s car just cost a bajillion dollars and it won’t ever stop raining. GRUMP.
I am SUCH a crank today. I was waaaay too social this weekend and did not build in enough me time and now I’m at work AND I just my period. Cranky and close to tears! UGH.
Last night I left a lipstick in my laundry and caught it making a mess in the dryer. I went through everything (in the dark, the dryer is on the back porch, fml) with a bottle of Shout! and this morning (still dark) almost everything was okay for the dryer.
So now there’s just my favorite dress and some jeans I hate with a little lipstick left on them, they are sitting wetly on top of the dryer waiting for me to get home and Shout! again, so my point is, yes, lets be grumpy.
If you hate the jeans anyway, maybe you can let this be a sign to let them leave you?
Hello grumps.
My tattoo artist got in a (minor) car accident one minute before my appointment last week, so I did not get my new tattoo. The artist’s assistant has been reeeally flaky in the past and it was hard to nail down an appointment to begin with, so I am less sympathetic than I ought to be, which makes me even grumpier.
Everything is stupid, and I feel strongly that we should all be allowed to just browse John Boyega gifs from our beds for the rest of the day.
I’m so sorry you are having a difficult time 🙁 I hope on the actual day there will be no rain whatsoever and you’ll have the loveliest celebration ever and nobody who shows up will be annoying but only super lovely and supportive.
I want to join the grumpy party! I’m super grumpy today for no particular reason other than the family member whose wedding cake I’m making (and who is marrying a former horrible no good very bad crush of mine, but I’ve convinced myself that holds no importance) is not being forthcoming with what she wants it to be and what she thinks of my ideas and how many people with what kinds of food tolerances there will be and I’m not sure I want to expend all that much effort on this celebration anymore without getting any input back.
Then I had to deny a vaguely friend-ish but annoying guy’s second request for a date over the weekend (after he failed to read months of signals that I REALLY don’t want him to ask again, ever) which felt perfectly okay until today when apparently it’s official FEELINGS day. Which is a great day for wanting & not being able to afford the lovely tulips you see at the store because then of course it’s all “and no one else will get them for me, eitheeeeer *ugly sobbing*”
So effectively I’m grumpy at myself for being utterly emotionally bananas today.
I have been LIVING in the grumpy zone lately! Current complaints: rainy weather, daylight savings time, my laundry place lost my favorite pair of skinny jeans, and I haven’t had a weekend all to myself in over a month and I just want to not-shower and slouch around in my bed all day without having to set an alarm on a WEEKEND! :/
I am trying to change my posture so my hands don’t hurt as much. It is impossible and I hate it. I wish there was just a device that could lash me into my car (or work chair) and hold my shoulders back FOR me.
Pretty much there is: http://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=sho…
Of course there is! I don’t know why my brain forgets about the internet sometimes! The internet has everything!
I would pay money for a device like that. Yes.
There is something called a “Lumo Lift” and I’ve heard it’s like a fitbit- and buzzes every time it feels your shoulders hunch.
I would donate money to this kickstarter.
With you on this. For me yoga helps – lots of emphasis on posture drilled into you there.
Toasts, I love you all and you’re wonderful. Please tell me that
a) my leg will heal up
b) I can somehow clean up and integrate three different tracking systems/databases in two days
c) I can somehow create accurate reports of the integrated tracking systems/databases by COB Weds
d) I can also figure out how to implement content marketing strategies around these systems by COB Weds
basically please pet my head and insert tea and if I’m not around much this week, THIS IS WHY
I can pass on happy and healing thoughts for your poor leg, but the COB stuff? The only cobs I know have four legs and eat hay, so…(however, I’m positive you’ll kick butt!).
You can do it!
So I have a story. I was walking in my neighborhood last week, mid-morning, when about 2 blocks from my house I look across the street and see an older gentleman wearing a zip-up sweatshirt and … nothing else. Well, unless you count a catheter as something.
So naturally, I yelled out to him, “Sir, why aren’t you wearing any pants?” and he responded, “Because there’s a crazy guy with a gun in my house.” GREAT.
Well, I was on the phone with my mom at the time, so what she heard was, “Sir, why aren’t you wearing any pants? Hey mom, I have to call the cops real quick. Click.” I am going to hell for giving her that particular heart attack. Anyway, called the police as the naked guy tried to explain to me that his Korean War vet friend had totally freaked out and he’d just run out of there, as meanwhile the dispatcher is asking 20 questions regarding names, addresses and the color of the gun.
Anyway, to keep it short, I sacrificed a throw blanket to get the guy bundled up while we waited for the police. He seemed lucid enough in terms of knowing his name, his address and his supposed gun-wielding friend’s name, but he did not make any attempts toward modesty once given the blanket. My husband thinks he had dementia and had hallucinated the gun situation. The cops seemed to think the same, and there haven’t been any police reports to suggest otherwise… but I don’t know. I’ve worked with people with dementia, and he seemed more lucid than most, despite the lack of concern with covering his penis. Anyway, I have no idea what to make of this. We have a pretty safe neighborhood, but with a true weirdo reoccurrence rate of about every 5 months and sometimes I just want to move to a mesa and never see another soul again.
Good story, A+ response, sorry that happened to you. Mesas sound good right now.
The Monday after we spring ahead is the worst Monday, but I am going to enjoy this picture of Malia giving thumbs up to Sasha. I’m sure this has been posted to the Toast somewhere, but can’t hurt to see it again.
They look so great!
The scruffy little man is apparently a television performer.
I thought he was Ryan Reynolds, but all white guys look the same to me.
I think it is Ryan Reynolds? At least that’s what the picture was captioned the first time I saw it.
Oh hey I’m not as incompetent at identifying actors as I thought!
I don’t have a sister, but this looks like the sisteriest sister thing. I love it.
I saw this on Twitter with the caption:
“Then I turn and see my sister’s face and she is
Helpless”
I died laughing.
I have seen it captioned with the whole exchange from Helpless/Satisfied (“Obama?” “My sister.”, etc. etc.).
I was gushing to my husband about how excited I was to see Sasha and Malia attending their first state dinner and wearing such gorgeous and appropriate things and how I think Michelle Obama is doing such an amazing job raising them under such trying circumstances and he wasn’t gushing back. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I could not stop.
Two Girls A Guy And A Pizza Place?
I got what I expected to be a bagel. But it’s a bagel long john. I’m irritated only in that this makes cream cheese (the main pint of a mass market bagel) harder to disperse. What’s wrong with round bagels, America? Round bagels were good enough for Jesus, they’re good enough for you.
There is no such thing as a bagel that isn’t round. Are you in the south? It sounds to me like they are trying to rebrand breadsticks.
Dunkin Donuts, man. I should have gotten the thing that’s in the name, but they were out of my favorite kind.
On the plus side, I fed my extra cream cheese to the new cat. Her happy confusion was worth it.
There are plenty of Jews in New England, DD should know better than that.
the ONLY thing that would make this acceptable is if they were like the Bagelfuls and had a cream cheese-filled center
Long john bagels are absolutely NOT a thing, not even in the South, someone played a terrible trick on you.
A new motto for DD perhaps. America runs on terrible tricks
Ugh. That reminds me of those stupid Cosi squagels, which are not bagel-like at all but basically just dinner rolls with a stab wound.
I am about to leave to go to a 2 hour meeting with a horrible client followed by (his suggestion) drinks afterwards. I am taking my male colleague with me to use as a human shield.
On the bright side it gets me out of the office where Work Crush appears to be avoiding me despite the fact I have been away for a week. I’m sure this is real and definitely not in my head.
I definitely appreciate a nice male colleague who is happy to be a human shield. What else are they good for! (Have fun, hope Work Crush stops being weird)
i’m making plans to leave my home state and move two states away because i prefer the desert to the pine trees. HAHAHA no not full of anxiety and self doubt at all nope we’re all good over here.
The scatter continues…
my soul left months ago.
Way to go! Sometimes leaving the home state is the best thing you can do. Think of all the amazing new experiences you’ll have!
This is a little embarrassing, but do any of you have any tips for getting rid of body acne? I usually get occasional zits on my shoulders in the summer (probably due to sweat) but my back is a mess lately and I’d love to be able to clear it up before it gets warmer and I start wearing clothes where you can actually see my skin e_e Do I just treat it with the same products as face acne? I’m seeing my dermatologist next month but if there’s anything I can do myself before then, I’m all ears.
Have you changed anything lately like laundry detergent or shampoo/conditioner? I had a conditioner that treated my hair wonderfully but gave me the worst backne. It was quite the dilemma once I connected the dots (so to speak).
Mine started clearing up after I started washing my back after washing my hair, and exfoliating it all the time and using a little acne wash. I think exfoliating was the big thing, and washing bras more frequently.
I got a konjac sponge for exfoliating my back and it is very helpful, but not too harsh. Also removing exercise clothes and at least using a wipe, if not showering, immediately after a workout.
Not sure what your birth control situation is, but I had to go from the nexplanon back to the pill because the nexplanon gave me craaaazy body acne. Now I’m on the pill again and it’s smooth skin sailing!
I try to use a back scrubber almost every day, and one time when my bachne got REALLY bad, I got my husband to wipe it all down with rubbing alcohol. I wouldn’t recommend that for daily use, obvs, but it helped me a lot with that one breakout.
yup, acid toners! Do you use one on your face? In that case just swipe the cotton pad over your back too. You can also get a pre-made pad product like from Cane & Austin
Also if your hair touches your shoulders, hair products containing sulfates can cause you to break out there
Take a bath with a few droplets (8-12) of geranium oil. It’s usually when you’re over-soaping–you break out so you ramp up the soap which strips the natural oils making you go into over-oil production. Soaking in a tub with oils usually mellows out over-active skin. Bathing is much better for exfoliation than showering as well. It’s a gentle way to loosen all the dead skin & gunk that could be blocking up your pores causing breakouts as well. Unless it’s terribly severe, and then you might need something a little more targeted. Avene makes a really nice effective & gentle acne gel cleanser that I hear works great for body acne.
I have had bacne since high school, and still do on my back and shoulders. Anything that I found that seemed to have a noticeable effect was way too labor intensive for me to keep up with (ex. applying the Proactiv face products to my back – which resulted in bleached shirts anyway). For now I have just given up and have taken to buying clothes that cover my shoulders and back. Although it might work, advice like changing pillowcases and sheets and towels on a daily basis makes me tired just thinking about it. I’m curious to see what others say on this thread!
Several years ago I just started using the same acne-clearing scrub on my shoulders as I do on my face (currently the St Ives green tea one, which I love). I use it in the shower so it was basically no extra effort and I think it helped a lot. I still do it even though I haven’t had shoulder skin issues in a long time.
Seconded: I get rackne and using my face wash (currently Trader Joe’s tea tree) followed by a wipe with witch hazel (which I use on my face as toner) is the best way I’ve found to treat/prevent it.
Yes. Yes I do. I had terrible bacne when I had an IUD and tried everything (making sure conditioner didn’t touch my back, new towels everyday, goddamn medicated body wash, etc) and the ONLY thing that helped was buying a salux cloth (you can get them in 3s from Amazon and they run about $4/5 a pop) and SheaMoisture’s African Black Soap Body Wash (ranges in price from $8 – $14; you can get it IRL from Ulta or Walgreens, or online at drugstore.com or Amazon). Don’t get the soap, get the BODY WASH. It is my ride or die beauty product and it helped me, my irl friends, and even some other commenters on beauty blogs.
Ok this definitely sounds like something I can do. I’m going for it!
Do it! It’s super easy and the body wash smells super nice.
African black soap for-evah. We use the soap here and it has made such a change in my partner’s terrible skin. Plus it’s cheap as heck, compared to other acne stuff, and it smells great!
the straight soap is a little harsh for my skin, but the body wash/sheamoisture’s stuff in general is AMAZZZZINNNNGGGGGGG.
Thank you all! I’m going to start by immediately washing all my bras when I get home today and go from there!
Is it possible your skin is too dry? I had problems with butt acne (sexy!), but that calmed down a bit after I started actually using moisturizer regularly to deal with my random bout of eczema.
You’re probably the only one who can tell if the problem is your skin being too dry or too oily, but it seems like the advice for you is falling into two camps 🙂
Also my sister, who’s traditionally had problems with face acne, has been really liking the results of using a fine application of various oils (jojoba, lavendar, and… something else?) in place of moisturizer. The theory is the oils mimic your natural skin oils better than moisturizer, which some people find actually clogs their pores.
I got into grad school (WOOO) and am deciding between two programs I like a lot. The weird thing/slight problem is that one program’s visit day is the deadline to respond to both programs. Is it within the realm of the sane/reasonable to ask both admissions offices for an extra couple days? (And give them the reason why?) Being that I’m already horrible at decision making, it will not be great if I’m in a down-to-the-wire-just-seen-a-school-time-to-pick situation. Though it is possible the choice will be clear and I won’t need or want more time. But I don’t want to bank on that happening.
Congratulations!
If the admissions offers have to do with $$$, the deadline is firm. See http://cgsnet.org/april-15-resolution
The visit day is probably intended for people who have decided already to meet each other as a cohort. If you can afford it, though, I really recommend visiting before deciding! It’s nice to imagine yourself in a place. If not, see if the department can set you up with phone or skype or email conversations with current students. Good luck!
YAY CONGRATS! If you can’t physically visit before you have to make the decision, then maybe set up appointments to talk to people over the phone/Skype?
Long-time lurker and absolutely LOVE The Toast. You are all amazing and have unwittingly pulled me out of countless rage/depression spirals. I often tell people that The Toast is the one place on the Internet where the comment sections make everything better. I also have been wondering: is there a way to link to a specific comment in a Toast article? There have been so many amazing comments that I’ve wanted to direct-link to and I haven’t figured out how to do it (or if it can be done).
Welcome!! Don’t tell too many people… We wouldn’t want men getting any ideas…
Not sure if there’s a way to link to direct comments. My emails from IntenseDebate seem to suggest that there is, but the links never work so I’ve given up on them.
Oh no worries, I’m only telling the sorts of men who can handle it. 😀
Short version: You can link to a comment, sometimes. Caveat #1: If it’s a reply to someone else’s comment, you can only link to it if there are very few comments on the article – once an article has enough comments, the replies collapse and the permalinks don’t work. Caveat #2: If it’s not on the first page of comments, I don’t think the permalinks work. (Both of those are things that the ID comment script should really be able to handle, but doesn’t.)
Your comment, for example, is linkable because it’s on the first page of comments and it’s a main comment, not a reply. Mine is not, because there are enough comments on this thread that they’re collapsed. (You can tell a main comment from a reply by the header color, incidentally; your name is written on a lovely sea-foam green background in your comment, whereas my reply is on grey.)
If I right-click the “1 hour ago” in your reply and select “Copy link location”, I get: http://the-toast.net/2016/03/14/talk-amongst-your…. Try it out and it should link directly to your comment (though it takes a moment for IntenseDebate to load).
What browser are you using? I’m wondering if that makes a difference. I tried this a few times, and tried clicking on your link in your comment, and it just brings up the article, without going right to that comment (or even right to the comment section)? I’m using Chrome.
Oh hey, look at that, it doesn’t work in Chrome. Presumably because the IntenseDebate comments take a few seconds to load, so Chrome opens the page and is like, “Hey, there’s no #IDComment1016549663 on this page! Well screw that noise, I’m not waiting around to see if one shows up.” I use Firefox, which is evidently more patient.
Good to know! Thanks. Also, love your username 😀
Yeah, that’s pretty much why. The comments and the pagination are all done via JavaScript, and it gets cranky.
Yeah, it’s pretty weird that no one at Automattic has bothered to address that. I’m pretty sure I could throw together a caveat-free cross-browser system (one that actually used JavaScript rather than relying on anchor tags) in like twenty minutes*, and to me it seems like a reasonably big deal. On a big Open Thread I quickly find that I simply can’t keep up with the conversations I’m in unless I memorize a few key words from the original comment and then search for them each time I come back to the page. But I guess it’s just not that high on their priority list.
* Based on past experience, the fact that it feels like it should take me twenty minutes means it would probably take a day, but still!
I read everything through once and then on subsequent visits I sort by recent activity. It mostly works ok. But yeah, it seems like a fairly big oversight/usability problem. I know they decided to stick with IntenseDebate when they did the redesign because they didn’t want to lose existing comments, I think? I hope something better comes along eventually though.
PS I don’t remember if I’ve ever mentioned that I love your username
Oh my goodness, it took me until this long to get flying_ghoti’s username. I feel slow. (Your own username is also fantastic.)
You could also search your username. It doesn’t help if you aren’t on the first page, but that’s what I do sometimes, and other Toasties have recommended the same thing.
Can anyone recommend a book or article about the Salem Witch Trials that focuses on the slaves who were involved?
Tituba, reluctant witch of Salem is the most important modern book on her (John Indian doesn’t have a study of his own afaik.) Not sure about more general overviews though.
Working my way through “The Witches, Salem, 1692” by Stacy Schiff. It is comprehensive, but she does address Tituba and John Indian quite a bit in the early chapters. You could look in its notes/bibliography as a place to start.
Same author’s Smithsonian Magazine Article specifically about Tituba: http://www.smithsonianmag.com/history/unraveling-…
Also:
Breslaw, Elaine G. 1997. “Tituba’s Confession: The Multicultural Dimensions of the 1692 Salem Witch-hunt”. Ethnohistory 44 (3): 535–56. doi:10.2307/483035
Also this reminds me of this amazing essay http://the-toast.net/2015/02/10/tituba/
What are your thoughts on the book? It IS quite comprehensive, (after you slog through the ridiculously long list of characters) but the introduction made me believe it was going to be non-fiction, and then the first chapter mentions actual flying witches, so I don’t know. I couldn’t figure out what the hell I was actually reading and ended up tossing it aside in frustration. (Well, figuratively tossing it aside; it’s actually on my Kindle App and generally try to avoid tossing the iPad and/or laptop.) How far have you gone? I’m trying to decide whether or not to pick it back up. I’m working through “The Devil in the Shape of a Woman” right now, too, and it’s interesting so far, but I’m admittedly not very far into it.
Actually, the quality you mention as frustrating (flying witches: Real/Not Real?) is something that I enjoyed about it…. ambiguity of testimony, introducing the power of narrative, and also setting up the sense that will grow throughout that there is/was simultaneously an overabundance and a lack of “facts” in the record. What did people believe? That is as hard to know and as important as what happened (in whose reality?).
So! I am near the end. I definitely let it hang for several weeks there, and picking it up again was like my experience reading, like, dense fantasy books–I forgot who everyone specifically was but it doesn’t matter that much!
I think my aversion to it at the time was that I’d just tried watching the pilot of the WGN series about Salem, and found the immediate condemning of the women involved as actually being witches who consort with the devil really off-putting. I’ve always thought of the “witches” of Salem as victims of hysteria and misogyny and struggle with anything that suggests that they were the cause of their own downfall. I guess my question is, does the book do that? I’m okay with a witchy storyline if it’s just in good fun, but if it’s supposed to be the serious read that it feels like in the introduction, but the author wants readers to see them as witches who got caught for evil behavior, I don’t know.
ETA: I’m glad to hear that not knowing who everyone is doesn’t cause too much of a problem, though, because that list of characters is INSANE!
Haha, fear not, it does not do that! For me the contribution of the book constructing this kind of lattice-like map of the fearful, end-times, cut off from all help social and political world in which witchcraft could become a reasonable-ish thing to accuse and try people for. BUT she also makes it clear how much opposition and doubt (and even self doubt) the trials generated.
ETA I recently relocated to the area and the relationship of the modern town to this witchy history is Bizarro pants. There is lots of Wiccan stuff, lots of spiritualist stuff, and witch tourism but it’s like, those people were not Wiccans, they were Christians? Idk.
The really interesting parts of the book are the people who confessed and wanted to retract confessions rather that live with the lie. Oof.
Okay, I’m going to give it another go. It sounds like it’ll be worth it. I’ve always wanted to visit the Salem area. You’re right about the Wiccan connection being strange, but people today don’t associate religion with magic the way the did in that era. I recommend DAUGHTERS OF WITCHING HILL if you want to read more into that area. It’s a fictional book about the people accused/convicted in the Pendle witch trials, and a lot of the people accused there were also practicing Catholicism in a time when that could mean the death penalty. The link between mysticism and Christianity is a lot more obvious when you’re comparing magic to Catholicism rather than Protestantism. It’s an interesting read.
I continue to be slightly ragey about Rowling’s Magic in North America things. Spent most of the weekend watching Hammer Horror films, cleaning and eating pizza, but the rage remains. Even indulging in the best things in life will not soothe my pissy history major soul.
Ugh, when she posted about the international schools my Japanese major self spewed out a tumblr rant I was so upset. Ended up coming up with SO MANY better ideas, call me JK.
The cultural appropriation is awful, but I am almost MORE annoyed by how damn half-assed and lazy all the vignettes were. Really? THAT is the most interesting stuff you could come up with?
Ooh. I haven’t seen them yet. How exactly are they rage-inducing? Should I just avoid them?
Check out this science article. I’m not sure it says anything really new, but I thought Toasties would like the title: “Scientists examine why men even exist”.
It occurred to me later that you could have this bizarre story where their research ends up proving that men do not exist, and half of humanity suddenly vanishes in a puff of logic.
Somebody/ies egged my front door Friday night. At least three, maybe four solid hits. I found it Saturday morning when we let in a friend to have pancakes, and got most of it cleaned up. Did lose a couple strips of paint though.
Then Saturday afternoon I found a stripped out wallet in from of the empty house next door (stripped of all the good stuff, some random stuff remaining. Nothing identifying or trackable).
Now I feel sad about my neighborhood. Though baby and I chatted pleasantly with several passersby while we were busy not running into the street.
I reported neither thing to the police, because I don’t think there’s anything to be done about either one – what would you have done?
Maybe post a craigslist ad for the found wallet? But yeah, as long as you’re okay with not reporting the egging, I wouldn’t go down that road. Too much of a headache without much payoff
That was my feeling, too.
I’m so sorry you’re feeling down about where you live – I hope in other ways it’s a good place and that overall you feel safe.
I’d report knowing nothing would be done about the incidents themselves, because the reports could contribute to data that could eventually feed into broader action to improve your neighbourhood. At least, that’s how it works where I live – more reporting increases awareness of local issues, which can lead to revitalization/safety initiatives.
I feel like I probably should report, but I think I’m too lazy. If anything else happens soon though, I suppose I will.
I’m so sorry that happened…
A few years ago, somebody/ies threw some sort of brown liquid all over my front door. I live alone in a first floor apartment, that door is my only exit, and the targeted nature made me feel very unsafe.
What I did, after cleaning it off, was to knock on all my neighbors’ doors, tell them what happened, explain how unsafe I felt, and ask if we could look out for each other. I also said that, if anyone had a problem with me (e.g. because I am a foreigner), to please talk to me directly.
The neighbors were all super nice and supportive and it did make me feel safer.
Maybe you could talk to your neighbors in the houses on your street too?
That does sound scary. There aren’t really any houses around me (several churches, and a couple unoccupied vaguely officey buildings on that street), so there’s not really anyone to be watching. We have an old fire station – my guess is that it just comes across as another empty building to vaguely naughty teens…
What britta said. I would report just to build up the file. It may lead to a more visible community presence for police (or police dept. volunteers if you live somewhere where that’s a thing) and may also decrease response time if you ever actually need emergency services in a hurry.
You’re probably right (though I don’t think we have police department volunteers here). Ug, maybe next time I will be up for filing a report.
What are good things to do to keep one’s self entertained on an extended bus ride through the Nowhere parts of the Midwest? I’m embarking on a 1200 mile trip later this week and I’d rather not kill the other passengers.
I did The Room and The Room Two on a long cross country bus ride.
I get horribly carsick, but I can still usually read on a bus for some reason. Stock your phone / e-reader with a few long books just in case! And maybe one of those extra battery packs just in case.
Colouring books! Or you can buy little notecards with lovely abstract designs and colour them in with pencil crayons. Long audiobooks, knitting if you enjoy that kind of thing. Make sure to wear your comfiest sweatpants, slip-on shoes and have a change of t-shirt and socks if you’re going overnight. Also, I like to have at least 3 beverage options – something caffienated and creamy, something fruity/acidic and plain water. Bring multiple kinds of snacks with different textures – different shaped crackers are good because then you can nibble them in elaborate shapes. Dried fruit mix is good too. I either watch pointless reality tv or prestigious 3hour movies I would never watch otherwise, there’s no in between for me.
Also, baby wipes are a nice thing to have on an overnight, as is a soft blanket or extra sweater to put between you and the weirdly rough bus seats.
Are you into Hamilton yet? I made my family listen to Hamilton on a long car ride through Minnesota. When the car ride ended, they were all fans.
Audiobooks and handicrafts? “The Count of Monte Cristo” is 46 hours long- that’s a lot of knitting time. Also headphones mean you can’t hear obnoxious passengers!
Knitting! (As mentioned previously) Also writing/making visual art in a journal, if you can. And of course reading, if you can.
Just a great big heartfelt thank you to those Toastie commentariats supporting my RedBubble.com/people/West50East art drive for Dee Dee! We’re on our way and I couldn’t have undertaken this adventure without this wonderful site and it’s peeps.
THANK YOU TOASTIE PEEPS!
So next week is Purim (the Jewish holiday of dressing up and merriment and general intoxication cuz we didn’t get genocided for once), and I need costume inspiration. What’s the funniest thing a very pregnant woman could dress up as? Bonus points if you can think of a theme for the whole family.
my sister in law wore all black and a shirt with a giant death star on her belly. The others in the family were Jedi.
Victim of a chest burster from Alien. Other family members can dress up as Ripley, an adult Xenomorph, Jones the Cat, Vasquez from Aliens… heck, you could venture into Predator characters since that’s an official crossover.
Oh oh! I read this photographer’s blog, and she and her family once dressed up as farmers/farm animals, when she was pregnant with twins: http://www.loft3photography.com/blog/?m=201410
I wish I was secure enough as a human being to dress up as a cow, but it’s just not so.
A python that just had a really good meal? 😉
(sorry)
You could go as a bowling ball, and the family could be pins? Also, two enormous thumbs up for your username!
Thanks! Yours too.
Mary, mother of Jesus? How fast can you get a hold of a donkey to ride?
GO AS REY HOLDING BB-8.
OMG
I CAN’T TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE YOUR LIFE BUT IF YOU DON’T DO THIS I MIGHT DIE.
Something from The Thing. Or that guy from Total Recall (“Quaaaid. Start the reactor.”)
Hello, just popping in to post a link to this delightful article. Completely reaffirms my love for this odd, nerdy bald dude (he’s just so frickin SINCERE, you know?): http://www.nytimes.com/2016/03/11/magazine/a-powe…
This is the literal best. Thank you!
I feel happier just knowing that VinBook exists.
Keith Powell (Toofer from 30 Rock) just followed me on Twitter. What?
Nice!
Two self-help uplevel-your-life! mentor types followed me on a twitter account that’s just lurking for other people’s posts. I assume they just cast a wide net and hope I’ll reciprocate.
It just occurred to me to look into post-graduate school. I am a librarian. Think it’ll be any fun?
… Post-graduate in library science? Or post-graduate in an interesting subject that you care about and/or could work in as a subject liaison? If the latter, yes, it will probably be tons of fun! Don’t take out loans though.
TOASTIES, I saw Hamilton on Friday and it has probably changed my life. AMAZING. I think that I was levitating slightly off the seat the entire time, and BEAMING.
Thanks forever to Nicole, for without her glowing early recommendation I probably would only be getting on the Hamwagon now (if even). I giggled all the way through You’ll Be Back, and cried all the way through Burn. It was so much funnier – and sadder – live, even having listened to the soundtrack 8M times already.
Can we talk about NY? My god! How did I get to this advanced age never having been to NY? We met my (online) friend of several years and the boyfriend’s friend from law school for pierogis and potato pancakes, and what could be better than that? Whoa, and a park with DOGS PLAYING in it? The boyfriend said NY is turned up to 11, which is true, but there’s a plus factor too; it’s not just an order of magnitude better than other cities. There’s something else that makes it special and exciting and ah! I can’t put it into words.
Hamilton!
I’m so glad you enjoyed NYC! I always worry that people encountering it for the first time will just see the loudness and the dirt and the chaos, and miss out on things like dog parks and pierogis. 🙂
I just got back from a week in NYC, including a matinee of Hamilton, and if you want to talk about one of my favorite cities in the world, I AM HERE FOR THAT.
I see something new every time I go (this trip: the Hall of Gems in the American Museum of Natural History), and I walk so much, my back hurts, and it’s worth it!
Second the thanks to Nicole and Hamiltoasts for getting me into Hamilton just in time to get tickets (and good seats for this short person)! (i.e., back in October for end of June)
Feeling a bit of trepidation about the New York trip, plus kind of expecting to stick out like a sore thumb as tourists because my mom and sister decided to make a girls’ trip of it with me and they have like no experience with mass transit and cabs and I don’t know… but I guess the key is planning interesting things for us to do and I know there’s no shortage of that so I’m sure it’ll work out.
Also we’re just there for a long weekend and I know I’ll be devoting a goodly amount of time to stagedooring and attending the #Ham4Ham so I have, like, that certainty? Anyway basically the key is to not psych myself out about being around unfamiliar stuff and I think I can do that.
I am collecting all the Toastie recommendations and very grateful for them!
At the beginning of the year I moved away from my much-loved town and much-loved friends for a job. I also moved out of the flat I was sharing with my boyfriend and into lodgings. This allowed me to see I was not happy in my relationship and I broke it off, we had nearly been together for 5 years.
That sounds like it must have been difficult, but I’m glad you were able to honor your needs.
/offers solidari-tea, if you want it from a stranger
I am so sorry you can’t have your friends around you at a time like this. Distance makes it damned hard. But you’ve done the right thing for yourself.
Can we discuss how I somehow got very drunk last night after a dinner party I hosted with friends and I don’t really understand how it happened and now i have an urgent request to review a bunch of contracts to determine the meaning of a certain term and the printer is printing them like one page every 5 seconds and my brain feels like its falling out?
That sounds really unpleasant and Monday-ish. Hope you drink lots of water and treat yourself to something nice after contract hell.
Um, yes? Do you want hangover recommendations? Or pure commiseration?
Just commiseration. I have been pounding water (both coconut and regular type) and Advil. This is just not what I wanted my Monday to be like. Also, now I’m realizing I don’t really understand the question I’m supposed to be answering because it was explained to me in like 2 seconds and I can’t get a hold of the mid-level associate who gave me this assignment for clarification.
Ugh, unexpected hangovers are the worst, because they make me feel like I have learned nothing from all of the partying i have done over the years, and also make me feel like i fail at adulting (note: where i come from, “drunk by 7 home by 10 is totally a thing”). And although Sunday morning may be the one that’s coming down for Mr. Cash, on Sundays you can at least hide in your bed. Mondays? Worst on top of worst, especially when printers are involved.
At least not being able to get a hold of the associate means you have a good reason for not completing said task? And there is a very definite end-point to your misery, which looms just over the horizon. You got this. In the meantime, some otters for your consideration: http://dailyotter.org/
The frequent chant of my household is “IN! BY! 10!” Best used accompanied with a fist pump while walking home.
One time I had a few beers that I thought were regular stouts, but turns out they had over 2x the alcohol as a Guinness.
I threw up on the way home, so at least I didn’t have a hangover. That’ll teach me for not sticking to Guinness.
I am a humorless elitist killjoy about exactly one thing and that thing is Pi Day. Pi Day is the worst pun-based holiday on the calendar. Its sole function is to give children a way to annoy their math teachers, and setting aside a day to celebrate pie suggests that there are days whose purpose is not to celebrate pie, an idea I find deeply offensive.
Yes, sure, every day should be pie day, but why resist an excuse to eat MOAR PIE?
(I have no reason to think my day will include any pie at all, and I am sad.)
Update: Stopped at Walmart on the way back from the chiropractor for frozen chocolate pie. Worst possible pie solution, but now I am eating pie, so.
At my high school on Pi Day people could bring in pie and then during math class we’d all go to the cafeteria and just eat pie and it was weird?
But one year, the day before, a girl in my class asked the teacher “Does cheesecake count as pie?”
That’s pretty much all I think of on Pi Day now.
Cheesecake is definitely more pie than cake! I have never considered this crucial question on contemporary life until this moment, but I am certain of my answer. It has a bottom crust and everything.
Cakes don’t need a day, they have birthdays every day.
I personally believe that cheesecake is in its own unique category. It can’t be defined within the bounds of the cake-pie dichotomy.
I am currently a bitter English person fighting a losing battle over the fact that most of you American so-called “pies” are in fact tarts. To be a pie it must be properly enclosed. As such cheescakes wouldn’t count, though they are tarts – there isn’t much of a functional difference between a cheescake and a curd tart anyway.
Luckily for all of us the jaffa cake biscuit/cake question has been officially ruled on in a court of law.
It was really helpful of them to have a tax question rest on that distinction so they could get it done.
Also the date is not 3/14 here
I mean, not if it’s properly baked cheesecake? Like New York cheesecake I’ll grant you but the One True cheesecake is an actual cake.
Yes! No pastry on top = not a pie.
It’s cream cheese pie.
I was thinking of going to get lunch at a coffeshop/sandwich place that also sells semifamous pies, and now I’m wondering if that’s a bad idea because of pi day. I just want my panini! *shakes fist at sky*
I remember I got rejected from MIT on Pi Day, because that’s when they send out decisions. On the plus side, pie was readily available for me to cry into, and on the doubleplus side I ended up at my dream school. So there’s my Pi Day story!
Also, all the American blogs/whatever you read insist it’s pi day, but only because y’all have your dates backwards compared to the rest of us. And ok, that’s fine, because I know I’m reading U. S. content. But now some Aussie/English sites are picking up on it and insisting that we should eat pie but… it’s 14/3, c’mon son.
Oh man, and April doesn’t even have 31 days so you never get it! That’s so sad.
22/7 m’dears, the reast of the world can have approximately-Pi day
Last night I saw Straight Outta Compton and now I am likely to be entirely useless at work today because I keep fantasizing about stabbing Jerry with a fork and giving Eazy-E the hug he so desperately needed for half that movie.
That’s all I got today! Thanks for all your beautiful comments on my thread this past Friday where I was freaking out about everything in my life. I’m feeling better now. I’m going to hide in a bunker until spring arrives but my horoscope told me that was an alright thing to do. Thanks Madame Clairvoyant too.
Good to see you here. Glad you are feeling better now. ::Toasthugs::
I wanted to be annoyed today as my day off was interrupted by people coming home early and the stress of Shopping for Food While Other Humans are Around Ugggh but Crufts was on last night and the internet promptly fell in love with a misplaced cloud called Eric. He was more fluff than dog and I died as soon as he floated onto my screen.
Which leads me to my question: Toasties, have you seen any particularly debonair dogs recently? Coats, hats, bowties?
Toasties my contract is finishing up at work and I need a new job. None of the jobs I am seeing really excite me, I’ve had little luck so far, and it’s got me a bit down. How do you cope with the job hunt?
Practically, haunt indeed.com like it’s your job, because it is now. Collect reference letters and not just references–then you can send them in with your resume and skip that step later on (although it is polite to let them know that you are job hunting so that can be prepared for the phone calls that employers should be making because you are awesome!). And booze and venting to friends.
Larger career related questions: decide what you can compromise on. Is now the time to attend some networking events? Can you move? How far are you willing to commute (do more jobs crop up if you widen your radius)? etc.
Thanks for the advice. Currently looking at all of London so that’s probably broad enough, but definitely time for some booze and venting!
a) recruiters – sign up with agencies that place people. if you temp around a bit you may find a place you like, and often the same agencies do perm placements too.
b) networking – go to events held by organizations that interest you, and you can even call people up – here in the public service at least, Directors do do informational meetings
Thanks- I do need to have a look at what events are on! I’ll have a look.
So…… does anyone have experience with cat constipation? Solutions?
I would start with a “stool softener,” which is what my pharmacist recommended for my spouse’s post-surgery opiate-induced constipation. Aside from that, plenty of fluids and fiber, maybe some probiotics. Sorry you’re experiencing this, it does not feel nice.
I meant for my cat, sorry!
To elaborate, my cat has been having some pooping problems
I think fish oil might help? But do check with your vet.
Laxatone! And wet food, particularly the fish kind because it’s more oily.
Wheatgrass is one option – you can get little plastic planters of it at most pet stores, and the cat will go munch on it throughout the day. It attracts fruit flies like the dickens, though, so either be prepared to throw some sand on top of the soil to keep them down, or regularly throw out and replace the planter.
When that alone didn’t cut it for my cat, the vet suggested 1/2 tsp to a full teaspoon of Miralax (or generic) once a day. This has been working okay for us for several months.
One of our cats suffered from this! He had to get an enema at the vet, eventually. To keep him more regular the vet suggested a prescription high-fiber food, as well as mixing pumpkin puree or metimucil into his normal food. Good luck!
This can sometimes be a symptom of a larger problem, so I recommend calling your vet to make sure they don’t think they should see the cat about it.
Seconding this- I know vet visits are expensive but they are less expensive than emergency vet visits.
Thanks! I have just dropped off poop at the vet for them to sample it. My cat helpful took a dump right before I left for the vet. I called the vet and he said that it might just be constipation, and to get the poop tested, and that I don’t have to bring her in unless she’s throwing up or her poop changes. So… I’m hoping it’s nothing too serious. But still! I’m nervous.
Best of luck to you and kitty!
small amounts of metamucil works wonders. Use like a 1/4th of the dose, though.
Stop eating so many cats?
…I’ll show myself out.
Oh, self, you foolish fool. I let my anxiety about having to present a paper at a conference get the better of me, so I haven’t finished my final draft yet. So OF COURSE now I’ve been hideously sick for the last two days and time is running out. Why, why do I do this to myself, why?
I don’t know how to embed an image in a comment but here is a Calvin and Hobbes for you: http://www.gocomics.com/calvinandhobbes/2012/05/2…
omg this is me
That harshest of truths
Uh oh, are you me? Am I you?
*shifty eyes* Possibly?
(Are you going to my conference? Are you secretly on my panel?!)
😉
Hi Toasties! Lately I’ve been feeling down about everything I’ve learned but forgotten (from large chunks of US history to middle school science lessons) and the subjects I’d love to study in college but probably won’t have time for (I’m a high school senior). I read a good amount of nonfiction in my free time and plan to continue doing so as long as I’m able. The forgetfulness really bothers me, though, and will most likely become worse as I age. Any tips?
It’s OK. I have middle-aged brain. My mother tells me it does *not* get better. BUT! We have the internet now. (We did not when I was your age.) So all factual data is look-up-able. Let go of the finer details. Learn the big picture instead. And refine your search engine skills.
Yes! The whole of the internet can be your proxy-brain, and you can Google your way to the answer about most anything in seconds. It is amazing.
You are never supposed to remember everything you’ve learned – hopefully you’ve gleaned little bits of useful something from much of it, and can remember that something exists (like, you could look up the process of photosynthesis if you wanted to, but it is unlikely to be very useful to you to remember all the details).
Exercise your brain! Crossword puzzles and singing have been shown to help stave off memory loss.
Also, learning new skills is important too:
http://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2014/05/…
Your brain is really good at prioritizing info, which is why the things you don’t use on a regular basis fade away, but the good news is that once you have those “memory hooks,” relearning the information the second time is much faster and easier and more likely to stick around.
Also, I totally recommend taking time to study those in college–I regret nothing about taking the maximum course load every semester, since college is a great time to learn random stuff. YMMV by school, but if you have a chance to audit or take a class pass/fail, try it out!
Thanks for the advice, everyone! 🙂 singing (at least when others are around) probably isn’t the best idea for me, but I’ll try the others — and continue thanking gods / fortune / our maybe-deterministic-universe that I was born in the time of the internet hive-mind
can i be personal and a little anonymous right now?
my partner of 2 years was on vacation for 2 weeks without me and returned yesterday, and while i am JOYOUS he has returned (you know, like dogs are when you leave for five minutes and come right back?) and I totally know that I missed him, I am having weird thoughts about how maybe I don’t need him because I had a Fine Time alone- and rationally… like, ok, I know I can enjoy alone time, and that I can also totally love and depend on him. But my brain is like “THIS MEANS THAT HE’S NOT FOREVER” and it’s freakin’ me out? and USUALLY I tell him everything like this but honestly, I dn’t think that’s fair. I’m not ***really*** doubting our relationship, but at the same time… I am?
I keep trying to shut down that niggling voice because uh, hell no, I know that I would not be happier without him- but the voice is like “but you did so many things alone and it was great LEAVE”. I missed him the entire time he was gone, I just… I think wasn’t as sad about it as I thought I would.
I just… I need to be able to talk this out. Or for someone else to tell me that they’ve had this same feeling.
I don’t think that means you shouldn’t be together. Alone time can be important and wonderful. You were happy to see him again, even as you miss the alone time you had. Happens to me a lot; happens to my wife, the Extreme Introvert, much more.
Maybe it means you should just try to arrange more regular alone time.
I think more alone time is needed. I know that he also doesn’t get much usually. We have been better lately about doing things separate. .. I just didn’t realize how much I needed it, I think.
Thank you! I appreciate your comment.
Brains can be such jerks.
Without knowing more about your situation I am a tiny bit reluctant to tell you to ignore that little voice. Because maybe the good times are great but the bad times are really bad and now your brain is telling you, “You can do it. Be free,” and that’s a good thing.
But, from how you’re describing it, it’s like your brain is saying that it’s not really love unless you’re totally miserable when he’s gone. And that is bullshit. Ideally our partners should enhance our lives but we should be okay without them. It sounds like that’s what you have going and that’s a good thing.
I have had this feeling though. I am an introvert and have always cherished time alone to recharge. But husband works a few nights a week and I enjoy having those quiet evenings alone and sleeping right in the middle of the bed all sprawled out. I also really like when he’s home. Sometimes, though, I do feel like a jerk for enjoying the setup we have now, especially when so many people make sad faces at me and talk about how awful it must be for me that he’s gone so many nights. It starts me thinking that maybe I should feel that way.
Please ignore the frowny sad-faced people who want to project awfulness on something that works well for you. The sad-faced people need to eat it.
Thank you for your comment! And omg, the sprawling in the middle of the bed, & revelling in it, that’s so me.
I think it is absolutely my brain being a jerk. My partner is lovely & kind & patient, I just enjoyed only having my mess & cooking for one & playing fallout until my eyes bled because I was alone.
When my partner is away I eat popcorn for dinner and binge watch bbc miniseries. It is good that they are not here for this. 😉
You sound awesome and like a thoughtful person.
My thoughts regarding relationships and the readiness of the people in them to actually have them have always been this: If you NEED the other person, you aren’t ready to be in a serious relationship with them.You have work to do on yourself before you can commit to them in the way they and you deserve.
If you know you are 100% ok by yourself and don’t NEED them (emotionally, or financially, or whatever that means to you), then you are free to be with them because you WANT to, and the only reason your relationship exists is because you truly want it to, not out of any obligation or external need. Being totally ok by yourself for two weeks and then really happy to see him when he comes back sounds like a good sign to me, not a bad one.
I’m curious what the relationships you see around you are that you think of as being really successful, and what the qualities of those relationships are that you admire.
Seconding this!
If you were horribly miserable the whole time he was gone, that would mean your whole life revolves around him and that really can’t be healthy. Being kinda sad he’s not around to share things with, but still able to exist and do things and go places and enjoy yourself is a good thing!
I love my husband dearly, but he goes on occasional business trips and that means I get the game console to myself, and I can eat my pasta with peas (aka, to him, poison) already mixed in, and I get the whole bed to myself. I miss him while he’s gone, I’m happy when he’s back, but peas in pasta is nice too, you know?
This is good input, and I agree with it! My folks have a great relationship, and they have always operated independently in tandem, so it’s not like I think I *have* to do everything with him due to some unhealthy complex. I think that we just tend to do a lot together because we are v similar & also like each other. All good things.
Again, rationally, I know it’s probably ok, but last night my brain was super sad
This is a really good comment! Agreed 100% on Being totally ok by yourself for two weeks and then really happy to see him when he comes back sounds like a good sign to me, not a bad one.
I’ve been married approx a billion years and have two tiny kids with the guy, which means that when he goes on a business trip I’m outnumbered… and I feel not unlike you about my husband leaving. I miss him! I text him my random thoughts! But I’m not sulking in a corner, and for a short period of time, it’s nice to have total control over what I do (at least after I inter the children in their cribs, anyway).
Unless there are specific problems in your relationship, I think this is normal. Like bread_and_roses said, maybe take it as a sign to schedule more solo time on a regular basis. But a successful relationship is definitely not about needing to be with each other all the time.
Thank you! I did miss him, a lot! Just differently than I thought I would.
I think everyone is giving you good feedback, but I’ll add that I’ve had these thoughts too, and sort of come to the conclusion that it doesn’t mean we are doomed. Most of the time my husband’s business trips are one week. But last year he had a two-week trip, and right around day 10 I finally hit my limit, and spent an hour or so feeling lonely and sorry for myself. So to me that meant it was good we are together and that he’s around. But I genuinely LOVE those weeks he is away because I love nothing more than quiet time doing whatever the heck I feel like doing.
Ahhh ok. Thank you. These comments are all very comforting. It’s one thing to know rationally and another thing to hear it from other people.
When I was in high school, my mom went on a trip to visit some of the charities and schools our church supported in Asia, and my dad was a WRECK the whole time she was gone — wandering the house aimlessly, not super interested in anything. On the other hand, my dad leaves the state for a week or so at a time a few times a year, and my mom is just fine. She comes home and commandeers the whole couch and has popcorn for dinner and watches the shows she wants to and goes to bed at 8:30. My husband and I would probably be the total opposite of that, if I’m honest. People are different. 🙂
I adore my husband. We are both in 2nd or 3rd marriages, having reconnected after 26 years of horrible life experiences. We have so much fun together and no one “gets” me like he does. I didn’t even know marriage could be like this. All of that being said — he travels at least every 2 or 3 weeks and I love it. It gives me some “me” time to look forward to. The cats sleep with me. I get to watch whatever I want on TV. I get take-out ethnic food that he doesn’t like. I catch up with my friends and meet them for dinners or drinks. I don’t worry about cooking anything at all or even planning any meals. And then I love it when he comes back because I have missed him. I just need my alone time, and I’m so grateful that his job ensures that I get to have it. It sounds like you might need that alone time too? And maybe you weren’t getting enough of it?
Late to this, but I’m here to be another voice telling you you’re not alone and most likely you are totally fine. I have these kinds of thoughts all the time and so does my husband, who is wonderful and who I love dearly. He’s studying to become a nurse and says he’ll probably have to work a lot of night shifts at the beginning of his career, and I look forward to that. Not because I don’t like him around, but I just relish having the house (and the bed, especially the bed!!!!!!) to myself sometimes.
I think a lot of people (myself included) tend to conflate emotional dependency with passionate love. Several years ago, I was going through a bout of serious depression and anxiety that mostly manifested itself as being intensely unhappy when my partner wasn’t around, and worried that something terrible would happen to him while we were apart. Basically, I spent a lot of my time either being miserable and panicky about being separated, or being panicky in advance of an imminent separation. It was AWFUL.
And yet there was some part of me that fed off my own emotional distress and held it up as proof of how dramatic and intense and important our relationship was. “See! You CANNOT BEAR to be apart from him, it must be true love!”
(I am pleased to report that after a whole bunch of medication and therapy I have unpacked the majority of my anxiety issues and am much happier. At this point, having alone time gives me a small pang of “aw, I miss him,” followed by the realization that I can watch all the 90s high school movies I want and be the sole object of our cats’ attention.)
I have struggled with these exact same feelings – the miserableness, the panic, the worrying something terrible had happened if I couldn’t reach him. I am a bit better now but it’s still a really hard thing for me to deal with. Was there any kind of practice, or solution, or anything in particular that helped you? Anything you would recommend? I have been to therapy off and on over the years, currently medicated for depression and anxiety, but I’ve never managed to fully resolve this one issue, even though/ because? it’s really the only thing I have anxiety attacks about. Any thoughts? I’m so glad to hear that you are doing better now! It’s so rough to deal with. (By the way this is littleinfinity, I’m on my phone and it won’t let me log in.)
This seems like a perfectly reasonable reaction. All choices, including relationships, necessarily exclude other options. Sometimes we get a window into what things would be like if we made a different choice, like a little field trip into a parallel universe. And sometimes things there are equally good as they are in the reality where we have made the choices we made here. Acknowledging that that reality is also good is not saying that your current reality is not good, or that you want to abandon what you have in favor of this alternative.
It might we worth examining what it is that you did while he was gone that you really enjoyed and how it made you feel, and whether or not those are things you want to incorporate into your “normal” life (e.g. did you have more time to read or go to the gym, did you go to bed earlier, etc). But it’s also nice sometimes just to have time and space to yourself, with no one stopping you from doing exactly what you want when you want it. Doesn’t mean it isn’t also nice to have a partner.
” Sometimes we get a window into what things would be like if we made a different choice, like a little field trip into a parallel universe. And sometimes things there are equally good as they are in the reality where we have made the choices we made here. Acknowledging that that reality is also good is not saying that your current reality is not good, or that you want to abandon what you have in favor of this alternative. ”
THIS. THIS IS IT. This is the problem/thing. Thank you for articulating it better than I could. And yeah, i think we have to figure out how to live together and not just *do* everything together, because that’s the norm, and I’ve really missed having a little more … independent togetherness, I think. We’ll see. I’m sure we can figure it out. Though first I have to finish grad school (65 days!!!!)
I called the money people with my actual voice using the “telephone” function of my smartphone! I did it! Whew.
Also, in case anyone is keeping track (you are most likely not keeping track), I can apparently no longer eat eggs. There’s a random and short list of things that I eat which make me have serious, serious stomach pain for 30-45 minutes followed by violent vomiting. Eggs were previously on the “slight discomfort” list but unfortunately have moved to the other list now. Sigh.
Good job! It’s so good to put the thing hanging over your head firmly behind you! And sorry about the eggs. I’m like that with iron supplements now, which is a super drag, because you want a little iron now and then to have energy and such.
Well done for making the phone call! Phone anxiety sucks.
Sorry about the eggs – that sounds very painful and annoying.
Congratulations on your successful phone call! And now you have one more call to add to the ‘it was okay and I got it done’ list.
Yes! I wish my brain would believe the list and not its own weird predictions!
omg congrats for the phoning!!!! sorry about the eggs though…
Toasts, I would welcome suggestions on how to ask my coworker to stop CCing me on every single email he sends to a group inbox that I am also a part of (and he knows this), resulting in me getting two copies of every email he sends. Please note we work in separate locations so email is basically our only form of communication.
Or just write a rule that deletes every message 1) from him, 2) to this group, and 3) cc-ing you.
Oh my god that’s brilliant.
Act as though he doesn’t know and make it a specific direction. “Hi, I actually get this email via the group inbox, so please stop cc-ing me. Thank you!”
That’s it. God bless Alison Green of AAM for re-iterating the importance of direct communication.
I’m considering finding a therapist to talk to so I stop feeling disappointed in myself all the time and actually get things done/move on from a few probably-minor-but-seem-big-to-me mistakes. I’ve been overly anxious/stressed about everything for the past two months or so and I feel like I have to get over it, but I have no idea how, so…I guess that’s it.
I hope you find a therapist that you like and feel comfortable with and that can help you with this. I used to have those kinds of anxiety issues, and it’s totally a thing that the right therapist can help with! You deserve to feel happy and to treat yourself with compassion and respect, the same way you would a close friend.
For what it’s worth, the therapist I worked with specialized in mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy. I was amazed at how practical she was and at how quickly I started to feel better.
Good luck!
You can dooo it! I just started with a new therapist (ugh, therapist searches are THE WORST) and I decided to go through things very methodically WRT finding female therapists on my insurance provider’s website, making a Google doc with names, addresses, emails, how I’d contacted them, and their responses.
I wrote a phone script for myself so I wouldn’t feel dopey if I had to leave a message and I researched a bunch of “what to ask your therapist during your first app’t” questions. I also made sure to tell the therapists I talked to that I was scouting around because I’ve stayed with bad fit therapists in the past out of misplaced guilt and obligation.
So basically I tried to make it as organized and automated a process as I could, which I personally found soothing and it cut out a lot of potential anxiety triggers.
ugh, the search part is what’s been keeping me from doing this for a while, also because I’m not sure what insurance here actually covers and I don’t have a ton of extra money lying around. And I have to make sure they’re English-speaking which might make things complicated (I live abroad), or not, and part of me thinks it’s just not worth it but maybe I should make it be. I’ve never done anything like this before, but this year is not going to get any better in regards to anxiety/stress and I need to get through it.
Daylight savings and my brain being unwilling to shut off last night made me so sleepy this morning, and then I had to fight with uni wifi to get internet, but THEN I checked my email and found out I won two scholarships in the awards program that I’ve never won anything in in the three years I’ve applied!
Also oh gosh I have so many school projects to do in the next three weeks, am barely keeping my head above water wrt to coursework because of depression and exhaustion, and all I want to do is hibernate with my Minecraft projects and a lot of tea until the sun comes back in a month. Encouragement/hugs would be appreciated.
I definitely remind myself how I’m going to feel once it’s all over with – that sigh of relief when you submit the last assignment. It’ll all be worth it. In the meantime, you can still consume a lot of tea even if you’re not hibernating! A cup of tea always helps, even just a little.
I just want to thank the Toast for fully immersing me in the world of Ayn Rand, so that when I met a guy who was a self-professed libertarian and cited “Atlas Shrugged” as his favourite book, I knew immediately to nope right out of that one.
Good decision.
Also, A+ name choice.
My partner received an Ayn Rand book for Christmas from his well-meaning parents; and I definitely had a moment of holding my breath before his dismay became apparent. (Sadly to his mom as well as me, but hey, now he has a gift certificate to the bookstore)
Knowing that I like reading (and maybe that I’m not particularly religious), a nice Christian couple that I saw over Christmas gave me a book titled The Case For Christ.
Solid choice.
Good job.
Pouring out a little cup of swan’s blood for Peter Maxwell Davies.
*tap dances into the room*
I’m tiiiiiiiiiired of being siiiiiiiiiick!!!!
*tap dances out*
Amen sister.
I’m due to give birth in 2 days. I’m probably not going to give birth in 2 days. In a previous cocktail hour I was bemoaning the fact that no one knows anything precise about these things and I’d be better off consulting the Oracle of Delphi or a magic 8 ball. I did neither, I found a deck of tarot cards I had around and asked them. What card did I get? The Hermit. Sassy fuckers.
Sassy fuckers is right, the other day I drew a card for a cousin who is surprise-pregnant, and got The Sun. “LOL HERE’S A BABY ON A HORSE”
Ooo, that *IS* sassy.
I was like “you’re pretty funny for a pile of kindling” and pulled another one. Ten of Cups.
THANK you.
See, I quit while I was ahead. One card was enough sass for me. Perhaps our decks should get together and chat.
Hi All, another longtime lurker here. Due to having almost nothing to do at work I’ve been working my way through the Toast archives and have discovered a slightly scary overlap in interests…
And I’m also finally getting it together in terms of setting up a linkedin profile and hopefully applying for a job which won’t try shipping me off to Croydon on short notice. Any advice or links would be appreciated (I’m an engineer in London if that helps).
I am short on advice but definitely sending you positive vibes for job applications!
TOASTS I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW
I JUST GOT A JOB OFFER FOR A SCIENCEY JOB AT THE GRAND CANYON AND I ACCEPTED!!!!!!
That means I’ll be free of retail in about two weeks!!! I’m so ridiculously happy right now you don’t even know.
CONGRATULATIONS! Honestly, this sort of thing–working near or for a National Park–is one of my biggest fantasies right now.
I got the internship through the Student Conservation Association! There’s quite a few of them on the site and most are in National Parks, so take a look if you’re interested!
I did an SCA internship in Alaska and had a great experience 🙂
Ohh man, I wish I knew about SCA when I was younger! I think I might be a bit too far along in my career for a switch, but I still daydream about it every so often. Maybe I can find a telework position with NPS in case my current one doesn’t work out. A telework position with lots of site visits…
what sorts of sciencey things will you be doing in the Grand Canyon??
That sounds positively fantastically perfect! Congratulations!!!!
WHAT?! That is SO COOL. The Grand Canyon is so amazing. Say hi to the Kaibab squirrels for me please!
It took me nearly two and a half hours to get to work today (thanks, MTA!) and I am behind on my thesis work and my advisor definitely thinks that I am better at stats than I actually am, and I am too proud to fess up. So I am going to spend my afternoon re-reading my old textbook and poring over SPSS tutorials. (Really though, it is kind of amazing that so much information is readily available? I CANNOT imagine doing a project like this in ye olden days without internet.)
I can’t find my wallet 🙁
Ughhhhhhhh I’m so sorry.
Thanks! I left it in a car-share car (well, I think so, but I could’ve sworn I brought it inside with me), so I’m hoping someone will find it & turn it in?
I know exactly where my wallet is.
But my driver’s license and main credit card are not within.
Whoops. I hope you find those!
I don’t even know how long they’ve been gone, really. Three weeks? Five? No one is using the credit card, so I assume they’re in my house or car somewhere.
Also I hope you have better luck finding yours!
I finally bought brow mascara instead of Macgyvering with some eyeshadow+clear eyelash primer, and this is so much easier/better. I actually wanted to buy brow pomade but they were out of everything except blonde and black. What is it with Ulta stores always just having their NYX stock totally ransacked????? I need to know what day they get their deliveries.
Also the samples they gave me were shit, why give everyone the same foundation sample? That is a useless sample.
At Sephora the other day I was given a sample of a BareMinerals foundation which was several shades darker than what I would need. I looked it up on Findation.com to compare it to my current foundation. I’m using the Urban Decay one in the shade 0.5 and the sample they gave me is closest to 5.0, so a whopping 9 shades darker. I tried it out and it gave me Oompa Loompa face.
I kinda want to try this one just for fun, it looks like it’s at least six shades darker than my regular foundation
The last time I asked for help matching foundations at Sephora, they used that “Color IQ” machine that takes a picture of your skin, and it did not work at ALL. I ended up buying the color the salesperson insisted was correct, only to return it several days later when it became extremely apparent that it was wayyyy too dark. Thank goodness for their return policy, I guess?
All Nyx displays everywhere are in shambles at all times. It’s some kind of rule or something.
Guys, I’ve had the weirdest fake-sickness going on for a while now — like for weeks, my nose has been running way more than normal (particularly in the morning), I’ve been coughing and sneezing a lot, but I feel fine??? My energy level is normal, no body aches or the usual “ugh I feel horrible” internal sensation that accompanies colds or whatever. I’ve just been plagued by the external symptoms…for a while now. Is anyone familiar with this?
(The mucus is totally clear, if anyone’s curious. I keep wondering, “is this allergies?” I just moved to a totally new region for the first time since I was six, and I never experienced allergies before. Do you usually feel fine while having an allergic reaction to nature?)
OR should I take this as a signal to actually visit the doctor, especially since this past weekend was particularly bad with my special version of (stress-related, I think) gastrointestinal distress that kept me from going to judo? (More TMI details: there’s been a relapse of very light blood spotting, and normally this type of blood spotting is the kind of thing where people tell you GO SEE A DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY, but it’s happened before and I did and nothing came of it. But now I’m in a totally new area, with a new doctor who I only saw once to get a physical when I was totally healthy.)
My doctor told me clear mucus is usually a sign of allergies! I think it’s worth going in to see a doctor, though. Your allergies might be mild enough to take OTC meds, but there’s also prescriptions you can have that specifically prevent the constant runny nose.
Sinus drainage exacerbates GI problems. It totally sounds like allergies.
Thank you, that’s helpful!
Hi! I think we sat next to eachother at the recent meet up (I’m being vaugue bc I don’t know how you feel about disclosing your current location.) Anyways, as someone who has been here for a while, my non medical vote would also be for allergies.
Ooh, hi! I remember…someone of that username at the meet-up, though not which side you sat on. 😛 And I don’t mind naming my new city!
And thank you for the input!
One thing I love about The Toast is that people post articles about books I thought no one else in the world had read except me. And then engage in comment-section conversations about said books and make connections among them. These always make me ridiculously happy to read. That said, has anyone read the Malory Towers series by Enid Blyton? I have read over and over my mom’s ancient set of them from when she was a schoolgirl in India and am DYING to talk to someone about them (besides my sister, who also read them). I think about them a lot still.
Yes!!! Yes. All those boarding school books were catnip when I was a kid. Did you also read St Clare’s?
I didn’t get to read St. Clare’s. Recommend? I really wanted to go to boarding school as a kid despite all the frozen pool water and mandatory tennis at Malory Towers.
Yes, definitely! They’re in a similar vein. When I was around 8 I went through a huge Enid Blyton stage and read everything I could get my hands on. You’re inspiring me to read them all again.
Edit: yes, also, I really wanted to go to boarding school because of books like these. I even asked my parents, who thought it was hilarious.
Definitely recommend St. Clare’s! I adored Carlotta.
Was it Carlotta who polished shoes with anchovy paste and spread shoe polish on toast because she objected to the, um, fagging system? That is my favourite scene from the series.
Described as ‘fiery’ at least once per page (I honestly think I might have had a crush on her as a child)
I definitely had a crush on her!
Ooh. I like fiery crushable characters. You may have just convinced me to seek out and read St. Clare’s.
Definitely do it! I mean – they’re exactly the same, but that’s the beauty.
I read St. Clare’s! I loved them, but am a little afraid to reread.
I have! (And my boyfriend read them as a child and loved them, which I find hugely endearing.)
Omg that’s amazing. How does this impact your relationship? Do you do things like refer to each other as “Gwendoline Mary Lacey” when annoyed? (I actually feel pretty bad for Gwendoline tbh.)
To my great distress, no (he CLAIMS to remember barely anything about his childhood/teenage years, and so childhood book references are beyond him). But we should.
YES HI I’M HERE FOR THIS. My mother handed down all her old Enid Blytons to me when I was a child because she’s Chinese-from-Malaysia and went to a British convent school in Singapore. The midnight feast scenes in the books always made me want to go to a boarding school!
I loved Darrell and Alicia so much, and I’m so proud of how Mary-Lou grew up as the years went by.
Malory Towers has, for me, aged better than any of Blyton’s fantasy works did. (I did not learn that gollywogs were racist caricatures until I was an adult, but when I learned it, I was appalled. I cannot read any of her Toyland stories anymore.)
Oooo, I’m very curious now about the other Enid Blyton books. I only ever read the Malory Towers series and a few of the Famous Five books. I have… mixed feelings about the Famous Five series, especially George and her extreme internalized misogyny, and the sanctimonious boy cousins who said things like “It’s time you gave up thinking you were as good as a boy” etc. But at the same time I was very jealous of these children who seemed to have no work to do and total freedom over the summers, with a live-in cook who delighted in making them sweet treats and picnic lunches, and a beach in close proximity, and mysteries to solve.
I actually skipped Famous Five, but I recall some of the awful gender politics you mention also turning up in things like the Wishing Chair stories.
Enid Blyton also did a couple books of Arthurian legend and a collection of Robin Hood stories that was my introduction to both. I want to reread them and see how they held up over the years.
Ooooo I want to read the Arthurian legend and Robin Hood books! (And will avoid the Wishing Chair stories.)
There is some- not a lot- of Malory Towers fanfic. I’ve had thoughts of writing some for awhile. One character who wasn’t supposed to be sympathetic, but who I liked anyway, was Zerelda Brass, the American girl who was so “silly” because of her American drawl and because she liked to wear makeup.
I totally wanted to change my name to Zerelda after reading them.
I loved Zerelda! There was that obsession with being fresh-faced natural English beauties in Malory Towers that I found offputting even though I knew it was just The Standard of The Time.
I also have a deep contrary love for Mavis and resented the way Blyton punished her for being proud of her voice by taking it away.
Dude yeah. That was pretty awful… I also thought it was really brutal how the girls all teamed up to destroy every shred of Maureen’s self-confidence and self-worth that her previous school had (maybe disproportionately) nurtured in her. Sure, she wasn’t very good at drawing/singing/acting/much of anything, but I feel like the message they sent her was “stop trying, you will never be good for anything.” After that we pretty much stopped hearing from her AT ALL, aside from the occasional snide comment toward Gwendoline.
I really hope Maureen found a new interest and a way to pursue it confidently at some point in her life.
And YES: though I think the idea was that the Malory Towers girls weren’t supposed to waste any time focusing on/worrying about their looks, and certainly spent no time thinking about boys or anything. Which was refreshing in its way, though maybe kind of excessive… like, in my headcanon many of the exclusive-relationship-ish duos of “friends” in Malory Towers were flourishing romantic/sexual relationships, but what about the hetero girls? What about the fact that the lesbian relationships weren’t canon? Were all the girls supposed to just suppress any and all thoughts and questions about things like sexuality through their entire adolescence?
I have a whole thesis to write about the way that natural features fit perfect human needs in Blyton. Caves with curtains of fern to hide them and a shelf at the back to serve as a larder! A rock pool that functions as a swimming pool! A island which is protected by the rocks unless you know the secret way! It’s so seductive.
I think the same thing happens in a lot of adventure stories of the period–Boxcar Children, etc. I am wondering how much of this is due to “children = smaller people = small space needs” but you could probably get a book-length dissertation on “convenient nature in children’s literature.”
I’d forgotten about some of the crappy, problematic bits 🙁 they’re why I can’t really read Roald Dahl any more.
I haven’t attempted to reread Roald Dahl books in a long time. I’m considering this a warning not to do it, and instead to leave the vague glowy fond memories of those books untouched. 🙁
I still like Dahl’s attitude of “Morally improving stories? No, children are little shits and they want to read about horrible things happening to people”, though.
Haha yes. I came across a book called “George’s Marvelous Medicine” in about 3rd grade, about how George mixes random household chemicals and replaces his mean awful grandmother’s medicine with it, and weird shit happens until she disappears entirely. It was HORRIFYING but also so great.
I reread some of them fairly recently while niece-sitting!
I have most likely read them as well, I’m all the way with you on the “boarding school = catnip” thing, but this is a bit of an odd case. The German translations are actually titled so much differently that I cannot say whether I have read them as a kid (this rarely happens…).
One thing I found striking about Enid Blyton’s boarding school stories, is that the food was supposed to be delicious, but I thought the descrptions sounded really blagh? Odd..
I had a weird reaction to the food descriptions too. They would say things like “I am so excited for SLABS OF ICE CREAM [slabs??] and COLD SALAD and PICKLES, it’s so sad that we get rotten food every day at school, like cocoa and biscuits!” I figured ‘cocoa and biscuits’ was British for ‘hot chocolate and cookies’ and was very jealous that that’s what they apparently got for dinner every single day.
This, exactly!
I’m a secret lover of picnic hampers! It’s not just about the food, but the portion sizing–everything tiny and perfect in little jars and tins.
That said, my mouth reflexively waters when I think about pickles, so this may just be matters of taste.
The food always sounded rough! Like, sardines and ginger cake YUM
Hanni und Nanni, isn’t it? And there’s like a million more of them than in English? I love that.
Hanni und Nanni, yes. The secomd series (the one with the uheated pool built into the cliffs) is Dolly. There really are a lot of these books, most of which were never written by Enid Blyton, yes.
I think Dolly must be Malory Towers then, because Malory Towers had an unheated pool (I think built into cliffs).
Yes, yes yes, one thousand times yes. I absolutely ploughed through those books as a child – I’ve actually been rereading and considering making a blog to document some of the weirdest bits. Do you think anyone would read it?
Also who was your favourite? I really used to like Irene, the one that was good at maths and music.
Dotty Irene! Absentminded Irene losing things, and Belinda latching onto her later. I firmly believe that they settled down together as a happy dotty couple always losing keys and can openers.
And please yes I’d be all over that blog.
My Malory Towers ships:
-Irene/Belinda (Adorable and absentminded, yes)
-Bill/Clarissa (practically canon? they co-found and run a horse riding school together)
-The Mam’zelles
-Dysfunctional Connie/Bridget (I read a weird fic once and it stuck)
I’ve had so many, I’ve forgotten them all.
Who else? Ships?
YES PLEASE. I would read the crap out of this blog.
Favorite? I think Belinda was my technical favorite, since she was an artist and so was/am I. But honestly I think Mary-Lou was my actual favorite. I found Irene really amusing too.
Using my clothes drying rack for the first time today and it is steaming up the apartment like crazy. If I coated a few of the bars with Vicks Vapo-Rub would it be good for the dregs of my cold?
Tomorrow I plan to hit the hospital for fasting bloodwork, but I sometimes feel woozy and awful in the morning and I’m worried about walking down there with no food in my self. The other tests I need are scary for various reasons, but at least my lady business can eat breakfast before a Pap test. So I’m nervous, but looking forward to getting this over with and then eating everything in the world.
Bring a granola bar or something, so you can have a little snack as soon as they take your blood!
Also now I am imagining you stuffing pop-tarts up in your lady business before a dr visit. It amuses me.
Got an oatcake set aside for just this purpose! And next Monday I’ll be feeding my boobs a nice bowl of All-Bran before their mammogram.
Fiber is good for the boobs.
Toasties, I have come to the conclusion that I should finish up this year (I work in the schools and so am still on the September – June or August schedule), and stay put next year to wrap up the grant-funded pilot program that is one of my jobs, and then I should move back to my childhood home and actually maybe save money for a couple of years instead of breaking even every year because Boston.
….except that I like Boston and most of my friends are here? And my professional contacts? How do people uproot their lives?
I am having the same problem. Except I was born here and can’t imagine being anywhere else. Boston has no sympathy though. Sorry I have no advice – I’m just here to commiserate!
It is a lot harder to uproot if you genuinely like everything around you! Also should factor into the calculus of whether to actually go through with it. If you end up miserable back in your hometown, I dunno if it’s worth it even if you do save money (unless you have specific goals for that money), because — not to get super-morbid about it, but I find it helpful sometimes to remember we can die at any time, so it’s better to be good to ourselves and practice moderate self-indulgence, balanced with our long-term goals.
Long- (very long) term goals include having kids and maybe eventually upgrading the car and generally moving towards financial solvency. So yes, money. Money would be good.
But…yeah. I’m so conflicted. My life here is great except for the breaking-even-financially piece. I guess I could go back to living like I’m a student with tons of other people….
I had my employee review last Monday, and it wasn’t too bad. The office manager made me cry, but that’s because she has this thing where she surrounds all of her constructive criticism with stuff about your soul and the openness of your heart and how wonderful you are as a person. So, it was a positive experience, I got pretty much the feedback I’d been expecting (“you’re really smart and we love working with you, but you get scattered and distracted a lot, and it’s important that we find a way to resolve that problem, would a different schedule structure help”), and my two managers and boss continued to reinforce my belief that when they say they want to help me become a better employee without being unhappy at work, they 100% mean it.
Now I just have to wait for my doctor visit at which I discuss possible ADD issues.
That sounds like A Day, wow. Glad your bosses are being so supportive, and sending you warm thoughts that your doctor’s appointment will be helpful and lead to being even better of an employee!
Not only are the boss and office manager supportive, but they believe in investing the time to train good employees to be better, rather than simply letting people go and attempting to hire people who are already perfect.
What are your “mum vs. the patriarchy” stories?
Today my mother emailed to say she wanted to use an article I had sent her last year but she couldn’t find it. She described it as “Don’t tell your daughters how to dress, rather tell your sons not to rape”. I believe she was referring to the ‘Only rapists can prevent rape’ article.
I didn’t ask what she wants to use it for, but she is an EFL teacher, so I’m hoping it’s to teach the correct use of the imperative in class.
A few of my mother’s most memorable patriarchy-smashing moments:
* Teaching me a healthy disrespect of male doctors (she was a nurse for many years, which informed her views), which saved my life when a male doctor tried to dismiss my fears that I had malignant melanoma (one biopsy later – turns out I did!).
* Successfully suing her former employers for constructive dismissal because people in her office used racist terms to address her and nobody stopped them because she was ‘just’ a secretary.
* Loudly haranguing evangelical Christians who knocked on our front door by quoting scripture at them (she was raised in hardcore evangelism) and daring the men in the group to swear, hand on their heart, that they’d obey if the Bible verse said “Husbands – submit to your wives” and not the other way around.
* Buying a dress-up doll magnet with pretty clothes magnets for my three-year-old nephew to colour in and play with on the fridge because “everyone was buying him cars and trains and I thought he’d appreciate the balance”.
What are some memorable patriarchy-smashing moments from your mothers (or mother figures)?
My mom once came home from weekday mass FUMING OUT LOUD about how the priest spent his whole sermon talking about how the problem with the world today is that women work outside the home and send their children to daycares.
My mom works outside the home and sent us to daycare (and in the process of working outside the home was instrumental in getting legislation passed to require that meth houses be professionally decontaminated before being sold, among other rad things) and I distinctly remember her yelling to the world in general “I’m not going to take childrearing advice from some old man who’s never even been married!”
My mother, when she was 24, was at a bar with her best friend and bf’s boyfriend, and since she didn’t drink and wanted to leave, was fuming at the bar with her non-alcoholic drink trying to fend off drunk dudes hitting on her. To make peace, her best friend tried to introduce her to her boyfriend’s brother, and when he stuck out his hand to shake hers, she spit an entire mouthful of Diet Coke into it and spun around.
He’s my Dad now, so it worked out. Not necessarily patriarchy-smashing, but Dad has known what’s up since Day Uno.
My first-ever gyno appt. was traumatic. It was with a man (because small town and that was all that was available) and he refused to discuss the pill with me, even though the whole reason for the appointment in the first place was because I was having debilitating cramps (the can’t-walk-for-two-days kind). I cut that appointment short, told off the doctor, then went out to the waiting area where Mom was hanging out and waiting for me and providing moral support. When I told her what had happened, SHE marched into the back, found the doctor, ripped him a new one, and then we noped the fuck out of there. He was her gyno, too (small town, remember?) and after my experience she never went back to him either. I love my mom so much.
(This is not a memorable patriarchy-smashing story, but rather – as someone with a family history of melanoma and who gives the constant side-eye to her moles… was it OBVIOUS? I keep telling myself the melanoma will be probs be obviously different, not to worry, etc.)
Well… it was on my arm where I saw it every day and could monitor the changes. It might have been a different story were it on my back. Since then, I have outsourced the worry by getting a dermo check once a year, which helps a lot.
My mom always worked as a waitress when she was younger, and she told me the only time she ever didn’t get a tip was when some business douche said “ooh, I like it when you lean over like that” when she was putting down the food and she looked him in the eye and said “I don’t appreciate being spoken to like that” and embarrassed him in front of all his bros.
Fucking men.
My mum kicked up a fuss when the receptionists at the GP practice she manages disagreed with her plan to get their departing locum flowers as a leaving gift, because he was a man.
What a great topic! My mom’s best friend had daughters around the same age as us, and we carpooled all the time. I vividly remember riding in the blue station wagon of one of these friend moms when The Cardigan’s “lovefool” (in which the singer asks the object of her affection to lie to her) came on the radio, and said mom emphatically told us that is not how healthy relationships work and no man is that important. I was around 10.
Oh, I love this thread! My mum is one of my best patriarchy-smashing role models, although tbh it’s not a very conscious/political on her part. She has just never given a fuck about what she was supposed to do! She kept her last name when she got married, she never shaved her legs (which, as a kid at the beach I was mortified by, but now I think is awesome), and every time someone tried to tell me and my sister “what pretty girls” we were, she would calmly add “they’re good company”. My mum taught me from day one that who I am is much more important than what I look like, and to live my life according to what works for me. She’s a gem.
Thank you so much for all your stories – they have warmed my heart with patriarchy-burning flames of solidarity going into the new week. Your mothers are all kinds of amazing!
Recommendations for aggressively feminist message t-shirts*? I can only wear my “Notorious RBG” shirt so many times/week.
My favorites are “girls just wanna have fundamental human rights,” “feminist as fuck,” “feminism is the radical notion that women are people,” and “I don’t care for your misogyny.” (And if you like cats, there’s always the “pro-cats, pro-choice, pro-feminism” one.)
I’ve been planning to make a pro-Clinton shirt that reads “Well-behaved women rarely make History” with the ‘H’ being Clinton’s campaign logo, and on the back “I’m not ‘likeable’, either”
‘course, this only works if you like Clinton .___. YMMV
I am a fan of my Social Justice Warrior shirt.
Perhaps you may find angry liberal feminist killjoy to your liking?
The internet has many stylistic variants of this if the design doesn’t appeal.
I’ve seen a Harry Potter “I Solemn Swear that I will Smash the Patriarchy” shirt. Then there’s Feminist Apparel’s stuff http://www.feministapparel.com/collections/femini…
OOOOH FeministApparel has some fantastic things!
Thanks! I found this one after I googled “I solemnly swear . . . ” on the Look Human site: http://www.lookhuman.com/design/61973-puncture-th…
2 of my favorite things: feminism & dinosaurs
I have a “valar morghulis YES ALL MEN” shirt that I’m utterly enamored with.
Some delightful high school seniors at a local independent school where I live just designed this shirt and are giving all the proceeds to Planned Parenthood! http://uterusshirts.wix.com/uterish
That is an awesome t-shirt and awesome kids!
I am seventeen chapters in to writing a Poe/Finn and Rey/Jess fanfiction and I’m still not done, what is my life.
Related to what is my life, every evening this week except tonight has me in rehearsal for or performing in an X-Men burlesque play. It’s going to be amazing but wow I am not going to see my partner like at all.
I have spent the entire day obsessively refreshing my email in the hopes of seeing one from our potential future landlady about the sweetass condo we hope to rent from her (I’m glad you want us to move in on April 1st! But we originally said May and it’s mid-March already and you haven’t sent a lease yet!) and/or one about the job I interviewed for last month (I know they reached out to my references last week) but there has been NOTHING, not one email all day except a Toast comment reply notification. I genuinely feel like stomping my feet in frustration. COME ON.
Posting without my name because I’m a secretive weirdo – I just made the appointment to get my IUD removed in hopes of becoming great with child this year.
hubs and I are freaking the hell out/totally excited in alternating and equal measure.
good luck!
Best of luck! I wish for you everything you wish for yourself. 🙂
I just called our local psychological assessment center about getting tested for ALL THE BRAIN THINGS, but specifically ADD, probably depression and anxiety (for OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS. Unofficially, yeah, totes depressed always come out depressed everything is terrible forever and oh my god everyone hates me please stop staring at me i can’t dance, ok).
So, mainly for the ADD thing. I can’t seem to focus and I don’t know if this has always been a thing or is it a thing that I just did stats and realized that 4 people (me included) do all the outreach to students and faculty on campus, leaving us each with a load of 725 students per person on top of our actual assigned duties and roles? I mean, it’s not like I can exercise any more than I already do to keep calm and centered (5 days a week 1-2 hours a time).
Stress, anxiety, ADD, or some potent cocktail of all the above? WHO KNOWS.
Depression itself impairs concentration too. Lots of people don’t know that depression messes with your cognition, but it does (not permanently though!). Anxiety does as well.
Okay, so a little girl (age six) who I nanny was complaining of being cold and having a backache this evening, and I’m wondering if I should be concerned. I know backache is pretty unusual in small children, but the internet is suggesting things like lesions or tumors or something, and I don’t want to raise that sort of alarm unnecessarily. Also, I tend to err on the side of caution when it comes to being responsible for other people’s children, so I could be overreacting, but I’m wondering how soon I should actually be worried. If she’s complaining about it again tomorrow–or when I’m with her all day (lots of French elementary schools aren’t in session on Wednesdays) on Wednesday–should I be alarmed? I don’t want to cause her family to panic or anything; I guess I’m just wondering what else I should be looking out for? She’s in school all day and then with me until dinner and bedtime, so I might see things the parents are more likely to miss. Medical toasties? Any ideas on the feeling cold/sore back symptom combination? Or what else I should keep an eye out for? I’m hoping all’s fine tomorrow, but how soon should I be concerned if it isn’t?
Not medical, but a parent, and I say if she’s not better tomorrow, mention it to her parents. I’d want to know! You don’t have to worry about managing their feelings, just go with something like, “[Kid] is complaining about being cold and having a backache the last couple days, and it just seemed like a weird combination of symptoms, so I thought you should know.”
If you can let them know at an hour when pediatrician’s offices are open so they can call if worried, so much the better.
First thing that strikes me is kidney infection? Ask her how much she’s been weeing and check her temperature, and consider taking her to A&E if you’re worried about the answer because kidney infections can go serious pretty quickly.
This. My daughter used to get them all the time. She might have a low fever too, and her pee might smell funny (like, strong enough that you can smell it if you go in the bathroom after her). Watch if she goes to the bathroom a lot and see if she still has the sore back tomorrow. My guess is UTI with fever.
Feeling cold and having a backache sounds like it could potentially be a kidney infection (or could be nothing – don’t panic!). I would definitely keep an eye on it and mention it to her parents.
I think you should mention it to her parents ASAP. As a parent, I like to know if my kids have talked about not feeling well so that I can decide what to do. I would tell them right away tomorrow that she had mentioned this.
Oh, they already know. She brought it up after her mom got home last night. She hadn’t mentioned it earlier in the day, but was clearly quite out of sorts as I left last night. She didn’t have a fever, though, but was cold despite an undershirt, pajamas, a sweater, a robe, AND a blanket. A soon-to-be-a-doctor/already-a-nurse friend of mine thought mono was something that needed to be ruled out, too, but she didn’t suggest a kidney infection, so that’s good to keep in mind.
I haven’t received a call that she stayed home from school today, so I guess she’s doing better, but I’ll keep an eye out for symptoms and hopefully have a more concrete idea of whether or not she needs medical attention by this evening. The nice thing about this being France is that even house calls can be covered under insurance, so if there’s a serious concern, a doctor will be summoned even if it’s after normal business hours. I’m just trying to get an idea of other potential symptoms I should be looking out for. Poor kid. I hope it’s nothing. Her birthday party is this weekend. It would suck if she’s sick….
Toasties, I am testing macros on our ILS today and it is SO tedious and everyone is talking in offices and cubicles around me, even my Dark Forest noise generator can’t drown them out.
Thinking of happier things, does anyone have any cool craft projects they are working on?
“Trapped in the sky” creates this image of the person in the seat next to Mallory:
“Who knows if we will ever escape?”
“Well, the plane has to land sometime.”
“Does it? DOES IT!?”
Anodyne Flight Chatter Made Horrific
Illustrated by Western art classics.
Toastfriends!
In the last open thread I asked for antidepressant stories because I had an appointment today that I was very anxious about. You all were lovely and helped me feel so very much better about it.
Now I am on the other side of that appointment – and it went well! The nurse dude was very kind and said I was worthwhile because I was me! I cried a little! The doctor was even kinder, and matter-of-fact and straightforward and she laughed at my jokes! I was not at all disqualified from life-saving medicine! I have eyeglasses for my brain and I start wearing them tomorrow! I wrote that list that someone suggested and it helped, even though it stayed in my pocket the whole time!
I DID THE THING YAY THANK YOU FOR BEING NICE INTERNET STRANGERS
AND ALSO MORE YAY
I am so, so happy for you! I also just did the thing and started taking antidepressants, and even went back a month later (which almost felt scarier) and had to see a new doctor, to tell her I am feeling nothing but bad side effects and please HELP because I couldn’t handle it, and she was just as lovely/gentle but firm??
Yay for meds, yay for treating your brain illnesses like any other illness! You did it!
yay brainglasses!
Could someone please say nice things or lie to me if necessary about the following.
I came out last year. My mum is doing her best to be on board but doesn’t want me to tell extended family (who will be fine with it). I’ve told a few family members but asked them not to mention that I’ve told them because, despite wanting to be out, I believe my mum doesn’t want me telling them.
Now I feel guilty for making my mum look bad, and I’m worried she’ll find out I’ve told people about being bi and also about her not wanting me to tell them and be cross with me for making her look bad (or be cross with me for telling people I’m dating a girl).
Hiya pals. Long time lurker, first time caller. I am having a terrible day at work (I got yelled at by three separate people! One by phone! One by email! A new record!) so I thought I’d get some validation from Internet strangers. As one does.
So, I come to you with a question and a general comment about Life.
Question: Can anyone suggest some fast moving books with magical realism? I never much cared for MR bc all the books I read with it bored the hell out of me, but I’m ready to give it one more chance.
Comment: We got a Nespresso coffee maker yesterday and it’s already the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you George Clooney!
Thank you, have a nice day/night!
I’m not sure how deeply you define magical realism as distinct from fantasy but these two might be good starts:
First up Tana French- Irish murder mystery with a mystical twist- there’s something unnatural in all the books, but my favorite one is The Likeness.
Second- The City and The City. This one is a bit of a puzzler but if you just ride along with it it eventually gets comprehensible and great. The concept is that there are two enemy cities that share partial geometry- so most blocks are either in one city or the other, but that the cities also share certain portions where the citizens must NOT see each other even as they walk on the same sidewalks. It’s bonkers.
Also certain Margaret Atwood books walk a line of unreality that’s not just sic fi.
The Manual of Detection or The Yiddish Policemen’s Union might also fit the bill.
Or Mistress of Spices? I think it’s not particularly good writing but it’s a fast read because of that.
The Wind Up Bird Chronicle, but I didn’t like that one that much. I preferred Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World.
Take with a grain of salt because this genre is one I’m sort of under acquainted with, but I think there are a few strains out there of this- there’s the invention of the genre as a south american form with Isabelle Allende and GGM and Octavo Paz and then there’s kind of a strain running through eastern european influenced writers and they have different flavors to them? And then there are people around the world that pick up this style from there, especially in the US, but if you try from a few spots and then don’t like it…I’d say it’s fine.
Makeup help?
I’m a lady person in her late 30s and have only somewhat recent-ish (about two years, off and on) started to wear makeup. I don’t know how I missed the bus on this when I was younger, likely a combination of being shy and not having a mother that was interested in makeup. Anyhoo, I’m here now.
Thanks to the Internet (RIP, Millihellen) and sometimes talking to a friend, I’ve started to try a few things for myself, and while I’m not 100% sure yet that I’m doing all of this right, I’m feeling pretty ok.
There’s one issue, though, and I don’t even know if it’s really a thing or just something I’m making up. I don’t use foundation, just BB cream when I feel like it. However, I keep thinking that if I want to do eyeshadow and lip color and basically anything beyond mascara and lip balm, I HAVE to use the BB cream and can’t go barefaced. Is that a thing? My skin looks decent, I don’t feel like I need to hide any major flaws (which BB cream doesn’t anyway), I just have this weird hangup, I guess.
So, can I? Or does one have to go all in when using certain products?
The beauty of make up is you can use as much or as little as you like! I used to go in for the full face coverage when doing eyes/lips etc, and it took me a while to realise… I didn’t have to do that? I really just want to have bold lips sometimes, I don’t want to cover my face in specific kinds of make up to make sure I please everyone else. My advice – play around with things, find what makes you feel best, and go for that! You can always browse on youtube and find looks or tips that you enjoy and start out trying to replicate those.
OK, so thanks for the misreading of my, uh, happy shouting, but nowhere in my comment did you see me actually saying "Germans aren't racist," which is what you're responding to. I'm not sure how you would take my comment about Germans being WELL AWARE of what the Nazi salute means (and given that it's actually illegal, I can't see how you would disagree with that) as somehow having anything to say about whether Germans are racist or not.
DUDE. Germans are racist as fuck. One of my personal pet peeves is Germans (or any Europeans for that matter) talking about how racist America is as compared to Europe, because NO. I mean, only in the last decade or so, and only by fits and starts, have Germans even come to recognize that they should in fact not use the terms "foreigner" and "person of color" interchangeably. Please do not read something into my comment that in NO way was there.
(Should you ever see me actually saying that Germans aren't racist, feel free to correct me / alert me that my account has been hijacked by some proto-fascist, because that is not something I would ever say.)
Hi, Toasties. Long-time reader, first time commenting. 😛
So I’m an almost thirty year old lesbian English major who has never read “Pride and Prejudice.” I say this because part of the reason I’ve never read it is because I discovered the joys of admitting that I just didn’t get the whole “dating boys” thing about the same time that, for whatever reason, the bookish girls at my school discovered the thing, and I’ve always associated it with a type of boy-girl adolescent thing that I had no real access to and didn’t see the point of.
Any advice to approaching P&P in a way that won’t make me wince?
Hi Raygun! This is way, way late (catching up on my Toast backlog 🙂 ), but there are so many ways to approach P&P that isn’t just as a romance! There’s a lot of social satire and comedy to the story.
If you like podcasts, there’s a great seminar series called “In Want of a Wife” over at StoryWonk which provides a close analysis of P&P. You can read along with it since each episode covers only a set number of chapters in the book: http://storywonk.com/category/podcasts/in-want-of…
They do a cool reading of P&P that emphasizes Elizabeth’s journey into self-awareness as opposed to the romance being the central part of the story.
Also, while the central preoccupation of the female characters is to find a husband, it’s an awful lot more like finding steady employment. For women of Elizabeth Bennet’s class and situation, making a “good match” was really the only way to ensure a secure life. Maybe framing it like this is less wince-worthy?
I hope this helps! Jane Austen is wickedly funny and I hope you enjoy P&P!
Are you on twitter? If so, I'm hedinthecloud. If not: my yahoo e-mail is hedwigvd.
Right? STOP JUDGING ME, NETFLIX.