I’m Politically Incorrect, and I’m Proud Of It

by Laura Byko · April 1, 2014

url-2People today are so concerned with being politically correct – it’s like you can’t say anything without someone getting offended. I know that I’m edgy, that I may go “too far” for some people, but I see the world a certain way, and society’s constraints aren’t going to stop me from getting my point of view out there. I’ll say what I believe, no matter how many feathers I ruffle.

I’ll say that Millard Fillmore was the fourteenth president of the United States, even though historians insist he was actually the thirteenth.

People are so sensitive. They say things like, “I think you’re getting ‘politically incorrect’ and ‘historically inaccurate’ confused.”

ScroogeFirstThey can’t shut me down, though. I’ll continue talking about Millard Fillmore’s presidency, about how he brokered the Duck-Human Treaty of 1854 after years of our nation’s waterways running red with blood. I’ll explain that the Great Duck King Anatid emerged from the Potomac River one fateful morning, prepared to do battle with our president.

I’m met with controversy everywhere I turn, just because I’m politically incorrect. People say, “That’s an interesting narrative you’re constructing, but I really think you should just google ‘politically correct’ or something. It wouldn’t take long, and it would clear up a lot of misconceptions you seem to have.”

But I won’t be censored by the public. I’ll tell the story of how Millard Fillmore strode out on that fateful morning to meet with Great Duck King Anatid. I’ll say that after hours of intense negotiations, Millard and Anatid came to an agreement. Based solely on how similar “Millard” sounds to “Mallard,” the two realized that ducks and humans are not so different after all. They ended the war that day, and America celebrated with duck calls and roasted turkeys.

People just don’t get it. They shut their ears and say, “Maybe you should try writing some of this down, because clearly you have some ideas kicking around in your head. But we’re really getting further and further away from any kind of relevance to political correctness.”

They won’t stop me from saying what I believe. I’ll keep being politically incorrect as long as I can, well past the end of the term of Barracks Ohana, our 46th president.


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17 Comments

  1. Elyse +44

    This makes me want to read stories about Martin Van Houten, Milhouse’s older brother who also happened to be the eight and a halfth president of the United States.

  2. rkfire +37

    “and ‘ohana’ means family..”

    I hope that in your next post, you’ll speak further about how Barracks Ohana is not just any illegal alien, but is actually an extraterrestrial alien as noted in the linked documentary.

    1. deleted5647547 +12

      Excuse me I think you mean “Banack Rubama”, according to high school friends of mine on Facebook (where I get like…all of my political information).

  3. bastardsnow +49

    Pretty sure this is incorrect, actually. Great Duck King Anatid emerged from the Anacostia, not the Potomac. Most people think it was the Potomac, but only because they can’t name any other waterways in DC. I think there’s even a plaque commemmorating the spot, right near Nats Park.

    1. Goatse Fanfiction +4

      This is correct – it’s a matter of record that no life can or could survive in the Potomac.

  6. Tucker +14

    All this time I thought ‘politically incorrect’ just meant ‘being an unrepentant jerk.’ This piece has really opened my eyes to the meaning of ‘politically incorrect’!

  7. bumbleblu +9

    Concern about being PC has really gotten out of hand! Don’t let the haters get you down, and definitely don’t go on Google.

  8. thiscalls4soap +8

    Yeah well it all seems fun and cool until someone says something about -you-, Ms Logga Bocho.

  10. onehandedhighfive +9

    Which is why nowadays you see Millard Fillmore on the 10$ (duck) bill.

    I APOLOGIZE FOR NOTHING.

  11. boosterseat-2 +11

    As a comedian, whose friends are constantly droning on and on about the “PC Police” and the “Pussification of America,” I’m posting this on Facebook every day until I disintegrate into dust.

  12. Joel Kim

    As a comedian, whose friends are constantly droning on and on about the "PC Police" and the "Pussification of America," I'm posting this on Facebook every day until I disintegrate into dust.