My Playlist for Standing Outside Benedict Cumberbatch’s Wedding Venue

by Nicole Cliffe · November 6, 2014

The Toast’s previous coverage of Benedict Cumberbatch, including Nicole’s highly erotic fan fiction, can be found here.

1. “Tear In Your Hand,” Tori Amos

2. “Send in the Clowns,” Judy Collins

3. “A Man / Me / Then Jim,” Rilo Kiley

4. “You Ain’t Woman Enough To Take My Man,” Loretta Lynn

5. “Jesus, Etc.,” Wilco

6. “Two More Bottles of Wine,” Emmylou Harris

7. “Easy From Now On,” Emmylou Harris

8. “Do I Ever Cross Your Mind,” Emmylou Harris, Linda Ronstadt, Dolly Parton

9. “My Antonia,” Emmylou Harris (featuring Dave Matthews)

10. “Bird on a Wire,” kd lang

11. “Bird on a Wire,” Dave Van Ronk

12. “Bird on a Wire,” Jennifer Warnes

13. “Pictures of You,” The Cure

14. “Can’t Let Go,” Lucinda Williams

15. “On My Own,” Les Misérables (the original London cast recording)

16. “Tear Stained Eye,” Son Volt

17. “Let Him Fly,” Patty Griffin

18. “Back to Me,” Kathleen Edwards

19. “Elevator Love Letter,” Stars

20. “You Never Get What You Want,” Patty Griffin

21. “Right in Time,” Lucinda Williams

22. “Almost,” Sarah Harmer

23. “Hung Up,” Madonna

24. “I’m Looking Through You,” The Beatles

25. “Landslide,” Fleetwood Mac

26. “Landslide,” The Dixie Chicks

27. “But Not For Me,” Chet Baker

28. “You Can Make Him Like You,” The Hold Steady

29. “Love Is Everything,” kd lang

30. “Love Is Everything,” Jane Siberry

31. “Where Does the Good Go?” Tegan and Sara

32. “The Old Apartment,” The Barenaked Ladies

33. “I Don’t Want to Get Over You,” The Magnetic Fields

34. “The Last Thing On My Mind,” Gram Parsons

35. “All My Little Words,” The Magnetic Fields

36. “Your Ex-Lover Is Dead,” Stars

37. “All the Diamonds in the World,” Bruce Cockburn

38. “Basement Apartment,” Sarah Harmer

39. “Leather and Lace,” Stevie Nicks and Don Henley

40. “You’re Going to Make Me Lonesome When You Go,” Bob Dylan

41. “Tangled Up in Blue,” Bob Dylan

42. “Challengers,” The New Pornographers

43. “Useless Desires,” Patty Griffin

43. “Please, Please, Please, Let Me Get What I Want,” The Smiths

44. “You Were Here,” Sarah Harmer

45. “Still I Long For Your Kiss,” Lucinda Williams

46. “I Thought You Were My Boyfriend,” The Magnetic Fields

47. “I Never,” Rilo Kiley

48. “You’re Gonna Love Me One Day,” Heather Myles

49. “Cactus Tree,” Joni Mitchell

50. “When God-Fearing Women Get the Blues,” Martina McBride

51. “Both Sides Now,” Joni Mitchell

52. “Start a War,” The National

53. “Flowers On the Wall,” The Statler Brothers

54. “Wildflowers,” Tom Petty

55. “Our House,” Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young

56. “Woke Up New,” The Mountain Goats

57. “These Days,” Nico

58. “Breakin’ Up,” Rilo Kiley

59. “Wagoner’s Lad,” Roger McGuinn

60. “Unsent,” Alanis Morrissette

61. “Now and Forever,” Carole King

62. “We Belong Together,” Mariah Carey

63. “Gumboots,” Paul Simon

64. “Graceland,” Paul Simon

65. “Hearts and Bones,” Paul Simon

66. “Train in the Distance,” Paul Simon

67. “The Obvious Child,” Paul Simon

68. “The Only Living Boy in New York,” Paul Simon

69. “Dancing on My Own,” Robyn

70. “I’ll Think of a Reason Later,” Lee Ann Womack

71. “Why Don’t You Love Me Like You Used to Do?” Hank Williams

72. “Around This Corner,” Sarah Harmer

73. “Coffee Stain,” Sarah Harmer

74. “Wedding Bell Blues,” Laura Nyro

75. “It Never Entered My Mind,” Frank Sinatra

76. “When Will I Be Loved,” Linda Ronstadt

77. “Go Your Own Way,” Fleetwood Mac

78. “For No One,” The Beatles

79. “You Won’t See Me,” The Beatles

80. “Believe,” Cher

81. “Love’s Enough,” David Ackles

82. “Another Suitcase in Another Hall,” Evita

83. “The Fairest of the Seasons,” Nico

84. “Different When It Comes to You,” Bruce Cockburn

85. “Fuck and Run,” Liz Phair

86. “Being Alive,” Company (2006 Broadway revival)

87. “When October Goes,” Rosemary Clooney

88. “At Seventeen,” Janis Ian

89. “Into the Wild,” LP

90. “Half Dead,” The Mountain Goats

91. “Give Back the Key to My Heart,” Uncle Tupelo

92. “Untouchable Face,” ani di franco

93. “Oh What a Night,” The Four Seasons

94. “Good, Bad, Ugly,” ani di franco

95. “Is That All There Is?” Peggy Lee

96. “Urge For Going,” Joni Mitchell

97. “Fly,” Nick Drake

98. “Winner Takes It All,” ABBA

99. “Boots of Spanish Leather,” Bob Dylan

100. “Sideshow,” Nashville soundtrack

101. “The Way We Were,” Barbra Streisand

102. “Coyote,” Joni Mitchell

103. “We Know the Night,” The Replacements

104. “You Are My Face,” Wilco

105. “You Had Time,” ani di franco

106. “This Nearly Was Mine,” South Pacific (Original Broadway cast recording)

107. “I’m All Right,” Madeleine Peyroux

108. “Love Like Mine,” Nashville soundtrack

109. “Sad Song,” Lou Reed

110. “You Were Meant for Me,” Jewel

111. “Get Lonely,” The Mountain Goats

112. “Back in Your Head,” Tegan and Sara

113. “Call It Off,” Tegan and Sara

114. “Move On,” Sunday in the Park With George (the 2008 Broadway revival)

Nicole is an Editor of The Toast.


151 Comments

  1. betsymore +135

    The best thing about this list, aside from its liberal sprinkling of Emmylou Harris (YES), is that it just keeps GOING and GOING

    2. Sean_Sullivan +36

      Back of the envelope, she’s clocking in at 6 and a half hours of music. Presumably the actual ceremony will let out just as “I’m Looking Through You” cues up, at which point Nicole will climb into one of those cars with a big megaphone on the roof and follow the cortege to the reception.

  4. sdpowell1 +56

    I don’t know what I love more, the three versions of “Bird on a Wire” or the inclusion of Cher’s “Believe.

  5. citizenchristy +41

    10. “Bird on a Wire,” kd lang

    11. “Bird on a Wire,” Dave Van Ronk

    12. “Bird on a Wire,” Jennifer Warnes

    Nicole. You’re the best.

      1. redrobin5 +28

        (I am trying to cover the fact that I recognise about 1/6 of these songs and am thus missing most of the jokes)

  8. testingwithfire +9

    send in the clowns lol. Yep, used to have the piano sheet music for that one. I think I used to sing along too.

    2. eegghh +8

      Also, She’s Got You- Patsy Cline. That one KILLS ME.

      I’ve got the records that we used to share
      And they still sound the same as when you were here
      The only thing different, the only thing new
      I’ve got the records, she’s got you

      Thats one I sing when I’m doing dishes along with Elvis, I Was the One.

      1. kalat1979 +3

        Ahhhhhh. She’s Got You is the #1 breakup/he’s moved on song, best for warbling in car and scaring all the other drivers that can see you.

  10. RocktheDebit +27

    “Oh What a Night,” The Four Seasons

    I have a lot of thoughts about this selection.

    1. NotThatAmy +14

      It’s only six hours of music, her trainer can get her ready for that before the wedding. No problem.

  12. nicoledieker +8

    Let’s argue about Broadway interpretations now (but in a nice way). I mean, Frances Ruffelle over all other Eponines, totes, but Judy Collins? You know Dame Judi Dench sang that song!

    1. Jordan +7

      I’m on board with the 2006 version of “Being Alive” (Raul Esparza NAILED that song) but the 2008 version of “Move On”? I mean, Bernadette Peters >> everyone else

      1. nicoledieker +7

        Sondheim wrote those SITPWG songs specifically for Bernadette Peters’ voice! I agree.

    3. thecaitd +2

      THANK YOU, I am glad that we are of one mind on Ruffelle because others have tried to advocate for poor substitutes like Lea Salonga, for god’s sake, and it’s just plain wrong. Ruffelle forever.

      1. ppyajunebug +5

        It saddens me how many people only seem to know of and actively prefer Lea’s version. It’s fine, but Frances IS Eponine.

    4. freshwaterpearl +4

      How was Judi Dench? I don’t think I’ve ever heard her sing.

      There are many “Send in the Clowns”es, but for my money in-context is always better than out-of-context for that song. The central metaphor is a little goofy, and the emotional arc of the show makes that goofiness seem bittersweet and affecting. When someone sings it without going through that journey as Desiree, it might be lovely, but it won’t be hard-won and true.

      All of which is to say, I saw an independent Minnesota company do Little Night Music this summer and it was the best “Send in the Clowns” I’ve ever seen.

      1. nicoledieker +10

        Judi Dench is much more of an actor than a singer, so she sounds like Judi Dench but her voice is making pitches this time. There are YouTube videos.

        Also, it just occured to me: why has Emma Thompson never played this role?

  13. maldemal +10

    There ought to be a basalt obelisk somewhere with this carved into it. If there would be room left on the obelisk, I might have included Robyn’s “Be Mine” and Chris Isaak’s “Blue Spanish Sky”. Oh, and “You don’t know me”, why not sung by Emmylou Harris?

    1. girlysound

      I saw “2008 broadway revival” at the end of the inclusion of “Move On” and thought “But the BERNADETTE PETERS version Nicolllllleee!!!!!!”

  15. rhymeswitheight +20

    This was amazing but now I’m holding Nicole responsible for this sequence of actions: see “The Only Living Boy in New York” in the list; think, “oh I love that song, let’s listen”; pull up song on Youtube; fight off impulse to cry at desk; fight off impulse to keep listening to the song on repeat.

    1. rhymeswitheight +14

      My browser just crashed after listening to the song two full times, so that was definitely a sign/blessing from the universe to STOP.

  16. BobOfSeals +8

    “108. “Love Like Mine,” Nashville soundtrack”

    The most perfect. This song is so perfect. This list is so perfect.

  17. freshwaterpearl +29

    86. “Being Alive,” Company (2006 Broadway revival)

    I’m not personally sad about this marriage, but I am in favor of any excuse for listening to this performance.

    Also, I’m certain the original Broadway performance of “This Nearly Was Mine” is splendid, but may I submit for your consideration Brian Stokes Mitchell’s utterly thunderous and heartbroken rendition of that song? The 2006 concert production that was broadcast on PBS doesn’t seem to be on YouTube, but here’s a repeat that’s almost as good: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SOCBl-ojss

      1. freshwaterpearl +1

        This is also quite good! A little less stolid and devastated, a little more tearful and desperate. God bless PBS indeed.

      1. RuncibleSpoon +8

        don’t have time to make, but WILL LISTEN.

        (many imaginary internet hugs to anyone who does have the time this morning!)

        …this might be a dangerously sad playlist, tho

      2. ismymiddlename +3

        You are the BEST. I was stuck in an interminable meeting, and the only thing that got me through was this article and the thought that there might be a Spotify playlist to go with it by the time I got free. Thanks for making dreams come true!

      4. keythah +2

        *cries a single tear*

        HERO

        Nicole, can this link be added to the actual post? Pretty pleeeeeease?

      5. katerii +1

        Thank you!! It’s terribly sad of me that I had to remake it just to change the remix of Pictures of You to the original. And it didn’t go past Frank Sinatra for me, so I ended up finishing it… sigh…
        http://open.spotify.com/user/sparklejess/playlist…

        It’s tragic that I couldn’t always find the correct Broadway recording, but I tried.

  19. angrypedestian +58

    I love how it ricochets back and forth between revenge, empowerment, and true, deep sorrow, as all the best playlists should.

    (Also, I love the inclusion of Kathleen Edwards because I ADORE her, and I feel like no one ever talks about how great she is? Like, she pretty much took an indefinite hiatus from music to open a coffee shop called Quitters, and that’s amazing).

    1. BessieMaeMucho +1

      … and now I have to go to Ottawa. There are direct flights from North Carolina, right?

  21. jhsaxena +15

    “All My Little Words” also works really well for high school boyfriend breakups, just saying

      1. zachariahary +12

        The Magnetic Fields are my favorite post-breakup band. They’re just the right mix of tenderness and tongue-in-cheek ‘haha isn’t being heartbroken kinda ridiculous? But no, it’s okay, we understand and we love you, you silly maudlin thing. Here’s a song about believing the sun will never shine on you ever again.’
        And Busby Berkeley Dreams is the very best one.

    2. thecaitd +23

      [folds down edge of card carefully so that it can easily be folded back up when they inevitably divorce]

      (I watched this movie 2.5 times last week)

    3. jadoogan +1

      This is now complete, except what Rdio doesn’t have, which is mostly The Beatles and full versions of Bob Dylan.

  26. ann1011 +8

    *starts dragging songs into playlist*

    edit: I started listening to Jesus Etc while doing this and now I’m all choked up, this is what great love stories do to you.

  27. GruntledDave +16

    This is an excellent playlist for just about any occasion. Except doing squats. No crying while squatting – you might fall over.

      1. aramblingfancy +3

        It is THE BEST. I highly recommend making a playlist of just that video over and over again and playing it on your computer or TV all night long after a long day at work NOT THAT I HAVE EVER DONE THAT*.

        *I have done this. Many times.

    4. sulagna0 +7

      I’m not sure what we’re gonna do when Chris Evans gets married. Unless it’s to Hayley Atwell? Then we’re all going to sob fandom tears…

      1. aramblingfancy +4

        Oh my gosh remember when he got drunk and just rambled on in an interview about how great Hayley Atwell is? I honestly would cry giant fandom tears for days and days.

  29. zachariahary +31

    This is a masterpiece.
    That I am going to recreate when I get home tonight.
    Also, for all you folks who didn’t make it past the first page, you’ve barely scratched the surface of Nicole Cliffe’s obsessive genius. You don’t even know that ani di franco shows up for #92 with “Untouchable Face” and that the penultimate song is “Call It Off” by Tegan and Sara. Why would you willingly live in such ignorance??

  30. caitrin +29

    Look, fer real, I feel really strongly about organizing a mournful gathering set to these tunes. Vintage, tea- and tobacco-stained wedding dresses for all. Mass keening at regular intervals.

  31. soeffingclassy +9

    My only, only bone to pick with this work of Pure Genius is the lack of inclusion of “Silver Springs,” because Stevie forever.

  32. jlper +9

    She’s Got You – Patsy Cline
    Crazy – Patsy Cline
    Heartaches – Patsy Cline
    Lovesick Blues – Patsy Cline
    Bird on a Wire – Leonard Cohen

    1. caitrin +6

      I really did listen to this on repeat after my first heartbreak at sixteen. Writhing on the floor, looking out any and all windows with such GRAVITY, admiring my beautiful tears in the mirror…all of it. He’s now my best friend, and we’ve giggled about it.

  34. youremomdotcom +35

    I feel like the Paul Simon interlude on Page 2 is where she really starts spiralling. This is so great.

  35. Billy1490 +9

    Seriously though this is my new break-up playlist (will be played frequently as I am a little intense and get dumped more often than I get asked out, if that’s even possible).

  38. MsNormaDesmond +9

    I actually gasped when I saw how long this list was! Bravo, Nicole! We’re all here for you, and weeping, too.

  39. alicia +1

    I feel like just as a matter of principle there should be something from The Wedding Present on here, maybe after “Fuck and Run” for thematic flow. How about “Heather”:
    What made you want to take him there?
    What made you think I wouldn’t care?
    And did you walk from the town into the heather
    To where we used to lie down when we were together?

  41. superineficaz +44

    1. You should probably just play that whole Sarah Harmer album tbh

    2. One of my most cherished memories in life is of hanging out my first-year dorm room window, smoking, when I hear a voice drift in from across the quad:

    FUCK YOU
    A pause, some unintelligible muttering and shushing from a second unseen party.
    AND YOUR UNTOUCHABLE FACE
    I am not yet convinced this is really happening.
    AND FUCK YOU…
    I feel a chill.
    FOR EXISTING IN THE FIRST PLACE
    I start shaking.
    AND WHO AM I, THAT I SHOULD BE VYING FOR YOUR…
    And then I had to put out my cigarette and go inside because I was laughing so hard I was worried I’d lose my balance and fall three storeys to my death.

    My partner is convinced that the lesbians who used to live next door would fight using actual Tegan and Sara lyrics, but I never heard it and sadly can’t corroborate.

    1. hugpunch +15

      “Go!”
      “..please stay!”
      “GO.”
      “…please staaay!”
      “GO IF YOU WANT, I CAN’T STOP YOU!”

    2. zachariahary +21

      One of my favorite things in this world is unexpectedly slamming my hands down on a table and saying to my best friend, “Goddamn it, [his name]! … Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t find me attractive!” Just so he can look soulfully back and say “Only if you’ll look me in the heart and tell me you won’t go…” Which generally dissolves into us both belting out as much of “Where Does the Good” as we can get through before someone tells us to shut the hell up.

    3. angrypedestian +8

      Just the thought of that happening may be the greatest gift Ani DiFranco has given us.

    4. thebellewitch +9

      Did you go to UC Santa Cruz? Because I can so imagine this happening at UC Santa Cruz.

      PS I had VERY STRONG FEELINGS about this song as a teenager and am still 100% okay with belting it out in my car as a boringly married 31-year-old.

      1. Shay +6

        Oh my. Someone appears to have stolen my identity and is using it to post comments on The Toast.

  42. westernstudies +5

    omg this is amazing

    (but i might recommend the inclusion of way more hank williams because nobody does sad breakup songs like hank)

  43. ahnie +8

    This list is perfect as is – especially with all the Patty Griffin!
    My personal list would also include “I Can’t Make You Love Me” Bonnie Raitt; “Stick in the Mud” The Jayhawks; “Your Face” Cliff Eberhardt; and something off of Norah Jones’ first album.

  44. thecaitd +9

    I love the amount of Rilo Kiley and Tegan and Sara here because that was the soundtrack to my teen angst, which I recently revived to help me get over a breakup, and it’s all just so RELEVANT, man.

    1. donkeywork +14

      “send in those soulful and doleful, schmaltz by the BOWLful *chokes* clowns…” Gets me every time.

  47. crickwooder +4

    That Lee Ann Womack song came on when I started my truck yesterday. The universe is sometimes supportive in the way only a best friend can be.

  49. meanchelled +41

    WELL I’VE BEEN AFRAID OF CHANGING
    CAUSE I’VE BUILT MY LIFE AROUND YOU
    BUT TIME MAKES YOU BOLDER
    EVEN CHILDREN GET OLDER
    AND I’M GETTING OLDER TOO
    OH I’M GETTING OLDER TOO

    1. Catandrist +4

      I saw them at MSG last month and the raw emotion at being in the same space as Stevie just bubbled over when they played Landslide. I was a blubbering mess, belting out every word with tears streaming down my face. My husband turned, puzzled, and asked “Are you crying?” “YES! SHHH! DON’T INTERRUPT US!”

  50. ancientdame +2

    Beauty, indeed.

    I would add “100,000 Fireflies” – Superchunk cover, “Last Goodbye” – Jeff Buckley, “These Days” – Jackson Browne, and “No One Will Ever Love You” – Nashville soundtrack. Also, “Get Disowned” by Hop Along, my current add-to-every-playlist song.

  52. sulagna0 +1

    !!! I’ve only heard of the Madonna song. But I guess this kind of playlist wouldn’t have too much electronica or movie soundtrack music…

    All of Tumblr is right there with you, Nicole <3

  54. scullymurphy +12

    Can this please become a regular feature and be sponsored by one of the streaming services so that Nicole gets lots more $$ for her genius?

  56. carolinewz +3

    I believe now that Etta James time-traveled to the future and wrote “All I Could Do Was Cry” about the Cumberwedding.

  57. Misst_123 +6

    >15. “On My Own,” Les Misérables

    OF COURSE

    >(the original London cast recording)

    also of course.

  59. laylapalooza +3

    I have cried to at least 80% of these songs during breakups. THANK YOU.

    Also, I am super excited that Move On is the last song. Yes yes yes. And all of the k.d. lang covers from Hymns of the 49th Paralell!

  60. silverandsnow +1

    You included ‘Leather and Lace’ and therefore this list must be perfect. Got me some music-buying to do.

  61. Catandrist +5

    tell you the truth I prefer the worst of you
    too bad you had to have a better half
    she’s not really my type
    but I think you two are forever
    and I hate to say it, but you’re perfect together

    oh gaaaaaaaad 18 year old me got all misty upon the inclusion of Untouchable Face

  63. bmorganjoy +2

    oh my GOD Nicole
    I love that it’s filed under “Beauty”; I dunno why I find that preposterous man so pretty but it’s a thing I hate about myself.

  64. KittasaurusRex

    oh my GOD Nicole
    I love that it's filed under "Beauty"; I dunno why I find that preposterous man so pretty but it's a thing I hate about myself.

  65. niamhlovesbooks +1

    Ehmmm, I’ve never heard of Kathleen Edwards in my life, but surely ‘Back To Me’ should be the signature Toast anthem? Love it!

  66. Sean Demory

    Good lord. Here’s hoping it’s a Catholic wedding, so you’ll have time for the whole list.

    May I humbly suggest that you add “The Speed of Pain” by Marilyn Manson as your “slump to the ground, silently sobbing” song? It’s a good ‘un for that purpose. Yep:

    I wish I could sleep
    But I can’t lay on my back
    Because there’s a knife
    For everyday that I’ve known you

    When you want it
    Goes away too fast
    Times you hate it
    Always seems to last

    Just remember
    When you think you’re free
    The crack inside your fuckin’ heart is me

  69. clitemnestra +1

    True beauty.

    Where all my jazz standards/torch songs at? The Man That Got Away, Stormy Weather…