Link Roundup -The Toast

There is a disappointing number (ONLY SEVEN) of sub-categories in the “Magic Spells” Wikipedia page, please fix

“Maud Gonne played a public role in the struggle for Irish independence, but her life also included private tragedy. Her grief over a child who died at the age of two inspired an unpublished poem by W B Yeats – and she was so desperate to reincarnate the boy that she had sex in his tomb.”

Okay, I need to read a book about her right now. It does not have to include the tomb sex portion as it seems like the rest of her life was still fascinating, but I wouldn’t not read a whole chapter about the tomb sex, because oh my god, the human heart.

I am 100% convinced that the blonde dude in the cravat is either Loki himself or at the very least a thousand-year-old vampire doing his absolute best to disguise himself as a regular human while he checks in on the ceremony. No way has that dude not tasted human blood, is what I’m saying.

LOOK AT HIM YOU CANNOT CONVINCE ME THIS IS A MODERN MORTAL WEARING ITS OWN SKIN

I feel just enormous warmth for this dude and Emily the Strange next to him. I know exactly what kind of friends we would have been in high school, and how harmless most of their eccentricities would have been. We would have talked about swords a lot.

One of the most common cure-alls was snake oil, and its less than sterling efficacy soon lent its name as a generic to all such fraudulent hoaxes. The epithet endures: A quick search for “snake oil” on the Internet reveals that it still refers almost exclusively to something worthless and fake. But some of those original itinerant salesmen may have peddled actual Chinese snake oil, and those who did may not have been fraudulent after all.

WELL I’LL BE

Contradictory Ideas I Am Capable Of Entertaining In The Same Head At The Same Time

1. Everyone is too hard on everyone else about the size and shape and function of their bodies, and it would do us all a world of good to simply lay off.

2. I really, really hope Rihanna is actually refusing to date Leonardo DiCaprio until he goes on a diet for her.

He spends 900% of his time dating models in bulk and looking sleepy, I love the idea of a woman actually making a request of him so much. “Leonardo, I’m sorry, but I have extremely rigorous physical standards. I can’t date a man who can’t fireman-carry me to safety off of a yacht in case of emergency.”

This is only okay to do hypothetically to Leonardo DiCaprio, though. Nobody else gets to do this, just so we’re clear.

There’s an interesting idea here – “detox-style eating” as conspicuous consumption – but I feel like it ends just where it should have been getting into some serious reporting. Someone write a longer version of this, please!

Put in an offer on a house today, why haven’t they sold me the house yet, what’s taking so long, I should be there right now, give me your real estate advice you guys

Gonna need some of these:

Execration texts, also referred to as Proscription Lists, are ancient Egyptian hieratic texts, listing enemies of the Pharaoh, most often enemies of the Egyptian state or troublesome foreign neighbors. The texts were most often written upon statuettes of bound foreigners, bowls, or blocks of clay or stone, which were subsequently destroyed. The ceremonial process of breaking the names and burying them was intended to be a sort of sympathetic magic that would affect the persons or entities named in the texts. The fragments were usually placed near tombs or ritual sites.

“Grandma Wiwi shows up at Elliott’s house the next day with 42 of her closest black friends and family to go swimming in Elliott’s pool. You know black people, always randomly appearing in dozens to swim in your pool uninvited. I feel like this is the scene where the writers really wanted to break stereotypes.”

lolllllll for, if not ever, certainly a prolonged period of time

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.

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houblonchouffe 123p · 530 weeks ago

OMG I always wondered who Maud Gonne was. Thanks, The Cranberries and Mallory, because now I will have the line of a song from 1992 in my head alllll day long.

Link Roundup

ByDaniel Mallory Ortberg

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