Okay, so I only occasionally and sporadically encounter the following variations on pronunciation in the wild, and thus far they seem to have no rhyme or reason. They don’t always go together; they’re never associated with the same regional accent, and I cannot understand where it is that anyone learns to talk like this. It astonishes me. Can any of you shed some light on this for me?

• Pronouncing the word “humor” like “yoo-mor” (because, okay, no one, even the people who do that, pronounce “human” like “yoo-man,” so it’s not even consistent!)
• Pronouncing the word “mature” like “mah-toor” (rhymes with door)
• Ditto “ama-toor” for amateur
• Putting the word “an” in front of words that start with h, like “an house” or “an historic event.” You’re PRONOUNCING the h! It’s not a silent h! Whence the an, friend?
• Saying “schedule” like “shedule,” obviously, but I feel like no one does this except as kind of a self-conscious joke, so maybe it doesn’t count?

There is not a wrong way to have an accent, I did not come here to yell at the yumorists, I merely seek to understand. (IT’S TERRY GROSS, ISN’T IT. SHE GOT TO ALL OF YOU.)