“Totally Penis”: Happy Paul F. Tompkins Friday

by Mallory Ortberg · January 22, 2016

“I’ve never had a glass of water in my life.”

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.


45 Comments

  1. twoburgers +56

    Paul F. Tompkins is a national treasure, and my husband’s greatest ambition in life is to become his friend.

    1. eeeface +38

      My greatest ambition is to become his niece somehow? I just think he’d be the best uncle.

      1. Mowinda +10

        I really want him to be my grandpa! I know he’s not old enough for that but I think he’d be into it

  2. Either_Ada +65

    Please continue to have Paul F. Tompkins Fridays. He is a delight wrapped up in a bespoke suit and dipped in literary references, and I will watch anything he appears in.

    1. rolotomassi5 +10

      Don’t forget his totally contagious booming laugh.

      Also, is it just me or does the Google Doodle of Wilbur Scoville for today look exactly like him?

      1. mandarinmarie +12

        My favorite thing in any podcast ever is PFT laughing in the background, off mic, before he even starts being part of the podcast.

    1. eeeface +9

      Really? I hadn’t heard that despite listening to him on loads of podcasts, and his wikipedia entry says he dropped out of Temple in Philly.

      1. daisymerolling +4

        I may be wrong but I read this somewhere and I think he mentioned it on Professor Blastoff.

        1. eeeface +2

          PFT totally read your comment!

          Also, I downloaded that ep of Professor Blastoff, and it was indeed super confusing! I got that they were doing a bit about Harvard alumni always saying “I went to school in Boston”, but the bit seemed to have started off-mic and I also totally couldn’t tell if they were referencing him actually going to Harvard.

          1. daisymerolling +1

            I mean…..as far as misconceptions go, this one didn’t turn out too bad!
            I was 12 when I first heard that episode, I was not as learned as I am today.

    2. lrljhnsn +5

      wait, so his entire bit about going to college to avoid getting yelled at…………..he was talking about fuckin HARVARD?

    1. Katiezog +4

      Bless you. I immediately thought “OLD MAN PERIWINKLE!!”. I’m sad that this is the only clip 🙁

    2. happysadcat +2

      OH GOD. When he falls back and clutches the guy’s shoulder. Also DAT SUIT. Thank you for this, thank you the most.

  9. lrljhnsn +17

    the word “Detroit” should not be as funny as it is in this video.

    (also endless love for PFT, please let this be a regular thinggggggggg.)

  10. juanformababy +12

    I have to say I didn’t totally (penis) get the PFT thing until I started listening to his Spontaneanation podcast… what a charming man!

    1. Builtahouse +6

      SPONTANEANATION truly one of my favorite podcasts now, after only subscribing recently.

      The best way I can describe it to others is “it’s the closest thing to replicating stage contagious fun that make-believe stories give you as a child.”

    2. rhiannonevelyn +8

      I’ve got a soft spot for Cake Boss (Cake Boss!) but I’ll go with Paul wherever he wants to go (I mean this with regard to characters but I also mean it with regard to real life).

  12. EmElBee +7

    I’m going to see No You Shut Up live next week and now I am even more excited. If that was possible.

    Paul F. Tompkins–National Treasure.

  13. stormvalkyrie +11

    Oh man, I could go on and on about PFT for ages. He’s so funny AND he seems like a genuinely kind and decent human being. I sat a few seats away from him at an SF Sketchfest performance recently and was as star-struck as I have ever been. The laugh, it is real!

  14. mamclaugh835 +9

    Paul is the love of my life. There’s a portrait of him hanging in my bedroom. Not kidding.

  17. AKA +9

    Let us not overlook his incredible work as Mr. Peanutbutter on Bojack, nor the fact “Pod F. Tomcast” will make me titter until I’m in the ground.

  19. hussified +19

    You guys! Can I boast here to the Toast? Paul F is my cousin! He and my mom are first cousins, (in fact, my aunts and uncles are the ones he references in his “Go Ask Alice” bit). His mom and my grandmom were sisters, and the families lived next door to each other for years. Paul is really that good of a guy, I’m happy to say. He worked his ass off for years, and I’m thrilled for his success.