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Home: The Toast

“Thank you for your time and for your goodwill.”

“I am happy to either confirm or deny your question.”

“Sincerely, [your full name here].”

“I look forward to remembering this conversation later.”

“I have, as do you, eyes.”

“You seem to like the other people here, and I can’t distinguish your enthusiasm for them from your enthusiasm for this conversation. That’s not a criticism.”

“Are you cheerfully enduring this interaction, or a willing participant? I can’t distinguish good humor from genuine interest. Give me a sign.”

“I have a related anecdote, which I will now relate, unless you wish otherwise.”

“I AM LISTENING TO YOU VERY MUCH BUT I’M ALSO TERRIFIED THAT YOU’LL WANT ME TO START TALKING”

“I hope you will consider me as a future conversational hub later in the evening, after you have exhausted your other opportunities.”

“Your hair looks so good that I want to change my entire life. Please don’t feel emotionally responsible for my well-being after hearing that.”

“Have you noticed how much I am nodding? Can I stop now?”

“I want desperately to establish common personal ground between the two of us.”

“Please make it clearer which reaction you want me to have before I make a mistake.”

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