By Julia McCloy

Julia McCloy is a writer working in Memphis. Her work has appeared on McSweeney's Internet Tendency. She prefers laughing to pretty much anything.

  1. Tip 1:

    Kitties and puppies should have comfortable feet. Four of them! Even on sexy Halloween night! Make sure their costume doesn't have heels that are too high—even if your cat has calico legs that go all the way up in her Katy Purry costume. Your cat can't say thank you for it, but if you move your cat's jaw and mumble "thank you," it is almost the same thing!

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