Two friends and I had a blog called Don’t Do That where we ranted about things we liked and didn’t like. We didn’t like white tights or pantyhose with open-toed shoes. This did not go over well with a certain group, who expressed their displeasure through dozens of comments that boiled down to “you are ugly, hose are great, allow me to say this in the creepiest way possible.” Three years after we abandoned the blog, we still get one or two comments a month. That’s dedication. Which is why I decided to pay, um, tribute?–sure, let’s go with tribute–to them by remaking their insults into a poem.
and they look great with shorts
fabrics today make them easier
you would never wear pantyhose for your boyfriend husband?
guys want girls to be girls not this
politicly lesbian correct
society that we live in
I think it’s fairly representative of men as a whole population
it is not a question of yes or no
they are making a come back
most look awful, especially their knees
I’ve personally seen
have you ever seen a woman
that is wearing some type of hose
what a dillusional hose-hater
trying to make women less sexy and appealing by trying to brainwash them
(I wear pantyhose everyday even in the summer with sandals)
its somewhat a part of the
to get women not to wear hose as little as possible
(I wear shorts with hose as well)
pantyhose are the most sexiest piece of clothing a woman can wear
wearing pantyhose with sandals also tends to keep your feet clean
maybe it’s a weird fetish thing?
llustrator: Esther C. Werdiger writes, draws, and podcasts in New York. She’s not quitting her day job, because that’s how she has her visa.