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Home: The Toast

This post is brought to you by MyEvilTwin, and is spiritually dedicated to the eternal majesty of the late Edward Gorey and also how much we don’t like Elf on a Shelf.

A is for Ann skewered on a holly stake

B is for Brighton who ate the fruitcake

C is for Clio dismembered by cat

D is for Dylan by dinos stomped flat

E is for Ella by nutcracker smashed

F is for Freya whose wee elf sled crashed

G is for Gabe whose stomach exploded

H is for Herb whose toy gun was loaded

I is for Ike who thought pills were candy

J is for Jae didn’t know nog had brandy

K is  for Kade who froze in the icebox

L is for Lila smashed by falling blocks

M is for Maddox by candle aflame

N is for Nyla slammed in window frame

O is for Ollie by icicle brained

P is for Pippa on a garland hanged

Q is for Quartz’s peanut allergy

R is for Ron fried by lights on the tree

S is for Sasha in stocking smothered

T is for Tai from plumbing recovered

U is for Ute by CD beheaded

V is for Val in snowbank embedded

W is for Winston devoured by Prancer

X is for Xin whose screams found no answer

Y is for Yon by angel figure crushed

Z is for Ziv in figgy pudding mushed

Lyette Mercier actually loved all of these jobs, except for the one with the rats.

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