This post is brought to you by MyEvilTwin, and is spiritually dedicated to the eternal majesty of the late Edward Gorey and also how much we don’t like Elf on a Shelf.
A is for Ann skewered on a holly stake
B is for Brighton who ate the fruitcake
C is for Clio dismembered by cat
D is for Dylan by dinos stomped flat
E is for Ella by nutcracker smashed
F is for Freya whose wee elf sled crashed
G is for Gabe whose stomach exploded
H is for Herb whose toy gun was loaded
I is for Ike who thought pills were candy
J is for Jae didn’t know nog had brandy
K is for Kade who froze in the icebox
L is for Lila smashed by falling blocks
M is for Maddox by candle aflame
N is for Nyla slammed in window frame
O is for Ollie by icicle brained
P is for Pippa on a garland hanged
Q is for Quartz’s peanut allergy
R is for Ron fried by lights on the tree
S is for Sasha in stocking smothered
T is for Tai from plumbing recovered
U is for Ute by CD beheaded
V is for Val in snowbank embedded
W is for Winston devoured by Prancer
X is for Xin whose screams found no answer
Y is for Yon by angel figure crushed
Z is for Ziv in figgy pudding mushed