Hootie & The Blowfish was the first concert I ever went to.

They had that one song where he goes “Oooh ahh ooh” I think.

They had that other one where you sort of get the impression he’s batting his eyelashes at you.

They had that one where it sounds like he’s smiling a lot.

I was somewhere between 5 – 8 years old.

The Blowfish had a trumpet or trombone player or maybe both.
The Blowfish had a guitar player and a drummer.

Most of this probably isn’t exactly how it happened but it feels close.

Hootie was playing a free show at the local town center.

I knew of Hootie & The Blowfish because the head janitor at my school had a band that covered them.

I remember getting out of class to go to the school gym and watch our head janitor sing to us.

He would sing to us and he would play his guitar along with his buddies/jamming partners.

I remember being really excited.

I remember feeling sure they were going to make it and he was no longer going to be our janitor.

I’m realizing now that that must have been my first concert and I had remembered wrong.

The Hootie & The Blowfish cover band was my first concert and not Hootie & The Blowfish.

My second concert was Hootie & The Blowfish for free in my town’s town center.

Hootie was brought to us as a promotional event for a radio show based in Washington DC.At the time I really liked Washington DC because it had all the presidents.

This was long before House of Cards, maybe 10-15 years.

The Jack Diamond Morning Show was the name of the radio show.

The Jack Diamond Morning Show had brought Hootie to our town.

They were doing a live radio show in the middle of our town center to bring us culture.

Our town center had a movie theater for culture purposes already but Hootie was a nice addition.

I remember thinking Jack Diamond bringing us culture would become a new regular thing.

The Jack Diamond Morning show starred a DJ named Jack Diamond.

Everyone wasn’t a DJ back then.

Jack Diamond seemed like a cool guy and I looked up to him.

I was grateful he made this event happen.

I listened to him every morning on the way to school.

He wore sunglasses and a baseball cap over his gray hair the day of the concert/live radio show.

The girl co-hosts seemed to flirt with Jack Diamond which I thought was cool.

They seemed like cool girl co-hosts but they were too old for me.

Maybe 10-15 years.

I think Rihanna likes things that shine bright like Jack Diamond.

The morning show went on for about half an hour before Hootie performed.

I was sitting in the back with my mom and my brother.

I remember when Jack Diamond left the stage and Hootie finally came on.

I remember the rush I felt when I saw Hootie for the first time.

A group of people rushed to the front. My mom and brother and me stayed seated in the back.

I wanted to run up there and get as close to Hootie as possible but my mom was worried.

I remember thinking that someday maybe I would be older and I’d be able to get close to Hootie.

I remember Hootie made some sort of joke before playing because I remember laughing.

I don’t know what he said.

I think he made a joke about his hotel room.

I don’t know.

I remember him playing the hits.

I think there’s one about a “little woman” but that might be someone else.

I remember being very into this.

As I gazed upon Hootie’s shiny smile from my back row seat I decided I liked music.

I remember thinking that someday maybe I would be older.

Maybe I would want to get close to someone else.

Jeff Mangum of Neutral Milk Hotel was the last concert I went to.

Jeff Mangum came to a town near my town.

I knew I had to go see him.

I knew I needed to be able to tell people I saw Jeff Mangum Live!

When I’m 40 like Paul Rudd in that movie I will tell people I saw Jeff Mangum Live!

This will make me feel alive again.

Future 20-somethings will be OK with me because I was once somebody.

I got to the concert just as the opening band was starting.I worked my way to the front.

I didn’t want to get close to them but I had to reserve a spot.

I waited for them to be over.

Jeff Mangum walked on stage 20 minutes later and sat down next to his row of 4 guitars.

He had long brown hair and a long brown beard with some gray in it.

Somebody next to me said Jeff Mangum looked like a holy figure.

When he appeared the crowd began to scream as if he was Michael Jordan or Selena Gomez.

Jeff Mangum meant a lot to this crowd.

Jeff Mangum started with, “Holland, 1945.”

Jeff Mangum broke a string while playing, “Holland, 1945.”

He continued to sing and just grabbed another guitar without missing a note.

The crowd cheered as if he was Michael Jordan and had just made a game-winning shot.

The crowd cheered as if he was Selena Gomez just arriving to the premiere of Spring Breakers.

Jeff Mangum played, “Oh Comely.”

A mosh pit started during “Oh Comely.”

Girls started throwing their bras on stage during “Oh Comely.”

Jeff Mangum would sometimes have to stop playing songs to switch guitars and drink water.

During this time people would shout things out to him as if he was Michael Jordan.

The crowd would say things to Jeff Mangum as if he was Selena Gomez.

“You’re the reason I started playing music.”

“Will you sign my vinyl?”

“I named my daughter Communist.” “Should we discuss morality in the same way we discuss art?”

“Should we discuss art in the same way we discuss what we personally think is cool or uncool as those are easier terms to work around?”

“I’ve learned all your songs on my acoustic guitar.”

“I don’t think I believe in morality because with DNA and upbringing and other influences accounting for all of our actions how can we be at fault for anything?”

“I had sex to your music about Anne Frank.”

“Do you think that celebrities/‘internet identities’ sort of serve as a code with loaded meaning or a quick symbol for saying a lot more like you can know someone has read this that and whatnot if they write a short story entitled, ‘Marie Calloway?’”

“Can you look at me?”

“Right now I see celebrity names as ‘ideas’ and ‘internet identities’ on tumblr etc as celebrities. We can wear ‘Ryan Gosling’ instead of ‘Ralph Lauren.’ I heard on Good Morning America that online bullying is a huge problem but I feel like there is an ‘idea’ of these internet identities that people are actually ridiculing and criticizing. Since you wrote a whole album about a 15 year-old-girl, I’m curious how you would suggest talking about the idea of celebrities/internet personalities without hurting the person behind the identity. How do you make social commentary on the “Ed Hardy aesthetic” when Ed Hardy is a 15-year-old girl with a popular tumblr?”

Jeff Mangum just smiled and thanked the crowd for coming out.

I heard someone saying that she felt Jeff Mangum really truly meant it when he said he was glad.

Jeff Mangum couldn’t be with us forever.

He disappeared briefly but we knew he would come back at least one more time.

That’s how it works.

Jeff Mangum played a one song encore of, “In The Aeroplane Over The Sea.”

Jeff Mangum’s song caused people to take out lighters and link arms and sway back and forth. I left the venue and drove my friends home.

We listened to “ADD SUV” by Uffie.

I don’t remember much of Hootie & The Blowfish.

Maybe someday I will be older.

And I won’t remember much of anything at all.