Previously: The Comment Section For Every Article Ever Written About Intimate Grooming.
1. Why don’t restaurants just tack on a service charge and distribute it to the staff, and then they can all live equitably together in a cooperative housing development with a chore wheel, as they do in Europe? Wouldn’t that work better?
2. Yes, because European waiters are renowned the world over for their tact and lack of condescension. SMDH.
3. If we get rid of tipping, by what mechanism will I be able to goad an attractive younger woman into letting me vaguely sexually harass her for forty minutes twice a week?
4. Tipping originally stood for “To Insure Prompt Service.”
5. You’re supposed to tip 20% now? I can’t afford that, we’re in a goddamn recession.
6. DON’T GO OUT TO EAT THEN.
7. I tip 10-15% on the pre-tax amount for adequate service, 20% for excellent service, which I have never received, and I will leave a single dime if my server displeases me.
8. If you tip less than 15%, you are actually stealing from your server. In addition, mistakes are never the server’s fault, it is always the fault of the kitchen. All servers are Helen Hunt in As Good As It Gets.
9. I had a server throw a glass of water in my face once because I asked for a new one without a lipstick stain.
10. She was probably having a really hard day.
11. I am a server, and you really need to tip thirty percent after tax. If you do not do this, you’re eating a lot of spit.
12. Servers don’t actually spit in your food. That’s just something people say.
13. No, it’s not.
14. Do you tip your dentist? Your coal miner?
15. It is no more work to open a $500 bottle of wine than a $10 one.
16. “I don’t tip because society says I have to. All right, if someone deserves a tip, if they really put forth an effort, I’ll give them something a little something extra. But this tipping automatically, it’s for the birds. As far as I’m concerned, they’re just doing their job.” – MR PINK
17. They had a tip jar out at my dry cleaner’s yesterday, and it made me so angry I wanted to literally rip out someone’s throat and bathe in their hot blood.
18. Canadians are the worst tippers.
19. Did you know that in many restaurants, servers refer to black people as “Canadians” so they can complain about them loudly and freely?
20. Black people are the worst tippers, though. That’s why when I get a party of black people, I’m deliberately surly and provide lackluster service and make them flag me down for the check.
21. No, groups of middle-aged white women on their way home from church are the worst tippers.
22. I think we’re all agreed that old people are both the worst tippers and the most demanding.
23. Why don’t servers want to get rid of tips, if it sucks so much?
24. Because our lives are difficult and long, like your own, and some nights the hope that the monotony might be punctuated with an unexpectedly large tip is the only thing that keeps me from stabbing people who want to split their check in uneven amounts.
25. Sounds like you have a shitty job. Maybe you should go to school and get a better one?
26. “I’m very sorry the government taxes their tips, that’s fucked up. That ain’t my fault. It would seem to me that waitresses are one of the many groups the government fucks in the ass on a regular basis. Look, if you ask me to sign something that says the government shouldn’t do that, I’ll sign it, put it to a vote, I’ll vote for it, but what I won’t do is play ball. And as for this non-college bullshit I got two words for that: learn to fuckin’ type, ’cause if you’re expecting me to help out with the rent you’re in for a big fuckin’ surprise.” – MR PINK
27. I hope your tiny dick falls off and I step on it with my four-inch heels that I wear because guys tip more when I wear heels.
28. This thread has been closed for review by a moderator.
Tags: comment sections, humor, strawmen, tipping
29. Servers only make $2.35 an hour!
29.a. Employers have to make up the difference if they don’t make it in tips, though!
29.c. YEAH BUT THEY NEVER DO
Dying. Dying dying dying.
#17, if you feel the need to rip out someone’s throat and bathe in their hot blood, please make sure you pick #7. Thanks much.
You’re missing the European posting about how they don’t understand tipping, and it’s so nice to not have to think about tips, and did Americans ever think of paying servers more and getting rid of tipping? Because they should do that.
sub out European for Australian, and you got my comment! haha.
No, I try to tip decently, but I’m sure I’ve accidentally stiffed someone because I am also just generally terrible with numbers (I usually whisper to my dining companion/s to help me out and make sure I’m leaving an OK amount)
No, I agree. I’m Canadian and the reason Canadians tip badly is because standard Canadian tipping is 5% less than American tipping and I don’t think most Canadians realize it
Are you Canadian or “Canadian”?
I am Canadian, we tip 15% in small cities, 20% in large (on average).
As a fellow Canadian, I would agree that in Canada, %15 is pretty standard. Minimum wage for servers tends to be a lot closer (or in some cases the same) as regular minimum wage.
Yeh, the minimum wage (in my province) is $10.25 or $9.00 if you serve liquor. I tip 10-15% here, depending (sometimes 14% + change if it’s easier to double the 7% GST)
GST is 5%.
Oh yeh, I was thinking of PST which is 7%… but that doesn’t even apply to restaruants sooo… I dunno what I tip. I just let my phone tell me most of the time! haha
As an inveterate comment reader, I am a) totally disillusioned about the state of humanity and b) a big fan of this series.
I know the first rule of the internet is “Don’t read the comments” and the second rule is “No, seriously, DON’T READ THE COMMENTS” but I can never help myself. Ugh, people. They are THE WORST.
I was reading some comments earlier — some article on immigration, fiscal policy, maybe Syria, I forget — and I realized it’s actually really helpful for formulating policy positions because after reading them my preferred option is always “global thermonuclear war.”
I want to vote up your comment eleventy billion times.
Obligatory communal rage re: crazy evangelicals who leave tracts or fake money with religious messages on them in place of actual tips.
Those guys really ARE the worst.
As if Jesus is going to pay their rent.
My treasure is in heaven, not on this table.
Holy shit, people DO that???
This is one of several variants I’ve seen around the internet. This one is especially fuck-you-esque, because of the whole “Disappointed?” bullshit. Jesus won’t let you down (but his followers apparently will!)
It’s a good thing I have never been a server, because after 8+ hours on my feet, I would MURDER THAT CUSTOMER SAVAGELY.
oh yes. OH YES. see, their folksy niceness is all the compensation a server needs!
Well, #6 is true.
Amen to that.
Hi, #6 here, standing by it! I think people should factor in tipping before they decide to go into a sit-down-and-get-served-by-someone restaurant and if they don’t want to pay for that, then they should go to a fast-food restaurant where tipping isn’t part of the deal.
Also, I went to college with Mr. Pink, and after a single round of “I’m fighting the man by screwing my server” I never invited him to dinner again.
These are always amazing.
In all seriousness though, is 20% for standard service still okay?
I usually round up to the nearest dollar and tip 20% of that. If service is exceptional I will tip more, and I’m pretty generous about what I consider exceptional. I also tip more if I feel I’ve been a pain in the ass. It is extremely rare that I will tip less than 20%, but when I do it’s only when the server is legitimately terrible and even then it’s never less than 15%.
Servers/former servers: am I doing it right? I could never handle waiting tables, so I admire anybody who can, and you deserve to make a decent living.
right? I would be even worse at waiting tables than I was at sales
I was actually great at retail sales. In my early- to mid-twenties worked at a full-service shoe store serving customers who mostly had wide feet and podiatric problems. A lot of them were challenging, and some of them were not that nice. I had so much patience back then, but I guess I used it all up because now I just cannot tolerate people in that kind of setting. I can’t grin and bear it when I don’t like someone anymore.
I’m a server and you’re doing it absolutely right. If someone tips even a couple dollars over 20% we notice it and appreciate it, and we will remember you. The difference between a shitty tip, a standard one, and a lovely one is usually only a few bucks.
I always tip, and tip generously, but if I’m being honest with myself living in a non-tipping country was definitely less stressful. I accidentally under-tipped on a taxi last week and I’ve been feeling like a horrible human being ever since. I’m the person reading the comments and worrying about accidentally offending someone by not tipping when I was supposed to tip because I didn’t know you guys and what I’m supposed to tip that person too and what about holiday tips and AAAAAAAAAAAH.
YES. I have the tipping servers thing down, but I get lost when it comes to tipping anyone else. A significant amount of my experience with things like paying for haircuts and taking taxis occurred in non-tipping countries, so I’m a bit clueless about how to deal with it here when the situation arises. It’s more than a bit anxiety-inducing, to be honest, because I just don’t do those things often enough to really know what I’m doing anyway and the tipping thing just makes it worse.
Haha, have you been reading The Billfold, Nicole?
My personal comments about tipping are always how tipping doesn’t exist in Japan, and everyone gets a real wage and you get good service because it is culturally expected and it is wonderful, and also my own anxiety about being poor and not tipping enough, but really I just don’t know how to do math. I always get yelled at by someone who says I should not be allowed to eat out.
I was surprised that this post left out the Math Trifecta of comments:
a) I hate tipping and find it stressful because I’m bad at math!
b) Twenty percent is just moving the decimal point and doubling, and if you can’t learn that you’re a terrible person and stupid!
c) Everybody has a calculator on their smartphones these days and if you’re too lazy to use that you’re a terrible person!
Uggggghhhhh *stress vomits
I went out with my boyfriend at the weekend, and noticed the ‘service charge not included’ after I had already paid by card. We ended up leaving £3.50 in really small change piled up in a little cairn on the table because that’s all we had on us, then ran like hell.
I just read on The Awl that it’s nearly impossible to tip a cow.
What your thoughts on tipping on the pre-tax amount? Do it or is it awful?
Ha, I was just coming down here to comment on that! I am against it. It just seems petty and cheap to me.
30. Well, actually I am a professional server that has worked in many Michelin-starred restaurants and I will tell you, I NEVER tip 20% unless the server *really* deserves it, and I know what that looks like, and most servers don’t. So I have permission to never tip, but none of you do, unless you have joined the brotherhood and dedicated your life to serving.
MR PINK!! I think I’ve gotten into an argument with him on The Guardian’s Comment is Free page a couple of times.
I find myself feeling so nervous about tipping nowadays. My husband tips EVERYONE for EVERYTHING (almost literally). I was a confident, generous tipper before we met, but now I second guess myself with everything. Do I tip the guy who brings me my sparkling water at the salon? Should I tip the airline host who serves me my package deal of red wine and combos? Do I tip taxi drivers the same amount as a server? ditto delivery people, and tip jars in take out? I feel like if I tipped EVERYONE 20% I would be a broke ass and/or would never go out and would be a sad bear.
seriously though, this is great. and I will chime in as another person born and raised in the u.s. who still finds tipping pretty confusing. people seem to enjoy being outraged that others don’t know how to tip, but how would we know? unless this behavior was modeled for us all as children? I grew up in a really fiscally conservative state and the people there do not tip very much. we had relatives cut our hair and the people to provide us services like lawn mowing or even massage therapy were most likely from our church community and were more likely to cut us a deal than expect a tip. But at the same time, my dad always tipped the skycap guys at the airport, so that was ingrained. I recently had my hair cut at a really nice salon for free by a good friend, but even though he told me it would be free I still was really anxious and asked him, “what does free really mean? do I still tip you?” and he laughed and said, no, but bring $5 to tip the attendant who washes your hair. I would have never known! It’s all relative to people’s experience and what seems obvious to some is not to others, blahblahblah. The math thing, though, I do not get. My husband never knows how to do 20% and kills me. So I guess I’m that person.
It's a good thing I have never been a server, because after 8+ hours on my feet, I would MURDER THAT CUSTOMER SAVAGELY.
Missing: __1) How much is acceptable to top on delivery? __2) Do you tip on take out?__3) How much extra do you put in when you’re splitting the bill and know your friends are shitty tippers? (Or they’re normal tippers but you dated a bartender for AWHILE and therefore your sense of appropriate tipping is hopelessly inflated.)
Yup! I hang out with a lot of bartenders, so I feel guilty if I only tip 20%. Damn you, friends!
Ugh, I can see myself making too many of these comments.
Not all of europe lives in a tip-free panacea, although we do generally tip less and for fewer services than is expected in the US.
I would totally prefer an appropriate service charge to be built into the quoted price (the way that we pay way more sales tax in the UK, but don’t notice as much because it’s not added at the till), but it’s inconsiderate not to follow local custom where tipping is built into the pricing.
Yes, I do realise I’m helping this become “The Comment Section for Every Article Ever Written About Tipping”. Sorry…
I’m Canadian and I tip like a god, not like a canoe.
YOU forgot the ****RANDoM*** capiTaliZatiON & aster*sk*s and bed speling.
It was worth reading this whole article just for the laugh I got from #7.
These are always amazing.
These are always amazing.