10. A burger available from a place which is meant to be reminiscient of fast food, but costs more and has a philosophy of some kind.
9. A burger from a place known for their indifferent service and multiple health code violations.
8. A tremendously expensive burger which involves short rib, duck confit, and a gratuitous black truffle thing.
7. Some kind of vegan burger, made of either a texturized protein product or a portobello mushroom.
6. A burger from an actual fast food restaurant, with the comment: “Sometimes you just want to keep it simple.”
5. A burger which cannot fit into a human mouth, and contains an amount of overheated fluid which cannot be contained by any napkin made by man.
4. A burger which is served between two things which are not traditionally used as buns, usually sweet in nature.
3. The burger you can only get at lunch at Peter Luger, with a proviso about the rudeness of the waiters.
2. A burger which can be purchased from a food truck by patrons who know its codename: “Fred.”
1. The burger at Corner Bistro.
Tags: burgers, food, how lists are made, lest there be any speculation I’m talking to all of y’all
11. The burger precariously grilled on a fire escape by drunk people.
The burger you owe me after making me think so much about sweet juicy burgers. *drooool*
Dude seriously. How early is too early for a burger? Can we make breakfast burgers a thing? Why aren’t they already a thing? Breakfast burritos exist, and breakfast burritos are stupid. Breakfast burgers are a much better idea.
I’ve had many a breakfast burger. Some places justify it by putting a fried egg on top, with bacon. Of course, that’s also an always burger, but it’s a breakfast burger, as well.
You, while otherwise delightful, are a misguided fool. Breakfast burritos are amazing. Breakfast burritos make sense of the world. The world continued evolving until breakfast burritos were created, and then it stopped, content to rest at this pinnacle of achievement.
It’s possible you don’t live in Texas, and therefore your ignorance is understandable, but I can’t just let it slide. You’ve been schooled; don’t make this mistake again.
It’s possible that an underwhelming breakfast burrito from my past gave me a prejudice that I’ve struggled to overcome. It’s possible that my wavering opinion of eggs comes into play. It’s possible that, given the right breakfast burrito, I would renounce my views. I’ll count on you to point the way.
Hey, I understand – happened to me and fish tacos, and now I regret all those lost years when I avoided them.
Just know – the eggs are optional. The beans are optional. The potatoes are optional. Salsa? Not optional. But there are infinite varieties of heaven in the form of breakfast burrito available. I was at Whole Foods this morning, because: it was that or Wal-Mart & I had to stock up on work lunches; their breakfast burrito menu board was 8′ x 5′ of options.
The right breakfast burrito is out there for you. Maybe it has chorizo and black beans on a flour tortilla. Maybe it’s grilled potatoes and onions with salsa and bacon on yellow corn. Just stay open, and the universe will lead you to it, because the universe loves you and wants you to be happy.
I read this comment and immediately began searching for flights from Toronto to Austin. I lived there for a brief, breakfast burrito filled two months and I have never been able to satisfy my burrito and taco cravings since then. I can’t afford to go now, but hopefully soon!
what about the burger you make at home in your underwear when you are extremely starving because you just worked out and/or you have your period?
I keep meaning to try the burger-in-krispy-kreme donut I saw on Man vs Food. My sister claims it’s not meant to be a recipe show but I disagree.
I pretty much always get burger #5., regardless of where I buy it. 4 should come with the addendum that its condiments may make you violently ill: http://newsfeed.time.com/2013/08/28/maple-bacon-j…
Hahaha, I totally found that by googling “cronut burger poisoning.”
Haha I want to shake the hand of the person who wrote the subhead: “The Cronut was innocent.”
Haha, I came down here to say the same thing about #5. The best is when the liquid is roughly the same temperature as your skin, so you don’t notice it until it’s already dripping off your elbow.
I always get it all over my boobs.
I hear you. All food ends up there! On the plus side, my lap tends to stay clean.
I walked three to four miles through DC this Saturday so I could get a Shake Shack burger and cheese fries. (I could have taken the Metro, but walking in the city is fun.) Goddamn were they delicious. Now I guess I need to go get a Five Guys cheeseburger and fries for comparison’s sake, right? ;D
You forgot the place with the famous and eccentric chef who only serves 12 burgers during one meal one day every month. That meal only occurs during the time his wife is menstruating each month, so you better scour the web and source all your well-connected foodie friends to get an idea of her cycle, and then you’ll need to camp outside the restaurant for those 5 or 6 days and be one of the first 12 in the camping line. Also she’s in her mid 40s so the burger clock is ticking.
The burger you get after you hop a plane to MPLS.
The burger you run out to Burger King for on your lunch break instead of eating that Lean Cuisine you brought because you’ve got your period and fuck it all.
I had the most delicious burger at this super hipster new place called The Haystack. It had a fried egg on top and bacon and I ONLY FINISHED HALF OF IT because my stupid cherry-sized baby is apparently taking up all of the room where food used to go. I’m not sure why this makes me angry, but I haven’t been able to finish a meal in weeks. 🙁
Don’t worry. It will come back. And then you will be delightfully alarmed at how many burgers you are compelled to consume.
Signed,
A young mother who developed an unhealthy relationship with whole grain toast and Nutella during weeks 30-41.
YES. My appetite is finally starting to come back at 15 weeks (this time – last time I was just hungry ALL THE TIME FOREVER) and also my doctor two weeks ago was like, “…you could gain some more weight,” AND SO. I had ice cream more than once per day this weekend, because hello, I am growing someone’s bones! Bones require dairy which is in ice cream! And cheese! And more ice cream!
It’s a good day when my grape-sized baby even lets me eat any meat, or food for that matter, but especially meat. Thank goodness Zofran exists. I read this thinking these would sound so good in my former, non-pregnant life but now they just make me sort of queasy with the exception of a portobello mushroom burger. That one I could do a decent day.
Basically what I am saying is that it’s frustrating seeing delicious food and not being able to eat or eat much of it so you are justifiably angry in my book. I’ve started to hate Pinterest for this reason.
I always get it all over my boobs.
I tried to recommend some burgers to a high school friend who just moved to New York and she told me she “doesn’t really eats burgers” and I literally didn’t know what to say to her.
Anyway, I’ve been to both Corner Bistro locations and neither of my burgers where good.
The burger at the Scottish-themed bar down the street because it's called the Sean Connery and comes with caramelized onions and mushrooms on top.