BEST THING I EVER BURNED WITH FIRE: my wedding dress to my first husband, about 1 year after we split. I was moving to a new apartment, and realized that I had no idea why I still had it. My friend suggested that we torch it in the old steel drum fire pit in the yard, and it felt FANTASTIC.
threlkelded+3
This is an excellent idea.
LeastBittern+3
I am happily married, and I still want to do this. That sounds amazing.
rubelang+32
Richard Cohen.
tekkah+26
Insolent potted cactus, hahahaha.
RubeksCube+6
YES. I immediately imagined myself shaking my fist at it first, then flinging it into the fire. hahaha
Janie_S+15
Whiskey bottles or GTFO.
annecara+98
The only copy of Jo’s manuscript.
NicoleCliffe+10
I like you!
threlkelded+4
Rodolfo’s play!
Robert Poste's Child+3
The sole handwritten manuscript of A Seller of Dreams.
Gryph
And now? You’re my favorite.
connorjoel+74
A rhyming advertisement for the perfect nanny to subvert the strait-laced norms of our Edwardian home.
The fleeting vestiges of our childhood belief in Sinterklaas.
Green powder to hypnotise children into abandoning Aslan.
meetapossum+6
I wish I could like this more times.
tragicallyludicrous+3
Sinterklaas is coming this weekend! I can’t wait until Joke and Joris have kids so going would be appropriate.
evieskye+9
Not a fire, but the summer I had to read East of Eden for high school English I would read the book for an hour every night and then fling it against the wall. Very cathartic.
MalloryOrtberg+6
NOOO WHY
evieskye+4
I was 15 it was… Steinbeck-y. And I was mining it for symbolism to use in my paper (grr on giant projects due on the first day of school). As I recall I used the song “When A Man Loves A Woman” to describe Cathy & that dude’s marriage.
If it helps, it’s one of those books (like Moby Dick) that have really stuck with me and I’m glad I read but I’m never going to read again.
bustedsneakers+4
The thin muslin went flaring up the chimney like a magic bird see also fixations on Angela Carter.
lizardjellybean+57
Your stepsister’s copy of Utopia.
MrsTeacherFace+11
DON’T DO IT, you monster.
meanchelled+24
IT WAS YOU WHO TOOK YOUR STEPSISTER’S WICKEDNESS, REPLACED IT WITH SYMPATHY AND PUCKISHNESS, AND HOARDED THE WICKEDNESS ALL FOR YOURSELF, MARGUERITE.
MrsHuntingCreek+16
I drove over my Statistics textbook, but now realize burning would have been more satisfying
icebergmama+14
That stupid nylon skirt for the compulsory dance recital I never really learned the steps to and kind of planned all along on calling in sick on the day.
LiterallyABee+44
Tiny effigies of all the bad things that happened this year (yes my family used to do this at winter solstice)
msjinxie+5
That is a GREAT idea but where does one get all the tiny effigies?
LiterallyABee+3
We made them out of paper and colored them with markers.
msjinxie+37
Oh, that makes sense. I guess I was hoping you’d direct me to, like, tinyeffigies.com or something.
LiterallyABee+25
TINY EFFIGIES DOT COM
msjinxie+5
OH OH OH I think I need to host a “tiny effigies to burn”-making party sometime before New Years.
icebergmama+17
fuckyeah tinyeffigies dot tumblr dot com
vmartinipie+2
Omg I would go to that party ASAP
tragicallyludicrous+2
this is an awesome idea I want to do this
stuffisthings+13
Those are more correctly described as old-timey anarchist bombs, not cartoon bombs — people really did throw bombs like that (though not usually into fireplaces) which we now only *remember* from cartoons.
Fear Biter+4
And nobody better suggest throwing in a straw hat they carelessly describe as a fedora, if they know what’s good for them, either!
Robert of Bellême+30
a glass of strong brandy when you find out that your nefarious schemes have been foiled again
anachronistique+25
I feel like the pepper grinder or sriracha would be a really good way to tear-gas yourself.
RubeksCube+1
It is. You’re basically weaponizing an already weaponized substance. I didn’t fling either into a fire, but I had to evacuate my apartment for several hours when someone decided purchasing and using that “liquid smoke” nonsense was a good idea. Culinary weapons are horrible.
elsamac+53
That book of housekeeping tips that my MIL gave me as a Christmas present last year? AHAHAHAHA, jk, too late, I threw it in the rubbish* already!
*Normally, I would give an unwanted gift to Goodwill. But this was a collection of tips gathered up from unvetted sources, and at least one of them was potentially fatal, since it suggested adding bleach to other cleaning supplies to enhance their power. It’ll enhance their power all right! ENHANCE IT TO DEATH!
dakimel+44
“How to Enhance Things to Death: A Housewife’s Guide”
tragicallyludicrous+4
this sounds like a good Deadly Women segment
madgehowlet+6
I initially read this as Goodly Dead Women, which would also be also be an entertaining thing to read.
elsamac+10
OH GOLLY I NEED TO WRITE THIS HOUSEHOLD GUIDE.
TO DEATH.
Gryph+1
This year, give her Jolie Kerr’s book. http://www.amazon.com/Boyfriend-Barfed-Handbag-Th…
deliciousrecoil+11
His letters.
mkpatter+13
The letters you fling into the fire are always either a) Dear John letters, b) secret conspiracy letters or c) news that your entire fleet of ships has sunk.
ohmygoshyouguys+7
EMPTY champagne glass.
Elsa
OH GOLLY I NEED TO WRITE THIS HOUSEHOLD GUIDE.
TO DEATH.
DoubtfulGuest+8
The ugly, uncomfortable, unflattering uniform from the job that you have just triumphantly quit! (I did not actually fling it into the fire, but I did tear it dramatically to bits after clocking out for the last time).
Madge Howlet
I initially read this as Goodly Dead Women, which would also be also be an entertaining thing to read.
Pillowtalk+2
What should we throw into the fireplace? Regret. Shame. Insecurity. Complacency. Doubt.
BEST THING I EVER BURNED WITH FIRE: my wedding dress to my first husband, about 1 year after we split. I was moving to a new apartment, and realized that I had no idea why I still had it. My friend suggested that we torch it in the old steel drum fire pit in the yard, and it felt FANTASTIC.
This is an excellent idea.
I am happily married, and I still want to do this. That sounds amazing.
Richard Cohen.
Insolent potted cactus, hahahaha.
YES. I immediately imagined myself shaking my fist at it first, then flinging it into the fire. hahaha
Whiskey bottles or GTFO.
The only copy of Jo’s manuscript.
I like you!
Rodolfo’s play!
The sole handwritten manuscript of A Seller of Dreams.
And now? You’re my favorite.
A rhyming advertisement for the perfect nanny to subvert the strait-laced norms of our Edwardian home.
The fleeting vestiges of our childhood belief in Sinterklaas.
Green powder to hypnotise children into abandoning Aslan.
I wish I could like this more times.
Sinterklaas is coming this weekend! I can’t wait until Joke and Joris have kids so going would be appropriate.
Not a fire, but the summer I had to read East of Eden for high school English I would read the book for an hour every night and then fling it against the wall. Very cathartic.
NOOO WHY
I was 15 it was… Steinbeck-y. And I was mining it for symbolism to use in my paper (grr on giant projects due on the first day of school). As I recall I used the song “When A Man Loves A Woman” to describe Cathy & that dude’s marriage.
If it helps, it’s one of those books (like Moby Dick) that have really stuck with me and I’m glad I read but I’m never going to read again.
The thin muslin went flaring up the chimney like a magic bird see also fixations on Angela Carter.
Your stepsister’s copy of Utopia.
DON’T DO IT, you monster.
IT WAS YOU WHO TOOK YOUR STEPSISTER’S WICKEDNESS, REPLACED IT WITH SYMPATHY AND PUCKISHNESS, AND HOARDED THE WICKEDNESS ALL FOR YOURSELF, MARGUERITE.
I drove over my Statistics textbook, but now realize burning would have been more satisfying
That stupid nylon skirt for the compulsory dance recital I never really learned the steps to and kind of planned all along on calling in sick on the day.
Tiny effigies of all the bad things that happened this year (yes my family used to do this at winter solstice)
That is a GREAT idea but where does one get all the tiny effigies?
We made them out of paper and colored them with markers.
Oh, that makes sense. I guess I was hoping you’d direct me to, like, tinyeffigies.com or something.
TINY EFFIGIES DOT COM
OH OH OH I think I need to host a “tiny effigies to burn”-making party sometime before New Years.
fuckyeah tinyeffigies dot tumblr dot com
Omg I would go to that party ASAP
this is an awesome idea I want to do this
Those are more correctly described as old-timey anarchist bombs, not cartoon bombs — people really did throw bombs like that (though not usually into fireplaces) which we now only *remember* from cartoons.
And nobody better suggest throwing in a straw hat they carelessly describe as a fedora, if they know what’s good for them, either!
a glass of strong brandy when you find out that your nefarious schemes have been foiled again
I feel like the pepper grinder or sriracha would be a really good way to tear-gas yourself.
It is. You’re basically weaponizing an already weaponized substance. I didn’t fling either into a fire, but I had to evacuate my apartment for several hours when someone decided purchasing and using that “liquid smoke” nonsense was a good idea. Culinary weapons are horrible.
That book of housekeeping tips that my MIL gave me as a Christmas present last year? AHAHAHAHA, jk, too late, I threw it in the rubbish* already!
*Normally, I would give an unwanted gift to Goodwill. But this was a collection of tips gathered up from unvetted sources, and at least one of them was potentially fatal, since it suggested adding bleach to other cleaning supplies to enhance their power. It’ll enhance their power all right! ENHANCE IT TO DEATH!
“How to Enhance Things to Death: A Housewife’s Guide”
this sounds like a good Deadly Women segment
I initially read this as Goodly Dead Women, which would also be also be an entertaining thing to read.
OH GOLLY I NEED TO WRITE THIS HOUSEHOLD GUIDE.
TO DEATH.
This year, give her Jolie Kerr’s book. http://www.amazon.com/Boyfriend-Barfed-Handbag-Th…
His letters.
The letters you fling into the fire are always either a) Dear John letters, b) secret conspiracy letters or c) news that your entire fleet of ships has sunk.
EMPTY champagne glass.
OH GOLLY I NEED TO WRITE THIS HOUSEHOLD GUIDE.
TO DEATH.
The ugly, uncomfortable, unflattering uniform from the job that you have just triumphantly quit! (I did not actually fling it into the fire, but I did tear it dramatically to bits after clocking out for the last time).
I initially read this as Goodly Dead Women, which would also be also be an entertaining thing to read.
What should we throw into the fireplace? Regret. Shame. Insecurity. Complacency. Doubt.
Dissertation.
Amy was always such a bitch.