Rolling Stones Songs, In Ascending Creepiness -The Toast

Previously: The Beatles, In Ascending Creepiness.

Perfectly Pleasant: “I Need You Baby (Mona)”

I tell you Mona what I wanna do
I’m gonna build a house next door to you
Can I see you sometime?
We can blow kisses through the blinds
Yeah can I out come out on the front
And listen to my heart go bumpety bump
I need you baby that’s no lie
Without your love I’d surely die

Only Vaguely Unsettling: “You Can Make It If You Try”

Sometime you had to fall
Don’t you know sometime you want to cry
Don’t it make you feel so bad sometime
You wanna lay down and die

Coming On Too Strong: “Time Is On My Side”

Now you always say
That you want to be free
But you’ll come running back (said you would, baby)
You’ll come running back (I said so many times before)
You’ll come running back to me
Oh, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
You’re searching for good times
But just wait and see

Slightly Sinister: “Grown Up Wrong”

Well, you’ve grown up all wrong, well you’ve grown up all wrong
You come on too strong, well you’ve grown up all wrong
Well, you were easy to fool when you were in school
But you’ve grown up all wrong

This Seems To Be A Recurring Theme For You (Why Would You Even Expect Her Mom To Know Those Things): “Stray Cat Blues”

I can see that you’re fifteen years old
No, I don’t want your ID
I can see that you’re so far from home
But it’s no hanging matter
It’s no capital crime
Oh yeah, you’re a strange stray cat
Oh yeah, don’tcha scratch like that
Oh yeah, you’re a strange stray cat
I bet, bet your mama don’t know you scream like that
I bet your mother don’t know you can spit like that

I Don’t Really See What Money Has To Do With This: “High and Dry”

It’s lucky that I didn’t have any love towards her
Next time I’ll make sure that the girl’ll be much poorer

No, The Age Thing Is Definitely A Thing For You: “Little Queenie”

There she is again standing over by the record machine
She’s looking like a model on the cover of a magazine
Why, she’s too cute to be a minute over seventeen
Meanwhile, I was thinking
She’s in the mood
No need to break it
I got the chance
I ought to take it

I..Hmm: “Sweet Black Angel”

But the gal’s in danger,
Yeah, the gal’s in chains,
But she keep on pushin’,
Would ya take her place?
She countin’ up the minutes,
She countin’ up the days,
She’s a sweet black angel,
Not a sweet black slave.

Some Questions Maybe Do Not Need To Be Asked: “Brown Sugar”

Scarred old slaver knows he’s doing alright
Hear him whip the women just around midnight
Brown sugar, how come you taste so good?
Brown sugar, just like a young girl should

Right-ho: “Live With Me”

Come on now, honey
Don’t you wanna live with me?
Whoa, the servants they’re so helpful, dear
The cook she is a whore
Yes, the butler has a place for her
Behind the pantry door

Well, Recyclers For One: “Yesterday’s Papers”

Who wants yesterday’s papers
Who wants yesterday’s girl
Who wants yesterday’s papers
Nobody in the world

Everyone Is Entitled To His Opinion I Guess But I’m Sure She’s Not All That Bad If You Gave Her A Chance: “Stupid Girl”

Look at that stupid girl
She bitches ’bout things that she’s never seen
Look at that stupid girl
It doesn’t matter if she dyes her hair
Or the color of the shoes she wears
She’s the worst thing in this world

This Isn’t Nearly As Fun As Uptown Girl Or Even The Backstreet Boys: “Backstreet Girl”

Don’t want you out in my world
Just you be my backstreet girl
Please don’t be part of my life
Please keep yourself to yourself
Please don’t you bother my wife
That way you won’t get no help
Don’t try to ride on my horse
You’re rather common and coarse anyway
Don’t want you out in my world
Just you be my backstreet girl

Well, They’re Not Really Her Friends Then: “Ride On, Baby”

By the time you’re thirty, gonna look sixty-five
You won’t look pretty and your friends will have kissed you goodbye