Ten Celebrities Who Should Be Given Eternal Life

by Nicole Cliffe · February 24, 2014

Screen Shot 2014-02-24 at 11.19.12 AM
I was going to do this next week, but Harold Ramis was a reminder that our time on this earth is fleeting. Put your list in the comments, I’m sad and done for the day.

1. Joni Mitchell

2. Emma Thompson

3. Phylicia Rashad

4. Buck Henry

5. Ruby Dee

6. Lauren Bacall

7. Leonard Nimoy

8. Ringo Starr

9. Martin Short

10. Catherine O’Hara

***


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141 Comments

      2. EPWordsnatcher +38

        And obviously we can’t keep Bowie without keeping Iman, so her too please. So they can be tall and happy into eternity.

      3. tragicallyludicrous +31

        I was going to say, “and David Bowie,” but I’m assuming he won’t die and will just go back to his home planet when he gets bored.

    1. cosmia +7

      I seriously get really upset thinking about David Bowie dying. I think it all started when Lou Reed passed away and now I’m like NO ALL THE WEIRD 60’S-70’S ROCKERS PLEASE STAY

  11. TiaBaheri +40

    This has been such a troubling and confusing 24 hours in terms of celebrity news. The Harold Ramis tragedy right on the heels of the Piers Morgan/Alec Baldwin fun.

    I submit Helen Mirren and Stephen Fry before the Immortal Celebrity Committee.

    1. TiaBaheri +67

      Also Pat Stew/Ian McKellen as a combo because it would be too cruel to grant one of them immortality and not the other.

        1. TiaBaheri +5

          Great minds can clearly detect that hilarious and talented British men only come in pairs and should not be separated from each other so cruelly.

    2. GreenGrasses +16

      Agreed. If the world were to loose Stephen Fry, it is unclear to me whether anyone would ever feel joy again.

      1. dakimel +1

        Fairly positive the answer is no.

        Also, my beloved Norwich Canaries would lose their best supporter, and that would be bad.

  12. robinathefirst +35

    1. Stephen Sondheim
    2. Emma Thompson
    3. Julie Andrews
    4. Margaret Atwood
    5. Elaine Stritch
    6. Tina Fey
    7. Patrick Stewart
    8. Ian McKellen
    9. Angela Bassett
    10. Bjork

    1. chnellociraptor +3

      I was just coming here to say Sondheim. I am actively dreading his death.

      OH GOD, I DIDN’T EVEN THINK OF ELAINE STRITCH.

    1. Fluffernutter +1

      I seriously begin to have a panic attack at the thought that Prince might someday die. MIGHT. We have to believe he will cheat it somehow!

    2. lightle +1

      I will be inconsolable if Bruce Springsteen dies during my lifetime. I say if because he’s in better shape now than I’ve ever been and may in fact outlive us all.

  15. robot_dinosaur +51

    Terry Pratchett and also his Alzheimer’s goes away. And Sandi Toksvig and Jeremy Hardy.

  19. ArsenioB_Ham +12

    Tom Hanks. Billy Crystal. Nthing Julie Andrews, Tina Fey, Emma Thompson, and John Goodman.

  20. tekkah +23

    1. Emma Thompson
    2. Peter S. Beagle
    3. Julie Andrews
    4. Paul McCartney
    5. J. K. Rowling
    6. Maggie Smith
    7. Christopher Lee
    8. Rachel Maddow
    9. Michael Caine
    10. Tamora Pierce

    1. cuminafterall +13

      Was going to say Paul McCartney, but I forgot he’s already dead!

      (jk <3 u Paul you’re my favorite Beatle even though What That Says About Me is kinda embarrassing)

  21. littlehuntingcreek +7

    That Swedish Hockey Team was a fine looking bunch, can we keep them too?
    Also please add Christopher Walken to the List

    1. madgehowlet +10

      I feel like if Bill Murray gets immortality, it’s going to be like the Cumaean Sybil and he’ll just older and more resigned-looking forever and that will be just perfect.

      1. tekkah +8

        Some jerk on Tumblr went and said the thing the other day, the “one day he won’t have a cameo and the movie will be dedicated to him instead” thing, and I got all misty just THINKING about it.

  25. ArsenioB_Ham +38

    Ahhh, just remembered: Alan Alda. My relationship with Hawkeye-from-M*A*S*H is so deeply entwined with my relationship with my dad when I was a kid that I am pretty sure I will cease to exist for a few days if Alan Alda leaves this world.

    3. meanchelled +14

      my mouth just dried up thinking of a day on this earth without alan alda. like will we have a national hour of MASH every day to remind us of what we once held in our hands so carelessly??!

      1. EPWordsnatcher +7

        One day Alan Alda will die, and I will take a week off from work to watch MASH and the last couple seasons of West Wing and cry endlessly.

    4. mbculver +6

      Since my dad passed away last summer, I’ve been unable to stand even seeing still photos of 70s Alan Alda in Army fatigues. Watching MASH with my dad was a staple of my early childhood; we watched the last episode together, and cried together at the final shot.

  26. Amy +8

    Mavis Staples
    Aretha Franklin
    Judi Dench
    Fran Lebowitz

    I’m not sure Fran would want eternal life, though.

  27. hemogoblins +17

    Allison Janney
    Rob Lowe (been watching a lot of The West Wing lately)
    Jon Hamm
    IDRIS ELBA
    Beyonce
    Frank Ocean
    Jessica Lange
    Robert Redford
    Lupita Nyong’o
    Neil deGrasse Tyson

      1. Janie_S +10

        His spirit and voice will be uploaded to some magical BBC computer, to narrate wildlife documentaries even unto the ending of the world … right?

    2. eiffeldesigns +11

      He was the first person to enter my mind. But I think about David Attenborough on a daily basis. And actively dread the day that we all know is coming too soon. He’s getting up in the years, Sir David is. But damn if he isn’t spry.

    3. clairebm +4

      I was waiting for someone to say David Attenborough! I get so sad when I see he’s getting old 🙁

  31. Janie_S +31

    Someone mentioned elsewhere that Gene Wilder might possibly die soon and that is TOTALLY PROFOUNDLY NOT. ALLOWED.

        1. Lyzz13 +8

          I wiki’d after I saw your 1st comment, and my immediate reaction was “THAT CAN’T BE RIGHT.”

  33. katienaum +37

    Have I missed her on here? MERYL FUCKING STREEP. Also +1ing all the Patrick Stewart/IanMcKellaning going on. Are we focusing on film and music celebrities, it seems?

  34. carol0626 +30

    1. Stephen Fry (literally would not know how to go on; would have to resort to denial)
    2. Hugh Laurie (because we need them both of course)
    3. David Attenborough
    4. Every Star Trek captain and all surviving Doctors (from Doctor Who, of course. I think if we allowed all medical doctors to live forever it would cause an overload or something)

  35. katienaum +18

    Actually the cast of every Star Trek series, now that I think of it. This is getting unwieldy.

  37. queenofbithynia +19

    Lou Reed and Peter O’Toole, and that’s all, and it’s too late. Well, Tanith Lee should have eternal life if she would like it.

    Some of the choices already listed puzzle me although perhaps they are selected in the same spirit in which I will say Joss Whedon, just only so that he may live long and repent of his sins, hanging in his jar like the Cumaean Sibyl.

    1. pollypeachum +2

      I am not even going to mention how much I cried when Peter O’Toole died. I am still mad about it.

      1. queenofbithynia +8

        The feelings I felt as an adolescent watching Lawrence of Arabia for the first time will never leave me. And then I still remember the shock I had when I read his autobiography as a very young person and first learned that his nose was the product of a scalpel and not of the mighty creative force of a just and loving god. I suppose it is very obvious if you look at it and know what nose jobs are but I was innocent of such things then. how could I feel so passionately about a feature constructed by the hand of man? it was a subject of great wonder to me. and now that nose is gone, gone.

  38. tekkah +26

    Also, here’s the list for 40 years from now when I’m pushing 70 and the people I currently believe to be pretty damned invincible start getting into the touchy elderly years:

    1. Sarah Michelle Gellar
    2. Seth Green
    3. Alyson Hannigan
    4. Chris Hemsworth
    5. Leonardo DiCaprio
    6. Claudia Black
    7. Ben Browder
    8. Claire Danes
    9. Beyonce
    10. Justin Timberlake

    Ugh someday in the far, far future the news is going to tell me that the last living member of the cast of Buffy has died and I might actually expire in my chair.

  39. m98widow +6

    Keith David. Who will voice/play all of our authoritative, twinkly eyed military officers/VPs?

    The power of his “You did good, child,” has finally wiped away the horror of “ass to ass”.

  40. blueblazes11 +11

    I assume one does not have to be “of a certain age” in order to be nominated?
    Wes Anderson
    both Coen Brothers
    Tarantino
    Spielberg
    Jeff Bridges
    Gary Oldman
    Bruce Willis

    …and Ira Fucking Glass

      2. ToTheIsLand +7

        I find it difficult to articulate to others how much I love Ira Glass and how his goofy snort-y laugh is one of my favorite things in the entire world.

        The TAL-themed Google Doodle for Valentine’s Day this year was completely and utterly up my alley.

  41. ArsenioB_Ham +26

    Mandy Patinkin

    Oh god I can’t stop thinking of people and the days of tears in my future.

      1. mbculver +2

        Patti LuPone! Although now I have a delightful mental image in my head now of Ms. Thing telling Death to go screw himself.

  42. Jessica_Messica +18

    After ten seasons of Murder, She Wrote plus, you know, all that Broadway stuff and whatever, I feel like Angela Lansbury has earned the right to choose eternal life.

  43. tekkah +17

    I’m relatively certain this wasn’t the intent of the post at all but is anyone else now unable to stop picturing themselves hearing of the deaths of their favorite people and experiencing an ever growing panic that upon the death of that one particular celebrity you cannot picture life without you might actually quit your job in an emotional fit and spontaneously morph into a sad flubber?

    1. bumbleblu +8

      When I was 13 I had a dream that Johnny Depp was killed in a car crash and ever since I have been horrifically aware that some day my favorite celebrities will die.

      So, yes. Me too.

    2. shesascreamingsuffragette +6

      This post has actually put me into an utter STATE. I know it was meant to be comforting, The Toast, but ALL THESE WONDERFUL PEOPLE, I LITERALLY CANNOT.

  44. ipomoea +14

    Amy Poehler
    all currently living members of Wu-Tang Clan
    Bjork
    Beyonce
    JOHN FUCKING GOODMAN
    Janet Jackson
    Bill Murray
    Springsteen
    Bowie
    my dog (but this needs to also involve her spine cease deteriorating because I cannot schlep a half-paralyzed greyhound up stairs for eternity)
    Anthony Stewart Head
    Mandy Patinkin and his perfect beard
    Barack and Michelle Obama. I am willing to provide some sort of human blood sacrifice to preserve them.

  46. evieskye +5

    Diana Rigg. I tear up a little just thinking about it. I am going to lose my shit when she dies. Emma Peel was such a big part of my childhood/ identity.

    And chiming in with what others have said: Patrick Srewart, Stephen Fry, Stephen Sondheim, Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Tom Lehrer

  47. bumbleblu +6

    Leonard Nimoy!

    (I have been mentally preparing myself for his passing ever since he announced he has COPD.)

    Also Patrick Stewart. Ben C. Hugh Laurie. Probably others.

    1. bumbleblu +1

      Augh. Elton John. Harrison Ford. Julie Andrews. Michael Caine.

      Oh god, no. It’s Monday, I cannot start the week out this sad.

    2. renmunch +7

      AGREED

      True story: In 2012, the only reason that my husband agreed to go to NY to see Leonard Cohen on tour (we don’t live in NY, but it was the closest show) was because he reasoned that “we’ve never seen him before, and this may be the last chance ever.”

      Over a year later and I’m still all HOW DARE HE SAY SUCH A TERRIBLE THING.

  49. cosmia +5

    1. David Bowie
    2. Tina Fey
    3. Alan Alda
    4. Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen (THEY ARE BEST BUDDIES THEY ARE ONE)
    5. Jeff Bridges
    6. Meryl Streep
    7. Helen Mirren
    8. MAGGIE SMITH I WILL CRY SO HARD

  50. eiffeldesigns +5

    1. David Attenborough
    2. Dolly Parton
    3. Julie Andrews
    4. Margaret Atwood
    5. David Ortiz

    I went with someone from the major categories- acting, writing, music, sports, and the all encompassing, David Attenborough category because he is a genius.

  52. ayaggy +6

    I was worried for a second that Bill Murray wasn’t on here, but of course he was. And everyone else I was worried about. I used to want to be original; now I’m just glad there’s the Toast.

  55. turanga_leela +6

    Matt Groening

    Between Life in Hell, the Simpsons, Futurama and Bongo Comics he has entertained the crap out of my family.

  58. mrsubjunctive +6

    I haven’t seen anyone mention yet:

    Annie Lennox
    Jimmy Carter
    Lyle Lovett
    k.d. lang
    Ellen DeGeneres
    Bill Watterson (’cause maybe he’ll decide to make Calvin and Hobbes again if we give him enough time)
    Louise Glück (pending verification of celebrity status)
    Joan Didion (ditto)

  60. katzenklavierr +3

    Samuel Delany! I often consider changing my life plans to move to New York because if I never get to see him speak (or just pass him on the street and stare creepily) I will be heartbroken and feel like I wasted my time on Earth.

    Iggy Pop (he already looks like he died and was reanimated so maybe he cannot die?!?!)

    Tommy Lee Jones

    Will Smith

    Willem Defoe

    Ghostface Killah

    Bill Murray, even though his best performances are probably behind him, I’m still going to be a mess when he dies.

    Rodney Dangerfield-oh wait NOOOOO

  62. Meredith Collins +6

    1. David Bowie
    2. Laurie Anderson
    3. Peter S. Beagle
    4. Siouxsie Sioux
    5. Tori Amos
    6. Harrison Ford
    7. Meryl Streep
    8. Debbie Harry
    9. Patrick Stewart
    10. Leonard Cohen

  63. Alex

    David Bowie
    Nick Cave
    Leonard Cohen
    Caroll Spinney (Big Bird)
    Laurie Anderson
    Björk
    Weird Al Yankovich
    Stephen Fry
    Judi Dench

  66. Elle Squared +2

    I have a million and one names I could add to this, but FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS, NOBODY LET CATHERINE O’HARA DO THE D-WORD THING.*

    *or Andrea Martin. Two names off a long list.

  68. Atraea

    Hayao Miyazaki, Tori Amos, Fiona Apple, Bill Murray and the Cohen Brothers. The other people I thought should have immortality already died :c

  71. OoTheHumanities

    I'm sorry 'bout Gene.

    It makes me sad to see David Bowie and Prince all over here, too. I remember how hard both of those losses were on so many Toasties!

    Grim Reaper 2016 remains a greedy and throbbing asshole.