Previously from Annalisa Quinn: A new Sappho poem.

Film critic Alice Mays
Foamed at the mouth
And foretold the end of days.

The New Yorker’s Harry St Crownable
Proved himself unputdownable —
The needle missed the vein, and he
Fled the euthanizer, hooting with glee.

The Times’ stalwart Hugo Balwart
With a judiciously-timed riposte
Slew the boar, and ate its dripping heart.

Alan Hoarse, lover of the tour de force
Filled with bile — and yes, remorse —
Gauged out his eyes in a pleasing
Homage to Oedipus the King.

Eminent critic Neville Loonsdud
Sliced himself open
And drank his own blood.

In a speech both lyrical and lilting,
The kind and erudite Harold P. Stilting
Claimed allegiance to the gods of the sea
And drowned himself at Galilee.