How was your week? Did the Internet seem ESPECIALLY FIGHTY to you over the last few days, or is that a misperception on my part? Now that I’m done yelling at that New Yorker (dotcom) guy, I promise to keep The Toast a haven of fightlessness for the next couple of days.
Slowly but surely, the Redwall series and Game of Thrones inch towards a singularity.
“I don’t see the point of that genderless stuff. Like ze/zir, or genderqueer, or whatever.”
Heads bobbed in agreement across the room. The older people in the group seemed pleased by the pronouncement, while the younger people, conscious of who makes the hiring decisions at LGBT nonprofits, nodded more noncommittally.
I was momentarily dumbfounded. The coherent part of my brain urged patience. “Do not, do NOT, use the word neoliberal when responding,” it cautioned. “You are the only person in the room wearing flannel.”
YOU ARE NOT CASEY KLEIN; ACCEPT THIS
Part II coming soon.
Ayn Rand returned to tackle the Chamber of Secrets; you have not seen the last of her.
“There are no Asians in this movie.” Joel Kim Booster came back and I sort of want him to just review movies for us forever now.
I would eat at a Secret Olive Garden, for sure.
We never did clear up the issue of who owns the movie rights to the X-Men. I guess the world will never know.
This week I did sixty deadlifts and BOY PUSHUPS (YES I AM GOING TO GENDER THAT EXERCISE, DEAL WITH IT) for the first time in my life. FESTOON ME WITH PRAISE.
Tags: meta, toast points
BOY PUSHUPS?? That’s rad. I still do girly knee pushups b.c. my biceps and triceps are made of jello. A woman soldier I was working with a few months ago was motivating me to keep going with the pushups but then she got sent to a different office and I gave up.
dude it was awesome! they weren’t super super low but it was a solid rep and then i did two more! new goal: DO AWESOME PUSHUPS, get to ten
I’m inspired. I’m going to go attempt one right now….
*fives minutes pass* I had to sweep my floor b/c once my face got close to it I realized how disgusting it is. And also that I maybe need new glasses? but I did complete two boy pushups! I feel myself becoming stronger and radder already.
Yeah, that brief stint where I was doing floor push-ups (instead of doorway or countertop push-ups, which is what I do now) was also the brief stint during which our floors were the cleanest ever (by which I mean not super clean but still better).
Congratulations!
Three is a lot, you rock! I feel like I can’t call mine boy pushups because I define them by whether or not my boobs hit the ground. Pretty proud of my boob pushups.
I SHOWER YOU WITH PRAISE
AS INSTRUCTED
*gives you boy high-five*
Malloryyyyyyy. The muscles of your brawny arms are strong as iron bands!!
Can we have Joel Kim Booster come review all the movies for us? Please?
I’m just going to come out and say that I would totally eat at normal Olive Garden, and I have no idea why everyone hates it so much. Each breadstick is 150 calories and you can eat as many as you want for like freeeeeeee.
I love Olive Garden.
I’m kinda sad that my Mom, who used to be my #1 Olive Garden enabler, suddenly decided she was too darned good for mall-adjacent restaurants.
Yessss congratulations on your boy pushups! I managed to do 8 (8!) whole boy pushups yesterday, even though I didn’t get very far down after the first 4 and my arms started to shake towards the end. So I get and share your elation and I congratulate you! And I hope that someday you can just, like, deadlift boys or something, really show them who’s boss.
I want to say congratulations on the boy pushups, but I’m busy thinking “how do all of these people do knee-pushups, they’re terrifying” because I swear, your face will inherently end up closer to the ground with a nigh-irresistible momentum and doom awaits your nose/possibly other facial bones like your whole skulll, you guys.
tl;dr I guess I have man-shoulders.
I want to say congratulations on the boy pushups, but I'm busy thinking "how do all of these people do knee-pushups, they're terrifying" because I swear, your face will inherently end up closer to the ground with a nigh-irresistible momentum and doom awaits your nose/possibly other facial bones like your whole skulll, you guys.
tl;dr I guess I have man-shoulders.
Yeah, that brief stint where I was doing floor push-ups (instead of doorway or countertop push-ups, which is what I do now) was also the brief stint during which our floors were the cleanest ever (by which I mean not super clean but still better).
I SHOWER YOU WITH PRAISE
AS INSTRUCTED
I'm kinda sad that my Mom, who used to be my #1 Olive Garden enabler, suddenly decided she was too darned good for mall-adjacent restaurants.
good article!
<img src="http://rb.revolvermaps.com/w/3/s/a/0/14/1/ffffff/ffffff/ffffff/1jw0k1kvcev.png" width="1" height="1"><img src="http://s04.flagcounter.com/mini/epU/bg_FFFFFF/txt_DEDEDE/border_F7F7F7/flags_1.jpg" height="1" width="1">
I think of them as butch pushups myself
mad praise for those pushups
For a minute I couldn’t think what any kind of pushup is, so as I read “boy pushups” I imagined Shia TehBeef being benchpressed as he whimpered “please, stop” over and over, and I smiled from the heart, thinking “Mallory is truly doing the work of The Lord.”