BRAS. Victoria’s Secret bras are designed to perfectly cup and support the breasts.* While the ideal Victoria’s Secret customer is a B- or C-cup, we do cater to those less fortunate. For small-chested women, we have a range of bras enhanced with six inches of foam padding or one liter of gel filling in order to achieve a presentable appearance. The busty woman can occasionally find a bra of her size in mustard yellow or neon giraffe-print in one of our bargain bins. Any customer, however, who requests an uncommon size, such as 30AA or 40G, should be answered with a pitying stare and a vigorous shake of the head.
*Of a mannequin.
PANTIES. Victoria’s Secret panties also come in a range of sizes and styles. A size XS was modeled on the derriere of a capuchin monkey; they go up from there. Though the amount of material varies wildly among styles and sizes – an XS V-String is basically a rubber band and a fabric Dorito, while an XL Brief could double as a baby sling – the prices are the same across the board. Each style of panties should be separated into four categories: normal solids (black, white, gray), normal prints (polka dots, stripes, hearts), neon solids, and “Slutty Lisa Frank.”
ART. Art is integral to the Victoria’s Secret customer experience. In every store, hundreds of retouched, airbrushed, black & white, candlelit photographs of Victoria’s Secret “Angels” are mounted at eye-level. Once ushered into a fitting room, the customer will encounter a 16×20, framed print of supermodel Adriana Lima’s flawless posterior, directly to the left of the mirror. Studies have found that 35% of customers will bypass the fitting process and head directly to the cashier to avoid the paralyzing indignity of direct comparison to Adriana Lima.
LIGHTING. Similarly, the lighting in Victoria’s Secret fitting rooms is of the utmost importance. It must be dim enough to conceal any dust bunnies, wads of hair, or questionable stains on the carpet, yet strategically angled to illuminate the stomach, buttocks and thighs in a way that spotlights every mole, dimple, stretch mark, and spider vein. When a customer turns to check her behind in a rhinestone-encrusted Cheekini, it is imperative that she nearly pull a hamstring trying to figure out if that’s a previously undiscovered birthmark or just a shadow. It is no coincidence that as she flees the fitting room, she will run straight into our beauty section, where we have a perennial sale on our various bronzers, self-tanners, and shimmer lotions designed to conceal human skin.
SALESPERSONS. In the average store visit, no less than 18 employees should interact with the customer, a strategy known as “Angel Ambush,” the end goal of which is to commit her to a Victoria’s Secret Angel Credit Card. When a customer first enters the store, she is to be greeted and then eyed up by a hulking male doorman/bouncer. In an attempt to avoid the scrutiny of the bouncer as she peruses and selects undergarments, the customer will move deeper into the store, at which point her path is to be blocked by a salesperson. This salesperson will offer to sign her up for the credit card. If the customer refuses, eight more salespersons are to confront her within the next five minutes. Employees are encouraged to use increasingly condescending and/or vaguely threatening tones with each additional offer.
CASHIERS. Once at the cash register, if the salespersons have failed to acquire the customer’s Social Security Number, the cashier should casually request her e-mail address and zip code. If asked for a reason, the cashier should mutter something unintelligible, inserting words like “receipt,” “standard procedure” and/or “free birthday thong” among the gibberish. Under no circumstances should the cashier inform the customer they will receive 12 e-mails a day and 35 catalogs a month for the rest of their life. Once the transaction is complete, the cashier should hand over the customer’s purchase in the largest available iconic blood-red-and-hot-pink Victoria’s Secret bag. Don’t forget to include the free matching duffle bag where applicable!
Tags: beauty, humor, jennifer cordery, underwear, victoria’s secret, work
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Once I applied for a job at Victoria’s Secret at age 19, and they sent me a pink postcard informing me I hadn’t gotten the job FOUR MONTHS LATER. At which point I had obtained a different retail job AND quit said job to go back to school in the fall.
Thanks, Vicky, I figured that out already.
Sizing out of Victoria’s Secret may have been the best thing that ever happened to me. I’m no longer even remotely tempted to enter their stores.
For me, it was the first time I walked into a genuine, high-end actually-european fancy-fancy-FANCY lingerie store. I took one look at the merchandise, went “ohhhhh, this is what they’re trying to imitate, now I get it” and my world made more sense. I may still occasionally rummage through the sale cotton panties bins at VS, but I was otherwise cured that day.
I like to go into Victoria’s Secret with headphones in and ignore the salespeople. One time, however, a saleswoman tapped me on the shoulder and it startled me and I yelled, “DON’T TOUCH ME!” Turns out, it was a manager and she must have put my picture in the back room because NOBODY talks to me now.
I get the impulse to walk around the world/into other people’s work environments/into places where people interact in a magic impenetrable bubble, but you gotta fight that. Or prepare yourself to get tapped on the shoulder. Or shop online.
I know retail floor people can be annoying, but they’re just tryna do their job.
I understand that walking into a brick-and-mortar store is going to result in interaction you may or may not want, but I think touching a customer is way out of line. I personally will smile and greet the employee and give a polite, “No thanks, I’m just browsing,” but I think if an incoming customer has pointedly ignored your verbal greeting that’s a pretty strong sign they don’t want or need your help at that point.
I don’t know, I think if you’re going to plug your ears you need to be ready for the fact that no one can get your attention without tapping you or maneuvering into your direct line of vision, they don’t know if you’re purposefully ignoring them or if you just, you know, can’t hear them. A lot of retail managers are extremely vigilant that each customer to walk in gets a verbal greeting and offer of help from their salespeople.
I’m not much for tapping but I definitely don’t think a polite shoulder tap is wildly inappropriate.
Yep.
+1
No one likes getting shouted at while they’re at work, especially when they are trying to help.
I think you’re brilliant. Having worked in retail for over 10 years (not anymore thankfully), I learned not to crowd the customer, and NEVER touch them! I mean, wtf? If she had done that to me, I might have thumped her. Headphones are a clear sign of ‘I do not want to interact with you’ and should be respected if people value their lives 🙂
Thank you! If I wanted to immerse myself fully in the Wonderful World of VS, I would take my earphones out (and often do) and meander while making meaningful eye contact.
Sometimes I just need to get 3 pairs of underwear and get the hell out.
NGL I honestly pity people who buy and wear VS bras. Itchy, uncomfortable, and a notable lack of actual support? What a trifecta. I’m 100% on board with slutty Lisa Frank themed panties, though. Now if only Jockey for Her would get on board with that.
Target has the “slutty Lisa Frank” metric pretty well covered. Plus they’re 5 for $20.
Tragically, the Target brand underwear isn’t spacious enough in the back to encompass someone who does heavy squats and weighted lunges on a regular basis. =(
So true! I’m giving an asscrack show to the entire gym every day.
Okay fine. Every other day. Fine three times a week GOD.
Target and Forever 21 hipster cuts are the only panties that don’t reliably go up my butt or bunch up in weird ways (except Hanky Panky and the amazing Under Armour ones, but they’re like $20 each). This leaves me, a professional woman in her 30s, with a laundry line full of panties covered in french bulldogs and rainbow hearts and wonder woman symbols.
RECOVERY DAYS ARE CRUCIAL YO
There’s one line of VS bras that I still wear to bed after years of owning them. The fabric has stretched a lot, which is both the reason why they’re so comfortable and the reason I can still wear them even though I am now four cup sizes larger than the tags indicate. Of course, they’ve changed the way they make them since, so now that line is just as uncomfortable as all their others – or at least it was last time I was able to fit into any of their stuff.
I think it depends on the type of VS bra?
I loathe lace and frippery of all kind, and the best/longest lasting bras I’ve found that suit my needs (which is also: beige. only beige) are VS. I’m gaining weight lately, though, and they don’t carry 38B in the stores, so I’ll need to find a solution soon.
It irritates me that whenever I try to find non-VS underthings, I hate the way they fit or the texture of the fabric/elastic, so I keep going back, even though I could pay less elsewhere.
I once got fitted for a bra at Victoria’s Secret. The woman told me I was a 32DDD and then shook her head sadly. It was disheartening to say the least. Despite that, I actually right now have two Victoria’s Secret bras in my online shopping cart. I don’t know where to buy bras, ya’ll.
I buy all my bras at Nordstrom’s, they’re the only place that hasn’t steared me wrong
NORDSTROM’S. Look for the Wacoal brand. They’re faboo.
ETA: Also, VS bra-fitters are notoriously horrible. Get fitted at Nordstroms. Look for the oldest, most crochety-looking woman staffing the department. She will not do you wrong.
Agreed about the bra fitting. what are those ladies smoking? In college they once told me I was C. I laughed and didn’t buy anything because I thought was a DD. Turns out I’m an FF. Ugh bra sizes but yay for finally finding the right one.
I worked as a lingerie salesperson at a Macy’s one summer in college. They never trained us temporary-types on how to bra fit, but for sure, the woman who has been there forever has seen a billion boobs make the same three sizing mistakes over and over again.
A good bra-sizing session only works if she’s unabashed about touching you, or at the very least eyes up the first dozen or so you try on and tells you what’s right and wrong. My current favorite bra store has salesladies that will not even blink at groping you in every bra you try on… and every bra I’ve owned from there has been an improvement even over my old allegiance, Wacoal.
What are some of your other favorites? I’m collecting alternatives to Wacoal from this thread ‘cos I’m due for new bras soon and I’m always open to suggestions from people who’ve had good luck with similar brands.
Prima Donna is the only one that is single-handedly 50% of my wardrobe, to be honest. I think I also have some Chantelle and Simone Perele hangiung out in the drawer, but it’s the PD Madison that I’m currently buying in every color I can get my hands on (and it looks like they just added a red). It’s so comfortable that my brain keeps trying to think of it as less flattering, in that “false dichotomy” fallacious way
Thank you!
I just went to Intimacy — and in the fall they’re adding a peacock color to that line. I’ve already spent the money in my head.
Literally all of my bras are PrimaDonna — I must have a doppelganger out there who works as their fit model or something, because they fit me like they were custom-made. I LOVE them.
Putting in a vote for Nordstrom and Wacoal! Also, I’d like to put in a word for Natori (also carried at Nordstrom and Nordstrom Rack). I love them forever.
YES Nordstrom will do a GREAT job at sizing you. That being said: I have always found that the Wacoal ones they have in stock even at Nordstrom are pretty ugly 🙁
I really like the lace embrace T-shirt from Wacoal right now, but on average they’re super hit or miss on colors and shapes (like, why are my breasts this shape in your bra? did someone think this was a good shape? fire them now.) B.tempt’d is their “younger” brand- I find the fit can be pretty similar but they are usually both cuter and cheaper.
I haven’t found another brand with wires wide enough for me- the Panache Andorra is gorgeous but still a wee bit narrow.
Get fitted at Intimacy or Nordstrom’s (VS is crap for fitting big racks), and then order online at Bare Necessities, Her Room, or Figleaves. You can shop by size! Here is a thing I wrote about bra fitting a million internet-years ago.
Third-ing Nordstrom’s! Get fitted, buy one crazy expensive bra to be nice to your (hopefully delightful) fitter, go on eBay and buy 1,000 more overstock bras at a fraction of the price. YOU WIN.
I’ve never gotten Wacoal (mentioned above) to work for me, but I love Freya and Chantelle bras. Ooh, also, once you have an idea of your size, you can order unlimited shit on Nordstrom’s website and send back whatever doesn’t fit and the entire process is free. YAY BOOBS
Chantelle, definitely! Well made and if you treat them right (hand wash every second or third wearing and rotate, rotate, rotate) they will last for years.
Someone did a short radio documentary about an older lady who was a bra expert. I heard it at the Third Coast Filmless Festival and it was delightful. “You put the bra in a washing machine? You wouldn’t put a baby in washing machine, would you?”
Freya and Chantelle and sometimes Panache! (But Wacoal for expensive stockings that last foreverrrr) I get mine online at Bare Necessities.
The Freya ones fit great for me but if I washed them like a normal human being would wash clothes the underwires popped out SUPER soon so ymmv
I had a similar experience: “Oh, let me measure you…. LOL, you’re like a super-plus-quadruple D in our sizing scheme, which we wouldn’t even remotely consider manufacturing or stocking!”
FWIW, I had a lovely experience at Soma – there aren’t a lot of their brick-and-mortar stores in my area, but it was worth going in to get sized and I’ll for sure buy more of their bras online in the future.
Hey I’m a 32G (that’s one size up from you, thanks to the battiness of US bra sizing schemes). I get my bras from Nordstrom (esp. their semi-annual sale), Nordstrom Rack, Amazon, Figleaves.com, and occasionally I’ll find some at TJ Maxx and when that happens I get so happy I do a little dance and everyone else in the store stares at me.
And like others said, Wacoal is awesome. I also like Le Mystere and Chantelle. Freya is my absolute favorite (plus they make cute prints and matching panties), but they use british bra sizes, so you’d be a 32E if you want their stuff.
Also 32G. A VS employee once tried to convince me that I could just get a 36DD instead, because the difference in cup size would be made up by the larger band. She really did seem to believe it too.
Similar thing happened to me. I used to wear a 32DDD, and often wore 34DD bras because I found them more comfy and they’re much easier to find (this was back before their bras regularly came in DDs). Once I stopped in to get my free panties and discount dog-patterned nightie (the woman who lived in my apartment before me was on their mailing list, so I got the panty coupons) and I told the vickie’s ladies my bra size, and they said “oh you could wear your sister size.” And then I replied “this is my sister size. I’m actually a 32DDD” and the woman looked at me like I had three heads.
That’s the last time I spent money at Victoria’s Secret.
Also, that’s seriously TERRIBLE advice (as I’m sure you know). A 36DD bra has the same volume as a 32G, it just has a bigger band. That’s like telling you to buy size 8 extra long pants because they don’t have size 8 short pants. Except it’s waaay harder to alter bra bands.
Ahhhhh, you so get it!
Most bras in VS stores come in 32DDD now.
I’m a 34DDD, and once had a VS employee tell me that I wanted to go down a cup size to better “show off my assets” even though the smaller cup size gave me quad-boob. “A good shirt will hide that”, she said.
UGH
THIRTY-FOUR-TRIPLE-UGH
When I moved up from 34DD to 36G, I left behind my beloved Wacoals for Prima Donna. They aren’t in any of the major department stores, but they are the most beautiful combination of super-comfortable and super-cute that I have ever encountered in my life. All the cups are the three-panel construction style that means underwire actually reaches the chest all the way around and also the straps don’t dig or carry too much of the weight… it’s just so beautiful.
About 10 years ago, a VS bra fitter measured me as a 32DD. She said, “You’re never going to find a bra in that size. Here’s a 34D, wear this instead.” Bad bad bad advice.
Bravissimo! Bravissimo is your friend. The colourscheme is a bit childrens’-nursery, and they do use the phrase ‘Hey girls!’ with alarming frequency, but they are fab at fitting and selling bras outside the ‘normal’ range.
Yours, 28GG and fellow Frances
I’m visiting the UK at the beginning of July and Bravissimo is the part of the trip I am most excited about, for real
I love Bravissimo. I’m a 32HH, and they are the only place I even look for bras now.
Bravissimo forever! Love how all the saleswomen also have big racks and never make you feel weird or strange about the nuclear missiles sticking out of your front.
brastop.com are also good and have mad discounts for a ton of brands. i like curvy kate.
Bravissimo! Bravissimo is your friend, especially if you’re in the UK. The colourscheme is a bit childrens’-nursery, and they do use the phrase ‘Hey girls!’ with alarming frequency, but they are fab at fitting and selling bras outside the ‘normal’ range.
Yours, 28GG and fellow Frances
Ah there are way way way better places to find bras! I’m a 30E so I feel your pain. First thing I would do is make sure you are actually fitted into the right size. In my experience, victorias secret bra fitters are the worst. I’ve had the best luck fitting myself (and got better results than at the swanky expert fitter bra stores like Intimacy), so I would start there, especially because you will have more time to try things on and really think about the fit without someone hovering over you with a measuring tape. I would begin with this website (there are others, but this is the best I’ve used): http://www.venusianglow.com/p/bra-matrix.html . Focus first on finding your bra band size first, generally it’s your underbust measurement measured snugly. Don’t add any inches. Then you can use the calculator they link to put in your measurements and it spits out a bra size (you may have to fiddle with the calculator a bit).
Then, once you’ve found your size you will want to do some shopping. There are variations between brands in terms of sizing (ex. Panache is very true to size but Freya sometimes has bands you need to size down in as they are looser). It’s also important to consider your bust shape (which is discussed in the link) as that will affect how bras fit you/which will be most supportive/which will fit best. I would order more than one size of a few bras, test them at home walking around. Two things to remember, bra bands stretch after the first 2-3 days of wear, and they stretch after the first wash so when you buy them fresh they will often feel a little too tight. Second, if you are used to wearing the wrong size it can feel off, most people wear too loose bands and too small cups.
Finally, what websites to go to. Brastop.co.uk is like a bra outlet for bras that make a wide range of sizes. But! It is based in the UK and while the shipping and returns process is fine it’s not the best for when you are first trying things on and you don’t know your size and you are making a lot of returns. I would order from Bare Necessities, Figleaves, HerRoom, and Bravissimo. Also Nordstroms will carry bras like this, but the size range and selection is limited. Bloomingdales also sometimes has them, so if you want to try them on in person you can go to those two stores. Amazon.com will often has cheap stuff tucked around there, so once you have a favorite brand/style you can search that way and sometimes get good deals (many bra companies have their own store through amazon).
Oh, and as for brands I find my favorites are Panache, and Cleo. I’ve also had weirdly great luck with Betsey Johnson bras. I love Parfait Affinitas but they run a size small in the band and maybe 1-2 sizes in the cup depending on the style. Freya is gorgeous and well made but the bands run a size large so I haven’t bought any yet and can’t comment on how they last. I’d recommend starting with those (a great fitting bra is the Panache Andorra Baconett or the Panache Harmony (possibly discontinued).
A second for all these brands from this 34H, and websites that let you do free returns so you can try stuff on and send it back until you land the right size. I’ve had great luck with Panache but my Cleos, while cute as shit, tend to have very wide set shoulder bands (and I’m a massive-shouldered powerlifter, this is rarely an issue for me). You’re dead on about Parfait – also if you want the matching underpants they run small – but they are very comfortable for how cute they are. I also love Elomi for my everyday work bras – I like to downplay The Rack at work and the Elomi Asia is a great blend of comfort and non-prominence. And a last rec for Goddess for very affordable sports bras (my MTF friend wears these for comfortable all-day compression), but neither Goddess nor Elomi offer a lot of sub-36 band options.
I never noticed the strap thing with Cleos, but I have broad shoulders so it may be why they work for me. I think it’s super important to find the right style for you, for example, half cups work best for me because I’m flatter on top than on the bottom so full cups cover way to much of what I don’t have (I’m waiting for the Freya half cups to come out with a size 28 band so I can snap a bunch up). I mostly wear Aerie underwear but that’s good to know about the Parfait underpants, they’re so cute.
ELOMIIIIIIIIIIII I love them SO MUCH (44E over here).
I’m a 32HH, and I’m a fan of the Panache/Cleo bras. You have to watch the Panache bras because they can make you too wide-set – I love Cleo because their bras keep me up and centered.
The larger your cup size, the more it’s SUPER important to have a snug band.
I’ve purchased bras from Nordstrom and The Pencil Test in Portland, OR, but a lot of the time Amazon tends to be the cheapest.
But yes. Victoria’s Secret is the worst.
Victoria’s Secret near-singlehandedly perpetuates the Great American Bra Conspiracy and is also the literal devil
AND THEIR UNDERWEAR GIVES ME WEDGIES
My sister is on their mailing list and regularly gets the cards for a free pair of underwear. Sometimes when I was living with my parents she would deputize me to go get her free underwear by proxy, because the cashier doesn’t care who is handing over the card.
There is a deep hilarity in seeing the horror on the faces of the salesgirls when walking one’s size 22 self into a VS. No, you have nothing to offer me. No, I am not here to get a fitting. LOOK UPON MY RACK, IT’S MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR.
ONE MILLION thumbs up for that last line alone.
That last line should be on t-shirts.
I’d wear it.
Unrelated to the theme of ones rack but related to the theme of great shirts: I saw a picture of a shirt that said “SHE WANTS THE D(ESTRUCTION OF THE PATRIARCHY)” and if I had that shirt, I might not wear any other shirts ever.
ETA:
Now I’ve entered a huge internet spiral of admiring ALL OF THESE OTHER SHIRTS: http://www.lookhuman.com/design/14639-she-wants-t…
I note with deep, irony-induced pain that these are all printed on American Apparel.
Yeah, LookHuman is apparently awful for lifting artists’ ideas and printing fat-positive stuff only up to an XL, so fuck ’em.
So, my husband, the poor unfortunate Bingo Little, bought me some VS stuff for Christmas some years ago and has been shocked — shocked! — that they have not stopped sending him catalogs.
His indignation is almost amusing enough to counter the catalog-related annoyance. Almost.
Yeah, I mentioned up there that my sister gets the VS cards in the mail?
My dad orders stuff for her online (long story) so HE gets the catalogs.
As someone who wears a 32E, getting the fuhh out of VS and into a proper bra store for a fitting was revelatory. Yes, it did involve being naked from the waist up with a stranger for 30 minutes, but it was worth it for bras that fit like second skin. She literally put the bras on me and adjusted them, and I felt like Ricky Bobby from Talladega Nights… “I don’t know what to do with my hands…”
Hahahaha, I love it.
Any customer, however, who requests an uncommon size, such as 30AA or 40G, should be answered with a pitying stare and a vigorous shake of the head.
40DDD. I was told “we don’t serve your kind here, you monster”. No shit. Well, ok, the “you monster” part was implied in the place of a long pause and pointed stare.
I went to Cacique and haven’t looked back.
40DD here, echoing a similar experience. I haven’t had a single problem with anything I’ve picked up from Cacique, even if they’re ludicrously expensive. I wait until they do the buy one get one 50% off or whatever it is they do.
I can’t miss the semi-demi-bi-annual 2-for-1 bra sale. I need me my Cacique.
I have started losing weight and I was already on the low end of lane bryant’s sizing. I’m starting to panic a little because I don’t even know where else to GET bras I like. Cacique was the first bras where I felt truly both comfortable and supported and WHAT DO I DO NOW.
If you’re still a 36 band or above, check out Goddess and Elomi (they have a few 34 styles too, and note that Elomi uses UK cup sizing which may require arcane charts and a slide rule to convert to). They’ve great for comfortable and affordable bras for the Semi-Large Lady.
We didn’t get VS in Canada until pretty recently (like the last 5 years). I went there ONCE and it was one of the most horrible places I have ever been, and I have never been back.
I have VS bras and panties. I know, I know, it’s shameful. I buy them almost entirely online to avoid the store, though. Their panties fit me better than, say, Target’s, because Target’s seems to have elastic everywhere but where the elastic SHOULD be, and it leaves me with welts in skin. I’d love to check out somewhere else.
Aerie! They make some styles that have a wide, soft lace band at the waist and are super comfortable and non-welt-y. There are constantly sales on their website — I recently saw 6 for $20 and free shipping — so it’s comparable to Target prices if you’re patient.
I’m in the same club. Literally all of my bras and underwear are from VS, even though I hate their branding and actually having to enter one of their stores is a nightmare. Everything fits me well and I can score good deals online and their VSX Incredible sport bra is the most amazing ever. I’m sorry.
Ugh, right there with you. The Fabulous bras make my boobs look AMAZING and I feel so dirty for loving them.
I got fitted at a fancy boutique once, and had a bad experience. 🙁 The woman who owned it kept putting me in these bras that squished and weirdly flattened my boobs and gave like a shelf at the top, and she was really condescending and told me to “stop whining” when I questioned the fit.
Stop WHINING?! WTF?
I’ve never seen anything in VS that didn’t look either really itchy or … nonbreathable.
Slutty Lisa Frank!
The best underwear.
I dunno though…My favourite bra that I am wearing until it falls apart is VS. And I plan to go back and acquire several more in the same style with different colours. And the staff weren’t terrible? I actually had to ask someone to help me find what I wanted… #NotAllVS
guys i just wanna talk about bras literally all the time
I want to shout at everyone about measuring themselves for a bra properly 100% of the day. If I’m busy they can watch that great video on measuring yourself instead.
I dragged my reluctant mother to Nordstrom’s last time I was home, and now she won’t stop texting me about how much she loves her new bras (she was wearing two band sizes too big!). I’ve converted all my close friends too — only holdout is my pain-in-the-ass younger sister, who rejects any advice from me solely on the basis that it’s from me. I’ll get her eventually. NEVER SURRENDER
Ugh me too. I just spent £30 on a sportsbra that has as much protection as an armoured car and I can’t stop talking about it!
Oh there are soo many good bra blogs out there that talk about fitting and also pretty styles. One of my favs is Scarlet’s Letter – she makes sets based on movie characters and famous figures (non-gender specific). Who doesn’t want a set of lingerie inspired by Helen Mirren? or The Goonies??
Bras are boob jail. And the only ones that I like only come in black, white, nude, pink and baby blue. (I’m a 38C and I hate underwire, so my options are very limited)
One of my favorite malls has a lovely VS; my friend and I like to go in there and ooh and ahh. Then we walk across the hallway to the Hanes store and buy pretty soft non-scratch underthings that are available in sizes that actually fit. And then we get mozzarella sticks with the money we save. /finger
Goddammit I love mozzarella sticks.
FREE BOOBIN’ IT COMMANDO-STYLE
THAT IS THE ANSWER
you’re welcome, friends
I admire your free-boobin’! I can’t imagine walking down stairs at any speed faster than a crawl without a bra on; talk about painful. However, I love the no-bra look and think you should keep on rockin’ it!
I’ve been trying to do it full-time, but I’m still wary of my nipples in certain environments. I’m in my hometown for a bit, and went braless here for the first time yesterday among the conservative, tight-lipped suburbanites, and I felt more freeeee and rebellious than usual, haha.
oh man, one of my best friends here is a free boober and I am so impressed with and jealous of her confidence all the time.
i admire and envy your free boobin from my saggy breasted corner!
my tits are like sandbags. nipples hit my knees the minute the old boulder slinger comes off
not that i’ve ever had any complaints
We have yoga at my office, and sometimes I forget in the morning and wear a camisole to work with a built-in bra. So then I go to yoga braless. Which actually feels pretty amazing.
Urggh I have nightmares about the day when my trusty stretchy-fabric-no-wire bras finally quit on me, because I live in a heathen land with NO TARGETS and thus have no way to replace them.
….online shopping?? Or are you in a truly foreign country? Because if you’re in the UK I know some awesome fabric bra brands.
I could online shop except that I’m staging a one-woman protest against ridiculous import taxes on clothes. I’d love to hear your UK brand recs though!
Tezenis and Gap! I LOVE Tezenis in particular for super basic just fabric bras. GapBody sometimes sells some pullover-style bras with no wires either. COS also sometimes has wire-free bras.
Will check them out, thanks!
AHAHAHA I was just at Victoria’s Secret yesterday (to buy body spray) and I only got approached once by a salesgirl. Pretty much an optimal VS experience. I have never bought anything else there and I don’t plan to. My 32Bs fit just fine in Target and Aerie bras that don’t cost a fortune.
Also, the Aerie underwear I bought online just came yesterday and I’m so happy. I looove Aerie.
I currently own bras from Wacoal and the Itty Bitty Bra Company. I was a 30B when I was fitted 2 years ago, but I’ve gained some pectoral muscle since then and probably need another fitting. Or, I can just go buy a bunch of light-impact sports bras.
Anybody know a place that sells light-impact sports bras in white-people-skin color?
Try Bounce by Title 9 (I knooowwww omigod, that name) and lulalu (the worst dyslexia name ever).
Patagonia has in the past had some good options – but they’re money and lately, the sizing has been wack.
So many years that I thought Victoria Secret was the only Fine Retailer of Intimates for Discerning Teens and Early-Twenty-Somethings! And I kept buying expensive, terrible bras that starting gapping around my B-boobs like a week after purchase! Dozens of them!
Then I discovered H&M’s super cheap yet awesome bras, and then they stopped carrying intimates, and now I am pregnant, and my boobs don’t feel like my own, and they are overflowing out of my B-bras, and I miss my B boobs and need new bras and I don’t know where to turn. The end.
H&M no longer carries intimates!!!!! What. So many of my favorites are from H&M, but I haven’t needed to buy anything in a while, so I didn’t know this! Tragedy.
No, looks like they still have intimates! Maybe they just stopped carrying them at Mims_’s store.
They do too still have intimates! At least, the last few I’ve gone to this year have. But yeah, preach. I am wearing a H&M bra right now. It is super comfy and makes my boobs look awesome, PLUS it was only about $15.
Does anyone have any suggestions for cost-effective slutty Lisa Frank panties for those of us doomed to size out of VS/Target/Aerie/not plus-size stores?
Torrid seems to have a cute, Lisa-Frank-y and reasonably-priced selection
But, but….the Body by Victoria demi though. It HAS to be other ladies’ jam too, considering I rarely ever find any of that style in my size at the semi-annual sale.
I love it too! I’m really picky about my bras and I find their Body line in general to be really comfortable. I hate all their other stuff though. Shopping for bras is too much work :/
Yep! I used to love that one until uh I went surfing too much. Now my bra size is so weird. Sports bras forever.
Pre-baby that was all I ever wore. But nobody on earth makes a bra that actually fits me (36B/C but my boobs are set so low and wide I’m forced to buy D’s I can’t fill out on top) so I’ve happy in stretchy nursing bras for the last ten months. I wish making your own bras was a reasonable thing to do.
Soma! Once you go Soma you never set foot in VS again…
Ok, Okay, BUT
What about female bodied folks who just really hate bras but can’t bind all the time? I’ve spent so much of my life looking for solid sports bras that actually, you know, Compress Things but are also not above the $40 range. Very little success, especially considering the amount of flesh that needs compressing (I buy 38 C. I know this is so So SO wrong it’s painful. Getting measured is more painful).
What advice do you all have for finding something that binds or minimizes for those days where binding isn’t an option?
Ooh, I have an answer for this! I briefly mentioned this elsewhere, I have a FTM friend to whom I recommended the Glamorise sports bra (they have two compressive models which are fairly similar, the one with the adjustible mesh front is more mono-boob-squishier) – and he’s been super happy with them as a binding alternative. You can find them on sale for dirt cheap and they put up with abuse in the washer/dryer if you’re not into high maintenance underpants upkeep. Like many sports bras, they may run slightly smaller in the band than a normal bra, you may want to buy your first one at a place that does free exchanges and then if you like it hunt for more on sale sites.
I think the key here is to look for one’s on sale. Most of the high quality bra bands (Panache, Freya, etc) have sports bras. I’d try them on to make sure they are compressing/minimizing at the level you want because some sports bras do that and others will just hold things very very very very still. So you may have to test a few brands. I would also, if you can, make sure you’re wearing the correct bra size, because compressing in an ill fitting bra is not great for you (as you know). Have you considered measuring yourself? If not, then stick with what you are currently wearing, if you can manage it you could try measuring and fitting yourself. If not then don’t worry about it. Whatever you do, personal mental comfort should come first.Then, once you’ve found the one’s that minimize as much as you’d like you can purchase it during the sales (they often have extra discount codes or coupons to ad to the sales) from Figleaves, HerRoom, Bare Necessities, and Amazon.com.
As for binders, is the issue a physical comfort thing? You may not be wearing a good binder. I haven’t personally purchased any but http://www.ftmguide.org/binding.html has additional resources. Apparently amazon.com also sells them, which is nice because they have a pretty solid return policy so you can purchase a couple and test them out. You may need to test out different fabric types until you find things that are comfortable for long term wear. Best of luck finding something that works for you.
I measured myself back when I bought my binder (Underworks 997, which is a tank top style), though I’d have to do it again since I’ve lost the paper I wrote the numbers on. I enjoy how it works, but wearing it can get uncomfortable, especially in the heat and humidity of Missouri…and I’m much more about being comfortable and safe than about looks most days. So! This is why I’ve been researching and looking for more compressive sports bras – and I can work out in them.
In addition to the ones that auntymain and toffeecape have discussed, I’ve found that Underworks also sells the MagiCotton Sports and Binding Minimizer Bra, which looks pretty great.
And that guide is awesome – I know I’ve read through it a few times over the past year. Thanks for the reminder!
Hey! I just bought a Shockabsorber sportsbra and it reduces my chest a good 1-2 inches. Might be a brand to look into for days when your binder feels too hot this summer!
seconded, the shock absorber packs everything down painlessly!
I did not know that sports bras were actually supposed to reduce your chest. I knew that they DID, but I thought that was an unfortunate side effect, not an intended result. Learn something knew every day!
I wonder, is part of the discomfort the fact that it is a full body style (well, full upper body)? I’ve definitely seen a few binders that are shorter, either sports bra length or longline bra length, that might be something to look into as it could me less restricting while still getting the compression you want. The magicotton one you linked to looks like it would fit the bill, and I’ve seen similar ones made out of super soft fabric so it might help to order a few styles and sizes and play around with it. I hope you find something that works for you!
Oh yeah, definitely. I’ve a couple shorter styles in line to buy, so that’ll help out dramatically. I like the tank style for a lot of reasons – it also smoothes out and compresses my hips a bit, which is fantastic when I’m wearing slim fit mens shirts that don’t allow for hips. Grr, hips. The mesh fabric is also an interesting texture, though I’ve mostly gotten used to it. I got this one a year ago when I started to explore binding, and it’s done what it’s supposed to pretty well; I just need more flexibility now. And my sports bras are showing their age, since I wear them pretty much every day (I gave up on regular bras after I did conservation work and started rugby).
This thread has very helpful!
Spend more than $40 on a running bra at a running store. Serious chests need serious containment; there’s no real way around it. The Running Room goes well above 38C. I have this one bra from there, I don’t know the brand because all the logos and such have been removed or rubbed off. It’s got a racer back AND a hook-and-eye closure, wide shoulder straps that secure with velcro, and a foam-reinforced front. I can HOP on STAIRS wearing this mighty piece of equipment without significant jiggling.
I know there’s a lot of gross gender pageantry around bras, and high-quality ones are expensive investments, but they will last for ages and ages if treated with care, and the payoff in comfort is priceless.
I agree! Medium impact bras from Target DO NOT contain the way they should at my size… and the high impact ones just make the gender crap flare up loud and clear.
Thanks for the resources!
Anyone know of companies that have “ethically made” bras? I know the phrasing is contentious, and associated with other stuff like eco-friendly and local and organic which can all get pretty complicated, but I buy all my clothes except for underthings secondhand and I’m trying to come up with an alternative to VS (don’t hate, but their bras fit me).
To save up money to spend some time abroad, I worked at a Victoria’s Secret during the holiday season. It was hell, I was told to bother people and I don’t like doing that. I never convinced anyone to get the card. The only small benefit was they give employees bras to try out and brag on, the one they gave me was lacy and itchy. Also I went to help set up a huge new store, it was full of managers, assistant managers and somehow I and another seasonal worker ended up in charge of setting up a display, they were so disorganized. But they then had really weird, specific rules, such as that you had to wear basically a suit to go to work. I get my bras and underwear from the Hanes’ outlet, it works much better for me.
I accompanied my mom to buy bras recently, and when she asked me to get her size, I was like “that CAN’T be right.” After using my sketchy eyeball-measurement and trying a few different sizes, my mom — my sweet, adorable mother who grew up poor in a southeastern family of thirteen and having had to figure out A LOT of things for herself — finally for the FIRST TIME in her sixty plus year life on earth, got a bra that fits her right. She was SO HAPPY.
And it still breaks my heart to think about it sometimes.
The Victoria’s Secret sale experience was new to me when I was visiting the US. The TWO sales girls who had to deal with my problematic boobage actually LAUGHED when I said I needed a larger size. I got dressed and got out of there in a hurry. I wrote to their complaints department and never heard back.
Now I’m happy to spend the extra money going to a smaller business where they actually seem to give a damn.
So, while we’re talking about bras – I need new sports bras. Preferably racer back ones. But they cannot be the all-one-piece kind, because I have never been able to get those on/off with any kind of ease or comfort and now that I have a fucked-up shoulder, even taking off a regular t-shirt can be painful if I do it wrong.
In the thread I started above, auntymain suggested the Glamorise Double Layer Adjustable Sports Bra. Looking at it, it hooks in the back instead of pulls over and the front mesh portion adjusts for different impact activities. It looks pretty awesome to me.
best sprots bra i have sound made by Spice sports in MN. google it they have a website. http://www.shop.spicesportsinc.com/Sports-Bras_c5…
Hahahaha, I love it.
Goddammit I love mozzarella sticks.
Pre-baby that was all I ever wore. But nobody on earth makes a bra that actually fits me (36B/C but my boobs are set so low and wide I'm forced to buy D's I can't fill out on top) so I've happy in stretchy nursing bras for the last ten months. I wish making your own bras was a reasonable thing to do.
im gonna sound wierd but im from texas and i go to lane bryant/calcique for my 44DDD they fit well and i dont break the bank as they only run 40-50 a pop! and eveeeeeeery once in a while you can hit a MASSIVE sale and get em for like 5 bucks.
LANE BRYANT 5 PAIR FOR $25 ALL DAY ERRY DAY
Try getting a bra that isn’t going to torture you for the next 4 months in new Zealand !! Even the best most well stocked stores dont even go past a DD. If you are really lucky you might find one pointy, ugly scratchy one in an E cup. Also the average bra costs at least $80 .so looking for a supportive comfortable bra is more or less impossible. Where are the designers who want to make a fortune? There are millions of women with big breasts. What a gold mine for someone with some brains and the ability to listen.
Farmers has a range of sizes past DD. My sister and my cousin shop there, my cousin is a G-cup. The bras are nice and the patterns are fun. It's called Zubazz or Zozas or something like that.