CHAIR: Then it’s settled! We’ll continue charging top dollar to wriggle our hands in front of this “instrument”—which is no more real than an air guitar—and insisting that it’s the most diff (snickers)—excuse me—that it’s the most difficult thing in the world to play, to discourage further investigation from the masses.
ALL: (laughter) Aye!
CHAIR: For the eighty-sixth consecutive year, the motion passes. And now, for The Feast of a Thousand Papa Johnses!
ALL: (wild cheers)
CHAIR: Does anyone know how to use a telephone?
Evan Allgood is deputy editor of Trop. Follow and maybe later unfollow him on Twitter.