(Okay, talk about whatever you would usually talk about in the regular link roundup; you don’t have to actually talk about Link from The Legend of Zelda.)
Tags: link roundup, this is so stupid and it made me so happy
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(Okay, talk about whatever you would usually talk about in the regular link roundup; you don’t have to actually talk about Link from The Legend of Zelda.)
Tags: link roundup, this is so stupid and it made me so happy
yes good very good please continue
Speaking of video games though the biggest thing that entertained me on the plane was Tomodachi Life, it’s SO RIDICULOUS
I want to play this, but it doesn’t let you be gay so EFF THAT.
Yeah that part kind of sucks majorly but it is just widgetty enough for me to be able to almost forgive that.
I didn’t expect to like Tomodachi Life and ended up pleasantly surprised by it, I just find it so charmingly absurd.
Guys I sent this to Mallory yesterday but I can’t not share it with all of you: The Salmon Cannon: Easier Than Shooting Fish Out Of A Barrel.
WATCH THE VIDEO. It has no sound and makes for excellent work watching.
YES EVERYONE WATCH IT
A LIVE SALMON SHOOTS AROUND A 250-FOOT SLIDE AND IT’S SO AMAZING
CARRY – RUN – TOSS
Hahahahahaha! This is excellent.
Such an antiquated method of fish transport!
It’s been over an hour and I’m still thinking and chuckling to myself about that guy running across the factory (is it a fish factory?) with a gigantic fish.
The new hot workout for fall
WHOOSHH INNOVATIONS
I wish I could say I worked for Whooshh Innovations, almost as much as I wish I could say I work for American Superconductor.
(If you’re not sure why about that last one, just say it out loud 5 times.)
AMERICANNNNNN
SUPERCONDUCTORRRRR
*smirks, eyebrow raised*
*plays Rush song*
OH MY GOD
The video may have no sound, but if you gently make ‘fwoosh’ sounds at the screen to compensate, I think it makes everything ten times better.
TRUE.
I never had a desire to be reincarnated as a salmon. UNTIL NOW.
My dad is in the hydropower business and has been attending Hydrovision for 20 years. He always told us that is was a bunch of boring engineers talking about turbines and stuff.
And all along they were designing fish cannons!
DADS. Making fish cannons!
THIS IS AMAZING.
However, I will quibble about it being good for work watching, because I’ve had to stifle peals of guffaws into giggle-snorts, and I’m a mite worried I’ve already alarmed my just-showed-up-today-new officemate.
That is a valid complaint and I quasi-apologize (but not really).
Your favorite Zelda game. GO, GO, GO, GO.
Mine is easily Majora’s Mask. Gameplay never gets stale and it’s filled to the brim with memorable side characters.
I am The Worst with completing games as I’m more of a navigator to my sister’s player but we really loved Ocarina of Time (except the Water Temple, fuck you water temple)
Ocarina of Time still holds my heart the strongest, probably because I played it for more hours than all the other Zeldas combined (I’m guesstimating).
Ocarina of Time for me.
Majora’s Mask is excellent, and is a well put-together balance of unique game mechanics, puzzle solving, mini-games and the like.
But nothing will ever compare to the “berrderr-ring” of the music coming up as you run out of the log into Hyrule Field for the first time. The majestic “look at this crazy big world that is all yours to explore and also landscape to get more rupees than your dumb wallet can hold” feeling was amazing.
I think mine is Wind Waker. I love the design, Link’s big expressive face, Zelda’s agency outside of just being a kidnapped princess, the Temple of the Gods, the Dragon’s Roost music. I also love the beach and the ocean, so that probably helps. I’m still not clear on how the Zora evolved into the Rito (you’d think they would already be perfectly suited to living in an endless ocean) and I’m a little freaked out that the Kokiri devolved into Koroks.
Link to the Past/Link Between Worlds definitely is a close second.
I somehow never beat Ocarina of Time until just a few years ago even though I’ve had it since it came out originally. I always ran out of steam somewhere around the Fire Temple. Weirdly, when I did go back and finish it finally I had zero problems with the Water Temple. I have Majora’s Mask on the Wii Virtual Console but I’ve never gotten very far in it.
OH GOD THE NEW LINK BETWEEN WORLDS IS SO GOOD
Majora’s Mask is awesome. I still have a large soft spot for the Oracle of Time/Seasons, primarily because of how adorable the Subrosians are.
… There are Zelda *games*? Like in the plual? Isn’t Zelda just that thing that my best friend plays on her Nintendo system except her older sister’s college friends keep coming over and playing it too so we never actually get a turn? And there are little guys who look like Hershey’s Kisses which we are assured by the cutest of the college boys are actually called ‘Shmoos’ and make a sound just like that? And sometimes he wraps himself up in a blanket and wanders around the living room going ‘Shmooooo’?
No, wait, sorry, that was 1989!
(But I am still astonished there are Zelda GAMES. And I wish that cute college boy was not dead so I could ask him why it was he called them Shmoos anyway. Maybe he was taking a biology class?)
This article called What My Bike Has Taught Me About White Privilege is so, so good.
I feel like this article is great for people who already ride bikes, which fortunately for me is a lot of people I hang out with, but isn’t really going to make any sense to non-bikers in a similar way to how white people don’t get white privilege.
Also this metaphor is super awesome as long as you don’t consider ANYTHING outside of the physical experience of biking. Who has access to a bike, how good their bike is, whose biking is seen as “green” and whose biking is seen to be borne of poverty, who is physically able to ride a bike… there’s a lot of questions of privilege that go into bike riding. Also riding a bike is a choice and being any race is not. I wish he’d talked a little more about the places the metaphor doesn’t work, I guess.
“whose biking is seen as “green” and whose biking is seen to be borne of poverty”
YESSS. You know, a few years ago I read a story about a white couple who was saving for their wedding by collecting cans and bottles and recouping the deposits. They’d be seen all around town with giant bags of empty cans and everyone was all like “oh how smart and eco-conscious!” Which is definitely not the reaction anyone gives to the Latina woman I see doing it in my neighborhood.
That reminds me that I haven’t gotten enraged over the hobo themed wedding in a while.
Oh my God, all of those weddings, oh NO.
Also the colonial wedding!
YES. Horrors upon horrors. (The hobo wedding was just the most relevant to what you were talking about. All of them are…just no, people. Just no.)
THE “NATIVE AMERICAN-THEMED” ONE OH MY GOOOODDDD STAAAHHHHPPPPP UUGGHH.
This is, as always, how white people doing stuff is awesome and eco-conscious, and non-white people doing the exact same thing, is not. White people crowd-sourcing a wedding = “omg, how meaningful, everyone wants to be involved, community event!” Non-white people crowd-sourcing a wedding = “Ugh, how trashy. Potluck, really? If you can’t afford a wedding you shouldn’t be having one, just go to city hall.”
It’s weirdly the exact same discussion as urban chicken keeping. White people = “returning to the land! Urban homesteading! Eco-conscious! Fresh eggs!” Nonwhite people = “That’s so unsanitary. Roosters are so loud. Those conditions aren’t fair for chickens. They’re just slaughtering them right there in the yard! That’s not safe!”
Ahh I wish I could thumbs-up this a million times and, like, write it in the sky!
COLOMBUSING! http://www.npr.org/blogs/codeswitch/2014/07/06/32…
It’s weird to see how expensive people’s day-to-day bikes are when I’m back in the States.
yes! exactly!
it is a decent metaphor, and it is a good starting point to develop some empathy if you generally have a lot of privilege, and can realize that the uncomfortable feeling you have when you get on a bicycle of being in an environment clearly not designed with your safety in mind, where you’re automatically viewed as suspicious, that’s just a small taste of the kinds of things people of color or people from other marginalized groups go through all day every day.
I think the author absolutely had her (or his?) heart in the right place, and was just trying to say, “here’s a metaphor to get you thinking,” but you just have to be really careful. One aspect of not having privilege is that you’re not considered an expert in your own life experience. People of privilege speak for you and try to solve problems concerning you without even bothering to listen to you first.
You don’t want some white dude saying, “hey, I ride a bike, I understand what it feels like to not have white privilege,” and adjusting his politics accordingly, without even bothering to talk to an actual person of color.
Yes! I am in the middle of developing a cocktail-party theory about white dudes and their bikes!
It goes like this: being a cyclist in a medium-to-large city allows these cis, hetero, white, able-bodied, (mostly) employed guys to tap into a feeling of righteous indignation that comes from being marginalized – sometimes literally, in the case of the assnose trucks who will.not.stop.idling.in.the.bike.lane – and become all boisterous about their “rights.” This is one of the only areas in which is acceptable for them to be these righteous activists about taking up space in the world and not be seen as be total douches, so they’re all over it. (Plus, in medium-to-large cities, the cycling community is usually about 30% DIY, which means they can be around various trans/women/PoC without having to discuss or adopt their sexuality politics – it can just be about the bikes, maaaaaan.)
Also, caveat, I am totally a cyclist, which is how I see these dudes all the freaking time.
Yep. At least where I live, there ARE a lot of legitimate problems with safety for cyclists, but it does seem like these dudes are reeeeeeeeeally enjoying getting to be the oppressed party.
Iiiiiinnnteresting. I also think that it’s a bit about feeling vulnerable, which is a novel experience for these guys. When I feel threatened on my bike, I’m SO angry, and I am a woman who feels physically threatened more than my 6’2″ muscle-y boyfriend does. Imagine how furious you would be about feeling physically vulnerable if you had been raised to believe that that could literally never happen to you.
That article was a pretty solid (and well written) starting point as a metaphor for addressing privilege. Especially how privilege isn’t necessarily something those it benefits from choose to use to their advantage; it’s just an unbalanced system, and the real effort is in making it more even.
But I also wished he’d talked more about how race (or gender, if we’re stretching the metaphor) isn’t something you can opt-out of to work the system to your advantage. I love my bike, and biking, but sometimes I don’t want to deal with drivers/snow/potholes and I’ll take public transportation or zipcar and grouse to myself, but not have to worry about being run over (for the moment). There’s no alternative for me to avoid judgments from other based solely on who I am…
I’m pretty disturbed by how long it took me to get this.
You’re ahead of my game because until your comment I didn’t put together that it is a Link… roundup.
ohhhhhhhhh
Then what is Brendan Fraser doing in there??
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0104187/
Oh THANK YOU. I was like, “Vintage Brendan Fraser whaaaatttt are you doing here?” (Also, Vintage Brendan Fraser mmmmhhhhhhmmm.)
I will never get over Vintage Brendan Fraser. I know this to be true.
That was my idea! I AM VERY OLD.
And i knew I could count on you bgp!
I did not get it until I read your comment, and realized there was something to get besides Mallory just messing with all of us for the sake of messing with us/getting to post pictures of Link.
Even worse, I didn’t get it until I saw the Encino Man picture.
Ughghg I think I caught Nicole’s stomach bug because I am also IN MISERY but unfortunately at work when all I really want to do is lie on the couch at home and watch Parks and Rec and play the awful Kim Kardashian game and yell at my cats for jumping on my poor sick stomach.
Oh lord, this Kim Kardashian game. It is ruining me. But it’s so soothing, with the tapping and the money cascading out of the sky and being able to change outfits and hairstyles on a whim. I haven’t spent any actual real life money on it yet though, so I consider that a victory.
Nor have I, and I am still a #1 A-list celebrity with 68 million fans! It gets SO AWESOME and SO WEIRD and I cannot stop and I have no desire to.
Wait. I’m confused. You have to play a game to be a celebrity? But you are, at all times, our queen! You have millions … OK, um, thousands, I guess … of Toast fans. You are SO AWESOME at all times, aravis. All Toastfolk are a bit weird and I like us that way.
I hope you feel better soon.
Thank you! And as much as I adore my Toast fans (!!!), in my game people walk up to me on the street, tell me I’m awesome, and then give me money, which is basically all I want out of life.
Ughhh I have an enormous game backlog and I’ve got to get back to Skyward Sword but I’m at this part (ridiculously early on) where I’m supposed to bowl bomb flowers at little tiny holes from a certain distance to kill these things that are shooting fire at me and I keep blowing myself up and I HATE IT. Someone please tell me that this is not a thing I have to do after this one room where there are like. five of these things. Additionally, please provide advice. I can’t be alone in hating this, right?
(The rest of the game backlog, if you’re curious, is Ocarina of Time (3DS version), Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright, Tales of Symphonia: Dawn of a New World, Sunless Sea, Bit.Trip Runner, and a vague desire to buy A Link Between Worlds someday. And I have two Japanese novels to read and two to reread (so that I can write a crossover fanfiction which will have an audience of 0) and I have to edit my novella and aaah?!!)
THE WORST PART OF SKYWARD SWORD ARE THE FUCKING BEES
FUCK
Sorry, can’t game; covered in bees.
One day, I’ll return to Skyward Sword and be good enough to pass the flying through hoops course after the Fire Sanctuary. Some day.
I ran out of steam somewhere around the time travel mines in Skyward Sword, but I swear I’ll get back to it someday. I really wish I could use the Pro Controller for it instead of motion controls though.
You’re talking about the room starting around 7:30 in this video?
You don’t actually have to get the bomb inside the hole, just near the entrance, but you do have to roll it while the fire is not actively streaming out.
That’s the one! That’s good to know! It slightly lessens the difficulty of aiming a bomb before the thing blows up in your hands.
Skyward Sword had so many good bits but it was hard to get past the frustration of not having an easy warp feature and the fucking flying bird which would never go where I wanted it to go.
I swore more at that flying bird in the first hour of the game than I swear at most games in their entire playtime.
I have nothing relevant to add, as I have not played Skyward Sword, but I am almost done with the first Phoenix Wright game and am COMPLETELY OBSESSED and can’t wait to play all of them, including the Professor Layton one.
WELCOME, FRIEND. Juuust in case you haven’t been informed yet, the latest installment of the main series, Dual Destinies, is on sale for $17.99 through tomorrow, so now may be the ideal time to pick it up! This is definitely true in the US. I don’t know if it’s true for other countries.
Thanks for the tip! At that price, I should pick it up now, even though I’ve got a while to go before I get there. I already have the second game waiting — I underestimated just how many turnabouts this final trial would have! But now I think the guys have fiiiinally got this one cornered. Even the judge seems vaguely aware of what’s going on, amazingly. I’m also trying to keep myself from reading ALL OF THE FIC on my phone while I’m supposed to be working. WILLPOWER (not to be confused with Will Powers), I have it!
Emma Sulkowicz says she will not ask for help, but will accept help if it’s offered. BRB, heading down to Columbia to give this young woman a hand. http://jezebel.com/columbia-student-will-carry-he…
I had a dream last night that Benedict Cumberbatch, who was also a prince, fell in love with me and asked me to marry him, and I was like, “Hmm, I’ll think about it.” The first thing I thought when I woke up was “I wonder how Nicole would feel about this?”
Jay Smooth, Everybody’s Internet Boyfriend, is asking for a copy of the Updated Rules for Women. “Is the rule that if you want a right to privacy, you just don’t have a private life, or is it if you don’t want things stolen, don’t have anything private that people might want to steal?” (Sadly, this video loses a star because his cat does not appear in it.)
I might have to marry him.
GUYS I had a dream where NATALIE FREAKING DORMER shaved half of my head like she did hers for the Hunger Games, and it was seriously one of the hottest dreams I’ve ever had.
I approve of this.
I can’t produce Natalie Dormer for you (if I knew how to do that, I’d be… doing very different things right now), but I bet you your local Toasties can certainly help you out with the other half.
Can I please live in your subconscious
I love getting sexy dreams where a celebrity and I do stuff together. My favorite’s been Julianna Margulies giving me a ride on her awesome three-wheeled motorcycle.
I woke up to this story today. The story is a year old. It happened on the campus where I work. And I heard about it on freaking HuffPo, not a campus news source. FUCK A BUNCH OF THIS. I have to attend a Violence In The Workplace seminar this afternoon. I am so bringing this up.
The university also considered having the man perform community service, but ultimately decided such a measure was too “punitive.”
“While no one other than [the female student] can know of her intent, her decision to bring and subsequently take her birth control pill provides at least some indication that she intended to have consensual sex that night,” Fischer’s statement reads in part.
OH WHAT THE FUCK
My brain is just not accepting either of those quotes, but especially the second one. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.
Ladies, now you know: taking birth control, at any time, means you are open to sex at any time with anyone ever.
ENJOY.
better inform Jay Smooth that we have a new rule
I think there is a fundamental misunderstanding among some men (ok there are a lot of fundamental misunderstandings but one is) about how birth control works. I think they think it’s like Viagra, where you take it right before you have sex. I think women assume men understand that you have to take it every day, and these men completely don’t and it doesn’t get explained (or they don’t listen). That’s the only way I can understand that second quote on a like, reading comprehension level. It’s still inexplicable on a moral level.
This is true. I once had to explain to my Dad how birth control works and how Plan B does not actually cause abortions. (He is not anti-abortion either; he just literally had no idea how birth control or emergency contraception worked. It’s still inexcusable for people in decision-making capacities to not learn this information, though.
You know what? I’d love to have the luxury of not having to pay enough attention to birth control to not even know how it works because my partner is doing all the work of researching options, weighing negative side effects, judging effectiveness, getting doctor’s appointments, going to the pharmacy, paying for it, and ensuring it be used properly. I’m imagining a world where I don’t even have to know what kind of medication or device keeps me from becoming a parent because that’s not my responsibility.
PREACH.
The amount of time, effort, and money I’ve put into dealing with (and agonizing over) my birth control is…completely absurd. The thought that there are decision-making people out there who want to legislate it without even knowing how it WORKS makes me want to pull out my flamethrower gif again.
JESUS MOTHER FUCKING CHRIST ON A FUCKING BICYCLE.
(I took my pill today. I have no intention of having sex tonight.)
I have an IUD, so obviously I have pre-consented to all the sex with everyone for the next eight and a half years.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand flames on my face.
“When we make our recommendations, we look at what is going to help the respondent understand what happened and his responsibility for what happened,” said Jane McQueeny, KU’s Title IX coordinator and executive director of IOA, who issued the original recommendation that the offender receive community service on top of probation.
You know what I think would *really* help him understand what happened, and his responsibility for what happened? Rotting in jail.
But, please, carry on helping the rapist. That’s a really fucking telling choice of words.
I will use this and all spaces to remind anyone in New York that Friday at 7 we’re having a Toast meetup at RPM Bar on Broome Street! Come hang out! I’m gonna bring cookies!
So excited!
I am going to do what I can to be there, but crunch time for Comic Con cosplay prep may end up negating it (aaaah I still have SO MUCH TO DO)
I wish I could come! I’m going to a bday party then, but I will be at the Bell House tomorrow
Any Tana French fans here? Just realized a new book came out today. So pumped!
Ahhhh!!!! Really?!?!? I actually wasn’t crazy about Broken Harbour, but I am ON BOARD with this one! Frank is kind of a jerk, but I will totally read a novel about his daughter.
Yes! I’m on the reserve list for the first copy at my public library, and I can’t wait!
I didn’t know about this one! Buying immediately.
I binge-read the first two while on vacation this summer and I’m super excited to read the rest!
I’m halfway done already :/
Does that mean you didn’t like it?? Or sad because it is going too quickly.
I like it! It’s going too quickly. I think I will back up a bit because I was reading with wine last night and I want to make sure I didn’t miss anything.
I think it might not be as tight as the others, but there is some delightful misandry going on that I’m enjoying a great deal.
YES MUST READ
super into boy!Marnie this morning: http://www.vulture.com/2014/09/photo-allison-will…
ohhhh goodness
edit: LOL at all the people replying to the tweet with stuff like “why cant they use a boy as peter pan is a boy”
As my girlfriend said when I expressed my conflict over a) gorgeous lady, omg and b) gorgeous lady playing Peter Pan, now I feel ooky: ‘Don’t worry, a former generation of lesbians once had this same problem with Mary Martin, I’m sure…except more awkward, because it was the 1960s.’
Line from a dream last night: “[Husband], don’t go full-on Ron Swanson before I’ve had a chance to do my Amy March [impression]. I’m very depressed.” (said in brisk Allison Brie voice for full effect.)
Sad protocol question un-Link-related: The girlfriend (who I like a lot and am friendly with) of a good friend just lost a close relative unexpectedly, and people are posting all kinds of condolences on her Facebook page. She’s mid-twenties, I’m almost 40. It seems to me that this is a fairly shallow gesture unless followed up by a card or flowers or whatever is situationally appropriate or helpful, but maybe I’m just being an old fogey. Advice?
I actually really appreciated emails/facebook posts when my grandpa died. It was a nice way to know people were out there and thinking of me without having to reciprocate anything. I didn’t have to talk to anyone on the phone or send thank-yous for flowers. It doesn’t ask anything of the bereaved.
Yes, this is how I feel too. I don’t think a card carries any more weight than a facebook message/email, just because it takes slightly more effort to do. It’s the sentiment, not the amount of effort that you went through to convey the sentiment that’s important.
I personally prefer to send my condolences in a private message if I’m using facebook, rather than posting publicly, so that my message feels less like a public performance, but that is a personal preference only, and does not mean that people who choose to post publicly are doing it as a performance.
Agree 100% re the private message. Sometimes Facebook is simply the most efficient way of getting in touch with someone, but writing on someone’s “wall” (is that even what the kids call it anymore?) can seem a little too LOOK AT ME!!
I completely agree. I went to a very large high school, and a handful of kids I knew as a teenager have unexpectedly died within the past few years (I’m 25). There is a definite tendency among my peers to post all over public Facebook (on the walls of relatives and friends as well as the actual deceased individual, and in those “In Memory of…” groups that people like to set up) in a way that I find really distasteful and upsetting, because it has an unpleasant air of voyeurism and co-opting someone else’s tragedy to make yourself feel important.
I think private messages are fine though, and agree with Jaya about how they don’t ask anything of grieving family/friends. That’s something I worry about a lot — conveying that you’re thinking of someone without imposing any burden or expectation of a response when they already have so much to deal with.
I have a slightly different perspective… I lost my teenage sister last year and I actually love it when her friends post on her Facebook about memories they have of her, how much they miss her, etc. It’s nice to see that she’s remembered and that her loss has had a lasting effect on people outside our family.
I also really appreciate private Facebook messages of condolence, of course.
That’s fair! I’m so sorry about your sister, that’s really rough. I apologize if my comment was insensitive; I definitely didn’t mean to suggest that people shouldn’t grieve in whatever way is best for them or that it’s bad to keep someone’s memory alive.
I wasn’t thinking of friends so much as random acquaintances/classmates/people who met the person at a party once who come out of the woodwork after a tragedy and put on big public displays of sadness that seem totally manufactured and attention-seeking. But perhaps it’s dangerous to try to make that distinction at all? I definitely have a bias toward Minding Your Own Business No Matter What, which can get real judge-y real fast if I’m not careful.
Oh, no, don’t worry, you didn’t offend me or anything! I totally get what you’re saying. I definitely got annoyed at people who seemed to co-opt my family’s grief. But I try to be understanding that everyone grieves differently and even the death of someone you didn’t know very well can bring out a lot of emotions.
And I get real judge-y too! I mostly reserved my judgeiness for people who said shitty/stupid things (for instance, everyone who said “it was part of God’s plan” or similar) or didn’t respect my family’s privacy.
Bang on – you can click a quick ‘like’, or copy and paste a ‘thankyou’ into everything, you don’t have to return phone calls or make an effort to acknowledge cards or anything. If I were to send a private message I’d make sure to say ‘and please don’t feel at all that you have to reply, jsut wanted you to know…’
Send the card and flowers. It shows more thought. It’s physical. Traditions are sometimes there for a reason.
Facebook is just one way of sharing condolences–would you say that in-person sentiments are shallow gestures unless followed up by a card or flowers? Yes, Facebook is a quick and easy way of communicating, but that doesn’t negate the sentiments people share on it. When a friend goes through a tragedy, you want to let them know that you’re thinking about them, and Facebook is the most convenient way to do that these days. I’m sure your friend’s girlfriend appreciates the condolences, no matter where they’re coming from.
When my mom died, I got a ton of facebook comments and I appreciated every one. Some people simply aren’t the card sending types, or don’t have addresses and don’t want to burden the person by asking for one at their time of grief.
Now, if you know her address then certainly send a card if that is your first inclination.
ETA – Food is appreciated, but a lot of the food ended up being thrown away. Make a donation to their designated charity. If they don’t designate one, donate to one that is special to your friend.
When the girls that lived up the street from me’s mother passed away, we made them brownies. When they returned the plate to us, they thanked us profusely because out of all the tons of food they got, homemade brownies were the first thing to go.
Yes on the food thing- when my sister passed we got SO MUCH food and much of it was wasted. Someone gave us a couple of bottles of wine and we wished more people had done that- we wanted alcohol more than food at that point anyway, plus it’s much easier to store and/or regift if you’re not going to use it right away.
One alternative to bringing over perishable food is to send gift certificates to restaurants – one friend who doesn’t cook did that after my grandmother died, and I know my parents really appreciated it. But the food in general really helped in our case, because my parents just weren’t remembering to eat and didn’t have the mental energy to come up with a meal, so casseroles that could be frozen until needed were absolutely perfect and incredibly appreciated. It also helped my peace of mind to know that my parents had those casseroles after I had to travel back to my own home across the country and couldn’t keep grocery shopping and cooking for them. So, though I get that it’s not helpful in every case, I’m still grateful for this tradition. But I’m totally a fan of doing the charity donation instead if you know that the family isn’t going to need the food! That’s a great idea.
Thanks for the advices. Figuring out how technology integrates with tradition is rarely a simple task…
I have had the same struggle, and hate Fb condolences, but people do find them meaningful if they are regular Fb users. I think, since you have an address for her (or at least for your good friend her boyfriend), better just to be silent on Fb and send her a real card. But if you have no mailing address, can’t get the card to her easily, then Fb is okay — the gesture still counts.
You know, I have really mixed feelings about this right now. I think the simple answer is no: any expression of sympathy, if sincere, is fine. There isn’t a wrong way to do this.
But my grandmother just died, and I could pull myself together enough to post a 2-sentence announcement on Facebook a few hours after she died. I wanted people to be aware of the news, but I did not want to talk about it at ALL except for when I brought it up myself: there was enough to deal with with family and on my own that I desperately didn’t want to expend so much emotional energy managing other people’s thoughts and responses (and it takes a LOT). Plenty of people responded with thoughtful and kind comments, or in response to a group email message thread, which was a perfect response because it kept the responses CONTAINED where I wanted them: I hid the status from my notifications so that I could access it when I wanted or needed messages of sympathy, but I didn’t have to address them when I couldn’t handle it.
In fact, the people who sent private messages, left separate posts on my wall separate from my own post, or sent physical traditional sympathy responses all interrupted my life and made me think about something that I did not ACTUALLY want to be thinking about 24 hours a day if I could manage it. They made it much harder. I understand they were doing the socially correct thing, but it was at times the opposite of what I needed. But I don’t think it’s rude or shallow (really: how could a sentiment of sympathy ever be shallow? why should the medium be the thing that matters? Am I supposed to be keeping track of the level of effort of my friends? THAT seems shallow to me) to use online communication; and I would actually prefer people limit their expressions of sympathy to the forum and format where the person makes the announcement. Maybe we should try be sensitive to the fact that sympathy notes act to immediately draw attention to themselves and to a traumatic event, and they can force a grieving person to redirect their attention back to the thing they are trying to manage and handle and sometimes look away from for 5 minutes. Let’s maybe give them every opportunity to manage painful interruptions, to the extent it is possible?
YMMV, obviously. The comments here indicate people want and need really different things. It’s good when a grieving family member can actually bring themselves to explain what they want and need (“please only express sympathy here on this post, I can’t handle it anywhere else” “I find facebook messages shallow and would prefer a card”), but if they can’t, I think any message of sympathy is nice.
Putting the “deviant” in Deviantart.
A+
DC Toasties! Hi! Can I join your email blast? I also vaguely remember talk of a VA vineyard / yoga / tasting event happening in Sept. Somebody find me lets be friends!
me too me too?
Um… also me?
Ooooh, same boat. Hence commenting so I can stalk the notifications later. 😛
There’s a DC email blast? Sign me up too!
There’s an email blast!? Put me on!
I posted about this a while ago:
http://www.eventbrite.com/e/yoga-in-the-vines-tic…
The whole story is awful, but this: That statement pointed to an existing relationship between the two students, and cited the fact that the woman took a birth control pill the night of the party as evidence that no rape had occurred […] “While no one other than [the female student] can know of her intent, her decision to bring and subsequently take her birth control pill provides at least some indication that she intended to have consensual sex that night,” Fischer’s statement reads in part.
*RAGESMASH*
Can we make it a rule that anyone who works in education or law needs to pass a test on HOW CONTRACEPTION WORKS?
Or, better yet, have effective sex ed. That’d be good, too.
Dammit, that was supposed to be a reply to CleverManka upthread.
The amount of people (men) that have literally no idea how HBC works is staggering. My boss (!!!) once tried to mansplain to me that HBC doesn’t work if you drink alcohol. I guess, maybe, if you get so sick you throw it up or forget to take it, sure, but he was literally under the impression that a single drink of alcohol completely negated the effectiveness of the pill
Wait what why
Because it reinforces the idea that if a woman has ANY alcohol in her body, she “deserves” whatever bad thing may happen to her.
OMG THIS GIF
Maybe he conflated the myth that alcohol renders antibiotics ineffective with the possibility that antibiotics could render HBC ineffective?
I rode my bike to work today for the first time! It was SCARY AND EXHILARATING.
Related: People in cars? Can suck a bag of dicks. One day, when I can ride one handed without risking serious injury, I am going to make LIBERAL use of my middle finger. Seriously. Dudes in big over compensate-y cars? Who don’t want to treat a stop sign like a stop sign? Bag of dicks. Start sucking.
YES!! Last week when I rode my bike to work, a dude (of course it is a dude, it is ALWAYS a dude) RAN A RED LIGHT, speeding, AT me while I was crossing the crosswalk on my bike. I was not jaywalking. The “walk” sign was lit. After biking for awhile, you start to notice things-like that men in cars will speed up when they see you crossing the street on your bike. They will drive really, really close to you-yesterday, I almost got hit in the head by some dude’s side mirror Women in cars? They don’t do this, at least in my experience. It’s like the car/bike relationship just magnifies the male sense of entitlement and disregard for women’s safety/rights.
Ugh, that’s fucking scary. I mean, to be fair, yesterday as I was walking home, crossing IN THE CROSS WALK, WITH THE LIGHT, a lady made a sharp right turn into the cross walk super fast, and if I’d been walking faster/not paying attention, I would have been hit. She looked like she was being yelled at by her boyfriend/dude friend/male person in the passenger seat, though, so once again, this is all a dude’s fault.
Also, last year I was involved in a hit and run as a pedestrian (I was okay, possibly due to latent Spider Woman powers) and of course the driver was a dude. He kind of stared at me as I flipped over his car and landed on my feet (which was impressive, I’ll admit) and then DROVE AWAY once I started screaming at him.
In conclusion: FUCK that guy, FUCK the dude from this morning, FUCK your dude from last week and men in general, dishonor, dishonor on your cow, etc. etc.
Ugh that’s so scary! I live in a city with a pretty good bike culture, and I notice that it’s actually more often then not women who nearly kill me. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I wonder if more men here cycle occasionally, and are more aware? Cars: equal opportunity jack-ass creators.
Congratulations! I remember the first time I did it- made me feel badass and sweaty and a little buzzed from fear of the cards.
Sometimes when I have unpleasant car encounters I fantasize about being able to give them flat tires with the power of my mind and leave them swearing and stranded while I cruise past, blissfully.
Lately I’ve also tried adopting Nicole’s friend’s terrifying habit of lifting the chin and saying “I wish you joy” with a slight inflection of menace. Satisfying, but not as satisfying as telepathically puncturing tires would be.
Thanks! YES, I felt that exact combination — badass and sweaty and buzzed. It took me…probably about fifteen minutes of just staring at my bike before leaving my apartment this morning to psych myself up for it, but I’m so glad I did!
I have the same tire-puncturing fantasy. I feel like the world would be vastly improved if all women were born telepathic. If only.
ooo! I got to play out the tire puncture fantasy once. Sort of.
Beloved and I were on the motorcycle. Parked it and walked around at an art fair. When we wanted to go home, we found the motorcycle was blocked in by some glassbowl’s car. We had to lift the bike over a curb.
Yes, my beloved is a studly 6’3″ and a massive 250 pounds. And I am a big strong woman. But Toastfolk, we ride one of the biggest bikes on the road. You know, because we ain’t small people. We require a really big bike.
Anyway, after struggling with the bike, I found a stone with a pointy end and let the air out of 3 of the car’s tires. That part felt good.
(I mean this completely, 100% genuinely, I just thought that Lorelai and Bette Midler could convey that better than I could.)
Congratulations! It always feels good to have conquered something scary!
Would you be willing to answer a question on driving-around-bikes etiquette from a person in a car? (I mean, I’m not currently in a car. But.) The other day I read that What My Bike Taught Me About White Privilege article that Fictitious posted above, and it got me thinking about the ways in which I exercise my “car privilege.” One of the things the author mentioned in that article is that car drivers often don’t get completely in the next lane when passing him, like they would if they were passing any other vehicle. Now, I generally try to drive safely around bicyclists, including giving them a wide berth when passing, but I don’t always get fully in the next lane. For example, I live near a lake, and the road that goes around the lake is a long, curvy, two-lane road, most of it a no-passing zone (due to the curviness). Occasionally, there will be a guy biking along this road, and I end up behind him, so I’ll usually follow at a respectful distance until I get to a spot where I can see that nobody else is coming, and then I’ll quickly pass him, but I don’t get fully in the next lane because technically that’s illegal there. Does that seem like an ok move? Should I just suck it up and stay behind him? I don’t want to make him feel unsafe on his bike!
Eh, I thought that was sort of a silly thing to complain about — I ride my bike everywhere, and it doesn’t bother me at all when people don’t pass fully in the other lane. It’s nice, but unnecessary. So long as I can’t reach out and touch you, I am perfectly happy!
Disclaimer: I live in Chicago and drivers here are sometimes quite aggressive (I once was passed by someone breaking the speed limit with maybe 6 inches of clearance in the snow), so take this with a grain of salt
Thanks! That makes me feel a bit better. And yikes — that sounds terrifying! I’ve driven in Chicago a few times, and I’m always a bit nervous when I do.
Thanks!
I think that’s probably fine! I’m such a bike noob so I mean, take this with a grain of salt, but I will tell you that I am HYPER AWARE, like teeth-grittingly aware, of cars at all times. So, bike guy definitely knows you’re there. I would imagine he’s riding as close to the shoulder of the road as possible, right? Like, to keep maximum distance between him and cars that are driving in the same direction? So as long as there’s a decent amount of space between you and him as you’re passing, I think you’re good.
This morning, several cars were just cruisin’ along, half in the bike lane 🙁 Sounds like you’re definitely way better at driving-around-bikes etitquette than that.
That’s good to hear! And yes, he’s usually riding near the outer edge of the lane, so if I’m half in the next lane, it seems like there’s lots of space between us. And the hyper-awareness is part of why I do make sure to pass, since I’m sure it’s also unnerving to have a car close behind you over a long distance. I figure that if it were me biking, I wouldn’t be fully comfortable until the car was totally gone.
And ugh, rude, oblivious drivers are the worst. I got onto my university campus at the worst time this morning (right between two of the usual class times), so there was a TON of pedestrian/bike/car traffic, and then you’d have cars stopped right in front of a building to let somebody out. So they “pulled over” into the bike lane, but they still weren’t over far enough to keep from blocking the car traffic. A lot of obscenities got shouted in the privacy of my car.
Following at the cyclist’s speed, at a distance, until you can safely pass with at least 3 feet of distance is correct. Good job! And thanks!
You are doin it right 🙂
Nah, you do not need to pass entirely in the other lane. The way you’re doing it — looking for a safe spot, and then passing with plenty of space is totally great!
I bike a lot but I have the privilege of being in a place set up for it, I’m terrified of biking anywhere else. So congrats!
Thanks! Where are you, if you don’t mind me asking? I’m in NYC, and today I biked 6 blocks in Manhattan (which is more than enough blocks, thankyouverymuch). Recently I went to Denver, though, and rode around and it was GLORIOUS. Wide streets with not so many cars! Bike lanes that are ACTUAL BIKE LANES, with dividers and everything! It was amazing.
The Netherlands, so…basically, I get to be smug about every other country’s biking capabilities? I ride here because it’s normal and easy. My parents live in Denver but I’m even afraid to ride there, because here it’s really safe and cars know you’re there and there aren’t SUVs and I’m a massive wuss. (Also Dutch cities are really compact. Denver’s got way more sprawl to it.)
I was wondering if you are in NYC, because “exhilarating” is exactly the word for biking here! Good for you, and I think as you get used to it, you’ll really enjoy biking in the city. I certainly do, even though I was scared nearly witless the first few times I did it. Don’t forget to project lots of confidence at those asshole drivers!
Yes! I really want to start riding around the city more often. I live in Queens, so I could either do Queensborough Bridge or Triborough Bridge, and I think I’m going to try alternating until I get the hang of it (and can conquer those damn ramps OH MY GOD. I had to walk my bike for…probably 75% the uphill portion of the bridge, because running muscles are most definitely NOT the same as biking muscles.)
Yeah the bridges are killer!
I only rode my bike to work once, and I fell and scraped my elbows badly, and I haven’t ridden my bike much since because I am a coward. But I keep meaning to try again, and I’m sure someday I will, especially since I have moved and now have super-quiet roads between me and work.
(A large part of what caused me to fall was an asshole in a car, of course.)
WOOOOOOHOOOO.
My bike got a flat in a very inconvenient place on the way to work this morning, so it’s now locked at the local brewery and I have to rescue it tonight, but still, bike commuting is THE BEST. THE BEST.
May I humbly suggest that your city/town/community invest in biking infrastructure, which makes all the difference in the world. I almost never feel unsafe, except for when douches try to turn right through the bike lane without looking, and then I yell at them.
BIKE UPDATE:
Sometimes I hate men so much it actually almost worries me. Like, no, you penis, do not pull up next to me in your van full of ingrates to coo “Helloooo, can I help you?” I am on a BIKE, in the frigging DARK, trying not to get smashed by oncoming TRAFFIC. But actually, yes, since you mention it, you CAN help me! Why don’t you drive yourself off the fucking bridge that I just conquered LIKE AN AMAZON.
YEAH! Way to go. 😀
Ugh. The car people can be not that rad. Some car people are great! They pass safely! And drive carefully! Other car people are totally a bag of dicks. The passing too close thing makes me want to burn it all down.
Scary & exhilarating is an excellent description of the way it feels to cycle in traffic. Good for you!
I love commuting on my bike. Mostly. When it clicks, it feels like a mini-holiday. When drivers (and other cyclists, unfortunately) are dumb/mean/oblivious, it makes me very cranky. I try to offset the crankiness by being extra civil. (“Hello, driver who is parking in the bike lane, I ring my bell at you, sir!”) That works for a while, but I am often swearing by the end of the route.
Another Link!
http://www.vevo.com/watch/zac-efron/Ladies-Choice…
ahahhaha HILARIOUS JOKE THIS ROUNDUP WAS FULL OF LINKS
This was overdue.
You are a silly lady and I love it.
The author Charles Bowden died yesterday. His incredible essay “Torch Song,” about telling stories no one wants to hear, particularly stories about violence against women and children, has haunted me for years. This link won’t give you a complete version, but maybe someone could provide one?
http://books.google.com/books?id=wKmKh7slk6wC&…
omg what just happened here
Scrolling through this, a coworker came in and watched over my shoulder silently before saying “What are you looking at, gay elf porn?” I was like well no. I mean, not at work.
IT’S A LINK
ROUNDUP
IT’S A ROUNDUP OF LINKS
I tried to explain that next, but honestly? I think he found the actual explanation EVEN STRANGER than gay elf porn.
Which now I’m wondering, what is HE looking at when he is alone??
Wait, but… Link is hanging out fully clothed and by himself in all of these. What is gay or porn-y about any of it? Or did he only see icebergy’s post?
Does he only watch really, really mild porn?
I think he just caught a glimpse of sexy elf faces as I scrolled and assumed porn. I’m going to be honest and say I don’t know what elf porn looks like, despite what I may have implied. Maybe it’s just sexy elves chilling alone in nice clothing. Maybe they make salads.
Ladies I put jewelry in my shop! Take to the Sea in style.
https://www.etsy.com/shop/MicDropDesign
sorry for the shameless pimping, but Mama needs to eat!
Love your octopi earrings! Hmmmm….maybe I should get my ears re-pierced…!
I love them too, especially as their faces look like X-Files aliens!
Love these! I am actually starting up a sci-fi- and fantasy-inspired street style/shopping guide blog; do you mind if I feature your murderous crow earrings in my Maleficent post? I have a readership of no one at the moment, but hopefully it will grow!
Please do! and share the link! Toasties will read it, that sounds awesome!
(and also put a link to my shop in your post please 🙂 )
Of course! Thanks so much 🙂
Oooh, I just ordered the “Thousands of Things” print — that was exactly the message I needed to hear today. Thank you!
Okay, so my Violence In The Workplace session is in two hours. I’ve written my comment/question because I don’t know that I can wing it off the top of my head. How’s this sound, Toasties?
While it’s important to talk about how we can best stay safe in the event of a campus shooter or other highly public but realistically rare violent occurrence, how does KU intend to address the tragically common and shamefully unpublicized violence committed against rape victims on and near campus? I am referring to the story that came out in the Huffington Post this week, regarding the student who was disciplined for a rape charge by merely being put on probation, entered into counseling, banned from university housing and made to write a reflection paper. If the university refuses to call rape by its name and instead uses the term “nonconsensual sex, ” and if the university considers community service “too punitive” for a physical and psychological violation of another human being, how am I supposed to feel safe on this campus?
Any suggestions for additional/alternative wording?
I agree with ginkgotree on the last sentence, great overall!
If you could get an answer to “why the fuck does a lawyer think that birth control=consent,” that would be fantastic, but I realize some questions don’t have satisfying answers.
Yeah, getting into the litigation aspects wouldn’t do me any favors in this venue. Today we are merely discussing violence, not stupidity.
Totally understood. You are doing good work here just by bringing it up.
You best believe, though, I ever find myself in a meeting with representatives from IOA? Words will be exchanged.
I eagerly await the day.
I might point out this quote (which I posted above as well) “When we make our recommendations, we look at what is going to help the respondent understand what happened and his responsibility for what happened,” because I’d want to know why the emphasis seems to be one helping the rapists learn and grow rather than protecting and supporting the victims.
I’m blinded by rage right now, though. Please keep us updated on how the session goes!
Unfortunately, the group running this workshop has nothing to do with the Institutional Opportunity and Access office, so bringing up specifics like that wouldn’t be helpful. They’d just be able to say “Well, we weren’t directly involved in that, so…’
Keeping it general and directed at the university community at large will be more effective and won’t let them misdirect or dodge.
I just got out of a 3-hour all-staff meeting. It was PAINFUL. It cut into my lunch break so now I have half an hour instead of a full hour (I know, I know, first-world problems) and then I have another 2-hour meeting. Whyyyy?
After getting home from work this morning I fell asleep reading The Toast and listening to public radio and when I woke up half an hour later Roxane Gay was being interviewed! I kind of think that I might be dreaming still? But I’m just going to stay in the dream this time if that’s cool. Rebroadcast isn’t up yet but it should be in the next 24 hours. It’s not perfect, but it is the best call-in show this call-in show nerd has ever heard.
Also, I’m watching her Youtube introduction to Bad Feminist, and she is another awesome lady who has a swoon-worthy voice! Between Mallory and Roxane, I’m just going to be watching these clips on repeat until I get to leave for the day.
Related: Who wants to chip in to buy Roxane Gay a baby elephant?
Here’s a link from Modern Farmer (hope it works):
http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2014/08/wo…
God, I wanna be a gentlewoman rancher SO BAD.
Are you seriously considering it as a career/life choice? Because I have advice if so (and I would love to have other Toast farmers to chat with!)
Alas, being a gentlewomen rancher is mere fantasy (right now, but you never know!) but I would lurk on a Toast Farmer thread SO HARD!
Sent from my iPad
I got threatened with (mild) violence by a man on the bus when I gently nudged his foot off of my footrest. I am weirdly pleased by this. (Also weirdly pleased that by the time I was done with him, he wished me a good day in a friendly fashion as he was getting off the bus.)
EXCELLENT WORK
I had a guy basically punch me in the shoulder this morning on the (crowded) trolley because I was between him and the exit and I had headphones on. Except we were still a full minute away from the stop and my music was on low enough that I would have heard him if he’d used his words. Either way, punching?!
Ugh. Why are people (men) awful on transit? I’m so sorry.
Sucks to him, as they say in Lord of the Flies! When the long-awaited Misandrist Singularity occurs, he will not be spared.
Does anyone have any recommendations for where I should eat or what I should do in Moline, IL? I am going there for work next week and won’t have a ton of free time but would like to see something other than my hotel and the office. And the yelp reviews are making me super super sad.
For a second, I got excited to try a new Mexican dish I’d never heard of in this place I’ve never been. Then my soul just crumpled. “according to the reviews this was the place, at least for anchalodas” :((((
I assume this link roundup is video game related, or ocarina related. That’s all I’ve got.
ETA: Oh, his NAME is Link. Good Lord, someone please give me a caffeine IV, stat. I’ll see myself out.
There’s a police officer in Oklahoma that has been charged with 16 felonies from assaulting women, including 2 counts of rape. All of the women he assaulted were black. People have started gofundme and other fundraising projects so that he receives “justice”. http://www.mlive.com/news/ann-arbor/index.ssf/201…
http://www.ebony.com/news-views/if-blacklivesmatt…
I have an update! Yesterday I got into an argument with my co-worker about the Jennifer Lawrence photos. He was all like “WELL IF I LEFT MY WALLET ON THE FLOOR, WOULDN’T IT BE MY FAULT IF IT GOT STOLEN?”
And then today he came into my office and he was like “I figured it out, you are right” (which was quite funny. Thanks for figuring it out! Figuring out what I already figured out, good job white man.) And then he says: “It all comes down to whether or not you think taking naked pictures is wrong. If it’s not wrong, she doesn’t have any culpability. And it’s not wrong. So you’re right.”
Anyway, a little victory.
Crap, they just announced layoffs are coming. But I’m a contractor. So that makes me either more likely to get laid off, or less likely, depending.
At least I applied for a job during my lunch break?
Uh-oh. Crossing my fingers for you.
Oh, no. Hoping you can ride this one out.
Oh yes you definitely DID have to do that. Now I am laughing too hard to type! (Yet typing anyway, it is magic.)
Arrrghhh I took a survey today about restrictions on abortion centers, and you had to listen to these statements and show how convincing you found them, and they had stock photos of the people making the statements, AND EVERY SINGLE ONE WAS AN OLDER WHITE DUDE IN A SUIT AND TIE- different people, just all white men. I was so angry by the end that I didn’t care that they were saying the right thing, I was just waiting for a little box I could put my angry comment in, and then it was the end and thanked me for my time and I didn’t even get to tell them how horrible they were.
So that person CeeLo Green was responding to when he said that if she’s unconscious, it’s not rape? That was totally a friend of mine from high school. She crowed about it on facebook and we all basked in her reflected glory.
And then we marveled at her ability to chase misogynists off twitter and get their TV shows cancelled.
Sucks to him, as they say in Lord of the Flies! When the long-awaited Misandrist Singularity occurs, he will not be spared.
Nah, you do not need to pass entirely in the other lane. The way you're doing it — looking for a safe spot, and then passing with plenty of space is totally great!
YEAH! Way to go. 😀
Ugh. The car people can be not that rad. Some car people are great! They pass safely! And drive carefully! Other car people are totally a bag of dicks. The passing too close thing makes me want to burn it all down.