I do not know if you have heard (ideally you follow her on Twitter) but our beloved Roxane Gay of NEW VERTICAL FAME has, like so many literary heroines, suffered a very unpleasant fall in her home, and is now in The Hands of Medicine, so we are a) very sorry that her birthday is rich in opiates but poor in walking, and b) postponing her launch until she pronounces herself both ready and joyous to begin! In the meantime, please enjoy this essay in The New Inquiry about how great she is:
Gay began by reading her live-tweeting of the legendary September issue of Vogue, and each tweet mocked the composition of white people pictured in the magazine’s glossy ads. Everyone was with her, laughing at the impossibility of white beauty that few white women in the room could ever manage. But when Gay talked about the effect seeing movies like The Help and Rosewood had on her, the mood shifted just a bit. She announced, with the same matter-of-factness as she used when talking about The Hunger Games as a post-traumatic-stress narrative, that after seeing these films she couldn’t be around white people for a little while. I could see the expression on the young white women’s faces change. I’ve seen that look before—that slightly pained, slightly irritated expression white people get when they’re reminded that they are the descendants and beneficiaries of systems that oppress people of color. You could practically see #notallwhitepeople flash over their heads. I imagine it must be compelling to have a funny, strong BLACK ♀ speaking to the popular culture so many young white women enjoy. To watch that same critic turn her sharp attention on you must be jarring. It’s as if readers and critics alike want to focus on the feminist part while forgetting the black woman part of the Gay equation. Gay might be your BFF when it comes to Beyoncé, Outlander, and Hunger Games, but she is not your Girlfriend Intervention.
If you were thinking about sending me a Halloween-themed pitch, let me take this opportunity to gracefully decline and direct you elsewhere. We have like two ghost-tours pieces and scary movies and other stuff all lined up, and we feel GREAT.
Speaking of Halloween, Autostraddle did a run-down on the Buffy costumes of your dreams.
diversity in kids’ tv, man:
Diversity also makes sense for business. Dora The Explorer, for instance, started out as a little white girl named Tess before Nickelodeon executives asked the show’s creators to convert her into a bilingual Latina, citing some research on how Latinos were the most underrepresented minority on television. Neither of the show’s creators spoke Spanish or knew anything about Latino life, but they hired a Latino writer and several savvy consultants and language experts. Thus the Dora empire was born.
“Tell Me a Story With a Happy Ending”:
We listened to our new friends’ advice and bought the kids clothes from the outlets, until it came to coats. “On coats, we don’t compromise,” I told my wife. “Not in central Illinois, not for the kind of winter they promised we’d have.”
And you know, it’s because of you that I’m not being stingy about coats. You probably don’t remember, but when we once shared a taxi from Leipzig to Berlin, maybe fifteen years ago, you told me a story about your father, and one sentence is engraved in my mind: “He survived because he took a coat.”
“On coats, we don’t compromise,” I told my wife. “We have to buy the best, the most expensive.”
Some serious Picture Day chops on these kids.
“Dear Television” has a killer rundown of the fall shows:
Phil: I re-watched The Big Chill a couple weeks ago — much love, Goldblum — and there’s a scene in which Mary Kay Place says, “They’re either married or gay. And if they’re not gay, they’ve just broken up with the most wonderful woman in the world, or they’ve just broken up with a bitch who looks exactly like me.” I’m not saying Lawrence Kasdan invented that line, but that joke is at least 30-years-old. And it was trying to be a sharp social comment then. Manhattan Love Story actually ended its pilot with it. These people really get it.
I just got Katha Pollitt’s new book about abortion via a publisher, and this piece in ELLE about it is a great read:
In several meetings at work in which this essay was discussed, I noticed that none of the other editors in the room, all of them pro-choice, could bring themselves to utter the word abortion; it was “Laurie’s pro piece,” or her “memoir.” I know that my colleagues, many of whom are my friends, were just trying to be kind when they referred to my “reproductive rights” story. The truth is, I felt uncomfortable saying it out loud too. Abortion is a conversational third rail, women’s dirtiest dirty laundry, to mix metaphors. Because the other thing about living in a political culture where a single-cell zygote is constantly being called a “person” is that there is a penumbra of shame surrounding abortion. For myself, however, I wonder: Am I really ashamed—and, if so, what is it exactly that I’m ashamed of?
I had MY abortion in college, and I feel like I felt shitty about it for about two years, then stopped caring, and now I feel so grateful and relieved when I think about it and what it made possible for me, and I have literally zero guilt or regret at this point in my life, and obviously you can have many many reactions to having had an abortion, but I am a) happy to wave my little personal flag of “do not give the tiniest of shits now” and b) I try to be pretty open about it? That’s not an option available to everyone, which I’d like to see given more space here; there are so many women living in communities or in families where being open about it would be a disaster, so if you CAN be open about it, I think it’s a good thing to do. Whenever I have an appointment with my midwife, she or her nurse or a student says “how many times have you been pregnant?” and I say “three” and she says “so, you are pregnant now and you have one child and a (sympathetic face) miscarriage?” and I try to be really firm and pleasant and say “no, I had an elective termination in college” in a tone that brooks NO SYMPATHY and that’s my tiny little Utah activism.
Pictures of Vamp Willow should be included in all posts. Even before reading the link roundup, it brightened my day.
Oh, Faith. Not even evil gay vampires can compare to you.
This is true.
Whenever I have an appointment with my midwife, she or her nurse or a student says “how many times have you been pregnant?” and I say “three” and she says “so, you are pregnant now and you have one child and a (sympathetic face) miscarriage?” and I try to be really firm and pleasant and say “no, I had an elective termination in college” in a tone that brooks NO SYMPATHY and that’s my tiny little Utah activism.
*applauds*
This interested me in particular as someone who recently had a D&C for a missed miscarriage, and the surgical staff kept referring to it as a “missed abortion.” Apparently that’s the medical term (I’m an RN and I didn’t know because NOBODY TALKS ABOUT MISCARRIAGE), so I get it, but I still felt like they made it sound unwanted, which it wasn’t. Interesting how and when they try to be delicate, versus not.
BUT I HAVE A PITCH ABOUT WITCHCRAFT THO
Unlike the rest of the media world, I feel like The Toast is an on-topic paradise for witchcraft even on days that don’t fall at the end of October! If you’re a staunch traditionalist, rework it and submit it as a Walpurgisnacht pitch.
Yes, that was the joke, that we are basically one big virtual misandry coven.
I will drink more coffee and try to be funny again later.
Nicole, I hope one day to be as solidly together and awesome as you are.
Don’t we all.
We do.
One of those is my ghost tours piece!!! I guess it was a good plan to submit something ghost-themed at a non-spooky time of year. SO EXCITED.
Imma read the Keret-Kashua piece, but that quote made me think of this, from the brilliant Tim Kreider:
[you told me a story about your father, and one sentence is engraved in my mind: “He survived because he took a coat.”] <– because this is the Toast, I have to point out that this is the most dad thing ever. To turn your survival story into your “and that’s why you always wear a coat” story.
Just saying, that episode of Buffy with Dark Willow was a key coming-out moment for me, and I may have rewound to see sexy evil Willow more than a few times.
Is this the appropriate place to say that I’ve gotten three postcards and they are awesome? Because I have gotten three Toastcards and they are AWESOME. They are now displayed proudly on my office bulletin board, along with the birthday card from a former student that they edited to blame The Patriarchy for everything. And one Parisian Toaster also sent brilliant black-cat handmade magnets about The Fluffy Singularity and they are on the office fridge and you guys are just the best.
I keep hearing about the Toast Post. Is that a thing you can still sign up for somewhere? I bought a new house! It has a mailbox! And when I unpacked this one box, I found *a whole roll of Forever stamps.* Guys, I am completely ready for this!
Polka_stripes set it up and I think I found the sign-up link in an open thread? In the meantime, if you send me your address (msmacbeth gmail), I’ll send you one right now!
HI HI HI! I tried to get set up with Toast Post because I love sending/receiving mail but I never heard back, may I email you as well?
I have a pile of postcards ready for Toast Post- email me your address at megan(dot)g(dot)Bernard gmail and I will send them on their merry way to you!
Yes! Send me addresses and I’ll ad-hoc you a postcard!
I also want in if it is still happening! I am already a postcard aficionado.
I would like in too! Toast Post sounds awesome. May I email someone? I’ll send one to someone if you want- rh o sy medr a (remove the space pls) is my gmail.
I keep mine nearby and I love them so
email me – mel @ melaniegreene.com – if anyone wants one from me. Though lately I’ve been sending origami boats, since I’m out of postcards.
origami boats?! THAT SOUNDS AWESOME.
kpoparazzi(at)gmail(dot)com all and everyone who would like a postcard!
Wheee, there’s my postcard! And a shout-out to “seapartridge”, LOVE your postcard! It’s also proudly displayed (on the fridge!) and I get a kick out of it every time I go past it. A postcard! From a Toastie! FROM WASHINGTON, DC! So cool!
I just got it yesterday and I’m super happy this conversation is happening because Friday’s Open Thread was so far away…!
Jeepers, if I could plop a happy GIF here, I would; this Toastie-Postie thing is so much fun!
it’s yours! And it’s beautiful.
Here’s gif-posting instructions:
img src=”IMAGE URL”
but put < and > at either end of the code
Aw, thanks! They’re all so cool, Mona is hanging with a good crowd, for sure.
Sent from my iPad
PONYALONG!!! Thank you for the post card I LOVE IT, it is on my little bulletin board right next to Roxane Gay’s reading list and a zebra card my friend sent me from Zambia!
TOAST POST FOREVER!
You’re so welcome! Looking forward to the next round (is there a next round? Hope so!).
Sent from my iPad
The origami boats are great! They are on top of my computer at work where I can gaze at them when my coworkers are being dumb, and fantasize about taking to the sea. Thank you 🙂
That’s fantastic. I’m glad they help with anti-dumb-coworker moments!
Your origami boats are on my shelf at my office! I love them!
that Parisian Toastie is amazing! I now have A Softer World magnets because of her.
I am shamefully slow and have yet to mail any of my postcards. Or purchase postcards.
I have postcards, and I have written some, so some amount of forward progress has been made, but the actual mailing portion of things has been…elusive.
AHHHH I put my US-Toast cards in the mail YESTERDAY even though we got the addresses ten days ago, because I am a TERRIBLE PROCRASTINATOR.
I still have two Canadian Toasties to send to, and I have the cards in my bag, and I WILL SEND THEM by the end of the week I proooomise, I just have very little time to go to the post office because my work hours are a pain in the butt and I don’t know how much postage post cards take to get to Canada…??
Ahh, sorry to my matches because I still have not sent any! I bought the stamps, but I don’t have any postcards :/
I got one from anniekate76 yesterday and it is great. I love Toastcards!!
YAY! 😀
Toast Post makes me SO HAPPY. I have mine up at the office, too!
CleverManka! One of the ghost tour pieces that will go up is mine, but it was your idea in a comment thread once, thanks so much for suggesting it.
I have received two, and they are the most beautiful things ever (and one arrived on my birthday – the only mail I got – so thank you especially, Shaunacumlaude!)
RE: Winter coats in Illinois. I somehow survived last winterpocalypse/polar vortex in Chicago with a shitty wool coat. (And by drinking a lot… and layers!) This year, when “summer” ended I went out and bought the warmest parka I could find. It even turns into a little toasty backpack for some reason. I AM READY CHICAGO, COME AT ME BRO.
I did ten years in Chicago in cloth coats to, like, make a point to myself or something? I finally gave into the puffy parka last year (though not in Chicago anymore) and it was a dream. So light! So warm!
Also, fleece tights are the greatest invention in the history of legs and I recommend that everyone everywhere buy five pairs.
Do they have four-way stretch? Do you have a recommended place for buying them?
Signed, 36″ inseams that lead to leggings having all the wrong shapes/fits.
I get mine from Target and Nordstrom Rack, usually. If I feel like a splurge I’ll buy from Sock Dreams. I’ve also heard really good things about Uniqlo Heattech but I haven’t tried them yet.
I love the Heattech tights I got last winter–they’re nice and thick and they are really warm, but they’re not quiiiiite as cozy as fleece. They were great down to about 30F, but I needed something more for the really bone-chilling days of the polar vortex. (Mostly because I refuse pants and was wearing skirts, so needed some heavy-duty leg covering.)
Fleece leggings might be a better fit for you. I got my most recent ones at Costco for $8 for a two-pack. I’m going for volume over quality, obviously.
Fleece tights are amazing! I mostly wear knitted tights from H&M but I have a pair of fleece ones for the few times it gets freezing here and they are so worth it.
Fleece tights changed my LIFE last winter (northern Michigan Polar Vortex represent!). I need about eleventy zillion more pairs.
This will be my fourth winter in Milwaukee – despite being from California, I have somehow survived up to this point with only a wool coat the first year, and the shittiest of puffy Target coats the last two. I finally caved and bought a fancy Bewarmallthetimety™ Technology coat last month, and it better be WORTH IT OR SO HELP ME.
As a fellow Milwaukee Toastie, I feel you. This will be my 14th winter here and I think this might be the year I break down and get a parka.
Wait, a backpack? Like, it folds up to make a warm little bundle to keep exclusively the middle of your back warm? I must know more!
(Also I, too, am in Chicago, and I inherited my old roommate’s very slightly too small puffy coat from Land’s End, and I finally got over my mild distaste for puffy coats last year when it was too goddamn cold to wear wool coats, or supplement wool coats with fuzzy things, or do anything other than turtle around in an ankle-length puffy monstrosity)
“The inside features shoulder straps, so you can carry the parka like a backpack when you take it off.” http://us.aritzia.com/product/bancroft-warmest-pa…
I am not sure I will ever do this.
I am more sad than words can express that there isn’t a picture or video of someone wearing her jaunty little parkapack.
Thank you so much. I’m now on the east coast and I dont even know the BRANDS REQUIRED to stay warm and alive.
I’m from LA and my greatest fear in life is dying in the snow.
I can recommend Jack Wolfskin – I got a long black parka from them before I went to the Canadian Rockies in the winter (av temperature around -28c with one day at -40c which is also! Fun Fact -40F) and I felt warmer than I have ever done in a Scottish winter (average temperature 0-5c)
Canada Goose seems to be the current choice for people in the Prairies, but if you’re not down with spending the price of a couch on a coat, North Face is pretty solid. I bought one of their full-length down parkas a few year’s ago when it was 40 below on New Year’s Eve and we were walking from party to party, and didn’t regret a penny.
I moved to Kansas (wind never quits, even when temps below zero) after growing up in Phoenix. The first cold day there, my colleague came by and *told* me I was having dinner at his house that evening so his wife could talk with me about my wardrobe.
Apparently, he was certain I was going to freeze to death after learning my warmest outer layer was a lined raincoat. His wife got out the Sears catalog (this was the 1980s, kids) and pointed at stuff she made me promise to buy. I learned the importance of non-cotton underwear, including a warm camisole. I learned there is more than one kind of sweater. Who knew? I learned which kind of snow boots I must buy since I could only afford one pair. I learned puffy coats are even warmer than they are unattractive. And I learned my colleague would be personally offended if I tried to walk to work the morning the battery inevitably refused to start my car in bitter cold. And that if it was too cold for a car battery, it was too cold to keep frostbite at bay all the way to work on foot.
Truly, all of this was a revelation to me, though I was an adult. My colleague and his wife are probably the only reason I still have all my fingers.
I had a similar experience when I spent a winter in New England after coming from California, except since I was a student it was my teachers taking me to outlets and yard sales to buy boots and mittens and long underwear. Thank goodness for practical people.
I taught for a couple of years at a college in Maine where there was an emergency grant program for students experiencing unexpected need for whatever reason–it bought a lot of warm coats and boots for kids who had no idea what they were in for and couldn’t afford to get the stuff themselves.
Oh man, thanks to block heaters, I think there has been only one time the car hasn’t started (and that was because the heater hadn’t been on long enough).
I had never heard of a block heater. My neighbor made me buy a heavy-duty extension cord and taught me to keep a light bulb on under the hood all night. Our apartments had no covered parking. That was the same neighbor who dug me out of my apartment the morning all the snow had drifted against my door, 6 feet high, the only apartment facing that direction in an L-shaped building.
They’re required in Canada IIRC, but I remember teaching a Toronto expat coworker about block heaters when she moved west. (She didn’t understand why we kept talking about “plugging the car in” – did we all have electric cars?)
I think it’s weird that they’re not as common in the States, it’s not like you guys are all California. We can even buy magnetic ones here to stick on your engine block, for diesels.
I grew up with block heaters (foothills of Colorado, so not even Montana or something). I remember my mom’s brand new Outback came with one built in, which was a very big deal at the time of its purchase.
I am 30 years old and have never even SEEN snow in my life much less experienced temperatures lower than 20degF in the daytime (and that was an unusually cold day with a lot of cloud cover, and it warmed up to 30 by midday) because I have lived in Florida my entire life and I am terrified of moving further north oh my god i will die from cold.
I’m from Tucson and could have used all this advice when I moved to Chicago. I lived, somehow, mostly because I had inexplicably begun collecting wool skirts and sweaters before I moved. But I had no idea how to manage all the accessories–hats! scarves! gloves! earmuffs! so many things! I carried those chemical packet handwarmers the first few winters, since I was commuting an hour on the el and buses and spending a lot of time standing on nightmarish overpasses and platforms.
I am a weird hot-blooded person and last winter my swishy ankle-length black wool coat was just perfect for me. If winter just had more sunlight I’d love it.
I have my grandmother’s heavy wool cape. It’s a Sears classic, 100% virgin wool, has a collar I can turn up, pockets in the side (pockets! in my cape!), and once I put it on, I have 5 minutes to leave whatever building I’m in before I overheat and die.
Shush, do not taunt Chicago Winter.
I have never had an abortion, and I hope I never have to. Not in the “oh it would be so hard to make that choice” way because fuck that shit, I would get one in a heartbeat, but more like “knives and doctors make me nervous.” But anyway, after I read that piece I thought a lot about what my reaction would be. On one hand, I am all about destigmatizing abortion through women telling their personal stories, reminding us that lots of people get them. On the other, it feels like part of my sex life, which is mostly a part of my life I want to keep private, especially as a writer who does a lot of personal essays….
Oh let’s be serious if I got one I’d be shouting it from the rooftops, fuck society.
and you’ll be pleased to learn no knives are (usually?) involved!
I think the privacy issue is a big reason why I don’t tell more people about my abortion. (Haha, hey friends who read the comments and didn’t already know that!) I don’t really share a lot about my sex life, except with a few close friends.
Plus, most times, there’s no good segue into it, unless you’re already talking about reproductive rights. “Yeah, this cheesecake is delicious, and did you know I had an abortion 4 years ago and it was the best decision of my life?”
Uhhh this is the greatest segue I’ve ever heard.
i feel like making an effort not to hide my abortion means it comes up naturally in conversation relatively often.
Sex, birth control, hospitals, anaesthesia, kids, the fact that I don’t want kids, sympathizing about morning sickness…I try to treat it like any other minor medical procedure and mention it when it’s relevant to the conversation and usually two or three times a year it is
“I’m so glad I was free this evening to come see you and enjoy this delicious cheesecake! It’s probably because I don’t currently devote a large chunk of my time to raising a four-year-old, since I had an abortion.”
Okay just read the Keret-Kashua piece and goddamn. Crying at my desk. I lived in Israel and was active in the peace movement, and they both sum up the existential hopelessness and despair somehow mixed with humor and humanity that makes up that world.
A few days ago, Shira told me that Lev said he wanted us to stop talking to people about wanting peace. When Shira asked him why, he was surprised. “Mom, didn’t they teach you anything in school? You know who said they want peace? Rabin, Sadat, John Lennon, and they were all murdered. I want peace, too, but I want parents even more.” When Shira told me that, I got chills all over my body. Here’s this smart and curious kid, eight and a half years old, who last year took part in a much publicized anti-racist Ministry of Education program, and the only truth he managed to extract from the world running wild around him is that wanting peace is dangerous. Sorry, correction: wanting a nonviolent future in which all the inhabitants of the region have self-definition and can exercise all their basic rights is O.K., but saying it out loud or, God forbid, trying to do something about it—that’s too dangerous.
NEWS IN: Hiring Diverse Staff Key to Writing Diverse Telly!
Someone send that memo round, promptly.
Those school pictures, man…and hey, do some places have fancier options for school pictures? My daughter’s school photo services offers, like, autumn leaf background and photoshopped zit removal but there’s no creepy-doll-in-the-upper-right-corner or adding your dog to your hair. Should I complain to the middle school?
@bittersweet – I think a lot of those aren’t actually school photos, but some high-quality portrait studio work. I have never seen a finer photo than the dog-in-hair!
I am so sad that it never occurred to me to have my school picture taken with Kirsten the American Girl.
Yeah, most of those are definitely not school photos. A lot of them have watermarks for places like glamorshots and other studios. I used to be a school portrait photographer, and for fall pictures its usually (at the company I worked for) just a few options for background and then spring has some kind of prop option.
Things like that collection of kid photos make me wish I’d had children (for about five minutes, and then I recover).
If only we could actually shove all the hyper-fundamentalists and rabid religious terrorists into a single Force-Is-The-Only-Language-They-Understand country and expect them to stay there. There would be ten thousand little conquests and micro-states within the next week. Force-And-Esperanto-Are-The-Only-Languages-They-Understand, maybe.
Esperanto? You give them too much credit. English is their only language. Monolinguals, most of them. And defensively monolingual. Learning another language leads to learning about people who differ from you, who make choices you would not make. Sense of self (as not-them) cannot survive the thought, much less the effort.
I once spent about two weeks idly making Esperanto flash cards because I thought it would be a fun exercise, before I realized that most of the other people with that hobby are people who want to talk to you about their bitcoins. So they would hear about other people’s choices but, like, it would be pretty weird.
Okay, I’d watch a TV show about that, now that I think of it.
KNOWING that other people exist in “their” country who don’t speak English primarily even offends them. “Push 2 for Spanish? What the hell? This is ‘MURICA by gods!” etc etc.
I never had an abortion, but I’ve taken the morning after pill a couple of times. And I’m pretty open about that, too, though it’s not in the same ballpark.
I remember one of the few times I wandered down to the health centre at UEA’s campus, and this was in the early 90s, when us American types were pretty convinced socialized medicine was scary and awful (or at least that the NHS has no redeeming value, and never would) – anyway, there were actual pamphlets about the morning after pill and everyone was totally casual about it and I was astounded. Even coming from my super-liberal/lefty/granola home campus (UC Santa Cruz), people never spoke much about abortion. They supported it, yes, it was all about a woman’s right to choose, but as far as ‘hi I am a human who needs a termination’ stuff, that was kept pretty underground in the few cases I knew about, and since clearly I didn’t know the only 3 people on campus who elected termination, I’m thinking there were a lot of hushed up abortions happening around me.
So to have it be just a fact that you could walk up to the counter and say ‘hey, I need the morning-after pill, thanks, I’ll go wait over there with my mates’ was pretty bizarre. And cool. But mostly bizarre.
An not only that, but free
I will be 29 in a month. Since my mum put me on the pill at 13, I haven’t had to pay for any contraception or my two uses of the morning-after pill.
I use the free clinic. They remove my implant and put it back in for me. They give me condoms if I ask for them. They’ll do a free STI check if I want them to. They gave me my morning after pills without a qualm, without any invasive questions (aside from ‘how long ago was the unprotected sex, which they needed to know). They were the first people to precribe me any kind of birth control. If I needed a termination, I could go there and they’d get the requisite two doctors to agree with haste. They have excellent advice for all people and their sexual health, without prejudice of any kind. Not once have I had to pay anything for these services, unless you count my tax burden. They are kind to me, consistently excellent, and are the main reasons I vehemently oppose the tories and their attempts to privatise our health system by stealth.
I love that contraception is free. The thought of having to pay for it, and so having poorer women being disproportionately affected by unwanted pregnancies (which, shockingly enough, don’t help the situation if you’re poor!), is terrifying. Surely it makes more sense to make contraception free!
Wait Nicole, I didn’t know you were expecting again! Congratulations!
I for one would be happy to read ALL THE HALLOWEEN PIECES.
@bittersweet: I think the list just mashed up ‘weird Sears photo studio’-type places with actual school picture day things? Then again, my middle school once offered a choice between posing with a log, sitting on a bench, and standing under an ivy-twined trellis for school pictures, so.
(I chose the log.)
And here I was upset that my parents wouldn’t let me get pictures taken with the fancy background, it had to be boring blue. You guys got a LOG???
I call it my ‘looking thoughtful in the forest’ picture. I only wish I had a scan of it to show everyone.
Twin Peaks high school?
Well, I did grow up in the Pacific NW, so…kind of.
I finished the Kashua/Keret article and it’s just heartbreaking. I went to college in Champaign-Urbana. While it does have it’s problems, it is also this incredible little midwestern college town with corn festivals, excellent public transportation, and great bars (Kashua, call me!).
Champaign is also full of optimistic students, too. When Obama was first elected, we literally flooded the streets. People were climbing the alma mater and singing “America, the Beautiful”, running all over the quad waving american flags, dancing, and we lifted some random kid on our shoulders and he made a speech- it was crazy. Maybe we were just young and dumb (and not cynical enough, considering…) but I so wish I could bottle that general feeling and ship it all over the world.
There’s something about midwestern university towns. I don’t know. They’re just the best.
Being in college and surrounded by all that young idealism when they announced the election results in 2008 was really exciting in the little midwestern college town I was in. I think it was just a really special moment for a lot of people. There were a lot of drunk people setting off fireworks and running up and down my street, too.
I also felt a big need to defend Chambana after reading that. We have lots of perfectly nice bars! 2 very nice local breweries. And yeah, the native Illinoisians generally do go out of their way to warn near-strangers Winter is Coming and that they should buy clothes at the outlet mall for the best value. It is the way of my people to be aggressively helpful.
Also if you happen to remember the Alma Mater being labeled OBAMATER with some inkjet-printer arts-n-crafts that night, I am proud to inform you that was my now-husband who did that. 🙂
My experience with Urbana-Champaign is entirely based off of the book Galatea 2.2, which made it sound wonderful in every way. It is nice to hear this confirmed.
I did the SAME THING it was really not great, I’m arming myself now against the oncoming freeze.
Okay, now I’m really disappointed that I never got “professional” pictures taken when I got my belts in tae kwon do. I too could have a second mortifying picture! We Do Not Speak of the other one.
UGH terror threat at Utah State University derailed feminist speaking event, “feminists have ruined my life and I will have my revenge, for my sake and the sake of all the others they’ve wronged.” http://www.standard.net/Police/2014/10/14/Utah-St…
I was just coming here to talk about that. I’m fucking over “gamergate.”
This is so ridiculous. I just…have no words. I want to add something to the conversation but all I can think is UGGGHHHHHHHH.
Every morning when I wake up I check Twitter (since I go to bed at like 8:30PM EST I miss everything) and lately it’s just been endless Game Gate bullshit. Destroying people’s lives and then hiding behind the old “overzealous staffer” or “no true Scotsman” shield. Fuck Adam Baldwin, too. I wish Bungie would release a patch for Halo ODST so I never have to hear his voice again.
TELL ME ALL ABOUT THESE PEOPLE WE HAVE WRONGED. good lord.
In fairness, we have wronged a lot of boners.
In further fairness, though, you know those are exactly the boners that deserved it.
Hate group hate group hate group. Seriously, the MRAs (and I think specifically the MRA subreddit?) have already been identified by the SPLC as a hate group. Part of me is almost relieved that this is all explicit and out in the open, rather than just…insidious, because now it feels like there’s something to fight. But another part of me is like, hoooooly shit this is gonna get a lot worse before it gets better. White people / dudes / white dudes REALLY hate losing even a bit of privilege.
I think truly virulent avowed bigots (your KKK, your Neo-nazis, and now apparently your misogynists) are small in number, but that’s not much comfort when you think about what a small number of crazy people can do.
I dunno. I keep thinking about Stetson Kennedy, but I don’t know if mockery will work if they already see themselves as marginalized.
BING BING BING. And people are finally starting to call this terrorism, WHICH IT IS.
I saw a Gamergate bro in the wild today, in a comment fight with someone on facebook, and I stopped reading when he used the phrase “Stop literally raping video games.” I just can’t even.
I think there are sparks flying out of my ears now. DEFINITELY ban these shitheels.
BURN IT DOWN. BURN IT ALL DOWN.
I can’t imagine how unsafe women at USU (and those in things like engineering, comp sci, physics, etc) must feel. That is seriously scary.
TWO ghost tour pieces?? My excitement cannot be contained!
This is probably not the right place to talk about this, but the video ad in the top right corner of the window keeps causing Chrome to crash! Is anyone else having this issue? Is there a better browser to use to view the Toast?
Mine was doing that, as well, and I finally had to disable the Shockwave player. It’s in Chrome Settings, but you kind of have to look for it.
YES! That worked. Thank you!
Bless you, this has saved my sanity, and my participation in the Open Thread this Friday, which I will need to get through the sixth day of work in a row (and the eleventh with only one day off).
I’m using firefox, and while it doesn’t cause my browser to crash, it DOES makes everything paaaaainfully slow. I’ve had to cut down on my Toast-reading at work for the past week because it’s been genuinely hard to do work with Toast tabs open. 🙁
As pjwren says above, disabling the shockwave player works! Waaay better than cutting down on toasttime.
WITCHCRAFT. thank you!
someone mentioned on a thread last week, I think, that if you disable flash auto-play it helps a ton. But I don’t have more info than that.
On that note, does anyone have any ideas about making The Toast a better experience on my iPad? It’s crashy and glitchy and I absolutely cannot comment reliably. Do I need to update my OS? I’m usually very hesitant to do that….
Oh good, it’s not just me! Does it get worse in longer comment threads? Friday Open Threads are a frustrating misery lately because the deeper I go into the comments, the slower and crashier it gets (scroll a quarter-page, freeze; try to expand replies, waitwaitwaitwait, freeze). I think the problems are related to the general Intense Debate issues instead of the iPad itself because I started having problems around the same time i saw the first comments about ID issues. That said, I have not installed the latest upgrade yet (iOS 8.0.2 – I’ve heard people lost pics and files, so I’m waiting until I get everything backed up).
This is a reply to Ethylbenzene, in case it doesn’t thread properly.
Riding the wave of Nick nostalgia (and man, that was so refreshing to read after Pilot’s interview last week that made me want to run away screaming from that guy), The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo was one of the first shows I remember watching that had an Asian lead actress and I would really, really love to get a copy of that on DVD.
Will pre-order suffice? http://www.amazon.com/The-Mystery-Files-Shelby-Wo…
(also available on Amazon instant streaming!)
BLESS YOU AMAZON PRIME! I know what I’m watching when I get home from work toniiiiiiight~~~
Got woken up this morning by news helicopters overhead because the new ebola patient lives in my neighborhood. I’m not nervous or anything, more just annoyed by how everyone is acting.
Yeah, I firmly believe the reaction (besides reasonable quarantine protocol) is half of the problem.
I’m in Atlanta, and the reaction to patients arriving is absurd. Then again we have a massive number of health professionals here, so maybe it is not as bad as somewhere like Texas.
More Dallas Toasties? I don’t live in the neighborhood where the new patient lives, but I live right down the street from Presby.
I know that some little girls imagine growing up and getting married and popping out babies but since I was a little girl, whenever I thought about growing up and getting accidentally pregnant I always thought “well if Im not emotionally, financially or just generally stable enough to have a child then I just wont have it” and I feel like more people should this attitude because parenting is a BIG DEAL and just because you *can* become a parent at random doesn’t mean you should *have* to.
I am all for people exercising choice and control over the biggest decision of their lives.
I am just saying right here right now that one of your Halloween pieces had better be by Lucia Peters because her spookiness game is ON POINT.
I’m hoping for a witchy piece from Red Mills. Hmm.
Oh wow was not expecting to flash back to horrific headgear memories today. (I never had to wear it to school, but ugh, trying to sleep when the orthodontist had cheerily ordered you to tighten it up a bit…)
I wore mine to school, but I was a nerd and one of the cool girls started wearing hers first so it was fine.
Wearing it to school meant I didn’t have to sleep in it. I thought that was an excellent system.
I would just like to point out that the Dora article mentions how one of the creators of Dora, who is not Latina, ended up marrying the Latino writer/consultant they hired, which I think is sweet. DORA LOVE STORY <3
I went to school around the same time as you. CU will always have a special place in my heart–I ran out to Green Street for the election, too, and probably have a very similar picture. What a wonderful day, even if the election didn’t mean all that we hoped it would in the long run.
I think that (beautiful) article really speaks to the vast diversity you can find at Illinois. It’s easy to dismiss CU as dumb, drunk, white and in the middle of nowhere, but by my senior year I really came to recognize how deeply international the population is. That’s why the news about Steven Salaita really bummed me out. There is just so much rich cultural art, music, writing, discussion, scholarship going on in Champaign.
Crap! This was to @funfetti. I wonder what happened.
Thank you for the TNI Roxane Gay piece. As a white lady feminist, I’m getting real tired of white lady feminism, and I wanna do whatever I can to bust down the echo chamber.
110% COSIGNED. This is something I love about the Toast – I can read about the experiences of so, so many women, and just sit back and absorb it all and LISTEN. And I know that when I have questions, I’ll get thoughtful answers.
I was so looking forward to The Butter! Guess I will just have to let the anticipation build a bit longer. Feel better soon, Roxanne!
(I posted this upthread, but wanted to solicit the coven as a whole)
I’m now on the east coast and I dont even know the BRANDS REQUIRED to stay warm and alive. I’m from LA and my greatest fear in life is dying in the snow.
Please help.
When I moved from Florida to Massachusetts in the middle of winter, these saved my life:
-North Face down jacket, moderately puffy, mid-thigh length
-North Face fleece hat long enough to cover my ears
-Sorel Tivoli high snow boots
-fleece-lined tights, any brand
-huge chunky knitted scarf
I purchased a really fabulous down jacket at Kohl’s a few years ago for skiing and it is routinely too hot for me to wear, so I think that might work well for someone accustomed to warmer weather. The brand is something weird like Performance Xpress (xtreme kool letterz!) or something like that.
I’ve also heard really good things about North Face jackets but I don’t know if they hold up.
North Face has (if I remember correctly) a lifetime warranty on most things. It’s worth the investment. My regular North Face fleece jacket gets me through early December mostly, and then it’s no holds barred. Last year was a LOT of wool sweaters, wicking layers, good socks (Smartwool 4eva), fleece tights under jeans, and my mom’s antique, hideous full-length down coat that is just about the ugliest thing in the world, but honestly, we got 22 feet of snow last year and I stopped giving a fuck in February.
You’ll be fine — it’s all about dressing for the cold! You need some kind of thermal leggings, especially if you plan to wear jeans after November. I recommend silk ones — really thin, really warm, really soft. Wintersilk is not bad. Sweater tights are also wise. Plenty of layers. Wear a hat that covers your ears (now I sound like someone’s mother). You’ll be fine!
La Canadienne boots are the best for looking stylish yet staying warm & dry. Otherwise, I don’t think brands matter too much. Choose wool over synthetics because it’s warmer. Puffy coats are overrated; if you get a cloth coat with a good insulated lining, you’ll be warm and you won’t be as depressed at wearing 1 article of clothing for 6 months because it looks relatively sharp. That’s all I’ve got.
See my reply to funfetti. Solicit help from a local woman. And know that after two winters your body will adjust. You will never again feel so cold as you do those first two winters. It gets better.
From a windy, cold place in Canada: look for minimum 600 fill for down. Fake down is OK too, it’s way cheaper and you can toss it in the washer and dryer. Get something with a hood and that covers your bum for cold car or bus seats. Layering keeps you pretty warm especially if you have a windproof top layer. Use wool and fleece for layering and wear long johns or fleece leggings inside pants. Sweatpants are useless for staying warm. Mitts are way warmer than gloves. Fur or fake fur around the hood is nice if you have a lot of cutting wind. Boots should be water resistant and high enough to keep ankles warm/snow out. Rubber boots/Bogs/gardening boots have soles that harden up and become slippery around freezing so while they’re waterproof I don’t recommend them for cold weather. Also look at the lug on the bottom, many boots are not aggressive enough to handle ice or snow chunks.
Many boots and coats have a temperature rating; this is pretty OK if your internal furnace is average. If you’re always cold, buy the highest rated stuff you can afford.
Hoods and bum coverage are ESSENTIAL. The rest of this is spot on advice too.
– a fellow Canadian in a damp cold river valley.
Boo, damp! Worse than our dry cold. I learned pretty quick with an outdoor winter job. And outdoor winter hobbies. And a permacold partner.
Another pro tip: buy those charcoal handwarmer things in bulk and toss a couple in every bag and coat you have just in case you get stuck somewhere. Also they feel great on your bum if you are like me and suffer from Perpetual Ice Butt.
After years of suffering through Canadian winters in cheap parkas, last year I finally bought myself a TNA parka from Aritzia, which even on SALE was way more than I’d ever spent on a coat before. But I wasn’t cold once, even through the insane polar vortex we had! So I recommned spending a leeetle more than you usually would and look for a parka that’s long, with a well-lined hood and zipper covers (they stop the cold wind from seeping in through your zipper).
Living in Chicago, the biggest mistake I see is thinking that Uggs are real snow boots. I work at a university and every winter an assortment of out-of-state freshmen show up in Uggs, and you can see them all stumping around with their sad wet feet regretting their whole lives on the day of the first snow fall.
When I first moved here I went into an REI and just told them I needed the basic version of everything it would take to handle the winter, and what they sold me was perfect.
To be fair, Uggs are really warm when they’re dry and have pretty decent tread; they are not for damp, though. This will be my first year in non-Uggs since college and it’s probably going to be Bogs or Sorels.
I’ve had really good luck with Columbia’s “Omni-Heat Reflective” products. I have a coat with these silver dots lining the inside, and it’s not as bulky as the classic Puffy Coat but it’s very warm.
Some early advice I got about dressing for cold was “keep the warmest layer close to your body.” In other words, don’t put a bunch of useless cotton layers between you and your sweater–you want that warm air trapped by the sweater to be close to your skin, so wear a real base layer (like silk or polypro) or just something very thin to wick moisture and protect you from sweater-scratchiness. Similarly, sleeping nude is often the warmest way to go!
Definitely get a longer coat. It makes a huge difference in keeping the heat in if it’s below your bum or longer.
When I lived in Ottawa these were my lifesaver. They’re cute, in a sort of preppy handbook, outdoorsy way. Most girls wore them if I remember, and sometimes they do them in more girly colour schemes.
http://www.sorel.com/womens-caribou-boot-NL1005.h…
Thank you all! I appreciate the boot reqs as well.
Some things that I don’t think’ve been mentioned:
– two pairs of socks (even cheap terrible ones) are much warmer than the warmth of one pair of socks doubled!
– tights (like cotton or silk tights, not nylons) under pants is a good plan
– regardless of if you’re wearing a skirt or pants over said tights, wear socks as well
– even a thin silk scarf makes a big difference
– spend money on good boots, a good coat, and good socks, in that order. You can get away with lighter stuff under the coat if the coat keeps the winter out.
I’ve found that nylons under a pair of long underwear (or the stylish ladies’ equivalent) are the perfect thing.
FLEECE-LINED TIGHTS, they will change your life.
I need me a billionty pairs of these. Toasties, does anyone know if they come in plus size variants?
I haven’t worn them, but Sock Dreams have these that fit a 46″ hip and these that fit a 47″ hip.
I just ordered a pair of these on eBay: http://www.ebay.com/itm/Womens-Plus-Size-XL-1X-2X…
Will report back on how they actually fit my size 18-ish body with much ass.
Oooh please do, my size 18-ish body will appreciate that knowledge!
THE LEGGINGS REPORT: They arrived today, and they mostly fit. The waist is higher than I might choose, the legs slightly shorter, but they cover what they need to cover. The waistband itself is very comfortable. They have a sort of chemical/rubber-like stank that I hope dissipate if I hang them outside for a while. Seriously, they are rank. Probably don’t recommend, but at that price point, it was worth a try.
Layers! Especially if you’re going into an office where they keep it at 80 all winter; especially especially if it’s wet at all (snow and 30+ degrees is wet; snow and below 30 degrees is not really unless it melts into your boots while you’re driving). Extra socks so you can take off one pair if they get soaked. I tend to wear leggings to work under my skirts and then take them off after an hour or two (I wear long skirts & tall socks, so no one notices, but who cares if they do, winter is about survival) and put them back on again before I go home. But I run hot and my office is toasty; adjust layers to current situation. But always layers.
Loose layers. A tight layer next to the skin is fine, but loose outer layers will trap warm air and hold it next to your body. And if, like me, you sweat like a pig when walking anywhere, your inner layer should breathe well, so you don’t wind up with a sweat-soaked shirt right next to your skin. I did that once, and I was both sweating and freezing, and then my shirt started steaming when I took my coat off. Literal steam rising from my torso.
My mom and I have had our issues over the years, but one thing she always made clear was, if I needed an abortion, I wasn’t to wait around and worry that she would be angry or upset that I was “careless” or “slutty”, I needed to get my ass to her house, tell her, and let her help me. I’ve never needed an abortion, but just knowing that my mom is 100% there for me if I do need one is very comforting.
Recently I broached the idea that as a graduate degree-having adult in my 30s my response to an unplanned pregnancy would be different than when I was in my twenties and she said “that’s fair. You just have to promise to let me help you, no matter what you decide.” My mom is pretty cool.
Your mom is a good mom.
I’ve survived an injury very similar to Roxane’s, and now I have some interesting scars and x-rays and am very grateful for modern medicine despite its problems. In a previous century I would have been permanently disabled, so yay doctors.
I confess I came looking for The Butter as solace on a crummy morning, and am sad to hear @rgay is unwell! Swift healing and enjoyable painkiller reveries, and come back to us soon.
SmartWool socks are good. And, whatever kind of long underwear you can afford (it ranges from inexpensive & synthetic to fancy silk & wool stuff; REI has a good range). Long underwear under your pants is the greatest thing in cold weather.
Also, a hat that covers your ears that doesn’t let the wind through.
SmartWool socks are good fucking amazing.
Fixed that for you. Also! Sierra Trading Post often has great deals on SmartWool factory seconds.
I also found some at Winners one time (does the US have Winners? It’s so good) and it was THE BEST. Everyone got wool socks that year for Christmas.
We do not have Winners in the United States.
cough
Nordstrom Rack also often has them! I buy the men’s ones because they’re often a little sturdier. Marshalls/TJ Maxx often has overstock or irregular wool socks, both Smartwool and random other brands. I have a whole drawer for wool socks and don’t understand how people live in the Northeast without them.
As a Vermonter, I feel the need to rep Darn Tough socks. They’re just as cozy, soft and warm as Smartwool, but way sturdier, and with a serious lifetime guarantee! Granted, they’re not as pretty as Smartwool, but I’ll be damned if they’re not the coziest socks I’ve ever put on my feet, and I’ve never worn out a pair (the same cannot be said for my expensive Smartwool PhD hiking socks).
Knit hat, with a woven scarf wrapped around it. Covers the ears, and creates an insulating shield of warm air around your head.
Sweet baby Jeebus, those kid’s portraits…tragedy and hilarity all rolled into one. I feel kinda bad for laughing, you know? But seriously, the Shitzu as hair? The 8 year old styled as Hugh Hefner? Comedy GOLD.
I’m glad it was fine for you! No one at my school (let alone a popular girl) wore it, and I had a shitty enough time as it was in middle school as it was, so dealing with the occasional pain at night worked for me. 🙂 (ugh, eta: in response to Rianne’s reply to me above.)
oh yeah, no way in hell would I have worn it without someone else doing it first.
But they couldn’t make fun of me for doing it when someone popular started it.
YES! The longer threads make my desktop sad, too, but especially my iPad.
Ahhhh! I’m relieved to hear that it isn’t just me. I chalked the slow and glitchy experience up to somehow being my fault- ugh, just typing that reminded me of the recent piece about Ello’s functionality and the women who thought they were doing it wrong. Anyhow, thanks for making that comment!
@plspassthePinot, you’re in DC, right? If so, from a fellow District resident originally from a warm climate who allllways runs cold, you will be OK! Really. Take to heart the good suggestions for effective layering, but don’t let some of the suggestions geared toward colder climates than DC freak you out.
Things that I think are useful for DC winters:
-A wool coat (or wool blend, the more wool the better). Need not be full-length but it should cover your bum. I don’t own a down jacket–my wool coat almost always does the trick, but since our winters are often rainy, you will also want….
-A waterproof jacket! A hood is good. A removable lining or space for layering is good too.
-Waterproof boots with some tread. Our snow quickly turns to slush puddles and refreezes into ice, so my preferred footwear for crappy days is often rainboots with warm socks. On most days, fashion boots are fine, but you’ll be happier wearing good socks with them.
-Tights. Skirts and tights are way warmer than pants, and they’re easier than long underwear for layering. On extra-cold days I’ll wear fleece-lined tights under pants or under another pair of tights.
-Gloves. I stash a pair of those stretchy knit gloves in each coat pocket for when I forget my leather gloves. Leather gloves are reallyyyy nice to have, if you wear leather.
-Hat/earmuffs/headband that covers your ears. Not an everyday need, but good for feeling cozy.
-Umbrella. It rains enough in winter that I promise you won’t turn into a popsicle!
LittlestOak speaks the truth. DC and Philly have terribly damp winters, so you mostly want layers to keep out the chill, and good treads for the ice and salt. (I couldn’t find my snow boots last winter and my sturdy-but-not-snow-boot boots got shredded.)
I am kind of fussy about where clothes touch me–I hate tights, for example, and I dislike hats–so my variations here are kneesocks under pants, very stretchy leggings (that don’t squeeze like tights) under skirts, and wraparound earmuffs. I don’t bother with waterproof outer clothes because I find a big umbrella and my wool coat to be sufficient. Butt-length wool coat for sure. I have a full-length one but I rarely use it. Get a few different ladies to show you how to put on scarves and such–I simply did not know how, when I moved here from the south.
You’ll notice after awhile where *you* specifically get cold. I feel the cold most in my ears and on my forearms for some reason, so if I’ve got my wraparound ear things on and some armwarmers as an extra layer which can be removed indoors, I’m good to go.
My brands are “on sale” and “cheapest,” except when I can splurge at Sock Dreams.
A combo of rain and wind resistance is really the key! It doesn’t get SO cold that you need a Maine-level coat, but you really really need to be able to withstand general grossness.
“Whenever I have an appointment with my midwife, she or her nurse or a student says “how many times have you been pregnant?” and I say “three” and she says “so, you are pregnant now and you have one child and a (sympathetic face) miscarriage?” and I try to be really firm and pleasant and say “no, I had an elective termination in college” in a tone that brooks NO SYMPATHY and that’s my tiny little Utah activism.”
I <3 you so hard, Nicole.
“Girlfriend Intervention” omg wat. I have never heard of this show, and my world is a bit sadder now that I know about it.
On the subject of the Buffy Halloween costumes, at the convention I went to recently there was one person dressed asBuffy from Prophecy Girl. I had to go over and say that I liked her dress, in keeping with tradition.
Oooh please do, my size 18-ish body will appreciate that knowledge!