Rebecca Carroll on why she’s quitting media:
Since that first media job as a TV producer, I have held editor positions at a range of startups and other online outlets. I started to recognize a pattern after one job when a white coworker openly dismissed an idea to write about a black artist on the rise: “Nobody even knows who she is.” Actually, I said, a lot of people know who she is. “Mostly just black people, though,” she countered. I argued that “a lot of black people” set the tone and establish pop cultural relevance in this country. My coworker was stunned. She looked at me with an expression of both disbelief and betrayal.
At the start of each new job, where I was almost invariably the only black editor on staff (unless it was a black publication—I have worked at a few), I would be heralded for my “voice” (and the implicit diversity it brought), until that voice became threatening or intimidating, or just too black. My ideas were “thoughtful” and “compassionate” until I argued, say, that having white journalists write the main features on a new black news venture sent the wrong message to the black online community. My editors disagreed.
Years later, in a conversation about Trayvon Martin with another boss, I said something like, “Racism is real.” My white boss came back with an answer that still astonishes me: “But you don’t experience racism, right? I mean, you’re attractive and educated—I can’t imagine that you would ever experience racism.”
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RIP Ben Bradlee. I really recommend Yours in Truth, one of the most fascinating biographies I have ever read, and also this tribute by David Remnick.
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This is NONSENSE, and Lord knows I like to performatively complain about French-Canadians, but one thing I NEVER SAY about French-Canadians is that they are afraid of naked breasts. THE TOAST DEMANDS THAT MS. LAURENT-AUGER BE REHIRED:
School director Michel April declined a request for an interview on Monday. However, in a statement released Sunday to quell the growing storm over the controversy, Brébeuf said it was acting in the students’ best interests by ending Ms. Laurent-Auger’s contract after 15 years.
“The fact that these films were shot 40 years ago doesn’t change their bold and suggestive – even explicit – character,” said the college. The Internet had brought the “erotic portion of [Ms. Laurent-Auger’s] career into the present,” and the students’ discovery of their teacher’s films affected the atmosphere in class, the school said.
“The availability on the Internet of erotic films in which she acted created an entirely new context that was not ideal for our students,” the school said. “After discussion and reflection, we concluded that adult films must remain just that, a product for adults. That’s why we decided not to renew Mrs. Laurent-Auger’s contract.”
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I really enjoyed this, on nose jobs (the author’s, the history, and the general concept):
When my mother told me she’d saved money for my nose job before I’d even thought to ask for it, I felt confirmed in my abnormality. I said I still wasn’t sure, but knowing that she’d saved money for it took a little of the responsibility off of me. If I felt ambivalent, I could tell myself it hadn’t really been my idea. I could accept the gift and slough off the parts that felt like they revealed something about me that I didn’t want to face.
a guide to flinging in oscar wilde
“we’re staying at a hotel this time”:
Q. Don’t Want to Stay With Parents Over Holiday: My husband and I are in our early 30s, with a lot of disposable income. We live out-of-state from my parents and would like to stay in a hotel rather than stay with them over the holidays. We love my parents, but their house is small, they impose an curfew so that they can sleep, and there is no Internet (or time) to keep up with our busy jobs. We are also often drained after spending a whole day with them. They are very excited to have us stay with them, and their feelings are often hurt when we make other plans. What is the best way to break this to them?
Donna Tartt on her time as a cheerleader:
There were pep squads, of a sort, in 1984. I read about them with interest. Banners, processions, slogans, games were as popular in Airstrip One as they were at Kirk Academy. Realizing that there was a certain correspondence between this totalitarian nightmare and my own high school gave me at first a feeling of smug superiority, but after a time I be an to have an acute sense of the meaninglessness of my words and gestures. Did I really care if we won or lost? No matter how enthusiastically I jumped and shouted, the answer to this was unquestionably No. This epiphany both confused and depressed me. And yet I continued–outwardly at least–to display as much pep as ever. “I always look cheerful and I never shirk anything,” says Winston Smith’s girlfriend, Julia. “Always yell with the crowd, that’s what I say. It’s the only way to be safe.”
It’s not that Lakewood residents enjoy having their doorbells rung two, three or four times a day to hear a hard-luck story. But while other towns may criminalize beggars or tell them to move along, Lakewood has an obligation to fulfill — Jews are literally family, according to the Torah. So the town came up with a modern solution to an ancient problem: paperwork. Beggars are registered and licensed in Lakewood, as a means of preserving trust in this community that aspires to be a village but is outgrowing that label.
I thought this was fascinating.
Oh, Ben Bradlee. Truly one of my heroes. He had one hell of a run.
Apparently Ben Bradlee and his wife bought and restored Grey Gardens! I didn’t know that, but I read all about it this morning on the best gardening blog: http://www.gardenista.com/posts/garden-visit-grey…
“All these years later, Sally Quinn recently told CNBC, the house still smells like cat urine when it rains, in one corner by the front door. “Ben always takes people over to the corner and makes them get down on their knees and smell the floor,” she said. “
hahahaha what a guy!
They did. He took some pretty serious convincing, but Sally Quinn is not to be fucked with.
He had an absolutely fascinating life.
The media attention seems to have induced a change of heart in Ms Laurent-Auger’s employer: http://www.cbc.ca/m/touch/canada/montreal/story/1…
In fact, Montreal is one of the few places in the world where I would have expected people to shrug their shoulders and not care in the least to discover a teacher used to be an erotic film star — to, in fact, even expect that some of their teachers had pasts in the adult entertainment industry. (I mean people walk down St-Catherine with their kids all the time!)
But… Jesuits though.
In the tenth grade, my family hosted an exchange student for a few weeks. One fine Saturday she and I went downtown and she was saucer-eyed at all the sex shops on Ste-Cath. “Where I’m from, they put black curtains in the windows of these stores so nobody can see what’s in them.”
Yeah, well, here we like to make artistic displays out of our anal beads and glass dildos for all the world to admire!
Bless you Montreal.
When I was twelve and an annoying know-it-all I went with my mom and some friends and I kept pointing at things and saying, “Are you sure it’s legal for them to show that picture publicly? That has to be illegal. What about that one? She’s literally naked, you can’t tell me it’s legal for them to have that in their window!”
Then when I was 14, one of the same friends and I accidentally discovered what kind of movies they were allowed to air on broadcast stations after 11pm. (Me: “Are you sure we didn’t just wander into pay-per-view???” Friend: “This TV isn’t even connected to cable!” Me: “It CANNOT be legal for them to show this on any old station a child could stumble across!!!”)
I’m betting some Big Name donor/parent threw a fit. They’re walking it back now, but very unwillingly — “We sure wish you hadn’t gone to the media, because now there’s an outcry so I guess we’ll rehire you.”
I got the guilt-trip of my life last year when I suggested that my husband and I would stay in a hotel during our vacation in the motherland. How could I possibly THINK of that when both of my grandmothers have plenty of room for us (= a tiny spare room in a tiny apartment, with a twin bed) and haven’t seen me in years and can’t wait to meet Mr. Winterbymorning? So we stayed at my maternal grandmother’s place and it was several exciting varieties of awful.
Sometimes, no matter how many valid and compelling reasons you have for staying at a hotel instead of someone’s house, all they hear is “I actually hate you so much that I would rather pay hundreds or even thousands of dollars just to avoid being under your roof for a short period of time.” So the choice is between sucking it up and dealing with the inconvenience or really hurting someone’s feelings. Someone who won’t be with us much longer, and has loved you since the day you were born, and would do anything for you okay mom geez look I will immigrate back and permanently move in with grandma if you want, just please stop talking about it
YES. Why can’t they just hear, “I actually love you so much that I am staying with other people or in a hotel to maximize the enjoyable time we can spend together”?
I am fortunate in that my mother has never once expected to stay with me when she comes to visit. Although I’m not sure how it would be if I didn’t want to stay at the house when I was home (fortunately, I want to, you should see their TV and accessibility to iced tea). There wasn’t enough room for my brother and his girlfriend one year so they stayed in a hotel, and I think my mom is still a little annoyed at herself for that.
Ah haha. My mother-in-law (to be, I guess, one day, if we get married) refuses to stay with us when she comes to town, and I used to be a bit hurt by it, but I now am just really really grateful.
“it’s not that we don’t love YOU, it’s that we really love tiny hotel soaps” ?
I always think everyone should stay in a hotel, unless you’re my sister or best friend and you’re visiting me.
So, I know I’m a dude, and a guest here, which is why I never do this, but Rebecca Carroll is kinda awful. She’s responsible for the xojane “black person in yoga made me feel racist” story (http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/it-happened-to-me-there-are-no-black-people-in-my-yoga-classes-and-im-uncomfortable-with-it) and once suggested that white men adopted daughters from other races because they secretly lusted after them.
I’m saying that there may be other reasons why she is leaving writing professionally behind.
I don’t really see the problem with the xojane article you posted a link to — it seems to me a very painful realisation and exploration of the idea that an activity she really enjoys herself is something that might feel exclusionary to other fellow black women. She expresses a sense of discomfort with how much she “belongs” in a space that seems to have felt so hostile to another black woman. Your summary of it as ‘black person in yoga made me feel racist’ seems very unfair. Your summary of this article http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rebecca-carroll/the… is also a massive misrepresentation. (Spoiler: she herself was adopted by a white father so naturally she has a rather more nuanced view than is suggested by avonbarks.)
While both articles are difficult and I have some mixed feelings about both, avonbarks’ summaries are wildly off the mark. I suggest other people read both articles for themselves and decide whether Carroll is ‘kinda awful’ rather than taking avonbarks’ word for it.
The yoga piece was written by Jen Caron, a white woman — it wasn’t written from the perspective of a black woman concerned that her yoga studio might not be welcoming to “fellow black women.” I don’t see how Carroll is “responsible” for this piece, though. Was she the editor?
As a transracial adoptee, I agree w/ you that the adoption essay is mostly based on Carroll’s personal experiences, and is not a judgment of all adoptive fathers (except maybe Woody Allen, and I’m fine with that).
Thank you all for alerting me to my mistake. Never sure what to do in these situations re the original comment. On the one hand I don’t want to leave misleading info up but on the other hand it doesn’t seem good to pretend you never made that mistake in the first place.
The quality of her work at xojane doesn’t change the fact that she was treated horribly. Everybody at xojane is a joke professional but the white editors and writers escape the consequences more easily. It’s very visible. Of course soliciting and then publishing the yoga piece is indefensible, but Carroll’s own pieces about race went over badly there because they were thoughtful, personal, and had something to say other than perfervid sloganeering. The xojane audience does not take well to anything deeper than an invocation of “white women’s tears” — they didn’t know whether responding favorably to Carroll’s writing would be the appropriate liberal thing to do and nobody likes that kind of uncertainty. This is, of course, my ungenerous opinion only.
so, I don’t think it requires any great estimation of her talents or judgment to recognize that what she has to say about racism and bias in the media world is obviously true. And I also don’t think it’s fair to come to any conclusion about those talents or judgment just from the xojane evidence; if I worked there I would phone it in all day long and drink to forget. The pieces you’re calling out as egregious are wholly unremarkable in their xojane context; she was in no way more offensive than their standard. She just wasn’t white.
Yeppppp. Their cluelessness and self-absorption WRT race is the biggest part of why I stopped even hate-reading xojane.
They love having their writers submit pieces they know damn well will be controversial or offensive to many. A LOT of their writers have said REALLY unprofessional shit in their articles and in comments, too (often blatantly racist). But during my time reading there, the only writers they decided to “let go” as a result of their conduct were PoC. Every.fucking.white.writer who pulled WORSE shit than the aforementioned? Usually there wasn’t even acknowledgment of the issue by staff. Bullshit, man.
The Dear Prudie letter about farting in the bathroom?!?! that’s so wild… why would someone make such a stink about it?
I see what you did there
Nobody nose.
it’s… a bathroom. People are going to fart in it.
So, obviously the boss was ridiculous to even mention it, but it’s been years since this farting incident and the farter is still dwelling on it, to the point that he felt the need to write to Dear Prudie about it?
The boss sounds like a real windbag.
I know! What a rip.
The letter from the mom who is griping about having to drive for 4 hrs to take her daughter to her abortion. Oh god.
Right? and I think that Prudie actually gave a decent answer (to a really difficult question).
Also, the question about the paranoid husband with a hair-trigger temper. Both of those questions really scared me.
nothing worth beefing over, to be sure
I certainly wouldn’t give a toot
My mom is coming to visit me for a few days and she never sent me her hotel plans, so I spent a month and a half living in fear and planning an epic clean-up for the day before she gets in, because I am messy and she loves to criticize me for it. And then on Monday she went and mentioned that she got two twin beds in case I want to stay with her at the hotel while she’s here. There was much relief/un-clenching.
Also, I’m really glad that people here are obsessed with Dear Prudence. I’ve been reading it since high school, back before Emily took over. There was much more sass back then.
Also – although she’s subsequently shown poor judgment (http://www.newrepublic.com/article/119875/margo-howard-amazon-vine-reviewers-sabotaged-my-book), I think Margo Howard’s advice as Dear Prudence >>>> Emily Yoffe’s.
I used to be a Prudie-follower, but Emily’s tendency towards sex-shaming and victim-blaming made me swear off of her a couple years back. (Carolyn Hax is open in the next tab, of course.) I occasionally dabble in the idea of trying out an archive dive through the pre-Emily days, so I’ll add your endorsement to the list of reasons to actually do so.
My cats walking on the keyboard come up with better advice than Emily Yoffe.
My cat tends to g-chat encouraging smileys, so… they might give better advice than I do.
Okay but seriously, last week I was in the bathroom at work and the woman in the stall next to me farted and then said ‘sorry!’ NO, please don’t verbally acknowledge that you farted, or that you are performing any other functions in there, could we please just pee side by side in perfect silence like God intended.
ETA: supposed to be a reply to noodge but it’s probably best that I left that glorious chain of fart puns unbroken
Last week in the bathroom at work I got the distinct feeling that the woman in the next stall had a shy bladder and was desperately waiting for me to leave so that she could pee in peace. So of course I thought, “Screw that, I’m going to stay here all afternoon if I have to.” It’s a little game I like to call Toilet Chicken.
When I related this story to my husband he looked at me in silence for a while and then said, “You’re fucking weird.”
you’re a monster hahahahahahaha
I play that too!! The last time it happened was (unknowingly) with someone that is a friend of mine, and I couldn’t win. She’s just too good.
“it’s a little game I like to call Toilet Chicken.”
You are my personal hero.
I 100% do that too, except one lady totally beat me once by having a FULL-LENGTH phone conversation in the next stall over. Murder me pls.
I try to do whatever I have to do in a louder fashion whenever someone is on the phone. And maybe flush a couple of times for effect.
I am never so filled with murderous rage as when someone takes a stall next to me right after sitting down in a small, quiet bathroom, or, if it’s that kind of day, when they try to outwait me. The rage.
I like a quiet, solitary trip to the bathroom as much as the next gal, but lately I’ve been trying really hard to not engage in Toilet Chicken. It’s challenging at work – I KNOW those people! What if they find out I poop?? But Toilet Chicken does nobody any favors and it’s high time we acknowledge, politely and unobtrusively of course, that everybody poops and pees and farts. I shouldn’t feel embarrassed for having use the bathroom for what the bathroom is for! It’s a work in progress, but I was really proud of myself* the other day because I had to go and someone else was in there and I just…went. It was fine.
*as much as anyone could be proud of bathroom business
I’ve started making it a point to just go, no matter what’s gonna happen. I agree wholeheartedly that there’s nothing to be embarrassed about. It’s my own little hill and I’m willing to die on it.
An old friend used to play that, but he took it a step further. He would finish his business, wash his hands, go over to the door, then open it and let it close. The shy bladder would let loose. He’d yell GOTCHA.
Thankfully we have single bathrooms at work, but my office is right across the hall from one of them, so I know WAY too much about my coworkers’ bathroom habits. I try not to make eye contact when people leave, particularly if they’ve been noisy!
I play that too at work! But if the lady with the black and pink sneakers is in there I give up immediately. I’m never beating her.
What an excellent article on plastic surgery. And the mom–“not having to think about it is the best gift” is so touching, if a little unusual as to how we view our bodies today. At the dawn of plastic surgery it was going to be such a boon to society–such a way to help people–and now it’s a way to fix the smallest imperfections we see.
And some things can fuck you up. Starting at age nine my mom started telling me that I could get my ears pinned back “if you want” and that she would start a savings account to pay for it so I could have nice flat-to-my-head ears. A lot. All the time. It’s been almost twenty years and I still feel really self-conscious and hate exposing my ears.
I have big ears too! When I was a kid my older brother told me that if I tried hard enough, I could fly with my ears like Dumbo. I was young and credulous enough to actually try it and was sorely disappointed when it didn’t work. I’ve grown into them since, but I’m also still self-conscious about them. I haven’t worn earrings in about 10 years.
With my mom it was my lisp. It’s a very faint lisp, but I never completely got rid of it largely because I haven’t tried hard enough. Most people don’t notice and seem surprised when I mention it, but my mother thinks it’s like, some horrible secret. I told her offhandedly once that I mentioned it at work and my coworkers said they hadn’t noticed it and she was appalled and told me to NEVER mention it, especially at work, because now they will notice it and for some reason that will be horrible. Despite logic telling me that if they don’t notice, it’s not worth worrying about, a little part of me still thinks “oh god people probably will judge me for it!” so thanks mom!
The article about Lakewood was a really, really good read. I don’t live far from there, and we have a couple of work sites in town, but even though it’s technically New Jersey, it feels like a completely different world. The little glimpse provided was excellent, and actually kinda helpful for me.
Most of my Hebrew day school teachers growing up were from Lakewood, and we’d go there to get kosher meat every six months or so. It really is a different world.
“But you don’t experience racism, right? I mean, you’re attractive and educated—I can’t imagine that you would ever experience racism.”
I’ve had pretty much the same thing said to me before. As an Englishwoman of Japanese origin who is over-educated and has an upper-middle class accent, some people seem to think that I just don’t experience racism, which is laughably untrue. The racism/prejudice I experience is of quite a different kind to that experienced by black people as the prejudices and assumptions are different. I am pretty sure that I have a much easier ride than most black people in the UK (particularly black people who have retained a sense of Afro-Carribean heritage to large degree) but that doesn’t mean racial prejudice doesn’t exist.
On a related note, I was chatting with a young black guy and we were interested to discover that while I would often have to put up with ‘Where are you from?’ which means ‘Hi you look like you don’t belong here; explain to me why you are not white’, he very rarely heard that question but he often had to see people be “impressed” by his educational level — which seems a lot more patronising and awful to me.
I was really looking forward to reading more about Oscar Wilde’s various flings and was somewhat disappointed to read about people flinging themselves onto couches. The piece is good, but not what I expected.
I got TWO Toast postcards today:
– a cocktail recipe from Chicago (which I’ll be testing ASAP) on a cool Penguin Books card,
– and a proper touristy Mount Rushmore card from freshwaterpearl! Did you get the card I sent you?
Thanks so much to both of you!
I got two Toast postcards yesterday!:D
Toast Post is 100% the best; after a terrible day at work the other day, I came home to find a wonderful fish postcard from twoburgers, and it was much appreciated.
I’m starting to wish I’d signed up to mail out more than 5 Toastcards–but there’s always next time.
The first Toastcard I received included the sender’s address written in tiny print in the left margin, which I though was so brilliant that I (a) started imitating it and (b) started replying to anyone who included their address. Helps me stretch out Toastpost a bit past the five I already sent.
I wish I had thought to do this as well, and I’m also writing back to anyone who left their address. Oh well, there’s always next time.
That is an unsurpassingly clever idea–I should remember that for next time around.
Speaking of “next time”– how often do Toast Post exchanges get organized? And how/where is the organization done?
I’m new around here so all I’ve seen of it is the happy recipients in the comments.
This is my first time participating, so I’m actually not sure. Maybe every few months or so? Polka_stripes is the brilliant mind behind it all, so she’d be the one to ask.
Yay! I’m glad you liked my silly fish.
He was the most ridiculous suspicious-looking fish. Your card actually arrived the same day as another postcard from a non-Toastie friend who’s driving cross-country, so the fish is now on the refrigerator, looking judgmentally at George Armstrong Custer. As everyone should, really.
<3<3 In fact there will be a next time soon so I will add you to my list if you want another 5!
You also can continue sending postcards to the original 5, the only rule of toast post is that you send however many postcards you want 😉
Toast Post has the best rule. Thank goodness I had the laziness (or foresight) not to delete the addresses from my inbox yet! 😀
I did get your card! I’m sorry I’ve been so tardy posting about it; I keep meaning to put up a post thanking everyone for all the cards I have received, but I keep forgetting to go look at them to remember everyone’s username.
But your card and magnets are magnificent, and I’ve rearranged my fridge postcard display to give them pride of place! Thanks too to CaptainNancy and the senders of the super-pet-battle card and the Swiss fondue postcard mailed from Seattle; it’s been so delightful getting these surprises in the mail.
Great, I was afraid it got lost! The text on it is the first page of “In Great Waters” by Kit Whitfield, if you were wondering.
I’m glad mine arrived too! When I bought stamps I had the bright idea of using the automatic postage machine in order to avoid waiting in line, but then it printed stamps that were 1) ugly and boring, 2) overly large and 3) said “fold here,” to which I said “nuts to that” and cut them along the folding line instead, but I had some vague concern that I shouldn’t have done that. So, fortunately it sounds like it made it across the Atlantic safe and sound, but next time I’m just going to wait in the line for proper stamps.
aren’t those stamps THE WORST??? I spend way too much of my life at the post office to get pretty stamps but now I’m bff with my local postal employees so, pros and cons.
Oooh, so glad to see this thread: DAKIMEL, if you see this, your origami boats are truly delightful and are currently sailing on my downstairs coffee table and I may, or may not, enact dramatic sea battles with them during commercial breaks.
HA! I am delighted to hear that. I finally found the stash of postcards I meant to send out in the last Toast Post, but now I’m on the origami boat train (eh, you know what I mean) and not sure I’ll disembark.
a RECIPE on a postcard! what a brilliant idea!
I got a delightful Philly postcard from a Renee and it is on my fridge. (Thank you, Renee!) I wish I’d signed up to send more Toast Cards!
Email me at [email protected] and I can send you more matches 😉
Whoops, completely forgot to put my username on any of my postcards. Hello, that was me! I’m glad you enjoyed it!
So there is a shooter loose in Parliament or something WHAT THE FUCK
http://www.cbc.ca/news/politics/soldier-shot-at-n…
wtf wtf wtf
A bunch of govt buildings downtown are on lockdown (mine isn’t, I guess cause we’re on the Gatineau side) and uh, this is all very scary and awful
I’m deeply concerned that this is related to the two soldiers who got run over in QC the other day because otherwise it’s two fucked-up individuals with spectacular timing.
Ottawa is such a boring, sleepy little town 99.9% of the time that I kind of forget it’s the centre of government and an easy target for this sort of thing.
It’s appalling how open and unprotected most of the government is there. Really, anybody could wander around doing anything (as has just been horribly demonstrated). Luckily there are usually a gazillion plainclothes police there so…..hopefully…..they’ll catch him? (Ugh I’m envisioning all the thousands of places to hide in that area and all the thousands of commuters at Rideau and oh no)
A few years ago Husband’s brother and his wife visited from the States and they were very surprised/appalled that anyone can just wander freely around Parliament Hill. I was all smug and “Well this is Canada, we don’t have as many lunatics with guns running around” but it looks like we’ve caught up in that regard :/
I’ve always really liked that Parliament is accessible to the public, and I suspect that’ll change dramatically now.
This whole thing is terrifying.
I love wandering around the Parliament Buildings at any time of day/night. This whole thing is terrifying.
I’m not sure that greater security would have prevented this though…
I’m not sure it would either — and how would you even section off the War Memorial (or any of the other dozens of major government buildings that aren’t isolated on the Hill proper but are in the immediate area)?
Yeah … I mean, we have had our share of lunatics with gus running around, but not in decades.
It’s going to be especially horrifying if it turns out that this murderer with a rifle could have been prevented with the long gun regulations that have been gutted…
I was just gchatting with my best friend from our Ottawa university days and it’s just so scary and awful. Stay safe Ottawa friends!
Yeah, that’s either a really eerie coincidence or hints at something more organized.
Oh God, I just got an alert from the NYTimes about this. Stay safe!!!
My building’s in lockdown. Plus RCMP guards at all doors & some windows. Not too close to the affected area but I guess the minister is onsite today.
Another Ottawa Toastie! *fist-bump of terrified solidarity*
Another one here! I hope everyone is safe. I live in centretown and am so very glad to be at work now.
I live in Centertown too. (hi!!) I’ve been working at home this morning, and I think I’ll continue doing so for the afternoon…
I’m glad you’re all safe! And I’m glad that I went back to Montreal yesterday and not today :/
When I got up this morning, my mom was glued to the news reports and kept repeating “we don’t DO that here!” Well, apparently we do now.
Also, I’m really concerned about what kind of vigilante retaliation might happen if it turns out the shooter(s) are ISIS. ISIS = Muslim, at least in popular consciousness. I’m afraid it could be the Balbir Sodhi shooting all over again. :/
Can I ask what makes you think they could be ISIS other than the fact that ISIS exists? Has there been something going on with threats against Canada that I’m not aware of?
It’s probably in response to this other story of a French Canadian ‘convert’ who was living out some kind of ISIS fantasy. http://news.nationalpost.com/2014/10/20/driver-wh…
Ah, thank you.
Yeah my sister works downtown (I think like right next to the War Memorial) and is not replying to my texts right now and I am super worried.
Cell reception’s gone a bit spotty, since so many people are trying to get in touch with people around there.
I’m sure she’s totally fine, but cellphone networks are probably jammed due to the higher than normal volume of calls and texts. I hope you hear back soon!
Oh, so terrifying. Wish I could help. Thinking good thoughts, imagining your sister safe and happy.
She finally texted me back like a minute after posting this, thank god.
Oh good.
My dude works just off Parliament Hill. Never been so happy to get a text message from him. :/
My Canadian BFF works for Adobe over there and I just sent her an email, hoping she’s okay :/
Oh Rebecca– your boss only meant that as attractive and educated you were black but not a n*****. He meant it in the nicest possible way.
:-I
In my family, the story goes that when my younger sister was born, my dad held the precious little bundle in his arms and said, “Well, at least this one’s ears are under control.”
For God’s sake, Dad, they’re YOUR EARS. I got YOUR ears.
AND THEY REPEATED IT. THEY REPEATED THIS STORY.
I had an elective nose job in my early 30s after a lifetime of feeling self-conscious and uncomfortable with my prominent Italian nose. I am happy every day that I had it done. I felt like my nose was the first and only thing people noticed about me because it was SO prominent. I thought about my nose every time I met a new person. I factored it in when considering a new haircut (will bangs distract from my nose or emphasize it?) and wore glasses instead of contacts for a long time because I thought that camouflaged my nose more.
It was the right decision for me, but I’m also glad that I didn’t get it done as a teenager. I was teased in school about my nose, for sure, but I didn’t want to chose surgery from a place of teenage insecurity. I though about it a lot through my 20s and finally decided to do it at 32 when I stopped caring about others and decided to do it for me. I still look like myself but now I spend a lot less energy worrying about my appearance. Of course, YMMV.
When we were 25, my childhood BFF announced to me that she was going to get a nose job (for her own prominent Italian nose) and I was so mad and concerned and confused by WHY SHE WOULD DO SUCH A THING because her face was perfect and the patriarchy runs deep and fuck hegemonic beauty standards and so on and so forth. But since she is an awesome grown lady and not prone to letting goobers like me dictate her life choices, she got the surgery and she loves the results and I must admit she looks hella good.
Thank god Ms. Laurent-Auger didn’t have tenure!
1. How did everyone get a Toast Post penpal? I want one. My Hairpin penpal stopped writing a while ago 🙁
2. This is the best thing I’ve seen all day: http://www.nextgov.com/cio-briefing/2014/10/ode-w…
2a. Featuring a 100% truly real and serious page like this: http://clinton1.nara.gov/White_House/Family/html/…
1. I’ll just put my name in the hat here, ‘cos I’d like one too 🙂
2b. That’s fantastic.
Helloooooo! Email me at [email protected] (and see my comment below!) and I will get you Toast Post oriented!
I missed the penpal thing too! I’m in if there are others who don’t have one!
Helloooooo! Email me at [email protected] (and see my comment below!) and I will get you Toast Post oriented!
Me too! Email sent 🙂
It’s facilitated by polka_stripes! I’ll ping her on Twitter, just a sec.
Thanks darlin’
Yay, ID let you log in!
Helloooooo! Email me at [email protected] and I will get you Toast Post oriented!
I do want to caveat Toast Post though, that while a lot of people have been able to connect with their matches via twitter or the comments or by putting their address on the postcards, part of the point of sending postcards was the low key factor – there isn’t any expectation or requirement that you write back and sustain a relationship. I’ve been giving everyone about 5 matches, and those matches have other people, to maximize the chances you’ll be paired with someone who will want to write back if you want that, but most people just send off a postcard and that’s it. I’ve even gotten some unsigned! I just don’t want to get anyone’s expectations up too much.
Yeah, but here’s the problem: now I’m addicted to getting my mail. I sometimes see people say ‘oh sorry I haven’t sent yet’ like it’s a problem – it’s so cool to get one and then a few days later get another. Procrastinators rule!
But like just now, the mail carrier was here, and I eagerly popped up to see what he’d delivered, and it was nothing but boring flyers and junk. So while I don’t have expectations that this will turn into an ongoing exchange of cards, I do have an entirely antagonistic relationship to the rest of my mundane mail, now.
Procrastinators rule!
I am so glad to hear this, because I have yet to send out my Toast Post and I feel worse about it every day. 🙁 This weekend! I promise!
I get the same way when I’m waiting for my new Aromaleigh makeup to come. Days that go by without a yellow cushioned envelope are boring.
“only about 10 percent of people in the United States had access to the Internet, but the number of visitors to the White House website more than tripled each year of the Clinton administration.”
I think we all know who to credit for that. Pretty sure I still have some unwanted AOL CDs laying around my house. They proliferate like mad.
I was a cheerleader in kindergarten, first, and second grade for the Boys and Girls Club. I thought it was great but looking back is definitely weird. First of all, we cheered for the Boys and Girls Club football team, and it wasn’t touch football or anything, so that means there were a bunch of 5 year old boys running around bashing into each other. I bet they looked adorable in their tiny helmets and pads but damn.
We also competed in cheerleading competitions (and DEMOLISHED, I have 2 1st place trophies and a 2nd place trophy) and the coaches did stuff like put vaseline on our teeth so we would smile. In retrospect, I think the coaches were probably 17 year old girls.
WOOO BROOKE IS A FIREFIGHTER IN ASTORIA!!!! YEAH ASTORIA!!!! Way to go, my neighborhood!
“After discussion and reflection, we concluded that adult films must remain just that, a product for adults.” Oh, cool, so you’ll be disciplining the students who looked up said adult films and then spread them around, making sure that lots of other underage people saw them? Or filing some kind of complaint against the website that hosted them in a way that made them accessible to underage students? Oh… no? You’re firing the adult who appeared in the adult films and neither showed them nor talked about them to her non-adult students. Hmm.
Actually, having beggars be reigstered and licensed is NOT a modern solution at all, see Beggar’s Badges
I tend to read Dear Prudence with a permanent skepticism at this point, her tendency to sex-shame and to immediately sound the alarm when alcohol comes up gets kind of old. She’s also a pro at not actually answering the question asked of her if she finds something to harp about in the content of the letter (this tends to happen with sex-related questions the most, I feel).
Carolyn Hax, though, she’s an advice column gift. As is Captain Awkward.
Carolyn Hax takes NOBODY’S shit and I love it.
I love Captain Awkward and everything on that site.
Heather Havrilesky/Ask Polly is my fav. She balances being incredibly empathetic with unvarnished real-talk. Her column today is a great example.
I was JUST coming here to sing the praises of Ask Polly! She’s the best.
I still read Dear Prudence but more and more it’s turning into a hate read. Just bugs me how she expects everyone to get married, have babies etc, etc. Like the dude LW who doesn’t want to commit to his girlfriend and Prudie automatically turns it into a “well her biological clock is ticking so either get on board or leave her”. Hang on…what if she doesn’t WANT kids? I guess I just don’t like it when people make assumptions about what other people want in life.
It’s polka_stripes who set it up through a neat little website that collected our information so that even our Email addresses did not need to be posted on a public forum or all to see. But I think she had to match us up by hand, and since more and more Toasts want to post, I imagine it would get to be a pretty big job. I wish I had any kind of useful knowledge about coding–how cool would it be to have an application that not only took our information, but automatically sorted and matched us too?
Failing that, maybe polka_stripes could remind us what web service she used to collect the mailing information (I’ve forgotten), and then Toast postal exchange can be a self-generated, self-perpetuating event like the Friends of Captain Awkward meetups–whoever wants one can organize it.
/thinking aloud
EDIT: Reply to kellyography but may as well leave it here.
I think it was a Google form? At least when I participated, which I believe was the next-to-last round.
It was indeed! Thanks for signal boosting.
In case anyone wants Toast Post – email me at [email protected] (and see my comment replying to kellyography!) and I will get you Toast Post oriented!
Is it gauche to squee with delight over seeing your essay featured in a Toast link roundup? Too late, done.
Seriously, I rarely talk about my plastic surgery even with my close friends, and writing that was scary for various reasons, so everyone’s kindness has meant the world.
Your essay was SO GOOD — I love the amount of historical and medical research you did. I learned so much especially about the history of the “Jewish nose.”
Thank you! The historical stuff really grabbed me when I read about it; so much of it was stuff I’d never before learned, and it was so interesting.
A link that may be relevant to some Toasties: Paizo are hiring a developer for the Pathfinder RPG, and here is a post from Jessica Price, one of their existing project managers, about why women and non-binary folks specifically should apply: http://jessicalprice.tumblr.com/post/100680904523…
I know there are people on the Toast who write and love RPGs and maybe even live in Seattle, so figured this might be of interest/
I have a prominent nose and hated it for the longest time but then I found this picture online and it helped me feel better about thangs.
WHAM, Princess Elizabeth of Yugoslavia, 1961.
<img src="http://pleasurephotoroom.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/princess-elizabeth-of-yugoslavia-1961.jpg" width=300>
Hot DAMN.
URGHHH A DOUBLE WHAMMY OF INEQUALITY. Racism enforced through the power of property-owning buy-to-let exploitation. Sometimes I just really hate the world.
What I find really offensive about the way racists sometimes try to co-opt certain PoCs is the way it seems to serve as a method of convincing themselves how un-racist they are. 'My problems with the Afro-Carribean/ Polish/ Indian etc community are so not racist and so much about legitimate concerns that I was actually talking to another immigrant about it! That's how un-xenophobic I am! This justifies the fact that I think all of said community should be expatriated even if they were born here meaning that the word doesn't even apply.'
BBC article: I’m a part time staffer at a free school in the US–we’re a Sudbury model school, which is pretty close to what they describe here, except we don’t take a political stance and I can’t imagine anyone letting an underage kid drive a car. I guess it makes sense that they’re UK-centric, but I’m disappointed they don’t mention any of the schools in several countries that are still doing similar things. And what’s up with not mentioning Summerhill, the grandaddy of this type of school, until the last couple of paragraphs? Sigh. At least they didn’t dismiss the whole thing out of hand as crazy.
BBC article: I'm a part time staffer at a free school in the US–we're a Sudbury model school, which is pretty close to what they describe here, except we don't take a political stance and I can't imagine anyone letting an underage kid drive a car. I guess it makes sense that they're UK-centric, but I'm disappointed they don't mention any of the schools in several countries that are still doing similar things. And what's up with not mentioning Summerhill, the grandaddy of this type of school, until the last couple of paragraphs? Sigh. At least they didn't dismiss the whole thing out of hand as crazy.
The article about Lakewood was a really, really good read. I don’t live far from there, and we have a couple of work sites in town, but even though it’s technically New Jersey, it feels like a completely different world. The little glimpse provided was excellent, and actually kinda helpful for me.
I got TWO Toast postcards today:
– a cocktail recipe from Chicago (which I’ll be testing ASAP) on a cool Penguin Books card,
– and a proper touristy Mount Rushmore card from freshwaterpearl! Did you get the card I sent you?
Thanks so much to both of you!
What an excellent article on plastic surgery. And the mom–“not having to think about it is the best gift” is so touching, if a little unusual as to how we view our bodies today. At the dawn of plastic surgery it was going to be such a boon to society–such a way to help people–and now it’s a way to fix the smallest imperfections we see.
And some things can fuck you up. Starting at age nine my mom started telling me that I could get my ears pinned back “if you want” and that she would start a savings account to pay for it so I could have nice flat-to-my-head ears. A lot. All the time. It’s been almost twenty years and I still feel really self-conscious and hate exposing my ears.
Apparently Ben Bradlee and his wife bought and restored Grey Gardens!