The good folks at Buzzfeed asked me to write a bunch of break-up texts between various literary figures (as this is part of my house of wheel) when I was in the office yesterday, and I have obliged. It was very fun, even though my hand hurt after writing roughly four sentences in pen, because I have lost the skill of writing things out by hand entirely.

ZELDA MY LIGHT
MY LOVE MY OWN
I HAVE FINISHED THE BOOK
I COULD NEVER HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT YOU, MY GENIUS ANGEL
oh i’m so glad you think so
i actually wrote a book too
WHAT
YOU’RE HYSTERICAL
I CAN’T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU’RE SAYING
i’m saying that i wrote a book also
YOU’VE GONE MAD
MY POOR BROKEN BLOSSOM
I’M HAVING YOU COMMITTED

(Seriously though, why did Arwen have to give up immortality just to marry drab old Aragon? Why not just marry him, enjoy your marriage for what it is, grieve his passing for a century or two, and then carry on with LIVING FOREVER?)

i love you SO much
oh my god
me too
so much
i can’t wait to spend our lives together
yeah i can’t wait to spend the rest of your life together
wait
what
i am gonna miss you SO MUCH
after you die

You can read the rest here.