Link Roundup!

by Nicole Cliffe · November 12, 2014

I hope you read Nikki’s gorgeous and kind piece on transracial adoption yesterday, but if you didn’t, please do, and this is the heart of it, I think:

If another set of white adoptive parents asked me those same questions today—Should we adopt? Could we be good parents?—I still wouldn’t say no. Those answers are so often unknowable. I might say that I no longer think of adoption in terms of good or bad, but realistic and unrealistic. I would explain that my own parents tried very hard to be good parents, and in many ways were good parents, and we did not have a single honest conversation about race until I was in my late twenties and are still dealing with the consequences of that.

also, it gave us this moment in GRACE and CLASS:

Screen Shot 2014-11-11 at 1.05.49 PM

climate change deal!

On “The Pill”:

To this day, the pill is the only medication we refer to as if it were the only medication. In fact, it’s probably the only object we label quite so generically. As Jonathan Eig points out in his new book, “The Birth of the Pill: How Four Crusaders Reinvented Sex and Launched a Revolution,” there is “no such thing as The Soap or The Vacuum or The Car,” but the oral contraceptive is different. The crusaders of Eig’s book referred to it in that singular way because it was a dream they had chased for so long, a silver bullet that actually turned out to be one. Some of the women who began asking their family doctors for the oral contraceptive when it first went on the market, in 1960, under the brand Enovid, called it “the pill” because it made the request more discreet.

This piece is ridiculous and poorly-done and is generally embarrassing to Ms. magazine.

I strongly recommend reading Hanna Rosin’s piece on Stephen Glass, and I do not like The New Republic‘s decision to name it “Hello, My Name is Stephen Glass and I’m Sorry” bc this piece is ALL HER, and really good, and is more about forgiveness and understanding than it is about this dude getting another chance.

Terrible real estate agent photographs.

Personally, I think a painless death for an animal incapable of understanding mortality is a completely neutral moral act, and a painless death for an unhappy one is a mitzvah, so, yeah, go ahead and euth the cat. And I say this as someone who got literal brain surgery for their dog (he lived on and prospered, no regrets.)

Nicole is an Editor of The Toast.


202 Comments

    1. nikkijhu +74

      I always revert to Super Polite and Logical when discussing racial topics with combative white people, I don’t know if this is really a great strategy or not, but it’s definitely learned behavior. I was just hoping to make him think a little, because he is presumably in contact with his niece, but his next comment made it super clear that he wasn’t looking for a discussion, so! He is beyond our help.

      1. ArsenioB_Ham +32

        I wasn’t going to mention his next comment (since it had been, wisely, deleted by moderators, I thought it was best forgotten) but UGH. You KNOW someone’s a real juicebox when their knee-jerk response to an incredibly thoughtful and generous response like Nikki’s is doubling down on the racism and throwing in some victim-blaming for good measure. Good riddance, Allen.

          1. GruntledDave +42

            “ungraciously curious” describes how I read almost all of Facebook. Great turn of phrase.

        2. nikkijhu +50

          I deleted it and he was banned, should’ve taken a shot of it — I remember something about “murderous thugs” (referring to the baby-girl-hating people of China) and lots more gross “rescue” talk. I can’t remember if there was also something about being raised in a “Christian country.” PROBABLY.

          3. ArsenioB_Ham +84

            The murderous thugs thing: it was something like “thugs who don’t care about the welfare of women, or families, or humanity in general” and I was like, OH SO THE US CONGRESS, YOU MEAN?

          4. GreenGrasses +22

            BLAMMO!!

            That guy’s comment started out OK and then quickly….devolved. I’m glad I didn’t see his response to Nicole, because the “Han princess” thing was bad enough.

  2. aravisthequeen +38

    So….porn made him do it. I see. Agency? What is that? And every time I read a comment that says “I want to reserve judgment until…” NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO.

    And on another note, I love my cats a lot, and if one of them was eighteen years old and howling at me in the middle of the night and costing me hundreds of dollars per month in medication and vet bills? I would put that cat down with no regrets. Eighteen years is twice what some cats get! (And lady, that vet just wants your money!)

    1. safvn +14

      My parents were in pretty much this exact situation — I was in late high school and early college at the time. After years of dealing with increasingly disruptive and terrible stuff from the (sickly, unhappy) cat, chose to put the cat down. And our whole family was better for it.

      And yeah, I couldn’t even finish reading the Ms. Magazine story.

    2. winterbymorning +27

      “Is this vet for real or are they trying to fleece me because they can tell I’m a softhearted fool?” is a popular internal struggle for me.

      One of my cats is 13/14 years old and at her last checkup, the vet said that she might have tooth problems which mightbe causing her some pain and discomfort. The ~solution~ was an exploratory dental exam which would cost us several hundred dollars, and then if they did identify problem teeth, they could do dental surgery on her, at a base cost of [even more hundreds of dollars] plus a fee of $200 PER TOOTH if they had to extract any.

      I LOL NOPE’D the hell out of there, and then my husband was all “But the cat could be in pain! We should do it!” because he is even more softhearted than I am. But 1) we don’t even know for sure her teeth bother her 2) I doubt the procedure would really improve her quality of life that much 3) certainly not more than thousands of dollars in vet fees would improve our lives if we kept that money in the bank for literally any other purpose.

      1. kirpunz +9

        Yeah, especially since cat dental procedures are usually performed under anesthesia, which always caries some risk to it.

        1. aqueousmedium +7

          Whoa yes dental procedures should not be proposed by your vet unless she also outlines the SIGNIFICANT risks for geriatric cats undergoing anesthesia. Unless they’re really damn sure there are problems serious enough to outweigh those risks, LOL NOPE is about the right response.

      2. Ethylbenzene +6

        Totally understand. Our old lady cat probably could use a few more trips to the vet than she gets, but she is so traumatized by them that I don’t know if it’s worth it, especially at her age. Also I’m kind of afraid she’s going to hurt herself thrashing around like that.

    3. ArsenioB_Ham +38

      Not to mention that by insisting all porn, all the time, is damaging to women (and that no women exist who do, in fact, want to appear in porn, even violent porn), she completely removes women’s agency in a fairly icky way.

      1. HazelStone +14

        So, if I choose to work in a sweatshop then everything is OK and people shouldn’t critique the factory? I don’t understand why the Sex industry isn’t suitable for the same critique of any other industry.

        1. winterbymorning +49

          “All porn is awful and inherently damaging to women, and no woman could possibly enjoy watching or performing in porn, or integrating elements of violence in her sexual life, and if a woman says she enjoys being choked she’s just another brainwashed victim of the patriarchy” isn’t very well thought out as far as critiquing goes.

        2. ArsenioB_Ham +45

          She’s not simply critiquing the industry; she’s casting all porn as violent and detrimental to women and denying that any woman could possibly want to participate in or view porn. She’s also equating being a feminist with holding an anti-porn view, which flies in the face of the core feminist principle that women are people and as such can make decisions for themselves, especially regarding how they use their bodies.

        3. Ethylbenzene +40

          Your analogy is flawed. It would be more like saying you can’t criticize the entire fashion industry because you choose to work in a sweatshop. People can and should criticize sweatshops but that doesn’t mean we need to shut down all the clothing manufacturers, design houses, fashion magazines, fashion bloggers, fashion reality tv shows….

        4. Mary +41

          “This workplace is exploitative and we’d like some labour rights” is exactly the argument that many sex-workers make, and that Gail Dines shouts down in favour of telling them that they’re a) agencyless victims and b) hurting All Women.

          If Dines talked about sex-work the way people talk about other industries where there’s exploitation (so …. all f them), I think a lot of sex-workers would be a lot happier.

      2. wallofillusion +29

        There’s been a similar discussion happening in the progressive Christian blogosphere–the author of Jesus Feminist came down hard against BDSM as exclusively promoting violence to women. A number of people–specifically kinky, Christian, feminist women–have written responses pointing out exactly the same lack of agency that you mention, and she refuses to engage with them. It’s been… really disheartening. Some people just don’t want to acknowledge that issues like this are multifaceted.

    4. houblonchouffe +20

      That anti-porn, pro-Ghomeshi pile of steaming shite was probably the most ridiculous thing I’ll read today. Trust me when I tell you that is saying something.

      1. HazelStone +8

        She refers to him as deceptive in the title of the article and calls him a sexual predator. I’m not sure how that is pro-Ghomeshi.

  3. Rillquiet +36

    The European Space Agency is trying to land a probe on a comet today at around 11 AM ET. Live NASA feed, even though the States wasn’t really part of the project, is here. They launched this thing ten years ago, and today they find out whether all of it works. Space nerds, where y’all at?

      1. Rillquiet +4

        They’re talking about the singing right now (9:32 ET) and playing it in the background; it’s an aural translation of the measurement of the undulating magnetic field, as the solar winds wrap around it. SO NEAT.

        Also, from ESA, here’s the live feed: SCIENCE.

        1. winterbymorning +9

          it’s an aural translation of the measurement of the undulating magnetic field, as the solar winds wrap around it

          I have no idea what that means, but it sounds really cool.

          (Actually it sounds like those wooden frog toys/sculptures that make a croaking noise when you run the stick down their back. And those are neat too!)

        2. deleted9827545 +2

          Yeah, I’ve been reading about it and watching since I woke up and I’m way more excited than is good for me 🙂

      2. CaptainNancy +2

        That is both incredibly cool, and incredibly creepy…

        (I’m talking about the “singing”)

          2. winterbymorning +10

            I opened that in a background tab and didn’t realize there was an ad for diapers right before it – I thought, “The sound of Jupiter is… a cheerful xylophone?”

          3. deleted9827545 +3

            Hahahaha! Thank god the ad didn’t include kiddies’ crying – this could’ve frightened you out of a ten years’ growth right there and brought your grey hairs in horror to the grave 😀

        1. Rillquiet +12

          We ship it. (ETA: Hoody Guy and Ponytail Lady Scientist in a hot threesome with Science. #toohotforTwitter)

        2. TheRenleigh +6

          Yes, Ponytail Lady Scientist for the win! Everyone knows you can’t really concentrate with hair all up in your business. (I always think of Violet Baudelaire when I tie my hair up because I have some heavy duty thinking to do.)

        1. GreenGrasses +13

          Let’s not kid ourselves – the whole mission was a success because the Excellent Lady Scientist is wearing the correct bra size.

    7. Pocket_Witch +4

      Hello yes I am space nerd

      Seriously though, I tuned in only a minute before everybody started cheering. Thanks for the link!

    8. dakimel +5

      I was late to the feed so I’m now watching reruns of ‘nauts returning from the space station. It’s so cute how they’re wrapping them all in, like, afghans and blankies and that one comforter you have stuffed in the back of the closet. Everything else space-ish is so carefully and precisely designed and logoed and so forth, and then it’s a cold night to land and suddenly the astronauts/cosmonauts look like they’re in the bleachers at an unexpectedly cold t-ball game.

      1. Rillquiet +8

        If you haven’t listened to Cmdr. Chris Hatfield’s interview on the Nerdist, do that; he talks about the logistics of life in zero-g and the first things the astronauts do when they land! Mostly it involves rediscovering that the lips you’re trying to use to speak have weight again, and puking repeatedly.

        1. dakimel +7

          Sounds about right! My aunt’s a nurse & she used to work with NASA doing medical shit to returning astronauts; turns out being in space can really fuck up your body!

          1. Rillquiet +15

            I don’t speak for The Toast in any official capacity, but your aunt sounds like someone who could do an amazing guest-spot on the science beat.

    9. Steph +7

      I love living in the future, and it is SUPER AWESOME that we can land a robot on a comet.

      However.

      Did you see this shit? http://www.themarysue.com/what-the-eff-is-that-sh… Science is tooooootally an okay place for women! They’re all so cool I can wear a shirt with half naked ladies all over on international television as an official representative of a multination agency and no-one, not one single person, will be like take that off before you go on camera! WHAT THE FUCK.

      1. Rillquiet +3

        Whaaaat the everloving fuck. My engineer guyfriends aren’t James Bond in tailored suits or anything, but most of them do pick up remedial clues at some point.

      2. walkingthecow +3

        That is…disappointing. If it makes you feel better, here is an article from two days ago on Claudia Alexander, the black, female scientist who is the leader of NASA’s contribution to the project.

  4. ArsenioB_Ham +34

    That Ms. piece is pretty gross. I mean, way to profiteer on the backs of Ghomeshi’s victims, anti-porn lady.

    1. loosechange +30

      Seriously! And I was so taken in by the headline, because I would be DOWN to read about how Ghomeshi positioned himself as feminist over the years while acting so distinctly NOT that in his personal and professional life. So screw you, Ms. Magazine, for allowing this woman to use real survivors to promote her dumb cause, and for getting my hopes up too.

    2. HazelStone +8

      How is Gail Dines profiteering by talking about the issue of misogyny in porn? She’s a professor. She’s not selling an anti-porn pyramid scheme or something.

      1. jaaaneishere +20

        No anti-porn pyramid scheme but she includes a link to buy her book in the body of the article.

      2. ProfPumps +5

        Yeah, Gail Dines rakes it in with books, speaking fees, etc – she 100% profits from her revival of the Porn Wars.

  5. thebellewitch +122

    Haha, yes, America, where children are cherished so much that parents get a year minimum parental leave from work, universal childcare and well-funded schools. That very America where you can bring your child on an airplane or in a public place without fear that their age-appropriate behavior will earn you glares and scorn. America!

    And really, beautiful shut-down of that “rescue” notion. I lived in China — it’s been 10+ years and I’m hardly an expert on Chinese attitudes toward parenthood, but yeah, the belief that ‘those people’ just don’t love their children like we do is something that does not get shouted down nearly often enough.

    1. Hieu +40

      The funny thing to me is that growing up, my mom definitely patted herself on the back on the fact that Vietnamese (and she meant East and SE Asians by and large) were way more loving and caring than Americans (White and Black people) because Asian parents care for their kids forever and support them financially through college, while Americans kick their kids out of their house when they’re 18!

      “Those people” are almost always monsters, amirite?

      1. thebellewitch +38

        Funny you should say that! At one point when I was in China, I got interviewed for a local newspaper about My Life In America (ugh, it was just … don’t ask). Anyway, when the article came out, it was full of asides like, “Unlike so many American children, she was not a latchkey kid…” It very much opened my eyes to how our cultures see each other!

  6. annaisabe +54

    Wow, that comment on Nikki’s piece was just a whole bucket of condescending and mansplaining. Ugh.

    1. nikkijhu +92

      He’s not even talking about his own child, but HE JUST CANNOT HELP HIMSELF HE’S GOTTA EXPLAIN

      2. Hieu +59

        “I’M A WHITE DUDE, I’M TOTALLY AN AUTHORITY ON HOW MY YOUNG TRANSRACIAL ADOPTEE NIECE FEELS ABOUT EVERYTHING”

        1. blushingflower +32

          He’s definitely an authority on how she feels about things she may not even be old enough to have given much thought to yet.

  7. betsymore +25

    Oh my god I’m sorry that the Toast, in general, and Nikki, in particular, have to deal with such ignorance as Mr. Churchill’s. What an embarrassment.

  8. grumblyqueer +77

    “a country where female babies are cherished” by whom, exactly? The marketers pushing pretty princess anorexia onto parents who don’t give their children any other options?

    1. tubatoothpaste +21

      Yeah… I get that it’s way worse in other parts of the world, but overall, girl children aren’t valued highly enough in this country either.

    1. ThatOtherWench +55

      As I continue to re-read that one, my brain has tried to replace it with Star Wars screencaps out of self-defence. If only it meant they were pretending she was the eldest child of a smuggler and a jedi of royal birth!

      1. threatqualitypress +47

        Princess Han, Daughter of Corellia, Last Scion of Alderaan, First Jedi of the New Republic.

  10. paddlepickle +67

    Jesus christ on a cracker, HAN PRINCESS??

    This has made me really keen to discuss this issue with my aunt and uncle who have two adopted African-American daughters and two white bio-sons. From what I can see they’re doing a really great job– I know they picked the town they live in in large part because of it’s diversity and large number of multi-racial families, and they go to a camp every year for multi-racial families, and I know it’s something they think about alot based on their posts on FB about white privilege and the inherent dangers of being black in America. I didn’t realize how important all that was until I read this piece.

    1. Hieu +17

      That is incredibly awesome, and if their town happens to be a big city, small city, or a nice suburb (no rural places, essentially), please share the name with me because I am always looking to enlarge the list of places where I could have a multi-racial family and minimize the feelings of alienation.

        1. Hieu +4

          Hmmm, Montclair, you say? Thanks!

          So far my list consists of Columbia, MD and pockets of inner DC suburbs. I’m afraid all of them might be too expensive for us. Getting insight to other parts of the country is always much appreciated.

          1. paddlepickle +6

            I get the sense that Montclair is also not cheap. . .at least, my aunt and uncle seem pretty solidly upper-middle class (apparently Rabbis are paid more lucratively than I would have imagined?). It is quite nice though, definitely worth looking into! Glad to help 🙂

          2. Elise +2

            Montclair is a little pricey, but Jersey City is still pretty reasonable! And we are actually diverse; it’s not like NYC where the neighborhoods are pretty segregated.

      2. lemonadefish +5

        I have a white friend married to a black Brazilian; they live in Orlando FL with their two adorable children and find it very welcoming.

    1. aravisthequeen +22

      I could gleefully look at awful photos like that all day long. When we were house-hunting we took GREAT PLEASURE in admiring the worst decorating choices we spotted.

      (The winner was the century-old house that had been painted with VERY LOUD PRIMARY COLOURS throughout. The kitchen was blinding yellow, the living room primary red, and so on. It was an older house with smaller rooms, but they had stuffed every room with MASSIVE furniture that wouldn’t have been out of place in a castle, plus multiple kennels for BIG FUCKING DOGS–you could fit several small children into them. The upstairs rooms each had a gigantic wallpaper mural on one wall each. The basement was, I shit you not, painted in “zebra stripes” with a safari theme and skins hanging on the walls, and stank horribly of several cat boxes that hadn’t been changed in A While. The smell of mold pervaded throughout.

      The piece de resistance was the enormous full-size carousel horse in the master bedroom. In the corner. Just sitting there.)

      1. elsajeni +9

        Was it described as having “designer paint colors” in the listing? When I was house-hunting, I worked out after a few listings that that seemed to be realtor language for “we know they’re horrible, please overlook them.”

        1. aravisthequeen +18

          There was a “$2000 decorating bonus payable on closing” so I’m assuming that was the realtor saying “Listen, you cannot sell this house without giving people money to repaint that shit.”

          1. winterbymorning +3

            My childhood home (I guess? I was 12 when we moved in) was built in the 50s and was never redecorated. My parents bought it in 2000 when the owner died. The kitchen was pink and had butterfly decals on the cabinets and there were massive, almost wall-to-wall mirrors in the living room. It was kind of amazing.

    1. loosechange +26

      It’s crazy how she doesn’t even feel the need to justify that. Like OBVIOUSLY she’s anti-porn, aren’t all feminists? 🙁

      1. safvn +11

        This is what really struck me (and made me stop reading). Definitely two things that always go together with no conflicts.

      2. ThatOtherWench +11

        And it goes both ways! All feminists are anti-porn… and anyone who is anti-porn (including sexual predator trolls) is promoting feminism!

    2. hearyoume +27

      Totally thought the one Nicole linked to was going to be terrible photos OF real estate agents and I was a little disappointed.

  13. littlehuntingcreek +114

    My nephew is adopted. A relative commented to my SIL that she had “rescued” him and my SIL shot back that it was a standard adoption, no burning buildings involved.

    Nikki, you were far more gracious and kind than I think I would have been.

    1. nikkijhu +47

      I’m not a saint! I always think about these people’s kids and I think, it won’t help their kids if I piss them off, it’ll just reinforce all their wrongheaded opinions. Not that I write a lot of essays to “educate” people, I don’t feel qualified to do that, but when I write on THIS topic, I am ALWAYS thinking of adopted kids and things I wish people around me had read.

  14. HazelSrone +3

    I understand you all are not critical of porn overall but what specifically is wrong or objectionable about the Gail Dines article?

    1. threatqualitypress +39

      I expect it’s a combination of

      1) the insistent conflation of anti-pornography and feminism, as though it’s impossible to be one without the other, and as though there is no spectrum of attitudes to the exploitation of women and the exploitation of labor that might fit somewhere in between.

      and

      2) the opportunistic attempt to turn an issue about a misogynist abuser and the culture of celebrity and of silence that abetted him into an argument about the author’s tangentially-related subject of interest.

      I mean, those things principally; practically, what bothers me, personally, about it is that the argumentation is really muddy, which in my mind makes the opportunism that much worse.

      1. ThatOtherWench +28

        I think it’s mostly poorly-written, opportunistic “blech”, like braak said. But the last couple sentences really take it into horrifying territory, if you don’t skim them too fast. The author seems to go all the way to terrible land, where porn is what turns men into rapists, and implies that’s what happened with this guy.

      2. ArsenioB_Ham +23

        Yes, braak, you put it perfectly. When I said she was “profiteering” in my other comment, this is what I meant. Money is probably not changing hands (though perhaps she was paid by Ms. Magazine and/or Feminist Current) but her piece pretends to be about Ghomeshi and his victims but is actually just taking advantage of the whole situation to advance her own cause.

  15. thecaitd +64

    So, to sum up Allen Churchill’s comment: “You don’t speak for all people in X group! To prove my point, I will now speak for a member of X group.”

    I love when the response to a deeply personal narrative about an individual experience is ‘NOT EVERYONE FEELS THAT WAY.’ Yes, you are correct! Rich tapestry, etc.! That is the point of personal narratives!

  16. paddlepickle +90

    But she SMILES when you call her Han Princess! Things cannot possibly be racist if someone smiles about them, even if it’s a child who has been trained to think of it as a term of endearment!

  17. thebellewitch +71

    So Gail Dines is in the comments on the Ms. magazine piece and whaaaaat?

    “Does anyone really think that Ghomeshi and men like him wake up one day, and all by themselves, suddenly decide that it would be a good idea to gag a woman with a penis? This makes as much sense as saying that one day millions of Americans woke up and decided they would like a high fat, high salt, mass produced hamburger and McDonald’s decided to tap into this desire!”

    This… argument… ? We DO like high-fat, high-salt foods! Inherently! Your metaphor is saying the opposite of what you want it to say!

    1. paddlepickle +40

      Her argument is instead that the secret cabal of the Porn Industry woke up one day and said “We should use porn to convince men that they would like to gag a woman with a penis, and then this will be become a sexual turn on for them even though nobody in history has ever thought of it before!”

  18. kilks401 +38

    where did anyone say the porn industry shouldn’t be critiqued?A blanket condemnation of the entire porn industry is not the same as a critique.

    1. ThatOtherWench +26

      This metaphor is actually a perfect one.

      Some sex work (including porn studios) involves terrible conditions and horrific treatment of the workers. However, not all factories are sweat shops, and not all sex work is inherently exploitative. A world in which we can critique the bad actors without universally condemning the entire industry *would* be a major step forward.

      2. jlper +25

        Not commenting on the porn thing, but on a tangent I’ve been thinking a lot about the fashion industry lately, (seeing images of children creating the Alexander Wang for H&M line, reading the article about the Mauritian women who make $70 “This is What a Feminist Looks Like” shirts for dollars a day) and I honestly don’t think you can critique a “few bad apples” to spare the industry. I think until every worker is paid a fair wage and works in safe and humane conditions, the entire fashion industry is culpable in their exploitation. You can probably point to a few good fashion houses, but as a whole the industry is problematic as hell and to try to pin it on a few bad actors is to diminish the scale of it.

        tldr; blah blah, no ethical consumption under capitalism, etc.

          4. ThatOtherWench +2

            Plus, then we’d just have to worry about the ethics of the weaving and shaky handheld camcorder industries.

        2. whizzdumb +13

          not tl, did r; THUMBS UP, great comment. I’m a guilty consumer. But yeah, I am pretty pro clothes-wearing.

  19. theharpoon +38

    Ugh best quote from Prudie about cats: “He’s fine! He just likes to send me to the brink of mental collapse.” That’s how you know your cat is fine, when they are mentally torturing you.

  20. theharpoon +10

    Totally. I recently paid a ridiculous amount of money for my 8 year old cat to get 2 teeth extracted, but putting a 13/14 year old cat under anesthesia? I don’t know about that.

    This is a response to winterbymorning and kirpunz above.

  21. jennycieplak +26

    WHAT please put that cat down. And the person who compared the cat to a grandmother, SHUT UP AND DIE. Sorry, rage induced from seeing my mother be the primary caretaker for my grandmother for too many years while she (my grandmother) suffered from dementia and became increasingly less mobile – and increasingly less willing to let my mother out of her sight. I’m serious. I want that person to SUFFER.

    And fire that vet, stat, that’s ridiculous. The cat is obviously in distress and suffering from some kind of dementia.

  22. rhymeswitheight +33

    I almost started to tear up when I read about the climate change deal last night. I wish the goals were more aggressive but that’s probably not politically feasible. This is so exciting that finally, finally, the two biggest emitters are doing something, and they are doing it together. Every UN climate conference, other countries say they will not act until the United States and China commit to reductions. I hope that this is a catalyst for more countries to commit, and I really really hope it’s a sign that we can keep our planet from being totally doomed.

    (Also super curious what this means for the Keystone XL decision..)

  23. lyetteann +47

    Oh Christ, OF COURSE Gail Dines wrote that awful Gomeshi article. Of course. She is THE WORST. The. Worst. I have never been condescended to in my life like that woman condescended to me the few times I had the misfortune of interacting with her. I have a knee-jerk distrust of anyone who quotes her, agrees with her, or sees her as any sort of feminist hero. She has spent her entire career shaming women and it is bullshit.

    1. AmazingSandwich +5

      Right? I hadn’t even clicked on the article yet but as soon as I read the comment here mentioning it was her, it all made perfect sense.

    2. OncoMouse +8

      I’m so glad I read the comments here before I read that article because I start frothing at the mouth whenever I read anything by Gail Dines and I really don’t feel like doing that today.

  24. threatqualitypress +26

    We had a new cat — I think he was still a year or so old at this point — who had those urinary tract crystals that male cats sometimes get, that cause their bladders to expand to the point of rupture if they’re untreated. We had to keep taking him back, I think three or four times, as the vet realized the extent of the problem. It ended up costing something like seven thousand dollars, but only maybe a thousand or fifteen hundred at a time.

    This particular cat, of course, is a huge jerk who doesn’t even let anyone pet him, doesn’t catch mice (unlike his brother), doesn’t do anything except eat very expensive anti-urinary-tract food and hurry out of the room whenever he sees anyone else, and sometimes poops on the floor in the basement, like the worst imaginable houseguest who is also largely invisible.

    I feel bad for saying that, if I had known what this was going to cost right at the outset, I’d have said we should actually euthanize him.

    But man, seven thousand dollars is a lot of money to throw into the bottomless pit of cat sugeries.

    1. dakimel +9

      We lost the sweetest / best black cat to that same thing. He was just the ideal of cat-who-thinks-he’s-a-dog, like, he played fetch all the time, it was his favorite thing to bring us his little foam balls and have us throw them down the hall for him over and over, and it never stopped being cute because cats who play fetch? Don’t slobber all over the balls.

      Anyway, yes, expensive and futile and bad. He wasn’t even 3 when we had to euthanize him. RIP, Midnight.*

      *The shelter named him. I would have changed it, but my 6 year old loved it, so what could I do, but own a black cat named Midnight?

      1. redheadedwolf +4

        🙁 *hugs* I almost lost my cat to the same thing, at the same age. I was extremely fortunate to be able to afford the surgery to fix it, though I had to face the possibility that if it happens again, I can’t afford it.

        Yes, cats who play fetch are the best, and this black cat does too (along with other dog-like behavior, like hissing at anyone who walks past his window, and frequently lying on his back to stare up at me).

    2. lemonadefish +3

      Ug I just a few months ago spent about $2400 on gender reassignment surgery for my ten year old cat for this reason (ok that’s kind of a joke, but he does now have a pretty cat vagina slit instead of a penis, so.) He is hit or miss on the litter box now, and so spends most of his time in the powder room in the garage, alone. He is actually friendly when we interact with him, in short very sort bursts. His greatest joy is sleeping on top of me, which he can no longer be allowed to do, since he shits on the couch every time we let him upstairs.

      Similarly, if I had known I would not be getting a useful pet back, I would not have paid for the surgery. It’s not quite bad enough that I will give in to my husbands desire to put him down now, but if he had just dies then, well, then I’d have $2400 and I wouldn’t spend half my free time scrubbing shit off things.

      Ug.

      1. MilesofMountain +4

        As a kid my parents had the same problem. Our dog got cancer and the treatment prescribed by the vet was a surgery that would leave her with no bowel control and some pretty severe digestive issues, with no certainty that the cancer would be eradicated. At the time I was pretty angry when they had her put down, but now I’ve come to the conclusion that it was probably the right move on their part.

    3. OncoMouse +3

      I lost the very first cat I owned as an adult to the same problem. I just couldn’t afford that kind of money my first job out of college, so I made the decision to end his suffering. I will *never* forget the vet receptionist saying to me on the phone, “Why do you have cats if you can’t afford to take care of them?”

      Fortunately, when I had to put down his buddy recently because of heart failure, my new vet was totally kind and understanding.

      1. RoseCamelia +7

        That receptionist was wrong. And in the wrong job. And a terrible human being.

        You did right by your first cat and his buddy. I am so sorry for your losses.

        1. OncoMouse +6

          Thanks. I still feel bad about the first little guy, even though I know I made the right choice.

          Rawr. Where’s my thinkpiece about neoliberal pet ownership? Only spending money on your pets will prove you love them.

    4. betsymurgatroyd +1

      I feel blessed that I’ve only had to spend around $1000 on my cat for the same reasons.

      The things I’ve done for that cat and his urinary tract so I wouldn’t have to take him back to the vet. Oy.

  25. hearyoume +36

    I mean, I *am* porn-critical (let’s be real, anti-porn) so I’m probably not the best person to speak here, but I am so confused by the fact that people are able to understand that you can like something and be critical of it for every other medium besides porn. I don’t think that Dines was at ALL arguing that “porn made him do it,” but that the ways in which he was violent were probably influenced by porn. And again, people are so willing to believe that the media influences the way we think (see: body image, objectification in advertisement) but that magically doesn’t extend to porn.

    1. Mary +46

      But Gail Dines isn’t “critical” of porn. She doesn’t want to improve labour rights for people who work in porn, or to encourage less exploitative ways of producing sexually explicit stuff. She wants porn to cease to exist, and everyone who works in porn to lose their livelihoods. And she shouts down women who work in porn and regards them as victims without agency or hurting all women.

    2. braak +24

      It doesn’t really seem to me like there’s anyone here who’s saying that you couldn’t or shouldn’t be cirtical of the pornography industry, though. Also, it doesn’t seem to me like anyone is really arguing that porn magicaly doens’t influence the way that peope think.

      But I think a good thing to note is, if porn is one of many different factors that influence an abuser’s attitude and treatment of women, it starts to become suspicious that you’re going to write an article about just this one area of influence. Sure, of course, she doesn’t say that it’s only porn, or that porn is at the heart of the problem here, but the calculated exclusion not only of any other influence, but of any other issue involved (for instance: that sort of culture of silence that enables abusers; obtaining justice for the abusd women), sure seems to imply that porn is the root cause.

      1. winterbymorning +25

        Porn isn’t going to put ideas (violent or not) in your head completely out of the blue if you don’t already have a predisposition to be turned on by that sort of stuff, if it doesn’t already appeal to you on some level. And if you are already predisposed to being turned on by something, does it really matter whether or not you’re exposed to porn that features that thing? Ghomeshi has a clear pattern of sexual assault and not being the slightest bit concerned by his partners’ lack of consent. He would have been out there assaulting women whether or not BDSM porn existed. Rape and sexual violence predate pornography by a significant amount of time.

        1. Ethylbenzene +22

          Right, and it seems like these arguments gloss over what we actually know about rapists — namely, that they are deliberately doing what they do. Rape, and I’m talking so-called “date rape” here not “stranger in bushes rape” happens because the men who do it like doing it. It’s not a misunderstanding caused by misguided ideas of what women like gotten from porn.

          1. winterbymorning +34

            And a non-abusive guy who does have misguided ideas of what women like is going to correct his behaviour after a failed experiment or two in the bedroom.

            Women in porn seem to like getting their hair pulled, I think I’ll try that with Gillian tonight.

            “OW, Craig, what the hell?”

            “Oh, uh, I thought that might do it for you.”

            “Well I don’t, knock it off.”

            “Okay, sorry.”

            ~THE END~

          2. Mary +32

            I think it’s possible there is a legit problem with young people having porn as their major educator on “what sex is supposed to be like”, at a time in their lives when it can be hard to advocate for yourself sexually. But i would like to see a solution focused on MOAR CONSENT-POSITIVE EDUCATION not necessarily LESS PR0N.

          3. winterbymorning +16

            I definitely agree with you on this. Sex-positive education would clear up a lot of the myths promoted (deliberately or not) by the porn industry and help people place what they see in porn in a larger context. It’s very easy for people to blame porn for all types of societal ills and draw attention away from other important issues and potential solutions.

  26. bibliobotic +7

    Is this a good place to ask who runs the Toast Facebook account? I know it is Facebook, but the terrible comments seem to be increasing in frequency.

    Edit: Or it’s entirely possible that I am just reaching Peak Grumpy as I approach the last day of work before my much-needed vacation, and after I get back everything will seem fine again.

    1. nikkijhu +7

      feel free to let me know if there are trolling comments on FB! I post things there, usually, but I don’t really check in on the comments.

    2. NicoleCliffe +37

      Most sites do not delete Facebook comments, partly bc Facebook only releases posts to a small subset of the people who Like your page, and the more comments on a post, the more people they release it to, which benefits us all. So, as a rule of thumb, we do not pay a lot of attention to the FB comments, but we do definitely still delete troll-y ones, we just let OH I DID NOT LIKE THIS THIS IS WRONG comments ride for free in a way we do not on the site itself, for purposes of Income and Publicity.

      1. bibliobotic +29

        OKAY I sort of figured that was the case, which is cool!

        These are not troll-y comments, just Wrong Opinions From Men comments.

        2. Unreadaethel +9

          The Facebook comments exist to remind us all of what a glorious, beautiful space we have over here, on the moderated version of those posts.

  27. mandarinmarie +10

    I am having this issue RIGHT NOW! I have a 6 month old cat that we’ve been waiting to get neutered because he’s got a heart murmur and the vet wanted to see if it would go away before we had to put him under. It is still relatively mild but hasn’t gone away and she wants us to go to a cat cardiologist to get it evaluated.

    I ended up going around her back to the woman who actually performs these surgeries and she said it’s very common for cats to have murmurs that haven’t been further evaluated, and even if he had an actual issue she’d just use a different kind of anesthetic which she can just got ahead and do anyway FOR THE SAME MONEY. WHAT.

    1. raqueue +1

      Well, at the end of the day, vets do make money per procedure, and might frequently suggest further intervention than is necessary.

      My mother and MIL go to the same vet and have highly different experiences:

      My mother: “The dog’s dropped three pounds from his normal weight! The vet didn’t seem too worried but I asked him to run some tests because the dog is always at the exact same weight and I’m worried he might have some kind of stomach issue”

      My MIL: “The vet wanted to order all of these expensive tests to see why the dog was so underweight. I told him that I knew why — it was because I underfeed her so I don’t need to spend money on all of these tests”

    2. OncoMouse +1

      I had the exact same issue with my now five-year-old cat. The low-cost clinic wanted her to go see a really expensive cardiologist to be evaluated. I found a different vet. They checked her out. She got a different kind of anesthesia and a line (? or something?) in case they needed to administer emergency drugs. She got through it fine. She’s fine now. I have no idea why the vet thought she needed to see a cardiologist first?

      1. mandarinmarie +4

        That’s so nice to hear! Yeah, the thing that confused me was that we need to see a cat cardiologist to figure it out even though there is basically no difference between the course of action if there is an underlying issue versus no underlying issue?

        The more I think about it the more I feel like it’s a cover your ass move on the part of the first vet in case something bad happens to him when he goes under.

        1. OncoMouse +2

          I really think it’s about covering their asses, but I’m not a vet. Hope your cat ends up okay!

      2. RoseCamelia +4

        Don’t forget your primary care vet likely gets a referral fee from the specialist.

        I move often and therefore have learned to look for the right vet. It’s so hard, but so important to find one whose top priority is my animals’ comfort and health (not building their practice or padding their billing). When we are anywhere near a teaching veterinary hospital, that has been the best place for up-to-date medicine and personnel who love my little fuzzy ones.

  28. aqueousmedium +15

    He’s adorable! Lady Scientist With The Ponytail is also adorable and seems to be putting out the vibe of Out Of My Face, Cameras, Got SCIENCE To Do Here.

    WE LANDED ON A COMET Y’ALL HOW COOL IS THAT

    1. deleted9827545 +1

      It would appear that adorable Hoody Guy might be Italian. I should’ve known. I think I might share a frequency or something with most things Italian 😉

      IT’S BEYOND COOL!

  29. Pocket_Witch +11

    I’m reading the article on “The Pill,” and I have a question. Why should hormonal BC pills be available over-the-counter? Everyone I know well enough to talk about personal experiences with the pill, me included, has had a negative experience ranging from relatively minor to potentially deadly. Obviously that’s all anecdata, but I’m still not sure that the pill is safe enough to offer over-the-counter.

    On the other hand, not everybody has access to a doctor to write them a prescription, and pregnancy and abortions are much more dangerous than the pill. It’s also not like medical supervision helped me any with the problems I had while on the pill. So maybe a warning leaflet in the packaging: “if you suddenly start experiencing weekly migraines, suicidal thoughts, [insert side effects here], consider not taking this formulation.” That’d be more help than I got from several doctors.

    So I don’t really know what I think. I might have just convinced myself that the pill should, in fact, be available without a prescription. Maybe somebody wants to discuss it with me?

    1. Mary +4

      I guess it depends on your healthcare system? In the UK, it’s prescription-only, but seeing a doctor or a prescribing nurse is free (whether you go to your own GP or to a sexual health clinic), and you don’t pay for contraception prescriptions (standard prescription charge for any other prescribed medication is about £7.50.) It’s pretty unusual for anyone to face barriers to getting contraception (though I’d not be surprised if the system did not work for asylum seekers and other migrants.) In Ireland you pay to see a doctor and for the pill itself, so it would make more sense there,

    2. lemonadefish +13

      Tylenol is deadly. Most OTC medications can fuck you up if you misuse them. I don’t think “potentially dangerous for a few people” is a good reason to keep something prescription-only.

      1. Pocket_Witch +9

        True. The problem I have with BC is that it can cause serious problems with perfect use. I’ll admit that I’m letting past experience color my opinion here, though.

        I think I’ve flipped over to agreeing that it should be OTC. Best for everybody on average, and I can still talk with my friends about potential dangerous side effects, in a non-concern-trolling way. I hope I didn’t come off as a jackass concern troll above.

    3. Inkling +3

      I work at a low-cost reproductive health clinic (abortions too whoop whoop) and it’s $105 for a cash-paying patient to get the annual they need for a prescription for BC. But that makes me wonder if an annual actually IS necessary, and if a warning leaflet like you mentioned would be enough.

    4. snani +1

      I definitely see your point. In Australia it’s prescription only but if you go to a bulk-billed clinic (this means they charge the government, who pays Medicare for everyone, directly, with no out-of-pocket expense) it’s free. Doctors can give me “refill” prescriptions that covered a year. Three month’s worth was about $20 but if you were on the dole it’s about $7.

      Now I have an Implanon that cost $80 and lasts for three years, but that’s because I suck at taking pills regularly.

      Of course, the government was trying to introduce a $7 GP payment for every visit for the sole and stated purpose of preventing people from seeing doctors when they don’t need to. Because that’s…bad? IDEK.

      1. Unreadaethel +5

        I mean, otherwise bored poor people might just go to the doctor simply to have something to do in the afternoons, because that’s a thing people do.

        1. snani +5

          This is the same government that wants to make young people (under 30? I think? Maybe older?) wait six months before they can collect unemployment.

          This is a really bad time to be Australian 🙁

          1. Unreadaethel +4

            Yeah, I’ve gotten that impression from the news. Sorry about your government, and their admiration of U.S. domestic policies.

    5. blushingflower +3

      One of the big arguments in favor of making it OTC is that many doctors require a yearly exam in order to continue to provide it to you, and that is a burden for many women (especially many of the women who need it most). Also, I know that before I switched providers, actually getting to the pharmacy when the pharmacy counter was open was a significant pain in the ass, because it was open when I was at work (this was partly a factor of the pharmacy I used, but I think it is a valid point, especially considering women who have multiple jobs). (I have Kaiser now, and they have a 24-hour pharmacy, which has simplified my life immensely)
      There are many people who argue that the annual exam is not necessary if you are not having any problems, and that it shouldn’t be a hurdle women have to jump just to get access to contraception.

      1. Pocket_Witch +1

        That is an excellent point, both of them. I’ve never managed to stay on BC for more than a year, so I’ve never run into the yearly exam requirement. I’m doing too much generalizing from my personal experiences here.

        I think I’ve changed my mind: OTC birth control pills are the way to go. (I’m still not convinced they’re quite safe even if properly used,* but they’re certainly much safer than the alternative.) Contraception and regular periods for everyone!

        * Probably some more bias there.

  30. aravisthequeen +11

    I wonder if part of it is because the pills have to be taken precisely to be effective–I don’t know of any other nonprescription med that requires you to take it at the same time every single day and veering from that schedule can cause it to fail catastrophically. And I wonder if the stakes are higher with BC than other nonprescription meds as well–if you don’t take a Claritin every day you might be a sneezy mess, but if you don’t take your contraceptives every day you’re pregnant.

    I have no idea! But the lack of access to doctors to write BC prescriptions really is a huge problem.

    1. braak +7

      I think…also aren’t there a lot of potetial drug interactions with hormonal birth control? My understanding was that the two basic reasons that a drug had to be prescribed rather than made available OTC is 1) high potential for deadly overdose / abuse, and 2) high potential for deadly interactions with other stuff.

      Also, I don’t know the politics of it, but my feeling has been that OTC birth control has mostly been a Republican initiative meant to make it look like they don’t hate women, while not aggravating their base by failing to suppor many of their woman-hating policies.

      1. lemonadefish +4

        I think most interactions with BCP will just make it not as effective… it’s been a while since I’ve read a pamphlet though.

        1. braak +3

          I seem to recall that hormonal birth control can drastically increase the risk of things like deep-vein thrombosis, which I feel like is probably an okay reason to want a doctor to keep track of it.

          1. lemonadefish +5

            It’s still a small risk, even though it’s increased. Taking a couple extra Tylenol can kill you slowly and painfully, but no one is trying to make that prescription-only… And it’s not like seeing a doctor once a year for a renewal will do anything to stop you from getting or being injured by DVT.

          2. braak +2

            Well — and let me say first that I actually don’t have a particular opinion on the subject of whether birth control should be over the counter or not, I don’t know enough about the issue at all — but I think that one of the reasons that you might want it as a prescription is because non-prescriptions drugs, a person might be taking them and if there’s an emergency, like they need emergency surgery or something, their doctor might not know about it.  So, and again, I don’t really know anything about it, but if a doctor came up to me and said, “Yeah, it’s better if its prescription-based because of the small but not insignificant chance of a dangerous drug interaction in an emergency, that’s something we’re going to want to know about,” I’d think that was a plausible-enough explanation.

          3. lemonadefish +5

            There’s not really anything that would change in an emergency, based on the patient taking BCP. Things like fish oil and Naproxen can have serious effects during surgery, but they are freely available OTC.

          5. Steph +1

            Hold up, Naproxyn potentially has serious effects in surgery? I’ve been taking it for years for cramps and I’ve never been warned of that by a pharmacist or doctor. (It’s also not OTC here, which is a pain [literally])

          6. lemonadefish +8

            It acts as a blood thinner, so it can increase your likelihood of bleeding out. Probably if you take it for an occasional headache, it’s totally fine, but if you are treating chronic joint pain or something with it, you may just start bruising all over for no reason and decide you have leukemia! Ask me how I know.

      2. ThatOtherWench +11

        The Republicans have long held out against OTC BC, but some have recently shifted for a reason even more insidious: if it’s OTC, health insurers don’t have to cover it. So all the Hobby Lobbies of the world get their way, and everyone gets to pay out-of-pocket.

        1. braak +8

          Yeah, that’s what I was thinking — that on the one hand it grafities the Hobby Lobbies of the world who want to preserve their sacred right not to follow labor laws, while at the same time letting them say, “Nuh-uh!  YOU’RE the War on Women for wanting to restrict birth control access to prescriptions!”

      3. DeepBlueC +4

        Yeah, I’m on a prescription that would render it wholly ineffective. Doctors prescribing that kind of medicine can just make a special note of it to patients (like mine did), so I don’t think that’s a good enough reason to make BC a prescription. I’ll have to go read the article later! (ETA: Oh, ThatOtherWench has a great point! As I’ve never had it myself–my contraception is being a lesbian, haha–I forgot that over the counter=more $$ in the long run than that initial doctor’s appointment.)

      4. elsajeni +2

        As far as the drug interactions issue, my experience is that I have a better idea of what I’m taking than my doctors do, especially when different specialists get involved (and a fair number of women see both a gynecologist and a GP, and get prescriptions from both) — before anyone writes me a prescription or administers any medication, they usually ask me to recite any other medications I’m taking, and often they even specify “Including any over-the-counter medications or supplements that you take regularly.” I don’t think there would be much difference, in that regard, between over-the-counter BC and the status quo of prescription-only-but-maybe-prescribed-by-a-totally-different-doctor BC.

        1. braak +4

          Yeah, that is what a lot of folks are saying, it looks like my assessment about the merits of prescription birth control was inaccurate!  It happens.  I guess only Mallory can be right ALL the time.

  31. sausagedog +8

    I loved the piece on Steve Glass– more pathological liar stories, yay! Although this one was so vastly different from the marathon one. I thought her reference to Crime and Punishment framed it nicely, especially because the piece ended up being less about the crime or the punishment and much more about the deep feelings of hurt and betrayal accompanying a sort of legally-victimless crime. Hanna Rosin did a brilliant job.

    (side note: for about a minute I thought it was a piece on Philip Glass and was very confused as to when he had switched from composing to journalism.)

  32. Pocket_Witch +5

    LANDING ON A COMET IS THE COOLEST

    and Lady Scientist With The Ponytail is undoubtedly a super awesome person

    (edit: this was supposed to be a reply to aqueousmedium, but apparently not. surprise! thanks IntenseDebate! “world’s premier commenting system”, my ass.)

  33. Abanthis +8

    Some quality snark in the Hanna Rosin piece: “The first question he asked was whether I had any kids, which gave me a good idea of how far he’d strayed from his old world of journalist friends. (I have three, according to Wikipedia, and the many articles I’ve written mentioning them).”

  34. PonyAlong +15

    On a lighter comment note, that link for the terrible real estate photos? Awesome. Take a peek, you won’t regret it; and if you’re in the midst of selling your home, there are ample learning opportunities for the taking. For example, the dude taking a sly poop in the ensuite bathroom does not highlight the fact your bedroom has an ensuite bathroom.

  36. Catherine +16

    Other countries have it available over-the-counter and the sky hasn’t fallen (…but their teen pregnancy and abortion rates have.) So I’m not so persuaded the “danger” outweighs the potential health benefit of broadening access. What does worry me is the possibility that making birth control available over-the-counter will make it LESS accessible in the US context–it would likely no longer be covered by insurance, and people would have to pay out of pocket (as you do for aspirin or whatever.) So only people who have an extra $600 a year or so could have it. There was an interesting article recently about how some right-wingers are pushing for it to be made OTC for this reason: http://www.theatlantic.com/politics/archive/2014/… In the context of ACA-mandated coverage of annual exams and contraception, it strikes me that maybe keeping it as a prescription is the best means of providing access, in the US. (Plus then folks get counseling on other, even more effective options that would require a doctor, like IUDs.)

  37. alicia +6

    I feel like a good part of my day is going to be spent dreading what the grand jury in Ferguson will come back with.

    1. floridagal1 +2

      is that today? My parents live in a different suburb of STL (not near Ferguson) and I wish they would be less racist about the whole thing. Guys how do you make your parents less racist, I would really like to know.

      1. RoseCamelia +3

        I’d like to know how as well. Most of my extended fam is racist, along with other forms of bigotry. The few without bigotry are the few who are not only well-educated, but whose schooling was in large, diverse populations. I’m thinking that’s not a coincidence.

  38. bocadelperro +13

    1: Nicki, congratulations on making longform! That’s amazing!

    2: The Atlantic has a pretty great rundown of the metldown that affected Mars Hill Church, a network of hyper-masculine megachurches based on the West Coast. It’s worth a read if you’re into sociology of religion stuff. http://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/…

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      Thanks for the Atlantic link. I was glad the author provided a translation of “Christian shorthand”.

    1. Peanutcheese +4

      I’d almost forgotten about that trial day article!

      This was funny:
      “When I reached out to Handy for comment, their press person seemed unaware of the filing and asked me to send them a copy of the suit.”

      er…