Okay. It’s…okay. This is my first time on Link Roundup duty now that Nicole has gone away (COME BACK, NICOLE; AM NOT I YOUR CHILD TOO) and I’m feeling a little wobbly. Hold my hands, darlings — tightly now — and let’s focus on two months from now. She’ll come back.
She has to come back.
*
Do you ever open your mouth, and almost say something, and then think better of it, such that you just sort of make a short bark and people turn to look at you? I wish I did that more often.
*
“In 1980 she moved to Bournemouth, England, where her aunt lived, and became increasingly reclusive. Tonks burned her last unpublished novel manuscript along with a collection of priceless artifacts from the Far East bequeathed to her by another aunt.”
You intrigue me strangely, old bird. Do go on.
*
Are you in Los Angeles? Come see me tonight.
*
During the 1930s and 1940s, Heinrich Himmler organised a branch of the SS to undertake the largest survey of witch-hunt trial records in Europe ever taken, with the dual aim of using it as anti-Christian propaganda, to claim that the inquisition had been a repression of an indigenous Völkisch Norse-Germanic nature religion, and as evidence for reconstructing that religion. This prompted Stuart Clark to dub the Nazi regime “Europe’s first and only ‘pro-witch’ government.”
I have never wanted to believe in anything as much as I want to believe the Witch-Cult Hypothesis, and it saddens me greatly to learn that this puts me in the company of Nazis.
*
“Hands Up Don’t Shoot will exclusively feature African-Americans creating art out of injustice.”
*
“The 25 Best Superhero Movies Since Blade” had better BE A LIST OF THE WORD BLADE REPEATED TWENTY-FIVE TIMES, RIESMAN
*
“When we understand what someone says, it’s always at least partly a hallucination.” He’s talking about Taylor Swift lyrics, but also about life.
Tags: come back nicole, link roundup, the internet
Well there was Blade 3: Trinity as well
But so much Ryan Reynolds! Not enough Snipes!
No one believes me when I tell them that Blade 3: Trinity is my favourite film. I’m not fucking kidding, people. (Parker Posey’s misandry is palpable and wonderful.)
Also Callum Keith Rennie. Always here for CKR.
it was on Dutch TV the other day and I watched it intending to laugh and OK I did, but I also changed my “future goals” to “Parker Posey in Blade: Trinity”
I love it more than Blade 2, and I still don’t know why.
“(Parker Posey’s misandry is palpable and wonderful.)”
Officially convinced.
Say what you want about the tenets of National Socialism, dude, at least they were pro-witch.
Mallory, please never stop linking to wonderfully weird Wikipedia articles. One pamphlet, the 1935 The Christian Witch Craze, claimed that the witch-hunts were an attempt to exterminate “Aryan womanhood’
Wow. Nazis, witches, secret societies, Great Horned Gods, sex rituals, historians smack-talking one another, this article truly has it all.
New York’s hottest nightclub is Witch Cult Hypothesis!
Related, in a more weird, less strictly wonderful, way: This piece on how Hitler & co attempted to “redesign” Christmas in line with the rest of their war machine propaganda.
http://www.fastcodesign.com/3024022/how-hitler-re…
Witch-cult Hypothesis led me to Mists of Avalon led me to Marion Zimmer Bradley and… eughh now I’m saddened and grossed out. Why must your literary darlings always let you down?
Also, most of those 25 superhero movies are Just Wrong but I am happy to see both Hellboys listed, and in the correct order (2 was legitimately better!!), and with appropriate breathless wonderment at Ron Perlman’s Hellboy suit.
I was sad about Marion Zimmer Bradley for a long time. But then I saw a book by her (and that other woman, thingy), which I hadn’t read yet…I felt so torn. I thought of you, toasties, and of her yuck husband, but then I thought of me me me + library so not paying directly (and other lame excuses) and did get it…What should my punishment be?
It is COLOSSALLY wrong to rank X-Men above X2, though.
Yikes, I somehow missed the MZB stuff when it came out so I googled and now I’m sad too. But the silver lining is that the article I read quoted reactions from other author, and one of them is G. Willow Wilson, who I only knew about in connection to Ms. Marvel. Now I have a few books by her on my to-read list, so that’s something to look forward to.
I can attest that Alif the Unseen is really good. Not the best thing ever written, maybe, but well worth the time.
All great links which I will browse througout my day today. Great job on your first link roundup, I am sure Nicole will be proud!
thank you for clearing up that Taylor Swift/Blank Space thing, it’s been driving me bananas. What is a lonely Starbucks lover? Why are we singing about it? Who cares, Taylor’s standing on a horse! etc.
Oddly enough, once I knew the correct lyrics, I’ve been hearing that one correctly. But in Shake it Off I still cannot hear anything besides “bakers gonna bake” when she sings “fakers gonna fake”, and that just will not change.
For the longest time I thought that WAS the right line, and I thought it made sense because she really does bake a lot, and I like it much better that way.
THAT’S what she’s saying. I figured it couldn’t be “bakers gonna bake,” but was too lazy to look it up. Thank you for your service.
I always hear “bakers gonna bake” too, and knowing that’s not the real line doesn’t stop me from getting a little bit indignant on their behalf – like, don’t be all snitty with the bakers, Taylor! Of course the bakers gonna bake bake bake bake bake; that’s their job. Just like your job is walking around NYC holding a Scottish fold on your arm.
I want to walk around NYC holding a Scottish fold on my arm and I would do it for free.
I proudly sing “baker’s gonna bake” whenever I hear that song and always will.
I really want a “Bakers Gonna Bake” apron now…
ETA: Google tells me that’s already a thing that exists. Bless those fine people who beat me to it.
Thank you for informing me! Brb, gonna put this on my wish list.
This is a better article about your lonely Starbucks lovers. I assume they just go to Starbucks to talk to each other about how lonely they are. Which seems mean, it’s like, you’re all this nice big group of friends having only sort of crappy coffee, why still so lonely?
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=16169
I keep hearing “Brad Pitt” instead of “red lip” in Style –
You got that James Dean day dream look in your eye
And I got that Brad Pitt classic thing that you like
– which means for a while I thought it was more genderqueer than it really is, which is par for the course for Taylor Swift songs I suppose.
I actually have had this issue with a lot of her love songs, hearing them as more queer than they are intended. I think it’s that a lot of them have a verse where she switches to the dude’s perspective for a few lines.
For some reason when Mumford and Sons were really popular a few years ago I convinced myself that their album (Sigh No More) was full of queer angst. (It works best for “White Blank Page,” which I thought was about loving a dude who won’t admit that he’s gay.) I actually still listen to it this way.
The fact that Hadley Fraser and Ramin Karimloo covered this song together only strengthens this theory, IMO. *fastens tinhat tightly*
“You desired my attention but denied my affections”: I think it works!
A few days after the album came out, I tweeted about the “lonely Starbucks lover” thing thinking I had had an original thought, and was promptly favorited by @lonelysbuxlover, which appears to be a Twitter account entirely devoted to keeping track of people who have misheard this song the same way. I kind of love that it exists.
You’re doing fine, Mallory!
Man, screw the Nazis so much for sullying so much awesome stuff.
When you’re a bunch of crazy pseudoscientists you gotta take your human domestication programs with your hollow earths and witch-cults.
Am I the only one who got really excited about the Tonks blurb because I assumed it was about the Tonks in Harry Potter?
No, me too! Rowling drops in possibly-relevant/interesting names occasionally (Fawkes?), so I’m wondering if that’s what this is…and that sounds like a MUCH more interesting research mission than the one I’m currently on at work.
ME TOO. *sigh*
I had the exact same thought.
Yeah, I clicked the link because I was hoping I had misread all the text that followed the name “Tonks” and that it WAS somehow about Don’t-Call-Me-Nymphadora 🙁
You are most certainly not! I thought maybe it was one of those How (Wizard) Does Money articles from The Billfold, of which there are too many, but I would have eagerly read one about how Tonks Did Money.
There’s a new one today!
Ha, I just saw that!
Me too!
This is The Toast, after all – did any of us NOT have this reaction?
I got excited about it because I livein Bournemouth!
I just thank god that The Incredibles came out years before the Era of the Endless Thinkpieces. So we can just enjoy it for the lovable Randian romp it is.
I LOVE THE INCREDIBLES.
Definitely got a VERY GOOD mark in cultural studies deconstructing it for a Randian Hellscape, would do it again in a second.
Since we’re on the subject of Taylor Swift lyrics, has anyone else noticed how many instances of dangerous driving there are on 1989? Allow me to demonstrate *flourishes cape*
Style
midnight/you come and pick me up, no headlights
Taylor, you are required BY LAW to have your headlights on when visibility is less than 500 feet and 30 minutes after sunset, both of which are surely the case at midnight!
long drive/could end in burning flames or paradise
You are greatly increasing your risk of unlocking the “burning flames” ending by driving without your headlights.
he can’t keep his wild eyes on the road
So this guy can’t be bothered to turn on his headlights even though the law and basic common sense requires it – and he can’t even be bothered to watch the road? Or rather, squint helplessly at the road, which has 0 visibility because it’s past midnight and the headlights aren’t on?
Out of the Woods
remember when you hit the brakes too soon/twenty stitches in a hospital room
Obviously the first thing I will say here is that this would not have happened if the headlights were on and if your dude were watching the road but also, how do you get into an accident by hitting the brake TOO SOON? (This is a legit question, I do not drive.) Did you get rear-ended by the driver behind you? if they were that close to you that means they were tailgating so it might not be entirely your fault. I’m willing to throw you a bone here, Taylor, I am not an unjust person.
All You Had to do Was Stay
all I know is that you drove us off the road
NOT SURPRISING SINCE HE WASN’T WATCHING THE ROAD IN THE FIRST PLACE
I Wish You Would
it’s 2 am in your car
It’s probably 2 am outside of his car too unless you dated a man who lives inside a moving temporal rift
windows down, you pass my street/you drive straight ahead
He managed to drive straight ahead and keep his car on the road this time! Progress!
it’s 2 am, in my room/headlights pass the window pane/I think of you
It’s not him, Taylor, you know he wouldn’t have the headlights on
Wildest Dreams
he said let’s get out of this town/drive out of the city away from the crowds/I thought heaven can’t help me now/nothing lasts forever
Especially not your life when you repeatedly get in a car with someone you know is a reckless driver who does not obey basic traffic laws.
Bad Blood
did you have to ruin what was shining/now it’s all rusted
Taylor… are you really that surprised his car ended up in the junkyard the way he drives? YOU ARE BETTER OFF WITHOUT HIM, I PROMISE YOU.
Amazing. A+ I would happily read anything else you’d like to write about 1989 or TSwift.
Aww, thank you. I originally posted something similar on my tumblr but it has yet to come to the attention of TSwift herself (as far as I know!)
Speaking of which, TSwift’s tumblr is an occasional goldmine. I especially liked this post.
Her tumblr makes me genuinely want to be her friend
I love you.
The only thing I can think of for the “hit the brakes too soon” is braking WAY too quickly and too sharply while going far too fast, which would jerk the car to a sudden stop and possibly throw you into the steering wheel if you weren’t wearing a belt, which could conceivably cause a hospital visit.
OR you braked too quickly and everything in the car went flying and the snow brush/ice scraper from the back of the car flew forward and knocked you in the head and cut you open so you needed stitches. But that’s the kind of thing that I don’t know if fancy musicians deal with, or people who don’t live in Canada deal with.
Oh! Also IN CANADA, if they brake too soon on loose gravel or snow, the car could spin out into oncoming traffic or a tree? Definitely stitches if they’re already on black ice.
This is the best thing in the entire world.
I went up to like this halfway through reading it and, reading further, had no regrets.
This was majestically done.
Perfect comment is perfect. Thank you.
you are a DELIGHT and I love this album more now.
In TS’s Rolling Stone article, she says that “remember when you hit the brakes too soon/twenty stitches in a hospital room” is a reference to a snowmobiling accident she had with “an ex” (Harry):
“She says it was inspired by a snowmobile ride with an ex who lost control and wrecked it so badly that she saw her life flash before her eyes. Both of them had to go to the ER, although Swift wasn’t hurt. She corrects herself: “Not as hurt.”
So yes, she should stay away from that terrible driver.
Key question: did the snowmobile have its headlights on?
More bad driving on Red:
All Too Well
Cause here we are again on that little town street/ you almost ran the red cause you were looking over at me
maybe stop doing that. maybe look at the road instead.
Red
Loving him is like driving a new Maserati down a dead-end street/Faster than the wind, passionate as sin, ending so suddenly
T, you know a lot of bad drivers who make bad decisions. Find some new friends.
From Fearless (2008):
Fearless
So baby drive slow/’til we run out of road in this one horse town
I’m glad you’re being responsible and telling him to drive slowly, but what happens when you do run out of road? (Park the car and make out, I guess?)
White Horse
This is a big world, that was a small town/There in my rear view mirror disappearing now/And it’s too late for you and your white horse/Now it’s too late for you and your white horse to catch me now
I applaud your decision not to get in a race with a guy on horseback on the interstate. You are being responsible.
Breathe
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve.
This is… less responsible. You are going to cause a collision if you keep swerving wildly like that. Your car can handle going over a few little bumps.
I mean, it’s been going on since the beginning, really:
Tim McGraw
Just a boy in a Chevy truck
That had a tendency of gettin’ stuck
On backroads at night
And I was right there beside him all summer long
You’d think after the first few times you’d take it to a mechanic, but no.
Picture to Burn
I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
Taylor, it was 2006, did you even have your license yet? I don’t think you should be borrowing other people’s vehicles on a learner’s permit. Especially ones that stall out on back roads.
Our Song
I was riding shotgun
With my hair undone
In the front seat of his car
He’s got a one-hand feel
On the steering wheel
The other on my heart
From the placement of his hands, I can only assume that this is a thinly veiled reference to a mid-drive grope/makeout session. Just pull over, you can concentrate better and it’s much less dangerous.
Can this be posted as a whole post? You deserve more from us all than a simple “like” to a comment
I noticed this too in 1989! I think the dangerous driving metaphors in Style, Out of the Woods and All You Had To Do Was Stay work well to tie together the mini-narrative of this trio of Songs The Internet Has Decided Are Definitely About Harry Styles – “long drive/could end in burning flames or paradise” –> “REMEMBER WHEN YOU HIT THE BRAKES TOO SOON!!” –> “all I knew is that you drove us off the road”.
But maybe Taylor was always making this many car references and I just didn’t pick up on it in previous albums.
Does this mean Nicole is delivered of*/is currently delivering her wee one??!?!?!?!?!?! GOOD LUCK, NICOLE!!!!
*Ever since reading A Midwife’s Tale I want to describe to births as “[Woman’s Name] was delivered of a fine girl/boy.”
That is how they announce royal births! When George was born the announcement was “The princess is safely delivered of a boy” (words to that effect, the royal people probably being significantly more careful about their words than I am right now) and I think it is charmingly archaic and I want everyone to announce births that way.
So I expect “Nicole Cliffe, our much-admired fearsome and wonderful leader, was safely delivered of A Child” soon!
That is such a lovely archaic expression, adding it to my lexicon and SO EXCITED for Nicole & her family!
Wasn’t Nicole going to take off a little while before the delivery?
“Was delivered of” is an interesting construction. Sounds a bit passive; I wonder if that’s meant to make it more delicate, so no one is thinking of the mother doing the frankly gross work of labor (PS Tolstoy I’m still mad at u for Levin being super grossed out and disenchanted with his wife after he saw her give birth in Anna Karenina).
I wish that we in American English used the British expression, “to fall pregnant.” I feel like “to get pregnant” does not suitably convey the dire physicality (and potentially catastrophic life interruption) of pregnancy.
Ah! But Levin just generally sucks anyway so much so that it always amazes me that he is ostensibly based on Tolstoy and therefore Tolstoy isn’t in on the joke.
And I just ordered A Midwife’s Tale, thank you! I always get great ideas for new reads here.
It’s GREAT.
Thank you, my life has not been in vain.
According to Wikipedia, the publishers of a lot of her stuff have started donating all proceeds to women’s centers and other anti-sexual-abuse foundations. So that’s a little silver lining?
ETA: Aaand this is @Rapunzel up there, re: Marion Zimmer Bradley.
I really enjoyed this article this morning: http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/psi-vid/2014/…
It’s about a Nobel Laureate who wore a dress inspired by her work to the ceremony. Pretty bad ass!
DAMN DAMN DAMN THAT’S AWESOME
May-Britt is a bad-ass, and I fully intend to wear a reproduction of that dress to defend my thesis. I love how neuroscience is slowly becoming obsessed with putting neurons on clothes. FAVORITE TREND.
I think they are less nervous-system focused than they used to be, but these guys are doing their part on this trend: http://n-e-r-v-o-u-s.com/shop/search_tags.php?sea…
Fantastic.
That’s really clever piecing, as well – and the beaded neurons … I want a dress shirt with neurons on it.
OH WOW THAT’S AWESOME!!
I had a pair of plugs made from the rocks I did my master’s thesis on, but I think this tops that by far. I’m more than a little jealous. SCIENCE DRESS!
The 25 Best Superhero Movies Since Blade
“So many motherfuckas trying to skate uphill,” said Blade, shaking his head sadly. “So many…”
My apologies. That should have read:
“So many motherfuckas trying to skate uphill,” said Blade, icily.
Why doesn’t Goodnight Dune exist in actual book format? (Or does it, and I just can’t find it?) I would dearly love to get it for my future niecenephew.
Legal issues, most likely.
Here is a movie where no one seems to be in the same movie, what with Willem Dafoe seemingly bored by everyone except himself (and he is fascinated by himself), James Franco operating in the transition zone between teen heartthrob and holier-than-thou artiste, Kirsten Dunst thinking she’s in another teen drama, and Maguire speaking directly to the viewer with his aforementioned eerie awkwardness.
This is the single greatest recap of the first Spider-Man movie I have ever seen.
Is it weird that it made me want to watch it again? But then, I do love watching Willem Dafoe be fascinated by himself.
Now that Mallory is in charge of the roundup for two months, I expect a 100% increase in articles on spinsters, weird trivia about Ayn Rand, the strangest Wikipedia articles that exist, and White Male Tears. It shall be an excellent two months.
I wonder what it says about me that when I hear a line with a strange meter, instead of inventing something that makes sense, I hear total gibberish.
I have never heard this song, but I welcome our country-music sisters to the misandrist fold:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp…
“‘Girl in a Country Song’ brilliantly mocks this bro country, in the voice of a woman who is tired of being half-clothed and always riding shotgun — seems that country girls never get to drive. ‘Well I wish I had some shoes on my two bare feet,’ the song opens. ‘And it’s getting kinda cold in these painted on, cut-off jeans/I hate the way this bikini top chafes/Do I really have to wear it all day?’”
I’ve heard this, and on the local bro-country station, no less! It’s so very call-for and every time I hear it, I imagine that a savvy-but-sheltered country-music-loving 13-year-old gets her feminist wings.
“ain’t no sugar for you in this shaker of mine” I love that song.
I saw it in a Buzzfeed “cool songs you need to listen to in August” or whatever list and I have been addicted ever since! I saw the video for the first time last night and it’s better than anything I had ever dreamed.
OMG there is such a great tradition of feminist country music, tho!!! Take a listen to Loretta Lynn in 1975:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dip54axBnIs
I love that the all-caps plea to Nicole contains a semicolon. I just do. So much.
umm, so buzzfeed is totally jacking your thing mallory http://www.buzzfeed.com/hannahjewell/renaissance-…
Those butts!
I thought the same thing about Funny or Die yesterday. It’s not exactly her thing and fails miserably in its execution, but it’s pretty mallory-esque.
http://www.funnyordie.com/slideshows/674881ea44/v…
I saw this and thought the same thing!!
to be fair, the Ugly Renaissance Babies tumblr has been around for years. (but the way buzzfeed presents the pics is very Ortbergian, I agree.)
I feel very torn, because I want Nicole to have lots of maternity leave and be relaxed and able to focus on the new Wee One and she deserves more than two months off, but also I DON’T WANT HER TO GO ANYWHERE AND I MISS HER ALREADY
Re: fate taking your chin in its hands, here is a charming Tumblr comic about an angel doing something similar.
I need to get a print of that Goodnight Dune book.
Today I realized how much the Toast (and the Hairpin before) has changed me when one of my Facebook friends – a white dude, naturally – posted a picture of a basket filled with various snacks and beer and titled it “Girlfriend is leaving for the weekend, left me all this. #Goodgirl” and my immediate response was to set him on fire.
#Goodgirl ??????
Burn it all down
my mandude informed me last night that i’ve developed a Misandrist Face that i make when i am disgusted by something and he KNOWS, even if i don’t actually say it out loud, that i’m blaming all men ever for being terrible and ruining everything.
i’ve also so thoroughly introduced “fire bees” to our shared lexicon that he now uses it, too <3
My response when someone calls me a “good girl” is “Woof.”
Maybe he’ll get drunk on the beer then choke on some of the snacks and die?
If you’re interested in the origins of the witch cult thesis, you should read Ronald Hutton’s Triumph of the Moon, which is actually a history of the development of modern Paganism in the English speaking world, but talks a lot about where the idea of a hidden witch cult came from.
+1 for Ronald Hutton!
I’d add to that “The English Year” by Steve Roud. From the introduction:
“The real danger is from a far more virulent virus – the idea that all customs, indeed all superstitions, nursery rhymes, and anything that smacks of ‘folkiness’, are direct survivals of ancient pagan fertility rites, and are concerned with the appeasement of gods and spirits. Although the suggestion of an ancient origin for our folklore was the central tenet of the Victorian and Edwardian pioneers of folklore collection, this notion has only become generally known in the last forty years or so, and has taken hold with astonishing rapidity; the majority of the population now carry the virus in one form or another, while some are very badly infected. The problem here is not simply that these theories are unsupported by any evidence, but that their blanket similarity destroys any individuality. All customs will soon end up with the same story.”
Thank you, my life has not been in vain.
OMG there is such a great tradition of feminist country music, tho!!! Take a listen to Loretta Lynn in 1975:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dip54axBnIs
+1 for Ronald Hutton!
But there was Dion Fortune! She led her magical order to meditate against the attack on Britain against the Nazis. And it worked because they didn’t win! You can read about it in The Magical Battle of Britain.
So Bedknobs and Broomsticks was based on a true story?!
Maybe? Mary Norton wrote The Magic Bedknob in 43 and what became Bedknob and Broomstick in 45. It might have been coincidence? I think it might be worth some research to see if Mary Norton was involved with Dion Fortune.
Unrelated: I didn’t realize that Mary Norton wrote the Borrowers series. I read the heck out of those books when I was a little one.
But there was Dion Fortune! She led her magical order to meditate against the attack on Britain against the Nazis. And it worked because they didn't win! You can read about it in The Magical Battle of Britain.
Maybe he'll get drunk on the beer then choke on some of the snacks and die?
Maybe? Mary Norton wrote The Magic Bedknob in 43 and what became Bedknob and Broomstick in 45. It might have been coincidence? I think it might be worth some research to see if Mary Norton was involved with Dion Fortune.
Unrelated: I didn't realize that Mary Norton wrote the Borrowers series. I read the heck out of those books when I was a little one.