“Breakfast at Tiffany’s” – Deep Blue Something
She said she thinks she remembers the film. She said she “kind of liked it.” She wasn’t expecting this. She was probably still chewing over a mouthful of popcorn when you asked her what she thought. Feels a bit like grasping at straws; feels a bit like a movie you both kinda liked isn’t the best remedy when she “just doesn’t care.” Either way, I’d like to have a sit-down with her, maybe chat about some films she actually likes.
“Teenage Dirtbag” – Wheatus
“I was going to ask you to dance but then you called me a ‘dirtbag.’” Buying that extra Iron Maiden ticket may’ve been the teeniest bit presumptuous.
“Arabella” – Arctic Monkeys
Flattering? Perhaps (still working on a definitive answer). But sound doesn’t carry too well up two storeys and she might not catch all those metaphors. “You’ve got a wonderful mind / Arabella” is much snappier and is just as nice to hear any time of the day. It doesn’t have to be 4am gazing into the bottom of a Red Solo cup, talking about the Self.
“Jessie’s Girl” – Rick Springfield
“See here Rick, I really can’t tell if you want me or a woman like me. Either way I don’t think you’ve made your case very well. But then, you’ve been ‘cool with the lines.’ How can I hold out on this evidently deep connection much longer…”
“As Long As You Love Me” – Backstreet Boys
“I don’t care […] What you did / As long as you love me”? I care. I’d like to know what she did. Probably best to find out who she is, too. Unless this is a more general call for applications, in which case you might want to add a couple more tickboxes on the form.
“The Girl Is Mine” – Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
…maybe she’s not actually needed here. She could just back away slowly and they’d still be fighting it out ten years down the line. They don’t even seem to know her name.
“Took the Words Straight Out of My Mouth” – Meatloaf
You’re still allowed to say it, you know. It’s allowed. You can reply to her. “I love you,” and “I love you too” aren’t mutually exclusive claims. It could actually be said they’re pretty encouraging to hear in juxtaposition.
“Every Breath You Take” – The Police
An obvious choice, perhaps, but personally I’d still like to hear from her. Even after all these years.
“Girlfriend in a Coma” – The Smiths
Did she pull through? For a song which so often ends up on lists entitled something like “Top Ten Weirdly Sweet Love Songs,” it’s damn inconclusive. Would you please let me see her?
“Still… You Turn Me On” – Emerson Lake and Palmer
“Though your flesh has crystallized; / Still… you turn me on.” Is she okay? Does she need a blanket? Maybe money for a bus home, far away from any ladders. I get chills just listening to this one, and it wasn’t even dedicated to me. At least Emerson Lake and Palmer are self-aware, though, including such loving lines as “It just doesn’t seem to make sense.”
No, but wait! Noel calls herself a dirtbag! That part of the song is her singing, she is the one who has bought the Iron Maiden tickets.
I mean, right? I always assumed it was, because that verse (“I’ve got two tickets to Iron Maiden, baby/Come with me Friday don’t say maybe”) is in a voice that is conspicuously different from the guy singing the rest of the song.
Yep, it’s definitely Noelle singing there, and she calls herself a teenage dirtbag “like [the narrator]” as well. I want to know how she got these Iron Maiden tickets, those aren’t cheap, and probably weren’t in 1997, either.
I assume she has really rad parents.
I was just coming here to say that! Thank you for also being a person who over-listened to that song.
“Teenage Dirtbag” is a song pitched at exactly the frequency of the mushiest part of my heart.
And in the music video it’s definitely Mena Suvari doing the inviting!
Oh, dang I’ve never seen the video. Is she basically the same character as she is in American Beauty? Is American Beauty a sequel to Teenage Dirtbag!?!?!?
It’s a tie-in to the film Loser, which the song was on the soundtrack of. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Teenage_Dirtbag#Musi…
Oh. Bleh, that’s kind of lame. I liked the song better when I didn’t know that. I will now purge this information from my memory.
But go watch the version by Hester Goodman and the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain! It will restore your love of the song.
Definitely, that’s why that part’s all in falsetto!
She calls him one too! “I’m just a teenage dirtbag baby, like you.”
I think I’ve been under the impression that “As Long As You Love Me” was by Savage Garden for more than a decade… also, 6-year old me had that exact same comment to make about those lyrics to my mother. She seemed pretty relieved that I had that thought and probably wouldn’t grow up to become a pen pal to inmates.
I wonder if you’re thinking of “I Knew I Loved You (Before I Met You)” because I remember having a similar thought about that song as a kid because they seem to be along similar lines of “details of your personal history are irrelevant to my boner.”
Yeah, I had to look up Savage Garden because I couldn’t remember their name, but I definitely was thinking of the BSB song. Later in life I conflated the two and now we have As Long as You Loved Me Before I Met You, by the Savage Boys
“I Knew I Loved You” is soooooo groooooosssssss. Even my uncritical teenage self was skeeved. “I think I dreamed you into life”? False, she existed before you dreamed of her and she will continue to exist long after she has launched you into the sun.
oh jeez. 12 year old me loves that song with the fire of 1,000 flaming suns, but yes. You are right, and you said it beautifully.
I thought that song was by the Backstreet Boys for YEARS.
Just made a delightful spotify playlist to accompany this equally delightful article: http://open.spotify.com/user/121347478/playlist/7…
I wholeheartedly second Breakfast at Tiffany’s!
That ELP one is definitely weird, though. Did she turn into a mummy or something? Is she a fossil?
Here’s your fun Deep Blue Something fact of the day! The lead singer was a teacher at a private Christian school here in Fort Worth, and when I was a teenager (1995-ish) I worked with some of his students at the local water park. Apparently he got fired from the school because of his “rock music” proclivities, which, lol. It was quite the scandal at the time. According to Wiki though, he has gone on to work at a different Christian school, so, good for him! Those “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” royalties aren’t gonna last forever!
I don’t know how inconclusive “Let me whisper my last goodbyes” is, although I’m only now considering the possibility that maybe he took the opportunity to run. Maybe she DID pull through after all!
I would like to hear from every woman Weezer is addressing on Pinkerton. I loved it when I was 16, but looking back, yeeeeeesh.
El Scorcho
No, you are not a “lot like” me and I can’t believe you read my diary what is wrong with you. Also I’m half-Korean asshole.
Across the Sea
What is this Japanese obsession. I am very glad you are so far away from me. That was a fan letter and you know what? Nevermind.
Pink Triangles
Even if I was a little straight I would still not date you.
Why Bother?
Why indeed.
Butterfly
This is a weird metaphor for “taking” my virginity isn’t it? Or maybe date rape? Whatever it is is being made exponentially worse by your falsetto please stop.
And what about all the girls that Cuomo is banging simultaneously? Don’t tell me they’re not all in a bar somewhere giggling over his Buddy Holly.
I believe you’re referring to Lynn, Jen, Catherine, whoops, I just got a little grossed out and sad.
Pinkerton is still one of my favorite albums ever, despite what a TERRIBLE love letter it is.
Also, idiot, of course I know who Green Day is. I just don’t want to go to the concert with YOU.
Come to think of it, “Falling for You” is kind of brutal as well. He’d do ’bout anything to get the hell out alive, or maybe he would rather settle down with you? Gee, thanks, Rivers!
I really like the Weezer song “No One Else”, but always assumed that the creepy controlling attitude it depicts is supposed to be awful and ridiculous, and that the song is mocking it. Apparently I was too optimistic.
Not just Pinkerton, but ANY Weezer album. The Blue Album? No One Else – “Are you wearing make up?? Who are you wearing make up FOR? When I’m away, you should put your make up on the shelf and NOT go out and don’t even think of laughing at someone else’s jokes!” Cut to The World Has Turned and Left Me Here – “WHY DID SHE LEAVE MEEEEEEEE??” But yeah, totally love Weezer.
what does it say that my high school boyfriend gave me this cd as explanation to why he was dumping me after three days?
I mean, I don’t think the narrator thinks his feelings toward women are healthy or normal, and I don’t we are supposed to either. But maybe I’m being overly optimistic as well.
I know this is a little off topic, but I’d really like to meet Jonas. He sounds like he might need some help with his wheel.
Sady Doyle’s 2010 piece on Rivers Cuomo was so huge for me. It also made me start reading The Awl, which led to The Hairpin, which led here. Full circle, ladies!
I always thought “Jessie’s Girl” was kind of pointing out *why* the character singing the song was not with Jessie’s girl.
And I’m lookin’ in the mirror all the time
Wondering what she don’t see in me, I’ve been funny
I’ve been cool with the lines
Ain’t that the way love supposed to be?
No it’s not, dope; you’re corny and Jessie isn’t. I think Rick Springfield meant for us to see that.
I don’t know what you’re looking for, but being funny and/or cool with the lines? That’s all I want in a man.
I feel similarly about Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It seems like it was purposefully written for the narrative voice to be a desperate dude pathetically clutching at whatever he can in a moribund short teen relationship because he’s terrified of being single.
Breakfast at Tiffanys came on the other day in the grocery store or something and it made me sad? I don’t know why? Question mark? Many reasons I think.
You can’t talk to the girl in Every Breath You Take because she’s dead. He killed her.
Oh yeah. That’s like the anthem for creepy stalkers everywhere. I cringe whenever someone plays it at a wedding.
See also: the song by Phillip Phillips that’s all, “I’m not moving on” and “you’ll never sleep alone” and “I’ll love you long after you’re gone.” I can’t tell if it’s about stalking or necrophilia.
Can’t it be both? SPOILER ALERT: it can.
Do you want to obsess over someone and know every detail about them, but can’t be bothered to keep track of them and do all that leg work? Necrophilic stalking may be for you.
Necrophilic stalking: she’s right where you left her
I had the same thought, except that possibly she’s not dead but still imprisoned in his basement.
“Do You Love Me (Now That I Can Dance)”
“You broke my heart/because I couldn’t dance./You didn’t even want me around./But now I’m Back. To let YOU know. I can really shake ’em down!”
Yeah, uh, I just said that stuff about dancing to let you down easy? I really just didn’t like y– no, I don’t care that you can mash potato. You look like a fool dancing there on my front porch like that. No– no more twisting. Are you even listening? OMG you are so into your dance you can’t even hear– look, I’m just calling the cops now, okay?
I thought movies were like musicals when I was a kid, and we got the soundtrack to Dirty Dancing from the library years before I saw the movie. Because of that song, I deduced that the plot was “boy meets girl. boy says he can dance. boy is forced to admit he cannot during pivotal dance plot point, but goes off and learns to dance so that he can impress the girl and win her heart at the end.” The end being some other dance plot point, like a dance contest, in which he does the Mashed Potato, followed by the Twist.
I am still very literal-minded.
OHMYGAWD YES.
I propose for everyone’s consideration, “The Girl” by City and Colour.
When you cry, a piece of my heart dies knowing that I may have been the cause/ If you were to leave, fulfill someone else’s dream, I think I might totally be lost………………. You don’t ask for no diamond rings/no delicate strings of pearl/that’s why I wrote this song to sing”
Uhhhhh please girl ell me you dumped that asshat.
I submit ‘Back for good’ by Take That:
“Whatever I did, whatever I said, I didn’t mean it. I just want you back for good.”
Dude, do you even know what you did or said to upset this person? I don’t think so. This apology does not inspire confidence.
Also, having a coffee cup with this person’s lipstick mark on it seems more slovenly than romantic. Is the reason they’re wanted back for good so that they can go back to washing the dishes?
I’d like to know what Sylvia thought about Doctor Hook writing a song about conversations he had with her mother. And whether she actually wanted to marry the other bloke, or got pushed into it.
Well, I mean, you *can* talk to the woman Arabella is about, considering it was written about Alex Turner’s girlfriend? Or at least inspired by. Arabella is a mashup of her name and Barbarella. Her name is Arielle Vandenberg, and she’s super cool. Her vines are HILARIOUS.
So, I mean…this is a thing you can do. If you’d like.
I would really love to hear from all the women mentioned in “Mambo No. 5,” if only for the “we ganged up and torched that cad-about-town” stories.
The first time I heard that song, I was in a car with my brothers, and we were all HORRIFIED by the invocation of “a little bit of Mary all night long”.
Singing “a little bit of <insert various women>” just makes him sound like a sociopath who collects body parts. Which little bit are you talking about?
I’m finally getting a moment to catch up on The Toast. This is the busiest week of the year for me at my job and ugh I miss you all so much but No Time For Toast. Anyway, I’m reading The Toast instead of eating dinner (seriously this is my love for you) and the comments to this article are giving me life.
Bagman’s Gambit and As Long As You Love Me are basically the same song when you think about it.
“And I promise you girl, that I’ll give just as good as I get… I just haven’t met you yet.” Translation: If you were the One, I would treat you right. Therefore, to all of my exes: it is your fault I treated you like crap.
Ah, yes, but what about Roy Orbison…?! ‘I drove all night… to get to you…! Crept in your room, woke you from your sleep to make love to you. Is that alright?’
Is that alright?! Well no Roy, not really. Get out before I throw you out the window..
Bonnie Raitt, coming close to committing some crimes “Sittin’ in front of your house/ light rain in early dawn/ writing you a love letter/ with the radio on
Go home, Bonnie, you’re drunk
And this heartfelt attempt to get back together by Bon Jovi:
And I wasn’t there when you were happy
I wasn’t there when you were down
I didn’t mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I’d seen you blow those candles out
I’ll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
Please, please tell me that you didn’t take back his sorry behind – even he knows he was a shitty boyfriend, why would you believe that he’s changed?
I remember reading/hearing an interview with Sting where he said he was always confused by the idea that people played that song at weddings/as legit love songs because it's obviously creepy as hell. As a kid I didn't really even get the lyrics but still thought it was unsettling… I think we used to sing it at school in music class too. :s
Agreed that Breakfast at Tiffany’s and Jessie’s Girl are deliberate. I FEEL like I should be able to name a bunch of songs that deserve to be on this list off the top of my head, but I can’t. I am left appreciating Dylan’s “Blood on the Tracks” more, though.
Jessie’s Girl, anthem of Nice Guys (TM) everywhere
I’d like to hear from some of the 44 women about whom those 88 lines were composed. Hear their respective takes. Granted, a few of them are probably dead by now.
(My one and only attempt at filk was “88 Lines About 44 Presidents,” left as a comment on a now-deleted Livejournal six years ago.)
I'd like to hear from some of the 44 women about whom those 88 lines were composed. Hear their respective takes. Granted, a few of them are probably dead by now.
(My one and only attempt at filk was "88 Lines About 44 Presidents," left as a comment on a now-deleted Livejournal six years ago.)
I would like to hear from the lady who managed to DTMFA in "Black Coffee in Bed." He's trying desperately to convince the world that he has forgotten about her while privately sobbing over stains on his notebook from her coffee cup. This is a woman who has clearly won the breakup.