We have all been talking about the nail salon investigation, and Part Two is just as horrible as Part One:
In the nail salon she owned in Mill Basin, Brooklyn, Eugenia Colon spent years molding sometimes 30 sets of talonlike nails a day in a haze of acrylic powder, ignoring a persistent cough that grew more pronounced over time. She was found to have sarcoidosis, an inflammatory disease, in her lungs. In scans, they appeared as if covered with granules of sand, streaked by tiny scars.
The doctor who diagnosed her condition asked Ms. Colon what she did for a living. When she told him, he was frank: As she beautified other women, she inhaled clouds of acrylic and other dust, tiny particles that gouged the soft tissue of her lungs.
Laura Ortberg Turner on the hilariously terrible Dinesh D’Souza and being embarrassed by him as a Christian:
D’Souza has a long and storied history of anti-realistic thinking, and this is just the latest example. He accused the federal government of ‘selective prosecution’–without evidence. He tweeted about President Obama “YOU CAN TAKE THE BOY OUT OF THE GHETTO…” for using a selfie stick. He did product placement for his pal who was just trying to sell pre-made Christmas trees.
Our own Christina Tesoro wrote about being a bitch for Cosmo.
New York Magazine is trying to figure out what the hell is up with Penelope Trunk (it helped me understand her a bit more):
I’m not sure what exactly made me turn away from Trunk’s blog. I don’t think it was any one specific post, but the gradual realization, upon closer reading, that my friends and I were mistaken in assuming that Trunk’s brazen careerism was a feminist project in any meaningful sense. Some of her posts read more like trolling than genuine advice. Where before it was tips for getting a raise and feeling more fulfilled in your work, now it was posts like “Blueprint for a Woman’s Life,” in which she advised that women should get plastic surgery, rush off to business school, and then get married early, because men like smart women but not women who make more money than them. It was still brazen — honest, raw, and vulnerable — and that was always a major part of its appeal. Only now it wasn’t really at all relevant to the empowering career advice my friends and I had read her for. And when someone advises you to get plastic surgery in order to do well at work, it’s really hard to take their tips for salary negotiation seriously.
I am SO HAPPY that Agent Carter has been renewed, and I also hope the showrunners listen to some of the great suggestions in #diversifyagentcarter. Did you know federal jobs were integrated in 1941? Let’s get some POC up in there.
Claire Zulkey interviewed my best friend, Amelia Lester. I am her Ann Perkins, she is my Leslie Knope:
What do you listen to when you run?
I am not even embarrassed to admit in a public forum that the Spotify Top 50 gets me through the Prospect Park loop most mornings. This has the added benefit of allowing me to quote Pitbull’s more philosophical lyrics to friends in conversation about their current life quandaries, which I think they really find useful/powerful.
Meaghan O’Connell on her first Mother’s Day as a mother:
My family growing up always sat in that (largely Catholic) part of the Venn diagram where we’re unable to express our feelings but also very sensitive and easily offended; we procrastinate, but we also take things personally; we say we’re chill, laid-back, who cares, it’s just a holiday, then that holiday rolls around and we end up, or I end up, crying in the shower because my family will never understand me, or doesn’t care enough to plan ahead. Holidays, growing up, were for making cynical jokes about the hell of it all. We laughed a lot! We always tried. But we were dismissive, and we weren’t posing for any Christmas card photos. Having a little baby family of my own, with someone who has none of this baggage, has been a new start.
Deleted Comment of the Day (his username was “Really!”):
So Matthew Weiner had one last chance to fuck with us for Mother’s Day and BY GOD did he take it.
There is one episode of Mad Men left and I AM NOT OKAY can we please discuss
OH MAN. Spoilers follow ….
I love Betty so much. Not because she’s not incredibly flawed, but because she’s one of the few characters on the show who has been able to break out of the role she had made for herself in life and really change. And just as she’s really starting to be able to have choices about where her life is going, it’s over. I cried so much my fiance was like “…are you gonna be ok?” (It also did not help that the Sally/Betty relationship has always been the one on TV that most closely mirrors mine with my own mom.) AND MEANWHILE, Don is just tooling around the midwest, same story, different scenery.
As emotionally devastated as I am, Matt Weiner is a genius and I will miss this show so much when it’s gone.
I am also NOT OKAY and that scene with Henry and Sally and NO I can’t handle this
Regarding Pete and Trudy: I’m actually pretty happy to have them back together. I know there’s a really good chance he’s going to go back to cheating on her within a year, but I don’t know. No one on this show is going to be happy anyway, so why not be moderately okay with life together? I’m going to take an optimistic stance and hope that Pete has finally figured himself out and realized what makes him happy and what leaves him feeling empty.
Something that has bugged me for a few episodes now: Why are the Draper boys still so young? Sally is about 16 now. When the show started Bobby was only a couple of years younger, so he should also be a teenager at this point. But instead he seems to be about 10. And Gene was born in 1963 and should be 7 now, but instead looks to be about 4. Bobby is much closer in age to Sally, but instead he’s always being shown as closer to Gene.
That bothers me about the boys, too, though I think Sally may only be 14? Either way, it’s weird.
Also, while I likewise am glad about Pete and Trudy, I hope that if he cheats on her again that she kicks his ass to the curb in the most humiliating way possible.
I actually just checked wikipedia to confirm their ages. Sally turns 6 in season one, in 1960. We’re in 1970 now, so she should be 16, which seems right. Bobby is 5 in season two, meaning he was 4 in 1960 and should be 14 now. There’s no way they are depicting him as 14 right now. He looks like he still has to take baths with his little brother.
Trudy will absolutely destroy him if he cheats again.
Yeah, Bobby looks barely older than the (suddenly much older-looking) Tammy that we saw in this episode.
Bobby as a character got sacrificed at the altar of increased storylines for Sally. It really does make absolutely no sense that he’s that young, but they’re also on their fourth actor in the role and Kiernan Shipka is amazing so…I give it a little more of pass than I probably should.
Betty is a lot like my mom, who died of cancer two days after Mother’s day a few years ago, and how Mathew Wiener knew this and worked it into Mad Men is a mystery. (To say that this Mad Men affected me is an understatement.)
*hugs*
If someone were to tell me that Matthew Weiner is actually another facet of Ronbledore, it would not surprise me in the least.
Likewise NOT OKAY. I mean, I knew that particular fate was probably awaiting someone on the show; I just didn’t realize until last night how much I wanted that person not to be Betty.
(And goddammit, Harry Crane STILL has not fallen or been pushed down an elevator shaft, I feel cheated.)
Yes, Penelope Trunk is of the devil. I wish there was a browser add on that could seek out any time someone was reading her stuff and create a pop up that says “Are you sure you want to read this when there are plenty of non-insane advice people out there?”
Also I are frequently described as an old-fashioned woman but I am not interested in anyone who claims to be looking for one, as my old-fashioned interests are things like cross-stitch and baking from vintage recipes and reading pulp literature from the 1800s, unlike what this guy imagines, which is probably “a woman who cooks and doesn’t talk back while wearing dresses with seamed stockings.”
“Calling all good old fashioned girls because I’m staring at my messy apartment and all I want is someone who will cheerfully clean it for me for free for the rest of my life where are you?”
“Calling all good old-fashioned girls I need someone to help me balance my humors by extracting my excess black bile, must have own leeches and titration equipment”
Ooh, so much better!
“Willingness to kill caterpillars in my garden by walking through it with her belt unclasped while menstruating a plus.”
“As long as boys will be boys, I’ll be a bitch”
Now that’s a closing line.
I loved that! I also loved her overall tone of “Who TF even knows why boys/men call women bitches they’re morons amiright.” I AGREEEEEEE
Hell, that’s an epitaph.
Small steps, but: Cuomo Orders Emergency Measures to Protect Workers at Nail Salons.
I’m glad to see some action is being taken, ESPECIALLY in regards to wage theft and H&S.
The thing I like best about this is that the signs re: rights to wages have to be publicly posted – it sounds to me like they might need to be where we as customers can see them too, which means that I’ll be able to look for those signs and know who is in compliance with the new regulations.
I’m not sure if “publicly posted” means in view of customers; a lot of times signs like that end up in the break room or other areas that are “public” to the employees but not necessarily visible to customers. But it would be great if it were somewhere where customers can see it too.
And then there’s literacy. We in the US forget about that. I am tutoring middle-aged American adults who read at the first and third grade levels. And many other countries have higher illiteracy rates. And then there’s literacy in English. So many immigrants can speak English but find written English impenetrable.
So, yeah, posting is good, but not fully effective.
They did say that the signs will be in multiple languages, which helps. So English literacy won’t be required: it’s going to be in Korean and Chinese and Spanish as well. But you’re right that literacy as a whole will still be a barrier.
Oh, I’m really glad to see that they’re explicitly not checking immigration status. I think that this kind of investigation is a very necessary first step (hopefully there will be more steps following it) but I was nervous that it would end up really harming undocumented workers.
Y’ALL. Brittney Griner has officially joined her fiance in holy matrimony and I am 90% positive we’ll be hearing all about it from Mallory.
Will we be getting a sequel to Nicole’s post about her playlist for standing outside BCumbs’ wedding?
Good googly moogly, I hope so. I almost forgot about that post.
this is the part that makes me the most nervous:
The Associated Press notes that the wedding comes nearly two weeks after both women were arrested on domestic violence-related charges at their home in the Phoenix suburb or Goodyear.
I wish them the best, obviously.
That D’Souza guy sounds like he should have been an Arrested Development side character.
The comments are outstanding. “This is soooo mean!”
Also the comment about how he’s smarter than Perry and Huckabee and Palin and Trump so “you know he’s got something impressive going on upstairs,” as if you couldn’t clear that bar just by stringing together some grammatical sentences.
I feel like that comment MUST have been sarcastic. Please don’t tell me if I’m wrong, I can’t handle reality if that person is serious.
Maybe it was; I really can’t tell. Good for a laugh, in any case.
I definitely read it as sarcastic, with the last line being the point where the commenter was trying to make that clear, but it wasn’t clear enough.
When an elephant paints a picture people are impressed at how clever it is, they don’t point out most ten-year-olds have a better grasp of perspective and color
TESORO!
A little surprising to see the link to Cosmo, but I wish I had had that attitude in high school!
If you haven’t been reading Cosmo’s online political coverage in the past year or so, you’re missing out. They hired Jill Filipovic (founder of Feministe) a while back and she’s writing great stuff for them, and their online coverage of abortion has been fantastic – Robin Marty, who co-authored the fantastic Crow After Roe, has pieces there pretty regularly.
I called my mom yesterday and right off the bat she proceeded to guilt-trip me and pick apart everything I said. Happy Mother’s Day!
My call to mom went to voice mail and I was so relieved.
I girded my loins and called 3 times before I managed to get ahold of her, and this was my reward. I will concede I should call her more often, and I know she’s having a tough time right now with both of my grandmothers being ill, but damn.
Me: We’re probably going to visit [my brother] next weekend.
Her: I thought you would have visited weeks ago! I can’t believe you don’t want to see your nephew!
Me: I do, it’s just that next weekend is the first long weekend since he’s been out of the NICU.
Her: I didn’t realize you needed a long weekend to spend time with your own family.
I do when I have to go out of town for it! I can’t believe I paid extortionate long-distance phone rates to be criticized for every single thing I said.
Ughhhh
Yep… called her 4 times on 2 different numbers, never got through.
I called my mother and reminded her that she likes to plant blue salvia in with her red geraniums. She had forgotten. I was a little distressed by that, but we talked about her garden and the availability of impatiens for a good hour.
Ugh, I’m sorry. My mother and I haven’t spoken in almost two months, but I decided rather last minute (after much talking it through with a dear, wise friend) that I needed to at least send her a card. So I made one on a free printables website and had my brother, who lives close-by, bring it over to her house. It made her really happy which is what matters, and without all the drama and angst about having to call her.
My mom ignored my calls!
Love the Bitch article. Had a moment like that last night where a friend tried to talk me out of getting my septum pierced by telling me he’d “literally never met a girl with a bullring that [he’d] found attractive.” I do not exist for your pleasure, dude, and I give zero fucks if your dick gets hard when you think about me. And if me telling you that (which I did) makes me a bitch, oh fucking well.
I didn’t think my guy friends in college were that particular brand of asshole until I cut all my (long, blonde) hair off (and eventually shaved my head). Nothing shines a light on faux feminist men like a woman with a deliberately “unattractive”* appearance.
*I looked great with short hair so fuck them.
Yeah, everybody’s cool until you start messing around with gender norms.
YES! Nothing weeds people out like the short haircut, or especially the shaved head. The only acceptable response is “You’re awesome, it’s your head, and you do you.” Well, “I love it and you look amazing” doesn’t hurt.
They can also be identified when you grow your hair out, in my experience, because they will be very sure to tell you how much better they like it.
I’m undergoing the grow-out process right now and seeing this. Although I don’t miss that 1 guy in 100 who will spot a pixie cut from across the room and make a bee-line to “chat” while staring like his own personal haircut fantasy just walked in… I didn’t know before getting a buzz cut that some guys are SUPER into that, apparently.
Ooh yeah, I’ve run into those guys as well. The crucial bit is whether they are able to behave like a grownup about the whole thing or not.
It took my spouse a few years to confess that he was particularly attracted to women with unconventional hair choices–very short, very long, unusual colors, etc. I can’t dictate where anyone else draws the line, but for me that’s non-creepy because (a) he didn’t rush across a room to chat me up the first time he saw me with short hair and (b) his attraction was based largely on the idea that a woman who was willing to play around with norms or even flout them a little was probably an interesting person to be around.
This reminds me that I have been looking for a new pair of shoes recently that I have started affectionately referring to as my “Power Bitch” shoes. I described what I’m looking for to the (female) sales associate as “Fall in behind me or be crushed under my heel” shoes, which I like to think she appreciated. So far all I see are shoes to totter around daintily in. I will find them though, oh yes I will.
Please keep us updated about this extremely important process!!
with pics!
I have a number of “totally feminist” friends who give me loads of shit about my clunky footwear. Dammit, it’s comfortable, and if you worry that I’m making you look unappealing to men by wearing orthopedic shoes, you need to examine *YOUR PSYCHE* not *MY FEET*.
Oh, I have so many thoughts on this. I should note that I wear comfy flats or loafers every day, so I’m on board with the comfort-first approach (and I think it’s important to take care of our bodies which includes our feet). That said, as I get older I realize that while my parents did a great job making sure I wasn’t placing too much value on appearance I am learning to recognize the power of symbols which includes clothing and shoes. I wouldn’t wear heels habitually, but if I can temporarily trade a little physical discomfort for me in order to give a little psychological discomfort to men as I tower menacingly over them then it is worth it.
I’m 5’10” and I wear 4-5″ heels on the regular. There is nothing more fun than towering over men, knowing I could Godzilla-stomp them at any time.
Yes! I’m 5′ 11″ and have a build that my father once approvingly noted was of “good sturdy peasant stock”. I have spent far too much time making others comfortable with that fact, and I look forward to joining you in physically intimidating men.
I am so jealous of this approach to life and footwear. As a very short person who will be short no matter how high my shoes are, I embrace comfort, wear flats, and make do with the old dwarfish* saying, “When his hands are higher than your head, his groin is level with your teeth.”
*Terry Pratchett, natch.
Also, have you looked into Fluevogs?
Fluevogs are everything.
I bought my first pair last week and proceeded to proselytize to my size-11-feet-having cousins, so +1 to this.
YESSSS I JUST CAME HERE TO SUGGEST THEM.
This is not an important aspect, as why give a fuck anyway, but another man has said, he finds septum piercings the sexiest. I’ve had short hair, in the past, and comfortable shoes on my whole life, and I will say I’ve had no problems getting laid. I’m mad that stupid men think all men like the same things.
I mentioned upthread that there are some guys who are REALLY into pixie cuts. They can be just as creepy about it as any other guy who fixates on a single physical characteristic to target, but at the same time, just more evidence that any person who claims “men like X” is actually just claiming to have a deficient insight into the minds of anyone who isn’t them.
Toasties, I could use some etiquette input! I keep missing the open thread, and probably will again this Friday, so I’m asking here.
I’m going on a vacation with my parents next month (spinsterhood 4lyfe), to a major metropolitan area where I have many old friends. I don’t really want to make plans to see any of these people, but when they find out I’ll be in the area, they will want me to. Can anyone offer a useful script? Friendly but firm? We actually are planning to rent a car and spend part of the trip driving down to some areas where we used to live, so I feel like I have a legitimate “Sorry, will be traveling around a lot!” excuse, I just don’t really know how to phrase it. The impetus for the trip is my father’s annual professional conference, too, so our schedule is planned around when he has to be in the city for that and which days he’ll have free to do stuff with me and my mom.
My personal approach to this is not to say anything about the upcoming trip on social media until I’m actually there. Then basically say I’ve already made plans for the weekend/week/whatever. I think in your case, it’s legitimate and understandable to say, “So sorry, this is really more of a family vacation with my parents! How about next time?”
If your parents are okay with it, you can even blame them (say, my parents really want to spend time with me and I’d feel bad leaving them on this week we’re supposed to spend together). In high school, my mom would always let me say she wouldn’t let me go out if I didn’t want to do something with friends.
Seconded. I usually take it one step further and refrain from putting anything on social media until I get back home. This means I can usually say, “Sorry I missed you! It was a family trip, etc. etc.”
Edit: Maybe I sound like a monster? I do see people sometimes, just not always when I’m traveling.
Aw, my mom would do this for me in high school too (“just say you have plans, you don’t have to say that it’s plans with me”) and I really appreciated it.
“I’m not really on my own schedule and don’t have a lot of free time, sorry!”
“I’m traveling with my parents and they’ve already booked up most of my time. I don’t think I’ll be able to get away this trip!”
Thanks for the help, kind toasts! Part of my issue is that I’m constitutionally incapable of excitedly posting about this on Facebook/twitter/whatever, so like……….. people are going to know! I guess I will sort of put off any inquiries for the next couple of weeks, and then closer to the date of the trip pull the “Family vacation so sorry!” line.
I just realized I said I’m incapable of posting about this, when I meant I am incapable of NOT posting about this. ~Monday~
You don’t want to hang out with these people so maybe just… don’t talk to them? “Sorry I’m busy the whole time” is about all the politesse you need here for normal people and IDK why you’d bother with elaborate cloak-and-dagger stealth vacation schemes to dodge these folks, if they can’t deal with simultaneously not being blocked from your social media accounts and not being the singular top priority in your existence they probably need some considerably less polite boundary-setting anyway. There’s folks I actually like and want to spend time with that I legit don’t have time for short-term, and others likewise for me, and a much larger circle of acquaintances who aren’t blood enemies but I’d rather read a book or sleep in or watch paint dry than hang with them with in person, and that’s adult life.
I mean, I don’t really think asking for help with how to politely turn people down when they ask to see me really qualifies as “elaborate cloak-and-dagger stealth vacation schemes.”
I was referring to the recommendation of going dark on social media there – meaningfully changing your behavior to conceal any evidence that you’ll be in the general area is the sort of high drama best reserved for abusive exes, not friends who aren’t that good of friends
Or just one way of engaging with social media? Nobody owes anyone else a completely accurate 24/7 selfie stream.
People modify their behavior all the time to get the results that they want: omitting information on a social media profile to avoid a string of brunch requests is a perfectly reasonable modification. Thinking of polite ways to say “Thanks, but no thanks.” Also pretty reasonable.
Nobody so far has suggested jumping into the witness protection program or putting on a phantom of the opera mask and living a life of perpetual mystery. Although, I mean, tempting.
Although, if cloaks and daggers were needed, it would be possible to create an elaborate catfish vacation with a cardboard cutout and a creative accomplice with an instagram account. #Bali #Don’tCallMe #NoCellphoneReception #Whoops
Well if you like complex webs of deceit that can be fun too. These people are your soulmates, all of them, forever kept cruelly just out of reach by the fickle winds of fate, sorry I can’t make movie night I’ll be dead of leukemia that day.
Oh yes, I was kidding. My Bali cardboard scheme is reserved for skipping out on family holidays.
I find a kidnapping by Zetas usually raises less detailed questions for that and you might even be able to milk some ransom money out of it
I think just adding the word “family” to your vacation description when you post excitedly about it will be enough to explain it for most people who may want to see you, and for the possibility of people still reaching out you can just say, “So sorry, but as it’s a family trip I won’t have time to make extra plans.” People should understand. 🙂
I find being firmly clear about your schedule (as much as you feel comfortable with; nobody’s required to know your full itinerary, of course) is really helpful? Something along the lines of “It’d be really great to see you, but unfortunately, I’m going to be really busy; when Dad’s not at the conference, we’ll be driving around, and when he is, Mom and I are museum-hopping/have reservations for a fancy lunch/going to the spa/taking a nature hike/etc. Maybe next time?”
I have had that backfire on me when people try to find one moment of your free time that lines up with your free time and…it gets terrible/awkward. I’ve learned the less information, the better. “So sorry, we’re really booked, but maybe next time!” HOLD FIRM, @bibliobotic, HOLD FIRM!
“Validation as an adult is a rare and precious thing.” AMEN, AMELIA.
I stumbled on Penelope Trunk a few months ago and found this gem: http://blog.penelopetrunk.com/2015/02/23/finding-…
My favorite is #4: Don’t worry about shared interests.
2. Don’t pick a guy you earn more than.
Uh huh, okay, excuse me while I go set that post on fire.
personally I like ‘don’t have the unmarriageable kind of face’
Whoops.
That post is such classic Penelope Trunk. A very good blog entry idea— That finding a partner is not always some magical process the universe does for you and often you have to WORK to find that person, and you can do things to meaningfully influence the process, and here are some links and science to tell you how you might go about this difficult and frustrating process— BUT IT IS DONE SO POORLY.
I mean, “Don’t worry about shared interests because kids will be your shared interest” is only even potentially valid if you choose to have children together. “Choose someone who already has good communication skills” may be a good way to go about trying to find a quality life partner, but ONLY considering people with opposite-sex-siblings may be challenging, especially if your community tends towards smaller family sizes.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh she is SO GOOD at trolling me.
It’s just so insane on so many levels. Like, any normal person is going to read an article about how siblings have good communication skills and go ‘oh, interesting! I wonder if that applies to me or relationships at all’, not “Better start limiting my dates to people who have opposite-sex siblings!” BECAUSE THAT’S INSANE.
I mean, if one was trying to use Big Data to narrow down who one might want to prioritize to contact, even then it might make sense. And, if I remember correctly, she basically used some sort of data-driven matchmaker firm to pick her first husband/the father of her children. So, I mean, that went well. *eyeroll*.
I mean, my relationship with my age-close brother has probably turned me into the constantly undermined, joke-to-hide-the-hurt, always laugh at someone before they laugh at you, person I am today.
So of course my relationships have all been a barrel of laughs and I’ve never once questioned the way I relate to men…
Aieeee I haven’t even clicked the link and I can feel the trolling. I feel so compelled to refute these points! But…but…there’s no reason to!
Toasts, I was too busy for open thread on Friday and I missed you all!! Good news: my sister came to visit from DC, I hadn’t seen her in ages so yay. Bad news: she came out because Grammy (who is 92 and horrible) went into hospice a couple of weeks ago. When she is lucid she does things like call my cousin a “dirty filthy whore” and announce the solution to the “homosexual problem” (it’s to “sterilize them as soon as they are diagnosed,” which … That is not how being queer works, Grammy). When she is not lucid she tells us about conspiracies at the assisted living facility (which is alarming in its own right because of abuse in the elder care industry — what if there’s truth to her story??)
Anyway I hope everyone had a good weekend!!
I too have a horrible grandmother who has recently taken a turn for the worse. I don’t talk about her much because people tend to assume I am an ungrateful grandchild who is unjustly slagging on some sweet little old lady. (I don’t actively wish her harm, I just want as little contact with her as possible.). I don’t really have anything useful to say, just a virtual fist bump of horrible grandparent understanding.
*fistbump*
is it possible 92 is the magic age of emerging grandma horribleness? Mine is emerging as a full on racist, to the point I dread her asking about my (distinctly pan ethnic and frequently multiethnic) friends, etc.
I’m so sorry to hear about your Grammy. Is there anything you can do to verify her stories about the assisted living facility? It depends on what she’s claiming, I guess – you can see unclean sheets easier than conflicts between patients and staff – but if something seems legitimate maybe there are questions you can ask of staff to get a feel for the truth? It’s hard to give suggestions without knowing the nature of her conspiracies, and I’m probably not the best person to give them anyway, but just a thought. Sending you my love!
Thanks. I did mention some of the stories to my aunt, and she said she’s heard some stories from her too (different ones) and that she inquired about it a little bit. My other aunt works as some kind of elder care advocate/instructor (not clear to me) and she is the one who’s the most active in Grammy’s care. She knows/trained several folks who are now employees at the facility, so I *think* we’re all good.
Hello, Toastfriends. I had a weird Mother’s Day, in that I had a few well-meaning friends actually reach out and wish me a happy mother’s day? It… I was obviously sad, and being reminded of my loss wasn’t exactly what I was hoping for out of Mother’s day, but at least it wasn’t a devastating “can’t function today” kind of sadness, and more of a deep-seated frowning feeling, like the impulse to frown just continued right on down into my heart and sat down upon it.
We did have a lot of fun celebrating our respective mothers this weekend, though. My mother-in-law really wanted to see Pippin, so we did (I knew nothing about it, and ended up having a ton of fun). Fun fact! The original Leading Player was a man (Ben Vereen, on the original cast), but in the revival it’s a woman and SHE IS MAGNIFICENT. I might have a little crush on Leading Player.
Holidays that end up being markers of loss can be so hard. Friends tear their hair out not knowing whether ’tis better to say something or not, and either one can be so hard to receive. I’m sorry you had all that on your plate. On a happier note, my only tie to Pippin is a mixtape from a beloved friend with Ben Vereen singing “Simple Joys” on it. “A fig on a twig in Galilee” is a phrase that still pops up unbidden and always makes me smile. Glad you got to do a little celebrating at the thee-a-ter.
Dinesh D’Souza should always be referred to as ‘Convicted felon Dinesh D’Souza’.
yis!!
I had never heard of Penelope Trunk, but her blog advice sounds a lot like The Professor Is In, except for business (and..life, I guess?) instead of academia. Can we talk about how awful this genre of “empowering” advice blog is? “I have figured out the SOLE FORMULA FOR SUCCESS. If you don’t follow it, your inevitable failure will teach you what a loser you are.”
The Professor Is In has said maybe one thing ever that I agree with.
OH THANK YOU.
The only thing she ever succeeded in doing is making me paranoid that I was Doing Academia Wrong. Which hello, I could get that from my jerkass advisor without even trying.
Dinesh D’Souza made his conservative movement bones with the editorship of the Dartmouth Review, which helps explain why he still approaches life at the maturity level of the average college freshman. That, or he’s just an asshole. Trunk, I dunno; I first heard about her with the miscarriage thing, but this thing with Sandberg’s husband sounds as if it’s her version of Andrew Sullivan’s Trig Truther obsession: the watershed after which the haters will simply be able to write her off.
The Nail Salon situation is terrible but also I am so so glad that the tide of public opinion (which is fickle, and who knows if anyone will be talking about this next week but let us seize the day) has shifted toward caring about these often-invisible women who are actual or virtual slaves and are getting very, very sick from their unpaid or underpaid service jobs. I feel like some of this stuff has come out before? But people have always been like “huh, that sucks,” and nothing much has shifted.
Bizarrely opinionated parent blog alert: check out this completely bats article .
I feel like a lot of that stuff is true…. but the TONE? I can’t figure out if it’s a joke or not?
I hope it’s a joke because my gosh, some it is batshit, but it sounded really serious to me.
Thank you thank you thank you for bringing this into my life.
Best line? I vote: On a more uplifting note, I own a cast iron tub scavenged from a field, which I now luxuriate in nightly.
I particularly enjoy “swathed in lovingly hand-oiled wood” and “breast milk, especially on bums.”
I can’t wait to read something that claims having a baby will be “minimalist” and “freeform” (to laugh at it). Thanks for the link.
Haha omg she’s advising people to wrap their babies in wool and let them *pee* in it? Because it’s absorbent and will also keep the babies warm??? I mean I agree that if you don’t want to buy a changing table from IKEA, don’t, whatever, but how do you justify taking your child out into the world wrapped only in a blanket? Do you like having poop smears on your hands? And your nice baby wool? And your moses basket, apparently?
Oh, but there are no poop smears because they can ~mystically sense~ with their ~intuitive mom powers~ that it’s time to take baby to shit on the grass, free from the oppression of stuffy “peepoo fearing folk”.
my baby is just so much more authentic than those mass-produced corporate babies they got coming out these days
Toastrons, for anyone whose birth control has not been quite as free as you were expecting under Obamacare, the administration is now trying to clarify any ambiguities and close loopholes that insurers have been using to violate this requirement: http://www.nytimes.com/2015/05/12/us/health-insur…. A key part of these updated regulations:
“If an individual’s attending provider recommends a particular service or FDA-approved item based on a determination of medical necessity with respect to that individual, the plan or issuer must cover that service or item without cost sharing. The plan or issuer must defer to the determination of the attending provider. Medical necessity may include considerations such as severity of side effects, differences in permanence and reversibility of contraceptives, and ability to adhere to the appropriate use of the item or service, as determined by the attending provider.”
This means that, for example, if one type of the pill makes you feel awful but another is fine, your provider can tell the insurer you need the better one and they have to cover it for free (something many have been resisting in various ways). Full updates to the regulations are at http://www.dol.gov/ebsa/faqs/faq-aca26.html for brandishing at your doc’s office if necessary.
I get so irrationally angry at people when they do that. I always think my social cues/hints are SO OBVIOUS, but some people (who are the ones I honestly don't like that much anyway) always try to use them as an 'in,' in some way.
Yeah, some of them I feel like are useful in a really sporadic way, like checking in very rarely to get an alternate perspective on things and look at pretty pictures, but the only advice columnist I actually like (aside from the ones featured on The Toast, who are consistently awesome) is Captain Awkward, who has a much more 'you do you' type of thing going on anyway.
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