The situation in Waco reminded me that many Americans (and Canadians!) aren’t familiar with the bloody and prolonged Quebec Biker War. Related: this deal we cut was not one of our better decisions as a nation.
On names in fiction:
For some realist writers the best names are invisible. Henry James was a great fretter over names, as you might expect from someone who had the same names as his father, both of which could be interchangeably a surname or a first name. He wanted his characters’ names to have a tang of truth but not too much overt significance. The name Moyra Grabham he thought had ‘a little too much meaning’ to be used in The Ivory Tower. Even James had his Archers and his Goodwoods early in his career, though, and listed ‘Remnant’ and ‘Masterman’ in his notebooks as potentially useful names when he found them in the Times. Jane Austen favoured names which give almost nothing away about status or nature (Fanny Price, Elizabeth Bennet and Emma Woodhouse), but she could in some circumstances use names which suggest meaning: the wild Marianne Dashwood is an early example of a flighty heroine lost in a moral forest, and Mr Knightley, well, he’s not going to be a cad, is he? The fact that Austen called the knightly Knightley ‘Knightley’ suggests the way the choice of a name can follow from the particular nature of a specific work, and may also feed back into a larger literary design. The point of the one-off over-explicit name is that Knightley’s knightliness is utterly obvious to the reader every time his name is mentioned, but it passes Emma by. That was a strong enough reason for Austen to break one of her unwritten rules about naming.
My friend Nozlee became depressed on hormonal birth control (this also happened to me, and why I am Team Bag It Up.) Pill = depressed, Nuva Ring = panic attacks, condoms = happy and serene as a clam. Hormonal methods are great for lots of people! But don’t let anyone gaslight you into saying it’s impossible to have negative psychological reactions to them.
This is not exactly national news, but I have BEEN to the pictured Flying J and I am outraged by their conduct!
Oh, great, the in-state tuition break is headed out with the dinosaurs:
The slow death of in-state tuition is a case where declining public investment and selfish institutional interests unfortunately coincide. National public universities are cutting in-state enrollment in part to make up for state budget cuts. But they also have a strong desire to become more like elite private universities — Stanford, Duke, the Ivy League — that have the freedom to enroll the best and the brightest from around the world and charge whatever prices the market will bear. Budget cuts give them an excuse to become what they wanted to be all along.
Some very complicated letters home from Dachau.
WORKOUT (then two minutes of running after):
There is another non-hormonal contraceptive choice – the copper IUD lasts ten years and is the most effective contraception there is! It can make your periods heavier/more painful for the first few months so it isn’t for everybody but I love mine truly. Every hormonal method either screws up my cycle completely or gives me migraines so this was a last resort but I should have tried it first, I love it so.
I love my copper IUD! The heavier-crampier periods didn’t go away, but mine were light and painless enough to begin with that the IUD’s effects are not onerous.
I actually chose the IUD over sterilization– it’s more effective than traditional tubal ligation by a statistically significant margin. Essure is about the same level of effectiveness, but there’s really no way to tell if it’s failed without doing radioactive imaging. When IUDs fail it’s usually because they’ve come dislodged, which a) is often a thing you can feel, and b) can be checked with a speculum and a mirror.
Essure — I love it! It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. (They do some kind of high-tech fancy x-ray thing with contrast fluid to see if any is able to get past the scar tissue and into your fallopian tubes about 3 months after you have it done, and that’s a pretty solid guarantee that you’re set for life.) Non-surgical, only moderately uncomfortable for a short while during the actual procedure (to be honest, I found the follow-up x-ray to be more uncomfortable than the actual placement) and it was 100% covered by my health insurance at the time. I recommend it to anyone who doesn’t ever want to be pregnant.
I will also hop on this pro-IUD bandwagon. I got mine after a) being on hormonal birth control from the ages of 11-22 (yes, 11, it’s a long complicated story of how my hormones hated me for many years), b) getting off hormonal birth control and feeling like a non-zombie for the first time in over a decade, c) having a kid and d) not wanting to jump right back into that shark tank. My doc was incredibly supportive, and said in his doctorly experience (30+ years as an OB/GYN), he has seen copper IUDs last even longer than 10 years without a hitch. My periods were non-existent, then heavy for a couple of months, and then settled back to a normal routine, so I am very happy. YAY different BC methods for different folks!
I’ve been a Toast lurker for a while, and this is what finally prompted me to make an intense debate account and comment (hi!)
I *love* my copper IUD, even though I wouldn’t recommend it to everyone. My periods are significantly heavier than they were, but they were almost nonexistent before, so it’s not a big deal. And I’m one of those people who freaks out if my period is even a day late, so any birth control that makes my periods go away is not for me. But yes, three cheers for effective, non-hormonal birth control that I never have to think about!
My copper IUD is one of the best decisions I ever made, hands down. Planned parenthood told me twelve years, which are up in 2018, and I plan to just have another one put in.
I LOVED my copper iud. My cramps got much worse and the duration/flow (for lack of a better word) doubled but I’ve seriously considered replacing it because it was relatively easy/reliable. I was devastated when I got a pelvic infection and had to have it removed, which was non-negotiable. 🙁
Dude. If I had a dollar for every doctor, woman, friend, or online commenter who assured me that hormones at low doses couldn’t possibly cause me any mental health issues, I would be a rich woman. Why is it so difficult to acknowledge that hormones impact mental processes and emotions? and that it doesn’t mean that a woman is partially unhinged already? I’ve gone from being a fully functioning adult to suicidal ideation in less than a month on the pill. The gentle not-quite-hidden eye rolls I got from doctors and NPs when I tell them there is NO WAY I’m doing even a low dose pill, or the ring, or the mirena, make my teeth curl.
I’m a much happier, healthier person without the hormones. I do natural family planning + pull and pray (in my committed relationship – condoms of course when I was on the market) and I’ve been baby free for the three years I’ve been doing it.
thanks, Nozlee, for writing something that I’m sure many women can relate to. It needs to be talked about more in the medical community.
Agreed — I have tried every kind of hormonal bc, And each one just makes my normally challenging mental state 100 times worse.
We use condoms (with plan b as an occasional backup) and they’ve worked for us! (Our sex gets really really great around ovulation time each month, so it makes the hassle of condoms worth it)
I wish male birth control would just come to fruition already…
I don’t think there will ever be a comparable hormonal birth control for men because I firmly believe that any negative side effect, even ones that are common for women on HBC i.e. headaches, risk of blood clots, lowered libido, etc., would be considered too serious, too dangerous, too life disrupting. It seems to me that there’s a mindset in the medical community that people who have periods are expected to suffer (or maybe even should suffer) so all the side effects of HBC are just part and parcel of the whole “not wanting to be pregnant” thing.
Oh my god you’re absolutely right.
Yep, I went through about a billion iterations of the birth control pill, plus Nuva Ring, which especially made me feel like I was going to crawl out of my skin. Sure wasn’t going to get pregnant on that one, because my husband couldn’t so much as put a hand on my arm without me absolutely losing it. Tell the doctors that, though, and they’d just be like “…. That’s not a listed side effect.” Why are they like this?? So many people have stories like ours!
And I hate that if hormones don’t work for you, the options are so limited. Pull and pray worked until it didn’t, and I have a chubby-cheeked 3-month-old to prove it (we weren’t doing the NFP part of that equation, though, so basically we were just stupid. She’s very cute, though.) I’m now giving the copper IUD a whirl and just hoping the periods aren’t too dreadful.
The denial just makes no sense- like, if the hormones effect some people in a way that is beneficial, it’s not really surprising that they’d effect other people in a not-beneficial way. I’m one of the many people who take hormonal birth control for non-baby-preventing reason (I use lesbianism as my birth control- very effective!) and I’m lucky that I don’t really get any brain symptoms. I would only buy the argument that it COULDN’T POSSIBLE have bad effects if I also believed it couldn’t possibly have GOOD ones…in which case I personally would not take it, since the hormonal effects are the only ones I care about.
Yeah, my hormonal birth control helped a lot with my terrifying PMDD, so I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t think there are mental health effects?
Thanks for saying this! My hbc literally nearly killed me and now I’m not able to take it at all. I know that being able to control our own fertility was a huge turning point for women’s rights, and that hbc really help lots of women, but there are plenty of us who have suffered greatly due to the side effects. Just because it’s very unlikely doesn’t mean that it never happens. I’m not a smoker, I don’t have high cholesterol or other issues; I was just very unlucky. I think we do need to talk about it. There are a lot more options out there, there are lots of women out there like us who are stuck in limbo.
I’ve always enjoyed seeing the nurse/midwife at PP, because I can say, “I’m concerned about the affect the hormones might have on my depression,” and I get an understanding nod and a list of various pills that have historically decent records re: SSRIs, plus some non-hormonal options.
Ugh, hormones. At one point in college, I found myself doing a lot of crying for little to no reason. Saw my birth control expert university health gyno, who promptly changed my prescription, and was almost immediately better. I have a very healthy respect for messing around with hormones as a result. A respect that is like my respect for poisonous snakes: be verrrrry careful.
I had a similar experience. My hormonal birth control pill worked great for three years, and then one month, the week of my period, I became a mess. I was so sad and stressed I could barely function. This continued, one week out of four, for about four months until I finally wised up and switched. And boom, all better.
I was on one type of BC pills for many years with no problem, then my doctor switched my brand after the birth of my daughter. It messed me UP–horrible mood swings, depression, and migraines. It pays to try a couple of different kinds, just to see if one might work better than another, but sometimes the answer is to use something else entirely. (In my case, the husband got a vasectomy, and the freedom is glorious!)
Ugh, the migraines. Hormonal BC has worked really well for me– I’ve been depressed my whole life, and while hormones didn’t make it go away, sometimes I think they’ve taken the edge off severely depressive months. (SSRIs at the dosage I felt comfortable taking didn’t do anything.) Plus, BC cleared up my acne, I didn’t gain any weight, etc. But the migraines.
I’ve been considering switching to non-hormonal but I’m worried I’ll lose all the benefits :\ so for now, excedrin remains my bff.
Same here — hormonal methods worked fine for many years until they suddenly started giving me multiple migraines a month. I tried a Mirena but my cervix has a bit of a tilt and it never sat right, so partner got a vasectomy and we lived happily ever after.
I have pointed out to Spouse repeatedly that since he is the one who really really really doesn’t want to have children, and I’m mostly okay with that but there’s a part of me that would really welcome a happy accident with itty bitty feet and squishy cheeks, it would be appropriate for him to consider a spot of outpatient surgery, you know?
If he had health insurance, it might be an easier sell…
I feel like “NO, U” should be part of more couples’ birth control conversations.
They have a massive effect on my mental health as well – some types negative, some positive. The first pill I went on turned me into a ravening evil bitch from hell, and the second totally stopped my PMT, halved my periods in intensity and length and generally made life marvellous. When they stopped making that one and I had to change again, the much lower dosage one made me go up two dress sizes in two months and totally stopped my periods, despite the doctor telling me that was impossible. I changed doctors, changed pill back to the closest one they made to the good one, and was back to my usual size in a month, periods came back and are again under control PMT-wise. I fervently hope to be on the pill until menopause!
Same! I was on whatever the generic of Ortho Tri-Cyclen is and cried all the damn time. Then I changed to the no-estrogen pill, which didn’t make me sad but played a fun trick of making my period late about every three months or so. Now I’m on a low-estrogen pill and it works fine. But the Ortho, which I think is the default pill that everyone starts with, really changed my emotions.
I had the inverse problem after a particularly nasty breakup: I got incredibly depressed, and then my period lasted for three weeks. I can’t speak to causation, but it was certainly an interesting moment.
Oh man, I know this isn’t an open thread but can I drop a link of my own so we can discuss the Feelin’ Myself video that came out yesterday and possibly made me believe in a loving god? Nicki and Beyonce! Eating hamburgers! Sharing candy! Wearing jerseys that say “Pervert” on them and miming masturbating! We live in a blessed time and I for one welcome our FLAWLESS*** overlords. Friendship really is magic.
Video on Tumblr for those of y’all without a TIDAL subscription: http://kingxtonio.tumblr.com/post/119307209757/fe…
That so fun!!! And extends the slumber party / Girls Night Out vibe of 7/11. Ladies have lots of fun! All the time!
This was my exact thought—like 7/11 with higher production values and NICKI MINAJ because Bey is benevolent.
I’m visiting my best friend in July, to see Nicki play DC, and we’ve already decided that a reenactment of the burger scene is required. Friendship truly is magic. < sparkly pony GIF >
Ugggh I love this! When they eat hamburgers and smile silly and hang around and the men stand behind them and remain silent!
Also I love the dumb dude at the beginning – “that’s dope Nicki.”
Has anyone seen a breakdown of what they’re wearing/where you can get their clothes yet?
I can’t watch the video at work, but the pervert jerseys described sound like Givenchy (here)
Fashionbombdaily.com did a series of posts on the fashion in the video.
“Tailbone balance” sounds painful.
Toasts, I met my tiny nephew over the weekend! I am happy to report that he is healthy and adorable. I read him The Magic Bunny and Pick Me Up, Mama and The Paperbag Princess and he didn’t spit up on me even once. This aunt gig is pretty sweet so far.
One of my friends juuust got a copper IUD. She had spent the last three years telling doctors she thought that The Pill was making her depressed, and the response was always to try and switch to a different version/dosage. Finally, she went in and spelled out that she had done research and that she wanted an IUD and she did not want the hormonal version, thank you. But if she hadn’t been very set on what she wanted she could have very easily gotten Mirena — which, who knows if it would have affected her in the same way, but the fact doctors kept keeping her on different hormonal methods without talking about alternatives isn’t super reassuring.
There are few things I love more than a book with ridiculous character names. And since I read a lot of romance novels, they are not hard to come by. Sandra Hill is great for ridiculous names- the last one of hers that I actually managed to read through to the end had twin babies named Gunnar and Gunnora. Of course.
Gunnora! Did they have an older sister, Ammunitia?
(Hehehehehe…I’ll see myself out.)
I thought I was losing my mind on BC pills. I was literally about to start prescription medication because my doctor was CONVINCED that my depressive symptoms could not be caused by the Pill. Luckily, right before I was set to fill my prescriptions, I happened to overhear my friend talking about how she couldn’t stop crying/couldn’t function for months, and then 5 days after switching off the same Pill I was taking, everything changed. I stopped taking the Pill that day and thankfully, the same thing happened to me – it was like the clouds parted. I couldn’t believe it.
I would have liked to have been warned that a potential side effective of the pill (or even the IUD) was depressive symptoms; I would have been more aware of what was happening, and would have been able to take action sooner. It’s probably buried somewhere in the printed material that comes with your contraceptive of choice, but there seems to be a huge cultural barrier against actually acknowledging the prevalence of these kinds of reactions.
Long story short – the IUD gave me my old self back (plus other great benefits, like a lighter period and no cramps). But mostly I am extremely concerned by the lack of information/knowledge about the link between severe emotional symptoms and birth control. It sucks that we have to rely on overhearing conversations or googling forums online.
I had a teachable moment the other day that some of you might appreciate. My husband and I were at the grocery store, looking at salad dressing. He pointed out one that was called something like Skinny Bitch and said, “I bet feminists don’t like this one.” I agreed that I did not.
He continued, “So… you know how I write sometimes, but I’m not A Writer.”
“Right,” I said.
“And someone might paint sometimes, but they’re not A Painter. So, you believe in feminist issues, but you’re not A Feminist.”
I was quite surprised by this, because I do make a point to regularly bring up issues that I notice and feminism in general, but I guess I never used phrasing as specific as I’m pointing this out to you because I am a feminist. And while I knew he agreed with the idea, of course, I never realized that he wasn’t quite clear on the language. So I explained to him that “feminism” is not the radical, crazed movement like the misogynists want you to think, and that it’s about belief in equality, etc. etc., concluding with “so yes, I am a feminist, and so are you.”
He said I was completely right. And now he wants to have matching shirts that say, “This is what a feminist looks like.”
Your husband sounds awesome.
Thank you! Even more so now that he is A Feminist, I think.
Oh, god, I had a teachable moment the other day.
A workmate told a story she’d read about a woman who’d met a man online and then IRL for sex, and he had misrepresented himself dramatically (he was in his 70s, had pretended to be a model) and had then been sexually assaulted after telling him no. My workmate said, “I mean, I know it’s awful, but these girls are SO STUPID, I mean, it was totally her fault!”
After reining in my urge to set things on fire, I said, “Yeah, it was totally her fault that a man decided to lie about his appearance and then rape her! She was definitely at fault for his decision to be a rapist.”
And she looked sort of shocked, and then agreed. And it ended with us discussing how, actually, there really are only so many ways we can be ‘careful’, and how we generally believe people when they tell us things about themselves, and how we live our lives so much online these days that it seems rational for us to expect people to be who they say they are. And, also, that women are not responsible for the bad decisions of men.
I went home feeling a little better that day, actually.
So many emotions brought up by today and yesterday’s Link Roundup! First, I concur with the conclusion that those sneaky hormones can eff a person’s shit up. Totally. Second, the Dachau letters. Jesus. And I know it’s dumb, considering the enormity of horribleness and evil, but the son Terry. Oh, Terry. He did love you, you know. Third, no one mentioned the turkeys in the gay guys’ failed commune article yesterday! Turkey slaughter? And how it brought the community together to support them (finally). Man. Nicole, you’re putting me through the ringer! In the best possible way, though?
Poor Terry.
In my head, I’m just going to tell myself that Terry just really didn’t like journalists and didn’t give the writer anything to work with, and secretly had an amazing relationship with his loving father
Yeah, Terry comes off as… I dunno, like he’s determined to be angry at his father? And maybe that’s justified, but to not even allow the letters to impact his feelings at all seems somehow wrong.
I’ve been on hormonal birth control (generic pill) for about 8 years straight, except for one summer off when I couldn’t afford it. I’ve always handled the hormones fine except it’s becoming increasingly clear to me that the Pill is smothering my sex drive. Condoms don’t work for us and I hate the idea of having to think about inserting/removing a diaphragm. I WANT an IUD but I think a copper IUD is the way I have to go.
Likely yes. I love everything about my Mirena except what it did/does to my libido. The fact that I haven’t had a period in YEARS is adequate compensation, tho.
That happened to me. I was happily using the nuva ring on and off for years (don’t like using it when I’m single). All of a sudden, last time I went “on” again it completely messed with my sex drive. At first I assumed it was something else, because it wasn’t a side effect I ever experienced before. But I took it out (for science!) and was back to my normal self in a couple weeks.
OMG, my libido died a sad death after about 9 years on the pill. That plus a relationship dying a slow death (that had never had great sex to begin with), meant that when I sorted out my BC (Mirena does work for me, but obv does not for everybody) and got out of that relationship I…there is no comparison in the world that can accurately describe the re-awakening of my libido. I just wanted to fuck All The Men ALL THE TIME. Oh boy.
God, those were good times.
A couple months ago, my refill was delayed by about a week (so I spent just about two weeks without taking a hormone pill) and the difference in libido was…startling. And enjoyable!
My issue now is that my religious workplace makes ANY reproductive medical device/medication very costly to get. I’m sure I can get a low-cost IUD *somehow* but it’s likely going to be a slog.
I knew nothing of the Quebec Biker war but I am excited to have all this wikipedia to catch up on this morning.
Not national news, but probably should be: MALLORY, I hope the tiny twitter kitten returns to your yard! I am very anxious for it. I have no advice for catching a kitten because I’m very allergic and try to avoid that kind of thing, but best of luck!
Hey, sorry, off-topic for the most part, but does it seem like a reasonable thing to do for me to save all this tree pollen and then use it in January next year to start slowly acclimating myself to it?
I’ve heard that if you can find local honey, and eat it, then that acclimates you. I don’t know about saving the pollen. But if you try it, and it works, you should patent it or something.
I have also heard this. The difficulty is in sourcing actually local honey that the bees make out of the specific pollens you’re allergic to. It’s supposedly really effective as long as you nail the sourcing, which makes sense on the one hand, but on the other hand you’ve gotta think that the… process involved, shall we say, would have some effect on the pollen itself. Who knows.
I’ve heard that, too, and tested it on myself with no effect. Other than enjoying yummy honey.
I also read that the honey/allergy connection was disproved. Have not read any research myself, caveat lector. What I read was a review of research that claimed the bees make honey from extracted nectar, which is not what we react to with allergies. The nectar is never airborne. We get allergic reactions to airborne pollen, which does not make honey. Though bees spread pollen that sticks to their bodies, they do not make honey with it.
Anyone have better sources?
Don’t try it if you have food allergies you’re trying to cure. My dad is allergic to peaches/pears/plums/etc and later developed an allergy to honey that is made from any fruit tree pollen. We found out halfway between Winnemucca and Battle Mountain Nevada, which was pretty scary.
Pollen is a whole bunch of protein, and as such is kind of expensive for a plant to produce. There are two strategies. One is to make a pact with pollinators – like bees – and attract them with beautiful flowers and delicious nectar and also pollen for them to eat and spread to other beautiful flowers with delicious nectar. One of the possible causes of higher bee mortality is the lack of pollen in their diet: bees get protein and vitamins from pollen, and if you’re just feeding them corn syrup 11 months of the year they do not do super well.
Other kinds of plant figure pollinators like bees are a scam, and then just throw UNREASONABLE amounts of pollen out into the slyph-realm, and that will eventually pollinate something. Those are the plants that cause almost all pollen allergies: the pines and cedars and grasses and oaks. They are the ones our immune system hates.
But maybe some of them would settle in local honey and you could get acclimatized to it through that? Braak’s plan seems a lot more solid from a science perspective tho.
wait… use it… for what…?
I don’t know, I was think I would just grind it up and, like, stuff my face in it every morning or something?
This is the brainstorming phase, there’s no bad ideas in brainstorming.
I like this plan. You could carry it around in an antique snuff-box, and dab the insides of your nose with pollen thrice-daily. Get in on those mucus membranes! Show them what-for!
I talked to someone teaching a local foraging class about edible conifer bits, and he got really excited about how pine pollen is “free, abundant protein powder. You can put it in your smoothies!”
I don’t have rhinitis in response to pine trees and have eaten pine bits. I might be somewhat leerier of making a smoothie with a pollen I *knew* I reacted to, like the oak or mulberry pollen that is currently making my eyes feel like the aftermath of a sandstorm, because I don’t have a clear enough understanding of what differentiates the (annoying) allergic rhinitis response from the (life-threatening) anaphylactic one.
Save up some winter dust and dry air for when it’s nasty and humid in July, too.
I’ve heard of legit treatments like that. But it takes something like 3 years and there are injections involved. And there’ s no guarantee that you’ll even build up a decent immunity to the cursed pollen.
maybe I should just pave the world
or combine this with the other discussion topic in this thread and invent the tree condom
I’m with you. What’s nature done for us lately?
An endless sea of glorious, shimmering concrete, stretching from horizon to horizon…
I *cough* totally *cough* concur *cough* who *cough* cares *cough* if *cough* it’s *coughcoughcough* beautiful…
And then we all die from global warming.
Gotta go sometime.
You should see if you qualify for immuno-therapy shots. Kind of annoying as you need to go in for a bunch of them over the course of a couple years, but those I’ve heard who have done it say it makes a huge difference. I technically qualify for them for my grass allergies but haven’t gotten around to doing it yet (my allergies have actually been declining with age a bit and they really only hit me for a couple weeks in June).
The thng is, I can’t remember ever having allergies this bad. I don’t know if it’s going to be like this every year, or if I’ve just got a particularly bad case of them or hwaet.
Go get a scratch test done, they can probably tell you. Though maybe it’s just a really bad year this year.
When did you move to where you live now? I know from my own experience that allergies are the worst the 2nd to 3rd year I live somewhere. So year one is fine, and then I feel better again by year 4 or 5.
This is a good line of questioning, but unfortunately the answer is that I have lived in Philadelphia or its environs for twenty-five of the last thirty-four years.
I did my first Tabata workout last week, and I spent a lot of time motivating myself with some version of “follow Nicole Cliffe’s lead.” (Note: there may have been more expletives in my head.)
I did one a couple weeks ago, and it clarified that Nicole really is a god of some kind.
The worst thing I’ve ever done was get the Deposhot– both times, a few years apart, I had literal psychotic breaks that took me months to recover from. The pill wasn’t much better. I’m actually on my second Mirena and I’m doing relatively okay on it, I think, maybe? Both times I’ve had an IUD I’ve had “major stressful life events” happen that have been hard to cope with but I mean.. I’m not screaming and fighting and crying and trying to throw myself from windows. I wanted the copper IUD to work so much, SO MUCH, but I had bad bleeding complications.
TL;DR, hormones are no joke.
Depo DESTROYED me for two years oh my god every second of it was hell. Haaaaaaaate hate hate hate hate. Switched to a tri-phase BCP and foom, everything resolved within three months.
I’d probably still be on BCP, but I get occasional (not frequent enough that I keep meds on hand; often enough that my GP has to take it into account) severe migraines with aura, so tri-phase and low dose pills are out. I went on the old-style pill for a few months and it was nearly as bad as Depo, so switched to Mirena, and it’s been grand.
Hormones are, indeed, no joke, and every single person reacts differently to them. There is no one-size-fits-all solution here.
I went on Dianette as I hear it helps with skin issues and I fobbed off the warnings of it making people suicidal.
I cannot overstate how wrong I was.
I was mostly fine but then each month there would be a day where I wanted to die and at first I didnt realize it was the birth control and that was so so scary.
Once I realized then I would just go home that day and sit and have long baths but I quickly went off it. I couldnt believe how strongly it could affect me.
(And no – there was no effect on my skin)
So yay condoms! Contained mess and no scathing depression = win.
It is so annoying that doctors just wave off all concerns!
I mean, all and all, I’m very happy with the pill – it works for me, I take three strips in a row so I only have to get a period 5 times a year, and I’ve been with the boy for almost 7 years without getting pregnant, so yay.
But I switched from the Diane to a lighter pill about 4, 5 years ago and I was a MESS. I’m telling you, screaming matches with my mom like I was seventeen again, crying, not feeling like myself at all, etc. I told the doc this, and her (!) reaction was just to ask me about stressors in my life. And well yes, there was some stress, but not more than usual. But she just flat-out refused to believe it might have anything to do with changing the amount of hormones I was taking.
It settled after a few months, thankfully, partly I think because I started taking several strips in a row, which stabilized things. But still, the sheer disbelief and discounting of my experience was an eye-opener.
From that fiction naming article: “Henry wanted his characters’ names to have a tang of truth but *not too much overt significance*.”
Tell that to Fanny Assingham.
I did the pill for about three months until I noticed I was erratic and moody all the time; I did the Nuva Ring for about the same ten years later, and the moodiness was still like, “HI THERE!!! *weeps*” Then we tried condoms, which made me puffy and itchy in regions I would very much like not to be puffy and itchy.
Then we went Full Paleo and did withdrawal for FIVE YEARS, and in the process I convinced myself that I was infertile because we had never even had a scare, and the fail rate of withdrawal is large….except when you do it right. And we had done it perfectly. And it turns out that the perfect-use rates for withdrawal are very, very good.
Were you, perchance, using condoms with spermicide? Many people find that irritating. Though you could also have a latex allergy, idk. Glad you are enjoying your pulling out though!
YES. Of course HBC can be problematic, but condoms can be a problem too. Latex allergies. Spermicide is often a problem for people, but even water based lubricant can be a nightmare for some people. And it’s actually pretty difficult to get information on the ingredients in condom lubricant— even whether it’s water or silicone based!!!
It was usually a lubed condom, but when I discovered that even tying off latex balloons made my fingers too sore to move, I realized what had been happening Down There.
Anecdata: 6 years of withdrawl, zero mishaps.
I’ve avoided HBC because I am terrified of possible mood swings/not excited about random weight gain (but mostly the mood swings – my own natural ones are really enough, thank you).
It’s crazy to me how many people are commenting here that their HBC affected their mood and their doctors disregarded it.
Oh man, the article on rising in-state tuition infuriates me. I’m a graduate of several major state university systems, including UNC, and I work at Duke, one of the elite private schools named, and man, I feel bad for the kids trying to get an education now, even as I’m still paying off grad school myself. It’s like the people organizing the funding model have convinced themselves that the only people who benefit from the education of the young are the specific young people themselves, certainly not their communities at large. Damn Boomers! < shakes fist in only semi-jokeyness >
I’d also like to stick my tongue out at the weasel words of the last paragraph, specifically:
But they also have a strong desire to become more like elite private universities — Stanford, Duke, the Ivy League — that have the freedom to enroll the best and the brightest from around the world and charge whatever prices the market will bear.
The elite schools do enroll some very bright, motivated students, who I look forward to have ruling the world in 10-20 years, but at the same time, they also enroll at least as many who are only there because their parents were willing and able to pay the crazy tuition.
OMG, yes. I have definitely taught the second sort of college students, both at a so-called public Ivy and at an elite liberal arts college, and I shudder to think of them running the world.
My brother and sister both went to an out of state university (Utah) because the out of state tuition there was less than half of in state tuition and a University of California. I don’t know how anyone affords college anymore. (I went to a privately subsidized university that was affordable)
Yes! Even at my state school, so many classmates just (barely) going through the motions to get the degree. Simultaneously, some extremely curious and motivated people trying to cram as much learning into four years as possible. Best and brightest, my ass. Education goes to those with the time and money to pay for it, period.
Lesbianism is also an excellent form of birth control. Highly recommended!!
I did once go through a thought process of: maybe you should be on BC in case you get raped (this was after I’d been assaulted). Then I thought, no, BC makes my sister so depressed – I’d use Plan B or get an abortion. Then I thought,Plan B and abortion may not be legal forever because we live in wacko times.
Then I thought, the men never think about these things.
Then I had to go to bed for a couple hours, to stare at the ceiling and listen to the clock tick.
Anyway, BC is an amazing tool, but there are billions of women in the world, and no one thing will work for all of us. It’s important that we make it cheap and easy for as many of us as possible to find and use the things that make our lives functional!
Sapphism (deliberate word usage is deliberate) only works if your partner is cis or non-binary AFAB. What if your partner is a trans woman with her penis in tact and isn’t “fixed”?
You could also partner with a trans man (who also has to think about these things unless he’s had a hysterectomy).
I tried a BC pill last fall in the hopes that it would relieve the wicked anxiety I get with PMS. About a week after starting it I found myself constantly bored and sad and kind of angry (but in a very, very lethargic way) at both of those feelings and I was like “…this sounds less like my normal emotions than it sounds like a description of mild depression?” So I got off that immediately.
Luckily my doctor is very understanding and didn’t try to deny a connection to the hormones. But it was still really frustrating. Hormones are serious stuff.
constantly bored and sad and kind of angry (but in a very, very lethargic way)
…wait, that’s not normal?
I don’t mean to be alarmist, but it’s definitely not normal for me and ceased being a regular thing as soon as I got off that pill, so…
I don’t want to minimize this horrible thing, but I am just floored that biker gangs are still a real thing.
I have a relative who was in a biker gang! I don’t ask too many questions, but she is an intense lady.
Yes, still a real thing. So much so, that Mr. Rose and I are careful when out on his bike. We wear lots of black leather, for safety. We look fierce without trying, especially him, being a Very Big Man with dark glasses and a beard. So when we stop for gas or food, we remove helmets, say hello with a big grin for everyone, leave 50% tips, maintain physical distance while complimenting dogs and children, clean up after ourselves even more than usual. I try to remember to give Mr. Rose a pink bandana to wear. It’s a great color for him and it seems to help people see him as a gentle giant instead of some scary biker dude. Gotta fight the stereotypes. And fear.
It’s over now, but there’s probably Sons of Anarchy stigma floating around, too. Hell’s Satans are real!
They’re very real in Australia at least: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gangs_in_Australia#O…. In 2009 a couple of different gangs had a fight where someone died at Sydney Airport in the domestic terminal, and at the moment/as a consequence, Queensland and New South Wales have brought in anti-biker gang laws. You’ll also see, in pubs and Returned Services League clubs, signs that prohibit entry if you’re wearing gang colours. I’m going to guess that Australian motorbike enthusiasts get a lot of flack for looking like bikies (yeah, Australians give everything a diminutive) when they aren’t.
I too find BCPs of many types to cause depression, and remove my sex drive entirely (take that, boyfriend who whined incessantly about how condoms suck – how does not getting laid at all compare?). I loved the Mirena. I also like condoms pretty well (makes cleanup not my problem!) I’ve never tried the copper IUD because I cannot face the possibility of even heavier periods.
Mostly I just wanted to point out that Mirena might be fine for you even if BCPs are not.
Seconded. <3 Mirena
Yeah, some pills made me full-on suicidal, but I haven’t noticed any major effects with the Mirena. (I already have depression, but some formulas made it worse.) I got it to get lighter periods. A++ would recommend.
thank you for providing hope— i want to try an IUD, but copper is not an option because of metal allergies : (
Chiming in to report: HBC caused egregious mood swings that scared the crap out of me, so I stopped taking it. Then I also stopped dating men and everything is better now! YMMV.
I love my husband’s vasectomy and recommend them to everyone! Not like, everyone I meet, unprompted. Just here, within this space, if you’re permanently not wanting of babby and have decided to monogamy-it-up with a dude for the rest of time. I’ve been having completely baby-worry-free sex for like, nine years, and given the high state of anxiety in which I live the rest of my life, that was a really wonderfully kind thing that my manicorn did for us. Sigh. Now I feel all squishy.
And because I’ve been living in this particular bubble for awhile, I had no clue that there were people out there who insist that hormonal bc methods don’t fuck with your brain. Since the fuck when?? I thought all the mysterious lady-hormones were the reason women are just so nuts, amiright? That uterus all scurrying around inside our bodies and all. For fuckssake, people.
I think MrChouffe will be very willing to get a vasectomy, which is super rad! Even if he does, though, I will probably keep my Mirena because no periods, woo! It will be nice to have the backup plan, in any case.
You usually get a free soda when you get a vasectomy, in case that will help sway him.
He’s not so into soda, but he is super into not having any crotchfruit! He didn’t have insurance for a long time, and is still getting used to having it at all, which is I think why he hasn’t already scheduled it. It’s supposed to be zero cost share under the ACA, but just in case things go wonky, he’ll probably wait until his new insurance (with $250 deductible instead of $5000) goes into effect.
That is what we have. No baby anxiety + no period = awesome.
<3 Vasectomy! Get two beers in my husband and he recommends them to anyone who will listen. Best choice we ever made. I have a Mirena because I hate menstruating, and figured it was worth a shot, so together we are a no baby machine.
I actually kind of wish you were just recommending it to people that you meet, unprompted. I mean, it would be unspeakably rude, but for some reason the notion of going up to men in public and telling them what they should do with their bodies pleases me. Can’t think why.
I LIKE THE CUT OF YOUR JIB. [Pun not intended, if there is a pun there; I am not sure there is but it seems like there might be.]
I actually have a terrible habit of saying “snip, snip!” whenever men complain to me about birth control. Even if it’s a conversation-ender, I figure, maybe the idea just sneaks in there…
I will be doing this now and forever, amen.
SNIP SNIP!
I know a number of dads, with 2 or 3 kids, who don’t want any more but who whine about using condoms. When I tell them they could get a vasectomy, their faces become giant pools of horror. “But that’s so painful! They’re cutting your manhood! I’ll talk to [wife’s name] about getting her tubes tied.”
It’s exactly then that I wish I had laser eyeballs.
That’s so funny and horrible. When my husband talks about it with his single dude friends, they all think it’s a great idea and want to go get snipped so they can have random hook-ups without worry – that it’s more masculine to be able to do that then have babies (which none of them want). Men! It’s like they all have different thoughts about things or something.
AAAAAAAAH NO. That is terrible. My fiance has a car and we own MANY shovels. Just sayin.
Was talking about this to a colleague the other week. She’s in her fifties, had two kids, decided to stop after the second.
She thought she’d get her tubes tied because, heaven forbid, if the marriage didn’t last, it wouldn’t be fair to her husband and his new partner.
Magnanimity aside, she then related to me that she had to get HER HUSBAND’S SIGNATURE on a permission form to get this done. IN THE EIGHTIES.
I just, can’t. I can’t even.
To be fair, even today, in many doctors’ offices a husband has to get permission from his wife before he gets a vasectomy. I think this is the urologist’s method of CYA and not getting involved in marital disputes. :-/
Oh serious?
I just saw red when she said that, and I see how its a sensible thing to ask of somone (BOTH SOMEONES) in a marriage, but it just sounded like something out of Mad Men to me at the time.
I shall have to ask my colleague who just got a vasectomy if he needed his wife’s permission.
What a conversation…
Yeah, we’ve more or less already agreed that once we make the decision to not have kids definite (we’re still wavering a bit ATM), vasectomy’s the way to go.
I’m in the same situation as you KatPruska – and one more great thing about vasectomy, if you are married to an uncircumcised man and you’re peri-menopausal: smegma! Free, safe, glorious home-made lube!
(I gave up microgynon in about 1987, by the way, having realised it was messing with my moods and thereby my LIFE.)
Thank you so much, Nicole, for supporting condom use. I’ve been feeling stressed lately from some grown-ass men asking me why I’m not on birth control, and the short answer, to me, usually is, “None of your damn fucking business.” If you don’t like condoms, then you won’t like sex with me. I do think that condoms aren’t ideal — and I feel awful when I hear women agreeing they don’t like condoms because of the feel, because I do agree they don’t always *feel* the best but I still have to defend my choice. They’re my best option in terms of pregnancy and disease. I’ve been so worried that maybe I just don’t get it, or things have changed on the dating scene … It’s such a relief to hear women chiming in saying no, it is totally fine to stipulate condom use if that’s what you’re comfortable with.
(And no, I’m not going to take your word about your STI status either. And no, asking me a second time if you can stick it in bare doesn’t magically change my mind.)
Team Bag It Up!!!
There needs to be jerseys made.
I’d buy one each for my teen nieces, nephews, and cousins.
I literally haven’t had a guy moan about using condoms since I was a teenager (‘I can pull out I promise’ sure thing hun.), maybe I’m just sleeping with the wrong men (right men?), but most of them have been more safety conscious that I was, one guy had a bulk load in his wardrobe that he’d bought online. That was fun.
In my opinion guys who complain about condom usage (to the point where they’re willing to have sex with a stranger bareback) are man-children, and I wish them luck with their future clan of children and rotting genitals. (It goes without saying that having a preference is fine, and its different when you’re in a relationship where you both agree/discuss birth control and possible disease risk)
The best turn on for me: ‘Have you got condoms?’ … ‘of course!’ *swoon*
I’m sorry, that’s only the second best turn on. The actual best is “Crap we don’t have condoms, but I’m willing to go out at 3am and get some because you’re that hot and I’m that responsible”. It’s basically the only form of chivalry I’ll accept.
Clearly chivalry is not dead. Unf.
(Although I will also accept ‘Crap we don’t have condoms, but there’s plenty of other things we can do that don’t require them.)
Until they get so proud of themselves for finding them at 3am that they throw them on the bed, gladiator-style but miss the bed and hit you in the temple with the box.
Not that that happened to me or anything…
At least it wasn’t a more solid Bedroom Accessory.
Sigh, thank you!
And I’m like, “What was the scenario in your head? Do you really think you’re so good at sex that I’ll bareback it with you? DUDE PLEASE”
Come to think of it, the better sex I’ve had so far is with dudes who are 100% non-hesitant about condoms. So, there’s that.
I’ve always found that there are other issues that coincide with being a whiney, selfish man-baby that make them not so good in bed (‘One and done’, amiright ladies!)
*Although it makes me sad that this tactic works on some girls, including me as a naive teen. Empowerment is a brilliant thing
I believe this correlation exists because, sadly, the majority of the population does not get truly comprehensive sex ed in schools– I didn’t learn a LOT of the things I know about STD’s until I started living in the feminist blogosphere and getting accurate information there. And that included reading about pleasure and consent and all the things that make sex great. So guys who take condoms seriously are way more likely to have done that as well.
This is why I pretty much refuse to go on a date with a guy who answered “No” to theOkc question ‘Would you date someone who was HSV1 (oral herpes?)” Because it tells me he is SCURRED of herpes but knows nothing about herpes and I don’t need that mess in my bed.
As a Penis-American, I can say that about 90% of complaints about condoms cutting down on sensation can be dealt with by putting a small (like less than pea-size) drop of lube in the inside of the tip before application. The other 10% either need to get a vasectomy or they’re just assholes that should be shunned.
As a Penis-appreciating American, I thank you kindly for this.
You have further confirmed my Working Life Theory that there are few problems that cannot be solved or at least ameliorated by
1) a spreadsheet,
2) a good pot of tea; or
3) judicious application of lube.
Still hoping for a situation that calls for all three!
Round-robin orgy
The dude I had the Best Sex Of My Life with pulled out a condom and put it on without even asking. We both kept them, he knew where they were in my house, he just put them on and we got going. It was amazing. He also would ask before doing anything that we hadn’t done before, and when I said no to anything, even if I was just making up my mind, he backed off immediately.
Respectful, boundary-having partners are so hot. I hope he gets a great girlfriend when he’s ready for one, he’s awesome.
*fans self* oof thats hot.
I personally don’t get it when people say its awkward to stop and put on a condom, i’ve never found it awkward. But maybe that’s because condom use has always been a part of my sexual life, its just something that happens.
With a BF I had a few years ago, we literally dated for a month before we had sex, partly because we both lived with parents and getting alone time was an issue, but then when we got around to it, neither of us had condoms, and we didn’t get around to buying them for awhile, so we didn’t have sex and it wasn’t a big deal (I mean we didn’t have PinV, but there was other naked fun to be had). When we did get around to it, it was bloody brilliant, and condoms were just a fact in most of our sex life, even when I was on the pill (he was also boundary respecting, hot.).
I really wish more guys knew how hot being respectful is, like even if you talk her into doing something she didn’t feel like doing, are either of you really going to enjoy it?
I mean…just..the “feel” of condoms and how it’s not great…. Funny how safe sex is all about tradeoffs like EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD. Here’s this thing that feels slightly less great, which is the tradeoff for how super effective it is and how it has zero side effects and doesn’t cost a whole lot? And you prefer risking all sorts of unpleasant stuff to slightly-less-great sex? Dude.
Preach! I don’t have a regular partner, so condoms always always is my motto. I always try to have a couple on hand in case of Unexpected Surprises.
One thing I am never sure of is the best brand to get, though. Can some fellow condom-loving Toasties offer recommendations?
I’ve found Skyn to be my preferred type, and I believe it’s made by Lifestyles. It’s non-latex and non spermicidal, which are the biggest problems I have with most condoms.
Excellent, thank you!
I like the Crown Skinless Skin (latex, but not pre-lubricated and non spermicidal). Or you can hit up Condom Depot and buy their sampler pack and try a bunch of different kinds- their website looks scammy but I’ve had nothing but excellent experiences buying from them.
(Edit- oops, the crowns are pre-lubricated. My body is super fussy about lubes, but I’ve never had any problems with these, which is probably why I assumed they weren’t pre-lubricated.)
Thank you! That’s what I had been getting (I read somewhere that these were best for male sensitivity), but the only drugstore around here that had them stopped carrying them, so I was lost. I never thought of finding them online. To the Condom Depot, full speed ahead! (Now I just have to find someone willing to conduct some brand research with me…)
My betrothed and I used condoms because he likes them. I actually prefer sex without condoms, but I’m getting into the condom thing. It’s so straightforward.
Yes! It is really, really frustrating to feel like the bad guy when you set boundaries for yourself or tell people what is right and healthy for your own body. I remember once, as a wee young lady, I was with a very attractive guy in his room during a party. Things got heated, I asked if he had a condom, he said he had one–in his car–did I want him to go get it? I should have just bailed then (hindsight is 20/20), but instead sort of stupidly said “uh, yes?” When he came back he showed me the condom, so I was happy enough and proceeded to have THE WORST SEX OF MY LIFE. It was SO bad. The kicker was when he pulled out and finished on my stomach–apparently he didn’t even put the condom on and had never intended to. I called him out and he said I had “seemed so into it” that he figured I had changed my mind. I tried to have a Serious Talk with him about why condom usage is important and he told me that he never used condoms and had never had a baby, so it must not be that bad (??????????). He made me feel stupid/shrewish for even bringing it up, and I wasn’t a good self-advocate so I just…accepted it.
Several weeks later, his roommate (my friend) had to get in contact with me because Dude was having a meltdown over some genital itching/possible STI. I had actually been screened not long before that, so I knew it wasn’t anything on my side, but I was torn between worrying about my own health and feeling like he really would have deserved it if he had gotten anything from me.
My friend had the exact same thing happen to her! The guy actually pretended to put it on and everything! He was behind her (oo-er) and crinkled the wrapper a bit, it wasn’t until after that she looked at the floor and saw the un-opened condom. All I could think was how fucking RUDE!
I would have slapped him into next week! Unfortunately she’s very un-confrontational, so I don’t think she ever actually had it out with him, and I only heard the story from here. But christ on a bike, what on earth would make a guy think that’s ok?
The comments on this post have further solidified my decision to stick with condoms, thank you very much. Though I’m curious if anyone here has every used a diaphragm. They don’t come up often anymore, but it seems like there would be some definite benefits.
My mom kept recommending the diaphragm to me … after she told me I was the result of an improperly fitted diaphragm.
I mean, every bc method can fail, but that is a bit of a psychological hurdle for me.
My best friend used diaphragm/condom very successfully for years and swore by it.
I think they’re not as effective as a lot of other methods. Plus they rely on spermicide, which I am not alone in finding very irritating. But they are still around!
I’m in my mid-30s, and I’ve never met anyone close to my own age who’s said they’ve used a diaphragm. I’m guessing doctors may not offer them much these days, since there are so many other options.
Personally, I think they sound very fiddly and uncomfortable– I think I’d rather go with the copper IUD as a non-hormonal method, since you don’t have to fuss with it every time.
On the topic of them coming up, there were some news stories a while ago about this new one-size diaphragm.
I’ve used one a few times and there were a few problems: 1) It was a little hard to get placed right and definitely took longer than putting a condom on, you can put it in a while before an encounter, but that’s not always realistic, 2) the lady at planned parenthood who gave it to me really did not want to, because the failure rate is pretty high (I think higher than condoms since it’s harder to use correctly?) and 3) more than one partner said they could feel it and it was uncomfortable.
I’m not a doctor and ymmv, but that’s why I stopped using it, even though it was pleasingly retro.
Their success rate is not great, but I think they’d probably be fine as a second method of birth control. I had a friend try it out in college and I was torn between telling her that they have a low success rate (comparatively) and Being That Friend. However, it then misfired somewhat spectacularly (it… got lost in her? flew out of her vagina? I can’t recall), and then she decided never to use it again.
I used a cervical cap for a while. High efficacy rate esp when used with a spermicide and doesn’t get shoved into one’s (tipped) uterus or urethral wall during intercourse, unlike diaphragms. They can be tricky to place correctly, esp. after a vaginal birth.
On a non-BC note, I am very upset over that in-state tuition article, combined with this other thing that’s going on to threaten education at the graduate level. The America COMPETES Act is going to the House this week, and it slices federal behavioral science and geoscience funding. Why geoscience funding, you ask? Well, those pesky geoscientists keep finding out that climate change is a real thing, and Rep. Lamar Smith doesn’t want to believe in climate change. (It also cuts alternative energy research at the DOE. Science Magazine has a good breakdown)
So, yeah. Let’s definitely cut funding to undergraduate public education, saddling everyone with terrible student loans. Then let’s play political games with research funding. It’ll be super-fun when we lose our international status as a scientific and technological powerhouse!
Ugh, I should probably go call my representative rather than just ranting on the internet.
Uuuuuuugh, everyone (US, Canada, Australia…) is slashing earth science funding, when we need to be pouring money into it since, you know, IMMINENT CLIMATE APOCALYPSE. >:( >:( >:(
Lamar Smith is such a piece of work–I seriously wonder why they don’t let someone with an actual scientific background run the House Science committee. America COMPETES will also be cutting funding for social and behavioral sciences research from NSF, so many in my circle are worried about that. It’s frustrating–as a psychologist, I already have to defend my field as actually being scientific (no, not all of the findings we obtain are ‘common sense’, and yes, some of us are actually GOOD at math and stats), but this just takes it to a whole different level. Grant funding for behavioral science is already at 9%, which is way down from what it was even 5 years ago, and it’s only going to get worse. I’m just happy I’m in a position that doesn’t rely on soft money for my livelihood.
I’ve always been a bit fucked over by most birth control methods – I’m allergic to latex and after two non-latex condoms burst in short succession (meaning I had to get the morning after pill) I decided they weren’t the best choice. When I get injections I get an infection at the site ALWAYS, so Depo is out. I really hate the idea of the coil, though I will probably go for it eventually. The implant makes my periods heavier, but doesn’t seem to have too severe an effect on my moods, so it’s the best of a bad bunch.
FWIW, my experience with Essure has been positive. Anecdata: Female sterilization procedures are entirely covered under the ACA, so I didn’t pay a cent for the consult, the lovely lovely anesthesia, the follow-up calls from the hospital, the follow-up visit with my gyno, or the confirmation test three months out. I took off the day following the procedure but could’ve worked if I’d needed to (at an office job, granted); the pain maxed out at around a 3 out of 10 immediately after I woke up in recovery, and the nurse cheerfully hit me up with more of something relaaaaxing. I could kind of feel where the implants were for the first month or so if I lifted heavy things, sort of like mild cramps, but now I don’t feel them at all.
Not every BC is for every person, but Essure has worked well for me.
Oh, I’m fully aware it’s a pretty great option, but the *concept* makes me feel all squick. It’s completely emotional and irrational, but that’s what’s going in.
Also I had LLETZ on my cervix a couple of years back and I think the doctor said something about it maybe being harder to retain things like a coil in future? Or that there might be a higher chance of complications? I can’t remember clearly, i’ll have to check with my GP.
I do know that I have an increased risk of early labour now though!
Ha, I feel that way about central venous lines and ports, so the implant gives me the irrational squeams. One person’s nopetopus is another person’s no big! I hope you can find either another method that works for you or a way to handle the “agh, bionic ladyparts” stress. (Also, of course you’re in the U.K., so you can disregard all the pro-ACA stuff. But for the U.S. Toast-tariat, it might be useful.)
Essure has nothing to do with your cervix, though — I mean, aside from them needing to dilate it in order to get in there and place the coil-y bits.
I love it! I have already evangelized about this further upthread. However, I totally get being squicked by the concept — I feel the same way about IUDs (I know it’s irrational, and people don’t _feel_ them knocking around in there all the time, but I’m also a fairly neurotic person who is very in touch with minute bodily sensations, and I could never get over the idea that I would be aware of it all the time, ugh) and I’m also terrified of anesthesia/surgery, so finding out about Essure was like a Christmas miracle for me. It completely revolutionized my sex life. (It’s amazing how much more you — meaning me — can enjoy sex when you aren’t constantly paranoid about accidentally ending up pregnant.)
I was wondering about the implant, thanks for sharing.
Off-topic, but I need to vent. The train drivers here in Germany are on strike AGAIN. This is the ninth strike since last September. The ninth! They also didn’t reveal how long they will be on strike.
It’s the first strike that directly concerns me, as I’ll be going to France come Saturday to visit my roommate who is currently studying there. Of course, the French trains are rolling, but I still need to get to [bigger town nearby] in the early morning and I don’t know yet if there will be a train!
Besides, my roommate just e-mailed me to ask if it would be OK if she’d leave me alone for the last day in France because she wants to go home to see her boyfriend’s new play. I don’t know how to answer, I’m just a little sad – we had been planning this trip for quite some time. Also, I don’t speak any French. At all.
Now I’m off to read that article on names in fiction to cheer me up.
I think I always knew that mood-swings could be a side effect of the pill (along with possible weight gain!), its kind of intuitive anyway, hormones=funny moods normally, start throwing in artificial hormones, you’re gonna get some interesting results!
The first pill I tried (ovarnette) gave me AWFUL mood swings, 0-100 in seconds. It made relationship issues I was having already even worse too; at one point we had a (totally justified) fight, and I lost my shit at him. Later that day, we had calmed down and were talking, and I told him I thought the pill was making me crazy (I’d only just realized a few days ago) and he was like ‘I KNOW! I didn’t want to say anything, but yes it is, you should stop’
I just went in to the doctors and said ‘I don’t like this pill, its giving me mood swings, give me something else’ and she did (I’d given it about 6 months at that point, if it had been sooner she probably would have said to wait for things to settle). Now I’ve been on Yas for a few years and I love it. Considering the implant, but I’ve heard some bad stories (6 month periods anyone?), and maybe an IUD in the future, but I’ve been told to wait until after children because putting it in hurts a lot if you’re pre-babies. Also the idea of a copper IUD freaks me out a bit, I had thought they were taken off the market after HBC came along, cause of metal poisoning and such (I may have just imagined this? or it was on House?)
Just a thought on condom use; I can’t be the only one who prefers them, right? Its just cleaner and easier for everyone, plus extra safety! Even though I’m on the pill, I always insist on condoms, and I think everyone should if you’re not in a relationship, cause seriously, you don’t know where that’s been. I guess I’m lucky that I tend to sleep with guys who very much agree on condom usage, but if any guy gets whiney about it, they can be whiney about it elsewhere.
I really wish we could teach young girls that if a guy is too immature and selfish to wear a condom (thus taking some responsibility for his own sexual health and possible pregnancies) you really shouldn’t be having sex with him.
A big part of why I’m not on the pill is that I have noticed that my women friends who are end up being way more likely to have sex without a condom, even if they’re dating multiple people/not exclusive with the guy, etc. I think the lack of pregnancy risk makes it easier to forget about STDs and it makes women more susceptible to pressure to go ahead anyways. It is really disturbing how many guys are blase about condoms! Not to get all Groucho Marx but I wouldn’t want to have sex with a guy who would have sex with me without a condom.
When I started having sex, my brother’s girlfriend took me for coffee and talked about the whole situation with me, and then she asked me if I’d been tested, I said no, of course not, and she told me that when you have sex with someone you’re having sex with everyone they have EVER had sex with. Needless to say I’ve wrapped that shit from that day on.
um yup
Like, ladies, don’t forget the pill doesn’t protect against disease! If you don’t care or are okay with trusting STI tests or whichever way you choose, okay, do your thing. But Sex Ed 101?
I was flabbergasted when I found out one of my closest friends was disdainful of condoms for pleasure reasons, but I don’t remember if it translated that she wasn’t using them at all for disease protection. I think I was too insecure to say anything. Maybe I said, “Uh, what about STDs….?” and then trailed off. Anyway, she is a grown woman, after all.
I think of it as … people seem to feel this is a Point A to B situation, when it’s really a big web. I’m not just having sex with you but anyone else who you’ve had unprotected sex with, plus all the people *they’ve* had unprotected sex with, etc. It goes on and on.
Just chiming in to say that I really like my implant! My periods are indeed a bit longer and kinda random, but I think that’s because the hormone dose is so low that my body is doing what it would do naturally (I had wacky periods before starting BC back in high school).
I’ve been on BC for so long now that I kinda wish I knew what my body would do with no extra hormones at all? But I’m not really willing to put in that all time and effort only to find that my body off hormones is a messy mess.
Thanks! I have a few friends with it, most say its amazing, but I don’t know if I trust my body not to be the one in 1000 that hates it. I like the pill because I can stop at any time if something goes wrong. Implants/IUDs are at least a 6 month commitment, and even then you have to beg them to take it out (Happened to a friend, she had to go in a shout at them to get the F-ing thing outta her arm!), and that is a bit scary!
I’m totally with you on wondering what it’d be like without it, I only started it when I was 19, so its only been a few years, and I had plenty of periods before. I was always pretty regular, but I just could not handle the cramps (And I don’t think mine were even the worst possible), I used to make myself ill taking so much ibeprofen. I think maybe its gotten much worst in my memory, but I really do not want to go back to that. I love having little to no periods (1-2 days at most, woo!)
However, my mother has gotten in my head about the long term effects of HBC. It really hasn’t been around that long, so we don’t know what other things might be going on, and we don’t know what effects there will be on women who are on HBC for a large part of their life, if you think about it, there isn’t really anything else that we put in our bodies on such a long term basis without serious medical supervision. And we (and especially the doctors) are just going around like its NBD and only has benefits, and yet we all know from experience that it can have some drastic side effects in the short term already.
Rationally I don’t think being on HBC for most of my 20s will do anything to my future fertility, they’ve don’t studies and found no effects, but the anxiety producing part of my brain worries about it (And my mother harps on about ‘those chemicals’ a lot). I did read an article though that said that women on the pill are attracted to a different kind of man than women off the pill (due to the pill imitating pregnancy, and linked to the fact that your attracted to different kinds of men at different points in your natural cycle), and often when women come off the pill in order to have children with their partner, they find themselves no longer attracted to him, or relationship issues come up. That freaks me out a bit. (Also the fact that although the pill has had no effect on my libido, I haven’t met anyone significant since I started it, discounting the relationship I was already in when I started, in my endless search for why no one likes my, sometimes I worry its the pill)
Can you tell I worry about unnecessary things a lot?
I also am super pro-implant, but my periods now last about 4 days and come every 6 weeks– so your mileage may vary!
Oh, I was wondering about that. Mine were wacky before my short stint with the NuvaRing, and I’m planning to go implant soon and was curious what to expect there.
the House thing you’re remembering was an allergic reaction to copper. Most humans are not allergic to metal. See: jewelry industry, wedding bands, etc.
Those of us with metal sensitivities generally have an idea prior to considering an IUD. *shudder*
Oooh. I thought it was just a general bad idea to stick a bit of copper up in you (granted, for like 20 years.) but a copper allergy does make more sense! (For some reason it still feels like a bad idea to me, and I have piercings, so I really shouldn’t be worrying!)
On hormonal birth control: I started out as a teen with regular birth control for acne and nothing else. It kind of helped? BUT, once I was interested in having PIV sex, I found out that regular low dose birth control interacted with my other daily medication and made it basically useless for sex-having purposes.
So then I went on high dose BC, which made me into a RAGE MONSTER with no sex drive (fun!). After three years of that (and after hearing from my neurologist that even high dose BC wasn’t foolproof with this med, I quit it.
Then I got an IUD! Paragard was the best decision I’ve ever made. My periods are heavier, and now I have some iffy hormonal acne that I didn’t need, but I am no longer full of rage and sadness. But if anybody knows a good (non-BC) way to deal with hormonal acne, I AM HERE FOR IT.
Takeaway: Do your research! Ask for Paragard! Believe yourself if you think your BC makes you feel psychologically terrible!
I have some pretty wacky hormonal acne that’s been 98% eradicated through prescription topicals! Specifically, Retinol 1% and erythromycin/benzoyl peroxide.
Bless you! As I have recently become better insured, soon I will go forth to a dermatologist for the first time in forever. Thanks for the tip!
Heyhey hey – you’d recommended this mix to me before (thanks!) but my doctor doesn’t seem to understand. Do you have a mix of the retinol with the other goo, or do you do them separately? Do you feel that the erythromycin/benzoyl peroxide is hard to put on your face? Mine seems sort of … chunky? Chalky? Please tell me your secrets. I spent a good part of the weekend considering going back and asking for spiro.
Hi there! I feel like I recommend this to everyone haha! Here’s how it breaks down: I have the retinol on its own that I use at night – it’s a cream, and I started at a lower dose (.25% I think?) and have increased it from there. The erythromycin/bp is this weird white stuff that the pharmacist has to mix specifically for me every time I get the prescription filled. Then I pop it in the fridge when I get home and mix it some more before putting it on in the mornings. It definitely has a weird consistency, kind of chunky like you said, but I try to mix it up and make it a bit smoother with my fingers when I spread it on. It feels a bit chalky when it dries so I just throw a nice light moisturizer on top to help with that. Let me know if you have any other questions!!
Oh okay! So you do the retinol at night, and the pharmacy goo in the am. Good to know. Do you just put it on your spots? I have some retinol that I actually bought otc in Mexico last year, but haven’t been using. Maybe I should start, lol. I think I’m going to go for the spiro anyway – have you tried that?
Nah I just slather them both all over my face! Well, kinda. I put the retinol everywhere since it’s great for like, anti-aging and general skin healthfulness aside from the acne treatment, but the e/bp just goes on the areas I have the most trouble with.
I’d be careful just starting up with retinol unless you know it’s a low concentration – it can cause lots of sensitivity/redness/peeling in people and your skin takes a while to adjust (I didn’t start seeing results until about two months after starting). However, my problem skin that hates everything seems to love the retinol. It never made me red or peely or anything, and even now that I’m on a pretty high dose it feels like a nice moisturizer or something. Who knows??? Most OTC retinol is a really low concentration, so you’re probably fine.
I haven’t tried spiro; I hope it works for you if you decide to go that route!
HBC hit me so hard, both physically and emotionally, that I was only on it for about ten months. I tried two different pills and the NuvaRing in that time. None of it was okay. I was actively pressured by my doctors to not stop, including one, who told me I would absolutely get pregnant if I followed my plan of condom use and charting. I got pregnant by very conscious choice nine years later with only a scare or two in between, I now have a copper IUD which is pretty great, and that doctor can go fuck himself.
This is where I recommend the completely amazing and educational Taking Charge of Your Fertility, which I plan to give to my daughter when she gets her period. It’s so educational! It’s not just for ladies who are trying to get pregnant! There are a series of charts in the back for every possible need – trying to get pregnant, trying not to get pregnant, just wanting to know when you ovulate, trying to understand your experience of menopause, etc. Everyone who bleeds should have a copy – http://www.amazon.com/Taking-Charge-Your-Fertilit…
I literally have a collection of names in an Evernote list for the purposes of videogame characters, D&D characters, and story characters, because I am a massive creeper.
I am so glad I’m not the only one who does this.
I am convinced that fifteen years on hormonal birth control caused most of my health problems (autoimmune disease, chronic fatigue, out-of-whack female hormones, tissue and joint inflammation, etc. etc.). If I think too much about how not a single health care practitioner ever mentioned the problems with HBC or the possibility of an IUD, I fall into a rage spiral. I like to think nobody was actively trying to punish me for not wanting babies, but the tin-foil part of brain can’t help thinking well but maybe…
I literally just posted a reply about how I worry about this stuff!
While I don’t think doctors and the government are in a conspiracy; I do think that doctors are often not as forthcoming with possible side effects of certain medication because they don’t want to scare people off taking them, e.g. the benefit outweighs the harm, but if you tell people to much about the harm they won’t want to hear about the benefits. HBC (and vaccines, please don’t shoot me.) are sold as a great cultural pancea that do nothing but good, when that’s not true, there’s a cost/benefit that comes with any medication. Maybe people aren’t educated enough to be able to make that decision themselves, but that should be a reason for doctors to downplay possible risks.
they don’t want to scare people off taking them, e.g. the benefit outweighs the harm,
But there are alternatives to HBC. Vaccines, not so much. I’m not going to endanger anyone else’s health by refusing to take HBC. I agree there’s no conspiracy, but that doesn’t mean there’s no systemic prejudice against women who don’t want babies that manifests with decreased care.
You only have to read the experiences of women who what sterilization at a young age to see the the systemic prejudice against women who don’t what babies! I am thankful that I live in Europe though, where womens reproductive healthcare is a right, not a political plaything!
The thing with HBC is that it’s such a crapshoot: some pills/devices work aces, and others’ll be a horrorshow, and there’s not really any way to systematically tell which’ll do what before you try it. I’ve never been on HBC in part because I’ve never been able/willing to risk loosing a few months to brain instabilities. Copper IUD all the way.
I was really excited to hear about RISUG a few years back (male birth control, one injection lasts ~10 years!), but the momentum seems to have waned for male birth control that isn’t a condom. So I’m also a fan of efforts to make a better condom – I don’t know if this link ( We Should Have a Better Condom by Now. Here’s Why We Don’t.) showed up in the link roundup a while back, but it’s an interesting overview of the state of things at the moment. I think that better condoms would (hopefully, maybe this is just wishful thinking) remove some of the burden on women to always be the ones thinking about birth control.
I definitely heard about a male BC that was essentially a temporary vasectomy (a polymer of some kind blocks the tubes), totally reversible, being used with great success in India. But for some reason US/EU authorities are not pursuing it. And then there was the big kick off last year when everyone got excited about it, but it seems to have died off.
Maybe the idea of men messing with their junk for birth control squicks people out? but they’re totally cool with women doing, because they’re the ones that carry the child?
“for some reason”=Big Pharma wants to promote methods of BC that are monthly for $$
See also why myths about IUD safety persist to this day.
I remember reading the same thing. I believe it’s not being pursued by US/EU pharmaceutical companies because it’s basically just normal saline (or something similarly non-patentable) that they can’t make money off of.
But that definitely seems like the way to go to me! I would love it if they had that here.
You know I feel for at this moment? The poor soul in charge of tourism for Waco. Got to be hard to push the Dr Pepper museum these days.
Waco! Not just biker gangs and religious compounds, we promise!
Waco! Just look at that nice couple from Fixer Upper!
Waco! I heard the weather in October is nice!
I have Complicated Feels about hormonal birth control. On the one hand, I do not want to discount any experiences anyone has had with various forms–I myself had to switch off a triphasic pill when it gave me panic attacks that could literally only be soothed by the presence of someone male, no joke–but I also am kind of sad/frustrated when people write off “hormones” as this boogeyman on par with “chemicals,” “toxins,”and “GMOs.” It also creates this thing where if you’re totally happy with your HBC some hippier-than-thou lady will insist you cannot possibly be serious, you MUST be having mood swings and horrible thoughts. In short, there is a happy middle ground between doctors insisting there are no problems and people saying hormones are all bad all the time. Find the method what works for you and let others be happy with theirs!
I feel like there’s always a vicious circle with these kinds of things. The medical and scientific communities fail to take people’s concerns seriously about what’s in their medications (or their food etc), and this fuels the fire of whackos and makes them seem more credible because people can’t get real answers from anyone. Hormonal birth control is neither a magical pill that will make babies go away with no potential ramifications for your body whatsoever, or a terrifying poison that will ruin your life. But nobody seems interested in occupying that in-between space.
Do you hear that? that would be the sound of a nail being hit on the head.
Even though I knew that in-state tuition was rising, it still saddens (and maddens) me that flagship state universities are taking away admissions slots from their own students; these were the schools that students who were smart, but not full-ride-academic-scholarship-smart, could get into and afford. I may have been from the last generation that could get through four years of college solely on Pell grants with maybe the aid of an off-the-books dishwashing job or slightly-padded-out birthday/Xmas gifts, without taking on debt.
Condoms forever.
But also, anyone want to talk about Eurovision? Semi-finales tonight, just started, and already Conchita is making me tear up. (It could also be the wine.)
I discovered the Eurosong Generator today! You can pick a nation and characters and outfits and the theme of their silly song and it will MAKE THAT THING HAPPEN FOR YOU. http://games.usvsth3m.com/eurosong/#010758__66__4…
But also I have to know: Is the amazing Swedish sign-language translator guy on it?
I don’t know who this is but I want to know!
THIS GUY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S0OeBrQBPNc
THANK YOU!
I’m going to a Eurovision party on Saturday! I haven’t even watched since I was a kid, but apparently London gays are well into it, they’re hiring a room and decorating and everything!
I’m actually a bit excited. I just hope Ireland aren’t sending a puppet again (even though I <3 Dustin)
We’ll have a party on Saturday! I make score sheets and require my friends (I’m their favorite) to write commentary and give points. In exchange I give them food and booze. If last night’s semi-finale is an accurate preview, Saturday should be a nice mix of bizarre and serious. Plus, it should be extra exciting being the 60th anniversary and all. I think I’ll be cheering for Belgium. His song sounds like an off-brand version of “Royals”.
Wow you sound fun. 😉
I haven’t watched any of the lead up so I’ll be going in clean. And then I’ll be full of wine and there will be dancing.
Ain’t no party like a doublehoagie party cuz a doublehoagie party is mandatory. So fun!
Flying J figured prominently in my road trip with my uncle. It makes me sad to read they were bilking so many trusting people out of money. 🙁
My friend had the exact same thing happen to her! The guy actually pretended to put it on and everything! He was behind her (oo-er) and crinkled the wrapper a bit, it wasn't until after that she looked at the floor and saw the un-opened condom. All I could think was how fucking RUDE!
I would have slapped him into next week! Unfortunately she's very un-confrontational, so I don't think she ever actually had it out with him, and I only heard the story from here. But christ on a bike, what on earth would make a guy think that's ok?
Wow you sound fun. 😉
I haven't watched any of the lead up so I'll be going in clean. And then I'll be full of wine and there will be dancing.
To be fair, even today, in many doctors' offices a husband has to get permission from his wife before he gets a vasectomy. I think this is the urologist's method of CYA and not getting involved in marital disputes. :-/