You can discuss either the righteousness of this or whatever else is pressing on your mind; I’m tired from cat-rescuing and plan on taking a midday nap. You could also talk about the season two episode of Futurama where Dr. Zoidberg goes back to his home planet to try to have sex; I would also accept that.
What what? An open thread on a wednesday? What has happened?
Also, does anyone want to hear more about the Great Train Strike of 2015? (And yes, I’m aware the answer’s probably no.)
Count me in! Huelga! Huelga!
This is all so we could have an early cat thread isn’t it?
I do!
The key facts are thus: The German Train Drivers’ Union (GDL) is striking for a pay increase and a shorter work week; so far, so good. They also demand the right to represent other railway workers (not train drivers) – the problem with this is that there’s already another, bigger union representing most of those workers, and the Deutsche Bahn only wants to bargain with one union per job grouping.
What happens now is essentially a struggle for power – the GDL wants to not only put through their own demands but also to stand their ground against the other union. And that’s why they are striking again and again – the current strike is the ninth since September 2014. The eight ended only a week ago after nearly six days. And since yesterday, they’re striking again and haven’t disclosed how long they’re going to stop working.
There is an emergency schedule but only about 30 % of the trains are operating. This sucks especially as the coming weekend is Pentecost, and a lot of people are going on holidays.
So, yeah. Happy holidays to everyone who cares for the environment or doesn’t have the money for a car.
Guys, Mr. BHam graduated from law school on Sunday. Please pray to Spacewitch for me that the next two months (while he studies for and takes the bar) don’t cause me to lose my mind.
Spacewitch-painted fingers thoroughly crossed!
Bar widows (ugggh) unite. My husband just started his bar class today and I’m already over it.
Frankly I think so is he.
His starts on Monday! One of his good law school buddies is in class with him, which is good.
I had no regular lover when I was writing the bar, so I was free as a bird. It was a good choice.
My bestie just wrote her medical licensing exam, and I was SO over that pretty quick. STOP STUDYING YOU’VE ALREADY WORKED A MORE THAN A FULL DAY COME HANG OUT.
Finding the balance between supportive-partner-who-understands-it’s-studying-time and supportive-partner-who-recognizes-a-fun-break-is-needed will be my challenge.
Is he pretty intense about it? If he’s willing to be calm about it and you work outside the home I think things will be okay. I’ve taken two bar exams in the last year and it didn’t really feel much different than our day to day except close to test day when I basically checked in to the library. The best advice I’ve ever heard about studying for the bar is that every point you get above passing is wasted time spent studying.
Good luck to both of you!
I predict he will be calm about it until the week or so beforehand, at which point there will be tears and anxiety and shame spirals.
I am going to pass on your words re: wasted studying time. Genius.
About two years after I took the bar, one of our old law clerks took it. He was a fairly laconic person, so color me shocked when about six weeks before the test I got a weepy, incoherent phone call from him wherein he said “I am a bad person, I have no idea what I am doing, I am going to flunk this test, what do I do?” Everybody has their personal shame spiral. You just have to expect it and let it pass over and through you, like you are a Bene Geserit sister.
My personal shame spiral came when I got below the minimum score on the practice MBE about three weeks before the exam. First, I cried in the law school courtyard, to the vast discomfort of my male friends, then I went home, poured an $8 bottle of white wine into a water bottle, then drank it in bed before sleeping for 14 hours.
Both of us passed, by the way. The shame spiral comes for us all.
Oh yeah, shame spirals are just a fact of law school/bar exam life. Every semester I had a weepy breakdown. I had one before the first bar exam too. But it always passes and it’s always fine.
I’ve passed two bar exams, and the things I found helpful are the following: 1) most people pass. even in years where the pass rate is low, it’s almost always over 50%. 2) the MBE questions you get for studying are harder overall than the actual MBE questions. 3) think of the dumbest lawyer you know. He passed.
Ugh, taking the bar is so awful. I am a pretty chill, minimum-effort-type person when it comes to academia and I still became a crazy stress monster for those two months (I have since apologized profusely to the people I was dating). If this happens to your dude, I highly recommend that he find a beer garden in which to study.
Commencing googling “beer gardens” now, ty.
Gaaahhh, the bar. I’ve flirted with running off to law school off and on, but the major holdups are things like the terribleness that seized the legal job market (which I would have graduated into the very worst of, if I’d done in right out of undergrad), the fact that I only want to work in relatively small corners of the legal world, and the terribleness that is law school itself/the bar exam. So the fact that they keep vowing to reform the bar is keeping me in the “maybe I’ll do it someday” camp, although now I have a new arbitrary thing to hold out for.
Yeah, the entire system is ridiculous, but by the time you fully and truly realize that fact, you’re $75-$100K deep and totally screwed. (At least here in the U.S.)
when my partner-creature took the bar, it was mostly fine, but we would sometimes take these long scenic drives together where he’d play study lectures. As a result, I knew, for a short period of time, way more about the rules of evidence and crap like that than I ever expected to know……
Ahhhh best of luck to BOTH of you!! Vent at me anytime 🙂 May I recommend setting aside, as much as possible, daily together time, and also you invest in a time sucking hobby to match? Our schedule went work/study -> dinner together -> gossip girl marathons/more studying. I also recommend encouraging him to take destress breaks – N went for runs, but keep him interested in his hobbies despite the bar studying. (Basically my advice is, don’t let the bar take over his/your life 100%…maybe only about 90) There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
My sincere sympathies to you both!!
The bar exam really is awful. On the plus side, though, for the rest of his life he can say, “Well, this isn’t so bad. At least I don’t have to take the bar exam again!” I still say it all the time, and it’s been 10 years now.
Also, I’m about two months away from being able to apply for “admission on motion” (i.e., without taking the bar exam) in New York State, where I’ve been working for almost 5 years now. Huzzah!
Open thread! Oh my goodness.
I posted on Friday about my sister’s boyfriend being a dirtbag and pulling out of a family trip at the 11th hour. He came after all! It was all very dramatic. It also cost lots of money in car rentals. But he came!
is this going to be a regular occurrence?
on my way to work, i realized i forgot to put on deodorant. this stressed me out so much, it made me sweat more than if i hadn’t realized it in the first place.
also, we’ve moved seats around in the office and i am now party to the knowledge that two of my colleagues meow at each other in greeting.
GASP do you think they have a secret sex club like in that column from the link storm a few weeks back???
i certainly hope not.
it’s not even a semi-realistic meow. it’s just saying “meow meow” in a sing-song voice, and then they say things like “heyyyyy girl” “how was your barre class this morning???”—i think they are just nicer versions of the Hey Ladies ladies. with extra meowing.
omg i aspire to this life now
I have at least 4 friends (3 women, 1 man) who do this. Two of them sometimes also make robot noises at one another. I am not a party to this. It is what it is.
A pussy club?
I used a different deodorant this morning and it is NOT holding up. 🙁
ugh wishing us both luck.
i bought gas station deodorant and i smell wrong. my regular deodorant is unscented and now i smell like what is supposed to be “powder fresh” but is just…ugh.
I must use unscented deodorant and hate the rare occasions when I’ve accidentally gotten some with a weird smell. I usually end up just tossing them even new.
I was too lazy to get my regular deodorant out of my suitcase after a trip this weekend, so I used a random sample-size one that was on my dresser, but apparently it was dude deodorant and now I smell like a dude. It’s very confusing.
I steal my gentleman friend’s deoderant sometimes. I get whiffs of him throughout the day and it is Weird. But also lovely.
Horrendous. Time to quit.
>:( time for them to quit. or grow up.
time for me to put on the noise-canceling headphones, haha.
that would drive me nuts. my ex and her partner (we were poly) used to meow at each other as a playful thing? but it weirded me out? because we were all grown ass people? it ended up being one very tiny nail in an otherwise large coffin of our relationship.
I keep deodorant in my desk for just such an occasion.
(Also there was meowing in a college relationship. But not, like, in public (I don’t think…) and certainly not in the workplace…) (this is a secret) (please don’t tell anyone) (I think it happened because then we didn’t have to pick out actual words to sue) (but I’m really not sure)
Yeah I carry deodorant with me because I forget it way too frequently.
Nothing to add about meowing, though.
It’s a good thing to keep in the car/work desk
Any plans for the long weekend, fellow ‘Murricans? I’ve been running around doing work stuff (I’m working through lunch on a project right now) so I might kick up my heels and relax. Maybe make some potato salad, that seems cool and summery.
Going upstate for my little sister’s graduation! I walked by an outdoor graduation ceremony yesterday afternoon and almost started crying at strangers’ Pomp & Circumstance, so I’m sure I’ll definitely be able to keep it together.
Having a going-away party on Friday because I move across the country next week, then going to spend the rest of the weekend with my family who I am also about to live way far away from and have a cookout/firepit singalong. I suspect there will be a lot of crying.
So. Many. Graduations.
I hate graduations. I had to be dragged to my own. Pray for me. Hopefully the parents-of-the-grads funded drinking and dining will carry me through.
ETA: I think I come off a bit more angry about this than I am. I truly hate graduations, but I love the people graduating enough that it will be fun and festive! (But still probably pompous and tedious.)
Mr. BHam’s law school graduation was this past weekend so I had to sit through a commencement PLUS host out-of-town family in our (thankfully 2BR) apartment. I had to take Monday off work to recover.
I am taking a long week and visiting in-laws in Miami. Time to hit the beach!
I’m making a wedding cake, which I agreed to on Monday. I’m crazy. I know it. What was I thinking?
My dad made my parents’ wedding cake, because he thought it would be a fun diversion from studying. He says it was the worst decision he’s made. (The cake and their marriage turned out fine, but he was apparently a stressball leading up to the wedding.)
Good luck, and post pics when you have them!
I used to do it professionally, but I haven’t for 3 years. My cousin’s daughter is getting married on the 27th and wanted a wedding cake for a luncheon after the ceremony. Luckily it’s a shabby-chic “theme” so rustic/imperfect buttercream is the plan. I know I can do it, and that it will be ok, but anxiety isn’t rational.
This has been me all week
We get a long weekend??? This is why I need a calendar on every surface of my life.
One of my BFFs is graduating (YAY), but will be moving to Scotland in August for her PhD program (TRIPLE BOO). Friday is her graduation party, where I fully plan on getting drunk and telling her she should just give up on her dreams and never move more than 30 minutes away from me, ever. Either that or I’ll move to Scotland with her and traipse around some moor or something drinking whiskey.
The latter is a better option.
Tentatively a third date but that was planned before either of us realized it was labor day. Also tentatively planning on finishing the baby quilt I started for ex’s friends back when we were dating and they were my friends too. Still haven’t decided what to do with it but I don’t want to let it sit unfinished in my living room any longer.
Baseball game with my mom (belated Mother’s Day present — but it was pre-planned as such!), and a Memorial Day cookout on Monday where I will be continuing on with THE SUMMER OF SORBET (which is a thing that I have declared upon my discovery that homemade sorbets are my One True Calling).
Homemade sorbet is amazing! It also makes great ice pops. I’m on a jam kick, myself.
recipe? link? hanky to wipe up my drool?
pig roast? bike ride? movie? I really don’t know. Mu husband has been busy making plans, and I’m just gonna follow him around.
I am American and yet I plan to spend a good chunk of Saturday watching the EUROVISION FINAL. Please join me in rooting for Serbia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c40kVKIoPvE
I am not Serbian or have any allegiance to that country, but this is the perfect combination of uplifting + disco + underrepresented country and I will cheer for her like I cheered for the gay Romanian vampire (I think?) a couple years ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgHWFiavqjA
I’ll be livestreaming the Eurovision final, too.
We are going camping, at a stop we reserved many months ago (camping is kind of a big deal where I live). So far the forecast has been revised UP to 55 degrees. So… there will be long underwear involved.
Living in the comfort of my renewed access to a library that has never seen me white-knuckling a paper past midnight with a vat of hot cocoa and anxiety. Taking out every book that interests me and reading them ALL in the children’s section because fuck yes, there’s a children’s section here, not endless rows of work stations.
Our poor introvert heads are way over-committed for this weekend. Saturday: meet with the house-building people; lunch with his parents; a cocktail attire 40th birthday party (what will I wear???). Sunday: show a new friend around the farm; possibly go to the Pompeii exhibit at the science center. Monday: hopefully nothing.
My household already had our long weekend! The Fella booked his family’s beach cottage for the last time before it’s rented out for the summer so we could stay there Monday night. It was lovely—cool enough for a fire, warm enough not to turn on the heat, and blessedly isolated just before the holiday. We ended up staying over an extra night.
I did get a whopper of a migraine on the ride down, and it lasted until Tuesday afternoon. But still, we got to salvage some of the vacation, and it was good to be away from home, even if we mostly did the things we do on a free evening at home. There’s wonderful freedom in being away from the shoulds of home: I should fold that laundry, I should mail that bill, I should tidy up that stack of books.
I’ve got a bachelorette party that is the OPPOSITE of Hey Ladies. It is nearby, there was not even ONE email thread, and the schedule is essentially: day drinking, movies, dollar days at the track, movies, picnic. I am greatly looking forward to it.
Jealous. I’m going to a bachelorette as well that is not exactly like Hey Ladies but pretty close. Yours sounds way better!
Serious question: why do people find it imperative to drag introverts clubbing? “You’ve never been? We have to go!” I’ve never been for a reason, ladies. On a related note, someone just asked me what my plans were for tonight. I said “book club,” she heard “to the club,” hilarity ensued.
WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISCOOOOOOOOOOON
Which, actually, it finally occurs to me to ask – any other Toasties planning on attending the 39th annual feminist science fiction convention? If not, you should plan on attending the 40th, it is a marvelous time, there is all kinds of geekery and intersectionality and the Genderfloomp party and the vid party and always at least one panel on drinking the tears of your enemies. It is really the best possible use of a Memorial Day weekend.
GENDERFLOOMP PARTY??
It’s actually been recently retitled just the Floomp, but it is a queer/non-binary/deconstruction kind of dance party/safe space/flirting zone. This year’s theme is Cyberpunk!
Do want!
On Friday, one of my friends is coming up to visit. We will eat many pasta and go to bed early, then get up at the ass-crack of dawn on Saturday to run a half-marathon, for which I will be wearing a red Star Trek: TOS style dress, a la Uhura. Many of our friends are involved in this running explosion, some running a full marathon and lots of us running the half. Following this (oh my god it’s going to be a disaster, I haven’t run in a month and haven’t trained at all oh my god) we will drink copiously to celebrate her birthday, then she’s going to head off with her husband. MrChouffe will gently place me in a warm epsom-salt bath while pouring whiskey down my gullet. There will be whimpering.
On Sunday I’ll hobble around and get ready to have two of our besties over for a bbq! They have not been to dinner at our house and it’s KIND OF intimidating because he is a For Really Real Super Gourmet Chef and she is Sommelier Extraordinaire and their restaurant is just fucking unbelievably good. MrChouffe keeps reminding me that they have been happy to guzzle box wine with us in the past and that ChefMan enjoys Taco Bell on his days off, so our salt-and-pepper spareribs will be something they enjoy and there is no need to be nervous. HA. HA HA.
Uhhhm then on Monday I think I’m going to sleep a lot or maybe go wine tasting? it’s possible that wine tasting will also happen for sure on Saturday and then maybe on Sunday too, before cookout? tough to say?
Can we please just have an open thread EVERY day?
My recent job interviewing has lead me to an interesting would-you-rather. Would you rather hear what the people you use as references think is your greatest strength, or what they think is your greatest weakness?
It’s tough for me because the strength is probably something they’d tell you anyway, but hearing what the people you think respect you the most think you aren’t great at could be soooo painful.
Weakness, definitely, as much as it will suck suckity suck to hear. But I think I know my strengths well (particularly during the job application process, when I’m writing about them ad nauseam!) and have vague nebulous ideas about my weaknesses. It would be good to hear one put into words so I can work on it and stop vaguely back-of-my-mind worrying that everyone secretly thinks I’m terrible.
(ETA: agreed on open thread all day every day, I love that there are enough devoted open-threading Toasties to enable our editors to nap)
I only take criticism from people that I know respect me, I try to brush everything else off. (doesn’t always work, but I sure try)
Can we please just have an open thread EVERY day?
God, no. I’d never get anything done, ever.
I’ve basically written off Friday afternoons.
I could use some positive Toastwitchy vibes as I go into my yearly review. Let us pray to whatever forces we believe in that I don’t hear alleged ‘complaints’ about my attitude at work again this year? PUH-leeze.
[sends good vibes]
Thanks, everyone. It went well, by and large, with the exception of a little bit of the aforementioned “we need you to be a bit more customer-service oriented”. O RLY.
~*the best of vibes*~
so many good vibes <3
Any time someone tells you there have been complaints and cannot give specific examples, that’s a case for some serious sideye, IMO. I hope this year’s review goes well!
Exactly, right? Oh, we’ve heard rumours about you not being sunshiny and friendly enough. *eyeroll*
I am willing to bet a donut from your local donut shop that exactly zero dudes at your place of work have had this feedback.
Y’all just made my day, I received feedback about being “icy and aloof” recently. I work on a team of 9 men and while nobody would mistake me for a ray of sunshine, I am by far more extroverted than any of them. When I offered this observation back to the manager giving me the feedback, they got quite icy and aloof.
See also “she’s a bitch” vs. “he’s very driven!” 🙁
Also, in my head you pointed out that they had become icy and aloof. That would have been so epic (though perhaps not constructive in a job review) 🙂
I am completely unable to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes because my amazing 76 year old grandmother is currently undergoing open heart surgery and I am many states away. She is a terribly cool lady who could knit ANYTHING without a pattern (I have a truly amazing snow white cardigan she made me when I was 6) and sewed all her own dresses and fancy hats in the 50s and 60s. I know that she’s in pretty good health, and her doctor is apparently one of the best in the world, but I am still not OK. Good thoughts and/or happy stories would be much appreciated.
Crossing fingers and sending good thoughts.
Sending lots of love from my heart to hers!
Both my parents had heart surgery back in ought-seven, and it was very scary, but they’re bouncing around like kittens now. Good luck to her.
Sending good thoughts. Your grandmother sounds wonderful! <3!
Sending all the good thoughts to your grandma. Terribly cool grandmas are a wonderful thing – I have one too, and she recently finished treatment for her THIRD round of cancer because she’s just that badass and nothing will defeat her. I bet your grandma is the same type.
Thanks! Badass grandma-havers unite!
oh, man, I feel you.
My mother (who will be 69 this year) had open heart surgery at Christmas and it was very hard. The day after they told me I called out sick from work and just watched all the cheerful, distracting movies I could find.
BUT, now, less than 6 months later, my mother can already walk further than she could before the surgery, so it was definitely a good outcome.
I will be thinking of you!
That is really comforting. She’d been slowing down this past year and had a lot of trouble walking, so she’s been actually looking forward to recovery and all the benefits that should come from a new fancy heart valve.
My mother also had a valve replacement! It is a pretty routine surgery, as I understand (though I know it doesn’t FEEL routine when they are doing it to someone you love) and it really will make a difference in her quality of life!
Sending good thoughts to your grandmother by way of you; keep any extras you find.
I don’t know if this will reassure you the way it does me, but: whenever I or someone I love has surgery, I remind myself that for us, this is novel (and not in a good way) but for the medical professionals, this is what they do. Their business is to make it go as smoothly and well as possible. They do this, or something like this, every day, and they’re doing their well-practiced best for her.
That’s what I’ve been trying to focus on so far and it really does help, so much as anything can at this point. We’re all lucky that she lives near Philly so she can have such good doctors and truly amazing care. Knowing that she’s got so many pros working on her helps me to worry at least a smidgen less.
Sending good thoughts to you and to her!
Who wants to talk about Tamora Pierce with me? I just finished rereading The Will of the Empress and I basically feel like
I’m very happy to talk about the Tortall books as well even though I didn’t just reread them.
Have you read Battle Magic yet? That book hit me right in the feels. The Briar/Rosethorn relationship is just so lovely, and then seeing Evy’s interactions with both of them was just too good.
Yes! I have it on interlibrary loan to reread. I actually kind of feel that Battle Magic and Melting Stones should be read before Will of the Empress, because you don’t really get that much out of knowing what you learn in WotE when you read Battle Magic, but you kind of know how it’s going to end.
But I also love how explicit Battle Magic is about “So Rosethorn and Lark are in a queer interracial poly relationship,” especially when the earlier ones are kind of cagey about whether they are a couple. I need more books that feature Lark and Rosethorn together, please.
Lark and Rosethorn are truly my OTP, and I would live a series around their relationship! Explicit queer relationships are definitely needed in more pop culture/ lit in general.
Agreed with the reading sequence. Battle Magic would have been much more anxiety inducing for me if I didn’t know generally what would happen. It would have upped the creep factor of the Emperor by like 1000%, and Evy would have made me cry more than I did knowing everything would be kinda okay.
Favorite Tortall series? Mine is Kel’s Protector of the Small, in no small part because it was the first of her series I read.
YES, Kel is the BEST ONE. Kel is my hero for all of real life. Pretty much all my goals could be boiled down to “Be more like Kel.” Squire is my favorite in that series — I love Raoul so much. I also really enjoy the contrast in tone between the Lioness books and Protector of the Small. The Lioness books are very… floaty to me. They feel mythical. Time passes kind of strangely, and there’s very little political awareness in them? Like Thayet is the exiled princess of a country that doesn’t want her, but Jonathan gets to marry her because she’s beautiful and they love each other. That’s SO different from the day to day political realities of Kel’s world. Jonathan is always kind of an ass, but I really really like what Pierce does with him in the Kel books — he feels like an actual ruler would have to be.
Speaking of, on my reread of the Emelan books, it is kind of weird/maybe a little fucked up that there are never, ever any bad people from Emelan? Duke Vedris is a kind and wise ruler, which we hear about over and over and is backed up by how people respond to him, but every other ruler we see in those books is super corrupt if not outright evil.
Squire is also my fave from that series! Kel is very much someone we should all strive to be more like. Yeah, Pierce has definitely gotten stronger as an author, which you can see in the differences between the Lioness books and Kel’s books. I think the Lioness books play way more into trope-y fantasy stereotypes in terms of plot and elements, like mustache twirling evil Duke Roger.
I’d never really seen that in the Emelan books? But it could very well be there. I mean, there’s mention of Vedris’ sons being not very good people, and then in Daja’s books the lady and her wizard are very incompetent, but none of them are evil/corrupt in the same way. Pierce can be kinda black/white and good/evil with her characters sometimes.
This is my favorite Sandry fan cast by far: http://41.media.tumblr.com/8830a932c782e267099b6d…
OH DAMN that fancast! Yes. That is exactly what Sandry should look like.
KEL FOREVER.
I read Daine’s books first, then the Lioness books and I clearly liked them all because I kept reading everything she wrote in rapid succession but KEL. I reread all four of them last summer because I was insanely stressed out from trying to choose a thesis lab and I fell in love with them all over again. Also rereading them made me appreciate what a large part Tamora Pierce played in the formation of my feminism.
While there are many very legitimate reasons I love Kel (the realness of her story, the way that she is not especially blessed she just works hard, how she is such an incredibly good person but also deeply human) it also helps that she is the character I see myself the most in and we had some very similar horses growing up. I rode an ornery red roan gelding ala Peachblossom for a long time, and then in high school I started riding a flighty little bay mare with a big star just like Hoshi.
Awww that’s so nice about your horses! What a cute way to relate to a book.
Tamora Pierce books are definitely comfort books for me too! Hope the Thesis stuff went well! I just finished my master’s thesis and that shit is stressful beyond belief.
Yay Tamora Pierce! I just finished reading Trickster’s Choice, and then immediately bought the sequel (which name I can’t remember) – I’m only a few pages into the 2nd book and I kept falling asleep last night when reading but so far I like it. Such fun books!
Oooh fun! The Trickster books aren’t my fave of faves, but they’re still very good. I love Dove — she’s my favorite by far in those books.
Dove is great, and I am utterly charmed by Nawat (and I look at crows a little differently now…)
There’s a short story from Nawat’s perspective that’s in one of Pierce’s collections that you should check out when you finish Trickster’s Queen!
I will look for it – thanks!
The Trickster books are my favorite of all her books. <3 I have reread Trickster’s Queen too many times to count.
Oh oh oh! I can talk about this!
Although it has been a very long time since I read Tamora Pierce, and I only ever read the Song of the Lioness and Immortals series.
I keep meaning to read the Circle ones. I take this comment as an official sign that I should start reading them, regardless of my actual age.
I really like them! I can’t speak for how they would be without nostalgia, but I’m confident they are at least pretty good.
The Circle books struck me as significantly shorter than I remembered, upon re-reading, but it was ok, because I could blaze through the original four, and then the Circle Opens quartet (which is much meatier) and then crown the whole experience by reading Battle Magic (holy cats) and Will of the Empress back to back, and feeling like I had relived the ages of 11-25 in very rapid succession. The Circle books may have begun as a series aimed towards middle school readers, but they definitely do not stay that way.
I love that about the Circle books! They grow up with the characters. I like the shortness of the first four — they don’t have any extra space in them, and that’s nice.
I LOVE Tamora Pierce. I wrote a term paper in grad school comparing her portrayal of women to Robin McKinley’s, which is to this day one of my favorite pieces of my own research/writing.
I read the Alanna books as they were coming out and they were instrumental in my young adult development! Especially coming from a fundie Christian background. Her approach to women and to premarital sex were SHOCKING and also necessary for my own growing estrangement from my upbringing.
Somehow I’ve missed the Trickster books, so time to hit up the library for some weekend reading!
Oh wow, that sounds like an awesome paper. What was your thesis?
I focused on how the various female characters came to terms with their own identity. In most of Robin McKinley’s novels, the heroine decides who she truly is. She comes to terms with her past, or wins the battle, or takes her rightful place in the world. While there are often men involved (of course), the heroine names herself to claim her identity. The culminating moment of self-acceptance is hers alone.
In Pierce’s books, on the other hand, the women tend to gain acceptance through the eyes of the men around them. When they are recognized and accepted by those men, they can have their rightful place/true identity.
It’s not universally true for their books (for example, this trope appears more in the Tortall books than the Circle of Magic books for Pierce), but it is often true!
Toastfriends! My one cosplay partner and I got a FIRST PLACE ribbon in the contest we were in on Sunday and I might have cried a little bit because I have never had a physical trophy before.
I have fully accepted the fact that I am an on-again, off-again weeaboo.
I was about to get real excited because I saw this on Tumblr, but then I realized it was probably on *your* Tumblr.
Awesome job! You look great!
I’m so ready for the long weekend, guys. Doesn’t it feel like May is already over? Why is there still another week left?
Luckily, I get to head home for my little brother’s graduation on Friday, which will be really nice. I’m in the process of telling him horror stories about our school’s dorms, and also trying to convince him not to buy a lanyard, which will mark him as A Freshman. It’s a lot of fun 🙂
Yay! I will not be around on Friday for the open thread and I wanted to give a foster dog update!
So there is a couple in Austin who want to adopt a dog. They have come over to meet Roxanne and they like her but they live in an apartment and have a cat. They are not sure that Roxanne will get along with their cat and they are worried she will be bored in their apartment (which is true for any dog). We have convinced them to take Roxanne for a trial run. We are going out of town for 3 weeks to visit my in-laws. They will take Roxanne for the time we are gone and hopefully fall so in love with her, they keep her. At least that is my plan.
That is an excellent plan! I hope it works out for them!
Midweek online dating thread! *sparkle sparkle*
Ok, I got nuttin’ — feeling worn out, and I just wanna curl up with someone I like who doesn’t man-handle me like a package pointedly labelled DELICATE — but I want to know what you’re up to.
I’m going to see Mad Max tonight with datefriend! He’s already seen it, but totally volunteered to see it again with me because he loved it so much.
I can’t even begin to say how well things are going with Boy-I’m-Seeing. I don’t think I’ve been so easily compatible with someone…well, ever. This past week he asked if I wanted to meet one of his relatives, which I am taking as a Good Sign and also trying very hard not to freak out about (out of nervousness/anxiety/wanting to be liked, just to be clear). Needless to say, I shan’t be on the market again for however long this goes.
Easy is so good!
It is such a refreshing change I cannot even believe it. No drama! No conflict! I probably look like this much of the time: O.o
Easy is so great! I met a guy on OKC in January and things have been going so smoothly that I occasionally look suspiciously around to be like “it can’t keep being this easy, right? what’s happening?” I also met his parents relatively early (we live very far away from them and they were visiting so it was basically one of those “well this is honestly a little soon but it’s not like they’re in the neighborhood more than once a year sooooooo”) and I was hardcore freaking out before hand for the same reasons you mentioned and that ALSO ended up being super easy. Good luck!
It *is* confusing, isn’t it? Which I guess is a sad statement about past relationships.
I’m out of town so no dating to report. I have been feeling a bit down about dating now the the initial flush of messages and interesting profiles from rejoining has died down. I think I probably should up from okc to a paid site…
I had a really awesome-sounding dude message me on OKC last night. He’s a physics grad student who talks in his profile about how he’s trying to get educated about feminism. But he is a grad student at Princeton and lives in Princeton and I’m in NYC. I responded to his message and ended with a “so you know, Princeton is far, I don’t normally date people that far away” and he kind of brushed it aside with a “but if we click, who cares!” and I don’t know how to respond to that.
Jesus. As someone who lives in Queens, dating someone in Brooklyn is almost too far. Princeton? Forget it!
Right? I live in Manhattan and on the west side, so it’s an easy trip to Penn Station, but Princeton is like another world.
eharmony is always trying to get me to expand my geographical range, and it’s such bullshit. I’m a busy person and I live in a metro area of over a million people. I’m not expanding it out to cities three hours away.
Agreed! I live in MANHATTAN. Ideally, I want to find a guy who lives in one of like five neighborhoods closest to mine and on my train lines!
I always had the opposite problem – people from NYC reaching out to me. I live on the Jersey shore! No, chances are I will not be able to go and see you that often because money!!
Like yeah, I know that I’m only 15 miles from NYC…but honey, that’s as the crow flies.
I’m trying to rein in the new relationship. Turns out I am not ready for one! Still trying to process all the garbage built up inside me from the last one, I guess.
How do you de-escalate something that got a little too intense too fast? I was just hoping for something fun and light that would remind me how much fun dating can be, but this guy is, I’m pretty sure, already imagining settling down and cohabitating. Ugh.
Use your words!!! Maybe he’d be cool with what you want, maybe he wants what you think he does, but it’s the only way to find out. You’re more likely to make the best of things when you’re comfortable and open with how you feel. I haven’t yet found a way to convey complicated needs/goals through sheer “hey let’s just go to a pub and i avoid your eyes sometimes okay.”
I tried to have the conversation with him last week and it kinda didn’t turn out so great, at least at the time. I think we’re okay for the time being, now. But it *definitely* did not end with us both laughing and clapping each other on the shoulder and whatnot. Welp.
I think it’s cool that he’s upfront about his intentions; it’s definitely the more mature approach. But I’m not able to respond in kind, and it sucks — usually I’m the adult in a given relationship. I need space to flake, and I feel like I established that right off the bat, but it hasn’t played out in practice like that yet.
Basically last week I set some ground rules like “no more than 18 consecutive hours in each others’ presence.” I’ll have to report back with the preliminary results of Operation Ease-Off.
UGH YES! I tried to do something similar, but now I have to end up stopping everything with him instead of slowing it down because he didn’t seem to understand the concept. Nor the fact that I don’t want to text him all day every day. And because he keeps texting me, it’s annoying me and now I don’t even want to be fun/flirty friends with him, much less be in a Relationship with him.
ETA: I hope your guy is much better about understanding what you want.
Ok, I have to share this story with someone and GUESS WHAT, Toasties – it’s YOU! Yayyyy.
Last week on OK Cupid the most attractive guy I have EVER seen online dating messaged me. Like, he bore a strong resemblance to Matt Bomer. I look at his profile, it’s great. I google image searched his photos, they’re actually his! And I’m thinking OH MAN. This is it! I have kept the faith, I have stayed the course, I am being rewarded by the gods of online dating. So he messages me, I message him, he messages me, I message back and…..nada. Radio silence. He read the response. He just didn’t answer. I could almost hear the cosmic WHOMP whomp.
Oh well, it was too good to be true. Back to the only responses I get being from dudes who need green cards and nineteen year olds who write messages solely consisting of the word “sup”.
At what point does a person take a long, hard look at themselves and realize, it’s not them, it’s you? Because I’ve been at this a while and both the friends I started online dating with are in long term relationships. I can’t even get to the date point.
I’m with you in the “can’t get a date” part. Either in person or online. I go to a singles-specific church congregation and attend most of the activities they plan (not sports, I don’t do sports, or dances *shudder*) and I can’t get a date. It’s been 7 years. I get a lot of guys telling me I’m good a things, or that I’m great, but no dates. They all want younger, slimmer women, or women who will go backpacking/camping with them. It’s important to have things in common with a partner, but I don’t feel hobbies need to be one. I would never not date someone because he wasn’t into quilting, but guys won’t date girls who aren’t into outdoorsy stuff, maybe it’s a Utah thing?
My ultimate pet peeve is profiles where guys say “I’m looking for a girl who takes care of herself”, because it’s code for no fatties.
Also, the next person who tells me that “some guys like bigger girls!” is going to have me roll my eyes in their direction because I have not found this to be true. Like, at all. Ever.
I hate everything.
I’ve looked in the mirror after my high turn-over rate of dating and while I’ve identified my flaws, I think it’s just a matter of finding someone who digs my good qualities so much more than they dislike those flaws. (I’m talking about the things I can’t change, like, what is me to the core.) Basically, it really is hard to find people who are compatible emotionally, sexually, and personality-wise. It’s not easy to find the easy. It’s not a race or a contest, it’s just…a crap shoot? I don’t know, give it time is my advice. Patience, it’ll happen. Also don’t settle for anyone who says or writes stupid or shallow things.
Not current online dating, but online dating related and I’m sharing because I’m sick and keep waking up early and want to think about happy things instead: The Scotsman I met on Tinder last summer and then dated for threeish months until I left the country and I have talked on Whatsapp and sometimes Skype since I left. He’s not my boyfriend, but also more than a friend. He just finished his degree and is going to be traveling for the next 3+ weeks and asked if I wanted to meet up with him one weekend. We’d talked about it very much in passing before in the past, but then last week we made actual plans to do it. Originally it was going to be in Bratislava, where I’m moving in the fall, but because of scheduling now it’s going to be in Budapest, where I have a bunch of friends. So in June I will get to have a five day weekend full of sex and fun and friends. I’m very excited and hoping the next few weeks go by very quickly.
As I had, this is only tangentially related because I met him on Tinder, and that was almost a year ago. But I suppose it does have a nice moral, in that 98% of the men on Tinder are boring or garbage or boring garbage, but a few of them are actually decent people worth sexing.
Love stories. Still counts. Also, jealous.
Have so much fun!
I guess maybe we’ll talk about this in Friday’s open thread, but is anyone going anywhere for Memorial Day weekend?
We’re going to see D’s family in Cville, where I will spend the weekend Not Saying Things I Want To Say and probably tweeting about it cryptically. oh, and we’ll drive through the mountains a bit, too.
Portland & Seattle! Not with family, although we’re staying with a relative for the Portland leg. The family craziness is being saved for a wedding next month.
I AM SUPER JEALOUS
We’re going camping, at least in theory, with some friendly-type acquaintances we know only medium-well. Except we own neither tent nor sleeping bags, and I’ll have to hitch up to the site with someone else because SpousalWench has to work during the first part of the itinerary, and also the itinerary seems loosely organized at best.
And then SpousalWench’s family has been unwell, which meant last weekend was spent on that, and I’ve been barely able to spend time on increasing the organization factor from my end.
So! Hopefully I’ll still be alive at the other end, wish us luck.
Sounds like you will know them VERY WELL by the end of the camping trip! Hope you all have fun.
We had our (Canadian) long weekend last week, and we went sailing with friend in Seattle. Well, we sailed from up the Puget Sound to Ballard to go to the bar, and sailed back the next day. It was a few days full of win. We saw so much marine life! And drank so many beers.
I’m jealous of you too
On Friday after work I’m packing up for a weekendlong trip to My Bed. I don’t plan on leaving until Monday. It will be great.
Backpacking! Actually the best kind of backpacking because we’ll hike out to a remote cabin and then we don’t have to sleep on the ground! And there’s heat! It’s also my pup’s first backpacking trip and he’s going to carry his own backpack and it’s literally the cutest thing that has ever happened.
I am very excited.
Aww have fun! Come back and post a picture of your puppy with his gear.
For once we are not going anywhere, and not even going to do Fun Thing in This Town that we always miss, and I am so excited. SO EXCITED!
I actually totally forgot that I have Memorial Day off, and I’m going to be spending the weekend greeting my wife in NYC as she returns from South America (long story), so now every time I remember that we have a long weekend I get really really excited all over again.
Mind you, she’s still recovering from pneumonia (longer story), so it might not be the most rollicking weekend, but I’m just thrilled for the reunion and the time off.
Hurrah for your reunion, and I hope your wife is soon fully mended!
I mentioned this upthread, but: I’m just back from a pre-holiday mini-vacation! The Fella’s family has a beach cottage that will be rented all summer, but we snatched a couple of days away and he swept me away for a couple of days during which I did no planning: he shopping and cooked and did dishes and I laid around on a bed in front of the fireplace like the royalty I was born to be.
You probably won’t be jealous of me. I’m going to Milwaukee.
But I’m going to see a dear friend, so I’m looking forward to it! And I have never been to Wisconsin so I get to add a new state to my list.
I’m staying put, but that’s ok because in two weeks my Bearded Fella and I are going on a bonafide VACATION (to a beach! a warm beach, with tropical drinks and food and no family to visit or friend obligations or social occasions!) so I am content to do nothing for this holiday weekend. We are going to a casual dinner at a friend’s house, though, so there will be much food and (too) much wine and my homemade (lemon bar!) ice cream.
My husband and I are going to visit a nearby hippie-ish college town with some friends. We will be staying in an old farmhouse, as well as visiting a dairy & ice cream place that I haven’t been to since I was a child. I am desperately hoping that at least one of these country establishments will have a lamb nursing, as I have seen this once before in my life, and it is the CUTEST THING EVER. Their little tails wag (actually circle maniacally) and let me tell you, it is outrageously cute.
I can’t stop saying variations on “cotched” and “cotchled” to myself. Cotchle cotchle cotchle cotchetty cotched. Cotchy cotch cotch.
That’s all I got.
I LIVED for the neologisms.
I COTCHED HIM
There’s an empty movie theater in our town, so my partner and I were brainstorming names for when it (hopefully) gets bought and turned into a feminist movie palace. Here’s what we’ve got so far:
– Re:Gal Cinema
– Ruth Theater Ginsberg
– The 19th Cinemendment
– Our Movies, Ourselves
I thought this was something the Toast commentariat would enjoy, so please contribute your own ideas!
RUTH THEATER GINSBERG
now playing only movies about badass ladies in court
and a supercut film that is just Markie Post’s scenes from Night Court
Contraceptive Film
yessssss
I kinda like Feminist Movie Palace for straightforwardness and suggestion of decadence.
Misandreels?
MISANDREELS. I would go there.
RUTH THEATER GINSBURG
The Sparkle Fairy Unicorn Rainbow Picture Emporium & Day Spa
happy salad theater
Wednesday open thread? Awesome!
Okay, totally distressed over a horse. Long story short, a lovely mare I’ve known for years was sold to an older woman. The mare was sold as “green-broke”, the woman did try her out before purchasing, loved her and bought her on the spot. Two months later, she was badly thrown by the mare and now “Dee Dee” is up for sale.
I strongly feel this is an owner issue, not a horse issue, and it bothers me GREATLY that Dee Dee will be paying the price for this woman’s fear/anger/lack of patience. It also others me that Dee Dee’s original owner, a horseman I respect, won’t take her back. This I understand because (a) fixing other people’s mistakes takes time and money of which he has neither and (b) he is trying to downsize his herd, not add back to it, because he is older and has serious health issues.
But Holy Hell…this is Dee Dee, an older (9 years), super personable, super sweet mare that was/is a personable favourite of mine and dammit, she is gonna haunt me if I don’t bring her back home to the farm. SO…I’m gonna scramble and get the $$$ together to spring her…GIMMEE YOUR PRAYERS, HORSE TOASTIES!
Ooh! Good luck!
YOU HAVE EVERY HORSE PRAYER IMAGINABLE. That’s a thoroughly shitty situation, and it is definitely the terrible lady’s fault. I have so many questions! Why is she treating a fall like a catastrophic event? Has she ever heard the phrase “get back on the horse?” Why did she buy a horse on the spot like that at all? If she is supposed to be a good enough horsewoman to purchase her own horse, why isn’t she good enough to work through the issues that came up with said horse?
UUUUGGGHH. I am feeling many emotions on your behalf right now.
EXACTLY! She knew damn well this mare needed miles put on her but she considered and presented herself as an experienced horse person that could do just that…and what gets me as well is that she stated her saddle wasn’t fitting Dee Dee properly but “oh well, tough titty for the horsey” and Dee Dee was just gonna have to suck it up.
This is a mare that, as loving as she is, will let you know in no uncertain terms when she finds something uncomfortable by acting up in quick increments; this in itself should have clued this woman in, but no….she knew what she was doing, she was gonna ride it out. Fuuuuuuuuck.
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DEFINITELY better off in a different home then – and also you probably know why she fell off in the first place, so hopefully if saddle is sorted then it won’t be a lasting problem.
You bet! If I can wrangle this, she’ll be coming back home to her birthplace where she’s lived all her life and I can go from there, with the promise that her next home will be the perfect fit for everyone.
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Another thought – at least it happened relatively quickly, before the horse had had a year of being owned by someone who sounds too inexperienced for a green horse. Two months isn’t long in a new home, and sounds like it will be a better option for her than being owned by this person.
That’s true enough!
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*facepalm* why is it alway middle-aged women who buy wildly unsuitable horses and then blame the horses when they get hurt (or they turn to parelli and never ride their horse again)
I hope this mare gets herself a good home and goes on to be fabulous! (I’m wishing I was in position to have a horse again, the withdrawal, it hurts!)
oh man, the Parelli thing!!! Yes. They spend all their time futzing around on the ground with that orange stick while their horse continues to boss them around and walk all over them. WHAT IS THAT.
My mother’s horse used to get shirty a few times a month, and we figured out it was because he got bored and antsy. Solution: a friend of ours was an exercise rider for race horses. My mom paid her to take her horse out once a week for a hard two mile gallop over the back acreage. This was literally all it took to make him happy, which made my mom happy. She was solidly an inside the ring dressage rider, but if he needed a weekly gallop then she was going to make sure he got it.
(btw said horse is now THIRTY. He’s the best!)
Tell me about it! I’m living proof! However, at least I know where I’m at, experience-wise and frankly, I shouldn’t have the horse that I currently ride (he has “OMG, other horses are coming at me at a walk, they’re gonna eat me; OMG, that horse is running in a field 3 miles away, it’s gonna eat me; OMG, that man/woman is wearing a hat/overalls/SUNGLASSES, it’s gonna eat me, issues). I only ended up with Red by default because (a) my first horse got severely injured in a fence incident that made him uncomfortable to ride and (b) I thought, “eh, look how sorry “Red” looks, I’ll cheer him up while I wait for horse A to heal up, and 2 years later, here we are, trail riding in the mountains because Red SHINES as a mountain pony. But in reality, what Red really needs is a confident rider, not a nervous, hyperactive person (me, sigh) and one day, I’ll find him that person.
In the meantime, I take clinics where the clinicians actually ride their horses (Chris Irwin, Harry Whitney, etc.) and try to do my best with him and frankly, I have no qualms popping off him when things start getting hairy.
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Chris Irwin <3 I rode with him a few times, only NH trainer I can stand
GOOD NEWS! Dee Dee is coming home! Owner accepted my offer and will deliver her next week. Now the real work begins…!
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Woohoo! I fully expect weekly open thread updates so I can live vicariously through your horsey life!
I’ll start on Friday’s Open Thread! But do you think posting Dee Dee’s adventures is okay, or is it more appropriate for horse-based sites? I mean, we have “open cat thread” (which I LOVE) so is “open horse thread” permissible? I’d keep it super short!
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This city girl would love to vicariously live your horsey life! I find this discussion fascinating.
DONE! Can’t wait to start this Friday (it might be a super late posting because I’ll be at a location with no Wi-Fi, boo!).
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YOU ARE MY HERO. I hate it when people buy horses that are too much for them, or who decide that rider error is actually horse error. When I was eventing there was a girl who I don’t think ever actually finished a cross country course in the course of several years competing because she kept buying horses out of her skill range, and rather than, you know, getting some training, she would insist her parents sell it and get her a “better horse”. AND she would turn down perfectly nice finished eventers because she wanted a “project horse”. Which is great but when you lack a)the experience to train the horse yourself or b)the ability to hire someone to help you, this is a recipe for disaster.
Thanks! Keep your fingers crossed, though, it hasn’t happened yet! And yup, I knew of a young girl that boarded at the farm who did exactly that and surprise, never found that “perfect” horse. And worse, took perfectly fine horses and turned them into neurotic messes; thank God she got out of horses entirely.
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Good luck! My senior year of high school I spent a lot of time hacking/lightly training this relatively green mare at our barn. She was a sweetheart but her owner had no idea what she was doing with her. She just needed lots of time and patience but the lady didn’t get it at all. In some ways it was nice for me because I got a horse to ride for free because she really didn’t need anything special, she just needed someone to spend a lot of time with her, while her owner would come by a couple time a week and be surprised that she would be super flighty and hard to handle. I really wish I hadn’t been going off to college immediately so I could spend more time with her. Best of luck!!!!
For nostalgia, here’s my former project pony:
What a cutie! And thank you everyone for all the well wishes! Must have worked because Dee Dee is coming back home next week! Owner accepted my offer and I worked out a deal with her original owner for board and training.
Yay #TeamToasties!
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It’s my birthday on Monday and I hate Adult Birthdays. I just hate them. And I hate that ‘Merica has Monday off, so it’s impossible to just treat it as a normal day. I don’t care about getting older, I’m in my thirties, it’s fine, I just hate the forced merriment. However, I have Other People in my life who don’t believe me when I say I’d rather just skip it. Thoughts?
Run away into the woods, wearing in your hair a crown woven from fern fronds, and build a fire. Stare into the flames and feel their warmth — they burn just for you.
I’m exactly the same. After too much forced merriment I decided I would just always make my own plans to do whatever I want. By myself. I don’t regret it.
Having the day off work could make it easier? Just disappear for the day! Make it a you-day of whatever sort you would want for a random day off and don’t hang out with anyone! Plenty of people go away for holiday weekends, you can just tell people “sorry, I’ve got plans!”
Ah, I guess the issue is the Other People are my spouse, in-laws, etc. It also doesn’t help that we live in a super congested urban center, so when there are days off, everything is a zoo. Maybe I’ll just lock myself in the bedroom with the Playstation for the day…
Spouse really ought to believe you that you don’t want a celebration, and then be the barrier between you and in-laws about it.
YUP
They love you and want to celebrate that you’re in their lives. Try to find some way to enjoy the merriment, or at least see if you can get presents out of the deal.
Have “plans” on your birthday and suggest meeting up with the Merriment People a week or two later? They can feel celebratory by raising a glass and cheers-ing your birthday but the pressure to make it A Birthday Party won’t be there.
Tell them that you love celebrating, and your favorite way to celebrate is to eat a cake all by yourself and then go for a massage?
Could you absolutely demand to do something that you actually want to do, with one person, and tell everyone else that you have plans? Like “I want to go see Mad Max and then get an ice cream and then go home, with no mention of birthdays. That is my perfect celebration, please make it happen.”
I’m the same, I don’t like being the centre of attention and especially of forced-merriment-attention. I usually go for the strategy of not putting my birthday on Facebook, so that avoids a lot of attention right off, and then of “forgetting” to mention to anyone that it is my birthday. Then I eat cake alone with Mr. Floridagal, because cake is the only part of the standard birthday merriment that I like. I hope your avoiding forced merriment works out!
Weep. Just burst into tears, and flee the room yelling “I never wanted this” or “WHO’S MERRY NOW?”
Honestly, it is your birthday, special holiday only for you. There’s even a song about how people have to do what you say on your bithday. As long as you have “I want X to be my birthday event”, people _should_ be ok about repecting your wishes.
KITTEN THREAD
Saffron was the angriest kitten in the world.
Captain was the most solemn kitten in the world.
An the four of them in the litter were just too much.
So much kittens!
I always have time for kittens…
*high pitch screaming*
KITTENS
Baby Brigadier General Casimir Pulaskitty was pretty noble from the get go.
Or at least tried to be.
But at least he was always ridiculously sweet-natured.
Unlike Baby Boudicca
Swoon!
Boudicca and Saffron could team up as supervillains.
They should. Fat Boo’s something special if nothing else. Special, hungry, and mean.
omigod does she have THUMBS?
No. Just anger, badass Braveheart-esque face paint and a desire to kill all humans… I mean baby birds. Definitely kill all baby birds.
That is my roommate personified as a cat. Looks just like him. Except feline.
The idea of that is mildly terrifying.
I saw that picture of Baby Boudicca and just thought ‘oh, she pretended to kill her mousie toy, how cute’ but then realized NO, THAT IS ACTUAL MOUSE MURDER.
Good job, Baby Boudicca, but also 🙁
It was only two days after she was acquired. BabyBoo don’t mess around. She comes from a long line of highly skilled barncats and she wanted you to know it. Now she is FatBoo and just wants to be fed. Frequently.
That’s a big mouse for such a little cat! Looks like she is a true warrior queen.
Here is my cat-in-the-bra from last week with her counterpart back in the day as they chase each other in and out of a paper bag.
Captain liked watching that from my lap!
I mentioned in the other comments that a stray left four kittens on my porch a couple of years ago. I apologize in advance that the pictures are so massive. Photobucket is not cooperating with me.
So I’d come home after a rough day to this happening on my lap:
It’s such a tiny paw…
BEEBEES!
I posted this yesterday, but here it is again. Baby Moxie, still covered in dust from trying to escape us by darting around under our trailer, just minutes after he stopped hissing at us and we figured my boyfriend could safely take his welding gloves off and hold him bare-handed:
And once he figured out that people are warm and make good snuggles:
I would never EVER have a kitten again. He had so much energy it was crazy. I’d get home from work and play with him until my boyfriend got home, then he could take over playing and I would make dinner, we’d shove food in our faces, then I’d have to play with the little monster again while he cleaned up.
What a puff! <3 <3
That Richard III article from earlier has me thinking. Let’s hear about your favorite movie versions of Shakespeare plays, the time you were in an all-female Hamlet in college, stories from waiting in the Shakespeare in the Park line, etc.
Midsummer Night’s Dream is my FAVE movie adaptation. The one with Kevin Kline and Stanley Tucci.
Here here. Also Dominic West and Christian Bale. And Rupert Everett covered in glitter. Man, that movie gave tiny me a lot of crushes. (The intensity of my Dominic West crush counts for three normal crushes at least.)
It’s probably my favorite Shakespeare play as well. Puck’s final speech is just so perfect, I can’t think of any others that compare and our boyfriend, Stanley Tucci, nailed it.
If we shadows have offended,
Think but this, and all is mended,
That you have but slumber’d here
While these visions did appear.
And this weak and idle theme,
No more yielding but a dream,
Gentles, do not reprehend:
If you pardon, we will mend:
And, as I am an honest Puck,
If we have unearned luck
Now to ‘scape the serpent’s tongue,
We will make amends ere long;
Else the Puck a liar call;
So, good night unto you all.
Give me your hands, if we be friends,
And Robin shall restore amends.
Most movie adaptations of Shakespeare are either awful or just uninteresting, but the Hamlet with David Tenant and Patrick Stewart has my heart forever.
(I guess technically it’s not really a movie adaptation because it’s a filmed version of a staged production, but still.)
OMG. I watched that just last year. I thought I was kind of over Hamlet, having seen eighty bazillion productions, but Tennant knocked it out of the park.
David Tennant and Catherine Tate in Much Ado About Nothing–a filmed stage performance that is available on DigitalTheatre.com–is also a knock out of the park. Particularly the scene where Benedict overhears how much Beatrice is in love with him while falling into various open containers of paint.
That screaming you hear is me needing this asap.
That screaming you hear is me agreeing.
Yessssssssssssss it’s the best!!! <3
This exists??? You have given me such a gift.
Oh that one is soooooo goooooooooodddd….I love it so much. I need to hunt down a dvd of it, asap.
My junior year of college, the theatre department did an adaptation of Midsummer Night’s Dream that I can only describe as ‘an entire pride parade from the 1980s gets lost in the forest and decides to start a disco’. I bought a ticket, and then signed up for every single volunteer usher spot I could, just to see it again. It was so popular, they revived it the year after.
There may be other Midsummer adaptations; there may be better adaptations, but nothing will ever beat that production for me.
Kind of similarly, the best version of Midsummer for me was a college adaptation I saw that had me and my sister in hysterics, and I do not laugh like that ever. Sadly, none of the filmed versions have even come close to that for me.
The Ken Branagh/Emma Thompson Much Ado About Nothing. My heart, forever.
Agreed! I love, love that one.
Yes yes yes yes yes. <3 Emma!
The Shakespeare in the Park production of Twelfth Night with Anne Hathaway and Audra McDonald remains my all-time favorite New York theatre experience. I’ve lived in NYC for eight years and I work in professional theatre.
I saw that thing four times, including the closing performance for which I camped out overnight in the rain. The cast came by and gave us pizza at 2am and Julie White introduced herself while handing me pizza and I was incredibly charmed that she thought I could possibly not know who she was. Ugh I just want to go back in time and see it again.
uuuhhnnnggggg kicking myself forever for not going to that Twelfth Night. Raul Esparza was in it!!!
I will forever regret not being able to see that production.
Man, I love Shakespeare variations. I saw a great surrealistic Merchant of Venice in London in the early 90s.
I’m a big fan of Whedon’s AYLI.
Oh, how embarrassing. Whedon did Much Ado, not AYLI. I watched Branagh’s AYLI this weekend. Silly Cateling!
I saw Julius Caeser done at Ashland’s Shakespeare Festival in a vaguely WWII era style which I adored because I love Julius Caeser and I hate subtlety.
When it comes to less conventional Shakespeare films I’ve always had a soft spot for All Night Long which is essentially Othello set in early sixties London with an interracial couple who are both jazz artists. If nothing else I’ll always love it cause it has Brubeck in it. And it ends better than the actual Othello. (I despise that play proper, always will, murder suicide hits too close.)
It’s not an adaptation, per se, but season one of Slings and Arrows not only gave me a deeper love and appreciation for all things Shakespeare but is probably the best thing to ever come from television. I love it to pieces and watch it probably once every three months or so. When Netflix took it off the instant watch list I was so distraught my husband bought me the boxed set because he is a smart and loving person.
Relatedly, season three made me ache with sadness that I would never get to see Lear with William Hutt, because the brief scenes they do show completely bowled me over and I cried.
I saw Hutt as Lear at Stratford and it was HOLY CRAP AMAZING. So so so good. (Lear being the best of the tragedies does help though.)
Colour me jealous! Man, I wish I lived not-so-far-away from Stratford. I mean, I’ll go to Bard on the Beach’s Lear this year (because: Lear!) but I know it won’t hold a candle to those moments on the show.
AAAAH Yay Slings & Arrows fans! I love that show SO MUCH. I am an Ignorant American, but my old roomie is from Michigan (so…like…South Canada, basically, the way he tells it) and he got me ADDICTED. So smart! So funny! So quotable! Hearts in eyes forever, basically, for that show and people knowing/liking it.
My mom and I discovered it when it was on IFC and watched because of Mark McKinney and both became OBSESSED. Later, I showed it to my husband and he similarly obsessed over it. I love almost everything about it but especially Darren Nichols. Deal. With. That.
He was reborn! IN GERMANY!!!!!
Yes yes yes yes yes. Yes.
When I first got it, I sat down to watch maybe an episode or two before I went to bed. Sunrise saw me sitting on the floor of the living room weeping as the end of season three credits rolled.
That’s an abbreviated version of how my husband watched it. I saw it when it originally aired on IFC probably ten years ago so binge watching wasn’t even a term yet and had to suffer not just between episodes but between seasons. He, however, had the joy of being able to watch it all on Netflix and while he patiently watched Season 1 with me over a few days he couldn’t help himself and consumed the rest over a weekend. Such a wonderful show…there’s always talk of a fourth season, but I will not believe it until I see the receipts.
This hardly counts as a production, but in high school, when we had to do scenes from Hamlet, one group overcame having too many members and not enough roles by casting two guys to play Hamlet simultaneously, lines split by tone. Big, football guy played rage-y, impulsive Hamlet, and smaller, reedier guy played introspective, moody Hamlet. It was so good and I’ve never really gotten over the excellence of that portrayal.
oh my god???? someone invent a time machine so I can see this
What an interesting idea!
They played it standing sort of back-to-back, switching places as needed, so the other side of Hamlet was always present, if silent. I think that was the best part.
Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hamlet
OH HOLY HECK
a friend, then majoring in drama, and I spun up a nonsensical plan to stage Hamlet with two Ophelias using a similar conceit (though Hamlet makes more sense) and I have always regretted that we didn’t find a way to do it.
Back ages and ages ago, I saw Paul Gross play Hamlet at the Stratford Festival, and he kind of….vibrated? the entire time. It was disconcerting, to say the least, and my repressed snickering basically melted any proper gravitas that goes along with a Shakespearean tragedy.
I’m still mad that I couldn’t impulsively fly to London to see the David Tennant/Catherine Tate Much Ado.
My drama club did the Romeo and Juliet section of The Complete Works of William Shakespeare (Abridged) for a cabaret, and I was the tweedy professor haranguing the audience for no reason. Pretty true to life imho.
Titus! Titus Titus Titus forever and ever.
VILLAIN,
I
HAVE
DONE
THY
MOTHER
Oh man, that would make a great Dirtbag Shakespeare post!
Oh, the Shakespeare I have done. Where do we start? Maybe with one of the two Godfather-inspired productions of King Lear (one in HS, one in college, I was Regan in one and Goneril in the other)? Perhaps with the time I played Desdemona in the final scene of Othello and, due to a mishap with the folding cot, almost died of suffocation?
The best Shakespeare show I ever saw was an all-woman Measure for Measure that the Taffety Punk Theatre Company’s Riot Grrls Project did in DC a few years ago.
I could never remember which one was Measure for Measure and which one was All’s Well That Ends Well, and then I studied M4M for a couple of weeks in college and it became, like my favorite. It’s in my top 5.
The duke is SUCH a dick omg.
Probably the most enjoyable Henry IV part 2 I’ve seen was a community college performance. The majority of the roles were played by women, and then for variation Lady Percy, Lady Northumberland and possibly Doll Tearsheet (I can’t remember for sure about that one), were played by men. The woman who played Falstaff, was African-American and a little person; she was absolutely amazing. The funniest Falstaff I’ve watched do the role.
I just went to look up the cast of the Henry IV Part 1 production that I saw in high school (because it was my first professional Shakespeare show and I loved it) and I found out that CECIL BALDWIN WAS IN THE CAST??? AND MY MIND CANNOT COMPUTE??? WHAT EVEN
My all-time favorite personal Shakespeare moment was the night, freshman year of college, that a chipmunk got into the breaker box and shut down all the power on the residential side of campus. Took them eight hours to figure out what it was, and meanwhile we couldn’t go to bed, could we, I mean all our alarm clocks would fail to go off, and we couldn’t write papers, all the computers were down, so after the sun went down my friends and I wandered over to the poetry garden (= a bunch of oversized wooden tables and chairs in the middle of some ivy and tulips) and stood on the tables and shouted soliloquies until maintenance repaired the chipmunk damage and told us to go to bed.
A couple of years ago, I saw the Royal Shakespeare’s production of Julius Caesar as set in contemporary Africa. It was mind-blowingly good.
When I was middle school age, I was in a special artsy program where we would do big end of the year Shakespeare productions. Once I was Brutus in Julius Caesar while my best friend was Marc Antony. Cassius and Julius Caesar were likewise played by preteen girls. In my final year before I moved onto high school I was Prospero in The Tempest and we straight-up gender-swapped Ariel since our actor was a girl and all that it required was switching all the pronouns. Miranda and Ferdinand were also played by girls.
We did have boys, it’s just in middle school boys are less likely it seems to be in fine arts type programs (we had about 10 boys in our 30 plus class). My teacher decided it was best to just cast according to acting talent and to disregard gender entirely.
1. The Tempest, Ralph Fiennes as Prospero, in London in 2011. Spec-fucking-tacular. The Ariel scenes were breathtaking, the whole thing was just, ugh, so incredible I can barely talk about it still.
2. (if I’m totally honest with myself) Ten Things I Hate About You is absolutely one of my favorite Shakespeare adaptations
3. Everyone in this thread please go find Muse of Fire on iTunes. It is a lovely and surprisingly moving film made by a pair of best friends who go around the world to figure out Shakespeare. Probably the best cast ever assembled. (Interesting aside, one of my very very best friends has known these guys for years and was involved in this film, AND one of the two buddies in the film, Giles Terrera, was in the previously-mentioned Tempest with Ralph Fiennes)
Patrick Stewart in the Tempest in Central Park. Heaven on a stick.
Interns, yo. How do I interns. They expect me to know stuff and be supervisory and one of them is A Man already and punctuates sentences with “good to go!” and of course knows absolutely everything, so.
Yeah.
Interns.
Wait you’re not an intern but are managing interns currently?
Correct. I have two 21-year-olds to look after.
Aw, I like interns! But I’ve only had the kind who are like “I know nothing but am super enthusiastic about really nothing tasks!” and they are adorable.
See, that would be better! They are super enthusiastic, which is nice, but one of them thinks he knows a lot of things and is having a tough time with the LEARNING of things.
Is there a kind and professional way of humbling him. I work with interns and we had “know everything” intern last summer. He finally got put in a position where he realized he wasn’t as smart as thought and had to ask the other interns for help. That really changed his attitude for the better.
You could take my tactic, which is to be downright mean in the guise of humor, wait for them to look like they’re going to cry, and then kindly mentor them into whatever shape you like.
In case it doesn’t go without saying, I only do this with the dude interns.
I second this amazing tactic. Dude interns occasionally don’t like it when a lady is their supervisor/intellectual better in the Field, especially when there’s not much of a age difference – but hoo boy do they snap to when you make it known that you don’t take their bro shit.
A tactic that has worked for me is to sit an intern like this down and tell them directly, “You are having a hard time picking up X, Y, and Z. You need to understand that these are important, and that you need to know when to ask for help from your peers and from me.” It can really rock a kid’s world when they realize that how they see themselves may not be how a Person of Authority sees them. Usually for the better.
We had to have a discussion today about attention to detail. It seemed to sink in. Fingers crossed.
I had an intern once who happily shredded documents for hours because he wanted to contribute and be useful. It was magical.
oh my god I need that intern, not ones that I have to basically teach how to use MS Word
That was me. But not as as intern, as a six year old that my mother would bring to her work every so often. Lord only knows how i kept all of my fingers, but I really LOVED shredding things…..
When I was an intern I got to use the massive military-standard shredder that could shred credit cards without any trouble. I loved that. I loved less that apparently only two other people who used the shredder would notice when it was not just full but beginning to back up. I would haul the massive bag to the recycle area with an air of martyrdom. Except for the time that I found a bit of paper that looked a bit singed. That I showed to someone with my “I’m serious, if you guys aren’t better about keeping an eye on this thing you’re going to set yourselves on fire.” I loved being an intern.
Oh god, training is the WORST. I have three trainees / underlings who are basically repurposed from other tasks in the office, so it’s not like I got to hire for the skillset that would actually *work* on this job, so it’s basically like having interns, yes.
Please can someone just tell me how to magically make them all REALLY GOOD SPELLERS with PHENOMENAL ATTENTION TO DETAIL and MULTITASKING UNICORNS.
Re: attention to detail – I had a supervisor who was RUTHLESS about this. Best thing to do is just call it out, every time. “These logos are not aligned, go fix it. The paragraph spacing is off, go fix it.” and same with spelling. Some lofty speech about a document representing you/your company and don’t you want it to be the best if Head Honcho In Charge sees it doesn’t hurt either. Emphasizing the importance of presentation as well as content, etc.
It’s even worse, it’s data entry! The job that gets the MOST shit, but actually requires the RAREST of skills – paying attention even though something is boring as hell. What is the polite, PC way to ask for someone who is obsessive about controlled vocabularies? (I am working really hard to stop using “OCD” as a shorthand; I know it’s offensive.)
Once I wanted someone who could be obsessive about detail, and during interviews one guy said “yeah, I can do that, I have Aspergers.” HIRED.
Also I’ve changed the job requirements to just one thing: Attention to detail.
I know this was yesterday’s thread so not sure if you’re still reading, but…what about when few other people in your office pay attention to detail? We have two new interns who I feel could do really well, but definitely need some tough love about attention to detail, but most people in my company (including seniors) produce kind of scrappy presentations (spelling off, logos mis-aligned, headers jumping around, footers saying November when it’s May because they used the wrong template etc.) and get very little criticism for it (because they’re high up enough that the only people seeing them are clients). My worry is that it seems kind of hypocritical to emphasise attention to detail when no one in the positions the interns want to end up in has those skills.
This is mostly a selfish want because basically because of the above, any work that needs to be ‘fixed’ is farmed out to me and one other woman, which is not part of our job description. It would be really nice to have a few more people who are as pernickety as we are!
ah man, good luck. The best I can suggest is actually playing that seniority card really smugly, like “Those people *get* to leave in mistakes. You’re not so lucky. Fix it, betch.”
I think allanaaa has it pretty much right – especially if you’re the interns’ direct boss, you can lay out your expectations for the interns and yeah, the whole “they’re higher up/they’re boss has different expectations” line.
I don’t know either! I am getting an intern in a few weeks and I met her today and she is enthusiastic and sweet but very young and has never had an internship before. I have never had an intern before and I am not sure what to do!
Start out firm, friend. I like to imagine that I’m dealing with puppies. Positive reinforcement is key but by god when they make a mess you put their noses in it until they know what they’ve done.
As a former intern, I second Dave’s comment about being direct. Sit them down and tell them what you need from them – “You need to come back tomorrow able to use Word without supervision” or something. Remind them that they won’t learn as much if you need to take the time to teach them basic things that they should already know.
And when I had to supervise interns, I would give them little projects to work on during their downtime – like, I want to learn more about this medication, so do some research and then give me an informal presentation about it tomorrow.
Aaaah. I really like your last bit. I’ve had two internships and both times they did not give me enough to do. Part of the problem was that they seemed to think tasks would take me much longer than they did. I would try to find my own work, but found my lack of knowledge/understanding of the organization hindered this process, and I didn’t want to constantly ask for work. So I spent most of my time in an anxious limbo of ‘what should I do? I am doing nothing and they are paying me nothing, but I’m supposed to demonstrate my independence and initiative!’
So anyways, I guess that’s my advice. Give your intern lots to do, even if it’s menial!
(Okay, self, don’t mention the turtle penis…. don’t mention the turtle penis…)
HEY GUYS HOW ABOUT THAT TURTLE PENIS OH GOD I CAN’T STOP MYSELF
IT WAS WEIRD.
WASN’T IT THOUGH
I thought to myself, “Self, if you read that turtle penis article, you’re going to regret it.” It is gratifying to hear that my instincts were sound.
The only thing I’m grateful for is that I kept the sound off on the video…
That turtle was making sweet, sweet music with that rollerblade, and it is a CRYING SHAME that you denied yourself the pleasure of their love song.
(lol jk, it was a nightmare, turtles have no business making that sound erupt from their lustily straining throats)
I’m feeling righteous and pretentious because I was able to read the piece without watching the video.
I too read the article without watching the video, but because I HAD ALREADY SEEN IT. I can watch it in my mind without clicking play. **sobs**
I’m so sorry.
I was put into a trance of such NOPE by the video that I just… turned my laptop around so I couldn’t see it, but it was still happening, so I called my man-creature over to me and had him close the tab for me.
I rewarded the man-creature later.
Nah come on the turtle was cute! I mean his dick was like WHAT but he was so happy!
AND THEN he flipped over at the end, I laughed so hard…
One of my little lady dogs used to hump the hell out of one particular toy, I thought it was great, but a roommate thought it was gross and kept taking the toy away. I kept finding it and giving it back. She needed the exercise. The dog, not the toy.
I just need a place to vent. It was my birthday on Friday (thanks to the toasties who wished me happy birthday I really appreciated it). I’m in a “management training program” at my job and I got no email from the group. This week 2 different birthday emails have been sent out and I’m mad. I know its petty cause my friends and family wished me happy birthday. But I’m just like F*** you guys. I haven’t responded to any of the email chains and just have been deleting the emails. Cause again screw you.
Is it possible they didn’t know? I had a similar thing at my work, and it turned out the people who did birthday stuff didn’t know when my birthday was.
They also didn’t ask until a new person joined them and started asking everyone’s birthday, so I’m still slightly annoyed at them, but I think many birthday-acknowledgers assume that everyone who wants their birthday noticed will mention it at some point. And I’m not much of a birthday-mentioner.
Could this thread be more well-timed?
I’m pretty sure I’m going to sit down with my roommate tonight and be told that she doesn’t want to live with me anymore, but she can’t afford to not have me. I don’t know what I’m going to do.
The gist is her boyfriend and I got into a fight about a month ago (about literally the most trivial thing ever, but he was being a huge dick and I called him on it). I’m over it, but he hasn’t spoken to me since, and she’s been staying with him every night so as to avoid the two of us ever interacting face-to-face. So she’s massively uncomfortable in her own space, the tension between us is apparently unbearable, and she’s just been shouldering all this up until now.
I only found out about any of this this morning, because I posted on social media that I was going to start doing some work in our apartment, and she messaged me privately basically to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to do anything because it’s her apartment and I just live there. That’s when all of this finally came to light. I’ve been so busy for the past month I didn’t know any of this was going on. (We’re never home at the same time anymore.)
Compile all this with her money woes, and some truly unexplainable landlord/tenant stuff (seriously don’t ask) …… should I abandon ship? Finding a new place to live will cost me money I don’t have, and time I can’t afford to spend, and frankly I like my place and have been working hard at making it a home. Do I see this through even though it probably means I have to be her babysitter and housekeeper and swallow my pride for the rest of the tenancy? Help me, Toastrons!
If there is any conceivable way to make the finances work, abandon ship. These are not the kind of situations that get better. A less pleasant place that doesn’t contain a passive-aggressive nightmare person will be infinitely better.
If she doesn’t want you there but can’t afford to not have you, then that’s her own issue- she needs to resolve one of those items on her own. If I were in your shoes (and if it were at all possible) I would go into debt to move out of there. Then again, I go into debt all over the place because I don’t understand how to Adult.
I would move out as soon as you can. Moving is stressful as all hell and there’s definitely going to be some expensive months, but it pales in comparison to the massive quality of life drop that comes from a broken relationship with a roommate. It’ll affect so many different aspects of your life.
Also “I wasn’t allowed to do anything because it’s her apartment and I just live there” is such a ridiculous thing to say to a roommate; especially because, you know, you’re still renting it from the landlord.
“some truly unexplainable landlord/tenant stuff (seriously don’t ask)”. Try explaining to someone who doesn’t live in MA how tenancy at will works :p
Good luck! What a horrible situation. If there is any way to make the finances work, jump ship. At least you’ll be able to have control of your space and situation if you go at it alone.
I’m on camp “see if you can move” because it doesn’t seem like this is a sustainable situation. “I don’t want you to live here but I can’t afford to evict you and so I guess you’d better stay but know that this will never ever be your home and you will always be unwelcome” just isn’t something that is going to be tolerable in the long-term. You deserve a home and a good and decent roommate who you actually SHARE living space with, where your shoulders aren’t up around your ears the whole time. Best of luck!
Is it actually her apartment? Does she own it? Is your name on the lease or only hers? If your name is on the lease, same as her, then you can do what you want to your half of it.
That being said, being right doesn’t actually win you anything here. If it’s financially possible for you to leave, you should do that. If she can’t afford the place without a roommate, but you’re not on the lease, then she will need to find a new roommate.
The best thing I ever did was get out of a terrible roommate situation. Even if moving is horrible, you’ll feel so much better about everything once it’s done.
Damn, that’s pretttttty unanimous …..
Uh okay so it’s her place, her name only on the lease, but I’ve been rooming for about a year. I have had some dealings with the landlord, and my roommate has made it clear that I am never to assert my tenant rights ever again. So yeah, it’s kinda bad, but I was thinking maybe she’d smarten up sooner or later when she saw that I was contributing helpful things and not just being a prick about stuff?
Yeah okay I’ll move out.
Let us know how it goes? Sending lots of good vibes!
Wow, you are me in December of last year! It got to the point where I would cook and eat dinner while she was at the gym, then hide in my room for the rest of the night. Also, she asked me for an HOUR BY HOUR BREAKDOWN of when I would be at home/not at home, because … reasons. Also she criticised me for everything I did, passive-aggressively by text message. I was about to tell her I was going to move out and then she asked me to move out, which annoyed me because I didn’t get the satisfaction of telling her where to stick it.
My advice, which you have already gotten from other people: move out for your sanity. The situation can only get worse. Also, it’s not that she can’t afford not to have you specifically, but that she can’t afford not to have a roommate. You don’t have to be that roommate!
(PS you’re not in Australia, are you? Because seriously, this sounds like my ex-flatmate.)
Ohh this was me as well!!!! Including the passive-aggressive texting. Which is just, like, why would you do that?? But I did get to tell her I was moving out.
Toasties today is fantastic because a) I got PAID for something I wrote for the first time, up at The Billfold and b) I scheduled a phone interview for a social media job that I am totally 100% qualified for at THE NEW YORK PUBLIC LIBRARY which has the most awesome social media ever and I just WANT so bad. THE NYPL.
Very impressive! The publishing, the interview, and the fact that you hosted 40 people at once without a nervous breakdown, as I would have had. (That’s so many people! How do you even know that many people?)
I don’t! But between me and my roommate we know 40 people worth inviting into our home. We also both use this brunch as a technique to drag new friends into our lives, so we invite the people we have friend-crushes on and get them to come over and become real friends. It’s a good trick 🙂
You! Great stuff, you! Good luck.
And: “There’s no such thing as a good time to go to Party City”
Truer words were never typed.
Good job, you!
ahahahahahaha I read the title like this:
Hosting a Brunch in a Small Apartment, [inner monologue: “mmmm-hmmm, gooooood”] for 40 People [actual blurted words] “OH GOD.”
Now I’m off to read the rest! [And now I’m back! Great advice, great article. We routinely host 40-50 person parties in our tiny apartment, and I couldn’t agree more with your central point: Anything that you can do ahead, you should do ahead. p.s., then I can start drinking champagne before the party even starts.]
I am on a break from boyfriend while I am traveling, and retweeted something about how you should break up with people who are not nice to you, and then got “When you’re back there’s only one conversation to have.” in a text from him and then it turned in to “no I wasn’t threatening to break up also want to go to this music festival in a far away town with me after you get back?” and just in general I am :/ about the entire situation.
I have nothing helpful or interesting to add about that, just, it’s been on my mind and I would like to shout it into the void for a moment.
That’s such an ominous thing to say that I can’t possibly figure out how he expected that conversation to go any differently, but I’m sorry you’re dealing with that :/ Traveling sounds exciting, though! Where are you traveling to?
Yeah. :/ And Chicago/Austin/DC! Very excite! Also very sweat!
What. What on earth was that supposed to mean if not “we’re breaking up”? Good grief.
Based on subsequent responses, that he wanted to talk about the relationship when I got back. Which, break was already established, that was already the presumable plan! I don’t know if he reacted poorly because of the tweets and was backpedaling, or what.
Ugh christ what a mess, I hope you guys come to a mutually-agreeable solution.
Ugh I have been in similar situations before and I have so much sympathy for you. I hope you guys can work it out together.
Thank you!
Mercury in retrograde. Only explanation. :/ Hope it works out okay!
Aaah so one of my friends is breaking up with his long-time live-in girlfriend because he is gay? bisexual? who knows? and I am:
A. trying to be supportive;
B. bored with the cliché nature of this identity crisis and related relationship fallout;
C. kind of excited to have some drama in my otherwise dully-congenial social circle; and
D. feeling like a terrible person for #B and #C.
I run with a crowd that will inherently always have some drama burning somewhere. (Lots of poly queers.) And it’s kinda an acknowledged fact that some amount of drama nearby but not too close can be exciting.
But the rules are still: you can’t say or do anything to add to the drama, and always remember that this can really hurt/cause other feels for the people actually in the flames of it.
Which is why I’m more noticing (B) than (C). I mean, both are perfectly understandable reactions to whisper quietly into the internet void. But why does this all feel “cliche”? Has it happened often in your circle(s) in life, or are you reacting to media saturation, or what?
? I’m probably just being over-sensitive about this sort of thing because I came out recently and so it’s been on my mind, but — what’s with the cliche comment?
Sorry! I don’t mean to be flippant! I suppose it’s just that it’s always the same questions (“I think I love this woman, am I being selfish by ask for something that she says means an end to the relationship?” “What’s so important about having sex with men, yet I feel it so!”) but somehow the fact that every man who has struggled with these questions pretty much comes to the same answer doesn’t serve as guidance to the next struggler. The fact that you feel torn up over these questions is itself your answer, dude! Has any man who ever spent very much time thinking “am I gay?” ultimately concluded “no”?
I know someone who has, actually.
I mean, I get a lot of people do it, and I get that it’s less important pretty much everyone besides this guy and possibly his soon-to-be ex; I also know most people I know who are some variety of lgbtq have agonized ad nauseum over similar questions. For me, at least, it really was hard and scary to come to terms with, especially since my upbringing was maybe… less than optimal. When I finally admitted to myself that girls: A Big Deal, it was with the knowledge that that might end my relationships with people I loved. (Hence: being closeted to my entire family about the whole bi-and-REALLY-into-women-for-real-am-I-a-lesbian? thing for 8 years)
idk, maybe it’s different for your friend; I guess I’m just really glad none of my friends rolled their eyes at me for panicking and obsessing and stressing over something that important with such potentially enormous consequences, at least not where I could see it, haha!
I’m so delighted about this thread because I KNOW people who saw Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell already talked about it on Monday but I just saw it last night and I have feels! I really liked it! When it ended, my friend I was watching with and I both yelled AAAAH! and then rewatched the cathedral scene, the Marseilles card scene, the Jonathan Strange-Vinculus scene, and then the last fifteen minutes again just because.
I WANT MORE OF IT IMMEDIATELY is the only reaction I can verbalize so far.
So good, I can’t wait for more. It’s nice because it’s been so long since I read it that there is a lot I don’t remember the details of, so it is also like seeing the story again fresh.
Same here – I started rereading it not long before they announced the TV show and decided to stop. Glad I did!
YES. I HAVE SO MANY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS ABOUT THIS SHOW I WANT TO OPINIONVOMIT THEM ON EVERYONE.
Ahem.
Yes, measured discourse about Strange & Norrell is something I am here for.
MIS-TAH NORRRRELLLLLLLLL.
It’s funny because in my head I always pronounced his name with emphasis on the e (no-REL), though not as extravagantly as that guy, then they said it and I was like, oh that is weird, so that’s how it is pronounced. Then that guy showed up and I just felt embarrassed.
I’m watching it RIGHT NOW 😀 (I immediately bought the book when it came out fifty million years ago and can now remember nothing, but it’s all coming baaaack.) I always loved The Ladies of Grace Adieu best though.
VINCULUS. I was disappointed in the effects in Norrell’s spell (it looked too cheesy for me) but Vinculus and the Marseilles card scene more than made up for it. I was skeptical on a lot of the casting, but Norrell is perfect, Jonathan is delightful (I hadn’t pictured him as quite so much of a rake but it’s working for me), Drawlight is growing on me, and I second whoever said on Friday that she wants to take Mr. Segundus home in her pocket. More importantly, Arabella and Lady Pole are PERFECT.
That would be me. Segundus is more adorable than I could have possibly imagined.
Or wait. I said something like that on Monday. Same thing.
Monday! Yes. Damn. I have lost all track of time this week.
I feel you there. Seriously though, Segundus is the cutest thing ever. Every time I see him on screen I start making these little high pitched noises that I usually make to my cat. I want more of him please. More in every episode.
I’m taking the whole dang week off next week! Pretty excited. Graduation Saturday, graduation Wednesday, off to DC with family on Thursday. Hopefully some festivities in between graduations.
My exciting news this week is that my boyfriend of three years just accepted a job offer in my greater metro area, so we will no longer have to do the long distance thing. My first act is going to be bringing him to the yoga class I love on Monday nights, I think he’s going to be surprised by how much he likes it.
So yeah! With this news, I can start planning all sorts of fun together-things to do for the summer. Hikes! Outdoor climbing! Maybe a wood-turning class? What are your grand summer plans?
That sounds awesome! Time to start the planning, how exciting!!!
Grand summer plans = learning to code! And some Toasties are getting together on a coding FB group too! Excited!!
Learning to code is a great pursuit! I recommend Google’s Python class, it got me started the summer before I went to college, and really gave me a leg up when I started needing to write actual code for classes and jobs.
yes yes yes this Guide to analyzing Male Characters in Book Reviews. Big peeve when reading goodreads reviews: “I don’t normally read this type of book but…” ALWAYS on the same “type” of book.
FRIENDS, today after work I am finally going to see MAD MAX: FURY ROAD and I am just sitting at my desk VIBRATING WITH ANTICIPATION.
In other, mostly unrelated news, I want to learn how to do the Quickstep style of ballroom dancing.
I have to wait until Monday. *sob* But I’ve got a wedding cake I have to make on Saturday and my sister isn’t available until Monday. (my anxiety prevents me from seeing high energy movies on weeknights, I would never get to sleep)
My wife and I have to go right after work so that she won’t be up too late after watching it. O_o
I love that the dancing is mostly unrelated.
well, I got to do something with all this excitement
I’M GOING TODAY TOO YEAHHHHHH
I’m so pumped, I’ve been avoiding spoilers like crazy (the only spoilers I’ve gotten have been, like, some minor “making-of” spoilers, which I’m fine with), so the whole thing will be FRESH and NEW and filled with THINGS EXPLODING!!!
Yeah, I have been RELIGIOUS about avoiding spoilers, even that little bit of Movie Yelling with Shrill and Mallory involved TOO MUCH information for me.
ME TOO! Mad Max that is.
OH GOD MAD MAX MAD MAX.
I’ve never heard of Quickstep, but it looks like one of those this-looks-so-simple-but-is-actually-pretty-goddamn-tricky steps, like West Coast Swing (which I never could learn to lead). I hope you find a good class!
It’s certainly not the smartest children’s show out there but Superhero Squad is a lot of fun.
You guys, this conference sucks. The food is terrible, it’s really terribly organized, and they don’t give us coffee until 10:30. And everyone is just kind of ditching everything. I still have to stand next to my poster for 3 HOURS this afternoon. Who has a 3 hour poster session??? Grrrrrr. Would it be really rude to spend the whole time on on the open thread?? (I know the answer is yes. And yet…)
1) Procure a hip flask
2) Make friends with your poster-mates
3) Make a drinking game
(Every time someone takes your business card without looking at your poster! Every time someone reads the whole thing but studiously avoids eye contact with you! Every time someone asks you to tell them about it without looking at the title first! Every time someone looks up at you bashfully as they walk right past you, because they don’t want to interact with you! Every time you get your topic mansplained to you, drink double!)
Step #2 will be important before step #3 because you will probably need someone to carry you out afterwards! Even just the business card one could be dangerous…
poster sessions are the worst.
Wait, NO coffee until 10:30? That’s barbaric and they should be ashamed of themselves.
Drink enough of the coffee that you need frequent bathroom breaks, and pray that the loo has good wifi/data reception. Open Thread furiously! Then repeat.
I still have 1.5 hours… So far I’ve talked to current and former lab mates and the girl who’s poster is next to mine. She bailed a half hour ago. I want to bail too 🙁
Toast parents, or soon-to-be parents, or just maybe-theoretically-in-the-future parents: Tell me your stories about deciding how many kids you want. We hear a lot of “to have kids or not to have kids” angsting on the Internet, but a lot less “should I have another kid?”
I am pretty bad at newborns and am elbow-deep in babies and toddlers right now (a 3-month-old and an almost-2yo). I am ready to get out of small-child mode. But some part of me thinks it would be nice to have three grown-up children. For some reason, I’m very stressed about the decision, even though there is no reason to make it for at least another couple years.
I have a single kid, and I think it’s going to stay that way. The fam and I toyed with the idea of having another kiddo (my co-parents are GO! but I am eh) but have landed on the side of this-one-is-so-great-moneywise-it’s-not-a-great-decision-and-i-hella-don’t-want-to-be-preggo-again-and-no-one-else-is-in-a-position-to-be-preggo-at-all-so-maybe-just-this-one.
Yeah, I feel you. The practicalities of it are like, why sign up for morning sickness again? And more college tuitions? And how many car seats am I expected to fit into my car, anyway? And why aren’t these arguments feeling definitive enough? Argh! 🙂
Well, in our case, it turns out that just talking about getting a vasectomy is not an effective form of birth control.
Honestly, I was in your shoes, and for the first year of Kid #2’s life, we were sure that our family was complete. But then I got pregnant with my now 3 month-old, freaked out for 8.5 months that it was the Worst Move Ever, and now literally cannot imagine our family without him. He completed us all, and we didn’t realize until his arrival that anything was missing. Does that make sense? I don’t mean to be so cliche and schmoopy about it, so for practicality reasons, I’d wait until your current baby is a year, see how you feel about the idea of adding one more, and if you feel totally done with no question marks, then you’re done. If you’re still open to another, then go for a third! You do you.
Aw, congrats on your 3-month-old! My second was our oops (the withdrawal method, ladies and gentlemen), though we did want at least two — she’s just a little earlier than expected. Is the cliche that adding a third is easier than adding a second actually true, in your experience?
Your advice to wait a year is totally spot-on, but my brain just keeps circling around the question for some reason.
So far it has been easier, but our expectations were in the toilet from start with this poor dude, ha! There is a reason I call him “hashtag third baby” – he has had to adapt to our family way more than the other way around. For the period of time when he was the fussiest (about 6-9 weeks), I really wasn’t sure I was going to make it. But now he and his siblings are starting to engage with one another, and even when it’s hard, it’s not nearly as tough as I feared. I’m truthfully more worried about their relationships with one another once they all reach school-age and their teenage years.
I always wanted two, but this one (now nearly 14 months) is such a lot of work (and she’s not even a “difficult baby!’) and I am now officially old, so I don’t know. But only children seem too weird. (Sorry onlies.) I have two sisters (and four step-sisters, though I didn’t grow up with them) and my husband has three sisters. It seems unconscionable not to give this baby a sister; but also like it might kill me.
But, I think the important part of your question is that you don’t have to decide yet! If you get another, you’d probably be waiting a year or two, so you can just not decide til then.
My 2-year-old is rather… intense. Had I actually had to make the decision to pull the goalie, it might have been a loooong time before she got a sibling.
On the upside, there are certainly ways in which adding a second kid is easier than the first. But yeah, it is certainly not LESS exhausting.
We tried for 3, but ought to have known better. Took ages to get #1 growing in the World’s Worst Womb, then ages upon ages to get #2 growing. (We wanted kids maybe 2 1/2 years apart; they are 4 1/4 years apart.) So when #2 was a few years old and we were all keen again and didn’t worry about the carseat shuffle so much (that car seat thing is a killer. Unless you’re into giant cars / vans already.) Eventually the World’s Worst Womb was causing the kinds of problems that made my ob/gyn go “yeah, you need a procedure that will incapacitate that thing forever, so send him for his vasectomy & be done with baby attempts.”
Once I knew it was not an option, I was instantly delighted with having the 2. They’re great, we’re complete, la la la.
My mom had her 3rd when I was 14 months old & bro was not quite 3. She says it was the woooooorst. Even worse than adding the 4th 18 months later, because by then she was used to at least one of her kids being out of hand, literally or figuratively.
I have two sisters, and I always thought three kids would be too much for me. Luckily, my wife agreed, so after our daughter was born I got snipped. It was easy for us! Although, it helped that we have a boy and a girl. If we had ended up with two boys it’s possible that we may have tried again. I’m sure whatever you decide will feel right for you.
I was one of three sibs. We were all born within less than 4 years. Once the youngest was school-age, three was a bad combo. Always two paired off to torment the third. Or two paired off to exclude the third. Both scenaria in various configurations. Two or four. Not three. At least, not without a significant age gap.
This is my deepest, darkest fear. I seriously have stayed up nights worrying about it. My kids are 4, 2, and 3 months, for Pete’s sake.
Dear Toasty wise people
I need career advice! I will attempt to keep this succinct.
Graduated 1 year ago, walked straight into an internship that became a job in a recruitment marketing agency (that is part of a French global advertising agency group), I’m shitting lucky. Working as a digital producer (PMing web based projects), learned a shit-ton in the last year, but still feel like I’m only just getting my bearings, I still haven’t led a web project from beginning to end, and there are massive holes in my knowledge.
However, being me, I’ve been here a year, and have one eye on the door. I want to work in a consumer advertising agency eventually, cause recruitment comms is boring AF. However, I really like my team, its a small agency so I get a lot of attention, and opportunities to expand etc. Its been a bit quiet on the project front since Christmas, but it should pick up soon.
Applied for a job at a very swish global advertising agency (Same job), won’t say the name, but for anyone who knows advertising its Person & Same Person. Never thought I’d get through, just applied because its something I could do, and would be a great jump into consumer-side at a massive agency.
I got an interview! Went to that on Monday, it went pretty well, now they want a second interview this week and I’m slightly shitting it because I don’t even know if I want to the job, or maybe I’m just nervous about moving because I’m still not very confident in my skills. The new place is much bigger, larger team, with a more rigid process/structure. It’d be an amazing name to get on my CV, even if I only stuck it out for a year, and I would really love to work for them in the future, I just don’t know if I’m ready yet
TL;DR, Up for a new job, still like the one I have. Don’t know if I have the skills/Confidence for the new job
I think have three options:
Pursue the new job; take it if I get it.
Don’t pursue it any further and stay where I am.
Continue to pursue it, and if I get an offer, use it to negotiate a promotion/raise
(I was literally just wishing for an open thread!)
Watch out for using another offer to negotiate at your current job. Often, any raise you get in response is counted against the next raise you would have received anyway and they put you first in line for layoffs. Though it is certainly possible that your office differs!
Using the fact that you have a job where you are happy to negotiate for a better salary at a new job can work well, though. You could just ask for a lot from the new job and see what they say. Perhaps there’s some risk that the new job will think you’re over-reaching and they’ll pull the offer (I have known that to happen, though rarely), but perhaps they’ll be willing to pay more than you expect. Even if they pull the offer, you sound okay staying where you are.
Interesting I hadn’t heard it from that perspective. I know a few people in the office have used this tactic to success already, they have a pretty high turnover, and are pretty keen to keep hold of staff so will usually counter-offer, but they occasionally don’t give a good enough offer and people will leave anyway, so I don’t know which way it would go for me. I was more thinking that negotiating from a position of power is always easier, I don’t like negotiating unless I know I can walk away
I’ve already said to myself that I’d want at least a 3-4k salary bump to make a move worth it, thanks for the advice, asking for more from the new job might be a good tactic!
I’d say pursue the new job, it’s all interview experience and miles onthe clock, use the second interview to really ask the questions that are making you not sure if you want it, and see where it leads. Hopefully after the interview you will know a bitmore one way or the other whether you want it.
I also wouldn’t use it as a bargaining tool – someone at my work did that and they said fine, off you go then, good luck. It turned out he was bluffing and he had to pretend he’d changed his mind.
Thanks, that’s pretty much been my plan. Although I keep doing that and then having to turn down job offers (That’s not a humble-brag, I promise), which is a very weird position to be in!
I guess its a factor of my age/generation, I have a panic about job scarcity (Even though the rational part of my brain says I’ll probably be fine), so I always think I should take whats available now. I really worry that when I really am looking for a new job, there’ll be nothing to be had!
Agree with above posters – pursue because interviewing experience is valuable, but if you get an offer you either take it or you don’t. Do not try to negotiate because that does not end well in the long run. The book “Rookie Smarts” might be valuable to you!
Thanks, will look that up! (Seriously the things you don’t learn at uni)
Thirded on the not using an offer as leverage. It is a tactic that is commonly used only in a very few places (e.g., trading) and overall it will mark you as a person who is either a flight risk or who doesn’t have their mind on the job and their team. Plus, if you are still actually learning things, maybe consider sticking with it. The opportunities for jobs where you can actually grow your skill set are rarer than you might hope.
Interesting, it was my housemate who suggested using an offer to get a promotion, and he’s a city trader!
The reasoning for my comment above was that there are very few jobs that directly bring money into an organization. Most jobs help, of course, but look more like overhead to a manager concerned with a budget and a profit margin. So, the equations look like:
Trader leaving = money walking out the door, possibly to competition.
Pretty much anyone else leaving = gotta hire someone, kind of a bummer, but hey, they didn’t want to be here anyway.
Short sighted? Yes. Does it encourage a toxic culture among traders? you bet.
Has anyone ever been asked to send examples of (possibly confidential) documentation they’ve done during an application process?
The new job person asked if I could send over a scope of work I have done; to which my immediate reaction was no, its all proprietary and confidential, so my ass would be sued if anyone found out. So that’s what I said to them pretty much, but I supposed I could have anonymised a document and sent it, but that still feels like a bad idea to me. Was this the right reaction?
I understand why they asked (want to see examples of my documentation,sure), but part of me can’t help but think its a trick question? I don’t think I’d be happy hiring someone who would send a rival agency a document meant for a client only.
Is it standard practice that techy people have there own publicly available documents? (He did ask if I had my own templates, is that a thing?)
Samples of your work are a legitimate request. However, proprietary details *must* be redacted. The only time it felt appropriate to refuse to produce any kind of sample was from a US federal government job working with Top Secret data. Otherwise, I redact as necessary, sometimes heavily, and give prospective employers samples of my work for other employers.
Well now I’m thinking I did the wrong thing by refusing the send documents. I stand by it though, my contract has a pretty hefty section about documentation and confidentiality and rival companies, so I’d rather err on the side of cation, but maybe for the future I might put together some more generic docs that I can use as examples.
No, you did the right thing. You work in advertising – if you billed time, those documents belong to your client and *not* you.
Phew thanks! Seriously, the stuff they don’t teach you in school that you *really* need to know!
Remember that the interview process goes both ways! Use it to find out if the new company is really a place you want to go.
Do the interview and learn as much about the job as you can. If it isn’t right, tell them that and also mention that you would love it if they kept you in mind for future positions, love to work for them, etc. If it is right, negotiate the shit out of it and hooray! Good luck!!
So, advice: I suddenly realized that I am a perfectionist and a workaholic. I’m a stress monster, which means work is going great, but I’ve lost the joy in my hobby – which is writing. When I try writing when I’m not having fun, it’s no good.
I’m sure some of you have had similar problems with work/fun balance – do you have any tips for finding the fun again?
Not necessarily exactly the same, but maybe helpful… I have to be very precise and exacting at work, so I make sure not to be in my hobbies – for instance, when I make a baby quilt, I do not use a pattern that requires lots of precise piecing, because then it loses the fun part. So, maybe you can find some features that your work has that your fun doesn’t have to have?
You guys I went to rock & roll camp over the weekend & now I’m a ROCK GOD ama
Also because I was at camp over the weekend I missed the Brooklyn 99 finale & I just watched it last night and WHAT IF HOLT NEVER COMES BACK!?!?!?! He’ll come back, right? He is 100% my role model and I need him.
OMG I’m freaking ouuuuuut about Holt. I def teared up during his goodbye speech then checked the internet for reassurance. THERE WAS NONE. Now my life is a directionless wasteland.
Yep, me too. I teared up for sure. 🙁
I mean, Rosa is still with Marcus, so there’s potential there, plus I have great faith in the 99 that they could engineer all kinds of PR disasters that would require his intervention, but even then he might not be in every episode and what will we dooooooo
He HAS to come back, because we NEED HIM and he is PERFECT and I am trusting Gina to make it happen. She wouldn’t just leave and not engineer his return, right?
Right?
They have confirmed he’s coming back!! They’ll have a new captain for awhile and then engineer his and Gina’s returns, don’t worry!
A lovely friend bought me Sunless Sea for my birthday last weekend HELP I AM CONSUMED SOMETIMES LITERALLY. My navigation and gunnery skills are laughable, I died within minutes and got stomped by Mount Nomad my second go-round AND I CAN’T STOP PLAYING. At least Fallen London has action caps!
Who else plays? What’s your favourite bit?
I play, though only occasionally, because when I start playing it’s like, “Whoops! It’s hours and hours later and I have to get up for work in….let’s see…45 minutes. SHITBALLS.” I find it very engrossing, and I kinda want the soundtrack.
The most devastating thing for me is when I die in such a way that my chart is lost again. Because my spacial memory is SO BAD, and I’m like, “WHERE IS THE GEODE THING, WHERE?”
Yes, the starting again from scratch with a completely new shuffled map is….charmingly challenging. Sailing out into the unknown black is this weird combination of wanting to creep through like a tiny silent mouse while simultaneously charging across screaming in terror. Neither approach has ended well so far.
Dear open thread. I have a sick. And it’s really frustrating because my body can’t quite decide on what front to face it. I’ve already shifted through head congestion, exhaustion,sore throat,and awoke this morning to find my joints all swollen and sore. PICK ONE GOLDARNIT.
Now have a pretty picture
Hope you feel better! My allergies hit me like that last week and it is not fun.
That is a very nice picture!
Here, sing along to my Coffee Drinking Song!
Oh coffee’s got us by the balls
we’ll never give it up!
Even when we climb the walls
we want another cup!
Oh, Coffee coffee coffee
we really are your slaves
we are agape
there’s no escape
until we’re in our graves!
No matter if the beans are from
Antigua or Peru
we’ll slam the dregs
on shaking legs
and start another brew!
Coffee coffee coffee
the office worker’s crack
we down a cup
our pressure’s up
you liquid heart-attack!
So go and get some water
and grind some lovely beans
then we’ll drink
til our breath stinks
we’re damaging our genes!
Coffee coffee coffee
let’s make another pot!
one’s not enough
this modern snuff
go drink it while it’s hot!
I put a hole in the filter of my coffee machine yesterday and now I am having option paralysis on a new one. I went to the shop at lunchtime and they only had really cheap crappy ones or violently expensive ones, so I didn’t get one and now I’ve started looking online….
Ack – the same thing happened to me – I bought a fancy coffee maker and then broke part of it, and then couldn’t find a replacement part. I’m back with a plain $30 Mr. Coffee now.
I’m never convinced bottom of the range ones will last, I generally go for about mid-range. The shop had one for £10, about four for £100 and nothing in between!
that’s way better than my composition, “more coffee” which basically goes
more coffee
more coffee!
more coffee!!
The trick is you get louder every time. Also there’s a little dance.
Oh coffee
my austere love
I miss you, my dearest darling, my sweet succor
I had to give of coffee for medical reasons just shy of two years ago and I still miss it. I still dream about it. It only took a few years of not smoking to stop dreaming about smoking, but something tells me I’ll miss coffee forever, or that I’ll go back to it and just suffer the consequences. OH COFFEE
That is much more involved than my coffee song, which is sung whenever a barista gives me my coffee:
(softly but quickly)
coffee coffee coffee COFFEE coffee!
Then someone usually gives me a funny look.
Thank Goddess for a Wednesday open thread! We’re taking Friday off work and spending the extra-long weekend in northern Minnesota with our crazy city dog, my husband’s dad and his gf, her daughter and daughter’s husband, and their two crazy city dogs (not a complicated group of people, nope). It is going to be filled with beer and food and wonderful Minnesota nights and happiness and dogs.
So, this week is mostly shot despite my growing to-do list and work inbox. Toasties, how do you motivate yourself to get anything done when work is horrible and pointless and your actual real life is so much more exciting?
To-do lists. Boring, terrible, but terribly effective to-do lists. I wish I had a better answer though… :/
I got the bill for having my gallbladder out yesterday and was sticker-shocked to see the 2 hour procedure was billed at $35,000+. I don’t have to pay that of course, but in my opinion the hospital has a lot of (you guessed it) gall charging that much.
Oh my heavens, I am so so sorry. Facility bills are just the actual worst, and I am about to go on a huge tear so please forgive, because you honestly do have my full and complete empathy.
This is why I hated working for A Major Health Insurance Company.
Hospitals, docs, clinics: they can all put whatever the fuck number they want on bills. It literally doesn’t matter what they charge on paper. They know what they’re getting paid by insurance companies, and that for large bills, there will often be a negotiated “discount” based on whatever number they decided to put down as the “charge.” They know what they’ll take as a minimum payment and it’s usually, guess what, just about what an insurance company’s reimbursement will be. UGH UGH UGH give us single-payer PLEASE, none of this shit makes sense. (Incidentally, this is why those articles about the differences in “cost” between hospitals/cities/regions/etc are so awful. There literally isn’t anything preventing a doctor ANYWHERE from “charging” $5000 for an office visit, they still known their BCBS reimbursement will be $91 or whatever, and there’s nothing to serve as a baseline. There’s no starting standard and no comparables and it is just the actual worst.)
hehehehe i see what you did there
I recently had a colonoscopy, which went well, but the most stressful part of it was being told beforehand that, if the exam brought up precancerous polyps or any other serious problems, I could be on the hook for thousands of dollars because at that point it’s classified differently. In other words, I wouldn’t get charged for the test if it turned out I didn’t need it in the first place. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot.
Preventative coverage! Just another insanity brought to you by the American health care system, where reform only means it makes less sense than before.
My dad recently had his appendix out, and while the doctors were in there they discovered that his gallbladder had been removed during a previous surgery. That previous surgery–25 years ago–was not for his gallbladder, and nobody told him they took it out.
What did they do with it???? Upside, he wasn’t charged!
WHAT? I mean, if nothing else, there are dietary and digestive changes (at least, there were for me and for my mother) that you have to observe in the weeks following a gall bladder removal that you’d think they’d’a warned him about.
I am also a little shocked at that figure. I had two, count ’em, TWO emergency procedures to remove my gall bladder anda six-day hospital stay, and I think the billing total was just over 40 thou.
Also, I am very sad that my friends can no longer accurately describe me as “having a lot of gall,” but I still have my spleen, so they’ll have to settle for me venting it/
I don’t know why I can’t stop laughing at this, but it’s the only thing making me happy on an otherwise completely blah day
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YA756ItcL-s
OH GLORIOUS HAPPENING! MALLORY IT’S LIKE YOU CAN READ MINDS!!!
My cross-country move is ramping up: found an apartment in my new town (quite a feat as it turns out, and I think I was really lucky), and getting all ducks in rows.
This whole move thing is triggering a whole lot of my attachment issues/abandonment issues. I find that my personality is naturally quite open and not clingy or possessive (I mean, I’m in a successfully open relationship), but when these issues get triggered it’s like a switch flips – total 180 – and I really am appalled at not just my change in perspective but how I unfortunately sometimes (rarely) project that on the people I love. So I’m working on reading some good literature on the subject to get some coping tools front and center, and not having more than one drink at a time because alcohol definitely provides fantastic opportunities for flawed coping mechanisms to make themselves known. Current mood: mildly waffling from “yeah, I got this!” to “FFS can’t I just figure this shit out already?”
I can’t be the only person who feels like they are so over the mental habits that hobble them?
Hey! I’m also about to move! Not all the way across the country, but three big states away! I also have a stable of issues suddenly rearing their heads!
My depression/anxiety/whatever I don’t even know anymore were quietly slumbering away all this time while I rebuilt my life from my last spectacular failure, and now that I have my shit together to an unprecedented degree I am suddenly crying over trivial things and slacking off at work (under the guise of having been newly promoted to a supervisory position) and failing to do laundry ever and snapping at my lovely boyfriend with whom I am about to move Very Far Away.
I have no helpful advice to offer because my current weapon against the Fear is blind faith that everything is going to be fine. Really, I need a therapist NOW but I have less than a month to get an appointment and get to know them and try to accomplish anything at all before I relocate so it seems pointless.
Tell me more about your coping tools!
Hooray to positive life changes! even if they dig up unfortunate mental stuff!
I fortunately have a remarkable, fantastic therapist, which is a blessing, even though I’m also grieving the loss of her eventually. She has agreed to help me for a few months while I get on my feet in New Place via skype and telephone, however she can’t legally be my therapist in a state she’s not licensed. She provided me with a list of books and I have jumped into said list with veracity, and am currently reading “attached” which is a bit self-helpy, but actually really insightful thus far. Fortunately, Best Boo is a very secure attachment type, so he doesn’t shy away from my anxious attachment habits if and when they happen (fortunately they’re rare but upsetting to me) but he displays such loving, calm bewilderment and I hope I can understand myself better for both of our sakes.
Feeling grounded in myself is key. Meditating often tends to help give me the mental distance I need from reactions that can often blindside me – that distance can mean the difference between being mentally shaken up by the reaction and being really upset and upsetting others from my reaction.
If I’m honest, I’m super anxious about my first 10 days in the new place, because I’ll be by myself without friends and without the Boo, who is staying behind in our Old Place to wrap up loose ends and follow through with a previous committment, which is actually really important. I can feel myself putting lots of pressure on myself to not get into my anxious headspace and be super positive and open-hearted/minded as I go into my new space and job. But I worry that will be hard because I’ll feel so lonely (abandoned?)
I’m writing this, and it sounds like I must be a monster or something, but honestly it’s just stuff like looking over Boo’s shoulder when he gets a text and seeing it’s from a girl and the ugly anxious monster raising itself from my insides and saying “WHO IS ______???” which ugh, I just hate. Especially bewildering because of how we normally conduct ourselves openly and honestly.
So yeah. Reading this stuff + my buddhist philosophies + meditation + exercise + friends = the best toolbox for a balanced Noodge.
what about you?
(ETA: dont’ underestimate the power of a blind faith that everything will be ok – sometimes I think that’s wayyy more powerful than more complicated tools)
Ooh, this is interesting! My own Boo seems to come with some abandonment issues of his own, which I feel like I could be doing more to assist with. I tend to isolate myself when I’m under stress, and I think he sees my self-loathing as an indictment of his capabilities as a partner, which makes it hard for me to be forthcoming when I’m upset about something, but he is scary-good at picking up on signals I don’t even know I’m putting out and can always tell when I’m trying to suppress my anxiety, so it’s always a big loop of crying and apologizing when anything sets me off.
ANYWAY I think I need to devote some serious energy to understanding what’s bothering him, in addition to the Stress Feelings swirling around me right now. You are super lucky to have a good therapist! I’ve never had good luck with mine. I actually had to stop seeing my last one while I was wrapping up my last semester of college (aka the most emotionally exhausting time of my entire life) because all I did in her office was cry so hard I couldn’t speak, which accomplished nothing and also made me feel terrible all the time. So fun!
So, right now I get through it by trying to forget and focusing on the vast and unknowable (in a good way) future and visualizing a life where I perform all basic adult duties without panicking. It’s okay, but I suspect it to be highly unsustainable. Historically, major life changes/moves have helped to snap me out of it and help me refocus on the future, and I actually have more friends where we’re moving than I do here in my hometown, so I think overall this will be a finite and productive period of stress. Really looking forward to working on this with a professional, and also trying not to think about how all previous professionals have ultimately failed to crack the nut that is my bewilderingly persistent unhappiness! Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts. Positive thoughts.
EDIT: AND EXERCISE! I know perfectly well that it makes me feel better, I always feel suspiciously optimistic the morning after I actually drag myself to the gym, but I have absolutely zero motivation to go. Time management is SO HARD for me and I end up spending all my non-work time sitting in silence staring at the nearest wall, which accomplishes nothing at all for my happiness.
I’m lucky re: exercise, because I’m actually passionately obsessed with my form of exercise (pole dance) which I do competitively. So it’s a natural thing for me to come home and just start working out right away because it’s such a joy and such an amazing outlet. I’m actually bringing my pole on the plane with me, because I can handle being without a TV for two weeks, but without a pole? fuck that.
if there are attachment things affecting your Boo, then that book “attached” may be a good read for both of you. It sounds like he’s got a very loving, compassionate partner, which is awesome.
And keep looking for a therapist when you get settled – it took years and many “frogs” before I found my princess. We’ve accomplished so much in our 3 years together, and it was well worth all the previous false starts.
Hit me up with those good coping tools! I’m thinking about starting a move journal, because I too could use some healthy outlets for all of this stress and worry. Good for you for recognizing the triggers and all that jazz. And congratulations on finding an apartment! That’s a huge step, and it will hopefully just be a blink of an eye before it feels all homey and cozy.
Edit: I see that I’m not the only one to ask about the coping tools, so I can read above. It is so comforting to know how many of us are in a state of flux.
it actually is a comfort, isn’t it? Do you have any coping tools that help you? i’m actually really interested in LadyPoopJokes positive future projections – I tend to be a bit of a nervous worryer, so letting go of that to believe the best may be a stretch when I’m stressed, but a worthwhile exercise.
Positive future projections sounds like a great plan! I’ve been trying to ease off on thinking about it too much, because some of my planning is useful, and some of it is just wheel spinning and nervous energy. It helps that my husband is uncanny calm, so one of us at least is totally unphased by the move. Starting a journal though will be a big step, so I don’t have to bother everyone around me with my million worries. I’ve read several expat blogs that are all about exploring the new surroundings, and that might be a good excerise for me: something to push me out of my shell.
Also, maybe trying to put some energy into non-move related stuff, because I don’t want to get in this space where I am only thinking about the future.
Because I know Toasties are readers, I want to signal-boost this new Chicago organization: http://www.liberationlib.com/
It’s a group of volunteers sending reading materials free of charge to youth who are incarcerated in Illinois. They’re starting with three institutions, but plan to expand. They’ve got an Amazon wishlist for books, but they’ll be accepting donations of paper grocery bags, books, and cold hard cash, too.
There’s a kickoff fundraiser on June 10, too, if you’re in the area!
I tried to reply to this comment. It vanished and appeared elsewhere, but the whole point of my comment was to say that the http://www.liberationlib.com/ link and program info you shared was neat, so I kinda wanted to help move it back up to the more recent end of the thread, just in case other people had missed it.
you guys i have a floater in my eye and it’s annoying the ever living crap out of me. thoughts? advice?
This is probably the least comforting advice in the world, but keep tabs on the situation for the next day or so. If you get a bunch of floaters all at once and they don’t seem to improve, go see an eye doctor. It could be a symptom of a retinal tear or detachment (which can cause blindness if not treated promptly).
THAT SAID, it is PROBABLY NOT SERIOUS, and will just annoy the everloving crap out of you for a while longer.
Bunburying is right, of course, but assuming this is not an event like a retinal tear, take comfort in my experience: the floaters that were driving me up a wall (and which my doctor assures me are perfectly normal) have either diminished or I’ve finally become accustomed to them.
I used to jump out of my skin every time I stood at my bathroom sink putting in my contacts because the pattern of floaters projects along the adjacent wall and looks like a giant insect out of the corner of my eye. It caught me almost every morning and night. They’re still there, but it’s been months since they’ve bothered me. So once your doc says you’re healthy, you can either get ’em zapped (yikes) or you can hang tight like I did and see if they stop bugging you.
I have a dentist appointment followed by my annual OB-GYN appointment followed by my annual physical tomorrow.
Pray for me and all my orifices.
And all the new holes you’ll get with the physical!
Good luck to you. Be sure to drink a “moderate” amount of red wine at the end of it all.
Just reading that appointment schedule makes my anxiety kick in.
Just think how gloriously adult you will feel at the end of the day!
If “adult” means “thoroughly violated” then yeah, I will be feeling super adult.
But also you’ll be done, and will have taken care of yourself appropriately! Then you can go to Target and buy yourself something nice (there’s a Target right by my OB; I always sneak in and check out the LEGO afterwards…)
The thing I was going to say is too crude even for me to say, I realized just before I started typing it, so I will just say “To your health!”
I love you you are charming.
But only because I stopped!
Hi Toast. my world continues to be awful, as it was my 27th birthday on Saturday and my present was learning that my dad’s cancer is worse than originally suspected. Also my mom had food poisoning all day. I flew home yesterday and my dad dropped me off and the TSA guys at Midway let me go through the special priority security line because I was crying REALLY hard. Really hard.
I do not want to be at work or seeing other humans but UGH why does life keep going when things are falling apart around you?? And a special thanks to my horrible boss who asked about my dad and said “I’m sure he’ll be fine. Cancer isn’t as big a deal as it used to be!” BITE ME BITE ME BITE ME
I am so sorry that everything is horrible for you, and that your horrible boss is adding to the horribleness.
Oh my goodness, that is awful, and I am sorry to hear that things are going so poorly. 🙁 I want to set your boss on fire for being so horrifically terrible.
Internet hugs for you.
Oh I’m so sorry things are horrible right now. Good thoughts headed to you, and jedi hugs, too.
Oh aravis. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry. 🙁
I’m so sorry.
Oh god I’m so sorry.
Hey again. Your boss is horrible. The other day when I was talking about how grief was a liberating force? It can also liberate us from social norms, so that when people say horrible stuff we are able to reply, “What a horrible thing that is to say to me. Stop ‘helping.'” and go on our horrible way. Boss people can’t get mad at for things like that, and if they do, we get to quit.
(Remind me to tell you the story of how my dad quit his awful job after his boss was like, “So, your wife has been dead for about 6 months now and it’s time for you to get over it.”)
(If at any time you also want me to stop “helping,” just say the word. Enforcing your needs doesn’t hurt my feelings, I promise.)
I am so sorry. No one should try to minimize your anxiety and sorrow, and I’m sorry your boss is trying to do that, for whatever reason.
Life does keep going, but that doesn’t always mean you have to go full-speed. Is there any way you can take some personal time, if that would be helpful for you? I don’t mean to visit your parents; you just did that, and you’re the best judge of that big-picture stuff, of course. I mean some time for you: even an afternoon to give yourself some breathing room from the keep-going of it all, and from that boss.
Oh my goodness Aravis, I’m so sorry that this is happening.
I’m so sorry. It’s a very difficult time and insensitive douchebags like your boss can make it all the harder.
I don’t know if this will help at all but I found that when my brother had cancer, that kind of counter-intuitively, it sometimes helped for me to spend time with people who didn’t know what was going on. Or telling friends that I just wanted today to have a normal time and not talk about it at all. Sometimes it was a real relief to have some space in which I wasn’t being treated like The Person Going Through the Difficult Circumstance.
Joining in to give internet hugs. Lots of good thoughts over to you.
I just ate a whole bunch of dark chocolate-covered almonds and I have three giant bug bites, two on one foot, one on the other.
The two events are kind of related, since I’m sulking over bites and sulking leads to chocolate.
Anyone else reading The Familiar? I am about 100 pages into it and like it so far, but don’t understand how it will be 27 parts.
Also, for those of you stateside who want to watch Jonathan Strange ep. 1 I found it as a torrent and the quality is pretty great.
<a href=”https://thepiratebay.la/torrent/11936867/Jonathan_Strange__amp__Mr_Norrell_S01E01_X264_RB58.mp4″ target=”_blank”>https://thepiratebay.la/torrent/11936867/Jonathan_Strange__amp__Mr_Norrell_S01E01_X264_RB58.mp4
I wrote off Danielewski after House of Leaves…I may give this new one a try though.
Are you sure you want to post a torrent link in this forum? You’ll get the Toast in legal trouble.
What? That’s a thing that can happen? God, that’s such bullshit. I honestly didn’t know.
Now that you’ve replied I sadly am unable to edit it out. Oh, irony of ironies.
Yes, it’s copyrighted material, so having a link to an illegal copy can be a problem. You can always report your own post 🙂
Toasties, I would like some advice. The girl that broke up my ex boyfriend and me (and whom my ex bf broke up with in order to mend his friendship with me earlier this week) sent me 8 or 9 text messages last night flagellating herself/justifying her actions/vaguely guilt tripping me because now no one likes her and I would like to know what you would do: would you take this opportunity to turn this into a life teaching moment and respond with something well thought out and honest explaining how intent doesn’t matter when your actions are harmful and how you will never make female friends if you habitually pursue men who already have partners? Or would you just ignore it because goddamn you do not have time to deal with the drama of 20 year olds. Please advise.
Ignore her. For your own mental health.
Yeah, that seems like a prime candidate for the old ‘delete all texts and block the number’ maneuver.
personally I would start drafting an epic well-thought-out reply and think very gratifying thoughts about how she will see The Error Of Her Ways once it is sent, and ideally realize that that is the opposite of what will happen before I actually send it. Deleting & blocking is a much faster way to get that weight off your shoulders!
3) ‘I know nobody likes you, neither do I, it’s your own fault, leave me alone.’
…guess I’ll go eat worms!
oh please just send her that kids in the hall skit youtube link and nothing else
(hee hee hee!)
She is not your problem. You may ignore her. If she doesn’t go away, tell her briefly that she does not have permission to make her mistake into your problem.
I’m on team “ignore and block.” People who manipulate and then when called on it manipulate the situation so that suddenly you’re comforting THEM won’t change due to the perfect email or anything else unless and until they want to change.
Ooh, that’s exactly what I was trying to come up with words for – she feels bad about what happened, and maybe she should or maybe she shouldn’t (she probably should, though), but either way it’s her own problem.
I would like to compliment you on your screen name because it’s my favorite name for a fish of all time plus they are badass.
Thanks! I was having one of those “I need a new handle” moments and then I saw something about them on Planet Earth or similar, and there was no way I could just pass up an opportunity like that.
+1000
I would reply with one terse text (“The consequences of your actions are not my problem. Please never contact me again.”) and then ignore any future communication attempts. Few things teach like consequences.
I reaaaaally needed to vent today, so this works out well…
So, I am 33 weeks pregnant, my husband and I just visited my parents (including my narcissistic depressed mother), and while visiting, we had a conversation about Jewish naming traditions and I said something to the effect of, “[my grandmother] wouldn’t want us to name our child after her because that goes against Ashkenazi naming traditions, right?” At no point did I say, or even hint, we were thinking of naming the baby after her: I was asking for a clarification between my family’s tradition and my husband’s Sephardi family tradition. My mom said no, that wouldn’t be appropriate, and we moved on to a different conversational tangent.
Yesterday I received an email from my mom saying, “I just talked to your grandmother and she is on board with you naming the baby after her! I also told [biggest gossip in the family] and she’s fine with it too! Do you want me to ask your other aunts and uncles too?”
I’ve already emailed her correcting her and saying no, we didn’t say that, she replied saying “okay”, No other acknowledgment that she has majorly crossed boundaries or hurt me deeply. And not acknowledging that she needs to contact my grandmother and the family gossipmonger and tell them that she was mistaken! I emailed her asking for that but who the fuck knows if she will? And how the hell can I trust her for any other baby-related thing?
uggggggggh!
I had to make up a work-around to name my first after my (living) dad, to satisfy his mom. But we were firm about the name choice before talking about it to her, fortunately.
It sounds like mom’s narcissism extends to getting people to care about her made-up dramas so she gets attention. So if there are baby-related things that let her feed her narcissism (being in charge of a family baby shower guest list, arranging a weekly housekeeper for your baby moon so she can brag about her generosity, whatever), channel her in those directions. And remember that people get bonkers pre-baby in ways that can & will calm down post-baby. (And post-baby, you aren’t going to care so much about those people anyway – awesome baby will rightfully steal your focus.)
Oh geez, I recommend becoming acquainted with Baby Center’s DWIL Nation board, if you aren’t already or didn’t see Nicole’s endorsement. Those ladies are hardcore and will keep you from letting yourself get walked all over.
Oh god, this would fit in there, wouldn’t it? I sent her a very firmly-worded request to recontact the grandmother and gossipmonger, stating that I was angry and that this alone would not be enough but it was her responsibility to do so, and she agreed. She and I don’t have much contact to begin with — the trip was partially a testing of the waters to see if my being pregnant had changed anything, because she had seemed to be better at boundaries on the phone — and that’s not going to change now.:\
Every time my mom seems to be doing better with my boundaries I relax them a bit and then she tromps all over them big time. I’m sorry your mom seems to be doing the same thing but this is good information for you to know.
Yeah. It’s so hard — I thought I had salted the earth thoroughly when it came to hoping for any different kind of a relationship there, but I guess that’s not completely possible. I have a really good support system in my husband and friends, and I am a big believer in chosen families, and I have lots of therapy and a support network to keep me from repeating the same patterns I was raised in. So, change may be possible — it just has to come from me. Jedi hugs.
Do any Irish (or indeed non-Irish!) Toasties want to talk about the marriage equality referendum on Friday, and the terrifying possibility that it won’t pass? Please tell me I’m not the only one sweating here in the corner at the mere thought!
It HAS to pass. I mean, I’m sweating about it, too, but I can’t believe the crabapples are going to triumph. I just can’t.
There’s so many crabapples though!
At least after this we’ll know exactly how many crabapples there are. I think (/hope) the power and number of the crabapples is sometimes overestimated, giving the government an excuse to play it safe and be more conservative to appease these mystery silent crabapples.
I *hope* it is an overestimate. It’s so hard to judge, sitting over here in the Central Time Zone. Our family & friends are so pro, even some of the older ones, but the attacks are pernicious & vile & designed to, like, revive all the bog people and get them to vote no. It’s so gross.
It’s so hard to know. I work in a university where the student’s union is actively campaigning for a yes vote and everyone is wearing yes badges, walking around Dublin you see yes badges everywhere so it definitely gives the impression that people in general are voting yes but who knows.
Hopefully for every bog person they revive with their hatefulness, they push an undecided person off the the fence into the yes camp.
My cousin Declan has been canvassing, and it is SO BRAVE of him, but I worry for him. Because I think he’s having a lot of hurtful interactions with people who think that he and his boyfriend are somehow a danger to kids. His Facebook posts have become increasingly stressed, and I think he’ll think of it as a personal failing if the referendum doesn’t pass. He’s 40, and I think he’s in this fight not only for himself and his boyfriend, but for all the kids growing up now.
He asked me to get the American branch of the family to send faves of positive energy on Friday. I’ll share a bit of what he’s written to me:
“I’ll be very honest, we are in battle here! The emotions, the deep psychic energies that this is stirring up in Ireland is ENORMOUS. So many people are drawn in now and are split in so many ways over so many issues. Most that have very little to do with what is simply asked on Friday. I really hope it does get through. I cannot fathom the other. I am focusing on a Yes. Visualising it and drawing energy behind it to get this over the line. All our nerves are on edge. So many gay people and supporters are canvassing, have been for weeks, out in rain and shine, and the friendships, team work is just fantastic. The NO side have been vicious. Red herrings are arguing children will be deprived a mother or father, saying surrogacy will be rife, wombs will be to let, etc., etc. So we sure do need your energy. Talk to family, friends and whoever you can, gather the energy and send it east for Friday!”
Jaysus your poor cousin. What the hell, crabapples, seriously. I mean, I know it’s happening, all this scare-mongering BS, and I’m appalled at the messages flying around, but I hate hearing it, especially hearing about it being directed at the brave & true & mighty souls out there canvassing despite the crap they keep having to face down.
Go, Declan. Tell him there’s SO MUCH positive energy coming his way from across the Atlantic. We’re grateful for his work.
Please tell Declan that we’re all pulling for him and for the referendum to have a good outcome.
Yes!!! Jesus, the stress!!! It has to though doesn’t it? Though you never know.
I think Ireland is a great place and that the majority of Irish people are fair deep down and I’m terrified of being proven wrong.
Fallen London thread! I have made it to the Iron Republic and it is so great!
The Iron Republic is hilarious, it’s like a waterslide made of kaleidoscopes.
I got myself thrown out of the University and am now trying to compile books of hidden bodies so I can cock a snook at that sneering fellow who’s hinting about voyages of scientific expedition.
Congrats! I was terrified the first time I went there, because I didn’t know how I would get out again.
I have the requisite number of Cellars of Wine at this time, so now I am just waiting for presumptuous opportunities forever. And stocking up on Wild Words in order to improve my Scholar of the Correspondence.
Still grinding grinding grinding for zubmarine parts. I have almost enough Whirring Contraptions but haven’t even started on the Bejeweled lenses yet.
I got kinda burned by the sudden changeover from Nex. I had stockpiled a bunch for Exceptional Friendship this summer when I’d have more time to play, but I had to cash it all in by the end of this month in order to use it for that. Now I have a bunch of daily actions I probably won’t be using for a while. Oh well, at least I will get to play the special May story now.
Anyway, I am SO CLOSE to being able to gamble for the yacht! I need to stockpile TWO MORE comprehensive bribes, and then Apples is going down to pound town.
A whole bunch of my Confident Smiles disappeared! I had accumulated 25 of them after reaching 200 Persuasive so hadn’t done anything with them because (1) you can’t go above 200 in a skill (2) I was grinding Watchful, and now I am somehow down to 5. What happened?
I’m still digging for secrets in the Forgotten Quarter and trying not to go insane too often. I also need to get more Cellars of Wine so I can get the last bottle of Fourth City Airag I need to trade in for a Vial of Master’s Tears.
News of a new oil spill in Santa Barbara prompted me to go look up the details of the 1969 spill that many credit with giving us our current environmental regulations.
“The 1969 Santa Barbara oil spill still ranks in the top tier of the United States’ human-caused disasters; the only larger spills came from the 1989 Exxon Valdez crash and the 2010 Deepwater Horizon calamity. “
Anyone else super excited for the Women’s World Cup? Anyone actually going to the games? I need to live vicariously through y’all
Relatedly, this was a fascinating profile on one of the German players, but she’s missing the cup because she’s pregnant: http://espn.go.com/espnw/news-commentary/article/…
I am super excited! But not going to any games, sadly.
Yay for excitement! None of my friends irl share my enthusiasm, which is unfortunate, but that’s what the internet is for!
I am going to three games in Montreal and the final in Vancouver! I’m super excited. The Montreal trip actually overlaps with a business trip to the same city, so work is paying for flights and half my accommodation, which is even better. Unfortunately, my mom was the only person available to come with me to the final game, so that will kind of limit the amount of craziness I can get up to in Vancouver.
That article was really interesting – it amazes me how much I don’t know about the non-USA players, even though for men’s soccer I’m a Germany fan.
That is so cool and I’m super jealous! Extra congrats that work overlaps with those games! Mom’s are still awesome though, even if we have to behave a little bit more than we might want to with them. I hope you have fun, and you should post pics in the open thread of the games! Like I said, I need to live vicariously through everyone who gets to be there
And I think a lot of the lack of non-US player knowledge is unfortunately due to how the media/FIFA treats women’s sports in general. The US is lucky with Title IX that there is such a great pool of players available.
You might also like this look at Sepp Blatter/FIFA corruption from ESPN: http://www.espnfc.us/fifa-world-cup/4/blog/post/2…
Excited, but not attending any games. Funnily enough, I was just reading about France’s two great midfielders, Eugenie Le Sommer and Louisa Necib. http://grantland.com/the-triangle/world-cup-playe…
YES I AM SO EXCITED! I am not going alas but I will be watching whenever possible from Boston 🙂
My gf is going to some Montreal games with her soccer-mad little sister and family and I am super jealous!
I tried to go outside, but it rained on me. Alas.
We went on vacation to a beach cottage this week and, despite cool weather and poor footwear, I said the obligatory “Let’s walk in the beach this evening” and The Fella said the obligatory “Of course!” and then it poured rain and we breathed a sigh of relief and stayed inside with the fire. PHEW.
YAY, I’ve been wanting to tell you guys about how I was randomly, weirdly mansplained yesterday!
I was at a foodservice convention, which was boring except for free food samples, yum. This man was serving me a cup of coffee, and he’s suddenly all “you’re gonna want to take your jacket off pretty soon. It gets warm in here. I was talking to these two ladies a minute ago, and they were like ‘no, we’re fine,’ but then they walked away and I noticed they were taking their coats off! I was like, ‘told ya!’ I don’t have to be right, but.” And then he handed me my coffee and walked away.
For one thing, I was wearing a blazer, and also…??????????
People be weird.
weird
Man: What Is It?
That has got to be some kind of record for Weirdest Mansplain!
Thank you for teaching me how to regulate my body temperature via layering, kind sir! You have revolutionized my life and wardrobe choices!
this possibly one-ups the time a dude mansplained to me what pockets are and how they work.
i thought it was unbeatable but…regulating one’s body temperature: even more of a no-brainer than what pockets are.
I know men’s clothes often have better pockets than women’s ones, but did he really think you were unaware of their existence? Goodness.
i was wearing a skirt and was reaching for my bus pass in my back pocket out of habit when i realized i didn’t have any. this brilliant man just had to tell me how, even though most women don’t like pockets and prefer to carry purses (!!!!) he just wanted to let me know how useful pockets are, how you can carry all sorts of stuff in them, even food.
i couldn’t even say anything to him in reply, i was so flabbergasted.
You can put things in them, you say? And that includes food? Wow, I had no idea what I’d been missing with this pockets thing. Good thing there was A Man around to explain!
Thank goodness he was there. I always wondered what I should do if I felt warm and NOW I KNOW.
This weekend my brother firmly and unabashedly declared that the RCMP (Canadian federal police) have North America-wide jurisdiction, in the presence of two lawyers and a person with a criminology degree. And refused to back down. And tried to explain this nonsense to us.
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I have experienced this and many other gambits designed by men to get my jacket off to make my generous bosom more easily ogled. This gambit happens to less well-endowed women, as well, most often when the layer under the jacket is snug.
PORTLAND INTERVIEW IS TOMORROW AFTERNOON AND I AM SO NERVOUS. There’s a test interview thing with one of the ladies from HR today, so she can make sure my computer camera and mic work. I got a phone call from a recruiter in Seattle that also wanted to talk to me about a job up there!
…and I found out my department is letting go of one of our diet techs because we’re in the red financially. THIS DOES NOT EASE MY NERVOUSNESS. I’m not asking for a full-on blood sacrifice, but a yogurt sacrifice would certainly be appreciated.
One week to my Toronto vacation!
I was kind of hoping I could reconnect with people I went to school with but haven’t talked to much since. So I planned it to be during my university’s spring reunion. And then it turns out my faculty is holding a cheaper, more-likely-to-attract-my-friends young alumni reunion a week later, which means I’m flying home the day before it.
I am thinking about contacting old friends and asking if I can buy them dinner or something while I’m in town, but I’m nervous about it. I am still Facebook friends with all of them, but I was really terrible about actually reading Facebook until a couple weeks ago when I made it a daily on HabitRPG. I haven’t been commenting or posting much, though, just reading and liking things.
Part of it is that it feels like it would be less pressure-y to try to reconnect after the vacation, so people would know that I really do want to talk to them regularly, not just when I’m heading to Toronto and want people to hang out with. But probably I could just convey that by staying in contact after, if they seem cool with it? I don’t know. This stuff is hard.
Has anyone here reconnected with friends after not talking to them for a long time? How did it go? How nervous were you about it?
Yes! I tend to fall into a habit where I am pretty hermetic and just stay home (with my wife so that is ok but still you miss out on friends). And then you realize months or years pass without seeing some people! Lately I have been forcing myself to be more interactive and set up meetings and get togethers and such. I’ve found people are happy to reconnect, and are usually busy in their own lives so they are probably missing some of that too!
Thank you for this, it was very encouraging!
Oh goodness! I’m going to recommend that you just write them and say “hey! I’m going to be in Toronto on [dates]! If you’re free, I would love to see you. Let me know if you want to hang out while I’m in town, and if so, when a good day may be.”
You don’t have to buy them dinner (unless you have lots of money and you want to). You don’t have to worry that they will read ulterior motives into it. If they’re busy or don’t want to, they can just say no.
I’ve reconnected with plenty of friends. I just had a friend I hardly ever talk to ask me if he and his boyfriend could stay at our house for a week while they were in town from New York! And that, my friend, is an imposition. A welcome one.
Ok, but what if nobody has ever actually liked me?
By which I mean, you’re right, I know you’re right, I will send them Facebook messages. Thank you for the encouragement and for helping me figure out what to write.
(deep sigh) I saw Mad Max last night. I have not stopped thinking about it since. I’ve been looking up stuff about it on-line all day. I think I may need to go see it again tonight. I’m just… in love.
MY STATE LEGISLATURE IS SETTING NEW RECORDS FOR INCOMPETENCE.
They have failed to pass a budget. They have mucked up a bill to prevent sexual assault and violence against children. They have insisted on meeting in a place other than our state capitol despite being told by their legal counsel that that is shady. If they don’t manage to act remotely like people over the age of four within the next two weeks, I’ll be getting a layoff notice.
And my car and my husband’s car both need repairs (again).
And we are going on an amazing and much anticipated trip in less than three weeks that we couldn’t really afford in the first place.
Shaming of politicians and/or photos of baby animals would be much appreciated at this time.
I think we work for the same government body! I am lucky enough to be in an “essential” area and also in a temporary position, but geez louise! It’s definitely convinced me to completely ignore this state’s government as I look for my next job.
I just read about the mucking up of the sexual abuse bill, prompted by your post. That is so aggravating. I heard people discussing the bill a while ago on public radio and it sounded like such a great idea! So of course Republicans don’t like it.
What’s extra frustrating is that a lot of Republicans DID like it, and even sponsored it, but this one nutjob who has no idea how to legislate just decided to bring his own extra conservative-religious-creeper version to the floor instead. It should have been so easy, but instead it’s a goat rodeo, because these people are incapable of tying their own shoelaces.
I’m ready to move and it makes me so sad because there is so much that is special and irreplaceable about living here.
Also, did you see that our two cities are the #1 and #4 worst metro areas in the country for violent crime? My husband and I spent last evening trying to guess how many murderers live in our town.
I work in the criminal justice system, so, unfortunately I am very familiar with how many murderers live in my town. Also how many meth heads (a lot!) and child abusers (a lot!).
But then I go on my after work hikes and watch eagles soar over my head and it kind of makes me forget about all the murderers…..
brb referring to everything as a goat rodeo from now on
That phrase is one of my very favorite things my husband brought to our marriage.
Hi. Are you in America’s Last Frontier? Aome of what you said sounds like what I’ve heard but I’ve had my head in sick child + start of fishing season so I’m not in the loop. If it is another state then there are two states governed by clowns.
I am! I’m sure there are many other states governed by clowns but our clowns seem to be going above and beyond. Land of Superlatives!
Well, thank you for the update and to emlorark. I work for the federal government and when we got shut down it was the commercial crabbers that put the pressure on congress to act. I can’t imagine the commercial fleet allowing for any interruption to their season.
This doesn’t fix stupidity tho.
My Dad visited a little over a week ago and was talking about how worried he is about my mom. She has some pretty big health problems that were supposed to be fixed by surgery but the surgery just made everything worse. She is basically immobile now. She has always struggled with depression anyway, and of course the isolation of not being able to visit relatives or go shopping or do really anything except sit and be in chronic pain is obviously making it worse. She says she would be embarrassed to be seen in a wheelchair or a scooter, so she is virtually housebound.
She is at an age where this could be the beginning of the end, you know? My mom and I have always had a strained relationship, so I mostly just feel horrible for my dad having to carry all this pretty much alone.
So those are my sunny thoughts this week: Everyone I have ever known or loved will die someday. Some of them probably pretty soon.
I have nothing to say here, except I’m sending you good thoughts and if I knew you and you were into that, I would give you a giant hug. <3
I read the first Outlander book and then watched the entire series last week. No plans to go beyond the first book (the sex scenes aren’t good enough to keep me going) so I read plot summaries instead. This has solidified my decision to not read further. I think I enjoy the show more, and it’s definitely not all for the hotter sex scenes and getting to hear Scottish accents again.
But two complaints/things I found strange:
-The most unrealistic part of Outlander is not the time travel but the fact that it never rains on the show. I lived in Scotland for a year and I can say that in one week in Glasgow there’s more rain than they’ve shown on the entire show so far.
-In the book, Claire sees the Loch Ness monster and just…accepts it? It makes perfect sense to me that a world in which time travel exists is also a world with lake monsters. What’s weird is that she sees it and then is like, “I won’t tell everyone else because Jamie would understand because he’s educated but everyone else is too superstitious”. They’re probably going to believe you more than a person in 1945 would if you told them you saw a monster. It’s just written very oddly, like she saw a platypus and decided not to show anyone because she was afraid they’d think it was a monster, but she understands what it really is.
Hold up, Outlander has time travel? I totally thought it was just a period drama.
It is effectively two period dramas… post WW2 and 1700s Scotland.
I made it an indeterminate number of books into the series (5? 6?), and I can confirm you’ve made the right choice at stopping with the first. It’s the highwater mark.
Also, Claire is weird. The Loch Ness monster cameo is weird. A LOT ABOUT THESE BOOKS IS WEIRD. Claire is also kinda snobbish, and I can’t figure out if that’s written as her flaw or if she just comes off that way because she’s such a reader/author-insert type of character.
I’m like 3 episodes behind on the show and I hear it’s getting to That Plot Point. Am I going to regret catching up on it?
And here I thought I was the only one who read the first one and though “Welp, that’s enough of that!” You will NEVER convince me that the ONE thing that is better than sex with Jamie is hot baths. What about _electricity_? Frigging automobiles? Planes? Potable water all over the place? ANTIBIOTICS? She is a nurse, and laments that there aren’t modern antibiotics _once_. And the novel is supposed to be this “great war between past and future loves”, and she thinks about her past love, like, twice. Bah.
Yeah, the books are really goofy but for some reason I can’t stop reading them and just finished #7… like, I know they’re not good but ¯_(ツ)_/¯ ? I think the show is a little better though. I guess they’re filming season 2 now and I’m curious to see if it gets renewed any further and if so, how they’ll deal with some of the batshittery in the later books.
I’ve started reading the first book, but it’s going slowly. I got annoyed when our protagonist, a nurse, was unable to identify blood without the assistance of her husband, a history professor.
I’m still reading, but I haven’t even gotten to the time travel yet.
I think the audiobooks of the Outlander series might be better? The narrator is phenomenal–I could listen to Davina Porter forever.
bloody intensedabate. Reply to Amphora re: sisters got your back
Ask me about the 10-part plan to combat my sister’s ex, who “forgets” their first grader has homework every weekend he has her. Ask me if I let her browbeat her 7 year old into completing an overdue book report in several tense hours Monday evening when she’d delivered book, craft supplies, instructions, and partially-complete report with daughter to ex on Friday afternoon. Those people are learning some goddamn natural consequences and taking the martyr-cape off her back if it kills me.
oh HOORAY for open thread.
This morning at 6:15 I learned that the dog-bark for “the cattle are loose and they are in the carport!!!” is different than the already-familiar dog-bark for “the pigs are loose and they are in the carport!!!” So, that’s … good to know?
That is actually amazing.
Yeah it’s actually kind of handy. Lets me know I need to get my farm clothes on before I even look out the window.
it’s also different from “the small chickens are loose and under the kitchen table” bark. Just FYI.
Oh yeah! It’s true! We haven’t had baby chicks in a while but yeah my dog definitely had baby-chick-alert whine and posture. She would help us find ones that were hidden in tall grass.
My dog once went out at 11 pm, came back to the house (200 ft away), got me up off the couch and out of the house, and led me to the chicken coop, where one of the hatchlings was stuck outside because she wasn’t big enough to hop up into the coop door yet.
that’s pretty impressive, I’m still learning the difference between “there’s a cat!” and “there a rat!”
Farm dogs are wonderfully intelligent. My inbred dogs, though, not so much. Identical losing-his-mind hysterical barking for “I heard a sound when you closed to cabinet!” or for “There’s someone at the door!”
Though the little female gets credit. She maintains alert silence until she thinks someone is hurt.
Gosh! That’s rather impressive. My cats have different miaows for different things too but the things communicated tend to be more like ‘Servant! Where is my dinner!’ and ‘Follow me to this particular patch of floor and then stroke me continuously’. rather than useful farming reports…
So it’s flea market and yard/garage sale season here which means my antiques roadshow loving/would be curator/possibly future old things appraiser heart takes flight. There are things out there unknown and unloved and I will find them and I will get them and then I will revel. And then I will want to tell EVERYONE.
Question is, at what point is it obnoxious bragging to spew in public about awesome things in your life? Only if it is of a certain magnitude? Right from the very get go?
I honestly don’t know as I tend to live in the Dorothy Draper/Live Alone And Like It school of ‘don’t be humble/you deserve awesome things and people should hear about it.’ Humility is not my strong point.
So, maybe this is just me, (a Goodwill-hunter extraordinaire) but I think if you get things secondhand you can totally brag about them. Conspicuous consumption is way less consumptive when you’re recycling.
Seconded! Any time someone compliments me on my outfit I get really excited and talk about Goodwill/ Value Village / clothing swap wins. My mom is a Goodwill champion, I know no other way to discuss clothes.
I think as long as you’re like, “my life [or some part of it] is awesome!” instead of “my life is better than yours!” and as long as you make time to hear about other people’s lives, brag away.
These are the variants I’ve made so far:
Watermelon, based on this recipe: http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-make-sorbet-with-…
Pineapple: http://www.iwashyoudry.com/2014/05/30/creamy-pine…
Lychee coconut: http://www.justonecookbook.com/lychee-coconut-sor…
Pineapple has been the absolute best so far, but they’re all good!
Mmmmm. Thanks!
I don’t usually participate in these because I get here too late but I’m excited about being on page 2!
So my life is a blues song: my husband left on the first long fishing trip of the year, leaving me with a toddler and a baby and a job I just returned to, toddler got sick, and we are refinancing our house. The last 5 days have sucked. I have to bribe the sick toddler with candy so he will whine less while signing papers at the bank. It’s pretty great.
Plus, I get anxious in social situations so I don’t really have friends. The last 5 days have taught me that I Need Friends. Now just have to get out there and be that creepy mom that looks for friends.
At least summer is almost here.
Man I feel you on the friends thing. I just left college, where friends are handed to you on a silver platter, and now I’m in a big city and most days things are totally fine and then those days hit where I’m like; oh my god, I need someone to talk to who isn’t a roommate or boyfriend.
I hope the search for friends goes well! And then maybe you can come back and offer advice.
Also, stay strong with your refinancing and sick baby, you can definitely get through it, but I hope you get through with minimal stress and loss of sleep.
Thank you. I will share if I ever figure out the whole making friends as an adult thing.
How worried am I about a sore spot in my armpit that I assume is a lymph node?
It’s just doing its job, being part of your immune system! Did you have or are you coming down with a cold? Have you had a massage lately? Is it allergy season by you? Any of those things could be it. Just see if it goes away–you could also massage it if you want and it doesn’t hurt, or a warm compress/heating pad to see if that helps.
It is allergy season, yeah, but none of the others. I did have a weekend of drinking a lot and crying a lot (cathartic crying, with friends) so maybe that has an effect too?
In addition to what Ccoryy said, I also get these infected sebaceous glands — like a really, really big nasty pimple, in my armpit. It’s better now that I’ve stopped shaving and stopped using antiperspirant, but sometimes I’d just get these sore, red bumps that would eventually, uh, rupture. Horrible. I would say warm compress and a couple of days and if you’re still worried, see a doc.
That sounds horrifying. I had a sebaceous cyst on my neck that got infected once. It was so painful. I also don’t shave or use antiperspirant, if that matters. Thanks for the gut check; I will give it a couple of days.
It was SO GROSS and only happened in one armpit?? Ugh bodies.
I sometimes get those bumps, but uh… not in my armpits… near a different kind of pit, if you know what I mean? They used to really freak me out, I’d be all “OMG DO I HAVE AN STI???” before remembering I was a virgin.
Ugh I’m sorry. They are terrible and also GROSS when they asplode 🙁
Relevant to kittens: My 3-month old kittens (Dottie and Kit) have been confined to our spare room for the last 3 weeks as we work to introduce them to our lab mix (Chloe). They interact a few times a day from either side of a baby gate. But this is not ideal forever. Chloe is very interested in the kittens. She sits at the spare room door for hours, waiting for me to open it so she can see the kittens. Dottie and Kit purr at her from behind the door and they also seem curious about Chloe. They’re not scared of the dog. They bat her nose and if she gets too barky, they walk away. I’m having a hard time judging if everyone is ready for the gate to be removed while I’m home. Chloe nibbles at the cats’ feet through the gate, but this swiftly devolves into licking their feet. She is very interested in them, but doesn’t have aggressive body posture (no fur standing up, no growling, no display of teeth). Am I just being paranoid? Should I let them meet each other? My old dog (he died a few months ago) killed a cat once, so maybe I’m just spooked by that? Help? Advice?
Time for a transition. Put Chloe on a long leash and let the kittens out of the spare room. All three critters can then interact without barrier, but you have the reassurance that you can control Chloe if necessary. It won’t be necessary. Chloe loves the kitties and will be gentle. But this gives her a chance to prove it to you.
“Young blood repairs old bones faster, more efficiently, Toronto researchers say”
UHHHH
http://www.thestar.com/news/2015/05/20/young-bloo…
D:
Toasties! I need y’all like whoa.
Tomorrow is my birthday and I am excited. But today is my ex’s birthday and I can’t stop thinking about him and it’s horrible. I am trying to make it through the day without wishing him happy birthday, without admitting that despite the shit I am happy he was born, without contact. Because he is happy without me and I am getting happy.
Part of this getting happy deal is a dude who seems like a good dude and I like him rather a lot. But I’m leaving for at least 6 months and his job is in sales so he is gone all the time (two cancelled dates this week. Thanks, job).
I am frustrated and tired and annoyed and I want those feelings out because my birthday is tomorrow and I want to be happy on it, dammit.
Write your ex’s number on a piece of paper, put it in your car glove box (or some other out-of-the-way place), delete his number, turn off your computer.
Tomorrow you can add his number back in, or maybe never?
/files this away
It’s a little woo-woo but I would put aside a little time tonight to wish him happy birthday to the universe instead of to him. Thank the universe for him. Mourn for what was and what could have been. Delete his contact info and release the what-ifs. Give yourself some time to do this and then stop. Go to sleep, wake up tomorrow, and give thanks that you’re alive and for all the great things in your life.
Thank you this was very necessary!
So the avoiding-me college boy who still has not registered for the summer classes or gotten a job (that I know of) has spent the whole week since he got home at dad’s and I am not handling it well. Mom brain can only think of failed classes, lost scholarships, pregnant girlfriends–you know, all the insane mom fears, and I’m sure it’s mostly he’s being 18 and lazy and playing GTA with the other teens at dad’s (and maybe drinking). He is going to step in and help with a lacrosse game tomorrow (we need someone to do stats and the clock), so now I’m trying to figure out whether to take him out after the game or do my best not to nag or call in the big guns (text his girlfriend and ask her what is going on).
Patience is not one of my virtues.
I posted up above but i am having a bad week vis-a-vis my ex and my subconcious and sex dreams.He sexually abused me at the end of our marriage. My subconcious mind isn’t there yet. Yesterday I managed to wake up curled into a fetal position, everything clenched, everything hurting like i’d been tensed up for hours, and somehow managed to hurt my knee in my sleep. This has to stop. It’s not often that my brain does this, but I haven’t slept with anybody else since 1989 so my brain defaults to that.
How on earth does a broke 45 year old mom who lives in the boonies even get a date, much less get laid? It’s obviously a priority.
ALso, I’ve been looking for jobs because I need a full time job and insurance. They are all in other cities. I cannot move without possibly losing my kids. But this is ridiculous, there are 20+ jobs 4 hours away from here. I really don’t want to move for a 4th year in a row (my friends won’t help a third time), the high schooler doesn’t want to start over, I love my kids and I love this school but a full time job doing what I want is looking darn near imaginary in this town or surrounding area and I need much more to not have my phone shut off and be able to go to the doctor–because I really can’t work out without injury due to long-term past injuries, and I need to work out.
Also I think my antiD meds are working, but not enough, I need to get my serotonin levels up but I can’t tolerate SSRI’s or SNRI’s (i’m on wellbutrin). It keeps me from crying mostly but I am going to have to look into supplements or something to add to it.
Only three more lacrosse games and a tournament. I don’t have any games this weekend but I don’t have my kids either, and I hate being alone on holiday weekends. bah humbug.
I got nothin for ya. But it sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I hope you are at least able to get some rest this weekend!
I have a gyno appointment/general checkup on Monday and I am not looking forward to it because I know I am going to get a lecture from the nurse practitioner about weight gain. She already wanted me to lose weight last year (I just sort of nodded along while she told me to eat less sugar), but instead I have gained about 20 pounds. Last year she made me get my cholesterol and etc. checked even though I’m too young to do it routinely, because “sometimes that’s a wakeup call for people” but of course my cholesterol was fine and I was not deficient in any of the nutrients that they tested for. I exercise regularly, I eat my veggies and my protein and my whole grains, I have no intention of cutting down on sugar or trying to lose weight. I just want to get checked for STIs. But I am not so good at using my words to say so to a health care professional. Bleh.
That shit is bullshit. Time for a new nurse practitioner or a whole new dr’s office?
I am reluctant because it took me many years to find a doctor’s office (partially because a lot of doctor’s aren’t taking new patients, partially because the task seemed overwhelming and I didn’t know how to go about it), and this one is in a very convenient location. I really like my doctor and would have scheduled the appointment with him if the timing had worked out, but he had no open spots for an exam in the timeframe I wanted. And part of me thinks that I’ll end up confronting this kind of thing wherever I go. I’m keeping my ears open for friends who have better experiences though.
It is a big hurdle, for sure. If you are in Seattle by any chance, I quite like Dr. Duze at the main Virginia Mason. All my numbers are good so she didn’t say a peep about my weight.
I went to the doctor for a checkup and asthma (which I’ve had since high school, but only when I exercise) and I got the “You are 40 now and we are going to make you have a EKG NOW THIS MINUTE” treatment. I wasn’t very good at telling her no, either.
My doctor once did a pap smear on me and then a few weeks later I got a bill in the mail for a gonorrhea test which I certainly had not requested or been informed about. (I initially started seeing her through my university’s health services, so maybe it was a routine thing for students? Still weird though.)
Can you practice with a friend or therapist before your appointment? Ugh it’s the worst though 🙁
I know a woman who decided to answer every medical suggestion with “No. Not today. No, I don’t want to schedule it. But I will think about it and you can ask me again at my next visit.” Then she really would think about that mammogram, colonoscopy, or whatever. Often, she calls her doc’s office the next week to schedule that test. But having a single, default, memorized response helped her learn to say No.
*squeaks*
I have been enviously ogling the NYPL’s social media for ages! Congratulations!
Had a nice if short hike and discovered a beautiful little butcher shop that does only local meat, plus some other awesome local products (beans and grains, jams, veggies, etc.) and I am SMITTEN plus the lubersexual boys who work there are yummy.
Tell me your tales of cooking with unusual cuts of meat! They have oxtails, beef and pork cheeks, marrow bones, and more!
Oxtail is so good. I love all the weird shit. I’ve never cooked marrow bones myself but I love to eat them, and I have a bunch of them, so I will be figuring something out there.
Lately I’ve been thinking about making head cheese.
References you might want:
Bones (cookbook)
Michael Ruhlman (link is to his blog, he has also written several books that might suit)
the River Cottage Meat Book (who doesn’t need a giant book that says MEAT in huge letters on the front cover?)
ETA: Oh, and I forgot Hunter Angler Gardener Cook, link is to blog but he’s got books too. Mostly focused on game, but the recipes translate to farmed meat pretty well. His recipe for confit chicken gizzards is AMAZING.
I have the Ruhlman/Polcyn charcuterie book, which I used to make sausage 😀 I will check out the Bones book though — I think I saw it in my sister’s house!
I have nothing practical to contribute but could not pass up the opportunity to say that butcher is my #1 top sexiest profession. I can’t quite pinpoint why except that I get squeamish with raw meat (juuuuust learning to cook meat for myself now, in my thirties), so anyone who can handle working with it all day must be super badass. Anyway.
(Number 2 on the list of sexiest professions is bike courier if anyone is wondering. 3 is audio engineer.)
Umm, not too long ago, I told my friend one of my Dating Goals is a butcher so if we marry, we’re going to have one badass BBQ wedding.
I dated a bike-obsessed audio engineer and if he had been anyone else I would have dumped him even faster, because he was a jerk.
I spent a total of 50 minutes on hold with the pay centre this morning and when I finally got a live human being on the line, it went like this:
Him: You are mistaken because [inaccurate information]
Me: Actually it says right here on Super Official Government Compensation Webpage that [accurate information]
Him: Uh, where are you getting that?
Me: Super Official Government Compensation Webpage.
Him: Let me put you on hold while I ask a coworker about this. [5 minutes go by] Yeah my coworker said [inaccurate information]
SO ON AND SO FORTH until the third or fourth coworker he asked finally had a goddamn clue what they were doing and told him I was right. Which he could have confirmed for himself if he had just freaking checked the Super Official Government Compensation Webpage like I kept suggesting he do.
Then he tried to downplay his staggering incompetence by saying, “You know, ma’am, when I started working here I didn’t know anything about pay, and now I know a little bit.” !!!!!! Like it’s supposed to comfort me that the people in charge of making sure I get paid know “a little bit” and that’s a step up from nothing? I had lost my patience so I said, “It shouldn’t be up to me to explain official government compensation policies to you. How is it possible that you spoke to 3 different compensation advisors and none of them knew about this when it’s right on Super Official Government Compensation Webpage?” and he said defensively, “We can’t know everything.” !!!!!! THAT WOULD BE AN ACCEPTABLE ANSWER IF I HAD CALLED WITH A BURNING QUESTION ABOUT ASTROPHYSICS OR THE WRITINGS OF KIERKEGAARD BUT I’M NOT UNREASONABLE IN THINKING THAT A COMPENSATION ADVISOR SHOULD FUCKING KNOW A THING OR TWO ABOUT COMPENSATION POLICIES. It’s not like my issue is a particularly rare one either. In the majority of positions in the public service you’re entitled to a slight pay increase every 52 weeks! This is something that crops up every year for virtually everybody who works in the government!!! HOW CAN THEY NOT BE AWARE OF THIS.
And to add a final insult to the heap of insults that was our conversation, he told me that it would take over 2 weeks to fix my issue because they have a backlog of new employees who haven’t been added to the payroll yet and “at least” I’m getting paid something even if it’s less than I am entitled to UNDER THE LAW, which he is apparently not familiar with.
Sometimes I honestly think it would be worth it to quit my job and never work for the feds again so that I can go the rest of my life without dealing with these idiots at the pay centre. They are THE WORST. They have fucked up every single transaction I have ever needed them to do on my behalf and they do not have a single redeeming quality.
Goddamn you intensedebate stop messing up my embedding.
“You know, ma’am, when I started working here I didn’t know anything about pay, and now I know a little bit.”
“You know, ma’am, I used to be 100% useless at my job but now I’m only run-of-the-mill incompetent.”
He also said “Well people learn on the job and I haven’t encountered this situation before.” Okay, yes, people DO learn a lot on the job, but there’s a bare minimum of knowledge that you’re supposed to have from the start! This is the equivalent of working at McDonalds and not knowing that when a customer asks for a trio/combo that means they want fries and a drink with their sandwich.
Also it’s ON THE WEBSITE so it’s not like it’s some kind of super secret inside baseball type of thing!
Agh a friend whom I adore is getting in shape for his wedding and this past weekend he brought up his new workout routine at least 4 times while we were hanging out in a group.
I would like to be supportive but talking about workouts over beer and (amazing) BBQ is 1. guilt-inducing and 2. SO BORING.
I really just needed to bitch about that. Who else needs to bitch about friends in a non-judgmental environment?
Ugh, hearing about new diets and work out routines more than once in a sitting is unacceptable! One of my friends is very fond of complaining about her workplace, which is totally fine as a rule, but she will get highly specific it and start mentioning names of co-workers like we are all supposed to know who they are, etc. Her stories can end up taking over friend time completely. It’s El Sucko. People need to develop more self-awareness!
Oh dear that does sound annoying. Many sympathies! I also have a friend who is wonderful and whom I love but is being a bit frustrating. She often comes to me when she’s upset, which is fine and in fact I like feeling needed so that’s cool — but today she was telling me how she’s upset because she wants to try a certain very difficult to succeed in career and she feels it’s all a bit late now. I listened and made sympathetic comments and some practical suggestions on how she might go about giving it a go and she basically shot down all of them because she didn’t think she had it in her, rather than for any real practical reason. I was thinking ‘OH COME ON! If you want it, you need to give yourself a chance!!’ (I sort of said that but in a much nicer way.) I’m hoping it was because she was in a mopey mood rather than that she’s actually not going to take up some of the suggestions which have a chance. I’ve been that person of being determinedly miserable that nothing would work so I can’t really be judgmental… but it’s pretty damn frustrating when you’re on the other end and you want them to feel better!
OH, also, I bought Hozier’s latest album to see what his songs that are not Take Me To Church are about, and spoiler alert, they are for the most part very creepy and gloomy and weird!
Here’s one about going to the woods with your lover and dying and the animals and insects eat your corpses!
This one is about how he’s a zombie of some kind and his girlfriend is a necrophiliac or something?
Here is one about the countless delights of arson.
This song is about drug use and also contains a lovely reference to the allegory of the cave.
In conclusion:
My first exposure to Hozier was not TMTC but this weird warbly song called “To Be Alone.” I really liked it, so maybe I should get this album? (I like TMTC too, but I was really into the total creepiness of To Be Alone.)
I dunno, I kinda like creepy and gloomy and weird?
Oh I’m not complaining about it! But I was lulled into a false sense of complacency because the music is often so lilting and pretty and I’m like “What a lovely ballad about having a picnic in the woods with your girlfriend! *checks lyrics* Oh… they’re both dead.”
oh, I am on board.
Why I Would Make An Excellent Hozier’s Necromancer Girlfriend And You Should Consider Me For The Position
1) I start fires every time I crack my knuckles.
2) I went to mass every day for my first seven years, and have been back twice since. My Latin is impeccable.
3) I can perfectly imitate the mating calls of five near-extinct avian species.
4) My Actual Name is Honey.
5) Bards visit me in my fever-dreams.
My life is so boring to anyone who’s not me, I’m almost thankful Mad Men ended so I have something to talk about when people ask me what’s new. On the plus side, I am listening to “Ferryboat and Sea Noises” on mynoise so I am taking to the sea while living my best (boring) life in my cube.
I just discovered the thing that is filling the void in my life where the Hairpin’s old Scandals of Classic Hollywood used to be- the You Must Remember This podcast! Highly recommend! I’ve been binge-listening for three days and I can’t do anything else.
Yay extra Open Thread! I needed this, as I had a complete meltdown after work today – suffering from some serious Impostor Syndrome, made worse by being the longest-serving member of my team currently but still barely feeling competent, especially compared to some of my colleagues who are over achieving month on month. Add to that I work in an industry getting people from unemployment into jobs which brings me into contact with people suffering from all kinds of ill-fortune and bursts my mental bubble of middle-class security, and I don’t cope very well with this.
Thankfully husband is a clever and sane man and talked me around, including going into all the worst case scenarios we could face, which helped a bit.
Nothing really to any purpose, I suppose, just wanted to talk a bit.
On the negative side, the local weather looks to be rainy this Mem-Day weekend as it has been for most weekends this spring, which irks me because I’m doing a big bike ride at the end of July and need to get some serious mileage in. On the positive side, I’m going to be investigating an RPG group (Pathfinder) this weekend, and if it looks suitable, I want to roll a barbarian named Gretchen the Mansplitter.
Gretchen the Mansplitter! Pure badass.
Boo. Do you have a trainer or rollers? You might be able to find some on clearance this time of year at your LBS. Riding inside sucks but so does riding in the rain 🙂 What ride are you doing?
RAGBRAI. Yeah, I could go to the gym and just spin for a while, and that actually might be better conditioning, but I prefer to get actual road time in if I can. Eh, I’ll just have to chance it and pack a poncho in case of rain, just like RAGBRAI itself.
Is anyone else haunted by the letter at AAM about telling your boss to fuck off?
yes, although I am more haunted by the “company wants me to pay back half my salary” letter. WTF, random startup, how many less knowledgable people did you fuck over?
But yeah, that first one is…like…stop digging, buddy, nooo, you’re still digging, noooo. And good on the boss for being very direct.
Well both really. That startup thing made me sooooo mad but I keep imagining the various bits and pieces of information that had to have been left out of the other one. Why was the one coworker so upset? Why was the LW? What other messes???
What is “tough nut to crack” referring to? Did LW use those exact words? Why did anyone tell the other woman LW said that about her in the first place? Such mysteries. (Was half hoping for, half dreading LW chiming in in the comments.)
Aaaaand cringing at imagining LW being fired and asked about said firing in her next interview, aaaagh it will be excruciating
LW chimed in and NOTHING IS ANY CLEARER! Commenter “Bob” in that thread if you just want to CTRL-F it.
everything sounds terrible and I wish for the new job/clean start fairy to touch them all with her magic wand.
” I’m friends with my boss outside work..so I was telling her as a friend outside work to (F off).”
. . ..
. . .
??????
I also can’t figure out why the LW told the boss to eff off in the first place, since it doesn’t sound like the boss was the one told the coworker about the ‘though nut to crack’ comment? LW just said the boss said “something” and so they told him to eff off. I would like to inhabit the world this LW lives in where things that happen at non-work events simply haven’t happened.
i’m probably too late, but: I have an IUD question! (Ugh, I know, but I am having so many issues.)
Ok. I got a Mirena a month and a half ago. I’ve never been on hormonal birth control before but reacted strongly (and negatively) to hormones the one time I took the morning after pill. The pain/bleeding side effects aren’t too bothersome and I assume they’ll go away as time passes, but I’m also having lots of side effects that ARE bothersome (crazy appetite leading to slight weight gain, basically no libido, increased depression and anxiety, weird self-image stuff, I’m always tired, etc.).
1. If you had a Mirena and had these kinds of side effects, did they go away after a while? I’m willing to wait it out if I feel there’s a good chance these things will sort themselves out, but if not, I want to get this thing out of me.
2. If I switch to Paragard, will I hate everything forever? My periods have been tolerable but not great (pre-IUD, I needed heavy painkillers and occasionally had to take time off) and I know Paragard makes them worse for a while but they possibly even out again.
Ugh. No good birth control, is there?
I haz a Mirena, and I’m at the five-month mark now. It definitely got a LOT cooler after three months.
I have gained weight, but it seems to have settled down (now, to lose those extra twenty!). My main problems were the near-daily cramps and spotting, more than the hormonal side effects. I’ve always reacted well to the other stuff I was on, though (patch and ring, never pill).
I would definitely wait longer! Trust them when they say “give it six months.”
But keep a record of your ups and downs, too, and make sure you are tracking when/if things taper off. If they don’t stop, don’t just be like “Welp, I’m used to it now ….”
Echoing allanaaa – after 3 or 4 months with my first Mirena (I just got my second put in a month ago!) things totally evened out. There was no more random spotting, cramps reduced by a jillion percent, my moods seemed to be calmer, etc. If you can do it, hang in there for a few more months.
I found it helpful to download a period app that lets you record physical symptoms as well as moods. I think mine is called Period Tracker (it has cute little emoji faces for all your weird moods), but basically it was more reassuring to me to try to assess some sort of pattern, and to feel like I was recording my feelings for Science and Calculating and whatever else than just lost in a morass of weird, new symptoms.
Hope you feel better soon!
I stupidly agreed to chaperone a second grade field trip today. We packed into a school bus like a bunch of hollering sardines, then proceeded to a historic plantation/civil war battlefield. The staff had apparently never seen lower elementary kids before, and lectured as if they were college students. The best questions came from a little girl who wanted to know definitively how many acres were on the farm and how much every item was worth.
This shall be buried, but I have a sneaking sinking feeling that I may have to cut dairy out of my diet. First, I got Celiac disease, after loudly declaiming against all faddish gluten-free folks. Like cross-contamination-ruins-me-for-days Celiac. Ok. I’m pretty much fine with a bread free diet now. Well, I took a break from dairy due to some other issues. (Apparently untreated Celiac can actually induce lactose intolerance? Joyous.) Stomach is fine, but ALSO the terrible middle-aged hormonal acne I’ve been battling for months has cleared up and my skin is soft and smooth and dewy as a 36 year old’s skin can be. So this is who I am now, isn’t it? A dairy-free, gluten-free near-vegetarian? Clearly I’m being punished for mocking all my faddish relatives who CAN eat bread and cheese but won’t. May you all be warned.
*hugs* I’m dealing with the same things. Probable celiac and possible dairy issues. I haven’t fully cut the dairy out because MY GOD life without cheese, but it is ROUGH. Especially since I’m not in a particularly GF friendly area. And it’s SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE UGH. But yes, feel free to bitch about having to be “that person” now. I 100000% get it.
I hear you, bb. I hear you. I’m That Girl when it comes to food issues, too.
I forgot to post earlier, but last week I started this spreadsheet for Toast connection – https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1_26MiL9WN…
If you’re into that, go add your tumblr and instagram and whatever info so other Toasties can hunt you down. Or whatever. Do with it what you will!
Yay, thank you for re-sharing! Google Docs was blocked at work, but now isn’t, so I was able to remember to update.
Bunburying is right, of course, but assuming this is not an event like a retinal tear, take comfort in my experience: the floaters that were driving me up a wall (and which my doctor assures me are perfectly normal) have either diminished or I've finally become accustomed to them.
I used to jump out of my skin every time I stood at my bathroom sink putting in my contacts because the pattern of floaters projects along the adjacent wall and looks like a giant insect out of the corner of my eye. It caught me almost every morning and night. They're still there, but it's been months since they've bothered me. So once your doc says you're healthy, you can either get 'em zapped (yikes) or you can hang tight like I did and see if they stop bugging you.
The thing I was going to say is too crude even for me to say, I realized just before I started typing it, so I will just say "To your health!"
Sorry! I don't mean to be flippant! I suppose it's just that it's always the same questions ("I think I love this woman, am I being selfish by doing something that she says means an end to the relationship?" "What's so important about having sex with men, yet I feel it so!") but somehow the fact that every man who has struggled with these questions seems to come to the same answer doesn't serve as guidance to the next struggler. The fact that you feel torn up over these questions is itself your answer, dude! Has any man who ever spent very much time thinking "am I gay?" ultimately concluded "no"?
Toasties, I got accepted to a year long TAship program and now I don’t have to try and graduate by December! I can stay through next year! Plus, it’s for a writing program so A. I won’t be stuck with 80% pre-med students who are desperate for A’s and B. I get to stretch my non-science writing muscles before I get on the job market.
Had a giant migraine on Sunday, then my guts were on fire Tuesday, now I’m mostly better but … I’m tired, guys. It’s not boredom, more like … itching for adventure.
Speaking of adventure, I’ve been planning my 5th annual Summer Vacation with Mom, and I sortof want to cancel (we haven’t bought tickets yet) and do something alone. I’d kindof feel like a jerk if I did that, because we don’t see each other much, and I do enjoy her company. It’s just that I don’t seem to have enough time off to spend with her AND be alone.
*flops on the bed dramatically*
This was an orphan comment that was meant to be a reply to something else, but ended up on its own. So I am editing it to make for a slightly more interesting stand alone comment. Any good journaling blogs or websites with writing prompts or programs/regimens that you all have tried? I’m thinking about journaling again, but if experience tells me anything, it’s that I need a bit more structure to actually stick to it. Suggestions?
I have a great title but no inspiration. What do literary/pop music Toasties see for “A Modest Proposal, by Taylor Swift”?
Here’s hoping for a good comment. Not even wishing for Mallory to take it up.
I have to admit, I am kind of disappointed that nobody has talked about whether Dr. Zoidberg’s penis is at all like a turtle penis.
Phew thanks! Seriously, the stuff they don't teach you in school that you *really* need to know!
I didn't see "Jupiter Ascending," but every review was united in calling it overstuffed and overcomplicated, even the positive reviews.
Fury Road, (which I saw and loved) is over *the top*, but brutally lean and fast, with streamlined, elegant storytelling and almost no exposition. It's also generally agreed to be a technically exceptional film, with fantastic pacing, cinematography and practical effects (one major class of people who hated JA but loved FR: film critics).
So if you disliked Jupiter Ascending because it was kind of an awesome mess, you should know that Fury Road has its stuff thoroughly in gear. If you were put off by the wildness of the world-building, you should know that Fury Road's world building is extremely wild.