1,097 Comments

    4. projectbeks +5

      I sent this link to Mr. Wren, and he said, “Let’s just move to the mountains and get one of these cats.”

  2. Bunburying +11

    FALLEN LONDON THREAD

    I zailed to Polythreme, friends. I may never be the same again.

    Now I’m heading to the Iron Republic… the place with a giant warning label on it on the destination selection screen. “YOU MAY BE PERMANENTLY CHANGED.” Too late, jerks, maybe you should have said something before you let the coal in my ship boiler turn sentient.

    1. smeesmeesmee +2

      I still can’t work out how to get to the Iron Republic. Do I have to wait for a rare card or something? I did the Governor of Port Carnelian bit for a few terms and had a good time but now I am back home.

      1. winterbymorning +1

        You need an Iron Republic Safe-Conduct, for which you need 3 Marks of Credit Pages… and those are a pain to get because you essentially need to wait for a special rare card (the Numismatrix).

      2. aqueousmedium +1

        You need an Iron Republic safe conduct, and the things you need to get that should be listed in a storylet in your lodgings. Open ways to new parts of the city, I think?

      3. Bunburying +1

        You need a special item called an Iron Republic Safe Passage, which you can get through the Numismatrix.

    2. Vera_Knoop +1

      I got the safe passage a while back but remain too chickenshit to actually go.

      1. katenepveu +2

        It’s very cool and so far there’s been no actual permanent change. Which is not to say some won’t come later, but, it’s very cool.

      2. dyingofthatroar +1

        Me too! I’m scared!

        I also have some questions about fate things — is my Formula for Empyrean Rendolence going to get used up if I use it several times? I’ve used it twice (on the hyena and the seal) but I’m a bit scared of using it too much.

        Similarly, is the key to flute street something you can reuse? Do you go there, mess around, come out, and then you have to pay more fate to access it again? Or do you have the key, and then you can go anytime you fancy?

        This week I started breeding beasts and finally got my ocelot, so I can start raising my Scholar of the Correspondence (at 9.5 already!) in order to become a Correspondent. That pot of ink looks amazeballs.

        BaronBenas

        1. Vera_Knoop +1

          Both of those are reusable! You can definitely go back to Flute Street, and if there’s a limit to how many times you can use the Empyrean Redolence, I haven’t hit it yet, and I’ve made quite a few endearingly horrible beasties.

          1. dyingofthatroar +1

            Many thanks! I am quite conservative with my Fate expenditure, so I didn’t want to pay out for Flute Street if it was just a one-time deal.

            I hope your menagerie is well!

    3. octopoda +3

      Working on getting Magnificent Diamonds then I can finally move on with my Zubmarine. Yes I’m still working on this.

  3. grumblyqueer +17

    My darling LGBToasties and my chill Toastallies, I have two words for you:

    PRIDE THREAD!!! Where are you going, what are you doing, are you going to be in drag? I myself will be checking bags tomorrow at a midwest Pride festival for give or take 7 hours. In expected 88-degree weather. Lord help me.

    1. LacaunaKale +3

      For once, no. I’ve walked with my faith group for the last few years (i even made the new banner). This year, my schedule isn’t going to allow for more then a quick parade gawking. And honestly, I’m good with that, even it does mean that our group is going to look sadder then ever.

    2. gorebooth +2

      Dyke March tonight, maybe some parade watching tomorrow, then mojitos in the backyard!

    3. 2for1cheesecake +4

      It’s not for another 2 weeks, but I’m going to see Peaches perform! In a park! I’m really excited about this.

    4. deleted9457019 +2

      My two-year-long stint of getting hooked up to march in the Parade rather than watching it may be coming to an end. Back to being jostled by drunk teens, I guess!

    5. geekcrackteam +1

      Dublin Pride at the end of the month (Also London Pride, which I won’t be at for obvious I’ll-be-in-Dublin reasons)

      Lacking my crew though and I’m a bit worried that no one will show and I won’t get to go (or have to go with my mother), which would be shit cause I’m flying back especially. Also they’ve changed the route and now I’m feeling nostalgic for the Pride of my childhood.

      And Irish/emigrant Toasties want to make a Toast banner and March?

    6. mittenstheboar +1

      Hello! Just popping in to say that i have heard pedialyte is good for hydration. Take care of yourself and have so much fun.

    7. elsamac +7

      I just discovered that our local children’s museum kicked off our 10-day Pride with free admission for LGBTQ families this morning, which AW YEAH. A lot of our local Pride stuff caters more to adult or teen experiences, and those are so valuable, but golly I love seeing the museum host this event.

    9. irishbreakfasttime +1

      I haven’t gone to a Pride thing in years, since I stopped living with my Pride-going roommate. Still not going to Pride this year, but I AM going to his wedding reception, yay!

    10. Hadrosaur +1

      Yay, Pride! I have somehow managed to never go to Pride, because since I’ve lived in a city that actually has Pride, something else has always come up. I’m determined to go this year.

      Also, my city has a Pride video games event where you can have Pokemon battles. 😀

    11. wallofillusion +2

      I’m marching in Pittsburgh Pride with the Renaissance City Choirs on Sunday and then hopping over to my church’s booth to table for a little bit! I would have marched with church but (a) marched with church last year and (b) I get to SING if I march with choir.
      (Also re: Pittsburgh Pride, no more Iggy Azalea, hallelujah)

      And then next weekend I’m visiting a friend in Columbus and going to Columbus Pride! I have never been to Columbus Pride.

    12. Household_Opera +1

      I’m missing the NYC pride parade this year — but it’s because I’m going to be at a library conference in San Francisco that weekend…so I’ll be marching with my fellow librarians in the SF Pride parade instead! I’m so excited!

    13. dorianneemmerton +2

      Here in Toronto, I will be going between the Family Pride area, and the 519 beer garden that lets people with kids in separate from the line. This is ostensibly so kids can cool off in the splash and also, probably, because young kids have no patience for lines. It’s fantastic. (I don’t do the parade in any way.)

    14. renjender +3

      Had the best Pride in years: the endless stream of corporate groups in the parade was disrupted by a group protesting the deaths of trans women of color (and their demands– http://www.therainbowtimesmass.com/2015/06/13/wic… — include no corporate banks in the parade–yes!). The grade school and high school groups included some adorable, really young trans kids. Lots of young people of color (20 years ago Pride was a lot whiter) were at the parade and “festival” afterward and we all saw Mary Lambert, a great live performer whose her body positive monologue made one of the kids in front of me cry. Then (unaffiliated with Pride, but c’mon) I saw Ex Hex who are pure sex onstage. Picture an all-woman band with serious indie cred (Mary Timony!) jamming onstage together, crotch to crotch, in tiny sequined shorts. Oh it was good.

  4. deleted7410012 +5

    in addition to saying a fond farewell to christopher lee, i would also like to say that ron moody will be very missed. “the twelve chairs” is one of those movies for my family, the kind where we can recreate the entire script from memory.

    1. 1sic1 +1

      Did you read the book it’s based on? I kinda thought the movie really didn’t live up to it.

      1. deleted7410012 +1

        i never have, but i love the movie dearly, so maybe it’s best if i don’t read to compare them!

  5. CleverManka +5

    Music thread?

    I am bummed about how much I don’t like Muse’s new album that dropped this week. It’s all of their bad qualties on one album and not enough of their good ones to balance. Honestly, I’m not sure there are enough good Muse qualities to balance some of the lyrics and musical arrangements on this one and that’s coming from someone who owns and enjoys all six of their previous albums.

    I’ve had little success finding new music lately. Am I getting too picky in my crotchety old age? I’m generally fond of pop in all forms, but my favorite artists of all time are Peter Gabriel and Bob Mould. Some friends recently recommended Elbow, Finger Eleven, and Dredg and I wasn’t that impressed. They were okay but they didn’t engage me for more than a couple songs. Suggestions, Toasties?

    2. SwitchingGenres +8

      I listen to All Songs Considered every week, and that’s how I find 90% of my new music.

    3. RandomCrouton +3

      Just for bands with recent (or upcoming releases) in 2015:
      Built to Spill, Alabama Shakes, Tame Impala, Father John Misty…

      I can and will go on if not stopped

      I also recommend catching KEXP online, or their daily song-of-the-day podcast, I always find great music through them!

      (ps – also recommend Yo La Tengo b/c they are awesome)

      1. CleverManka +1

        Much obliged for the recommendations! Firing up YouTube for some afternoon listening, now.

      2. deleted7410012 +3

        seconding yo la tengo! they are eclectic enough that i think most people will find something to like, and i personally think georgia’s voice is so calming and comforting.

    4. deleted7410012 +1

      i really like hop along’s new album. here is a track on youtube. kind of grunge-y/folk-y, the female vocalist has a great, creaky, almost janis joplin-esque voice, and i like how their songs kind of…trip over themselves? they often veer off of the rhythms that i expect.

      in looking for new music (new as in out this year, and new as in new to you) i would suggest searching songza by artist or by mood. their playlists are really specific and any given artist (peter gabriel, for instance) can be on playlists ranging from “candlelit dinner” to “sophisticated 70s” to “night bus” to “eye of the tiger: confidence mix.”

        1. deleted7410012 +1

          that houndmouth song is great! makes me want to dance, or swagger down the street, haha.

      1. CleverManka +1

        And see, this is why I’m wondering if I’m just being picky and cranky because I’ve listened to it a few times and it just did not move me like Ceremonials.

      2. TheRenleigh +1

        I love the new Florence and the Machine album! A friend and I have texted about basically nothing but that for the past week.

    6. octopoda +5

      Songza was already covered, that’s where I get my new music these days, usually. Also I’ll never stop evangelizing Dessa because Dessa is awesome. Check out Dessa! (if you haven’t heard her already)

    7. sarah_jay +1

      I’ve been reminded how much I love My Brightest Diamond this last week. Her most recent album is fantastic! And she’s working on new material between festivals this summer, and I’m excited to see/hear what comes next
      The video for Pressure is one of the best music videos I’ve ever seen. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CePpTXIuQzY

    8. dancingcrowdesigns +1

      After whining last week about being unable to make Slacker radio work, I have discovered that I should tell it to make a station from ONE artist or group. Then they play about half of that which happens to be precisely what I want, and half of “stuff you might also like that we think sounds like that”

      I was working under the mistaken impression that if I specified enough artists they would all be represented somehow. That is not the case. So I pick someone I’d like to hear, and they play me more of stuff like that (give or take) and it is better than it was.

      I have not bought an album in a long time, because I like change in my ears better these days than I used to. I think my attention span is shrinking – it is harder and harder to watch anything that isn’t both feminist and brilliant, and harder to listen to things that sound preposterous or self absorbed. Or possibly it is my standards rising.

      1. CleverManka +1

        I’m going to have to move over to the buying songs one at a time instead of on albums, too. Seems the way of the future. sigh

        1. dancingcrowdesigns +1

          I do not actually buy songs? I am tempted to buy a monthly subscription to Slacker, but only the cheap one where I get no advertising but also get little control over what specific songs I hear.

          Except, like I said, I like the change, and i like radio, so this is working pretty well for me.

    9. cosetthetable +2

      I am in love with the new album from The Weepies. (there are a couple songs I’m not very excited about, but I have an album version of Crooked Smile which makes up for it, I didn’t think they’d ever record it- The first half of the album is better than the second half, I especially love No Trouble and Learning to Fly (tom petty cover))

      I also finally watched the Taylor Swift- Bad Blood video, and it’s full of interesting women playing interesting superheroes.

      1. CleverManka +1

        1989 is the only album I’ve purchased in the last nine months that didn’t disappoint me.

    10. IntensiveClare +1

      I’m not really up on new music, so this is a good thread. I keep meaning to listen to Laura Marling’s latest, but I like almost all of her albums. I’ve heard a little bit of Joy Williams’ new solo album, which I’ve liked so far, but then also makes me want to listen to the Civil Wars again.

    11. gallimaufry_ +1

      I am also an album listener of old who is wondering whether I should be switching to individual songs. Ho hum. Having said that, I have loved a couple of albums-as-albums lately – White Men Are Black Men Too by Young Fathers, Panda Bear Meets the Grim Reaper by Panda Bear, and also the new Sufjan Stevens album, Carrie & Lowell.

      For singles, Courtney Barnett (lots of good songs on her album Sometimes I Sit and Think, and Other Times I Just Sit – try Pedestrian At Best), Nadine Shah (try X Marks the Spot) and The Staves if something country-ish could appeal (try Teeth White).

      I find a lot of new music through Tom Ravenscroft’s Friday night show on the BBC 6 Music radio station. He’s John Peel’s kid. You can listen to it any time the week after it broadcasts anywhere in the world on BBC iPlayer.

    12. anon

      Going off the beaten path a little, you may enjoy Andrew Bird or Squalloscope. Going off the beaten path entirely, robot love songs and ballads abounding, Steam Powered Giraffe is awesome and quirky. I’ve also recently been obsessed with Girl Quartet, an all-female barbershop group that /nails it/. There’s a group called The Whitsundays, which is essentially Beach Boys + antidepressants… if you’re in a low mood, they get you.

      Old hat, but if you haven’t listened to all of Gotye’s “Making Mirrors” album, just the 20 million iterations of Somebody that I Used To Know, you are missing out. Haven’t heard much from Like Drawing Blood yet, but here’s hoping, ya know?

  6. ToastiewithCheese +32

    So.. work sucked again this week, mostly because I still suck at work (in my defense: it’s hard!) and this was the second week of the boy being away so I had no source of comforting hugs, but I don’t care. Why? Because GAIL SIMONE FOLLOWED ME ON TWITTER.

    I have no idea what I did to deserve that.

    Anyway: social media is weird. Have you ever felt giddy because someone followed you somewhere, or replied, or favorited a tweet?

    1. daisicles +13

      I was insanely giddy when Stephen Fry followed me on Twitter, even though this was some time ago and I think he was still automatically following pretty much anyone who followed him first. So I understand completely!

        1. daisicles +6

          Not gonna lie, there was definitely a teensy bit of bragging going on at the time. Because Stephen Fry.

    2. urspostrophe +12

      OMG yes. Emily Nussbaum’s husband follows me on Twitter and has interacted with me a few times in conversations about the complexities of the English language. I only have like 60 followers and EMILY NUSSBAUM’S HUSBAND is one of them!!!

      1. ToastiewithCheese +4

        Oh man. I love her. Who’s her husband? With his taste in women, he’s probably worth a follow too.

    4. ppyajunebug +17

      HELL YES. God, I get so weirdly excited when someone I like favorites/replies/retweets something I posted.

      The most ~famous~ person who follows me is Patton Oswalt, which I’m still ridiculous happy about because I love his comedy even if he’s uber problematic sometimes and also we went to the same college.

      Sometimes Bryan Fuller retweets or favorites my tweets during Hannibal livetweeting, and that never fails to make me happy.

      1. ToastiewithCheese +7

        I think being followed by Patton Oswalt would tempt me into trying to provoke him, which probably wouldn’t end well. I’m conflicted about him: I often find him funny, and I love how unapologetically nerdy he is, but he’s not exactly big on empathy, it seems.

        Bryan Fuller though? That’s just plain cool. I am planning on starting Hannibal (I have it *ahem* lined up), but I’m been too squeamish so far.

        1. ppyajunebug +3

          He followed me like two years ago when he had just started watching Hannibal and was like “I desperately want to be the grocer who figures out Hannibal’s a cannibal based on his grocery bills” and I tweeted at him and Bryan being like MAKE THIS HAPPEN. It was odd.

          But yeah, he’s definitely the most problematic of my faves and I’m 1000% aware that he’s more than a little bit of an asshole, but his comedy makes me laugh and he’s a huge fucking nerd, so I just sit quietly in the corner and knock my progressiveness levels down a few.

      2. goonerkate +2

        I got a favorite from Bryan Fuller when I was tweeting about the one episode of High Moon that aired (I’m still really sad that SyFy didn’t pick that up for a full season. THERE WAS A ROBOT DINOSAUR ON THE MOON), and it made me unreasonably happy. He’s my favorite for Pushing Daisies alone, but with Wonderfalls and Hannibal and Dead Like Me? The man is the best.

    5. cosetthetable +17

      I once gave an hour long talk at a con (Conbust) titled “Mom! Neil Gaiman Retweeted Me!” (In reality, he actually at-replied Mr.Table, but, whatever.) It was a couple years ago, but it was basically my thoughts about how social media has changed fanworks, changed what we consider a celebrity, and how it all relates to feminism (basically, it’s becoming more socially acceptable to be a fan in ways that have been labeled as “feminine”, and even when it’s not generally considered particularly socially acceptable, there are growing areas for likeminded people to congregate where no one gives a fuck)

      Off the top of my head, the list of people I have become giddy about interacting with on social media include:
      Neil Gaiman
      Ben Goldacre
      The Weepies
      Pir8Fancier
      …. and… uh… Mallory.

      1. urspostrophe +8

        Oh yeah, how could I forget Mallory! She faved one of my tweets once. Best day.

        1. dakimel +11

          On the day my spouse came home all excited to tell me that Mallory had faved one of his tweets @ her, I finally knew our 21 year old marriage was destined to last.

      2. cosetthetable +3

        Oh, and I’m FB friends (real accounts, not public facing accounts) with a couple female games journalists who are serious enough to have made it to a few GG target lists but not big enough to have gotten the worst of things. I very quietly fangirl them in my head, but try very very hard not to be weird about it, because they’ve got enough to deal with without me overinflating my relationship with them just because I think they’re really cool.

    6. Rachel8489 +5

      Mine are mostly activist-related, but @NARAL follows me and has retweeted me more than once. Um, @deray RTed me once and that was absolutely NUTS, my notifications went crazy. And Lizz Winstead follows me on Twitter and remembered me from Twitter when I met her in real life!

      1. ToastiewithCheese +3

        Ok, don’t want to make this into a competition, but you may have won with the Lizz Winstead one, since a) she’s awesome and b) it translated to real life!

        1. Rachel8489 +2

          Lizz Winstead always captains a team for the New York Abortion Access Fund bowl-a-thon and my friend is works for her, so she introduced us there 🙂

    7. Either_Ada +9

      I once tweeted at Neil Degrasse Tyson that the word “sesquipedalian” was not onomatopoetic, as he claimed, but autologic. I immediately felt like a pedantic dick (pedandick?) for doing it, but he graciously replied back. I treasure his reply in my heart.

      Also, Mr. Ada once suggested to John Hodgman (on our joint account, so I’m taking partial credit) that he should star in modern retelling of Ninotchka, “How Ayn Rand Got Her Groove Back”. Hodgman enthusiastically agreed. Why isn’t this actually happening?

      The Brattle Theater, where we were watching the movie, chimed in to suggest that it be performed there as a live puppet show. Again: why isn’t this actually happening?

      1. ToastiewithCheese +2

        I would totally watch that – I love Ninotchka, and Hodgman. Who would we cast as Ayn Rand/Ninotchka though? I’m thinking maybe Cate Blanchett?

    8. Mrs_Peel +2

      Yes!! Michael Kupperman (my favorite cartoonist) and Stephen Hough (my favorite pianist).

      Kupperman is particularly great about interacting with fans, and will favorite pretty much anyone’s jokes (no matter how terrible).

    9. tekkah +9

      I once wrote a blog post about my love for Molly Grue from my favorite book in the world, Peter S. Beagle’s “The Last Unicorn.” I always put a link up to twitter when I write a blog post, so I did what I usually did and thought nothing else of it.

      Until Peter S. Beagle retweeted it.

      I think that was my greatest Twitter moment… unless JK Rowling replies to the question I asked her yesterday about whether or not fictional/extinct animals can be patronuses.

    10. sednarea51 +9

      Hayley Atwell follows me on Twitter, and every time I see she is still following me despite my dumb jokes, I feel a little surge of pride and delight.
      Also whenever Nicole or Mallory respond to me, here or on Twitter, a little frisson of glee rolls down my spine. SENPAI NOTICED MEEEE.

    11. rolotomassi5 +2

      I get crazy pumped about that kind of thing. Chelsea Peretti (comedy genius) & Emily V Gordon (delightful podcast host all around cool person married to Kuamil Nanjiani) favorited some tweets of mine once. Mallory has done the same.

      Lauren Lapkus (Earwolf/comedy royalty as far as I’m concerned) replied to me once on FB. *faints dead away*

    12. lady_bane +3

      Gail Simone is following me on Tumblr! I have no idea why, since like half of what I post is vague text posts about my feels from anime.

      Giancarlo Volpe pretty much likes everything that goes in the Green Lantern: The Animated Series tag, which means he’s liked some of my stuff on occasion!

      oh, and then there was this one time that I made a silly post on Cartoon Network’s Facebook page about GLTAS being cancelled and someone screenshotted it and was like “THIS IS SO FANTASTIC’ on Tumblr and it got like 2000 notes. It was under my actual name too, and my name is super uncommon so its like one of the first things that shows up when you google me. I’m not even mad though, because it was funny and I wouldn’t worry about any future employers finding it.

    13. octopoda +7

      Nicole (Cliffe) favorited one of my tweets and I felt like I won Twitter basically.

    14. sarah_jay +16

      I decorated sugar cookies with motifs from one of my favorite fabric designers and she reposted them on her instagram! I was fangirling all day!

    15. ChloeKEvil +1

      Sarah Rees Brennan (YA author) follows my tumblr and occasionally reblogs things from me. I almost choked on my kraft dinner when I got the notification and she replied to my post about it apologizing. Fortunately, I was out of kraft dinner by then, or history would have repeated itself.

  7. BourneApprox +14

    GAME THREAD. What are you playing this week, Toasties? Getting anything on Steam sale?

    I am still playing Invisible Inc., aka “Stealth XCOM With Cyberpunk Spies.” I think it might be one of my favorite games ever. Not only does it have wonderfully tense and exciting strategy heist-based gameplay, not only is the art design fantastic and the cast full of women and PoC. But it’s also basically a White Dude Tazing Simulator. Here, watch Nika the Russian lady bodyguard taze this random guard for infinity:

    I’m also playing MOTHAFUCKIN REGENCY SOLITAIRE MOTHAFUCKA. Um, I mean I’m playing Regency Solitaire. Here, let the folks at Offworld describe its awesomeness. It’s well-designed solitaire, but also with cads and balls and gambling debts. Fuck. Yes.

    2. ToastiewithCheese +12

      Remember Dug, from Up? Imagine him going “squirrel?” except it was me and I just went “Steam Sale?” in much the same manner.

      1. BourneApprox +7

        Yeah I’m totally not buying anything in this Steam Sale this time.
        *Looks down, and notices that she’s already pressing “Purchase” on the checkout screen for Don’t Starve.*
        Awwwwww!

    3. smeesmeesmee +4

      I loved Regency Solitaire! Although when I played it through on hard mode I could not complete the last level. 35 card combo?!??? Had a great time making up my ballroom.

    4. Thujaplicata +2

      I got Don’t Starve last night. So far the best I’ve done was 6 nights, at which point I had about 15 points of sanity and attacked a pig man and died. It’s really fun though!

      1. ballisticjaguar +1

        I bought Don’t Starve a week ago, and I am loving it! So far I’ve made it to 27 days max, although in my current playthrough I’m at 24! If I’m not playing as a specific unlockable character (who has an advantage that is helpful for darkness) it’s usually the darkness that gets me.

      2. BourneApprox +1

        Just bought it here too! (Sigh.) Between that, Mark of the Ninja, and Invisible Inc, Klei has to be one of the most amazingly talented indie developers ever.

      3. onehundredthjen +1

        I just got Don’t Starve! A friend recommended it because I love any game where I can collect and hoard things. Haven’t played it yet but I like the sound of it.

      1. BourneApprox +3

        Holy shit it’s so fucking awesome and my husband is really tired of me talking about it.

    7. katenepveu +2

      Is anyone playing 80 Days? I really want to talk about it but I don’t want to spoil people.

    8. ballisticjaguar +2

      As I mentioned in another part of this thread, I’m playing Don’t Starve. I also started Xenoblade Chronicles recently and I’m enjoying it!

      I recently read a Civ V Let’s Play and thought it sounded like a game I’d like. Some investigation revealed Endless Space/Legend to me and I think I’d like to get one of these instead of Civ V. For anyone who plays 4X games, would these be ok for a person who is a total beginner at this kind of game? Or should I just go for Civ?

      1. BourneApprox +1

        Hmm, good question! I’m an occasional but not obsessive 4X player. I’ve never actually gotten around to Civ V, but Civ IV was my jam, and I’ve done Gal Civ 2 and recently Endless Legend. I personally really adore Endless Legend. It felt nicely intuitive (more so, than, say Civ IV, but Civ IV’s apparently a lot more complicated than Civ V). There are some neat innovations in gameplay, and playing as one civilization over another can totally change the game. Like, one civilization (the Dust Lords) consumes money instead of food, and another (the Cultists) can only found one city for the entire game. I’m not a total beginner, but I do tend to prefer my 4X games simple with deep mechanics instead of absurdly complicated, and I really enjoyed it.

      1. BourneApprox +2

        I really should buy it one of these days. It’ll probably show up for like $1 on the sale this week, so I really have no excuse…

    10. ToastiewithCheese +3

      Just bought Regency Solitaire! It’s been a while since my last solitaire binge, so this should be fun.

        1. BourneApprox +2

          Me, three hours into my first time playing: “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

    11. Bunburying +11

      This week I was reading a gaming forum, like you do, and came across a gentleman with the following in his forum signature:

      “Read how a straight male gamer like me feels about Dragon Age Inquisition/LGBT/Feminism [CLICK HERE]
      Anita Sarkeesian keeps Bioware’s balls in a jar on her shelf.”

      And I thought, huh! I was truly curious to know what a straight male gamer feels about stuff! That is a voice we so rarely get to hear, after all! But in adding the second sentence, he spoiled the surprise and thus deprived me of the joy of clicking on the link. It was a tragedy, friends. So instead I had to content myself with dusting my collection of jarred game designer balls.

    12. tekkah +8

      I’m still playing Dragon Age Inquisition because when I fall in love with a game I play it for a million hours and have a hard time leaving.

      1. Thujaplicata +5

        Do you have to collect all the things? I have a hard time playing RPG games not as a rogue because then I can’t unlock all the boxes and get all the things.

        1. tekkah +5

          I’m a “clear all the quests, collect all the things, kill all the dragons” kind of person, absolutely! And I want to try out playing as every type, and I want to try out all the different available romantic storylines… multiple playthroughs are basically required for me.

      2. Angelan_ +2

        I just started a game as a qunari warrior. I’m trying to be a nice person this time round but it’s so haaard!

    13. bocadelperro +6

      Neko Atsume just had an update. Five new cats and a host of other goodies. I have SO MUCH to do this weekend, guys.

      1. Thujaplicata +3

        I know! I just bought one of the little tents and the watermelon. I’m saving my silver fish up to get the vase. I can’t wait to see how cats fit themselves into it.

    14. MaladyDee +2

      I just rebuilt my desktop to get Civ V running (my laptop is sad and overheats, poor baby) but now I’m seeing all these other recommendations and queuing them up on my wishlist! I’ve uninstalled the mobile games I had on my phone because it made my wrists sore and they were those endless free to play games that don’t really go anywhere. I still pick up Destiny from time to time for a few rounds of pvp, too. I still haven’t managed to finish Dragon Age Inquisition, but that seems to happen with every dragon age game on my first playthrough of it. I’ll restart it in a few months and then play it all the way through then.

    15. sednarea51 +2

      I’ve been playing co-op Borderlands: The PreSequel with friends for the past few months and it has just been a font of insane delights. Oh, Claptrap. Regency Solitaire looks SO GOOD! Gonna go buy that tonight!

    17. m98widow +2

      I am most of the way (I think?) through The Last of Us and I know that it’s just going to be brutal. I’ve been playing in short stints because I know it’s going to make me miserable (in a good way) and I get frustrated with the gameplay because I’m used to the Xbox controller and never hit the X button on the PS4 controller on the first try.

      I’ve also been playing Neverwinter on the Xbone – it was free so I’m giving it a try even though I don’t like playing with strangers.

  8. annecara +39

    So uh someone attempted to set our car on fire last night? It was an incredibly poor attempt and frankly I’d find it funny if I weren’t so freaked out – they wedged a full roll of paper towels under our tire and lit it on fire, causing no damage to our car and not that much damage to the towels either.

    Because he has apparently never watched a police procedural, my husband decided not to leave the burned paper towels at the car, but instead took them into the house and then went to work. So I wake up to a phone call from him at 7am saying “Hey, someone tried to torch our car, but I don’t know if we should even call the police, since there wasn’t any damage, and what are the police going to do anyway?”

    Me: “Fuck that, someone tried to SET FIRE TO OUR CAR, I’m calling the cops as soon as I drink some coffee and put some pants on.”

    But of course, the cops couldn’t really do anything other than write down what I told them, because my dumbass husband MOVED THE EVIDENCE without even taking a picture first, thus depriving them of, say, an actual intact potential crime scene. So now my husband’s both pissed off and feeling vindicated because the cops couldn’t do anything, and I’m pissed off because it’s his fucking fault that the cops couldn’t do anything – or maybe it isn’t, but we’ll never know because he MOVED THE FUCKING EVIDENCE.

    So. Yeah. I hope everyone else is having a better day than I am.

    1. Social +1

      Wha…? Why? YIKES. I’m so sorry, that’s just plain awful. Is the car still functioning? Hope so. And hope something turns up that gives you some answers too.

      1. annecara +2

        Thanks – the car is fine as far as we can tell. We’re hoping a neighbor might have caught it on security video, but I’m doubtful.

    2. friendofdaja +13

      That sucks, and what the fuck even? random car arson?

      Hope your weekend gets better from here on out.

      1. laurenipsum +14

        “what the fuck even?” is pretty much what I thought too. Like … ?????

        Hope this is a one-off.

    3. tubatoothpaste +6

      That’s so weird! I’m sorry! Hopefully whoever it was gives up and doesn’t try to improve their craft.

      1. annecara +19

        It’s bizarre! May the arsonist continue in this level of ineptitude, and also burn his dick off in a fire of his own making.

        1. Unreadaethel +5

          He’ll probably be caught when a wave of arson attempts coincides with Jim from Down the Street starts wandering around with bandaged hands from an increasingly improbable series of grilling accidents.

    4. mittenstheboar +13

      as an avid mystery reader/watcher–COME ON WHY WOULD YOU MOVE THE EVIDENCE
      Also, I’m sorry this happened to you. That sucks.

        1. Unreadaethel +2

          You need to check to make sure you’re not in an Agatha Christie novel, because this seems like it indicates somebody’s about to try and murder you.

          1. annecara +1

            …that is, uh, possibly not as reassuring as you meant it to be. Unless you meant it to be not reassuring at all, in which case you succeeded admirably.

          2. Unreadaethel +4

            It was, in fact, calculated to unsettle.

            …I mean, I’m sure nobody’s planning to murder you. Do you live in a sprawling country manor, or a picturesque hamlet?

          4. Unreadaethel +3

            You should be fine, in that case.

            Btw, I hope you read the “signs Agatha Christie is planning to murder you” post, because otherwise this whole thing is kind of awkward.

          5. annecara +1

            I did! Buuuut unfortunately I also live in the kind of neighborhood where occasionally I read the news and say, “That guy got shot two whole blocks away from my house! That’s terrible, but also fantastic, because that isn’t even in my neighborhood!” So. You know.

    5. missmonicae +4

      My aunt’s (extremely messy) apartment got broken into once, and she and her roommates lost their VCR and things like that. They figured their chances of getting anything back were basically nil even with an intact crime scene, and they were embarrassed to have the cops see what a mess their apartment was, so they tidied up a lot before they called. The first thing the cops said when they came in was, “WOW! They really trashed the place, didn’t they?”

  9. sausagedog +24

    Am I overstepping if I declare a FASHION THREAD? I didn’t see one last week so I figured I’d take up the gauntlet.

    As is befitting to end a truly terrible week, I engaged in some retail therapy this morning. Anthropologie is having a 25% off all dresses sale, so I snagged this lovely number in black, because they didn’t have my size in the blue and anyways I’m trying to work towards my goal of an all-black wardrobe. The blue is super cute, though, isn’t it?

    What is your summer style inspiration, Toasties? What are your clothing conundrums? Do tell!

    1. super_novice +12

      I have a fashion thing! I’m a sort-of recently-out bisexual (in a serious relationship with a woman) and I find my usually zany-prep-in-a-leather-jacket look is veering towards more of a stereotypically gay-20-something-lady look (like, backwards hats, cut-off sleeves, and converse) and I’m having an odd time negotiating my own (fairly strongly held) fashion identity with this like, idea of visible queerness that I have.

      I just want to note that I in no way think that everyone who dresses a particular way is gay, nor that all gay ladies dress a particular way. There does just seem to be a certain ‘look’ that some people identify with gay-ladyness and I find myself gravitating towards it.

      Any thoughts on queerness and clothing?

      1. grumblyqueer +9

        I find leather jackets pretty queer, myself, but keep in mind that just about anything can look queer with the right mindset. I’ve met femmes who ping stronger than a straight hipster girl, due to either wearing exaggerated femininity like drag or careful application of Doc Martens. I could wear the exact same pantsuit with the exact same short haircut twice, and make people think I was a stone-cold dyke or an open-minded straight girl just by making tweaks in accessories, styling, and makeup.

        1. super_novice +15

          ‘anything can look queer with the right mindset’ is an excellent mindset, in and of itself.

      2. LadyPoopjokes +3

        Hi there, I’m a nominally bi girl in a serious relationship with a dude, and I dress exactly exactly like you describe, right down to the preppy/leather jacket/backwards hat details. I am often overcome with worry as to whether I am co-opting styles to which I am not entitled, but I also have a sense of aesthetics that very strongly informs me that these are the clothes that make me look and feel the best, according to what I believe to be attractive. The best rationalization I can come up with is that I’m clinging to some markers of queerness to balance out my very consistent track record of dating men, and also that I’ve probably internalized a not insignificant amount of self-doubt regarding my entitlement to my identity.

        I mean, I just have very strong feelings about leather jackets and backwards baseball caps and J Crew that if anything feel clearer than my overarching sexual affiliation, so I guess clothing serves as a kind of tangible marker of identity for me. Or something?

        1. super_novice +4

          I feel this! Aside from the fact that we might be the same person, aesthetically, I’m definitely on that same grind re: dressing in a certain way as a marker of identity. Aside from like, making out with my girlfriend on a street corner, I don’t think I have ever set off a single person’s gaydar and it’s frustrating sometimes to have my sexuality constantly straightened like so many ties. I feel like the backwards hat (or whatever) is my way of being like “ME! ME! I’m gay and I exist, even though I have long hair!”

          Clothing as a marker of identity (queer or otherwise) is so interesting.

    2. CleverManka +5

      I am currently thwarted in my attempts to expand my summer wardrobe because I can’t find anyone to give me lessons on my serger. Apparently there are only Bernina owners within a 50-mile radius of me and I own a Husqvarna. I just want to learn some basics, like how to do a topstitch on stretch fabrics, or a lettuce-leaf hem. I would also like instruction on how to fix whatever I did when I tried to teach myself how to do these things and fucked everything up so bad I can’t even get it to re-thread after dropping the cutting blade.

      1. QueenofPickles +3

        Sergers are haaaaaard. There aren’t any dry cleaners/garment repair places? Maybe someone who’s never on the internet, but would accept some under-the-table cash?

        1. CleverManka +2

          I posted calls for personal tutoring everywhere I could think, and I went to local fabric stores to ask employees about making some money with one-on-one lessons. No takers. So frustrating.

          2. CleverManka +5

            Yeah, I just suck at learning like that. My best way to learn goes like: Show me how. Show me again. Watch me do it wrong. Show me again. Watch me do it slow but right. Watch me do it again, better.

            Sometimes between “watch me do it slow” and “watch me do it better” there are some “yes but you missed this” and that’s why I basically need to have my hand held when I’m learning anything that’s not rote/factual memorization. I’m a slow learner. *shrug* It’s not like I’m under any delusions about that.

            Videos are better than books, but they’re my last resort.

      2. projectbeks +1

        Have you tried looking around on Craftsy? I know they have some classes online, but I’m not sure what kinds/how much. Just a thought!

        1. CleverManka +2

          See my response to QueenofPickles, above. I am…well, I’m not a quick or easy study when it comes to pretty much anything. =/

          1. projectbeks +1

            I totally understand! I am very much the kind of learner who has to do things through trial and error before I really master anything. I hope you find someone to help you out!

          2. leslieellenjones +1

            Check out local fabric stores. If they don’t have classes themselves, they may have leads on other places that do. Maybe also community colleges? It may depend on where you are.

      3. sarah_jay +1

        I was so proud of myself the first time I threaded my serger by myself! But I don’t know how to do much with it and use my regular sewing machine to topstitch on stretch fabrics (I use a double needle and two spools of thread and the stretch stitch on my machine) I can usually adjust the tension to reduce rippling, but not always.
        I mostly sew quilts and bags, so the serger comes out only a few times a year (good thing it was free!) for serging the edge of quilts with minky or other shedding backing or for bags.

        1. CleverManka +1

          I use mine quite a lot just to finish the edges on the bloomers for my Etsy shop. But it’s a really nice model and I paid a bit of money for it (although I did buy it used). I’d like to use it to at least a bit more of its potential.

    3. Es_Petal +7

      Current conundrum: which of these boots for gigs next week? Dress 1 is white with black stars, dress 2 is red with black patterns. The DMs are furry (which may be an issue if people are going to tread on my feet) , the purple New Rocks are probably less comfy though.

      1. Kai_Ko +5

        I love the big bucke-y ones! Can you do Dress 1 with colourful tights, or are you in a part of the world where much heat-related suffering would ensue?

        1. Es_Petal +4

          I am planning bareleggedness since it will be massively sweaty at both gigs – the last time I saw the second band I drove home in my knickers because everything else was soaked by the time we got out and I couldn’t have any ofit on my body for another second.

        1. Es_Petal +4

          I would if they were a bit less heavy! They’re great for snow and festivals because you can plough through mud and puddles but they are quite tiring.

    4. gloriana232 +6

      I’m so navy and black during the winter, and I flip to white and blue in the summer. I’m seeking out a good but affordable Panama hat, and buying as much linen as possible.

      1. super_novice +6

        I feel like you should be swanning around on boats in this wardrobe! Giving orders to boathands!

    5. Kai_Ko +9

      Anthro at 25% off is pretty much the only way I can enjoy Anthro.

      I would love to hear about people’s non-terrible maternity fashion advice? (I’m sure you were all paragons of style and beauty in each and every trimester.) I’ve been browsing online and everything is made of that terrible office-casual poly blend that “drapes” and makes me want to die. DEATH TO DRAPING.

      2. dancingcrowdesigns +1

        I had two pairs of pants that started loose and I bulged into, and simply enormous shirts that just stayed that way. One pair I bought, one pair was a hand-me-over from a friend (different pants for each pregnancy). I was surprised at how different my friends and I could be and we’d all fit the same maternity clothes. I was the last of my friends to be pregnant, so there were many things I could try on and decline. I guess the most useful advice I have is to ask friends whose taste you like, and see if their stuff speaks to you. Also the more organic stores (where organic is shorthand for natural fibers, simple silhouettes and a tendency towards yoga outfits) will have nicer fabrics.

        That said, I was appalled by the idea of maternity underwear (I had a mental image of pulling it right over my head that kind of freaked me out. for two pregnancies) so I just kept what I had going and it slowly slid under the bulge of my belly.

        And one nice bathing suit. It was red. I felt like Santa Claus, but I could swim, and that mattered more than anything else at the time.

    6. smeesmeesmee +6

      I am going to Whistles after work to look at jumpsuits. Specifically this one here

      It is not something I can afford but I really want to try it on!

      1. sausagedog +1

        I would love a practical work jumpsuit, I think they’re so chic. If you like it, you might look at Banana Republic? I think they’ve introduced a couple jumpsuits recently for more like half that price, and they have 40% off sales all the time.

    7. SwitchingGenres +35

      My first time wearing a tie (it’s from The Cloisters, hence the unicorns):

      That was my big style thing for the week!

      1. gloriana232 +11

        THE UNICORN TAPESTRY? That is *gorgeous.*

        EDIT: Oh damn, I didn’t read carefully in my excitement. Man, I wish I picked up that tie when I was at the Cloisters!

        1. SwitchingGenres +3

          I’m sure it’s on the Met Store’s website! I love museum store ties.

      3. CleverManka +4

        Oh I love ties! Yay! I have considered wearing ties just as a sort of necklace, with non-collared shirts, but I haven’t tried it, yet. Has anyone else?

    8. MuseKray +6

      I guess this would be the place to ask, but can I get some fashion blog recommendations?
      Personally I like the slightly androgynous – grown up punk look so blogs with those are great for inspiration, but I also enjoy crazy artsy fashion too.

      My recommendation is checking up a tumblr called Solarpunk Fashion. Solarpunk is new subculture I really enjoy that I believe grew on tumblr that imagines a scifi/fantasy world with eco tech. The fashion blog is one that imagines what the clothes would be like in this world. Most of them aren’t things I would wear but it’s so pretty.

      2. sausagedog +2

        I used to read more fashion blogs but now I’ve entirely transitioned to Pinterest. I’d link but it’s got my real name on it– I know Pinterest has kind of turned into recipe/craft central, and that’s fine, but there’s still a good handful of users who are more fashion focused.

        Lookbook is also still fun for superhip superartsy streetwear!

    9. QueenofPickles +11

      My fashion thing this summer is looooooong flowy dresses! Preferably cotton or stretchy material, something easily washable/stainable/whateverable. For me, a long flowy dress solves the cold/hot problem of 90 temps / air conditioners.

      I have also recently bought my first floppy hat that fits my size-8 (xxxl) head! From a specialty store online. Along with my xxxl sunglasses. So I am DECKED OUT for summer. I am ready.

      I’m also getting very into organizing my clothes by how they’re worn, as that’s how I dress myself in the morning – formal / informal / way informal. So I have a little drawer of rolled-up casual summer dresses, a drawer of rolled-up t-shirts – it makes me happy to look at things organized by use.

      1. viviennestreet +2

        Ooh, could you post a link to the floppy hat? I really want to get a hat to keep the sun off of my face (because I often can’t be bothered to put on sunscreen) but I know zero about hats and don’t know where to start looking.

      2. projectbeks +2

        May I ask where you find your dresses? I also like dresses in the summer, but long ones tend to elude me for some reason, so a new/other resource would be really great!

        1. QueenofPickles +3

          Oh, sure! Not sure where you are, but I’ve been hitting up thrift stores (there’s a “boutique Goodwill” near me) and vintage stores (Beacon’s Closet) since I need to try it on to know if it fits. To save time, I look down at the bottoms of the mixed-together dresses, and grab anything that sticks out from the others as extremely long.

          The two looong dresses I have are DKNY and Bobeau – just saw online that DKNY retails for over $100 , though, yikes!

          Online, I search for “maxi” dresses.
          A similar style to the ones I have:
          Bobeau http://www.ebay.com/itm/like/331470237590?lpid=82…
          DKNY: http://www.ebay.com/itm/DKNY-sleeveless-longer-le…

        2. Allpha7 +2

          I’ve found some great ones at Twice (liketwice.com), which is an online second hand place. I mean, it all depends on what they’ve got in, but I’ve found some great, inexpensive stuff. Also, they’ve been nice about returns when things don’t fit.

        3. theskyrbeast +2

          I don’t do long dresses much (or, rather, I’m short enough that most things become long dresses by default), but I’ve been having pretty great luck with Uniqlo this summer, especially for work-appropriate dresses that are cute enough to wear out for the evening afterwards.

      3. SwitchingGenres +1

        How does one keep floppy hats from coming off in the breeze? I wish my hair was long enough to put up and use hat pins.

    10. her_again +15

      I go to school on a campus where everyone dresses way, way down. It’s taken me most of the academic year to say Fuck It and start wearing my preferred Ruby Woo lipstick most days. And! I have gotten a ton of compliments on it, including one from a stranger in the pub last week who told me that I was really pulling it off. Which makes me feel great!

      1. super_novice +8

        Yo, I dressed up so much for school all the time. I have an affinity for pencil skirts and lipstick that cannot be shaken! People just love that you’re doing you, I found, rather than judge you for not being in so-called boyfriend jeans.

        1. SwitchingGenres +1

          I loved dressing up for school! I made a ton of friends that way, professors talked to me more (and I was able to make friends with a few profs), and I felt good!

      2. AfterPlumcake +3

        Isn’t Ruby Woo great? I’m sure you’re absolutely slaying. I’ve been wearing a lot of MAC power reds lately and there’s something so gloriously Fuck You about it. I live in Mexico where the big thing is heavy, beautifully done cat eyes and glossy nude lips. It looks beyond gorgeous on most the women here but ridiculously out of place on me with my giant blue Betty Boop eyes, dark hair and pale skin. I do have killer lips though, so I’ve been doing the exact opposite: a mercilessly precise bright matte red (usually a mix of Lady Danger, Russian Red or MAC Red) and a nude eye. It feels really fierce, but also authentic because I’m not playing by someone else’s beauty rules.

    11. SmrtCookie +33

      I bought a romper on a whim the other day and was immediately wracked with doubts over whether I could pull of wearing a romper as a grown ass lady. So I thought, I’ll ask the open thread! And then immediately realized the open thread would tell me to wear whatever the fuck I want. So romper it is!

        1. bocadelperro +9

          I was gonna write something about my summer fashion choices in this thread but now thanks to this gif my brain is completely scrambled.

      2. autumnlorayne +1

        I also bought one on a whim and every time I have worn it I get complimented on it by complete strangers! I think everyone wants to wear rompers, they just don’t think they can pull them off. So go for it! Make everyone else jealous and also maybe empowered to try it themselves!

    12. grumblyqueer +4

      I have given up entirely on trying to shave for the summer, but that’s just about the only way I can ping a gaydar, so it works out just fine. My main conundrum is the intersection of style and ventilation. I would wear running shorts and tank tops every day if I could, but formal clothes have to happen sometimes.

      1. mittenstheboar +7

        This. For all the hand-wringing over Ubiquitous Yoga Pants, at least they wick your sweat away.

    13. HotDoom +1

      Arrrgghh, sorry for the fashion-meets-weather rant, but my clothing conundrum is that the weather in Britain is veering between nice and garbage at the moment, and it’s rainy and muggy where I am. Summer hasn’t occurred here yet and it’s bumming me out like crazy because nothing feels consistently comfortable.
      Currently, I’m trying to dial back on my fantasy wardrobe and shoe purchases, which tend to be along the lines of full midi skirts and sundresses and high heels (think early seasons of Mad Men Betty Draper style), because though those things fit my figure, they don’t fit my lifestyle, which mainly consists of sitting at home. I just wind up putting on my usual skinny jeans and American Apparel t-shirt and that’s that. Sometimes, I like that style, but a lot of the time, I want something slightly glam and pulled together for going out or to work. I just don’t feel comfortable weather-wise in a skirt, despite wanting to wear something über-femme and vintagey some days so I wind up in the old fallback black T and skinnies. Any ideas or solutions for combining ease with vintage style in unpredictable weather would be appreciated.

      I did, however, just buy this pencil skirt in the groovy 60s-ish fabric on the model with the grey top, which I am excited about wearing eventually. I just need to figure out what sort of top to wear with it so I don’t look schlumpy. I am on the hunt for a crisp, fitted button down shirt, and unfortunately the ones from Boden and Banana Republic are -nearly- but not quite right for my stature in either regular or petite sizes (I’m 5’4 and flat chested with a small waist and wide hips so everything falls kinda weird on my torso). Anybody have good shirt recs, especially for people who fall on the cusp of petite and regular sizing?

      Sorry for the length and rantiness of this post, but feeling uncomfortable in my clothes and skin is getting me down.

      1. CleverManka +5

        feeling uncomfortable in my clothes and skin is getting me down

        What a shitty combo. I hope you feel better soon.

        Maybe instead of trying to find things other than the skinny jeans and tees, find ways to glam those up? Big statement necklaces, lots of them, layered in different lengths–a flat chest really helps with that, TBH, so you’re in luck there. A frilly scarf. Ridiculously large earrings? I bought a pair of Figwiggin’s earrings from her etsy shop (https://www.etsy.com/shop/FreehandFigJewelry) and I ADORE THEM. In addition to accessories, maybe look for fancier tee shirts, or layer a sheer, oversized tee with a pretty camisole. Good luck!

        1. HotDoom +2

          Thank you! I like all of those ideas, and have tried to incorporate big necklaces and fancy sweatshirts (am totally reminded of E. Zimmerman’s penchant for these when I find them) into my repertoire. Fig’s jewellery is amazing! I would love to get something of hers. Thank christ for cool accessories! But yeah, I’m working on feeling better about when I walk out the door- the discomfort with my body is slow going, but at least I can try and feel good about what I put on it.

      2. AlmondTort +1

        I am also a Brit (south coast of dooooominous weather right now), and I wear those vintagey style dress almost every day. My trick is to buy ones either without sleeves at all or with rubbishy little cap sleeves that you can snip off and sew up in about half an hour flat; then wear a heavy cardigan and have a light one rolled up in your handbag. In re: legs, rinse and repeat with leggings and tights. M&S will sell you some truly miraculous tights which are still comfortable in what passes for the heat around here, including that horrible muggy yick that is the payment for the occasional nice day.
        The best brand for genuinely comfortable, I-can-lounge-about-the-house-without-feeling-pinched dresses is Lady V, followed by the Ophelia cut from Lindy Bop if you want your fashion statement for the day to be “I Have Cleavage” without it being too much; both are genuinely so comfortable I forget I’m wearing them. This is in contrast to most vintage-style dresses which feel like ‘I Am Wearing A Costume of Great Stylishness’, which is not the easiest thing to actually live with.

        1. HotDoom +1

          Thanks for the clothes recs! I am just checking out Lady V’s site right now (or trying- internet is going very slowly) and will have a look at Lindy Bop too! Lounging without feeling pinched is exactly what I’m after right now- I don’t want to look for feel lumpy in body, no matter how lumpy I feel in spirit, ya know what I mean? I also need to get on those M&S tights, stat and get mah head in the game!

          ETA: I LOVE the boobage-boosting cut of the Ophelia dress! It’s so flippin’ cute!

      3. gallimaufry_ +1

        Sounds like we are similarly proportioned – short-ish and flat chested high five! I’m in the UK too, and have had some success with Gap for women’s button down shirts that are styled like men’s but fit me properly at the shoulders, and are long enough not to pull out of my jeans every time I stretch up or bend over.

        That pencil skirt is amazing.

        1. HotDoom +2

          Ooh, yeah I will definitely check out Gap because the shoulder-fit and length are key here! The Boden ones would be perfect if I scrunched my shoulders up to my jawline so they fell at the right spots, but something tells me that is not the sexiest way to wear a shirt. I’m tempted to try making a shirt for myself, but ergh patterning is not my forte, not one single bit. Why is finding a shirt so gotdamn hard?!

          P.S. Do you know the style name for the Gap shirt? UK shortish ladies of the flat-chested variety unite!

          1. gallimaufry_ +1

            You’re not into that so-sexy shoulders-around-ears look? How strange! (What is that about, though? I can’t tell you how often I have rejected a top because the neck line dips right below the bottom of my bra. Consider, makers of clothes, that sometimes women wear small dress sizes because they are small all over, not because they are of supermodel proportions?)

            The Gap one is called the Fitted Boyfriend. I just had a look on their UK website and if you search for that in quote marks, it brings up quite a few options in different material. I’m usually a size 8 for tops and size 10 for trousers/skirts in high street shops, and the XS fits me really well worn on its own, but with enough space to wear a vest or something underneath if it’s cold.

            PS I don’t actually work for Gap? I don’t think I’ve ever bought anything there apart from these shirts but I do really like them.

    14. BobbieWickham +4

      I’d describe my style as “pissed-off NYC grunge brat.” My number one style icon is Luanna Perez: http://www.le-happy.com/
      This partly means that I have no idea what to wear if I can’t wear a leather jacket on top of it. I wore my leather jacket with the sleeves pushed up until it hit like 80 degrees here. It’s my security blanket!

      The other thing about it is I’m fat. And on a skinny girl, a ripped t-shirt and sneakers looks super cool, whereas on me I feel like a ripped t-shirt and sneakers looks like I’m….not trying hard enough, or I’ve given up or something.

      1. MaladyDee +3

        I also struggle with this. Haven’t figured it out yet, but, solidarity. So far I’ve determined that converse sneakers look more stylish than other kinds, and skinny jeans look better than boot cut. (at least for me.) I’m still working out what to wear on top, but black band tshirts seem the best bet so far, as long as they’re not too oversized. The key seems to be to emphasize the curves, instead of trying to hide them, since it emphasizes confidence with my shape and size instead of trying to mask it, but to do so in a punk or rock looking way.

      2. GreenGrasses +3

        DAaaaaaamnNN that is an awesome blog. Girl is like straight outta The Craft! Love it!

        I also struggle with the issue of “why does that look amazing on _______ but then on me it looks like… I barely got dressed?” Us fatties aren’t supposed to have any style, it seems. Except pinup, which looks great on some people but isn’t my jam at all. Why can’t I have “permission” to rock a minimalist/androgynous style????

        1. AfterPlumcake +2

          As an internationally-recognized Stylish Fat Person I hereby give you my official permission to slaughter the masses (figuratively only, please) in your minimalist/androgynous style. It looks hellish on me, but I adore big girls who go androgynous. It looks so fresh and chic after All PinUp All The Time.

    15. Absotively +5

      So I eventually finished KonMari-ing my shirts, but one thing I did as I went was I made a list of shirts I was discarding which I would still have loved if they still fit and/or weren’t worn out. Now I have hardly any shirts, and some of them barely passed the joy-sparking test, but I also have a better feeling for what kind of shirts I want than I’ve ever had before.

      Specifically, I want close-fitting, low-cut, brightly coloured shirts that have a bit of a pattern or texture or some interesting style details, but not a huge obnoxious pattern or logos/images or, like, that popcorn knit texture or big ruffles. I am particularly interested in shirts with a substantial amount of neon green, but not solid neon green.

      I can’t find any such shirts, of course. But! I bought some fabric to make a t-shirt, and it is knit with yarn-dyed stripes in neon green and white and yellow and dark blue and a little bit of sparkly dark blue and I think red? and maybe another colour that I’m forgetting? And once I find the right pattern, I will have the best shirt ever, except for whatever I screw up while sewing it.

      I also bought some drapey purple and black knit fabric to make a copy of a drapey grey and silver shirt I had that has too many holes to wear any more. It is less exciting, but I think it will work better with some of my skirts.

      I’m also hoping to find something on eShakti at some point. They have some things that are close, but so far I haven’t found anything that is quite right.

      And once I get my to-donate pile into shape and out the door, I will KonMari my pants & skirts, and perhaps I will learn even more about what I actually want to wear!

      1. GreenGrasses +1

        Yes! I love extrapetite.com! Jean has excellent style, and although I’m far from being petite, I find that her advice often applies to me! Plus she does honest-to-god reviews of stuff with measurements and facts and figures, which I love.

    17. bocadelperro +3

      Fashion thread, I need your honest advice. I’m a white Latina woman (I look a lot like Rachel Weisz, and also quite a bit like Sonia Sotomayor), and my normal warm-weather work clothing consists of full, brightly colored skirts with fitted tops tucked in. The other day, I came across this seamstress, who uses African Wax Prints to make western style clothing https://www.etsy.com/shop/DiagossaCouture?ref=l2-…. I am utterly enamored of this skirt https://www.etsy.com/listing/216228045/african-cl… . Do you think I’d look ridiculous/culturally appropriative/like I’m pretending to be something I’m not? I’d want it in the ginko leaves fabric.

      1. HotDoom +3

        Sounds familiar! I am also a white latina with a serious penchant for these styles and I love the skirt you linked to. Full disclosure: I have bought a few skirts from a different seller doing very similar work and have worn them and love them, but continue to have reservations about being appropriative when wearing Ankara fabrics. I’m chiming in to hear responses mainly, but also to share the reason why I went ahead and bought the pieces : they are common western cuts, designed, made and sold by African women (mine were from Nigeria and Cameroon, by way of London) and women in the African diaspora, and whenever anyone compliments them or asks where I got them, I direct them to the vendors (I got mine from <a href=”http://www.grass-fields.com,” target=”_blank”>www.grass-fields.com, previously known as The African Shop on Etsy). If they were designed by, say, an American company, produced in China, and sold by Anthropologie as “ethnic print”, then yeah, that seems appropriative and is too distant from the origins of the fabric. So far, I have gotten only positive feedback on them, but I truly hope people have not felt hurt or offended by my choice to wear these skirts, and would absolutely stop if someone did express that sentiment.

        1. bocadelperro +3

          I had lunch withe a (white) friend of mine who does dendrochronological research in Sub-Saharan Africa, and I asked his opinion, as someone who has spent a lot of time in West Africa. He made this point to me: Wax Prints are for sale everywhere in West Africa. All the women wear them, and the fabric itself is a common (if expensive) gift. His (white) wife has actually been given some fabric as a gift (she made a tablecloth out of it) by a friend of theirs. If West Africans didn’t want or expect outsiders to use and enjoy it, they wouldn’t give it as gifts.

          Furthermore, it’s not like I’d be wearing it as a costume. Bright geometric prints are my THING, and it would be incorporated into my regular wardrobe.

          I think I’m just feeling particularly reflective about race in America today, esp. as a white-passing minority, in light of recent events. Also because I’m about to grade the finals for my History of European Imperialism course.

          1. HotDoom +3

            I tried to reply last night, via the IntenseDebate email function, but argh, didn’t post. But yeah, those are pretty much my thoughts as well. Also, I tried to take into account how I feel and think when I see (I was gonna say non-Latin@ but considering I pass for full Anglo, that’s a messy assumption too!) people wearing Mexican textiles and garments versus Mexican “style” or “inspired” pieces, especially when they are mass produced or seem exploitative, and reached the conclusion that if the producers and backgrounds of the garments are acknowledged and the pieces are worn respectfully in non-costumey ways, it does not have to be appropriative.

          2. bocadelperro +1

            Thanks for replying, I’ve also had trouble with the email reply today.

            I asked five people I ran into today (counting my tree ring buddy) of various ethnic/racial bacbackgrounds, and the response was universally “yes, you can pull that off, and no, it’s not cultural appropriative.” So: next month I’ll fit it into my budget!

          3. HotDoom +2

            Awesome! Yeah, I did a similar survey of friends and got the same response, which pushed me over the edge into going on a post-mimosa buying spree.

          4. AfterPlumcake +2

            Do you think you could talk a little more about that?

            I’m a big ol’ WASP living in rural Mexico with my partner who is mostly indigenous Maya from Guatemala. He knows I collect fine textiles but I’m always a little hesitant to wear say, a beautiful embroidered fajilla from the south of Mexico, because I don’t want to be That Girl (see also: the bus full of adorable blonde girls from West Virginia University all wearing huipiles as minidresses) and he has a hard time understanding why I have to think about whether I really want to wear something.

            Also, we’re in a danzón dance troupe but he’s interested in joining a folklorico group and as much as I love folklorico, I just cannot convince myself that wearing a folkorico costume would not somehow be weird and wrong.

          5. HotDoom +2

            Feel free to take this one opinion with a grain of salt, but honestly, I think you’re good here. It’s really cool that you’ve put a lot of thought into this, but I wouldn’t be bothered or weirded out seeing someone of a different ethnicity wearing a folklorico costume as part of a group, in the same way people dancing flamenco have a special costume that is traditional and integrated into the dance. Ditto for your wearing a fajilla or huipil. Why? Because you are living in the place, and it sounds like you are mindful of contexts for wearing the garment, and backgrounds of the pieces. I do get bothered when, like you say, there are college kids wearing huipiles as mini-dresses and putting on sombreros and fake mustaches for photo-ops. I even got my hackles raised a little bit when I came across an embroidered huipil in the ‘recycled vintage’ section at a UK Urban Outfitters because it made me wonder who would buy it and how it would be used (ie. at the beach on a hot day? Sure, why not? They’re made to be cool and they’re beautiful. At a music festival as part of a vaguely boho ‘ethnic’ costume? Nah, not a fan). Context matters!

            Now, the caveat for me here is that, as mentioned in a different comment above, I pass for WASP and was raised by a WASP mom, so I’ve definitely wondered if simply by looking totally white and treated as such, I am co-opting or appropriating something I don’t really have claim to. After a lot of thought, and questionable choices in adornment, I hope I’ve found a good balance of wearing things in ways that aren’t hurtful or don’t make me look like an eccentric white lady trying to be down with the Mexicans (except during the World Cup when all bets are off and I wear a Mexican flag skirt with eagle and serpent embroidery). My Mexican father didn’t like me wearing huipiles when I was little because he thought they looked too “indio” or campesino-ish and he wanted me to look ‘American’ (which is a whole other kettle of skewed ethnic/class identity fish, considering he has a good dose of Aztec blood, and looks it too). Anyway, I can totally understand and respect your hesitance, but it sounds like you are aware of contexts for wearing these items and that you are respectful of the culture, so if you want to wear them, wear them! But I’m sure other people have different perspectives to offer, so I hope others chime in! Sorry for length :p

    18. Mrs_Peel +9

      I finally decided to Just Give Up, and it’s been great. I wear a Champion T-shirt and a black cotton skirt basically every day now.

    19. allanaaa +1

      THANK YOU SAUSAGEDOG YOU ARE BEST SAUSAGEDOG

      The Toast is blocked at work for me, so no fashion thread from me, from now on.

      <3

    20. L.I.

      Um, so, I don’t know whether this counts as fashion or as plain old blatant consumerism, but I was watching one of my webseries the other day (“New Peter + Wendy”, a modernized retelling of Peter Pan) and the actress who plays Wendy was wearing a gorgeous dress from Modcloth and I think I have a new dress-crush. Here is the link: http://www.modcloth.com/shop/dresses/front-perch-…

      So, questions: do any of you own this dress? How do you like it? Is the neckline as unforgiving as it looks? Should I trust the measurements on the website? Everyone says to “size up” but the only person who bought a 1X has my exact same measurements, except maybe I have a slightly smaller bust, and she says it fits fine. (?) I’m just considering/daydreaming for now since it’s out of stock and may not come back, and it would be a significant splurge even if it were, but… well. A girl’s gotta have something to look forward to sometimes and clothes often fill that role for me.

  10. aravisthequeen +63

    Toast, my husband and I are really truly trying to have a baby! I am dreadfully excited and impatient and secretly horribly jealous of one of my friends who is three months pregnant.

    ALSO I wanted to have an LM Montgomery open thread to discuss news of another film (which I probably will not watch since I am a purist) and see if anybody else wanted to discuss the Silver Bush article of a few weeks ago because I reread both books after it and FUCKING CREEPY.

    1. Kai_Ko +24

      Woah, baby-making time! How’s the sex been? Hot? Businesslike? Are you doing any Maude Lebowski-style conception poses? (I did Maude Lebowski-style conception poses, while my husband and I just said “coitus” back and forth for twenty minues. Our child is doomed.)

      1. ToastiewithCheese +10

        In the unlikely even that the boy and I ever attempt to reproduce, I’m totally stealing that.

      2. Vera_Knoop +10

        I think this is how it’s gotta be. Granted, we’re not doing this the, er, traditional way, but if you can’t laugh about how weird and awkward and gross and cool the whole thing is, what is even the point?

        While I was lying upside down afterwards, someone outside our window yelled (presumably at her kids) “Hurry up and get in!” and we both completely lost it.

    2. winterbymorning +8

      I am down for an LMM open thread but you need to watch the first AOGG movie because it is perfect in every way.

      You can skip the sequel, which is a weird mess of Anne of Avonlea, Anne of the Island and Anne of Windy Poplars where Anne has a hella age-inappropriate love interest played by a cheap knockoff of Robert Redford.

        1. winterbymorning +5

          He’s the father of an original female character who’s a mixture of two characters from Windy Poplars (Elizabeth Grayson and Sophie Sinclair, who had the starring role in the play that Anne put on at the high school). He’s rich, so he’s got aspects of Royal Gardner too. Except his last name is Harris, which is a clear callback to Mr. Harrison. The whole thing is just an unnecessarily stupid jumble.

          1. PRockette +7

            I would love to see a proper Anne of the Island movie if only to see how they handle Royal Gardner’s particular mix of being so insanely hot that it passes for charisma and yet also very boring.

          2. aravisthequeen +1

            I would also adore that. I picture it as the olden-times equivalent of that person everyone knew in school who was just incredibly gorgeous, drop-dead beautiful human being, but had like zero interests and their hobby was something like collecting dryer lint.

          3. bookwormV +1

            I also want to know how they were together for two years without Anne realising how dull he was. I mean, what did they do together?

      2. raqueue +2

        All I remember of the AOGG sequel is getting incredibly annoyed by it as a child — I’m glad that my opinion is vindicated.

        Anyone else remember the really annoyed AOGG cartoon series that ran on TVO in the 1990s? That was definitely one of the worse Anne adaptions I’ve ever seen.

      3. thedaela +3

        But the sequel gave us Megan Follows saying, “In DARK. LANGUID. TONES.” which has been surprisingly quotable all my life.

    3. Vera_Knoop +6

      My partner and I just started trying! We’re doing ICI with frozen sperm, so it’s something like a 7% chance each time, so I’m trying not to get my hopes up too much. And the earliest we might get an accurate test result isn’t until next Tuesday, which feels like an eternity right now. But I am excited and impatient and nervous all at once!

      1. Vera_Knoop +3

        P.S. not being able to take ibuprofen in this weather is baaaaaaaaalllls. Balls I say.

    4. thelaureno +3

      1) film? what film?

      2) the overtones in Silver Bush are creepy as heeellllll (music notes emoji). Only Emily’s Quest is quite on the depression level of the Pat books. Also, I’ve never been fond of the whole 11th hour, hero-to-the-rescue romantic love reuniting that happens in several of her books including Mistress Pat.

      3) Have we Toasties ever discussed Lantern Hill? It’s one of my fave LMM books. And movies, too!

      4) OH AND I was thinking the other day as I walked home from work: In The Blue Castle, I’ve never been able to figure out if they consummated the marriage, pre- the dramatic climax/end of the book. Valancy stipulates that she doesn’t want Barney to “offer to be a brother” so I always assumed that they did, but I’ve also always sort of doubted it?

      1. aravisthequeen +6

        I frigging adore Jane of Lantern Hill, but it’d a little too wish fulfillment for me. Jane goes from being miserable to good at everything! It bugs me.

        And I totally think Valancy and Barney were doing it! They had only the one bed and there’s all that subtext about passion!

      2. shellygrrl +3

        1) The LMM heirs, and YTV in Canada, are doing their own Anne of Green Gables film to air next year. As much protest as there’s been on the internets, and as much as even I would love to see Rilla of Ingleside adapted to film instead, I’m pretty okay with this.

        That said, I do have to side-eye casting Martin Sheen as Matthew. And I will forever side-eye everyone who refers to the 1985 miniseries as “the original” because NO. (The DEFINITIVE adaptation, on the other hand? Very likely.) The original Anne is the one Lucy Maud Montgomery created over 100 years ago.

        3) I haven’t seen LH in years. I tried reading book ~10(?) years ago but got bored halfway through. Supposedly LMM was working on a sequel before she died.

        1. raqueue +5

          I’m pessimistic about the LMM heirs to be able to do a good adaptation. And Rilla would be so great as a film!

          Although, if I had my pick, I would do a Blue Castle movie, just for the sake of the fall to summer tramping through the Ontario bush nature montage. And it’s structured so perfectly for a movie.

      3. PRockette +5

        4) They totally did. Right? I always assumed so. Her little speech to her relatives about the feel of her husband’s cheek. And the fact it took her days to tear herself away to go tell her relatives she got married. They couldn’t be reading and playing with the cats all the time.

    5. maggiegrift +5

      So exciting! Me and my partner are still in the “maybe in 9-12 months lets try” stage, and that’s where we both want to be, but also… looking forward to 9-12 months passing!

    6. raqueue +1

      Oh my goodness, so exciting for baby news!! Congratulations and good luck!!

      I’m simultaneously dreading and am excited for the new film — on the one hand, it could be amazing. I like that they’ve cast a 13-year-old to play Anne. Maybe Ella Balentine could be the next Sarah Polley? But on the other hand, it could be a train wreck, and I’m not sure I trust the CBC to do it well.

    7. redheadedsnippet +3

      Oh! I definitely want an LM Montgomery open thread! Not an hour ago I was re-reading a bit of Rainbow Valley, and guys, uhhhhhhhhh, there is an STD reference right there in the text.

      You know the bit where Faith Meredith is trying to persuade Norman Douglas to come back to church? He makes fun of her, she loses her temper and says “I hope you get the Scotch Fiddle!”

      Hmm, I thought, don’t know what Scotch Fiddle is. I pulled out my smartphone and Urban Dictionary told me it was a reference to “the itching caused by crabs.”

      Note that the text is very careful to say that Faith does NOT know what the Scotch Fiddle is, but overhead it from Susan (WHAT). Norman Douglas also later says not to wish that on him because he HAD IT ONCE AS A BOY. WHAAAAAAT.

  11. BonnieStClair +2

    Are any Toasties attending the AAUP (i.e. Association of American University Presses) meeting next weekend in Denver? I’m going but have never been, and it would be cool to know if anyone else here is going! (I figure there’s gotta be some overlap between the Toast readership and UPs.)

      1. BonnieStClair +1

        Aw, that’s unfortunate! My workplace isn’t able to send anyone most years, but it just happened to work out this year.

  12. jimmyjimjimjim +26

    I made baked potatoes for dinner yesterday and popcorn with a pot on the stove. It makes me feel competent.

    Also I’ve been taking a class at the community college. I’m finally back in school.

    1. sausagedog +4

      Hey, congrats on getting back to school! What are you studying? (If you want to say.)

      Popcorn on the stove is no small achievement, either. My roommate makes it about once a month and burns it about 75% of the time. I don’t mind burned popcorn so it’s all good, but her success rate has made me very nervous to attempt it. Damn shame, since I got some black-pepper-caramel popcorn at a restaurant the other day and have been dying to try my own.

      1. jenavira +5

        stovetop popcorn tips:

        1. Let the oil get good and hot before you add the popcorn – and don’t overfill. Just enough oil to cover the bottom of the pan, just enough popcorn to cover the bottom of the pan
        2. When you add the popcorn, pull it off the heat and let it sit for like thirty seconds so that all the kernels get soaked in the hot oil before it starts popping
        3. Remove from heat when you can start hearing individual pops instead of a massive cascade of popcorn noise
        4. Decant when there’s routinely 1-2 seconds between pops

        I don’t have a microwave, so I have perfected the stovetop popcorn trick.

      2. jimmyjimjimjim +2

        Tentatively I will be declaring for a second bachelors: geology major, cs minor.
        CS for employability geology because volcanoes are cool (not that i will necessarily be going into volcanology).

        I make a lot of popcorn balls.

    2. Hey_Cinderella +2

      I am sooo bad at making stove top popcorn so you should indeed feel competent! It is not at all easy to get it just right. And go you for going back to school! High fives all around!

  13. ppyajunebug +13

    HANNIBAL THREAD

    HANDS UP IF YOU WERE SCREAMING AND SHRINKING AWAY FROM THE TELEVISION LIKE I WAS DURING THE STAGENSTEIN SCENE.

    WHAT DIRT DOES BRYAN FULLER HAVE ON NBC STANDARDS AND PRACTICES TO LET THAT GET ON BROADCAST TELEVISION.

    1. aqueousmedium +4

      ALL THE HANDS UP

      ….with the….teeth? And the unfolding? I may actually have had the vapours.

    2. queenofbithynia +9

      I think I have mentioned here before that I only realized Hannibal was a good show when I noticed it was a deliberate comedy, specifically a long-form Kids in the Hall sketch which is why Scott Thompson was in it. but also, it is a silly magic fantasy show that is basically everything I enjoyed about Pushing Daisies without the annoying parts. I am embarrassed to say, when I first caught a couple of Season 1 episodes, I said a lot of THAT’S NOT WHAT EMPATHY MEANS and THAT’S NOT HOW PROFILING WORKS and THOSE AREN’T LOGICAL DEDUCTIONS AT ALL, which is just like saying VAMPIRE SLAYER ISN’T A REAL PROFESSION AND IF IT WERE, THERE ARE CHILD LABOR LAWS. not the point. Cannibalism is to Hannibal what high school was to Buffy, that is what I would say to make people watch it if I did not know they were too delicate for all the metric tons of blood and what not. it’s really true. I try not to think about how many horrible cultural studies essays there must already be with the subtitle something something conspicuous consumption.

      and I hope it is not an unforgivable slight against Hugh Dancy to say that I would enjoy it even just a little bit more if Bryan Fuller had cast Lee Pace in the Lee Pace part of this show too. think how his eyebrows would convey every particle of his suffering.

      and I know Gillian Anderson was not in this one but this has been bothering me a lot, the way people keep saying she looks like she hasn’t aged since the X files. She looks every day of every one of her years, when the light hits her the right way. the right way, not the wrong way. fuck a bunch of people who think that for women, “young” is the polite way to say beautiful and terrible as the morning star. women grow more lovely as they get older BECAUSE THEY LOOK OLDER, deal with it everybody

      1. TheRenleigh +6

        Re: your last point, YES. Gillian Anderson looks both older and more beautiful on Hannibal than she did in her X-Files day. She’s always been lovely and she’s aging like a fine wine into something even better.

      2. jenavira +10

        YAAAAAS to the extended comedy sketch. Also,

        “Every director who comes to the show gets the same lecture,” says Fuller. “We are not making television. We are making a pretentious art film from the 80s.”

      3. gefthetalkingmongoose +6

        So I lent my Hannibal DVDs to a friend who’d never watched the show, and halfway through Season 1, she made a comment that pulled it all together for me. She said “this show has the best color since Suspiria.” And I realized :

        Hannibal is a longform giallo.

        Like the giallos, Hannibal happily fractures time, geography, and general plausibility in the service of elaborate murder setpieces, horrific colors, and near-operatic levels of psychological / emotional tenor. It makes no pretense to realism, because realism is not its goal. It desires only those horrors which are beautiful horrors.

        Deliberately or not (who am I kidding? of course it’s deliberate) Fuller is carrying on the tradition of Argento, Bava, and Fulci but doing them one better. He’s removed the nasty misogyny of the giallo and amped up the existential dread. He’s retained the oblique language but turned it into something actors could actually speak. He’s even kept the giallo’s common framing device of the “police procedural” but removed any interest in procedure (Hannibal is like a CSI : Bad Dream Division, with less interest in solving the crime than in repeatedly witnessing it). In short, he’s making those old Italians weep for the things they might have done, if they’d had real actors and thirty-some hours of running time.

        It’s audacious as hell, to revive the giallo on network TV, and more importantly to keep it as insane and surreal as those nasty, flamboyant shockers from 1970s Italy … and I absolutely love every minute of it.

    3. winterbymorning +4

      THAT HEARTSTAG WAS THE MOST HORRIFIC THING I HAVE EVER SEEN ON HANNIBAL, WHICH IS SAYING SOMETHING.

      I missed the first 15 minutes of the episode, tragically, but I do have some questions/observations:

      1. What was up with Abigail? I assumed she was another of Will’s hallucinations but it looked like that priest could also see her. WHAT IS GOING ON.

      2. I really liked Inspector Pazzi, and I’m relieved that he doesn’t seem to be nearly as incompetent as he was in the Hannibal movie, but I wish I didn’t like him because he is obviously going to die a brutal death.

      3. OF COURSE a young Hannibal would murder people and arrange their bodies like a Botticelli painting, OF COURSE HE WOULD.

      4. “He let you know him. He sent you his heart.” JUST KISS ALREADY.

      5. Oh my god that photo of 20-something Mads. Those cheekbones. He could slice me up with those cheekbones any day. Oh my god.

      1. ppyajunebug +5

        So I’m pretty sure she’s a part of Will’s “mind palace” like Hannibal has set-up, and the priest was looking at Will weirdly because he’s been showing up every day and possibly talking to himself. But I totally got tricked into thinking she was alive because I WANTED TO BELIEVE.

        Young!Mads could GET IT. I mean, current!Mads can too but MY GOD HE WAS HANDSOME.

        1. winterbymorning +1

          I was following the live-tweeting and Bryan Fuller tweeted something like “What do you think it means that the priest could see Abigail?” but maybe he was trolling everyone?

          1. ppyajunebug +2

            I would not be surprised if Bryan was just trolling. That, or the priest can see ghosts or something.

          2. Vera_Knoop +2

            My wife, who is 1000% gay and 1000000% horrified by people drooling over Hannibal, said “wow, he was pretty dishy when he was younger.”

        3. Unreadaethel +3

          I kept trying to figure out why her hair, voice, and affect were different, to the point where she sometimes seemed like a different actress, and then I realized that I’d been right all along, and she was never really there.

          Although I’d been kind of hoping that she was actually Alana the entire time, and Will was just superimposing Abigail over her in all of their conversations. Because that would be both hilarious and terrible.

          1. Vera_Knoop +2

            I think the actress has also grown into herself a bit.

            By the way, does anyone else remember the trashy episode of Supernatural (like there’s any other kind) where she plays a minor character in a hospital with a bandage on her neck? Besides me and Bryan Fuller, I mean.

          2. Unreadaethel +2

            Well, she was also the Abigail in Will’s mind, which explains why she’s all about his weird, poetic dialogue, rather than just paletrembling all the time.

            I’m sure the internet remembers.

    4. grumblyqueer +6

      My ongoing assumption since the first episode has been that a) the network was tricked into complacency by the pretty food/clothing scenes, and b) Fuller had a bunch of truly horrific scenes in development that made this stuff seem like a walk through the garden. He already plays those censors like a human cello- oh, the uncovered butt of that dissected corpse is too graphic, better splash some blood over it.

    5. queenofbithynia +3

      oh and what is the deal with Hannibal being the Monster of Florence? is that in the books? Does that mean the show is set in the 80s and I didn’t notice?

      1. ppyajunebug +3

        So, parts of Hannibal the book were in fact inspired by the Monster of Florence. I think in this alt!fantasy world that Bryan’s put us in, the Monster was in fact young!Hannibal (which would make sense since Mads would have been in his 20s in the 80s) and the murders followed his design rather than what they were in real life.

        1. Unreadaethel +3

          I like that as we incorporate more parts of Hannibal Rising, there’s the implication that Hannibal was revenge-murdering his way around Florence, but with bonus artistry.

      2. winterbymorning +6

        I mean, the show IS set in some weird universe where nobody uses the internet, therefore enabling Hannibal to murder a man and steal his identity without anyone being able to so much as look up a photo of the guy and realize that Shenanigans Are Afoot.

    6. sparkwoodand21 +6

      Couldn’t watch. Hands over my face, hands over the dog’s face (she is young and impressionable).

      WHAT ABOUT ALANA THOUGH

      1. ppyajunebug +5

        The scenes I couldn’t watch were the autopsy ones (I have a ~thing~ about lips being sewn shut because of childhood nightmares), but there was a LOT of screaming and a lot of baffled concern from my roommate.

        I’m p. sure we’re gonna catch up with Jack and Alana next episode and I CAN’T WAIT I NEED CAROLINE DHAVERNAS BACK ON MY SCREEN.

        1. aqueousmedium +5

          My greatest fear now tho is that EVERYONE’s going to be in Will’s mind palace this season because THEY’RE ALL DEAD.

    8. TheRenleigh +1

      I always think I’ve seen enough horrible stuff on Hannibal to be basically immune, but that THING. I kind of wish I could’ve seen my own horrified face.

    9. Vera_Knoop +1

      It was so horrifying it was almost funny, but I was freaking out all the same.

    1. ppyajunebug +2

      There’s an amazing kayaking!Bellarke AU that I read this week and it’s so good I went back and reread it all again as soon as I finished.

      Also, I need to write a piece for my HP headcanon tumblr this weekend. Any minor characters that people would be interested in seeing a short piece about? I was thinking Ted Tonks, or maybe something about Lily Luna Potter going to a Muggle university, but I’m more than open to suggestions!

    2. jaeferous +4

      I’ve been reading (and trying to write) Mad Max fanfic because the movie has consumed my life.

      1. Harahel +2

        SAME. I was wondering if anyone would be down for some AO3 name sharing? I would love to swap stories with you all. I’m Vera_Dragonmuse over there.

        1. jaeferous +2

          I’ll check out your stuff as soon as I’m home! My fics are stuck in editing limbo because I have a tendency to re-write scene a hundred times and never be happy with them.

      1. laurenipsum +5

        rageprufrock dragged me into the Kingsman fandom and I cannot get out, send help, what the fuck

        1. Thujaplicata +2

          See, I want to read her Kingsman fics, but I haven’t seen the movie yet. So I tried reading one and was just terribly confused.

          3. laurenipsum +1

            I’M LYING. It is not on Netflix. It is on Amazon and you have to pay money for it. Sorry 🙁

    4. CleverManka +1

      I’m not reading anything new right now (just re-reading a bunch of old favorites) but I decided at kind of the last minute (last minute for me anyway) to attend Con*Strict in July! It’s basically a tiny little fan con of all slash-readers and -writers. I’m so excited! Online friend and fic writer extraordinaire Splix has been talking it up for ages and when she posted the list of panels for this year I was like “Welp, looks like I’ll be looking into flights to Las Vegas now.”

    5. jwhittz +3

      I’m still stuck in the MCU. Reading a long WIP about Steve & Bucky separately adjusting to the modern world. A friend just recommended a short Peggy one-shot with excellent characterization, if anyone’s interested.

    6. thelaureno +1

      after falling into a DWP hole (thanks Mallory!) earlier this week, I somehow discovered the bond/q fandom, which (in the hands of the right authors) is everything I ever wanted from a slash pairing.

      back in the days of ff.net, did anybody else ever read the hermione/draco Macbeth fic? I revisited it last week, and it’s so well-written, and I wanted to try and find out if the author had made the jump to Ao3, or was writing anything at all….

      1. breakdownhat +1

        Any recent Bond/Q recs? I read a bunch right after Skyfall came out, but haven’t kept up with it.

        1. thelaureno

          the mike taylor one on ao3– not sure if it’s new or not, but it’s the one I enjoyed the most.

    7. TheRenleigh +3

      I’m all about the MCU right now/still. I’ve been mainly reading short copperbadge stuff–my favorite so far is Black Amex.

      1. jwhittz +2

        You just reminded me that I have some new copperbadge/scifigirl47 fic to read! Huzzah

    8. BobbieWickham +5

      if yall are looking for something porny, may I recommend “Reciever of Many,” a recasting of the Hades/Persephone myth which I read in one sitting while blushing furiously and live-texting my friend

    10. Mrs_Peel +5

      I only just started reading fanfic a few months ago, so I’m catching up on the last 25 years’ worth of Star Trek TNG titles.

        1. Mrs_Peel +4

          I can’t post links here at work, sadly, but I will do that when I get home later tonight.

          (I avoided fanfic for years because I assumed it would all be embarrassingly amateurish, but there really are some great ones!)

    11. Chuckie

      I’m reading Not The Hero (https://www.fimfiction.net/story/217108) by the unparalleled Alara J Rogers. It’s a brutal, hilarious and perfect deconstruction of the worst excesses of the brony fandom, with Discord facing off against ‘Anon’, an alleged human whose very presence seems to warp reality itself and shift the narrative of the story to make him the (deeply unlikeable, terribly written) hero.

    12. MaladyDee +2

      I’ve been reading all the daredevil fic. Like, every couple days I hit up the daredevil tag on ao3 and see if there’s anything new that I’m into. There’s a lot of variance in terms of quality, but lots of good stuff. I’m starting to feel done though, and not sure what to read next. Might start writing, unsure. Too many other hobbies.

      1. VaguelyDownward +1

        Oh, any good recommendations for Daredevil fics? I haven’t read fanfic in ages (no good reason, just fell out of the habit), but I finished that show recently and I’m hard into the “not ready to let go of these characters and their world” stage.

        1. MaladyDee +1

          Sorry i took so long to get back to you, it’s been a busy week and my fanfic bookmark folder is poorly curated enough that I needed to take a bit of time to sort through it.
          Mostly I’ve found good fic by going into the Daredevil tag on AO3 and clicking on anything with a decent hits to kudos ratio, but here’s 3 that stuck out in my mind. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3876073 a short funny story, Foggy giving Matt the gears about some news coverage of Daredevil. http://archiveofourown.org/works/3956800 the first fic I’ve seen with Marci as the main character, it follows her career after the end of season one, and she gets some nice character growth. http://archiveofourown.org/works/4033192 a short, mildly steamy Karen/Daredevil scene.
          I hope you like them!

          1. VaguelyDownward +1

            Yay, thank you! I appreciate the response, I know I posted a little late for open thread because I was busy at work earlier in the day. I’m going to go read these now!

    3. Thujaplicata +12

      ugh, I sent this to a friend and her response was along the lines of “I don’t know, I just really don’t support bashing people just because of their race and gender…”

  16. LacaunaKale +1

    I think it may be time for a haircut. Speak to of shoulder length cuts for fine hair

        1. CheddarBiscuit +1

          YES. I went to lob route recently too and it has been a success. It’s just very versatile and hard to screw up. Blow dry it nice and sleek? Looks great. Do nothing and let it air dry? Also great. Use a curling iron for more polished waves? Still great.

    2. Frumiosa +4

      I’m bummed about a terrible cut/color I got yesterday. In Orphan Black terms, I went in as a Sarah and came out as a Rachel. I have no idea how that happened. The cut, whatever, it will grow back, but I had to be talked out of buying brown dye at CVS and just fixing it myself in the sink last night. My sister said give it a week and she’ll do it if I still hate it (I still will).

    3. literarysara +4

      I am pretty dumb about hair but I have a great stylist, and so what I usually do is google “fine straight hair round face” plus the length I want and print out some examples to show, and then the stylist modifies as necessary to suit my “product? what product?” lifestyle.
      Julia Stiles and (surprisingly?) Kiera Knightley have offered good inspiration.

  17. Es_Petal +6

    I am gearing up for a very fun and exhausting week! Going up north (300 miles) to see the gentleman caller tomorrow for a long weekend, it was our anniversary yesterday. We are going to see Jurassic World.
    Then I’m going to see L7 on Tuesday and Faith No More on Wednesday which will both be AMAZING, I never thought I’d get to see L7 in my grownuphood and the FNM reunion has just been a total dream come true.
    Then Friday I’m going on a day trip (via plane) to Scotland (I live on the very south coast of the UK) for a horse show, I fully expect there to be more pig testicles to be photographed.

    Then I might need another week off work to recover?

  18. hypermeganet +3

    Long, work-related question for you all. Not posting under my usual name, either. 🙂

    If everything you had heard about a workplace were glowingly positive, except for the fact that the manager there used to manage your SO somewhere else (and they didn’t get along) would you still apply?

    The other day I came across a job at Interslice that sounded like a really good fit for my interests and skills. It’s right on the transit line and the pay range is reasonable. I’m obviously tempted to apply.

    The bad thing is that there are at least two people working at Interslice who used to work with my partner at Cutco. Cutco was a sweatshop for creatives and a cash cow for executives. My partner did not get along with one of his Cutco managers—I’ll call him Ned— and practically threw a party when he left. Ned is now the general manager of Interslice.

    The thing is, my partner and I share a distinctive last name. And Ned will know who I am based on that (and on the fact that we share a zillion LinkedIn connections through Cutco).

    I am prepared to give Ned the benefit of the doubt on my side. My partner was entry level at the time Ned was managing him, and didn’t understand corporate politics yet. In my mind, there’s a solid 50% chance that Ned was doing normal management things and my partner was the one being a jerkface.

    I am mildly worried that Ned’s experiences with my partner may bleed into his opinion of me. I am mildly worried that my partner might not *really* be OK with me working for Ned, either. Though of course he is being supportive about whatever decision I want to make at this stage.

    What do you guys think? Anybody else here work in the same general field as their partner? If so, how to you navigate the overlap?

    1. RoseCamelia +13

      Applying is not a commitment. Go ahead. One step at a time. It is unlikely, but possible that they may not see your obvious fabulosity and decline to offer you a job, thereby solving your problem.

    2. paperbgprincess +7

      Go ahead and apply. “Not getting along” with someone at work has about a million possible things hidden inside it. Also part of growing up and having more work experience is understanding that people have lots of different working styles, and a mismatch of style is not the same as being bad people. I’ve had plenty of bosses that I didn’t like working for, but that doesn’t mean they were universally bad or that other people didn’t like working with them; everyone’s different and that’s actually what makes companies good, if there’s not just one kind of person and communication style there.

      Was Ned being overtly cruel or personally vindictive? Was he just not that great of a manager? Did his superiors allow him the freedom and autonomy to manage his people, or were his hands tied by corporate policies that made his department dysfunctional? Did your parter have any understanding of the general corporate environment or did he just not like his boss or the work he was doing?

      Apply for the job and see what happens from there. And in general, you and your partner both need to understand that you’re individuals who have different skills and needs and you won’t agree all the time–that goes for personal stuff as well as work. If people in your field are actually cruel and unprofessional definitely call that out to each other, but otherwise you have to let each other do your thing independently.

    3. freakyteeth +1

      There’s no harm in applying! Rose is right, take it one step at a time. Once you get the job, then you can ask this question to yourself again. BUT, that being said, I don’t think your partner’s relationship with Ned or vice-verse would interfere with your job and position at Interslice. If it does, it’s Ned’s fault being unprofessional. I say go ahead and apply, choose the best from both options! Good luck!

  19. catoclock +8

    Can we roll the Women’s World Cup conversation from the link roundup on over here? I’m trying to do work but I can’t stop thinking about the Sweden game tonight.

    1. onehundredthjen +1

      I AM EXCITED ALSO NERVOUS.

      Niche question, any Rogers Park / Chicago Toasties following the cup? Have you found a good place to watch the games?

  20. SwitchingGenres +5

    Any Toasties in NYC, I recommend going to see the China: Through the Looking Glass exhibit at the Met. The fashion is shown in the China galleries, not in a separate area, and it is a beautiful, magical exhibit. I spent a good amount of time in the Chinese Garden Court gallery itself. I bought the exhibit book too, and it’s one of my new favorite coffee table-esque art books.

    1. Ethylbenzene +4

      I’m here this weekend and it’s too fucking hot to do anything but stay inside so I may well check it out! Thanks!

  21. bighairnoheart +20

    Strange & Norrell. I am so happy that all the BBC America folks will get to see it now. (I think? It’s gonna be on June 15th, right?)

    There was some A+ Sengudusing in last Sunday’s episode. I highly approve. Would Segundus again.

    Also, the moss oak bit was creepy as all get out. Not gonna lie, I flinched a little.

      1. bighairnoheart +2

        It is all so damn good. I hope another book comes out sometime in the next two decades so there can be more. I can’t leave it in just a few more episodes. I’m not ready.

    2. Es_Petal +2

      I am going to miss this week’s, will be at the cinema with the gentleman caller! Am somewhat distraught.

    5. Adam8174 +2

      Am I the only one who was super put off by the first episode and gave up on this? These threads seem to be full of praise, is it just me who got in a huff when The Gentleman with the Thistledown Hair showed up looking like David Bowie’s rendition of Puck or something? I can see how people might find it fun but I felt a bit betrayed by it.

      2. literarysara +4

        To be fair, The Gentleman is one of my least favorite parts of this adaptation. I miss the fun of him from the book. But he does get a bit less echo-effecty in subsequent episodes, and since I think that overall the adaptation is doing a tremendous job of condensing an immense and rambling tome of a fantasy novel, I’m willing to accept the Gentleman as they style him.

      3. jenavira +1

        I wasn’t blown away by the first episode, but it’s gotten better as it’s gotten darker. Jonathan on the Peninsula was wonderful.

    6. literarysara +5

      Such a brave little Segundus! He really is too pure for this world.

      It must be SO FUN to be the actress playing Arabella. She gets beautiful clothes, excellent acerbic dialogue, and then the bananas creepy frog-croaky moss oak scene holy cow.

      1. bighairnoheart +2

        I found myself really liking him on my preshow reread and now I’m so glad that there’s so much of him in the series.

        I just want to cuddle him and give him tea and books of magic.

    8. rolotomassi5 +16

      I REALLY miss the footnotes and can’t imagine that people who never read the book will be able to follow everything (this is the first time they mentioned John Uskglass was the name of the Raven King and that he was an actual King at some point). Having said that, this was the best episode so far. Eddie Marsan knocked it out of the park when they were having their final tea by the fire (one of the most poignant parts of the book for me).

      Childermass continues to be the best and I was so happy how they handled Drawlight’s betrayal.

      1. bighairnoheart +7

        Dat gif. None more northern. None more sassy. I love him.

        And the Drawlight thing was great. I love how Lascelles is getting more and more threatening compared to the dandy-ish, ‘why are you even here?’ type character in the first episode. So good. I’m prepared for optimum loathing at the end.

      2. literarysara +4

        CHILDERMASS. My crush on him is getting hard to handle. I really couldn’t deal with the bullet extraction scene and I was absolutely incensed at him for getting on a horse and riding a long way to unsuccessfully threaten Segundus. Stay home and stay roguish and pretty, Childermass.

    9. jenavira +2

      I screeched in delight at Segundus pretty much the whole time he was on screen; I want to cuddle him and give him tea and cookies and pet his hair.

      1. bighairnoheart +3

        Segundus appreciation club needs to be a thing. He is the Neville of this story.

  22. gloriana232 +16

    ONLINE DATING THREAD!

    Not much to report. No new prospects or good threads of conversation. I almost set up a date with some guy I wasn’t that interested in but he was pretty … then he deleted his profile/account. Sorry I scared you, man.

    GHP guy, I think, is a friend. I’m more excited about that than a romantic pursuit. We’re going to an Edith Piaf tribute concert at Casa Loma (Toronto’s premier and only castle! A trussed-up rich person’s house, in other words) in a couple of weeks, which I am psyyyyyyyyyyyched about.

    I was not happy recently, though, when I talked about holding my other date’s baby and how the wee babe was so dear, and he was like, “Listen to that biological clock tick.” I was pissed. He apologized, but when I said if he used the words “biological clock” around me again that “we’d have a problem”, he said he felt I was policing his language (AHAHAHAHA). It made me feel a little insecure, feeling like the single woman whose TRUE FEARS about life are being poked like a bear, but I stuck by it.

    So, I might be a bit stupid still hanging out with him, but I really want to go to this concert and if he pisses me off again, there’ll be reckoning.

    Mostly, men are boring. And as dumb as bags of rocks, but at least rocks are interesting sometimes.

    1. Atalanta_Is +14

      Rocks are totally interesting! I had a big rock collection as a kid, because I have always been a quiet boring nerd.

      Instead of setting my profiles to be open to anyone, I am specifically trying to date other women (!) right now and it’s… weird. Men are so aggressive on online dating sites! I got messages from dudes basically constantly! Women are much less likely to send the first message, or respond, or anything, and it kind of wigs me out. I still haven’t worked up the guts to message any of my mutual likes on tinder, but finding out a cute babe liked me is still kind of an ego boost, haha.

      In other news, the last time I signed into okc I had 666 likes. It is I, the sexy destroyer of worlds :3

    2. 2for1cheesecake +23

      Last week I (drunkenly) declared that “ALL MEN SHOULD FALL INTO THE SEA,” & that’s still p. much where I’m at.
      That said, I know that I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who would never mention my “biological clock,” so when I meet someone or hang out with someone who does say something, I am bothered about it for days. Days.

      1. 2for1cheesecake +16

        Sorry, that wasn’t at all about online dating — clearly I just see “biological clock” and go into Rant Mode.

    3. meetapossum +7

      I went on two good dates this week!

      Monday met a guy from OKC. We had fancy cocktails then went across the street to a dive bar and it turned into a bluegrass jam session, which was awesome. Makeouts ensued. However, he lives in Chicago, but he’s in NY until September because of his consulting work. This could be problematic.

      Wednesday I went out to an awesome Indian restaurant with a guy I met at one of my local bars. Really nice and we laughed a lot, which is always good. I’m not sure how much I’m feeling the romantic side, but I’ll probably meet up with him this weekend.

    4. SmrtCookie +4

      This week I went on 2 dates with the boy I’ve been dating for 2 weeks who doesn’t have a nickname. So 4 dates in 2 weeks and we’re not bored yet! Last week I was saying I thought he felt a little tentative toward me but I had an epiphany moment yesterday. My last bf was Ted Mosby. I was just so used to things moving super fast with the last dude that a normal, sane speed felt slow. Phew!

      1. Ordinarily +1

        Ted Mosby! I just realized (due to your comment) that most of my previous relationships moved fast like that. I have also met a dude that I really like and we’ve been on five dates so far and it feels very slow to me, but yes, it’s just that I’m used to very fast! You are a genius!

    5. tekkah +8

      My (early 30s) best friend just spent a good chunk of her time going back and forth with an 18 year old on her dating app about why she doesn’t want to date him because he couldn’t take “no” for an answer. They start young with this entitlement thing.

  23. Ethylbenzene +13

    That Wedding is this weekend so I’m hanging with my sister while spouse does all the wedding stuff, and trying not to be angry that my friend’s out of control narcissistic mother finally succeeded in running me out of his life.

    My spouse’s late mom had some narcissistic behaviors too, so this is also bringing up a lot of those feelings too, feelings and issues that never got dealt with because she died before I realized what exactly had been happening.

    So, I’m here for dysfunctional families, raging narcissists, and whatever else you want to complain about.

    1. Vera_Knoop +1

      Ugh, I’m so sorry about your friend, and I hope your wedding goes smoothly and beautifully.

      1. Ethylbenzene +1

        Oh our wedding was fine (although, true story, friend’s mom got us a gift that she wanted to get engraved with some kind of inscription so we had to call her later and GIVE IT BACK so she could go do that — we declined that uh, kind offer). This is the friend’s wedding, which I am not attending because of aforementioned mom issues plus his stepsister is married to an ex of mine etc it’s all super fucked up.

        1. Vera_Knoop +1

          OH! Pardon my reading comprehension. I’m still sorry about your friend, though; that’s awful.

          1. Ethylbenzene +1

            No worries! And it is kinda awful. I am sympathetic towards him because I know how deep those types of abusers can get their claws in, but at the same time, she’s waged a decades-long campaign to get rid of me and I just can’t put up with it anymore.

    2. donkeywork +3

      Re: narcissism, can anyone recommend useful books that are less for diagnosing others and more about turning one’s own focus outward? It’s a delicate thing when one spends literally 90-plus percent of her time alone to suddenly remember there’s a world out there, but without those skills the world will remain pretty annoyed by said loner.

    3. SmrtCookie +3

      Oh man, my narcissistic mom is coming to visit next weekend so mentally girding my loins. My sister has been displaying some narcissistic tendencies lately and it’s making me sad and unsure of how I should deal with her.

      I’m so sorry that your friend’s mom is so terrible she’s ruining her child’s friendships. But good on you for maintain your boundaries even when doing so absolutely sucks.

      1. RoseCamelia +9

        I have several narcissistic relatives. When I cannot avoid them, I like to ask questions they cannot answer. Because I am vindictive.

        “What do your friends like to talk about?” “No, that’s about you. What do your friends like?”
        “What is [your adult child]’s favorite color?” “No, that’s your favorite. What’s hers?”
        “How have you been helping [your adult child] prepare for her move?” “Nothing? You mean nothing yet, right?”
        “What is your grandchild studying at college?” “Why don’t you know?”
        “What did she say when you asked her?” “Why didn’t you ask her?”

    4. LeastBittern +4

      I think I told you earlier that you should lie and smooth things over? I was entirely wrong. I have thought more about it, and the path you have taken is the brave, just, and cautious path. That was a good decision, and I’m sorry I gave you bad advice.

      Also the whole situation sucks, and I’m sorry that you have to be the most mature person.

  24. celery +11

    Toastfolk, I am wondering about the feasibility of Traveling The World. On the one hand, I would really like to travel the world (in the stereotypical 20-something-with-a-backpack way), and I have the means to do it. On the OTHER hand, aimless backpacking around the world is -such- a privileged thing to do, and I feel bad for seriously considering it, because that means not only am I doing something entirely selfish, I’m dismissing the things I have that people would kill for, like a well-paying job. What are other people’s thoughts?

    (And now I feel really awkward for writing this post too, because I am aware that this is the opposite of a problem. Thank goodness for internet anonymity.)

    1. deleted9457019 +10

      Not traveling but rather getting the sort of job you would be likely to hold for that same time period is pretty privileged, too? I wouldn’t let worries about privilege hold you back. I think you could get a lot of perspective that will be valuable for the rest of your life.

      1. celery +1

        That’s very true! I think my thoughts were along the lines of “If I keep working in this job, I will be contributing to society.” Thanks.

    2. chartreusan +13

      DO IT. I wish I had. I see nothing wrong with being selfish when the opportunity presents, and let’s face it, opportunities like this don’t come around often, so you have to seize it. And seeing how other cultures work and making friends from around the world will only enrich your life for when you decide to settle down (if you do!). The world is an infinitely strange place and if you CAN see it, you SHOULD.

      Honestly, I’ve backpacked a little bit, and I only regret not doing even more while I was younger. Now I’m too old and cranky to stay in hostels longterm, and it’s harder to get time off work to travel. Just because someone else wants a stable, well-paying job doesn’t mean it’s right for you right now. GO READ THAT HIKING ARTICLE FROM THIS WEEK. What was that quotation? “The trouble is, we think we have the time”? GO GO GO.

      Sorry, I am all fired up because I’m in the midst of contemplating a trans-Atlantic move because I feel like it’s a now or never kind of moment. Getting out of your comfort zone is scary, but essential!

    3. winterbymorning +21

      It’s very important to acknowledge that you have a level of privilege and certain opportunities that many other people don’t have – but that doesn’t mean you have to let those opportunities pass you by. I think traveling is one of the most valuable and worthwhile things anyone can possibly do. GO OUT AND SEE THE WORLD.

      1. RuncibleSpoon +4

        seriously seconding this. travel experiences are unique and hard to replicate outside of, you know, travel. if you can do it, do it.

    4. jenavira +6

      I feel you on this, a little? There are a lot of places I would like to go in the world that also happen to be places that Western civilization has treated very poorly and I am trying to figure out a way to see spectacular feats of nature and archaeological sites and different cultures without feeling like Privileged White Person Coming To Stare At Your Exoticness.

    5. Mrs_Peel +4

      My two cents- take advantage of any travel opportunities you have now, while you’re young and free! I had the chance to do some traveling at your age, and those are some of my best memories. You may regret passing up the chance later.

      I’ve personally never traveled to places where there’s a huge income gap between me and the local population, and I would probably feel uncomfortable doing that. But there are plenty of places in the developed world that are worth visiting and exploring, and that are also affordable. (I did a lot of walking around the UK and Ireland, which both have great networks of hostels).

    6. celery +3

      Thank you all! 🙂 I still have to overcome the thoughts like “It’s just not ~*~practical~*~” and take some actual practical life steps to go after it. But this has been fantastic encouragement.

      1. IntensiveClare +2

        Good luck! It’s definitely worth doing when you’re young and have the means. There are tons of resources out there to help you plan.

    7. LemonEucalyptus +1

      Go travel! I think if you recognize and acknowledge that it is a privilege, then it’s okay? Just don’t be like people I’ve known who see their expensive travel experiences as Proof That I’m Better Than All You Plebs.

    8. Allen K. +1

      Go! Hie thee!
      Whenever I read about young CEOs cashing out their first successful company with effectively infinite wealth, then turning around six months later and starting a new business, I’m like “Wealth is _wasted_ on these people.” Other people, or at least I, won’t resent but rather will live vicariously through your proper use of your rare resources.

    9. OliviaPJones +3

      I think that a lot of what you’re worrying about can be alleviated by being respectful. Be respectful of people, of places, of languages and locales–take pictures of pretty things, not of poor people, throw away your trash, be willing to try new cuisine. If there’s a secret private beach that only the locals go to, respect their privacy and go to the tourist beach instead. Those kinds of things. Try and learn enough of the language to at least try, even if it’s two words and everyone laughs at you and makes you speak English anyway. People appreciate it when we try, is what I’ve found.

    10. AfterPlumcake +3

      Do it, but be cool. Realize if you’re traveling someplace outside of Western Europe that pretty much everyone, EVERYONE is going to be way stronger and tougher than you or I can ever hope to be. Don’t just get drunk and bone Australian bartenders. I mean bone SOME Australian bartenders, but don’t make it one long Spring Break. There is absolutely nothing like travel for broadening the mind, so go, but be cool and go places that aren’t full of people who look just like you.

      Also, don’t be surprised, offended if there is some anti-American sentiment. I’m a white American living in a developing nation with my indigenous partner. .If there’s one thing I’ve noticed here is there are generally two types of Americans who come down here. Americans who come down to feel rich, play poverty tourist and go on Picturesque Brown Person Safari and the Americans who are quiet, respectful and genuinely interested in the people and culture. A lot of locals, especially the ones who come in contact with tourists, are automatically on their guard for the former (because there are so, SO many of them) so sometimes it takes a while for them to realize you’re not an Ugly American.

      Also, here’s a pro tip that’ll make buying stuff much easier if you have to barter. Barter for more things, not less money and don’t ever try to get a discount if you’re buying just a single item unless it’s a high value piece like furniture. Especially if you’re coming from a place of economic privilege, it’s important to make sure both sides of the transaction are respectful and fair. If you want to buy a shawl that’s marked as $20 (or whatever equivalent) instead of trying to get the vendor to go down to $10, offer to buy two for $30, plus ask if he’ll throw in a small trinket for free. That way the vendor gets the cash and you get a good deal without putting the citizens of your host country in an economic bind.

      Case in point: A few weeks ago I was at a market filled with women from a tribe famous for its embroidery. I saw these beautiful hand-embroidered belts, and asked how much. I knew one stall was selling them for the equivalent of $20 USD (still a very good price considering the machine-made ones on Etsy go for about $50). It was evening and she was hoping to make one last good sale for the day so she quoted me $18. I asked if there was a discount for multiples. There was (there always is) and we went back and forth good-naturedly a little until we hit the number that was still more than I offered but less than she’d asked, around $12 each. While we were bargaining I saw a pair of earrings I liked. Nothing expensive, maybe about $8, so I asked if she’d throw in that pair of earrings. She agreed, I paid. I was happy because I got three beautiful hand-embroidered belts and a pair of earrings less for than a single machine-made copy would cost in the states and she was happy because she had negotiated a very respectable sale that brought in enough money to let her eat out for a week. Everyone won, which should be the goal for all transactions

      /soapbox

    11. neuromanticism +6

      If it wasn’t awesome, it wouldn’t be a privilege. The social privileges are things everyone would like, or would like to have a choice about. Everyone would like to be able to choose whether they should travel or not. It’s not a bad thing.

      In this case, you’re not removing the option from anyone else. There won’t be a “more deserving” person who gets to go if you don’t (and even if there were such a person, you wouldn’t be able to “pay” for your privilege by acknowledging privilege). There’s no use in throwing away the option for the reason that not everybody has this option, because that doesn’t add any good to the world. No one will know that you consciously chose to not travel out of solidarity, and I don’t think anyone would feel supported by that if they did know, because it’s not making a statement or improving the life of anyone else.

      Does that help?

    12. Hollis +2

      Your denying yourself the opportunity to travel doesn’t give others the opportunity to travel in your place, nor does it give them jobs or anything else they need. Every vacation anyone takes anywhere means they’re more privileged than someone somewhere in the world, but that doesn’t mean no one should ever take vacations.

  25. rkfire +33

    Hi everyone! I deeply appreciate all of the feedback and comments and love for my post yesterday. I wanted to share some pictures of strong ladies below, as I had meant to do so int he actual post but got lazy and left the pictures out. I also touched on the intersection of race and gender briefly but I didn’t really get into that more deeply, or about of more varied ethnic backgrounds because there actually isn’t a whole lot written featuring WOC lifters, even though the sports themselves have a reasonable level of inclusiveness.

    ANYWAYS. Pictures in the thread below.

    3. rkfire +7

      Also huge shoutout for Samantha Wright for putting together this great piece on Ravishly about why she doesn’t want to be called the cutest weightlifter. It came out about the time I wrote the other piece, so this was sitting around in my head too!

      1. unmetamorphosed +4

        I frickin’ love Samantha Wright. She was one of my main inspirations for finally joining a team and jumping into weightlifting!

        1. rkfire +2

          She is very good, but that she wrote that piece pushed into OMG AMAZING for me. I really appreciate it when athletes who know that there is something off about the way they’re being portrayed/written about speak out against it.

    4. rkfire +10

      Also, the ladies of Strong Woman Radio. I am not a podcast person but if I were I would listen to these ladies:

      [Actually I might start listening now..]

      Vivian Nguyen

      Stacy Toth

    5. CleverManka +8

      These pics are amazing. Thank you for sharing, and thank you for that article! I’ve been feeling blue about not lifting for almost a year now, and it was actually great to read your words and all the comments.

      I had a conversation with my coach this week about how I’m bummed that I won’t be back to training by the end of summer as I’d hoped and he sent me a message with a “Take care of yourself, I’ll always make time in my schedule for when you can return” message, followed by a slew of uplifting Mighty Morphin Power Rangers gifs. Best. Coach. Ever.

      1. rkfire +5

        You’re very welcome, I’m glad you liked it. 🙂

        That is really awesome of your coach! The weights will still be there when you get ready. ^^; I can’t imagine how frustrating it might be to have to take this time off but you can always go back.

    6. Atalanta_Is +6

      Thanks for these! I am in physical therapy right now to fix some tracking and alignment issues with my legs; every time I get tired and discouraged over my inability to sit and stand properly, I look at pix of women weightlifting as inspiration. One day my knees will work properly and I’ll be able to do a squat without fucking myself up. One daaaaay.

      1. CleverManka +8

        I’m in PT right now to correct some appalling (and unfortunately hidden) alignment and postural problems that resulted in a deadlift gone very, very wrong last year. Good for you, fixing those problems first.

        1. Atalanta_Is +3

          D: oh man, good luck! My alignment problems have led to some minor stuff; it’s really only been luck that I haven’t really hurt myself yet tbh. My PT told me it was really a matter of time before something went wrong.

          Meat bodies! Why must you misbehave so!

    7. elsamac +9

      Hieu! I read and loved your article but didn’t comment on it because everything I typed was a variation of “THIS IS SO AMAAAAAZING ILU,” but, y’know, that was so amaaaaaazing and ilu.

  26. chickpeas +48

    I posted a couple of weeks ago about waiting to hear on a job — well, I got it! New things! New coworkers! No more obsessive refreshing of job sites! More money! Things are good!

    3. LaxMom +1

      CONGRATULATIONS!

      (please send me mojo? I’m obsessively refreshing at the moment)

  27. daisicles +10

    Has anyone tried sewing their own underwear? I’m still trying to find a suitable replacement brand after my previous brand changed their cut and switched to cotton that falls apart after about two wearings, but it’s easier said than done because nearly all replacement brands recommended to me don’t come in my size. I can get underwear that fits okay from Lane Bryant but I think I’d rather try my hand at sewing my own so I can pick my own fabric and such.

    I’ve found a few tutorials online and I have a few threadbare pairs of suitable fit that I can sacrifice to make a pattern – any tricky things I should be aware of? I’m not a particularly advanced sewer but I’m very experienced at muffling my cursing whenever I screw up and have to pull out a seam ripper!

    1. _phlox +5

      I have attempted one pair! The tricky part is getting the elastic stretched evenly all around but I think that will get better with practice.

    2. cosetthetable +3

      I too am really interested in this. Jasika Nicole recently went through a make-her-own-underwear phase where she made a bunch of bottoms and bras, and I know she posted about them on tumblr but also I think she maybe posted on her blog? In any case, she talked a bunch about the things she found challenging and the things she learned as part of the process.

      1. daisicles +1

        Oh, that must be where I was reading about sewing underwear a few months ago – on her tumblr. I knew I got these links to bra sewing blogs from somewhere!

    3. amanita +3

      I’ve made my own underpants! It’s easier if you have a serger, but ok with just the zigzag stitch. Get some cheap-o fabric at first but then once you’ve got your pattern/skill set down spring for the fanciest fabric you can afford: there is really nothing worse than spending time sewing only to have a jersey that pills or bags out after several wears. Bras are like a whole different thing but underpants are really pretty straightforward.

    4. Thujaplicata +3

      What kind of sewing machine do you have? A lot of the tutorials I’ve found online kind of assume that you have a serger, which is handy for sewing knit fabrics. However, I just read this tutorial about using a regular machine to sew knits, so it might be helpful: https://www.seamworkmag.com/issues/2015/06/knits-…

      Also, the tutorial I’ve used in the past is here: http://whatthecraft.com/how-to-make-ruffle-butt-u… (although of course you don’t have to make them with ruffles if you don’t want to)

      1. daisicles +1

        I just have a regular sewing machine, no serger. I really don’t sew enough to justify multiple machines (as it is. I need to take my machine in to get tuned up because I haven’t used it in ages and I’m having problems changing the needle), but everything I’ve read seems to say zigzag stitch will work. Which is good because the only serger I’ve used was the scary fast industrial one in the theatre costume shop in college, which left me somewhat afraid of them, even the consumer-grade ones that aren’t nearly as fast.

        1. Thujaplicata +2

          I don’t have a serger either and my ruffle butt undies turned out just fine (aside from needing to be a little tighter around the top, but that was a mistake of measuring, not of sewing.

        2. sarah_jay +2

          Check your user manual to see if there are specific stretch zig zag settings. My Kenmore has special settings for stretch fabrics, both straight (which I use with a double needle for topstitching, usually) and for zigzag, which I used sewing knits before I was given a serger, and which I still use when I don’t want to overlock. (I don’t sew underwear, but I modify men’s style shirts to fit me better and sometimes hem skirts etc)

    5. Miss B +1

      AngryChicken was obsessed with sewing underthings for awhile, and she posted tons of fascinating stuff about it/her process/&c. — http://angrychicken.typepad.com/angry_chicken/200… (I think that’s the first time she posted about it, but there were other times later on, too.)

      (Note: I don’t sew clothes, so I have no idea how practically helpful any of what she had to say will be.)

    6. dyingofthatroar +2

      If you’re looking for tutorials, you might also want to google ‘scrundies’ — they’re comfy period underwear that people on etsy sell. I have no crafty skills, so I don’t know in what ways they differ from regular underwear, but it might be worth a look.

    7. missmonicae +2

      1) You can buy readymade “underwear elastic”–you know, the cute kind with the picot edging–which should make things easier.
      2) BUY A KNIT NEEDLE. You may already be aware of this, but you ned different needles for knitted and woven fabrics. Why? I have no idea. It’s magic. Just propitiate the sewing gods in this respect and things will work a lot better.

  28. bighairnoheart +13

    In life news, I’m going to be driving down to DC tomorrow (in a car whose air conditioner decided to break yesterday, of course) so that I can spend the next few weeks going from place to place in Virginia researching naval expeditions that no one cares about any more, and guys, guys, I am so excited. The Smithsonian. The Smithsonian. I will be ALL up in those archives, y’all better believe it.

    Also Williamsburg because of course. And because it’s got William & Mary and their Carter archive.

    1. ppyajunebug +6

      I AM SO JEALOUS YOU’RE GOING TO WILLIAMSBURG I MISS IT SO MUCH (WM alum here).

      Make sure you get lunch at The Cheese Shop and try all the samples at the Peanut Shop and if you need a coffee boost, the Aromaccino at Aroma’s is better than every Frappucino ever.

      Also, the Smithsonian is pretty great but I MISS THE ‘BURG

      1. Rillquiet +3

        Not just any lunch, but bread ends and house! And bring your antihistamines if you’ve ever even thought about having allergies, because the ‘Burg’s pine pollen count is reee-fuckin’-diculous.

        1. ppyajunebug +2

          I don’t like any kind of dressing, so I never ate my bread ends with house, but they are 100% delicious on their own, or (on days when I was super hungover) as an accompaniment to Wawa mac and cheese which has approximately 8% real cheese and yet I’m totally addicted to.

          1. Rillquiet +3

            Chacun a son gout, true. But the news that the Cheese House now ships house dressing went across my social networks like fire in dry grass. People who love it REALLY love it. (I love it. I no longer have the kind of walking-intensive life that allowed me to eat huge dollops of it without consequence, but I love it.)

          2. ppyajunebug +3

            Oh man, my Facebook was full of people taking pictures of their newly shipped house dressing. It made me kinda wish I liked it, but it mostly made me wish they shipped bread ends too.

          3. studybears +1

            THE CHEESE SHOP SHIPS HOUSE DRESSING NOW!???!! This is the best thing I’ve heard all week!!!!

      3. bighairnoheart +8

        Williamsburg and I go way back.

        I’m excited to be heading down again to see family, etc, but also to walk around dog street like ‘yeah, I own this bitch.’ (I don’t, but I’ve been walking around there like that since I was nine.)

    3. flammablespam +3

      It is going to be unseasonably hot and humid up in VA the next week or so (heat indexes near triple digits!) please be careful with your lack of a/c. Bring a cooler packed with ice for cold beverages and cool washcloths to help regulate body temp. Heat stroke is no joke!
      Mother Hen mode, off.

      Have fun and your adventures sound way awesome!

      1. bighairnoheart +1

        Mother hen mode noted and appreciated. I’m in Vermont right now and driving totally liveable w/out it. I’m afraid I’ve forgotten how bad VA can be.

    4. ArguablyMagalis +2

      I feel you! My car’s AC is currently broken as well (and all the mechanics I go to keep quoting me $1600+ to fix it!), and now that DC summer is pretty firmly here it’s made for some interesting drives home from work! I keep a small hand-held fan in the car for when it gets too unbearable (like when I’m stuck in traffic with no air blowing through the windows). Your research project sounds fantastic though!

    5. sausagedog +1

      I was in DC two weeks ago and it was lovely, if Too Hot. If you have any time to spare from the naval expedition research, I’m adding my voice to the chorus of Toasties recommending the National Museum of Women in the Arts— it was beyond well curated. And I had never been before, so visiting the National Museum of the American Indian was new and exciting– and you have to try their cafeteria. It’s a bit expensive but entirely worth it. I bought the cafe cookbook after I went.

      Have fun!

    6. AfterPlumcake +2

      You are going to have So! Much! Fun! My father worked in the museum of natural history and took a very broad view of school attendance so I was essentially raised in the Smithsonian museums and it was THE COOLEST.

  30. Adam8174 +2

    Witcher 3 thread?

    So many things to talk about! Is anyone else playing/enjoying this game as much as I am? It’s gorgeous and alive and often makes good on the tone and content promised by its evocative vistas. I feel like I’ve been waiting for this game for years and didn’t even know it was coming.

    It’s also got some issues, let’s talk about those too! For instance, I loved the Bloody Baron’s questline a bunch but, it’s basically the only one of many quests based on violence against women that I felt justified its use of the topic. And then there’s the weird race stuff. Thoughts?

    1. BourneApprox +2

      It’s currently sitting on my computer, installed, and waiting to be played when I’m unemployed in a month or so! In the meantime, I’d still be curious to hear others’ thoughts as well regarding Those Issues. I actually really adored The Witcher 2, but it’s the most conflicted kind of adoration, where it makes me so happy sometimes and then so angry at the game the next. It sounds like TW3 may have fixed some, but not all of my problems. (Like, I’ve heard reference to a “literal mountain of sexual assault”.)

      Important questions: do we see Geralt’s butt this time? Or does he still keep his pants on during sex?

      1. Adam8174 +2

        Everyone wears underwear when they bone. I’m told that’s a change from 2, which apparently had full female nudity?

        The game actually makes racism and sexism a selling point (mentioned in the trailer for some reason), and as I saw how great the writing is in general, I was hoping for a treatment that was fairly intelligent and had something to say. The reality is pretty mixed – there are a lot of characters and scenarios and the quality varies substantially. Overall it does a few bad things (exploiting gendered violence for cheap melodrama and edgy flavor), fails to deliver on a couple of promises (the race issue is super tepid), but achieves a lot of great stuff otherwise (wide array of good female characters, is generally very well written, the environments are incredibly detailed and thoughtful). Definitely worth playing, I get the impression it’s a big improvement over Witcher 2 (though I can’t say personally).

        1. BourneApprox +1

          Okay, that’s better-sounding than I was expecting! I mostly love the series (well, the books and TW2 – TW1 is stinky) because of how culturally specific the whole thing feels. There’s been lots of discussion in the past few weeks regarding whether or not the game is “Polish” folklore which therefore excuses the whiteness (sigh). After all, it does pull quite a bit from other European and even Arabic fairytales. But in terms of its reference frame, it definitely feels distinct from your standard Tolkien fantasy, which I appreciate quite a bit.

          1. Adam8174 +2

            It’s good to hear you liked the books. I have The Last Wish on order at the library right now, curious to see how they compare to TW3. And maybe I’ll go back and play 2 at some point as well, though right now 3 seems to have plenty more content ahead of me.

            The whole non-Tolkien fantasy angle is definitely one of the best things about it. Unfortunately, it seems like as an open world game they felt the need to draw heavily from the fantasy kitchen sink, and so while there’s a lot of great unique monsters that feel endemic to the lore, there’s also a bunch of extraneous weird garbage (golems, mages, etc). The Tolkien stuff (elves, dwarves, hobbits, and the Wild Hunt) breaks the tone of the universe a bit – at least as presented in 3.

            The Witcher contract quests remind me a lot of Mushishi, though never quite as interesting. That’s an angle for fantasy I love – ecological rather than moral – and Witcher’s the first thing that really scratched that itch for me since Mushishi.

            Do you have a source that traces some of the fairytale roots in the series? That’d be an interesting read for me.

          2. BourneApprox +1

            Oo, I don’t have a good source for the fairytale roots, though I’d love to read one as well! One thing I’ll say about the books, especially The Last Wish, is that you can see where some of the kitchen-sink elements come from. The books draw a lot from traditional fairytales, and quite obviously, sometimes – like, Snow White and the Little Mermaid show up! In large part, the books are about the difference between stories and reality. At its worst, this can be “Gritty Mature Fairytale” crap (see: the first game, ugh). At its best, particularly in the books, this focuses a lot on the inevitable emotional pain and disappointment at the heart of these stories. The second book, The Sword of Destiny, has several stories which are mostly about Geralt’s toxic relationship with Yennefer, rather than being action heavy adventures (though there’s plenty of that too). The books also clarify a lot about Geralt’s code of neutrality and his relationship with his friends. Long story short, they share some of the same problems as the games, but I was pleasantly surprised by their subtlety. The translation is…workmanly.

  31. studybears +9

    Last day of work before leaving to go see USA play Nigeria in Vancouver and I am SO EXCITED so that’s all that’s on my mind right now. I’ve never been to Canada before and I’ve heard great things about Vancouver, so YAY VACATION (any restaurant or non World Cup activity suggestions welcome!)!!

    1. 2for1cheesecake +2

      Omgosh, going to Vancouver to watch a WWC match sounds like an ideal vacation.
      I had the best sushi of my life at Tojo’s on West Broadway. And I love the Museum of Anthropology, which is out near the university, but easy to catch a bus to.

    2. loren_smith +2

      Canada! Where in Vancouver will you be staying, and what sort of food and drink do you like?

      1. studybears +1

        I’ll be staying pretty close to the stadium where the game’s happening and I am a fan of nearly all kinds of food and drink! I’m also traveling with some fairly adventurous people food-wise, so I’m open to any ideas!

        1. loren_smith +2

          Cool! For food and drink, Gastown has a good selection of chill pubs and patios. I really like Six Acres, and the Diamond, and for fanciness and people watching, Chill Winston can be fun. There’s an amazing Lebanese restaurant called Nuba, nearby. And excellent tacos at La Taqueria. The DTES, centered around Hastings and Main, is quickly gentrifying, for better or worse, and there are some interesting new businesses being started in the area. The area can be startling to some, because of the poverty and open air drug use, but I’ve never felt very threatened. Save-On-Meats is a cool diner, trying to help DTES residents, and the Ovaltine is too (worth checking out if you’re an X-Files fan!). I had an amazing dinner at Cuchillo, and would recommend it.

          2. katherinepryde +1

            I too am going to Vancouver for WWC! I’m going for the final and to pal around Vancouver with some friends for a few days. I am taking all of these suggestions to heart – especially the Ovaltine. My tourist list is basically “they shot an episode of The X-Files/Arrow/The Flash/Psych/BSG/Supernatural there!”

        2. MilesofMountain +1

          Two places I’ve been to recently that were good were Forage and Spaghetei, which aren’t right near the stadium but are about a 20-30 minute walk away or a quick bus ride. Forage is a bit pricey, but it’s all locally farmed/harvested/wild-foraged food. The cocktails are insanely expensive and not worth it, but the breakfast is very good and a decent price and the dinner I had there was AMAZING. Spaghetei is definitely different: it’s apparently Italian food as it’s served in Japan, so it’s a kind of Japanese-Italian fusion that works way better than you’d think. It’s very affordable and has a nice atmosphere.

    3. maggiegrift +2

      Oh that game is going to be AWESOME to watch! I’m jealous! I’ll watch it live on a TV from Edmonton

    4. super_novice +2

      I live in Vancouver! So many good restaurants and foods! Granville Island is a lovely way to spend an afternoon. Main Street is my favourite neighbourhood in town and has lots of good little cafés and restaurants, particularly Parallel 49 for doughnuts and coffee. Earnest Ice Cream is bomb dot com. The seawall is as delightful as promised, particularly if you like cycling and want to rent bikes to toddle along it on. Downtown frankly is pretty another-big-city, but wandering around the adjacent Gastown (visit the steamworks brewery!) is always nice – a lot of restaurants, shops, and cafés. The art gallery (which I like to cheerfully refer to as the VAG) is also quite good! Also very jealous of the world cup – I had tickets for the final, but sadly have a funeral (of all things) to go to that day.

      1. studybears +1

        Ahh, thanks for all the good suggestions! I still need to figure out what to do when I’m not watching the game and this is very helpful!

    5. kellrowland

      Yay! Vancouver! I’m currently looking at the FIFA Fan Zone out of my office window. I highly recommend Phnom Pehn – Especially their famous garlic chicken wings. The restaurant is always packed but totally worth it. For non sports/eating activities I always tell people to go see The Sunday Service for their amazing improv stylings and renting a bike to cycle Stanley Park.

    6. squishycatmew +1

      OMG YAY!

      We’re going to the final in Vancouver, and spending several days there. We just flew back from Edmonton today, went to the Netherlands v China/Canada v New Zealand double-header yesterday (MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT, PRECIOUS). It rained! Edmonton is, uh, flat! There are magpies all over the place, though, I like that.

      YOU WILL LOVE IT OMG I PROMISE I MEAN I HEAR VANCOUVER IS GREAT BUT ALSO WORLD CUP WORLD CUP WORLD CUP.

  32. friendofdaja +37

    I’m reading an awesome old (circa 1915) novel on Project Gutenberg–it’s called “The Beauty and the Bolshevik.” And if that doesn’t grab you, here’s the first sentence:

    “Dear Ben, I hate to think what your feelings will be on learning that I am engaged to be married to a daughter of the capitalistic class. Try to overcome your prejudices, however, and judge Eugenia as an individual….”

    I mean, “daughter of the capitalistic class”?? This book is a gem so far (aka. 14 pages in), and I’m hoping it remains so, and doesn’t kill off Eugenia or make her a huge bitch or something.

        1. prost +15

          And Are Women People?!

          If it weren’t for Project Gutenberg and ridiculous copyright laws I might never have realized how much I love pre-1920 middlebrow lit. I just read “Parnassus on Wheels,” which is about a woman who gets sick of cooking and cleaning for her farmer/novelist brother and runs away to sell books from a horse-drawn cart.

          1. depizan +4

            I love Parnassus on Wheels. There’s a sequel to it called The Haunted Bookshop, which was enjoyable, but not quite as good as the first.

    2. Thujaplicata +6

      That sounds amazing! I’m reading an 1880s (?) book called “Wired Love: A Romance of Dots and Dashes” about two telegraph operators falling in love over the wire. It’s adorable.

  33. MuseKray +3

    So, does anyone DJ?
    I have the basic software where I can start experimenting but I don’t know how to even begin.

  34. Bunburying +52

    Confession time: some of the photos that female scientists are sarcastically sharing as “distractingly sexy,” I actually find sexy. Lady scientists wearing sensible pants in the dirt? Rrrowr.

    Now I just need to cry about it I guess

    1. flammablespam +12

      Train the 4 year old to make constant “you should see the other guy” or “bar fight” comments when asked about the arm?

      But I’m the bad influence who taught my sweet innocent nieces how to properly lie so you know, grain of salt and all…

    2. freakyteeth +2

      I’m so sorry to hear that. What happened? Also, sending positive vibes your way!

      1. hussified +1

        Being presented with a two-minute unsupervised opportunity to jump off the (Little Tikes) slide while his BFF tipped it over at the same time, as best we can tell. Also, being Four.

  36. Atalanta_Is +14

    I am putting together an Imperator Furiosa cosplay and I’m VERY EXCITED.

    Most of her clothes I can just… buy (brown jeans, brown boots, white (or beige) shirt, pauldron, etc) but I’m running into trouble with the arm — I was thinking maybe covering a black glove with some sort of wire mesh to simulate the claw/finger things, then metal rods up to a couple of cuffs? Has anyone made something like this? Should I just paint my arm silver and call it good?

    (…also I should get silver lipstick to go with the rest of my makeup y/n)

    1. bibliophibian +8

      The arm covering they used on-set was green-screen green. I say go for that!

      1. laurenipsum +11

        Yeah, we’ve been joking about going as Furiosa with a green-screen sleeve rather than trying to build an arm.

    3. pretty_monster +2

      perhaps an elbow length glove that you can paint some mec-type stuff onto, attach some actual metal bits/gears, and do the mesh-finger thing.

  37. PonyAlong +17

    DEE DEE THREAD!

    Makin’ it short: got her back home, she wasn’t herself…spooky, “off”, etc. Two weeks in, she’s finally back to the mare we know and love: just yesterday, I was sitting bareback and contorting my body on her (hanging over her neck, my feet all over the place) and she took it like a boss. Stood quietly, alert but not overly worried. Getting her “re-started” is going very, very well (on the ground) and will be saddled starting next week.

    Sad news: she came home with poor feet, a massive edema on the front of her chest from where she was kicked by former owner’s horse (she only copped to it when questioned) and an extremely sore wither area. Oh, and girth sores.

    Good news: she had an equine chiro massage and LOVED it and she’s scheduled for another round next week. BONUS: Dee Dee has inspired me to draw again and once I have a dozen or so portraits of her, I’ll be instagramming them.

    2. mmsees +4

      Yay, I’m glad she’s doing well! It’s always rough when horses show up in rough shape, but at least she’s not in a place where she’s being extremely well cared for. I worked at a rescue barn in high school for a while and it was always upsetting when horses came in, but then you got to see them fill out and come into their own which is a great feeling.

  38. winterbymorning +44

    Yesterday was my 4th wedding anniversary. (SUCK IT, people who thought I was making a horrible mistake getting married at 22.) We had a lovely dinner out and got very cheerfully drunk on rum cocktails. My only regret is not ordering as many oysters as I truly wanted. My ambition in life is to go to a fancy restaurant and just eat oysters all damn night long.

    2. her_again +16

      Congratulations! That sounds like the best wedding anniversary. And I feel you on the oysters – almost every time I have spent crazy amounts of money at restaurants, oysters have been involved. Including one place in Paris (humblebrag alert!) where the prices were not listed on the menu. Boyfriend and I did not take that for the FUCKING MASSIVE RED FLAG that it obviously was, and went ahead and ordered a dozen oysters. “How expensive can they be?” we asked each other merrily. The bill came and we both nearly fell off our seats. Nonetheless, those were some great oysters and I don’t regret it.

      1. m98widow +2

        Go to New Orleans! I am from New England and have always loved oysters, but have also always conformed to getting half a dozen for an appetizer. I visited my friend in New Orleans (granted, this was about a decade ago) and you can just keep eating as many oysters as you want because they are about 25 cents apiece. So good.

    4. alyssaj85 +7

      Congrats!! It’s so satisfying to say suck it to people who tell you what a mistake you’re making. This August, I will get to say it too everyone who told me not to get married at 20, because we’ll be celebrating 10 years! 🙂

    5. fenixdawn +16

      Congratulations!!

      Once I bribed myself to do yoga every day for 3 months, by having my husband buy me a “shellfish tower” at a local restaurant that was listed at the always terrifyingly vague “market price.” It was indeed a veritable tower of shellfish and costed a veritable tower of money. I regret nothing.

      1. Mrs_Peel +9

        Everyone should get an unlisted-price-shellfish-tower at least once in their lives…

    6. ToastiewithCheese +2

      Congrats!

      We have out one year anniversary of buying a house tomorrow. Also a decision that made some people (read: his parents) say “ehm, you sure you want to do that?”. But turns out we bought at the bottom of the market and the house has probably already increased in value, so nananana.

    7. dakimel +5

      Happy anniversary & also huzzah to insanely young marriage (I was all of 23 & the spouse had just turned 25.) (Wow, I’m nearly twice the age I was at my marriage.) Sure, there’s some growing up to do, but if you’re willing to grow up together, it’s so amazing.

      (Though for the record, should our almost-20-year-old child ever see this: nope. Take your time. I’ll believe in your passion & good sense, but I won’t be capable of admitting I’m old enough to have a daughter-in-law for at least a decade.)

    8. missmonicae +2

      Congrats! I’m getting married next year (at 21) so this is encouraging to me. 🙂

  39. upsofloating +46

    Toast, I need some help.

    Two days ago I found out I’m pregnant. I need to not be. SO and I have been together five months and can’t support ourselves. Also, I don’t want a kid. I’ve made the appointment, but it isn’t for three weeks.

    I was raised mormon. This is dragging up capital F FEELINGS for me, and while this is the most responsible and adult thing I have ever done, I’m scared, partly of the procedure itself, but also of the afterangst. All the stories I’ve heard about abortion are horror stories. Are there any good abortion stories people would be willing to share? (Note: I am in Sweden. Getting one here is NBD, but it takes a while.)

    3. cosetthetable +27

      OH LOVE. It will be okay. It will be okay, it will be okay, it will be okay.

      I’m sure that in between when I last reloaded and now, when I am getting to this, many people have told you many wise things and provided you with wonderful links that I will thumbsup as soon as I reload, but please keep in mind that people generally only openly discuss things as culturally touchy as abortion when they had an experience that was WONDERFUL or one that was TERRIBLE, and as necessary as an abortion might be, it’s hardly ever going to be something you’re super enthused about, so you will disproportionately hear the horror tales. When people have a medical procedure that goes smoothly, and afterwards they feel secure knowing it was the right choice and don’t experience any significant angst or ennui, they don’t have any particularly good reason to talk about that experience far and wide. But those experiences exist, I promise.

      But even if it’s not like that for you, even if you do have angst or whatever, you will still be okay. Feel your feels, take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself, let us know what we can do.

    4. laurenipsum +18

      There is such thing as an abortion doula. My sister is a regular doula, not an abortion one, but if you want to email her she can maybe answer questions and give you ideas about what to do during the procedure. If you go to my username dot com there’s an email address — email me and I’ll hook you up with her if you like.

    5. Age +5

      I can’t speak to the emotional aspect because I didn’t have an abortion, but I had to have roughly the same procedure at 12 weeks because of a miscarriage that wouldn’t, well, miscarriage properly. I had a few options but chose the surgical procedure because it would have me home same day. It was painless, and I hung out in the hospital for a few hours so they could make sure I ate and drank ok. Mostly read a book of short stories while I was waiting to be let out. After, it was like I had my period for a while, but it wasn’t too heavy or anything and I was a little sore for a few days (less than a week) while my body went back to normal. This all happened in the UK.

      I’m glad you’re doing what’s best for you and I hope you and your SO take good care of you when it’s done.

    6. sbcardinal +18

      Replied to your later post, and feel terrible about not jumping on this one immediately. (As a lurker, I felt awkward being first and was waiting for the regular Toastariat to reply.) No horror in my experience, just kind, thoughtful medical staff who helped me not be pregnant when I could not have another child. My abortion was a good thing.

    7. RoseCamelia +7

      I know a few women who have had abortions. Only two have capital F FEELINGS about their abortions. And those two? They have the same FEELINGS about every story they have to tell that might get them some attention. I swear, the same pity-me face, duplicate horrified tone for being late for a job interview as for telling about their abortions. Drama queens. So I think of them when I hear about fundamentalist women and their So Very Sad abortion stories. They may not realize it, but they are coloring the event to claim status that their culture otherwise denies them. If their culture paid no mind to abortion, they would not be feeling afterangst.

      Yes, you are doing the right thing. It’s going to be fine. I am sorry you have to struggle with waiting for 3 weeks. But I am so glad you live where it is NBD to get one. I hope you feel better about all of it soon.

    8. betsymore +16

      ALL the hugs to you, if welcome. Not sure if you’ve seen the movie Obvious Child with Jenny Slate, but I felt like it did a great job showing abortion as an appropriate and helpful intervention when the time is not right to be pregnant.

      No one can tell you what your feelings will be, but it is super common to experience relief after getting an abortion. And contra anti-abortion activists’ claims, having an abortion is less likely to induce depression, pathological levels of guilt or regret, anxiety, etc., than having a baby, especially a baby you aren’t equipped to care for the way you want.

    9. Mrs_Peel +9

      I’m so sorry. I haven’t gone through this experience myself, but I have several friends who have, and they said that the procedure itself was pretty straightforward and not scary at all. The medical staff were quite nice. They mostly said they just felt relieved afterwards, without a lot of that “afterangst”. (Some women might feel that way afterwards, but I think the negative emotional after-effects are very exaggerated by people who are just trying to scare women off from terminations).

      For what it’s worth, I think it’s the most caring and responsible choice if you’re not ready or not in a position to be a parent, so <3

    10. Hugs and tea +6

      I don’t have a personal abortion story but I have talked to friends after they’ve had them, and none of them had horror stories. The friend I talked to in most detail about it didn’t have any serious doubts about the abortion being the right decision for her, due to being in a similar situation you were–she didn’t want a kid right then, and she wasn’t financially equipped for it. She did do some worrying beforehand about “what if this is the only chance for a kid I have?” because she does want kids some day, but those thoughts faded quickly. She knew she would be better equipped to parent in the future because she didn’t have to drop out of school to have a kid when she wasn’t ready for one.

      Something else that may be comforting is knowing that about 30% of women in the USA have had abortions (not sure what the rate is in Sweden, but I don’t think it’s lower), so this isn’t a radical choice or something outside of the norm. It can feel very isolating, but the reality is you are far, far from alone in this, and for most of the people who have abortions it’s not a life-altering event.

    11. donkeywork +6

      No personal experience with this, but several friends have told me over the years that the extraordinary relief at not having to raise a child with no money/an unstable relationship/while unhoused vastly outweighed the afterangst. Horror stories make headlines but so often are disconnected from the quieter reality. Best wishes to you going forward.

    12. her_again +16

      Sending you a huge, tight hug. I had an abortion a couple of years ago. I won’t lie, it’s definitely still an emotional thing for me, but I have never, ever, not even for one second, regretted the decision. The procedure itself was very simple – I’m not sure what the usual method is in Sweden, but I had some general anaesthetic, and then woke up no longer pregnant. When I got home I had a hot cup of tea and watched some gentle, feel-good TV for the rest of the afternoon. I felt nothing but happy and relieved.

      Looking back on it, I think the worst part was waiting to have the abortion, not knowing what it would be like, and still having to be pregnant while I waited. Once it was done, things got significantly easier. So, I hope that helps a little – this too shall pass.

      1. dancingcrowdesigns +3

        Yes this – the waiting, and the not knowing. And the people who were (more or less correctly) making sure of my resolve.

    13. LaxMom +10

      I didn’t, I gave a baby up young, and it really really really fucked with my head. Then after I had my own kids and lost a few pregnancies, it fucked me up more. I have come out of this with the mindset that “If abortion looks at all like the right choice DO IT FOR YOUR FUTURE MENTAL HEALTH and don’t look back”. (the ‘shouting’ in that is not at you, it is the only way i could begin to approximate how much I “F”eel strongly that abortion needs to be a thing women can choose and really be ok about)

      Is there any way they’d let you do the pill instead, so that you didn’t have the waiting/guilt feelings building up?
      Let people support you. Let yourself be conflicted without telling yourself which feelings are good or bad. I will keep thinking of you during this time. Be kind to yourself. (Sorry, I’m a problem solving/practical approach person, I’m trying to be supportive, it just comes out like I”m telling you what to do, I don’t mean it that way)

    14. pretty_monster +6

      i’ve had two. the first time i was very young and it didn’t go well (i have no regrets about my decision to do it, though.)

      BUT

      in my 20s i had another and it was easy peasy. everyone in the office was very kind. i had to drive myself so they scheduled me for early in the day and then let me hang out in the recovery room reading magazines, watching TV, napping, and snacking as long into the day as i needed to before i had to drive home. i had no complications and i have zero regrets.

      i do occasionally have FEELINGS about my experiences but those are all derived from how others try to make me feel about it. left to my own devices, i have no guilt and no regrets and i know that i made the best decisions i could for my self and my health.

      i give you all the jedi hugs and internet love and support i possibly can *HUUUUGS*

    15. MoniqueAC +6

      I had an abortion when I was 20 (25 years ago, this time of year, too!). I honestly can say that I have had zero regrets. I had been with my then boyfriend for only a few months, as well; I was halfway through college; and I really wasn’t in a place where I wanted a child.

      I was raised Roman Catholic, so I sympathize with what a rigorous religious upbringing can do to you. The procedure itself was scary for me only in the sense that it was a surgical procedure (things are probably different here now — I’m in Canada — but at the time, we had only just gotten rid of our abortion law and, while there was relatively easy access, it took time to work through the system). I had no afterangst whatsoever. It was really more of a sense of profound relief — I never doubted it was the right/only thing to do. I don’t know if this is helpful. I know that some women have more mixed feelings, even when it’s the right/only thing to do.

      Anyway, I ended up marrying the boyfriend (a mistake on an epic scale) and had two children when I was ready for them (much later, when I was 29 and 31).

    16. Miss B +1

      Oh, I am sending you all the good vibes and warm thoughts that will fit in an internet comment.

      Everything will be okay.

      (I had an abortion when I was not-quite-22 — D&C, not a pill — I think they gave me some mega-strength tylenol and possibly a xanax? It was over very quickly, it was only mildly uncomfortable, and I had very little cramping and spotting during the days following. There were no Feelings attached to it for me — it was a total non-decision, I didn’t even have to consider, it didn’t make me feel bad or sad or conflicted, and I rarely think of it at all, but when I do, it’s only in the sense of being So Thrilled I was a person with access to a safe one.)

    17. Linette +14

      Hi, I have been in this situation, it really will be okay. My partner and I were together for three months when I got pregnant. I was 29 at the time. I had a lot of people in my life who had Opinions about having an abortion. I had one anyway, I have no regrets.

      Here’s everything I can tell you:

      I don’t know anyone who had a ‘good’ abortion experience, in that no matter what it’s painful and sometimes invasive and generally not fun. I personally had a bad reaction to the pill you take to induce an abortion, and it was quite painful. HOWEVER. I was fine. I am fine. It was a short period of really bad pain, and at the end of it I kept a Vicodin down and everything was all right. Really all right.

      I’ve talked to a lot of women since then about it and discovered that if you bring it up first, you’ll discover that a lot of the women around you have had abortions and are willing to talk about it as long as they’re not going to have to argue with someone about it. My partner’s mother has had two; she has four children, she has no regrets. My close work friend has had one. My mother had two. My aunt had one. My godmother had one. It’s everywhere, we just don’t talk about it because all of us are afraid of running into an asshole. But you are not somehow the one person you’ll ever know who did this. You already know LOTS of people who have had an abortion, you just don’t know it yet.

      Of the women I know who have had an abortion, mine is by FAR the worst of the stories, and my story is really not that bad. I had a bad reaction to medication, I had some very painful cramping, but nothing terrible or life-altering happened. For most of these women, the procedure was uncomfortable, but not painful. They were fine. No one had terrible complications. No one was unable to have children when they wanted to. Many went on to have children after their abortions. Their bodies are A-okay. Mine is too.

      As for the Feelings . . .

      Here’s the deal. You are going to have Feelings about this. You are going to have what-if thoughts occasionally EVEN IF this was absolutely, unquestionably the right choice for you. I am perfectly happy with my decision. It actually brought me and my partner closer, because this was a huge complicated mess to navigate at the very beginning, and we got through it together and learned a lot about each other. I would absolutely, 100% do it again.

      And I still, from time to time, have a little thought pass through. “What if we’d gone through with it? What would that child have been like? What would we be like, with a child?”

      I know the answer to some of these questions. If we had gone through with it, our relationship would be extremely changed. We would probably not be as close as we are now, because we would have been thrust into something we weren’t ready for, and there would be resentment about that. We would not be as happy. We would not trust each other as much. It would not have made us better.

      The what-ifs will happen, and that’s okay. It’s okay to have doubts or wonder sometimes about what-might-have-been. What you need to know right now is that you are very certain that what-might-have-been would not be as good as what will happen when you make this decision. You are making a call about your life and his life. You are using your not-inconsiderable intelligence and experience to say, “My life and this person I love’s life will be better if I make this decision instead of this other one.”

      You are allowed to make that call. You are allowed to make that call even if you are wrong. You are allowed to make your very best judgment about what is right for you and follow it all the way to the end. You are allowed to trust yourself and your understanding of your own life.

      You are also allowed to feel all the conflicting feelings and sort them out. You need to, in fact, so that when you make this judgment call, you feel good about trusting it.

      It will be okay. I promise it will be okay. No matter what, it will be okay.

      1. dancingcrowdesigns +8

        I think you’ve touched on something important in the invisibility of abortions in someone’s past. You are correct that most women won’t mention them first, but if you ask directly everyone has had one, knows someone who had one. My best friend, my mother (questionable legality at the time! my mom, ahead of the curve!!) another friend. All people who had reasons to not have a child now, and the resources to make that happen.

      2. Galit +4

        This is exactly right about the women who don’t bring up their abortions because it’s suck a touchy subject. I was SHOCKED by the number of people in my life who came out to me about their abortions when I got pregnant. My mom, grandma, great-grandma, my boyfriend’s mom and aunt all had abortions, and I had absolutely no idea. It definitely made my decision to have an abortion a lot easier once I knew that I was not alone. It sucks because nowdays I never mention that I had an abortion, and almost no one in my life knows (none of the male members of my family know, for example), because I’m so scared of it being judged for it. And I know I’m contributing to the problem and preventing abortion from being normalized but I can’t help it.

    18. dancingcrowdesigns +8

      I got pregnant (change in birth control) after we’d been married six months. We’d been together for three years before that, but I was still slogging away at my masters degree, he was working on a PhD, we were living hand to mouth and it was Not the Right Time.

      I was more agitated about being pregnant and miserable (freaking morning sickness) that I had a hard time waiting. It got done in the middle of a huge snowstorm. He came with me, and held my hand, I cried some. the people doing it were SO KIND: they were sympathetic, they were kind, they were competent, they trusted that I had made this decision and no one tried to talk me out of anything (Massachusetts is pretty enlightened) even when my husband couldn’t be there someone was kind about holding my hand because it made me feel better.

      I thought I would regret it forever. I got home and was so relieved it was done and I was NOT pregnant – I slept well for the first time in a month. I didn’t actually regret anything. I remember, every once in a while, that I was pregnant three times, but only had two babies. But that was SUCH a bad time.

      And then, six years later when I WAS ready, it was amazing and wonderful and fun conceiving and EXACTLY what I wanted.

      Really, Amanda Marcotte pointed out that mostly what an abortion does is allow the status quo to remain. A baby changes EVERYTHING in so many ways and along so many axes. An abortion lets you get back to what you were doing. It allows for no change, or minimal change.

      It was not as big a deal as I expected, and in retrospect it infuriates me that abortion and rape are two major narrative turning points for women. Abortion doesn’t kill you. Abortion is not something I have regretted since I did it. Abortion made the eyars we were struggling students SO MUCH EASIER, with one car and two jobs and nearly zero money. I was the main income earner for two years. I couldn’t have done that with a baby in hand, and if I had earned money, he would have been looking after the baby with his degree on hold.

      Sorry. I’m just yelling now.

      do you want advice?

    19. IntensiveClare +1

      Sending many hugs your way. No personal experience, but one of my aunts had 2 abortions and then went on to have a son later. Each time I’m pretty sure she made the right decision for her circumstances.

      I’ll be thinking of you and hope things go smoothly.

    20. sortanonymous +3

      Hi there – I have a positive abortion story. I’m anonymous only because I have very Catholic family members that could potentially triangulate me, but I am a fairly regular commenter. Granted, I am not religious and never have been, but I have never for a moment regretted my abortion.

      I realized I was pregnant due to a birth control miscommunication with my long term boyfriend. He was supportive of my decision and I made an appointment the morning after I found out. I had a medical abortion. It was a lot of severe cramping and about a week of extremely heavy bleeding. I too had to wait about a month before I could have mine even though I was doing the pills.

      To be honest, I have never felt particularly sad or regretful about it. I did what was best for me and my boyfriend at the time. We’re still together and I know I did the right thing.

    21. upsofloating +2

      Thanks so much for your kind replies.

      I’ll be doing the pill, and the good news is that it’s free (YAY SOCIALIST PARADISE!), the bad news is that it means a little waiting. Which means I’ll be walking around being pregnant. Easily the worst part of all this. The stories and comfort I’m getting here are tremendously helpful.

  40. Dancercise +95

    I felt like a friggin’ misandrist hero last night and wanted to share the story. I was at a summer kick-off pool party for the college and young adults group at my church where I’m a mentor.

    Late in the evening, a 22-ish guy, who is known for being super-macho and arrogant picked up an 18-year old girl who is brand new to the group and tried to carry her over to the pool to throw her in. She was yelling, “No, don’t. Stop!” and he wasn’t listening.

    I shoved my way threw the crowd and ran to them just as he was pulling back to heave her in. I grabbed his arm and said, “Don’t you dare!” He only sort of half-turned toward me, so I got right in his face and said it again. “Don’t. You. Dare. Put her down NOW.”

    He let her go, and he meant the whole thing as I joke, but I was NOT having it. I went to the girl later and told he that I wanted her to feel safe in this group and even though he was joking and she wasn’t really that upset, it was not okay for him to manhandle her like that.

    The sad thing is that I don’t think he really got it. He came over me at the end of the night and tried to explain it away as a joke. When I explained to him how inappropriate it was, he just said, “I could see how it would be perceived that way, but really, it was just a joke.” He never apologized, to me or to her. *sigh*

    1. Kai_Ko +32

      You rock! That guys sounds like an ass, so good on you for stepping to him. More 22-year-old men should be growled at, Liam Neeson-style, by fierce women.

      1. Dancercise +42

        I swear at least 30% of the mentoring I do is taking the arrogant young men down a peg or two when they need it.

          1. Dancercise +15

            It is genuinely one of my favorite parts of the gig. That and helping young women see their worth outside of men or looks or whatever else they’ve been taught to believe.

    3. gloriana232 +39

      UGH. You did the right thing.

      “I could see how it would be perceived that way … and I don’t care because my opinion is more important than other people’s feelings” WHY?

      1. Dancercise +22

        RIGHT? I couldn’t pinpoint exactly why it bothered me when he said that, but later I realized that it was totally shifting the blame and saying that how I perceived it is wrong, not that he did anything wrong.

        2. grumblyqueer +22

          “I’m sorry that you decided what I did was worth yelling at,” is the way I read that.

        3. pretty_monster +8

          a good person says, “i am so sorry. i will never do that again”.
          a bully says, “but it was just a jooooooke.”

          ugh.

      1. Dancercise +30

        Not to mention ruining the phone in her pocket and, since she didn’t have a swimsuit or towel, leaving her cold and drenched in light-colored clothing.

        1. squishycatmew +3

          Right? When I was six? Seven? I was at the pool with a friend and our parents. He pushed me in as a joke, because we were six or seven. I was mildly frightened because it was a surprise, but I had already been swimming and was in my bathing suit and have been swimming since I could walk, so I was fine.

          Guess what? HE WAS STILL IN A SHITLOAD OF TROUBLE WITH BOTH SETS OF PARENTS, because YOU DO NOT PUSH PEOPLE INTO POOLS. IT IS NOT SAFE.

    6. mittenstheboar +34

      I don’t know how she felt, but if I was brand new to a group, got picked on by being thrown into a pool by an older guy, spend the rest of the evening wet and shivering and worried that my phone was ruined, that would be enough to make me never want to come back. On behalf of the insecure teenager that I was, thank you.

    8. elsamac +37

      Whatever excuses he tried to wave around, you just showed everyone at that party that no means no. I love you for it.

        1. Dancercise +7

          That’s part of why I did it. This is a college group, and we had a bunch of people there for the first time (including this girl) who just graduated high school and were checking us out. I was not about to let them think that shit would fly.

    9. LezzyBeaverman +22

      You are a hero rock star of awesomeness! I HATE being picked up, even by people I know, ESPECIALLY when it’s a surprise. But I am a wee tiny girl and so there’s a lot of “I bet I could pick you up!” that happens, especially around drunk people. Some of them will stop when I say “Yes, you could, but that does not mean you SHOULD, so don’t.” and give them my best death glare. Others….do not. For a long time I down-played it as just a weird quirk, I don’t know why thing. And then my therapist pointed out that it probably reminds me of other times in my life when I’ve had things happen to my body because I am small and…yeah. Yep. That brought a lot into focus. Depending on my mood, I will sometimes now tell people that when they try to pick me up. It is so awkward! It is the MOST AWKWARD THING. But I like to think maybe it’ll embarrass them so much they’ll never ever do it to anyone again.

      In related news, one of my friends in high school who was also quite tiny used to get thrown in the pool a lot. Until the time she grabbed the boy’s hair and dragged him in after her. It could’ve been really bad, but luckily nobody was injured, and he sure as hell never did it again. I kind of always admired that, in a HULK SMASH kind of way.

      1. gloriana232 +5

        It’s so weird when people see “different” and then ping that this means that person wants it highlighted all the time and totally wants to engage you on the basis of that “difference.”

        It recently occurred to me when I was wondering why people think it’s okay to talk to me about my race or ethnicity when they don’t know me AT ALL. I think that occurs to an extent for sex too. “Hey, she’s the only woman in this room of men! I bet she wants to talk about how she’s a woman.”

      2. executiveninja +2

        Oh my god, this so much. I am also a small person who is frequently picked up without warning and it is AWFUL. It’s such an invasive thing to do to a person; it’s basically taking away my bodily autonomy and my ability to safely disengage from the situation and it’s kind of terrifying even when people I consider my friends do it.

        The ones who get this after I tell them not to do it are still my friends. The others… are not.

    10. sarah_jay +10

      Someone tried to throw me in the pool “as a joke” until I physically hurt him (I scratched his face). He got mad at ME for hurting him, not thinking about how being thrown in a pool, in my clothes (over my bathing suit) would have hurt me. I’m super sensitive to chlorine and hadn’t applied cocoa butter yet to protect my skin. I would have been red and itchy for a couple of days, and if I’d gotten it in my eyes I wouldn’t have been able to see well enough to drive home for about an hour.

  41. catweazlol +6

    I bought a new guitar yesterday after work kind of on a whim. I’ve been meaning to get one for a while because I’ve had the same one for 15 years and it was cheap then and now it’s both cheap and in not-great condition. But I feel kind of dumb about it because I’ve been telling myself I’m saving up for a Nord Stage (I’m more of a keyboard player than a guitarist) but those are hella expensive and this guitar was not cheap but it was way less that $2-4 grand. Please convince me that I am still a responsible adult and not a child who demands shiny things and instant gratification!

    1. threatqualitypress +2

      This is a good thng to spend money on! Think of the cost amortized by note; you will find that a good guitar is one of the most financially-sound purposes.

    2. dancingcrowdesigns +2

      NEW GUITAR!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!!

      sorry – I bet that didn’t help much. But still, excellent work!

  42. SwitchingGenres +11

    Toasties, that article earlier in the week about living with only a few possessions and hiking really got me. I’ve had fantasies of being a hermit since I was a kid, and I love books about hermits and lone travelers, and movies like Amongst White Clouds (about Buddhists living in the mountains of China). However, such a life is at odds with my current job/marriage/debt status. I wish I’d done more such things when I was younger! Any other toasties have dreams like this?

    1. Mrs_Peel +2

      I like stuff too much to go quite that far, but I do have fantasies about winnowing down my possessions and living in an adorable tiny house. (But I could still do that when I retire…)

    2. IntensiveClare +2

      Part of me wishes I’d taken some time at a yogic/monastic retreat; which may still happen, but with a kid on the way, probably not in the near future. The idea of women retiring to a convent in widowhood as they used to in Europe does have some appeal.

      It’s not too late to explore opportunities; maybe plan for a week or two experience of the sort you’d like to have? Hiking, a retreat, whatever.

      1. Ethylbenzene +10

        I read this terrific piece the other day about how fascinating and subversive they were given the genre — most escape stories involve finding a key or map or something, some way out that is the oppressor’s. Very much not the master’s tools, you know?

        1. threatqualitypress +10

          I was fascinated with them at first just by how often they came up.  Like when you first see them, it’s just “oh yeah, obvoiusly get a pair of bolt cutters to get those chains off”, but then every time something happens, there are those good old reliable bolt-cutters, ready to save the god-damn day.

        1. threatqualitypress +2

          Aw, Tumblr, I can’t read it at work.  Will check later, though, because I am always here for the Bolt Cutters.

    2. SarcasticFringehead +10

      That and the non-compliant symbol from Bitch Planet are my two dream tattoos right now.

        1. SarcasticFringehead +1

          STRONGLY RECOMMEND (I realize I’m replying to you in all caps a lot today but I love it so very much. Also in either the last issue or the one before, Kelly Sue Deconnick had a quick thing at the end talking about the NC tattoos and how some twitter bros were concern-trolling people about them, and it was pretty great)

          1. laurenipsum +1

            OK OK I will! The Comixology account we share is tied to my husband’s Amazon, so I can’t easily buy myself stuff, but I’ll go email him a link.

            Are you coming on Monday? We can talk about it!

          2. SarcasticFringehead +1

            I’m planning on being there! It’ll be a bit after 6:00, because that’s when I get off work.

  44. Rachel8489 +22

    Job hunting depression is the worst, team. I am currently worried that because I haven’t heard yet, I am probably not a finalist for the most exciting job I’ve interviewed for thus far. I keep thinking I won’t get an offer that is actually interesting and wondering if turning down the job I was offered a month after my layoff was a bad idea, even though it was for an organization that I was pretty much entirely opposed to working for. When I’m out and about and doing things I’m fine, but sitting to work on job-hunt stuff is kind of incredibly anxiety inducing these days.

    Solidarity/hugs/assurance that it will be okay would be appreciated?

    2. irishbreakfasttime +7

      [hug and solidarity fist-bump] Definitely not wrong to turn down an offer that would have made you miserable.

    3. friendofdaja +9

      I’m also job-hunting, and right there with you on job hunting depression. I want a job so badly that every time I sit down to work on it, I freak out and get distracted. But….something’s gotta give, right?………

    5. literarysara +5

      Job hunting is rough! In general, I like it–it’s fun imagining myself in different roles and getting to see different companies sort of behind the scenes–but it is a lot easier to enjoy the process when you already have a job. Which I don’t, at the moment, but I find that to stay upbeat I have to treat interviews exactly the same as if I didn’t need to get hired. Go, have a great time, write a thank-you note, and then keep too busy to think about it until you hear back. Apply to other jobs immediately. Have other irons in the fire.
      I did get a job once that I was certain had passed me over, because something like three weeks had gone by since my interview before I heard back–but that was a huge organization with a disorganized HR and it just took that long to get new hire paperwork in order. You never know.

      1. Rachel8489 +3

        I try to have a similar approach! Tons and tons of applications out at a time, send the thank you note and move on after an interview. It’s just hard when you get really excited about one, you know?

    6. Dancercise +8

      I’ve been there! I was laid off in October and found my new job in March. Going through the dead of winter unemployed was ROUGH. There were times when I had 30 tabs of potential jobs open that sat for a week because I couldn’t muster up the determination and calmness needed to actually apply to any of them. But you’ll find something! And I’m glad you turned down a job that you were opposed to. You would have been miserable anyway.

      1. Rachel8489 +2

        Yes, at least with summer unemployment I can leave my house and just walk around a park or whatever to avoid spending money. Winter is terrible! I was laid off in mid-March and I’m doing my best to just keep getting applications out.

    7. Either_Ada +4

      Oh man, I totally think you did the right thing by refusing an offer from a place you can’t support. I know you got to eat, but that is some soul-killing business.

      I’m sure something more in line with your values will come along–and until then, ALL THE HUGS.

    8. mittenstheboar +3

      Internet hugs. It will be okay, I promise. It might not be okay for a while, but eventually it will work out.

    9. elsamac +3

      It will be okay. Whatever happens, it will be okay.

      It’s hard to put yourself out there and not have control over when you hear back, or what the answer will be. I’m a freelancer, so every single piece of work potentially carries that same tension: I sent The Thing! When will I get a response? Will I get a response? It’s exhausting. So I focus on the things I can control: I craft the very best [whatever] I can, I send it, and then I let go of it. I do my best, then I set it free and move on to something else, and I do my best again.

      You’ve done your best. You’ve taken control of what you could, and that is an achievement in itself. Everything else will work out.

    10. rhymeswitheight +2

      SO MANY HUGS! It will work out, in time, I promise. Uplifting story: my friend has been job searching for literally a year and a half, while working in a shitty, toxic, underpaid work environment. They just got a great offer that is basically their dream and put in their notice. It CAN happen and it will! Take care of yourself in the mean time. Also if you’re interested, at home I have bookmarked a great job-searching-while-depressed-anxious resource that I can share with you when I’m off work!

    11. chickpeas +3

      Been there. Took me a year of fairly diligent searching to find a new job. Basically it felt like being the last one in middle school to menstruate — “but when will it happen to ME?”

      Based on my admittedly small sample (“things that have happened to me”), a delay in response has absolutely no correlation to whether or not a job will be offered. Sometimes it means they’re negotiating with another candidate, and sometimes it means they’re having trouble getting all the paperwork and stuff together to make you an offer. Could go either way!

    12. BourneApprox +5

      Aw man, so much sympathy. I’ve recently started a job hunt as well (I’m still employed, but I’m leaving in a month because this postdoc job is slowly killing me), and job searching has done nothing for my already low confidence. Like, I found an advertisement for a position at my lab which I am precisely qualified for and which would solve a lot of life problems, get to the screening interview, and they ask technical questions totally unrelated to the job requirements, so that’s out. Or I’ve been doing testing and interviews for quantitive analyst positions only to get a firm “no thanks” after the first stage. Like, academia already killed my confidence in my abilities, and this process is NOT HELPING with my self-destructive belief that I’m total shit at STEM now.

      That said, I think you did the right thing on turning down the job. Now at least you can look forward to doing something you potentially enjoy doing, rather than having a job and hating it!

  45. SmrtCookie +7

    I literally just found out my latest offer on a house got rejected. The offer was full price, no concessions, conventional mortgage, and submitted within 6 hours of the house being listed. I’m in fucking rage mode. This is the 6th offer I put in and I am so over this bananas real estate market. I don’t have anything else for the open thread, just rage.

    1. fenixdawn +6

      Yep.

      I hear you. In our house hunting adventure, the first offer was all YAAAAY, WE’RE BUYING A HOUSE and subsequent offers were mostly just going through the routine of “oh yeah, this is just a hobby we have. Placing offers on houses that will get rejected.”

      Friends in real estate always promised that rejections happen to lead you the house that is REALLY right for you, but on the nth rejection, that gets tough to believe, let alone remember.

      1. SmrtCookie +3

        Oh, I don’t believe in house soul mates so it makes me rage even more when people say this. The worst offender is my mom. Who is a REALTOR and who should know better than anyone that in a competitive market you don’t get your hopes up when you make an offer and even if your offer gets accepted it can still fall through. And yet every time I put in an offer she starts to try to get me all excited about “my new house.”

        1. fenixdawn +2

          Ugh, that is about the least helpful strategy to take! After several false starts, I learned to just not get excited. At. All. I didn’t feel confident about getting the house until I had the key in my hands.

          This because one of our multiple false starts involved getting an offer through on a house I adored, and had all the Feelings about, only to go through the inspection to find out the porch was basically falling down, and to make it worse, the house (rather oddly) structurally depended on the porch. So it was heartbreaking but we had to let it go.

          Which is to say that now we are in a house that I never had any special The One Feelings about, but is cute, and nice, and I like, and is a roof above our heads. And it has turned out just fine.

          Until then . . . rage is probably the best way to go!

          1. Mrs_Peel +1

            Hmmmm… a load-bearing porch sounds a little scary!

            My mom was all set to buy what looked like a great house a few years ago (cute little Victorian cottage from the 1870s), but fortunately made the offer contingent on inspection– it turned out that someone had cut through the central support beam and the whole thing was about ready to collapse.

          2. SmrtCookie +6

            It’s been pounded into my head- never buy a house without an inspection! I was under contract for a house and the inspection turned up an entire list of things including the unholy trifecta of mold, mice, and bats.

          3. fenixdawn +3

            I can’t even imagine going through an inspection where they reveal that to you . . “sorry, but this house is about to fall down. Would not recommend purchasing.” That’s great that she dodged a bullet there!

    3. elsamac +1

      JEEPERS. I’m sorry, how frustrating for you.

      We are just starting to look at houses — as a lark, pretty much, spurred by one lovely house I’d been daydreaming over, which has since sold — and it’s a little shocking to see how fast things move. I’d always thought of the real estate market as slow-moving, but YIKES stuff disappears so fast!

    4. RoseCamelia +5

      Got my current house after offers on 5 other houses were too late. Houses sell within 2 days here. So we changed strategy. Instructed our realtor, who is a leader in local real estate, to put down an offer on the next house meeting our criteria. Don’t waste time waiting for us to go look at it. She knows what we want. And we can always withdraw the offer later. We got this house by making an offer 6 hours *before* it went on the market.

      I’m sorry you’re getting rejections. You have every right to feel rage. Are you in any position to stop looking at real estate until the market changes?

    5. flammablespam +1

      House hunting is the WOOOOOORST! I told Mr. Spam that I would never, ever buy a house again after this my first (and hopefully only) home buying experience and he might as well get the permits together to bury me in the backyard. I ain’t leaving, you can’t make me!

    6. Mrs_Peel +2

      That sucks!! Rage all you need to.

      I feel so bad for people who live in tight housing markets, it must be super-frustrating. (I live in the decaying Rust Belt, where it’s truly a buyer’s market and most sellers will fall all over themselves to take anything).

    7. sarah_jay +1

      Not to make you feel worse, but this makes me feel better about really wanting a house and not being able to afford to save for a down payment (or kind of at all). I will continue to live in my apartment and pay half my net income for the privilege.

    8. Angelan_ +1

      ugh yes. Sympathy! I live in stupid scotland with the stupid ‘offers over’ system, where you can easily pay more than the house is worth (if you have the cash, which I don’t). I’m not making offers at the moment, but I have friends who’ve lost out so many times!

  46. houblonchouffe +52

    Send help my interns don’t know how to write checks

    swiftly losing morale

        1. LadyPoopjokes +10

          Shit, that’s how I figure out how to do all the adult things I’m expected to do.

          1. houblonchouffe +10

            We literally remodeled an entire kitchen with little more than Google and a few basic power tools. Check writing has to be simpler than that, right?

      1. houblonchouffe +17

        I… I have a feeling they don’t have to worry about such piddly small things as “rent checks.”

      2. viviennestreet +2

        I could set something up with my bank where it sends rent checks for me, or something. I haven’t looked into it yet because I might as well use the checks I have, but it is an option.

      3. sarah_jay +2

        Some larger apartment buildings have online rent payment. I miss being able to pay rent automatically.

    3. viviennestreet +6

      Why would they need to write checks? I only learned when I got an apartment and needed checks to pay the rent, but I could just as easily set up something up with my bank and never have to write another rent check again….

      1. houblonchouffe +8

        The job, and the town, are pretty paper-heavy. Their task was to pick up lunch and lunch accessories from four locations around town, two of which don’t take plastic, and it’s easier for our bookkeeper to track checks in any case, so Boss filled in what she could and signed them, and off they went. I got a crabby phone call from the bank this morning that the $xx.xx areas were all filled in, but the “twenty and no/100” lines were not.

        1. viviennestreet +3

          WOW. I’m not sure I know any businesses that accept checks around where I live. Yeah, I can see why it’s a necessary skill to have in your area.

          1. houblonchouffe +5

            Probably a good quarter of our businesses in this county are cash/check only. It’s a thing.

    4. TheRenleigh +13

      I can forgive not knowing how to write checks, but not knowing how to google writing checks is unforgivable. (I’m just sympathetic because I only just now moved onto my second book of checks, after having the first for…over two years? Closer to three?)

      1. houblonchouffe +9

        I haven’t ordered checks in at least six years, don’t get me wrong. I do everything online. But this is one of those Basic Life Things that’s absolutely going to come up at some point in life.

    5. deleted9457019 +10

      Okay I was taught how to do this in seventh grade by Ms. Smith (wonder what she’s up to these days?) and I don’t think that I am that old??

          1. deleted9457019 +5

            Over the years, I’ve more-or-less developed my own shorthand, which is awesome because it’s kind of like a secret code.

      2. sarah_jay +4

        Home Ec’s been cut from a lot of schools for $$ reasons and now kids don’t know how to balance checkbooks, make a budget, all those good things that Home Ec teachers are trained to teach. (Why yes I do have a useless home ec teaching education, why do you ask?)

    6. onehundredthjen +27

      This is part of a set of slides I made for my students to help them stock lab supplies. Are you allowed to snark at your interns?

      1. houblonchouffe +10

        I am honestly not sure if I have had an interaction with them this WEEK that hasn’t involved some degree of exasperation with their lack of common sense/ability to think independently. They are both extremely capable of following directions, but I don’t have time to hover over them.

        1. blueblazes11 +2

          We have a former intern, now employee (cringe) who is the very same way. He will follow directions as long as they are specific and presented to him in-person, but has never taken initiative to google a process or figure something out. It’s… something.

          1. houblonchouffe +6

            I fundamentally don’t understand this. At all. Like… how can you not be curious? How can you go to Google for everything and not make the connection that it can help with -everything?-

          2. SarcasticFringehead +6

            My ability to google is pretty much the entire reason I have the job I have right now.

          3. neuromanticism +8

            My theory is that it’s because of school. I feel like in most schools, you literally ARE NOT ALLOWED to take any initiative whatsoever or to do anything without being told to do it. You’re not allowed to Google stuff or ask a peer (again, unless you’ve been actively told to). Being a good student is pretty much about following instructions very well and also never doing anything else. Extra projects would only create extra work for teachers, you can’t share tasks with your peers because that’s cheating, you aren’t allowed to manage your own time during the school day, you aren’t allowed to set your own goals, you can’t leave your seat or go to the damn bathroom without asking for permission, you aren’t allowed to invent your own procedures for doing stuff, you can’t touch any equipment unless the authorities allow you to, etc, etc. If you get done with your tasks early, you’re supposed to ask the teacher what you should do next (but also not bug the teacher!) or just quietly wait to be assigned something else. You’re NOT supposed to look for something to do or come up with your own idea.

            Basically, everything that is considered “being responsible” in a school environment is considered to be “irresponsible” in the workplace. So a young intern who is determined to do well will be determined to carry out instructions perfectly, never get tempted to do something they haven’t been told to do, not ask questions or think for themselves, refrain from making up their own solutions, always check a billion times that they’re following procedure, always get an authority to check their work, and so on.

            They have basically been taught their entire life that it’s wrong, inconsiderate and neglectful to do anything on their own initiative, trust their own judgement, use homemade problem-solving, or act like they can make decisions. Which of course makes them useless in the workplace, because the working world has a totally different definition of what “being good at this” is.

      2. RoseCamelia +6

        I worked in an office of 30 people where 12 of them were left-handed. Most of the lefties configured their mice to swap dominant and secondary buttons. Therefore, we all said opposite-click. Never right click.

      2. freshwaterpearl +1

        Wow. I was going to comment that I learned how to write checks in elementary math, along with identifying the different denominations of money, and surely it’s not so hard to keep including that in the curriculum…but now it sounds like they just never paid attention in math.

        (I hardly ever write personal checks either, I understand where those folks in this thread are coming from, but they’re still used in business kind of a lot!)

    9. dakimel +22

      Other things they will not know:

      * addressing envelopes: which spot is for the return address? which spot is for the stamp?
      * phone systems: how to push the ‘hold’ button to put someone on hold. how to answer a held call. how intercoms work, esp: what people by other phones can/cannot hear when the intercom is used
      * why vermin congregate near the desks where people store / eat food
      * calendering
      * ‘track changes’
      * phoning in if they’re going to be late
      * no one believes you happen to get a really bad cold the day after every payday. you spent your cash on booze; you are hungover; so are we; go to work anyway

      1. houblonchouffe +14

        Other things they will not know:

        * addressing envelopes: which spot is for the return address? which spot is for the stamp? Already had to go over that, yes

        * phone systems: how to push the ‘hold’ button to put someone on hold. how to answer a held call. how intercoms work, esp: what people by other phones can/cannot hear when the intercom is used That too. See also: proper use of area codes, how to use something that has a cord and a keypad

        * why vermin congregate near the desks where people store / eat food “You guys know you have your own trash can, right?”

        That hit way way WAY too close to home.

        1. dakimel +14

          “YES YOU HAVE TO DIAL ‘1’ TO GET LONG DISTANCE. YOU KNOW IT IS LONG DISTANCE BECAUSE IT IS A DIFFERENT AREA CODE FROM THE ONE OF THE BUILDING WE ARE STANDING IN RIGHT NOW.”

          “YES, EVEN IF IT’S TOLL FREE.”

          2. dakimel +19

            I’m just trying to save you from having to work any further with interns.

            But you will be mourned. I’ll ask an intern to mail a condolence card to your loved ones. Do not expect they will receive it.

          3. houblonchouffe +10

            I am making the strangest noises trying to not laugh hysterically at my desk, you have no idea.

          4. sarah_jay +3

            You’re lucky that long distance is a different area code. Where I live (SLC,UT) we have two local area codes, and one of them is sometimes long distance. You don’t know until you get the voice saying “you must first dial a 1 before calling this number”
            I call people a lot at my job. I HATE the woman that recorded that message and would like to send whomever thought this was a good system a flaming bag of poop.

          5. emlorark +8

            Same here in AK, the whole state has the same area code, but it’s sometimes long distance. BUT you can’t just dial the area code before every number, because if it’s local and you dial the area code it ALSO yells at you.

            Can you tell that I also make a lot of phone calls and I also hate the voice?

          6. sarah_jay +2

            Ugh! Yes. “It is not necessary do dial the area code before this number. Please hang up and try again”
            Yep.

            When I lived in California they introduced a new area code to the region and you had to dial an area code before all numbers. I feel like that should be default all the time. Then no confusion.

      2. blueblazes11 +6

        Glad I am not the only one who has shown a teenager how to address and envelope in the last 6 months.

      3. neuromanticism +4

        Well, the phone thing is pretty logical? Most home landlines don’t have a “hold” button, right? I turn 27 this year and have used cell phones almost exclusively since I was 15, but the landline phone of my childhood didn’t as far as I know have any other features except, you know, making phone calls. There was definitely not intercom. Hold buttons, different phone lines and intercom is office equipment to me, not stuff you run into outside of an office environment. I’ve also never used a fax machine or seen anyone use one.

        1. RoseCamelia +2

          Faxing was outdated as soon as email was universally available. When interviewing for a job, I consider any mention of “faxing” to indicate Danger, there be dinosaurs here. I don’t work for technophobes if I can avoid it.

    10. Miss B +32

      The last two interns in my office (1) stuffed almost 300 checks into windowed envelopes without bothering to…look at any of them? Sealed them all. Gave them to me for postage. Every. Single. One. Was in the envelope backwards — so you saw the check amount through the envelope window but not the mailing address. (2) they also stamped a couple hundred envelopes…mostly on the wrong side of the envelope.

      These are things I didn’t think you needed to explain step-by-step to people in an office setting.

    11. Peratrovich +6

      I had to show one of my employees how to make a long distance call on a landline. She’d only used cell phones before or called local numbers. She’s not that much younger than me, just over ten years.

      I learned how to write checks in 7th grade Home Ec, as well as how to calculate the interest rate on a car loan and other very useful things. I still only write one check a month for the city utilities in a very small town where we own property and every time I do it I curse them for not having their utilities payment be online. My payment would be late a lot less if I could just set up an automatic payment, damnit.

    12. onehundredthjen +7

      This thread has just reminded me that we have five students starting full-time for the summer on Monday.

      Someone hold me.

    14. Calliope +2

      I had to hire a student worker once. Had seven applications. The only one who had included a phone number on her resume AND set up her voicemail got the job. (She still did not realize she had to get receipts for reimbursable expenses.)

  47. maggiegrift +6

    GYM PRs THREAD!

    How has everybody been doing in their sports goals? I had a big week (it’s easy to PR in at least something when you track 10000 things)

    2000m row. Goal is 8:00 and my old record was 8:07.1. This week I got 8:02.1!
    100 double unders for time: Goal is under a minute and I got 1:07 (old record was 1:10)
    Handstand hold (against the wall) for max time: 2:15 (old record was 1:58)

    1. houblonchouffe +4

      While not technically a PR, this week I hit my lowest weight since actively trying to lose, saw baby shoulder muscles for the first time during the weights segment of my barre class, and noticed that my thighs and calves are more defined than they were when I ran a marathon. And my pants are fitting better and cuffing my skinny jeans into capris isn’t an exercise in futility. It’s been a good week, fitness-wise.

    2. rkfire +5

      WHOAAAAAAA

      Seriously, those PRs are amazing. I’m above-average with lifting but I’m bad-to-mediocre with any sort of dynamic movement. That’s a hell of a 2K row, and then the double unders.. and the handstand holds. Wow.

      I’m in week four of lifting consistently again (April/May was a bit of a shit show for me) so the only PR I have to report is 1×5 sumo deadlifts at 190lbs. This is the first strength cycle where I’ve done sumo deadlifts, so every week will be a PR until I hit a plateau. 😀

      1. maggiegrift +3

        Thanks Hieu! I’ve got a dynamic movement sort of body, but I’m a mediocre lifter! (I’m a 63/69 class lifter, and 1×5 deadlifts at 190lb would be a challenge or maybe impossible)

        What made you decide to switch (or to train them in a cycle)? I’ve only really done conventional, and I’ve never tried sumo because I don’t really know proper form. I’ve read it’s better for people with shorter legs but I don’t understand why.

        1. rkfire +1

          I just wanted to give them a try! I’ve been lifting for five years now but I never tried them at all. Many, many women who lift at the elite levels have set records using sumo, so I’m hoping it will increase my lifts. I can never remember what exactly are the right limp proportions for sumo deadlifts, but I do know that the general idea is that by doing sumo, you’re shortening the distance that you have to move the barbell. I don’t know why it’s legal versus anything else though.

          Basically, right now I’m doing it for the sake of novelty & the hope that maybe I can lift more with it. 😀

          Just an example of a woman (Jen Thompson, a 63kg lifter) setting a world record with the sumo: https://www.facebook.com/powerlifting.ipf/videos/…

          Also I am really kicking myself for not realizing that Worlds has been going on. Yesterday seems to have been the day for US female powerlifters!

    3. Dancercise +4

      I do Blogilates’ Pilates workouts on YouTube, and this week she did a video called the 1000 ab challenge. 10 ab moves at 100 reaps each with no stopping. I’ve never done anything like that before, but I was able to do it!!

      1. blizzard +2

        When I read 1000 ab challenge I got a mental picture of a person with like a 1,000 pack. I’m dumb. But that video actually sounds awesome and very core-burny. Your core strength must be legit.

    4. elsajeni +3

      I got a new squat PR this week of 115 lbs! Then my coach made me do extra squats because I keep double-bouncing at the bottom. BUT I have been practicing not pausing or double-bouncing on my goblet squats during the week and hopefully broken the habit.

      I also got a reps PR on my deadlift — 3 reps at 185, which has been fighting me for like a month and a half! I was so excited I lost my mind and texted my husband “I BET I COULD FIGHT THE ROCK,” which, a) I don’t think deadlifting 185 actually qualifies you to fight the Rock and b) why would I even want to? He seems so nice.

      Also this week: I am now officially registered for my first powerlifting meet, in about a month! Aaaah help I am very anxious and also I have to buy a singlet.

      1. maggiegrift +2

        Huge numbers! And bravo for registering for your first meet. I hear powerlifters are well known for being nice to each other at meets and being especially welcoming to first timers. I hope you have fun and feel proud of yourself!

    5. CleverManka +7

      HOLY CRAP those are some amazing PRs! GO, YOU!

      I’ve, um…graduated to a heavier band for my physical therapy exercises?

    6. freakyteeth +4

      That is AMAZING! I’ve started jogging this week and it’s going good so far.

    7. unmetamorphosed +3

      The last two weeks I’ve been eating more (and started a new creatine cycle, lol) and I’m starting to feel the effects.
      Worked up to clean pull + clean doubles complex at 45kg off the blocks last night and they felt super light. And this was after moderately heavy block snatch triples!

  48. ocwut +10

    Are there any other Toasties currently studying for the bar? If so, this can be a bar prep commiseration thread! If not, I’ll just note for everyone else that bar prep is not fun at all and I don’t recommend it.

    1. firstmute +5

      I am not studying for the bar but my husband is, so I have Bar Sympathy. He hasn’t worked this hard since first year. It sucks.

      1. ocwut +3

        Supporting a law student/law graduate/attorney is also tough work, and I salute you.

    2. mmsees +4

      I’m not studying for the bar but I’m studying for my qualifying exam for grad school. Here to note that taking really big tests is indeed no fun at all, not recommended, stay far away.

      (I’m supposed to send my current thesis proposal to my committee members today and I keep moving words around in search of perfection. It is not a perfect work and it’s not getting there any time soon.)

    3. katenepveu +5

      I am not but I remember doing it. It definitely sucks, I’m sorry. I used to get so stressed that I would stare at the numbers on the bedroom clock, trying to count an accurate minute in my head as a way of drowning out the stress.

      But I survived and you will to. Remember, it is the ultimate pass-fail: as long as you pass, no-one will ever know or care how you did. And plan something silly to watch/do the nights before.

    4. freakyteeth +2

      Just starting college, but good luck!! I’m gonna pray for you, if that helps. <3

    5. Mrs_Peel +3

      It’s been 10 years for me, but you have my sincerest and warmest sympathies. It truly, truly sucks.

      (But, for the rest of your life, you can say, “This isn’t so bad!! At least I’m not taking the bar exam!”)

      1. deleted9457019 +4

        “I never have to take a test again,” I sometimes say to myself when I feel unhappy.

        1. Mrs_Peel +6

          Even though I’ve been many years out of school now, I still feel a sense of elation when I can just watch Netflix or something in the evenings instead of doing homework. I’m freeeeee!!

    6. emlorark +3

      I just took two bar exams (July and Feb, 2 different states) and I have so much sympathy for you. Here are some things I did which made it easier:

      1. I was lucky enough to be able to stay at a friend’s cabin in another city for 1.5 months while studying for my first exam. (I did an all online prep course). Highly recommended, less distractions, but gorgeous place and weather so when I wanted to go outside I could really go outside. Also, I was able to do some studying in a pool, which is also highly recommended.
      2. I picked a time every evening when I could have wine. Usually this was after the serious studying of the day I would put something stupid on TV, pour myself a glass of wine, and make flash cards.
      3. If you’re watching online videos, put them at 1.5x speed.
      4. If no one has told you this yet, you will not be able to keep up with the schedule given to you by the prep course. It’s okay, no one does. It’s insane.
      5. My mantras while studying were this: “Most people pass” and “Every point you get over passing is time wasted studying.”
      6. No one understands mortgages, it’s okay.

      You’re gonna do great! I’m rooting for you!

      2. ocwut +4

        Thanks for your advice! I have to admit, #2 has been important to me the past few weeks.

    7. goonerkate +2

      I am! It’s ridiculously awful. And I started about three weeks late, since I had to move across the country back in with my parents before I could get started, so I’m trying to play catch-up as well, which is so frustrating. Are you using a specific course? I’m using Themis, and it’s decent. But mostly I just want to get a bottle of wine and a good movie and forget about anything remotely involving the rule against perpetuities.

      1. Mrs_Peel +2

        “forget about anything remotely involving the rule against perpetuities.”

        I can tell you from experience that this will happen almost immediately after you take the exam.

      2. ocwut +2

        Ugh, I’m trying to catch up too! I injured my ankle and had to spend some time on Vicodin, so I’m still a few days behind. :/ I’m using Barbri. I’m finding it slightly overrated but still a solid choice.

    8. MissJudgeMental +1

      I am, in another country, and I had my first exam today (we have 3). Wish me luck for the next two, which are Wednesday and Friday. I need it!!!

    2. bighairnoheart +21

      Casimir refuses to be flattened.


      A brigadier general must always be on guard.

        1. bighairnoheart +7

          That pocket door was pretty much my whole reason for taking the apartment, not gonna lie. Too much This Old House watching as a child has skewed my perspective of what to look for in a home.

          1. Mrs_Peel +3

            I don’t blame you one bit! (I’ve been subscribing to The Old House Journal since I was in high school).

            My house was built in 1930 and has some nice features (e.g., hardwood floors, tile mosaic by the front door, etc.), but my grandparents removed a lot of the original woodwork and changed the layout back in the ’60s. (They were very modern people). I’ve been kind of slowly un-remodelling it to make it look older again!

          2. sarah_jay +2

            I LOVE pocket doors! I have one in my apartment, and I love it, even though I wish it was actually on the track, It’s still great to be able to close off the back half of my space without a door taking up room

    3. MilesofMountain +22

      I have the saddest cat in catdom. Or at least, he was two days ago. Moxie can’t climb trees, and isn’t allowed out of the yard because he’s pretty much fox-food. Or at least, we THOUGHT he couldn’t climb trees. On Wednesday he snuck under the gate and got out, then according to our neighbour, got chased by two dogs and escaped by climbing a tree. I guess he decided to just keep climbing because by the time our neighbour came and got us, he was at least 20 feet up, with two crows circling in for cat-bothering times.


      We spent the next hour and a half trying to get him down as he cried and cried and walked back and forth on that branch. Sometimes he’d try and climb down, which involved hanging his front pawn over one edge trying to climb down headfirst. But then he’d try and balance himself by hanging his back feet over the other side of the branch so he’d end up flopped over the branch, meowing sadly. Eventually, I climbed a 14 foot ladder carrying a second 8 foot ladder over my shoulder, and balanced the second ladder on my shoulders so he could reach it. The plan was to tip him off the ladder so my boyfriend could catch him on the ground, but then I figured out how to lower the ladder I was holding so he could jump onto my shoulders and be carried to freedom.

      This is him within minutes of getting to the ground, rolling around in pleasure of being on the ground

      1. Bunburying +4

        Aw, poor little goober! I’m both peeved at him for getting himself into trouble and relieved that he’s okay.

        1. MilesofMountain +4

          I mean, I’m sure he could have gotten down on his own, it’s not like other cats don’t get stuck in trees for a while, but he’s not overly competent at the best of times so I worry.

    4. dakimel +21

      My cat inspired a couple of twitter poems this week:

      Cat in circle
      Curled up tight
      Orange & brown &
      Patch of white

      Cat is pissed
      Dog woke him up
      Why does he live
      With a noisy pup?

    5. onehundredthjen +18

      I’m late to the cat thread but I HAVE KITTENS.

      I do not actually have kittens, I have a picture of the extremely lucky kittens that have been adopted by my aunt.

    6. LacaunaKale +11

      I brought this box in less then 10 minutes ago.

      Side note. Hauling 60 pound boxes up narrow stairs, not as fun as it sounds

  50. mmsees +2

    Portland toasties! My boyfriend and I are planning a trip to Portland over fourth of July weekend. What should we do? What should we avoid? How excited should we be about Portland adventures? Neither of us have been there before, so all input is very welcome.

    Also, if there are any Portland toasties that are also runners, I’m probably going to be trying to get a ~10 mile run in while I’m there. Suggestions?

    1. super_novice +1

      Ah! Not a useful reply, but I’m planning a trip to Portland for a long weekend this summer and I just want to hitch my wagon to this recommendation thread.

      1. mmsees +1

        Oregon! I really should have remembered to clarify since I grew up on the east coast so I usually default to Maine.

    3. Hey_Cinderella +5

      POWELLS. Go to Powell City of Books, get lost in the stacks, marvel at the selection, and buy something wonderful. Also, the Japanese Garden and the Chinese Gardens are both amazing. There’s a ton to do so you could probably play it by ear (as I’ve done in the past) and have a grand old time.

    4. octopoda +2

      I’m going to Portland this weekend! We are seeing a play with two actors from Grimm. I can second the Japanese gardens. Food recs we’ve gotten:

      Tasty & Sons
      Blue Star donuts (Voodoo donuts is more famous but I’ve heard Blue Star is better… will find out tomorrow!)
      Swiss Hibiscus
      Pok Pok

    5. depizan +2

      Very excited, Portland is awesome. If you like blues or beer, there’s the Waterfront Blues Festival going on that weekend, and also the Portland Craft Brew Festival. Portlandia statue. Salt & Straw, Cool Moon or Scoop have great ice cream. Rose test garden. Chinese Gardens. Great views at Mt Tabor park or Pittock Mansion. If you have time, half an hour outside of Portland in the Columbia river gorge are a ton of waterfalls, several that don’t require much hiking to if pressed for time, Multnomah falls is the biggest and most popular. I’m not a runner, but Forest Park, Springwater Corridor or Hoyt Arboretum are all pretty areas with popular running trails. Voodoo Donuts is an extremely popular tourist destination, but their lines are always super long and their donuts aren’t that great in my opinion–Blue Star Donuts or Pip’s Original are better and a little less crowded.

    6. gripyfish +3

      Former Portlander here, seconding a lot of these recommendations!
      * Powell’s is a definite must-see/get lost in (a friend of mine has a theory that you can tell a lot about a person by their favorite room at Powell’s; mine is the Rose Room, as I am likely a child at heart)
      * Pittock Mansion is gorgeous and has great views of the city; on nice days, I used to visit Flying Elephants (a fancy deli/market) in NW Portland before driving up there and picnicking on the back lawn.
      * If you like delicious Thai food, go to Pok Pok…and if the wait to get in is too long, go across the street to the Whiskey Soda Lounge (run by the same people) and have a drink while you wait, or even just dinner there–they have some of the greatest hits from the Pok Pok menu (including the fish sauce wings, which are the best thing in all creation)
      * It may be closed over the holiday weekend, but if the Portland Farmer’s Market is happening on Saturday (the big one on the PSU campus), definitely go, even just to walk around and gorge yourself on samples.
      * Do you knit? If yes, check out both Knit/Purl (faaancy yarn store that spoiled me for all other yarn stores as a beginning knitter) and Yarnia (make your own yarn blends! Yarn sold by the pound!) for a fiber-related souvenir.
      * The Washington Park area as a whole is pretty great–there’s the Rose and Japanese Gardens, along with (among other things) the arboretum, the World Forestry Center, and the zoo.

      I hope you have a great time!

    7. Tanabeth +1

      I grew up about an hour from Portland and my boyfriend and I spent some time there over Christmas break! My recommendations :

      If you want to see the height of Portlandia style hipsterism, go to the N. Mississipi Ave area. Basically a living Portlandia skit – check out the hipster taxidermy store Paxton Gate. There’s also a ton of delicious places to eat / snack there: delicious breakfast burritos from a shitty looking food truck (pre-food truck boom, I suspect), really good ice cream at Ruby Jewel Scoops, delicious doughnuts at a Blue Star Donuts, tasty tacos from Por Que No?, etc. There’s also a bar that is full of aquariums?? And a really nice comic book shop and an AWESOME feminist woman/LGBTQ/everything-friendly sex-toy shop called SheBop, if you’re into that kind of thing. We had a blast.

      Also recommend the Lan Su Chinese Scholars Garden, which is a walled garden inside Chinatown – it’s really quite unique and I highly recommend it. I’ve been probably a dozen times but never get tired of it!

      Portland has a ton of indie movie theaters where beer & alcohol is sold – check one out if it rains! If not, consider going out to the Gorge (although it WILL be jammed) – it’s so beautiful in summer.

      The International Rose Test Garden is beautiful and should be nice over 4th of July <a href=”http://(http://www.portlandoregon.gov/parks/finder/index.cfm?action=ViewPark&PropertyID=1113)” target=”_blank”>(http://www.portlandoregon.gov/parks/finder/index.cfm?action=ViewPark&PropertyID=1113).

      I agree about Voodoo Donuts – not particularly tasty.

    8. Maryaed +1

      I don’t share the Blue Star Donuts love (plus their donuts are around $4 apiece) and favor either Coco or Delicious. VooDoo is a great concept donut with a bland oversweet interior. But really, there are so many lovely pastries around town that donuts might not be as important as a kouign amman from St. Honore, or a bressane at Pearl Bakery, or the opera torte at Little T, or even a very wonderful Grand Central plain croissant with a little extra butter just because. It’s a very nice bakery town and a very nice brewery town (especially like Deschutes downtown which also has several superior burgers, but most are worthwhile).

      Restaurants I would consider checking out in addition to the great ones mentioned are Kachka (Russian), Ox (um, Argentine? It’s very meaty), and Tabla (high-end Italian, but they have a $27? three-course prix fixe that is very worthwhile) at the higher end, and at the
      more casual end Grain and Gristle (very beautiful food at brewpub prices), Las Primas (Peruvian) and Mi Mero Mole (Mexican).

      Washington Park will still have roses and has a lovely Japanese garden that charges admission and a creditable zoo and many trails, and an Arboretum you can run in for free. There are also some trails up to and around the Pittock Mansion. If you can possible rent a car and don’t live near mountains, you need to drive out an hour or so down the Columbia Gorge, though. Even the view from the car will be astonishing.

      It’s a very hang out in coffee shops and bars culture so just walk around and see what looks good. Lots of different neighborhoods.

  51. paddlepickle +30

    I LOVE LA

    I LOVE MY NEW JOB

    I’M NOT EVEN THAT SCARED OF DRIVING ANYMORE

    SO yeah, I’m feeling happier than I have in years. How are the rest of the long-distance movers doing?

    And LA toasters, I’m still crazy busy but stay tuned for me trying to put together a meetup!

    1. MuseKray +3

      I moved from Nevada to Oregon (end goal is Washington). I’m not quite where I want to be yet, but I’m so much more optimistic about my life than I was a year ago.

      Yay you!

    2. socktantrum +3

      I’ve spent all week packing up and preparing to move to CA (bay area). Of course, my last full week in my place, I fucked my car up pretty badly (on my own driveway nonetheless), but now it’s back and ready to be packed and ah this is really happening. And the giant toaster-shaped Nissan Versa rental that I had this week enabled a much bigger haul to the thrift store.

    3. RuncibleSpoon +2

      welcome to Los Angeles, glad we haven’t scared you off the road yet!

      and congrats on assorted kickassery, those are good feelings

  52. evieskye +8

    This week has been the worrrsssttt. Lots of overtime/ no breaks for me and it’s finals week so the library is crazy on top of which our xerox died so people are (understandably) pissed that they can’t print in color right now. The days have been like dog years and the weekend can’t come soon enough. Plus the IT guy continues to drive me nuts. He’s the worst at communication and I keep think I’m reading his voice/attitude wrong but it’s just a weird situation.

    But it will get better! Next week is the last week of the quarters which will be crazy still but then quiet by friday. And I have plans to shop at the fancy outdoor mall tomorrow. And on Tuesday I have tickets to see Neil deGrasse Tyson!!! So excited. Do you think I should wear my nebula-print skirt to NDT or is that too much? Maybe stick with my moon earrings?

    3. RoseCamelia +11

      I agree with laurenipsum: Wear both. But NDT is a gentleman. He will see only your earrings. He does not look beyond a lady’s face.

        1. RuncibleSpoon +2

          i am pretty sure that’s the only proper way to pay tribute to NDT.

          short of that, definitely at least Nebula skirt.

          also, i am very jealous.

  53. upsofloating +17

    Toast, I need some help. I need an abortion, and all I have are horror stories.

    I want this, it is completely, one bajillion percent the only right thing to do, but the mormon parents who raised me are EXTREMELY pro-life. I’m in Sweden, so getting one isn’t a problem, but I need some ammunition to feed the brainjerk my parents planted in me about how “WOMEN WHO HAVE ABORTIONS COMMIT SUICIDE FROM BABYKILLING GUILT!!” Halp?

    3. Rachel8489 +10

      HI! First: all the love and support to you for making a decision that is right for you. First-trimester abortion is among the safest outpatient medical procedures we have! Women feel different ways after their abortion, but according to a 2013 study, the #1 emotion women feel after abortion is relief. Do you have any specific questions I can help with? Resources you’re looking for but don’t know where to find? You’re going to be just fine, and any emotions you have about this are totally valid, but you don’t have anything you’re required to feel guilt about.

    4. SwitchingGenres +6

      I have never had to have one, but I know many women who have had abortions, and in all cases it was the right decision, and none regretted it. Honestly, most didn’t have much more reaction than one would have to other medical procedures. Other Toasties posted some great sites to look at, so hopefully you can find more stories of women who got the abortions they knew they needed.

        1. Lily Rowan +2

          Oh, I do have something to add — if other pro-choice religious voices might be helpful to you, check out rcrc.org.

    6. sbcardinal +8

      Raised Catholic, so I had similar brainjerk problems despite being 100% prochoice. It was 11 years ago and I have zero regret. I knew it was the right decision for me and all it did was fuel my rage at people who think they have some input in decisions that affect MY life. I’m sorry you have to wait 3 weeks (I saw in your earlier post) for the sweet relief you will feel afterward. Best of luck to you, and strength to fight the brainwashing.

    7. elsamac +16

      You’re so smart to take good care of yourself, both by getting the medical care that’s best for you and by asking for the good stories you know are out there.

      Remember that the horror stories aren’t specific to this procedure: If you were having oral surgery, or an appendectomy, or whatever, most of the stories you’d hear (especially second- or third-hand) would also be horror stories because those are the most memorable and enthusiastically traded stories.

      Mundane stories of it went just fine and I made the right choice don’t get passed around, even for less contentious medical procedures; it is 1000% more the case that routinely successful abortion stories don’t get passed around because (as you know) the people sharing horror stories have a vested interest in making it sound regrettable, and aren’t above cherry-picking tales of woe or just making stuff up wholesale.

    8. depizan +2

      You can point out to your parents that the Mormon church does actually make allowances for abortions and the official handbook for church leaders does not say it’s a sin (rather a “serious” decision that should be undertaken carefully).

    9. LaxMom +3

      I posted above, but please. I wish I could shake my 19 year old self and get her an abortion. You can email me at
      cory
      coakley
      at not coldmail dot com if you need somebody to talk to.

    10. Frenz_lo +2

      I’m glad you have safe abortion access, and I hope you have an easy procedure and recovery!

    11. neuromanticism +2

      Science says that women actually aren’t negatively affected by abortions. Most people feel relief. Negative feelings are more of the “hmm, this is weird and kind of sad, it would have been so great to have this kid another time, just not now” variety. Guilt is related to anti-abortion pressures, not to having abortions.

      Also, if you’re in Sweden, being truly anti-abortion is a fringe opinion. I’m sure you’re aware, but the right to abortion isn’t thought to be unnecessary by anyone except a few extreme religious organisations. It’s political suicide to actually try to restrict abortion, because there’s such a wide popular consensus that abortion rights are important. So, outside of your religious sphere, there’s plenty of people who wouldn’t even think of your decision as controversial. They’d support you without even blinking, because abortion access is just common sense.

    12. blushingflower +1

      I had one almost 10 years ago. I felt relief, it was the right thing to do. I’m not going to lie, I did also feel some guilt and some sorrow (it didn’t help that I was very socially and emotionally isolated at the time), and occasionally I feel a twinge of “what might have been”, similar to the way I sometimes feel a twinge about other roads not taken.
      Women feel all kinds of ways after having abortions, and it is okay to have complicated and/or conflicting feelings, even if you are certain that it is the right thing to do.

  54. lady_bane +15

    wow I actually got here at a decent time! amazing!

    A fun thing happened to me last Saturday. And by fun, I mean terrifying and very strange. Some background: I was living in Tucson for school, but I graduated in May, and my lease didn’t run out until July. My roommate and I got the twelve month version thinking either of us might stay in Tucson for the summer but it turned out we both went back to our respective home cities instead – me in Phoenix and her somewhere in Pennsylvania. We couldn’t get out of our lease early though, which is another story, but she moved out all her furniture to another apartment in Tucson for next year, while I just packed up all my stuff in boxes and stacked them in the living room.

    So anyway, Saturday morning I was playing Minecraft (as usual) at about noon when my phone rang. It was a number I didn’t recognize, which I normally don’t answer, but this time I was like, ok, I’ll answer this. It was the manager from the apartment in Tucson, calling to ask if either roommate or I were still living in the apartment. I was like, no technically not, I just have some furniture and things but roommate is all moved out. The manager seemed super relieved and then was like, oh btw, a car just went through the bedroom wall of your apartment, there’s like half of the car in there. And I know it was my bedroom rather than roommates because I still had my bed in there and the manager mentioned that the bed in the room was so covered by debris that no one could tell if there was someone on it or not, hence the panicked call to me.

    We later found out that the driver had been pulling into a parking space in front of my bedroom when he had a migraine blackout thing and hit the gas. The only furniture of mine that was harmed was my bed, which was old anyway. The driver escaped injury and everything turned out better than expected. It is just a really weird situation. I just want to play Minecraft, not deal with real life things 🙁

    Anybody else have something weird happen to them this week?

    1. CleverManka +24

      Compared to that story, I don’t think anything weird has ever happened to me in my life.

    3. Daniel_Loo +5

      While I was exercising this morning, my 5-year-old knelt down about 3 feet away from me and neighed like a horse for the last 5 minutes.

      Which was, like, weird, but not WEIRD like a car driving into your apartment.

    4. RuncibleSpoon +1

      whoah, no not on that scale. my brother’s 5th grade teacher came into my work and we did that “where do i know you from?” dance…but she did not damage my properties in potentially life ending ways. we just made smalltalk. so, no, not really all that weird.

  55. jwhittz +26

    I just went for a run for the first time in mumblemumble-months and it was yucky and I hurt and my face got beet red and I only lasted 25 minutes doing intervals, but damn was I just so proud that I finally f*cking put my sneakers on and went out. I’m terrible at running. I have no desire to run a marathon. But I like having done it when it’s done.
    Let’s talk about the sports-type activities you participate in and are terrible at but that makes you happy?

        1. fenixdawn +3

          It is! It is definitely worth giving it a shot if there’s a studio in your area. While it is tough, I found I was pleasantly surprised by how much I could do on my very first class. And it is all worth it for the end when you get to flip into your hammock and shavasana cocoon style.

    2. Hey_Cinderella +6

      I am also a terrible runner who somehow enjoys it (and who has not run in mmmph weeks). I don’t know why I continue: I am slow, it hurts my shins, and I hate when people look at me but darn it it feels so good when you’re done and you’re all sweaty and feel like a total badass even though you only ran a couple miles.

      1. fenixdawn +7

        Some of the best advice from my long-time running husband is that it is ok to go as slow as you want, and that it doesn’t matter how far you go. The point at which I realized that I really could go absolutely as slowly as I wanted, I felt a lot better about the whole thing.

        1. gloriana232 +5

          Also, no matter how slow you’re going, you’re totally doing WAY better than us couch potatoes.

        2. Hey_Cinderella +2

          I remember when I realized that I could run as slow as I wanted and that was completely allowed. It was so freeing. (Although some people do make fun of me when they realize how slow I am, but I really do not care.) I used to run 5-6 miles at a time but then I hurt myself and got lazy and now I’m lucky if I can do 2. I still love it and can’t wait to get back to the point where I get a runners high again. I find I need at least 3-miles for that and I’m not quite there yet, but I will be someday.

          1. fenixdawn +4

            At some point I was also asked if I was “relaxed” when running and my response was “hell no, I am in pain, and miserable, and I suck so I hate everything and also there is nothing relaxing about running ever.” I then realized that I was literally holding my body super tense, and that it was actually easier when I forced myself to relax. It helps! If you are a tense runner, try it! It really works!!

    3. MuseKray +3

      I love running but I’m not consistent enough with it, so I’m considering joining a running group. I was waiting until my endurance improved, but I think I’m going to just suck it up and embarrass myself around strangers.

      1. scarletwitch

        I joined a running group last fall and will run my second half marathon tomorrow! I highly recommend. There’s something powerful about running with other like-minded individuals. They push you, you push them, everybody wins.

      2. CleverManka +3

        Whenever my coach gave me something horrible like burpees or weighted reverse lunges in a workout, I would repeat my mantra at least it’s not running at least it’s not running.

    5. blizzard +3

      People are the best. Lifting/sportsing with other people who are more experienced than you is great because when you are having a shit day they can be like, “Hey I had that problem forever.” It helps.

      Also for running trashy pop is my secret to success. Itunes is like my running bait. When I’m bored of all my trashy pop I just buy a new song and I feel like running again. I have run untold miles to Katy Perry.

    6. Beakses +3

      I have been not-good at judo for so long that now I am actually pretty okay? And it turns out that taking approximately forever to learn things makes me good at teaching other people, which is very fun. And throwing people is always, always totally awesome and has not gotten any less awesome with time (probably more awesome now that i can do it with something like regularity and skill- it only took me a decade or so!)

      Now if I can just get my nagging injuries to knock it off, I’ll be overjoyed.

  56. Frenz_lo +2

    Babyguy was up all night with a cold, and both dogs are having digestive upset. Somebody accidentally left a fridge unlatched overnight at work, and the AC is also broken, so we had to toss maybe a couple hundred dollars worth of food.
    But, I’m home for the day, and all the sickies are resting comfortably, so I get to cuddle and read and blow off other tasks and chores.

    1. elsamac +2

      Oh, yikes, what a tough stretch that sounds like. I’m sorry.

      But you are taking this remarkably well, and I admire that.

  57. brsanders +42

    Man, every friday the toast open thread happens, and every friday i lose all motivation to work at my day job.

  58. Social +5

    Family dysfunction below:

    So I’m starting to realize (again) just how much emotional baggage my parents left me, and that makes it hard to talk to them. It sucks because we had a blow-out fight a few months ago and from that, there were signs they could be finally Getting It.

    But I’m still having a hard time trusting them. It could be because this is a pattern with them: they’re nasty to me, I don’t say anything and resentment builds up (since I expect this behavior from them it’s hard to hold them accountable in the moment), eventually I lash out, they promise to change, then they hold me accountable for lashing out and don’t hold themselves accountable for changing the behavior, and the cycle repeats.

    It’s exhausting. My therapist thinks it’s okay to put a little space in our relationship for now, but I feel guilty all the time that I can’t just figure this out. But I can’t pretend everything’s okay when I’m processing years of putdowns and insults and well, abuse.

    Sorry for my continued streak of oversharing. I’m just frustrated.

    1. amanita +5

      <3 Learning that I could take as much space as I need from my family has lead to some of the most emotionally stable years of my life. You don’t have to figure anything out, but it’s hard to get perspective while you’re still on the merry-go-round. I’ve found telling myself, “You can not talk to them for a month, and for that month you don’t have to even think about them – after a month, you can think about what you want your relationship to look like & if you want to talk to them then, you can.” Good luck to you.

    2. SmrtCookie +6

      Family dysfunction sucks. I’m sure your therapist has told you this but I’m going to tell you again- you can’t make your parents change their behavior. I totally feel you on feeling guilty about not being able to have a close, functional relationship with your parents but there’s only so much you can do. And sometimes space is good and necessary! When I carefully control how much I interact with my family the interactions we do have go much better for everyone.

    3. Hadrosaur +4

      That sounds really difficult. You’re absolutely allowed to have space from your family when they’re making things difficult for you. It’s okay to protect your own mental health when their behaviour is making it hard to be around them.

    4. PierrePoutine +5

      Your mention of guilt jumps out at me so I’d like to share something that someone once told me that ought to have been obvious but isn’t when dysfunction is the fish bowl you swim in: nobody who truly loves you will guilt you for taking a break from them, even if it hurts.
      You owe nothing to anyone who mistreats you and refuses to change. How will you learn to be good to yourself if you stay close to those who abuse you?

    5. pretty_monster +4

      i shall overshare in return 🙂

      space is crucial for stuff like this. it’s taken me almost a decade of living on the other side of the country from my ‘rents to feel like i’ve escaped their crazy mind-fuck games. a big turning point for me was when i decided i wasn’t going to accept worse treatment from my parents than i would accept from a friend.

      dad: *guilt tripping, brow beating, making me cry in a restaurant IN PUBLIC at the age of 34 over some shit that’s not even really their business anyway*
      me: i don’t know why we even have to talk about this. my friends don’t talk to me like this.
      mom: OF COURSE they don’t. because YOU never want to discuss such SERIOUS THINGS with ANYONE *eyeroooooooll*
      me: we discuss this TOPIC but they don’t talk to me LIKE THIS. my friends don’t yell at me and make me cry!

      and from that day i refused to be dragged into the drama. there was one more time my mom tried the “you never want to have a serious discussion” line but i just shut it down. i know the script now and i can stop it, i step outside of it. if i refuse to play, the game goes nowhere. visits with them can still be exhausting but there was not a single fight or tear shed last time.

      my point is… don’t feel guilty about needing space and taking a break. you’ve figured out their fight script. the next time you do see them, refuse to play your part. do not engage. do not let them escalate. you can do this!

      (or just never see them again, also a totally legit option, too. whatever works for you. srsly)

  59. Hadrosaur +21

    Reading thread!

    OMG Left Hand of Darkness. It is such a good book! I wasn’t expecting to like it that much, but it’s incredibly moving. Estraven is such a complex character.

    It’s set on a planet where everyone is the same gender, narrated mostly by a visitor from Earth (who at least initially has terrible prescriptive ideas about gender roles).

    1. cait0716 +10

      I really liked Left Hand of Darkness I had some trouble getting into it initially, just because I had a hard time keeping all the alien words straight. It would have benefited from a glossary. But man, the last third was perfection and so worth all of my struggles up to that point.

      For me: I abandoned Middlemarch this week because I was so incredibly bored by it. (I read the first two books).

      Now I’m in the middle of Lois McMaster Bujold’s Mirror Dance and it is so incredible and I’m gonna stay up late tonight to finish it because I can.

      I’m also about halfway through The Brief, Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao which I am deeply in love with. It’s a demanding book, but has managed to hit a sweet spot of my knowledge. I understand about 80% of the geek references and about 80% of the Spanish slang, and I can figure the rest out from context which is good enough for me. Plus the narration is energetic and informal, and the characters all feel their emotions so deeply that it’s just a delight to read. If occasionally slightly exhausting.

      1. Absotively +1

        I was sort of meh on the last third of Left Hand of Darkness, but I think it’s maybe because I liked the middle third so much. I haven’t read that much stuff portraying thinly-veiled communism that was written during the cold war and is more complex than “commies bad.” So that bit was really interesting to me.

        It was also interesting that the brief passage from the viewpoint of a woman from the protagonist’s culture had similarly prescriptive ideas about gender roles; up until then I was wondering why they hadn’t sent someone who was a bit more flexible in his thinking, but maybe they didn’t have any such people.

      2. m98widow +2

        Oh man, Mirror Dance is where that series really starts to take off. I skipped Cetaganda and went back to it later because I wanted to keep going with all the storylines and characters that Mirror Dance sets up.

    2. rangiferina +2

      I’m reading Confederates in the Attic: Dispatches from the Unfinished Civil War and it’s pretty fantastic so far. I need some good fiction to read next, though!

    3. Tanabeth +12

      I’m reading Left Hand of Darkness right now!I was just recommending it to a friend the other day. I think it’s so fascinating to read about the gender politics in the reports from the ‘Earth’ anthropologists who come to the planet (they function as info dumps / side bars in the book.) Ursula LeGuin is obviously an amazing woman with very progressive politics, but the take on gender in those books is still so completely informed by the late 1960s (as is totally to be expected – nothing against LeGuin). I still think the book is totally worth reading and definitely not outmoded or anything – many things are still relevant today – but especially the discussion of how terrifying this species is to the ‘bisexual’ (in the sense of two biological sexes) humans (and vice versa).

      It’s also interesting though that although I feel like this book is most famous for the whole ‘monosexual’ thing, what seems to be more crucial to differences in the society is the idea of ‘kemmer’ (that there are only a few days per month when sex & reproduction is possible.)

      1. Jen Birren +5

        I read one of her story collections recently with Coming Of Age In Karhide in it, which is a really quiet story about a Gethenian kid going through adolescence and thus coming into kemmer for the first few times, and it was SO GOOD.

        1. Maryaed +3

          The novella in there about the intervening generations in a colony ship (who will never live on a planet) and how political and religious movements arise to restructure reality is one of the best things she has ever written. I gather someone made an opera from it!

    4. ppyajunebug +4

      So, thanks to Mallory posting that Gawain and the Green Knight thing, I’ve rediscovered one of my favorite series as a kid, The Squire’s Tales. I’m thrilled that the books actually hold up and I’ve finished the first three and there are still parts that I practically know by heart and now there are more that I haven’t read! Seriously, I’m so happy that I still love these books.

    5. irishbreakfasttime +3

      The Girl In The Road! I’m 2/3 done and it’s great but I have no idea what’s going on, what’s real/unreal, what events are connected to others, etc. Maybe this will resolve itself, but if not, I’ll still be loving the writing.

      I picked up Trade Me last week after many Toastie recommendations and it was great, Adam totally stole the show for me and I loved his little “epilogue.”

      1. ArguablyMagalis +1

        Girl In The Road was so weird but so good! I read it like a month ago, spent most of it pretty confused about what was happening and what was real, and then when it ended I was like “yep, that was a good one”. Though, the ending was still pretty unclear on some points.

    6. aqueousmedium +7

      I just finished Neal Stephenson’s new doorstopper Seveneves and enjoyed it despite the fact that it was basically 200 pages of story and 700 pages of Exposition McInfoDump? Maybe it’s the fact that he’s so enthusiastic about orbital mechanics et al; idk I always seem to give him a pass but I sure would like to read all the rest of that story.

      As a reward I got The Perilous Gard out of the library and treated myself to a nice comfort re-read. Kate Sutton, you are my hero.

      1. octopoda +1

        I love his meandering tangents into weird technical things, and can definitely see why others would hate it. I’m about halfway through, it’s gotten so intense at parts!

        1. aqueousmedium +3

          I shouldn’t kid myself, he does this in all his books and so far it’s always been about things I’m interested in myself – or didn’t know I was going to be interested in, which is even more fun – so this isn’t really complaining, just mild fun-poking.

          1. octopoda +3

            Oh for sure, I find it kind of funny how he is basically like, I’m just gonna go ahead and drop the plot here for a bit and talk about “obscure technical or historical thing”. And not even exposition from characters necessarily, just straight up gonna talk about it!

    7. onehundredthjen +11

      I am reading Hild and she’s just gotten back from taking care of the bandits, and I had to get off the train at a very inconvenient time and I am so dissatisfied with my life that I am not reading it at this exact minute.

      2. rolotomassi5 +4

        The butcher bird!!! God, that’s a creepy portion of the book. I loved it.

    8. Es_Petal +6

      Someone on FB was complaining about Dan Brown and saying “i just read it because I didn’t feel I could whinge about it without having read it’ and was then bitterly regretting the waste of time, so someone recommended she read Foucault’s Pendulum, so I sent her my ebook copy of it and then reread it myself, Finished it last night, and remembered again why I bloody love it.

    9. jenavira +4

      So I finally started reading The Sparrow by Mary Doria Russell and I haven’t gotten to anything really horrible yet but I’m bracing myself because it’s so obvious horrible things have been happening.

      On Monday I somehow got an arc of N.K. Jemisin’s forthcoming The Fifth Season and I finished it on Wednesday and I just want to scream about it to everyone all the time. Not a single white person! More female characters than male and that not being a big thing! A trans woman where her being trans is not a big thing! A functional poly triad relationship! A middle-aged mom hero! People fighting back against systemic discrimination! A fantasy world where people do science but the value placed on various kinds of science is very different than our own! The best goddamn worldbuilding I’ve ever seen! Seriously, preorder it now, you will not regret it.

      1. Friesbeforeguys +3

        Urgh, I just read that book a couple months ago. It liked it a lot…until I didn’t like it. We can talk about it later when you are finished.

        1. Atalanta_Is +1

          I, too, liked it until I didn’t like it. I have very mixed feelings about that book tbh. Which is disappointing, because I REALLY liked the first part!

          1. Friesbeforeguys +2

            I don’t think this will be a spoiler of any kind, but MAN is Anne so punchable. I mean, just so unbelievable as a character. Such MPDG.

          2. freshwaterpearl +1

            I really didn’t care for her either, and I couldn’t tell how much of it was the way her character was written and how much her merriment just seemed false and forced amid all the impending doom. (For some reason I am kinda picky about fictional depictions of people being jolly, like all the happy families on TV & in movies who just laugh for no particular reason to show how happy they are.)

      3. kilks401 +3

        I am burning with so much jealousy that you have read the Fifth Season and I have not. N.K. Jemisin is one of my favorite writers ever and I have read everything she has written.

    10. octopoda +1

      I’m reading Neal Stephenson’s latest Seveneves right now and enjoying it greatly. I’m also excited for Charlie Stross’ new Laundry Files book to release soon.

      1. aqueousmedium +2

        Yes the new Laundry Files! I can objectively admire all of his other books, but the Laundry Files are my very favourites.

    11. brsanders +5

      THAT IS MY FAVORITE BOOK. It also helped me come out to myself as trans. I love that book so effing much.

    12. LezzyBeaverman +2

      Left Hand of Darkness was great! I expected to be really into it cause of the gender politics (that being what I’d heard about it), but didn’t expect to be so completely absorbed by all the details of an Ice Age society/culture. So much well-thought out work went into that, I was very impressed.

      I bought a bunch of cheap books from the Strand (YAY STRAND) but the first one turned out to be AWFUL. It’s a memoir by a young woman who lives in New York and it looked so fun and delightfully filthy! But NO, it is actually just a wad of disgusting privileged nonsense featuring such delights as: mocking her friend’s sex lives, implying that a harmless fetish is equal/worse than murder and necrophilia, calling all the Latina women “cholas” (which is ok because she grew up in Queens…the fuck?!!?!!??!!??!), and of course potentially costing someone their job because they won’t tell her something and she DESERVES TO KNOW DAMN IT. Among other things. It was so bad that I am still angry about it! And it’s a memoir! If I ever meet this woman, I will want to smack her so badly. …Sorry for the rant, I just have a lot of feelings.

      I also bought some Jeeves and Wooster, so at least I’ve moved on to something excellent.

    13. dakimel +2

      Thanks to the Toast group on Goodreads, I finally got around to reading some Kelly Link stories: best decision ever. They’re sooo good.

      And then I stayed up half the night reading The Royal We, because I was stressing about stuff & the best way to deal is to stay up half the night enjoying fictional fun.

    14. Friesbeforeguys +2

      Left Hand of Darkness is next on my list. I read The Dispossessed earlier this year and it was the best book I had read in years.

      I just started Player of Games by Ian M. Banks and will be looking forward to the new Neal Stephenson as soon as it comes out in paperback. So, like, years from now : /

      1. roisindubh211 +2

        O god I love the Dispossessed SO MUCH, it might be my favourite Le Guin. Trying to read/acquire all of her books slooowly so I can horde them and make my loved ones read them.

        1. Maryaed +1

          Dispossessed is my favorite too. I admire but don’t love Left Hand of Darkness. I’m not sure what about it fails to draw me in.

    15. BourneApprox +1

      Because it was published by a coworker’s daughter, I’m reading a dystopian YA book which somehow combines the worst of dystopian YA with the worst of gritty modern fantasy. Would you like some rape and torture with your poorly motivated high-concept future society? Grr.

      Should be done with it soon, so I think it’s time to read some more John le Carré. I’ve only ever read Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy, which I absolutely utterly adored. I’ve got Honourable Schoolboy on my Kindle, which is the next in the Karla trilogy. Any good? Or go straight to Smiley’s People? (I like Smiley.)

      1. IntensiveClare +2

        Honourable Schoolboy has some moments, but it’s a lot slower than Tinker Tailor and has very little Smiley. I found it a lot harder to get into, so you could read it in the interests of completeness but I wouldn’t feel bad about skipping it. Smiley’s People was a satisfying conclusion to the trilogy.

    16. sarah_jay +2

      I’ve almost finished reading Forty Days Without Shadow, by Olivier Truc, which is a murder mystery (surprise!) in Norway (surprise again!) involving the relationships between Scandinavians and the Native people of Lappland. It’s been very interesting to learn a bit about the Sami culture and about racism in Nordic countries, especially because they are often held up as shining examples of equality.

    17. RuncibleSpoon +3

      i read A Wizard if Earthsea when I was like, 12, but otherwise haven’t read leguin and she seems awesome and i should fix that.
      anyone have a book or two to recommend?

      1. freshwaterpearl +2

        Definitely Left Hand of Darkness. It’s a masterpiece, and not only for the gender stuff. The other novels in that universe that I’ve read, The Dispossessed and The Telling, are also excellent. Most but not all of the stories in The Birthday of the World are set in that universe too, and that’s a really good collection.

    18. rolotomassi5 +2

      About 75% through The Lady from Zagred by Philip Kerr which is about an ex-cop in Berlin who works on crime investigation in Berlin for the Nazis in WWII who non-so-secretly despises the Nazis who gets hired on a very personal mission by Josef Goebells. I guess it’s part of a series and I really want to read the rest of the books, because it’s a suspenseful world-weary type of detective novel I love and the setting (WWII era Berlin, Switzerland and Croatia so far) is gangbusters.

  60. viviennestreet +3

    Anyone wanna talk about Sense8? I’m only three episodes in, but

    Nomi getting stuck in the hospital made me SO ANXIOUS.

    1. daisicles +2

      Sense8! I just finished the last episode the other day and I’m really itching to get another season, even though I wasn’t really 100% thrilled with the last episode.

      And you are so not alone in the Nomi-hospital anxiety. It’s just – being put in a hospital by people with the authority to do so and who obviously don’t respect your own decisions about your body/life? Just too, too much.

      1. viviennestreet +2

        YES. Loss of autonomy because people in authority have decided you shouldn’t have any is one of my biggest nightmares (not that I have any reason to expect it to happen to me–I think it’s left over from being a weird kid whose anxiety over things was often dismissed or ignored by adults).

    2. ToastiewithCheese +1

      I have one episode to go! It’s occasionally cringe-worthy but it’s also very moving at times.

      Also, I want to ask something about episode four, but I guess that can wait 🙂

      1. viviennestreet +1

        You can post it here! I won’t be able to answer it (until probably sometime this afternoon, lol) but I’m sure someone else can.

      2. ToastiewithCheese +1

        Ok, so the question is really just: are 4 Non Blondes really that uncool? People were ragging on the What’s Going On scene in episode 4, but I loved it! I mean, that scene was really what sold me on the show. Am I an uncool dork?

        1. daisicles +1

          I liked that scene too – 4 Non Blondes might be a bit uncool, but it’s a perfect slightly cheesy karaoke song, as it should be.

        2. viviennestreet +1

          I liked the scene, but I know nothing about the band, so I didn’t have any prior associations.

    4. wallofillusion +1

      I’ve just finished episode 4 myself, I am quite enjoying it! But yeah, poor Nomi in the hospital = aaah, aaaaah, aah.

    5. Either_Ada +7

      I haven’t seen it yet, but I have been inventing spin-off shows based on the names for days, e.g.:

      Palp8: A show about 8 friends who feel each other up.

      Pontific8: A show about 8 popes who argue sententiously with each other via telepathy across time.

      Sublim8: A show about 8 polyamorous lovers who turn their unacknowledged negative feelings about each other into art. Also they’re in a Sublime cover band.

    6. viviennestreet +2

      Episode 5! Ok, I hate it when women on their period are stereotyped as being crazy and emotional (I mean, PMS stands for PRE Menstrual Syndrome, anyway) but I died laughing at Lito’s reaction to cramps. IT MUST BE A TUMOR. Poor dear.

  61. catoclock +5

    So as part of WORLD CUP FEVER 2015, I have been trolling ebay for jerseys. It’s pretty frustrating because not that many people want to sell you a lady jersey, and the ones that do exist are mostly Alex Morgans and Abby Wambachs, which isn’t what I want (as great as they both are). But a few weeks ago, I came across somebody selling blank jerseys with a note about how they could put names on if you told them what player you wanted. So I messaged the guy like, “any chance you could find the number set for this particular female player?” not really expecting much, but he DID, and I was very excited. He had to order the name from somewhere, but was really good about updating me and whatever and has been totally polite and nice.

    BUT THEN, after finally shipping the thing this morning, he sent me a message… asking me to send him a photo of myself wearing it when it arrives. This is definitely creepy, right? Like… he does not appear to have any sort of “look at all my happy customers!” gallery or anything, at least that I can find.

    I just really hate that my reaction is 50% “oh no I don’t want to say no what if he gets upset” and 50% “shit this guy knows where I LIVE.”

    ugh

    ughhhhhhh

    1. maggiegrift +5

      That is horrifying maybe? I can’t decide my reaction either! He might be trying to start a gallery? I don’t know… I think I wouldn’t send anything

    3. AfterPlumcake +3

      Yeah, don’t send that dude anything. He’ll forget about it, and if he harasses you, just ignore him or tell him to leave you alone or you’ll report him for violation of licensing agreements (those jersey resellers are almost always selling non-licensed knockoffs). YAY WORLD CUP THOUGH.

      Related: I had a former flame with more money than sense buy me a bespoke lynx coat as a token of his affection (because clearly that’s what I, a bleeding heart liberal living in Texas at the time, needed during a summer that went down as the hottest summer on record for any state ever) and as weird as the gift was, it was even weirder when he wanted to take my photo in it. I looked like a reject from a Russian mafia wife staging of Ice Age. But what was weirdest was when he came back with one of the photos printed out in an 8×10 glossy and had me sign it. I am not famous, most especially not in Eastern Europe/Russia where I gather this coat was made, but apparently this furrier demands signed photos of all the women wearing his commissioned creations. It was discomfiting AF.

  62. Absotively +8

    My Toronto vacation was lovely! I caught up with an old friend, I wandered around Toronto for hours at a time, and I bought fabric to make myself two new shirts. I also measured my blood pressure at a drug store, which I’m supposed to do occasionally because my doctor is mildly worried about it, and it turns out being half a continent away from all my responsibilities and walking for several hours a day is really great for my blood pressure. I’m not sure how useful this knowledge is, though.

    How are everyone else’s vacation plans and/or vacations coming along?

    1. RoseCamelia +4

      My BP is extremely high … but only while in the exam room. Anywhere else, lower end of normal and steady as can be. Could that be it? White Coat Syndrome?

      1. Mrs_Peel +1

        That’s very common. If it’s normal most of the time at home, I wouldn’t worry too much!

    2. Eris +2

      I am counting the weekend I’m spending looking for an apartment in Portland and the four days it’s going to take me to drive there as a vacation, and in that regard, things are going just swimmingly. I have the plane, car, and hotel reserved for the weekend trip, and I’m already bouncing in anticipation. 😀

    3. gloriana232 +1

      So glad you had a good time in my city!

      I checked some Amsterdam/Brussels guidebooks out of the library, and greatly enjoyed everyone’s suggestions last OT.

    4. Goomaly +1

      I’m going to Seattle this summer! Barely any plans yet. Basically all I wanna do is coffee, beer, walking, and bookstores.

  63. jenavira +8

    Mental health thread?

    I’ve spent this week bouncing back and forth between dancing in my chair and crying in closets (and double-checking that my medication dose is what it’s supposed to be). Am I okay? Am I not okay? Am I repressing? I don’t know! It is an exciting time to be in my brain, friends, and I mean that in the worst possible way.

    1. Eris +1

      Oh man, that’s awful. Best wishes, and hope that you make it through this in one piece. D:

      My headspace is finally back where it should be, now that I’ve hauled myself out of my depressive funk. Still stress eating though, which means something isn’t right. Now it’s time to figure out what! /headdesk

    2. laurenipsum +7

      My husband is continuing the meds dance, adding Lamictal to the mix as of today. I don’t even know what all he’s on anymore. He had a bad day yesterday and it takes him a day to recover usually, so today is pretty touch and go too. I continue to not cope well with his lack of coping. I have got to get myself a therapist.

      Also I almost cried thrice in our couples therapy the other day (I never cry in therapy, I probably need to learn to do so) — once was thinking about the lovely thread here on a random day when I couldn’t deal with him and everything else. I am so grateful for this place.

      1. RoseCamelia +9

        Yes, you need to get yourself a therapist. You would help a loved one get a therapist. Please be kind to yourself and move it up the priority list. (end pushiness)

          1. rhymeswitheight +2

            Good luck searching! It can be hard but it’s worth it to get the help and support you deserve.

            After some months of therapy, I’m going to see a psychiatrist about antidepressants. I’m a little nervous about them because side effects/feel like a loser/stigma/blahhh. Any positive med stories anyone feels comfortable sharing would be much appreciated. (Also like, I know that part of my nerves about it are based in the very thing it’s going to help get better!! BRAINS. Knowing that does not make it go away, however.)

          2. RoseCamelia +6

            Do you feel like a loser when you take Advil for a headache? If you have illness or pain, you take medicine. It’s health, not morality. And you deserve to feel better. You deserve to feel *good*.

            Anti-depressants saved my life. And showed me what I’d been missing. On anti-depressants was the first time I had ever felt carefree. I had lived more than 40 years without knowing that feeling. Many other feelings were new to me then, as well. Modern drugs have my vote.

          4. ChloeKEvil +6

            I’ve been on fluoxetine (generic Prozac) for about ten months now and it is honestly one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I’ve had depression for about ten or twelve years and this has been the longest period with no depressive episodes in that time. I’ve had to get to know myself again, but I’m learning things about myself that I love and that make me happy (I’m reliable! and I have a work ethic!). I’m constantly amazed at how much better I feel- sometimes I feel like I can’t shut up about it, because depression defined my life for SO LONG and now it’s… not overshadowing everything anymore.

  64. firstmute +5

    Pregnancy thread! 36 weeks tomorrow, and this week was much better than last … although I did spend some of it freaking out, because my fetus, who likes to throw a party of one every night from about 9 PM to 5 AM and in general is very active, was inexplicably chill for about a day and a half. I ended up going in for a non-stress test, and, of course, the moment I got strapped in he decided to make an appearance. Thanks, buddy.

    I’ve also been having BH contractions at 10-minute intervals for hours every day, and some of them are actually getting uncomfortable. Wow am I not ready to have a newborn!

    How’s everyone else doing?

    1. Kai_Ko +3

      Hi! Your fake contractions sound unpleasant, let’s raise a glass of sparkling water to them knocking it off soon.

      I definitely had my first bout of really-barfing morning sickness this week, after which the toilet seat fell down and bonked me on the head. So, you know: cartoon!

      Also: where to buy maternity clothes? I want things that are chic, not flamingo-coloured, and not insanely expensive. I’m still in the research stage of this, though. Thoughts?

      1. firstmute +1

        Ugh, morning sickness. I’ve been fortunate (so to speak) in both pregnancies that I felt nauseated and gross most of the time but that’s it. Well, that and the crushing exhaustion. Here’s a glass of sparkling water (and a dry cracker) that yours passes soon. 

        Maternity clothes! The ones that are chic are insanely expensive, and the ones that are not insanely expensive are boring and come in four colors. Do you have any recently pregnant friends? My favorite clothes are from friends who have more money than I do. Other than that, most of my maternity stuff is from Target, Old Navy, and the Gap, but it’s all just functional. I work from home, so I’m also lucky in that I can wear jeans and t-shirts all the time. Or leggings tbh. 

        I didn’t have–or didn’t notice–BH contractions with my first, so this has been a new experience. I’ve been getting them since about 20 weeks, and they keep getting stronger and more frequent. I keep Googling to find support for my optimistic theory that lots of them now means and shorter and easier labor, but so far I haven’t found confirmation of that. Ha. 

      2. IntensiveClare +2

        My mom’s bringing over a bunch of stuff from Target when she comes to visit next month. Their Liz Lange range had some nice looking pieces, I really hope everything fits. I’ve ordered a few things off Modcloth that look like they should do for pregnancy and after. Try H&M, though I’ve heard it’s quite difficult to actually find a store that stocks maternity and you mostly have to order online.

        There’s a British chain called JoJo Maman Bebe that has some lovely things, though I don’t know if they ship to the US. Maybe try ebay. Their S M L sizes are comparable to US ones, but numeric sizes are 4 up (ie a US 6 is a UK 10).

      3. clairebm +1

        This was two days ago, but in case you have comment notification on, I highly recommend buying maternity stuff online at ASOS. The stuff in the shops here is either incredibly boring and basic, or stupid-expensive, ASOS has decently priced stuff that is also quite fashionable! I’m almost 34 weeks now and am running out of clothes, but most of my good stuff was from there, happy shopping!

    2. MayKatieMae +4

      It’s me, the lady with no symptoms a few weeks ago! I’m now walking around feeling seasick and hungover and exhausted…I haven’t thrown up yet but I came uncomfortably close yesterday in the parking lot at work (emergency saltines saved the day). First appointment is on Monday, I’ll be about 10 weeks….will we get to look for a heartbeat or will this be a nothing appointment? Best wishes, everyone.

      1. MayKatieMae +1

        Oh, and as I predicted I’m still just as anxious even though I’m feeling sicker.

      2. Kai_Ko +3

        You’ll probably get to know if there’s a heartbeat! I went for my dating ultrasound this week—I wanted to hit that checklist of 1) in the right place and 2) got a heartbeat and 3) there’s only one of them in there. Got all three! YUSSS.

      3. IntensiveClare +1

        We didn’t hear the heartbeat at the first ultrasound, which was at 12 weeks, though we could see it on the monitor, which was pretty cool. But I did hear it at my 16 week midwife appointment. a few weeks ago (I’m in the UK, so YMMV when it comes to appointments and what happens). Hope you’re feeling better soon–keep those saltines close. Ginger snaps may help too, if you like them.

      4. firstmute +1

        Most offices in the U.S. will do an ultrasound at the 8-10 week appointment, so you should be able to see the heartbeat! Maybe not hear it, though. I went in for a heartbeat check at 10 weeks bc my post-miscarriage anxiety was out of control, and they were able to find it at 10 weeks, but that’s right on the cusp. Depending on where the baby is and your insides, they can sometimes hear it and sometimes now.

        Exciting!!

    3. stirringsofconsciousness +1

      Glad that you’re feeling better than last week! I am also much less grumpy, and am actually energetic enough to try cooking a new recipe today, which I don’t think I’ve done the entire pregnancy. But in general I just want to sleep all the time, and I’m probably going to have to stop volunteering at the library soon because I’m too tired to roll a cart around and also it’s getting really uncomfortable to squat to get books on the lowest shelves.

      37 weeks on Sunday. We got the carseat installed by the local police, we’re picking up a bassinet, we got a changing table and lots of clothing, and I don’t know what else we’re actually supposed to have ready. I am totally not ready. How am I supposed to be ready?

    4. betsymore +1

      22 weeks, and my sciatica has really been kicking into gear. It’s crazy – I can do as little as just shifting my weight slightly, and then I get a shooting pain down my left butt. SUCKS.

      But in happier news, I can finally feel my wee tenant kicking and/or punching! I am excited about this. I was feeling like a late bloomer in that regard.

      1. firstmute +1

        Weirdly my sciatica bothered me from like 12-30 weeks and hasn’t given me any trouble since. So there’s hope! Congrats on the kicking and punching 🙂

    5. IntensiveClare +1

      Good luck firstmute, I hope the BH contractions ease up.

      I’m 19 weeks on Sunday and going for a spa day with my SIL. I’ve been looking forward to getting a massage for months, cannot wait. Today is the first day I think it looks like I have a proper bump. A lot of feelings of abdominal muscles stretching this week, but no feeling the baby move yet.

  65. Spewingllamas +10

    I’m going to the beach for a a week. Nice, right? With my husband’s WHOLE FAMILY. I will probably be very drunk a lot of the time.

    1. mmsees +4

      My mom’s entire extended family goes to the beach for a week every summer. The experience has much improved since I am now old enough to keep a steady buzz going for basically the entire time.

  66. gloriana232 +1

    I need to extend my kitchen window sill to support my plants. The sill is currently only about 3.5-4 inches deep, and I’m thinking of putting a length of wider wood across. But would it be stable?

    It’s a rental and I’m allowed to drill stuff, but I don’t want to do any drilling if I don’t need to. Any ideas?

    1. allofthewhine +2

      without really understanding the set up, I think you’re probably going to need L-brackets or some sort of screwing to make it solid

    2. RoseCamelia +3

      When in a rental that did not allow any drilling, Mr. Rose made us a sized-to-fit tiny bench to sit below the window and meet the sill. Would that work?

      1. leslieellenjones +2

        Such things are also available for purchase, for the building-things impaired.

    3. sarah_jay +1

      Can you install a shelf *just* under the sill?. You might be able to make do with pilot holes made by nails rather than any drills.

  67. Eris +1

    TOASTIES WHO LIVE IN PORTLAND: I’m flying up the weekend of the 27th to look at apartments. Do you have any advice for someone who’s never been there before?

    (I start July 13th, I already gave my boss notice before she goes on maternity leave, it’s HAPPENING OH MY GOD)

    1. allofthewhine +2

      We are also moving to Portland this summer, so I am commenting to follow the thread!

      maybe we can be new-to-portland buddies?

      1. Eris +1

        Awesome! (I really wish I’d made my ID account *before* I posted my new thread, but too late now. XD)

        Everyone I’ve told about the move has said something like OMG YOU’RE GONNA LOVE IT THERE, so naturally I’m terrified.

    2. gripyfish +1

      I commented in the other Portland-related thread with some fun things to do and see, but if you’re looking at apartments, I lived in NW Portland (on NW 21st) about 4 years ago, and liked it well enough. My rent for a ‘double studio’ (which was really more of a 1-bedroom) was $750/month, not including gas, electric, and internet (and now I can’t recall what my per-month expenses on those were, sorry), though I also had to contend with a terrible building manager, so.

      My now-fiancee lived a couple places in SE when we were first dating, and really liked it over there, as well. Sorry this is so thin on details (and pretty outdated), but if you’re looking for neighborhood guidance, and depending on budget, those are two sections of the city to take a look at?

    3. depizan +2

      With apartments, make sure it’s double-paned glass on windows/sliding doors. Mold is a huge deal here, and without good windows, it will attack everything you love. (No but seriously, my sister and her husband had a big mold infestation due to poor windows/seals and had to throw out photo albums, a dresser her husband had from childhood, lots of clothes and other sentimentals.)
      Unless you get into a new fancier apartment, it’s very unlikely it will have AC–I’ve lived in 6 different apartments and none have had it. So if not, ask if the landlords will allow window AC/swamp coolers; otherwise you’ll need to invest in lots of fans (although summers average about 80-85 degrees, we can get occasional stretches of a week or two over 90, especially in August, and it’s brutal without AC).
      Even if you have a car and plan on using that to get to work, make sure your apartment is close to a bus or train stop. Portland has a great public transit system, and even if you necessarily aren’t using for work, for big events like Blazers games or Rose Festival, you’ll want to take the train rather than fight the road traffic.
      Gentrification in Portland proper is a huge deal, and housing and renting prices can be pretty high. If you want cheaper prices, look at the outskirts, it’s a small enough city (only 11 miles across) that even in the suburbs you can usually get into town fairly easily.

    4. Maryaed +1

      Prepare to pay a lot of rent, sorry to say. (Unless you’re coming from the Bay Area in which case ignore.) Huge gentrification and rent crunch happening here.

      There are good walkable neighborhoods on the East Side if that is what you’re looking for, and increasingly in North Portland. St. Johns is up and coming if you want something not yet totally boutiquified.

  68. SarcasticFringehead +30

    You know what I am tired of? I am tired of being splained to about how Game of Thrones was always about rape & other terrible things, so it’s stupid for people to be quitting the show now because they should have known what they were getting into. Like, these people say, “if you don’t like it, don’t watch it” but then when you stop watching it, they go “why are you so sensitive?”

    I don’t even watch the show, and while I’ve read the books, I don’t love or hate them (although I probably won’t read them again); I’m just tired of the way we talk about stuff like this on TV, I guess.

    1. threatqualitypress +21

      The thing that I don’t get is that if Game of Thrones was always about rape, why the hell anyone ELSE was watching it.

      “This show has always been a never-endng litany of sexual horror inflicted on characters of whom a handful are, at best, not-completely-detestable. If that doesn’t get you excited every week, then maybe you should stop watching it!”

      Uh. Yeah, maybe I should. Maybe you should, too?

      1. floridagal1 +12

        = = exactly why I quit reading the books and don’t watch the show. For me, the sexual horror was too much,even if I really wanted to find out what happened with the creepy zombies up north.

        1. catoclock +4

          You aren’t missing anything. The books got SO bad. Just hundreds and hundreds of pages of bloated self-indulgent nonsense.

        2. threatqualitypress +6

          I realized at some point that Jon Snow was one of the only storylines I cared about, because he’s the only one who even periodcally had anything remotely resembling a success.

          1. sarah_jay +5

            I think this is the reason people are starting to turn on the show, not because there’s more violence, but because there’s less victory. Most people experience small joys, even in the midst of destruction, but ALL happiness has gone. The violence isn’t accomplishing anything anymore. It’s now violence for the sake of violence.

          2. SarcasticFringehead +8

            And I’m not going to argue that people can’t make unpleasant art, but for me personally, if I wanted unrelenting horror with no redemption for anyone, I’d just…watch the news? Which is not to say that bad things should never happen, because then there are no stakes and everything’s boring, but I like a little resolution from my fiction.

    2. tekkah +17

      I’m sick of hearing the people who judge others for their choice to watch or not watch this (or any) show. People are free to watch and to not watch whatever they feel like. If the violence and misogyny on Game of Thrones has overwhelmed any positives about the show to someone they are ALLOWED TO QUIT, and they are allowed to discuss why they are upset, or how the show could improve or change.

      As far as I’m concerned the only people that deserve derision for their choices around Game of Thrones are the ones dropping judgmental garbage on those who choose to stop watching or who want to critique it. “Critically acclaimed” doesn’t mean perfect.

      1. SarcasticFringehead +13

        Absolutely. Mostly I’m just still mad about the piece by one of NPR’s critics yesterday that was called “Are Game of Thrones Critics Missing the Point?” or similar, and I was like, just because I don’t like it doesn’t mean I don’t understand it.

    3. LezzyBeaverman +8

      Ugh yes. RAGE RAGE RAGE always. I had to stop watching it in the second season because it was hella triggering. And I was MAD about it. Like, I want to watch cool fantasy shows! I love dragons and magics and whatnot. And the acting is SO GOOD. That cast is BRILLIANT. I totally want to be able to watch it! But I want more than that to be able to like…sleep at night? Not spend all my time curled into a fetal position weeping? It would be kind of nice if the fact that I’d experienced an awful trauma didn’t mean I also get to miss out on cool TV because showing lots of rape is so “dark” and “edgy”. So yeah, fuck that whole discussion.

      That’s not why I quit the books though (I can handle reading stuff, but seeing it is somehow worse for me, brains are weird). I quit the books because he clearly stopped letting anyone EDIT the damn things. 25 narratives per book is too fucking many, George!

    4. AfterPlumcake +6

      So I don’t have a dog in this fight because I cannot handle violence and I don’t even live in a place that gets the show, All I know I get second hand but it’s always come across as very…rapey, like from the very beginning. I’m sure it’s not the only show to use sexual violence against women as a form of titillation/entertainment, but it happens to be the one I’ve heard about the most lately.

      BUT the other day a friend of mine –an older gay man–made a grand FB pronouncement that he was never watching GoT again, because of something that happened to a kid and how violence against children is always wrong (true!) and that the creators should be ashamed of themselves. Yet there was something about his outrage –and this is a usually very sensitive and sensible man– that made me want to post “…but all that rape is cool though, right?”

      I don’t know, I think I’m kinda having some type of feelings about the relationships between gay men and liberal women and how as a woman I’ve always tried to be a strong ally to my gay friends, donating to the causes, marching in the parades, voting in even the smallest elections but now that women and our reproductive rights are being attacked even more ferociously than they usually are, it’s fucking crickets from my fella loving fellas. Issues: I has them.

      1. bighairnoheart +5

        I can’t decide if the massive eyes and grin is best or the moment of levitation below it. Both are perfect.

        1. octopoda +3

          That egg is a tailor made perfect toy for him, he loves playing with rocks usually and on this he won’t chip is teeth (further), he can’t get a grip on it so can’t destroy it instantly like every other toy, and it makes him tired. So glad we found it.

    2. sarah_jay +9

      On Saturday, Trixie was being such a princess I decided she should look like one too, so I went to Joann and then made her a skirt.

      She wasn’t sure what to do with it at first and sulked in the corner, but she can’t sulk for long without falling asleep and when she woke up she’d forgotten it was on and went to kill stuffed animals like usual.

  70. Tanabeth +9

    So has anything seen the new Melissa McCarthy movie Spy, and would you like to discuss it with me? Because I just saw it yesterday and think it’s awesome! I’m so happy that I’ve seen three awesome women almost entirely starring women in the last few weeks! (Mad Max: Fury Road, Spy, and Pitch Perfect 2).

    If you haven’t seen it yet, it is awesome, go see it! I will discuss some brief spoilers in the comments below so beware.

    (Also, I saw a preview for Trainwreck, which is a new movie directed by Judd Apatow (ehhh) and written and starring Amy Schumer (yay)! It actually looks good! I am crossing my fingers for a new good and funny romantic comedy.

    1. Tanabeth +9

      I loved that rather than the majority of the movie involving “mousy timid FBI desk jockey” going undercover as “Penny Malone,” crazy midwestern housewife, her cover actually turned really quickly into “Amber Valentine,” bad-ass criminal bodyguard who spends the entire time shouting increasingly insane ultra-violent misandrist insults at people.

      In general I thought the movie did a great job turning the cliches or stereotypical traps of this movie (making fun of the main character for being overweight, timid, etc.) into the jokes – rather than making jokes at the expense of Melissa McCarthy’s character herself. For example, the evil villainess terrorist lady who constantly insults “Penny Malone’s” (awesome) clothing is quickly revealed to have the world’s worst taste in clothing (slutty dolphin trainer suit! and those leopard print leggings!)

      I also loved that the movie ended with two female best friends partying together and that Judd Law’s character just turned out to be a bit dumb and vain rather than actually evil. It really kept you guessing.

      1. jwhittz +3

        I just saw it last night! There were so very very many laugh-out-loud moments. It’s been a long time since I watched a movie so funny.
        I agree that it did well flipping expectations. I love how fucking competent McCarthy’s character was AT EVERYTHING. There was a guy sitting behind me who uttered stunned “woah”s and “OMG”s every single time she kicked someone’s ass. It was pretty great.

    2. GreenGrasses +4

      I saw Spy yesterday! I thought it was delightful! That stupid “Italian” character Aldo was the only low point in the movie for me. Whatever humor he added–and I’m not sure he added any–got old very quickly. Other than that, I laughed a ton and absolutely adored MM’s character and Jason Statham/Jude Law being so silly.

  71. Rachel8489 +5

    Oh hey thing! I am going to NEW ORLEANS for the first time next week! I get to be one of the youngest women in attendance at the National Organization for Women’s annual conference/strategy summit, it might just be a shitshow, I don’t know. But my friend and I are flying in together on Thursday morning, and the conference doesn’t start until Friday, so we have ALL OF THURSDAY to do things in New Orleans. Here’s the one thing: I keep kosher and therefore don’t eat meat in most restaurants and don’t eat shellfish. Recommendations for where a mostly pescetarian person should eat in NOLA? Things my friend and I should do on Thursday and/or evenings post-conference and/or if we decide to ditch because it’s crazy? We’re staying at the official conference hotel, which is the Hyatt Regency.

    1. BobbieWickham +2

      get a sno-ball (different from a snow cone!) from the sketchiest most rickety sno-ball stand you can find.

    2. HermoineDanger +1

      That is exciting! I’ve been in Nola for almost 5 years now and I love telling people about my favorite places. You should have no problem finding pescetarian and even vegetarian restaurants. The CBD is a great place to stay – you’re in the middle of everything. Ruby Slipper is good for breakfast and has a ton of options, and if you want to do a fancier dinner Luke is delicious with tons of variety. There’s a restaurant that just opened in MidCity called The Big Cheezy that literally just serves several kinds of grilled cheeses and tomato soup every day that I haven’t gone to yet but several people have sworn by. Juan’s Flying Burrito is in the Lower Garden District and has tons of pescetarian/veg options. District donuts.sliders.brew (also LGD) is delicious for a breakfast donut (check their twitter for the daily flavors.) Also highly recommended for a late night hangout: Bacchanal. They’re about as far as you can get in the Bywater without actually being in the Lower 9th Ward, but it’s a really cool place with a huge back patio and delicious cheese/veg plates. Another cool night place is Courtyard Brewery. It’s right across the interstate from the CBD and is a microbrewery that has food trucks every night. The owner has a brother who is also a brewer, and they partner with other places so they have a ton of good draft options. If the have the Hibiscus IPA, please get it. Hope I gave you some ideas!

  72. tekkah +10

    Toastfriends, I am having a weird brain day. I can’t seem to find words I need and it’s taking me like a million years to do anything productive because I keep getting easily distracted by things. Very frustrating.

    In other news I’m just puttering along. I wanted to thank everyone for their kind words in last week’s Open Thread. I managed well enough through my due date and felt like I’d done really well! And then a few nights ago we got to the season 8 Friends finale in which Rachel gives birth and I cried violently for an hour and we had to skip ahead. So I’m obviously still working on things.

    I find myself wanting to see my friends in person but also simultaneously seriously not wanting to be around people, so that’s a somewhat odd feeling.

    2. RoseCamelia +6

      It’s OK. The feelings you describe seem perfectly understandable. It must feel disorienting to shift back and forth between opposing desires, but try to just go with it. See friends, or bail on them at the last minute because your mood shifted. If they are real friends, they will accept an explanation in the future when you feel up to it.

    1. 1sic1 +3

      Oh god yes. Even with my phone’s crappy GPS, I’m a few days away from level 10. Gotta say, I’m in the perfect city for it: I can reach 3 portals from my bed and/or couch, and there are quite a few areas where you can have 5-8 portals in range simultaneously.

      Also, ahem… I happen to be part of said neckbeard scum, you reactionary goon.

      1. lilah80 +1

        I’m really close to one portal, such that I can sometimes kind of reach it from my bedroom. I think there’s a really cool bit of architecture on my street which I could fully justify establishing as its own portal, so I’ll probably do that this weekend.

        Can I ask you a question? If there’s a portal which already has some like L6, L7, L8 resonators installed, but it’s not full, and I went in and filled the rest of the slots with some dumb L1s, did I fuck something up for those people who already had resonators there, and can I fix it? I did that yesterday as I was bumbling around pressing buttons going, “What does THIS do?”

        1. 1sic1 +1

          Nah, don’t think so. You may even have helped, by making the portal linkable. The only time when you *might* want to leave a portal alone is when it’s, say, located all by itself in a remote area, with only one suspiciously full r8 on it and lots of mods. Then, that might be someone’s Guardian portal (i.e. one they’re trying to get the Guardian badge with).

          But in general, just poke away at stuff. If you make weird links, they’ll get broken soon enough anyway.

          1. lilah80 +1

            *phew* Thanks so much! I was afraid I’d already started to make people in the game hate me. Oh, social anxiety!

            So how long have you been playing to reach level 10?

          2. 1sic1 +1

            About… 10 months, I think? But I’m an exceptionally lazy and antisocial player.

          3. Absotively +1

            I did once fill some slightly remote portals with resonators on all but one slot, because other people in my faction were planning to blanket the city, so I didn’t want to enable someone who wasn’t aware of their plans to link from the city to the remote portals and accidentally block the planned links. But that was an unusual situation (we were a satellite site for an anomaly), no one expected it to last very long, and there was lots of talk about the big plans in faction comms.

    2. viviennestreet +2

      I’ve played! I liked it a lot, and there’s a pretty active community in my area with a google group and everything. I…don’t remember what the official team names are. I picked green, because it’s pretty.

      Do you have any questions? Have you tried playing yet?

      1. lilah80 +1

        I picked blue because it was called the Resistance, and I read too many WWII-era books as a child. Also Red Dawn. WOLVERINES!!!

        I guess a lot of my questions will be answered in the course of playing, but mostly right now I’m flopping around happily doing stuff and not knowing if I should be upset when I lose 7%–7% of what?–and having a grand old time. I live in Chicago, so there are portals everywhere.

        I guess one question is how portals are taken. I keep getting alerts that “One of your portals is under attack!” and not knowing what to do with that information. I go back and recharge all the resonators, but I don’t know if that’s what I’m supposed to do to ward off attack. Does it count as “under attack” when someone just hacks your portal?

        1. Absotively +1

          7% of your potential maximum XM. You can always get more XM by wandering around or using a power cube or recycling stuff, but if you’re attacking someone then they might recharge all their resonators while you’re refilling XM.

          The weapons in Ingress attack all the enemy resonators and mods near them. The closer a weapon is to a resonator or mod, the more damage it does. Damage to resonators just drains their XM, and recharging the XM fixes it, so you’ve got that exactly right. When you get an under attack alert, it means someone used a weapon close enough to a resonator or mod on your portal to damage it. But they might be actually trying to take down a nearby portal, and they might stop attacking once that’s done and ignore your portal entirely. On the other hand, at the lower levels, it won’t take much of an attack to take out your portals, and they might fall even to attacks that weren’t meant for them. Hacking a portal doesn’t count as an attack.

    3. Absotively +2

      I played for a while, and then I got bored/frustrated. I might pick it back up at some point.

      I did convince a bunch of Toasties to join the neckbeard scum with me, so that may be why you’re not seeing a lot of Resistance sympathy here.

    4. Thujaplicata +2

      So, I just downloaded this and joined the Resistance. I’m a little sad, because basically the entire city is already a Resistance stronghold, so I feel like there’s not much I can do. Granted, I’m still level 1 and I’m kind of lost on what I’m supposed to be doing…

  74. handbookadvisee +10

    Hi everybody! I would like some advice please.

    Even though it does not have anything to do with my job, my boss asked me to rewrite their current employee handbook for a retail store. Which has been fun and interesting, but I am having A LOT of trouble with the section the current handbook calls “Customer Service for People with Disabilities.” There are lots of very screwed up things in it atm, so I’m starting from scratch. now I want some good resources for how to write it and what is appropriate to include (and I have some doubts that it is even appropriate to include at all?? it seems both insulting and necessary at the same time). But finding resources I trust has been hard! Like, what is a good, nuanced source that isn’t going to be patronizing or insulting, and how can I make my handbook neither of those things? I would like resources that are written by disabled people not by totally uninformed able-bodied employee handbook writers like me :/

    An example: I have been reading a bunch about people first language. It seems pretty standard in guidelines like the one I’m supposed to write, but I’ve read convincing criticisms from some communities of disabled people. Do I use it? Do I use it for some but not others? It’s odd in this kind of thing not to be consistent, but I can deal with that if it seems like the best choice.

    Any advice or links to resources would be appreciated! my intentions are good, but i want my handbook to be as good as my intentions! Thank you.

    2. rhymeswitheight +3

      Is there a local advocacy group or nonprofit in your area that focuses on disabilities? They might be a great resource to go to to answer questions, especially about preferred language, and they might already have tips and how-tos prepared.

  75. elsamac +42

    MY LOVELIES!

    I went to see Mad Max: Fury Road for the third time yesterday (and the theater staff assure me it will be held over at least once more, so I can go a fourth time next week), with a friend who was seeing it for the second time, then we meandered toward home, stopping for dinner, then walking some more, then stopping for “just one” drink and sitting outside, soaking up the cooling summer air and watching passersby and talking talking talking, and it was so refreshing and wonderful…

    … not least because we did not let any random dudes interrupt our conversation. More than once during the hours we sat in that sidewalk cafe, a male stranger approached us where we sat in intense conversation and started talking at us, confident that his stray question or compliment outranked our spirited private discussion, and without plan or premeditation, we just KEPT TALKING to each other. It was marvelous.

    1. SarcasticFringehead +23

      I saw it for the third time last weekend! The thing I noticed this last time: when we are introduced to Furiosa, she’s shot from behind, but the camera starts at her neck and even as it zooms out, her butt barely makes it into the shot! It’s like we’re expected to be able to handle seeing a woman walking confidently without having to be reminded that she’s also sexy!

      1. aqueousmedium +12

        When that introductory shot came on, it actually took me a second to realise it was Furiosa and not Max, since the last thing we’d seen was the glowing brand as he was held down, and it’s framed as a transition-in-the-hero’s-story shot.

        …and then I went, “Oh ho ho, it IS a hero-transition shot after all.”

    3. CleverManka +11

      More than once during the hours we sat in that sidewalk cafe, a male stranger approached us where we sat in intense conversation and started talking at us, confident that his stray question or compliment outranked our spirited private discussion, and without plan or premeditation, we just KEPT TALKING to each other.

  76. Gaia +3

    Soon to be senior in college trying to figure out what she is supposed to do with her life here. I’m really interested in archives and collections management for museums. I’ve had several internships/jobs/classes related to these fields. And now I’m completely lost. How do you break into either of these fields? Grad school straight off, or should I take some time being an adult making money first? Do any of you work in these fields and have stories or tips or warnings or jokes? Anything would be appreciated!

    1. jaeferous +1

      I’d definitely recommend getting your MLIS, and look for schools that have relationships with libraries in their cities. Practically work is important, but I really think that the degree is worth it. My work right now is looking to hire another analyst, and people with a graduate degree were placed at the top of the pile.

      Good luck!

    2. ArguablyMagalis +2

      As someone who has an archives degree and went into it hoping to break into the archives/collections management field for museums, I would recommend lots and lots of volunteering and internships. That’s really the best way to break into the fields (especially museums), and it sucks. I volunteered in my university’s special collections my senior year of undergrad to see how I liked it, and ended up deciding that it was pretty fantastic! I went to grad school right out of undergrad and got a Library Science degree in Archives Management and following the Cultural Heritage track offered at my grad school (Simmons in Boston). I also worked part time in museum visitor service/tours and worked a different volunteer internship each semester. I got a job in a museum about 5 months after graduating, and I am learning an awful lot. My job is in a very very small museum (we’re a staff of 2!), which means I’m getting lots of great experience in all areas of museum work, not just collections management. If you really are interested more in the collections side of things over the archives side of things though, I would look into museum studies programs that allow you to specialize in collections management (I think George Washington University has one), because the internships you’ll get through those programs will be more specifically focused on museums rather than on libraries or archives (though I managed to make mine work).

      1. ArguablyMagalis +2

        I’ve also done several informational interviews with other museum professionals since graduating to get their perspectives on the field, and I cannot recommend that enough. I’ve learned some really really great information from them. Some tips I’ve gotten through those: work in as many different museums types with as many different collection types as you possibly can within the first 10 years of your career, get involved with the collections community through listservs, conferences, etc (RCAAM is the main one that I subscribe to through the American Alliance of Museums, but there are tons out there), spend time volunteering in collections management wherever you can, be prepared to move around the country in order to keep advancing (higher ranking collections managers and registrars tend to keep their jobs for a long time once they’re in!). Let me know if you have any questions, and I can try to answer them for you! Good luck!!!

    3. Mrs_Peel +1

      I volunteered in a film archive for several years, and my partner also worked there as an archivist (and still deals with archives and museums all over the US on a regular basis).

      I don’t want to crush your dreams, but my realistic advice would be: Be **very, very** careful about going into any significant debt for an MA, and do a lot of research before you decide to commit to that field.

      In my experience, most archives and museums pay people as little as humanely possible (on par with McDonalds), and if they can get by using unpaid volunteers or interns instead of actually paying someone, they will. (As an example, when my partner was working as a full-time archivist, he was making less than my disabled mother who was living on Workers’ Comp).

      Also, the last few years have been very tough financially for non-profits. Many of them are dealing with shrinking endowments and big drops in their fundraising. Many institutions have hiring freezes in effect right now, and there’s enormous competition for the few jobs that are available. (As with tenured professors, it’s pretty rare for people to retire or willingly give up those positions– they hang on tenaciously). If you’re looking for a full-time, paid position as an archivist, you’re going to face a lot of competition. Most of the available jobs at non-profits are more in the line of fundraising and IT stuff (database management, etc.)

      It might not be a bad idea to take a break for a year or so, do some more research on the job market and the financial aspects of grad schools, and think about your various options before you commit to any programs.

      1. Mrs_Peel +1

        (I hope this isn’t too depressing– I absolutely loved the volunteering I did, and working hands-on with the collection was extremely rewarding. If you don’t think you’ll be happy doing anything else, then go for it. I just didn’t see it as a practical long-term career for myself).

      2. ArguablyMagalis +1

        This is all absolutely true as well. The job market for museums/archives/libraries is absolutely dismal right now, and the pay for some of the positions out there is almost insulting for a position requiring a Masters.

  77. perianwen +2

    Vancouver-area Toastfolk! Shall we try to pin something down for the weekend of July 4-5 when some out of town people are here for the FIFA final? Is Saturday best? I don’t know what the game schedule looks like, so have no idea when you might all be free.

  78. laurenipsum +4

    Seattle and Seattle-adjacent toasts: Meetup on Monday! We’ll probably end up in Belltown-ish.

    Join our Facebook group or go to my username dot com to get an email address to reach me.

    1. Miss B

      If you remember to, and want to email me the time/location once you’ve settled on one, that would be great (though it’s highly unlikely I will have the energy to go out on a Monday after work, but you never know).

      1. laurenipsum +1

        Thanks for reminding! I will post on the link roundup on Monday probably, and will try to remember to email you when we’ve decided.

        PS I did get your postcard! It was great! I want to hear about the trip 🙂

  79. freakyteeth +9

    Hi Toasties! UPDATE ON THE PARENTS FRONT: They’ve calmed down *majorly* and my dad even broke down one day and told me he’s just really upset about me leaving is why he’s been acting weird. I kinda feel guilty for thinking they were bad people, even though how they treated me was unfair and mean. But I wanna say thanks to you guys for sticking with me through everything. *virtual cookies for everyone* How is everyone? What’s the best thing you’ve heard all week (could be anything)?

    1. super_novice +2

      “do you wanna just have ice cream for dinner?” – significant other handing me the keys to pistachio-flavoured happiness

      1. sarah_jay +2

        I had popcorn and homemade chocolate ice cream (I had leftover ganache and egg yolks so I made ice cream) once this week, while reading the Clean Eating comments

          1. sarah_jay +1

            I usually use David Lebovits’s recipe for vanilla ice cream and just modify it for whatever flavor I want. I love his book The Perfect Scoop. It’s my favorite ice cream book. The recipes (cut in half) make great popsicles if you don’t have a churn. For this ice cream I used all 1% milk (which is what I keep on hand) because the ganache is half cream. I scaled down the recipe to leave room for the ganache and not have too much for the ice cream machine. I cut up cold ganache and poured the ice cream custard over it and stirred it in.

            ETA link to the recipe http://www.davidlebovitz.com/2009/02/vanilla-ice-…

      1. freakyteeth +1

        Cookie!!! I KNOW, and it happened like magic. Things are SO chill at home. *knock on wood* How are things with you? All good, I hope? *tacklehugs*

    3. RoseCamelia +4

      You’ve been spiking their coffee with Valium, haven’t you? Glad to hear about improvements. You deserve the best.

      1. freakyteeth +1

        Nope, just plain old Xanax. 😀 Thanks so much Rose! I can’t think you enough for helping out. *hugs*

  80. blunderbusst +3

    Anybody see Jurassic World already and want to talk about it? BECAUSE I DID AND I DO.

    1. Es_Petal +2

      I am going with the gentleman caller on Sunday and I was *so* tempted to go on my own last night and not tell him.

    2. Thujaplicata +2

      YES I DID AND I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT!

      So, I actually haven’t seen any of the other Jurassic Park movies (I saw the first 1/3 of the first one when it came out, got scared and spent the last 2/3 in the lobby while my parents watched the rest of the movie), but I still feel like I caught a lot of references to the original, which was fun. The whole Chris Pratt and the raptor pack bit was fun and silly and I enjoyed it. I’m really glad they didn’t kill off his sidekick, but I wanted more backstory on him. In fact, that was my main complaint for the whole movie, there wasn’t enough depth for me to care about any of the characters. Also it was just weirdly sexist in random places (I’m thinking mostly about how much screen time was given to the assistant (Zarra?) being eaten.

      I didn’t have to pay to see it, so I wasn’t too bummed about the shortcomings, but I don’t feel the urge to see it again.

      1. blunderbusst +5

        I spent the first 30 minutes being like, “Is this movie really as sexist as it feels? Or have I become one of the humorless feminist people?” When Blunderboyfriend leaned over and said, “This is, like, SEVENTIES sexist,” I felt pretty validated.

        That said, I enjoyed every single second of the action and the dinosaurs and the whole thing is GORGEOUS and at several points I realized I had my mouth WIDE OPEN like the kid in the film and when it was over my jaws hurt from grinning and gasping so A+ for everything except female characterization and a giant F- for that.

        We may go see it again at the IMAX theater.

    3. freakyteeth +1

      I HAVEN’T BUT I NEED TO KNOW IF PEOPLE DISSING IT IS JUST THEM BEING STUPID AND THAT THE MOVIE IS REALLY GOOD?

      1. blunderbusst +4

        It depends! If people are like “THIS MOVIE IS SEXIST AND THAT IS BAD,” that’s correct. If people are like “I HATE CGI DINOSAURS AND I HAVE NO INTEREST IN WATCHING HANDSOME CHRIS PRATT BE A BADASS FOR TWO HOURS,” well, more for me.

        Apparently that is my official review. (Personally, I can ignore terrible terrible characterization of women to watch a beautifully shot action film, and my inner 11-year-old REALLY likes dinosaurs, so.)

  81. Alli525 +11

    This interview is so, so great.
    http://nymag.com/thecut/2015/06/abortion-victory-…

    What did you learn about abortion in America in the course of working on this case?
    A woman’s right to terminate her pregnancy is recognized for the rich all over the United States. There is no woman who is rich who can’t get in a car or on a plane and get safe and effective treatment. But in some states, poor, young women are cut completely out of reproductive health. It’s two Americas for women’s reproductive heath. What the poor and the middle class are going to do is they are going to bypass clinics. They will get pills from the internet or Mexico. It’s just a fact.

    1. AfterPlumcake +1

      Ironically, here in Mexico, it’s almost impossible for women seeking chemical abortions (which, like medical abortion, is illegal in most states and most cases) to get those pills. I’m on methotrexate –one of the two drugs used in combination for chemical abortions– for an autoimmune disease and I have to jump through about a million hoops and endure six million sideyes if I need to refill my scrip someplace other than my regular pharmacy. Sure you can buy Viagra, steroids and Ultram without a scrip anywhere for cheap, but God forbid a woman be allowed to make her own reproductive choices.

      The saddest part is, since any hospital will automatically give you a d&c no questions asked if you are having any sort of bleeding, so many women who cannot access the drugs will take whatever they can get their hands on –or even self-injure– to induce even the tiniest amount of bleeding so they can get their D&C. It’s horrible.

  82. fenixdawn +10

    I just want to say that because I am only scheduled for a half day at work this evening, I have been able to enjoy a few blissful free hours at home after a super stressful month filled with scary life things and lots of travel in order to sort things out. As such, today I woke up in my own bed, took a short walk to the food truck by my house that serves coffee and beignets they fry to order (!), watched 2 episodes of Orange is the New Black (just released today), did some yoga, and then had some distraction-free (no work!) Open Thread reading. It was everything I would hope for and more. I go to work now with my soul soothed!

  83. Goomaly +28

    a) My new UPS is guy is very attractive
    b) After I flounced back upstairs with my packages, I went to the bathroom and realized I had a menstrual situation
    c) had to go to the little student store on campus with toilet paper shoved up my hoo-ha
    d) found chipotle dark chocolate bars on the clearance rack, bought all of them. And pads obvs.

    In conclusion, I am READY for WHATEVER THE FUCK else, except maybe the UPS guy.

    2. catoclock +16

      I accidentally stripped in front of my UPS lady the other day. My washing machine is right by the front door and I was changing after work and throwing my dirty clothes directly in, like you do, right as she came up with a package. She laughed at me, which was of course the correct response.

      I’m just glad it was her and not one of our other regular UPS people, both of which are awkward middle-aged dad types.

      1. gloriana232 +18

        Ok, delivery people story:

        One time, I answered the door for the Canada Post guy (regular mail) and he was wearing an awesome winter hat, a sweet moustache, AND a glass drop earring (!!!! it was so pretty). As I signed, he was like, “You know your neighbours at the end of the street?” and jerked his head towards the dead end.

        “No.” I handed back the electronic signing thing.

        “Probably for the best,” he said darkly as he gazed over there. “They’re not nice people.”

        My eyes went SO wide, I’m sure. Dude, I wanted to hear the story! But he was like, have a good day.

      2. Goomaly +6

        The other day my dogs were freaking out at something, I figured it was a cat, but I went to check it out. I was in an A-shirt and my undies. So of course it was a the city tree lady checking the bug traps on my trees. I was like OH HI. I think she was as embarrassed as I was.

  84. floridagal1 +10

    This week I realized that I probably didn’t inherit an awful thing and I’m super happy about it. For background, my mom’s left knee dislocates really easily. My sister’s does too. Apparently this is a thing that is vaguely inherited, and you know you inherited it when your patella dislocates for no real reason. So I’ve been super paranoid that I’d got it, and that one day my left knee was going to implode at the slightest provocation.

    BUT! Last Sunday I went whitewater rafting in a very flimsy raft (ok, not the brightest thing to do considering i had no safety eq or experience with this or guide or anything) and predictably the bottom of the raft punctured and deflated very quickly. But I kept going! Mostly because the river was going too fast for me to stop! At some point, I hit a rock (hit lots of rocks) and it hit my (left) knee really, really hard.

    It stayed in one piece!!!!! Over the past week, my knee has gotten bluer and purpler and stiffer and sore-er and I DON’T CARE, because the worse it’s bruised up just seems like even stronger proof that I did not inherit the Left Knee of Doom, and that I don’t need to worry about this anymore.

    Battering up my knee was probably the highlight of the week. Every time it aches (which it does constantly) or I see the nasty purple bruises all over the patella and sides, I’m so relieved. Maybe this is a weird thing to be relieved about, but I’ve always been terrified that my knee would spontaneously ruin my life.

    1. theowlofderision +3

      After having read just the first sentence, I thought you were relieved at not getting something like an ugly vase in a great-aunt’s will.

  85. avidbiologist

    I will be in NYC for my first work trip ever and I’m super excited/a little intimidated BUT I will have a fair amount of downtime, so if anyone has suggestions for 1. ramen places anywhere (but especially midtown), and 2. fun/interesting sights around midtown or the financial district that are pop-in kind of places, please let me know!

    1. jaeferous +1

      Have fun! I don’t go out to eat very often, but I work in the Financial District and I really like it down here. There’s a tiny Italian sandwich place on Nassau that imports all their ingredients from Italy and mama mia are those sandwiches good.

      City Hall and the Woolworth Building are beautiful, Tribeca is pretty close by, the South Street Seaport area is nice, and down at the southern tip is the American Indian Museum, which is free.

    2. Räven +1

      NYC has become a huge ramen town in the past few years. Lots of very traditional places especially in the east 40s (I like Hidechan and Totto but there are swarms of options), and/or weird variations like Ivan Ramen. If you’re jetlagged, there are some fun ‘secret’ ramen counters that only show up late at night – Benkei, in Hill&Dale on the LES, Tsukushi in the e.40s…. it’s a thing, but you might not be up that late?

    4. NancyB

      Hide-Chan Ramen (52nd and 2nd) is fantastic. I think they just opened up another ramen place right underneath it which appears to be great as well but I have not been,

      Alternately, City Kitchen in Times Square has a ramen place that is run by the people who run Ippudo and it’s also FANTASTIC. As much as I despise Times Square, it’s worth fighting my way through for those pork buns.

  86. Daniel_Loo +20

    Well, I’m still unemployed, but since the weather’s great and my kids are free we might as well enjoy it! We’ll be going here today:

    If you can’t join us, pretend you’re there by looking at the picture while you listen to this song: <a href=”http://youtu.be/BfvHpToWcTY” target=”_blank”>http://youtu.be/BfvHpToWcTY

  87. RuncibleSpoon +4

    Anyone want to talk California environment here?
    I live LA, grew up mostly in LA, and honestly, it’s not good times right now, land and water and weather-wise.

    I had no idea, but apparently the central valley is sinking in on itself, sinkholes so massive residents can’t tell by natural markers, but definitely can by the highways, bridges, rail lines, etc, cracking apart and breaking. http://m.motherjones.com/environment/2015/06/cali…
    So.
    What is going to happen, CA? What will 2050 be like?

    1. blizzard +3

      Mad max. But the cool cars will be decked out food trucks instead.

      Okay sorry I couldn’t stop myself and I know nothing about the whether except that we had June in May which was actually great. I also live in LA.

  88. laurenipsum +8

    Last week I promised pictures of my boar (man pig) Balls. They will be in a comment.

      2. MilesofMountain +5

        That is a bit mesmerizing. I particularly appreciate the second one, with a little Mini-Balls

      4. RoseCamelia +3

        Love your shirt! And please forgive my ignorance of porcine anatomy: Are the big guy’s balls … um … calloused? Little guy has pink shiny balls. Big guy, well, he shocked me.

  89. sausagedog +4

    Sorry to post this late but here is a grant for creative ventures helmed by women that some of you might be interested in! I know there are a lot of creative Toastrons and maybe even some who are looking to grow a creative hobby into something bigger or stabilize and expand an existing creative business.

  90. LacaunaKale +8

    People from warm places, how do you do it? It’s 80 and humid here, and after spending half an hour in the kitchen I feel like a sentient sweat sock.

    However, I tried a new grilled cheese method and it was delicious. Mayo on the outside of the bread pre-griddle. Really.

    1. Eris +4

      I live in Dallas, and I fully subscribe to the theory that the only reason so many people live in the South is the invention of air conditioning.

      That said, when I lived in El Paso with no AC, a well-placed tower fan and some popsicles were a godsend.

    2. octopoda +4

      Interesting, I will have to try that grilled cheese. Here is a technique I discovered that is also delicious: butter the outside of the sandwich and coat with Parmesan. So good.

      2. sarah_jay +3

        BEST EVER! I usually butter the outside and grill, and when the cheese is almost melted take it out and sprinkle grated parmesan into the pan and drop the sandwich on top so the bread is toasty under the cheese and the cheese doesn’t burn.

        1. octopoda +3

          Ooh, that is a good technique, I did notice the bread tends to come out a bit softer if you coat it first.

    3. RoseCamelia +6

      Five humid summers in Philadelphia without AC. I budgeted for many, many trips to the movie theater. Ceiling fans are lifesavers. I learned to close the damn windows as soon as the sun came up and keep them closed until the outside temp became lower than inside around 10 p.m. Temperature gauges inside and out. And I made blackout curtains out of very heavy dark material. Sun is the enemy.

      No AC was necessary in New England, but there were always a few days my heavy-coated dogs were miserable. That’s when we learned our local Home Depot allowed dogs. Hours of loitering among DIY materials, practicing our Being In Public manners, and enjoying AC. At home: kiddie pool in shade with water and ice cubes was good for the dogs. Pleasant for human feet, too.

      Never run out of ice. Keep a glass of ice cubes near you at all times. Replace the ice in your mouth as soon as you regain tongue sensation. It makes a big difference.

      Grilling, microwave, and stove top are good. No oven use until autumn, though! I thought that went without saying until I caught Mr. Rose planning to bake potatoes in August in our house without AC. It’s OK to *want* to kill your spouse, right? As long as you don’t actually do it? He’s a brilliant scientist. With tapioca where his common sense should be.

      Each of these strategies only helps a little. I feel for you. Really I do. Try to think cool thoughts. Toastfriends are naturally cool anyway.

    4. sarah_jay +4

      I do as much cooking as possible in the crockpot, microwave, and rice cooker (hard cook eggs, poach chicken or fish, steam veggies over rice) to keep the kitchen cool. I did get a window AC unit for the bedroom, I don’t think I could sleep without it. I live in the desert, so we tend to get 90-100+ in the summer but it cools down a bunch at night (10-15F) so I open the windows as soon as the sun goes down. I also keep water for the humidfier in the fridge all day so it’s cool on my face at night (you probably don’t need that if it’s humid, but it feels amazing here!)

    5. Mrs_Peel +2

      As a sun-phobic person of Irish and Siberian extraction, I am also curious how people live in hot climes and don’t die.

    6. pretty_monster +3

      i’m in phoenix and, well, you adapt or die. i’ve been here 10 years so i guess i’ve adapted.

      i try to wear as little clothing as each situation will allow and ALL A/C ALL THE TIME. actually, not all the time. i like to shut my bedroom door for a couple of hours before bedtime to create a “penguin habitat” then i can sleep through the night with only my bedside fan on.

      i also prefer to run my errands after sundown in the summer. come home from work, nap for a couple of hours, then grocery shop and stuff at night. muuuch better.

      my grilled cheese contribution: garlic butter! inside and out.

  91. rolotomassi5 +2

    Podcast thread!

    HDTGM did Jupiter Ascending! I will refrain from listening until I watch the movie because it sounds right up my alley. Another June-less episode, damn it. http://earwolf.com/episode/jupiter-ascending/

    This week’s Comedy Bang Bang was bananas and profane and maybe the best ep they’ve done in ages. Lapkus & Middleditch are destined for great things.

    What have you listened to and enjoyed recently?

    1. Daniel_Loo +3

      Podcasts yay!

      Two new ones I’ve listened to are Lore (by Aaron Mahnke) and The Mystery Show (by Starlee Kine). I’ve only listened to one Lore ep, and I think it’s about creepy folktales? I really liked. The Mystery Show is about solving these small, everyday mysteries, and it is GREAT. The last ep brought me to tears.

      Other than that, my wife and I are big fans of Benny Schwaz and his singing, so his eps on Lauren Lapkus’s show and CBB were highlights for us.

    2. octopoda +2

      I have so many podcasts I wish I could listen to but only so much time. Mostly I just try to tread water keeping up with Indoor Kids, X-Files Files, Put Your Hands Together, and Night Vale.

    3. PaigePoo +2

      Listening to HDTGM as we speak! And I agree, June-less episodes = boo.

      Last week my husband asked, “Why do you seem to only listen to podcasts with male hosts?” UM BECAUSE THERE AREN’T A LOT OF PODCASTS WITH FEMALE HOSTS UGH.

      The only podcasts I regularly listen to with female hosts are Slumber Party with Alie and Georgia, Throwing Shade, and Sawbones. Can you Toasties recommend some others?! I mostly stick to comedy-but-semi-educational (i.e., not Lauren Lapkus, I’m a little tired of improv podcasts at the moment).

      1. ppyajunebug +2

        So, I listen to a lot of podcasts with female hosts, but they don’t really fall into that category. But here’s a few I particularly love:

        Strangers by Lea Thau- more storytelling and personal narrative, it’s a look into how we can be strangers to ourselves and others and stories about how we struggle to overcome that. Really, really great stuff (it won the public radio March Madness bracket against Radiolab because the community behind it is so passionate).

        Criminal by Phoebe Judge- interesting stories of the criminal world…but not always from the side of the lawbreakers. There’s a great episode about a mother-daughter forensic team and one about a Venus flytrap crime ring.

        The Allusionist by Helen Zaltzman- A funny and informative show about words. My favorite is the one about swear words where Zaltzman relishes being able to say all the swear words she can in the name of education.

        You Must Remember This by Karina Longworth- I’m just finishing this one and I’ve loved it way more than I ever expected. It’s mostly stories about actors and actresses from the early years of Hollywood and it’s completely fascinating. I’ve listened to the episode on Carole Lombard and Clark Gable twice and cried both times.

      2. rolotomassi5 +2

        There’s a huge backlog to dive into and the quality of the episodes depends on the folks who call in, but I never miss an episode of Call Chelsea Peretti.

      3. Beakses +2

        Lady podcasts! I tend towards the “people stories” podcasts, so some of my list might not be as much to your tastes, but at any rate…The DBSA podcast from the Smart Bitches, Trashy Books ladies is fun- it helps if you read romances but there’s also a lot of insight into the publishing world and it’s a pretty enjoyable listen regardless. Death, Sex and Money is really interesting. I’ve just started the Longest Shortest Time, which is technically baby/ pregnancy related but also super interesting- they had one which was basically an interview with a woman who was acting as a house mom/ facilities manager at a sorority during her pregnancy and the first few years of her child’s life that was really neat.

        Invisibilia might be up your alley- it’s more sciency and started pretty recently.

        You might like Good Job Brain? I’ve just started it and am enjoying it so far- there’s some people playing Trivial Pursuit, some talking about random topics, some more trivia- it’s pretty random but fits fairly well in the comedic-semi-educational kind of category.

    4. ppyajunebug +2

      I am SO BUMMED June wasn’t on the episode because I firmly believe she would adore Jupiter Ascending (as I do). It’s a pretty good episode otherwise, but I miss June sfm.

      I’ve spent the last two weeks listening to the entirety of You Must Remember This, which is about lesser known stories/actors/events in the first 100 years of Hollywood. Totally fascinating and highly addictive.

  92. houblonchouffe +11

    Um, also a thing: I applied for a different job? and they want me to interview and if I interview I’ll probably get it?

    I am refusing to think about the repercussions for where I work if I leave.

    1. laurenipsum +10

      Good, because the potential repercussions would not be your responsibility! (Exciting news about the potential new gig!!!)

      1. houblonchouffe +2

        That’s true… although I’d have a couple of things I’d have to see through, like the race that I organize, because literally no one else in the entire organization can do it and it’s the thing I most enjoy here.

        It is exciting. There are a lot of good things about it. It would ease a lot of pressures, both short-term and long-term, if they can match my salary or increase it slightly. If they can’t, I can’t take it, which is a bit of a bummer but wouldn’t be the end of the world. I like my current gig but this has been the most demoralizing week of work I’ve had in my entire life.

    2. RoseCamelia +6

      But does this shiny new job include interns? What would you do without interns? And how will your current interns know how to find their own asses without you?

      1. houblonchouffe +3

        It most certainly does not include interns. Without which I imagine a deal less stress and facepalming.

        My poor current boss, though. 🙁

    3. RuncibleSpoon +2

      congrats, and i know those feelings, but remember, unless they’re paying you huge gobs of money, like high seven figure range, your position is meant to weather turnover.
      and the world is full of great people and one of them would probably love the chance of your current job and could learn to be amazing at it! so…might suck for a moment, but never feel too bad about leaving any given position. unless you know, gobs of money. or a blood oath.

      1. houblonchouffe +1

        Something that really struck me this week re: current gig was hearing our bookkeeper acknowledge that if I leave, I wouldn’t be the first, or second, or third person that the org has driven out of the basic position that I have now.

        But knowing how close my boss is to a breakdown is really hard, too. She can’t do everything herself, our interns are worse than useless on the operations side, and she already has too much to do. Leaving would mean consciously putting her in a horrible position and that’s the toughest thing to think about.

  93. girlinterupte +5

    I finished my junior year yesterday! I’m still in denial that the school year has ended, it felt about a month too short. Yesterday was lovely, my friends and I went to the local botanical gardens. Now I feel generally directionless (I don’t have to take a standardized test until September which is an odd feeling). After I finish writing this comment I’m going to apply for more retail jobs that I’ll be rejected from and finish a long promised playlist.

    1. dancingcrowdesigns +1

      This is just to say that I love your username! Good luck with the retail jobs, may you find something surprisingly excellent.

  94. LaxMom +2

    I made it through yesterday without my girl (her 12 bday). I hate my job and it shows. I am in the “no drug helps, salad looks good for lunch, and by the way, despair” stage of my cycle–and I don’t see the psych doc until Wed next week. The swimming pool leaked all the water out over the winter so yay, either I keep a green mosquito factory in my yard or I spend the next week running the hose, one hour on, one hour off, every time I am home.
    I have not gotten my garden in because of work, dirt, and storms. it’s mid june.

    There are two more weeks without kids.

    I have so far built two rabbit hutches, cleaned the patio, applied for that job in toledo, and found out that my smoke detector didn’t work when the toaster oven caught fire and melted the bread machine.
    Am doing nothing tonight. Last weekend was a lovely visit with my brother and his wife but when they are broadway stars/players and spend the Sunday watching the Tonys and pointing out everyone they work with while you sit there single and broke and .normal and middle aged, it is depressing. I have lost 6 pounds. I may have found the girl a trumpet but was unable to give it to her yesterday on her bday.
    I have bought both annuals for around the patio and some veg plants, and i’m trying to keep them alive until I can plant them.
    I committed to coaching LAX again next year. But got told we won’t get made a school sport because a girl sport has to be made one, too, and there aren’t any. So even though girls can be on my team, because it’s “boy’s lacrosse”, we can’t have it. Title nine is great but that’s a lousy excuse from the administration as far as im’ concerned. I will continue to recruit everyone, especially girls.

    College boy still has no job or meeting with advisor. Has not told other parent the situation.

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      It must have been hard to be apart from your child on the date you gave birth to her. You will have an extra special celebration with your girl when she’s with you in the near future. It will be a day just for the two of you. And a trumpet is the very best gift I can imagine. I started saving babysitting money when I was her age until I could buy a trumpet for myself when I was about 16. Your girl has a rock star mom.

      So glad you applied to that job you want. Good work, CCoryy. And Oh My Furiosa, all the other work you’re doing. Hutches, patio, fire, melting, annuals, vegs, pool. When do you sleep?

  96. Jen Birren +3

    Toastissimas and toasticles! I’m going to Seattle for the first time next month, what are your favourite things to do there in July?

    1. octopoda +1

      Will you just be in the city or will you have transportation? There are lots of awesome hikes nearby. What kinds of things are you looking to do?

      1. Jen Birren

        Just in the city, no car, but a gentle hike that you can reach from a train stop would be cool (I think I might get the train a couple of stops down the Sound and back anyhow, and definitely some sort of ferry trip!) I generally like museums, wandering around looking at architecture, botanical gardens, that sort of thing; but really I’d love to hear about anything people really like, so I get some different ideas than the guidebook has.

        1. laurenipsum +1

          Here is a site all about hikes you can get to just using Seattle-area public transit!

          How long will you be here?

          Pike Place Market is a classic but in summer it can be overwhelmed with tourists, especially if the cruise ships are docked. There are several nice neighborhood farmers’ markets that are lower-key (and actually have more local and independent farmers; at Pike Place there aren’t many actual farmers, which is probably because not many people really go there to shop anymore and tourists don’t generally buy much produce).

          Many of my favorite restaurants are within a few blocks of Pike Place, though.

          1. Jen_Birren +1

            That’s brilliant, thanks, I bet I wouldn’t have found the hiking site on my own, and I’ll look up the other farmer’s markets.

    2. evieskye +2

      I’m not from that area but I visited Seattle for the first time last month and the Chilhuly Gardens & EMP Museum did not disappoint. Also shout out to the two Lyft drivers we had who were awesome (I was there with an elderly family member so we had ourselves driven to the Space Needle area).

    3. scarletwitch

      The local park system is amazing! Discovery Park is beautiful and is great for trail running and hiking. The bus system is pretty good and will allow you to get most places in the city without trouble. I love Pike Place Market and roaming around my neighborhood (Capitol Hill) — lots of cool shops and restaurants. The Seattle Underground Tour some people think is cheesy but I think it’s really well done and quite worth the experience. Definitely take a ferry to Vashon Island or Bainbridge Island, or the water taxi from the downtown pier over to West Seattle.

      Enjoy your trip!

      1. Jen_Birren +1

        Thanks, I hadn’t got much further than “water? Hm, ferry ride” so some names to look up are great. *takes notes*. Discovery Park looks ace.

  97. laurenipsum +19

    WITNESS ME for we are taking a sick day and seeing Fury Road for the 4th time

    3. laurenipsum +8

      UPDATE: 1:20 on a Friday when a major blockbuster is opening the same day is the right time to go to the movies. There were two other people in the theater, middle-aged men with smoker voices who had not seen it before. Highlights: when the war rig encounters the Many Mothers and they say “but if you came from the west…” [trying to avoid spoilers], one of the guys said “oh, SHIT.” And at the end as soon as her face went out of view and the music ended, they were like “THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.”

  98. bookwormV +6

    I feel like Toast readers are likely to appreciate this thread: https://www.facebook.com/groups/6072484486/permal… It’s from the Old English Facebook group and devolves, as about one in ten of all threads do, into someone ranting that English has gone downhill since the Norman Invasion and we need to return to our original language. It’s gold.

    1. floridagal1 +1

      Thank you for sharing this! You’re absolutely right, the comments on literally every post there are delightful(-ly full of weirdness and mentions of the Harrying of the North, which I now know what that is thanks to Rex Factor.)

  99. Hipkat +3

    My hubby and I saw Kids in the Hall on tour on Saturday, and it was fantastic. They did “Daddy’s Dying,” among other gems, and just having seen it on KITH Monday a couple weeks back, it was extra funny. I was sad that the secretaries didn’t make it into the show, but martinis were sipped and heads were crushed, so it was a great evening.

  100. Anonnynonny +2

    Hmm, have been struggling to change my IntenseDebate profile, and still haven’t convinced it to save anything I attempt. Is there a way to take the whole mess down and start over? First try was thru WordPress, but I’d rather be unfettered.

  101. Thujaplicata +16

    So during the week I discovered the Tudor accident project, which is looking at inquests in Tudor England. They have a “discovery highlights” section and my favorite was this:
    “At harvest time young men and women worked together in the fields and things could get out of hand, especially when hot workers began to strip off. On 20 August 1535 Felicia Clerk, a single woman, was harvesting peas in a field in Dartford, Kent. Due to the heat she undressed down to her smock or shift. John Gill, labourer, ran over to her, intending, as the inquest jurors perhaps coyly put it, out of stupidity to grab her to wrestle and play with her. Unfortunately he fell over and stabbed himself in the leg with the knife he carried in his purse to a depth of three inches, a wound from which he rapidly died, presumably from loss of blood.”

    The rest of them are here

    1. RuncibleSpoon +5

      welp, this link settles how i’m closing out my workday. i will be reading ALL the old time inquests.

    2. jenavira +13

      I understand that carrying a knife in your purse is the kind of thing people would in fact do in Tudor England, but you really do have to wonder if this is a “ran into my knife ten times” kind of situation.

    3. dyingofthatroar +3

      Yes! I love this! A toilet accident too! (June 2014) Makes me think of Stubbes in The Anatomie of Abuses — he gives the case of a Jew who fell in a privy on the Sabbath and refused to get out b/c it was a day of rest, and said that that was taking things a bit too far in keeping the Sabbath. When you get Stubbes to admit it’s too much religious fervour, that’s really saying something.

      Also Steve Gunn is a lovely man.

      1. bookwormV +2

        My partner, who was taught by him, agrees with you that Steve Gunn is a lovely man. (Are you a Merton person, out of interest?)

        1. dyingofthatroar +1

          No, I’m not an ex-Mertonite — I was at a close-by college (don’t want to doxx myself!)

          But I did do the Wars of the Roses further/special subject with him, and very much admired his work. So I agree with your partner! And nice to see some ex-Oxfordians here, even if Merton is a *terrible* college with *awful* people. The worst 😉

    4. bookwormV +2

      The person behind that project is one of the history tutors from my old college, who taught my partner. We went to a talk he gave about his research findings a few years ago, and it was all so fascinating. It’s really interesting what you can learn about everyday life from accidental death!

  102. LadyPoopjokes +12

    YOU GUYS stop talking about so many interesting things, I’m moving a thousand miles away on Sunday and I am NOT PACKED AT ALL HELP

  103. Goomaly +1

    Anybody want to trade for some vegan/vegetarian cookbooks, in fine condition? I’ll take pretty much anything, except more books, I have too damn many. (No such thing as too many books?– You haven’t seen the size of my room.)

    1. Super natural cooking by Heidi Swanson
    2. Wild about greens by Nava Atlas

    Let me know, dangerflakes at hotmail

  104. scarletwitch +3

    I am a 30-something female going through the process of getting braces for the first time. We were broke when I was younger, I don’t have any health issues like TMJ or sleep apnea, but I’d like to keep my teeth as long as possible. So, after being badgered by my dentist for years, braces.

    It is maddening, and make me feel like I’m losing my mind (though it’s great fodder for essay-writing).
    I’ve been to a dentist, three orthodontists and an oral surgeon.
    With one exception (the female orthodontist I decided to go with), every single doctor has fixated on ‘fixing me,’ ‘making me beautiful,’ and ‘giving me symmetry.’ Talk of my asymmertry and my deficient chin dominates the conversation, and when I say I’m interested in doing this for long-term health reasons only, they kind of squint at me.

    I’m attractive. I’ve never struggled with self-esteem…until I started down this path. Now I’m wrestling with all sorts of self-doubt, questioning my appearance, feeling a bit unstable, and even angry, to be honest. Yesterday, the oral surgeon condescendingly told me I’d rethink the double-jaw surgery he was proposing (when I firmly said no surgery if it’s not medically necessary) and spent more time talking to me about the dangers of sleep apnea (“Which I do not have.” “Are you sure?” “Yes…?” “But, how do you sleep?” “Great?”) than about the thing he’s medically qualified to discuss.

    So. Advice on staying strong in the face of mansplaining medical professionals and swimming upstream in a society full of people focused on the seemingly vain and superficial?

    1. LaxMom +1

      My lovely sister in law had a horrible ortho when she was a teen who set her teeth only for looks and symmetry. They did such a bad job that at nearly 40 she is facing that double jaw surgery and months with her jaw wired shut to relieve the constant pain. She does have terrible TMJ, etc. But she’s had it for years, you would have had it by now if you did. Screw anybody who thinks you are doing this for the looks!!! A functioning mouth with teeth in it that line up properly to chew things like crusty bread and almonds is the most important thing. I am glad that you’ve found someone who can support you in the right way, ignore the rest of them.

    2. Bunburying +6

      My advice is “set them on fire,” but then, that’s my advice for everything.

      It sounds like you’ve found someone who won’t do this to you, but if you come across more shitheads who insist on talking about “fixing” your looks, I’d just fix them with a steely eye and cheerful smile and say in an unflaggingly upbeat tone, “Actually, I’m not worried about that. I feel great about how I look.” It is surprising how many people are simply unprepared to respond to a woman who expresses anything but despair about her appearance. It completely interrupts the script they’re working from.

      Then, while they’re recovering from the shock of your statement, you can use the opportunity to set them on fire.

  105. IntensiveClare +3

    I have an excellent weekend lined up of roller derby (supporting my team, not playing) having dinner with friends I haven’t seen in six months and a spa day. What are your weekend plans Toasties?

    1. sarah_jay +1

      I’m hoping to feel motivated to finish/at least work on a quilt I started last year. I feel like I’ve lost my sew-jo, but I might just need a new project. Unfortunately, due to my mom’s ROOM of unfinished projects (including dress patterns she pinned to fabric and cut out in the 90s, which will neither fit her nor her style more than 20 years later ) I feel the need to finish one before moving on to the next. So I really need to finish the stupid snowflake quilt. I might also eat ice cream! And take naps!

  106. Household_Opera +8

    Toasts! Who else on this side of the Atlantic is excited about Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell airing on BBC America this weekend? I’m looking forward to tomorrow night so much, and thinking maybe this summer I might reread the book. It’s been too long.

  107. raisedeyebrow +6

    Ahhhhhh my fiance and I went to West Elm today and bought 13 of the cubed sculptures on sale for $41/each (including shipping and tax!) to use as our wedding reception centerpieces! I’m a little worried about what my future MIL will think because she has really traditional tastes and would prefer floral arrangements, but flowers are SO EXPENSIVE and they die. And these cubed sculptures brought joy to my heart, the jumping-around-OUR-WEDDING-IS-GONNA-LOOK-SO-COOL kind of joy.

    1. sarah_jay +1

      I want to SEE! That sounds really cool, and weddings should be about the people getting married, not their parents.

  109. Lee Thomson

    This is just to say that I love your username! Good luck with the retail jobs, may you find something surprisingly excellent.

  111. Unreadaethel +3

    It’s been hot and humid and miserable this week, which is probably why I’ve had intermittent vertigo all week.

    Also, I’m tidying up the “service requests” email account at work, and finding lots of emails from my ex-boss. None of them are mean or harsh or anything (well, occasional ones are a bit harsh), but it’s still making me really tense, and I have to keep taking breaks from it. So it’s taking awhile. I also keep running into customer inquiries he wouldn’t let us take time to explore adequately, so we’ve still got unresolved repair questions from, like, December, and this is just reminding me of that.

    I’m spending the evening with fancy cheese and the remainder of a bottle of “sassy red” wine, so hopefully that will help tomorrow be better.

  112. squishycatmew +6

    So, I turned 29 yesterday and I simultaneously feel old as fuck and also like “whut how am I an adult?” I’m starting a MS in Biology in the fall and I’ve already been working in the lab since January, but my peers are traditionally-aged grad students and sometimes they make me feel like I’m just too old (not deliberately, but I just have so little experience for my age (I have ADD and and anxiety disorder and depression and it took me 10 years to get a BA) and am in a different place in life), but simultaneously super immature. But then we have a huge crop of undergrads for the summer and let me tell you, they make me feel superbly competent and and as though I may actually be a genius.

    ON THE OTHER HAND MY FIANCE AND I FLEW TO EDMONTON TO WATCH SOME WORLD CUP MATCHES IN PERSON SO I WATCHED AWESOME LADIES PLAY AWESOME SOCCER ON MY BIRTHDAY, AND WE’RE GOING TO THE FINAL, TOO! CANADA IT IS SO NICE THAT YOU ARE SO CLOSE AND ALSO SPEAK LANGUAGES THAT WE SPEAK (MY FRENCH IS SHIT BUT MY FIANCE IS FRENCH SO WE’RE COOL).

    1. RoseCamelia +2

      My Beloved Biologist began his PhD in his 40s and finished in his 50s. In response to anyone at the university making a crack about his age, he would say, “I have shoes older than you.” The result was everyone trying to prove worthy of his respect. He was older than his adviser, as well. Not to mention the *only* scientist on campus with industry experience.

      What you have, in your slightly advanced age, is an advantage, is what I’m saying. I’m sure you actually are a genius. But compared to undergrads, we all are.

      1. squishycatmew +1

        It’s funny about the undergrads, because when I joined the lab there were two grad students and two undergrads. Both those undergrads are bright, competent, and independent, and actually trained me on some techniques I didn’t have experience with. According to the other grad students, neither of them were ever as useless as some of the new ones, and required only a little more training than I did before being allowed to work on their own. The new ones… well they are a bit more like the students I was tutoring/whose work I was grading for Gen Micro who occasionally astounded me with their need to be spoon-fed answers and ability to then still get those things wrong. I am not in anyway qualified, frankly, to tutor for microbiology in a general sense -I was “tutoring” in the sense of offering homework help on problem sets for a course I had previously taken (was top of the class, responded when the prof asked for people who would be willing to do homework help session the next semester), problem sets which rarely changed much from semester to semester (though when they did I had no problem with them so I guess at least still qualified generally for that course?). I also did some grading and saw their answers, which sometimes just, like, defied all logic in their wrongness – they were allowed to work together on the problem sets (no real way to stop them, anyway), and I’d often end up reading five papers with the same, verbatim, wrong answers – answers that were not only scientifically incorrect and logically incorrect, but also grammatically incorrect and syntactically incorrect to the point of not making any sense. So, you all got together and agreed upon this answer and not a one of you noticed that it actually made no sense whatsoever? HOW?

  116. Maryaed +4

    Not sure if anyone is still reading this, but there was a conversation months back about a video game for kids about dragon breeding. Does anyone recall what that game is? I want to find one for my nine-year-old, and we found Dragonea but most of the game is in French! Very frustrating since it looks charming.

    1. coloredlights +1

      I am late to this, but I’m pretty sure you’re talking about Dragonvale. It’s not strictly for kids (…says the 30-year-old who has been playing it for years), but it would certainly be accessible for them.

  117. Ethylbenzene +2

    Ohhhh myyyyy goddddddddddd this weekend was the worrrsssttttttt. Huge fight with spouse, sister being herself only more annoying, hot as fucking BALLS, so much walking while lost, and did I mention the huge fight? Please can it be over?