“That’s one I haven’t heard before.”: Oh cool! I haven’t heard lots of names, or just lots of words, in general! What else haven’t you heard? Oh wait, that’s sort of a weird question isn’t it, cause like, you wouldn’t even know! Lol.
“Funny, it doesn’t sound Indian.”: It is funny. It’s hilarious. They made this name specifically to trick you, all of India, that is. Everyone got together and was like “we should have at least one name that doesn’t sound like it’s from here at all, and then maybe one day we can fuck with Mark.” They’ll be so happy to know they succeeded.
“What race is that?”: Whatever you want it to be.
“You know, that’s Hindi.”: Really? Makes sense. There’s a certain spirituality to it, don’t you think? A certain colorfulness that comes through. It sounds like the equivalent of a gold-draped elephant traipsing through a spice market. I never realized that before. Thanks for letting me know!
“Were your parents hippies or something?”: My parents met on an ashram high in the hills of Darjeeling, troubled souls looking to find their ways. Instead they found each other. One night they dropped acid on a train ride to Calcutta and made passionate love before bidding a silent farewell the next morning at the train station. My mother named me Jaya, meaning “Victory,” in memory of how hard she boned.
“That’s not as hard to pronounce as I thought.”: I see that you are a simple person. You enjoy strong coffee in the morning and strong scotch at night. You like the places you like and don’t care to see much more. And yet, you have opened your mind to me. You have taken the effort to learn something new, and thankfully discovered it was hardly new at all. Thank you for your journey. Namaste.
“I’m sorry, this must be so annoying for you.”: No, I live for this.
Tags: I can barely pronounce most american names, names, naming
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in memory of how hard she boned slayed me, I am now dead. namaste
That’s where I lost it.
jaya, you realize at this point you and matt can never leave us, right, like, just want to be clear on that
“Oh, I’m not even going to TRY that one.” Oh my gosh, riiiight? My name is like an impassible African mountain that no wise traveler would dare cross, and your exclamation is charming and endearing instead of a lazy excuse not to politely ask me how to pronounce my name.
(Also Jaya, you are the best. Key and Peele Substitute Teacher usage= 5/5 stars)
“Well, there’s a tongue twister! Didn’t your parents think to give you an English name?” No, they didn’t, even though I’m not English at all, rather, wholly Nigerian, it strangely DID NOT occur to them at the moment of my birth to give me an English name- but don’t worry, they absolutely regret it. They spend every day of their lives considering all the un-African twisted tongues out there and cry. They weep for the strain they put on Western tongues, and lips, and mouths and, in sympathy, gnash their own teeth. Sometimes I catch them watching me when they think I’m not looking. I’ll ask “What’s up guys?” and they’ll go “Nothing, dear, carry on.” But what remains unsaid, what lives in the empty spaces of “if only…’ and “why?” is “we should have given her an English name.”
Personal fave: “What an interesting name.”
I know that trick. We all know that trick.
Your dumb face is “interesting.”
Shout out right here! I have an unusual name (my Mom was 19) “That’s one I haven’t heard before.” What am I supposed to even say? I usually just say yes.
Well, to be fair, IHaveBangsNow IS a pretty unusual name. 😉
LOL @mom2boysbh. Real name is Crescent. And I still havent met another one :). Are we not supposed to use real names in the comments? Hopefully I didn’t just break a rule!
I doubt that’s a rule. I think it’s a nice name. I often hear new to me names, I don’t know why people feel compelled to comment on it. I think Crescent is lovely! I don’t have an unusual name, just a weirdly spelled one. I could never get a personalized pencil. 🙁 LOL
I could never have the personalized pencils either, though my first name became ridiculously popular in the late ’60s/early ’70s, because my parents gave me an unusual spelling. So not only could I not have a spiffy name license plate on my bike my entire childhood, I have terrible people sing a mid-career hit by The Beatles to me all the damn time.
Mid-career Beatles hit = Cecilia?
That’s Simon and Garfunkel
Michelle, spelled Mishel?
eleanorigby?
There was never anything with my name on it.
My name is Martha, and not only was there never anything with my name on it either, I always got the condescending, pitying “Oh, what a sweet, old-fashioned name!” comments.
Still not as bad as the clueless racist nonsense Jaya has to put up with, though.
(P.S. “Crescent” is awesome.)
I get that old fashioned comment too. Never know what to say… “Yes, thank you for noticing, I am actually a time traveller from the 1840s?” Ok maybe I will say that next time.
Thank you! This has been such a fun thread.
Old lady names unite!
I have one and have embraced it since I was but a wee lass. I would correct adults with rage and ire when they attempted to shorten and “cuteify” my name.
My sister’s name was also Martha but she ditched it for her middle name around high school.
And its super weird, but since she and I had such “unusual” names in an incredibly white town, our friends would tell us that upon first telling their parents about us, they would get the question “Are they ethnic?” Not anything like what Jaya faces, but its weird the way our hometown treated our dated (but not unheard of names) and immediately assumed we were non-white since our parents decided to name us with names that weren’t from the top 10 list.
When my friends told me this I always gave their parents some serious side eye.
There’s a little girl at my church who went by Winnie until about a year ago, and then spent some time very sternly correcting people until they remembered to call her Winifred.
You can totally use real names! Usually it’s the commenter’s concern for privacy that keeps people from mentioning their names, but I seriously doubt it’s a big deal.
Crescent is a cool name!!
Ahhh my parents actually almost named me Crescent! That’s so crazy. They wanted my full name to be Crescent Moon at first actually (definitely went through a hippie phase in the 1980s). They ended up keeping Moon as my middle name, which I have a love hate relationship with, and going with a different first name.
Omg that’s so funny. My name is Crescent because my mom said I “emitted light like the moon” and it was a very quick 4am birth, moon was bright and all that. Moon is very pretty as a middle name, but my parents went with Melissa of all things. Go figure? I love that we almost had the same name.
I love it too! I’d never heard of anyone ever using that name before, but the story behind it is awesome.
I used to be really self conscious about my middle name, but now the majority of people tell me it’s pretty, so I’ve grown to like it.
I’ve heard of one other Crescent, unless that one is you–is your last name Dragonwagon? (That’s not a joke BTW) I’m assuming not, and like your name in either case.
Yes, I think she is an author? No it’s not me! I remember seeing that name on a vegetarian cookbook I think.
I first heard of Crescent Dragonwagon on Name of the Year (nameoftheyear.com) which I love. There’s a little bit of “omg this ~EXOTIC~ name sounds like a type of underwear!!!” and also probably some classist undertones for some of the entries, but it also gave me the names Lancelot Supersad Jr, Destiny Frankenstein, and Konockus Sashington, so…
Crescent Dragonwagon is a lovely human being! Her mom was author Charlotte Zolotow, if that helps any,
I get that all the time and my name is Beth! I heard it constantly when I worked in customer service – I think callers were determined to make it into some sort of foreign (by their standards) name so they could get mad about something. Nope, just Beth. You’ve heard this name before, I promise you. You’ve probably read Little Women.
I get that too! “Ok, well, now you have?”
Yes, exactly!
Hedwig’s my real name. It’s only sorta-unusual in the Netherlands (about 4 born a year), but let me tell you, growing up in France was interesting.
I’m so grateful for the Harry Potter books now. It’s made my name much easier for English-speaking peeps. And even Dutch people: the boy actually thought I was named FOR the owl for a while, until he figured out that the chronology didn’t really match up.
When someone says that, you should throw confetti on them, play a triangle and yell “Congratulations! You’re the 1,000th person who has told me that! You win a lifetime supply of Rice-a-Roni!”
I am buying confetti to carry in my purse as.i.type.this.
You mean you don’t ALREADY have a bag of confetti in your purse? Poor form.
Emily Post would be horrified.
i have many of these thoughts whenever peter sagal makes unnecessary comments about callers’ names…
I get it, but my last name is “Seggel” (pronounced the same) and enough people have lost their fucking minds trying to spell it while I’m actually spelling it for them (“Saggaggel”? Really?! Yes) that I ended up being really name-ily focused. I can imagine he went through the same thing. My circle of torture was limited to retail customers, though, and now I work for myself and only think these things, then bite my lip a lot. ETA: That doesn’t mean I’m not part of the problem, though. Sorry, Jaya.
i get name frustration as well – mine is not (really) uncommon, but there are several more popular variants: even if i spell it out for people/pronounce it clearly/what have you, they feel the need to “correct” it to whatever they’re comfortable with. i spent a lot of my childhood wishing my parents had picked something else.
but in general i just assume that if i mishear a name or am uncomfortable with pronunciation, i can ask once or twice for clarification, but that’s it; if people want to tell me any story associated with their names, they’ll do so on their own terms.
Eleventysix, or should I say Seventeen? I’ll chase people down the street to tell them the story of my name precisely because the name and story are so boring. My parents saw ‘Brigadoon’ and didn’t have any better ideas! No, we’re not Scottish! Come back here!
That is awesome and you are awesome.
they feel the need to “correct” it to whatever they’re comfortable with.
See also: people who assume they can shorten my name to whatever nickname they feel like the very first time they met me. No, you MAY NOT call me “Mags”; I told you my name is “Margaret.” *
* It isn’t.
Mark? Who’s Mark? Who names their child Mark? What kind of name is Mark?
Possible future project: Act really flabbergasted when straight white dudes with common white guy names introduce themselves.
“Josh-u-a? Jo-schwa? Jo-SHOO-ah? I’m sorry, this is a tough one. I’m sure you get this a lot.”
After a while, when you get used to talking to them, occasionally say their name as separate syllables, with equal stress, as if you’re still just pronouncing it phonetically.
“Good morning, Ja-shou-ah, how was your weekend?”
I really want that “how I was conceived and named” story to be 100% true.
oh me too. 100% please tell me it’s all factual!
If my name weren’t so distinctive that I am the only result upon googling, I would tell you all what it is and stand in solidarity with Jaya.
:: raises fist ::
Googling my name produces me and a Czech soccer player and that’s it.
I am *almost* name twins with an Iranian Olympic boxer (same first name, last name differs by only the second syllable out of four), and I have the same first name as one of the Iranian football team. It’s a unisex name but more common in men! I was named after my grandmother.
Me too. It makes me sad because I have soooo many stories to share about idiot’s reactions to my name. I also am a 6′ tall woman, so the interactions usually go,”dumb comment/question about name” then “dumb comment about height/speculation on what sports I’ve played”. SMH, America we can do better!
I have found that a good response to, “where did you get a name like that?”, is a stone-faced,”I got it as a birthday present”
I know this is from weeks ago, but I just had to chime in in response this. I’m so glad I’m not the only one so has this exact conversation all the time! Like another commenter, mine is the only result that appears on Google or I would also share, and I’m also six feet tall. I can’t go a week without the dumb name comment, dumb sports comment conversation.
I live in the US and part of my name is French, part is Hindi, so to the “is it ethnic question” I usually say yes, it’s American. Make of that what you will.
Ugh, this is my life. I have the nicknames and stories down to a tee.
Reminds me of this: http://www.quora.com/How-do-people-with-unusual-n…
I’ve been thinking about legally changing my first name to Arya-No-Not-Like-the-Opera-It’s-Spelled-with-a-Y-And-Yes-I-Do-Watch-Game-of-Thrones.
Previous sufferer of Chronically Mispronounced Last Name, vindicated by marriage. I feel you, although it must be 1000% worse when it’s your first name.
Also, A-A-RON?
My son’s name is A-A-RON. People think it’s actually Erin; it surprises me how many people have never heard the biblical name Aaron. My husband and I joke that there are really 3 As in his name–the second one is silent and the third one is invisible.
Wait.. is that actually a problem now? o_O Aaron was a relatively common name when and where I was growing up.
After watching that Key & Peele skit, every time I read Aaron I head A-A-RON in my head. Someday I’m going to accidentally call someone A-A-RON out loud an be super embarrassed.
My college boyfriend’s name was Aaron … now, when creepy dudes (or random frat boys – same thing I guess?) come up to me and ask for my number, I tell them my name is “Erin” and give them my ex’s number. (I started college before smartphones were invented, and I was totally nervous that my dumbphone would be unreliable, so I memorized a few numbers that my brain STILL refuses to let go of… this has proved very useful over the years.)
I get you, Jaya. I so do.
My PE teacher in 9th grade decided to be culturally smartass and pronounced my name as if it were Spanish.
So the J in the name was phonetically replaced with the spicy Spanish H.
No, Mr. Tate, No.
Just No.
I am Korean.
You got it so, so wrong.
1/10. 1 point just for the hint of effort.
I get this ALL THE TIME.
Baha. That happens with a certain branch of my family whose surname has a “j” in the middle. We’re brown people in Southern California so we must be Latinx, right?
The best part is that my cousin on that side is marrying a Latina woman this fall. I wonder if they pronounce his name like that, too.
When people hear my name I always get, “Like that song from the 80’s”. Except when I met Roxane Gay she said, “We both have names from 80’s songs,” so that was kind of cool.
Is your name Rhiannon? Only because I knew a girl named Rhiannon in university who once, purely out of nowhere, burst out with the most eloquent, splendidly biting rant about how if she never, ever, ever heard anyone sing the chorus of “Rhiannon” upon hearing her name, it would be a beautiful day. She cursed Stevie Nicks beautifully. It was absolutely chill-inducing.
Reminds me of my friend Gloria, who is greeted with “G-L-O-R-I-A – GLOOOOOOOORIA!” by new people almost daily. She never burst out about it that way, but used to get (understandably) annoyed.
Or, rather, I should say she hasn’t had an epic outburst about it *yet.*
this is my name and my same problem 🙁
It’s not my name, but this transplanted Oklahoman totally feels you.
I thank the universe every day that only one person I’ve known has made the connection between my real name and a song from the eighties.
No, that is not it. My name and the band are Irish. I have also been told many times that I spell my name wrong but no, I spell it the traditional Irish way, just like the song. I hated the song when it came out and I was 13 and everyone thought it was funny to sing it at me, but now I really like it.
I have a guess, and if it’s correct, I had a friend in high school with your name who haaaated that song and would shoot a really impressive insta-glare at anyone who sang it in her presence.
To be fair, Pride (In The Name Of Love) *is* a fairly unusual name.
My sister is Rhiannon! She was named after the song.
I’d say at least 60% of people I meet says “Like the song?”
You should reply, “No, no. That’s L-O-L-A. and then walk off before they can “actually” you.
My name is Marie, and from my teens, the number of times I’ve been “serenaded” with either “I just met a girl named Maria” or “How do you solve a problem like Maria?” by middle aged dudes is. . .too many. THAT’S NOT EVEN MY NAME. EAT CAKE, MOTHERFUCKERS.
(also, no, my name isn’t secretly either Mary or Maria. This is a real thing I’ve been accused of hiding for no doubt nefarious reasons.)
Yup! The most common variant of my name has an a at the end. People constantly ask if it’s a nickname. It’d be a ridiculous nickname.
I’m Allison and I get drunk guys crooning “AAAAAAAAAA—li-ssuuuuuuhnnnnnn” at me at parties, thinking they’re Elvis Costello. They’re not.
well if its got 2 Ls they should be singing the pixies song anyway
My name’s Roxanne, and yeah, it pretty much carbon dates me as an 80s baby, with lots of ‘Were you named after the song?’ (No.) ‘What an odd choice, do you know it’s about a prostitute?’ (IDK what to tell you, take it up with my parents; and yes, respectively.)
I work with a neurologist who reminds me of Vizzini from “The Princess Bride.” He boasts that he is multilingual, and tells Spanish-speaking patients that they have had a “poquito strokito.”
He does this without the faintest hint of humor or self-awareness.
He greets the one Indian mid-level in his group with “Namaste” and often asks “Where is Namaste this morning?”
Someday soon I will slit his throat during rounds. When the coppers pick me up, I will tell them that I did it because he did not say “Hej, God Morgen” to me, and that sent me into an incindiary, murderous rage.
The part of me that thinks withering comebacks should solve all problems wants everyone to address this guy as “Howdy Doody” every time they speak to him. What, he’s gonna object to that? It’s the traditional greeting of his people, isn’t it?
I think I remember this guy from Nurse Jackie.
When I am Empress of the Universe I am going to put a ban on making stupid comments about people’s names to their faces. And a special curse goes out to every man who calls my work and introduces himself with “Hi, this is Mike/Steve/John/Bob.” I HAVE NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE. I know probably a hundred fucking Mikes, YOU’RE NOT THAT SPECIAL. And I know for a fact that it’s the same Mikes who get all huffy when I don’t know them without a last name, as who go around saying shit like “Ho ho ho, THERE’S a unique one!” to names like Jaya. I know it.
“Mike? Like the thing you talk into? Wow. Your parents must have hated you.”
“Steve. Wait, is that with a V? A fucking V? Jesus, when will people stop picking ‘unique’ spellings for their kids names. This is getting out of control. Whatever happened to normal names like Egbert and Aliena?”
“Bob, is it? So, tell me, BOB, do you spend a lot of time… heh… dunking your head in barrels for apples? Get it. Get it? GET IT?”
“John. Like the toilet.”
I have actually said to a friend, “John? That’s not very creative. What were your parents thinking?”
I really, really wish I had a nickel for every time someone (1) read my name and couldn’t figure out how to pronounce it; and (2) heard my name and spelled it every single possible (wrong) way.
My name is Alli. Mispronouncing it is completely unconscionable (do I look like a black boxer from the 50s and 60s?) … and I understand there are a lot of variations on how to spell it, but since the only reason you’re asking is so you can write me an email asking me for my boss’ attention, I really don’t care how you spell it. It matters to me not even a little. Just stop.
People constantly ask me to spell my name or guess how to spell it, usually after making me repeat it 3 times. I get that it’s a way to make sure they got it right (they always guess the spelling wrong, though, because it isn’t spelled in the most phonetically obvious way). But a lot of the time it is someone I am meeting in passing in a big group situation, and either I will never see them again or they won’t remember it when I do. So I don’t know why they care so much.
Sometimes I tell someone my name, they say “garbled approximation of name?” and I say “sure!”, but that has a 0% success rate of getting the conversation to move on, even at Starbucks.
Some of them might be like me, and have a hard time processing words unless they can see them written? I have trouble remembering sounds on their own but give me a spelling (even if it’s totally counter to my accustomed phonetics) and I’ll remember and pronounce it right forever.
But then again, I don’t usually ask people to spell their names for me, at least not when they’re people I’m meeting for the first time and don’t expect to interact with much. So maybe not.
Oh, I totally understand how spelling can be helpful! I have no problem spelling my name for someone when it seems likely they will ever have cause to use my name.
But when I don’t understand someone’s name after the second repetition and don’t think I’ll ever have to use it, I just smile and nod, so I’m always perplexed when other people care so much.
YES THANK YOU. “Sure!” absolutely never works. Whyyyyyyyy!!!
I call myself Bob at starbucks.
I always intend to use a fake name, and then get to the front of the line and blank on it. I guess I need to practice lying to people about my identity until it comes naturally.
My husband has taken to giving the name Sparky at restaurants and coffee places.
Sparky is the sarcastic name I use inside my head for over-enthusiastic dudebros at coffee places and restaurants. Um.
I call myself Mata Hari. I have several treasured paper cups inscribed “MOTA HAH REE”
me: has Hebrew first name
me: introduces self to strange person
person: “oh, wow, is that ‘ethnic’? you don’t look ‘ethnic’ at all!”
me: leaves earth forever
I normally get assumed to be Italian or Spanish – I’m actually half Iranian, so its often awkward if they’ve been being racist beforehand (which they quite often have, because Middle Eastern people are definitely uner suspicion here) as I look ‘a bit darker than a white Western European’.
I personally don’t have a Hebrew name (well, my birth name isn’t a Hebrew name, I mean), but my family is Jewish, and I have an Orthodox Jewish Aunt with many children and grandchildren, all with beautiful names. Whenever I tell people the names though, they always look at me like they’re ridiculous, or like we’ve chosen these weird names just to be weird, you know, disregarding the fact that most of these names are older than popular “American” names. “This is my cousin’s new daughter, Rachel.” *cue five minute conversation where I’m pronouncing it the Hebrew way (Ruch-hul) and they’re looking at me baffled, and I’m explaining that it’s spelled like “Rachel” and they’re all “oh, so her name is ‘Ray-chel’?” I will end you.
I also work at a college with a contingent of Jewish students all with Hebrew names which no one can seem to pronounce. I’ve lost count of how many times I had to tell people (sometimes the same people, multiple times) last week that Yael is not pronounced YALE. Yah-el. YA-EL. YAEL.
oh my god people correct me on the pronunciation of my own name ALL THE TIME
me: My name is [Hebrew Name], nice to meet you.
idiot: [smiling patronizingly] Ohhhhh, you mean [Anglicization Of Name]?
me: pretty sure I fuckin know how my name is pronounced and I didn’t just mispronounce my own name introducing myself to you, shitstain
That does not surprise me, tbh, considering how often I gently/politely correct people on the pronunciation of Hebrew names and they continue to say it wrong. I mean, not being able to pronounce the ‘ch’ is one thing, but purposefully going for the anglicized version is just rude.
For a long time when I still wanted kids, I thought about Hannah as a girl’s name, pronounced like the Hebrew version is, and I was constantly thinking that if I did everyone would just use the anglicized pronunciation, which I hate.
I even altered the spelling so that the pronunciation might be easier (if you’re into sci-fi, the very recognizable name of a space princess) and people still feel the need to Anglicize the pronunciation, yet they have NO PROBLEM pronouncing the very same name correctly when they are discussing an iconic movie scene in which a very rotund alien had said space princess character enslaved in a tiny bikini.
YEP. You and I are pronunciation/ frustration twins.
“Hi, I’m LAY-ah.”
“Lee-ah? Nice to meet you!”
Shoots lasers from eyeballs
YES yes YES yes YES yes YES
me, all day every day, every time I introduce myself to someone, ever.
Weirdly, I occasionally have the exact opposite problem, usually when my name is written and they’re reading it out.
Written name: Leah
Them: Lay-ah? LIke Star Wars?
Though this was apparently the first thing a colleague of my grandma said to her when she first got news of my birth, so I guess at least tradition?
The Hebrew pronunciation has the long, yawning “a,” right? Sort of rhymes with “fauna” but without the “u” sound? (I am not a phoneticist.) I think that pronunciation is so much prettier than the anglicized version.
Yes, it’s Hah-nah like “fauna” sort of, instead of… I can’t type out the anglicized version, haha, but I agree, the Hebrew pronunciation is much prettier. The other version is much more nasally.
” Whenever I tell people the names though, they always look at me like they’re ridiculous, or like we’ve chosen these weird names just to be weird, you know, disregarding the fact that most of these names are older than popular “American” names. ”
THIS. I left a family gathering a while back because my aunts wouldn’t. Stop. Talking. about how an acquaintance had named her baby ‘Octavia’ and isn’t that WEIRD. Like. One of you is called ‘Julia’, which is exactly as old and weird, and also, who cares, that’s her name, it’s a perfectly good name no matter how old or weird, how about you all SHUT UP. I tried changing the conversation twice (all I got was ‘oh that’s right, [my partner]’s kids have weird names too, don’t they’ yes good) and I eventually just left because I couldn’t take it any more.
Actually that’s not true, the second time I tried to change the subject they then fixated on how my name is spelled ‘strange’ (it is not. It is the standard spelling. There is also another, equally acceptable spelling. The difference being ONE VOWEL) and ‘why is it spelled that way?’ 1) Because that’s HOW IT IS SPELLED and 2) Idk, I didn’t pick it, srsly why why are we having this conversation.
Also, when people find out the names of my partner’s kids they usually ask ‘why did he name them that’. Presumably because he thought they were good names and he liked them, or maybe his ex wife did, or idk, who cares, I wasn’t there and WHO CARES they are perfectly good names, in that they are words used to indicate a person so that we all know who we are talking about, which is basically all a name needs to do whyyyyy are we still talking about this? Seriously it stresses me out so much and it’s not even my name, and there’s no racism involved (only classism) but there’s so much rubbish tied up in people thinking they have a right to comment and demand explanation if something about someone wasn’t exactly what they expected.
Man, now that I think about it I realise that our shared last name is spelled irregularly. The reason being that when my great grandparent emigrated, the only ID they had was a marriage certificate written by a barely literate priest, so it was illegible, and the customs officials just kind of took a stab. And that is how we ended up with [slight misspelling of common irish name] instead of [other common irish name]. Why didn’t i lead with that? (it wouldn’t have gone any better, and also I didn’t think of it at the time, is why)
Octavia is high on my list of potential cat names. And Octavia Butler was AWESOME.
Not that you needed confirmation from me. But it seems like a weird name to think of as weird.
Right?? I did mention Octavia Butler and they looked at me blankly. I don’t know what I expected. I mean, I don’t think they should be having this conversation about ANY name, but their definition of ‘weird’ is so so narrow.
Relatedly, one of the biggest conflicts I ever had in a professional setting was my first ever office job, when my co-receptionist got off the phone and said ‘that person’s name was ‘Ha’! That’s SO FUNNY!’ and just would not stop talking about it. We worked for an organisation dealing with mutlicultural issues and oh my god. 1) That’s a super common name, actually 2) HER name was serbian and contained many consonants from the end of the alphabet and not many vowels, so you would think she’d at least have some perspective on the issue, if nothing else 3) it was totally, totally not appropriate.
She also said there was no such thing as a learning disability. That was another fun argument (uuuuugh)
I feel like if I ever heard of someone naming their baby Octavia, my first and forever after reaction would be ‘Awesome!’
Seriously, it’s such a great name and I would have left that gathering too.
YEAH-ELLE!
(sorry, have to represent)
My brother’s family gets a variation on this: two of his three daughters have Indian names (one is “Indira”) but his family is Anglo and African-American. Utter incomprehension. “Her name’s Indira? Are you Indian? You’re not Indian. You know that’s an Indian name, right?”
quickly followed up by the barrage of “are you israeli? do you speak “jewish”? what do you think of palestine?”
My answers are invariably as follows:
1) no, I’m from Chicago
2) oy
3) wow look at that dog over there what a great dog
Some day I need to learn Yiddish for real, just so that I can respond to #2 with a garage of swearing in “Jewish.”
NOPE please tell me people do not say that whhhhhyyyy noooo no no
Oooh, yes. I have an unusual name, and whenever I tell people, so many respond, “Oh, where are you from?”
“California.”
Then I get the eye roll. “Well, where are your parents from?”
“East Coast.”
Now the exasperated sigh! “Well where are your GRANDPARENTS from?”
Look buddy, we can keep wandering down my family tree all the way back to Auntie Protozoa. You’re not going to find some magical bit of information that makes my name make sense to you.
Another one I get is when people ask for the full story behind my name, I usually respond, “Dad heard it somewhere, thought it was pretty, swore if he had a daughter he’d name her that, proved to be a man of his word.” Which while not the most detailed accounting, is fairly accurate. The lovely response this usually gets? “Well that’s boring! You should just make up a better story!”
But my favorite response is always this. Many people think I’m Jewish because of my first name, which I am, but the name isn’t and was given to me by my goy dad. Many people also think I’m Irish due to my last name, which I am, but I stole the last name from my husband since it was cooler than the one that came free with my birth. Still, every time someone says to me, “Firstname Lastname? How does THAT happen?” I always want to respond, “Well laddie, when an Irish boy schtups a Jewish gal…”
Hah! People somehow think I’m Italian, just because I kept my ex-husband’s Italian last name after we divorced (changing your name is a PITA). Not that they could ever guess right when I had my maiden name anyway, my family is American for several generations back and it’s a mix beyond that.
What amuses me though is none of my varied ancestry is Italian, and yet they hear the last name and just assume haha.
“Auntie Protozoa”
LITERALLY just got off the phone with a guy called me the wrong name (rhymes with my full name, but is a completely different name) who then spent the whole rest of the phone call justifying why he got the name wrong and intimating that I had been rude to correct him.
My male employer is named Kim. He gets called Ken, Tim, Jim, Kep, Kip, and just about everything else people can think of to call him because they’re convinced they misheard his name.
Like when reporters interviewing Quvenzhané Wallis on the red carpet called her “Annie” because she’d just been cast in that part and they didn’t want to bother with her real name. First of all, it is literally your job to know people’s names, and second of all, if you can pronounce Galifinakis, you can pronounce Quvenzhané.
I watched one of those “how to pronounce her name” videos like 2 times and now it’s forever in my head. It’s really not that hard. Plus, it’s beautiful.
My bff’s parents are from India and she has a Hindi name. Her name is five letters long: the first four letters are an English word that is pronounced exactly as it’s spelled, and the fifth letter is an A. So her name is Common, Everyday English Word + A. Pronounced completely phonetically. This made the contortions people would go through to pronounce it when we were in high school particularly ridiculous.
YOUR FRIEND AND I HAVE THE SAME NAME I AM NEARLY CERTAIN.* I FEEL HER SUFFERING IT IS SO DUMB.
* – though I am white and my parents were hippies and it’s a hair ridiculous that I have this name but it is mine and I do what I can.
Ooooh, let’s see–is the English word in your name an adjective that goes far below the surface?
*high-fives fellow child of white hippies who gave her a Hindi name*
Though I really like my name, honestly. It’s pretty, short, and stands out in the US without being obnoxious. It also passes credibly for a internet handle pretty much everywhere, in combination with my middle name or not, which is important when you’re as uncreative as I am.
“Oh, that’s so pretty!” Thanks? I guess? I didn’t actually have anything to do with it; do you want me to convey your compliments to my mom?
This is the story of my LIFE (well, that and dealing with misspellings of my name, but I acknowledge that my parents chose a less popular spelling and it doesn’t really bother me at this point in my life)
UGH the MISSPELLINGS. The kicker is that my mom specifically chose to spell my name the way she did because she honestly thought it would be easier for people to spell and pronounce. I only wish she had been right.
MISSPELLINGS! I relate. I have a super white Scandanavian name, but one that has multiple spellings. My mom picked the one that she thought would be easiest (it’s pretty darn phonetic), but the majority of people still misspell it. I still remember the year when the other girl in my small elementary school with the same name (different spelling) and I both made the honor roll. The school managed to spell both of our names wrong…
Yes yes yes to this–my mom also thought she was making it “easier” by making it phonetic, and it’s made it harder for everyone EVER SINCE. I constantly get “Oh, you’re Linsey without a ‘d’… so LINS-ey instead of LIN-D-sey.”
Um, no. Do you really pronounce the D even when it is there?
But, at least it’s a name everyone seemed to try to get creative with. I’ve literally seen more than 50 different spellings of my name. My favorite is the variations written on my Starbucks cups.
I made a particular point, when I worked at Starbucks, of clarifying which variant of a name people had, or asking people with “unusual” names how to spell them.
Then I got yelled at for holding up the line and giving my coworkers cups with names they couldn’t pronounce. :/
One time a cashier commented on how pretty she thought my first + middle name combo is (she was checking my ID for me to buy my wine) and I said, “Thanks! It was a birthday present!”
Let me tell you, I’ve never seen anybody so flustered. It was GREAT.
OH MY GOD I am definitely stealing that for some future eventuality
I do that, people look at me funny but what else are you supposed to say? It’s very unlikely I chose it for myself, it’s nice of you to compliment it, but that pretty much has to lead back to my parents. Not my fault you just complimented my parents’ taste to me
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH JAYA.
I know that as a white lady, I’ve got to deal with way less of the nonsense that women of color with “ethnic” (blurrrrrrg) names deal with but you have spoken to me on a real deep level.
My name is Gaelic and there’s lots of extra consonants in it and omfg I don’t know how people come up with these stupid question.
Questions like “No, what’s your REAL name?” and “Your parents named you THAT??” and “Wow, that’s a new one!”
UGH. #weirdnamedladiesunite
Irish friend of mine went to a Gaelscoil in the Dublin area (this is a school where all subjects are taught through the Irish language). Her mom is Chinese, so she has a Chinese first name and an Irish middle name. School teacher takes one look at the register, says, “But surely your parents call you *Middle Name* at home?”
Friend was Not Impressed, responded, “No, they named me what they wanted to call me in the first place.”
I’m a white person married to an Indian person, and ugh, white people. This weekend after my husband handed a shop assistant his credit card, she asked him how to pronounce his name and then gave this speech about how she never lets people leave the shop until she is able to say their names, it’s how she educates herself or something. I asked him later how he never gets annoyed about this sort of thing, and he was pretty much like, “Why would I?” I was like, “Because white people are embarrassing and they need to be told!”
OK, THAT time wasn’t me, but I’ve definitely worked jobs where it was a requirement. Nevertheless, on behalf of my white retail family, I apologize.
My mom (Renette) has been called everything from Raynette to Renata her entire life, and hasn’t killed anyone yet. I’m so proud of her, and also may have suggested she adopt the most egregious mispronunciation (Wrench) as her biker name on more than one occasion.
As much as people spell my name any number of incorrect, terrible ways, at least most people know how to say it.
I have long considered getting cards made with all of the relevant facts about my name (Z-E-V. It means “wolf” in Hebrew. No, I’m not Israeli, I’m from Cleveland. I’m named for my grandfather.), but in a way I kind of appreciate the reactions people have to my name: my explaining it provides the minute of ice-breaking I need upon meeting new people, and then we can move on to an actual conversation.
-“I have been on this earth for so many years and wow, I never realized that my name sounds similar to “you” in English, and yes, your simple pun is both new and novel to me!”
-“My name is definitely pronounced like the English word ‘hue,’ not like the letter ‘Q’ and I have no fucking how my pronunciation of ‘hue’ sounds remotely like that.” No seriously, this is starting to drive me insane. Am I enunciating things weirdly? I’m born and raised in MD, I don’t have a SE Asian accent. WTF.
-In response of “that’s an unusual way to spell it”: “Not if you’re from a ethnic group that has had a nation state for over 3,000 years, thanks!”
ETA: I knew someone in HS who is also a WOC, and her response once to me complaining about people having trouble with my name was “why don’t you just spell it differently.” no. NO.
BTWs, still planning giving future progeny Viet names, American/non-Viet haters can suck it.
How… would you spell your name that would make any of this easier? Spelling it Hue or Hugh would just be a different (worse) confusing conversation.
You are completely right! I have no idea. Hue would have been a complete disaster, since it is actually a Viet name that is pronounced in a very different way.
YES! *fist-bump* If I had kids, I would give them Sanskrit names.
“Not if you’re from a ethnic group that has had a nation state for over 3,000 years, thanks!”
YA BURNT
My name used to be relatively uncommon but now it’s a very trendy baby name and everyone I meet has to let me know that they have a niece by that name, but it’s spelled differently, and do you have the same nickname that we have for her?
I’d wonder if we have the same name, but mine doesn’t have an obvious nickname. It is, however, a very popular dog name, so basically all the [myname]s I meet are either two-year-olds or golden retrievers. Or both.
I don’t think I’ve met a dog with my name, but I routinely turn my head because someone is yelling at their two-year-old to stop biting her sister and for a split second I’m like “but I’m not doing anything!” I imagine it’s even more ridiculous when there’s a dog involved.
Most of the beings in the world that have my name are also dogs. Including one that was in a movie. Which I refuse to see. Because FLAMES. ON THE SIDE OF MY FACE.
Same here. (In my case it’s Abigail. I am physically incapable of not turning around if someone says my name or a variation of it. And they are almost always talking to toddlers.)
lol this is excellent. my nephew Sachin had his first haircut last week. after my sister repeated his name to the Staten Island hairdresser several times, she responds brightly “well, that’s a name!”
You are completely right! I have no idea. Hue would have been a complete disaster, since it is actually a Viet name that is pronounced in a very different way.
I have, luckily, a very easy name, but the full version has one extra letter that just stumps everybody. It’s Kimberley. When forced to use the entire thing, I will spell it out for people only to watch them omit that last e, as though I were spelling my own name wrong to troll them. I realize the American spelling is Kimberly, and I am indeed very American. But it’s still Kimberley, and if you insist on using the full version, instead of Kim, which everyone could agree on, you’re going to spell it correctly.
I very much look forward to taking my fiance’s last name, which also has a bonus e and is also nine letters long.
This is probably something I would do, because my brain for some reason has trouble with vowels. And this is why I always always triple check people’s names when replying to emails, because misspelling someone’s name is rude.
Oof, the email thing — I have an extremely common name with a mildly unusual spelling (Catie), and I get emails addressed to Katie even in the context of a conversation that was held *entirely over email*. (I honestly don’t mind when people misspell my name after hearing it, because yep that is how 98% of us spell it.)
My theory is that people who do the K spelling over email are aural (vs visual) thinkers/learners, and must just HEAR the name in their heads when they read it, associate it with the sound not the spelling, and then just plop down letters that go with how it sounds to them. This idea makes me more forgiving… but also how hard is it to look at the letters that are directly in front of your face??
YES. Why do people insist on adding an H to the end of my name when I’ve been communicating with them via email?!? When I sign off every email with my name AND there’s an email signature with my full name and title AND when the g-ddamned email comes up in their inbox it has my name attached to it? Especially egregious when it’s co-workers.
Another Katy here! The same happens all the time at my work and drives me nuts when other mildly unusually spelled named people spell it wrongly! I just figured there would be a community sort of feeling that would condition others to be hyper aware of spelling.
Your’s isn’t too hard! I have a client who spells her name “Kimberely” and I remind myself to spell it correctly when emailing her by pronouncing it “Kimberelly” in my head, and mentally pairing it with the song the mice sing in Disney’s “Cinderella” (“Kimberelly, Kimberelly, night and day-o, Kimberelly!”)
People are weird about names.
I was on a business trip last month, and at the bar after dinner, I came to realize that one of the two highest-placed men in the group I was in was calling me “Jackie.” My name doesn’t start with a J or sound anything like Jackie, since it’s one syllable long. So I said, “Tom, my name is Name.” Everyone laughed, and then everyone called me “Jackie-Name” for the rest of the night. Um, thanks?
Conversely, I’ve met a person with a very unique name recently and I asked them to repeat it once, said it back to them to make sure I pronounced it right, and when he said yep, I said “nice to meet you”. He looked at me with a slightly surprised look, anticipating me to make some comment. Nope, got it. That’s your name. It’s not that strange to me.
Just taking a quiet moment right now to bless the parents of both Alicia Silverstone and Alicia Keys for choosing the same spelling and pronunciation that my parents did. *kiss*
I’ve come to appreciate having a name that’s so common worldwide, it makes my twitter mentions much more interesting. For example, I found out about Alicia Garza and Black Lives Matter initially because someone mis-tweeted and it showed up there. Serendipity!
My pet peave to do with my name is Baristas who ask how it’s spelled. I always want to reply “why does it matter?”
Some customers get pretty aggressive if it’s their name isn’t spelled perfectly, though. The baristas are between a rock and a hard place on this.
If someone gets upset with a barista because their name wasn’t spelled correctly on their cup, I don’t think the barista is the one with the problem.
This applies in particular, I think, to Starbucks baristas, who spell my name (Alli) like the dark corridor between buildings where you do not want to be caught unawares. And today they spelled my friend Katie’s name “Kaydi.” I mean. (Why yes, my group of friends DOES have a private facebook page where we share the bizarre misspellings on our Starbucks cups, why? Is that not normal?)
I have heard that Starbucks employees will do this on purpose, as a way to amuse themselves 🙂
People make fun of Starbucks misspellings all the time, so it makes sense to want to make sure that you’re the barista who gets it right. I mean, so I’ve heard.
Every time I start off with “However you will be able to say it, the real spelling WILL NOT HELP YOU.”
“That doesn’t sound Indian” OMFG I GET THIS ALL THE TIME (and I’m not even technically Indian, try moving a few KM east). My name is an English word and people trip over themselves to make it more exotic than it really is. JUST PRONOUNCE IT AS IT’S SPELLED I’M A WORD IN THE DICTIONARY GAH
My last name (my real last name; not the one I pretend to have on the Interwebs) is incomprehensible and German and is composed of 97% consonants. Here’s my pet peeve about that: I complain about the frequency with which my name is misspelled or mispronounced. Someone else chimes in, “Oh, but that happens to me, too! My name is SMITH, but sometimes people say SMYTHE!”
DIAF.
My first name is Amy. It was a Top 10 name the year I was born, and for approximately ten years before that. In my life, I have met A LOT of Amys. I do not find this to be particularly confusing. There are other people with the name of Amy who are not me. Got it.
Other people find this VERY confusing. I cannot have a conversation with another Amy without heads exploding around me. A close friend of mine has another friend named Amy and she cannot tell me a story about this Amy without constantly specifying that it’s “the other Amy” as if – if she didn’t do that – I would think she is talking to me in the third person about a story I was involved in but have no recollection of.
A previous boss had a wife named Amy. Someone would ask him, “What did you and Amy do this weekend?” and he would turn to me and explain (embarrassed) “My wife is also named Amy!” If he did not do this, I might get the wrong impression and think that HE thinks that the two of US are married.
Etc.
Amys. We should form a club!
Oh yes. The Toast is a little better but every conversation I’ve ever had about names is flooded with people who want you to know that somebody misspelled ‘Bob’ on their Starbucks cup one time and I’m telling you it’s a scourge!
Meanwhile I’m pretty much jaded to the minor inconveniences of my incomprehensible German surname. Don’t worry about spelling it, I’ll just write it out for you.
You should just tell them it’s the feminine of ‘Jay’ and scrunch up your face like they are sooooooooooo dumb. Because they are.
I mean…it is, but in Hindi!
So my legal name is Chinese but I go by an English name, and I swear I will murder the next well meaning person who insist on calling me by my Chinese name. Call me by the name I introduced myself as. It’s not super difficult.
I had a Persian friend in high school who asked us all to call her “nickname” because none of us could get close enough to the actual pronunciation of her name for her liking. Which is her prerogative. But that didn’t stop all the teachers from continuously trying to call her by her full name rather than her nickname. Similarly with the Egyptian kid with an Egyptian name with Anglicized pronunciation (accent on the first syllable rather than the second) but teachers were always trying to “Arabic-ize” his name. It’s like, you’re letting your desire to be “culturally sensitive” interfere with what this person ACTUALLY WANTS TO BE CALLED.
I always love telling people that I was named after a Cajun nightclub that was in Texas because I do enjoy the reaction. Especially since it’s the truth.
My only comment on your name would have to be, “I think I knew your parents.” Because, actually, I think I knew your parents.
Them: ooh, where’s that from?
Me: the alphabet.
It’s a reflex response now. (Irony is that my name’s Anglo-saxon and the people asking invariably are too.)
People always tell me “nice name” or “cute name”.
There’s no response to that! I usually just say “thanks, I grew it myself” or “thanks, I’ve had it as long as I can remember.”
My roommate’s boss is apparently frightened of her Chinese name (which is not actually difficult for English speakers to pronounce with some degree of accuracy) and suggested that she pick an English name for introducing herself to clients. She picked Sam, which is what she generally uses if she’s getting coffee and needs something easy for the barista to write. The boss came back with, Sam is a good name, but what about Hannah? Grrrr
Oh that’s horrible! How could the boss presume to rename her? Does the boss think of your friend as “Hannah” in his/her mind? That is disturbing…I hope my boss does not have a fantasy version of me, renamed and conforming to her will. I hope your friend stuck with Sam or with her real name.
I once had a boss/client do the same thing! My Slavic first name is a 2-syllable, 5-letter one, not too hard to pronounce – but she insisted on calling me “Jennifer,” of all things. My name does *not* start with a “J.”
This! I’m Gennifer and I get easily a comment a day about it. I wish people wouldn’t feel like they need to fill space with a remark. It’s ok for you to just think about it and not tell me how you’ve never seen it that way and my parents must be neat people. I’ve seen it spelled weorder ways and my parents are assholes.
I get people arguing with me about how to pronounce my name. Or getting angry at me when I assure them that, in fact, my own pronunciation is just fine.
Do you know how many business emails I’ve sent where the person has responded with, “I just had to tell you that you have a lovely name!”??????
Dude! What?
“Are you Scandinavian?” (No, I was born in Nebraska.) “Are your parents Norwegian?” (They’re from Wisconsin. And inevitably, if you REALLY need to know my exact ethnic background, I’m largely Irish and Dutch.) “Are you named for the comic book character?” (I doubt it.) “Hey, there’s a movie coming out…” (Thor: The Dark World had a $50 million marketing budget. I am aware of the movie.)
My very favorite: “Whoa, like the Greek god?” This one happens at least once a month.
Me: Hi I’m (Polish last name).
Idiot: God bless you!
No.. bless YOU! I’ve been hoping that eye twitch would come back, and yep, there it is!
What mystifies me is why anyone feels empowered to make any comment on anyone’s name at all. I once knew a Filipino man whose name was Circoncisión. Is there any reason why it’s anyone’s business to make him uncomfortable about it? Nope.
I get this shit all. the. time. Greek name, but not GREEK-Greek, like it’s not immediately recognizable as Greek (“Athena,” for instance; that belongs to my aunt) but it’s vaguely Other so it sparks many questions/compliments/weird reactions.
Most frequent: Wow, how do you spell that?… Oh, like, exactly how it sounds. That’s a really cool/unique/pretty/etc name. (Me: Yes. Them: …?)
Worst ever: Did your parents come up with that as a practical joke?
If I’m feeling generous I’ll say it’s a family name and raise my eyebrows as though to DARE someone to inquire further, and if they keep prying I will leave eyebrows in upright and locked position and answer in monosyllables until they go away. Years of practice on this.
Other things: teachers on the first day of school taking attendance, getting to the letter N on the roll call, stopping dead, I raise my hand and say first and last name (last name is also phonetic and not-immediately-Greek-but-definitely-not-WASP), teacher nods in horror and moves on. Making appointments/reservations/etc over the phone and being able to hear whoever’s typing stop in the middle of my last name and immediately ask me to repeat the last three letters.
In May, I went to my cousin’s wedding. She and I are two of the four women in our family with the same first and last name. Calling to make hotel reservations, and indeed, checking IN to the hotel, was quite the comedy of errors.
My name is not pronounced the way people expect it to be because my dad was a jerk. Basically I’m named after my grandpa Dean, and my mom just wanted to add an A at the end of it so that it could be come dee-nuhh but my dad added an extra N to my name because he disliked my grandpa and said “maybe later on in life she’d want to go by de-anna” and while there’s nothing wrong with that name at all, it just isn’t mine and the struggle I have to go through on a daily basis because of that choice is ridiculous. Purely my dumb dad’s fault though. Also why most of my social media handles have my name phonetically spelled, so that the awesome people know how to say my name and are spared my brief anger at the mispronunciation.
Unintelligible grunting (or, more often, just a confused silence while staring at a clipboard) is usually how I know they're trying to call my name. Works like a charm at the doctor's office.
Though sometimes I just make up a name at Starbucks (etc.) to move things along. Or I make restaurant reservations under my companion's name.
I <3 the name Oonagh!
Yay! I'm always genuinely impressed whenever anyone knows how to spell or pronounce it right off the bat.
(I had a Siobhan a year ahead of me in school, fortunately, which made my younger days a lot easier).
Bananarama is new one for me!! I'm always excited whenever there's a Siobhan in a book or a TV show, etc.
I started listening to the British radio soap opera, The Archers , because it had a Siobhan in it, although she was kind of an evil homewrecker who they ended up killing off.
In fairness, I think SIBBHZN may have been due to my mom's terrible handwriting (because she got me a magazine subscription).
Ha, that's hilarious. 🙂
I have an unusual first name, that is very very close to many very common Anglo first names, which is what I am invariably called by older people. No, my name is not Marla, or Mallory (sadly!), or Molly, or Marlene. Please stop calling me those things. They are not my name.
My name is Suzanne. Not Susan. Not Sue. Not Susie. Again, not Susan. For the thousandth time, not Susan.
“My name is Yunus [REDACTED], Y-U-N-U-S…”
“Not E-U-N-I-C-E?”
“No, that’s a female name. My name is a version of Jonah, like Jonas. Y-U-N-U-S.”
“Y…U…N…I…S…”
“No, y-u-n-*U-S*.”
“U-S?”
“That’s right.”
“So that’s Y-U-N-I-S, got it. That’s certainly an unusual name. Where are you from?”
“Kentucky.”
“No, but I mean, what is your background?”
“Swedish and British, mostly.”
“So your PARENTS gave you that name?”
“I just want the confirmation for my appointment, okay?”
I DO NOT KNOW how forestall this “Hu’s on first” routine even after going through it 3,000 times.
My name is Achariya and I am this post.
…When I was teaching, the very first thing I did during the very first roll call of the year was to ask every student how their first and last names were pronounced, which I wrote down phonetically in my seating chart so I wouldn't forget, and I asked if they had a preferred name to be called, which I then used.
Names MATTER, and I do not understand the utter disregard it takes to at least try to pronounce someone's name correctly.
ps (I have feelings about all this, as my last name, which is all of three letters, is never pronounced correctly, even after multiple corrections.)
May I also add the ever-infuriating “What does it mean?”
I hear it all the time and have to swallow the bile rising in my throat just so I don’t spit it at them and respond, “that’s what it means.”