The Reactions I’m Assuming People Want When They Comment On My Name -The Toast

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key-peele-substitute-teacher“That’s one I haven’t heard before.”: Oh cool! I haven’t heard lots of names, or just lots of words, in general! What else haven’t you heard? Oh wait, that’s sort of a weird question isn’t it, cause like, you wouldn’t even know! Lol.

“Funny, it doesn’t sound Indian.”: It is funny. It’s hilarious. They made this name specifically to trick you, all of India, that is. Everyone got together and was like “we should have at least one name that doesn’t sound like it’s from here at all, and then maybe one day we can fuck with Mark.” They’ll be so happy to know they succeeded.

“What race is that?”: Whatever you want it to be.

“You know, that’s Hindi.”: Really? Makes sense. There’s a certain spirituality to it, don’t you think? A certain colorfulness that comes through. It sounds like the equivalent of a gold-draped elephant traipsing through a spice market. I never realized that before. Thanks for letting me know!

“Were your parents hippies or something?”: My parents met on an ashram high in the hills of Darjeeling, troubled souls looking to find their ways. Instead they found each other. One night they dropped acid on a train ride to Calcutta and made passionate love before bidding a silent farewell the next morning at the train station. My mother named me Jaya, meaning “Victory,” in memory of how hard she boned.

“That’s not as hard to pronounce as I thought.”: I see that you are a simple person. You enjoy strong coffee in the morning and strong scotch at night. You like the places you like and don’t care to see much more. And yet, you have opened your mind to me. You have taken the effort to learn something new, and thankfully discovered it was hardly new at all. Thank you for your journey. Namaste.

“I’m sorry, this must be so annoying for you.”: No, I live for this.

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