The good Indian friend is always up for “curry”.
She will take you to a faraway Indian restaurant in East London for “curry”, even though she wanted dosas. She is a veritable mine of recommendations for the best Indian restaurants in Brick Lane, or Chapel Market, or indeed, wherever one happens to be.
The good Indian friend ignores, on such occasions, her own cravings for grocery-store hummus.
The good Indian friend knows all about the perfect way to make “chai tea”. The redundancy keeps her up at night. But the good Indian friend refrains from informing you that the term makes no sense.
She is as affable to the stranger who asks her about cricket immediately upon discovering she’s from India as she is to the writer who will discuss only Salman Rushdie with her, and to the women who drag her along to a Bollywood Karaoke place.
If, one day, the good Indian friend is informed how “calm” she is, and asked: is it because Indians have this “deep, meditative air to them?” Even if the good Indian friend is a refugee from a home filled with meditation and saffron-coloured memoirs by Swamis, she will nod thoughtfully, appreciatively.
The good Indian friend will be present at every single South Asian event, whether it is a Carnatic music recital or a seminar on the hermeneutics of Bhangra.
At a Sainsbury’s, standing before the aisle that is a wonderland of more spice varieties than she has ever seen, the good Indian friend might once be asked which one is cayenne and which one is chili powder, and which of those is best suited for a curry. The good Indian friend will know the answer.
The good Indian friend blushes gratefully when she is told how articulate and beautiful her English is.
The good Indian friend never notices when her white friends turn peculiar shades of orange. She never brings up fake tans. The good Indian friend smiles when told, “I wish I was tan like you.”
The good Indian friend is absolutely always able to hold long conversations on Bollywood.
“Can you teach me any moves?” The good Indian friend might often be called upon to become an impromptu Bollywood dance instructor. She will always be up-to-date with the latest moves, and will always be ready to demonstrate. The good Indian friend knows all the lyrics of every Hindi song ever written.
When two people enter a music room and the good Indian friend goes for the piano, she will be gracious at the others’ surprise that she knows how to play the piano, but not the tabla or the sitar. The good Indian friend will help you wear a sari. She will automatically know how, by virtue of her Indianness. She will then pick out the perfect bindi for you.
The good Indian friend will hear in detail about white people’s weddings in Jaipur. Here, she must feign interest, act as tour guide, offer insider tips and names of hidden spots.
As for her own hypothetical future wedding, she will, by default, say yes to everyone who asks to be invited. The wedding will, of course, include elephants, Bollywood dancing, horses, and fire.
The good Indian friend cares for her white friends’ feelings. She does not wish to make people uncomfortable. She will never speak ill of her country, or of the several carefully constructed systems that brought her here in the first place.
At music festivals and elsewhere, the good Indian friend will be in awe of all the bindis and shiva T-shirts. The good Indian friend celebrates their edginess.
When she is confronted with a white poet who immediately launches into a verbal reverie about his experiences with ketamine in Hampi and Benares, the good Indian friend will add productively to the conversation. She will admire his spiritual journey.
The good Indian friend listens with interest to your stories from the gap year you spent in Rajasthan teaching rural children English. She always looks suitably apologetic when you talk about the poverty you witnessed. She is always grateful when you talk about the difference you made to the children.
Tags: advice, friendship, neha margosa, racism
Your article touched my heart. I’m from Israel, but I look Italian and people argue with me about how Italian I look or how French my accent sounds. When they hear I am from Israel, they immediately ask me to be a representative of all Jewish/political things about Israel. I and I alone am responsible for the wars (which I did not want and did not contribute to), the Palestinian oppression and just about everything else that I have no control over. I’ve been in the US for almost 12 years and people still ask me if I lived in the desert or rode a camel to school sometimes.
It’s OK for both you and me to be who we are without being given the role of representing our respective cultures. Thank you for the beautiful piece.
… you mean you DIDN’T ride a camel to school? </snark>
I’m Jewish but not Israeli, and the thing that gets me is “your faith is so beautiful” or “your heritage is so beautiful.” Bitch please. Come to a Ritual Committee meeting at ANY synagogue, and then tell me I’m a member of a beautiful faith.
LOL. I’ve been asked if I know what the Internet is, after all, Israel is in Africa, as one woman informed me. In my early days in the US, some people even spoke to me like I was an idiot when they heard I was a foreigner. My English is good, but as soon as they heard I was not born here, they started talking really loud and using very simple words.
Do people ask you if you’ve been to Israel? I’ve heard some Jewish people being asked that, as though each and every Jew must go.
//Do people ask you if you’ve been to Israel? I’ve heard some Jewish people being asked that, as though each and every Jew must go.//
Some people do think this is true–possibly they’ve confused it with Mecca, but more likely it’s because of “next year in Jerusalem….” I’m not sure.
*is also a non-Israeli Jew*
Totally. Once, when I said I’d never been, the other person was like “You mean you haven’t been YET”.
Nobody really asks me that, but I’m a special case because I’m in rabbinical school, so people just assume (correctly) that I’ve been there. I’ve actually lived there twice, and I both miss it and don’t whenever I’m back home.
My best friend is Israeli and I’m Australian. When we travelled to the US we were asked if we had TV in Australia. My friend was asked if she could drive a tank. I honestly didn’t know how to even respond.
Apollonia, that totally takes the cake.
Oh dear. I am a Bad Indian Friend! But I wobble my head approvingly at these tips, and will strive to be a Better Indian Friend in the future.
A good Indian friend should also love colours and sequins. The louder the colour and larger the sequins, the more the bollywoody-Indian-friend in her will be satisfied.
From one desi to another, this is great!
I’m a very white person, and strangely enough, no one ever asks for my mashed-potato recipe.
OMG!?! You’re white? Could you tell me what kind of canned green beans I should use in this green bean casserole I’m trying to make?!? I just want to make sure it’s Authentic.
Cackling with delight at the idea of someone trying to make an Authentic green bean casserole. Thank you for this!
Clearly, you need to use frozen green beans, not those mushy canned ones!
But what about your meatloaf recipe? Surely?
Can you teach me the Electric Slide? Or the Chicken Dance?
Ok, TRUE WEIRD STORY, but I’m white and most of my friends where I live are POC and kind of fetishize my whiteness? Like, it’s a joke among us and it’s cool, but apparently I give off this hella WASP vibe so people ask me about white people things ALL THE TIME.
“Middlemarch, you’re white, what’s white Christmas like?”
“My family doesn’t do Thanksgiving, Middlemarch, can I crash at yours? I want to see a white Thanksgiving!”
Or a personal favorite I’ve received from people of many cultures, “How do white families fight? Like, do they actually fight, or just repress it all?”
Anyway, find the right crowd and someday, SOMEDAY!, someone will ask you for your mashed potato recipe!
“Chai tea” drives me bonkers, and I’m only married to an Indian.
“Chai” (or some spelling variation thereof) is also apparently the Russian word for tea, so I’ve had this conversation with my Russian-speaking friend:
Her: You’re making chai?
Me: No, just black tea
Her: Yeah, you’re making chai.
I didn’t figure out the “chai tea” thing until I was learning Chinese and made the connection between “chai” and “chá.”
I am related to a lot of Russian-as-a-primary-language people who also happen to hate cinnamon, so when chai tea became A Thing, I made it my mission to warn them that chai (chai tea) is not “chai” (Russian word for tea).
So conversation with my mom:
me: I’m drinking chai
her: chai or chai?
me: chai-chai.
Similar to mine and my mom’s conversations (in Russian):
Me: Mom, I’m making chai, do you want any?
Mom: Sure, what kind of chai?
Me: Chai chai.
Mom: No, I just want chai.
there is an iNCREDIBLE article at the hairpin that points out this ridiculousness as well, and i love it dearly
It drives me bonkers too, and I’m not Indian or married to an Indian. It’s up there with Shrimp Scampi and Hot Water Heater. I just hate redundant redundancies.
ATM machine and PIN number!
Sorry, team, I am part of the problem there… I’m trying to mend my ways, but ‘number’ and ‘machine’, they just slip out sometimes.
Try replacing ATM Machine with the Britishism ‘cash machine’, it’s easier than dropping the ‘machine’ altogether, and satisfyingly casual.
I’m just British, so I know about chai tea, too. so for me its, do you want chai, or tea? whaaa?
Frankly, this complaint seems snobbish to me. It’s kind of like how “salsa” means a specific type of sauce to Americans, and “pesto” is almost always basil pesto. We’re speaking English in America (I assume?), and different connotations have developed as these terms and foods have been embraced by Americans.
I take great delight in being a Terrible Indian Friend. My favourite thing is to go “Hello…” when people “Namaste” me.
My favourite thing is to go “Salaam alaikum” to my buddy who is Sikh.
Screw Namaste, the best Indian friend jumps to touch the feet of every elder in your family if and when she meets them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBMc9s8oDWE
A Good Indian Friend must also be Hindu. As you know, India has no other religions, nor any atheists or secularists, despite being an officially secular country.
“When she is confronted with a white poet who immediately launches into a verbal reverie about his experiences with ketamine in Hampi and Benares, the good Indian friend will add productively to the conversation. She will admire his spiritual journey.”
THIS. Kill it with fire.
A good Indian friend nods and smiles when her white friends say “You don’t watch Bollywood? Wow, I am so much more Indian than you!”
“you’ve REALLY never seen three idiots?!?!?”
here i am, spectacle for you to gape at
This Bad Chinese Friend recognizes and salutes you, sister.
At a Sainsbury’s, standing before the aisle that is a wonderland of more spice varieties than she has ever seen, the good Indian friend might once be asked which one is cayenne and which one is chili powder, and which of those is best suited for a curry. The good Indian friend will know the answer.
Here’s hoping that that answer will prevent that person from ever asking the good Indian friend for that sort of advice ever again.
A good indian friend must also smile beatifically when Americans point out the britishism’s in their English…
The Good Indian Friend will definitely, definitely not give you the finger when you talk about all the colors you saw when you went on holiday to India.
Goes double for when you describe India to your Good Indian friend as “vibrant”.
How ‘spiritual’ the poor people were. Ugh.
yep the good Indian friend knows her home is in fucking Picasso’s palette
P.S. Death to “curry” and long live dosas.
Amen!
Dosas are the fucking JAM. However! I will take the goopy sauciness of a “curry” over sambar. I’ve never understood it (as an extremely un-Indian person).
The good Indian friend was your roomie for six years!
The good Indian friend laughed when her boyfriend taunted the chefs at a Thai restaurant, (“I’m Indian, I can handle ANY level of spiciness.”) but did make sure he was alright. The poor fellow had steam coming out of ears, as I recall.
The good Indian friend is now a neurosurgeon who cuts open heads! However, she will remind you that there’s often more drilling involved than cutting.
The good Indian friend now lives far away. I miss her lots.
I think that I once worked for Good Indian Friend’s white friend. He had “lots” of Indian and Asian friends, and would say things like “This organization is here today thanks to strong yellow women.” To my Asian co-worker. While my eyes popped out of my head and I tried not to explode.
( ﾟ-ﾟ) …….. ( ﾟﾛﾟ) … ( ﾟ__ ﾟ)
My mouth actually dropped opened in horror. And the I closed it, because I don’t even know what to say.
He would also say things about how people were TOTALLY not racist in the Bay Area. Which, I’m sorry, but if you’re white and don’t see any racism around your office in the Mission District in SF every dang day, you need to go to Intersectionality School.
…
I keep trying to think of some devastatingly witty way to describe the obliviousness here and I just can’t.
Let me supply you with more glorious obliviousness. When talking about his relationship with the black community, he mentioned how he was super rebellious back in the 90’s for joining a Gospel choir at his New England liberal arts college. (That doesn’t exactly make you Atticus Finch, but ok, whatever.)
He then proceeded to say, verbatim: “I’ve made music with many black people. Had many black friends. Made love, to many black women.” I ACTUALLY DIED.
Oh, merciful christmas. Where to even start.
(I’m going to guess he was a first tenor, and generally sang in the Key of Off.)
Jesus christ, this is too fucking real. I moved to the US when I was 15 and took all of two years to perfect my American accent, because I was so tired of explaining why I sounded “British”.
…….AHHHHHHHHHHHgifibbleffffffffffff
One time I snapped at someone and said, “No, my accent is an INDIAN one. There are many different kinds and none sound like Apu.”
WOW I have been waiting for this ever since Nicole tweeted Jaya about it yesterday — and it is indeed perfect. Though I fear I am quite the Mediocre Indian Friend, what with my constant rants about the idiocy of referring to curry as a flavor (WOULD YOU SAY THIS IS SAUCE FLAVORED NO NO YOU WOULD NOT JFC) and giggles about “chai tea”.
Actual lol at “sauce-flavored.”
Oddly enough, working at Starbucks as a teenager is how I learned not to refer to chai tea. Their training teaches employees to call the thing made with milk a “chai latte” and the thing made with hot water and a teabag “chai.” Apparently it stuck, because “chai tea” now sounds ridiculous to me.
but chai latte is ALSO ridiculous! tea-latte?
Huh I guess that doesn’t seem ridiculous to me – probably further coffee shop indoctrination. But, like, a latte is espresso + steamed milk, so a tea latte is tea + steamed milk? (Never mind that a Starbucks chai latte is nothing of the sort.)
I made “chai steamers” for several customers who wanted an unsweetened chai latte.
Tea lattes are a thing in some places! Not any of the chains, but I have definitely encountered the ‘English Breakfast Tea Latte’ in an indie cafe
additionally can we please discuss the NAH-MA-STAY that happens at the end of yoga classes and how it is outrageous
I HATE IT SO MUCH!
THE ONLY PEOPLE I SAID NAMASTE TO IN INDIA WERE OTHER PEOPLE’S GRANDPARENTS. AND MY HINDI TEACHER AT SCHOOL.
I’d maybe say it now if I was an announcer on the evening news or an announcer at some classical music event, but only in the beginning, not as a goodbye.
RIGHT exACTly
i always wonder what the white ladies think it means — peace be with you? i am so calm?
perhaps i shall just start saying “hello” instead
~~The god in me recognizes the god in you~~
If you went to Pier One and bought this printed on panel in Papyrus or fake-Sanskrit or a similarly moronic typeface, you get a free gift card to Lululemon.
this kills me. It literally just means “Hello, you”
It actually isn’t. It’s not like everyone goes around saying Namaste but I’ve been to a lot of yoga classes in India and it’s just a greeting.
YES! Gets worse btw. Switched to pilates and i’ll give u 1 guess on how those classes end.
I went to a yoga class led by a white hipster dude who concluded the hour by playing his guitar and throat-singing. OMFG STOP. STOP. I am a white woman who really enjoys yoga, and he was a pretty good teacher otherwise, but dude please slow your roll, this is INTENSELY uncomfortable in so many ways.
I feel the need to clarify that what I love about yoga is the generally accepting attitude and the varying paces & levels of skill it particularly seems to allow. A+ on exercise that makes me feel happy and accepting of my body! But clearly there’s a lot of gross co-opting of culture happening in it too. Be less shitty, fellow White People. (Also I’m tired of overpriced clothing designed for one /very specific/ (thin young white female) body type.)
Was this in Ithaca? Because I think I might have gone to this class too.
This is amazing. I’ve gotten a couple of these but luckily, I don’t think I’ve ever been described as “calm” in my entire life.
At a Sainsbury’s, standing before the aisle that is a wonderland of more spice varieties than she has ever seen, the good Indian friend might once be asked which one is cayenne and which one is chili powder, and which of those is best suited for a curry. The good Indian friend will know the answer.
Apparently corollary to this: good Indian friends make friends with people who cannot f-ing read labels.
Also, the wedding thing drives me BONKERS because no one in my family dances at weddings or does anything remotely as lavish as anything seen in movies. We have really quiet temple ceremonies that last for a few hours, and it’s NOT unusual.
Can I guess at some more?
The good Indian friend is polite when asked if she speaks Indian.
The good Indian friend DOES speak Hindi or Punjabi or whatever language the questioner thinks “Indian” is.
The good Indian friend is either Hindu or Sikh. She practices the exotic, charming customs but is not devout enough to make monotheists uncomfortable.
psst, Sikhs are monotheistic
(facepalm) Thanks for correcting me. I meant people raised in Christian and Jewish culture, the so-called Abraham religions as well as Islam, but it was the wrong way to put it.
People speak more than one language in India. This Good Indian Friend does not understand the random Hindi words you try out on her!
And not just because they have been mispronounced beyond all recognition…
I’ve never been a particularly Good Indian Friend but a Good Indian Bookseller will listen patiently when you tell her all about your travels in India, and be perfectly willing to give you all of the “local secrets” for whatever city you want to visit, because having family in Mumbai definitely means that you know everything about Jaipur. And she will never, ever consider beaning you on the head with your copy of The Lonely Planet: India.
Ah I want to be your best friend. I literally just posted this long, sad, rant on some wedding blog that made my partner send this to me.
The gist of it is this – I feel totally alone in my wedding planning. My partner and I want an “alternative” wedding but what I realized is alternative only means alternative to Judeo-Christian-Western. You can only disapprove of the culture, sexism, and ancient practices of THOSE cultures. Having a Hindu wedding is expected, ironically, in “alternative weddings”. Alternative either means you wear an off-white dress when you walk down the aisle, or of course you have an elephant, an elaborate red sari, and you walk in circles around your husband to be. And I’ve noticed that as a good Indian friend I have to smile and just say no. I’m not allowed to go into the violent sexual abuse against women that I don’t want to be a part of, that I don’t want to be part of a continued tradition where only 2 generations before me my grandmothers got married under the age of 13 to men 10 times her age. I’m supposed to just go “WEEEE!! HORSIES AND ELEPHANTS AND FIRE!”
The response I get from the vaguely good non-Indians are “you should do whatever you want! It’s your day!” And I *know* that’s true. But that’s easy for them to say when they had to make the decision to use posies in their bouquets instead of roses, or whatever “offbeat” thing they decided to do. But what I want is a response from one of those people that is “fuck all those people. Not just because it’s your wedding… but fuck them for making you feel like you’re in a box confined to how a good Indian has to behave. Fuck them for not seeing that your ancestry is complicated and making you feel like you have to put on a show. Fuck them for not asking you how you feel about the complicated history of marriages in your culture and how that has affected your decision to enter into this institution of marriage after everything you have seen and experienced and reducing it all to a couple of bollywood dances and some guy saying mystical, magical things in Sanskrit. Fuck them all.” 🙂
(Man this comment felt good to post).
Wow, this is just all so spot on. So spot on. “Fuck all those people.” Fuck everyone who expects you to tow the line because of family or tradition or whatever. Marriage does have a complicated, sometimes ugly history. Fuck all those people who are uncomfortable with you acknowledging that.
Thank you for saying what you did, because it felt good to agree.
Offbeat Bride may help you (incredibly diverse, even beyond varieties of white American). Or enrage you (includes yoga practitioner white Americans). Possibly both at the same time but maybe you can find the helpful bits first?
The Good North/South Indian friend is endlessly patient while explaining that she does not understand a single word your other Good South/North Indian friend’s native language. Both these friends are Very Good Friends, and the fact that they speak to each other in English baffles you.
So many of these are familiar because I’m Irish! People are just awful at not relating other people to stereotypes. ‘You’re Irish? You must love guinness!!’ Nope, its foul.
On the flip side, I’m also pretty bad at cultural awareness it some ways, diversity is not a thing where I grew up (The only ethnic minority we have is ginger people, and you see how badly they get treated)! Since moving to the UK I’ve been making friends and being exposed to different cultures and its great, I try and be respectful, I’ll ask people about their culture/how they grew up, but try not to project any expectation on them, but I probably put my foot in it more often than not.
I only learned awhile ago that the description ‘Asian’ includes Indian/Pakistani people too, yes I am that clueless. I’ve a few friends of south Asian/Indian decent now, but we rarely discuss it, but it is fun to get a glimpse of their heritage/culture sometimes. I went to my friends 21st awhile ago, and we were drinking in her house and her mum made some amazing food, which I, in my drunken munchified state, proceeded to scoff down, not quite realizing how spicy it would be! And then about 100 cousins turned up and they were all stunning, which made my pale chubby ass feel awesome!
So yeah, I’m trying guys! and I hope that my friends know me enough to know that they can tell me to shut up if I ever say anything to stupid. Although I don’t think I’d ever insist that they bring me for a curry, that’s just cruel.
If I understand it correctly, in the UK “Asian” is used exclusively to refer to people of South Asian descent and “Oriental” (yes, for real) is used for East Asians. As an American of East Asian descent, I do not particularly like this nomenclature, but that’s what it is.
I have not heard that! I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone being described as ‘Oriental’, but maybe I amn’t around the ‘right’ sorts of people (I’m imagining some fat bloke with a mustache and a very posh voice talking about ‘some very nice orientals’ he met on his travels….)
Then again, there tend to be great games of trying to describe people without making any reference to their race at times (I work in a very multicultural office)
NOOOOO. Me and my friends family etc. no. either we go into more detail (only slightly more, because we don’t get given much to go on) so people become Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Pakistani, Bangladeshi etc or the whole thing is settled onto its continent, so they are all “asian”. Drives me nuts, Just as bad as people being “African” Do you KNOW how big the continent of africa is? then think about how big the continent of ASIA is!!!! arg arrrg ARRRRG. *hangs head in shame for her pasty white race and all their crap*
I saw an episode of bones once, and they kept talking about how there was only one “Asian” in the office they were investigating, when there were very clearly two! what they meant was, there was only one Chinese person in the office. I think the other person was from India, via a generation or two in L.A and a voice coach sent him “back to his Apu roots” It was just a nightmare.
Thank you Neha! I am an Indian in self-imposed exile for 34 years in the Vanvaas that is the West. Your article is very resonant with me.
I have not heard that! I don't think I've ever heard anyone being described as 'Oriental', but maybe I amn't around the 'right' sorts of people (I'm imagining some fat bloke with a mustache and a very posh voice talking about 'some very nice orientals' he met on his travels….)
Then again, there tend to be great games of trying to describe people without making any reference to their race at times (I work in a very multicultural office)
Just brilliant!
The Good Indian Friend likes Quantico, or at least nods along when you make noises about “representation” and how it’s so empowering that she speaks with “an Indian accent”, and keeps her opinions about crappy writing and magical brownness to herself.
Living in India now, lived in the US in my childhood. I have been asked if I speak Indian. I have agonized, in both countries, over my accent. Nowhere was included a decision to croak everything I said in one country’s media where in another I could speak the same language perfectly unaffectedly, but an actress does what she feels she must, I suppose.
But more importantly, there are twice as many English speakers in India than there are in the UK. (Two and a half centuries’ worth of state-sponsored education and association with privilege in a billion-strong population will do that.) India, in fact, is the world’s second-largest population of English speakers, after the US. I feel like we have something of a stake in the language’s use and future, but nobody I know and nobody whose possibly-relevant article I’ve read seems to consider this a factor.
Also, the treatment of Indians as a homogenous undifferentiated mass of people galls me every single time. It makes no sense. This is a country of a billion people and 23 constitutionally recognized languages. That’s as many languages as and more people than Europe. Unlike Europe, we became a nation – rather, three nations – because of lines that the inhabitants of a tiny island drew for administrative purposes three hundred years ago. The story, even in brief, makes Game of Thrones look simplistic. What part of this picture seems to scream “tiny village of mystical brotherhood” to anyone?
Whatever. It’s more interesting in here, anyway. Somebody else’s ignorance isn’t my problem, for the moment. If and when I do find myself in the position of Indian friend, by these standards I might end up disqualified.
The Good Indian Friend likes Quantico, or at least nods along when you make noises about "representation" and how it's so empowering that she speaks with "an Indian accent", and keeps her opinions about crappy writing and magical brownness to herself.
Living in India now, lived in the US in my childhood. I have been asked if I speak Indian. I have agonized, in both countries, over my accent. Nowhere was included a decision to croak everything I said in one country's media where in another I could speak the same language perfectly unaffectedly, but an actress does what she feels she must, I suppose.
But more importantly, there are twice as many English speakers in India than there are in the UK. (Two and a half centuries' worth of state-sponsored education and association with privilege in a billion-strong population will do that.) India, in fact, is the world's second-largest population of English speakers, after the US. I feel like we have something of a stake in the language's use and future, but nobody I know and nobody whose possibly-relevant article I've read seems to consider this a factor.
Also, the treatment of Indians as a homogenous undifferentiated mass of people galls me every single time. It makes no sense. This is a country of a billion people and 23 constitutionally recognized languages. That's as many languages as and more people than Europe. Unlike Europe, we became a nation – rather, three nations – because of lines that the inhabitants of a tiny island drew for administrative purposes three hundred years ago. The story, even in brief, makes Game of Thrones look simplistic. What part of this picture seems to scream "tiny village of mystical brotherhood" to anyone?
Whatever. It's more interesting in here, anyway. Somebody else's ignorance isn't my problem, for the moment. If and when I do find myself in the position of Indian friend, by these standards I might end up disqualified.