1. I really love musicals — Phantom is about my favorite play ever! — and I can’t think of anything I’d rather do more than see a brand-new, original musical. But I’ve been so distracted with my cousin’s bridesmaids all staying at my house. There are eleven of them, and they haven’t even changed out of their dresses, and it’s been three days since my cousin’s wedding. As soon as they leave, I’ll be able to focus.
2. How many more weekends did you say it runs? Is there a website, or is the theatre company too small for that? I did try to get tickets that first week, but the link to buy them seemed to be broken. It kept sending me to some pest abatement service.
3. By the way, I’m so happy Emma saw it! She and I are practically the same person, so it’s almost as if I were there myself. She said the play must have been an enormous amount of work and time for you. I’m impressed that you find a way to do it! It’s so great that she was able to be there to see your talents shine, even if the evening was a little long.
4. I’m volunteering at the homeless shelter on the weekends, as I think you know, so it’s kind of hard for me to get away for something like a play, but I promise I’ll try. “Diurnal Rhythms” is such a great title.
5. I do want to come, and I still might be there — maybe some night when the house is really full, when I can just slip in more or less unseen and blend into the crowd. (Can you text me from backstage and let me know, like maybe right before showtime, as to how crowded it is?) Because back in college, I had a thing with the guy who’s the stage manager, if his name is Drew. At least, I think it was him. Emma told me the theatre was pretty empty the night she was there, so if I happened to come on a night like that, I might run into Drew, or he might see me, and that would just be awkward. So keep that in mind, if you can, and if you can let me know about the crowd and maybe leave a ticket for me, I could probably bring a friend, as long as it’s not for a Thursday or a Friday or a Saturday or Sunday performance.
6. Okay, I can’t believe I’m even telling you this, but content involving squirrels and/or trapping…? It’s just really triggering for me. A long story which I’ll tell you at some point. Hey, maybe an idea for your next play! But it’s pretty dark, so I don’t know. Might not be your thing. In any case, unless I’m wrong, I think Emma said part of the play involved an issue related to ground squirrel removal, and that would be really tough for me, in all honesty.
7. If I come, I assume they’ll expect me to turn off my cell phone? Hey, who needs to get with the program here in the good old 21st century! Press the red hotline button to Patti LuPone if you have to, but I’m leaving my cell phone on. You might speak with Drew about that. If it’s the same guy I’m thinking of, he was way into technology, back when I knew him.
8. The show looks great, but the tickets are a little outside of my price range. For $15, I could get a cup of coffee and one or two of those tiny chocolate-covered graham crackers. So, I’ll have to see.
9. Didn’t anyone tell you about the weather here, ha ha? (Ironic, I know, since Emma said there was that one touching scene in the play, about “where the squirrels go in the winter.”) I think it’s funny, or maybe sad — just like those theatre masks, I guess, funny and sad! — how your play happens to have coincided with a crazy run of weather. I’m so sorry there was that huge rainstorm opening night, and then the tornado — and all that mess after! — and it was freezing that one night. Thank god it’s so beautiful today! Of course, who would want to be inside on a day like today? Not even you, I bet. I feel bad for the actors, but I’m sure they’re just happy to be onstage, even if there is no air conditioning.
10. Thanks for the e-invite; I opened it too late to make it to last week’s performance. I guess there have been some very funny Facebook posts, too, Emma said! You are always so clever, and you never worry about embarrassing yourself. I really respect that.
11. Actually, I’m not sure Emma liked the play that much, but I promise I won’t let that stop me! I love musicals, and you deserve huge congratulations for even attempting to create another one despite the fact that not too many people really make that their first choice in entertainment, or even in theatre. But bravo, and I can’t wait to see it, or give my ticket to someone who will!
Tags: drama, friendship, humor, l.c. bernadine, performing arts, theatre
The best way to get people to come see your play is when you’re six and they’re your parents and you ambush them while they’re trying to have brunch with their friends. The problem is then you grow up thinking everyone wants to see your play – and they don’t. Even your parents were just day-drunk enough to tolerate it. Philistines.
/bites tongue
//really really hard
I’d share this on Facebook but then all my theater friends would instantly hate me. I’ll make it to your burlesque show someday! Promise!!
I’m not alone! The (gag gag choke) Burlesque (choke) show….lol.
I’m sure she’s actually very talented and that the performance is stellar. It’s just that staying home and knitting is infinitely appealing to me.
One of my theatre friends DID post it and he runs his own theatre company that does nothing but un-published locally-written plays and this was basically written for him
so: irony?
or self-awareness 🙂
12. Your play is in NYC, and I am several states away. Well, several states if you take 95, technically only one if you take 90, but who would take 90? Well, I mean, if I was picking up your brother on the way, I suppose I might take 90. And I might do that, since he’s a sweetie of mine, only I’m not entirely sure if you actually know that, because people were mildly annoyed at you the weekend it became a thing, but, I mean, you knocked rather than just walking in the room he and I were in the next morning when you were looking for your shoes, and you probably wouldn’t have done that unless you suspected something was up, and ANYWAY you’re far away and I don’t have very good planning-ahead skills. Maybe next time?
13. It would be one thing if I expected your play to be bad, but it might actually be worse if your play is good, because then you might invite your friends who are famous enough to have verified twitter accounts and I would be unbearably awkward around them and I might actually die of shame. You don’t want me to die of shame, right? Right?
12. My heart has been poisoned by 10 years of middle school, high school, and college amateur theater, and I still get shakes when I think about the secondhand-embarrassment-hives I got from that one performance of Miss Julie junior year.
13. Don’t wanna. *Zips up hoodie, lies in ball form on couch.*
Ooh, No.13…I pulled that one just two days ago! (I didn’t wanna myself with Mr.PonyAlong’s out of town cousin and his 10 year old son simply because I had just come off a week of babysitting my MIL and HAD IT with family). Don’t wanna never felt so good.
Remind me why I’m in this business again?
Trying to imagine the songs that would be in a musical called Diurnal Rhythms.
“Love in the Sun”
“Afternoon Delight That Ends Before Dusk”
“Those Creepy Crazy Crepusculars”
This is super charming and as a theatre person, I adore it. The excuses some people come up with …!! I would actually be happier if they just said straight-out, “I don’t enjoy theatre,” or whatever their actual reason is. I can respect that – no art form is for everyone; for example, I will never go to an art exhibition. But to tell me, “Ohhhh, I wish I could have seen it!”? Well, you could have. You chose not to. Let’s not pretend that’s an unavoidable tragedy.
The chairs are too hard and my hemorrhoids are flaring up.
I think “I won’t see any live production without Benedict Cumberbatch in it” is a legit reason that people don’t use often enough
I'm not alone! The (gag gag choke) Burlesque (choke) show….lol.
I actually hurt my jaw from clenching it so hard during opening night of a community theater production of The King and I.
I used to make a point of seeing as many of my friends’ performances as possible, but at the last one*, I realized my husband and I had spent half a day neither of us could afford and fifty bucks we also couldn’t afford, not counting the day’s wages he lost finagling the time off, to see a friend perform with stunning grace and talent in a show we both kinda hate.
Meanwhile, we were two months behind on celebrating our own anniversary and several other milestones, which heeeeey we never did get around to taking time and money to commemorate any of that stuff.
So now my motto is “That’s exciting! I can’t wait to hear all about it!” because I’m merrily prioritizing my own household’s important events over my friends’ shows.
*and I don’t actually mean the last one but I wish I did
I used to make a point of seeing as many of my friends' performances as possible, but at the last one*, I realized my husband and I had spent half a day neither of us could afford and fifty bucks we also couldn't afford, not counting the day's wages he lost finagling the time off, to see a friend perform with stunning grace and talent in a show we both kinda hate.
Meanwhile, we were two months behind on celebrating our own anniversary and several other milestones, which heeeeey we never did get around to taking time and money to commemorate any of that stuff.
So now my motto is "That's exciting! I can't wait to hear all about it!" because I'm merrily prioritizing my own household's important events over my friends' shows.
*and I don't actually mean the last one but I wish I did
This is so very real.
Love you, L.C.
Those reasons are all bogus. Except, of course, the squirrel trapping trigger. I totally get that.
Once I actually went to my neighbour (who was in a theatre company, in some capacity I don’t understand)’s play, and it was good! It was a two-act play that involved no talking and only different flashes of light in an otherwise dark room and three/four actors/actresses (not really sure how many or what genders they were supposed to be playing, don’t think that was the point of the play) running about the room expressing things. The first act was supposed to represent the influence of suburban sprawl on animals like deer, raccoons, etc. I felt like I sort of “got” what they were going for with that one, and it was pretty interesting. The second part apparently made so little sense to me that I can’t remember what it was about.
I enjoyed the experience overall, but I didn’t go to any of her other plays, and felt vaguely guilty about that for the rest of the time we were neighbours.
Once I actually went to my neighbour (who was in a theatre company, in some capacity I don't understand)'s play, and it was good! It was a two-act play that involved no talking and only different flashes of light in an otherwise dark room and three/four actors/actresses (not really sure how many or what genders they were supposed to be playing, don't think that was the point of the play) running about the room expressing things. The first act was supposed to represent the influence of suburban sprawl on animals like deer, raccoons, etc. I felt like I sort of "got" what they were going for with that one, and it was pretty interesting. The second part apparently made so little sense to me that I can't remember what it was about.
I enjoyed the experience overall, but I didn't go to any of her other plays, and felt vaguely guilty about that for the rest of the time we were neighbours.
I would love to come to your play, but I just saw a radical Brechtian reinterpretation of My Fair Lady yesterday. When I asked Emma what she thought of the production she said “Ah… the sets were great!”
Hilarious! This piece should be performed as a monologue .
I’ve been on both sides of this equation and I’ve come to realize that no matter how close of friends one is, or how much it is their job to “scout” your work, you ( we ) are still asking someone to give up THEIR time for you. Smetimes you’re even asking them tospend THEIR money for that privilege . If they don’t want to come, that’s fine. If they don’t want to read my play, that’s their privelege. And if they can’t simply say that out loud to you or in an e-mail, well let them off the hook. You’ve CHOSEN to be an artist, they haven’t made that choice.
How I Met Your Mother had a great take on this in season 2 in episode 16 called “Stuff.”