In the early 1950s you could walk around almost any small town and, if you kept your eyes above shop window level, you would have no difficulty in finding a bookseller. Lower your eyes and you would most probably discover that he was selling not books, but stationery or toys or tobacco or fancy goods. No doubt he had started out with good intentions in his heart; but over the years the “other goods” had crept in…Pokers with colored knobs, teak mice, gaily decorated tin trays and egg prickers: each in turn had its year and was then forgotten, abandoned by the public in search of the latest novelty. What will it be this year? Spoon rests? —Christopher Milne, The Path Through the Trees
Suggested Inventory for an Independent Bookstore in 2015
Turkish tea towels
Silk scarves from India
“Je suis Charlie” posters
Provencal tablecloths (2 for $95)
Tiny soaps shaped like goats, scented with calendula and musk
Free totes with bookstore logo, made of scratchy canvas that shrinks in wash (available with purchase of store membership)
Tasteful black and white prints of nude people
Tasteless color prints of naked people
A candle shaped like Buddha’s head
Big book photos of Bad Mothers smoking, wearing red lipstick and driving convertibles (for Mother’s Day) (on sale in June)
Reproductions of vintage sailboats ($45 for small, $139 for large)
Leather handbags (Attach security devices) (Remove price tags: a customer fainted last week)
Oddly sized coffee table books on Zen Cats, Homicidal Cats, Existential Cats, The Neighbor’s Cat, Schrödinger’s Cat
Miniature “books” on grammar, etiquette, scarf-tying, table manners and How-to-Impersonate Audrey Hepburn
Remainder table holding ninety-seven Coleridge anthologies and one copy of Crocheting for Baby
Postcards of:
- Lovers kissing in Grand Central Station, circa 1947
- “Gay Street” sign from West Village
- A dachshund cowering beside two stiletto-heeled feet
- Paul Newman
- Susan Sarandon
- Buster Keaton
- Audrey Hepburn
- Katharine Hepburn (young, in wicker chair, on Hollywood set)
- Richard Gere (middle-aged, festooned in scarf on Scottish moor)
- Johnny Depp (at any age, with or without eyeliner)
- Ernest Hemingway (with unidentified friends at picnic lunch in European town)
Children’s Section:
Handmade wooden toys produced in Swedish factory
Nine plush pairs of Frog and Toad
One vintage toy car ($423 dollars)
One vintage pull toy from bookstore owner’s collection (for display only) (sticky anyway)
Five sullen-faced Corolle dolls in basket lined with Provencal tablecloth
Cashmere-soft baby t-shirts featuring Goodnight, Moon and Where the Wild Things Are ($38.50 for sizes 2T-4T, $29.50 for onesies)
Pop-up maps of NYC landmarks and Brooklyn
Make your own one-of-a-kind doll kit, including fully fashioned heads, trunks, arms, legs and outfits (dolls can be one-of-a-kind if you ignore directions on where to sew together parts; otherwise, don’t let your kid see another kid’s one-of-a-kind doll)
Terrifyingly unstable rocking horse with the name “Rosie” painted on the side, for children to play on/be murdered by
Two teenagers who “work” behind the counter and have never heard of Harry the Dirty Dog and tell everyone that Press Here is the greatest book for children ever
One copy of A Child’s Garden of Verses buried under eighty-seven copies of The Book with No Pictures
Monument to Mo Willems
One bathroom with changing table, organic diapers and wipes, all-natural hand sanitizer and two clogged toilets
Extras:
Bookmarks with shop’s name and logo on them, free with purchase (or if customer runs in and grabs some and runs out)
Lilies to be scattered in vases come spring
Extra Kleenex for bathroom come spring, for largely asthmatic and allergic population of independent bookstores
Teapot tree
Maritime Soap Company everything. Everything that company makes: stock it. If it has a drawing of an anchor on it, stock it.
A cat claimed by no one, who skulks about scaring the shit out of dogs who patronize the shop with their owners (not for sale, unless price is right)
More tea towels
I am, in fact, an avid knitter, who has never taken on many commissions because I don't think they're worth the money you make for the time they take. (The store I used to work for charged people a standard 25 cents per yard to hire us to make things for them, and I never encouraged people to pay for the service.) It makes me really, really sad for everybody involved that people put so much time into creating what end up being very expensive novelty scarves using shitty yarn. If you're going to bother, charge people the extra $20, support your local yarn shop, and use nicer materials.
I went to a Waldolf school, where we learned to stick a boldly lined loose page behind any page to make our lines straight. This is my gift to you, much like the apocryphal gift of the Neiman-Marcus cookie recipe.
I actually scrolled back up to check the byline halfway through, thinking it had to be a Mallory.
This is where you see a pair of horns poking into your peripheral vision and a voice hisses in your ear, "Perhaps a visit to the Powell's website…", and when you turn around there is just a faint sound of cackling receding into the distance.
This comment tangentially reminds me of the Monty Python sketch with the cheese shop that is Licensed for Public Dancing.
This is why "Dogs are not allowed in the dog park" was such a brilliant place for Night Vale to start.
Because it's wonderful?
Oh man Book Culture… I used to go there to buy my course books back when it was still Labyrinth, and I make it a point to pop in every time I'm in Morningside Heights. Which location did you work for?
The centerpiece of my bedroom is two huge bookshelves completely filled with books. I have gotten multiple compliments on how beautiful the shelves look, filled with their books. Readers Digest doesn't know what they're talking about.
Suddenly, I feel so pretentious for having bought my baby niece "Push Here."