How to Say You’re a Christian in Your Twitter Bio Without Really Saying It

by Cort Gatliff & Joseph Amagliani · October 26, 2015

Follower of Jesus Christ of Nazareth.

Kneeling at the foot of Calvary.

Passionate about social justice and social media || Disgusting sinner saved by grace alone

Far worse than I could ever imagine || More loved than I dare to dream

#Proverbs31Woman

A faithful disciple of the way, the truth, and the life.

Souled-out servant to the Most High.

Pilgrim in this world merely passing through.

Proud daughter of the lamb who was slain and rose again.

Clothed in the armor of God.

Favorite band: Judah and the Lion.

Favorite person: The Lion of Judah

Enlisted soldier in the army of the Living Savior. Dutifully obeying His marching orders.

Following the voice of the Shepherd until he calls me home. Selah.

On the brightest of days, in the darkest of nights, Jesus is my fave.

Diligent student of the Word || Permanent citizen of the coming Kingdom

I exist to bring glory to a baby born in a manger. I am dust.

Dying daily, living freely, loving unconditionally because He first loved me.

Full-time mother to 4 children || Full-time daughter to one Father

Activist. Blogger. Believer in a small government and a big Jesus.

“I just go where the life is, you know? Where I feel the Holy Spirit” – Bono

Daddy’s Girl (Divine & Natural)

Caring for the widows and orphans. #JesusFreak

Predestined, bitches!

Cort Gatliff is a copywriter living in Birmingham, Alabama. Joseph Amagliani is an aspiring writer, thinker, conversationalist, and engineer living in Nashville, Tennessee.


97 Comments

      1. daisicles +6

        If only. If. Only. I’m afraid to link to this on Facebook lest certain individuals of my acquaintance get even more ideas.

          1. daisicles +12

            Or you just didn’t go to high school with a bunch of Baptists in Tennessee. I suspect it’s a bit of a restricted phenomenon.

  2. threatqualitypress +109

    This is a good one but I got some concerns about how to indicate that I have made binding pacts with the Powers of the Outer Darkness in my twitter bio and I am worried that just saying it will scare people off. Do you have any advice for ways to subtly indicate that?

    1. lordpuddleglum +73

      #blackmassbestmass
      Dancing with the Devil
      Satan, Lucifer and the Devil are all specific, different spirits and it’s only that new testament hack job that lumped them all together.
      Beelzebub was misunderstood.
      I’d say call me Faust, but I’m more effective.
      i went to the desert to fast and a stranger with horns offered me toast. I ate it. It was delicious, Worth it.

      1. threatqualitypress +56

        I think this might give the impression that I was a Satanist, rather than thrall to the monstrous forms beyond form and the Powers beyond comprehension

      3. fromthelandwithlove +15

        “Satan, Lucifer and the Devil are all specific, different spirits and it’s only that new testament hack job that lumped them all together. ”

        Finally, someone who gets it.

    2. maccrocodile +115

      Proud mother of unknowable horrors that whisper in the night.

      Recipient of unnatural riches and successes, waiting to be called Home.

      #Cursed

      3. threatqualitypress +24

        especially good for when I meet new people and the writhing horrors that I’ve birthed are lurking in the depths of every nearby shadow, that is a weird thing to just spring on someone.

    4. irishbreakfasttime +61

      opinions are mine alone and not those of my soulkeeper and eternal master, the arbiter of the howling voids

    6. irishbreakfasttime +70

      do not hide your light under a bushel basket, or your writhing tentacles under, I dunno, a big hoop skirt or something

      1. swords-and-spindles +9

        Arms
        Legs
        Ovipositor

        Yeah, sounds alright to me. Maybe stating your number of nipples might help, too? (cf. Good Omens)

  3. Ronit +51

    cort and joseph are both christians they are not punching down

    Wouldn’t they have to be powerless and/or a minority for it to be punching down?

    1. citizenchristy +81

      When my brother Lance was about 11 months old, my dad taught him to say “He is risen indeed!” in response to “He is risen.” On Christmas morning, my dad proudly paraded Lance over to their pastor and attempted to show him how godly the kid already was. Lance clammed up completely, so my dad offered a bit more of a prompt: “He is risen in…” “TEXAS!” my brother shouted.

    2. bighairnoheart +20

      *sits muttering in the eastern Catholic section* Why not ‘indeed he is risen’? Sounds dumb the other way. Everything’s better in Slavonic. Harrumph. Grumble. Etc.

  5. kilks401 +16

    Amusing that even in a pretty religious part of the country, I have seen zero of these. Shows my godless ways.

      1. Alli525 +36

        Yes but you COULD HAVE, which is what counts. FWIW, I thought this was Nicole’s post, having finally discovered Christian Twitter.

      2. cosetthetable +48

        That has literally never stopped anyone from blaming you.

        Should it have? Yeah, sure, maybe. Has it?

        Nope.

  8. summerestherson +37

    Oh man, the “Predestined, bitches!” one is perfect. Perfect. I want to send this to my Reformed Baptist cousins.

  10. citizenchristy +42

    Good to see a dust mention on here. That’s how you know they’re one of those cool Christians.

    Source: one of those cool Christians.

  11. cosetthetable +80

    My eighth grade math teacher (in catholic school) LOVED talking about the armor of God.

    So, one day I showed up to class wearing the armor of God, with each piece labeled appropriately.

    ………. He was excited! And then invited me to lead prayer. Which I might have easily foreseen, but was entirely unprepared for.

  12. LacaunaKale +42

    Honestly, if I saw any lion and/or Judah references, I would presume that the writer was Rastafarian.

    1. Unreadaethel +48

      A friend of mine wrote an article on the need for justice and equity in the garment industry for Rachel Held Evans’ blog, and Evans added the title “Strength and Dignity Are Her Clothing,” which is my favorite progressive reclamation of Proverbs 31 ever.

  15. Merripat +12

    I actually had something similar to “Pilgrim in this world merely passing through” in my bio on the long-abandoned German equivalent of Facebook. But it wasn’t to show that I’m a Christian – I made that quite obvious with mentioning that I study Theology, duh.

  16. bird_internet +107

    There’s also a weird gray area where somebody could either be an evangelical or a very angsty teen. “drowning in beauty// not made for this world// my scars have been healed”

    2. Haley Crain +25

      Or a 2000s angsty top 40 rock fan…
      wake me up inside/wake me up inside/call my name and save me from the dark / bid my blood to run before j come undone / save me from the nothing I’ve become / BRING MEEE TO LIIIIFE
      …wait was Evanescence a Christian band and I just didn’t realize it??

      1. christinaemoss +16

        I think they were kind of borderline Christianish for their first album and then the guy who exerted that influence left?

      2. Scribblegoat +11

        Evanescence was the only “secular” band I could consistently get away with listening to around Church Friends, mostly because I’d pop the shitty early-2000s headphones on them and cue up “Tourniquet.”

        I won a lot of arguments that way because the other kids, who used to have earnest prayer requests for “my friend who’s been listening to a lot of secular music” and consequently wouldn’t know it if it bit them, would assume that level of references to Christ and salvation were pretty standard.

        Much-Improved Adult Pagan Me still really likes the song if you assume Christ is the speaker, but I may have just disturbed everyone ….

    3. whollyword +17

      Or even a very angsty religious teen?

      Being simultaneously Calvinish* and teenage for several years running meant that the angst was coming from all sides.

      * i.e., not all five points.

    4. bighairnoheart +15

      I can’t tell whether or not it’s sad that I read that in my head to the tune of a Linkin Park song…

  17. Ethylbenzene +64

    This would be funny if it wasn’t so true. When I worked for the Catholics, I got to see a LOT of this. Youth ministers seemed to be the biggest culprits. There was one bio I saw that included “bucket list includes living a life that makes Satan angry, owning a Chick-Fil-A.”

    1. nicolescchung +11

      They do not, this is an excellent point, and I’m sorry about the tag; I didn’t think hard enough. Totally my fault. Christians in this country are not an oppressed or persecuted or underrepresented group! I was trying to think of a clever way to say that the authors of this post are Christian and thus mocking themselves too, and totally failed re: cleverness. It’s been removed and I am sorry it was ever there!

  19. telophase +79

    I ran across a blog that had “Sharing Christ through freezer cooking” as its tagline and I just could not.

    1. Heathered +16

      I saw that the other day! I don’t even know what I was looking for because once I saw that I was so baffled it no longer mattered. Sharing Christ through burrito microwaving might have led to my converting, but this was just weird.

  20. Haley Crain +98

    “Caring for widows and orphans” also works if you’re looking for a sly way to say you’re an insufferable typography dweeb.

  21. bookwormV +42

    I feel like a lot of these could, with very little amending, come from a Warboy in the service of Immortan Joe.

  22. chaconneviola +27

    Don’t forget:
    “Doing better than I deserve”
    #IAmSecond
    #IAmThird
    #IAmFourth
    #IAmLast
    “Saved by grace alone, through faith alone”
    any CS Lewis quote, but especially the Liar, Lord, or Lunatic schtick
    #God’sNotDead (He’s surely alive)
    “To Him Be the Glory”
    “Young, restless, Reformed”
    “Jesus is my Homeboy”
    “Jesus Christ and John Calvin have the same initials. Coincidence?”
    “I like my theology like I like my steak: rare enough to bleed freely” –actual quote from a Baptist teacher

  23. arc315 +34

    Today I learned I’m so evangelical I can’t tell ‘stealth’ Christian twitter bios from obvious ones.

  25. elisarebecca +24

    These also work nicely as very Christian email sign-offs, which is a game my roommate and I play.

    Suited in His armor,

  26. bethanykj +28

    “Husband. Father. Pastor. Coffee-lover.” OR “grateful mom, wife to @painfullytryhardpastor.”

    random bible verse with no explanation. (bible nerd prank versions: Ezekiel 23:20, anything that is just a list of supplies from Ezra or Nehemiah)

  27. apakoha

    I've seen… so. many. of these. These aren't exaggerations. Well, a couple, but – yeah, these are real.

  28. halloweenjack64 +11

    A holy roller like the Christ Child in a stroller

    Got nailed on Golgotha

    Wants one of those Google self-driving cars so I don’t feel bad about the Rapture

    #MeneMeneTekelUpharsinYall

    Rode into town on my ass

    This is my body

  29. Halloween Jack

    A holy roller like the Christ Child in a stroller

    Got nailed on Golgotha

    Wants one of those Google self-driving cars so I don't feel bad about the Rapture

    #MeneMeneTekelUpharsinYall

    Rode into town on my ass

    This is my body

  30. clarkbunch +4

    My twitter bio doesn’t say Christian but does identify me as a church pastor. I never really thought about it but most people would conclude that I’m a Christian. (My cover image is an Easter Sunrise service but there is nothing to indicate that, just a crowd of people gathered outside… and an awesome sunrise.)

  31. Clark Bunch

    My twitter bio doesn't say Christian but does identify me as a church pastor. I never really thought about it but most people would conclude that I'm a Christian. (My cover image is an Easter Sunrise service but there is nothing to indicate that, just a crowd of people gathered outside… and an awesome sunrise.)

  32. Nikki

    They do not, this is an excellent point, and I'm sorry about the tag; I didn't think hard enough. Totally my fault. Christians in this country are not an oppressed or persecuted or underrepresented group! I was trying to think of a clever way to say that the authors of this post are Christian and thus mocking themselves too, and totally failed re: cleverness. It's been removed and I am sorry it was ever there!