Inside the disgusting Los Angeles haunted house where they actually TOUCH YOU:
These rooms are very scary and I would recount them in detail but honestly, all I remember is a toenail being removed from a corpse and trying not to cry. In the fourth room, they separate you from your group and make you walk down a dark hallway alone. Although I am cautioned to walk, I run through that thing like Jackie Joyner-Kersee at the ‘88 Summer Olympics. As I book it, I’m simultaneously screaming Jonas’s name repeatedly until a man in a pig mask and bloody surgical scrubs starts mocking me. He puts his pig-face in my human-face and screams, “Jonas! Jonas! JONAS!”
In which Beyonce praised King George’s walk.
David Mitchell on Earthsea:
Four principal wizards inhabited my childhood. These were, in order of discovery, TH White’s Merlin, JRR Tolkien’s Gandalf, Susan Cooper’s Merriman Lyon and Ursula K Le Guin’s Ged, more commonly known as Sparrowhawk, true names being a serious business in Earthsea. Other magicians and witches also lived on my boyhood bookshelf, but even at 10 years old I sensed that these belonged to a lesser order. Growing up, I adored A Wizard of Earthsea, Le Guin’s slim but muscular 1968 novel, which I read and reread until my ratty old paperback copy required emergency surgery, and I still have a precious memory of getting to the last page for the umpteenth time, staring at the final line – “and Yarrow ran to meet them, crying with joy” – and realising with a giddy clarity that being a goalkeeper or inventor or forester was yesterday’s news, and that I had to be a writer and nothing else would do. I yearned to do to other people what A Wizard of Earthsea had just done to me – even if I couldn’t articulate exactly what that was. Adulthood brings more demanding critical standards and many a childhood favourite has been booted off my podium of most cherished books, but my admiration for Le Guin’s artistry has only grown with every rereading.
I can’t believe I read the entirety of this immense thing about the weird and often very bad life of Norbert Grupe, but I certainly did.
When Mallory and I were watching AHS: Coven together she found out I’d never seen Lucy Lawless playing Stevie Nicks on SNL, which we rectified (also, I LOVE Stevie Nicks.)
How a Simpsons episode is made (long and fascinating):
After receiving notes and some creative direction, an episode’s writer takes two weeks to pen a first draft. “Almost all of the writing is done here at the Fox [lot] in one of two rewrite rooms,” says Al Jean, who at the time of the interview is deep into production of the show’s upcoming 27th season. “The two rooms was a change that came about around season nine. We split because we had enough writers, and we could get more done.”
Tony Abbott is the worst and why isn’t he going away?
Former Australian prime minister Tony Abbott has called on Europe to take on Australia’s border security policies or risk “catastrophic error” and urged Western nations to “stand up for ourselves”.
In his first major speech since being forced out, Abbott said Europe should close its borders to migrants.
“The Australian experience proves that the only way to dissuade people seeking to come from afar is not to let them in,” he said.
This walk through how the WDBJ newsroom handled the experience of the shooting on August 26th is really intense and moving and sad:
The video autoplayed. “It was like a magnet. It attracted everyone,” Zuber said. “I looked at it, and then I looked at the faces of the people who were looking at it. I had a feeling this wasn’t going to go well. In a moment, I was trying to say, ‘Don’t watch this.’ But it went by that quickly.”
The gunman’s video showed him firing for several seconds beyond what the live broadcast showed.
“It was like it had happened in the newsroom,” Zuber said. “People just scattered from that computer to all corners of the newsroom, trying to get away from it.”
The video reinforced the feeling that everyone at WDBJ was a victim. He had used the station’s own equipment to broadcast an execution locally and used social media to show the rest of the world.
In the newsroom there was no discussion of showing either video — because a victim of a crime wouldn’t consider doing that.
In the aftermath, Zuber said, “I think more and more about what would happen if the victims of crimes had the opportunity to write the stories.”
Pacific Standard on the history and upcoming release of (some) non-violent drug offenders:
The mass release is good news for more than just the released inmates: Research has found that overcrowded prisons create a litany of problems, from overtaxed infrastructure with projected repair costs in the millions, to psychological and physical consequences for inmates and corrections officers. Reducing the inmate population will therefore benefit not just the released, but also those inmates who will remain behind bars, as well as the corrections officers charged with guarding them.
So how did we get here in the first place?
The featured image this morning is of Anne Helen Petersen walking her puppy, Peggy Olson, in Prospect Park, because it is my personal goal for lookin’ good and having a puppy.
My husband turned to me the other night and solemnly announced, “Hamilton anagrams to math lion. Or, also, loin math.”
You’re welcome, Toasties.
Thats A+ husband-ing rt there.
Definitely a keeper.
Also, nail moth.
When one is traveling, everything looks brighter and lovelier. That does not mean it IS brighter and lovelier; it just means that sweet, kindly home suffers in comparison to tarted-up foreign places with all their jewels on.
Hey US Toasties! There’s a general election coming up next week on November 3rd. Depending on where you live, you might have a lot going on (PA gets to elect three state Supreme Court justices at once), or nothing much at all (wtf even is a prothonotary and why is coroner an elected position). If you’re not sure which camp you fall into, Vote 411 is a super handy site. You just give it your address, and it’ll tell you all the races and candidates you have to vote for.
There’s literally nothing to vote for next week in my state/county/town and that makes me weirdly sad.
Me too, and I live in Los Angeles! I think we’ve finally reached the point where we have so many “special” elections that we’ve run out of stuff for actual Election Day. This is literally the first time this has happened in my 38 years of being eligible to vote (and I do vote in a good 95% of them).
Mine is all for local judges, and none of them have put a position statement up, so…I guess I’ll just vote for whichever female candidate is most liberal? Sigh.
Yeah, some people contact the site with info and some don’t. I usually end up trying to do some google sleuthing to see if they’ve bothered to make a website or something. Or–even better–if a local news site has covered the race and collected statements with commentary.
So, now my digging has led to an interesting thing: it seems as though candidates can run for multiple parties (at least in local NY elections) – there are several who are running listed as “Dem, Rep, Con” etc. On the one hand, it doesn’t really matter, because it looks like none of the elections I’d vote in is actually contested, on the other, this is super-weird. (Link, in case you want to nerd out with me: http://vote.nyc.ny.us/downloads/pdf/documents/boe…
I think I’ve run into that, too! It’s really strange. I guess because it’s a race where political party doesn’t really matter, but for stuff to work they have to be listed under a party (or three)?
The party system is really messed up. Like, what does it mean for a ward commissioner to be democratic or republican? The main issues you’re dealing with are zoning and stormwater management!
Yeah, back when I was still registered in NY I would vote for people on minority party lines. So if the Democratic candidate was also running under the Working Families party, I’d vote on that line instead of the Democrat line, just to keep those parties on the ballot.
New York State has cross endorsements, I think the only other state that does that is Oregon. For the minor parties, they need to have at least 50,000 votes for their gubernatorial candidate to stay on the ballot for the next 4 years. The number of votes in that candidate’s line for the party also determines the ballot order for the next four years.
I think for local elections, democrat vs republican is just for getting those party’s resources to help you get elected (like getting enough signatures to get on the ballot, getting your signs on lawns put out, etc) more than signalling political ideologies for job responsibilities.
I don’t know how the process works in PA, but I’ve always voted to retain incumbent judges on the grounds that it’s bullshit to have an elected judiciary anyway so I might as well not mess with things. Not sure how that logic actually holds up, but it saves me from some research I guess?
If you have a local Women’s Bar Association, I usually go with their endorsements.
I get to vote for my cool coworker for Library Stuff!
Michigan has no statewide ballot proposals this year, but there still may be municipal elections taking place in your area!
We’ve got city council stuff! I have been blanketed in fliers lately. (Yesterday there was one taped to my mailbox with “Hi [Anachronistique], sorry I missed you!” handwritten on it. NOPE)
LOL. Yeah, no.
They just want to tell the nice toastie about the candidate…
Wow, excellent link, thank you, will share everywhere!
Oh my god guys apparently this is our current coroner:
Is it just me who feels like he needs a pipe and a captains hat?
I’m personally feeling more of a Vegas sequined magician’s outfit vibe.
I feel like he’s about to say “heyyyy laaadies,”. . .to some corpses.
I was wondering why I hadn’t seen any signs or gotten any reminders, and it turns out that there are NO elections in Maryland (at least in my county) this year.
Oh no, I work in the city that day (I’m in Pgh, PA). I dunno whether I can make it anywhere because of my schedule. Crap! (Also, I am totally unfamiliar with any of the candidates. Should look that up.)
Ballotpedia.org is another good site with election information. They’ve got a list of elections to watch in 2015 (those PA Supreme Court justices are on there for sure!): http://ballotpedia.org/Ballotpedia%27s_List_of_th…
That’s fantastic! Thank you so much for the link. It’s great to see what’s going on in the rest of the country, too!
Maine has three referendum questions — two bond actions and one on a Clean Elections Act. I think Portland has a referendum of its own as well.
I put my absentee ballot in the mail today! I feel like a very good little member of society. I was also pleased to be able to vote yes on two school bonds and to have two really pretty good choices for mayor (I dithered for a while because I think either person would do a decent job). It was a lovely voting experience!
Oh dang David Mitchell is pretty good. Have you seen that Slade House, a sort-of-semi-sequel to The Bone Clocks (which I, an extremely smart person who reads quality material and does not look at magazines, have read) is just out?
Oooooh no! But now I will look for it. I haven’t got round to reading bone clocks yet, although I did listen to the raio 4 serialisation which was excellent.
I didn’t even know about it, but I caught a review at Strange Horizons that said the one drawback to it is that some of the end parts won’t be as good if you haven’t read Bone Clocks, but so! There we are.
I had not seen that yet! Thank you for telling me about it – I’ve read all of Mitchell’s books and while I thought The Bone Clocks was hit and miss, I am curious about this sorta-sequel.
(FTR: Number9Dream is my fav by a wide margin)
Mine too!
I agree about The Bone Clocks…I’ll probably read Slade House though
Nobody told me about Slade House, I had to find out my favorite author put out a new book by hearing about it on NPR. Now I want to die (or have my soul decanted, whichever).
Also, I always feel like I have to share this David Mitchell interview by Kathryn Shultz, which is a great bit of profile writing: http://www.vulture.com/2014/08/david-mitchell-int…
Am I the only one who always gets him confused with the dude from Peep Show? The spelling is identical, which means if they don’t have an author picture I can go quite a while without knowing which one is writing a Guardian article.
I can say confidently that I do *not* get him confused with the dude from Peep Show, but I’m hesitant to generalize my experience any more broadly.
It always takes me a minute to figure out which one any given article is talking about, yeah.
Always. I started reading the excerpt above, and was waiting for it to get hilariously grumpy and/or sarcastic.
When I talk about meeting him (because: squeeeeeee he’s lovely as can be) I have to clarify “Yeah, I got to meet DavidMitchellnottheactor”
Oh! I didn’t know about that. I read Bone Clocks fairly recently, so I’ll have to check that out.
An interview with Hamilton’s stage manager!
Also, the debate last night was ridiculous and I can’t believe I watched the whole thing.
Niiiiice opening line of that article, too.
SAAAAME.
Also, I am so pissed off that it was on a cable network and not available for free streaming (you had to subscribe to CNBC’s subscription service for $29.99). Way to keep the general public informed, America. Selfishly, I was also sad because it meant my BFF and I couldn’t live-text our reactions (I was able to watch, but she, unfortunately, wasn’t). Plus, how GROSS was it that the slogan (title?) of the debate was “Your Money, Your Vote”. So many gross things all wrapped up in one event.
And of course, the candidates themselves provide their own level of hard-to-listen-to, terrifying stances/opinions/policies, but still! That information should be public to voters, not blocked behind a paywall!
Yeah, everything about the way the event was planned and available was terrible!
At least there are complete transcripts freely available now, if people really want to know?
In 2012 there were over twenty GOP debates. I don’t know if they have as many planned this time, but I know it’s more than the Democrat six. It’s hard for me to feel that any one of them is particularly crucial for helping voters decide (when, really, these debates are just for Republican voters in certain swing states, to decide who their nominee will be). Nevertheless, you’re right that these things should be as widely available as possible.
But oh man, yeah, “Your Money, Your Vote” was a gross summary of our capitalist democracy.
I think the primary audience is, yes, Republican voters in swing states; but, I think it is still important, as a voter, to know where all of the candidates stand (there is zero likelihood that I will vote in the Republican primary, as I can only vote in one primary in my state).
I think it’s valid for people to choose not to watch, of course, because these candidates are ridiculous and say ridiculous things and sometimes taking care of yourself means not listening to 11 bigots out-bigot each other on stage, but for myself, I want know the background for whichever one of them eventually gets the nomination.
Honestly, I’m already 1000% sure I won’t vote for any of them, so I’m not going to subject myself to the rage that accompanies watching any of these debates. I’ll just follow them on Twitter.
Any of the Republicans, or anyone at all in the general election? (Please vote in the general election. You may not like anyone in one party, but that doesn’t mean we’ll get the same outcome if either party wins! And also, local and state elections are greatly underestimated in their importance — ugh, just look at what state legislatures are getting away with now in shutting down abortion clinics and influencing education.)
Sorry for the soapbox, but voter turnout is hugely important to me.
I absolutely support your right to be as informed about the Republican candidates as you can be, including access to the debates.
I was like…I could watch this, orrrrrr…I could watch the Spurs play the Thunder. I went with the latter. Much better decision.
Yeah, I watched the start of the MLS playoffs instead. Much healthier all around!
So very, very many better options than watching that passel of clowns.
Same! Kawhi Leonard vs. Kevin Durant was amazing and was a much better use of my time.
13 loads of a laundry a day! I had actually been curious about this aspect of it. Though with 32 cast members and 8 shows a week, it has to be more? Depends what size the “loads” are, I guess, or which costumes they are including in that.
I was assuming “giant industrial washer” not “the stupid tiny European washer-dryer in my basement”?
True!
Guys, Prudie is giving advice about Tinder now (it’s actually fine advice, which surprised me, but why would you write to *Prudie* about *Tinder*??): http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/…
Man I’m just glad the LW said “(safely) having sex” because you knoooooooooooooooooooow Prudie would have jumped all over her if she had neglected to specifically mention protection.
Why would you write to Prudie about Tinder indeed! Why would you write to Prudie about basically anything relating to modern sex and dating, really. She’s horrible with that stuff.
But you can write to her with Twincest Problems–she handled that one well.
This week Prudie also advised a woman who had found out her OB was rabidly anti-choice to just be cool about it and stop being such a hysterical feminazi. I hate her so much.
As well as being obnoxious, that was actually bad advice. The LW has information that indicates that her OB may not provide her with proper healthcare. Prudie’s breezy assertion ‘I’m sure he’ll be professional!’ is naive at best. Anti-choice medics DO often allow their irrational beliefs to get in the way of their medical obligations. You don’t have to look hard for examples. So in this case the LW wanting to change doctors is a rational choice, based on concern for her own physical safety and medical needs. Hope she ignored Prudie.
Seriously! I think the scenario where he treats her badly because he sees the abortion on her medical chart is less likely (or, rather, would have happened already if it was going to), but the situation where he makes a choice that is dangerous for her health because of these beliefs is all-too-common.
I try never to read Prudie, but I fell for clickbait earlier this week–a vegan was asking for advice on how to deal with her mother-in-law, who had volunteered to watch her grandchildren but wouldn’t agree not to feed them meat. Prudie’s advice was, “you sound crazy,” you’re lucky you’re getting free childcare, either shut up about it and be appropriately grateful or take your kids somewhere else.
The vegan is not the crazy one, IMO.
Ugh, this is what makes me so frustrated with Prudie! The only normal human advice is, “Your MIL has told you what she will and will not do, so you’ve got to go elsewhere for childcare if you want your wishes met.” Which is kiiiind of where Prudie ended up, but only after a MASSIVE detour to guilt-land and you’re-a-bad-moms-ville. So freaking unnecessary. And she always goes off on letter writers for totally unrelated stuff just because it doesn’t fit her arbitrary “one way to live” rules.
The comments on that were also a gold mine for “Vegans are the worst and need to stop telling me how to eat. In addition, I am here to tell vegans how to eat!!” (I’m not vegan but geez people. Chill.)
I think there’s a middle way, though, right? Like, the letter gave the impression that the MIL was refusing to make vegan snacks. Maybe suggest that the LW pack the food she wants her kids to eat to make it easier for the MIL to comply? Also, maybe get the husband (presumably vegan, from the letter) involved–they’re his kids, too, and it’s his mother.
Also vegan kids eating meat would probably result in some messy sickness someone would have to clean up.
I am glad that the Toast feels the same way I do about Abbott! It’s a relief that he’s gone, and things seem to be changing for the better, but by playing to the extreme right of the Liberal party he’s unleashed some real nastiness into this country that’s going to take a long time to… re-leash?
…which is the most political thing I’ve said in front of strangers, ever! I’m sorry/not sorry?
Tony Abbott rode his bike past me in Canberra one day and he was too fast for me to push him into the lake. Sometimes, I think about what could have been and sigh.
Every time he got back up, you could have pushed him down for the next six months.
“No, that’s just how long you need to wait.”
‘Keen on boats NOW, aren’t we?’
(although to be fair our horrendous treatment of refugees was horrendous long before Abbott got in)
Is the conservative party in Australia called the Liberal party because you’re in the opposite hemisphere so everything is upside down and your water goes down the drain the opposite way?
Yep. This is also why our republicans are a pretty progressive lot and our football is even weirder than anything you northern folk call football.
(Warning: non-funny answer)
In Australia as well as in many European countries, the “liberal” party is on the right or conservative side of the spectrum. This is because the “liberal” in the American one is about social liberty and the “liberal” for Euro/Aussie ones is about fiscal or economic liberty.
Or, as wikipedia phrases it: “Positive liberty is the possession of the power and resources to fulfill one’s own potential as opposed to negative liberty, which is freedom from external restraint”
Leftwing parties are fond of promoting positive liberty, rightwing parties prefer the negative liberty concept. “Liberal” therefore applies to either one, but not usually to both within the same political ecosystem (for obvious reasons).
Here endeth the unsollicited political theory lecture.
Thank you for that, honestly! I love learning about how other countries’ political systems work. And frankly, it makes more sense how Australian conservatives use “liberal” than American conservatives calling themselves “conservative” when they don’t really conserve ANYTHING (except outdated attitudes toward social issues).
Honestly, I don’t think things are changing for the better! I think it was a very nasty and smart move on the Liberal Party’s point to realise how hated Abbott was/is even amongst conservative voters, and so to replace him with someone much more palatable… and just as terrible and cruel. Refugee policy isn’t going to get aaaaaany better anytime soon, and the Libs have just super upped their chances of getting reelected. My one hope in Abbott was that he’d be a one-term PM, but not like this.
I think at this stage I’d just like for us to keep a non-ridiculous prime minister for more than 2 years! Turnbull is pretty gross, but if he gets in for another term and gives Labor some time to really build up a proper opposition then that wouldn’t be a tragedy either.
I will 100% cop to thinking the Earthsea piece was written by the other David Mitchell, from That Mitchell and Webb Look, and I was so excited. I mean, I’m still going to read it because I am Here For Earthsea.
I get that in reverse! That David Mitchell also writes for the Guardian sometimes, and I always think it’s the novelist until I get to the first joke.
Me too! I came down to the comments to see which David Mitchell it was. I was disappointed.
I clicked on it and immediately tried to determine which DM it was as I am naturally suspicious and greatly prefer one to the other (the comedy one. he is the best one)
The comedian David Mitchell is just one of my favorite people ever, and I’m just so happy he’s happy now.
You shouldn’t be allowed to refer to David Mitchell without clarifying which one you mean IMO. We must ban this insidious practice as soon as possible.
So glad to know I’m not alone in my adoration for Mitchell and Webb David Mitchell. This is why I love my Toastie buds so much.
This Is Just To Say
I have received
a raise
that will be reflected in
my next paycheck
and which
I would probably
say
I didn’t deserve
Fuck that
cash is delicious
so sweet
and so cold
More like William Carlos BILLIONS, and I right???
more like thousands but I appreciate your optimism
CONGRATS! You reject that “didn’t deserve this” thinking, you. They don’t hand out extra money on a regular basis for nothing!
Sometimes, when I receive something like a raise or an unexpected windfall or a tax return or something, I feel like converting it into dollar bills, throwing them up in the air over my bed, then rolling around in it. Then I remember that new bills are sharp-edged and could possibly give me paper cuts, and used bills have had thousands of strangers’ hands all over them. Still tempting, though.
Get the new bills, then wad them up, one at a time. Make a popcorn pile of bills. Feels great while crunching them in your hands. Also feels fun to fall into the pile.
you’ve brought me such joy today!
That haunted house doesn’t sound like a fun thing to do, but it also doesn’t sound terribly scary. Like the author, “scary” things are kind of ruined for me by the inherent horror of living–nothing really measures up.
In any case, I stopped going to haunted houses after my first experience at one, when an actor tried to “scare’ me in a way that all my companions agreed afterwards was sexually inappropriate, although he did abide by the house’s no-touching rules. Being a woman: not fun in haunted houses or in real life!
I’ve avoided haunted houses my entire life mostly because the thing I’m most afraid of is falling down and breaking a leg or something. That, or be led out by a police escort and hit with an assault charge if someone tried something like you describe.
“Like the author, “scary” things are kind of ruined for me by the inherent horror of living–nothing really measures up. ”
This reminds me of the scene in Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt where she’s at the restaurant where Tituss works and is laughing at all of the Halloween-type things, because “it’s funny what people who have never been kidnapped think is scary.”
That SNL sketch is one of my favorite things they ever did. Because lets be real, if Stevie Nicks did decide to devote her energy to a Tex-Mex restaurant, it would be FANTASTIC.
I had never seen it before, which is truly a tragedy, and I am so glad I have fixed it now.
Oh. Earthsea and Ged. Might be time for a reread.
And I too read that very long and very weird piece about Norbert Grupe, and I can’t stop thinking about the sister.
oh maaan it was so weird!
I have an acquaintance who works for a haunted house in Ohio that sounds a lot like the one in the roundup. Except this year they’re also featuring looping video of the 9/11 attacks as you wait in line to get in, because the owner is a 9/11 truther and conspiracy nut. Halloween horror – you’re doing it wrong.
If I didn’t already hate haunted houses as a concept, the fact that ones like these tend to be the most popular and successful would probably do the trick.
WAT. That is a Halloween FAIL. I want to be scared by monsters and zombies and stuff, not the existential bleakness of modern life. That shit is scary enough everyday. Halloween is for escaping. And Hecate, if you’re into that.
I am not easily scared, but a truther haunted house would be just one big world of NOPE.
and then you walk into the next room, and a ghoul pops out of the shadows, offering Chick tracks
Augh!
Don’t scare me like that. I’ll start having flashbacks to the hell houses of my youth.
What the hell. I much preferred the haunted house I went to in Wisconsin; they had a Beetlejuice cosplayer serve as a jester for the people waiting in line. He was pretty great.
dang AHP
Toasties, my student loans are officially paid off as of today! I am going to celebrate by buying myself a delicious croissant for breakfast.
TREAT YO SELF!
buy something else too…just do it…maybe something a bit ridiculous
I’m buying myself lunch, too; does that count? 🙂
Congratulations! That’s so great.
Congratulations! I have to say, I didn’t even have an excruciating amount of student debt, but it was astonishing how my finances turned around once they were paid off. It was like the parking brake was suddenly released and oh, geeze, that’s why my car isn’t moving.
Jealous! Congratulations.
I’m so excited that the Norbert Grupe article was linked because I read it yesterday and sent it to my spouse (with the note “this is INSANE”), and had every intention of dropping a link here, because it is INSANE you guys.
Did you see the comment breaking down the realities of his dad’s service with the Nazis? The tl;dr is an assertion that there’s no way a random Luftwaffe guy accidentally ended up guarding a prison camp; he would have had to volunteer for the SS, making him a bonafide war criminal.
The whole thing is wild.
You know, I didn’t read any comments because a Toastie helpfully recommended a sanity-saving Chrome extension that automatically blocks comments on websites so you don’t accidentally scroll down on, say, a YouTube video and have your blood pressure go through the roof. I should go check them out! But yeah — that part really didn’t sound right to me.
Deadspin comments are usually useless, so not a bad policy, but yeah, the commenter went pretty in-depth on it.
I was really impressed by that commenter’s knowledge and also WHY DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT NAZIS?
I have just read it and CRIPES.
Had a pretty similar experience to part of the Atlas Obscura author’s in a walkthrough at Cedar Point in Ohio, which, like so many other major amusement parks, transforms from roller coaster wonderland to spooky roller coaster wonderland with horror attractions for a few weekends every year. So I’m a haunted house worker’s dream in that I’m scared of EVERYTHING and will jump and scream at every turn. I am also clingy, so when I lost sight of my husband during one walkthrough, I called his name questioningly. That’s when a man sidled up next to me and said, “Scott can’t help you now.” He tagged along with me for what felt like forever, telling me that he liked most people, but not me, which was somehow equally scary.
tl;dr Haunted walkthroughs are scary as fuck and fuck is pretty scary.
Yep. The adrenaline rush of roller coasters is fun for me, but the adrenaline of a haunted house is decidedly NOT. I startle and scream easily, and it’s one thing when my boyfriend does it (because I pretty much always see him coming and I still scream anyway), but when it is some rando in the dark? Nope nope nope.
I’d rather go through a crowded haunted house than walk around Knott’s Berry/Scary Farm with EVERY SINGLE COSTUMED MOTHERFUCKER trying to make me jump. I started yelling at one, “you’re just startling me, you’re not scary.” Nobody was doing anything to my gentleman friend, which led me to conclude I was supposed to be clinging to him so he could comfort me? I was just getting angrier though.
Honestly though the haunted house with zombies was pretty damn creepy.
“You’re just startling me, you’re not scary” has been making me laugh for a solid half minute.
Ok I am excited to see Le Guin in the round up once again as I love her forever but PISSED that the illustration they have at the top of that piece is of white Ged.
GED IS BLACK GODDAMNIT
My day, possibly my life, has been made by discovering that DAVID MITCHELL is a fellow connoisseur of wizards, especially — ESPECIALLY — my favorite wizard of all time, Merriman Lyon, who is so frequently overlooked in favor of the flashier kinds (lookin at u and them fireworks, Gandalf).
So tweedy. So cranky. So fond of billowing cloaks. Like I’m pretty sure that he keeps a closet full. One cloak for each day of the week.
Merriman Lyon 4 Lyfe <3
Merry doesn’t need fireworks.
With such spectacular resting bitchface, fireworks are unnecessary! (That is like the number one life lesson I learned from Merriman Lyon.)
All of a sudden, I NEED something named Tweedy Wizard. A band? A clothing line? A kitten? I don’t know, but something!
He is my favorite and I read that series over and over and over again as a child. Getting her to sign my copy of Dark is Rising is a life highlight.
So Sarah Vowell wrote a book about Lafayette. Y’know. America’s favorite fighting Frenchman??
I went to her local signing on Tuesday, and asked her if she’d seen Hamilton, and she proceeded to talk about how amazing it was for a good five minutes to a crowd of several hundred people. I’m very proud of myself.
EXCELLENT.
She’s so wonderful and this fact only makes me love her more.
Also I know that it is a joke from a play, but I grew up in Philadelphia right near Valley Forge Park, so we did a lot of trips to / talked about the American Revolutionary War when I was in school, and actually Lafayette is my favorite fighting Frenchman.
He is much beloved in New Orleans as well. We love you, Geeeeel beeeeeaaaahr !
Haha, I saw her on Friday and someone (not me) asked her the same thing!
I for one asked her which woman she would put on the $20 (“and I’m saying the $20, because that’s the only plan that makes sense”) if she could. She said Jeanette Ranking, and then, upon the crowd making vague “sure, uh huh, I 100% remember who that is,” talked about Jeanette Rankin for what was also a good five minutes.
I was there too! Hello fellow Boston-area Toaster!
Canadian Toasts, are any of you following the 24 Sussex renovation drama? It is surprisingly WILD.
Not yet… tell me more!
It has pretty famously had problems for a long time — I mean, it’s a 150 year old house. But it became big news during the Martin years when visitors saw buckets on the living room floor to catch ceiling drips, and Rick Mercer had a bit where he took Paul Martin to Canadian Tire to get him those plastic thingies you blow-dry onto your windows to keep out the draft.
Fast forward to 2015… it turns out the Harpers have REFUSED to let anyone do the repairs the Auditor General’s office recommended in 2008, because “it suits their family just fine” (also because spending TAXPAYER DOLLARS on themSELVES??? that would look so bad in the eyes of their Conservative base!). Not to mention, Laureen Harper has been using the third floor as a cat sanctuary.
So the Trudeaus are moving into a cottage on Rideau Hall property while they decide what should be done with the building. Meanwhile, Margaret Trudeau and Maureen McTear (wife of Joe Clark) seem to be on team “it’s too far gone to try repairing, tear it down already” and the Chretiens are gleefully telling stories about how they had to use space heaters in the winter but the space heaters would regularly overload the antiquated wiring and blow fuses.
And now it sounds like the cost of repairs will be even more than the $10 million projected in 2008, because things have gotten worse since then (not that I’m BLAMING the third-floor cat sanctuary, but…) and some people are complaining about “wasting” taxpayer dollars on a mansion for someone who could afford his own place. But NOW the international media is on it, like the Wall Street Journal is all over it, and some people are like “Disgraceful!! Can you imagine if the Obamas came for a dinner party with the Trudeaus and the house was falling apart around them???”
Basically 24 Sussex is Crimson Peak.
Omg, TEAR IT DOWN, YES.
Maureen McTeer is awesome, and also, I was unaware of the extent to which Laureen Harper was an actualfax cat lady. That just… Explains so much.
The second I read that Joe Clark’s wife wants 24 Sussex to be torn down, my immediate reaction was, “LOL shit is getting real.”
lol Maureen McTeer, you lived there for like a MONTH.
From CBC:
The home repairs have been all but ignored by previous residents for fear of political reprisal.
Stephen Harper was warned by the then-auditor general Sheila Fraser in a 2008 report that the home needed more than $10 million in repairs just to make it safe to inhabit. The work was estimated to take 12 to 18 months.
Harper and his family chose to continue living in the residence, and delay any major retrofits.
The $10-million repair bill does not include funds to improve the building’s interior design, or beautify the home to make it the centrepiece of our country’s collection of official residences, McTeer said.
What’s wrong with residence? A litany of things including the windows, which are cracked, loose in their tracks and difficult to close. The auditor general said in her report that this causes severe heat loss, and has raised heating bills to astronomical levels.
The air-conditioning units installed in the windows were nearing the end of their useful lives in 2008. They are noisy and inefficient, and a major energy suck.
The house was wired for electricity — using the old “knob and tube” wiring — more than 50 years ago, and the electrical system has been operating at near maximum capacity for decades, a potential fire hazard.
The ceilings and interior walls need to be opened up to replace the wiring, but also to add new air ducts for ventilation, install a sprinkler system for fire protection and to remove toxic materials, such as asbestos.
Service areas of the home, such as the kitchen and the basement laundry, are simply not functional.
OMG DO YOU GUYS REMEMBER THE WHOLE THING WITH CHRETIEN AND THE INUIT SCULPTURE
(global)
Bryan Baeumler, host of HGTV shows including Disaster DIY and House of Bryan, estimates the 150-year-old house could need as much as $15 million in repairs to transform it into a respectable 21st-century residence.
Baeumler listed a litany of problems with the house, including the presence of toxic asbestos, lack of central heating or cooling and the knob-and-tube electrical wiring, a system that’s been obsolete since around 1945. Even those are relatively minor problems, compared to issues like replacing the roof, plumbing and foundations, he said.
…
The last extensive renovation took place in 1949, before Prime Minister John Deifenbaker became the first PM to take up residence there. Security installations were improved in 1995 after an intruder entered the house and then-PM Jean Chretien resorted to an Inuit sculpture for protection.
Thanks to Due South, I will NEVER FORGET the Inuit sculpture! Definitely a high point in Canadian politics.
One of Chretien’s bodyguards once pushed me into a snowbank, in Ottawa, around 2006, and I had a heavy bag and was stuck 🙁
Well, maybe they could just have Bryan do it, film it, air it on tv and use those advertising dollas to help fund some of it. I’d trust Bryan to do a good job.
Someone online somewhere suggested a reality show where Mike Holmes does contracting, Steven Sabados does decorating along with Debbie Travis and Justin Trudeau is allowed one shirtless bathroom reno. My addition: Mike Holmes giving Steven Sabados a comforting bear hug on behalf of a nation. (Seriously, though, I was so sad when Chris of Steven and Chris died. They’d been together since they were practically kids and the whole thing was so strange and heartbreaking.) My addition revealed a lot about what Canadian women would enjoy in a decorating show.
It’s very embarrassing that our official residence is in such terrible condition. Spend the money! Don’t make Canada look cheap to the world!
Is that house even up to code, i.e. legal for human habitation? What’s the insurance bill like on a place in that condition (and how’s that for taxpayer dollars)?
I was not! But I am now. (Still not as weird as Harper’s cloak-and-dagger resignation shenanigans though.)
That is weird and sketchy as fuck. Like
Hand over the keys to the country, dude, clear out your desk and the mounties will escort you out.
And then there is Ezra Levant’s vile “trust-fund boy” post, which makes me want to flip all the tables and I’d love to see Maureen McTeer take him on.
I just googled and in the search results I discovered that Ezra Levant also seems to be pushing the “rename the Calgary airport the Stephen Harper Airport” petition.
COUNTER: http://www.metronews.ca/news/calgary/2015/10/28/o…
Of COURSE he is.
RIDDLED WITH CAT PISS.
Honestly, I’m more mad that they didn’t take care of a historic home properly than I would have been if they’d just spent the money to make the necessary repairs. Also who the fuck even LET THEM have a cat sanctuary LITERALLY IN THE HOUSE!? IT’S NOT YOUR FUCKING HOUSE TO DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH HARPERS, YOU ARE TENANTS.
CATS http://www.macleans.ca/multimedia/photo/photo-gal…
OK, I have to admit that the thought of Laureen Harper suckering every Conservative who walked into the house into leaving with at least two adoptable cats is pretty sweet.
Hamiltoasts….I ask to join your ranks. I have spent the past 2 days listening to the Hamilton soundtrack and I am hooked. I am looking for a day to see the show next year and I can’t wait.
You’re already halfway to joining! After you’ve developed the obsession, all you need to do is incessantly quote the show that consumed your waking days.
And see quotes where there are none. I did a double-take when I walked past a bulletin board in my gym that said “Outwit, Outplay, Outlast.”
chicka-blowwwwwwww
One of us! One of us!
I keep on deleting all of the comments I have about Earthsea and The Dark is Rising and how influential they were for me since they blather on and on BUT I will say they both cemented my life goal of being a wizard.
Same. (And then I read Equal Rites and decided nothing was going to stop me. Harry Potter was a footnote for me by the time it came along.)
I tried to read Earthsea and I just couldn’t with Ged. I couldn’t finish it because he was just such an unsympathetic character to me.
But it might be time for a Susan Cooper re-read.
I was thinking the same thing about re-reading The Dark is Rising (although I might follow my sister’s lead, since she re-reads it every year around Christmas). I’m also feeling the urge to reread The Chronicles of Prydain, possibly because of the need of badass princesses and bards in my life.
Maybe try her sci-fi instead? I much prefer her sci-fi, personally.
The audiobooks of the Dark is Rising are lovely, if you like audiobooks. I listen to them now much more often than I read them.
It’s always time for a Susan Cooper re-read IMHO.
I adore Le Guin but I never liked Earthsea very much, except for Tombs of Atuan. I think the very spare, detached, legend-y style of the first book put me off – it’s beautifully done but there’s still too much telling-not-showing for my taste. I never really felt that I got to know Ged as a person rather than a figure of legend.
Man, and I thought Terror Behind the Walls was bad. (It is. It is bad. But at least you have the option of not letting the actors touch you – I took off my “It’s ok to touch me” glowstick necklace about thirty seconds in – and they’ll leave you alone if you say “monster, be good!” And “smell” isn’t a part of the experience, because ew?? None of this stopped me from banshee-screaming every time something jumped out at me.)
hahah, my friend works at Terror Behind the Walls and she got me free tickets one year.
I am afraid that I was a disappointment; haunted houses apparently are just not my thing.
Incorrect Hamilton Quotes. This ate a solid hour of my workday yesterday. I think this is the correct audience for it.
“Laurens, why are you so afraid of loving me?” DEAD
Washington: [can’t find Alexander in a crowded room] This calls for drastic measures.
Washington: [yells] ALEXANDER, SON!
Hamilton: cALL ME SON ONE MORE TIME
Washington: Found him.
—————————
Washington: You embarrassed Charles Lee in front of his peers. He submitted an official complaint against you.
Laurens: Did he fill it out in crayon?
Washington: No. But he did use a green pen, which seems crazy to me.
—————————
“Hi. Thomas Jefferson. The human form of the 100 emoji.”
— Thomas Jefferson
—————————
Hamilton: How do we keep it light and breezy?… I know. A comprehensive set of rules.
Laurens: How am I attracted to you? Doesn’t matter. I am. Go.
—————————
“That’s how we do it in France, sir. Beat the English and look good doing it.”
— Marquis de Lafayette
“I came here to protect my family and kick ass, and I’m all out of family.”
— Alexander Hamilton
Burr: You don’t like the game because you suck at it.
Hamilton: I don’t suck at it. It sucks. And you suck.
I love this so much. Similarly, on Twitter, #ParksandHam has become a thing, and it is entirely perfect and extremely important.
https://twitter.com/emilyisanelf/status/659391748… https://twitter.com/elefebvre11/status/6595837240… https://twitter.com/emilyisanelf/status/659615826…
For all that I love horror, I just don’t care for what passes as “haunted house” attractions nowadays. There is nothing paranormal, scary, (or even vaguely interesting) about ax murderering clowns, gratuitous gore, and waterboarding. GIVE ME GHOSTS. I WANT GHOSTS. My kingdom for the sort of haunted house where you get to put an onryō to rest or something.
This is 1000% how I feel, but about horror movies. GHOSTS OR BUST, ASSHOLES
Same tho. I love horror movies. Just not a lot of American ones. They always operate on the assumption that being physically injured is the worst thing that can happen to you. There’s so much more terrifying things that can happen to a person than that.
ME TOO. The worst is American remakes of Asian horror movies where they’re like “what if there’s still a scary Japanese ghost but this time it’s scaring a WHITE lady, poorly.”
Right? It’s like people arguing that you shouldn’t be afraid of spiders or snakes because most of them aren’t venomous. That’s not what’s scary about them!
yeah, what’s scary about spiders is that those fuckers have TOO MANY LEGS, there’s no reason to have that many legs, it’s excessive and frankly shady as hell, ban spiders (existing where I can see them)
I’ve always said that when I run for president my platform will be “A Spider-Free America.”
I would not vote for you. I like spiders. And their webs are so pretty sometimes!
Saaaaaame. I am not afraid of gore. Grossing me out is not the same as scaring me! The last time I was in a haunted house I got ushered into a smoke-filled room by myself and all I said was “Oh, great.” Then a guy in a bunny mask got in my face. Not scary!
like if you’re going to have a horror attraction that features NO supernatural/paranormal themes, just do me a favour and call it a Gorn Gallery instead of a “haunted house”. And if you’re going to have an attraction that involves things like physical torture and humiliation, please rename it to “Sadie’s House of S&M” or something, because, uh. You are basically going to a kink dungeon.
what if you got waterboarded by a ghost though
that’d be pretty spooky
I regret that I have but one thumb to up for this comment
I read this a little while ago and suspect it might kind of be the haunted house you want: http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/201…
At any rate, it’s definitely the kind of haunted house that I want.
THIS IS EVERYTHING I NEEDED OH MY GOD
I just need one to be a little more conveniently closer than, uh, Tokyo. Get your shit together, America!
I was reading that and wishing that a market for this kind of haunted house would pick up somewhere I didn’t need a plane ticket to get to.
Because I would be all about story-driven interactive ghost-based haunted houses. (I would still scream a lot, probably, but at least it wouldn’t just be because I’m easily startled in general, which is usually the only reason I scream in American-style haunted houses.)
I think my new life goal as of about an hour ago is to design a haunted house in this vein and somehow strike it rich enough to finance building it.
SAME THO. If you get rich before I do, uh, please look me up as I would want to get in on the ground floor of this venture.
I finally started listening to Hamilton BTW (because it is available free for streaming through Amazon Prime, yesss!), and while I know virtually nothing of the history, it’s well done, and I think I might actually be learning *from it*.
Burr is such a butthead. Such. A. Butthead.
pssst if you go to Genius.com and look it up there’s annotations and plot stuff for the ENTIRE THING so that you understand every single nuance of every line, if that’s a thing you want to do
I like him. What does that say about me?
I like him too! I absolutely get where he’s coming from – he’s an orphan, he realized (probably as a kid!) that letting other people put themselves in the line of fire kept him safe while they got in trouble, and he just can’t break that habit, and it bites him when everything goes to hell around him and the bold people suddenly take over, so he tries to change, but he just can’t win. He’s a desperate striver, and he’s watching this “through a glass, darkly” alternate universe version of himself succeed right next to him as he keeps just missing his chance and it pushes him over the edge. (Honesty time: I kinda dislike Hamilton; he’s a cheater, he’s incredibly egotistical, he’s functionally a monarchist…I love Hamilton, obviously, but Alexander the character is an asshole in a lot of ways (and the more I write this, the more irritated I get, because the entire Reynolds Affair is like, the worst thing I can imagine happening to a spouse, and Eliza deserved a better husband).
Right!
Hamilton’s all “Oh no, they think I’m Macbeth!” and it’s like, well, buddy, they’re not exactly getting that from NOWHERE.
YES to all of this! I really like and dislike parts of both Burr and Hamilton. I’m glad LMM didn’t shy away from the darker parts of Hamilton’s story, and didn’t paint Burr as a villain. Even Jefferson, who is effectively the villain of Act 2, can be more ‘heroic’ than Hamilton– he’s the one who pushes to help Lafayette while Hamilton reneges on his promise. And part of Burr is that he feels like he has a legacy to protect, while Hamilton has a legacy to *create* and their trajectories kind of fly apart from that difference.
Absolutely, all of this. I love Burr so much and just want to give him a hug.
I love the show’s version of Burr. But then the dude went off and tried to start his own country, and that was not a shining moment: http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/duel/sfeature/burrco…
Oh, Hamilton himself has totes lots of problems. Burr just strikes a negative thing in me (his “I’m better than choosing sides” kind of vibe made me frustrated).
I don’t think he’s BETTER than choosing sides; I think he’s AFRAID of choosing sides and choosing wrong, and he hates that about himself, so he covers it up by acting like he’s superior.
(btw I totally think it’s important to acknowledge that the characters in the show are characters and not totally accurate portrayals of the real people they represent.)
Throwin shade at my haunted houses – I really like mazes and stuff because I enjoy getting to play the game. I can’t watch horror movies, like at all ever, but I like mazes. My brother has worked at universal’s horror nights for years he was telling me stores about it this weekend and I was way jealous I would so totally do that…
I will qualify this by saying that I’ve only really been to mazes that are in theme parks and I don’t really like them being able to touch people- that sounds like a bad plan
What is going on with Jia Tolentino? It really, really sucks how she and her editor are replying to sex workers, particularly those of colour, on the Zola story.
🙁
For reference for anybody else who was a little curious about what the response has been.
Agreed that this is a pretty terrible response. I get that the Gawker family cultivates this “us-against-the-world” mentality, but this is ridiculous. I don’t get how it’s so hard for the writers and editors to understand that they undermine their own (frequently excellent!) journalism and editorials when they also post this kind of shit. And defending yourself by saying “Fader/Buzzfeed/Vulture were just as sensational and they aren’t getting yelled at!” is just so tone-deaf. No one expects those publications to be better on this. You’re an explicitly feminist site. You are expected to be better on this.
Thanks for posting that link! This is the conversation on Twitter that brought me here to the safe space of The Toast:
https://twitter.com/BlasianBytch/status/659384922…
Well, it becomes more of a conversation after people push through the “nah” brush-offs.
I haven’t been following that story, but I have noticed in my very infrequent visits to Gawker Land that a lot of the writers (including Jia) seem to be mega-dicks to commenters for no discernible reason. I loved her stuff when she wrote for the Hairpin, so it makes me pretty sad!
Yeah, I’ve noticed that myself when Jia jumps in the comments in the articles she writes for Jez. Like, girl, just SHUT UP.
is it me or is this story even worse than the one about the guy who worked for Conde Nast that led to Max Read resigning? Like, this is a sex worker being outed and being forced to have the world read about a traumatic time in her life, but she isn’t a well connected and well paid white dude.
I don’t get the defensiveness, once people point out the problems with finding it “so funny.”
Does anyone else want a Crimson Peak haunted house? Because I would visit the heck out of that thing, as long as they couldn’t touch me. I have a very firm hands-off policy for all sorts of places: churches, bars, public transportation, sex dungeons…
oh i am only dropping money on a Crimson Peak haunted house if Tom Hiddleston touches me a BUNCH
I am totally putting a Tom Hiddleston exception in my policy…*fans self* And if I can pet human golden retriever Charlie Hunnam
Absolutely. That would be the whole point of the Crimson Peak haunted house.
There is a Crimson Peak maze at Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights right now. Here is a walk through video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFcVC8CsHZ0
Not bad! Although I think real life will never be able to live up to the movie, unless you had an insane budget…maybe the twins from the movie were on to something as far as fundraising…
I am so ANGRY about immigration rhetoric. That’s it, I have no more to say on the subject right now.
Also, I haven’t read A Wizard of Earthsea since I was 11 and should probably go fix that.
I have no interest in going to a haunted house, but I LIVE for the pictures of people getting scared at that haunted house in Niagara Falls. Every year at Halloween I find some article with a bunch of pics from there and it never gets old.
Those really are the best pictures. Solid entertainment value in each one.
I heard reports that the thing scaring folks is a car (on some sort of rig thing) hurtling towards them.
Can anybody confirm/deny?
I’d be a little disappointed if it were true, I was expecting ghosts.
Someone on Twitter the other day said that Lucy Lawless is a bad comedic actress and can’t do camp and I was like, “I WILL FIGHT YOU RIGHT HERE.”
I’m sorry, what? I mean, did they live in a bubble throughout the Glorious Nineties? Were they being meta? Because it’s not like an opinion anyone can hold. Nope. Lucy Lawless basically invented modern campy female comedy as far as I’m concerned and I do not acknowledge any different ideas. I won’t hear it, and I won’t respond to it.
God, the wonders and the terrors of the Internet, may they never make sense.
What did they think Xena WAS if not campy?
Did they NOT see Xena?
The worst part is THEY WERE WATCHING A XENA MUSICAL EPISODE.
I can’t believe I did not block them.
It’s not too late!
Ha, I got shut down trying to like this twice. Xena was pure camp, but her role in Spartacus was transcendent high camp. I spent a month saying “House of Batiatus” under my breath and cackling after seeing it.
Haunted houses are a big NOPE for me. When I was a small child, I was brought to one by my parents (they TRICKED me, I didn’t want to go in and they just said “ok, we’ll leave you out here in the DARK by YOURSELF” until I was too scared NOT to go in, bad parents!) and a zombie grabbed my ankle and I kicked that poor volunteer college student in the face until they threw us out.
My feelings on them have not softened. If I could gif, this is where I would put the Emperor’s New Groove “NO TOUCHEE”.
Guys, you guys, a woman at church came up to me after Greek class last night (I have not, in fact, learned any Greek, but w/e) to ask if I read the Toast, and how I felt about the Church History Puns article. Toasties everywhere!
I never went to a haunted house as a child nor did I watch horror movies (I was not allowed to). As an adult I have been to one haunted house and watched several horror movies and what I have discovered is this: I LOVE scary things. Like just, I finally get why some people like to put themselves through eating super spicy food. It’s unpleasant but I kind of like it? That adrenaline rush.
I think it makes it better if it feels (or has ever felt) forbidden. I’m pretty sure my horror movie love has a lot to do with living in super safe wholesome suburbia, so watching the horror movies on cable every October felt like doing something inappropriate. Bwah haha. Take that sheltered upbringing.
Last year my friend went to a Hallowe’en party/haunted house thing with a room where a man jumped out and pushed her towards a guy with a chainsaw. 🙁 I think she yelled at them and left.
I like parties that have boundaries. 🙁
Soooo…I should read Earthsea then? I loved me some Lathe of Heaven (to the point where it might be my favorite book of the last five years), but was underwhlemed by Left Hand of Darkness. I need to know what other LeGuin to go for.
The Dispossessed, followed by The Compass Rose, followed by most of the stories in The Birthday of the World, especially the ones about the four-way marriages and the novella called Paradises Lost.
http://www.nhh.no/files/filer/adm/personal/likest…
Rosabeth Moss Kanter’s classic article on tokenising of people in minority groups in the workplace remains relevant–this one is about women. It will make you mad at how little has changed!
And maybe Four Ways to Forgiveness and The Telling, too. (I was deeply moved by The Telling, I should re-read it.) Her stories are out in new editions, with notes: The Unreal and the Real: Selected Stories, a two-volume set.