Masculinity: A Cartoon

by Matt Lubchansky · November 3, 2015

Fragile

Matt Lubchansky makes comics and occasionally leaves his apartment in New York. You can find his weekly comics here, or on twitter here.

93 Comments

    3. bethanykj +36

      I thought I had the idea one minute in, but then I got to “true or false, bro, masculinity is a prison.”

    4. champagneghost +30

      that was so spot on it was scary. i need to lie down for 45 minutes.

      no, an hour. a FULL HOUR.

      1. bitsy +13

        LARRY, I swear to god if you leave right now we will make your spirit dog a miniature schnauzer.

  4. thedaela +76

    Speaking as someone who’s seen Charlie Hwefgsr and Barnesssss Stinnet’s masculinity, I find this extremely unlikely.

  5. irishbreakfasttime +124

    ok ok are “His Hose” brand socks and “I guess I’ll grab a pair” subtle homoerotic subtext or is it just my dirty mind?

  6. alliana07 +104

    Does fra-gee-lay sound more masculine? Lmao!

    This is well timed considering all the men on twitter complaining about how the heart Twitter is using for ‘likes’ in replace of the favorite/star is “too gay” for them. (A HEART.)

    1. blushingflower +112

      See, the stars were pointy, like weapons (like throwing stars), but hearts are about FEELINGS, and we all know that men don’t have feelings.

    3. Literaltrousersnake +35

      I’m incredibly annoyed that twitter took away my ability to say something is clever without implying I have a positive feeling about it.

    4. MilesofMountain +171

      Hearts are for women! Real men circulate their blood by punching themselves in the chest!

    5. LeastBittern +26

      The heart symbol prooobably comes from either the seeds of a birth control herb or severed testicles, so I can 50% sympathize.

    6. shellygrrl +18

      “Fra-gee-lay. Must be Italian!”

      Those menz would hate Tumblr; they’ve always had hearts.

      1. threatqualitypress +40

        You need powerful runes on your socks how else are you going to protect your feet from black magic?

          5. threatqualitypress +49

            yeah it’s not like in the old days when stepmothers were just leaving them in the woods every other week.

            millennials these days don’t even know how good they got it, I’ll tell you that much for free

          7. Adrian +3

            I did my own transmutation of baby feet (though it took 45 years.) I just need a wizard for the powder.

    2. LeastBittern +23

      OK. OK. You know what would be a clever prank dependent on the efficacy of magic? Put the rune for “immobility” on socks. Or like… the sex magic rune. Or transforming fire.

      1. LeastBittern +51

        Or, as Matt already did in the comic, a fertility rune. Don’t know if that’s to make your foot fungus fecund or to make wanking into said socks sensual, but either way is funny.

      2. threatqualitypress +14

        Almost any rune that wasn’t specifically “protect these feet from hexes”, probably

        1. LeastBittern +15

          There’s one that allows you to walk into adjacent worlds? And one that helps you find things? And one that makes you less visible?

          1. threatqualitypress +24

            Oh no way you can’t put a rune for finding things on your socks, it’s your socks that are going to go missing! You are asking for a serious kind of metaphysical shear in this case I would not be the owner of those socks.

          2. LeastBittern +5

            Also your socks could go to fairyland/turn invisible, probably your lost socks problem would only grow. Good points.

          3. threatqualitypress +9

            yeah socks have already got basically a direct line to fairyland in the first place, so

        1. LeastBittern +15

          There’s a rune that you use to mark offerings that will be claimed by the gods – also a bad sock rune.

          1. ScriptioPlena +6

            Runes of stone might not be so great either. Or nails. Or the seals of most sorts of demon.

          3. ScriptioPlena +6

            Hm. Well, someone like Andromalius who protects against thieves wouldn’t be half bad, nor Gremory who brings love. Having Demogorgon woven into your socks sounds like more trouble than it’s worth, though.

  9. ashurredly +48

    The mansplaining pronunciation is a perfect touch.

    (I wish my socks had runes on them. Maybe if I knit my own?)

    2. ScriptioPlena +8

      Embroidery and fabric paint are both excellent methods to add powerful runes to existing socks. Knitting your own is also awesome! (The only thing I’ve knit so far was a hat with kitty ears on it. Socks still kind of scare me.)

  13. bighairnoheart +7

    Hmmm… Powerful runes might be enough to make even me wear socks. Possibly. The Handbook got ahold of me at a young age and the aversion is strong.

  14. Sunshine +71

    The manly socks remind me of two people using cocoa butter in my work. She had a bottle that looked like something you rub on your skin. He had the same thing, but in a bottle that looked like motor oil or a bodybuilding supplement.

    2. Beakses +39

      I give you yogurt with abs (the abs are embossed- you can feel them. I can not even begin to explain how much this grosses me out or why I still have to poke the containers every time I’m in the grocery store):

  15. Sunshine +79

    Reddit hate: I remember finding a post on Reddit about Nicole’s White Dude Booklist, with the tone of “I don’t understand, but I think I should be hurt and angry.”

    They were more upset about the comments on the following “Deleted Comments From The White Dude Booklist” than anything else. SJW! SJW!

    1. dakimel +68

      When I’m developing a new (male) character, I find Reddit so very helpful. Not that I could write the guys like that. Not the romantic leads. But when I need a realistic antagonist, Reddit is a great go-to.

      1. irishbreakfasttime +83

        oh man, I would read the heck out of a “how a writer uses Reddit to create male antagonists” blog post.

        2. Apollonia +37

          The deleted comments from that blog post alone would power my inner cackling misandrist for the rest of my life.

      2. Sunshine +7

        Do you go to particular subreddits, or just browse the front page until find a dog-whistle post?

  16. beecaveroad +39

    My boyfriend was scared to try the new type of Axe body wash (shut up I like the way it smells too) because it came in a white bottle and he was pretty sure that meant it was for girls. So he went back and exchanged it for a (black) container of Rainpunch or Thunderbear or whatever. Masculinity!

      1. grumblyqueer +8

        You need Old Spice’s new line then. Wolfthorn! Bearglove! Terry Crews yelling about them in commercials!

        1. politeyeti +4

          I am 98% sure Wolfthorn is a rebranded scent more commonly used in the feminine section of the deodorant aisle.

  18. bookwormV +15

    Recently, bottles of Radox bubble bath “For Men!” have appeared on the shelves of my local supermarket alongside the standard ungendered bottles; they appear identical except for having a slightly blockier font. Even though all bubble bath I buy is intended for men (my boyfriend likes baths with bubble bath and Lush bath bombs, whereas I just go for own-brand supermarket bars of soap with no added colours or scents), I refuse to buy it on principle.

  21. clarescifi

    This has just reminded me how very much I love Dutch as a language. Tandpasta! Knuffelberen! Gezelligheid! Zwangerschapsduur!

  23. Chris +3

    Ah, so sad but so true. Could have used this actual product “Dude Wipes” which are wet wipes but in a black package that says dude on it: http://www.amazon.com/Dude-Wipes-Flushable-Single…