Frequent readers will know that merely saying the words “Oscar Pistorius” in my presence without adding “the murderer” sends me into a tailspin, and I could not put down “Bantu In The Bathroom”) London Review of Books):
It soon became clear that a strange, racially charged and legally confused distinction would be at the heart of the trial. If Pistorius didn’t fire the shots through the toilet door in the knowledge that Steenkamp was inside, then he believed he was shooting at an intruder, in which case the charge of premeditated murder wouldn’t hold up. There was no doubt that the second possibility was seen – or rather would be presented by Barry Roux for the defence – as the lesser offence, and not just because the legal category of ‘putative private defence’ (defending oneself against a presumed attacker, even if the presumption was wrong) could present the shooting as a legitimate response to fear. What was largely unspoken was that in the second case we can be more or less certain that the person killed in the bathroom would be – could only be – imagined as black. ‘As the judge will not have failed to register,’ the journalist John Carlin writes inChase Your Shadow: The Trials of Oscar Pistorius, ‘if his story were true – and even if it were not – the faceless intruder of his imagination had to have had a black face, because the fact was that for white people crime mostly did have a black face.’
Margie Orford was one of the few to draw out the racist implications. ‘It is,’ she wrote in an article for South Africa’s Sunday Times, ‘the threatening body, nameless and faceless, of an armed and dangerous black intruder … the contemporary version of the laager’; it is ‘nothing more than the reclaiming of the old white fear of the swart gevaar’ – the black peril. For Orford, there is something profoundly amiss – morally, for sure, and perhaps legally – if this is Pistorius’s main defence. ‘If Pistorius was not shooting to kill the woman with whom he had just been sharing a bed,’ she continues, ‘those four bullets indicate that there is still no middle ground. Because whoever Pistorius thought was behind that door, firing at such close range meant that when he finished there would be a body on that bathroom floor.’ A Bantu in the bathroom. Or to elaborate McKaiser’s point: in the white racist imagination, the only Bantu permitted in a white bathroom is a Bantu who is dead. Depending on how you look at it, the killing of Reeva Steenkamp was either a sex crime or a race crime.
You probably can’t read the whole thing, because I have Slate Plus and you don’t, but:
Gabriel Roth: What did you say when Slate asked you to consider becoming Dear Prudence?
Mallory Ortberg: I think I asked Julia [Turner, Slate’s editor in chief,] if she was my friend Nicole messing with me, and that if she was, I was never going to forgive her. It was like being asked if I wanted to be Santa Claus, or happiness, or Calliope, the muse of poetry. I was astonished and so thrilled. It wasn’t even something I had thought to want, and then the moment it was suggested to me, I was consumed by the wanting of it. I’m so glad to be here.
That being said, ALL OF US can read her first normal Prudie column:
Q. Baby Name Rudeness: Welcome, Mallory! My husband and I are expecting a baby girl and have chosen the name “Charlie.” I realize this is a slightly unconventional name for a girl, but I think it’s adorable. As we have started sharing the name, we have gotten more than one rude comment (usually from acquaintances or strangers who ask). These comments are generally along the lines of: “For a girl?” or “Wouldn’t you like to save that name for a boy?” What is the best way to respond to these comments? I want to let people know that they are being inappropriate and rude, but I don’t think saying, “What the hell is wrong with you?” (what I’m thinking) is the best response.
A: I always wonder when people say something like, “That’s a terrible name” to a stranger describing her yet-to-be-born child. What’s their projected outcome? “Ah, I see how terrible that name, which I liked enough to give my child five seconds ago, is now. Thank you. I shall name my daughter after you and send her to you for seven years of service when she becomes a woman”?
I think Charlie’s a nice name. Leslie used to be a boy’s name, and look at where that got Leslie Howard. (Well. He died a hero’s death during World War II, but you see my point.)
Beloved Friend of The Toast Jaya Saxena nearly sliced her thumb off with a mandoline last week and had to have it chemically cauterized, and what a great opportunity to remind you that I once wrote a fake history of the mandoline (DO NOT USE A MANDOLINE, also, any victim-blaming of Jaya for being viciously attacked by a mandoline will be deleted and the user’s IP will be blocked, do not try me, I do NOT joke about mandolines):
The mandoline was invented in the late 18th century by Doctor Joseph-Ignace Guillotin (better known for his eponymous creation) and named after his ex-girlfriend, Mandy. Marie Antoinette, struck by their cunning charms and miniature stature, ordered that one be placed in every room of the Petit Trianon, for doll executions. Following her death in 1793, her nephew, Francis II, asked for and received his aunt’s remaining mandolines (four having been irreparably damaged during their attempted escape from Paris.)
Neda Semnani on her father’s capture and execution during the Iranian Revolution:
After the Amol uprising, I stayed with my father most days, while my mother worked. He would spend hours telling me fantastic stories, and as he told them, he would draw matching pictures in a notebook, which I still have. When I wasn’t with him, my father would fill his days sculpting and painting. He’d make children’s toys that had secret compartments perfect for passing messages—just the pastime for a revolutionary family. He built nesting boxes made of blond wood that held together without nails. On each box, he painted delicate pink peonies. I still have the boxes hidden in my closet. As a child, I thought them the most beautiful things I had ever seen. I still think they are wonderful, and I am constantly afraid something will happen to them, and they will disappear.
The New Yorker has a fascinating profile of Megan Phelps-Roper, who is no longer being a horrible monster (I don’t want to be flip about that, actually, because I think these kids grew up under a ton of emotional and physical and spiritual abuse, but I also know that if you had Megan shrieking profanity at you about your dead uncle sucking dick in hell, watching her not-do-that anymore and get credit for it might be grating.
What’s remarkable in this story is learning how the patient engagement on Twitter with her awful ideas by real, well-meaning people eventually changed her heart, and I found it profoundly moving):
Phelps-Roper increasingly found herself turning to Bible passages where tragedy is not met with joy. The Old Testament prophet Elisha, for example, weeps when he foresees disaster for Israel. One day in July, 2011, Phelps-Roper was on Twitter when she came across a link to a series of photographs about a famine in Somalia. The first image was of a tiny malnourished child. She burst into tears at her desk. Her mother asked what was wrong, and Phelps-Roper showed her the gallery. Her mother quickly composed a triumphant blog post about the famine. “Thank God for famine in East Africa!” she wrote. “God is longsuffering and patient, but he repays the wicked TO THEIR FACE!” When Brittany Murphy died, Phelps-Roper had seen the disparity between her reaction and that of the rest of the church as a sign that something was wrong with her. Now the contradiction of her mother’s glee and her own sadness made her wonder if something was wrong with the church.
Phelps-Roper’s conversations with C.G. often drifted away from morality. C.G. liked indie rock and literary fiction. He introduced Phelps-Roper to bands like the Antlers, Blind Pilot, and Cults—“funnily enough,” she said—and to the novels of David Foster Wallace and Marilynne Robinson. “Hipster shit,” Phelps-Roper said. He turned her on to the Field Notes brand of notebooks. He poked fun at the inelegant fonts that Westboro used for its press releases. After C.G. complimented her on her grammar, she took pains to make sure that her tweets were free of clunky text-message abbreviations.
I honestly don’t want to quote the entire story, but, I MEAN, the Jewish people are the real heroes in this story:
When David Abitbol learned that the sisters had left Westboro, he invited them to speak at the next Jewlicious festival in Long Beach. They agreed, hoping that the experience might help them to find their way, and to finally understand a community that they had vilified for so long. “It was like we were just reaching out and grabbing on to whatever was around,” Megan said. Abitbol said, “People, before they met them, were, like, ‘So, now they’re not batshit-crazy gay haters and we’re supposed to love them? Fuck that.’ ” He added, “And then they heard them speak, and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house.” The sisters befriended their hosts, an Orthodox rabbi and his family. They went kosher-grocery shopping together, and Megan and Grace looked after the kids. Grace became especially close with the family, and ended up staying for more than a month. “They were amazing and super-kind,” Phelps-Roper said. Abitbol joked about the dramatic role reversal: “ ‘Your Rabbi Is a Whore’? Your rabbi is a host.”
Some day a time may come when there is an article about Freaks and Geeks I do not immediately need to tell you about, but today is not yet that day (Martin Starr, you are my HEART, and also your character in Silicon Valley is every dude who’s ever successfully negged me):
Samm Levine: Of the three geeks, Martin was definitely doing the most acting. Which isn’t to say we weren’t acting, but I just didn’t have to stretch very far as an actor to reach the apex of Neal.
Starr: I saw Bill Haverchuck as thoughtful and kind and scared and genuine. I mean, those aren’t different from the ways I saw myself at certain times, either, but it’s from a different perspective. I had just done a lot of my own internal work, and made distinct choices in how to carry myself, where he walked from, where he talked from, how he moved, how his speech was affected, what was important to him. But it was easy, because their writing system ended up being built around the characters we created.
Why independent content producers may need to band together and sue Facebook:
When Google acquired YouTube in 2006, they knew that one of the site’s greatest weaknesses (and one they were inviting into their whole company) were the lawsuits that would eventually be filed by large copyright holders. Viacom eventually did send that suit.
But they lost it because, in 2007, YouTube created Content ID, a system that checks every single video uploaded to YouTube against a massive database of copyrighted content (including many thousands of videos that are uploaded by independent content creators every day.)
Facebook uses a similar system, and it does a really good job of preventing the upload of videos from large copyright holders like Disney, Viacom, and the NFL. It does not, however, allow independent rights holders to upload to it.
Why?
*
Deleted comment of the day, from Ed, who sounds mad (I definitely wanted to approve it, but then sometimes that makes the system approve his OTHER comments, which, trust me, you don’t want, because Ed is a real dick):
*
— Mike Dang (@reportermike) November 16, 2015
DM me for gross thumb photos
JAYA! I have also lost part of my finger, so as a 9.9 fingered person–I hope you heal speedily! Also, do not be taken in by rumors that your finger may grow back and become fully whole, like I was. ^^;
You guys and Jerry Garcia! You’re in good company.
I grated off the very tip of my ring finger a week ago. God, that hurt, and I can only imagine how much your thumb hurts.
Jaya! I also sliced up my finger pretty good during a kitchen accident by trying to chop the pit out of an avocado like they do on cooking shows. Pro tip: don’t do this when your knife is Very Big and Very Sharp. It would not stop bleeding and I waited two hours (in multiple Urgent Care and ER waiting rooms) to have it stitched up.
All this to say, you have my sympathy. And I hope you heal up quickly!
I have badly cut (first time requiring stitches, second time probably requiring stitches but I just bandaged it up well) one finger on my left hand using knives of various sharpness. It sucks, and this story just increases my fear of mandolins. I am now worried that they will rise up and take over the world, like triffids.
This is exactly how my wife sliced her ring finger last year. She says it’s still numb, though totally healed. We now take the pits out of avocados with less-sharp knives.
Sympathetic :/ to Jaya. Also, BEWARE IMMERSION BLENDERS, TOO.
Sympathies to Jaya, (I too have a thumb wound, mine from an apple slicer-those things are SHARP!)
Seconding the immersion blender warning. In fact, just stay away from the kitchen entirely
My friend’s husband cut ALL his fingers on one of those apple slicer things! The plastic and metal separated from each other as he was pushing down and all the blades got him. It was horrific.
oh my godddd, stuff of nightmares
This is something I never even thought to be afraid of! I’ve nicked myself a few times prying recalcitrant apple cores out, but eeeeeeek!
AHH that is horrific. I can’t make applesauce sans apple slicer!
I love my immersion blender but I also fear it! I feel like you should have to press two buttons at the same time, or maybe enter some sort of secret nuclear codes, to get it going. How can I just own this spinning-blade-of-death device without a license of some sort?
I sliced up my thumb and one finger on mine a year ago. (More like an immersion BLUNDER, amirite?) Some system of checks and balances would be welcome.
Creepy story: a friend’s bakery coworker once was cleaning out the immersion blender in the kitchen, and suddenly had an overwhelming urge to turn it on with her finger in the blades. She subsequently sliced the tip of her finger off.
I will never own an immersion blender now because of the possibility I have an imp in my brain who will whisper “Just turn it on, Lo – see what happensssss”
Maybe I should just give mine to my friend with all the cats, who is used to pointy entities with no regard for human well-being?
Ahhhhhhhhhhh
Every time I have to stick my hand in the garbage disposal I have to consciously put my other hand in my pocket or my bra or something so I don’t reach over and flip the switch.
Seriously, what is it about garbage disposals?? I also leave the room if my partner is venturing there, because… that would be bad.
There’s a whole horrifying subplot about this urge in Firestarter! Haven’t reread that book in probably a decade and I still shudder thinking about it.
Yes, absolutely this is a thing.
I get this any time I’m putting the whisk bits into my hand whisker thing… what are those called? And I always want to turn it on while my fingers are in there. Now I don’t plug it in until it’s all together. Just in case.
Giant professional immersion blenders do require you to press two buttons at the same time so it can’t be turned on accidentally, but they’re about 3 1/2 feet long and much heavier than you would want to use to make guac at home
I sliced off the tip of my finger earlier this year – as I reached into my bag, I accidentally reached right into my open toiletries pouch and hit my razor – as I was boarding a 6 hour flight. Immediately followed by a 14 hour flight. It was not great. And the scar isn’t even cool.
One time I was shaving my legs and kind of waving the razor around carelessly and cut myself on the boob.
I am sorry but I cannot stop laughing
To be fair, that was also my reaction.
(I relayed this story to my lifelong best friend and she was like, “Oh yeah, that happened to me once too, except I cut myself on the butt.” I hitched my wagon to the right star, friends.)
Oh my god I just burst out laughing in my office.
SAAAAAME
I have a nipple scar because of a similar mishap. Good lord, the things I admit on the internet.
I am really enjoying this comment + username combo, too.
Ugggh shaving. I once shaved off a huge chunk of my thumbnail. It was horrific.
I HAVE ALSO DONE THIS. I should probably not be allowed to use razors.
I totally cut my nipple this way. It was a tiny little cut but it bled like fuck. Alarming.
I was brushing my teeth once when I suddenly toothbrush-ed myself in the eye
I still don’t know how that happened
You are a wonder. I assume the boob recovered?
One time I was shaving my armpits and then my boob was itchy so I scratched it… with the razor.
I once cut myself on the other leg, the one I wasn’t shaving. I think I was sitting down in the tub, spaced out with the razor in my hand, and rested my leg against the blade.
I was once vigorously shaking a tube of moisturiser to put some on my face after a shower, and caught one of my breasts with the very sharp end of the tube. It bled quite a bit. (And I was staying with my boyfriend’s brother and sister-in-law, so didn’t even have access to plasters and things.)
I had a recurring nightmare as a new-to-shaving adolescent in which I would somehow slice off my pinky toe while apparently doing a terrible job dream-shaving.
Ah I did this too but it was my bf’s razor. He put in my bag because he was only taking a carry on. I was definitely more angry than the situation warranted, but only by a little. It’s was like when you stub your toe and your super pissed but really it’s no ones fault but your own. Except this was bf’s fault and he needed to know that.
It’s was like when you stub your toe and your super pissed but really it’s no ones fault but your own.
uggghhhh, right? I was so mad and could only be mad at myself. It bled for 9 miserable hours.
But I bet the flight was interesting. (I am imagining asking a flight attendant for something to staunch the blood flow.)
I was too embarrassed after I bled through the first couple bandaids and ended up crafting a little finger-nest out of tampons and the airline amenity kit eyemask, and then focused INTENTLY on the in flight movies. Did you know you can watch all eight Harry Potter movies in just about 20 hours?
I did this exact thing (at airport, rummaging in luggage) when I was a kid! It has instilled in me a lifelong cautiousness about blindly reaching into suitcases, and also of making sure razors are properly covered.
OMG I hope you are okay! I really want gross thumb photos but I also really do NOT want gross thumb photos, and my brain is operating at such a low level today apparently (2 mistakes already and I’ve only been here since 8!) that I dare not.
I love that everyone is sharing their gross thumb stories, so here is mine! I once sliced off the entire tip of my left thumb with an ordinary kitchen knife. (Definitely user error–I looked away while chopping, do not do this.) Didn’t cut the bone or anything but lost the tip and part of the nailbed.
The good news is that it grew back. Even the part of my thumbprint that was sliced off grew back! I now just have a little circle of scar tissue, and sometimes a second thumbnail grows up under the first.
So, Jaya, I’m really glad you didn’t cut your thumb all the way off, but keep an eye on it in case you start growing another, like a starfish.
I sliced off part of the outside of my thumb (right under the nail) with a cheese slicer. Still have a bump of scar tissue there. I now buy my sandwich cheese pre-sliced.
SOMETIMES A SECOND THUMBNAIL GROWS UP UNDER THE FIRST
It’s okay! It doesn’t hurt and I keep all my nails very short.
THIS IS WHAT STRUCK ME, ALSO
I literally did a little jump in my desk chair
HOW, WHAT
WHATTTTTTT
I don’t have a personal gross thumb story, but my elementary school librarian (who liked neither books not children so not an A+ career choice*) was missing the top of her thumb and told about five different versions of what happened to it. Which in later years makes me think it was something too horrible or depraved to tell children.
*highlights: Greek mythology is demonic, Little Women is “too mature” for a sixth grader, looking up words in the big dictionary if you are under ten is wrong, checking out an extra book because the one you need to finish your alphabetical caterpillar (there are only so many Caldecott Award winners beginning with the letter U!) gets you a big red x mark.
Wow, that is quite a librarian you had. Sounds like she may have been better suited to…something remote, not verbose, and with as little human interaction as possible.
I had a friend who was missing half of one finger. A pony bit it off.
I chopped off most of the tip of my thumb at work when I was 19. Went right through the thumb nail. Soaked through two bar towels before my employers decided yes, this woman really does need a hospital. Doctor told me not to bother with stitches since, although she could see bone and ordinarily wouldn’t recommend removal, there was nothing holding it on but a skin flap. I still asked her to please not snip the flap but just sort of flop my thumb tip back over, bandage it up, and see what happened. Less than a week later: adhesion! Victory!
My thumb print is crooked, and I don’t have much feeling, but it works fine. Feels like having a callous, sort of, that my nail grows out of.
I did this exact thing! And it did grow back! Although it is slightly flatter than the other thumb, still. Also, it’s incredible how often you need to put pressure on your left thumb, you wouldn’t think it, until you find out the hard way.
Actually now thatI think about it, I did mine on a mandolin, too. I had blanked it out. I remember it now because I remember thinking ‘Hmmm I probably shouldn’t keep slicing this zucchini, it’s getting pretty short…’ but my brain was too slow and I didn’t finish the thought in time and… yeah.
I stabbed myself in the finger trying to open one of those ridiculous plastic packages, while sitting in the car in my friend’s driveway at 4am, the day before we were driving to move across the country. We also couldn’t find bandaids in his parents’ house, so I had to jury-rig bandaging with paper towel and q-tips.
I’m so sorry Jaya! I normally use one of those protective gloves when I use my slicer, but got cocky recently and didn’t use the thing and promptly sliced the tip of my finger off. It bled forever and really hurt, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as your injury.
The night before my grad school orientation, I was making quick pickles and was too excited for Glee to start (THIS WAS A WHILE AGO OKAY) and forgot to use the guard thing and whoops, there went the tip of and half my middle fingernail. Missed Glee, ruined the pickles, spent the evening in the ER getting a tetanus shot and then had to shake everyone’s hand the next day left-handed. I had to explain to 70+ people why I had a giant bandage and it was pretty terrible.
I really want to know what it’s like in Ed’s world, where the owners of blogs that delete comments are hauled off to prison for “censureship.” I want to see records of the prosecutors’ opening statements in those trials:
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, we intend to prove that the defendant violated the sacred rights of this land, when she deleted a comment on her blog that read ‘lol u r fat.’ Send her to prison, and may God have mercy on her soul.”
“The defense contends that our client is plump at most, and that the commenter was not, in fact, laughing out loud at the moment of posting, and deletion is therefore permitted under Section ii(a), Vile Lies and Falsehoods.”
I first read it as “centaurship” and I was like man, how can you complain about centaurship?!
Censorship isn’t a crime, but I have never heard of this “censureship”, so it’s entirely possible that it is illegal. Maybe it’s some kind of weird sexual kink. I don’t know, Ed could probably tell us if he wasn’t so insistent on his comment not being posted.
Maybe he means he thinks we are adamantly against showing extreme disapproval? Which, now that I think about it, also exhibits a fundamental misunderstanding of this site.
I am assuming it is when people are disapproving of ships. I can see the ship being sad.
DUDE did you see that Chris Kimball is leaving America’s Test Kitchen????
Noooo!
Truly the end of an era.
NOOOOOO. But who will stare off into the yawning abyss of existence while the mirepoix is sauteeing?
I think Mallory offered him a job on twitter last night. Now that we’ve invited him in, well, it’s up to him and the rules of the North to determine when he’ll depart.
he always comes when he’s invited he ALWAYS comes where he’s invited
look, the point is the parable of the gracious host and the unready host is all good funny times when you’re reading it in the Red Book of Vermont and it’s all just words but look, it doesn’t matter that we are commenters here and guests ourselves, if we are here when Chris Kimball arrives WE ARE HOSTS TOO by his reckoning. that is what a host is, it is who is already there when Chris Kimball puts his hosen and shod feet over the threshold, are you READY. unreadiness is a terrible thing. for god’s sake be on your feet when he knocks, you know he counts the seconds until you throw open the door
Is Mallory taking over?
But where will he find his new assistant-wives now??
I can’t watch Chris Kimball without thinking of my ex (who loved ATK and other things that i can no longer watch)… so now maybe I can watch ATK again
“doll executions” !!!
Finally someone with the right idea about dolls
YES THEY ARE SO BLOODY CREEPY
I ALWAYS want to know about Freaks and Geeks articles. Martin Starr is fantastic.
Ditto!
Ooh, ever since Party Down I have such a crush on Martin Starr…He doesn’t know unfortunately. Also I live in Europe. Also I guess he is surrounded by hot models. STILL..
Me, reading today’s Link Roundup:
Martin Starr, you are my HEART, and also your character in Silicon Valley is every dude who’s ever successfully negged me.
“Oh no, Nicole’s RIGHT!”
Martin Starr is so very excellent at playing a very specific type of Bad Nerd, and this perversely means I adore him. I actually squealed when he cameoed as an asshole stats-knowing fantasy football expert on Last Week Tonight last Sunday.
2 things I’m loving right now:
1. That Mallory is retaining her signature Mallory amazingness with words over at Slate.
2. The article about the Westboro Church woman who left the church. It really shows that responding to hatred with love and understanding and respectful questions can really work. Love is the answer!
1 thing I’m loving right now:
1. There are people in the world like you. Thank you for being capable of your beliefs.
It really does. I was thinking about that same thing – imagine if no one was willing to accept her or believe in her change of heart/repentance, that would probably have just driven her right back into the Westboro fold. It’s natural human behavior to “other” people, and to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong, but when we accept that people can grow and change, we open up such a world of possibilities for them and ourselves.
Archbishop Desmond Tutu’s hymn lyrics keep coming to my mind:
Goodness is stronger than evil;
love is stronger than hate;
light is stronger than darkness;
life is stronger than death.
Yes, yes, amen, let it be so.
If you’re on a very specific paleo diet, I just HAVE to inform you, that cavemen didnt celebrate birthdays.
ISWYDT
I’ve been thinking about asking for a mandoline for xmas because sometimes my food processor is just not enough (when I want to make sweet potato chips, for example, and the potatoes don’t fit in my hopper) but now…well, that Slate article won’t even load for me (I keep getting a 502 Bad Gateway error) and I think maybe the universe is trying to tell me something.
I can’t bring myself to read the article on Phelps-Roper. I’m glad there are people who were willing to talk to her and bring her around, but I live 25 miles from Topeka and I see members of Westboro way more often than I’d like, protesting and screaming and being horrible and I cannot comprehend the compassion or inclination to approach them with anything other than a flamethrower. I’m glad people who can are in existence, though.
Exactly this. I had to execute my first FB-defriending of the election season this morning, although the last-straw post this (white, Republican, cis-) man wrote was about how we Americans are familiar with horrific genocides like the Syrian crisis because he saw pictures of lynchings in his history textbooks, and all the Syrians need to do is get serious! and just hold a real election! and their government should formally start a civil war and that will solve ISIS! … and I just couldn’t take it anymore.
How do normal people even listen to this shit or shit like the Westboro assholes? I spent too long immersed in a deeply conservative, bigoted culture, and I truly think I lack whatever trait or skill it takes… alas, my queendom for a liberal childhood :/
I grew up Southern Baptist, but my parents were somehow pretty liberal so I grew up with a weird mix of compassion and intolerance which actually now that I think about it explains so much.
The Westboro folks are basically just a single family (albeit a large one) that raises their kids in a sad cult.
I’ve never actually heard a single other person defend them, even the most conservative fundamentalist types.
I just…I feel like a wuss because I shy away from engaging with bigots. I grew up in a conservative religious milieu also, and… if I give too much headspace to it, I’m afraid I’ll never feel like I left. It’s terrifying. It’s looking over the edge of the cliff.
My husband had to drag me away from a street-corner sign-holder a couple of years ago because sign-holder had his little daughter, maybe 7 years old, holding something desperately hateful that she probably didn’t even understand. I still think about her and want to take her away and whisper in her ear that she is precious and loved and she deserves so much more than to be taught to fear a deity who wants to use her as a weapon.
I think that makes you opposite of wuss, actually.
I don’t mean to imply that what I left behind was anything like WBC–it was very mainstream conservative US Protestantism. I haven’t cut anyone off or made a dramatic stand for what I believe–I just left that church body for a progressive one, and I live far enough away from my hometown that it’s easier to be myself. But I’m still unlearning a lot of lessons.
That little girl with the sign was coming from a much, much more toxic version of Christianity than mine, and that’s what broke my heart. I had to be led away shaking with rage because I knew there was no way I could engage in a non-destructive manner.
I used to live in Kansas and once in college I went to a debate at Washburn between Fred Phelps and one of the (I think) law professors there. I sat down behind a small, giggling girl reading Harry Potter, which I thought was weird because who brings a kid to this kind of debate. It turns out I was right behind a row of the Phelps grandchildren. It was a very surreal experience and give how many years ago it was (probably 10) that little girl could very well have been Megan or Grace, which is equally weird to think about.
I’m shocked to think about that church allowing their kids to read Harry Potter. HUH.
Presumably so they would know every unGodly detail, the better to trash it.
I was surprised too! But there’s a relevant bit in the article that cleared it up:
“Westboro believed that its members could best preach to the wicked by living among them. The children of Westboro attended Topeka public schools, and Phelps-Roper ran track, listened to Sublime CDs, and read Stephen King novels. If you knew the truth in your heart, Westboro believed, even the filthiest products of pop culture couldn’t defile you.”
That’s very Milton-esque– there’s a passage in Areopagitica where Milton is lauding the project of reading Italian pr0n because he has no use for a cloistered and fugitive virtue.
There are certain things I am way more willing to make now that I have a mandoline (and the gloves. those are important).
Especially caramelized onions! It’s just so much faster to get through onions!!!!
I had thought I’d be excited to use it to make Spanish Tortilla, but then I found this way easier way to do it and I will never go back to the old way.
HOLY FUCKING SHIT I am so making that tortilla for Thanksgiving. I don’t often allow myself potato chips (even the coconut- or avocado oil ones bother my tum) but damn that looks like a fine-ass food treat YES.
it is also SO EASY. It is basically approximately as difficult as an omelet or scrambled eggs, and even reheats okay! The aoili is pretty good, but it’s totally optional.
The aoili is pretty good, but it’s totally optional.
Aioli is NEVER optional.
Caramelized onions is the best use for a mandoline ever. I just put it over the crock pot, slice onions until it’s full, and set on low overnight, stir in the morning, low until I get home from work, and pop them in the freezer to use later.
So they actually get all brown and delicious?! This might change my life. Just this past Sunday I burnt a #10 skillet FULL of sliced onions to a charcoal pancake on account of stupidity.
Yes I would also like to hear more about crock pot caramelized onions!! Do you put in any fluid? Salt? Sugar? This would make so many recipes of mine go so much faster!
This is also relevant to my (lazy, caramelized-onion-loving) interests…
Sorry I didn’t reply sooner! I just fill it up, add a little water and cook on low, stirring occasionally for at least 10 hours. It’s kind of amazing to have onion soup at the drop of a hat
Yes to the gloves! Or at least one glove. Use it every time! Buy one that fits! I like the Microplane brand.
I love mandolines, but am a klutz.
holy shazbot, I had no idea about cut-resistant gloves!! This is going to change my mandolining life.
Part of my family is in Topeka and if you ask them about it it’s like “I swear to god, if I ever have to hear that fucking name again, don’t even get me started…” I think if you have to share your town with them and their reputation, it’s harder to forget how bad they can be.
My thought is that you need both types: you need the people, who are Not Me, to be the patient kind explaining “well, but see, this is where you’re wrong,” and then you need the rest of us to be like That Shit Does Not Fly, Fuck Off If That’s How You Are.
Carrot and stick. Or bad cop/good cop.
DEFINITELY. The Burgomaster is like you and I tell him every day I’m so grateful for his patience and perseverance. Granted, it’s usually in response to his having to deal with me, but also sometimes humanity in general.
1. Mr. Ada loves to use the mandoline.
2. Mr. Ada just about slices his goddamned finger off, because that’s what mandolines are designed to do.
3. Mr. Ada responds poorly to blood.
4. Either_Ada ends up making that goddamned apple pie, when all she wanted to do with her Sunday was do crosswords and watch Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries.
5. Burn the mandolines.
My boyfriend got me one for my birthday. I haven’t used it yet, and now I am afraid to!!!
I recently saw an ad for a kid’s-first-kitchen-knives set than included a silicone finger guard, and I’m like, why don’t kitchen things for adults come with finger guards. Some of us are at least as hopeless as a 7-year-old.
bf’s been buying me fancy new kitchen toys for christmas. mandoline has been edging (heh) its way up the list because the tv chefs make using one look so easy!?!
but
i think
it’s still early enough to start hinting at a different kitchen toy,
Not to derail the mandoline thread into a fancy new kitchen toys thread, but after breaking two garlic presses, I got the $45 one from William-Sonoma, which is a ridiculous price to pay for a garlic press, but the salesperson told me that I would never need another one, and I swear, that garlic press just makes me happy every time I use it, like there are whole cloves and then the next second there is minced garlic and it is just effortless. So, I recommend that absurd purchase for a hinted Christmas present.
How hard is it to clean? I have a garlic mincer that I hardly ever use because cleaning it afterward is more work than just mincing the garlic with a knife in the first place, unless I’m mincing like an entire head for some reason. And, to bring it back around, I’m terrified I will slice my hand open while cleaning the little dealie with the blades.
I should maybe clarify that I have this kind of garlic mincer, with rotating blades. The kind Williams-Sonoma is interested in selling me for $45 is very different, with a bunch of small holes and the garlic gets squashed through the holes by a lever. This seems less dangerous, but perhaps more difficult to clean.
Why not add a Searzall to the list (which is also in our kitchen)?
Then you can burn down the mandoline when it dismembers you.
I have never tried a mandoline but my I sliced the base of my thumb open with a mezzaluna and there was blood all over my kitchen (my friend almost fainted) so now, in my mind, anything worth being done can be done with a regular kitchen knife.
Mental note: never get a scary kitchen gadget for my beloved. He’s on blood thinners. When he bleeds, he means business.
Although I did get him a good knife and knife sharpener a while ago, and cooking in his flat is much more pleasant now.
If one is forced into using a mandoline against one’s will, I highly recommend cut resistant gloves, available for less than the price of an ER copay.
(I was given a mandoline as a gift. I declared I would NOT be using it until we bought gloves and they arrived. Not everyone was that patient. That ER visit was easily the most boring one of the past couple years.)
Now searching Amazon for a Christmas gift for Mr. Ada that is actually for myself, re: comment above.
Ooo, link to the gloves you bought, please?
It was either these or something that looks very very similar. When the arrived, I thought they were far too cloth-like to work, but they’ve prevented me cutting myself quite a few times, and they’re comfortable enough to wear that I do actually wear them!!
And they even come in sizes for my teensy little child hands!
Oh my God, I might be getting myself those for Christmas. I have no interest in nor ownership of mandolines, but I do have a dread of knives, which means mine are not as deadly-sharp as my parents’, and I know dull knives also lead to accidents, so yes. Invest in gloves, stop fearing gory kitchen accidents.
I am right here with you. Dull knives lead to accidents, yes, but don’t they lead to less serious accidents? I don’t know, after watching my mother cut off the tip of her finger as a child I am all about the knives which are too dull to accomplish that feat, but possibly I am resorting to purely fictional comfort here.
No, they tend to lead to worse accidents. You have to apply so much pressure to cut things that when (and it’s when, not if) the blade slips, it goes straight through your much-more-fragile human parts rather than just nicking you.
PSA: Please sharpen your knives. Please, please, please. Signed, the child of a guy who cut off a big ol’ chunk of finger with a dull chef’s knife and whose kid got covered in blood and had to carry said chunk of finger on the ride to the ER. It’s a couple minutes of work, and it will decrease the odds of you and/or your family experiencing the joys of finger-reattaching surgery.
Ah. Good to know. Terrifying to know, but also good. Thank you! (I do sharpen my knives, I just don’t keep them them as sharp as some people who occasionally use them think I should. I think I will be revising my sharpening threshold upward.)
Happy to help! I thought I did a pretty good job with mine, and then I started living with a former chef who’s really serious about cooking and his equipment and who keeps his knives razor sharp at all times. It’s safer, and it’s also just a lot more pleasant to use very sharp knives all the time.
I know this is from yesterday, but I just wanted to call attention to the fact that the first entry in the “Customer Questions and Answers” section for the product you linked reads as follows:
Question: would they offer Much Protection, if say, your hand ended up in, I don’t know… a ZOMBIES Mouth ?…
Answer: Sure, they would protect your hand completely from being cut, zombies have pretty blunt teeth like most human teeth, although the zombies teeth would still do crushing damage.
By Dave on May 18, 2014
My concern would be the bacterial load if you had any pre-existing abrasions. I would certainly wear a latex glove underneath to protect from infection just in case.
By Stephanie W. Harper on January 20, 2015
So there you have it. Cut resistant gloves: they will also protect you from zombies.
wow. wow.
SECOND. I got a cut-resistant glove for this purpose and it has made my mandoline adventures substantially less scary. You can still cut yourself through the glove if you’re trying hard! But it makes those incidental finger-slicings much less likely. Also good for when you’re grating the last bit of something and you don’t want grated knuckle added.
I still have scars on my knuckles from the time I was making coleslaw in a camp kitchen and was using a mandoline. I had been given the job of kitchen assistant because I was efficient and took direction well, not because I had any cooking skills. Unfortunately, using a mandoline really is the fastest way to make coleslaw for 100 people.
There are definitely faster ways to make coleslaw for 100 people, but they require more investment in equipment. The last commercial kitchen I worked in had a slicer attachment for the giant stand mixer, kind of like this. We only used it for slicing mushrooms, but I’m sure it would be faster for coleslaw than a mandoline. Failing that, those meat slicers with the spinning blades are basically fancy powered mandolines, they should work. And both of those options let you keep your fingers further from the blade, I think.
Also, if you need to make coleslaw for a hundred people without spending thousands on commercial kitchen equipment, there are still options. A food processor might be faster, except you’d have to empty out the container a lot. Slicer attachments for non-giant stand mixers exist, though the reviews are a bit mixed on the newer models. And I know someone with a standalone slicer like this which she’s pretty happy with.
I mean, there probably are circumstances where the mandoline is the right choice, but my point is that it’s not the only option. And also that if you really want speed then you should use a rapidly spinning blade of some kind, set up so that you don’t have to put your fingers very close to it.
In re: coleslaw for a hundred without a mandoline, we used a deli meat slicer at the jail and it worked beautifully. You can get them cheapISH on Amazon and they’re handy for many, many things.
I have one of those that goes on my kitchenaid. It’s kind of a hassle to clean but not that bad if you want to do a lot of stuff. I’m terrified enough of mandolines that none have crossed my threshold. Jaya’s experience suggests I am justified.
For a brief but glorious period of time, Cuisinart made a mini food processor with a chute attachment that lets you continuously grate or slice until you run out of ingredients or bowls. I have no idea why they stopped making it, because it is the best thing ever.
My mom had one of those, or a similar one, in the 90s.
She mostly only used it for making huge amounts of coleslaw.
Indeed! I thought those were supposed to come WITH the mandoline. But my mom has a really fancy expensive state of the art mandoline and maybe the gloves only come with that kind…
the one I was given came with a “food holder” that I don’t use now that we have gloves.
yeah, those are bullshit. Gloves all the way 🙂
I am yet to seriously injure myself with a mandoline, but am seriously considering investing in a pair of those gloves after grating my thumb while grating a carrot. On three seperate occasions, within the same week (I love carrots). But I am the sort of person who really would be better off in a cut-resistant bodysuit.
Box graters are the devil.
Truth. I did make a fetching industrial chic lampshade out of one when I was a student though.
Seriously, are they good at grating anything other than knuckles?
I cut the tip of my finger off the day before my sister’s wedding prepping lemons for punch (ouch) and the day after the wedding bought a cut resistant glove from a local restaurant supply place. I’ve not used the mandoline without the glove since, and I haven’t cut my fingers since either.
Since we are all on the topic of cutting off fingers, I’d like to make a What to do With Your Cut Off Finger PSA. DO NOT put your cut off finger on ice, which can lead to it getting frost bite, and rendering it un-attachable in the ER. What you want to do is gently rinse off your finger, wrap it in moist, sterile (or at least as clean as possible) gauze, and seal it in a plastic bag. You then place that bag in another baggie of ice water. That will keep you finger cool, but not frozen, while minimizing bacterial growth. And now you know.
Glad someone said this, they are pretty much required to use a mandoline with all your limbs intact. Whenever I think i can get by without I end up cutting or almost cutting myself.
Argh, I saw that article about Pistorius (the murderer) in the LRB yesterday, and while it was all awful, was horrified to learn that a woman or girl is reported raped to the police in South Africa every four minutes. I can’t even imagine it.
And that means the actual number of rapes is probably even higher :/ I mean, godDAMN. I know it’s a big country, but that seems like it shouldn’t even be possible.
Yes, absolutely – I mean, maybe South Africa has a really high reporting rate, but the likelihood is that there are loads more that go unreported. It’s horrifying.
Italian Toasties! Anyone in Rome?
I’m going to be in Rome this weekend and I’d love to meet up with someone for dinner/drinks on one of the evenings!
I’m travelling with my mum and it would be nice to go out and have a break!
Hey! I’m not in Rome (so sorry if I got your hopes up by writing this comment!) but I am Italian so I just wanted to say welcome and I hope you have a great time!
I’m not familiar with Rome at all — only been there a few times, mostly for purposes that were not conducive to actually visiting the city — but if there are any general things you want to know, like about public transportation or what the deal is with receipts or whatever, feel free to ask!
(Two tidbits I’d like every tourist to know are (a) almost every commercial transaction should come with a receipt — if the store owner doesn’t give you one, they’re evading taxes and (b) bus tickets are actually bought before you board the bus, in stores called tabaccherie, marked by a big white T. In some cities you can also buy tickets on the bus, but you might have to pay a higher price. Consider or ignore at will!)
Confession, Toasties: I didn’t really read Dear Prudence before now. I did when people linked to particularly juicy ones, but wasn’t a regular member of the Prudie Party. Am I too late to join? Will I be considered a poseur?
Great advice so far, even in the short form. I thought the question about the gym buddy was particularly helpful, and I’m fascinated by the rogue office email printer.
I didn’t either but we can be new poseurs together!
AHHH MANDOLINS ARE THE SCARIEST THINGS. My roommates just bought one and I refuse to touch it, now I feel vindicated.
My mom severed a fingertip on two separate occasions before she got rid of hers, so I feel pretty confident that you’re making the right choice
I cut myself on an apple slicer thing (from IKEA!) that was given to me as a gift, but I’d never used. I was packing my apt to move, reached into a kitchen drawer to put utensils in a box and pulled my bloody hand out instead. Of course it was my right hand, and my thumb. It took 5 stitches and weeks to heal (it was deep) and my thumbprint on file with the CA DMV was no longer accurate. You can still see where the stitches were in my thumbprint (10 years later!) because the lines pinched together as it healed.
Speaking of dangerous kitchen implements: please unplug your immersion blender before attempting to clean it with your fingers. My sister-in-law didn’t one time, and well, I haven’t seen – or want to see – pictures of Jaya’s thumb but I image it looks somewhat similar to my SIL’s after that incident.
*Edited because I am dumb.
You always have the perfect gifs.
Seconding this! Luckily my immersion blender has a detachable bottom part and my husband mocks me because I will detach it before even lifting the blades out of the sauce or soup I just blended. I say I do it to ensure there will not be soup splatter around the kitchen but mostly it’s because I am terrified of having those blades attached to the drive shaft.
Yup. I thought that’s how you were supposed to use it?!
I don’t know why, but every time I use my hand blender I always get a very vivid image in my mind of licking it while it’s plugged in and accidentally pressing the button. Note that I’ve never actually licked the hand blender, unplugged or not. It’s just an image that makes me physically flinch every goddamn time I make hummus. #verytinybrainproblems
That happened to me, too! Luckily, everything worked out – I didn’t require medical attention, I got some cool scars, and my cookie dough dip came out high in iron.
I avoid this problem by cleaning the blender in a jar of soapy water (insert in water, turn on, all problems are solved), then immediately detaching the bottom bit and just wiping down the handle. I never touch the blades.
After I use a stick blender or food processor, I will always turn the plug off at the wall and also unplug the machine itself before I even think about touching the blades. I know that it won’t turn on unless I press the button, and I know with the food processor that it shouldn’t turn on without the lid on, but what if it did? I credit my mum with putting the fear of god into me when I once absent-mindedly put my fingers a bit too close to the edge of the bowl when using a food mixer as a child. Any sort of motor-powered bladed/whisking device is terrifying to me.
I always immediately detach the lower half of the immersion blender after use (do all immersion blenders separate like that? it’s very handy).
I’m so glad you guys posted that New Yorker article, because I’ve found it fascinating and was planning to link it in the comments at some point this week otherwise. I read it and thought “The Toasts would like this!”
But I have never seen them in person, and my great sympathies to those who live near and have been affected by them.
*slowly puts hand up* I am here for the paleo-specific birthday food, because I love sweet things and I also love eating paleo, and I know in my heart of hearts that paleo baking is a total sham, and yet I still want to eat delicious things on my birthday at the end of this month.
So far all I’ve been able to come up with is bananas fried in honey, but even that’s probably not quite paleo-right.
*puts hand down*
What’s the paleo stance on sugar? Ricciarelli cookies are tasty Italian nuggets of deliciousness that are made using almond flour, egg, orange or lemon zest, and sugar. http://www.culinate.com/recipes/collections/Contr…
ALTERNATELY, may I suggest ground up almond-date (or other nut of your choice) fridge cake with dark chocolate “ganache”? I made this for a pregnant coworker who wasn’t supposed to eat gluten or sugar. You just pulverize dates and nuts in the food processor and press them into a pan. Then melt some dark chocolate (I’m assuming that’s paleo friendly? depending on the brand/variety?) and spread it over the top of the dates and nuts. For a bonus, you could sprinkle some coconut flakes on top. Then pop it in the fridge to let it set, and ta da, little date-nut-chocolate bars. They’re very chewy and rich tasting.
Eh, the paleo stance on sugar seems to be not to use it, or to use some sort of iffy sugar substitute, or to use some kind of cane-/beet-/coconut-sugar, or to use sugar when they really want to use sugar.
Aha. So, whatever you want, really!
I’ve also made coconut milk chocolate pudding before and that was pretty tasty. If you sweeten it with honey and use the right chocolate, it could be paleo friendly.
… avocado… chocolate… pudding? Is chocolate allowed if it’s really dark chocolate??
Oh, that’s a good one! This also makes a decent icing substitution sometimes.
Paleo-right Schmaleo-right. I don’t care if it’s societal/conditioned, everyone deserves a treat once in a while.
Chickpea Blondies
Sweet Potato Brownies
I personally vouch for the deliciousness of both of those recipes. They’re treats, definitely, and I wouldn’t eat them every day but at least they don’t trigger any of my allergies and the absence of refined sugar keeps my from having an inflammatory reaction in my gut.
This is what cheat days are for.
I made my husband strawberries covered in whipped coconut cream the last time we did the Whole 30–which happened to coincide with his birthday month. The key was to get really small, ripe strawberries. I realize this doesn’t help you for November though.
Nom Nom Paleo is my go to Paleo website, if you haven’t found it yet. Maybe check out their Treats section? Unfortunately you have to scroll all the way down.
Melissa Joulwan has great recipes, too (including a good selection of treats) although I can’t get her website to load right now…
I don’t think that you can fry anything in sugar; you’d need a fat of some sort, and I don’t know what fats if any are considered paleo (bacon grease? Coconut oil?), but it does appear that honey can be caramelized, which just sounds deelish.
So, I’m not 100% clear on paleo guidelines but one of my preferred desserts involving bananas is frozen banana coins dipped in chocolate and then topped with some peanut butter. It’s possibly the most obvious dessert in the world (and maybe not fun enough for a birthday), but in case not here is the method…
I just slice the banana in coins, freeze them on parchment paper, melt some dark chocolate chips with about a teaspoon of coconut oil (I find this keeps the choc from cracking after it freezes)– I image you could paleo-ize this with some sort of paleo choc or cacao and approved sweetener–, dip or coat the coins, and freeze again. After I dollop some PB on top! (I love the whole foods 365 unsweetened… it has a brown lid)
I started making this because I like cold creamy desserts but I found that ice cream is too sugary and I feel really sick after eating it, to the point I don’t really enjoy it now 🙁 So for anybody in that boat, it’s so good!
It’s not baking, but I previously made a dessert that was dates stuffed with a mixture of chopped walnuts, honey, and Dukkah spice mix (I think it was one with hazelnuts and cinnamon/cloves, so maybe a pumpkin pie style spice mix would work too). It’s incredibly sweet but tasted amazing.
“Following her death in 1793, her nephew, Francis II, asked for and received his aunt’s remaining mandolines (four having been irreparably damaged during their attempted escape from Paris.)”
…does that mean she was hauling FOUR MANDOLINES with her while trying to sneak out of Paris? That seems… impractical.
Well, what would YOU use to defend yourself from highwaymen and bands of roving Jacobins?
And whole potatoes! Just because we are fleeing does not mean we must eat our food in fat chunks like uncivilized BEASTS.
It is, but you must admit that it is a defiantly French way to do things.
“That seems…impractical” can cover a lot of Marie Antionette.
That is a very good point!
It is a fake history, after all. 🙂
hahahaha I completely missed that part! But I was 100% willing to believe this was a real thing that happened. I feel like Marie Antoinette did way crazier shit than packing too many mandolines on her failed escape from Paris.
Oh, I thought it was the mandolines escaping Paris, off their own bat. Disappointed now.
I’m enjoying the Freaks and Geeks article although the section about getting an erection during a kissing scene (because “it would be weird if you didn’t!”) was something I did not need to read, tbh. *makes a face and skips ahead*
I never feel more kinship with Nicole than when she’s saying things like Oscar Pistorius the murderer, or giving Billy Crudup grief. Never forgive or forget awful white men!
I’m the same way about Ben Roethlisberger the rapist.
THANK YOU.
Football season = shouting at the TV season.
My friends and I were next to two people on a first date the other week and the guy asked the girl what she thought about Ben Roethlisberger and she was like ‘Uh. He’s a rapist?’ and the guy was like ‘No, I mean, do you think he’s a good PLAYER?’
The date ended shortly after that.
YES THANK YOU. I get grumpy every time one of my coworkers comes in wearing his jersey.
Wait, what’s wrong with Billy Crudup? I clearly missed something. Do I have to give up my Stage-Beauty-induced crush?!
Mazel tov, Mallory! You did good. You also did well. Yay!
HOLY SHIT David Abitbol is a friend of mine! I knew he was speaking with Phelps-Roper on Twitter, but honestly he’s kind of a good-hearted troll, so I didn’t think much of it. He’s been known to hang around Jews for Jesus people wearing a t-shirt that says “Christ Killer”, is what I’m saying. Amazing story. I should get back in touch with him.
From the article, it seems like a good-hearted troll was exactly the right person to engage with Megan Phelps-Roper. I mean, that seems to be the stance she ended up taking herself, weirdly enough. God that’s a fascinating article.
He sounds like my kind of people. I like him.
Yes, and maybe ask him if he’d be interested in writing the story from his perspective for The Toast! I think I might be able to read an article about the Phelps family from that perspective.
Wait, what? Since when is a mandoline a slice-thingy? I keep imagining Jaya slicing off her thumb with a musical instrument.
Y
(Sorry, the y is not supposed to be there, I can’t get it away)
HA! I think the musical instrument is spelled without an e, but when said in conversation I almost always think “ok, my dad is asking me to get out the mandolin, does he want to play chords while I sing?” Sadly, we only have the slicey kind…
I’m glad I’m not the only one who was thinking about the musical instrument and was very confused. Even with the picture of the slicy-thing up top I did not put two and two together.
Two weeks ago, everyone was talking about “Brussels sprouts” on the Open Thread, and I couldn’t understand why, until I realized that, yes, the vegetable on the Bartender’s photo is, in fact, called “Brussels sprouts” in English.
I guess you live and learn.
What do you know them as?
The German word is Rosenkohl which roughly translates to “rose cabbage”. I never thought about the English equivalent, so “Brussels sprouts” seemed to be some fancy sprouts to me. I still don’t get why a lot of people were praising them on the Open Thread.
I used to think Brussel sprouts were a kind of fish (sounds like Sprotten, no?), before I looked it up. Confusing times.
Also, they’re delicious, and praising them is important.
I have asked for a mandoline for various gift-giving occasions for the last several years, and have been confused and dismayed at my mother’s lack of willingness to purchase said item because usually “kitchen gadgets” are a slam-dunk, gift-wise.
Recently discovered that she believed I was requesting the musical instrument, and couldn’t figure out how to procure one–and she also kind of thought I might be joking. Frankly, it is a weird thing to joke about, but I guess it would have been weirder if she had bought me a fancy guitar, so.
Here’s a nice thing on a mediocre day, while the world is still beset with horror:
https://twitter.com/markmackinnon/status/66656104…
This is wonderful and thank you for sharing.
lovely!
This made me a little teary. Very sweet.
Thank you for posting this, and also reminding me that I need to finish up the stern letter to my governor I am currently writing.
if you are interested, I wrote this letter to my governor (Tom Wolf) yesterday morning, and that afternoon he immediately announced support for refugees in Pennsylvania, I assume because of the letter and nothing more:
http://threatquality.com/2015/11/16/some-notes-on-tragedy/
Ugh, I’m trying to write to mine and the website forces you to pick a “subject” and an “opinion,” with the “subject” as “Syrian refugees” and the opinion options being support or oppose. It’s a horrible logic proposal–I support Syrian refugees, which means I oppose his most recent statement!
I woke up today at like 7am and still feel rested at 9:30am which is a DAMN MIRACLE for me, one who’s body wants to revert to a 4am-1pm sleep cycle constantly. Point being, this is the first time I’ve ever perused the Link Roundup in the morn, coffee and bagel at my side, and I have to say, it’s delightful.
The feeling of joy from this gif is only slightly dulled by the fact that I used the wrong who’s/whose above.
I often don’t get around to the Toast until noonish for this exact reason. (My circadian business is not quite as late as yours – 2:30-3:00 a.m.ish mostly – but yeah, mornings are not my brightest-eyed, bushiest-tailed time of day.)
Let’s talk coping mechanisms, y’all. Now I know most of us are probably not in a war zone at the moment, but that doesn’t mean life is easy when you know the world is going down the tubes (and if you are in a war zone or it just feels that way, tell us about it). How are we holding up?
Personally, I need to recommend the Adventure Time four-part Marceline “Special Event” airing on Cartoon Network this week. I guess they finally got my 9,672 handwritten letters demanding More Marceline.
Also, reading “Girl Waits with Gun” for Toastie Book Club and it is just great.
Also also, turning off the TV and not looking at the stupid faces of refugee-hating US governors.
Also also also, Melissa Harris-Perry on the latest Another Round.
Puppies. Kittens. Hercule Poirot novels. …Tea.
Tea! And oaty biscuits. I didn’t understand the tea fascination until I moved somewhere cold and wet, but at this point I don’t know if I could get through the day as a fully functioning version of myself without the promise of a sleepy time tea blend as the carrot on the end of the stick.
I am turning on my sunlamp as soon as my alarm goes off, with permission to just lie in bed for 30 minutes in the bright light.
Also, reading “Girl Waits with Gun”, but I worried about something bad happening!
Also, also, using the fireplace in the living room as often as possible.
Heben’s story of seeing a guy with a single dreadlock as a rattail on Another Round was too much. I love that podcast.
Video Games! We just bought a PS4 so watching my girlfriend play Mortal Kombat and Fallout 4 and my own playing Witcher 3 has been great.
I am using the last two months of my Oyster subscription to read every Miss Fisher novel. Which means I’ll have to come up with a new thing come New Year’s but I will deal with that then.
I’m rereading early sci-fi and blowing time looking for tattoo ideas, even though 31 feels like a weird age to get a first tattoo. Mostly this has resulted in renewing my love of early pulp magazines…
There’s no weird age for a first tattoo! My grandma’s best friend got her first tattoo in her 60’s
You grandma’s friend sounds like a great lady!
She is! She’s a late-in-life lesbian who runs the only hair salon in my Grandma’s small town, she runs the church newspaper and she has 3 botanical tattoos, since all 3 of her children are named after flowers!
I love her.
Are the pulp magazines informing your tattoo choices? Because I got great results going to a tattoo parlor with this poster and letting the artist run with it.
They are indeed, although I’m unsure how large I am willing to go, which I guess limits the options some. But I do love them–they remind me of my father among other things.
That poster is delightful and I am sure the resulting tattoo is excellent. I have obtained recs for a couple local artists for consult.
Thirty-one is the Most Perfect Age for a first tattoo.
I have been watching chef shows on netflix – they are so soothing! So thoughtful! I especially love Mind of a Chef, even though it’s pretty pretentious.
I also bought fancy hot chocolate because I am sick at home with strep throat and I deserve the highest quality hot beverages to soothe my throat monster
Agreed, re: Mind of a Chef. Great British Bake-Off has been my recent love, and I mean to get the that Ina Garten Baking for Idiots program as well.
Catching up on Adventure Time for precisely that reason.
Big stack of books, currently Malinda Lo’s Huntress.
Ooh, let’s talk Huntress when you finish it, I love that book.
My long lasting crush on Melissa Harris Perry has been made so much stronger, I cannot handle how much I love her. She was so GREAT on Another Round, I was in hysterics listening to her talk about her slam poetry.
Terry Pratchett, 30 Rock, and my gurgly four-month-old. Also the card game Ascension, which I play online with my SIL 24/7.
Terry Pratchett is always my stressful-times read. I think I overdid Discworld in grad school and need a little more time to un-memorize the books 😉
How is Ascension so dang addictive???? I cannot stop, and that’s just playing solo against the bot.
Uh, do you want to play with me online, because SO ADDICTIVE.
ooh! I would be down but I always play on my partner’s ipad and i’m not sure what his logins and stuff are. I will track you down when I figure it out 🙂
Same with me! Pretty sure my login name is WhoCanSay, because spouse picks names for his own reasons! But YES for playing with fellow Toastie!
EDIT: It’s WhoCanSay!, with the exclamation point.
Have you read the latest in the Tiffany Aching series yet? It just came out a few months ago. I had a big huge weepy cry when I read it, so I cannot exactly recommend it for a stressful-time read, but it is one of his that I haven’t read 4+ times yet.
I think I started crying before we even hit chapter 2. I cannot recommend Shepherd’s Crown to anyone who is not in a state of glowing good mental health.
Oh yes, it was a roller coaster of sadness, but I read it at a low moment and it helped me have the good cry that I’d been valiantly avoiding, so while it’s not to be taken lightly, it could also be cathartic in its own overwhelming way. Ditto for Hat Full of Sky.
I started reading, got to chapter 3, reread it twice, skipped to the note about the text, and then set the book down for a while.
Then picked it up afain because it’s Tiffany Aching, and the only problem with her books is that I was already in my teens when I picked them up and not ten and needing a fictional best friend.
If you like Ascension, you might also enjoy Hearthstone. Just for variety.
Looking this up now — ooh, it does look fun! All of my in-laws are super into card/board games — we also play a lot of Dominion.
I reread A Civil Campaign by Lois McMaster Bujold this weekend and am now onto Captain Vorpatril’s Alliance.
Those are my two favorites of hers, excellent choices. A different series, but I always like The Curse of Chalion, too.
I’m not sure if this is so much a coping mechanism, but my mind seems to prefer getting totally overwhelmed by the sadness and grief and anxiety all at once and then having a pretty hard crying jag for a few minutes. And then I’m done, I’m all set for another few days. Just gotta let/get it out, wipe up my snotty face, and get on with it.
My other coping mechanism involves heavy duty cuddling while streaming television, but the crying is what really gets me back on my feet.
I’m seconding the big snotty cry, and then going on. Also, am having a hard personal day, so am driving to the nearest bookstore and just spending time with books, as the local librarians all know me too well and want to talk when I’m there.
Is there a Toastie Book Club?? How do I find it?
You email me! hawthorncrataegus (at) gmx (dot) com
Thirding Adventure Time. I just introduced my boyfriend to it, so we’re watching the early seasons together. I love early Finn so, so much. Later Finn is also great, but before puberty hit him he was goddamn transcendent in his boundlessly playful pursuit of justice. Haven’t caught up on the very latest episodes yet, but definitely will when they become available where I live.
Other coping mechanisms: Limiting exposure to social media, news and people with Important Opinions. Increasing exposure to dogs, beer, preschoolers and trees (though not at the same time – that sounds like a recipe for a situation that would need its own set of New and Improved Coping Mechanisms). Podcast remedies: Hello from the Magic Tavern, Friends at the Table. (Also for some reason Real Ghost Stories Online, which should be infuriating but is somehow reassuring instead.) Losing yourself in work. Losing yourself in play. How would you turn your house into a walk-in installation if you had an unlimited budget. That sort of thing. Old video games. Dwarf Fortress. Sooo much Dwarf Fortress. And vacuuming, but not too often, as that makes it less satisfying? And anything that warms my hands, like tea or showers. I think my life may have turned into a collection of coping mechanisms, now that I think of it.
I reread Helprin’s “The Winter’s Tale.”
It’s dense, it’s preachy, but somehow that book is a guiding star for me. It is my bibliomancy book. I can flip it open anywhere and land on Exactly What I Needed To Hear and sometimes you just really need that sense of The Universe Has My Back.
Guilty pleasure reading. Mindless fluffy solo video games while watching a comfort show (Archer or New Girl or 30 Rock) in another window. Glengettie tea with milk and sugar. Filling an online shopping cart with endless things I really should not buy but want and then exiting the window. Watching endless videos on how to do various complex braiding on YouTube. Perusing random themed costumes on etsy.
I really enjoyed this article on why the English language is as weird as it is: https://aeon.co/essays/why-is-english-so-weirdly-…
When saying ‘eeny, meeny, miny, moe’, have you ever felt like you were kind of counting? Well, you are – in Celtic numbers, chewed up over time but recognisably descended from the ones rural Britishers used when counting animals and playing games. ‘Hickory, dickory, dock’ – what in the world do those words mean? Well, here’s a clue: hovera, dovera, dick were eight, nine and ten in that same Celtic counting list.
THIS BLEW MY FREAKING MIND. I’d always just assumed that old-timey English people were super into hickory.
There are loads of old counting languages in different parts of the UK. My favourite one is Yan tan tethera. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yan_tan_tethera
I also mostly liked it because one of the numbers is bumfit.
Yan tan tethera shows up in The Cuckoo Tree, which is in the running for my most favorite Joan Aiken novel.
I learned yan tan tethera from Discworld and still use it sometimes. Counting languages really come in handy if other people are counting near me, because if I “pick up” their numbers I can lose my own.
Do you listen to the History of English podcast?
I’m not a big podcast person, but I’ll check it out!
That sounds awesome, going to check it out! Thank you
THAT IS SO COOL. I had always wondered about the eeny meeny stuff, but had assumed it was just nonsense syllables that kids made up.
ETYMOLOGY!! ~*~*~rainbowstar~*~*~
Reading this on my lunch break improved my day enormously!!
Megan Phelps-Roper looks like a white-r Rachel Dolezal.
(re: Mallory!Prudie’s first question) WHAT IS IT about baby names that gets people all riled up? Listen, my friends and siblings have approximately one thousand children amongst them, and I have not liked all the names they came up with, but the idea of responding with anything LESS than supportive enthusiasm baffles me.
And a couple years later, you forget that you ever furrowed your brow. The name becomes that person and that’s their name and it’d be weird if it was anything else!
Plus, Charlie’s really cute for a girl! Immediately makes me think of Teresa Wright in Shadow of a Doubt.
Charlie *is* a very cute name, but I assumed Mallory/Prudie (Mallorie?) changed the gender neutral name for anonymity’s sake. Either way, her advice stands: don’t tell anyone your baby’s goddamn name until it is an adorable person who will cry at you for judging it.
I think it can be appropriate to point out when a name might set the kid up for a lifetime of ridicule and/or general frustration, or to try and steer parents toward “Mackenzie” instead of “Mykhynzee.” I like my first name, but dealing with the constant misspellings and mangled pronunciation got old when I was 7, and it’s never going to stop (unless I reverse-immigrate back to the motherland, which… ahahahahaha). I wouldn’t want to inflict that on my baby if I were to have one.
This! a name that parents think is ‘cute’ or ‘unique’ or ‘I’m spelling it differently so they stand out’ is going to get old real quick for that kid.
I have nothing against interesting names, but as a parent just be aware that at some point your kid is going to hate you for the name you gave them (I’m still a bit miffed with my mother over my name, but at least its easy to spell.) .
The thing is… you’d better know someone REALLY well before you try and steer them anywhere, re: their child’s name. It’s not really any of anyone else’s business. Let their kid grow up and yell at them. Getting your name changed is not all the difficult, in the long run.
I don’t understand why people broadcast theiI don’t understand why people broadcast their baby names before the child is born; by all mean choose a name, but maybe introduce the name with the child? Especially if you’re feeling sensitive to other peoples comments, because people will always have comments!
I like the name Charlie for a girl or a boy, but I do have a thing about giving children nick-names as real names; at least give the kid a full name (or middle name), like Charlotte or Charlize that they can use when they’re older if they choose. Giving babies ‘adorable’ names is always a risk IMO, adults don’t always want an adorable name. r baby names before the child is born
100% agree. My name sounds like a nickname in that it’s two syllables and ends with what Wikipedia calls “the diminutive suffix /i/” and I never feel like it’s formal enough for professional settings.
I feel you. I’m a baby boomer, and I have one of those ubiquitous BB girl names ending in that diminutive suffix — Cathy, Debby, Judy, Trudy, Sandy, Tracy, Stacy, Wendy, Julie, Patty,etc. To this day, it does not feel like a grown-up’s name to me.
I am the Millenial version of this, as in: Ashley, Brittney, Haley, Kelly, Shelby, Courtney, Jamie, etc. They clearly have no source name (like Deborah being the source name for Debby) but they still feel like nicknames to me.
At least for me, I was asked about TinyConsonants’ name approximately three-five times a day starting in month six of pregnancy. You just get worn down, man. Eventually I told some friends I knew would be supportive, but my parents, who always have an unsolicited opinion at the ready, heard “um….we’re still thinking about it!” until they got the birth announcement text.
Oh! AND, my cousin, whose baby was born five days before mine, told our whole family the name she was thinking about (for a deceased relative!) and they TALKED HER OUT OF IT. People are monsters.
I can understand being asked getting old fast! I do sometimes ask pregnant women (only those I know and am already talking to, I dont just ask out of the blue to a stranger like some weirdos) ‘have you been thinking about names’, and then it’s up to them if they want to tell me, sometimes they do, sometimes they just talk about the silly conversations they’re having with their partners about names. I’m totally cool with either situation
Yes! I just want to talk! I mean, I like talking about baby-related stuff, but maybe you don’t want to talk about that for the billionth time today so I’ll just chat about pretty much anything.
My parents didn’t even decide on my name until after I was 2 weeks old. I have been told that those 2 weeks were the only time the two grandmothers were ever united in a cause, an endless chorus of “GIVE THAT BABY A NAME I DON’T EVEN CARE WHAT!”
Maybe they were onto something…
We didn’t decide on my son’s name until right up to the 30-day deadline for registering him, and by that time my mother was on the verge of spontaneously combusting.
I thought I was safe, I thought I had a fool proof thing going. When having my daughter I pacified people by telling them her middle name but saying we were undecided on her first name. I thought that since we gave her the name of my husband’s beloved younger sister that died young just before we were married we’d be ok. I mean, who’d argue with that? We’d actually say, ‘well, we’re still thinking about her first name, but her middle name will be ____ after my husband’s sister that died just before we were married’
I STILL got some jerk at work telling me that it was an AWFUL name (it’s not, it’s pretty boring actually) and I should tell my husband that we need to change it because it’s unacceptable.
This wins all the points for rudeness in this thread. My god.
Because everyone and their dog asks. That along with gender and due date (because these things impact them greatly, of course) seem to be everyone’s business, along with the intrinsic right to touch someone else’s midsection.
I told my husband I wanted to keep the baby name to ourselves because of people’s unsolicited opinions and he kind of scoffed at me and was like “Well, why should I care what some idiot thinks about our kid’s name.” And then a few other women gave him the same advice. I like the idea of waiting until the little human is actually in the world anyway before announcing the name. Plus, I feel like people are way less likely to look at your real live baby and say something shitty about their name. AND I’d like to avoid the awkwardness of knowing someone hates my kid’s name, haha.
We were pretty aggressive about telling people that that baby’s name was going to be a surprise, because we knew there would be quizzical looks. People tend to be more conservative in criticizing your baby’s name to your/their face than when it’s still unofficial. My mom in particular was upset that we were not confiding in her, until we made it very clear we wanted the baby to be present when we decided for certain. That was a huge lie, of course, and we had the name down by the second week we even knew about the baby, but it made things easier.
Of course, for people who thought they had some sort of stake in the baby’s name, we invited them to email suggestions. No one has yet mentioned that not a single suggestion was used.
Tangential but obligatory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dd7FixvoKBw
There are too many good links today, how will I have time to read them all?? In the interim, I’ll just have to respond to this: Martin Starr, you are my HEART, and also your character in Silicon Valley is every dude who’s ever successfully negged me.
Yeah … Martin Starr is really looking rather good in that show, and I find his ability to retain a hot, Amy-Winehouse-esque Satanist girlfriend totally believable.
okay so my brain melted when i learned that his hot, Amy-Winehouse-esque Santanist girlfriend is also the AT&T commercial girl
I have a mandolin story that is also a dad story! My dad is the only one in my family who uses the mandolin. It has always been this way. A few years ago I was helping with dinner and my dad was working on something else so I get out the mandolin and figure I’m now in my late 20’s, I can use the damn thing. My dad of course tells me it’s sharp and I need to be carefully. I roll my eyes. And I slice my finger open on like the third cut. I will never use a mandolin again.
I also have a dad mandolin story! But with a different ending. So my dad is slicing carrots for a stir fry and he thinks to himself “Gosh, I’m getting pretty close to my fingers. I should get that guard thing out. One more slice, unprotected.” And takes the tips of his fingers off. But the best part? He’s on blood thinners because he had a stroke. So it’s very dramatic. He bandages himself up as best he can and heads to the ER. Meanwhile, my mom comes home from work. There’s no husband, just blood and a half-made dinner in the kitchen. And the pets have tracked through the blood. It all ended well. My dad still shows you the missing tips! Like he’s proud of them.
Guys I got an email from the Bernie Sanders campaign with the subject “This is not a moment. It’s a movement.”
So they’re obviously courting the Hamilton demographic?
it’s a sound strategy.
I got a frantic text from my friend saying BERNIE JUST SENT A HAMILTON THEMED EMAIL!!!!1!!1!!!
yas bernie.
good.
Oh man I hope this is only the beginning! I was gonna vote for him, but now I want him to lose the primary and becomes a third-party candidate who campaigns only in Hamilton quotes.
I could be wrong about this, but I think that’s been the campaign slogan for a while now?
Hillary tweeted “they don’t have a plan, they just hate mine” after the debate. Clearly they are locked in a battle to the death over who is the bigger Hamilton fan!
Petition for all Democratic Candidate debates from now on to be in the form of rap battles.
Seconded!
Also, DNC had a fundraiser with a performance of Hamilton, so I expect the 2016 campaign to have lots of references!
Yeah except then all of the Democrats would perish in the Great Plague of Secondhand Embarrassment from watching old white people rap, and the Republicans would win.
The Republicans would all have rage strokes though. It’s win-win.
Was this a phrase related already to Black Lives Matter?
If not, it just bugs me that it’s supposed to be “the movement.” As someone who has Hamilton lyrics running through my head all day long.
Well, in Hamilton it’s “the movement/ Where all the hungriest brothers with something to prove went.” “The” is used to show it’s specifically the movement where the hungry brothers went. But free of hungry brothers, we have no specific movement and can simply use “a movement.”
This ain’t a scene, it’s a goddamn arms race.
WAIT. Martin Starr from Freaks & Geeks is the same Martin Starr from Silicon Valley????? I’ve only seen a couple episodes of F&G (I know, I know) because I did not really have TV in middle/high school but Gilfoyle is my HEART.
He was also on Party Down with Adam Scott (aka Ben Wyatt from Parks and Rec), Megan Mullally, Jane Lynch, etc.
I LOVE Party Down, and only partly because I really want to get all up on Adam Scott.
Toasts! I am all away from your schedule so I never get to be current, but I know some of you folks will want to hear about a BBC drama called London Spy – it has London! spying! and Ben Whishaw playing an awkward queer babe!
So good! But hilariously, for some reason I couldn’t wrap my head around his man friend’s accent and spent the longest time thinking he was german.
I think it was just ridiculously posh. (The actor has, I think, been linked with Prince Harry’s ex who is unironically named Cressida).
You had me at “Ben Whishaw playing an awkward queer babe”
YEP.
I was just sold on this series by a friend on LJ. So excited to watch it next month! Looks right up my alley. Oh dear…I hope it’s still streaming next month?
The second episode only aired last night, so you’re probably good? I don’t know, for once I’m in the country where it’s actually happening, so I don’t just sigh sadly when y’all talk about fun new TV!
YAY! Good to know!
It’s good. Wonderfully minimalist (aside from its love of giving its best actors incredible monologues to chew through).
Not wanting to spoil anything, but damn, Charlotte Rampling was good. Petrifyingly wintry.
I freakin LOVE her. After this and Broadchurch I feel I will soon be searching out everything she’s ever been in 🙂
Not that my opinion matters, but my objection to Charlie is not that it’s a boy’s name, but rather that it is a nickname. I’m not a fan of shortened versions of names as full names, because then you basically have to spend your whole life with the diminutive, which maybe you don’t always want to do!
YAS my person! I literally just made the same comment above! Sometimes you want to use a really formal name and it could be hard when ‘Eddie’ is on your passport!
I actually have this! I am officially named a nickname/diminutive version of a name. From about 5-10 I wanted to be the longer version, because I thought it was prettier. Then I got mad at anyone who called me the long version because it wasn’t “right.” Then having the shorter version became a mildly amusing anecdote. Now I live in a country where the name isn’t familiar at all, so it doesn’t matter. Although it’s not quite as obvious as “Charlie,” it doesn’t feel that bad.
It seems to be a trend, though. In the past few years, I’ve gotten birth announcement for amongst others a Sam, a Lizzy, and a Steffi, and those were the full names.
Noooo. Oh god, Lizzy could have picked from like 6 possible nicknames if she were named Elizabeth, and most of those nicknames would have been infinitely preferable to Lizzy.
also, without a formal version of the name, how is a parent supposed to say it in a way that clearly indicates they mean business?
That’s what middle names are for. The sole purpose of the middle name is so you can tell how pissed off your parent is.
Yeah but you need degrees!
Charlie…
Charlene.
Charlene Lastname!
Charlene Middlename Lastname put down that motherfucking capacitor array this instant!
I am so glad there are still people who understand this.
when I was in college, a lot of my friends were Catholic, so when first, middle, last wasn’t quite enough, we would throw in the confirmation name as a bonus.
Oh man, I thought you were only supposed to use the confirmation name when shouting about God-related crimes.
Primarily we did it when we thought that God would not approve of whatever they were doing, but it also depended on how easily the name rolled off the tongue
My brother chose Wenceslaus as his Confirmation saint, so that one was always fun to roll out. (Considering that he had the first name of a Famous Historical Pope and the middle name of an Apostle already, so his name just got more intensely religious the further in you went.)
(But, yeah, pulling out the full name for him was always great until you got to the anticlimactic last name.
I grew up Catholic (though I wasn’t confirmed), but I never knew/thought confirmation names were that significant? But my boyfriend (who also grew up Catholic and was confirmed, but is probably even less religious than I am currently) will sometimes get really insistent that his confirmation name counts as part of his real name now. I… don’t understand. lol
It really depends on the culture- in some countries the child’s name legally changed after confirmation to add the confirmation name. I don’t think any country still does that though.
My children have four names in total. It gives a really satisfying gradient of escalation.
I think it’s interesting how the more urgent the situation, the longer the name gets.
I too have 4 names, excluding surnames. I have yet to anything so awful that it invokes all four names.
Only with the last name included- my Texas family calls people “First Name-Middle Name” but that’s partly because in a lot of southern or Irish families there are only about 7 names total per gender. (Margaret Mary Ann Kathleen Marie and two wild cards)
Ostensibly my middle name was given for a deceased relative, but I remain convinced my mother chose Mae so she could scold me with “Alyson Mae not!”
Different formal versions of the name for different levels of irritation?
I have always cherished the fact that my name does not lend itself to nicknames. Unless you’re my mom you really don’t have the choice of getting all casual and familiar with my name, and that’s just the way I like it.
On the flip side, I was always disappointed as a child that my name did not lend itself to any nicknames. But since then I have gotten several nicknames via friends tacking extra syllables onto my one-syllable name, so I guess it’s worked out.
Same. My mother gets to replace the last syllable of my name with an “ie,” BUT NO ONE ELSE. Instead, people “nickname” me the first and last name of famous people who share my first name. (Take a guess who they always choose.)
I worked with a woman once whose daughters were named Kathy and Shelley. Her husband wanted to give them names that couldn’t be made into nicknames. And I was like … um? Nancy is a nice name? Amy? Zoe? Devon? Faith? Mary? Joy? Renee?
My grandfather wanted to name my mom Kathleen but was afraid she’d end up being called Katie, so he named her a very unusual spelling of “Kathy.” He was doing the hipster-baby-name thing before it was cool!
But then you can back-form your own formal name!
I mean, totally. I feel like any girl’s name I choose must be an appropriate name for a Supreme Court Justice. Boys I don’t feel as strongly about, for obvious reasons, but I guess I’ll do it for them too.
Some names are cute for a baby, but they are literally only babies for a year, two TOPS. You hope they are adults for like 70 years. Hello.
I once had a dude contact me on Twitter about why his comment kept getting deleted on a piece a wrote at a site where I am neither editor nor admin, and was like, “I’m a whiny baby why u censor me why u work for terrible site that censors?” and I laughed at him and told him that wasn’t censorship and then I blocked him. Also the entire reason I write there is because they have a comment policy.
Anyways, NEVER DO THAT.
The lack of compassion for the syrian refugees is making me really grumpy and sad. I feel like even among my friends who are generally good about this there’s been a lot of outrage over disproprationate cover of terrorism, but really any over the horrific abandonment of people fleeing terror. As ever, why do people suck so much?
I just wrote a very strongly worded letter threatening the governor of my home state that if he doesn’t accept refugees then he can forget about me, a much-desired college-educated young person, ever moving back to his brain-drain stricken state.
My coworker sliced her hand open on a mandoline on Super Bowl Sunday. She missed three days of work because she couldn’t hook her bra closed with just one hand.
I still get a little teary-eyed just THINKING about that part in Freaks & Geeks when Bill sits down to watch [some funny TV show I can’t remember] with his sandwich and milk, and just laughs with tremendous abandon like a small child, mouth full and everything. It’s so damn sweet.
I actually have that favorited on YouTube. It is the sweetest moment television has ever offered.
I tear up thinking about that scene too and straight up cry every time I watch it. <3
One of the top 10 television moments of all time. It never fails to make me laugh until I cry and then cry until I laugh.
ETA: and for trivia’s sake, he was watching Garry Shandling on the Dinah Shore show.
That’s my favorite scene in the show! It’s just so touching and real and sweet and Starr nails it.
You guys. I had an appointment in another town, and on the way back, there was an issue with the train. The train usually leaves twice an hour and always, always from track 2. Today, it was track 1, and the train from half an hour earlier was apparently cancelled. Mind you, this is not that unusual here – German trains are late by default, mostly.
So far so good – or not, since the train was really crowded. But then, some teenagers started to spread a rumour about a terrorist attack nearby which was why the earlier train was cancelled… It was awful. My friend and I immediately checked the news on our phones, and it turned out to be a hoax. I really wanted to tell these kids to stop spreading rumours and provoke panic but I didn’t know how.
I’m glad it was a joke but it’s definitely not the kind of joke the world needs right now.
At least their conversation got funnier: They started talking about the expanding abilities of vaginas.
Girl: “Of course it expands, babies have to get through!”
Boy: “Nah, I don’t believe this.”
Girl: “Well, ask your mom about it.”
Well, what do you say about MY latest horrible train incident, which left me rather shocked. A little girl was riding with her mom, and the girl was running up and down the carriage, lovingly attaching herself to various other passengers and was even picked up by the ticket lady at some point. It was hilarious to watch, though we wondered if it was a little bit neglectful by the mom. Then the train stopped, girl fell down, and while she was still deciding if she wanted to start crying and wailing, a man that was clearly from the nearby refugee camp reached out to help her up. That’s it, nothing more. And the mom, from half a carriage away, started yelling: get away from my child, touch my child, and I’ll kill you!
I’m serious! Everybody was stunned, but nobody said a word, and I’m still angry at myself that I didn’t say anything (I came up with a perfect reply half an hour too late). I’m really scared of people like this mom, and shudder to imagine how her cute little girl will grow up.
Send help. I’m obsessed with John Mulaney’s standup. I listened to Salt and Pepper Diner like 3 times yesterday and laughed more each time. I will never not think of that when I hear Tom Jones.
i feel you. i had to restrain myself from watching the new special again last night just for the McDonald’s drive-thru joke
I was actually going to be productive tonight, but now I’m just going to go to the library and watch the new special.
I now have a raging crush on his dad. I want a man like that.
“You have the moral backbone of a chocolate eclair.”
I discovered him yesterday, and I’m hooked. His French bulldog puppy has a face like Paul Giamatti!
Hey, can Nicole and other fans of Freaks and Geeks provide links to their favorite Freaks and Geeks articles? I feel like maybe we should have a comprehensive list gathered here.
I’ll start. Here’s that huge VF piece: http://www.vanityfair.com/unchanged/2013/01/freak….
And this: http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/201…
I have a certain amount of sympathy for Phelps-Roper; I remember an early interview with her mother, Shirley, where she had some of her kids with her, and although I don’t know which one was Megan, I do remember at least one of those kids looking absolutely miserable to be there while her mother was spewing her hate. Breaking out of a cult is never easy, in no small part because every thing that you do that alienates you from people outside the cult is one more reason not to leave, and she was roped into this stuff from an early age. WBC reminds me of nothing more than the energy creature in the Star Trek TOS episode “Day of the Dove”, which thrived on hate, and the best thing to do with them is what the Starfleet and Klingon crews did in the end: mock them, but don’t feed the trolls.
In the Louis Theroux documentary, I remember one of the young women seemed particularly conflicted about it all, and I’m pretty sure it was either Megan or Grace. For the same reason basically, she clearly felt that hey, other people are actually nice and trying their best and maybe we shouldn’t hate them.
I found that article about Megan Phelps-Ropper FASCINATING when I read it yesterday. One of my dear friends from college shared it with me, because our friendship is based on a Hebrew class presentation on Vatican City (SWEAR TO GOD) and Westboro Baptist Church music videos.
You see, Westboro protested my university my senior fall! It’s because Brandeis is full of Christ-killing Jews and sodomites, and also Christ-killing Jewish sodomites. My friend and I were both super involved in the student-led “ignore them” counter-event, with me working the media side and getting us Boston Globe coverage for our not-a-counter-protest. During this process, we discovered the existence of videos like God Hates the World, a We Are The World parody song by Westboro.
So basically: the article is fascinating, and as much as Westboro sickens me, I can have a lot of sympathy for people who were raised in it, because they never knew anything else, and I’m in awe of a real-world example of the power of the Internet.
Hi Toasties! I unfortunately live in one of the states (Maine, which normally I love above most other things) where the Governor is participating in the awful rhetoric of wishing to close the borders of the state to Syrian refugees. It is my understanding that this is unconstitutional, so will likely not happen. Even if that is the case, does anyone have any ideas about what I can do as an individual in response to this decision and awful rhetoric? You seem to be well informed and politically savvy, so I thought I would call on you for a group think session. Thanks!
Hi almost-neighbor! I live in Massachusetts, where our governor said the same thing! I called his office this morning and stated my opposition to his policy. Be very polite to the staffer who answers, as they have to hear from a lot of people and didn’t have input on the governor’s opinion, so it’s not their fault.
I also live in Massachusetts and I am so pissed off about this. We really need to quit electing Republican governors.
Hi neighbor! I don’t think I have the presence of mind at the moment to call and treat whoever answers the call with the politeness and respect they deserve due to my frustration, sadness, and anger, so I applaud you! I think I will stick to letter writing at the moment and maybe call the office when I calm down a bit more.
If I had LePage as my governor, I would probably have a rage stroke. We know it’s not your fault, neighbor, it’s him!
This is what I am considering doing in Ohio.
1. Write (or call) to my state rep and state senators how much I disagree with the Governor.
2. Write to the Governor. It most likely won’t change Kasich or LePage’s mind, but maybe make them less outspokenly terrible.
3. Write to my senators. for me, especially I am going to reach out to Sherrod Brown. For you, Angus King. But Collins should also hear from constituents.
Thanks for the ideas! I was honestly far to upset to think of anything other than driving straight to the Governor’s office and yelling, but these seem like much more reasonable and possibly effective options! I’ll start my letter writing right now!
Sounds like a fundamental misunderstanding of the term ‘borders’ to me, Maine not being a country.
You will find that “fundamental misunderstanding” characterizes almost everything LePage has done in office. “Bully” describes the rest.
When I get paid on Saturday, I’m going to send some money to the International Rescue Committee. They’ll do good with the money, and I know they’re engaged with the Syrian refugees everywhere.
Wonderful! I did not know about that organization, but it looks like one of the good ones!
Dunno if this is useful to anyone but I recently moved and had to get rid of a ton of large furniture items– turns out Lutheran Social Services will pick up your stuff for free (even clean mattresses!) and use it to furnish homes for refugees.
Call your elected officials! As many asyou can! It really does help.
Ugh, LePage. I will be SO happy when he goes, as he’s been nothing but petulant.
Am I the only one who stayed up until the middle of the damn night to see Leslie Odom Jr. with Seth Meyers? He is everything you’d want him to be AND MORE: http://www.nbc.com/late-night-with-seth-meyers/vi…
Between the Megan Phelps-Roper article and the Prudie letter writer wanting to share her inheritance with her ex-husband’s girlfriend, I feel very good about the world today.
Am I the only person who has never heard of a mandoline? Is it some kind of American labour-saving evil? Looks fun.
I’m American and I have no idea what it is!
It is a slicer-type thing for when you want to cut things very thin/evenly or when you want to cut a lot of things the same size and it would be a pain to do it by hand.
Here they are in use: http://bit.ly/1h5y4Ur
You “Admins,” I mean you say that you’re “Admins” but you don’t even abide by Ed’s laws of censureship so it’s note very likely that you’re actually “Admins,” right?
I hope I’m not kind of spamming at this point. Believe me, I started on Tumblr specifically because I had so much Hamiltrash material that I realized I could no longer share on the Toast. That said, if you are a Hamiltoast who also enjoy HP and the whole Sorting thing, this is for you (click through).
Also some YouTube playlists I made.
Look what happened yesterday.
Me:
I also just finished these playlists on YouTube:
Hamilton Orientation
Hamilton and Lin-Manuel Miranda for New Fans
#Ham4Ham Complete Chronological
Hamilton and Lin-Manuel Miranda for New Fans
ETA: Oh god, I am trash. Hamilton trash. As the kids say.
j maddy mad is the most Ravenclaw Founding Father (also probably James Wilson from the lesser-known fathers).
James Madison is a Ravenclaw who hung out with Slytherins. Also, ILU, this is exactly what I needed today.
Hamilton is totally a Slytherin (and I love him for it).
Oh, change is the worst, especially when you don’t see it coming. I wouldn’t blame someone in the least for hating the woman who has slightly altered their Thursday morning ritual. If you find something to like in my tenure, so much the better; if you don’t, I will not be Prudence forever and perhaps you will like my successor.
Also, Emily is joining the staff of the Atlantic, so she is not leaving you forever!
Also also, if you object on moral grounds to reading advice from a 28-year-old blogger (and what right-thinking person wouldn’t), consider joining the Elder Wisdom Circle, which is a very charming nonprofit that connects advice-seekers with “volunteer grandparents” aged 60 to 105, who “share their knowledge, insight and wisdom … [in] a free and personalized e-mail response.” Alternately, wait for time to exact its relentless tithe on me. I will grow old and die like everyone else.
Mallory, you glorious bitch.
I loved that one the first Prudence questions was really a message of support from Nicole, and that Mallory practically answered “GOD, mom, leave me alone! You’re embarrasing me in front of my new friends!”
Oh, bloody Pistorius. (No, autocorrect, not Podgorica. Who or what is Podgorica?) Why is it that in a world where no one likes to believe anything a disabled person says, his flimsy excuse is accepted, and he’s let off the hook with “but he’s disabled? Listen, buddy, I too am disabled. I can’t get out of bed quickly, and in fact I sometimes wake up with total amnesia, no idea of where or who I am, and if I notice that there’s a man in bed with me, panic. Yet extraordinarily, I have never shot anyone. Plus the amount of time it takes to put on prosthetic feet is more than ample to check whether your girlfriend is in the bed or not.
(Podgorica is the capital of Montenegro. I know this because of Sporcle.)
HELLO fellow Sporcle user! I’ve caught up on so much basic geography that I didn’t learn in school thanks to their “Countries/Capitals of [continent]” quizzes.
SPOOOOOOOOR
CLLLLLLLLLLEE
This is only related in that it’s a link, but I think you will love the last paragraph here: http://verysmartbrothas.com/president-obama-sayin…