Oh, my dear friends. Yesterday I had an experience of such radiant joy, such glorious satisfaction, such true and pure delight that I may never recover.
They SAID we were getting a Trader Joe’s, but I was all “pshhhhhhhh sure yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it” and then yesterday I was at the post office and the thought occurred to me: “what if we did get a Trader Joe’s, though?” and I googled and SCREEEEECHED out of the parking lot like:
…and within seven minutes was walking inside a CAVERNOUS FOOD MUSEUM. It exists! It’s beautiful! I am used to trying to fight my way into a New York Trader Joe’s like:
…but it was Utah so it was basically:
…and then I bought ALL THE THINGS and went home with a bunch of food and ate it:
Thank you for listening to my exciting story about going grocery shopping.
Uzo Aduba and the road to success:
The same holds true, though, for the people who know her and work with her; Brooks, who’s also juggling the now-filming fourth season of OItNB and The Color Purple on Broadway, tells me that Aduba “can be the busiest person alive and if you need her, she will talk to you past midnight through whatever you need… I’m truly grateful to call her a ‘sister friend,’ as we say, because I don’t have any sisters so she’s definitely become that for me.”
Indeed, it makes sense that the themes of compassion and care come up again and again when thinking about Aduba, because at the core of Aduba’s artistry, there’s a strong sense of love and empathy—and gratitude. “I want to tell the stories I’ve been missing,” Aduba says. “I’m interested in portraying and representing people that are missing from the portrait of our lives. I meet and see people from all walks of life, and I wonder why they’re missing from the framework of storytelling and the framework of our narratives.”
Pilot Viruet NAILS binge-watching as self-care:
It’s not a coincidence that my first real foray into obsessive binge-watching happened the summer after I graduated college, during what were easily some of the weirdest, saddest, and most complicated months of my life. When I don’t know what to do with myself, I watch television; when I don’t know what to do with myself for 24 straight hours every day, I watch all of the television.
The bleak future of college football:
In a 2010 piece in The Awl, Cord Jefferson wrote, “Where some see the Super Bowl, I see young black men risking their bodies, minds, and futures for the joy and wealth of old white men.” This vision sounds dystopian but is quickly becoming an undeniable reality, given new statistics about how education affects awareness about brain-injury risk, as well as the racial makeup of Division I rosters and coaching staffs. The future of college football indeed looks a lot like what Jefferson called “glorified servitude,” and even as information comes to light about the dangers and injustices of football, nothing is currently being done to steer the sport away from that path.
I could listen to Teju Cole talk all day:
There’s a universe in what you just said, though: what does that mean, “We’re not animals”?
Well we are animals. We are anxious animals. The word “civilization” has been used oppressively. It has been used in the cause of racial supremacy, for example.
But every human society has brought expression to a similarly profound and high purpose. Our societies all go back thousands of years: Aztec carving, gamelan music, nineteenth-century European art, Chinese painting… every contemporary human is connected to extremely profound and elevated forms of artistic expression. And not to foster that is crazy. And that’s why I say: We’re not animals. We’re not just eating and drinking and material needs.
Women, minorities, and the Manhattan Project
Sarah Galo in conversation with Charlotte Shane:
How did you begin writing online?
I started a blog sometime after I began in-person sex work, though I can’t remember exactly when. Probably 2002 or 2003. It was extremely unliterary, and willfully so. I imitated the loopy, cavalier, purposefully juvenile tone found in other girls’ blogs I liked, but they posted a lot more pictures than I did, which makes that style work better. I wrote about situations that were confusing for me, but treated my life like it was insubstantial at the same time. It was very affected. And I gave everyone really stupid nicknames—not to make fun of them, but because I’m just awful at renaming people.
I cried while reading Tracy Morgan’s talk with GQ, and am unashamed:
You lost him when you were 6?
My mom decided to kick him to the curb because he was using drugs, but he was always in our life. And then when I’ve finally got him, when I was finally living with him, he’s dying of AIDS. So when he died, I got lost, you know, proverbially. I was lost in the world, doing bad things, out here in the streets, because I didn’t have that guidance. It was gone. But then I found my ex-wife, and she provided me with that responsibility because she had two kids already, so I took responsibility and I became a man, and those were like my backup, my support team right there, with my kids—and I never call them my stepkids—my kids and my ex-wife are my support team, and I started making people laugh.But how did it become a thing, your profession? Because you were dealing, too, right?
Drugs. Say it. That’s what I did, it was part of my life.
I did not cry while reading this Daniel Radcliffe interview, but I enjoyed it just the same:
He goes all wistful for a minute. “I’d always thought in the years after Potter finished that it would die down, but it’s just grown more because the people who were massive Harry Potter fans in their teens are now adults. So you meet them more. They’re not at home with their parents, they’re out in the world. It always amazes me when someone says what a huge part of their childhood it was. I still have a natural reserve that makes me go, ‘Oh don’t be so silly, I wasn’t responsible for your childhood.’ But I think about the stuff that means a lot for me from my childhood, like The Simpsons, and how, when I did a voice on The Simpsons I got a signed thing from Matt Groening and that was so fucking exciting. The thought that I might occupy that space in somebody else’s childhood…”
Trader Joe’s is an extremely important part of my life. I am so happy for you.
A+ rocking chair in the picture.
Same thought I had, exactly.
It’s candy cane joe joe season and nothing else matters in the world. I texted probably 5 people yesterday while eating candy cane joe joe’s to ask if they had ever had them and to spread the Good News. THEY’RE SO GOOD
ughhh yes preach the gospel
the BEST joe joe, perhaps the only one worth eating! Pair them with cheap red wine.
That was my dinner two nights ago. I don’t even LIKE oreos or candy canes that much but damn it, together they are magical.
It’s also Pfeffernusse season, and I am similarly evangelical about them. I gave a girl at work one of mine and all she had to say was “It’s crunchier than I would have thought.” and I was no-joke miffed at her for several hours.
yessssss, Pfeffernusse are THE BEST and I have no shame in admitting the last time I went to TJ’s and saw that they had arrived, I seriously thought about putting back something in my basket just to make space for a box (or two).
I would have never bought these but once TJ’s threw a box into my bag as a “free gift” and it was just like giving a kid a free crack sample. They are delicious. They say to dip them in red wine which sounded vile but is actually amazing.
candy cane joe joe’s are magic! every winter i eat so many i wonder if i will actually turn into one…
I have a box at home but for some reason I keep forgetting that fact until I am AT WORK and thus do not have access to the cookies.
You guys, Trader Joe’s makes something called Jingle Jangle and it’s literally the best foodstuff in the world. M&Ms + chocolate covered caramel popcorn + peanut butter cups + chocolate covered JoJos = HEAVEN. It’s become a holiday tradition amongst my friends.
I went to a friend’s house for our traditional day-after-Thanksgiving pie feast, and brought a tin of Jingle Jangle with me. Her parents RIPPED the tin from my hands and vanished upstairs, cackling gleefully.
What’s a JoJo because that sounds damn near perfect and I don’t want something horrible I have to pick out to ruin it.
A JoJo is the Trader Joe’s version of an Oreo. So if you like Oreos, then brace yourself for snacking perfection.
OMG thank you. I was so afraid it was going to be something horrible like gummy candy. I don’t know whether to be sad for me not living anywhere near a Trader Joes or happy that my growing baby won’t die from malnutrition because I ate only Jingle Jangle for the last 3 months of my pregnancy.
I actually do not love Joe Joes, despite my affection for Oreos. I find the chocolate cookie flavor off-putting.
Agree regular joejoes can skeedaddle, but candy cane joejoes are legit.
STOP I’M SO SAD I WANT THESE THINGS NOW!!! The nearest TJ’s is six hours form me. SIX HOURS.
Unf. I’m taking a cheat week from low-carb for Xmas and I’m traveling to a town that has a TJs. That’s on the list.
I had an idea yesterday while I was thinking about this disgusting Jessica x Kilgrave business. I know now with whom we should ship Kilgrave. Not in a romantic way, because Kilgrave obviously shouldn’t be romantically shipped with ANYONE, but literal partners in crime shipping. Brace yourselves for a
Jessica Jones
and
Sherlock
crossover. Just think about the possibilities! Kilgrave and Andrew Scott’s Moriarty would be a cruel and terrible and terrifying, but also flamboyant and ridiculous pair of villains.
And imagine Jessica having to work with Sherlock. She would be so over his shit seconds after meeting him. She would punch him within an hour.
Meanwhile, Malcolm and John get along splendidly.
And in parallel universe, there is a Jessica Jones and Elementary crossover. Jessica, Joan, and Trish would totally kick ass. Sherlock would also be there.
LOVE THIS
Serious Jessica Jones question – I’m two episodes in and wondering if I should go further. I like it, but people keep saying it gets way dark and I’m not sure I can handle that. So be straight with me, Toastfriends, do any kids end up suffering and/or dying? The one kid crying while being forced to pee in the closet was just about at my limit.
Also, anybody else headcanoning that Jessica is Jane from BB who never died, moved to NY and became Chloe from Apt 23, fell in with Kilgrave and became Jessica? This is my way of dealing with Krysten Ritter’s former characters’ untimely deaths.
It gets even harder to watch. There is a kid who will suffer – albeit in a very different way than peeing in the closet. No children die, but there will be several sudden and very cruel deaths.
There is a little bit of kid suffering (But its Kilgrave as a kid, so I don’t know how you might feel about that), but no kids dying/being kilgraved into violence
Personally, the central themes of JJ are not trigger areas for me, so I was able to watch it pretty detached and didn’t really feel any massive emotions (Like I wasn’t crying or distressed, but then I’m pretty dead inside), but there is violence and shocks at times. Although the violence is pretty realistic, and not to gorey (within the context); it doesn’t feel gratuitous or overly gross.
I found the second half way harder to watch than the first. The peeing kid is about standard for it, there’s a lot of adults in similar situations but no more kids.
As a huge fan of Apt 23, I can definitely see Jessica as a post-Chloe! They share that trait of giving almost no fucks about anything (but what a vast world is held within that one or two fucks she gives!) and we do see Jessica put on a Chloe mask now and then, when she needs to. Weaponized femininity.
Probably spoilers- There is a kid who you see covered in blood (in a hallucination type way) and whose death, albeit about 20 years previously, is all but shown, in WWJD.
I would watch this. Please take this small amount of money, since I have to pay rent and don’t get paid until friday.
If JJ is going to be shipped with a villain, let it be Natalie Dormer’s character from Elementary. For reasons.
I need to read this, STAT.
When we moved to the East Coast from California, the DC area was a bleak grocery store wasteland, with horrible, awful, very bad choices. We wrote to Trader Joe’s when we heard they wee expanding Eastward and BEGGED them to come to Northern VA. And they DID!
We were there at 9a on the day they opened and a quick poll of the other people in line revealed that we were all expatriate Californians, and all of us had entire carts full of sourdough bread and potstickers and bulgogi, and chocolate covered almonds, and ALL THE THINGS.
I am so happy for you. Try the Coconut Milk chocolate ice cream.
Northern VA has Wegmans though.
We only recently got Wegman’s, but now No VA is all SET. For one of the most educated and well off regions of the country our shopping choices have been surprisingly sparse until just a few years ago.
Yeah, Giant is a fucking joke.
WEGMANS.
there used to be a trader joes in moco in that strip mall with the panera and music & arts center & micro center…did they leave me?!?!?!!
Still there!
We are getting a Trader Joe’s in SE DC, and I am so excited! Though not until 2018, boo. It’s strange to think that metro will make it to Dulles before we get our TJ’s.
I have been known to smuggle sourdough bread back from CA to AL in my luggage. No shame.
I’m jealous that your Trader Joe’s is a food cavern! Our Trader Joe’s is more like a rabbit warren, maybe? And very busy. You have to use arcane formulas to discover the non-busy periods of the day if you hope to shop and breathe at the same time.
Also, that Daniel Radcliffe interview is adorable and makes me remember “If Daniel Radcliffe Were Your Boyfriend”…
I did Nicole levels of for-joy dancing when the internet rumors of a TJs two blocks from my place were confirmed. But now that it is open, it is clear that the joy really only works when paired with a schedule of extensive telework, because oh man should I never set foot in there on a weekend.
I’m jealous of your rabbit warren TJ’s.
My local TJs is in the same complex as an NFL football stadium, so I need to keep track of home games before heading there.
Same! The size of my TJs is completely unsatisfactory.
And I know this will make me seem old and crotchety and an Enemy of Joy, but the mini shopping carts for the kids are a menace and should be eliminated.
THERE I SAID IT.
I agree with you… but when I read this, I pictured parents in the TJs line ostracizing you like that letter writer in AAM who was allergic to dogs and worked in an office that allowed dogs. If you mention your feelings in public, be prepared for unreasonable murderous gazes. haha
I went to my local Tjoes once and it was just okay? But then again, I have Wegmans, and when you have Wegmans, nothing else matters.
Can confirm. Trader Joes is wonderful, but Wegmans is my everything.
I have both a Trader Joe’s and the fanciest Wegmans within two minutes of my office, and *it’s like everything I ever dreamed of!!* (whirls around)
AND we’re supposed to be getting a Whole Food down the street sometime, so…
HI HI you live near my parents! 😀
(jumps up and down waving)
(Toastie meet-up if you’re around over the hols?)
Sure thing! I’m always happy to meet a Wegmans enthusiast.
EXCELLENT. I will be in touch. 🙂
WEGMANS mmmm
<reverence>Wegmans.</reverence>
Uuuugh no. Wegman’s is way too much stimulation and noise and people. I have yet to go there without having to sit in the patio-furniture aisle and put my head between my knees.
See, the last time I tried to brave a TJ’s alone I bailed because it was WAY too crowded and the lines were too long. But it was also during rush hour in DC on a weekday, so…
(But I have also bailed on Wegman’s when it is too crowded and noisy and the lights get to me; this is why we went on midnight runs in college)
Wegmans is open way later here, too. Our Trader Joe’s closes at 9, but Wegmans is poem until midnight.
Most of our Wegmans are open 24 hours!!!
The Trader Joe’s I go to is small and always annoyingly crowded, but it’s also in a plaza right next to the flagship Wegmans, which is huge and also annoyingly crowded. I only get really specific stuff from TJ’s, so I start there and then hit Wegmans right after, but only once every couple of months when I’m feeling more patient than normal.
wegmans
As a Left Coast born-and-raised type, I have yet to understand the appeal of Wegmans. It’s a supermarket with… extra-large prepared food areas? Is basically all of it? But the prepared food isn’t particularly good?
Can someone explain?
It has everything a normal supermarket has, and then some. Its international section carries vegemite (along with a bunch of other international stuff I can’t find anywhere else), and the bulk candy aisle is a wonderland.
In addition to the international selections, they have a ginormous “natural food” section with loads of veggie/vegan, gluten free, raw, etc. options. Their store brands are cheaper than you can imagine and are just as good as brand names (sometimes better, canned tomatoes!); for example, they have a bulk pack of pasta that is 4 lbs of pasta for $3.49. That’s not a sale price, that’s just how much it costs all the time. They also have lots of bulk options, they really make an effort to bring in local produce and other products, are excellent employers, and give out free beer samples on Saturdays.
That makes sense, thanks! Of course, it mostly shores up my understanding of “giant supermarket is giant” and that whatever the magic is, it’s unlikely to suddenly appear in my fairly dense urban neighborhood (unlike a compact TJs, which doesn’t require many square feet to bring me cookie butter).
I think the prepared food is delicious, but some of the fanaticism comes from the fact that this is a store with a long local history (it started as a tiny fruit market in the 1920s), high involvement in the community beyond the insane number of jobs it provides in Rochester, and tremendous success when it expanded outside of Upstate. So (former and ever Upstater here) we feel the same way about Wegs that we feel about Xerox and Kodak.
Interesting and good to know! Of course, most of the loyalists I’ve heard from are not Upstaters (Long Island, Jersey, etc) so this still doesn’t clear up most of their feels for me.
I am new to the whole Wegman’s thing and it is this marvelous combination of completely excellent grocery store and TOO MANY EFFING PEOPLE. They keep opening new locations and somehow ours never seems to get any less busy.
Our TJ’s on the other hand is very tiny and constantly out of things, so we use it mostly for cheap wine.
Wegmans oh how I miss you! They just put one in the closest to us yet…and it’s still 40 minutes away and in another state. Delaware you are effing it up all over the place.
Yes thank you. I have a list right now of what is cheaper at TJ’s vs. Wegmans and it literally is:
Saffron
Olive Oil (depending on sales)
Some kinds of cheese
Tea tree oil 1 oz size
Some organic coffee
Wild rice
So, you know, I go there for very specific things but really it’s not necessary if you have Wegmans.
*chanting and banging fist on desk* WEG. MANS. WEG. MANS. WEG. MANS.
I WILL DANCE WITH YOU THE DANCE OF WEGMANS WORSHIP
I keep hearing rumors that my area is getting a Wegmans, and I need to tell people to stop breaking my heart when nothing comes of it.
Man this is off the subject of important links — which is a subject that I am a great supporter of and so I am shamed to be distracting from it — but I had a conversation that was maybe too real about some things yesterday and I feel like my self-esteem has been through the ringer.
You ever get one of those moods that feels like it’s kind of too big to fit inside your head? And so it spills over into other parts of your body? I always feel it like my eyes are filled up with water — not the urge to cry, exactly, but like in those cartoons when someone gets drunk and you can see the water level in their eyes rising. It’s like this weird pressure, and at the same time a kind of distance. Sometimes it spills into my hands, too, and I feel like I’m floating over them, like the meat part of my hands is doing what it’s supposed to do, but the sensing part of my hands has lifted up and started to drift away.
Anyway, that is my tangent for today. Good morning! Happy feelings to all!
Oh mean, yeah. Word. I’m hoping it’s because I’m pregnant, but at least eight times a day recently I’m tearing up. It’s like I can’t process anything these days without crying. Gets cumbersome, alarms the populace. I like the floaty-distance thing, though. Sounds like it could be useful.
I don’t know; the distance to me doesn’t feel *good*, or even neutral, exactly; it feels like…maybe like this sense of dread or lassitude or sadness or something has sort of displaced the rest of me; I’m not distant from the feeling of it, it’s just interposed itself between me and the rest of the world.
Oy. Do you have a good therapist? I don’t want you to be displaced by sense-of-dread-you.
I do not! I had a string of interminably tedious therapists, and now I don’t have the time or money or (frankly) inclination to shop around for a new one.
(All that, and I am still someone who passionately believes in the value of therapy, so I get pretty down in the dumps thinking about how difficult mental health becomes for people who aren’t as well-situated to getting the help that they need as I am.)
Seriously. I too have never found a therapist I’ve clicked with, and it’s so exhausting and expensive to keep trying. I recently found someone who does CBT, and I’d really love to be able to train myself not to have useless self-destructive thoughts (too good to be true?), so I’m trying to make it work.
I’ve found Toast therapy to be very effective, though 🙂
Have you heard of the book “Feeling Good”? It is very long and sometimes odd—I think it was a very early entry in the self-help genre—but walks you through CBT in a way that clicked for both my spouse and me.
I take pills, but I haven’t had therapy for a while, even though i really need it, because my last therapist wasn’t great. (She wasn’t a bad person at all, but she was a beginner, and that CBT 101 shit wasn’t fooling me! 😉 ) Someone said to me that not getting therapy was like having the flu and taking Nyquil but not taking any better care of oneself. And I said it was also like the flu, because you know you need to eat and drink water and stuff, but how are you going to get out of bed to do so? So that’s my take on that. Things is hard. Feel better.
Oh gosh, I… I get this too, and was just thinking about it yesterday. The full eyes in particular, though it feels a bit more like syrup for me, than water. It’s the weirdest thing, in that, it’s definitely not physical, but it feels like there could be a physical solution, like just draining the syrup away.
Anyway, I don’t have anything intelligent to say about it, but thank you for sharing! It made a dazed undergraduate feel slightly less weird and alone (as The Toast always does). And I hope your mood clears up soon.
Yeah, right? You always feel like you can sort of crack your face open and let all that stuff ooze out.
I have this experience sometimes but have attributed it to wretched perimenopause related dysfunction. Also waves of rage. Good times.
May your day include some equilibrium.
Oh my goodness, yes, I get this sometimes! There are days when I wake up and I just feel strangely dissociated from myself, and it sometimes lasts for half a day or more. I hope it dissipates soon!
Yes, I feel this. FWIW, not a therapist etc., but my own therapist has helped me see that when I get out of my body, that sort of displaced feeling, it’s a part of me that’s trying to protect me from whatever hard or painful thing is happening in my life. And so it’s helped me to think of it as something with kind intentions, but also something that’s just not as helpful as it thinks it is; makes it feel less bad and inexplicable when I think of it as a misguided but caring part of myself. Maybe that helps you too!
In any case, what I really wanted to say is that you’re not alone in feeling that sometimes.
I get that feeling as a tightness in the back of my throat, like a scream has gotten trapped (like a sneeze that never comes) and started to take over my body. Eventually it starts to almost itch, like the scream is trying to claw its way out.
This sounds more like generalized anxiety disorder than the disembodied feeling (although I think gao can cause both). It’s something to be aware of, maybe?
I have clinical depression, and that’s part of how it manifests on bad days during good periods, if that makes sense. On bad days during bad periods, I get the disembodied hand thing, but the scream requires too much energy and active engagement with my body. So if the screaming thing is happening, that’s actually something of a good sign, as it means I’m in a good place overall.
That is fascinating – I have the opposite. The feeling I’m going to explode is a sign of bad times ahead, but feeling like I’m just a pair of eyes floating around can happen in the middle of a pretty good stretch.
See, the exploding sensation means that I’m feeling my feelings, and have the energy to be angry. Like Hyperbole and a Half’s “I am having a feeling, and that feeling is crying.” When I’m truly in the middle of a bad spell, inchoate rage is way, way too much work, and requires some sort of awareness of the world around me.
The eyes feeling up with water is something I feel after I’ve accidentally eaten some of the things I’m allergic to, particularly corn and eggs. Until I found out I had allergies, I though food allergy reactions were just hives or sneezing or throats closing up. I didn’t know it could make kids hyper, or make me spacy-headed or feel like my body is on a time delay between when I want it to move and it actually moves, or make me weepy for no damn reason. Now I know when I’ve been corned (or egged). And I didn’t find out about my allergies until I was in my early 30s.
That’s not exactly what you’re feeling (and I do know that feel you’re feeling). I’m just throwing it out there in case by any chance you sometimes have unwanted effects from food, even if it’s not allergies. Because food-based feelings on top of what you’re already dealing with is too much.
I don’t have quite the same reaction, but I do have days when all I want to do is to tear the meat husk off my body to reveal the gleaming chitinous exoskeleton beneath and then grow to 10x my height and crush everything beneath my heels as I stomp across midtown. I think other people call this “frustration”.
oh I get that one, too, that’s the feeling when your face unravels into ten thousand screaming knives meant to shred every obstacle in your path
Hey, that’s dissociation! I get it too! It’s like Windows safe mode for your brain.
It happens to me when I’m really anxious – I think of it as my brain’s way of maintaining 60%-80% competence when feeling my overwhelming feelings would reduce me to less than 10% competence. It happens a lot in big box stores and airports – places where I can’t shut down.
“Windows safe mode for your brain” is a perfect description! Now I think I understand a little better why I can maneuver through places like airports without feeling particularly stressed or bothered by anything that happens but can’t manage an hour sitting in my office before I wig myself right out with anxiety.
I have stolen it from much smarter people on tumblr. Isn’t it a great concept?
I am a therapist; I am not your therapist. I agree with the comments about dissociation and depersonalization, and that it is a natural response to stress and about your system trying to protect you.
If you have the time/energy, writing or doing free form art (I recommend free-drawing inside of circles) can help get some of that “pressure” out. So can basic mindfulness exercises – take a minute to five to close your eyes and just hear as many things as you can around you, or find an image you find soothing and stare at it for a couple of minutes, trying to feel it in your body and/or feel yourself in it. The goal is to lessen the pressure, so if any of these activities increase it please stop doing them.
When your circumstances are less overwhelming, some good ways of getting back into your body is exercise, stretching, gardening, sticking your hands in dirt/sand. If/when you have the means, you might find EMDR Therapy helpful for processing through what contributed to your dissociation; talk therapy is good for thought-things but body-things tend to need something different.
I am obsessed with local news, and this really hit the spot.
http://www.thestar.co.uk/news/sheffield-fan-gives…
“Kevin Wells had to ‘fight the power’ of traffic in his Ford Focus” oh wow thank you for bringing this into my life.
That is amazing and delightful.
Thinking about Public Enemy rocking out to Bohemian Rhapsody in some dude’s lil’ car is going to bring me joy for weeks.
Still working on my Queer Twelfth Night paper oops. I’ll post it somewhere when I’m done though.
Here is my script adaption that I did for fun because I’m a nerd. https://www.dropbox.com/s/r4cthoto47g7uw5/12thnig…
I’m super proud of this paper. “A queer Viola does not as much disguise themselves as a man as much as they present as male; not ‘the form of my intent’ but ‘the intent of my form’
Okay I’m done bragging now.
Thanks for all your help, my lovely Toasties. You guy are the best and keep me going.
is this for the same prof who objected to singular they? Because that sentence NEEDS singular they!
[[[[more good finals vibes]]]]
Oh thankfully not. I ran the topic idea past my Dramatic Leadership professor first and he was so “here for that” so I got lucky. He’s not too picky about pronouns.
And thanks for the vibes!
In Massachusetts, in our enduring wisdom, we have put one of the Trader Joe’s in the same plaza as the football stadium. It is one of the few TJs in MA that sells alcohol. It is generally either unbearable (because of the # of people in TJs, or the number of people in the parking lot), or EMPTY.
Of course, if there’s any event going on in the stadium, they’re not allowed to sell hard alcohol. *eyeroll*
If you time it right, though, it’s a great TJs. They even have kosher wine, which NEVER happens!
First time my husband went there he got caught behind 30,000 women in their 20s going to a One Direction concert at Gillette. The peanut butter cups were worth it though.
The mini peanut butter cups are my favorite thing in the whole world. I just have to go at 8am on Saturday or Sunday to avoid getting into a car accident because my TJ’s has the worst parking lot know to woman.
Yeah, it’s definitely one of my favorite TJs. It just gives me flashbacks to when my partner lived on Comm Ave and we planned whether or not we’d leave the building based on what was going on at Fenway.
Good lord, what is the point of a TJs that doesn’t sell inexpensive booze?
Most food stores in Our Great Commonwealth don’t sell booze. There’s some sort of restriction where each operator can only run so many alcohol selling stores, so the practical impact is that each national chain that sells booze in most/all of their stores elsewhere carefully picks and chooses around these parts (whole foods, costco, TJs, Wegmans, etc). I know the max used to be 3, I know there have been repeated attempts to remove the limit altogether or raise it, and I think at least the option to raise the number has gone through?? I think???
The Star Market in between Belmont and Cambridge sells booze and it’s my favorite place. Not favorite place to shop; just favorite place.
Being from Wisconsin, the land of the liquor license, this confused the hell out of me when I moved here. Whadya mean I gotta go to *another* store to finish my shopping? Beer is a grocery!
Rhode Island’s worse than MA, RI doesn’t let *any* supermarkets sell booze of any sort, so even MA felt like a permissive paradise……
Maryland is similar. You can’t buy alcohol at the grocery store, so it is very exciting when we go to the DC Costco and they have All the Wine.
In Pennsylvania you can’t sell any form of alcohol in grocery stores – not even beer and wine – unless you put in a cafe that has food preparing faculties, in which case you can sell 6-packs to go. There are many 6-pack stores accompanied by a ‘cafe’ with a sad endless rotation of elderly hot dogs.
Still like Trader Joe’s, though I definitely miss the beer/wine selection you can get in other more sane states. Whenever I go home to Oregon I make my parents take me to TJ’s just for the cheap cider and wine.
Wow, this is putting Minnesota’s laws in perspective. The TJ’s near me, like many other fancy grocery stores in the area, has a wine store under the same roof but with a separate entrance, and it’s closed on Sundays. At least it’s a real wine shop without any perfunctory hot dogs!
I remember, when I was at college in PA, that you couldn’t buy beer in the grocery store, and you couldn’t buy 6-packs in the beer store (CASES OR NOTHING!!), so if you just wanted a small amount of beer, you had to buy it in a bar and take it home. Everywhere else, you’re totally banned from taking alcohol out of the bar. WTF, PA?
But all these liquor laws around the country explain to me why it took so long for TJs to start moving out of California–they, too, were thinking, “but how can we be TJs without cheap booze?” Finally, I guess, someone in the organization thought, “But how can we continue to deny the rest of the country our inside-out carrot cakes, our fried mac and cheese blobs, our Movie Popcorn, our shrimp gyoza …?”
“Endless rotation of elderly hot dogs” sounds like it could be a Jonathan Safran Foer title.
Our upstate New York TJ’s doesn’t sell alcohol, because of stupid laws . (grumbles)
It was still the happiest day of my life when they opened here, though. (I used to have to drive 250 miles to Cleveland and stock up there).
I vaguely knew that grocery stores outside the bible belt can sell liquor, but it never really hit home that in other states, you can buy TJ brand vodka at the same time as smelly dog treats and peppermint joe joes. I’m so jealous.
As a Canadian, I feel your pain on this. The idea that you can get the makings for supper and a bottle of wine all at the same place?! Amazing. It is my favorite part of being in America when we travel.
The Coolidge Corner TJ’s is my favorite because I can get there on the C line and therefore do not have to park at all. It can be crowded, but for a college student with up to 5 rehearsals a week, taking 18 credits, and without a meal plan, the frozen food isle is a godsend
At the risk of flaunting my TJ-ity, I live within walking distance of two of them, and my office is within walking distance of another. PEAK TJs!
Just after moving to MA, I drove to this TJ. It was a weekday, and I was stuck in traffic for half an hour, and I had no idea why. Since then, I’ve checked with the Patriots schedule every time.
If you ever want to see an empty supermarket, though, it’s during a Pats game. Three hours befOre, it’s madness.
Also, MA blue laws. Last Christmas I couldn’t buy kosher wine from a Jewish grocery store on Christmas. Obviously I don’t celebrate, and yet…
Anti-semites!
When I went through a particularly low depression dip a few months ago (one of those ones where you’re not SAD, just, everything feels like two much all the time and you’re always tired and you have no motivation and you just kinda want to curl up and stare at the wall??), my “self-care” (though I didn’t call it that) was binge re-watching all of Friends. Let me tell you, that show is pretty much perfect for that kind of self-care binge watching. There’s a lot of it, and yes some of it is mildly problematic these days but there’s something to be said for the relief of knowing you can come home, press play on Netflix, and they’ll just kinda be there, being friends, making jokes. It’s all so relatively simple and familiar and it was just really helpful to me for a good month or so. (Plus the nostalgia factor always helps!)
Oh God, yes. Friends and The West Wing are my go to self-care rewatches. Both of them are shows I know basically by heart and don’t need to physically watch to know what’s going on, so I can let myself fidget and play stupid game apps and color without feeling like I’m missing something vital. Sometimes having to just sit and watch something can feel like too much work when I’m truly exhausted and depressed/anxious.
Yes!! I like that with Friends, too, I can scroll tumblr at the same time or play a game on my phone, without having to pause it. And there’s just something about the familiarity of Friends/it’s characters that helps too. The ability to feel almost like you’re involved but passive, idk, it is really helpful to me. (This also works with other shows, especially Gilmore Girls and shows from when I was a kid like The Nanny.)
I watched all of Scrubs while on maternity leave and exhausted and covered in baby fluids and it was exactly what was needed.
I am here for The West Wing.
West Wing, yes!
I also once had a phase where the only thing that would do was Grey’s Anatomy. Boy, am I glad not to be in that phase anymore.
Last time I was sick and feeling terrible, I discovered that the Nanny was on (Dutch) Neflix. It felt so familiar and comfortable and was exactly was I was looking for at that point. I think there’s something about the old-fashioned sitcom that makes it ideal for low-effort watching.
YES!!! Earlier than my Friends re-watch I had another, more sad/depressive low and I rewatched all of the Nanny online and oh yes it was just like that.
I would totally recommend The Maria Bamford Show, her web series. I think you can still find it online. It’s incredibly hilarious and also deals with very real depression and mental illness stuff. Got me through rough times. Here’s the first episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFHmNrxkuFU
Binge watching is my default state; I’m so introverted that I NEED time on my own just watching mindless tv and not having to do or think about anything.
Unfortunately this means that the social anxiety and loneliness that I need to binge watch to get over, only get worse because work takes everything I’ve got and I don’t have any energy left to socalise.
Here here. If I don’t spend at least 3 nights a week at home watching tv (or reading, that also counts) I feel overwhelmed and tired all the time. When I have a whole weekend to do only this (like last weekend!) it’s glorious and all I ever wanted. But then if I take it too far and don’t plan social time or leave the house for a while, it becomes a bad thing and I need social interaction with friends.
I’m in an annoying spiral at the moment where recovering from work (Not that its particularly stressful, but its just being up doing things and not in bed that drains me) takes all of the spare time I have.
This weekend I barely left the house apart from food shopping (and even that was just to the corner shop). And then I get annoyed because I didn’t do anything all weekend, but I needed my ‘lazy time’
A friend has asked me to spend this weekend with her (another town) and I’m seriously wondering if I can take two nights away and still be functional for work on Monday.
I could only do that if I took a vacation day on Monday.
I hear you. Probably best to take the weekend for yourself, unless you know time with your friend will (or can) be relaxing/refuel time. Like would she be down to chill and watch movies with you for one of the days?
Except with close friends that already know you well enough, it’s often awkward to explain why you can’t do something that you technically have time for, but know you don’t have energy for. I can’t tell just anyone “oh no, I can’t meet with you that night because I already have plans 3 other nights that week.”
It’s a whole Christmas thing with my uni friends (which tbh I’m just glad they remembered to invite me, they all still live in our uni town, and I don’t), so Friday night is ‘girls’ night and Saturday is Christmas dinner. I want to go and I know it’ll be fun and very relaxed, but its just being outside of my own space for two nights that annoys me, I can easily do one night so long as I get to go home the next day and decompress.
And I could easily do it, if I didn’t then have to function at work on Monday, and this is annoying me becuase I’m supposed to be working so I can have a life, but just the energy that work takes is everything i have (and believe me my job nis not busy or stressful at all, so this just makes me feel weak)
I feel all of this SO HARD. It’s the worst.
Unfortunately I have started feeling that way with my students. “No, I can’t meet with you on Wednesday because I had 6 appointments on Tuesday” doesn’t cut it in academia. (Or if it does, I’m not nearly visibly eccentric enough to pull it off.)
Close friends get told ‘nope, that’s going to intrude on my precious do-nothing-talk-to-no-one-elastic-waisted-clothes-only time’ but for less close friends I am consistently amazed at what you can get away with with the bare minimum of explanation.
“Sorry, I’m booked up for the week!” is a complete explanation and nobody needs to know that ‘booked’ can equal ‘going on an emotionally draining first date’ or ‘me, the cats, and as much Leverage as my eyeballs can handle’.
R U ME
Yes, exactly. After I got mugged last winter (on Christmas, I’m still so mad about it), I basically descended into binges of West Wing and Agents of SHIELD until I felt better/was more able to deal with the world.
Wow, that sucks… Oddly enough, after I was mugged, I didn’t turn to tv so much as to comics. Read most of She-Hulk’s solo issues in the week that followed. I guess as some sort of power fantasy?
100% to all of this, and The West Wing! I find myself reaching for Friends whenever I want comforting distraction, & I reach for The West Wing when I want to feel more hopeful (lol).
BUT my all-time top binge watch show is Stargate SG-1! 10 glorious seasons of ridiculous aliens & self-effacement & Samantha Carter are perfect for when you just want to sit on the couch and not move, but laugh lots.
Sometimes when I feel particularly anxious, I’ll watch the two episode arc where Rachel dumps Ross and pretend that’s where it ends, then I’ll go to bed and write fan fic in my head where Rachel and Phoebe run away to Seattle and discover grunge and kissing girls.
I like this plot twist, especially since as written there was no earthly reason for Rachel to ever be walking around in an MC5 T-shirt. New headcanon.
This is me with Parks & Rec.
Yes, in fall 2013 I binge-watched the first four seasons of Parks & Rec in about a week and a half, then immediately started back at the beginning and watched it all again.
It didn’t occur to me until much later how neatly it coincided with me being alone in my apartment all day (working from home for a deadly boring job) in a city I’d just moved to where I knew no one but my partner.
Fortunately I got a new job a month later that involved more money and seeing humans on a daily basis, so things improved. I still love Parks and Rec but I no longer feel the desperate hunger for it that I did during that fall.
I know I’m backsliding wrt depression (same type of listlessness you describe) if I start/get the urge to start binge-watching The Office. It’s nice to know these things about yourself
During my last significant depressive episode – the one just before I got on anti-depressants, and the one that finally made it impossible for me to deny that I need to be on anti-depressants – I watched the entirety of Scrubs in, like, four days.
(JD is the worst)
JD IS the worst. My favorite characters are Cox, Kelso, and the Janitor.
The future of college football is bleak, and so is the present. It is really awful. As bad as the NFL is, Leonard Fournette would be better off playing for good money there, than for nothing at LSU.
Lord knows there’s plenty of problems with the European football academy systems, but there’s something to be said for having the young players more “in-house.”
I just wrote out a huuuuuge reply but it was basically word vomit so I will cut it down to- I have complicated feelings about college football. I think we’re reaching the point where it will be belong obvious that things need to change. I don’t go to games anymore and I’ve cut down on the number of games I watch on tv but I’m not quite ready.able to give it all up yet.
Joel Anderson is a really smart writer for Buzzfeed who both played D1 college football at TCU and still watches it, so I’m not saying everyone needs to boycott it. This is a good piece by him from a couple of years ago about that, http://prospect.org/article/football-body-and-min…. But it makes me so mad that the players are not paid or compensated for any injuries they suffer.
Oh yeah, I agree that not everyone needs to boycott college football. This is totally a personal call for me- I have a lot of issues with my alma mater (football issues and non-football issues) so any kind of support is starting to feel problematic for me, even just watching football on tv.
I went from huge NFL and somewhat college football fan to watching maybe 2 games a year of both combined. So yeah.
My alma mater is a small D3 school, but even for them, I think they should probably get rid of football and devote those resources to other things.
My alma mater recently reinstated their football program. They didn’t have football when I was there and I loved it. One of these days I’m actually going to answer my phone when they call and ask for money and tell them I won’t give them money unless they do away with football again.
On Saturday I made it midway through the Union Square Trader Joe’s before I couldn’t take it anymore, put away the three items I had in my basket, returned my basket to the entrance, and walked out. I am very jealous.
Last time I went to Trader Joe’s in NYC was with an infant. Predictably he had a total atomic meltdown while we were in the line behind 400 other people. I stoically remained in line and checked out but then I had to sit on the bench in front and breastfeed him while a parade of thousands of shoppers walked by. (I have DONE MY PART for public breastfeeding.) There aren’t enough chocolate covered pomegranate seeds in the world to compel me to repeat that experience.
You know they literally count the number of people going in and sometimes make them stand in line on the sidewalk, like a club. LIKE A CLUB, but for grocery shoppers in sweat pants.
I’d stand in line to shop at TJ’s. I would! More agreeably than I’d stand in line to get into a club, at this point.
You guy you guys you guys: LMM wrote a freaking song for the Cantina band (in conjunction with JJ Abrams) in the The Force Awakens!! I was already excited for this movie, but now I can barely hold it together!!!
https://t.co/ag6Wmwagdh
I tried to post the Kermit flailing gif but I’m an html idiot. But yay!
I’m not a Hamilton person so for a brief shining moment I thought you meant Lucy Maud Montgomery
me too
me too!
Haha, I am glad I am not the only one still having this initial reaction to those letters. (I just have not had the time to cope with listening to new music, especially in terms of following an unseeable stage show, even if it is as wonderful as everyone says.)
I think we need to remind people that the hyphen is crucial for toast posting. LMM: Canadian author and spiritual guide of many; L-MM: glorious creator of Hamilton and star of my favorite viral wedding dance video.
This is one of the best uses for Mad Max: Fury Road gifs I’ve seen yet, A+ job
So yesterday was LM Montgomery’s birthday and here I will confess: every time someone says LMM to refer to Lin-Manuel I get super confused because I always read it as LM Montgomery and clearly my brain is not speedy enough to deal with two acronyms at once.
LIKEWISE in fact I just read OshKoshMalosh’s comment about LMM writing a song for The Force Awakens and and was picturing the Cantina band in puffed sleeves.
Same!
I do this every time! And then I’m like… wait… that doesn’t quite make sense in this context.
Literally just posted upthread about the same thing. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE
Got compared to a Holocaust denier for posting this article: http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/p…
Wait how what.
White dudes from the West Coast got their feelings REALLY hurt by 9/11 and get really upset when you point out that Americans are in much greater danger from other Americans than from Syrian refugees.
Awwww. I once got called a misogynist because … I still really don’t know, I think it was related to me asking someone why her coach would be a good national coach?
Wait what.
Hey, I live in SC and this article is 100% true.
Holocaust denier? That’s just weird.
I got called a promoter of fornication at work the other day, so *fistbump*
I have a new goal.
What’s particularly weird about that is that the article specifically mentions that Eric Rudolph is a Holocaust denier.
PSA: there’s a Force4Ham hashtag, and yes, it’s exactly what you think it is.
This is sheer perfection.
omg why is this so hilarous
omg. I know this happened for a reason now, but I can’t believe it never happened for no reason much sooner.
The hashtag also lead me to this T-shirt which I absolutely need to buy ASAP.
I was at a Hamilton listen-through last week whereat one of the co-hosts was wearing a “Burr Shot First” shirt. 🙂
HamWars is also apparently happening.
This link showed up on my pinboard feed this morning: 2 of 3 parts posted so far.
Victorian Nipple Rings
https://www.bodyartforms.com/blog/victorian-nippl…
The rest of it is up if you look on the recent post archive thing – I saw a link to it the other day and was fascinated!
I read this over the weekend (thanks, Tumblr) and there is a part three!(it’s just not linked to the others which is weird) https://www.bodyartforms.com/blog/victorian-nippl…
Thank you for the link to part three! After the cliffhanger ending of part two (will Constance get her nips pierced?? will she get cancer (!!) like that doctor so confidently claimed?? will she chicken out in front of her little sister??), part three was so necessary!
Oh thank you!
Such a detailed Victorian Era Piercing recounting
I think Constance would have loved livejournal.
This is FASCINATING. I had no idea that so many Victorians were pro-nipple rings! I am super excited for part three.
This is amazing.
WOW thank you for posting this. I love everything about it.
doesn’t that Uzo Aduba article just make you want to stamp your foot petulantly and demand, “how does all that amazingness fit in one person?! And why isn’t it OITNB season three time yet?!”
man i used to work at a TJs and I feel like I got vital crowd-avoiding and speed-shopping yuppie skills out of it, but you could not pay me enough to set foot in the Manhattan one. I know product addictions are real, but dang my muscles are tensing just thinking about every day being The Saturday Before Thanksgiving.
I started tearing up reading that Uzo Aduba article. I’m just so happy for her! I don’t personally know her, but I feel like she could be any one of my acting friends whose success feels well earned. Also, the stuff about “not quitting in my heart” really hits home. Oh God, does it hit home.
Oh dear. This is a super strong link roundup. The number of tabs I have open is out of control and I haven’t even gotten all the way through. And there were multiple Mad Max gifs. Nicole, you are on fire.
Has anyone else been watching Manhattan?! I LOVE IT SO MUCH
Meeeeee tooooo! But, I’ve only watched season 1 so far, I haven’t had time to follow season 2. I’m happy to talk about season 1 and Manhattan stuff in general but please no season 2 spoilers!
I’m a huge baby about spoilers (I can rewatch anything without the need for surprise but I only get one chance to watch it for the first time!) and I WILL whine
I am trying to catch up! When the first season aired, I could not find WGN America or whatever it is on my cable (and was v. confused because what I think of as WGN is also the CW here). But it has SO MANY of the things I love.
Best show on TV right now, I think.
When I went through my worst depression, it was the New York Times Crossword that kept me alive, honest to god. I wouldn’t use the phrase “self-care” because I wasn’t consciously trying to soothe myself (and honestly I just don’t think about my daily activities in those kind of terms). But I was in college and my campus had one of those free newspaper programs. And there was only one thing that was guaranteed to get me out of bed on any given day: I had to go get the crossword. Meals and showers were optional but I have to put on pants at some point today so I can go get the paper. It was the only thing I didn’t hate doing. Do you know why I, personally hate Mondays? The crossword only takes like 15 minutes. The Saturday puzzle could keep me occupied for a whole day.
I totally understand this. I didn’t really start to understand how far I’d sunk into depression until I realized I was doing puzzles almost compulsively to distract my brain from “the dark place.” I cannot go a day without doing some kind of puzzle thing when I’m in a depression slump. It’s the only thing that doesn’t feel like failure.
TWINS. I had a rough conversation last night and as soon as it was over, beelined to my stash of puzzles. Also, I can tell when being ill or depressed is wreaking havoc on my cognition, because I stop being able to do the really hard ones.
Isn’t it funny how when you’re in a bad place you find these weird little islands of peace to cling to? My Island was cookies with frosting and Inspector Lewis. I would have the worst of days and all I could think about was going home and watching an episode that I’ve seen 1,000 times.
this comment is eerily familiar to me. i’m glad the crossword helped you, too.
My first actually helpful therapist suggested that the reason I like crossword puzzles and find them so soothing is that it’s a way to allow my anxiety/self-doubting brain to relax for awhile while I fill in specific answers with no paralyzing wiggle room. Just a nice clean answer and the satisfaction of each little square getting filled in. Lately on early days of the week, I’ve added some logic grid puzzles, which have a similar, if not as great, soothing factor.
The NYT Crossword app is how I calm myself down when the insomnia strikes hard. Especially if it’s the kind of insomnia where I would otherwise wake up in the middle of the night, am awake for 2-3 hours, and then fall back into a deeply unfulfilling sleep.
During the deepest depth of my depression, all I did was lie in the living room and watch Jacques Cousteau documentaries. I had to force myself to eat, and all I could eat were bananas and bagels. I lost 30 pounds before I crawled back to life. Don’t want to do that again…
Although, I COULD deal with losing 30 pounds…
Better ways to do it, tho’. I lost about 15 one semester because I was so stressed I was forgetting to eat and the horrible doctor I had just switched through via a badly timed HMO change kept congratulating me on “finally losing some weight.” Wut lady you literally just met me…
I don’t feel the TJ’s thing. But that’s because we have HEB, the greatest grocery store on earth. #HEB4LYFE
I agree with you as far as Central Market goes, but my predominant memories of HEB go back to the late ’90s, when the stores in Houston (or at least the one near Spring Branch) left a lot to be desired. I once saw a small mammal (mouse or rat, who knows) run across an aisle.
The best part of HEB, which I wasn’t particuarly in love with but: $25 enameled cast iron pot!
thats 1/4 of what Lodge sells them for and 1/10 of lacrusette
I have two of those, plus some other excellent HEB-branded cookware. It’s good stuff!
Yeah I have the big pot and half a dozen of the little ramekin sized ones (that I think the discontinued) but next time I’m east of Lubbock I am absolutely buying some more.
Also a big HEB fan, but on the rare occasions I drive further to get to TJ’s, they do have some really yummy snack stuff that just doesn’t compare to anywhere else.
I basically met my husband because of how much I love Central Market, so. I am also a huge fan of HEB and really quite fond of Fiesta, too. Texas sucks at many things, but it’s pretty darn good at grocery stores.
Oh Toast I am just having the worst day.
I feel like crap, I think I’m finally getting sick (Its been looming for weeks making me feel just generally crappy)
Plus my newest housemate (whom I love and is perfect) just told me she’s moving out, and the other one didn’t pay enough rent. I had thought I was done with house stress and finding new people for awhile, but now its going to hang over my entire Christmas. And our rent has just gone up, so if I don’t find someone to move in January 1st I’ll be in a deep hole.
I just want to go home and go to bed, but I have a job interview after work; I was kind of excited for it, and I think I want the job, but now I feel crappy and I looked up the company on Glassdoor and there were some not-so-nice things written about working there and now I’m worried that it’ll all seem fine until I’m working there and then it turns out to be hell on earth.
Agh. Adulting. Also apologies for link-roundup hijacking, but I need to tell someone and if I call my mother I’ll cry and fuck that.
Oh, man. You are having a rough day.
This might not help you, but sometimes on these days, I pick a time in the future when this round of bad stuff should be over, and then I tell myself, “this time [2 days/1 week/1 year] from now, this will all be over.” We can get through almost anything if we know when it will end, so this works for me on general life crappiness. It doesn’t work so great on bigger life crappiness, but even then, it gets me through smaller parts of this (“this time next week, the funeral will be over,” “this time tomorrow, the obituary will be written” for a recent example). It doesn’t work for everyone, but it helps me on days when I feel like I’m too overwhelmed to make it through what I need to do.
I’m so sorry about your day. It sounds awful.
Thanks, I have used a similar technique before, but at the moment I just feel like I’ve been at this for so long; ‘Next week everything will be quiet’ or ‘ok after the boiler is fixed, again, then the house drama will be over for awhile’ and it just never seems to end.
I really feel like I need a break, but holiday time is a resource now, so I want to make the most of it; even a week at home doesn’t feel like enough time off. I feel like I want to just stop for a few months and do nothing until I’m back on an even keel. But if I did decide to do that, I’d spend the entire time freaking out about being unemployed.
This transition to full adult-hood is just kicking my ass to be honest.
The worst part about adulthood is that sometimes you have, like, an entire year like that. There are entire years that, if anyone mentions a date from any day within that year, my brain just shuts off like that year never happened.
sometimes it just sucks. *hugs* I hope that you get through this round intact.
If “soon this will be over” isn’t working (and believe me, I’ve been there), I’ve found “this is here already, kicking myself about it won’t make it go away” is a reasonable substitute. It helps separate the bad thing from your reaction to the bad thing. Then you still have to deal with your reaction, but it’s a little less overwhelming that way.
Ack, good luck with everything!
I also like to read Glassdoor reviews, but take them with a VERY large grain of salt. Give maximum weight to what you learn in the interview and whatever happens next.
Thanks; I guess it just hit me on a bad day as well, so I’m taking it a bit harder than I would normally
Ayn Rand’s Dinosaur Comics?
Interviews with Daniel always make me grin, so thank you for linking to that.
I would genuinely love to sit down with him and just…talk. He seems so smart and genuine and friendly. I want to have him in my circle of friends and invite him to parties where we play Quiddler or Cards Against Humanity, or be on a pub quiz team with him.
No matter how hard I try to calm down, I am actually vibrating with – excitement? nerves? – over my interview day tomorrow. The interview itself is probably going to be about an hour, but the travel is like ten, I am having a twenty-eight hour day tomorrow thanks to time zones, and then I have to come back to work and pretend that nothing happened to me on my day off. I just. Don’t know, right now.
(Also I sent an email yesterday asking for clarification on something they wanted me to bring and I STILL have not gotten a response and frankly at this point I’m afraid it’s going to make me look like a flake for not asking for clarification until the last minute)
ETA: I really did mean this to have a connection to the Link Roundup, namely, I plan on binge-watching Miss Fisher’s Mysteries pretty much as soon as I get back, to keep myself from flailing around and panicking when it will do no good. Binge-watching is fantastic, I don’t know why people criticize it. Fictional people’s problems are so much better than my problems.
Quick music shout! Erykah Badu’s mixtape “But You Can’t Use My Phone” came out over the holiday weekend and I keep listening to “Phone Down” non-stop.
Trader Joe’s is all and I stockpile the holiday JoJo’s (the coated variety pack) for my family. I wish I could bring back the holiday ale for them but I don’t want to risk it.
GUYS if you’re reading this still, it looks like I’m about to be offered a job (!!!!!). I’m so excited! I’m also so scared! How do I navigate this transition without Getting Yelled At by a: current nightmare boss, and b: future employers once I tell them that I’ll have to peace out for a few weeks of maternity leave in just four months? Aaahhhh advice please. Ask a Manager is unhelpful on the second front, basically says (as a manager and non-parent) that it’s a dick move. How do I tell them without making them instantly resent me/regret hiring me?
A) Just be professional as possible and let the nightmare roll off you, because screw that guy (gal), you’re outta here.
B) Again, just be professional as possible and remember that a 3-month maternity leave is a tiny blip in your working life. They hired you for the long haul, right? I had a friend who was in your same situation, and her manager was very professional about it. She still has her job!
C) CONGRAAAATS!
1. Congratulations on the new job, you deserve it!
2. In every other country in the world it is illegal to fire you over maternity leave, and your entitled to it from day one. So in actual fact, if they get arsey over it, they are the dicks.
I have never brought up maternity leave, but I have brought up lengthy vacations (one less than a month after I started!) that were already scheduled and were not refunded. Basically I would wait to bring it up until you’re firmly officially hired, and then present it as a done thing. You have a responsibility (to yourself, to your new tiny human, and to whoever is helping you out with the new tiny human) that is non-negotiable.
Are there better images for an experience of radiant joy than Fury Road screenshots? I think not.
Are there any better images for any situation than Fury Road screenshots, really?
I forgot to mention yesterday I saw Carol over Thanksgiving weekend, if anyone wants to talk about it!
Carol isn’t playing here, and I am extremely disappointed. I hope you enjoyed it!
I moved up to Canada before Trader Joes had expanded much beyond the west coast so my first trip to one was Wednesday night and it was remarkably not packed with people (I suppose most people had their Thanksgiving shopping done already) and everything I bought was delicious and I am sad the nearest one is far away and not anywhere near anywhere else we would be shopping in the US.
(I bought some popcorn and some gingermints and some shampoo. I will admit I do not know if the shampoo is delicious but it smells nice.)
My boyfriend and I discovered the same thing at Wednesday night pre-Thanksgiving shopping. It was honestly a little shocking. It was the emptiest I’ve seen it in a long time.
It’s probably too late to hit up the link roundup, but I have a very specific issue that I feel the Toast HiveBrain could help me on.
I finally purchased Divers, Joanna Newsom’s newest album, and this song; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uEDf8jQ81Es (Goose Eggs) is driving me nuts. I think it sounds very much like another song, and I think that the song it sounds like is a Joni Mitchell song, but I cannot for the life of me put my finger on it.
Any ideas? Alternatively, if anyone wants to fangirl over the album or delve into analyzing the lyrics, that is more than welcome as well.
hmmm the opening line sounded a lot to me like Joni’s “Blue Boy?’
I unfortunately can’t help you find out what song it resembles, but I really want to share my love for the new album! I especially love Goose Eggs, Sapokanikan, Waltz of the 101st Lightborne and The Things I Say. So far, I’m not as fond of the second half of the album, but it might be because I tried to portion the listening out over a few days when I first bought it. What are your favorites? And do you have any thoughts on the meaning of Goose Eggs?
Those are all some of my favorites too! I also really like You Will Not Take My Heart Alive.
On the surface, Goose Eggs seems to be about two friends or lovers who have both been hurt by one another. The narrator reflects,
“and i could never find my way
to being the kind of friend you seemed to need in me,
till the needing had ceased.”
But she also sings about that person leaving, and how that hurt her.
For me, the thread that runs through the whole album is time moving in ways it shouldn’t be able to/the yearning for time to move in ways it won’t (temporal infidelities), and I really like how Goose Eggs plays with that theme. It also made me think of the chapters in the Once and Future King where Merlyn turns Wart into a goose. But I think about those chapters every time I see geese.
What are your thoughts? Do you have any ideas about the kilns and coals and mentions of burns? Beyond the obvious “burned by love” connotations, I can’t quite figure what those things mean in the context of this song.
I’m pregnant and I don’t want to be. Abortions aren’t an option in my family. FML, my life is ruined.
That really fucking sucks. I’m so sorry.
Oh, bb. I’m so sorry.
AND, I have a job interview Friday. So, you know. At least I don’t look pregnant??? But if they ask I’ll have to lie and I am terrible at lying. And it’s at the same college my dad works at so if the HR folks interviewing me find out he’ll know too, and right now I don’t want to tell anyone. FML FML FML
I’m fairly certain it’s illegal for an interviewer to ask you about pregnancy. It probably won’t come up. But if if will squelch some anxiety think of an answer right now and practice it until the interview. (Oops, I didn’t read down thread. Of course toasties already have you covered.)
When you say “abortions aren’t an option in my family”, do you mean that an abortion isn’t an option for you, personally, absent any family opinion, or that your family would disapprove?
Because if it’s the latter, you don’t actually have to tell anyone, or get their permission. You can just do it. (I had an abortion 10 years ago and never told anyone in my family, even though my parents are pro-choice).
Whatever you decide to do, I am sorry that you are in this position. Trust yourself to make the decision that is right for you, and know that we are here to listen, commiserate and/or give advice, as needed.
<3
It would legit destroy my relationship with Mr. Floridagal, and I sorta want to keep him around, and if my parents ever found out I’d be surprised if they didn’t beat the shit out of me. I think I might feel slightly guilty if I did it, but idk. The repercussions would not be worth it so I’m not considering it. Really I’m just praying for an early miscarriage, is one allowed to do that? Those are super common in my family so there’s a good chance this disaster will resolve itself on its own and I won’t have to make any decisions. That’d be the best case scenario, really. Otherwise I guess I’ll see this shitstorm to term and hope that I don’t have to do much with the little parasite once it’s, you know, no longer a parasite.
You are allowed to pray for whatever you want to pray for, friend. You are allowed to feel whatever feelings you are feeling. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you.
Re: your other comment, I’ve never had anyone ask me in a job interview if I was pregnant or was planning to become so, and I’m not entirely sure they’re ALLOWED to ask, so try not to worry about it.
to be brutally honest, unless you are, like, planning to give the kid up for adoption, you are not making it sound as though you want to or should be raising a child. if you don’t want a baby, don’t have a baby! especially if you forsee yourself AND presumably the baby being absolutely miserable. why not consider getting an abortion? you don’t have to disclose that information to anyone.
That is such a horrible situation, I am so sorry. But I will reiterate what everyone else said about how you have ZERO obligation to talk about being pregnant in your interview (and it really shouldn’t come up, anyway).
I don’t want to be that intrusive internet commentator who doesn’t know your life or marriage but still insists on advising on incredibly serious life-or-death matters in which everything is in the balance for you and nothing for me. So yeah, I’ll stop there, except to say I really hope there’s a resolution that doesn’t leave you burdened with a child you don’t want.
…And your body is your own, and I desperately hope you’re able to do what’s right for you, even if it means not telling your husband (but of course only if you’re comfortable with that!). Because — well, I don’t know your family situation, but I’m really worried about the chance of success for the fallback scenario (hoping you won’t have much to do with the kid after it’s born). However, you say the repercussions would not be worth it, so I take it that you’ve weighed them again that alternative.
Ugh, I was that intrusive internet commentator after all. Apologies. But you do know what’s best for you, and I support you in whatever choice you make.
I’m on the fence about posting this, because I don’t want to butt into a relationship that I know nothing about. So I want to preface it by saying that, like all the other commenters, I’m in your corner whatever you decide.
But I keep thinking about Mr. Floridagal’s role in this. You say it would destroy your relationship with him. I take it he either (a) is philosophically opposed to abortion, or (b) wants a kid. I just want to gently suggest that if he values his own desires or mental comfort over your happiness so completely that he would torch the relationship over an abortion, then I don’t know if he deserves you. Would he be okay with adoption? I just feel sad because it seems like you don’t have a source of unconditional support coming from the people close to you. Offering toast-hugs as a substitute!
[Edited to add: I know that when I say “I don’t know if he deserves you,” it sounds like I’m saying DTMFA, which I’m sure doesn’t sound appealing in such an uncertain time. I guess I mean something more like, “Maybe he doesn’t deserve your full honesty and confidence right now”, or “You deserve to value your own future, body and happiness over his desires.”]
Co-signing all of this.
I am so sorry; that is a horrible situation to be in. I can only echo other commenters: I don’t know all the details of your situation, and I don’t want to be intrusive, but I think you absolutely have the right not to be forced to go through with a pregnancy you do not want. The decision is absolutely nothing to do with your parents (and if they would be physically violent towards you for making it, they sound like they’ve already forfeited any sort of right to be involved). And while I can understand why your partner would be upset, I think if he prioritises “no abortions ever” over “floridagal’s bodily autonomy, happiness and mental health”, his priorities are out of order.
I’m really sorry you are dealing with this. Whatever you choose, we’re in your corner.
p.s. good luck at the interview. THEY CANNOT ASK YOU ABOUT FAMILY STUFF. It’s illegal. You do not have to lie, or answer, or do anything except gently steer the conversation elsewhere or, if you decide you hate these people, arch a brow and remind them their shitty question is shitty and ILLEGAL.
<3 <3 <3
I’m so sorry this is happening for you. Please feel like you can talk about it here more if you need to, whatever choices you end up making and however you end up feeling.
I am so sorry. That sounds awful.
Please know that we have your back, whatever you decide to do. You say below that you’re not considering abortion because of family/partner, but if you decide at some point that you want to give your options some thought, please reach out. We’re happy to talk, listen, strategise, or help any other way we can – even if you just need someone to do some surreptitious googling about abortion/adoption options in your area that won’t show up on your home computer.
On a related note, if you use the same user handle elsewhere, or have comments that could be connected to your IRL identity if someone looked at your commenting history as a whole, I would recommend being very careful about what you post about this. Maybe start a new commenting account just for this issue. I want you to have our support and love, but I ALSO want you to be safe.
<3 for this!
I use this name/account for legit nothing else. I think I may have once uploaded a picture or two of my pet rabbits to the otherwise blank wordpress acct it’s connected to.
I am an ob/gyn, if you want to talk about this more. You may have options which you haven’t yet considered.
We’re all here and will fight your corner no matter what. Sounds like its really tough for you, and I’m sorry you’re going through this!
Just remember that whatever you do, its your decision and you don’t have to listen to anyone or take their opinions/feelings into account unless you want to. If they really love you and respect you, they will want you to be happy most of all.
ETA: talk to a doctor ASAP, depending how early you are, there are plenty of options for you. You might even be able to pass it off as a miscarriage (if that’s what you want)
I’m now going to think of Fury Road every time I try to muscle my way into any of the Manhattan Trader Joe’s. If anyone sees a demented woman chanting “I am awaited in Valhalla! Shiny and chrome!” while trying to get to the dark chocolate peanut butter cups, it’ll probably be me.
I ALSO CRIED READING THAT TRACY MORGAN PROFILE YESTERDAY!!!! Thank you for making me feel less alone. But how cute is his daughter? So cute. And I love that he calls his stepkids his kids and I love that he’s building a shark tank over his pool.
While I am completely in favour of Fury Road gifs, the implication that your Trader Joe’s is like the ruined Green Place makes me think that maybe it’s not going to have the best food selection.
EXCELLENT. I will be in touch. 🙂
The TJ's here (which is tiny) isn't just crowded – the employees are always in the way. ALWAYS. I can count on one hand the number of times since…2007? that I have been in that TJ's and not had to navigate around employees who are restocking shelves or or dodge others who are pushing around giant pallets of whatever and can't see where they're going. It's a mess.
Also, they always insist on commenting on what I'm buying at the checkout or trying to make small talk. No, I don't want to talk about my plans for the weekend, whether I've had the bacon-cheddar popcorn before (I hadn't and never will again, it was so gross), or whether I'm making pizza for dinner (I wasn't, despite buying pepperoni and mozzarella). I much prefer the bored teens at the checkout at Wegmans who will politely say hello and then bag my order in silence.
I need to read this, STAT.
<3 for this!
I use this name/account for legit nothing else. I think I may have once uploaded a picture or two of my pet rabbits to the otherwise blank wordpress acct it's connected to.
Thanks for the post…