The Timid Lothario’s Poetry Book -The Toast

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Previously by Liz Anderson: The Timid Anarchist’s Poetry Book

Come with me, my darling!

I shall take you to places you’ve never been!

You will be





Something tells me

He may not be ready

For casual dating


His orientation is listed as

“The River What Took My Son”


Every joyful person is a








Paradigm shifting

Ponderous arguments

Travel! :D :D :D


New Message!


Sent at 1AM


From “JohnGalt196”


“Have you ever worn heels and stomped on –”



I’m looking for a “Robin Hood” type

You know

Hates monarchy

Lives in a forest

Is literally a fox

You know

That type


I delight in affairs hosted by your friends,

My Dear Angelo!

This will be a night we shall never forget!

Unrelated —

What is the appropriate attire for

An evening of

Hiding in the bathroom

For an hour and a



How I long to feel the warmth of thy embrace

Enmeshed with mine!

Yea, but hold! Let us extinguish this candle first

For verily

The human body is terrifying

And sex is,

At best,

Very gross


A big fat cat upon the hill

I will grab it for you

That is how much I love you

Don’t think about it too much

I’m gonna do it

Stop asking questions

I’m gonna do it

Because I love you

I’m gonna steal that cat

I’m gonna do it

I’m gonna



Looks like someone

Hitched a ride on the


Honk Honk!


Welcome to the beer garden.

What do we grow here?

Much fauna, bearing fruits of:

Bottom-heavy men

Problematic opinions

Probably nachos


Don’t mistake me!

I quite enjoy being invited to your




It is good that we can admit to ourselves

At the top

That we are poor at



If you were to measure my love life in

Inappropriate literary comparisons

Call me Giles Corey

‘Cause I am crushing it


I, like the British, enjoy describing pleasant things with

Unpleasant adjectives

Such as

Terribly fun

Wickedly smart


Lovecraftianly horny


Happy Christmas Party,

My dear office staff!

In case my open-backed set of onesie pajamas was not a proper indication

I am indeed


And Ready

To Jingle

Liz Anderson is a Chicago-based writer, performer, and comedian. She is currently the writer and director of "The One-Woman No-Show," originally produced at The Annoyance Theater and Bar, and performs regularly with Chicago Improv Productions and ComedySportz Chicago. She is also a 6AM DJ on Saturday mornings with on CHIRP Radio (107.1 WCHI), so if you're up early enough to catch her show, she's already sorry.

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