Sansa is sulking because we don’t let her eat the baby’s socks.
Not only is this THE MOST INTERESTING THING (DESERT MOTHERS!), check out the dope illos by our own Matt Lubchansky:
It is in this environment that Christian women began to use the vow of chastity as both an act of devotion and an excellent legal loophole. Virginity became a movement, the ultimate hack. As a consecrated virgin, a woman suddenly became free of many of the empire’s gender laws, free to preach and to lead in their community, free to model themselves after the apostles. The majority of the virgins were women in the cities who formed their own network of house churches. They flaunted their independence from men, refusing to hide away or to veil themselves, rubbing their ethical superiority in married couples’ faces. They dressed to make a statement, sometimes adopting men’s clothing and hairstyles (some sheared their heads entirely), and preached in the streets in drag. Women of all social strata, in a move that evokes the late-1960s hippie exodus from the American suburbs, were abandoning their parents and husbands and homes to follow Christian prophets who claimed to offer a starker, truer interpretation of the gospel, and a chaste life as equals alongside equally devout men. Together, they would transcend the mundane world.
This life outside of social convention would not last. Toward the end of the third century, the emperor Diocletian ordered widespread attacks on chaste Christian women. All partner-less women who refused to marry were to be raped or prostituted. 1,000 widows were martyred in Antioch; 2,000 virgins were martyred in Ancyra.
Ari Ne’eman on two new books about autism (one of which is Steve Silberman’s excellent NeuroTribes, which was really important to me this year, and the other being In a Different Key, which is very parent-focused and has a lot of issues):
A decade ago, when the autistic self-advocacy movement was just beginning to enter the realm of politics, many of the early autistic activists and bloggers organized around the sense that parent leaders were writing us out of our own stories.
At the time, autism parent advocacy was particularly brutal. In 2003, the head of the Autism Society of Canada testified to the Canadian Senate, “Autism is worse than cancer in many ways, because the person with autism has a normal lifespan. The problem is with you for a lifetime.”
THE PROBLEM. Good grief. Steve Silberman also has a good piece on NPR about Asperger and the Nazis.
GOOD GRIEF do not take this to HR:
Dear Prudence,
Three months ago I got a new boss. She thinks highly of my work, but she has a habit that drives me up the wall: She will use a relatively common word and then immediately supply the definition. The annoying part is that they are words that any high school senior would know. For example: “I don’t mind a little frivolity in meetings,” followed by “That means I don’t care if everyone gets a little silly.” At first I ignored it, then gave cold replies (“I see …”), then tried sarcasm. Nothing seems to work. I have spoken with co-workers and the reply is generally something like “Oh yeah, that’s just X being X.” If I bring this up with HR I’m worried I will sound petty (that means my complaint won’t seem very important. See how annoying this is?). Help!
Check out her timeline stat:
A man and his bedbugs (NOPE NOPE NOPE):
Dogs claim to be “man’s best friend,” but tell that to James Behan, a New Yorker who’s seemingly so attached to his bedbugs that he refused the services of an exterminator and let the infestation in his apartment persist to the point that his landlord filed a lawsuit.
This piece in GUTS on a decision to watch only movies by women on Netflix reminded me I have only ever walked out of one movie, and it happened to be the first Sin City, because of this same thing:
The summer of 2014 saw me attend Sin City 2 in theatres with my partner. When the movie ended, I walked out of the building to sit down on the curb and sob for twenty minutes at having seen so many dead naked women, naked women rendered precarious by men posturing at each other, asserting dominance in the face of threats to their masculinity. Women who die because they are uncooperative or don’t otherwise fit into a patriarchal entity or institution’s plans.
This AHP piece on Robert De Niro is very good, but the COMMENTS by his STANS are AMAZING:
That’s a common theme to De Niro’s missteps. All the right ingredients, a solid recipe, and bland or inedible results. A director you’ve admired, someone you’ve wanted to work with, a killer script: films that sound amazing. It’s there in all of De Niro’s most recent flops:What Just Happened (2008), for example, has Barry Levinson directing; Sean Penn, Robin Wright, Catherine Keener, and Stanley Tucci co-starring; in a script adapted from a successful memoir from a Hollywood producer.
It grossed $6.7 million.
I feel like we’ll be linking to something terrible about the situation in Flint every day for a long time:
The lead exposure persisted for 17 months, despite repeated complaints from residents of this majority-black city. It is in no small part thanks to Walters, a no-nonsense stay-at-home mom with a husband in the Navy, that the Flint situation is now a full-blown national scandal complete with a class-action lawsuit, a federal investigation, National Guard troops, and many—including Bernie Sanders—calling for the resignation of Gov. Rick Snyder. “Without [Walters] we would be nowhere,” Mona Hanna-Attisha, the head of pediatrics at Flint’s Hurley Medical Center, told me. “She’s the crux of all of this.”
Kate Aurthur went to the set of The Magicians and returned with all the info:
Nevertheless, London, Gamble, and McNamara decided to talk with Syfy. One executive at the meeting told them that the channel was determined to set history right, and get to where Syfy should have gone after its Battlestar Galactica run from 2004 to 2009, when the critically adored, geek-worshiped drama had brought the channel both respect and business success. “We should have done The Walking Dead; we should have done Game of Thrones,” McNamara recalled the executive saying. “We were the leader in genre. We won the Peabody Award for a cable science fiction show. We turned that opportunity into dreck. He said to us directly, ‘We took what was filling the halls at Comic-Con and turned them into empty rooms.’”
Gamble hadn’t even noticed Syfy’s faded place until that meeting. “But then I realized I was a huge genre fan and wasn’t really watching much of their stuff,” she said.
“We just left the room saying, ‘At least we know one thing: We’re going to work people who are self-aware and honest,’” McNamara said. “’Are we going to get the biggest budget? No. Are we necessarily going to fit their corporate identity? I don’t know.’” But the idea of being an important part a rebuilding brand had its appeal: They sold The Magicians to Syfy, which made the pilot in December 2014, and then ordered it to series in May of last year.
SUPER COOL interview with a weightlifting Muslim woman:
At a time when women are representing countries never before represented by females in the Olympics, Pakistani-American Kulsoom Abdullah is doing her part to forward the cause of Muslim women in sports. Kulsoom Abdullah is like many readers of Breaking Muscle in that she is a weightlifting enthusiast and sometime CrossFitter. She is perhaps different from some readers in that she is also Muslim and wears a traditional head scarf, or hijab, as part of her religious expression. When I had the opportunity to interview Kulsoom, however, I discovered the differences are not all that pronounced. In fact, Kulsoom’s experiences “lifting covered,” which is also the name of her website, reflect the experiences many of us have as athletes and thoughtful people, Muslim or otherwise. Ironically, it is the very clothing of her religion that is now becoming the center of conflict in her life as an athlete in the United States.
This happened after I finished my roundup, but our friend Doug was killed in an avalanche yesterday. We got a call from a friend who had heard he was involved, then we called his cell phone and his girlfriend answered. It was terrible. If you are religious, I would so appreciate your prayers today, and if you are not, I would welcome your good vibes and thoughts. Steve just drove to his house to be present with the people who loved him, and although I do personally believe he is in a better place, I grieve terribly for his family and friends, and it is hard to accept his loss. Please embrace the people who care for you.
Hamilton report: glorious. I’m in love with everyone. I need a dog or a firstborn real quick so I can name them Hercules Mulligan (and not after the real guy). That was the most concentrated dose of AMERICA my brain has ever tried to absorb.
For those who asked, it was the whole original cast, although I’m sure any alternates would have also been A+ great.
When I saw it on Wednesday, Sydney James Harcourt was on as Washington and he was FANTASTIC (though I missed Chris Jackson the slightest bit).
I’m so glad you had such a lovely time, and Hercules Mulligan is an excellent name for all creatures, human or otherwise. Also plants. And inanimate objects. Let’s just start a petition to rename everything Hercules Mulligan.
Good call, consider my plants renamed.
I’m going on Wednesday!!! EEEEE
I am going in May and sometimes when I’m having a particularly hard day, I stop and think “I am seeing Hamilton in May” and my day IMMEDIATELY gets better. I have to pinch myself on a regular basis.
If only I had the intestinal fortitude to walk out of The Hateful Eight, when all those hoodie-wearing tech bros in the theater were laughing at Jennifer Jason Leigh getting punched in the face and wincing whenever a man got likewise….
Or had the sense to wait to watch that at home.
THANK YOU. I saw it the day it came out, and the audience kept laughing every time she was hit. It was gross and uncomfortable, and I realized that by the end of the movie (no spoilers!), I was gripping my seat’s armrests hard enough to hurt my hands.
I’m done with QT pending a complete turnaround. I’m still pissed at parts of Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained, around female representation and portrayals in those movies. Why can’t he build on Jackie Brown instead of… this?
I just rewatched Jackie Brown recently and it is so good. Unfortunately it looks more like an anomaly in his work at this point.
Totally. Jackie Brown is the best movie he ever made, but it made the least money.
I’ve seen him one one hand claim to be heartbroken because that was the kind of film he really wanted to make while at the same time claiming it evidently is not what moviegoers want.
It’s like he has started using that “failure” as validation for making the dreck he’s making now.
I was so mad, watching the Hateful Eight. The man had Jennifer Jason Leigh in his cast, and he used her as nothing more than a goddamn punchbag/punchline. Such a waste.
All the empty oratory, all the homophobic and misogynistic crap. It was like sitting through a play written by the MRA in your MFA. And no, five minutes with Zoe Bell, Dana Gourrier and Belinda Owino does not cancel the rest of it out. It just makes it all the more glaring.
There is probably a thinkpiece somewhere arguing that this was somehow the point, but to my mind QT and art don’t belong in the same sentence. The emperor is all flash powder and swearwords and magpie-ing from other sources to distract from there never having been any clothes.
There is no there, there.
I haven’t heard about Jackie Brown. How does it rate compared to Kill Bill (which I also haven’t seen, but know a teensy bit about)?
I moderately enjoyed Inglorious Bastards (mostly that moment when Brad Pitt gets slammed to the ground in slow-mo), but the memory of Death Proof is enough to keep me away from anything else he does. The payoff was not worth the first half. And, oh yeah, I don’t enjoy revenge porn.
It’s totally different from all his other movies. It’s based on an Elmore Leonard book, and has Pam Grier in the title role and a pretty darn impressive cast. It’s clever and engrossing and a lot more low-key than his other movies, despite being about a heist.
If he had made more movies like Jackie Brown, I wouldn’t be ranting 😉
No bloodbaths???
Well, there are shootings, but they are not glorified. A notable absence of his usual grand guignol shtick.
Tim Curry’s in it as well, right? I think I’m remembering it having Pam Grier and Tim Curry being amazing together.
“The emperor is all flash powder and swearwords and magpie-ing from other sources to distract from there never having been any clothes.
There is no there, there.”
This is glorious, and I’m bookmarking it for my next takedown of Tarantino bros.
I parted ways with Quentin Tarantino after Django. I will always love Jackie Brown, but the other stuff, ugh, not for me. And now I can anger men by telling them that I dislike QT’s work (see also: Kubrick).
Raising my mug of male tears to you! (and your username is perfect for it)
Ugh, Kubrick. There’s a radio single right now called “renegades” that has the lyric “all hail the pioneers: Spielbergs and Kubricks” Nope. Thank you for ruining what could have been a perfectly good song.
That line drives me BONKERS.
I WISH I had walked out of “Sin City.” It just made me so miserable and uncomfortable. Knowing guys who LOVED it just made me feel even worse.
I rewatched it recently with my husband (I think he got the DVD for free) and mocked it, MST3K feminist style, throughout. We both enjoyed that.
I’ve been considering whether or not I want to see Hateful Eight, because a lot of people whose opinions I respect and tend to agree with really liked it, but also the vast majority of those people are dudes. And I’ve heard this remark about dudes laughing at her getting punched from multiple women and it makes me so uncomfortable.
Pop Culture Happy Hour had a really good discussion with some of the commentators falling on each side, which helped me to decide it was a movie I didn’t need to see- might be worth a listen if you’re on the fence.
That episode was actually what put me on the fence originally! I’d been thinking I would see it (on account of only really talking about movies with guys) and then Linda brought up the punching/laughing and made me start to reconsider.
I listened to that discussion on my way home from leaving that movie at intermission (still too long to have waited). At my showing it was also an overwhelming amount of guys sitting around me and laughing too hard at those parts that drove me to leave.
Same here, will listen to that podcast recommended. Am definitely waiting until DVD/netflix though if I do watch it, I am not sitting in the cinema for three hours.
I have recently made a commitment to paying attention to WHO is lauding a movie as totally great. If it’s only men or overwhelmingly men, I get suspicious.
Case in point: “Nightcrawler.” So many male critics/filmmakers talked that one up and then when I saw it I was like “this is no where near as great or innovative as you all seem to think.”
Another: I loved “Fish Tank” (woman-starring film written & directed by a woman) but when I went online after to see reviews they were all written by men and they all either didn’t like it or just hated the ending.
I feel very out of step about The Hateful Eight because the violence didn’t bother me (except in chapter 5, where it didn’t have the slapstick framing or the surprise factor). I mean, I even laughed! Not just a the violence against Daisy, though: I laughed hardest at the death at the beginning of chapter 6. And those in chapter 4 were pretty amusing too.
Now I’m thinking I might be a terrible person…
I laughed, too, at Daisy getting clocked, at least at first. I was also really intrigued with the idea of a lady villain who is treated as brutally as any of the male characters (and as brutally as she herself behaved). It’s not like she some passive victim of plot and patriarchy, as the usual violence against women goes in film.
But it was just sitting there realizing how the movie was being received. The audience had about the same gender ratio as the main characters of the film and the difference in reaction was so… obvious… it just got into my head and boiled it to a seething rage, pretty much.
ETA: You’re so not a terrible person. I’m just a rageful misandrist.
I think it helps that I saw it in a more diverse crowd (I’d say ~30% women?). Because yes, laughing ONLY at Daisy being hit is terrible – and not Tarantino’s intention, I think, since most of the violence in the movie (except in the aforementioned chapter 5) is filmed in a very slapsticky way, where just the surprise of it already leads to a first impulse to laugh out of shock.
Yep, I laughed at the slapsticky bits as well. But, there are some that seem to think everything QT does is comedy. There was a corner of my theater that giggled at every racial slur, too.
The real stars of the Hateful 8 were ULTRA PANAVISION 70! and the Morricone soundtrack. I think you can just get the OST and listen to it with some high-def snowy nature footage and you’ve got the best of it.
And Walton Goggins. Goggins was aces, IMHO.
I’ve been replaying “Overture” over and over on YouTube since watching it. Morricone really nailed it with that epic soundtrack.
If you’re a terrible person, I’m a terrible person. I also laughed the hardest at the chapter 6 death, brains and all.
The scene where she spits on the Lincoln letter and Warren punches her and it drags John Ruth out of the coach because they are chained together is some A+ physical comedy.
Plus it gave us this GIF:
Jennifer Jason Leigh’s badassitude cannot be denied in the movie. She steals the show.
tangent: for the longest time I kept hearing the title and then being disappointed all over again it wasn’t The Basic Eight by Daniel Handler, which has really interesting dynamics between and about teenage girls.
I had the exact same experience, except with Lovelace–“Wait, this ISN’T related to Clarissa in any way?”
I have this problem too
I was lucky enough to see it in a theater that was practically deserted, so it was just me and my husband (we both winced and cringed and groaned at just about everything), so I was just vaguely uncomfortable and uncertain exactly how much I was supposed to be reveling in the movie’s violence against women. A lot, apparently?
I’m still not even sure I have my thoughts on that movie sorted out. There’s almost a certain level of equal-opportunism about it, but not quite enough? Like, Minnie’s is run and staffed primarily by women it turns out, but then they’re killed after being on-screen for like 30 seconds, but then their killers are all killed in equally gruesome ways. And there’s whatserface, the outlaw, who is treated as roughly as any male criminal would be, but then she’s kept alive far past the point that it would be reasonable to keep her alive while all around her men are dropping like flies, but then it’s just so she can be killed at the end in an especially awful way…
And of course, for most of the movie, I counted NINE characters. Who didn’t count? Was it the woman?
The fridging of Minnie and her family made me so damn mad. I had such mixed feelings about much of the movie, but not about that–it’s so lazy and terrible!
I have this fantasy I reshoot my own version, in which Minnie shoots the gang, collects the bounty, insulates that drafty-ass house, and continues to make strong, excellent coffee. I guess that’s not a very long movie–but it would be infinitely more satisfying.
I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.
Me too. What a terrible thing, Nicole. Peace to you all and to his family.
Me, too. What a shock that must’ve been. His family are in my thoughts.
Standing with msk. A small prayer and respectful thoughts are being sent your way.
Me too. You and everyone who loves Doug are in my prayers.
Sorry about your friend. I’ve had a couple friends die in two different avalanches in the last few years. It’s so hard and shocking, I know.
I’m so sorry as well, Nicole. I’ve done the post-avalanche welfare check a few times and can only imagine how horrible it must be to receive bad news.
Hamilton report: glorious. I’m in love with everyone. I need a dog or a firstborn real quick so I can name them Hercules Mulligan (and not after the real guy). That was the most concentrated dose of AMERICA my brain has ever tried to absorb.
And for those who asked, it was the whole original cast, though I’m sure any alternates would be A+ great too.
Whoops sorry I got overexcited and posted this twice. SORRY NOT SORRY!
So very sorry about your friend, Nicole.
Sending love and comfort to you, Nicole!
My cat steals our socks when we’re not at home. We weren’t sure why at first, but it’s become clear that she thinks that she’s calling us back with it — the longer we go out, the more socks she pulls out of drawers or laundry baskets and leaves scattered by the door.
It’s weird because on the one hand you think, “Cat, obviously we’re not going to come back just because you take out all our socks,” but we actually always do come back, so as far as that cat knows, her method works.
Cats are natural scientists. Or magic. Possibly both.
My cat steals socks and hides them, for no discernible reason except cats are assholes.
My dog steals socks, but she makes sure the person she’s stealing from knows it. This is because one of her favourite games is being chased around the house by a human and successfully evading them.
She steals fewer socks now that we’ve trained her to understand that we are willing (most of the time) to play this game if she just uses one of her toys.
When I was home for the holidays, my parents’ 22 month old puppy had not quite grown out of stealing socks, but he knew he wasn’t supposed to have them, so he would walk slowly up to the sock owner with this sad expression, sock dangling from his mouth, as if to say “can I please keep this, just this once?” He always let it go as soon as you reached for it,but it was adorable.
I want to thumbs up this so many times. I can picture the puppy! So cute/sad!
I knew a dog who did that with used underwear. So far as he could tell, used underwear was a human’s FAVORITE TOY. They *always* come play chase when you run past them with underwear in your mouth!
This is the most adorable thing. If you leave for a really long time does she escalate to larger articles of clothing, or is it just socks?
occasionally it’s my wife’s underwear, but almost always it’s just socks
Our cat used to take the socks and underwear from the laundry room in the basement and leave them, in a trail, up to my parent’s bedroom door on the second floor. Dozens of socks and panties in a neat line. My mom’s theory is that she thought they were her kittens, but I think she was just messing with us.
My dog growing up would steal socks & undies of whoever was out of the house and bring them to the door when we returned home! It was adorable, but a little spoopy, as he would predict who would get home first pretty accurately through his underwear choices..
When Captain was little he used to steal my dirty underwear out of the laundry basket and hide it in his litter tray.
I feel like that is very close to understanding the process.
My cats ALSO love to empty out my sock drawer, though they don’t take them anywhere.
I sometimes end up with sock displacement, because a cat has decided she needs to sleep in the drawer, so she just burrows in until there’s an overflow.
This is the best thing I will read today. A cat summoning you with socks.
When my dog was young he would steal shoes and slippers and tear them up when he wanted to play, but eventually, after tearing up more than one important running shoe of my dad’s, he learned that actually destroying them is Not Good. So for many years after that whenever he wanted to play he would bring you a shoe and gently place it in your lap while wagging his tail. He never quite figured out how to just. bring a toy. Shoe first then toy. Dog logic.
My parents’ dog hated being on a leash so when you tried to put one on her she’d hide under the chair in the living room. But eventually she started associating leashes with walks but by then she thought you could only put the leash on her while she was under the chair. In the latter half of her life she’d go sit right next to the chair instead of going underneath which was way easier.
One of my cats has a pair of socks that have been HERS since she was a kitten, and she (5+ years) still plays with them almost every night. What cracks me up is that she always plays with BOTH of them–I wake up and neither is in the place it was when I went to bed, but rarely in spots that would imply she was playing with them simultaneously. “Time to play with the Sock of Joy and Wonder! …. now time to play with the Other Sock of Joy and Wonder–don’t want it to feel left out!”
That is lovely.
My dog does this with shoes. If I leave the closet door open, my bed will have a couple of shoes on it when I get home after an outing of a couple of hours and like 8 on it if I’m gone for much longer. Probably same thinking.
My cat has trained me to provide treats when she runs under the kitchen table. We started doing it to get her to come out and now it is just her way of signaling that she needs a treat.
Sending lots of good vibes your way. <3
Reading Mallory’s response to the mother of that academically-struggling 10-year-old, I can’t help but think: “You mean it ain’t me noggin, it’s me peepers?!”
And then I’m happy.
I don’t have kids (yet?), but I know I get frustrated when my coworkers don’t live up to the most meager of my expectations, and I really hope that does not extend to any kids I have one day. I’m so worried I’ll put too much pressure on them to succeed academically, because I did well in school, and end up reacting like this mom. She seems awful and I really hope I don’t end up that way.
I’m not so much worried about putting pressure on them per se so much as I just know that at some point I’d snap and call them fucking clown shoes for not understanding algebra or starting all of their sentences with “then”, “but”, “so”.
ahhh there is so much going on here that didn’t make it into that short lil letter! I totally remember being this kid, too, super smart up to 6th or 7th grade and then I just started skipping assignments & getting crummy grades because of all the zeroes. No idea why, though I can rule out needing glasses, I had the biggest and dorkiest of glasses.
I remained super smart well into college (in as much as even senior year my friends came to me for help I know I was actually learning the material) but basically never did/turned in any work past about halfway through any given class starting around 8th grade. I’m undiagnosed but after a couple years of post college hiding in a bedroom in my parents house I suspect depression.
I have a totally half-baked theory that smart kids often lack confidence and resilience because, up to quite a late point, they’re able to do well just by coasting. This means they don’t learn that they can get better at stuff by trying, and they have no sense of achievement-they’re praised for what comes easily to them, so they disregard it. Then, when they (we) encounter things they struggle with, they respond with fear and loathing. In me that whole set-up is very very linked to depression/anxiety.
sounds familiar! I’m glad the kids these days have the internet, where they can find people going “yup, this is me too, and there are words for this.”
This was me, and I still struggle with it decades later.
WELP, this was totally me.
It’s not totally half-baked. In fact, it’s similar to what many folks in educations/dev psych theorize. Though of course it sometimes leads people thinking they shouldn’t praise academically gifted kids, or only for effort instead of outcome, which has its own consequences…
I have really mixed feelings about the praise/no-praise thing. On the one hand, I was the classic gifted ADHD girl who turned into a guilt-wracked overachiever…I think I would have been way better off in a world without grades for sure. And to this day, praise feels like poison because it means that the praising person I judging me. I pleased them this time, but what happens if I let my standards slip for next time? Will they be disappointed or angry? (I’m 33 and I still feel this way often.)
On the other hand my son is a classic gifted ADHD underachiever with low self-esteem, for whom every complement is like a drop of water in the desert. (I’m sending him to a positive-discipline gradeless hippie school and that seems to be good for both of us.)
I never learned how to work at things in order to improve them, because I was always getting top marks. I worked hard, but I didn’t know how to set proper goals for myself; every now and again at school we would be told to make some objectives for ourselves, and I always had no idea what to put. “Well, I’m already getting A*s in everything, so … continue to get A*s in things? By just doing what I’m already doing?” I have since learned about setting SMART targets (specific, measurable, achievable, regular(?), timed), which is a much more useful framework than “Pick something to achieve and tell us how you’ll do it!”.
Yes. This is why they need to be challenged at school–not so they can learn calculus three years earlier than everryone else, but so they can learn to work and struggle and fail and come back from failure.
Ooof, the coming back from failure. The number of times I have said “if it’s not hard, you’re not actually learning anything” to my kid is staggering. But if she can’t do it right away off the top of her head, it’s all tears and recrimination (and a stubborn refusal to actually LISTEN to a suggestion on how to approach the problem).
Hi mom, what are we having for dinner tonight? 😉
Oh this was definitely me. In my original comment I said “I did well in school,” but I should have more accurately said I did well in school UNTIL college. I never had to study until I got to college, so obviously I never learned how to study. Then I got to college, looked around, realized I was surrounded on all sides by a large percentage of people who were MUCH smarter than me, and I panicked a little. I think I finished college with a 2.85 GPA? Not great, and I almost dropped out between junior and senior year.
Sometimes I look back and really get upset about the way I learned to learn :/
2.2 here. blegh. Which of course rendered my degree roughly pointless because I didn’t graduate with enough of a CV to make the gpa irrelevant.
I’m going back to school in the summer and am still a bit terrified because I have no idea how one even does study if so inclined.
Hey! If you want to email me on study tips. I love to try and help you find something that works for you! jleandre1 at gmail
Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
That is an uncomfortably accurate description of my life.
Oof also that.
I have those worries too, sometimes, although I think I’d be more likely to go overboard the other way, because I literally made myself ill from the tacit pressure at home. On the other hand, if I end up with a kid who “doesn’t like” to read, I don’t even know how I’d cope with that!
My kids are going to love to read or I’m not going to believe they’re mine. I’ll assume they’re changelings or something.
I have been listening to a recording of the new Rosemary Kennedy biography, and I am wondering if this LW may be Rose Kennedy? The way Rose and Joe treated their oldest daughter is just absolutely unconscionable.
I’m very confused as to how LW’s primary concern here is not “why is my daughter so reluctant to do her schoolwork?” but “should I or should I not give my daughter an iPad?”
I’m so mad at that LW! For me, it was, and still is, a perfect storm of depression and anxiety with dash of ADD for bad measure. Of course, when i was ten, it wasn’t diagnosed or treated. I think if I’d had LW as a parent, I would literally have killed myself by now. i think of the poor kid getting told she’s ungrateful and lazy and just want to kick-punch her parents in their self-righteous mugs. And/Or any other body part handy.
So sorry for your loss, Nicole.
From the women-only Netflix article, here’s something I recognise like a punch to the gut:
I was on a feminist trajectory that had shifted from “girl power” to “we should all have the right to be equal,” rocketed to delighting in misandry as satire, and then chugged to a halt in a sink-hole of ubiquitous violence and genuine mistrust of men.
Oof.
I’ve been boycotting all media featuring attractively-murdered women, and it has been an A+ life choice.
I briefly explained to a male friend that I wasn’t interested in seeing True Detective for that reason, and I’m pleased to say he had a lightbulb moment: ‘I…of course…I never thought of it from a woman’s perspective before. That makes sense’. Like his face literally looked like a lightbulb had switched on. I didn’t expect that and was gratified.
Fully articulating that feeling to men has also really helped me in my responses to racism. Because if I’m in that position, somebody else is probably feeling a similar way about the physical representation of their own pain in the media.
I haven’t been officially doing this but a few years ago Criminal Minds was my favorite show. I made a point of being home to watch the season premier and the first scene was an attractive woman being murdered. It wasn’t anything unusual for the show but I had reached a limit I didn’t realize I had, said aloud in my empty living room ‘well, we’re done with this,’ and turned off the tv. Since then I’m a lot more aware and stop watching things earlier. I tried to watch Game of Thrones last year and made it two or three episodes in.
Same. I loved that show in spite of the fact that I hate the “serial killers/rapists do terrible things to women (and children)” genre. I really loved the characters and the way they interacted with each other. I kept wishing they were investigating fraud instead. I watched it in spite of myself.
Then I got to the 2-parter with Tim Curry as the unsub, and I could not go on. I didn’t even go past the cliffhanger. And I’ve stayed away from all that ever since.
I had to stop watching it because it overlapped with church choir rehearsal on Wednesdays. I realized that I’m actually a lot happier when it’s not part of my TV routine.
(also I think it got way more explicitly violent as it went on.)
I also was thinking about how she’s from Edmonton, and she had linked to another article she’d written about how awful Edmonton can be for women.
I have several friends who live in Edmonton. One of the women I know there, is a bicycle mechanic at a community bike shop (EBC, for the locals) that has “women and trans” nights. Many (probably most) community bike shops have specific open shop nights for women and transgender people, because so many are intimidated by cis dudes teaching them bicycle repair.
But EBC specifically gets so much criticism for theirs, to the point of being in the local press at least a few times.
And my friend is constantly shouted at for riding her bicycle, just as this author was. Edmonton also has some of the worst drivers in Canada (apparently), and the local government isn’t really invested in providing safe bicycle routes, so it’s just this clusterfuck where you have to take the lane everywhere and then people treat you like shit.
Oh my god, this whole thread. I was just talking about this with some of my friends. They agree with me that I need therapy because I harbor so much hate/fear/disdain for men I don’t yet know. I have known some good men but I’ve known a lot of terrible ones too. There are no stable, loving hetero marriages anywhere in my family. Almost all of my female friends have been sexually assaulted by men. I was sexually assaulted by the male coach of my former sports team. One of my female friends who just started using Tinder is now being Internet-stalked and incessantly texted by a male match she gave her full name and phone number to without meeting him in person.
I’m a hetero woman and I want to date a man, but I feel like I should stay the fuck away from trying to meet new men until I can do so without reacting like furious prey. It’s not fair to the individual when I arrive at a first date already full of rage and expecting that he will try to rape me. And yet. How do I modify this misandristic worldview when I still believe that it’s keeping me safe and helping me see clearly?
Caption: Walters heats bottled water for the twins’ weekly bath, as Gavin looks on.
Geeeeeez…toddlers can get filthy in 2 minutes; I can’t imagine how dirty and smelly they must be after a week. Beyond the horror of lead poisoning, I feel like that’s just insult being added to injury.
I’m sorry about your friend, Nicole, and I will keep you and his family in my prayers
I’m so sorry for your loss, Nicole.
My deepest condolences to your family and Doug’s family.
I loved this description of desert mother Paula leaving the world she had known- “In that instant, she transformed herself from Penelope into Odysseus, from the woman always waiting to the man always leaving.”
“This is only one piece of what can be lost when history is told exclusively by men.”
This sentence.
I clearly need to read Breaking Muscle more often! I really admire Kulsoom Abdullah and I’m glad to see that she’s still training. I think I looked up her website 6 months ago and missed any more recent news on her training, so I wasn’t sure if she was still focused on weightlifting.
Sidenote: from my own experience, an engineering/science mindset seems to work for powerlifting and weightlifting very well. I don’t necessarily have that mindset, but there seems to be a strong overlap and tendency to break down your diet and performance as input.outputs, trying to find maximum efficiency in your lifts, etc. I’ve continued to be fascinated at how much science sneaks into sports!
I stopped reading Breaking Muscle (Patrick was the only one with anything to say) but maybe it’s time to start again!
So IWF changed their rules about head coverings quite recently, and in all the materials I’ve ever seen from the organization, it’s always like “that includes hijabs, ball caps, and tiaras!” and I can never quite decide how this tone makes me feel. Tiaras are always included on the list! It is inclusive? Is it belittling? Am I over-thinking everything? And now a few athletes wear backwards ball caps when they compete.. Is that a statement and is it a good one? oh god somebody stop me I’m for sure over-thinking.
ETA: I’m also an engineer so I support your theory!
re. IWF: whuuuuuuut. I really feel like that tone is so dismissive of the religious role of hijabs and headscarves! Like, it’s great if my agnostic ass wants to wear a flower crown while competing, but I would never say that’s the same thing! If they were going for (religious) inclusiveness, they could’ve talked about hijabs, headscarves, yarmulkes, Sikh turbans (dastars), etc..
Found it: http://www.iwf.net/wp-content/uploads/downloads/2…
Check page 13.
It’s also very confusing (see page 10 to 11… so… long sleeve t-shirts are okay or not?)
Oh dear. They were trying to be cute but instead cameacross as tonedeaf.
Seriously, Muslim women wanting to compete can’t be the only time/place this has been an issue, right? Sikh men? Orthodox Jewish men? COME ON.
[insert conspiracy (come on, if it’s true..) about how this is a result of a singular focus on policing Muslim women’s choices here]
Damn, that’s a nice bathroom, Nicole. Nothing gets more excited about a house than a sweet bathroom (except maybe a really nice kitchen, but my standards for what makes a nice kitchen are a lot more restrictive).
It’s huge, eh? I also get excited about cool doors.
That cavernous thing is a bathroom? So envious.
i’m pretty sure that bathroom is the same square footage as my apartment*. YOU HAVE A SEPERATE ROOM INSIDE YOUR BATHROOM JUST FOR YOUR TOILET?! well, well adjusts monocle
*I love my tiny apartment. I am comforted by it’s manageable size.
My mother brags about her tiny retirement house. “I can vacuum the entire house from a single electrical outlet!”
Nicole and others are entitled to spacious and luxurious bathrooms. Were it mine to decide, each woman would get exactly the bathroom she prefers.
i didn’t mean to come across that way! my sarcasm does not always translate well to text :\
i think her bathroom is amazeballs and i would love to have a bathroom that big. that tub <3
You did not come across badly! Not at all. ::Toasthugs::
I thought it was a kitchen at first! And then I was like, “…wait, why is there a bathtub in her kitchen?”
I stayed in a Turkish hotel with a bathroom like that once and it was the beeest.
Definitely don’t bring it up with HR, but I have to attend regular meetings with a woman who frequently uses “e.g.” and “i.e.” and then always, always follows them up with “that means ‘that is'” or “that means ‘for example.'” It is a mark of my inner strength that I haven’t yet given in to the urge to pound my fist on the table and shriek “I HAVE AN HONOURS DEGREE IN CLASSICS, I DON’T NEED YOU TO TELL ME THAT.”
(not that you need to have studied Latin to know what those mean! but bringing it up gives a little extra oomph to my imaginary histrionics)
It’s always so funny to me that some people consider “my boss/coworker is irritating sometimes” to be an HR issue. It’s really, really not.
Ugh, how infuriating. Are you ever the tempted to try out some slightly more complex Latin on her? QED springs to mind, but you know best.
N.B.: There are plenty of pretentious Latin abbreviations, viz. (i.e., videlicet) i.e., e.g., etc., etc. Many are found on Wiktionary (q.v.), s.n. Latin abbreviations, et alibi (ibid).
The Latin phrases and abbreviations sections of the wiki world are so much fun. I keep meaning to memorize my favorites but I haven’t made the flash cards.
Wait, is the above in the right order? Does she say “e.g.” and then follow it up with “that means ‘that is'”? Because there is not enough inner strength in the world.
Oh no! I messed up the order! Good thing I haven’t done the fist-pounding thing IRL yet, huh.
I might just be overly frustrated with work today, but I can’t get over how annoying that sounds. Does this person say, out loud, “eee gee”? Is that something that is meant to ever be said out loud? Don’t people generally just say “for example” in the first place? THE POINT OF AN ABBREVIATION IS LESS TALK NOT MORE.
… I say “eee gee” out loud at times. Are you not meant to? (I did not realise until recently that the Latin abbreviation “viz.” can be automatically translated and pronounced as “namely” in speech; when reading it, I always just heard it phonetically in my head.)
I had no idea viz. was read that way! I’ve always read it phonetically in my head too. I wouldn’t say e.g. or i.e. out loud, but I’m one of those people who has a long list of words they’re familiar with in writing yet don’t know how to pronounce …and now that I’ve had coffee, lunch and a much-needed break from work, the frustrating part of the story for me was definitely the patronizing colleague element.
I’d reckon that saying “e.g.” out loud would just sound clunky. You might as well say “such as” or “for example”. It’s not like you’re hitting a word count or something.
Fellow Latin need here, and that would drive me up the wall as well.
Ooooooh the rage. You should start saying the full Latin phrase in convos with her (“we could do it on the early side, exempli gratia, 8am”) without explanation.
Keeping you and everyone who loved Doug in my thoughts today. I’m so sorry for your loss.
I’m glad to see that SyFy realized how deeply they fucked up post BSG. I saw the pilot for The Magicians and…I have thoughts (I actually like the books, while acknowledging that they are deeply problematic). I’ll probably watch the rest of it because why not but BSG it is not
::chinhands:: I am hear for your thoughts if you wish to share them. I shared a bunch of mine on New Year’s but I don’t know if those comments are linkable.
Not easily. Share them again! The pilot was ok. Not amazing.
Here are the thoughts, I originally posted, very much abridged!
Things I liked:
The glimpses of Fillory look pretty.
The magic effects look pretty good.
The scene with the Beast is every bit as terrifying as it should be.
Things that instigated TV yelling with my TV-viewing companion:
Margo and Alice look like Halloween costume versions of themselves. Sexy Nerd and Sexy Sexpot.
New Penny who dis?
It is a pretty terrible thing to replace “Julia uncovers magical community with math, intelligence, barter, and sheer grit” with “Julia is introduced to magical community because it sexually assaults her in a bathroom”
We had a very hard time following the seance scene, and think it might not be a good sign if you have to invent so much new material to squeeze in a plot point in the very first episode.
ugh this is exactly why I didn’t watch it, I saw a trailer and was like, gross they made Alice into SEXY!Alice and Janet into Sexier!Janet. NO.
Also should I read the magician king you guys? The one thing I can not handle in books is animal cruelty, is that in there? I trust yall to steer me right.
PHEW well, I get why they aged everyone up and made it into a grad school rather than a university, but I think that in doing so, it messes up the characters a little bit? Like, it was easy to understand the more irritating parts of the characters when they were just out of high school, but aging them up makes them seem more like jackasses. I liked a lot of the magic bits and the fact that they aren’t putting off Julia’s storyline but I am very unhappy with A. the medication shaming and B. the change with the Beast at the very end. NOT COOL, SHOW.
I have to admit, the more I hear about this show, the more convinced I am that a lot was lost in translation. I think aging them up was a mistake for exactly the same reasons and in general I just think they’re missing what was so effective and engaging in the books even when I was hate-reading them (which was about a third of the time). Also don’t get me started on how changing Penny’s character was a total mistake. Penny is my favorite asshole.
The books are, at their heart, a very complex, meta-textual reflection on what it means to grow up believing that the universe is going to offer you a satisfying narrative arc and figuring out that it never will, even when it seems like things are happening that way. And the impression I’m getting from the tv series is a much more straight-forward hero’s journey.
Same, I was just telling someone that aging up Quentin didn’t make his childishness less believable but it did make it more sad.
Ah, which change though? The change of the Beast’s victim or the Beast’s new anachronistic signature move or…?
The victim. I rolled my eyes SO DAMN HARD.
wait who was it, I want you to spoil this pls.
I wanted so much to like the books, but ended up hating the first one so much, it killed off my book club.
It’s the kind of hate that only comes from being very close to loving something. 50% was good, 25% was even great, but the other 25% was so disappointing, it made me angry that it had I had enjoyed the rest of it. That’s not chronological, it was sort of a sentence-by-sentence breakdown. So I kept having this ride, hoping that it would break through and deliver what it promised 3/4ths of the time.
I looooved the beginning of the book (the test Quentin had to take to get in? YES. THat is my jam) but I had to stop in the middle because I do not do well reading books in which the pov character is depressed. From what I’ve heard about the rest of the books, I’m glad I stopped because I probably would’ve had the same reaction as you did.
Yeah! I mean, it was capable of doing some extremely interesting things with the interactions of magic and adolescence, and magic and education, and even magic and depression. And it delivered a bunch of times.
But then it would whiff badly on something important, and leave me frustrated at the exact point I should have been enraptured.
100% cosigned to this comment. I finished the first one because I wanted to see it through, but I’m not reading any more of them. The disappointment with the places it fell short just left me feeling somehow… sticky, afterward? Like a lollipop had melted on my hands and dust had gotten stuck in the sugar residue.
YES! It had an interesting premise and then screwed it up just enough to make me not like it or want to read any of the others.
Which is the kind of thing that always makes me FURIOUS instead of just disappointed. I’ve read lots of books I didn’t really care for. I shrug and forget about them.
When it’s at this point, I spend years of my life documenting the ways it needs to change to be good, and yell them indiscriminately at strangers.
You know, like I’m doing now.
This is what I always try to explain to people about why I “hatewatch”–it has to be hateable in an interesting way, and for me so often it is that there are ingredients and aspects that should be wonderful or interesting but are not. Like, the Newsroom made for great hate-watching because of its high production values and cast of talented actors and Aura of Importance. But there are plenty of shows I dislike, but have no reason to invest in thinking about them at all.
Oh, THAT explains why I disliked the Magicians so much!
I went from lukewarm to tepid on the first book, but the end of the second book infuriated me so much I actually yelled out loud and threw it down, so even thought I”m usually a hard-core completionist, I can’t bring myself to read the third.
That is EXACTLY what happened to me. I did finish the 2nd book, but was so pissed about what the author did with Julia’s story arc that I had no desire to read the 3rd.
And up until then I had really liked it so much better! Both because Julia is just BETTER than Quentin, but also the idea of what it’s like to be excluded from the magic/special world is something I think is really interesting and totally blown off in most books about The Chosen One. And it just seemed so damn needless and nasty to have it wind up there.
Another for “two books was quite enough, thank you.”
Yeah, I didn’t like it largely because I didn’t care for Quentin (or really most of the characters), but still found myself picking up the second book because I found Julia’s character fascinating and read a review that made it clear she played a bigger role. I did like the second book better, but it was really only because Julia’s so much more in it, less because of any of the other characters. Probably not gonna bother with the third.
I would be interested in your thoughts! I am SO hesitant to watch new shows these days, because it seems so impossibly hard to find something that is, you know… diverse, not sexist, capable of passing the bechdel test at a minimum, not filled with rape/sexual assault, etc.
Mostly I just end up rewatching old shows because while they’re not perfect, at least I already know the ways they’re not perfect and it won’t come out of nowhere and surprise me.
Errr, I’d probably wait to watch this then. They’ve done a better job than the book at making sure the cast isn’t all white, but there are a lot of things that will likely come up that I’ll need to see how the show handles before I’d recommend it to anyone wholeheartedly.
Hah! I figured. My current thing is I mostly don’t watch new shows until at least a full season is out and I can check reviews, IMDB’s parental guides, trusted sources, etc. Which… doesn’t sound fun at all but hey, neither is watching a show that surprise triggers or offends you, so!
Anyway thanks!
Syfy post-BSG was such a catastrophic let-down that it was almost comical, amplified by the fact that genre TV exploded in popularity once BSG ended. I hadn’t watched a single Syfy show since 2009, but with The Expanse I’m finally excited about sci-fi TV again!! IT IS SO GOOD.
I am loving it too! Especially Amos, which I feel super weird about but Wes Chatham is just so cute.
I am also loving The Expanse! I was a little meh after the first episode but by episode three I was hooked. It feels so nice to enjoy a SyFy series again after years of loving all the Stargates and BSG and the like.
i am totally loving the Expanse as well. i really hope it lasts. i like defiance and was bummed that it got cancelled.
i really hated the rebranding and, looking at the wiki list of shows pos-BSG, i’ve watched 3 shows, all of which got canceled: Caprica, Defiance, and The Wil Wheaton Project.
If you haven’t, you should also try The Expanse! Which is also on Syfy and is much more Galactica-esque!
(Though I recommend watching with the closed captioning on because the sound mix is kind of… weird?)
I’ve heard really good things, so it’s high on my list! I just have VERY little time these days so other shows have taken precedence (meaning I end up re-watching Parks and Rec or tracking down Cutthroat Kitchen episodes)
I actually think it might be beneficial to watch The Expanse in a marathon binge, so maybe you’ll get a chance later to catch up!
I am currently binge-watching The Expanse to catch up, can attest to this. The first season is only supposed to be 10 episodes too, so easily doable over a weekend or so.
I had a few quibbles at first about how they ramped up interpersonal conflict between the Roci crew but am now solidly on board. Also, Cas Anwar as Alex can get it.
I am having very conflicting thoughts about how into Amos I am.
While admitting that it was a success: BSG was a terrible show.
*clutches pearls*
WHY WAS THE PAPER OCTAGONAL NOTHING ELSE WAS!
Oh, Nicole, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend: sending you good and comforting thoughts.
I grew up in Utah–avalanche season is so, so terrible. Sending you love and comfort, Nicole.
Wow, that Dear Prudence letter. I can completely see how it would be infuriating, but this is NOT A MATTER FOR HR. Just bitch about it to your friends!
So sorry to hear about the death of your friend. I am thinking of you all.
I’m so very sorry about the loss of your friend. Sending up prayers for his family, girlfriend and friends.
Can we talk about the fact that apparently the grand jury in the Tamir Rice case NEVER took a vote not to indict – there is no evidence that a vote happened, and no indication of how the decision not to vote was reached (there would normally be a vote not to vote, or at least some sort of record)? Like, what the fuck. Maybe I’m overly suspicious, or misreading something, but I’ve read this article twice and something seems really shady here.
http://www.clevescene.com/scene-and-heard/archive…
I only understand about 30% of what I’m reading here, but this doesn’t seem right. How is there no paperwork on file?
Cleveland is notoriously shady, so I am not surprised.
As an aside, an officer in Atlanta has been indicted for shooting a man who was having a bipolar episode, he was naked but non-threatening . It was really upsetting when it happened and I am glad that it is moving forward in the court system though I am not confident the officer will actually be sentenced.
http://www.ajc.com/news/news/local/dekalb-officer…
Nicole, I’m so sorry. You’re in my heart.
Does anyone have a link to “Cat at raves” thing? I keep seeing references and can’t find it.
http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/…
ENJOY
BLESS
Honestly, I feel like that lady might be my hero (the cat lady, not the letter writer). I can’t even get my cat to let me put on the stress-relief collar,let alone headphones or a leash.
…unless there is some other “cat at raves” thing I don’t know about?!
the internet is a big enough place that there MUST be
[google images]
eh, that was disappointing. No photos of that LW’s buddy in the wild, for example.
Aha! The key is to search for “disco cat” (BUT OF COURSE).
https://media2.giphy.com/media/GmXMpIy7yhlD2/200…. https://media.giphy.com/media/w5eFyOHmkS8uc/giphy…
God bless the internet!
I really really want to see pictures of that cat in its little hearing protectors at a rave.
not what you asked for but this is a thing that i now must have:
Oh god, that poor cat. I actually disgreed with Mallory for once on that one. Walks on the beach, great. Raves, no. That would be massively traumatic for the cat. Sometimes the way a cat lets you know that it’s hating something is by sitting very, very still and hoping that the horrible thing will go away. They don’t always leap out and yell at you.
From the GUTS article, this hit me hard:
I’d had multiple commutes interrupted by white men in huge trucks frothing vitriol at me for deigning to occupy the right hand lane when the shoulder was insufficient for cycling. A man had screamed “FUCKING BITCH” at me for deigning to cross the street on foot when he could have turned right on a red light had I not been there. A man sitting on a stoop yelled at me that he wanted to fuck my calves. Men touched my hair, unbidden, on buses, in stores, in line.
For the first 6 years post college graduation, I drove to work. Then I got a job in the heart of downtown, and parking is super expensive and the traffic is terrible. I live pretty close, so I do a combination of walking or busing. Which is great – in the sense that this is way more environmentally friendly!
However…my commute has gone from a delightful me-time sort of period where I listen to audio books and enjoy the scenery to spending most of the time feeling unsafe. I regularly come home and ask my fiance “no, but seriously, how often do people get seriously injured while walking in the city?” because I am nearly hit by a car or cyclist almost every day while walking (I follow all traffic laws and walk on the sidewalk!). And while creepy bus encounters happen less often, it’s frequent enough that I feel like I can’t relax and I don’t really have a point other than this is exhausting.
About once a week as I walk to the train station I get honked at. About once a month I get leered at on the train. It is exhausting and you spend your whole commute feeling defensive.
I’ve been commuting everywhere in multiple cities by walking and public transit for over a decade and I’ve had all sorts of fucked up encounters. The only thing that has helped me is to do whatever I feel I need to do to feel safe and as happy as possible and not to worry about being ridiculous or to question myself for being paranoid. One of my happiest memories was of having a very large, very pointy umbrella and walking home somewhat late at night through neighborhoods where men always, always had something to say to me, and because I was holding it perpendicular to my body and was wearing my “don’t fuck with me face,” about 98% of the comments were sort of amused/affronted commentary about how sharp my umbrella was and I looked like I was ready to stab someone.
In short, I don’t think we can stop them from shouting, but sometimes we can control the conversation a little.
This is great! I am going to have to keep my eyes open for some sharp umbrellas 🙂
Mostly this just took me wildly off-guard. Like, obviously I stopped dealing with street harassment because I was on the street a lot less, BUT somewhere in the back of my mind I had ascribed it to being older (because even still, the attention is not half as bad as when I was like 14, what the heck is wrong with people?). So it’s kind of been a shock.
I got my first car recently and the absolute best part has been driving past groups of men hanging out around paths I used to have to walk and thinking that I never had to hear them make a comment about my ass ever again.
No power in the ‘verse can make me read that bedbug article.
*full body cringe* amirite?
AGREED. My cats are dealing with a flea problem right now and it’s already making me want to scratch my skin off. Bedbugs would finish me off, I think.
Here for a conversation about the women of early Christianity yaaasssssssss
SAAAAAMMMMEEEE! AKA what my entire focus has been during my undergrad! Just finished an excellent semester of independent study on women in Christianity leading up to the witch hunts (which is my thesis) so it’s safe to say that women in Christianity is the only thing I want to talk about at the moment.
GO ON
I’m here for this too! What’s your take on the Desert Mothers?
Take the first: What a bunch of awesome women for not only seeing a way to break out of an oppressive system and to assert their own bodily and spiritual independence, but also for actually following through and doing it! Mad props.
Take the second: Unfortunately the way that they broke out of one system was by entering another system which had its own elements of gender oppression. I haven’t finished the article yet, but it seems like it is focusing very much on the element of independence and autonomy and opportunity that virginity and becoming a Desert Mother gave the women. Obviously this is really important both historically and to their experiences. But one of the reasons that VIRGINITY especially allowed them to have this independence and autonomy was because it was a method of unsexing themselves or, to some extent, becoming male. You see this with a lot of the early women in the Church. Take Thecla- she couldn’t preach and stuff on her own until she began to dress as a man and renounced all aspects of her femininity. Virginity functioned as a denial of womanhood and the dangers that early (and let’s face it, many modern) Christians associated with that, and that is why they were able to then become authorities/leaders/independent/etc.
I see them as an early example of the tension between women taking control over themselves and assuming authority within the Church while also doing it in a way that is non-threatening to the male authority of the Church.
I’ll be back with more takes when I finish reading.
Edit: I finished reading it and once again I am struck by how incredible these women were and how strong their souls were religiously and just in terms of endurance.
“Unfortunately the way that they broke out of one system was by entering another system which had its own elements of gender oppression.”
yess, this tension has always been really fascinating to me. I tried to write a paper in undergrad about various client-queens of Rome, who operated completely outside the bounds of traditional Roman women, but obviously still adhered to their own culture’s roles, even when they were in a position of leadership (which was usually gained by the death of their husband). For the Romans it was okay-ish because they were “foreign” (there’s so many things the Romans let pass by othering them) and of course, once they rebelled (like Boudicca, or Zenobia) that tacit acceptance was completely thrown overboard, and they’re generally dragged through the mud by later Roman historians.
It happens in various mystery cults, too, where there’s a tolerance of something totally outside gender norms, like the Galli- eunuch priests of Cybele who dressed and acted like women – but it was only accepted at all because Cybele/Magna Mater was both a Phrygian cult and a state religion, and also because none of the Galli were citizens (Roman citizens were forbidden to castrate themselves) so they were all slaves or foreigners. So even though Magna Mater was a state goddess, with all the protections thereof, popular in the military, and Augustus himself encouraged ties between her and the women in his family – she was still inherently foreign, and her castrated, feminine priests weren’t a threat to the established order of the Good Roman Citizen.
So these early christian women would have had a similar calculation, approaching an even larger avenue of freedom from society’s usual expectations and the ability to carve their own role, but they still had to make themselves non-threatening to the larger order, first in Rome and, once they’d left the city/their families, within Christianity, in order to access that freedom.
Er. That was a lot. Thanks for the opportunity to spout off about this stuff, I appreciated your thoughts!
I have nothing intelligent to add but I enjoyed all these takes. And you’ve reminded me of my youthful fascination with the cult of Cybele!
heh, I love Cybele, as my username might, uh, suggest
Well I’m taking a course on Rome this semester and I thank you heartily for the potential research paper subject! That sounds fascinating!
ah, cool! I hope you enjoy the course- I came at studying early christianity in the Empire from a Latin/Classics perspective, and it sounds like you’re doing the opposite, so you’ll probably pick up different stuff than I did!
This was really interesting, thanks!
I have nothing intelligent to say, but it was a fascinating read.
I don’t have time to read the article until tonight, but yea! I know more about medieval Christian women, and trying to convince people that the reasons women might have become nuns are a LEETLE bit more complicated than Jesus hates sex.
Yeah, especially if your culture doesn’t have a reliable form of birth control. Or, you know, any kind of guarantee you won’t die in childbirth.
And if you become legally the property of your husband upon marriage.
Nicole, I’m so sorry about Doug. I’ll be praying.
The Desert Mothers article is fascinating! I knew a little about them, but this really filled out the story. I’m having so many reactions to it: I rejoice that these women found a space in which they could assert intellectual and bodily independence, and TOOK it. The number of women who just started out into the desert by themselves is amazing, at a time where (I’m assuming) solo female travellers were not common. On the other hand, the ascetism and fanaticism are pretty hard to relate to, and seem to tip over into psychosis sometimes (I know the male ascetics had similar experiences). And nowadays we rightly get suspicious of religious movements that insist their followers break ties with their families. But then, it could be argued that the family was (even more so) a massive system of oppression that women could benefit from being freed from. It could also be possible to reframe Susan’s experience in the cave as her taking the time to process a lot of difficult feelings, and just something she had to go through in order to take on her new responsibility as a monastery leader.
I wish Paula got more credit for the Vulgate. And Melania! The original HBIC:
‘On that trip home, in the intense heat, a deacon traveling with Melania washed himself with water and then laid down on the ground for a brief rest. Melania, then 60, supposedly called out to him, “How can a warm-blooded young man like you dare to pamper your flesh that way?”’
The First-to-third century Mediterranean and near eastern world was such a strange and fascinating time.
I think that allowing someone the freedom to leave their family, when they’re otherwise being held in that family by law, is different in important ways from something like a modern religious movement where you’re not allowed to call your relatives outside the group.
It’s also such an interesting reminder of how not-pro-family the Gospels are. The idea of “Christian family values” is so entrenched in American culture and politics these days that it’s kind of shocking to be reminded of Jesus saying “leave your family and give away your stuff, never mind my mother and my brothers, everyone who follows me is my mother and my brother.”
I think in regards to the breaking ties with their families element it is important to note that this was something the women were choosing, largely as a way to ESCAPE their families and the expectations of marriage and motherhood that came with staying with their families. There are multiple accounts (and of course I can’t think of the names of any of them at the moment) of women who had older sisters seeing their sisters die or their nieces and nephews die in childbirth and saying NOPE to that. Even if they are not ideal, these movements gave women a legitimate and safe alternative to something that they very much did not want to participate in and that their family would have forced them to participate in.
You make a lot of excellent points! I really enjoyed the article without being able to relate to any of these women at all. Religion isn’t my bag, but I can understand how these women could see it as a way out of the life that their society/government had planned for them. HOWEVER, like you pointed out, the idea of being solo in a desert cave for years is… quite scary, mental-health-wise.
All partner-less women who refused to marry were to be raped or prostituted.
How are these two different things? Non-consensual sex work is pretty definitely rape. (I assume it’s a direct translation, BUT STILL.)
No, they definitely are the same thing.
I suspect the distinction is between a “isolated” assault and trafficking.
i’m gonna guess the first is a one-time-thing and the other is… not :\
So sorry for your loss, Nicole.
Toasties, I know The Magicians series is problematic – does the good outweigh the bad enough to make reading the books worthwhile?
I loved them, but I think a big part of that is because I read them at exactly the right time. Most of the ads try to sell it as “Harry Potter for adults” which never rang true for me. I think it’s more for people who fell in love with and were ultimately betrayed by Narnia. It was balm on that wound for me.
And, yeah, most of the characters are self-centered assholes. But it’s exactly the same kind of asshole I was in my late teens and early twenties. So I spent a chunk of the book uncomfortable by how well I identified with the characters, and that made their growth all the more rewarding for me.
Which is to say, I think they’re for a very specific subset of people, and those people love them hard. Everyone else tends to be a bit baffled by that love.
I wish I had read them earlier. I feel like, reading them at twenty-one, I might have gotten something I needed and stuck with the series. Reading them at twenty-six, I could not handle the level of asshole that Quentin was because I’d finished dating him. I had to give up because he was making me too angry all the time.
Yeah, the “Harry potter for Adults” thing is so off base. Its far more Catcher in the Rye for fantasy nerds.
And the book is definitely intended for a VERY specific audience.
I enjoyed the books very much. Especially the last one, which is unusual for a series.
This is good to know! I really enjoyed the first one, but could barely finish the second one. Maybe I should give the last one a try?
Yes, I think you should – 3 was so much better than 2, in my opinion.
Agree, the last book may have been the best, in my opinion. Completely redeemed Quentin as a character.
In addition to what others have said, I found the book weak on its own terms because it has no idea how to create an evocative atmosphere rather than gesture at the evocative atmospheres others have created. I’ve read Narnia, I’ve read Brideshead Revisited, I don’t need to read a whole book just to be reminded of them.
I enjoyed the books immensely, but also uncomfortably, which is a rare combination for me. I prefer my fantasy/sci fi reads to be more straightforward escapist world-building and I get my literary discomfort from contemporary fiction written with subtlety and restraint verging on pretentiousness. In either case I have a reflexive dislike of the male-centered hero’s journey, so I was even more surprised to like these books.
I read the books in my late 30’s, when the routines and responsibilities of adulthood were no longer novel and I was starting to feel a little panicked because the “if this doesn’t work out, I can always ___” contingency planning I had always done for myself began looking like escapist fantasies I was getting to old to even dream of executing. So I guess I identified with a lot of the central issues in the book. I see some comments from people hating the book because Quentin, this supposed genius, flails and sinks into mediocrity, but that was the most interesting part of his narrative to me (I also find his loneliness interesting — he comes into the magical world completely unprepared for it, fails for various reasons to find a mentor with any interest in him, has uninterested parents).
I also like the way the books (esp the 2nd and 3rd) deal a lot what it’s like to be Quentin’s friend or love interest. Oddly, by refusing to let Quentin off the hook for his self-absorption, it made the people in relationships with him far more interesting and complex.
I wasn’t a huge fan of how Quentin’s girlfriend Alice was dealt with at the end of the book (I won’t spoil it for you), but even that situation dealt with complicated questions of whether you can forgive someone for past actions even if their character flaws remain.
100% agree with everything you just said. I think Grossman could have treated Alice a little better throughout the series, but at least I feel that everything that happened to her was totally plausible (based on the kind of person Quentin is).
I really like your comment. I think after reading many of the other comments enraged about the treatment of Alice and Julia, how much you like the books may come down to how much you’re able to identify with Quentin. As a former “gifted” child who has spent a great deal of adulthood feeling like a letdown and trying to figure out how to build a satisfying life (this last bit is a work in progress admittedly,) I identified with him a great deal. Regarding the treatment of the books’ women, yes, horrible things do happen to the women in the books, but I also think those things hit us so hard because Alice and Julia feel real–they are fleshed out characters that we can care about and identify with, not just “women in refrigerators” whose tragedies are meant to move the plot forward. I do definitely understand how these things could come off differently to someone else though, or might seem too triggering/irritating to make the rest of the series worth bothering with.
I read the first one and it was… fine? It had some neat worldbuilding and interesting twists on the magic-school setting. IMO the author neither really committed to the Narnia parallels, nor was he subtle enough to let the reader arrive at the connection on their own. I think it would’ve been better if he had gone one way or the other with it instead of hamfistedly alluding every chance he got.
Also, the author had that annoying “quirk” of describing the breasts of every female character as a de facto part of their initial description, which soured me.
YES! I hated the obligatory boob description.
I’m so sorry Nicole.
As to that review of the two autism books: I understand that having a kid with autism is hard. But some of these parents, jeez. Especially now that there’s a whole cohort of adult people with autism who can tell you what they want!
Basically, I think that while there can be some advantages to teaching yourself a simulacrum of neurotypical behavior (example: the boy, who’s not diagnosed but is probably somewhere on the milder side of the spectrum, can’t do eye contact but taught himself to look at people’s eyebrows, because it makes life easier), I ALSO think that as a society, it might be a good idea to just accept a wider range of behaviors, where we acknowledge that some of the things we think of as “normal” are really not that important.
Yeah – I mean, caretaking is a thankless, difficult task, and people who do it deserve support and sympathy. Whether it’s for a person with autism or anything else. Or just a person who is a child.
But that’s not what autism *is*. How do people who miss that – to the point of justifying murder – still get to talk about it?
I have so many feelings, and it has been leading to me arguing in my head with everyone. I get annoyed when I read things from a neurodiversity perspective about autism parents, I get annoyed when I read things by autism parents about neurodiversity, it all leaves me very cranky and lonely.
I think I will pick up Neurotribes when I get my next paycheck, though.
Agreed! I also want to say that there are a lot of neurotypical people who don’t like eye contact, and that it’s often regional/cultural. Same thing with space issues and physical contact issues. Being sensitive to each other’s needs/concerns and being open to a wide variety of behaviors can only benefit everyone, just as ADA-compliant curbs are helpful not just to people in wheelchairs but also to parents with strollers and people with rolling luggage.
Apparently at a convention for autistic folks, the badges have a little color coded flag you can swap out–green for “yes, please talk to me,” yellow for “only talk to me if you know me” and red is “I don’t want to talk to anyone unless it’s an emergency.”
And someone on tumblr pointed out, “wait, why don’t we have this for EVERYONE at conventions?!”
“I ALSO think that as a society, it might be a good idea to just accept a wider range of behaviors, where we acknowledge that some of the things we think of as “normal” are really not that important.”
So much yes! If you compare the amount of pressure put on neuroatypical people to conform to neurotypical behavior, and the amount of difficulty/distress that can cause neuroatypical people, to the amount of difficulty it causes neurotypical people to not always be looked in the eyes, isn’t it obvious that being looked in the eyes is not worth the cost it exacts?
If you miss the old Syfy and BSG, I highly recommend checking out the Expanse, which is also airing on Syfy right now! As I said upthread, you may want to throw your closed captioning on, the sound mix makes dialogue kind of muted. Spaceships and political maneuverings! A fairly diverse cast that will get even more so in season 2! Warren Peace from Sky High, all grown up!
Oh man, I thought Warren Peace was soooo cute as a teen watching Sky High.
CAN I JUST SAY while I missed out on the books (& won’t read them for now bc I don’t want to be spoiled), I was so glad when I was told that they made the decision to introduce Chrisjen Avasarala at the start rather than much later on as is done in the books, AND that they cast Shohreh Agdashloo for the part! I never imagined that I would see an Iranian actress in a US/North American genre production & now that it’s happened, it is phenomenal & has made me feel so many feelings I never thought I’d experience – even though her character is Indian and not Iranian (which…I have a personal hangup about but I refuse to let it colour my opinion of her character or the show). REPRESENTATION IS COOL EVERYONE!
I want to see more leading ladies in the show, but as it stands right now it’s not so bad & holy crap, I just missed watching spaceships doing stuff.
There are more female characters coming up, assuming they hew to the books. Shoreh is killing it and her outfits are amazing. My fiance and I quite enjoy saying “stealth technology” in her accent.
HAH she does have that delightfully distinctive Persian accent that my dad & a lot of my parents’ friends have! The lack of a ‘th’ sound in Farsi turns a lot of common English words into accent landmines.
CC would probably help with the Belter pidgin language too. I’m really enjoying this show so far. Anyone thinking of watching should definitely watch at least through episodes 3 and 4.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Nicole. Holding you and all who knew Doug in my heart.
Meet my new patron desert mother, Susan: “By the time of her death, she had not looked at the face of a man in 25 years.”
Amen, Susan. Amen.
I’m imagining a number of Toasties thinking “Ugh, I wish.“
Thank you for that article about the books about autism. This is an area where my base instincts are just…awful, to be honest (although not “justifying the murder/abuse/electroshock of children” horrible because WTF?), and I’m trying to educate myself more about neurodiversity.
Aw, that women-on-Netflix article was so great! I watched Tig last night, and am eager to re-watch We Are the Best. Swedish punk girls warm my heart.
HATA SPORT
HATA SPORT
HATA HATA HATA SPORT
Girlhood (Bande des filles) was really wonderful, too, and fits right in with the other movies she mentions.
Tig & Stephanie are my favorite “celeb” couple. I just love them together so much its embarrassing.
Maiden Trip is also wonderful! http://imdb.com/title/tt2555268/
I got bedbugs this summer and I am still legitimately traumatized by that experience and cannot IMAGINE why this guy would not want an exterminator!? Plus, they can spread to other apartments. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. I am basically covered in scars now because I was one of those people who have a really bad reaction to the bites. WHY WOULD HE DO THIS.
Hair-shirt fatalism? It said he regularly went to an infested shelter (with scare quotes?) he may have decided that infestation was inescapable and the whole bagging/extermination process only a giant hassle for him to go through.
I mean I don’t know what he was doing at the shelter (in scare quotes) but I’ve known people who feel the need to pay penance for doing good things; they’re exactly the sort of people that might not give a shit about actual harm caused in the process too.
My sister had a bedbug infestation last summer (right before her wedding), and it was THE WORST. Fortunately, they let her out of her lease and then she basically burned all of her possessions.
No way in hell am I reading that article… (shudders)
Burn down all of New York City, it’s the only way to be sure.
The excerpt from the Ari Ne’eman article where he quotes the parent-advocate describing his affect during a disagreement:
“The total imperviousness she had witnessed appeared to her to reflect not simply Ne’eman’s convictions, but also an inability to take on a point of view other than his own. This, she knew, was considered a classic autistic trait —one that Simon Baron-Cohen had referred to as mindblindness.'”
Yeah, cos ignoring other people’s perspectives is DEFINITELY not something non-autistic people ever do to autistic people.
Give me strength.
This is perhaps hyperbolic, but it reminded me of some 19th century physicians characterizing women’s dissatisfaction with their lives as hysteria or enslaved people’s desire for freedom as drapetomania.
Or, to take it back to the 21st century, how white men’s anger is automatically granted more respect than anger from just about anyone else.
That’s my problem with the Oppositional Defiant diagnosis in mental health. It takes all power to decide away from the patient and puts it in a negative space. You should be able to say no, right? You can be angry, right? I mean, maybe seeing ODD in real life would change my mind on this, but from a distance, this seems like a super subtle area that can easily be abused.
If you see it up close, you’ll change your mind.
Most diagnoses are somewhat fluid and have a gray space, because most of them reflect extremes of normal human reactions, and there is some overlap between normal and excessive. We are all sad sometimes, that doesn’t mean we all have depression. Can depression be overdiagnosed? Certainly. Does that mean it isn’t a real thing and shouldn’t be diagnosed? Nope. And the DSM has historically done a terrible job of managing issues of anger that are truly and actually causing problems in a persons life, over which that person has little to no control. If sadness and nervousness are emotions that can, when they persist over time and cause significant damage to a person’s life, be diagnosed as an illness, why not anger? Which is why I am so grateful for the much-maligned Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder diagnosis, by the way. I have seen so many kids and parents struggling with anger that is completely and utterly out of control and very persistent — not your normal tantrums — who were mistakenly given the diagnosis of bipolar disorder and treated accordingly. (Research has since shown that kids with significant anger issues do not, as adults, demonstrate bipolar disorder, though they do frequently demonstrate unipolar depression). Why was bipolar the diagnosis that people jumped to? Because anger — both in children and adults — can cause enormous stress and damage and clearly be a mental health problem, but diagnostically, we haven’t had a language for it.
Tl;dr, all diagnoses are somewhat subjective, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t also real things that cause real pain and problems.
My brother was diagnosed ODD in addition to ADHD. (I have ADHD too, but of the talks too much/daydreamy kind.)
It was really hard to live with, to the point that, as a kid, I hated his guts. He would do things to intentionally annoy other people all the time (like loudly chewing with his mouth open while making direct eye contact) and lost his temper over really minor things, throwing tantrums and hitting me and my brother way past an age where he should have stopped.
My parents got him a therapist and that helped, but honestly what seemed to make the biggest difference was just him getting older! He’s a really chill adult and we get along so well, that’s it’s weird to remember that there were years on end where I wished he’d never been born.
….Any diagnostic label can be abused. And I think part of the reason ODD even exists as a diagnosis is to give a billable code to insurance for therapy.
That part made me actually laugh out loud. Anti-vaxxers, Baron-Cohen, parents doubting adult autistics — so many things I hate in one anecdote!
What is the deal with Simon Baron-Cohen? I don’t know very much about him, but everything I hear makes me think ‘Richard Dawkins syndrome’ – i.e. highly intelligent and accomplished scientist who has become incredibly arrogant, is convinced he is always ‘rational’ and no longer can identify his own biases cf. his theories about ‘extreme male brains’, theories that gender differences are DEFINITELY ONLY BIOLOGICAL AND NOTHING TO DO WITH SOCIAL CONDITIONING DAMMIT, etc etc
Yepppp, that sounds about right to me.
I said this on the thread where Nicole said her daughter had been diagnosed, but check out his “eye test”, where you have to identify the emotions being displayed just by seeing a pair of eyes. There are like seven female ones out of thirty-seven, and half of them are like “aroused” “flirtatious” etc. :-O How do men even have jobs.
Richard Dawkins apparently did good science and then went off the deep end. It doesn’t sound to me like SBC even managed the good science part!
I’m so sorry about your friend, Nicole.
I’m so sorry about your friend, and will be thinking of him and his family and your family as well.
Too many good people have left us too soon.
Thank you so much for the GUTS article. I have been thinking about women in TV/film so much this week, and basically just wanting to SCREAM. I watched Blade Runner for the first time this past weekend after years and years of hearing how great it is, and oh. my. god. (Discussion in reply, I guess, in case of spoilers).
To add to the list of shows from the article, I also recommend Scott & Bailey, which is admittedly on Hulu, not Netflix. Two female detectives, one junior, one senior, working in Manchester, their DCI is also a woman, and lots of inclusion of issues like parenting, families/siblings, promotions and workplace politics, divorce, etc. Some of the most authentic representations of women I’ve seen in a show like that.
Blade Runner is one of my husband’s favourite movies, and one of our family traditions is Chinese food and a viewing on New Year’s Day.
Every year, I find something new to make fun of, and every year, he gets shirty about it. It’s the best. So tell me your thoughts! I need new fodder.
My “discussion” is below, though it’s less making fun than feminist outrage. Luckily (word choice?) my husband’s love for the movie has been tempered by his agreement with a lot of what I said in my other comment, so I didn’t get a lot of push back. If anything that hesitancy to love something you love a little less for good reason, but you don’t want to believe it. Our viewing was tempered by many exclamations of “MOVIES MADE BY MEN ARE THE WORST” from my side of the couch.
On a lighter note, I know it’s a genre film but woof are the film noir cues are a little overblown (SO MUCH CHIAROSCURO! Blinds with light coming through!), and also hilarious that it’s meant to be 2019 but seems like it’s half 1980 and half 2235. And the toys? And where does Rutger Hauer get that dove at the end?! Anyways. Godspeed to you next New Year’s.
So Blade Runner. What the what? I’m not sure even what I mean to say about it, except I was both enraged and so disappointed and I need to talk about it so I am going to. I found the character of Rachel so compelling and complex at the beginning, I was really excited about it, and indeed the central moral question of the film is very compelling and quite emotional — when does a machine become human? What rights do the Replicants have and what do humans owe them? It’s a fascinating premise.
But there are 3 women in the movie essentially, all Replicants (who are meant to be stronger than humans!): Deckard assaults Rachel (after revealing to her she’s not human and causing her just so much pain) after which she disappears from the story for half the movie and then falls in love with/runs away him; Zhora is in hiding as an exotic dancer, gets naked, and then runs away (to her death) in a SEE THROUGH RAIN COAT in her 5 min on screen, and Pris, who does display at least some physical strength, is a “pleasure model” replicant in a leotard who does a bunch of sexy gymnastics.
I just — couldn’t. No amount of amazing concept, mise en scene, or mood can make up for how I see myself as a woman reflected (or rather not) in that movie. My husband asked me what I thought and I just couldn’t muster any enthusiasm. AND he had not seen it in years, and also (having now lived with me for 4 years and been part of a lot of discussions/gained a lot of awareness about this sort of thing) lost a lot of his interest in it as formerly one of his favorites, because it’s just…not enjoyable. We are expecting a baby girl in 3 weeks and both, I think, wondering how we will navigate media (and you know, life) with her.
I feel so fed up with the depiction of women, so angry that this is what is considered great filmmaking, and really freaked out and pissed on behalf of our daughter and myself, and also on a more superficial level sad that so much art and entertainment is becoming unwatchable, like selfishly let us still love movies!!!, because I love movies and TV but it’s not being made with basic respect for more than half the population and it’s just awful. /emotional rant
Agreeing with you on many points. I think the female characters are dopily conceived, but I actually think that about most of the characters—like, Deckard is really wooden, and I can’t tell if Harrison Ford is a genius who’s playing into the whole “is he/is he not a replicant?” question, or if he’s at the borderlands of his acting ability.
Bu the women! I’ll start by saying I actually quite like Pris, because she IS a pleasure model, but she doesn’t use that aspect of her self to move through the world (I mean, yeah, she’s attractive, but she doesn’t sexually seduce JF Sebastian – she befriends him), BUT her role is totally undercut by Zhora and her naked snake dancing, and I have never understood the “love story” between Deckard and Rachel, because he’s an obvious dickwad to her (that apartment scene is awful).
I now watch Blade Runner for its visual aesthetic—Ridley Scott was doing some really great stuff, and mostly with practical and in-camera techniques, and LA in 2019 has become sort of a template for how dystopian futures look. If I want a kick-ass SF heroine, I’ll watch Alien.
Yes to all of this! (Lots of YES forthcoming). Visually it is really great, and YES to in camera! We were talking about the matte paintings and effects, because some of those background scenes are truly expansive and impressive. It reminded me a lot of how I imagined the world of Neuromancer, which apparently Gibson wrote before he saw BR and was worried people would think he ripped it off. Also the totally 1980’s conception of Japan’s influence on the U.S. Amazing to see! (Bonus frivolous thing, I now understand why when it rains a lot my husband says, it’s like Blade Runner out there!)
Good points about Pris, and I think you’re totally right. She doesn’t use her sexuality to further her means (more her femininity/perceived fragility, at least early on, and why shouldn’t she?) Roy and Pris’s drive for survival is truly heartbreaking and was completely unexpected to me as a plot point based on a summary. And she isn’t propelled forward by it or defined by it as opposed to Zhora. I think at that point I just couldn’t take it anymore! It seems worse through the lens of the other women — as you say, her positive representation was overshadowed by the other women’s storylines/characterization. Rachel/Deckard apartment scene gave me bad memories of Three Days of the Condor, also beyond understanding, and tainted the whole thing for me. Rachel was SO INTERESTING, so much pathos and I wanted much more for her. I want her to have her own movie.
Ridley Scott has since come out and said that Deckard is 100% a Replicant, which I thought was pretty clear based on the ending of the director’s cut with the unicorn origami and general understanding of efficient/effective screenwriting/storytelling (and my husband even played back a scene with Rachel where you can pause and see Deckard’s eyes clearly take on that orange glint the Replicants have). Of course he is! But Harrison Ford is on record saying that Scott told him during filming that Deckard is 100% NOT a Replicant, which Ford believed, so I’m gonna go with your borderlands theory.
AND YES to Alien. I haven’t seen the first, but we watched Aliens and well…slow clap for Ripley in all regards. My husband is slowly exposing me to movies I’d have never watched in a million billion years on my own, so hopeful for more good discoveries in the future.
Also thank you for talking to me about this because I don’t really have another outlet for these feelings besides my husband and it is keeping me up at night.
Oh man, WATCH ALIEN. It’s so different from Aliens, but Ripley is a badass (although of course Ridley Scott gets her in her underwear, but it’s a horror movie, so, #tropes) and the movie looks GREAT.
Urgh, yeah. Bladerunner is my problematic fave because in some ways I find it really beautiful, but Deckard and Rachael’s relationship creeps me out so much. I remember watching it as a teenager, and being really confused about what was happening in the apartment scene, because it seems like it’s intended by the filmmakers to be romantic but it’s actually really scary. And now I just can’t watch that part without having a minor panic attack.
(Also, Philip K Dick, who wrote the novel it was based on, was a huge misogynist. Though the film is quite different to the book).
My husband had been raving about The Ghost in the Shell for a long time. So we sat down and watched it the other weekend. He turned to me and said, “I don’t remember this much gratuitous nudity.” In one scene, the naked, dismembered torso of a female cyborg dangles in the background. There are only 2 female characters and lots of lingering close ups of their breasts. It’s cool the main character is a kickass female assassin. But does she really need to strip before a kill? Or go in chest first?
My husband also said, “You know, because of you I notice this crap more.” So, a small victory.
Ahh, Major No-Pants. The movie is…a thing. I really enjoyed the Stand Alone Complexes, though. Not that Kusanagi wears pants much, but it’s overall a less eyetwitchy experience.
The second movie, tho….not for the faint of heart. Srs Bzns feminism feels (as intended by the plot, tho, ultimately).
Sending you and your family love, Nicole. Losing a friend so suddenly like that is so, so hard.
I’m sorry for the loss of your friend, Nicole.
I saw this video today and it made me incredibly happy for many reasons. https://youtu.be/WH-ycguHLBU
Nicole, may the following days for you and yours be full of lots of good memories and shared stories about your friend, and may all the good wishes and prayers we Toasties have to offer help ease the pain of the hole that’s been suddenly punched in your heart.
Oh my heavens, this is just about the best thing I’ve read this week and I take no responsibility for anyone left with runny mascara after finishing the article.
And there’s a follow-up.
Oh my god. I should have heeded your warning about runny mascara. I’m so happy they get to see each other again!
It is the real life equivalent of “I Remember it Well”! How lovely!
“I remember we used to take a lot of walks,” Joyce says.
Norwood closes his eyes and nods toward the computer screen: “Yes, that’s right.”
“I remember you were walking with me one day, and the girls coming this way all had a silly look on their faces,” Joyce says. “Then I look sideways, and you’re winking at them!”
Norwood opens his eyes wide and shakes his head.
“Not me! I would never wink at another girl.”
Joyce is laughing. He is, too.
“You were such a scalawag, you.”
“I did enjoy beauty,” Norwood says. “And I still do.”
oh nooooo, you weren’t kidding.
“I’m here now,” he says in his Southern drawl, sliding down into a chair. He smiles: “And there you are.”
:’)
My thoughts are with you and your friend’s family today, Nicole. Please step back and take time for yourself if you need it.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Nicole. I’m glad you are able to find comfort in your faith.
Ooh, I read John of Ephesus’ account of Susan in a Latin class in college (“Martyrs and Mystics” – that class was incredible), but I hadn’t heard of the others. The early church was SO fascinating.
(&& I’m very sorry about your friend, Nicole. Sending all good thoughts.)
I’m not religious, but I feel for your loss.
Nicole, I’m so sorry about your friend, and I will be giving extra hugs to my loved ones today.
All my love and sympathy for your friend and all of you missing him now.
I changed my user name but I’m sure you can figure it out.
Three kids, lax coach, do GIS, just started my PhD.
I see you. I recognize you. Glad you’re still here.
You left out: stellar parent, caring coach
Hello! Glad to see you still around, and thanks for telling us you changed your name. I’ve been thinking of you and hope you are doing well.
Y’all see this unmitigated shitfuckery? My son left the theater saying he wanted to be Rey for Purim, so don’t fucking tell me that boys won’t play with girl character toys. They won’t if you don’t have them on the shelves, numbnuts.
http://www.hypable.com/star-wars-toymakers-specif…
“They put a huge investment into marketing and merchandizing the Kylo Ren character. They presumed he would be the big breakout role from the film. They were completely surprised when it was Rey everyone identified with and wanted to see more of. Now they’re stuck with vast amounts of Kylo Ren product that is not moving, and a tidal wave of complaints about a lack of Rey items.”
Setting aside my extreme outrage and schadenfreude (with difficulty), this makes me wonder how much the merchandisers are told about the characters. Because with only a certain amount of information about the characters, it would make sense to assume Kylo Ren would be the break-out role (as Darth Vader is probably the most iconic character in the series). But I should hope that nobody after actually SEEING the movie, thought, “Yes, this angsty wannabe is exactly who all the kids will want on their lunchboxes.”
I also hope that the people in charge of that marketing decision, as they watched the movie, were consumed with the slow, inescapable horror that they, personally, had completely screwed up.
I read an article a couple years ago claiming that toy marketers deliberately create and enforce the division between boy toys and girl toys, not because they believe that boys and girls can’t like the same toys, but because it increases toy sales. I can’t find it now, though.
I’ve also heard theories about trying to prevent themselves from accidentally cannibalizing their own customers — you have a line of girl-targeted toys and a line of boy-targeted toys, and if too many girls start buying your boy-targeted toys instead of your girl-targeted toys, the girl-targeted line goes under. But I don’t know how much sense that makes, really, because… you sold that many more of your boy-targeted toys, right? And while you do see that kind of market segmentation in other places where an umbrella company owns multiple similar companies or lines (like, Banana Republic and Old Navy are pursuing significantly different customer bases), you also see spots where it doesn’t happen — Gap and Banana Republic are only slightly different, the same company owns Marshalls and T.J. Maxx, etc. And obviously the toy companies themselves often have multiple lines of girl-targeted toys and boy-targeted toys and don’t seem concerned about segmenting between those lines.
What got me about that article is that the toy companies honestly through Kylo Ren would be the breakout character. I mean, why? He’s got a mask, but he’s no Vador. Vador was super cool and yes he killed Obi Wan, but only because Obi Wan let him. Kylo Ren is a giant whiny baby who, you know, killed one of the most beloved characters in the franchise. Were I a Star Wars loving kid today I don’t think he’d be my favorite. (As an adult I appreciate his character and I think he’ll be a fine villain with a nice arc, but kid-me would not have bought his toy EXCEPT to fight with my other toys. Who would also be joined by my Wonder Woman that would do a karate chop when you clicked a little switch on her back.)
Kylo Ren has been a great character for me to talk to my kids about – “sometimes you just want to scream and hit stuff with your lightsaber, but that’s not a way to be a good person or a good friend.”
My children have a gruff and awesome grandpa-type dude, who they hope will one day teach them to drive and trust them with firearms (I’m situationally okay with that). Harrison Ford was basically playing that guy in TFA. The kids watched Kylo Ren kill Grandpa Bill, basically, and have no interest in him as an action figure.
“Sometimes you just want to scream and hit stuff with your lightsaber.”
Don’t we all. Don’t we all.
I feel like the “Kylo Ren will be the breakout character” line of thinking is enblematic of the way media makers consistently screw up when evaluating their audience. Their thinking goes “people liked the villain in the original trilogy, so people will like the villain in the new trilogy!” while completely ignoring the reasons why people liked Darth Vader, and the ways in which Kylo Ren is and isn’t similar to him. It’s like how, after the Hunger Games movies were a bit hit, all these other YA dystopias started getting rushed into production but without any of the elements that made people enjoy THG in the first place. (“Okay, so what did those movies have? A love triangle? Quick, grab every book with a love triangle you can find! No, we don’t care about the individual characters or dynamics- just make sure there’s a girl torn between two guys!”)
Oh my god the woman who is thinking of tricking her husband into having another baby when he seems not to want to WTF!!!! How did you seriously write that letter and not realize in the process of doing so that what you’re considering is completely not okay?? Why is the first instinct not, “Hmm, maybe I should have a serious talk with my husband about this.”
YES
Also? She needs better friends, wtf.
For real! What kind of friends tell you to trick your partner into having a child, therefore ruining your relationship with that partner and possibly negatively impacting your future child’s life as well.
Ugh, that couple. I also hated the way her husband was described with the ‘Maybe soon!’ bit, like he’s putting off a toddler. Just someone, make a decision, please.
I love how the Netflix article frames the decision to watch women-only media: these things make me feel bad, therefore I will cut them out of my life; these things make me feel good and safe and reflect my experiences, I will embrace them. There’s no “you should be watching ___ to expand your horizons and stop watching ____ because it’s patriarchal and gross,” like, she doesn’t presume a thing about who the audience is and what media they consume and what they need to see/not see in that media. I love the writeups of these “year of reading/watching only…” challenges that talk about how inclusive and enjoyable rather than exclusive and restricting they are.
I can only imagine how many Deleted Commenters are willfully misinterpreting the piece right now!
I’m so sorry, Nicole. Odd pagan prayers from this direction.
Condolences, Nicole. January has just been brutal. I will send all the good energy I can muster.
Convicted rapist Daniel Holtzclaw was sentenced to 263 years in prison: http://www.theroot.com/articles/news/2016/01/_bre…
Nicole, so, so sorry for your loss. That sounds horrifying, and Dave and the people who care about him are in my thoughts.
Ok so what drives me NUTS the most about “family values” Christianity is how COMPLETELY BACKWARDS it is!! Like, I can kind of see the point in, “Jesus didn’t address gay marriage because all Jews at that time would have considered it repugnant and beyond the pale.” (What relevance that should have for us today is another question!)
But “family values”? The Jesus and Paul are SUPER CLEAR that sex, marriage, and family are nothing more than a second-best option to a life of chaste devotion!!
Marketing, man. You saw what happened to the Shakers. There’s no money in only one generation of devotees! :3
Sure that’s the practical effect, but imo lack of ongoing institutional success fits all the better with a religion based on an executed man.
just fyi i read that as “you saw what happened with Star Wars” and it made just as much sense.
perhaps you, too, will be amused by the implications of the misreading.
I did have Mel Brooks saying “Moichendizing!” pop into my head when I typed ‘marketing,’ so clearly some psychic traces remained. woooooooo
I am so sorry about your friend.
Sending love and healing thoughts.
So sorry for your loss, Nicole. Keeping you and your family, and Doug’s family and friends in my thoughts today.
Nicole, I’m so sorry for your loss. You and Dave’s family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I hope it’s not presumptuous of me, but when I lost a partner many years ago I was gifted this book and found it immensely helpful: http://www.amazon.com/Survive-Loss-Love-Peter-McW…
I mention it just in case his wife is ever looking for resources.
We are so sorry for your loss, and will send good energy towards you.
That Dear Prudence letter…it’s amazing the lengths people will go. CASE AND POINT: that letter in the same link about the wife who wants to get pregnant again but her husband is indifferent about having another child…LIKE NO YOU SHOULD NOT FUCK UP YOUR BIRTH CONTROL REGIMEN BEHIND HIS BACK. WHAT THE HELL.
And: I’m so so sorry about your friend, Nicole. Sending best wishes to you and Doug’s family.
Hey Nicole,
As the parent of two autistic kids, it heartens me to know that you’re moving into this new part of your parenting experience already well-versed in the concept of neurodiversity. It really does give you a head start on figuring out the best way to parent your child now that you have this new information, this diagnostic word that changes absolutely nothing about your child but can definitely affect you as a mom.
I would like to rilly rilly rilly strongly suggest you check out A Diary of a Mom if you haven’t yet. Just search for her on Facebook — she posts lots of stuff there plus links to her actual WordPress blog. She has been a hugely helpful resource for me as the parent of autistic kids, and she is very well-regarded and respected by the adult autistic community. Also she’s just really funny and cool and smart. You should read it; you will like it.
For anyone who wants to be both enraged and entertained, comedian Jen Kirkman is on a roll on her Twitter for the last day or two (currently active) promoting women’s stories of street/online harrassment/fear/compliments/not feeling safe in the world etc. and men’s unwillingness to listen/understand/research, #notallmen, etc. etc. It is something to behold, bless her. https://twitter.com/JenKirkman
Hi Nicole, I’m so sorry… thoughts and prayers, they are yours.
For everyone, here is an article that may help you extract something good from loss: “Thoughts on Honoring the Dead, and the Living” from Adventure Journal.
– So very sorry about your friend; you have my condolences.
– Cautiously hopeful about The Magicians; I’m glad that they’re incorporating Julia’s story from the beginning. And Syfy should indeed be contrite about their doing shit work when SF and associated genres have been blowing up the big and small screens.
Syfy has a LONG way to go before I’m willing to trust them again, honestly. They’ve been destroying good shows for years now, and it’s not just an artifact of their self-immolating “syfy” rebranding at the tail end of BSG. Post-BSG Syfy is a graveyard of great science fiction programming abandoned by the station that was named after the genre: SG-1, Atlantis, SG:Universe (which was really getting good in season 2, and got canceled right after the big Myth Arc reveal), Caprica (which they treated inexcusably from day 1), Eureka, Warehouse 13… I’ve been burned by them enough times that I don’t want to get invested in anything else they do, because they’ve shown no intention of treating their properties and their fans with any kind of respect at all.
Thinking of you and praying for you, Nicole.
Anyone heard the new Iggy Pop/Josh Homme joint? Apparently they recorded an entire album together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1m8TmlS20ZA
This is going to kick so much ass.
I’m so sorry about Doug, Nicole, and my thoughts are with you. Sansa is, as ever, awesome. Do you mock her when she’s pouting? We do with our cat.
Parents of kids with autism are a blight on the disability community, they really are. I don’t mean the ones who are quietly getting on with their lives and being good parents, I mean the ones who think that they get to speak for all disabled people and especially autistic people, and who put their kids through all sorts of woo. “Nothing about us without us”, damnit. With their voices dominating the conversation, no wonder it’s so common for disabled people to be infantilised. I had a medical receptionist repeatedly and condescendingly refer to me as a “young lady” the other month, when I was out in my wheelchair, and I’m 38.
I’m really sorry about your friend, Nicole. I’ll be sending some thoughts your way.
As much as it can mean from a distant internet stranger; you have all my love, Nicole <3
Re autism: what the quoted parent said is horrible. As an aside, though, as a parent of an autistic child, I am really irritated by the breezy conflation of autism with Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s very common, to the point that a lot of people unfamiliar with autism use the two terms interchangibly and imagine that “aspies” are typical of people on the spectrum. Since AS represents the mildest form of autism, this misconception leads to parents of ALL autistic children being casually vilified as controlling perfectionist monsters who cannot accept that their kids have a few harmless quirks; that by advocating for our kids (most of whom are in fact either non-verbal or have very limited verbal ability) we are “silencing” them.
In reality, Asperger’s represents only a small sliver of the autism spectrum. The vast majority of individuals with autism have pervasive and debilitating problems that absolutely need addressing, and dealing with autism IS very taxing for a family, both financially and emotionally.
I do want my son to be able to tell his own story. That’s what we’ve been fighting for these past extremely hard eight years. It’s the hope of giving him that ability that’s even kept me alive all this time. And that’s true of pretty much all ASD parents I know. To suggest that we turn our lives upside down and inside out with the goal of depriving our kids of the opportunity ti express themselves is … kind of insulting actually.
You have my sympathy, Nicole. I am sad for your friend and his loved ones. <3
I’m so sorry for your loss, Nicole.
First off, RIP Dave. Condolences to Nicole and to his family.
Meanwhile… THAT DESERT MOTHERS PIECE THOUGH. It sucks that there is so little out there about early Christian women, that there is so little written by early Christian women, that only two books about women (both Old Testament) were deemed fit to be selected for the Biblical canon. (Even more ugh, IMO, that only men had a say-so in regards to what was canon.)
I tried to take a “women in the early church” course from my local divinity school when I was in between grad programs. I dropped halfway through because it turned out to be “what men in the early church thought about women.” Mmmmnope.
Yeah, I’d nope out of that, too, if I found that out.
Aaaaaaand I just realized I named the wrong person. D’oh!
Apologies to the late Doug and condolences to his loved ones.
I know this is wholly inappropriate, but I loved the Desert Mothers piece because I found my patron saint! Hello, Marcella of Rome! I knew you had to have done something to be beatified! Now I can stop feeling like I have one of those too-obscure saints nobody knows about!
Also, Nicole, I am sorry for your loss.
I’m so sorry for your loss, Nicole. Thinking of you, him and his family.
I find it pretty practical! I mean, I'm gay, so I don't have to deal with men too much in my intimate life. I'm kind of ok with a general policy of no men and making specific men the exception to the rule when they are worth it.
I was about eight months pregnant during the scene where one of the characters in Orange Is The New Black gives birth, and comes back to prison empty-wombed and empty-handed. Even the thought of it upsets me, eighteen months later.
Aaaaaaand I just realized I named the wrong person. D'oh!
Apologies to the late Doug and condolences to his loved ones.
Yeah, I'd nope out of that, too, if I found that out.
This was, like, my second King novel, and i have been consistently disappointed ever since. Dolores Claiborne was super good.
I have this problem too